Original subtitles

[ Mid-tempo music playing ]

We still have studio time, guys.

Are you sure you don't want to lay down a smoking hot verse?

Yeah, give me a sec.

[ Farts ]

Put that in our stupid team song.

Call me when you need my other voice --

for a commercial or something.

I'd love for you to be the first woman

on my "Leto Talks to Women" holocast.

After 196 episodes,

it would really mean the world to me.

Come on, Gaz! Our next game is against the Boom Boom Boys!

You know how they wow the crowd.

Don't you want to wow the crowd, too?

Wow them with song?

Ugh! Ech! The Boom Boom Boys. Grr!

You know, those hippie-dippy ravetoids didn't do squat

when Krayzar kicked me to the curb.

Jerk-hole Gaz Digzy playing her former number-one-ranked team

on her last game of the season?

Yeah, they're just trying to humiliate me

even more than they already have.

[ Bell dings] It's ready! Crank this mother!

[ Mid-tempo music playing ]

♪ My name is Ace, I'm a little guy ♪

♪ But when I scrape my knee, I almost never cry ♪

Whoa, whoa, whoa! Why is your part first?

I ordered us alphabetically to be fair.

We're all equals on this team.

Gaz: Stop!

[ All gasp ] You think this crappy song

can compete with the Boom Boom Boys?

Let's just get this stupid game over with and call it a season.

We haven't won a single game,

and no matter how hard we try, we will lose,

because that's what losers do.

Now excuse me. I have a liver to kill.

[ Gulping ]

But, Gaz, it's always darkest before dawn.

Shove the dawn up your ass!

She's right! We're losers!

[ Groaning ] Settle down, woman!

I see no losers here!

I ate lentils out of a dumpster last night.

Gaz, we need you.

I don't care what anyone says.

You're the greatest player of the game ever!

And maybe we can all be great someday, too!

We just need you to show us how!

Kid, you guys suck.

So just accept it.

Pbbt! She only cares about herself.

She's just a washed-up, dumpy diva.

Aaaah! [ All gasp ]

Hold on. [ Gulping ]

All: Oh!

Aah-ugh!

[ All scream ]

There!

Hey, this is the master, right, Tubs?

All right, now, let's not do anything crazy.

That's the only copy of the song we have!

Since when have I ever been crazy?

Ah! Keepaway, guys!

Flip, heads up.

Ha ha ha!

Ow. Ugh! Whoa!

When ya got it, ya got it!

And you got a date with a garbage disposal, bitch!

[ Laughs ] She gives us sass

and mangles my musical masterpiece?!

Well, I ain't helping her look good in front of her old team!

I'd rather go down in flames just to drag her down with me!

She doesn't mean it.

She's just nervous

and needs us to believe in her more than ever.

We can't fall apart in our last game of the season.

♪♪

[ All growling and snarling ]

Hey.

Hey, now, you can let go now.

Aaaah! Ohh!

♪♪

[ Crowd shouting ]

Please, lady, stop!

You won!

Shut up! I need this!

Aaaaah!

You want to go do sex?

Kind of, but I'm scared of you.

Give me another everything

and, uh, make it a double everything.

For real, though,

I know this bar's a little boosty,

but let's see what's populatin' with the locals.

Am I tripping bass,

or is that Digzy looking nast?

I haven't seen that huddle-butt in a minute!

Come on! These guys, seriously?

What are you candy-stompering dorks doing

slumming it up at my local?

What, dance floor's full at Club La Queef?

We were just passing through

and wanted to take a pre-game back and bootie show, girl!

But didn't expect to peep our home-sizzle baby-boo!

Ah, whatever. You know, you douche balls are just here to gloat.

Go ahead! Don't matter. Buy me a round.

Give us a round of whatever she's sweatin'.

Why so salty, D?

You'll always have peace, love, unity, and respect

from the Boom Boom Boys!

Hundo p!

Insult me all you want.

Like it even bothers me.

Hey, you're the best, I'm the worst.

I get it.

Oh, we're trill-blissed out, bae!

It's so good to see you, kiddie!

No, it's not! My life is a toilet.

All my peeps in one roly-poly room!

Life is a officially off the hizzy!

Still looking forward to our game, cheesy quaver?

Yeah, don't. We forfeit.

We quit or we forfeit, and I'm gonna be stuck here.

[ Gulps ] Hey, excuse me while I either barf or screw someone --

or both! [ Groans ]

♪♪

What manner of candy booms can this be?

Time for this song to become one

with its fellow toxic garbage, huh?

[ Gasps, groans ]

[ Belches ]

Maybe I'm stuck on stupid, but I had no idea

Gaz was making beats.

She was always an okey-momo.

♪ I'm Duleena Duneeda ♪

♪ But you can call me DD! ♪

♪ Sometimes I'm a psycho ♪

♪ But mostly I'm a sweetie! ♪

♪ If you disagree, I'll rip off your pee-pee ♪

♪ And shove it up your B.B.! ♪

It's, uh -- I mean, I mean, it's not --

it's not completely flat.

For real, though, let's give it a sec.

I bet it's about to blow up!

♪ I'm Flip Champion, I've got abs for days ♪

♪ My umbilicus impresses in a thousand different ways ♪

♪ Hey, ladies! ♪

Poor Digs. She must know it's nast.

Not good at all!

No wonder she was getting ate up on her own.

Poor Digs.

We gotta do something.

Maybe it's local -- like the New New!

We gotta boost it [Echoing] Boom Boom style!

[ Cheers and applause ]

Still no word from Gaz?

I mean, it's the last game of the year.

Screw her! That sass-talking bar rag

ain't getting no sympathy out of me!

Baby Ball, we need to stick together now more than ever.

With or without her, we're gonna give it our best!

No, thank you. And, for the record,

I have still not forgot you

for trying to make me the second singer on our team song --

even if it is melting in an incinerator somewhere.

Hopefully, Gaz fell in there with it.

Sorry, Ball. Not dead yet.

Give it a few hours.

Gaz! I knew you'd come back when we needed you most!

Plug it, kid. I'm only here for three reasons --

clean my locker and to say goodbye to the sport

that once meant everything to me.

What's the third reason?

Shit. I-I'm too wasted to remember that one.

You know, hell, let's go out there and lose, all right?

1, 2, 3! Quit!

All: Quit.

[ Whimpers ]

And now the reunion that everybody's talking about --

trash bag Gaz Digzy squares off against former teammates

the Boom Boom Boys!

Fans can't wait to see this...show!

Mmm!

This is for you, Gaz.

♪ We're the Leptons, the "L" stands for "luck" ♪

♪ We're here to say that we don't really suck ♪

♪ If you doubt our skills, then watch us play ♪

♪ With Gaz on our side, we'll blow you away! ♪

What?! You kept the tape?

You knew they had more powerful speakers than us

and convinced them to play our song as a sign of respect!

I am impressed, Digzy.

I'm confused.

Is this what happiness feels like?

Ace: You can't fool us anymore.

You've been helping us the whole time,

but you didn't want us to know.

You knew it was the only way to show us

how to find the winning attitude inside ourselves.

I ain't the person to lick the bubble,

but I did not give those twinkle-toed turds

our crappy song.

You knew it would boost our confidence

and eliminate our doubt

so that we could finally play together

the way we were always meant to --

with the burning spirit of teamwork in our hearts.

[ Laughing ] Wow!

♪♪

Yeah. I did it for us.

Now get angry, like I am. Get furious!

Let's squash those dancing dead cans together!

Baby Ball: She might be a flaming piece of donkey shit,

but she's our flaming piece of donkey shit!

Ballmastrz!

♪♪

♪ Ballmastrz ♪

Ballmastrz!

Y'all must be hippie-flippy

if you think we're just gonna let you win

'cause we're still players.

Sorry, girl. You're getting sniped!

Ballmastrz!

[ Groans, growls ]

Whoa-ah!

♪ Ballmastrz ♪

♪ Trying to win ♪

♪ Each and every day ♪

♪♪

[ Growls ]

♪ The ancient key ♪

♪ To victory is ours ♪

♪ Ballmastrz ♪

♪ Come on, Ballmastrz ♪

♪ It's time to grab your balls ♪

♪♪

Ballmastrz!

[ All screaming ]

♪♪

♪ Ballmastrz ♪

♪ Ballmastrz, go ♪

Ohhhh! My boom boom box!

♪ Ballmastrz ♪

♪ Ballmastrz, Ballmastrz ♪

♪ Ballmastrz ♪

Ballmastrz!

♪ Ballmastrz ♪

[ Laughs evilly ]

♪ My name is Gaz, and I'm often blasted ♪

♪ You disco dorks are about to get molested ♪

[ Grunts ]

♪♪

Ballmastrz!

Ace: [ Laughing ] Wow!

Ballmastrz heavy artillery formation

of vengeance cannon fire!

♪♪

Yeah!

This is impossible, folks -- literally impossible!

I'm wondering if my eyeballs are defective.

Leptons win! Leptons win!

Leptons win!

[ All cheer ]

♪♪

You did it, Gaz!

This team is more united than ever --

a feat more impressive than guiding them to victory.

Duh. I'm awesome.

And they, uh, well, they're getting there.

I hate to say it, Gaz,

but you fulfilled your end of the bargain.

I can now place you on any team in the game

that your heart desires.

Ace: Gaz!

♪♪

[ Laughing ]

Come, now, Digzy. What is it that you want?

[ Sighs ]

I want a beer.

Ballmastrz!

♪♪

Ball...mastrz.

Ballmastrz!

Ballmast--