Original subtitles

Hey, hey, hey! Heard the word, turds?

Gaz Digzy was the best in the game

until she funked it up big time!

In his infinite mercy, Krayzar let Gaz back into the game.

She got stuck with the suckiest team, the Leptons!

Can she make them into winners

and show Krayzar she's still got the goods?

Pee-ew!

Leptons hail from the Consortium's

filthiest meta-zone, Ulsa Guerin.

[ Grunting, squelching ]

[ Machine beeping ]

They turn poo into energy.

The air stinks! Their people are poor!

You hate them, 'cause you're better than them!

Can't wait to see how Gaz gunks this up!

Let's watch!

Ballmastrz.

Ace: "With the Burning Spirit of Teamwork in Her Heart!"

Listen up! You numb-nuts got to start training hard so I can --

Yes, ma'am, miss team captain, ma'am!

Whenever anyone told me I was too poor,

too dumb, or too untalented,

I think of you, my hero, Gaz Digzy,

and know nothing can get in the way

of following my dreams!

And now, with a champion like you on our team,

we have a real chance to return dignity and pride

to my home of Ulsa Guerin!

The hopeless leading the hopeless-er.

A tale too sad for the saddest of poems.

[ Poink! ]

[ Gasps ]

Oh, poor, sensitive Leto.

If only my innate kindness could rouse him

from his slumber of sombertude.

Quit saddening my man, you psycho!

I'll pretend that wasn't hot and move on.

If I'm going to be your new captain --

Okay, okay, shut up now!

We might be the worst team in the worst tier in the game,

but I'm the star of that team, capiche?

So quit barking orders like some kind of captain!

She is our captain, Baby Ball.

I refuse to remember that, so shut up!

Flip: Go easy on her, Ball!

If the new chick has to blow off some steam,

I got just the job.

Lucky for you, I kept my most valuable appendage!

-[ Roars ] -Yes, I meant penis, Lulu!

Way to ruin my super sexy innuendo!

Wait a minute. We calling dibs on Miss Muffin Top?

'Cause you can't call dibs. I'm the Ball.

I get every dibs.

Oh, yeah, jerk hole?

Stranded in the wasteland and cornered by an unrelenting horde

of ferocious Zurgchul beasts of prey,

I saved myself by perfecting the ultimate counter attack

to mindless aggression from lower life forms!

Behold Umbilicus!

-[ Screaming ] -[ Laughing ]

Aah! Get away! Aah!

Enough with the tentacle porn.

[ Screaming ]

[ Giggles ]

[ Screaming ]

Whoa.

You ding-dangs are hopeless.

I'm hitting the bar.

♪♪

[ Sighs ] End of the road.

Hey, psst, I thought we should talk, in secret.

That's why I'm incognito.

-You see, I'm actually the Ba-- -Oh, you're the Ball!

-What do you want? -How'd you know it was me?

I was incognito, stupid!

Buy me a drink or go.

Actually, just go.

Look, we got our differences,

but it's clear to me that you at your worst,

your "rock-bottom, muffin-top,

probably stopped bathing," worst, is still better

than the Leptons at their best.

All true.

But the best player can't score without the Ball.

So let's you and me stick together on the field.

We'll ignore -- No, scratch that.

We'll screw over the team and worry about ourselves.

We'll showboat, grandstand, razzle-dazzle.

I got a lot of hot moves.

We might lose the game,

but together, we can win the crowd.

Yeah! And then Krayzar will see

I belong back in the top tier.

Okay, you got a deal.

Sweet! Hey, let's drink on it.

You're buying, 'cause I've got no money,

and I'm technically not supposed to be here anymore.

I'm going to hide under the bar. Don't cut yourself on me.

Don't soil your tighty whiteys.

We don't normally stream tier zeta games,

but tonight's the return of Gaz Digzy.

[ Crowd booing ]

So get ready to boo the booze hound.

Even Krayzar doesn't want to miss this!

It's the lame-o Leptons of Ulsa Guerin

vs. the Misfit Murder Squad from Sackarat.

-Boo! -Gaz sucks!

We shouldn't have shown up,

or got out of bed, or even been born.

We've never had a turnout like this,

and we're sure to win, as long as Gaz plays

with the burning spirit of teamwork in her heart.

Fill me up, ding-dang.

That's the spirit!

Do I smell a pile of shit?

Oh, wait. It's just Gaz Digzy.

You don't scare us, you big bully!

They're so cute when they're feisty, especially that one.

I'm going to kill him first.

Ladies and gentle gamers,

it's time to grab your Balls!

[ Air horn blares ]

Where's she going?

[ Growls ]

No, Lulu!

♪♪

It looks like a victory is in the cards!

What's the rush? Let's play with them a while.

I changed my mind.

I want to kill the big one first.

Yay!

[ Whispering ] Ballmastrz.

-[ Giggles ] -Ballmastrz.

-[ Roars ] -Atomic Candy Crush!

[ Giggles ]

♪♪

♪♪

I'm open. Pass the Ball, man.

Sure, Leto. Here I am holding up the Ball

with every intention of passing it to you.

-What the... -Perhaps I can lend you a hand.

Giganticard Barricade!

Ow. Oof.

Aw, geez. I want to hold my forehead very badly,

but I can't.

Gaz, you're on our team.

Why aren't you helping us?!

[ Cackles evilly ]

Because right now, I need your help, D.D.

Really? You need me?

Yes, I need you...

to take this hit! [ Laughs ]

-Aah! -Huge Green Power Poke!

Well, it's nice to be needed.

And I need to tear that bitch's heart out through her nose!

Is this your true path, Digzy?

She's using us against us?

If it's every man for himself,

Flip Champion does fine on his own!

By spending two years in stasis

under the soothing curtain of a waterfall

in the terraformed pleasure zone of Midori Glory,

I channeled my aura into perfecting the ultimate length,

girth, pliability, and sweet cherry-blossom aroma

of my unstoppable attack!

Behold Umbilicus!

♪♪

-Ah shit -Om.

[ Screaming ]

[ Both laugh ]

[ Cackling ]

[ Heartbeat ]

[ Squish, spectators groan ]

Aah!

Half time! Half time! Half time!

[ Ball and Gaz laughing ]

Oh, give me some of that sweet juice!

[ Groans ] I can put up with a lot.

I'm a starving orphan on a losing team in a stinky town

whose hero turned out to be a potty-mouthed,

drink-drinking cuss-word-sayer.

But what I can't put up with is betraying your own team!

I didn't want to believe it,

but maybe the world's right about you, Gaz Digzy.

Maybe you're a disgrace to the game after all.

Maybe there really is no hope for you or for us.

Eugh!

[ Crowd cheering ]

That little shit

-[ Groans ] -Whoa. Cool it, toots.

-Calm down. -Hey, kid.

You got something to prove, then prove it or get smashed.

Aah!

Wow, a real pass from Gaz.

Maybe I was wrong.

Maybe she's a team player after all.

I got ya. [ Laughs ]

[ Gasps ]

What the...

Whoa!

Impossible. It can't be.

They've activated the Ballmastr Formation,

the lost ancient weapon of the Rad Warz.

-What -- -Happened?

-Is that us? -Holy guacamole!

-We're amazing! -We're badass!

Yeah!

Whoa!

What is that thing?

Let's smash it!

Invincible Mummy Kill.

Spiral Bandage for All!

♪♪

[ Whispering ] Ballmastrz.

Aah!

We thrashed him!

We're not off the hook yet!

Right hook mega-smash!

♪♪

[ Whispering ] Ballmastrz.

-We did it! -We did it!

-We did it? -We did it?

Ballmastr.

Don't get cocky. We still got to score.

Okay!

[ Whispering ] Ballmastrz.

-Crotch Rocket Ball Buster! -Crotch Rocket Ball Buster!

Ballmastrz.

♪♪

[ Spectators murmur ]

Why isn't anyone cheering?

Is everyone too happy to talk?

Wrong score hole, dipshit!

Oops.

-That was awesome! -Go, Leptons!

-What was that? -Yeah!

[ Laughs ]

♪♪

I'm...confused.

I'm a million times more confused and happy

than anyone in the whole, wide world ever!

We scored a goal!

In the wrong hole, dummy!

We have no idea how we did that, moron!

[ Camera shutters clicking ] Child nerd Ace Ambling,

what is your secret?

I guess great things happen when --

Whatever, muffin top!

Ace Ambling and cowardly, pathetic game ball Baby Ball,

how'd you turn the worst team ever into whatever that was?

[ Gasps ] That "whatever it was"

was part of my brilliant master plan

that I don't feel like explaining right now

but totally came up with, and --

-[ Muffled speaking ] -Aw, shucks.

I guess it was just a little teamwork.

Thanks for the pass, teammate!

Hey! Get off of me, you little shit!

[ Laughing ] Oh, you!

Ballmastrz.

Ballmastrz.

Ballmastrz.

Ballma--

Chirp.