Original subtitles

Ballmastrz.

♪♪

Ugh. Nothing but barren waste as far as the eye can see --

a parched reminder of man's cruel inhumanity to man.

Don't be a poop, Leto.

Road trips are the best.

Let's play a game. -Ugh.

The first person to spot a rack from the Rad Wars yells out,

"Newt!" and gets a point.

Newt! That's one point for me.

[ Sighs ]

How we doing, kid?

We're making great time, Gaz.

I'm so excited.

Okay. Okay.

Two hands on the wheel, spaz.

Crazart's ghost.

Which one of you animals clogged up the pipes again?

Ace, pull this thing over. I got to take a major leak.

I guess we could use a pit stop to fuel up.

Just try to hold it for a few more vectors.

Make it snappy. My teeth are floating here!

Who's up for some watery domestic?

Don't mention liquids. I'm about to burst.

Gangway, boys, 'cause I mean biz.

This bloated ball has got to whiz.

We don't serve her kind here.

-[ Growls ] -It's okay, Lulu.

you can help me dumpster dive for garbage fuel instead.

♪♪

Come on, Leto. Let's cut a rug.

Aw, DD, really?

Don't be such a wallflower.

Let's dance. -Can't.

Got two left feet, see?

I'm sure Flip will dance with you.

Flip has no feet. Dance with me!

What are you waiting for, sailor, a mating call?

Ugh.

Ah.

Hands off my boyfriend!

Ace: Great job, Lulu.

I bet we've reconstituted enough trash into buzz fuel

to last us a dozen road trips.

[ Screaming ]

Jeepers. That's not a good sign.

Scram, Leto. I was pussing out here first.

And so I says to him,

"A good night with me is like a table --

four bare legs and no drawers."

Flip: Yeah! I walked the ancient path of Secret Solitude,

suppressed the Hundred Hindrances,

clearing my mind and my core

so that I might become a more divine instrument

of holy retribution!

Now, quake with misgiving at the missile of insight!

Behold umbilicus!

Ah!

Gaz: Ow.

[ Yelling ]

[ Growling ]

[ Whistles ] Heel, boys.

This one fights like a devil, but looks like an angel.

Oh. Me?

What's your name, Gorgeous?

Oh. I'm Duleena Duneeda, but my friends call me DD.

Can I be your friend, DD?

Oh, wow!

Oh, wow.

Okay, D, whenever you're done swapping spit with this greaser,

we got a game to get to.

You'd be a goddess on the back of my bike.

I get it, Sis, but we've got to hit the road.

Why don't you stick around, Mama?

Roll with the fingers --

assuming your boyfriend doesn't mind.

Oh, I'm not actually her boyfriend.

I'm staying.

-DD, what about the team? -The lady has spoken.

Now, you jokers should beat it before you get fingered again.

Yeah, you guys better beat it.

Can't say I'm up for saving your asses twice in one day.

Leto: Ugh.

[ Buzzer ]

Well, that sucked.

I don't know what happened, guys.

I was totally useless.

It's like some vital piece of me has gone missing.

If you're suggesting

that your performance tonight lacked cojones,

I'll strongly agree.

I can't stop thinking about DD.

I guess you don't know what you got till it's gone.

ALL: This just in, sports fans. Could it b-b-be?

Former Lepton loser-loser, Duleena Duneeda

is ravaging the wastelands

with the notorious Middle Fingers Biker gang?

Seems like things between DD and the leader of the pack,

Bacchus LeBrute, are really heating up.

G-g-g-get out your Geiger counters.

These lovers are radiating romance.

Ugh.

Do you think she's really found true love?

I don't know, but it looks like

she's have a hell of a good time making up her mind.

Oh, heaven knows I'm miserable now.

Spare me, wussbag. We got murdered out there

'cause of your mopey lollygagging.

The already dismal chances of this team

ever winning a game are cut in half without DD.

We need to get her back,

and there's only one thing that will do it.

-It's the power of love. -Ugh.

The kid's right, Leto.

Time to man up and reclaim DD's heart.

DD always loved your poetry, Leto.

You need to compose her a love poem.

It'll be the bestest poem ever.

I've never had a girlfriend before,

but if I had to win someone's affection,

I would want do do it through beautiful verse.

She was never actually my girlfriend.

Gaz: Eh, I don't think poetry is gonna cut it this time.

Bacchus LeBrute is serious competition

in the testosterone department.

You know, if poem boy were more of a badass,

he might actually stand a chance again Bacchus.

Existential crisis, murdered by biker gang.

Existential crisis, murdered by --

Would it hurt so much

to just fake having a pair of nuts for once?

That's it. Fake it! You're gonna fake it!

Well, well. Look who's returned.

[ Gasps ]

Leto!

It...

What a surprise.

Whoa. Ow.

[ Banging ]

I'm back, Mama.

[ Laughs ]

I see what you're doing, Leto -- sweet but pathetic.

Oh, wow. You are a hoot.

Okay, man. So, here's the deal.

It took some real sack to show your face here again,

so I'll give you another shot at DD.

You will?

We're gonna race through Gallows Gulch, just you and me.

My wheels against yours.

And if you win, you can take the chick back.

-He can? -What if you win?

When I win, I get the pink slip to your team bus.

[ Gasping ]

Um...

Okay. Sure.

Seems fair.

Gallows Gulch, high noon.

Don't be late.

You maroon. Have you ever ridden a motorcycle before?

[ Growls ]

She has a great point. We don't even have a bike

for Leto to ride.

Close your eyes and think of motorcycles.

You are insanely weird.

Just try it. Close your eyes and concentrate really hard.

Okay, okay. I'm doing it.

Vroom. Vroom. Vroom. Vroom. Vroom.

Think about motorcycles.

Hey, stop! What are you doing, kid?

Ballmastrz.

Whoa.

Ballmastrz.

Bike master! It worked!

We fused into a new ballmastr formation.

We look even cooler than I hoped for!

Says you. I really made an ass out of myself this time.

Hope on, Leto.

You've got a race to win.

♪♪

Crazy wheels, man.

Uh, yeah. It's an import.

Vroom. Vroom.

Here we go, Poem Boy.

You better hang on to your longfellow.

♪♪

Watch out.

[ Screaming ] [ Whistles ]

Whoa.

Huh. Guys, looks like we got some late entries.

-Rotten cheaters. -I got these ass clowns.

[ Burps ]

Ballmastrz.

[ Birds screeching ]

Ballmastrz.

Ballmastrz.

[Singing] So much for your dirty tricks.

They're just no match for my vomit slicks.

Vroom, vroom.

Ballmastrz.

Ballmastrz.

Wow!

[ Cheering ]

[ Growling ]

Oh...

Nobody shows me up.

Let go of my boyfriend!

[ Bacchus yelling ]

I'm so glad you're back on the team, DD.

I'm feeling good from my head down to my toes.

Well, you know what they say --

"If you love something, let it go.

And if it returns, it was meant to be."

Uh, let's just take it slow, DD.

This escapade has really been straining.

Maybe you'd like to spend tomorrow

straining your crap to find your dick!

Ugh.

♪ Ballmastrz ♪

♪ Ballmastrz ♪

♪ Ballmastrz ♪

Chirp.