Original subtitles

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oh oh

Now, I'm no mathematician, but I'd like to talk about just a couple of numbers

that have really been bothering me lately.

And they are zero and one.

Now first, let's take a look at zero.

Now, nobody wants to be a zero.

To be a zero means to be a nothing.

Nobody has been declined.

On the other hand, almost everybody wants to be number one.

To be number one means to be a winner.

Top of the heap.

The acme. And there seems to be a strange kind of national obsession with

this particular number.

Now, in my opinion, the problem with these two numbers is that they are just

too close.

leaves very little room in there for everybody else.

Just not enough range.

So, first, we need to get rid of the value judgments attached to these two

numbers, and realize that to be a zero is no better, no worse,

than to be number one.

Because what we are actually looking at here are the building blocks

of the modern.

computer age.

Anything that can be expressed in words or numbers in any language can be

communicated using this simple foolproof system.

It's all here in a nutshell, the entire alphanumerical system, the A to Z, the

zero to infinity of digital intelligence.

Now, this first example is an expression in this code.

Of the first two letters of the first word of the Gettysburg address.

And the second example is an expression of the first two numbers

of my home phone.

The remaining digits are available in a limited edition of autographed

floppy disks on sale at the souvenir stand in the lobby.

This last example.

is an expression of a musical phrase, actually part of a chord from the first

bar of a song called Sharky's Day, a song I wrote myself, and

which you may be interested to learn was composed using this very system,

and can be counted like this.

And zero.

And one.

And zero. And one.

Flying bird There

they go

What a ball.

Number.

I can hear them now.

The picture.

The picture.

I'm looking out.

I'm looking out.

I'm looking out.

I'm looking

out.

Looking out, I'm watching out.

But when I see the future, I close my eyes.

I see pictures of people rising up. Pictures of people falling down.

Pictures of people, they're standing on their heads, they're ready.

I see pictures of people rising up. Pictures of people falling down. I see

pictures of people, they're standing on their heads, they're ready.

They're looking out.

They're looking out.

They're watching you.

They're watching you.

A while ago on my last birthday, I had a couple of people read my

palms. And oddly enough, they both said the same thing about my

past life.

They said, your first life on this planet, you were a cow.

And then you were a bird.

next you were a hat. I said, a hat?

He said, yeah, the feathers from the bird were made into a hat and that

counted as a kind of half-life.

And then I was hundreds and hundreds of rabbis.

This is my first life as a woman, which explains quite a few things.

Anyway, if any of you have any rabbinical questions, I'll be out in the

lobby after the concert.

I'd be happy to try to dredge up some answers.

Stand by.

You're on the air.

Buenas noches, señoras y señoras.

Bienvenidos.

La primera pregunta es, ¿Qué es más macho?

Pineapple or knife?

Well, let's see.

My guess is that pineapple is more macho than a knife.

B.

Pineapple es más macho que nice.

La segunda pregunta.

¿Qué es más macho?

¿Light bulb o school bulb?

Light bulb.

No.

Lo siento.

School bulb.

Es más macho que light bulb.

Gracias, and we'll be back in un momento.

Well, I had a dream.

And in it I went to a little town.

And all the girls in town were named Betty.

And they were singing.

It's fire.

I'm designing.

First it's red and then it's blue.

And every time. Every time.

I see an iceberg.

Reminds me of you.

It's not much.

I see.

Oval.

Hey, look.

Over there.

It's Frank Sinatra sitting in a chair.

And he's blowing perfect smoke.

Up into the air.

And he's singing, make the staircase for you

to descend.

So rare.

And every time, every time, I see no smoke rain.

I think you're there.

There's not much.

Staircase or smoke rain.

Blast. Blast. Blast.

Blast.

Blast. Blast.

Blast.

Listen to me.

Listen to me.

Listen to me.

Listen to my... Listen... Listen to my... Listen...

Listen to my... Listen... Listen... Listen...

Listen to

my

heartbeat.

What Fassbender film is it?

The one-armed man comes into the flower shop and says, What flower expresses

days go by?

And they just keep going by endlessly, pulling you into the future.

Days go by endlessly, endlessly pulling you.

into the future.

And the florist says,

Thank you.

Sun's coming up like a big bald head.

Poking up over the grocery store.

It's Sharky's day.

It's Sharky's day today.

Sharky wakes up and Sharky says, There was this man and there

was this road.

And if only I could remember these dreams. I know I'm a turn to tell me

something.

Strange dreams.

Oh yeah.

Strange dreams.

And Sharky says.

I'm the head of a pen.

Nobody knows me.

Nobody knows my name.

And strike your pants.

Light. Camera.

Action.

Timber.

You know, they're growing mechanical trees.

They go to their full height.

And then they chuck themselves down the sharky tent.

All of life comes from some strange lagoon. Rise up.

It butts up to full height from a boggy swamp on a foggy night.

And it creeps into your house.

It's like it's flying.

I turn around.

It's here.

I turn around again.

Nobody knows me.

Nobody knows my name.

Deep in the heart.

Darkest America.

Home of the brave.

Ha, ha, ha. I've already paid for this.

And the little

girl sings.

He was so dead.

On the edge of the lake.

They sing, ooh-wee.

Sharky. He's got your heart ready.

Paging Mr. Sharky. White courtesy telephone.

I spin around.

Here. I spin around again.

It's fun.

And the little girls. Ooh.

Unstoppable, smoky, all covered with snow.

That's where I wanna, that's where I'm gonna, that's where I'm gonna.

It was late at night.

And it was, you know, in the fall.

And in the fall, there are lots of bugs, right?

Flying around the house, and they are making lots of sounds.

And you are trying to write, but you can't concentrate to write because of

the sound of all these bugs.

So, you know...

There is an expression in Japanese, 虫が鳴いてる means the bug is

crying.

We never say bug is making noise.

For example, let's say you are in the house and you are trying to write

and the bug is flying around the house and crying and crying.

of all this crying so maybe I have to

kill this bug so you start to try to kill the bug and you hear this little

scream that sounds a little bit like the

word for help

I come very briefly to

this place.

I watch it move.

I watch it shift.

they say the dead will rise again

and here they come now strange animals

out of the ice age and they stare at you

Dumbfounded like baby And we say

keep cool maybe if we pretend it never happened they'll all go

away

And yet, we could all be.

Well, wouldn't be the first time.

Thank you.

You come very briefly

to

the place

and on a very distant

time, blimey creatures gather.

They've got plates for hands and telecoms for eyes.

And they say, look down there.

A haunted planet spinning

round, they say.

Watch it move.

Watch it shake.

Watch it turn.

And shake.

And we sing.

Watch us move now.

Watch us.

We're so pretty.

We're so pretty.

We say.

Watch us move now.

We're so...

We're

so... Fine!

The way we move...

We're done

You can...

He said, girl, pretty proud of yourself, huh?

And I looked around and I said, who me?

And he said,

higher you fly, faster you fall. He said.

watching rise and fall Why

these mountains?

Why this sky?

This long road?

This ugly train?

Well, he was an ugly guy with an ugly face and all

so round in the human dress.

And even God got sad just looking at him.

And at his funeral all his friends stood around looking sad.

But they were really thinking of all the ham and cheese, thank you, cheese, in

the next room.

And everybody used to hang around them.

And I know why.

They said, there but for the grace of the angel, go

out by these mountains.

What?

Watch it rise and fall.

Gravity's rainbow.

Send it out.

Watch it rise and fall.

Gravity's angel.

Well,

we were just laying there.

And the skull.

Of your other lover walked in And stood there Made of thin air

Forty-five

Look, look, look Look, look,

look Look, look, look You forgot to take your shirt

And there's your book And there's your pen

Sitting on a table by these mountains,

by the sky, this long

road, this empty room.

Send it on, watch it rise.

Why these mountains?

Why this sky?

This long road?

It's empty.

Let's see.

It was on an island.

And there was this snake.

And this snake had legs.

And it could walk all around the island.

Yes, that's true.

A snake with legs.

And the man and the woman were on the island too.

And they were not very smart.

But they were happy as clams.

Let's see.

Then one evening, the snake was walking about in the garden.

And he was talking to himself.

And he saw the woman, and they started to talk.

And they became friends.

Very good friends.

And the woman liked the snake very much.

Because when he talked, he made little noises with his tongue.

And his long tongue was lightly licking about his lips, like there was little

fire inside his mouth, and the flame would come dancing out of his mouth.

And the woman liked this very much.

And after that, she was bored with the man, because no matter what happened,

he was always as happy as a...

What did the snake say?

Yes.

What was he saying?

Okay.

I will tell you.

The snake told her things about the world.

He told her about the time there was a big typhoon on the island and all the

sharks came out of the water.

They came out of the water and they walked right into your house with their

big white teeth.

And the woman heard these things.

And she was in love.

And the man came out and said, we have to go now.

And the woman did not want to go.

Because she was a hothead.

Because she was a woman in love.

Anyway.

We got into their boat and left the island.

They never stayed anywhere very long.

Because the woman was... She was a hothead.

She was a woman in love.

And this is not a story my people tell.

It is something I know.

I know.

And when I do my job...

I am thinking about the thing.

Because when I do my job, it's what I think about.

La la la la La

la la la La la la la La la

la la La

la la la

Thank you.

Listen to the song.

What's your name, Mr. Monk?

You know, when I talk to people, I try to look more intelligent

than I actually am.

Hingisonga!

Never read it.

So look at this.

Hi, it's Lori. Hi.

Hi, how are you doing?

Pretty good. Yeah?

How's that pedal working?

Oh, uh, much better. Yeah, I think you fixed it. Oh, good.

It must be hard to deal in those shoes, right?

Yeah. Yeah, I keep getting things caught between the toes.

Uh-huh.

Did you see a guy, um, up in the, in the balcony, uh, stage right?

Uh, he's got a kind of...

Viking hat. Looks like a Viking hat on. He keeps waving.

No.

Do you know this guy?

No, I thought he would know you.

I don't think so. Well, listen, we're kind of setting up here for another

song.

Yeah, yeah, listen.

Listen, I want to ask you, convenient to ask you this.

Have you ever played that horse game when you were a kid? You know, like when

you were half, the upper half was the rider and the bottom half was the kind

of wild galloping horse. Did you ever do that?

What's that? A little sophisticated on the top and possessed, self-possessed

and kind of a horse from the bottom.

No, Laurie, I'm a bit busy at the moment.

I've got to get rid of this to-do and set up a mini-move. Oh, I just, I've

been meaning to ask you that for a while.

Listen, Laurie, I'm really busy.

Well, I just want to... Well, okay. All right.

So I'll talk to you later. Okay.

Bye. Okay, see you.

You

know,

I can see two tiny pictures, and there's one in each of your eyes.

And they're doing everything I do.

Every time I light a cigarette, they light up theirs.

I take a drink, and I look in, and they're drinking too.

It's driving me crazy. It's driving me nuts.

Welcome to Difficult Listening Hour.

Spot on your dial for that relentless and impenetrable sound of

difficult music.

So sit bolt upright in that straight back chair,

button that top button, and get set for

some difficult Music.

I came home today.

And I opened the door with my bare hands.

And I said, hey, who tore up all my wallpaper

samples?

Who ate all the grapes?

The ones I was saving.

And this guy was sitting there.

And I said, hey.

What's going on here?

And he had this smile.

And when he smiled, he had these big, white teeth, like luxury

hotels on the Florida coastline.

And when he closed his mouth, it looked like a big scar.

And I said to myself,

holy smokes.

Looks like some kind of guest host relationship to me.

And I said, hey, pal, what's going on

here anyway?

Who are you?

And he said,

now, I'm the soul doctor.

And you know, language.

is a virus from outer space.

And hearing your name is better than seeing.

It's exactly like where you are.

Saw this guy in the train.

And he seemed to have gotten stuck in one of those abstract

trances.

And he was going... And

Fred said, you know, I think he's in some

kind of pain.

I think it's a pain cry.

And I said, if that's a pain cry, then language

is a pain.

It's a magnet.

It's a star.

It's a pirate.

It's a shipwreck.

Well, I was talking to a friend the other day.

And I was saying, I love you.

And I was looking for you.

Find you.

And he said, hey, you talking to me?

Are you just practicing for one of those performances of yours?

Huh?

It's a dog house.

It's an iceberg.

You know, the day the roof fell in.

He was so cool.

He just said, wow.

Oh, wow.

Like this had happened to him.

In thousands of life.

TV. I mean, they just keep showing you the same pictures over

and over and over.

And when they talk, they just make sound.

Sun going down.

Like a big bald head.

Disappearing behind the boulevard.

It's Sharky's Night.

It's Sharky's Night.

manager saying?

Sharky?

He's out of his desk right now.

Could I take a nap?

Hey, Chemophobic!

Long time no see.

Hey, Ford.

You've left the dime.

You pick up the piece.

Well, I drove down to Big D's beach.

And I walked into room 1003.

And there they were.

The big boys.

And they were talking.

Big B.

Little O.

They were saying, let's teach those robots how to play

hardball.

Let's teach those little fellas a little gratitude.

Hey!

What's that big noise? Sounds like thunder.

Nope.

Sounds like the 4th of July.

It's just those angels walking.

They're clomping around again, wearing those big, clumsy shoes.

We got for them.

will be in the hearts of

darkness America.

Home of the brave.

You've already done that.