Original subtitles

This is harassment. Where were you at 3pm yesterday?

I don't have to tell you anything.

I have rights. Inalienable rights.

You're trampling over the freedoms of an innocent man.

Well, you're a suspect in a murder investigation.

DC Chaudhry!

You're under arrest. Resist not.

I didn't do it! I'm not a killer.

This is outrageous.

Is this a police state? Some Kafkaesque purgatory.

Robotic enforcers.

Where is the love in this world?!

FAN WHIRS

Right! What did I do wrong there?

Anyone?

Look, I get it. It's the hottest day of the year.

You don't want to be here. I don't want to be here.

I'm happy to be here. Thanks, Andy,

but we're all here because you all messed up

and need rehabilitating,

and it's fallen on my lucky lap to run this thing.

So start engaging. Gemma?

I don't need rehabilitating.

You pepper-sprayed a hen do.

They were mouthing off at me.

You poke the bear, you're going to get hurt.

Um, well, I thought you did brilliant,

but you didn't announce that you were police.

Great, great.

Reminds me of the call-outs I used to have

with my old partner, Gary.

I'd announce, he'd stand behind looking menacing.

LAUGHS Have I told you all about Gary?

Yes, yes. At length, you did. Yeah.

Anybody else?

Well, you didn't show your warrant card.

Good, Aisha. Also, that was a vulnerable old man.

You could have shown some empathy.

I'd run out of empathy

when he had rewritten the script for the 50th time.

Any other mistakes?

You used John Chapel in the video,

reminding everyone that you're the station

that makes Mid Wales Police a laughing stock.

Well, if they kick off, send them to me.

See how brave they are

when they're dealing with the Head of Professional Standards.

Ms Challoner... Uh, ma'am...

Sorry. I do need everybody to pay attention,

regardless of seniority.

Absolutely. And I'm one of you lot.

No preferential treatment.

No. Don't worry.

Just stuck on a course

for claiming a bottle of fizz on expenses.

It's a pain in the arse.

OK, bye.

Right.

Obviously up to you,

but it's 1pm,

so let's take lunch now, hmm? Uh, yeah.

Yeah. No problem,

Ms Challoner... Ma'am.

Mallowan.

Here to see Phil Holmes.

Did you know he was my mentor?

Had a hunch, yeah. He gave me a ten-minute analogy earlier

about how police work was like ordering a Chinese.

Yeah.

It can't all be sauce. You need your egg fried rice.

Yeah, I remember it well. Where is he?

Oh, he went to the loo on the tea break earlier.

Hasn't come back since.

Barry Clarke!

Looking for your boyfriend, are you?

Excuse me, DI Mallowan.

There's a nasty smell around here.

Oh, that might be the lunch. Yeah. Salmon and couscous.

We had a nut allergy. I panicked.

JANIE SIGHS

PHONE RINGS

Dad?

Yeah, yeah, a couple of hours and it's s-s-surf o'clock.

AUSTRALIAN ACCENT Yeah. Cowabunga! Gnarly.

NORMAL VOICE Dad, I have to stop the surf talk. It's making me hate myself.

Oh, my God!

Phil!

He's dead.

Sorry to call you here on a Saturday,

especially to a toilet.

Oh, it's all right. I was taking my niece to soft play.

Smells exactly the same.

Do men actually use these,

or just lean on them and pee on the floor?

It wasn't me. I like a sit-down wee.

Yeah. It's where I Wordle.

I'll get started on the statements, then.

That's weird.

Key card for Bryn Glas Manor.

It's proper fancy.

Does he look like the luxury hotel type to you?

Hard to tell from the back of his head.

I know what you mean, though.

Not getting White Lotus vibes from his flaky scalp.

Sorry for your loss, sir.

He was a bloody good bloke.

One of the best.

Cause of death - heart meds in his back pocket,

so I was thinking heart attack.

Yeah, but not your usual heart attack.

Come see this.

Blood spot on the bottom of his shirt.

There's a puncture wound on his lower back from an injection.

Could he have done it himself?

If he was a yoga instructor, maybe, but I'd say no.

We'll run blood tests,

but I think he was injected with something

to bring on the heart attack.

I know who did this.

Owen Skinner.

What was all that between you two earlier?

Ah, we both worked under Phil back in Port Talbot.

I was the golden boy.

Best in the intake that year.

Really? You? Was it a bad year?

No!

Yeah. All right. Notoriously bad.

But that's not the point.

Owen was dodgy. A real bad cop.

Phil had him investigated.

Nearly ended his career.

Owen swore he'd get revenge.

Well, maybe today he did.

I think you're letting your personal connection

to the victim cloud your judgment.

I want everything thrown at this. I want John Chapel here.

Well, not here in this toilet, but you know what I mean.

I've already called him.

I could hear a woman's voice in the background.

Proper sus. Sorry, not relevant.

Could I have a moment?

You want to say your goodbyes to him?

No, I need to...

Oh, sir. No, no, no.

Hmm. Quite the challenge we have here.

Your hardest case yet, Chapel?

Indubitably.

I'm surprised you called me in, actually.

Thought you might have forgotten about me.

Passed me over for Michael. Oh, no.

I've been spending time with my dad

instead of the national treasure

who lives two towns over

who moans literally every time I see him.

It's fine.

I'm reconciled to being rejected

by the entire Mallowan clan.

Unless you have a great-aunt

queuing up somewhere to reject me.

"He's here, Auntie Blodwyn!"

If you're going to sulk, go home.

Out of the question. You need me here. What, a killer cop?

Someone who's spent their entire life scrutinising crime?

No. You'll need an outsider of unique brilliance,

not a police officer, to crack this.

How long have I got them for? We don't have long.

But I have come up with a clever little idea

to buy us a few more hours.

Right,

as this whole police station is now a crime scene.

nobody leaves until I say so.

Could be worse.

How? We're trapped in a police station,

and one of us is the murderer.

Only one of us. The rest of us aren't.

Have to look for the positives.

What if I don't want to stick around?

Oh, sounds like a threat!

Say the word and I'll take him out.

HE SCOFFS Speaking as the most senior officer here, take it from me,

anyone leaving the station

can collect their P45 on the way out.

Thank you, Ms Challoner, ma'am.

Also, I'd like to say that you smell lovely, ma'am.

Is that sandalwood, ma'am?

Is it all right that I'm calling you ma'am?

I'm saying ma'am too much, aren't I?

JOHN CLEARS HIS THROAT

Can I suggest anyone keen to leave

might be shining the light of suspicion on themselves?

DEEP CHUCKLE

Bloody hell, John Chapel!

Now this circus has got its clown.

Thank you, Officer.

The fool in Shakespeare always speaks the unwelcome truth.

I'll take the compliment. He's not a clown.

That's the nonce from the video. Let me nick him.

No, no, no. He's a police consultant.

Yes. Mr Chapel?

Aisha Lanzetta.

I'm such a huge fan.

Thank you. But I'm afraid my acting days are behind me.

No, of your police work.

Oh! I've read up on your cases.

Deep psychological profiling like yours can be vital.

I'm not sticking around to listen to this.

Absolutely not. As I said, this station is locked down.

Nobody leaves.

Tenerife, here I come!

CHUCKLING

Oh, three hours to the plane.

Might even have time for an airport pint.

What's going on?

It's a standards cluster bomb.

I need you to get the rest of top brass in and brief them,

which on a Saturday is going to make me as popular

as a turd in a trifle, but needs must.

Miss Challoner, that's my office.

I'm commandeering it.

Oh, right. OK.

Well, it's just it's got my chair here,

and it's a really nice chair.

I've got a sneaking suspicion I won't be using it,

so knock yourself out.

Right. OK.

Look busy, look busy, look busy.

Right, what have we got? Uh, well, victim,

you already know, Phil Holmes.

Rose through the ranks before moving behind a desk

for health reasons,

dealing with HR and then moving into Finance.

Chaudhry, check all of the station's CCTV

for this morning.

On it, ma'am. Oh, also, can you call Bryn Glas Manor?

I don't buy for a minute that Phil was staying there.

Maybe the killer was, and dropped their card.

Highly doubtful.

Modern men of a certain age

are partial to a bit of pampering these days.

He's got a good point.

Even I've started exfoliating.

I thought your skin was glowing, sir.

It's radiant. Can you get on with the CCTV, Chaudhry?

Right.

I got to go and do the worst part of the job.

Ah, school visit on drug safety?

No. Go and break the bad news to the widow.

Poor Barbara.

You've smartened up.

Nice lunch with a lady, was it?

I don't see it's any of your business.

Oh, come on.

Whose mam are you trying to get your leg over with this time?

You gutter-minded filth merchant.

Yes, I was enjoying an alfresco luncheon with a lady,

but it was merely a catch-up with my agent, Annabelle. Huh!

Got an acting job? Yes, there has been some interest.

Yes.

Magenta, the Mabinogion director?

Well, she's finally got in touch.

She's interested in me for a big Netflix series.

London Treason is a high-end drama set in Jacobean London.

Yes, I would play an ailing Shakespeare.

Oh, my God!

It sounds yawn, but great.

Netflix! Back in the big time.

Yes.

I'm not doing it.

What?

They want me to self-tape an audition.

Me?

Isn't that what you lot do?

I'm offer only.

I haven't done an audition per se since 2001.

Yes. Judge John Deed.

They went with Martin in the end. Their choice.

So you're just throwing your career away?

No, I have a career. This.

My police consultant work is far more rewarding.

This isn't your career,

just a hobby. You're helping me out.

I'm the inspired deducer here.

I have a lead.

Our victim hated Owen, and Owen vowed revenge. No.

I've just read Owen's file.

He's on this course for being forceful with a suspect.

Oh, he's preternaturally venal,

but he's hardly a criminal mastermind. No,

this was planned. It doesn't tally psychologically. It's...

Well, psychologically, Owen hated Phil,

and Phil ended up dead, so I'm questioning him.

All right. You enjoy your wild-goose chase

while I do some actual detective work.

Hopefully I'll have this solved by tea time.

BOTH BLOW RASPBERRIES

Oh, Janie, come on. Can I just sneak out?

I'm not mixed up in all of this.

I haven't left the front desk all day, not even for urgent stuff!

Look, once we've gone through the CCTV, you can be cleared.

HE GROANS It won't take long.

You can still make your flight, Cliff.

Ohh...

Right...

I need to talk to Owen alone.

Ohh, lucky me.

I'm going anyway. Thanks, Gemma.

Good chance to fill my water bottle. Oh, great idea.

What are you doing with that?

1km weighted-walking lunge.

You can lock me up, but you can't stop my gains.

Looks like I picked the wrong month to quit smoking.

Oi, that's the drugs amnesty bin!

What, round here? What, you got the local cartels

leaving their heroin in it?

For your information, there has been drugs in there.

Mainly Night Nurse, but...

..people are easily confused.

Is this going to take long? It's just a few questions.

This morning... No, no. This is giving me vertigo.

SIGHS

This morning, everyone left the course

for a tea break at 11.40.

Where did you go? No comment.

Did you go to the toilet? No comment.

If you're innocent, why don't you just tell me what you know?

No comment. Argh!

OK.

Are you staying in a nice hotel while you're here?

Travelodge. Why?

Are you chatting me up? I'm flattered.

Oh, why are you such an arse?

I might be an arse, right, but I'm an innocent arse.

If you were a half-decent detective,

you'd have realised who did it.

We're on the same side here.

We are not on the same side, sweetheart.

I am on the side of the proper police,

while you're with your little actor friend in fantasy land.

Believe me, my fantasy does not include

being in a sweaty police station with a pig like you.

Ah, pig.

I think that hurt my mental health.

Oh...

You're not going to tell me anything, are you?

No, I'm not.

Move, sparrow! OK!

What are you doing?

Ohh, Jesus.

I'm examining our victim -

his character, discrepancies, last hours on this mortal coil.

Hmm. Looks like you're having a nap.

Found anything juicy?

A couple of inconsistencies, yes.

Now, firstly, Phil sat at this desk.

Why?

Hearing-aid case in his jacket pocket,

and yet he chooses the desk furthest from the front.

He was sat at the front. He moved.

I thought it was to get away from Gemma.

Why would he want to get away from Gemma?

Her personality.

And she said she was ill.

Wanted to go home sick.

I just thought maybe he didn't want to catch it.

She came in and asked to go home rather than phone it in?

But...

Pertinent, Chapel?

Possibly.

I take it young Aisha sat here.

Charming girl, appreciates my skills... unlike some.

Now, did she and Phil seem close?

They kept going for coffee together. Well, he kept following her.

Interesting, Chapel.

SNIFFS

Hmm...

SNIFFS

You look like a dog. You're not going to wee on that, are you?

Oh, you five-year-old.

I'm actually doing some detective work,

despite being a mere hobbyist.

GROANS

Do you need a hand getting up?

No, thank you. I'm not an invalid.

I'm actually remarkably agile for my age.

Didn't it strike you as odd?

All that caffeine, with his heart?

Well, look, this mug is full.

And these two here

have been deposited into this tired pot plant.

Oh, I didn't notice. Quelle surprise.

How did you get on with Owen?

He's holding something back. He's being all smug,

like you when you know something I don't.

I'm actually quite wounded.

Well, you haven't got time to be wounded. Come on.

PHONE RINGS

Ah...

Dad! I know, I know, I meant to call you.

I wanted to see you too.

Can't it wait until tonight?

No, I can't leave.

I'm locked in an oven full of police officers.

Pigs in blankets. Very funny.

Well, I'll make it up to you tonight.

Bye.

Dad. Really?

I'd assumed it was an 11-year-old child,

the way you were placating them.

Is all this because he ditched you for that arts festival?

Absolutely not.

I've barely considered his flagrant act of cruelty.

I feel bad. I've really enjoyed getting to know him better,

but I keep brushing him off for work.

Surely he understands by now that your job is important.

What if I'm forcing him away?

He's your father, not a flighty teenager.

Right, now, I think I should take the lead

when we talk to Aisha.

We're not talking to Aisha.

We need to check in with Chaudhry on the CCTV.

Typical.

Wasting your time

when we've a real character inconsistency to investigate.

All right. Fine. You do it your way, I will do it mine.

Ah! Mr Chapel.

Coffee?

Love one!

Oh, is black OK? Fine.

I did actually want to pick your brains

as a disciple of psychological study.

Great! Thank you.

Wow.

I can't believe I get to watch you at work.

Oh, you don't mind if I take notes, do you?

Not at all. No. Mmm.

Nice. CLEARS HIS THROAT

Now, the method of murder is psychologically interesting.

Syringe, poison - often seen as a woman's method.

Miss Challoner? Hmm, not impossible,

but the murder does present logistical difficulties for her.

No, it's clever, but it does have the clumsy hallmarks of youth.

Gemma?

She's definitely psychologically unstable.

We trained at police college together.

She flipped out and tasered an instructor

on a training exercise.

Hmm. A little more volatile than our more measured method.

And no motive.

Yeah, but when we were all introduced this morning,

Phil thought he recognised her.

And who else is there?

Me?

I... I didn't even know Phil!

It's got to be Gemma.

Or Andy.

Our resident optimist? Hardly a killer.

Yeah, but on one of the tea breaks,

I heard Andy tell Phil,

"No hard feelings about what happened."

He's got to be your guy.

GRUNTS

Now, that is interesting.

Wait, you didn't suspect me at all, did you?

Well, people do tend to be quicker with the truth

when they feel backed into a corner, psychologically,

you see? Wow!

Seriously, you should be doing TED Talks.

No, no, no.

Possibly.

JANIE SIGHS

God, it's hot!

Yeah, I'm doing it.

I'm taking off the tank top.

Anything on Bryn Glas Manor?

Yeah, just got off the phone with them.

Phil was definitely staying there.

Damn.

Anything else?

They got a special offer next weekend.

40% off. 40%? Fancy a day at a spa?

I'd really like that, ma'am.

Great. Uh... Anything on the CCTV?

Yeah. Something very weird.

Today's footage isn't there.

It's just playing yesterday's. You see, I'm in my rain jacket.

Are you putting a sandwich wrapper

into the drugs amnesty bin?

Sorry, ma'am. I'll go check out the server room.

See if I can recover today's footage.

EXHALES

Yes.

FIONA CLEARS HER THROAT Ohh!

Sorry, ma'am.

I didn't see you.

Any updates I can report to the higher-ups,

or are you just fanning your baps?

Well, uh... Sorry.

Yeah.

Um, the investigation is ongoing.

MESSAGE ALERT

Oh, for f... Sorry. Um...

New lead. New lead on the case I have to chase.

HAMMERING ON DOOR

Surprise!

Ooh, bad vibes, man. Shh!

Get in there.

OK!

What the hell are you doing here?

Oh, I couldn't wait to tell you.

Got a phone call from an old friend, Julia.

She's a ceramicist. Wonderful spirit.

Please skip to the point. Well,

she needs somebody to look after her house in Portugal

for a year.

Right on the coast.

Prime surfing spot.

Great. I knew this would happen.

Barely back in my life two minutes and you're swanning off. No!

No, actually, I came to see if you fancied coming.

What, move to Portugal?

Just for a year.

Uh, no, it's a nice idea,

yeah, but... come on.

Yeah, it's a bit much.

I guess you're right.

I'll say no.

You're not going? No.

I want to make up for lost time. Oh...

Great. Yeah.

We will.

We will, but not now. Now you have to go.

Oh, yeah.

Out. Bad smell in here.

HAMMERING ON DOOR What is it now?!

What... is it now? It is you now!

I'm trying out a new way of speaking.

How was the widow?

Horrible.

It never gets easier.

Plus, I got the wrong house at first.

Told some poor woman her husband was dead,

and he walked through the door.

I thought you knew her! I haven't seen her for years.

I thought perhaps she'd changed her look.

Oh. Anyway, how are we getting on with the case?

It's still early stages, sir.

Well, luckily, I've done some proper detective work

and found a lead.

There's a link to Phil in Andy's past.

Really? What is it?

I don't know.

I was hoping you might look it up on your system.

I thought you didn't need me. Just look into it, you two!

If you'd be so kind.

Come on.

Two years ago, you were demoted and transferred.

The person that signed off on that decision

was one Phil Holmes.

What happened, Andy?

All right. Fine.

Yes, Phil did transfer me out, but he was right to.

Just after my partner, Gary, died.

Gary's dead?

I, um... I'm sorry, I didn't know.

I was a mess.

Everyone can master a grief but he that has it.

That's very nice.

Is it Pam Ayres?

Will Shakespeare.

Gary was the best partner you could hope for.

Then one day, a car crashed into us on the job.

I was lucky, but they tried everything

and there was nothing they could do for Gary.

I'm so sorry.

They didn't want to operate with him at his age.

How old was he?

17.

Gary was a teenager?

Yeah. And his back legs had gone.

He'd had arthritis for years.

Sorry, his back legs...?

Gary was a dog?

Yes, I was in the dog unit. Didn't I mention it?

No! No. Talk about burying the lede.

Er, no offence.

Look, I know it looks bad, but Phil did me a favour.

I couldn't stay in the dog unit.

PHONE BEEPS

Oh, Chaudhry wants to see us.

So yesterday's files have been wiped over today's deliberately,

but I'll see if there's a backup.

How could someone do that?

They'd have to have come in here and done it on the system.

That's interesting.

Yes. Yes, maybe, Chapel. Gemma, our young fitness freak.

Apparently, Phil seemed to recognise her

when they first met this morning.

Gemma's always been weird, ever since training college.

Oh. Does that mean you and Aisha trained together as well?

Yeah, we actually go way back.

She's great.

Oh, my God, you fancy Lanzetta!

What? No! No... No way, boss.

No, no. As if. As if.

There's... No. No way. What's she like, Chaudhry?

Didn't strike me as a typical police officer.

Much more open-minded than some.

She's super smart. You know those people

that don't even look at their phone when they watch telly?

Ah, the intelligentsia.

Hmm. She's really driven.

Her mum went to jail when she was a kid,

which made her full-on anti-crime. She's ace.

And single too.

Swit-swoo! Sorry.

That came out like an owl. No. No back-up on here.

Today's files have been totally wiped.

We don't need CCTV anyway.

All we need is our minds, motives and characters -

that will unpick this business. It's not all the clues.

Not necessarily.

What?

Nicotine gum wrapper. Gotcha.

Phil's killer went into the station server room

and changed the CCTV to cover their tracks.

Good for them. I'm happy for them.

This places you in the server room.

Oh, come off it. I don't even know where your server room is.

Someone's framing me.

Well, obviously. What?

If you took even a passing interest in character

rather than fixating on physical evidence,

you'd realise there's no way Owen is behind the CCTV.

Look at his tie.

Oh! Whoa, whoa. What about my tie?

Oh, forgive me, but it's hardly the cutting edge of fashion.

No, this is the man who hasn't tried anything new

since the '90s, yet we're supposed to believe

he's tech savvy enough

to transfer the CCTV files from one day to another?

Older men can be tech savvy.

I've watched you edit your Wikipedia page.

Maybe corrected a few untruths,

removed some of the more banal reviews.

Excuse me? As fun as this is to watch, can we get a wriggle on?

You're protecting a killer.

Someone who tried to put you behind bars.

And I think you know more than you're letting on.

So just spill the beans, buddy.

SIGHS

You're actually pretty perceptive, you two.

Annoying, mind.

Look, I know people think I'm a dinosaur,

but I'm a good cop.

I got the right brain for the job.

I remember details,

names, cases.

And this morning, I realised someone on the course

had a motive to get revenge on Phil.

Gemma!

Phil recognised her.

Oh, swing and a miss, Poirot.

No. Back in the day,

Phil arrested a young mum.

He could have let her off with a warning,

but Phil went by the book.

Young mum got sent down, lost her kids.

I remember the name.

Not a very common surname in Port Talbot.

You claimed you didn't know Phil,

but he was the officer that sent your mam to prison.

Bit of a coincidence.

So? Coincidences happen.

I had no idea he was the arresting officer.

Maybe not until this morning, Aisha.

That's why he kept following you to the kitchen.

He wanted to get you alone.

To apologise.

All right.

Yeah, he told me.

Pretty strong motive for murder.

Pretty strong, not actually.

Doesn't make sense.

I told him he didn't need to apologise.

Mam going to prison

was the best thing that happened to her.

She came out a changed woman.

Phil saved our family.

Why should we believe you?

Because it's the truth.

Look, are we done now?

My blood sugar's low, and I need a Coke

or you'll have another body on your hands.

Really hope she's not our killer.

I was going to set her up with Chaudhry.

Typical! Meddling in people's business.

If Chaudhry wants to ask her out,

he'll do it when he's ready.

Maybe he is ready and he doesn't know he's ready,

and he just needs that final push

because he's scared of rejection.

I do not audition.

Your acting is a gift.

I hate to see you waste that.

It's like when a Wetherspoons takes over a big old library.

Sorry? It's a waste!

That's why I want you to do the audition.

Because you're not a Wetherspoons, John Chapel.

You're a big old library.

That was a rather elegantly turned conceit... for you.

Thank you.

Less of the old, though!

You going off site again, sir?

No, Deliveroo's here.

Yeah. I thought we should feed our guests,

so I got curry in.

Curry?! It's 38 degrees.

Yeah. Cools you down.

Best thing in this heat.

Not joining us, Gemma?

Oh, that rubbish?

Nah.

Solids are for losers. Got a protein shake.

Recovery fuel.

Just uploading my walking lunge to my fitness tracker app.

You seem a lot better since this morning.

Be honest. You weren't ill, were you?

You only wanted to leave after Phil recognised you.

Fine. We knocked heads

about me claiming kettlebells on expenses.

Didn't want any atmos, so thought I'd shoot off.

I didn't kill him, though.

OK.

I'm going for a plank.

That's me and Gary in Pembrokeshire.

Oh, that was a great mini-break.

That's Gary's surprise birthday party.

All the other police dogs showed up.

And that's us on top of Snowdon...

SIGHS ..before the arthritis.

It's certainly a solace, photos,

when those we love pass.

You've experienced a traumatic loss, too?

Well, I have, Andy, that I have.

What breed?

Human.

Aw. He reminds me of my old partner.

He could lick his own balls, too.

That's really insensitive.

Oh, come on. It's funny.

Well, I still can't see the funny side.

I keep getting stuck on the part where I come round in hospital

and find my partner's gone,

because there's not enough money for his operation.

I didn't even get a chance to say goodbye.

But, I'm sure one day I'll find it funny.

Still, he could have said it was a dog.

PHONE RINGS

Baxter. Sorry, mouth full of naan.

Yeah. I'll keep this short cos I'm going to the darts.

Mmm. Any update on my victim?

Cause of death was heart failure.

He was definitely injected with a large dose of something.

Nothing that's showing up on the routine tests, though.

So I've sent off a blood sample for specialist testing.

I'll let you know when we get a hit.

Oh, thanks. Oh, while I've got you,

um, me and Chauds are planning a spa day.

It's 40% off, Bryn Glas Manor. Do you fancy it?

Hmm, I can't.

Barred from there.

How do you get barred from a spa?

People don't like the way I relax.

All right, then.

I'll bring you back some sandalwood body scrub.

Bye.

Once again, I have to say, you smell amazing.

It's sandalwood, isn't it?

If you say so. Smells just like the body scrub

they have at Bryn Glas Manor.

We called and confirmed you're booked in there,

as was Phil.

So? You two seem to stay at the same hotels a lot,

what with your affair.

For the tape, Miss Challoner just totally closed her eyes,

like people do when they've been caught out.

All right. We were seeing each other,

but I didn't kill Phil.

I loved the daft bugger.

But what about your marriage?

If it came out...

My marriage has been dead for years.

Then why carry on in secret, meeting Phil on awaydays?

It's the only time I could see him.

This job takes up every minute,

and the more senior you get,

the less life you get.

How do you...

..find time for your family?

You got kids? No. Just a needy dad

and a high-maintenance national treasure.

It's hard. I FaceTime the kids half an hour a week each.

What is the point climbing the ladder

if that's all you end up with?

We love the job.

That's why people like us do it.

You might not see your family all the time,

but that's what Christmas is for, isn't it?

Yeah.

Phil cheated on Barbara?!

I don't see Fiona as our killer, though. She loved Phil.

No. We're missing something obvious.

The method - injection.

It feels significant.

A statement.

A couple of important things for you, ma'am.

Firstly, the freezer on the first floor has a pack

of almond Magnums in it. Bagsy!

Get in! And secondly,

I've had Phil's phone records back.

He rang someone at Mid Wales Police HR this morning.

I've chased it up. It was for a file for Gemma Mason.

They're sending it over now. Gemma!

I don't know.

No, nor do I.

Where's the motive?

I mean, they crossed paths on a claim over kettlebells,

but you're hardly likely to kill a man

for being tight over expenses.

Unless...

Of course, Chapel!

Does that mean he knows who did it?

Yeah. Why doesn't he just say so?

Total drama queen.

What's going on? Can we go? Yep.

All free to go. Yes, everyone...

..except Phil's killer.

OK. That was actually, like, proper dramatic.

Yeah, if we could just hurry up, though.

I've got a flight in two hours,

and, uh, I might just still make it.

Let's begin at the beginning. Or the middle?

Phil came here knowing a secret about someone on this course.

I've already owned up about the affair.

I wouldn't kill him to keep it secret.

You and Phil?

Oh, naughty Miss Challoner.

Everyone knows two police employees can't be in a relationship.

Yes, they can. They just have to declare it.

Really? Yes. Of course. Oh.

Aisha, I declare I like you.

Do you want to go for a drink?

Yeah, I declare I do.

Right, so is she the killer?

No.

She lacks a true motive.

Unlike you, Gemma.

Phil recognised you earlier,

but he didn't know why.

It wasn't because of the kettlebells.

He remembered sometime this morning,

called HR and confirmed his hunch.

Your GP raised concerns over your suitability

to be a police officer due to your mental health.

An admin error meant that it wasn't acted upon.

You're not supposed to be on the force.

It was all bullshit.

I'm a cop. I have to be.

My dad was a cop. His dad was a cop.

His dad was... a decorator, but then his dad was a cop.

I'm a good cop.

You argued with him here,

threatened him.

It would look pretty bad after Phil was killed,

which is why you doctored the CCTV.

We went on your fitness app profile.

You logged a walking lunge earlier.

The GPS shows you stopped for three minutes

right about where the station server room is.

Long enough to replace the footage

and leave a nicotine gum wrapper to incriminate Owen.

I planted the odd bit of evidence in my time,

but to be on the other side of it?

Well, now I feel sullied.

Right. I've got an hour till my check-in closes.

I'm sweating like a glass-blower's arse.

Is she the killer?

No.

Oh, Jesus wept.

No!

This murder is all about revenge.

Oh, you don't still think it was me?

I told you I never wanted revenge.

No, you didn't, but somebody else did.

Andy.

Me? What for?

The bureaucrat that made the decision

not to pay for your old partner Gary's

life-saving operation.

That decision was made by Phil.

I didn't know.

Oh, you knew. It haunted you.

Then you were summoned to a training course

and you saw a familiar name would be there.

The man who had taken away your partner, had put him down.

Wait, Gary was a dog?

You would have got away with it

if you'd just whacked him over the head.

But, no, you wanted to make that murder special.

You wanted to put Phil down the way he'd put Gary down.

When the group took a tea break,

you took your chance and followed him...

..and you delivered the fatal blow.

Right, this is a very nice story.

I imagine you've got proof.

Your actions are proof enough.

You're guilt-ridden through your core,

like the writing in a stick of seaside rock.

So, no.

Um... What?

Let me think a minute.

Well, uh, fun as this has been,

I really should be getting home.

Crufts is on in an hour. Oh, God.

Balls to Crufts!

You can't let him leave.

He did it.

I know he did it.

Well, then, you need to have proof, don't you?

Lucky for you, I do.

Crufts is going to have to wait, Andy.

Mr Chapel doesn't always think

that physical evidence is very important.

Fortunately, he has a partner who knows how to build a case.

Pathology didn't turn up much at first.

We didn't know where to start.

But results came in 15 minutes ago.

Phil overdosed on xylazine.

It's a sedative, commonly used on dogs.

Doesn't prove anything.

Where would I even get this sedative?

Vets' are broken into all the time.

The one in Abergota was broken into last week.

And guess who was one of the officers

who was called out?

Ta-da!

Easy enough to help yourself.

Good point.

And what am I supposed to have done with this sedative?

I've not left the building, and it's not on me.

Good point.

Yeah, I was pretty stumped at first, but then I realised -

where's the obvious place to put drugs

that wouldn't raise suspicion?

The drugs amnesty bin.

The label confirms it was from the vet's,

fingerprints on the syringe,

and I'm pretty sure forensics

will be able to match Phil's DNA.

Undoubtedly.

Just as I suspected.

Mm.

He killed my best friend.

GROANING

Get him out of my sight!

Take him down to the station.

We're already here.

Oh, yeah. I mean, the cells.

Lock him up.

Sad, innit?

So... so sad.

Well. I'm off.

See?

Very clever.

Oh, Janie? Good work out there.

Thanks.

Oh, and, um, sorry for exposing your affair.

It's fair enough. And I mean it - good work today.

I'll have to keep an eye out for you.

I can see you ending up at the top, like me.

Great.

You headed home now?

No.

Got to go and brief the media,

then away to a conference tomorrow.

Means I'll miss my daughter's birthday.

But 19? I mean, it's not that special, is it?

PHONE RINGS

Dad?

No. Just finished.

Yeah. We can catch a few waves.

Um...

Uh, no. Just a load of paperwork.

But it can wait.

Yeah. I want to see you.

Also, Dad, I've been thinking...

My lady. Thank you.

Shall we?

Aw!

You waited for me.

I need a lift home.

They're sweet.

Just think, if he hadn't asked her out,

he'd still be wondering what if...

Oh...

Point made.

Yes, with all the delicate nuance of a bin lorry.

I'll do the audition. Really?

Nice one, John Chapel.

Yes, well, maybe you had a point.

I am not a Wetherspoons.

No.

Hmm.

Aw...

They really are cute.

Well, I thought if you weren't too busy,

we could have a celebratory coffee.

Toast yet another brilliant success.

Toast me solving the case and saving your arse, more like.

That's preposterous!

I was the one who worked out the revengeful drives

of our surprisingly deceitful perpetrator,

and you... looked in a bin!

And nailed our killer.

Anyway, I would love to come

for a celebratory cortado with you,

but I'm going surfing with Dad. You can come, if you like.

I'll pass on the sandy crack, if that's all right.

Yes. Though, um, I did try surfing once.

I looked like I was rutting an ironing board.

Well, we should do something soon, because, um,

I've actually got some news.

Dad has asked me to go to Portugal with him.

Two weeks in the Algarve with your pale skin?

You'll burn up on entry.

No, no, it's for a year.

Yeah, I'd have to take a sabbatical.

HE LAUGHS

How did he take that, when you told him no, then?

Uh...

Well, I actually just said yes.

I'd have to tell Clarke to make it official, but, um...

I'm going to do it. Right.

Yeah.

Right. Well, let's get you home.