Original subtitles

"Ballmastrz."

Ace: "Hunger Cramps on the Playing Field of Friendship."

Both: Pelvic buster power thruster!

♪♪

Yeah!

Great job waiting almost the entire match

to kind of do something pretty good.

Wow. This was our least-embarrassing loss yet.

Indeed! I am proud to be on the same team as you!

Right. Oh, phew.

I wanted to congratulate Ballmaster as well.

Then you're in luck because I'm part of Ballmaster.

Don't get into semantics with me!

Wahoo!

Hey, I want to get some drinks with my very best pal,

so, guys, I'll see you Monday.

-So long! Aw, -whatever.

One day closer to death.

Let's celebrate together.

I volunteer at the animal shelter on Fridays,

and they'd love it if I brought some buddies.

Community service comes from the heart or a court order,

and I don't have either so no dice, friend.

I'd come, but I already started drinking

so I'd have an excuse not to come. Peace, squirt!

Great game as always, Choochoo Chums.

I'm proud of each and every one of you.

Uh, I don't know, Choochoo Champ.

You did all the work. I never pull my weight.

Kaboomboom Caboose, I won't hear it.

From front to back, us Chums fight and win as a team.

You put the end in friendship.

Aw, shucks! Thanks a ton, Champ!

What are friends for?

Now let's all hang out together outside the game.

Choo, choo! Follow me!

Well, I'm all the friend I need just like my parents would say

if I actually had parents.

Aw, my poor super strong Ace Jr.,

I'm said you're a dying invalid,

but at least you'll spend time with me.

[ Groans ]

Uh, here, my wretched friend,

I smuggled in a B.E.H.O. heel slime from the arena.

It can heal you and humanely prolong your misery.

Ace Ambling, did I hear you say

there's a B.E.H.O. in my place of business?

Aw, farts, Shelter Meister Mundo.

[ B.E.H.O. screeches ]

-Well, now? -Mm-mm. Mm.

That a boy!

B.E.H.O.s are a precious commodity, kid.

If I use one in here, I'd be fighting so big

I'd have to sell these vermin

as cheap street meat to pay the bills.

Oh, no! No, no, no, no! [ Groans ]

I didn't make it in time. This is horrible.

This is tragic! This is...

delicious!

Hello, Pruno!

Ain't nothing like some home brew

when you're already too drunk to go outside!

[ Glass bangs ] Whoa! Jeez!

Hey, Gaz! Didn't hear you come in!

Kid, what are you doing in there?

Who? Me? Just, um, Bob said his hat

fell in here, his lucky one.

Don't ask him about it. I didn't find it.

Anyways, I'm not coping with an unbearable loneliness

by chowing down on whatever they keep in these! [ Chuckles ]

Nope! I'm good! [ Pants ]

Yeah, you seem totally normal, not weird at all right now.

You know, if you ever need to talk about anything,

I'm always here to walk you over

to someone who gives a shit.

[ Laughing ] Gaz, I don't need to talk.

Talk is cheap. Results are what it's all about, right?

Results, results, results!

Dang, kid, I took you for a lightweight,

but you're hardcore. Screw moonshine.

Me and you are going to tie one on.

If that means we're going to hang out like friends,

I am down to hit the town.

Gulp.

[ Static plays, dinging ]

The Choochoo Chums ask for more than your friendship

and the purchase of season-pass tickets and fairly priced concessions.

We ask, what do you do for your meta zone?

Because the Choochoo Chums are all about Choochoo Charity!

Have a bash and clean some trash,

then pitch in at a soup kitchen.

Be a helper at your animal shelter... [ Animals groaning ]

so stay on track, and let's all give back.

[ Train whistle blows ]

Hey, that animal shelter was my old turf.

[ B.E.H.O. giggles ]

Both: [ Slurps, sighs ]

But now friendship is my turf, right, buddy?

[ Gasps ] -Ah, whatever. I'm bouncing.

You know your way back to the stadium

or wherever it is you live, right?

[ Whimpers ]

Choochoo Champ: Choochoo cheers to another victory!

That pun never gets old!

Neither does our friendship, Chums!

[ Laughter ] [ Groans ]

Hey, Choochoo Chumps!

A fine play on words, fellow gamer.

Barkeep, a glass of your least contaminated tap water

for our little friend.

Oh, rubbing your good time

[demonic voice] in my friendless face, jerk holes?

Uh, now, hey there, little buddy.

Ah! -Ugh! Oh! Yowzers!

Come to your senses, young gamer!

Nongame violence is...

Aah! Oh, my ca-boo-boos. Ow.

[ Normal voice ] You think you're better than me?

I'll show you to show me what true friendship is like.

Don't worry, Kaboomboom Caboose!

We're here to help protect your dignity

by allowing you to fight your own battles.

Ah, thank you, my friends!

Aah! I'm screaming -- -Ugh!

I'm going to piss on your rookie guard!

Ace is never late for practice.

He's probably off doing something lame and nerdy.

Let's get going.

[ Demonic voice ] AAh! [ Screams, gasping ]

-Rough night, short stack? -[ Groaning ]

Ace, you get hit by a bus,

then die and decompose for a few weeks?

Back off, you dopey downer.

[ Roars ] It's practice time, potty mouth.

Look alive. -[ Groaning ]

Damn, kid has got it bad.

[ Button chimes ] All right!

Which lucky duckies get to grab these curves?

[ Groaning ]

No, no, no! Flip, catch me!

Uh, I'm not sure what you expected to happen here. Ugh!

All right. I admit it. I didn't think this through.

B.E.H.O. me, bro.

[ Roars ] [ Button chimes ]

[ B.E.H.O. squeaks ]

You're really not supposed to eat those, amigo.

Uh, hello? Kind of bleeding out over here.

[ Roars ]

[ Gasps ] Did you guys see that?

Those B.E.H.O.s, they attacked my mouth,

and I had to swallow them to protect my --

You're hooked, kid! Look at you!

And you're creeping us all out!

Hit the shower!

Ugh!

Gaz, you might want to take a step back.

I'm just coping, jerk heads.

It's what people do to get by

unless they ditch their very best friend

to go make kisses with a rusty robot man,

so then I go fight a train.

-Did not follow that. -This is an intervention!

Jesus, kid, I get that you're sad

and a lonely loser and annoying... [ Grunting ]

...but using isn't the answer. Trust me.

I know what I'm seeing, and you need to dry out.

[ Grunts ] Get off me!

-Ow, you little freak! -Right. Okay.

Uh, so I'm just going to grab a sip of water.

Don't wait up for me.

-Ah. -Ah!

-Ah! -Let him go.

Let's talk this through.

Hey?

Okay.

I can read a room. Bye.

-F this crap! -Yeah, screw this!

[ Panting ] No!

[ Roars ]

[ Arm snaps ] Aah.

Don't leave me alone! I won't let you!

Ugh.

Whoa!

[ Deeper voice ] Play with me.

Not Bob.

He and I were so close

to maybe almost someday being casual work friends.

Ah! Remember to never forget me.

My Leto, no!

[ Roars ]

Ow! Watch it, you whimpering sack of...

Ace: [ Groaning ]

Ugh! Ah!

You have given me no choice.

Never have I turned my special attack on a compatriot

since that fateful night on the moors of Namu

when my own sensei plotted to murder me [ Evil laughter ]

and sell my anomalous 12-pack abs

as a black-market aphrodisiac,

but today, you have forced my metaphorical hand,

and so it is my sad duty to unleash

[echoing] Umbilicus!

-Happy, happy, happy. -Ugh!

Ugh, ugh, ah!

[ Groaning ]

Jeez, I never thought getting eaten would be a bad thing.

[ Chuckles ] Crap. No one was left to hear that.

Damn. I'll never get to use it again.

Ow! Heysa!

[ Echoing ] I was only trying to save you from yourself, kid.

[ Normal voice ] Aah!

[ Squirming noises, echo in distance ]

[ Indistinct groaning ]

Whoa! Great intervention, Gaz.

You really know how to get to the root of the problem.

Eat my butt, Ball. Liquor did most of the talking.

[ Shrieking ] Oh!

-Ah! -[ Screams ]

This is especially weird, right?

There must be a way out of here.

[ Roaring ]

Ace: No one leaves.

I'm full of friendship.

Now you will have to play with me forever.

Flip: If I manage to escape this ordeal with my life,

I vow to make a public-service data scoop

on the ills of B.E.H.O. binging.

I hate to rain on your dreams,

but I think we're already dead, Flip.

You wads can give up, but I ain't.

If we're going to make it out of here,

we got to reason with Ace!

Bargain with him! -How can we do that?

He seems quite irrational today.

I got an idea, but you guys ain't going to like it.

Yo, kid, sprout me an ear. I need a private audience.

Okay. I can do this.

[ Indistinct whispering ]

Say, "We're friends."

Say it, Gaz.

We're friends, okay?

Wow! You really mean it, Gaz?

Only if you quite this B.E.H.O. nonsense and let us go!

Gee wiz, Gaz, you're the very best!

[ Groaning ] [ Energy building ]

[ Squishing sound ]

Oh.

[ Normal voice ] Oh, boy. This'll be super neat.

You guys will all love it.

Digzy, what exactly did you promise this boy?

I said what I had to.

Appreciate your freedom and get as drunk as you need

because what comes next ain't going to be pretty.

Aren't they just to die for?

[ Roaring ] I knew it would be fun to bring some buddies.

[ Animal screeching ]

[ Animal purring ]

-[ Screams ] -Aah! Ah!

Guys, there's a flying ferret in my helmet,

and I don't know what to do!

Aah!

Dude, you're seriously bumming me out.

It ain't all bad. This little dude likes me.

Yeah, just keep giving me kisses, don't you, sweet thing?

She likes you, all right, but that ain't her mouth!

Ugh!

"Ballmastrz."

"Ballmastrz."

"Ballmastrz"?

"Ballmastrz."

"Ballmastrz."