Original subtitles

"Ballmastrz."

Gaz Digzy didn't screw up for once.

Turns out staying with the Leptons

ain't as dumb as it sounds

because things are finally looking up

for those longtime losers.

Yeah, I guess I got a whole thing here,

so why not stick around?

Ha-ha-ha.

Whoopee.

Blabber Ball: Reached for comment,

Creator of "The Game" and supreme ruler,

Lord Crayzar crackled ominously for 3 hours straight.

Here's a 1-second clip.

Woo-hoo-hoo-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.

Blabber Ball: But the ball doesn't stop there.

The brave spirit of teamwork in their hearts

led the unlikely Leptons to win some games this season,

showing moments of actual non-suckage.

These former failures must all be thrilled.

[ Buzzer sounding ]

♪♪

Wow. Our fan mail is finally neck and neck

with our hate mail and unsolicited dick pics.

A scroll from my favorite sensei?

He only writes of matters of great importance.

He's never been so emotional.

Ahhh!

We notice your subscription is about to expire.

They remembered me.

Ahh!

Ooh. Mama and Papa sent candy.

I wish I could share the joy with my parents,

which I can't on account of I'm an orphan.

Yeah, you know, I totally forgot about that

and most other things about you.

Lucky for me, I'm still in touch

with the spawning vat that extruded me.

It says, "Congratulations, love, Mommy."

Mm. Oh.

Ha-ha-ha.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, kid.

Does it look like I'm banging a wolf

or a fox in this here erotic fan art?

Aw, who knows? Art is subjective.

But if you had a bizarro bestiality baby,

he'd be much happier than me.

What's with this sad-sack shit?

And is this an orphan thing,

or did he find something new to be a puss about?

Orphan? Go figure.

Why does he got to bring down the room?

And it's not like we can just make him parents

to cheer him up.

Oh!

Technology, what can't it pretend to fix?

Well, it says these synth workers

handle all kinds of stuff --

labor, data entry, housework

and 40 or 50 sexual disciplines.

No mention, however, of familial love.

I've faked more for the right price.

Load the kid's data and fire it up.

[ Wretching ]

[ Computer whirring, beeping ]

[ Ding! ]

♪♪

Ace, guess who showed up?

Summertime Santa?

I knew he was real.

No, dummy. It's your long lost parents.

Whoa!

[ Squeaking ]

[ Zing! ]

♪♪

♪♪

Son, I've waited 10 long years

of my 5-minute life for this moment.

My boy, I'm so sorry we forgot you at an orphanage

while asking for direction to a water park.

Guys?

No, you're not the only one who can tell they're fake.

[ Both grunt ]

I mean, I can totally see where Ace

gets his totally not fakeness from.

Ah, I'm so glad you found me.

Where are my manners?

These are my teammates and best friends, the Leptons.

So what have you been up to while

neglecting Ace his whole life?

We are both hardworking career-having humans.

I am an esteemed butt doctor working on the cure for farts.

Gah-goo.

Why'd I let you program his backstory?

I'm a private eye.

My biggest case was tracking down you, son.

If only I'd thought to watch the news or search the Internet

or ask anyone anything ever.

That's all in the past.

Let's embark on a future of normal family fun.

Where we'll keep you safe.

♪♪

[ Laughs ]

Whee!

Aah!

[ Splat! ]

[ Groans ]

♪♪

[ All chuckling ]

Ah! Ooh. Whoa!

Aah!

♪♪

[ Laughter ]

That's our boy.

[ Squeaking ]

[ Laughs ]

Hey, who-hey.

[ Giggles ]

Yeah.

Ah, ahh!

♪♪

My luck i s finally changing.

A boardwalk buzzard hasn't even pooped on me today.

See?

[ Buzzard screeches ]

Whoa.

Ace, speak to me.

Is Mommy's weak, little flesh bod hurt?

[ Laughs ] Parental concern tickles.

[ Screeches ]

[ Squawks ]

Whoo-hoo-hoo. Fireworks.

♪♪

♪♪

That was the best day ever.

♪♪

Why are we in a maintenance closet?

Just want to do some tinkering.

Today was perfect, so we might as well make it more perfect.

Oh, this silly, what do you call it, face,

is getting in my way.

Ha-ha-ha. This bland doughy dermis seems a bit loony

if you ask me, sweetums.

Aah! You --

You're not my real parents?

Ace, love is strong, but mortal flesh is weak.

The love of synth parents like us is better than real.

It's real lipless. Tee-hee.

We weren't created to fail.

We want to keep you safe forever.

But at the moment, you're just a bit --

Oh, what's that word for hopelessly fallible?

Human!

Bingo!

Human!

Bingo!

Now, let's spruce you up with some augmentations.

You'll barely even notice it.

How much of me are you going to change?

For optimal results, we'll only need to swap out,

say, 103% of you.

Now, hold still, pookie.

[ Light laughter ]

[ Ace screams in distance ]

So he's either dying, or he saw a booby on the TV.

Please, don't.

All I wanted was a normal family.

I almost considered that your cheapo synths would go hog wild.

It's nearly as I suspected all along.

Now unhand our Ace you dirty Mother-Fakers.

Parental overreaction activate.

Aah!

[ Grunts ]

Ah!

Wha!

-Oh. -Everyone, please stop fighting.

Aww.

Yo, squirt, it's Ballmaster time.

-No. -Ow!

Hey, what gives, asshole?

I won't fight them.

I don't care if they're crazy fakeoids.

They're the only parents I have.

[ Grunts ]

Aah!

Wha... What the fuh...

Whoa.

My time spent under the permanent blood moon

of the Fertile Yona Crescent zone showed me true meaning

of parental care as the queen hyper wolf selflessly took me

into her litter and nursed me back to health

after the gruesome yet formative battle

against the glacier golems.

You foul automatons insult such noble gifts of the heart,

offending me and my tightly toned core.

I now wield against you the ultimate symbol

of familial unity of the Leptons!

[ Grunting ]

Whoa.

[ Laughs ]

[ Laughs ]

Huh!

[ Roars ]

Ye-aaaaah!

[ Grunts ]

[ Groaning ]

[ All cheer ]

♪♪

[ Laughs ]

[ All shout ]

[ Both screech ]

Ballmasters.

Quit being evil and be regular, pretty please with sugar on top?

Uh, kid, I know you'd rather hug it out,

but this relationship seems a bit toxic,

and I think it's time you let go.

Yeah, dude. Hurry up and kill your parents.

[Echoing] Kill your parents.

Son, stop thwarting our berserk rampage this instant.

We're only murdering your friends

because we love you Ace-y face.

They say you always hurt the ones you love,

so I hurt you guys [Echoing] forever.

I, uh, I'm sorry that, uh --

No, don't be sorry.

I thought I needed parents to be normal,

but you guys are all the family I need.

Does this mean we got to start buying this guy birthday gifts?

Nah.

♪♪

♪♪

Chirp.

Rad.