Original subtitles

Caerfedw Castle, 1296 -

the turbulent epicentre of buzzing tensions

between an ambitious England,

with its sights set on these hills,

and a fierce Wales, determined to fight them.

Tensions that led to war.

The bloody battle lasted 14 days.

The Welsh, having repelled the English,

faced an even greater foe...

..fire!

The great fire of 1296 destroyed the town of Caerfedw

and reached the castle walls,

but the castle stood firm,

and still stands to this day.

BIRD CAWS

Eddie! Home time!

Edsie, I'll nick your car if you don't come out!

Eddie!

Can't we just leave him, Pol-o?

No, I have to sign you all out.

Rules are rules.

Gah, typical Eddie!

He's gone AWOL to ruin my hot date.

Eddie! But it won't work.

The stuff I've been texting this bloke, he'll wait!

I really think, with my status,

I should be exempt from any rules.

Eddie! I've been on Question Time, for God's sake.

Yeah, me too.

This is affecting my mental health. Found him!

Right, keep him there because I'm gonna kill him!

Uh, I don't think you need to.

Wait... Wait, what?

What the hell is going on?

What's going on? BIRD CAWS

Over here.

Oh, my God!

Eddie! Oh, my God!

Eddie!

INDISTINCT CHATTER

What a mess!

All this because of a rave.

Must have been a hell of a rave.

Wasn't a rave for our victim, though. Wasn't a rave at all.

I'll stop saying "rave".

It was a good one, though.

Proper old-school acid house,

Paul Oakenfold vibe.

So I heard.

So that's where you were on Saturday night!

I thought we were going to have a Cluedo marathon.

If you staying in my spare room is going to work out,

the words Cluedo and marathon

are never happening together.

All right!

Baxter, Mallowan.

Caerfedw Castle, eh?

Had some great days out with the girls here.

First place my Kayleigh ever said

she wished she was adopted.

HE CHUCKLES

Good afternoon, DI Mallowan, ma'am.

Whoa! You don't have to call me ma'am.

I might be a DI now,

but I'm still regular old J-Dog.

No, no offence, but you can't pull off being a J-Dog.

I think I can.

So, who have we got?

Oh, Eddie Morris, owner of a local car dealership.

He was here doing community service.

Suicide?

Most likely a fall or push.

Won't know more till the PM.

What was he doing on the top of the castle tower

when he should be down here clearing the rubbish?

I can answer that. His phone was found up there.

Must have gone up to get a signal.

Well, fingers crossed for an open-and-shut fall

cos we've got the pub quiz tonight. You coming?

Not with this and the three-foot pile of reports on my desk.

That's the greasy pole, Mallowan.

The more you climb it, the harder you work.

Take it from me.

I've had a lifetime climbing the pole.

Then how come you've got time to go to pub quizzes?

Because I'm right at the top of the greasy pole,

where it's no longer greasy.

In fact, it's sticky at the top of the greasy pole.

It's the bit between the top and the bottom

that's greasy and hard.

All right? Yeah. Mm.

I'm going back to the station.

How did you get on with the witnesses?

Mixed bag. The big bloke, Warren, he doesn't say much

and he really scares me.

And is he still staring at me?

Uh, yeah. Yeah, he's really staring at you.

Now, I need you to find out

why Eddie Morris was doing community service.

I already know that.

I was the arresting officer.

Public order offence.

Eddie and his ex-wife Sally.

That's her sitting down over there.

They vandalised each other's houses,

pressed charges for criminal damage on each other

rather than back down.

Well, find out her movements. On it, ma'am...

J-Dog, ma'am. JANIE CHUCKLES

A prominent community figure.

Hmm, yes.

People like that accumulate enemies on the way to the top.

Yes, Chapel. Jealousy? Maybe.

So does that mean you do or you don't

want shepherd's pie tonight?

I do.

HE GRIZZLES

It's Caerfedw Castle.

I did a little promotional video for them once, yeah.

The result was considered ground-breaking.

Well, so I believe. Um, you know...

SHE CHUCKLES

I used to take Janie there when she was little.

Oh, yeah?

Why don't we ask her round for dinner tonight?

That's a good idea.

You'd be wasting your breath, of course. She'll say no.

Can't keep ignoring her own mother.

Well, I think you're underestimating

the depth of her pig-headedness.

Well, her determination.

Sorry.

It is you, isn't it?

Caesar.

John Chapel.

Caesar's the name of the character.

I didn't recognise you with that goatee, ha.

Oh, it does lend the jawline,

I suppose, a certain strength, yeah.

Yes, it gives you a chin! SHE CHUCKLES

Pfft! Eh?

Oh, you'd better run... Oh!

..or you're going to be late for Linda.

Oh, they got my muffin wrong!

No. No, that was me.

I know you wanted the blueberry,

but I got you the brown one because, deep down,

from a truly character point of view,

you know you'd regret the blueberry one.

Bye-bye. Now...

..text me, won't you, when you get to Linda's?

You let me know you're safe, Vonny.

PHONE RINGS

Oh.

Well, well, well.

I thought you might need my help.

I don't need his help!

If you're right, and this is a murder,

we should have our official consultant helping!

But I thought you couldn't stand him.

I can't. That thing he does when you can't tell

if he's talking to you or himself,

like an Uber driver - very annoying.

Oh, thank you.

Then how come you've changed your tune?!

Because my boss thinks it's a good idea.

Look, part of being senior is,

if you think your boss's ideas are good ideas,

you get this wonderful thing called a quiet life.

But I can't work with him!

It's been three months.

Can't you two patch things up?

He crossed a line!

How would you feel if he was sleeping with your mam?

I'd be mortified. She's been dead since 2015!

Why would you even suggest that?!

Can you give us a minute, please, Mr Chapel?

Certainly, Chief Inspector.

I'm supposed to be in charge now.

Let me lead this my way!

Yes, you're in charge.

But we still haven't filled your DS role,

so we're short here.

He's helped us a lot in the past, so suck up the order.

Greasy pole.

That'll be all!

Not bad, my dear Chaudhry.

Don't get too close, Chaudhry.

He'll only shag your mam.

Oh! Oh, I've missed that rapier wit.

Glad you're here, ma'am.

We've had forensics back on Eddie Morris's phone.

There were no fingerprints on it, not even Eddie's.

Someone must have wiped it to cover their tracks.

It has to be murder. This is huge!

Mildly interesting at best.

Typical.

Focusing on curious objects, ignoring motives.

One other interesting thing about Eddie's phone -

he shouldn't have had it on him.

The group are only allowed them at lunch.

He took it because he urgently needed to get

in contact with somebody?

Possibly, Chapel. Yeah, possibly.

Chaudhry, get on to his phone provider,

see if we can find out who his last call was to.

Will do. Oh, Eddie's bank accounts show he had big money troubles.

Apparently, he was stalling on the divorce.

Now Sally gets everything - and the house.

Right!

Well, how's that for a pretty big motive?

No.

Sally wouldn't kill Eddie.

Completely out of character.

Look at the arrests.

Both could easily have backed down from their war.

It would have saved them the indignity of criminal charges,

but, look, they carried on because they needed their arguments.

They needed each other.

It'd take more than money for Sally to kill her soulmate.

Yeah, well, maybe he bonked her mam!

Oh, now you're just being childish.

You know, we could talk about this,

but, no, no, that's not your style.

If it wasn't Sally, then who was it? How do I know?

I need to find out more about the group members,

what drives them, their secrets, their motives,

their assignations.

Chaudhry! Mm?

Get on to Probation and the Super.

See if we can get Mr Chapel signed up to

the Community Payback group.

Do what?

If it gets you closer to the group and out of my hair -

win-win.

Playing a criminal?

It's against type.

It's often a big plus.

Might be a chance to revisit the physiological intricacies

that I applied to my revelatory Tartuffe at the Almeida.

Shave the goatee first.

You want to look dodge, but not that kind of dodge.

Good note. Right, I'm off.

And tell Mam I'm not coming for dinner.

It'll only taste of betrayal.

It's shepherd's pie.

Great - now you've taken

Mam's shepherd's pie from me, too!

HE SIGHS

Well, I'm not proud of my actions. Defacing a speed camera?

What motivated me?

Well, I'd just had enough of living in the surveillance culture.

Yeah, didn't ask, mate. Quite right, yes.

Man cannot be observed 24/7 by a faceless state.

We live in the free world, don't we? Not a panopticon!

Right, I understood about half of that.

Here's your tabard, love. Oh.

Now, before we start, I want to give everyone another chance

to own up about what happened.

What, Eddie? He fell, didn't he?

No, my missing mug!

If it's on that table by the end of the day,

there'll be no questions asked. DOOR CLOSES

It has sentimental value.

Sorry, sorry. Car trouble.

Car still stink of arses?

There is still an unpleasant smell, yes, Liam.

I spent all morning trying to get to the bottom of it.

I'm stumped.

I can nick you a new one if you want.

No, you can't, Liam.

And it's lucky you're not 30 seconds later, Angela,

or there'd be a red sticker.

Would have broken our perfect streak.

Red sticker?

Attendance chart.

I used to use them in teaching.

Right! We'd best get going if we're going to have this place

up and running for half term!

Yes, John Chapel. Hi. Do you fancy buddying up?

No. Right.

Well, we can just chat, then.

No. No? All right, great.

Well, thanks for the talk.

It was illuminating. JOHN CHUCKLES

Oh, I wouldn't get on the wrong side of Wozza.

I heard he's in here for killing a bloke.

Community service for murder?

Oh, yeah. No, it weren't true. He got done for shoplifting.

But still, if there's rumours going round you killed someone,

you must be nails.

Oh, well, good to know that, uh...?

Liam. You're famous, aren't you?

Well, I spent some time in the public eye, yeah.

Actually, Liam, do you think you could humour me for a second?

Would you say you're more familiar with me

as a theatre actor or film and TV star?

Nah, I recognise you from your dead video.

Oh. It's been doing our heads in. Right.

I'm actually surprised that you came in today.

I heard there was a... death.

Yeah, they made us come in.

Proper shook us all up, though, especially Ange.

Really? Yeah.

She wanted to do a runner before the feds turned up.

Th-That's interesting. Hmm, yes.

Ooh, no. Now, this is actually a good bit.

VIDEO PLAYS IN BACKGROUND

No, we haven't got time for this.

..and farewell, King!

Oh, careful!

You're splashing Red Bull on my Jimmy Choos!

Oh, my apologies.

I'm so... I'm just new to all this.

I was hoping we might pair up, you know?

Yeah. Angela Vaughan, MS for South Carmarthen.

Oh. HE CHUCKLES

I'm well aware of your reputation, Minister.

No, it's an honour to meet you, truly.

It's an honour.

It's good to have someone else here that's in the public eye.

Well, I only hope we haven't fallen too far from grace.

Aren't you here because you crashed your car into a...

Into a holiday home?

Only the front wall.

It was a protest.

You know, those rentals are stopping decent local people

from living in their own communities.

And I thought,

"Well, if they can destroy local Welsh communities,

"I can destroy their retaining walls."

Mm, that was quite good.

I'll have to remember that for the News At Six.

It's made you quite the local hero.

Well, I'm only here to do my time,

but it has been quite good for me,

you know, to actually get to know

some real salt-of-the-earth people.

If we're so salt of the earth,

how come you wore a stab vest in your first week?

It was a reinforced thermal gilet.

WOZZA SCOFFS Yeah, right.

I only hope you don't get caught up

in the scandal of this death yesterday.

Hardly knew Eddie.

How come you kept talking about your body all the time, then, huh?

Yeah. It's rank!

My... My bodywork!

Ooh! Eddie had his mechanics repair the bodywork of my car

after the crash, that's all.

Right.

If there was a scandal about the whole affair,

Eddie and young Liam kept going off together.

Very odd.

Yeah.

PHONE RINGS

Charles Caesar.

Kindly spare me the pleasantries and cut to the chase.

Can I turn this off?

Yeah, I only had it on cos I was waiting for Downton.

So what do you want to know?

Uh, well, I'm just following up on your husband's de...

Oh, you've left the teabag in!

Sorry. This... This must be a very difficult time for you.

They've given me leave from community service -

compassionate grounds.

I was thinking I might go to Alicante, process the grief.

There's some good deals on.

Alicante? Er, you can't go swanning off to Portugal.

Spain. I was going to say Spain.

No, um... SHE CLEARS HER THROAT

This is a suspicious death, you know.

You can't leave town.

Typical bloody Eddie, ruining my plans even when he's dead!

SHE SNIFFLES

Sorry.

SHE SIGHS

I did love him.

And I hated him.

We were like Taylor and Burton.

God, we knew how to row.

But the make-up sex - pfft! - another level.

You don't have to tell me.

Like two cats in a sack, just going at it.

Neighbours banging on the walls.

Hours, we'd be going for.

Sh... And I'm not talking standard missionary.

This was top-shelf stuff. Moving on...

The fallout that led to your arrest must have been bigger than normal.

What happened?

Sorry, sorry.

SHE SIGHS

We were selling the house

when Eddie suddenly decided he wanted a bigger cut.

Said he was skint.

You thought he was lying? I know he was lying.

I caught him out.

His Amazon account still delivers here,

and last week, a package turned up from some ski-wear company.

Skint Eddie Morris can afford to go skiing?

If he was here now, I'd bloody kill him.

SHE SNIFFS

I didn't kill him.

I just wish I'd made things up before...

Some things are hard to forgive.

And now he's dead.

And all that rowing seems so stupid now.

Sorry. No, it's...

Shh... SHE SNIFFS

Try and take your mind off Eddie.

Yeah.

Why don't I pop on the radio? Yeah. Um...

JINGLE PLAYS

Oh, yeah. RADIO STOPS

SHE SOBS, SNIFFLES

PHONE RINGS

Chaudhry!

Thought you'd want to hear this.

We've had Eddie Morris's phone records back.

Any news on who he called before he died?

There was one call at 2.40pm to Eddie Morris Autos.

Great.

Thanks, Chaudhry.

I'll, uh, get down to Eddie Morris Autos right now.

Oh, I love that advert.

We haven't got time for this. Sorry, ma'am.

Ah, the honest sweat of rehabilitative work,

giving back productively for our wrongs,

laying a redemptive brick in the wall of society.

For was it not Keats that said, "Ah, happy, happy bough"?

Polly, can I punch the new bloke?

He's really getting on my nerves.

No, you can't, Warren.

I don't care how annoying he is, you play nice.

What are you in for, mate?

Gang stuff. You wouldn't get it.

Oh, I do.

When Caesar went up against Lewis on ITV,

it was tribal.

But then ten million viewers against 7.2...

HE INHALES ..I'll leave you to be the judge

who won that particular gang war.

Although Kevin is a dear friend,

so keep that under your hat, will you?

I'm talking, like, serious gang war zone stuff.

Where I'm from, it's always kicking off.

Where's that, then? The tough side of Cardiff?

Abergavenny.

See, I'm from the east side.

That's, uh, everything east of Argos.

I think I saw reports of that on Newsnight, yeah.

Yeah, the thing is, though, right,

this west side kid called Connor was mouthing off

in the kebab shop on the east side,

so I punched him.

Well, I punched his bike, but, like, really hard.

Ah, well,

we're all paying our dues now, aren't we?

Except for Eddie, of course.

You and he were, um, close?

More than just friends?

Is that why you went off together?

I didn't think anybody knew.

I don't know what it was about him.

I just get this thing for older men.

Actually feeling it pretty strongly for you right now.

Oh, right. Um...

Well, I'm flattered, but...

You're pulling my leg, aren't you?

Yeah, I nearly had you, though.

Admit it. Yeah... JOHN CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY

He just helped me out, like. Job interview training.

We were allowed. Polly said we could.

You were thinking about your career prospects?

Got to turn my life around.

Mam sees me going out every morning.

She knows all it takes is some west side kid with a grudge,

and I'm coming home in a body bag.

So sad about Eddie.

We've paid our respects in a classy way.

Balloons.

Plus, we're knocking 395

off all second-hand hatchbacks in Eddie's memory.

Ah, great. Um...

Now, on the afternoon of Eddie's death,

he rang here at 2.40pm.

We think that was important.

He did, but that was just about the rotas for today.

He'd given our security guard tonight off,

and then decided to put 'em back on.

Right mess.

Well, I'm going to need Eddie's diary,

and if you have access to his office safe,

anything from there.

I'll be just a minute.

Ooh.

Nee-naw, nee-naw, nee-naw, nee-naw.

Stop! HORN BLARES

Um...

SHE CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY Good horn.

There you go.

Diary. Safe didn't have much in.

Uh, logbook for an SUV.

No idea why he was keeping that there.

And a big Fruit & Nut bar.

I'm going to need to take all that in as evidence,

especially the Fruit & Nut.

Um, before I go,

can you think of anyone that might want Eddie dead?

Pfft! Back in the day,

Clive Ball at Ball Motors over in Abercadi.

But Clive's been dead eight years.

Anyone alive?

There was that one bloke at his community service.

The big fella - Warren.

Eddie Morris is the reason why Warren's here.

He saw him stealing from an antique shop

and made a citizen's arrest.

A bit out of character, isn't it, for the Incredible Hulk?

We'd better have a word with him. No, I'd better.

Look, he's in there, and I don't need your help,

you... high-vis mother-stealer.

Oh, look, come on.

You can't stay in this...

What is it your mother calls it?

A pwdi. I'm not in a pwdi!

Yes, you are. You're pwdi-ing!

No! I'm going!

JOHN SIGHS

Eddie's the reason why you're here.

Why didn't you tell us? You didn't ask.

Uh, private meeting here!

Uh, not having your lot

interview one of my fellow offenders on his own.

You'll twist things, deceive.

Oh, that's rich coming from you.

Do you two know each other? No. No. No.

No, I just want to look out for you,

Warren, mate. Yeah, I...

I've been through the system. I know what it's like.

If I let you stay, will you shut up?

So, did you see Eddie on the morning of his death?

No.

Uh... He'd been off with Liam.

Practising job interview techniques.

Very magnanimous of Eddie, I would say.

Well, they stopped helping us, but Polly has her favourites.

Liam gets away with murder.

She let him swan in at noon when he slept in once,

gave him the best litter-picker.

She used to give me that litter-picker.

That lunchtime, do you know if Eddie was out of sorts

with anyone in the group?

I don't know. I have lunch in the back office.

I like to be alone.

"Solitude sometimes is best society." John Milton.

Just don't want anyone stealing my Hula Hoops,

so stay away from my Hula Hoops.

..Fire!

But that was weird.

Last week, I came in here

and I found Eddie on his own staring at that video.

It's like he was transfixed.

Just out of curiosity, the shoplifting

at the antique store - what did you steal?

Just a Japanese vase.

They couldn't sell it. It was broken anyway.

So why steal it? Cos I like nicking things.

Look, I didn't like Eddie.

I don't really like anyone.

I sense you're warming to me. I can't stand you.

But it didn't matter. Eddie was leaving anyway.

I heard Polly on the phone

with the probation services the other day.

She was going to get him transferred to another group.

I'm going now.

DOOR CLOSES

You asked to have Eddie removed from the group.

Firstly, why?

Secondly...

..why?

He and Sally were doing my head in.

Too disruptive.

One minute, Sally's threatening to chop his meat and two veg off,

the next she's flirting and bringing him in special lunches.

It's like being a teacher.

You get a pair of teenagers split up,

emotions all over the place,

the whole class becomes a write-off.

How come you left teaching behind?

The same reason everyone does -

hours, paperwork, stress.

I mean, this lot might be criminals,

but they're a walk in the park compared to 30 Year 11s.

Now, I really do have to get on.

Right, let's get back to the visitor centre,

see what Warren's really doing in that back office.

Let's go. All right.

Oh, it's locked. That's interesting.

SHE SNIFFS

Is it me, or does it smell a bit...

..farty in here? Oh, how incredibly puerile.

Even... Phew! HE SNIFFS

Yeah, it smell a bit farty, doesn't it?

Or is it fishy?

Ooh, someone not wanting to leave fingerprints.

Ugh! SHE SNIFFS

Ugh! Fishy-farty!

Phwoar! Ugh!

What the hell's been going on in here?

Open that! What? Oh, all right.

OK, yeah. Don't touch my...

Well, don't get it in... OK. Oh.

BOTH GROAN

I'll get that sent to the lab, see if it links to Eddie.

Shall we compare notes later? At my place?

Got your Bourbons in.

All right, fine.

PHONE CHIMES

Ooh, that's Baxter.

PM's in.

Cause of death is head injury from the fall.

A couple of interesting things.

Firstly, the killer slipped up,

left their ID in Eddie's pocket.

What? Joking.

But it was definitely murder.

Defence wounds on the arms, a couple of scratch marks.

Sent samples for testing.

Great. Anything else?

Yeah. There was a rash all over his body.

Ugh! Yeah, it looks like an allergic reaction or something.

Weird. Why...

Are you keeping your granola here?

Oh, yeah.

Well, someone kept eating it at home, so...

Well, someone was starving and hadn't had time to go to the shops.

It's still not someone's granola, is it?

Six quid a box, that is!

Six quid a box? What's in it, diamonds?

All right, all right. I'll buy my own granola.

Thank you.

Oh, are you in tonight?

There's a new reality show on.

Looks right up our street.

Love Prison, right?

Eight couples are sent to prison,

but here's the twist - the guards are hot.

God, sounds really good, but I can't.

I've got to go and see a colleague.

HE INHALES DEEPLY

HE EXHALES NOISILY

Oh, God, what's happening?

Well, it's yoga's Lion's Breath pose. Well, a bit of a warning.

I thought you were having a stroke! I'm decompressing!

Spending all day in character is incredibly taxing, actually.

Being me, but not me...

Well, if you're done decompressing,

do you want to come and help me with this murder?

HE GROANS

Shake it out!

What do you reckon to this rash over Eddie's body?

Baffling but trivial, from a character perspective.

Uh, doesn't speak of any motive.

All right, rude.

Sally had the most to gain,

but we now have Warren with a motive - revenge.

Warren is certainly interesting. Yeah.

He's hiding something behind the hard-man exterior.

What do you make of Liam?

Well, he presents himself as a menace to society,

but it's all a front. There's a quick mind there.

And the fact that he wanted job interview coaching

shows that he's interested in turning his life around.

That seems weird to me.

Polly letting Liam and Eddie skive off to do interview coaching.

As Warren says, she did have her favourites.

But it's unfair.

Have you ever known a teacher to be like that?

It's totally out of character.

Yes, that's very true.

Seems like my antenna has rubbed off on you.

This could be a real crack in the case! Mm.

It feels good doing this again, doesn't it? Yeah.

But things can't go back to how they were.

Not after what you did.

HE SIGHS I did try not to.

I'm sorry you're hurt,

but I didn't think I'd have the chance

to feel like that about another person again.

Whoa, you've got feelings for Mam?

Of course. She's not just another notch on my bedpost.

She makes me feel alive again. She's opened me up!

But I am sorry how it came about.

No, truly.

I'm sorry for pwdi-ing,

and for spreading those rumours about you online...

..about your unhealthy interest in animals.

What? SHE GIGGLES

Let's see what we can find tomorrow, shall we?

Mm, yeah, better not be late

or I'll land myself a red sticker.

Of course.

Ooh! That's why Polly let them do it!

You let Eddie slack off because he threatened to expose you.

Absolutely not.

This group has perfect attendance,

but I know from Warren that Liam turned up hours late one morning.

You marked him down as being here when he wasn't,

and that's a disciplinary offence!

Bloody hell. Who's talking here?

John Chapel or Charles Caesar?

It's none of your business.

I beg to differ! I'm here to be rehabilitated.

The person leading that should be morally unquestionable,

an example to the rest of us.

Liam's a nice boy!

If I'd reported his absence, he'd be chucked out.

That's not your call to make.

Yes, but I know how this plays out.

I've taught 100 Liams.

A bit ADHD, a bit dyslexic,

but he can't get any help because of the waiting lists.

But Eddie found out what you did

and saw an opportunity.

Yes, I didn't like it,

but at least he was doing something good.

Now, I've got a lot to do before we get cracking,

so goodbye.

This rather changes the complexion of the case.

What were Eddie and Liam really getting up to?

I'd better catch up with them.

Here you are.

Hey. JOHN CHUCKLES

Warren. Thank you.

Liam. Hiya, guys.

Sally! We didn't expect to see you!

I found being at home too hard.

Also, I heard there was a new famous member

and I wanted a selfie.

John Chapel. I'm so sorry for your loss.

It's been really tough, John. Thank you.

Here. Oh, welcome back, Sally.

Like the new hairdo.

This?

Yes, well, I'm having to drive with the window down

at the minute. Smell's gotten worse.

Might have to get rid of the Range Rover.

I'm one of Wales's most prominent politicians.

My car has to be a reflection of me.

Well, I'm sure Eddie would have done you a special deal.

Are you sure you're all right to work?

Oh, Polly. I just wanted to see a friendly face.

SHE TUTS Oh.

Yeah, I just needed to see a friendly face...

It's an interesting castle, this, isn't it, eh? Oh, yeah.

Do you know it actually dates back to 11...

..55? Yeah.

Ha-ha.

It's well old, innit? It's Norman, actually.

Polly's been teaching me all about the history.

Are you into history, then? Oh, no, not really.

I mean, I hated it at school, but, uh...

..the castle's pretty cool. Yeah, well, it's good to have interests.

I mean, it's a thirst for knowledge!

Do you think you might get into history?

I mean, there's plenty of careers in heritage, you know.

Never really thought about it, Chaps.

Where do you see yourself in five years?

You must have some future goals.

Well, these really are the sort of questions

you should have answers for,

after days of interview training with Eddie.

..Fire!

Well, of course, the effects are almost primitive now.

They look, you know...

But I think there's a sort of retro feel to it

that adds a certain arthouse quality to the piece.

Very Roger Corman.

Mm.

Oh, just doesn't taste the same.

I wish your Caesar were on the case.

He'd find my mug. Yes,

but I'm not sure the channel would have been entirely keen

on an episode about a mug theft.

Mind you, you never know, given the current levels of banality

in most mainstream TV drama. PHONE RINGS

Uh, I just need to take this somewhere private.

Radio Cymru want to talk to me about my brave crusade.

Their words. Don't touch my sushi.

Typical politician, that one, eh?

Oh.

Can't trust 'em as far as you can throw 'em.

Oh, she's proper two-faced, John.

Yeah, yeah.

Someone should take her down a peg or two.

What was it, prawns or cheese?

Prawns.

Aha! I thought it was you who put the smell in her car.

No, hang on a minute.

All right, fine.

I just wanted to get my own back.

Same way you got your own back on Eddie, yeah.

I thought it was odd when Polly said

that you made him a special lunch and he got covered in a rash.

What was it, uh, allergy?

Soy.

Mm.

They both deserved it. Oh.

What happened, Sally, hmm?

Last few weeks, me and Eddie had been getting closer.

I mean, the spark was still there.

Eddie was like a lit firework.

I knew I shouldn't go back there,

but I always did. And then - bang?

Oh, we always banged. No.

I meant fireworks. You know? Bang!

And then last week, I'm driving down the lanes

and I see Eddie's car parked up in the lay-by,

the lay-by where people get up to things, if you know what I mean.

Uh, h-how does getting revenge on Angela come into this?

Well, I slowed down at Eddie's car,

and she was in the passenger seat next to him.

OK, Eddie and I were having an affair.

That's why we'd meet up in his car.

Tell me, is it in the politician job description

having to lie your arse off?

Uh, my client is an upstanding citizen,

here voluntarily.

A national hero.

And a weaver of lies!

That was a bit intense, but, no,

you met up with him because of this.

For the tape, I have just shown the suspect

the logbook from Eddie's safe for her Range Rover.

He had my logbook because he had repaired my car.

The car you drove into a wall in your protest

against holiday lets, your national crusade.

I don't want to resort to sound bites,

but, yes, I really felt the hand of history on that wheel.

That's not how the neighbour's Ring doorbell would describe it.

I looked.

You were doing your mascara and veered off the road.

Well, uh, whether that's true or not,

I don't see what that's got to do with my logbook.

You'd do anything for Wales, wouldn't you?

Except live in it.

Right here, under the address.

You live in London.

I know - it's not a crime living in London.

A pint costs £9. That is a crime.

But it's a bad look, isn't it, for a Member of the Senedd?

All that banging on about how much you love Wales,

but you can't bear to live in your own constituency.

I love my constituency.

But I also really love

being able to go and see Hamilton midweek.

I like sushi, experimental theatre, getting in a taxi

with a driver who doesn't know about my cystitis

because his mam works the desk.

That is actually quite fair.

And like I said, it's... not a crime.

But murder is!

Eddie found out and blackmailed you,

so you silenced him.

Let me be clear.

No comment.

Well, I'd love it to be her,

but I just don't think she's our killer.

No, no, no. We need to get back to character, motives.

I think young Liam's the key to this.

Why would Eddie go out of his way to get him out of work, as well?

The idea of any benevolence there is too out of character.

Everything Eddie did in the run up to his death

is out of character, though. How so?

Moving shifts around at the car showroom,

suddenly taking an interest in skiing,

transfixed by your naff history film.

"Naff"?

It was unique and innovative.

Oh, maybe the fire special effects were of their time, but...

Wait. That's it.

But why?

HE GIGGLES

I know who did it.

And whilst I don't want to make this about me,

I feel this castle, like myself,

has had its honour restored and can stand proud again.

APPLAUSE Lovely. Thank you.

And from one opening, now it's time for closure

on who murdered Eddie Morris.

Wait, are you one of us or one of the feds?

I'm many things to many people, Liam.

Elusive, protean, you might say.

He's a police consultant with a verbal diarrhoea problem.

Now, what do we really know about Eddie Morris?

We know he needed money.

Eddie tried to solve his money problems

by blackmailing Angela.

I have already said on the record I didn't pay it.

You weren't banging each other?

Of course not. I have standards. What's that supposed to mean?

Now, Eddie was desperate,

then something at the visitor centre gave him an idea - the video.

"The Welsh, having repelled the English,

"had to face an even greater foe - fire!"

The initial script said "flames". HE CHUCKLES

So we messed about with it on the day

and we came up with "fire"! Ahem.

It works much better, I think.

The fire gave Eddie the idea of burning down his car showroom.

The insurance pay-out would solve all of his problems.

Yes, that's why he changed the rotas -

so there'd be no security guard.

Eddie loved his showroom. He'd never burn it down.

Also, he was a real coward.

Well, this is true.

But where better to find a willing criminal

than in a group of criminals...

..Liam?

There was no interview coaching.

You were planning the job together.

Eddie wanted you to start the fire.

He even bought you a ski mask,

so you wouldn't get caught on CCTV.

But you got cold feet, didn't you?

Yeah.

I didn't want to do it.

I Googled arson. You can go to prison for ages.

Eddie wouldn't take no for an answer.

Yeah, but I never killed him! I'm not even hard!

I like castles! Oh, you didn't kill Eddie.

Your actions spoke of rehabilitation.

Thanks to the efforts of Polly...

..who did kill him.

Polly, you didn't...

You overheard the argument, what Eddie had planned.

You heard Eddie threatening your favourite,

Liam, your success story, a life turned around.

You tried to have Eddie removed from the group,

but that failed. Then, when Eddie went to make a call

at the top of the castle tower, you saw an opportunity -

end a life to save a life.

What choice did you have?

If Eddie got Liam to burn down the showroom,

Liam's life would be over.

He dropped his phone.

My guess is, you touched it in the tussle,

so you wiped it for prints.

That was your only mistake, really.

You handle all the phones here anyway,

so we wouldn't have questioned your prints on it.

I had to.

Liam was just like the kids at my school,

going down the wrong path

because I couldn't do enough to help them.

I had helped Liam!

I'd engaged him in history.

I couldn't let Eddie ruin that!

Well, that's the most tragic bit.

If only you'd got there earlier and heard the phone call.

What? Eddie was calling his deputy manager to change the rota back.

He wasn't going to go through with the fire.

No. You're lying!

If only you'd practised what you'd preached,

then everything would be OK.

You do have a rehabilitative effect on people,

like Warren here.

Hello, mate.

You broke open the drawer.

You might want to give it to her before it's too late.

It-It was an accident. Uh, I sat on it.

Yes, and fixed it using the Japanese art of kintsugi.

It was the smell on the gloves that gave you away.

The glue-hardener used in the delicate repair

gives off a pungent, sulphurous smell.

Fishy-farty, for the uninitiated.

I did a workshop in it and, you know,

quite liked the theme -

enhancing broken things and giving them a new life.

It was...

Has anyone got a problem with that?

No! No.

Polly Trevor, I'm arresting you for the murder of Eddie Morris.

You do not have to... Can I take my mug with me?

Knock yourself out, babe.

You do not have to say anything,

but it may harm your defence if you do not mention

when questioned something which you later rely on...

Yeah.

Oh, for God's sake!

Just look over here.

Yeah, and just a slight smile.

Oh, that's really nice.

I feel sorry for her in a way.

If she'd just talked to Eddie...

JOHN SWALLOWS

She'd already made her mind up, trapped in her own prejudice,

convinced he was incapable of change or redemption.

Now, that sort of thing can blind people.

Yeah, well, sometimes people deserve another chance.

That's why I've invited someone along.

It was this, or push you off a castle tower.

Don't make me regret my choice.

SHE SIGHS Oh!

Mam. Janie!

I'll go and get some cinnamon buns, give you two a moment.

Fi'n sori. I was...

I was childish, and you're a grown woman.

You're allowed to see whoever you like.

Oh, love. Yeah.

And... And I was thinking maybe tonight,

you know, if it's all right,

I could come over for dinner.

Shepherd's pie.

Oh, I'd like that!

And I'm free tonight.

You and John don't have plans? No!

I'm actually going to break up with him. What?

And he's so cheery!

I preferred him when he was grumpy.

JOHN CHUCKLES

So lovely to see you two chatting again.

There we are -

almost the best buns in the cafe.

Uh... Oi, is that the time?

I've... I've got to go.

Ta-ta!

That was weird!

John... Hmm?

INAUDIBLE