Original subtitles

Among the four most famous classicalities in China

I love the Tales of the Water Margin most

Not because of the interesting and attractive stories

it attracts me most because of

the unknown author

I've spent almost 20 years to find out the answer

I've found out many hand-written true copies

but until now, I don't know who was the actual author yet

Among the editions I've found many were written by Shi Ne-An

And one of them is a pornography

Pornography? Come on! We are talking about literature

How come they are related

After this film, you'll know it

Be frank, women are involved in all stories

The Tales of the Water Margin isn't an exceptional

For example, Lin Chung, for his wife's sake

he became a bandit

Wu Chung, if not for his sister-in-law

he wouldn't have become a bandit

Even Sung Kong, not for his concubine

he wouldn't have led the bandits

That prove that

women influenced a lot in writing this book

Among the 108 heroes

There were three women

Let's start from the Jinx, Madam Sun

Sun was famous for selling human flesh buns

Why did she sell such kind of buns?

And, what is it related to this film?

You want to know the answer?

Come join me!

Madam Sun and her hubby Cheung Ching

were and ordinary couple

Honey, let me do it

Drop it

Are you tired?

Look, you're all wet

I'm going to cook now

You tidy up the herbs first

Alright, let's do our own job

It's alright

Madam Sun was active and optimistic

She took care of all the hard work

So, Cheung Ching, comparatively a timid

man, could have much more time to collect herbs

Stop it

Stay where you are

One has rights and one has duty too

Madam Sun tried to hard to do all the housework

of course she had rights to ask for more fun

To entertain his wife

Ching worked hard to collect herbs

He knew how to build up a strong body

from eating herbs

This time, he got a dicky-head grass, it's good food to sex

After eating this

he is able to satisfy his lustful wife

Honey, I'll sell the herbs in the market

Take care, come home early, OK?

Got you!

See you

Honey

What's it? You're supposed to leave for the market?

Honey!

Hubby! What do you want?

No! Let her go! Don't touch her!

Let me go!

Let her go---

No!

Hand off me

You bastards! Let her go!

Hands off! No!

Honey!

You are bastards! Hands off!

Honey, hands off!

Hands off---

Alright, let's go

Honey- - -

Let's go to eat something

Honey, how are you?

What do you want?

I didn't enjoy much fun, and I won't let you enjoy it too

I'll burst your balls, so you can never do it

Hubby! Honey!

Honey, how are you?

Hubby!

I just want you to love me!

It's passed over for a long time, why still think of it?

Do you mind me of being raped, or---

In fact, I know what he is thinking

For our future

We have to move to a new place

to start a new life

Later

we opened a shop

with all our savings

We lived in the dark age in history people were poor

It's lucky of one who could afford eating buns

One cent please, thank you

Lady boss, I want two buns

Yes. I want two buns too

I am coming, please wait

We have good sales

I think we can make enough money soon

to open a herbal clinic for Ching

Ching, you know how lonely I am?

You haven't touched me for a long time

I understand your pain too

In the past, whenever I wanted

we made love anywhere

I know, I always want much

At that time, I worried that you couldn't

supply that much

but now---

I haven't had fun for a long time

Why didn't you come to comfort me?

Ching, it's a hard time for me

Ching, come please

What a pity that disasters were found everywhere

The court didn't concern the suffering

people, instead, they requested heavy tax

thus lives people were even tougher

It's small or less similar to our present situation

Since most of the people were poor

It affected the business of all kinds

Lady boss, we have no meat for the buns

Give me some money please

Please tell the butcher that I could pay him later

It's not possible, we still owe him a lot

He won't grant us meat

By the way, you haven't paid me for few months

Can you pay my salary first?

I have no money!

I'll give you when our business go well, OK

I am sorry

I know you would say this, well, forget it

All men are afraid of wearing horns

Since Sun's opened this shop

so many men go around her

Since she is always thirst for sex

if I can't cure myself

One year? Two year

No! I must cure myself a soon as possible

Get lost

What are you looking at?

Run faster!

Here is a restaurant! Get lost

Any one here?

Come out and serve us! Hurry up

Where have you been? Are you all dead? come out

Honey, we have some guest downstairs go and serve

Yes

Hurry up! I am damn hungry! Give us food

Hurry up! Bring us food

I am sorry to let you wait

Come here!

What do you want?

Anything! Just take anything to serve us

Are you serving us?

We haven't eaten anything

Yes

Sorry sir, the buns are sold out

Bring us some wine

Hurry up

No!

They are---what should I do then?

No!

Where are you going?

You have got wine here!

I am going to take some better wine to you, sir

Hurry up!

Act fast! What the hell

Hubby---

Those bastards have come

What?

The bastards who raped me

Bastards!

Do they come for us?

No! They don't seem to recognize me

I think they just come for food

Anybody down there?

No

Don't we have meat for making buns?

Yes

All right!

Why takes you so long?

Sir, here comes your wine

Take it over

Yes

Be quick

Let's go down to take revenge

I can't walk

Me neither

In fact, I am scared too!

lam so afraid to kill

But I am used to do some heavy work

Bastard! You raped me!

Go to hell!

Go to hell!

Honey, how is it

Hubby, I am scared!

Don't panic, I love you, baby!

Don't panic

Hubby!

We haven't had such exciting time for ages

For such kind of feeling

I'm willing to kill more bastard of this kind

We can clear the bag eggs of the world.

On the other hand, we can feed the poor

It's a good deed

Harder! Hubby, harder

Thank you, this is yours, this is yours

Thank you, thank you

Thank you, wait!

This is for you

What kind of bun is it? The taste is a bit weird

Do you want to scare me to death?

What a pretty lady boss!

You smell fragrant

Are you married?

What shall we eat tonight?

Please take a seat

It'll be quick

Please wait, I'll get you some buns

Great! Hurry please

Please wait

I'll return soon

How are you in these days?

I have something to tell you

I screwed Mrs. Au yesterday

You are great! How did you make it?

lam a lady killer you know?

You know Madam Chan and Miss Wong?

They are on my list

You screwed Wong, didn't you? You are great

Would you mind telling me how?

No problem, you should remember one thing

Force

No matter they are willing or not

just put that inside, don't mind kicking her

After some movements, she would as you not to stop

I wish to screw the daughter of Auntie Five

She is 16 or 17, maybe she is still a virgin

You are smart! I want to screw that girl too

Let's do it together

But I'll be the first

You are disappointing me

Well, you screw her younger sister

She is 14 and something, I am sure she is still a virgin

Come on! Let's date the sisters tomorrow

I'll prepare the ether

We'll make them get drunk, then we can do anything we want

Sir, here comes your wine

Honey, you need energy to kill you'd eat more

I'm full, enjoy it yourself

Hubby, I'm going to work now

Honey, come and take a seat

Do you want to go with me?

Honey, I am sorry, I can't satisfy you

But I've invented a kind of medicine

maybe it can help you

Really?

Honey, choose any you like

This is too thin

Bravo

Hubby

All right

Don't bother us

Drink the Super Fun Tea

Honey, let's play while we are waiting

Hubby, I want it

Be patient, it's not working yet

Let me wear the cover first

Can't you here? She screams so happily

Sun hasn't experienced that joyful

feeling for a long time

People always blame the third party who

ruins other's family

but in this case, if not were that third party's help

how could they have had fantastic sex life?

By the way, someone among a couple is quite important

After this night

they love each other more

Sun was running good business in selling buns

And the bad guys were decreasing in the world

Wu Chung killed his sister-in-law and was sent to the capital

They were passing through Sun's shop

Sun and her husband knew the story

of Wu Chung

They couldn't leave themselves behind

so they killed the soldiers and

saved Wu Chung

And then they followed Sung to become bandits

The human flesh buns disappeared since then

Sun became a bandit because of saving Wu Chung

Wu Chung was a strong and muscular man

Sun was so thirst for sex

Was there any affair between them?

I didn't study that

But, there were so many muscular guys around Sun

I believe that Sun wouldn't feel lonely

Let me tell you another story

Among the Water Margin Heroes

You may think

The Prodigal Yin Ching must be a flirt

In fact, he became a hero just after joining the gang

But before that

I don't think he was a flirt

Instead

he was a jerk

Yin Ching was born in a rich family

He studied Kung-fu when he was young

Well, this is shit

He was good at nothing

But for one thing, he was really smart

That's courting girl

But, this was not the one he courted

This was the fiancee assigned

by his parents

Otherwise, I will teach you a lesson

Where are you going?

Isn't it funny?

What are you doing?

Are you OK

It hurts

But ljust touched you lightly

Look

Are my fingers that powerful I think I've made it

But you made me feel so great I won't blame you

This time, I won't be that rude

All right

Here I am

Isn't it funny?

Make it higher please

All right

Higher!

Hug me

All right

I didn't ask you to stay that close

I didn't! you're disgusting

Shake

How is it? Are you hurt?

No

Forget it, let's stop here

I am tired and sleepy

Go to sleep now

I have to wash my underwear again

But it brings real fun

I won't mind washing it again

Why are you wet?

No

Yin Ching didn't try hard to practice Kung-fu anymore

He just cared of practicing tits attacking stance

No

Don't worry

Come on, please stop it

What are they doing?

It's not funny for her to play with another woman

Why does she touch Ann in this way?

She has tits too

Woo! Ann's tits are really big

What is it?

How can she squeeze her in that way?

Last time though I touched her slightly

she cried up for help

But she is feeling so happy now

Funny? Answer me

What's wrong? She is kissing her

ljust kissed her forehead

Let me see are you still juicy

She puts her hand under her dress

What's she doing?

She makes Ann feel pain

Ann will scold her for sure

She doesn't want to play with me but plays with her

What the hell

Sam, Sea, come out to massage me

Why are you shy?

It's that tomboy

Damn it

Ann, follow me

Are you leaving with me?

You---stop---

Uncle, my father-in-law to-be lam glad you are here

Ann plays with her but doesn't what to play with me

Cut the crap

This is the daughter of a senior official

She loves making friends with Ann I can't stop that

You'd better return home

Should I"-

Can you hear me?

She won't marry you! Get your ass out

ls Ann going to marry this tomboy?

You're something

I swear

For the sake of Ann, I want to leave home

to make my own living

I want to learn great Kung-fu from

great master. I want to be great

I must get Ann back from that bastard

But, there are many beauties in the world

He is a flirt

How can he sacrifice all beautiful girls for Ann

After leaving home for some time

I discovered that the world is really

different from what I thought before

How is Ann now?

Want some wine?

You want to try the best wine from Shansi

Come and try some

Granny, give me a bowl of wine, please

Want some wine?

Help

No

Help

Where can you go?

Come on, it's lucky of you to play with the Great Four

This girl is pretty, I'll take her first

Alright, boss, I'll be the next

Sure

What is the matter?

Assassin?

Let me go

Come out now

Miss, what's wrong with you?

Doctor, how is she?

I have met this kind of disease for twice in my life

She lost her memories

Boss, I want to take a day off to visit my hubby tomorrow

Would you let me go?

OK

Thank you, boss

Twice? Who did you cure for the first time?

That woman

Don't think that she is a maid

She is my wife

She hurt her head during an accident

After that, she couldn't recognize me

Poor woman

Doctor, how will a patient act after loosing memories?

She will forget everything in the past

Even the people she knew before

If I tell her that I am her husband

She will believe that, won't she?

That's right, but when she is cured

She will forget everything happened

Alright, I will give her some medicine

just try our luck

Be careful

Come and take a seat

What's your name?

Where do you live?

Thank you

I wish you were Ann

Yes, you are Ann

It's nice

Yin wanted to be a great Kung-fu master

to get his fiancee back

but now, he saw another beauty

he thus forgot everything

But, it's lonely for one to wander alone

In the past, they didn't have motels

or brothels everywhere

So, when a man met a woman

it's just like holding an ETC card cash easily

I don't think she can keep her virginity

Go over there, there is a temple

Let's sleep there

Why is there a scar

Can you tell me the story about it?

Leave me alone

For something, I don't want to mention again

Don't ask me

Well, do you want to make love with me

without undressing

I've got an idea

You're disgusting

Since then

Yin wandered with this girl

I promised to bring you to the down

Here we are

Really? Yes

Come on in

Come here

Come on

Master, it's fresh! Want some?

It's hot! Want to eat some?

There are many shops, let's go in and eat

Go in! come on

Sir, come and take a look

I told you to find an inn

This is romantic, don't you think so?

Come on

This is an open place, don't you afraid to be seen?

What are you afraid of?

My nick name is the Prodigal of course I am a romantic man

How is it?

This is a big mosquito

Yin Ching, how are you?

What are you doing?

Let me go

Yin, help

Yin, help

Ann

Yin, come and save me, Yin

Save me, Yin Ching

See! He is useless

His first woman was seized

His second woman was seized too

but it actually brings positive effect

Since then, he became mature

And he tried hard to practice Kung-fu

Thus Yin became somebody in the world

The first job he did for the gang was

to look for the famous prostitute Li Si-si

He didn't want to have fun with Li Si-si

But he wanted to have a talk with her

Sung Kong wanted a negotiation

He wanted to use the friendship between Li and the emperor

to negotiate and look for better relationship

between the gang and the court

So Yin had a chance to show how capable he was

Miss Li, I am sorry

Ann?

lam Yin

Do you remember me?

Sir, my name is Li Si-si

Not Ann

I wandered with you

I am happy to see you again

I am sorry, I don't know you

Come here

Where do you want to take me to?

Follow me

What do you want?

Come here

Where do you want to take me to?

Come in

I came here with you some days ago

I asked you to wait for me do you remember?

The Buddha

Do you still remember his smiles?

And the bed

I made it with straws together with you

Do you remember all these?

And I gave you an umbrella cover you from the rain

Over there

Do you remember all these?

Well, I can't help

Maybe, I've mistook you as someone I know

I am sorry

Sir

Please wait

What else can you prove

lam Ann?

Yes

On that day

I didn't let you see the scar on my chest

so I covered your eyes with this scarf

Can you remember this?

No, I am sorry

Remember that day?

I used this hand

to feel your lips

And your smooth skin

I felt every inch of it

It made me lose myself in the sea of sense

I couldn't find myself in the big sea

And you enjoyed the feeling

Your skin was just like blossomed flowers

You strongly desired the touch of sun

And then you hoped to be flirted by bees and butterflies

To bring you to a joyful world

It seems to be a huge fire

It seems to be a man

A pair of hands to move on my body

Thenl---

together with that man

our bodies and souls united together

Our desires are burning

He entered my body gently

And my soul

I remember that

Did you?

But, you are the famous prostitute now

And you are the best friend of the king

I don't think I have chance to stay with you again

Yin Ching

Yin Ching was happy to meet Li

His mission was completed

and his status in the gang was stable

Later, the gang was comforted by the court

Yin and Li should be rewarded for that

Therefore, no matter when and where

women always play important parts

on the stage of politics direct or indirect

Say, the Queen Wu, and Kiang Ching

or you can quote the latest example

Clinton and his women

it'll bring great and helpful effects to you

But if you don't know how to make use of it

it'll bring troubles

Well, the coming story is about

The black Whirlwind Li Kwai

He was also named Li Cow

he was poor, he had to make money

by getting woods everyday

When he swayed his axes

it was like whirlwind

That's why he was nick named black whirlwind

Why do I sneeze?

I think I should eat good food

to make myself strong

Don't misunderstand, he is not Li Kwai

This is his homeboy, Li Si

People usually called him Fatty Si

He admired Li Kwai

so he went wandering too

I've got you

Smith, do you want to see me off?

You're so nice

Are you going to the town?

Yes

Please give me a hand

Send these two axes to Li Kwai would you?

Li Kwai?

But I don't know him?

Don't you know him?

Well, I've got an idea

Look

Oh my axe, cut the ass

I bet it's a mess

Got it?

Yes

Come here

Come?

Hurry up . Act quick

Oh my axe, cut the ass

I bet, it's a mess

Is that right?

Yes, it's right

It's late, you'd better hurry

Please

Please

See you

I'll get famous before I'm back

I've reached Ching Fung Town

I wanna eat something first

Waiter

What do you want sir?

Bring me something tasty

Sure

What's up?

Why do you pull a long face?

I know the reason

I didn't accompany you last night

so you are angry with me

I'll feed you tonight, I promise

Come on

Eat it

No

All right, I'll eat it

So many beauties in town

So heavy

What's up?

Fatty, how dare you offend my woman

Stop

I wanna kill you

Lee Kwai

Lee..Kwai?

Welcome, hero

Sorry for offending you. It's dusty

Let me clean it for you

Welcome

It's really funny

Since then, Fatty became Lee Kwai

And he was welcome everywhere

He hadn't experienced such warm hospitality before

Waiter Yes

Check please

Boss said, it's on the house

Well, bring me half roasted goose please

Right away

It's pretty

Thank you

Hero

How are you? Thank you

How are you?

Hero

Hero, how are you?

Hero, please take it

Hero

Hero

Take it as my small token

Any body here?

Waiter

Hero Where are they?

Boss is holding a banquet aren't you invited?

Yeah, I am going to give a helping hand

Please take care of the shop for me

How can you do this?

Are you Brother Lee?

I am Lee Kwai, do you know me?

My mom mentioned your name to me

How is your mom?

She died

And your dad?

He died too

How about you?

I am an orphan

Poor girl

My dad told me to repay you before his death

Repay me?

Why?

Do you remember? You saved my dad

Did I?

Yeah, I remembered

I fought with 50 people

and I fought with all my might

to save your dad

You remembered

Sure! Sure

I have nothing precious but this bottle of wine

So I come to serve you this

Great wine?

It's perfect

Let's drink it upstairs

let's enjoy the beautiful scenery there

Come on

Be careful, let me take you back to the inn

I can't move, I really can't move

Are you drunk?

This is my first time to hug a woman

No hurry, be slow

Why it gets up fast?

Maybe, it's the wine

Haven't you touched a woman before?

No

Do you know anything about sex?

Haven't you seen a real woman?

Watch

Do you know how to turn a woman on?

Let me teach you, follow me

First, do like this

Feel your dick and feel your balls

Feel your dick and feel your balls

Then turn and turn

You will get excitement

I am excited

Are you excited?

I don't have ball

You know?

There is a mysterious and

funny place on every woman

Do you want to take a look?

You mean this?

Let me take you to that place to have fun

Can't you wait?

No, it's the wine

What's up?

I want to sleep

Fa

Where are you?

Where are you?

What's wrong?

I didn't lose my virginity, did I?

A triangular underwear?

Hero, this is for you

Thank you

Hero---

Thank you

You must have doubts who is he?

He was a young man who really wanted to join the bandits

But he didn't have a chance

This time, he knew someone imitated Lee

So he ran straight to the Liang Mountain to report the case

Lee was really angry

He wanted to introduce him to the gang

But when Sung saw him

he disliked his outlook

He worried that he would betray this gang

So he rejected him to be the 109th hero

Fa, where have you been?

miss you so much

Fa, you've finally show up

I come back for my underwear

You are so bad

Come in, I'll take it to you

No

Where are my underwear?

Underwear?

Right here

I wanna see your underwear now

No

Hero, I am shy, please don't

Hero, no

Didn't you teach me touch like this?

Stay where you are

So, it won't disappear this time

Why become a fat lady?

Waiter

I saw ghost

Ladies and gentlemen-'-

I wanna tell you a ghost's love story

Once upon a time, there was a woman

named Fa

She was really beauty

She was taken advantage by a fatty on a festival

The previous life of that fatty must be a pig

He looked really ugly, a freak

Just like this guy

Right, come here

The fatty in my story was

not as ugly as this guy

Just kidding, don't get angry please

I feel thirsty

Would you give me some money for wine

After that, I'll finish the story

Nuts

Don't go, the story is an interesting one

Making love, come and listen to my story

That fatty screwed the girl

The girl said: you feel great fun, don ’ t you?

Actually, I am a ghost

The fatty didn't believe in ghost

Don't you believe, you screwed me

and you'll get red dots

Show them

There are red dots

And red dots on this side?

Red dots on this side too

What does this story tell us?

Doctor for curing all kinds of diseases

For the old, for the child

For the men, for the women

All kinds of diseases can be cured

Doctor, can you cure all kinds of diseases?

Sure

You look familiar to me

Did you see a story teller before?

Yes

Is that you?

Yes--- he is my brother

Look, you look pale

And, looking from your chest

I can tell you are sick

Well, let me check your urine

Why?

It's a long story

Actually, it's the secret of our family

Now, I tell you

Our ancestor is the royal doctor

serving the emperors

We have special skills

We drink urine and taste the patient's stools

Well, it's not a matter taste the emperor's stool, but later

we need to taste the stools of the emperor's concubines either

So, it's tough for the tongue

That's why I quit it

Poor tongue, poor life

Yes, it's poor

Let's cut the crap, are you in a hurry?

Piss and let me taste it

Go, go

Take off your pants

Why do you take so long?

I don't have any sense of urination

You spent an hour for that

I am nervous

I said you are sick

Luckily you come to me! Don't panic

Fart

Pal, this is a special treatment

There is a pill inside

if he is alright, you'll be great

If you are in trouble

he will

he will be shit

Let's start

Smell it

I've said you are sick

Doctor, can you cure me?

It's easy

I am a great doctor, you know?

It's working

It's useless for you to look for doctors

Why?

This is an incurable disease

You'd wait for death

Curing all kinds of diseases

For men, women

old and child---

He can't be a hero, he still want to be somebody

Lee Kwai walked so cool

and made him get real mad

Since he was rejected to join the gang

he betrayed them

by reporting to the court

Am I incurable?

See, he cheated me

Who's that?

Brother Lee, who do you love?

I love both of you! Come on

What proves that you love me?

I can undress for you

How about you?

Me too

How about you?

Me?

Are you satisfied?

I love you most

Brother Lee Kwai

What tricks are you playing?

Come together

Real good taste

It hurts my throat

Deep in the throat

It's real hot

Touch me! It's really funny

Isn't it my turn yet?

Wait

It's your turn

Don't stop

I want it

Coming

Who is bothering again?

It's a dream

Brother Le, I forgot to tell you

that someone has sent you a gift

I put it inside the cabinet

A gift

Another one

Fa, you are dead

Awill note

Did she miss me before her death?

Lee Kwai, you think I come to repay you?

Actually I came for revenge

When I was a kid, you killed my dad

You broke my family and I thus became a prostitute

I got sex disease

This is an incurable disease

So before my death, I want to pass it to you

You enjoyed screwing me, didn't you?

What? Syphilis?

Shit, I can't escape now

if I find out the person who imitated me

I would chop him into 108 pieces

And send each of my friend a piece of it

How are you, Madam?

lam going to deliver

Let me help you

To hell with you

After him---

Oh my axes--- Cut the ass

I don't know whether I can still sing

this song in my hometown

You sing

You sing badly

Run! Hurry up

Lee Kwai, it's wise of you to surrender

Oh my axes--- Cut the ass

Are you Lee Kwai?

Who do you think I am?

How about you?

I am you homeboy, Fatty Si

That's why you know this song

I was attacked

What's the matter with you?

For you, I got an incurable disease

None of my business

Come out, otherwise I will shoot you

Ready

Can't we go back home

Don't worry, one of us can go back

What are you doing?

He is out ! Shoot him

Lee Kwai, you are dead

Let's leave! We will be rewarded this time

Bravo

What a hero

See how powerful is woman?

Although they are not armed

If you can't resist their temptations

they can kill you very easily

So, more happiness, more danger

In the past, not many people took revenge

by spreading virus

It's more popular now

Say the Vietnam war

many US soldiers died

from getting sex disease

isn't that an intentional arrangement

by the Vietcong

God knows! Anyway when a hero meets a beauty

he may not win that war easily

Take my advice

be very careful of women

See you