Original subtitles

reads words on screen

I'm gonna miss you.

Oh. I've written it all down, Mum.

You've got his food, his meds, his piggy.

And what's his sleep schedule?

Uh, he's not a newborn, he's a dog. So, you'll be fine.

Oh, Gordon's almost here.

Have a sexy time.

Sorry?

Well, I couldn't help but notice

the lingerie in your bag.

Ohh. Oh, like, you couldn't help but go through my bag?

We shouldn't have any secrets. We're bezzies!

Fuck, you're so annoying.

So it's back on? That was quick.

He's just invited me to, like, a work thing.

Some client has a fancy pub in West Wyalong.

- Oh. - I know.

But, apparently, it's like a really fancy pub

and it's just the two of us, so...

Time to start a family?

No.

Because when a sperm hits an egg at your age,

it just disintegrates.

Glad I opened up.

Thanks. Goodbye.

All right. Ooh!

- Hey. - Hey, sorry.

- That's all right. - Mum's...

- Hello, Gordon! - Oh, hi.

Don't worry. Your fur baby's in good hands.

Yeah, of course. Thanks for looking after him, Lynelle.

- I really appreciate it. - Oh, no worries.

You two enjoy your dirty weekend.

Well, I...

- Yeah, it's a work trip. - It's a work trip.

All work and no play makes Gordon a sexy boy.

Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah.

- See you later. - Thanks, Mum.

Oh, look who's come to say good... goodbye.

Ohh.

Ciao-ciao.

Ciao-ciao. You're all right.

Go back inside.

- See you, Gordy. - Bye.

Drive safe.

You know, when, uh, when Lynelle and I do end up together,

I don't want you to call me Dad.

- Okay. - I think...

- I think that'd be weird. - Yes, I agree.

Yeah. Yep.

This will be nice. Spend time together.

- A bit of P & Q. - Yeah.

So it's, like, a fancy hotel room, yeah?

I wonder if there's a bath.

- Um... - Gordy.

Can we get Macca's?

- Hi, Ash! - Hi, Ash.

You knew they were coming as well, didn't you?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

- Oh, yeah, these guys? - Yeah.

Oh, no!

Won't just be the two of you?

No, I knew that. I... All good.

You packed all that lingerie for nothing.

Ohh! Shame.

- Anyway, jump in. Yeah, yeah. - Yes, of course. Yes, thank you.

Facebook roulette. Let's go.

Okay. Okay, you have 948 Facebook friends.

- Yeah. - Who is this one?

Oh, yeah.

- Mm-hm. - I know her.

But do you?

- Yes. - Uh-huh.

That's... I went...

I went to school with her daughter.

- Mm-hm. - That's Erin Shepley's mum.

More information, please.

Mrs. Shepley is her name.

She has a first name, I'd imagine.

Ohhh.

- Come on. - Kerry!

Bzzz! It's Narelle.

- Fuck it! - Oh!

Oh, no.

I called her Mrs. S! That's not fair.

Uh, here. You can do the honors.

No, I can't unfriend her.

- I know who she is. - Hey. Them's the rules.

If you can't name them, you've gotta unfriend them.

- Wow. - Delete.

She's gone.

Oh, God.

- That's fucked. - Ha-ha!

She's gonna wonder what she did wrong.

Maybe you can add me again.

Well, a space did just open up.

Okay, now let's play Elephant in the Car.

Hmm?

- What's going on with you two? - What?

It's not the elephant in the car, Chi.

- Oh, okay. I just thought... - Fuckin'...

Ashley, it seemed like you thought

this was gonna be like a little romantic getaway.

- Chi, don't be a dickhead. - It's Mum.

- She's just messing around. - Ahh.

She's got a warped sense of humor.

- Uh-huh. - I don't have lingerie.

So you know that we're just

all gonna be in one room?

- Yes, yes, I did not know that. - I knew that.

And now I do.

- And I love it. - If you say so.

Bit quiet back there, Bretty. You all right?

Yeah, yeah, nah. I was just watching Carmen bake.

You what now?

It's Carmen. She's my girlfriend.

Oh, all right, Bretty. When do I get to meet her?

I think Bretty's got to meet her first.

I have met her! Just not in real life.

She lives in Manila.

Yeah, she's definitely not a scam.

It's not a scam.

What's she baking? A visa?

Nah.

I challenged her to bake a cake

that looks like her boobs.

- Oh, really? - It's really good.

- Can I look at that, then? - Yeah.

Oh, that's really...

- It looks very dense. - Yeah, right?

- Yeah. - Can I have a look?

- Yeah, they're good. - Yeah.

Hey, come on. Eyes on the road. What are you doing?

- Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Look ahead, mate.

You'd risk having an accident

to see a cake that looks like boobs?

Yeah.

Bernie!

Hello, Lynelle.

Um, sorry for just showing up like this, but I...

I thought you'd stopped all this.

Oh, no, I have, I have, really.

I haven't had a drink in months.

Um, I need to talk to you, Lynelle. May I come in?

Bernie, my feelings haven't changed.

Neither have mine.

You made a terrible mistake

marrying that fucking cockhead,

but I need to talk to you.

Um, it'll only take five minutes.

Please, Lynelle, it's important.

All right, five minutes.

That's it.

Battery 50%.

Ugh! 50%. Fuck.

- Is that okay? - Yeah, it's fine.

It's... We're fine. It's just annoying.

It helps if you charge it, Gordy.

Yep, thanks, Chi.

- So, Gordon? - Yeah.

I was wondering if I could get an advance

on next month's pay so I can fly Carmen over so we can meet.

Um...

'Cause, you know, I'd be happy

to drop this whole lawsuit thing.

Are you fucking serious?

- What? - You're blackmailing me?

Dude, what the fuck?

Mate, Carmen said you'd react badly.

Oh, this is Carmen's idea! Of course it is.

What is that supposed to mean?

What it means is, Brett, that "Carmen" asking for money

so she can fly here is textbook scam.

It is textbook scam.

No, it's not. You just don't like her.

For all I know, she could be AI,

but I'm sure she's a very lovely computer.

I love you, Brett. Please send money.

- She's not AI, brother. - Yeah?

- I checked. - Really?

- How do you check? - With an AI.

- There's an app that tells you. - Yeah, but...

- AI to check your AI. I get it. - Yeah.

Listen, mate,

what actually concerns me is not that so much.

It's the fact that you've now fully merged with your phone.

That's such bullshit.

Okay, how about this, man?

- How about this? - Hmm?

If you can go the next 24 hours

without looking at your phone, even once...

- Yeah? - ...I'll give you $1,000.

- Really? - Straight up.

But if you can't, you drop the lawsuit.

That's good.

- Oh. - Mmm. Mmm.

- There. See? - Uh...

Hey, there's room in the lockbox if you want to get real, Bretty.

- Yeah, done. Take my phone. - Yay!

- You got a lockbox? - Yeah, yeah.

My phone's in there. It's a game changer.

It's so good for my ADHD.

And it's medical, so it's a work deduction.

- No, it's not. - Isn't it?

- No. - Oh.

Yeah. Can I get in on that?

Would you like to? I would love that.

Fucking freedom!

Oh, my God.

- Now we're talking. - Yeah.

I don't wanna see it. I hate that thing.

No, they're horrible. Actually, Gordo, what about you?

No, I don't have... I need the maps.

- No, you don't, mate. - No, they're here.

You got that satnav, mate.

Put it in. Put it in. Put it in. Put it in.

Put it in. Put it in.

- I don't need to. - Put it in.

All right, fine! Fine! I'll put it in.

- Jesus Christ. All right. - Whoo! Ohh!

Oh, my God! We're gonna really connect.

It's gonna be so good!

Wait, what if we need a phone?

- Already cracking. - No.

Crack Nicholson back here.

It's given me a code if we need to.

But we won't need to. Will we, Brettly?

No. No way.

Oh, cows!

- Oh, cows. - Where?

See? We would've missed them

if we were all on our phones.

Let me get a photo. Ooh.

Hmm.

So, um, a very old friend of mine

is quite high up in the ACNC.

I don't know what that...

Oh, um, it's a, um, a government agency

that deals with, uh, uh, criminal activities

in charities and not-for-profits.

Right.

Anyway, he's told me

that your name has come up

in relation to your charity, Women Against Men Against Women.

No. We're WAWAM.

That sounds like it would be...

...MAMAW...WAMAL...

Yeah, but, Lynelle, whatever it's called...

- Hmm. - ...it's in your name.

- Hmm. - It's your charity.

And there's been allegations of a misuse of funds.

Oh, I don't think that's right.

So, you need to get everything out of your name, Lynelle.

Oop! Oop!

Ahh. Wife talking to old flame.

I don't want to make a... a scene, Lynelle,

I just wanted you to be aware of...

I think you should leave.

I was clearly just doing that, Lee, you maggot!

Oh, name calling.

You're a small, small man.

Small, small married man.

Okay, okay. Bernie, I think you should go.

I'm... I'm going.

Lynelle, I just want you to know

that the eight months that we spent together...

Where's Colin?

Who?

Did you not close the front door?

Did I not? No, uh, sorry.

Colin! Lee, is Colin with you?

- No. - Ohh!

Uh...

- Colin! - Now you've done it.

Battery 30%.

Oof! Did you turn the aircon off?

Yeah, I had to, b... I'm trying to save charge on the battery.

Ohh.

Nah, man. Can I open a window?

No. It makes my ears go digga-digga-digga-digga-digga.

- What does that even mean? - It's weird. No.

- What? - Just relax, everybody.

There's a charging station up ahead. We're fine.

I think it got stolen.

Stolen?

An electric vehicle charger got stolen?

- Yeah. - Why?

Well... you don't happen to know anything about it?

Me? No.

Why would I know anything about it?

I don't know, you're the one asking all these questions.

Okay.

But if you just keep an eye out for us...

Yeah, well, I'm looking for one, yeah.

So are we.

Okay, so we're...

Same boat.

We're in the same boat, aren't we?

Uh, how'd you go?

No good.

Uh, but we're fine, we'll be fine.

It's just... We'll just have to find another one.

Okay.

Where are the others?

Toilet.

Okay.

Yeah.

Ash, I feel like

I might've stuffed this up a little bit.

Oh, no, no, no. We'll find another charger.

No, no, no, not that.

I mean, I feel like you might have thought

that this was just gonna be the two of us this trip.

No.

This... this is...

This is a work trip. I knew that.

It's just that Lynelle said...

It's not lingerie!

She said lingerie.

It's... Oh, God.

It's a matching set.

- Is that not lingerie? - No. It's a matching set.

But it's not matching... bra and undies matching.

They match. I'm not dancing at the Moulin Rouge, mate.

Point is, it's okay if you did think that...

Ohhh! What do you want me to say?

Because even if I did want it to just be us,

you clearly didn't.

So, it's all good, it's all good.

But maybe I did!

I just thought that maybe you would think

that it's too much or it's too soon.

That's all right. You could have asked me.

I could have, but it's, you know, it's not very romantic.

Gordy, it's fine.

I just think that we're not on the same page.

But that's what I'm saying. Maybe we are on the same page.

We're just at slightly different paragraphs

- of that page, you know. - It's not.

And if we just looked at the page together...

No, Brett's here.

- Hey. - Hey.

Hey, Bretty, is a matching bra and undies

automatically lingerie?

No. It's just a matching set.

Thank you.

I didn't know. I thought it was the same thing.

- You? - Yeah.

- What an idiot. - Yeah.

Colin!

Colin!

Here, boy. Come on.

Little doggy.

Colin!

Colin!

Battery 25%.

Hey, Chi, take my phone out of the lockbox.

I've got to find a charging station.

- This map's got no fucking idea. - First one to break.

- It was a nice little spell. - It was, and now it's broken.

Oh, shit.

Okay, very good.

- No, I'm not joking. - Can we not do this?

It's... it's in Fortress Mode.

- What? - Tell me you're joking.

I'm not. I don't even know... How the fuck did I do that?

What is that? What's Fortress Mode?

It's just... You can't get into it!

- Okay, calm down. - You can't get into it!

Okay, there'll be an override somewhere.

- Okay? - Yes. No. Yes, yes, yes, yes.

You just have to get a code from the lockbox people.

- And how do you get... - It's online. Oh, no!

- Nah, man. This isn't good, man. - No.

This is fucked, actually.

'Cause I-I didn't tell Carmen what we were doing,

and... and she's probably freaking out.

- Chi... - Yeah.

- ...not ideal. - No.

But... we're fine.

We've got enough battery. We'll find a charging place.

- We're actually fine, all right? - Yeah.

- Okay. - We're actually, actually fine.

- Everything's good. - Yeah. Yep.

Check out this guy.

- He's all over the shop. - Ooh.

Oh, yeah.

Holy shit!

- Oh, my God. Did you see that? - Yes, I saw that.

- What? - There's a sign in the back

that says "Help me".

- Nah, that's crazy. - No, it didn't.

- Yes, it did. - We have to help.

I...I fully agree.

What are we gonna do, Mad Max? Ram them off the road?

I think we... Should we just follow them?

Should we?

- No, definitely not. - We don't follow vans.

Yeah, I mean, yes.

You know what? I'm just gonna hang back.

We're already here. And we'll just see what happens.

And maybe a cop car will come or something.

Gordon, this is 100%

kids fucking around in the back of the van.

Really? You think kids are in that van?

I have three boys. They do this sort of shit all the time.

- Hmm. - Or it's a psycho.

But either way, do you wanna spend

the last 22% of the battery finding out?

Oh, they're turning off.

- What do you think? - I mean...

- No, Gordon, don't do it. Stop. - No, stop it, Chi.

- Stop. Stop. Stop. - Chi, stop it.

Turn's coming up. Come on, they're doing it.

No! Gordon!

- Shut up. - No!

Everyone, relax.

- Relax. - You've killed us!

You smell like you've got halitosis.

What are you...

Stop it!

Stop it!

- Get off me! - Bernie! Bernie!

Stop it! Oh, my God!

I don't bloody need this.

You're supposed to be looking for the dog.

- I was. I looked all around... - I started looking.

But I honestly can't remember what it looks like.

He looks like a crippled border terrier, Bernie.

Oh, I didn't see it, Lynnie.

You ripped my shirt.

Suck shit, cunt.

- Get out. - Me?!

Yes, you, Bernie. This is all your fault. Get out.

You heard her.

I will.

But I want you to know

that the eight months that we spent together...

Go!

Unbelievable!

Whoo! Anyway.

Drink?

What?

What do you mean, drink?

Shall we have a drink?

Colin is missing.

- Right. - Yes.

So get in the car and go and find him.

- What, now? - Yes, now.

Right you are.

Come on. Just... No, leave it.

It's not all right, mate.

No, we're gonna need like a blowtorch or something.

Okay, we'll find ourselves a blowtorch.

Will you stop it? Making me crazy.

- Maybe... - Okay.

They definitely know that we're following them.

- Yeah. - Yeah.

Hundo P.

Honestly, mate, you need to do a U-ey.

You need to turn around. You need to go back.

- That's obvious. - Chi.

It's too late, mate. We're... we're fully in.

Fully in.

- Bretty, stop the buttons! - Stop it!

Okay, he's turning. Where is this?

Oh, shit.

- Oh. - Oh, my God.

Shit. I think he lives here.

Gordy, turn around.

Go, go.

Somebody might need help, Chi.

Fucking hell.

It's okay.

It's okay, everyone.

It's okay.

That's bad. This is bad.

- Oh, no. - Gordy! Don't.

It's okay.

Do not go all Peter Parker here,

'cause he could have a gun, okay?

Hey, it's not America, okay? At best, he'll have a knife.

- Great! He'll fucking stab ya. - Oh!

Yeah. I'll back you up.

No, no, no. Just fucking everyone relax.

I'm just gonna have a chat, okay?

Look, he looks... He seems like a...

- Psycho? - Yeah.

- Looks like a psycho. - Yeah. Psycho.

- Can I help you, mate? - G'day.

- This your place? - Mm. Yep.

It's really lovely.

Thanks.

Um, yeah, just, um, sorry. Um, so weird.

Uh, my name's Gordon. Hello.

Is there anyone else in the... in the van?

At all?

Excuse me?

Hello.

The fuck are you looking at, Gordon?

Ooh, you like her, eh?

Is that why you've been following us?

- I can hook you up. - No, that's okay.

You two would be great together.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to look.

She's very beautiful. I just, um...

I just have reason to believe

that, um, there might be someone inside the van

who doesn't want to be there, potentially.

Oh, my...

Oh, my God, oh, my God.

- Shit. - Oh, my God, oh, my God.

- Who sent ya, eh? Who sent ya? - No, no, no, no.

- Who sent ya, huh? - Oi, let him go!

What are you gonna do, huh? What are you gonna do?

All right, okay. I just...

Who was it?

There's a "Help me" sign in the back window.

I just saw a "Help me" sign.

"Help..."

Ah.

You okay?

Yeah, yeah.

- I was gonna... You know? - Yeah, of course.

Oi! You been doing that "Help me" shit again?

Have you? Get out here.

- Ohh. - Come on, quick sticks.

Let's go!

Fucking dawdle. Let's go!

Oh, so it was kids.

Yep, I can see that.

Did ya?!

Ya fuckin'... Get inside, both of ya!

Go on!

Come on, you heard your father, boys.

And no fuckin' Nintendo!

- Screen time. It's just... - Bad, yeah.

- Yeah. - Kids.

You think we kidnapped them or something, did ya?

- No, no, no, no. - Yeah, yeah.

- You did a little bit. - Well, a little bit.

- Yeah. - Sorry, we did.

Yeah.

It's funny, is it? Kidnapping kids?

- No. - It's not.

It's not funny. We... we can't...

We don't make light of that at all.

- No. - You know.

In fact, the opposite. That's why we're...

That's why we're here.

- In many ways, yes. - Yeah.

But it's our mistake, I can see that now.

And, uh, I'm really sorry.

- He's sorry, yeah. - We'll just, uh...

Oh, I don't suppose you know of any, um, EV charging stations

that might be in this area?

EV?

Electrical vehicle.

Ahh.

You're not in the big smoke now, mate.

Put some fucking petrol in it.

I would. It's just that it's not a hybrid vehicle.

It's fully electric.

- And we got a rebate on it. - Yeah.

You're not driving a car, are ya?

You're driving a fucking sewing machine.

Yeah, yeah.

Go on, fuck off!

- Yeah. - See ya.

- You all right? - Yep.

Get off the fucking grass!

- Oh, yeah. - Sorry!

Fuckwits. Fuck me!

Oh, fuck.

- Are you okay? - Yeah, fine.

Totally fine. It's fine.

- He got you? - It's fine.

So how much charge is left?

Six percent.

- But there'll be 10% in reserve. - Really?

- What? - Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- It's... it's... - That's not true.

...how they're designed.

It's how they're designed, for sure. We're good.

Oh, 5 now.

Sound the fanfare. The hero has returned.

You found him. Where is he?

He's just outside doing a wee-wee.

Where was he?

He was at the pound.

- The pound? - Mm-hm.

That happened so quickly.

They must have got him as soon as he got out the front gate.

Yes, it's a bloody nanny state, isn't it? Unbelievable.

Anyway, all's well that ends well.

That's not Colin.

What? Yes, it is.

Colin's got wheels.

Well, he must have lost them. Or some kids stole them.

Lee, his back legs don't work.

Still?

Always!

Well, it's an upgrade.

See?

Anyway, I must mend my pocket.

Why are you slowing down? What are you doing?

Battery 0%.

- Serious? - Oh, fuck it.

- Did she say 0%? - Oh, my God!

What does that mean? What does this mean, Gordy?

You said 10% reserve!

I thought there'd be 10%. I thought there was.

- She's saying zero! - I can hear her.

What are you doing? We're going into a tree.

- Oh, my God! - Battery 0%.

Please pull over safely.

No, don't put me back on hold.

This is the wrong dog. We can't keep him.

Right, well, stick it up your arse, then.

God, you look exactly like him.

Are you Colin?

My God. You are, aren't you?

Your legs were fine the whole time.

Ohh.

Got him!

Locked in the laundry. He was at my underpants.

- Boop! - Oh, my God!

Oh, my God, Colin!

You haven't got rid of the other one yet?

Oh, no, the pound won't take him back.

You should make Bernie take him.

He'd probably diddle him, he's so lonely.

- Lee? - Hmm?

Bernie told me

WAWAM was in some sort of financial trouble or something.

- What? Wh... what? - What could he mean?

Darling, Bernie is just a disgruntled ex-lover, isn't he?

Now, we know that.

And he would say anything to get your attention,

wouldn't he, yes?

Hmm.

But is there anything?

You know, what I'd like to know

is what are we gonna call that dog?

You just said you wanted to get rid of him.

No, no, no, no. He's gorgeous.

He's much better than the other one, don't you think?

Oh, well, he is cute.

He's very cute. Look at him.

His little wet nose. Look at this.

Look at them. They're so happy together. I'm happy.

Look at them. Look at him. Look at him.

Yeah.

Uh, I think we've got

about 40 minutes left of daylight, okay?

So at this point, I think

it's safest just to stay with the car overnight

and we'll walk out in the morning.

- Oh, really? - Yeah.

What, we're all gonna sleep in there, are we?

- Ohhhhh! - Um, well, we could, I mean...

G...girls can stay in the cabin

and Bretty and I will stay in the tray.

I'll make a fire.

Oh, right. Got any water, Bear Grylls?

Um, Bretty?

Bretty, Bretty, Bretty, Bretty, Bretty!

- Oh. - Did we bring any water?

No. We have a slab of IPA and a slab of Tox.

- Okay. - What, the electrolyte beer?

Should be pretty hydrating.

Oh, fantastic. We're saved!

Hey, Chi, Chi, if you have a plan, I'm all ears, mate!

Hey, how about this?

We put all our phones into an impenetrable lockbox

that doesn't open until tomorrow.

That's fantastic. That's a great plan. Thank you. Next!

Fucking Bretty! Stop with the banging!

Hmm.

Okay, come on. Here we go.

Look alive.

- Thank you, Gordon. - It's the good stuff.

- Yeah, thanks. - Okay.

Here is to, uh, camping, adventure with friends.

Cheers, hey? Adventure.

- Yeah. Cheers. - Cheers. Yeah.

- That's so salty! - That's so gross.

How much salt's in that, Brett?

- Do we sell that? - That's the electrolytes.

Oh!

It's gonna make us thirstier, if anything.

Yeah.

You know what, I'm gonna call it because

the sooner I go to bed, the sooner this nightmare is over.

Yeah.

I'll just go brush my teeth with IPA. Yeah.

Yeah, uh, try not to do it near the toilets that I dug.

Okay.

- You stop, and you get up. - Hmm?

And you... you come and show me exactly where they are.

Okay. No worries. I think I remember where it is.

I mean, how many have you done today, anyway?

Uh, three, three and a half?

- Yeah, I've counted three. - Ugh!

- Yeah. - So gross!

That's what I counted.

- Well, you know... - Well...

...you can't say I don't take you to nice places.

Totally. Oh, my God.

Salty beer, no amenities, very close to the road.

- Convenient. - Yeah. It's really good.

- It doesn't get any closer. - Nuh.

How about this? How about we just draw a line under it?

- Under what? - Under us.

Like, all the history, all the fuckin' bullshit,

and we just go, "Hey, we're meeting

for the first time right now, starting fresh.

Just two people meeting... by the campfire."

Okay.

Hi. My name's Gordon. What's your name?

Hi.

Lucy.

- Lucy? - Yeah. It's...

I thought we were doing real names.

Okay, my name's Ashley, but, you know, I don't know you.

- Right. - Can't be too careful.

That's... that's actually...

That's good thinking.

Gordon. That's not a great name.

I hope your last name's better.

So the word around the campfire is you've got a matching set.

Let's talk colors.

Ah, not really appropriate, mate.

I just met you.

- Fair point. - Yeah.

Ease up.

Stop!

- What is it? - Don't move.

What the fuck is it?

Just, um...

Is it a spider?

It's not a spider.

Promise?

In all honesty...

...not a spider.

Something else, which is fine and harmless.

- Is... is it a spider, though? - Not a spider.

'Cause if it's a fucking spider, I'm gonna freak the fuck out.

It is a spider.

- Fucking hell, man! - Okay, okay, okay! Fucking okay.

- Where is it? Okay, Okay. - Gordon! Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

You're good. You're good. You're good.

I can't do this. I have to... I'm gonna go to bed now.

Because I've never camped.

I am the indoor type.

And I'm fucking done here. Good night.

Thanks a lot, you fucking eight-eyed fucking freakish...

Okay!

Morning!

Hi.

Everything all right?

Oh, yeah. Yes, we are... Our car ran out of battery.

Right. Yeah, well, it is an EV, so what do you expect?

Hi.

Ladies.

Thank God you were driving past.

No, well, I wasn't.

Um, we've actually... we had an inquiry

from the Department of Foreign Affairs,

so that means I had to come out here and deal with you people.

So who called it in?

I believe the alarms were raised

in the Philippines.

- A lady by the name of... - Carmen!

- Yeah. - Oh, my God! I told you!

- What? - We share locations.

She must have just seen me

sitting here in the middle of nowhere.

- Wow! - Whoa!

Right, so, no emergency, no one's injured.

No. Oh, my back hurts a little.

All right, well, yeah, great use of my time. Thank you.

Thank you.

- Hey. - Hey.

- I told you she's not AI. - Hey...

- You owe me 1,000 bucks. - We don't know that.

AI is perfectly capable of making a phone call, Brett.

Hey, why didn't you press the SOS button?

What?

Where is that?

Oh, it's just right there.

Just where it says SOS.

Oh, there it is. Couldn't be bigger.

Couldn't be redder. Couldn't be more embossed.

I'll tell you what the emergency is. You're a fuckhead.

Yep, okay. Just... Yep. Yep. Just...

Yep, SOS. Gordon's fucked.

Gordon, it's right there, man.

Sorry, you were in the front too.

- Yeah. - You're just as close as he is.

This feels like a work thing. I'm gonna...

- Brett. - Oh, yeah, yeah.

Oh, thanks. That's your phone.

Ooh!

Jesus. Maybe I am addicted.

- Mmm. - Yeah.

- Maybe. - Oh, and hey.

Thanks for a top weekend, you two.

- Excuse me? - Us?

Well, I said it'd be kids in the back of the van, didn't I?

- She did. - But it was suss, all right?

But, no, don't listen to the voice of reason.

- It was suss. - It was a dodgy-looking van.

No, just try and make a citizen's arrest.

With a fucking "Help me" sign in the back.

Hold on, hold on, where was this?

Just outside Cowra.

And was it a dark blue van?

- Yeah. - Yeah.

And the guy was, uh, was bald with a beard

and he had the skinny missus with big lips?

Oh, yeah, and two young boys in the back.

Two young boys?

Yeah.

This is car 14.

I may have located those two missing boys.

- Oh! - Requesting backup. Over.

- Oh, my God. - Copy that, car 14.

A unit is dispatched.

We fucking knew it.

- We knew it. - We fucking knew that.

- Yes! - Oh, my God.

- Chiara... - Yeah, mate.

- ...suck shit. - Eat shit, Chi.

- Oh, okay. - You need to eat shit.

Oi! Oi!

...start helping people.

These children are in danger.

Yeah. That's what I was trying to tell her. The whole time.

Yeah.

Eat shit, mate.

Suck on it.

Fucking suck.

Suck shit, because we fucking knew.

- And we knew. - Fuck, yeah.

Don't fist-bump.

Fuck you, because you didn't listen.

- Eat shit, mate. - So suck on some shit.

Enough!

Oh, my God!

Mum just posted a video of Colin walking.

♪ Everybody talking 'bout

♪ 1, 2, 3, 4 ♪

♪ Everybody talking 'bout ♪

♪ 1, 2, 3, 4 ♪

♪ Everybody do the 1, 2, 3, 4 ♪

♪ Everybody talking 'bout ♪

♪ 1, 2, 3 ♪

♪ Well, you know ♪

♪ I'd walk a mile just to die ♪

♪ Gotta learn what that door is for ♪