Original subtitles

Floating like a flower in the sea Waiting to be found by you and me

Feeding all your needed quantity Love Island, Love

Island Your island of love Not on any

map or any chart Only to be found inside your heart

There to give the love in you a thought.

Love Island.

Love Island.

Your island of love.

Sweet papaya.

Tasty pomegranate.

Helps you do the things.

The things you think you can.

Through the voodoo of the island chant.

Love Island, Love Island.

Your island of love.

In the sun your body wants to play.

Urging you to let it have its way.

Through your inhibitions in the quay.

Love Island.

Love Island.

Your island of love.

Higher with the balloons.

Momento.

Benissimo. Denise, love, but please, lower the strap on your right

shoulder. Harvey, I am so tired of being used as a sex object.

Lady with the curvy brain.

Sometimes she play nervy games.

She needs man her ways to tame.

Who will be the one?

All over this country, right this minute, girls everywhere, hundreds of

them, are getting their noses bobbed, their teeth popped, silicone by the

bucket, dying to be a sex object.

Lower the strap.

Harvey.

I've got to get out of town.

Two weeks doing bikinis in Bermuda. I don't mean work. I mean rest. You know,

son, read a book. Here, make the arrangements.

Oh, come on now, coach. It's not the end of the world. I know. Smile.

Hey,

guys.

All right, when do I get out of here, huh?

As soon as Doc gives the okay.

How's your arm?

Oh, hey.

Shoulder's fine, Coach.

You want points on the board, turn me loose.

It's hurt?

What's pain?

Seriously.

Seriously? Been agony since high school. Big deal.

What is it with you two?

You're lucky you can walk.

Hopefully without a limp.

But your playing days are over, Billy.

Now, wait a minute.

One bad sack.

You're a cripple.

I'm going on 30.

I'm the best.

I have nowhere near my prime. Coach, you know that.

It's over, Billy.

But people like you.

You can do sports announcing.

Become a coach.

Do me one last favor, Billy.

Do what the doctor tells you.

I want you to go away, get some sun, relax, and not think about football.

I'm up here, Your Grace.

Charles, have you thought about vacation plans?

I'm sorry, sir. What did you say?

Who will be the one?

I said, have you thought about vacation plans yet?

Well, I've been thinking more about my job, hoping that you'd add to my

responsibilities. Add to your responsibilities?

You're responsible for the whole congregation now.

I'd imagine that you'd go someplace where it's possible to meet nice young

ladies. The congregation approves of young ministers being married.

Yes, I understand that, sir.

You know what they say.

Behind every successful man, et cetera, et cetera, you do like girls, don't you?

Oh, yes, indeed, sir. Absolutely, yes, sir.

Good.

Is there anyone in particular?

Well, not really, sir.

Maybe you're too particular.

Well, they don't seem to like me the way I like them. I mean, and the ones I

like, I mean, I just, I don't know what to say to them.

What do you talk about?

Oh, well, current events, movies, I'm kind of a cinema buff.

Buff? Like an X-rated?

Oh, no, sir. No, no, I mean I'm a movie fan.

Ah, most girls love movies.

That gives you something to talk about.

Do you dance?

Well, not very well, sir.

Oh, it's very simple.

I'll teach you. Come over here. Yes, sir.

I'll meet you around that side, sir.

Come over here, Charles.

Yes, Your Grace.

Now, I'm going to lead.

Now. Come.

One, two.

One, two.

One, two.

One, two. Very good.

Thank you. Now, I'm going to teach you a variation.

The dip. The dip, sir? Yes. Come along.

Yes, sir. Oh, you're leading. One, two.

One. One, two. One, two. One, two.

One, two.

One, two.

Very nice. Very nice. Now you try.

That was kind of... Oh, I've got to try that again.

Yes. Okay. Come on. Oh, that's all right. I had your hand. I'm sorry. I

won't step on your toes this time. One, two.

One, two.

One, two. One, two.

Oh!

Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Charles.

Take a vacation.

Yes, sir. I'm sorry.

Where shall I go?

The Lord will show the way. Amen.

Love may not be on her mind, but she speaks and she will find.

In the plan that life designs, who will be the one?

Don't you knock?

A.J. wants to see you.

Well, good.

He can look out the window and wave bye-bye when he sees me.

Leaving. I've had it. I quit.

Tell A.J. he can take this job and file it.

If you can't take the heat, go back to the kitchen.

The office key.

The apartment key.

Aren't you forgetting something?

The engagement ring.

After five years, I earned it.

You were bored, so I made you advertising director.

You call selling long johns to dwarves advertising?

How many times do I have to tell you? The great American public loves trash.

There's another man, isn't there? Who is he? That is none of your business.

Even if there were.

And there will be.

There should be.

Not just one.

Two. Three.

As many as I want.

I suppose it doesn't matter to you that I love you.

You're right.

It doesn't matter.

Where are you going?

That is also none of your business.

Whoever he is, I'll find him.

Wherever you go, I'll find you.

Sam, this is Murphy.

Robert. Subject has entered the garage, gotten into a car, backed out, and left

the garage.

Don't lose her.

Robert, I mean, Roger, this is Robert over at whatever.

Sam. Sam, I need a coat hanger.

Sam.

Sam. Never mind, Sam.

Sam, this radio is acting up a little bit. You might not be able to get in

touch me for a while.

with him around.

Drift and knock him to the ground.

He is lost, but he'll be found.

Who will be the one?

Crystal. Mother, I'm working. I'll talk to you at home.

You mean you're coming home? You're not moving out immediately?

I told you, I have to get an apartment first.

That'll be $7. I know that.

You're a big girl now. Your car's all paid for.

And I'm old enough to live by myself. And you have this glorious career here

at the checkout counter.

I only hope it lasts longer than your career as a cocktail waitress.

Oh, please. You're going to get me fired again.

You're just angry because I dated Joey.

I was telling him you're my sister. I did you a favor. He was married.

A subject that you are, of course, the authority on.

Crystal.

I mean, five trips to the altar.

Three. Two anomalous.

Don't count.

And before you were even 40.

40?

be sad.

Come on, you don't have to move next week.

You can wait another month or so.

Telegram for you, Crystal.

Oh, thanks, John. Oh, what is it? She's leaving.

You have won the English muffin sweepstake.

What would you get?

Maybe a new car.

Yeah.

Wherever forever luggage.

That's all?

And a wardrobe from Friedrich. Your room. Oh.

and a week's all-expense-paid vacation for two at Love Island.

Where's that?

Who cares? We'll go together.

She would like to break away Find herself a love

someday But her mama's in the way Who will be the

one?

I want to welcome you to Love Island. Oh, thank you. I'm looking forward to

it.

Yes, over there.

No, this is really silly. I mean, me, a girl my age, on vacation with her

mother. Then say I'm your sister and call me Iris.

Thanks a lot.

You are such a sad sack.

There's no reason why we both can't enjoy ourselves.

You don't cramp my style. I don't cramp yours.

Mix, mingle. We're on Love Island.

Let's go for it. Well, you go for it.

I think I'll go for that one right over there.

Hello. Oh, hi.

I'm Ida. I'm Charles. Can I help you with your suitcase?

Are you married?

No. Oh, thank you.

Welcome. Hi. I'm Jimmy and this is Cheryl.

Your girlfriend?

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. My kid sister, the whiz kid.

Graduated high school at the age of 12 and already has a degree in hotel

management.

Nice talking to you.

How deep is it?

Deep.

Look, if you need shaving gear, I can fix you up when we get to the hotel.

It's not the shaving gear I'm worried about. It's the painkillers I need.

Is there a pharmacy on the island?

Nope.

Figures. Should have brought my scuba gear.

Sorry.

Hello, Billy.

I'm Madge.

Hi.

I think you'll find everything else you need on this island.

Look at you.

You are beautiful.

Oh, are you talking to me?

Crystal, yes?

Yes.

Of course I mean you.

It's all a matter of attitude.

Be positive, feel beautiful, and the next thing you know, abracadabra, you

are.

Then I look in the mirror and it's hocus pocus, same old focus.

That's why you're here.

We'll get rid of that negative energy.

He must have met my mother.

Okay, have a good night, folks.

Bye-bye.

Oh, how nice.

Oh, this is lovely.

I hope you enjoy your stay here. Thank you.

Thank you. Uh, just a second. No, thank you. No tipping, please.

Oh, okay.

Thanks.

These things sure squint.

I must be in the wrong room.

You're following me. I saw you in San Francisco.

A lot of people look like me.

Jonathan Winters.

Lynn Yarborough.

Gypsy Rover came over the hill.

Any requests?

Out of the closet.

And tell AJ to stop bothering me. He doesn't scare me. And stay out of my

life.

Hey.

He's trying to make a living.

Hi there.

Maybe later.

Okay.

Arrived. Love Island.

Cannot locate on...

Beverly is alone.

It's her big day.

Now, remember.

Remember everything, all right? Stay away from hobos, cats, and kids with

slingshots. When you get there, go out into town, have a nice time.

Check in with the boss on Thursday, okay?

All right, bird brain.

Up to you.

You're enjoying the water slide, huh?

Oh, yeah.

Cleanliness is extra godliness.

It's a little religious humor.

Oh, yeah.

Um, Charles, do you need those all the time?

No, no. These are just props to make me look intelligent.

Well, you know, girls don't make passes at guys who wear glasses.

Marilyn Monroe and how to marry a millionaire.

You say so.

I've talked to 12 men already.

And all are available.

One's divorced, one's a widower.

Another one's on his honeymoon, but he doesn't seem to be having a great time.

Oh, Crystal, wait till you meet some of these gorgeous guys.

Mama, you promised me. You said I could go my way and you'd go yours.

I told you to call me Ida.

You got a deal.

See that guy?

Yeah. You know, I'd give him a ten.

Oh, I don't know.

Maybe a nine, nine and a half.

But I wouldn't say no.

Now, you know, if we had a coin, we could pause it.

But we don't.

So, why don't you try? You go first.

Oh, me?

Yeah.

Talk me into it.

Feel positive and feel beautiful.

I'll never ask for anything else as long as I live.

Hi there, handsome.

I'm Crystal.

Do me a favor?

Sure, anybody.

Tell Ida I'm busy tonight.

Today, I'm going to kill her.

How did you find this place?

Well, I was looking for a place to get away from everybody. I get so tired of

them staring at me.

Oh, come on. They're staring at me.

You know, there's somebody living inside this body, you know?

Well, the body is spectacular, Denise.

I did have an older girlfriend once.

She was 22.

You're sweet.

Who's the incredible hunk?

Billy Colorado, quarterback, out with a bum knee.

I don't know anything about football. I just know they play it in bowls, and

they've got these little guys in zebra suits that keep running in and

interfering.

That's football, isn't it? Yeah, that's football.

Okay. Well, Billy's the greatest.

He was the greatest. He's got more broken bones than Evel Knievel.

They won't let him play anymore.

Let's go talk to that guy.

Come on.

Billy,

this is Denise. She's a model from New York.

And this is Billy Colorado.

Derek.

I'm sorry.

Denise.

I don't care if you're Minnesota Fats, Tennessee Williams, or Georgia Brown. I

just kind of think that staring is rude, you know?

Most models I've met are usually upset if someone's not looking at them.

But he is beautiful.

Do you know a lot of models, Billy?

Kid, some love to send their daughters out to college for a better education.

Others, introduce them to me.

Care to take a walk?

Sure you can. I mean, you're not too bruised or torn, that or something?

That's right.

You know, I really am worried about people getting

tired of my body and just discarding me.

Do you ever worry about that?

No. Ever read a good book?

No. No.

I had the strangest feeling you wanted to see me.

I was thinking about you.

Yijing?

Oh, yes, I'm working on the seating arrangements for the Valentine party.

Well, where does it say you should put me?

I haven't figured that yet.

Why don't we go over there and sit down? It's more comfortable.

Oh, it's a row car.

I have to admit, I don't believe in those things.

I believe in everything.

Whatever works, why not?

Would you do my reading? I bet you didn't believe in those things.

Whatever works.

I feel you're going to meet a man.

I hope.

My problem is I keep meeting the wrong kind.

And after 25, most of the interesting ones are married.

There were two men.

One was a monster.

He's still interested in you.

That's his problem.

Oh, I see a younger man. You helped him.

I put that one through law school.

We were planning to be married.

I learned my lesson.

No more auditions.

I want a license.

I can almost see... Oh, I can almost hear a name.

Cat? Cat?

Cat Mandu?

He liked having me support him.

Instead of getting a job, he started talking about Kathmandu.

Kathmandu. One day he was going, going, gone.

I never heard from him again.

He's living in Hong Kong with a charming Eurasian girl.

How do you know that? The cards.

How did you know?

His father.

Thank you.

I must admit, I'm impressed.

Um, this man I'm going to meet, who is it?

Do you really want me to tell you?

Well, the cards say that it's Billy Colorado.

That egotistical cowboy.

Mucho macho chauvinist.

No thank you.

Mind if I sit down?

Sure, have a seat.

Oh, thank you.

My glasses, I use them for reading.

My name's Charles.

Hi, Charles. I'm Crystal.

Yeah, I know. I talked to your sister, Ida.

She said you're the same age. Is that possible?

Well, my sister has a tendency to talk a little bit too much.

That's okay. I like older women. Yeah.

My mother was an older woman.

I mean, she had to be older.

My grandmother was older than she was.

I can't believe you're that old.

Are you blind?

Yeah, very.

She said she was around 40. That would make you, uh... 50.

You're 15.

I would have taken you for around 40, 60.

Would you like some salad?

I'd love some.

There you are.

Who's killing the great chefs of Europe?

Got that one.

Oh,

forgive

me, A.J.

Mart has no conscience.

What's happening up in that tree?

Never mind the tree. What's happening down here?

Here, you lost these.

Oh, well, thanks.

I'm a bird watcher.

Poor birds invading their privacy.

Oh, no, they don't mind.

You see, I'm a big fan of the local fauna, flowers, feathers.

That's nice.

Are you married?

I don't remember.

The fall, you know.

in long engagements or just running off to Reno.

What a killer, huh?

Well, you were having fun.

Yeah, sort of.

Stand up and let me see how tall you are.

Well, I'm afraid I'm kind of short, you see.

The fall, when I hit the ground, I shrunk.

This is it.

See you later.

I like cheese.

Notice the closed eyes?

He's so in love with himself?

Herself?

Yeah, I've noticed.

Everything.

Is something wrong?

Oh, you don't have to see my glasses on there, do you? I dropped them in the

water and I can't see without them.

Oh, no.

You can't see anything without them? Nothing.

Oh, God.

I'm really sorry about that salad.

Salad? Well, that was me.

Oh, yeah.

Well, that's fine.

Well, you need some help getting out of here?

Yeah, you might drive me back to the path.

Okay, careful now.

They're too old for you.

Now, I want you to know.

I'm sorry, I forgot about your genius IQ.

Well, it can be depressing sometimes.

Let's go someplace a little more private.

What?

Your room, Byron. Oh, the old, your room, I like it.

I thought that you were interested in more than just my body.

Well, we'll start with your body and we'll work our way up to the mind. Why

don't we start with my nose and try to work those... If

you could just guide me back to my room, I have another pair of glasses there.

Oh, there's some people coming. Come on, follow me.

Excuse me.

Hi. Sorry, Farrah. I think we better do it this way, okay?

Forward, Mark.

Who is that guy?

Be careful there.

Anyway,

he worked at the produce department.

Well, you wouldn't believe what he was doing with vegetables.

Well, what happened?

He met Ida.

Well, she found out he was married.

Oh, Crystal, I've got to talk to you.

Oh, not now. Oh, it's about your sister, Ida. Oh, you mean my mother.

Your mother?

Your sister is your mother?

Jack Nicholson, Chinatown.

Later.

Hi.

Hi. Listen,

I can't talk right now. I've got to get the grass stains off my binoculars.

Now don't go away.

And you're too big to wear a print.

I don't know. I just... Every time I talk to Gry, I kind of get tongue-tied.

I mean, the things I say sound so silly.

Like what?

Oh, I don't know. Oh, sure. Come on. Just throw anything at me.

Okay. But don't laugh. Okay? No problem.

Give me your hand a minute.

Well...

Well, Crystal, I think you're a very, very lovely girl, and I like you very

much. In fact, I love you.

Go on.

And I'd like you to marry me.

Now, that sounds silly, doesn't it?

Well,

actually, it didn't sound silly at all.

Really? But then again, I guess sometimes it's better just to say

nothing. And then people think you're just being, you know, cool or clever.

Unlike me, I mean, when I start to talk, everything kind of just... Look, you

want to hide in a closet? Your reputation, I mean. Oh, no, listen.

My reputation can only benefit by being seen in a man's room.

Oh, excuse me.

Hi,

how are you? Crystal?

Hey there, honey. What contest did you win? Yeah, yeah, look, it's a disguise.

About your mother, the menace, she is after me like a search and destroy

mission. Is that going to be your costume for the Valentine's Day party?

No, I'm going as a pas de deux from Swan Lake.

Patty Dugan what?

Swan Lake.

Got me on that one.

Can you help me out?

Yeah, I'll talk to you, okay? Great, I would sure appreciate it. Oh, Crystal,

would you like to join me on the beach? I mean, you have a very beautiful sunset

there. Oh, I'd love to.

And that didn't sound silly at all.

All right. I'll see you there then, okay? Yeah.

Beverly?

Beverly McGraw?

Hi, I'm Gwendolyn.

Gwyn's gossip corner, Love Island, is that it?

No comment.

Actually, I haven't asked anything yet.

Look, I want to apologize.

In the last few hours, I've learned what being hounded feels like.

That's another story.

How much does A.J. pay you to make that you fool yourself?

A lot.

But playing the fool comes easy.

At school, I even have a lottery as to when I'll self-destruct.

Aren't you a little old to still be in school?

I'm learning to be a detective.

Night courses.

That's why I need A.J.'s money.

Next semester... I could feel psychology.

How not to fall in love with clients, suspects, material witnesses.

Say, would you like to watch the sunset with me?

A little early.

I'll pick you up when it starts to sing.

Why don't we meet at the beach?

Ah, good idea.

Will you open the damn door?

You and higher learning. I am not just another dumb broad.

No, you're not.

No. You're dumb.

Why aren't you watching the sunset at the beach with everyone else, huh?

I don't know.

I don't understand these people, Madge.

Everybody's posing and playing games.

I thought they came here to have a little bit of fun. A little romance.

Oh, they'll settle down.

Tomorrow we just might stir things up a bit.

Stir things up? What better way to find out where everyone's at?

Madge, could you do something for somebody who's blind as a bat? You know,

so he doesn't need glasses?

Hmm.

We'll work on it.

Floating like a flower in the sea.

Waiting to be found by you and me.

Feeding all the needed fantasies.

Love Island, Love Island.

Religion is like an experience.

Like being happy. Like being with you.

That's really beautiful.

Charles, I know you're not free.

So what do they call you? Chuck.

I like a man who is independent, gentle,

liberated, dependable.

You can depend on me.

Always.

Forever. Even longer than forever.

Robert, please kiss me.

Eternity. You can...

Hi.

Hi.

You're not with Denise?

Some you win and some you lose.

Billy, love isn't a game of poker.

You want to bet?

Madge, I think you better keep stirring.

I plan to.

Sorry, sorry to barge in like this. No problem, Ida.

Except where can I get feathers? I'm making my costume for the Valentine's

ball. They'll be sent to your room.

Such roses.

What a lovely place you have here.

Thank you.

Oh, a crystal ball. Does it work?

I've never actually seen one before.

Well, sit down, Ida. Let's see what the future holds.

I see a double wedding.

Anyone I know?

Mother and daughter brides.

From your mouth to God's ears.

Are you sure?

It's never wrong.

Then maybe I shouldn't bother with the feathers.

Oh, no, do.

You see, Valentine's Day is our national holiday on Love Island. That's why we

have the costume ball.

With everyone dressed and masked, they can feel free to do and be whatever they

want.

This double wedding, are you certain it's me and Crystal? I wish I could

believe that.

After I lost Crystal's father, I haven't been able to do anything right.

Or perhaps I should say, I've done too much of everything wrong.

Crystal says I'm domineering.

Sometimes, when we grow up ourselves, it's easier to let go.

Could I borrow this?

I'll send you one for a wedding present.

You picked the most romantic spot on the island.

And you come here alone?

I'm trying to decide what to do with the rest of my life.

So far, Love Island is just another one in a long series of mistakes.

Do you work?

I quit last week.

That's no problem.

Advertising is the one field where the more jobs you've held, the more

experience they think you've had.

Do you know me? Billy Colorado.

I do commercials.

I'm a football player.

You run through airports?

No. That's O.J. I do beer and underarm deodorant and toothpaste.

See?

Amazing.

I'm impressed with the concept of someone making money from their armpits.

I'm also out of work.

Why do I get the feeling you're doing a number on my head?

You're the one that does numbers.

This morning to me.

Me tonight.

Who will the lucky girl be tomorrow?

What?

You didn't close your eyes.

Sometimes I like to look.

Where are you going?

Bed. I'm tired.

Can I walk you back?

Did you ask if you could kiss me?

Most quarterbacks call their own blood.

Not with me.

Well, I like it.

I'm glad.

And no, you can't walk me back.

Why? Because you'll chase me till I catch you.

And I haven't decided yet.

The road goes on.

Wait, wait, wait.

Why is it I get the feeling I'm being seduced into seducing you?

It's not a bad idea, but I call the plays.

That's boring.

There's only one way to be sure.

Are you asking?

It's really my dream.

What's that?

Well, to have someone else to cuddle up with at night and watch TV with, you

know, other than Mama.

Is that too much to ask?

No, no. Zip?

I've had enough guacamole.

What? Enough. Get me up.

Did you say guacamole?

Guacamole.

Guacamole. Well, New York sounds great. Maybe I can go to an Ivy League school

and we can see each other. Sure.

Are you sure this won't throw your knee out?

Are you kidding? Watch this.

Your knee?

My back.

I really want to dance with her.

Take me to my room.

Your room?

Oh, yeah. Not quite so fast. Okay.

How does that feel like? Do you want to dance?

Watch this dance.

Okay.

All right, be careful. Be careful.

On the bed, okay?

No, no, on the floor. Floor? Yeah, on the floor.

Here. It's fine.

Yeah, it's fine. It's fine. Right here. Okay, be careful. Keep it straight. Keep

it straight. Right here, all right? Yeah.

What can I do?

Just let me rest here a minute.

Bev? Beverly?

Bev?

Beverly?

Bev, I thought maybe, you know, later on we could...

Robert, will you get out of the way?

Robert!

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

Oh, my knee.

I'm really sorry.

Leave. Leave.

Oh.

Yeah. Well.

Is there anything I can do?

It's ready.

What will it taste like?

Chocolate. And these are for tonight's party.

Madge, Charles is missing. And the maid said his bed wasn't slept in.

Yeah, well, he went for a walk last night, and I'm afraid he's lost his

glasses again.

Oh, he's blind without them. I know. That's why I'm worried.

Oh, he is lost.

Jimmy, take Billy Colorado and Robert Murphy and try to find him. Okay.

Thanks, Madge.

Madge, you could have just looked in your crystal ball and told them where he

was. It doesn't always help to make things too easy.

Let's finish the roses. All right.

What do we know about Charles?

He's a minister.

Do you always carry a compass?

Truth of the trade.

I'm a detective.

Shouldn't be too hard to find him.

Jimmy, are there any wild animals in this island?

Only among the guests.

Good. In that case, we should have him back safely for lunch.

Just follow me, men.

Well,

as you can see, he's not down here.

Very good.

Let's get him to the driver. Okay.

Can I get you anything else? Uh-uh. Thanks. Just page 32 in that.

There you go. Thank you.

What are you reading?

Plato. Who?

Plato. He was this Greek. He had a theory that we're all just halves kind

of rolling along, you know, looking for our other half. And then when we find

it, then we're complete.

Oh, that's nice. Sort of like one and one make two or half and half makes a

whole. Right.

Stick to one and one.

Sometimes halves get left holding the bag.

Is Crystal your daughter?

Some people think we look like sisters.

What are you sewing?

My costume.

It's a surprise.

Madge promised me I'd meet a man.

I've had an eye on that Billy Colorado.

Oh, he's not that hot.

I wouldn't turn him down.

Look warm is just fine.

Hey, remember, I saw him first.

That's funny.

He never mentioned your name.

Not once.

All evening.

Oh, I'm playing hard to get.

That's funnier still.

Oh. Oh.

I really like your sense of humor. Really.

I bet I know something that's really going to tickle your fancy.

Charles!

Charles!

You know, I was meaning to

ask. I know it's none of my business,

I mean, well, that's silly. I realize you just met, but I really couldn't help

wondering... What?

You and, uh, Beverly?

Yeah, she's something, all right.

Oh,

they're beautiful. They're perfect.

This will do it.

Wanda would be so proud.

Your grandmother?

Wanda the witch.

Traced her ancestry all the way back to England in the 10th century. Taught me

everything I know.

Madge, could you zap somebody or molecularly reconstruct them?

What do you mean?

Well, you know, turn them into a frog.

Well, I could, but I'd have to atone in the afterlife.

What you call karma. You see, mine is the good kind.

White magic.

Things should happen naturally.

How does anyone know you do it?

It doesn't matter as long as it happens.

Well, there was a time when nobody even believed Albert Einstein.

Exactly.

I'm so worried about Charles.

He was so nice and so sweet and so polite.

Was? Who says he's dead?

Even if he didn't know how to dance.

They all can't be afraid of...

anything about the films he mentioned.

I liked him and I really think he liked me too.

I can't see why you're so upset.

I can't see.

Crystal, come help your mother quick before the glue dries.

I think that's his National Luger last week, and I think they dropped him in

the sand on the beach.

Can we go back and get those? No, no, no. What's the matter? You guys all

right? Yeah.

Oh, thank you. You okay, Charles? Yeah, I'm okay. I couldn't... Not too much

sand on that one.

Looking for the... Seems like a lot of rock.

Here, there.

All right, Charles, give me your hand. Watch your step. Thanks a lot.

I'm okay.

I'm okay.

Hey, there.

Thanks a lot.

Don't thank me. Thank Robert. He's the one who found you.

He's up there with Jimmy.

That poor kid.

I don't know how to tell him. I mean, he's all gaga over that silly bimbo,

Denise. Did you say bimbo?

Yeah, Denise the bimbo. Okay.

Okay,

come on.

Hey, hey, hey, come on. Knock it off.

Who is it? Who is it? Who is it? Jimmy, now calm down. What's the matter? Well,

I can't tell you. If I did, I'd know you'd understand.

What happened?

Oh, my knee went out.

I can't walk.

I can't carry you again. It's too far.

I don't want you to.

I'm going to need a stretcher. What did I do?

Just get help.

Now, Charles, we're going to have to leave you here with Billy.

So sit down. No, no, I don't want to sit down.

Now, you two stay put.

I don't have much of a choice.

Now, we know where you are. We'll be back in a half an hour. Come on, Robert.

She's no bimbo.

All right, I'm sorry. Forget it, okay?

Okay.

I'm sorry, too.

How's your knee?

I don't know. It doesn't feel very good. How's it look?

I don't know. I can't see.

Charles, I'm so glad we found you. Thank you, Madge.

I was out walking and... Oh, I'm sorry.

Is it your leg?

It doesn't seem fair.

I mean, I was just beginning to think there was something special about this

island. You know, like in a game when everything's going your way.

Now this.

Maybe I can do something.

It's useless.

What do you feel?

Warm hands.

If it works, Billy, the magic only lasts as long as you're on Love Island.

When you leave, your knee will be the same as the day you arrived.

No better, no worse.

I don't know what you're talking about.

I'm going to push your knee down.

Well, you can't.

I already did.

Stand up, Billy.

What have you got in your hands?

Love.

What about him?

Oh, yeah, I'd really appreciate this match. I mean, I lost my extra pair of

glasses, and, uh, well, if you can't give me 20-20, I mean 50-50 would be

nice.

Well, I'll try, Charles.

Matt, you're some kind of beautiful lady.

Wow.

Like that. And then Billy and Jimmy came running, and that's how I found them.

Gosh, you're a brave and wonderful person.

Well, thanks, but there was nothing any good detective couldn't have done, given

the same difficult terrain and treacherous weather.

Excuse me. Excuse me just a second.

Pardon me.

May I talk to you before it's too late?

Make it fast. I've got to try this costume on for the party tonight.

I guess you heard about Charles and the whistle and...

Beverly, I love

you.

And I'm not going to let you throw yourself away on that former all

-American ex-all-pro has-been.

That's unkind.

But you and me, we have so much in common.

Like what?

Well, we're both here.

We both worked for A.J. and we both quit.

You're making this difficult.

You see, I was always the class clown.

The bumbler, the fumbler.

Girls laughed at me.

But you're different.

You just yell at me.

That's an improvement?

Gotta start someplace.

Keep talking.

Can't you forgive me for the way we met?

Deep down, where it counts, I'm a brave and wonderful person.

Somebody just told me that.

I'm sorry, Robert. It's just that... Well, I think I'm falling in love with

someone.

You think?

It means you're not sure.

There's still a chance.

No, it just means that there's a difference between love and infatuation,

and I'm trying to be sure.

How do I look?

Well,

I could change my costume and go as a Lone Ranger.

Don't change anything. Just be yourself.

I hope you meet the right lady, and by tomorrow you're as happy as I am.

Me too.

Good evening.

One for you, one for you.

You have a nice evening.

Madge, I've got a confession to make.

I ate one of those chocolate roses.

But Madge, I want to tell you something.

I think that you're the most wonderful aunt a girl could ever have.

I want you to stick close to me. I will need you by my side all evening.

Sorry, Emily. Anyone here yet?

Jimmy, you look super fantabulous.

And Jimmy, you are the most wonderful brother.

What's with her?

She's fine.

Stay away from the desserts. I made just enough to the guests.

Good evening.

Hello, Matt.

How wonderful you look.

Well, thank you. Have a lovely evening. Thank you.

Oh,

Juliet. How are you?

And where is Romeo?

Where is Romeo?

I think the computer in her head has blown a fuse. Jimmy, come here.

Can you do me a favor? Anything, Denise, anything.

Can you sit me next to Billy Colorado?

Actually, Madge handles that. You'll have to talk to her.

Okay, thanks.

Can I have the first dance?

Sure. Oh, Jimmy, if you were just a couple inches taller.

I'm growing.

Yeah? Yeah. Oh, good.

Charles, you are so handsome without your glasses.

This is the only costume they had.

Glad the bishop isn't here.

It's going to be kind of hard to explain.

You devil, you.

Thank you.

Oh.

Awesome.

Hello.

Hi. I think you might like this one. Thank you.

That's my mother.

Oh, I

don't think you'll need a mask.

Is he here yet?

No, but he is coming.

Any prizes for the best costume?

No, tonight everyone is a winner.

Ida, you are definitely outrageously a rare and endangered species.

and dangerous.

I'm not that.

Or chicken delight.

Come on, Mother.

Hurry up. We're in the car.

Let's see the play.

The Mask.

I'm allergic to your feathers.

Well, you must be the famous oobah oobah bird.

Lays square eggs and goes... Not for me.

I think he's hysterical. Thank you.

Would thou care to dance? I'd love to.

You stepped on my claw.

I'm sorry.

Stop it.

Disco duck.

No, it's my mother.

You laughing at me?

I'm laughing with you. There's a difference, you know.

If you can laugh at yourself, then you don't have to worry about anybody else.

I already laughed first.

Never thought of that.

You have nice legs.

I'm usually on my feet all day.

I do.

Check out some supermarket.

Haven't I seen you before?

Probably.

You're looking at you, kid.

That was easy.

The base motel.

You want to dance?

Sure.

How about on the floor?

We are on the floor.

The dance floor.

Oh, yeah.

How'd you know that?

Great. I mean, do you know how long I have liked films since the first one I

saw? I saw Snow White, and I identified very heavily with Doc. I was five.

What are you looking at?

I think I know who you are.

Oh, no, no, not till midnight.

Yeah, midnight.

Right, right, right. What shall I call you?

How about...

Angels, yes. That's what I was going to say.

Angels.

Angels.

You were a devil.

You were a devil. You were stronger.

Two, three. I think I lost count.

One, start spin.

Two. Two. Three.

You don't have to move your mouth.

Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

It's okay. It's all right. It really is. Oh, I got you. It's okay.

Oh, I like green. I like green and yellow.

Here. You like green and yellow, huh? Well. Come here.

Come with me.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Do you like green?

Sure. Do you like yellow?

Denise! Denise!

Come on.

Do you want

to dance?

What? Do you want to dance? Yes.

You dance.

Hey, don't tell me he's not coming. I promise you he'll be here before the

dessert. Bless you.

Ida, you're a bird of paradise. You're a rare and wonderful, extraordinary bird,

I think.

Hey, she's some smart cookie.

How long do you think it'll last?

We'll leave early.

I meant us.

We just started.

Holiday's end.

You know what they say about vacation time romance.

Beverly, you're leading.

I'm not.

You're steering the conversation towards marriage.

You call the plays, Billy.

I'll follow.

But, not a bad idea.

I guess there's only one way to find out.

A.J. Morgan, I was afraid you were going to be late.

I wasn't sure I was going to make it.

This is not the easiest spot in the world to find you.

How did you know I was coming?

Oh, let's just say a little bird told me. What? A little bird told me. This is

for you.

Oh, no, thanks. I insist.

I need to see Beverly McGraw. Is she in there?

Of course, but they're all at the luau, and since everyone is masked, it may

take some time to find her.

In the meantime, there's someone else I want you to meet.

Come on.

Ida, this is Mr.

Morgan. How do you do?

I'm not hungry, honest. I really need to see Beverly.

Oh, I insist.

Enjoy yourself.

Some costume.

Well, you look like something that flew over the cuckoo's nest.

Thanks, but who asked you?

Sometimes it is a bit drastic here.

Here's a feather.

Blow your nose.

Well, your card's right. You could end up as the special family thrift bucket.

Oh, no, sweetie.

Shake and bake.

And beneath these feathers is more than a whistle.

Achoo!

Let's see how the honeymoon goes, and then we'll talk about marriage.

Vacation time romance.

You said that.

I'm just being realistic.

Billy, I've had it with losers and overachievers.

I want someone solid.

In the middle.

Marriage.

Are you asking?

Beverly. I mean, be serious.

I love you. Isn't that enough?

I love you, too.

It's dark.

It's not enough.

It's hopeless.

What's that?

I don't know.

Can't tell. It's all wrapped in seaweed.

Allow me.

Oh, good.

Sorry. This meal is dangerous. Oh, you're not kidding.

I wish there was a hamburger showing around. you're somewhere.

What do you think this is?

Oh, it was.

It's okay.

I look good in everything I eat.

I hope so.

You realize that we're the only two people at this table that read both news

magazines each week?

And I don't know who you are? What's under the name?

Ryan. What's your favorite movie?

Body and Soul.

Are you kidding?

I'm serious, my biggie.

Theory?

That's my favorite movie.

That's your favorite movie?

Isn't that bizarre?

Wonderful. That's really wonderful.

Yeah. Denise, when you model, what do you model?

Oh, 86, I think. Top to bottom.

I mean, do you do calendars or centerfolds, you know, without

any... Yeah.

Yeah? Yeah.

I did one. Oh, my God.

Yeah, it was on a bare thin rug.

And I was nine months old.

Oh, I'm just a small town girl. I've never been many places. I used to go to

Wilmington and Long Beach.

Once when I was about eight and went to Catalina, it rained the whole weekend.

Oh, I can show you San Francisco. The cable cars, the Fisherman's Wharf. Oh,

the bridge. Oh, the Bay Bridge and the Golden Gate, yeah.

Without my mother.

Without your mother.

Thank

you.

Thank you. Thank you.

I can't tell you what being back on Love Island means to me.

I came here once when I was... when I was very young.

It was by the waterfall that I met my husband.

Returning was, well, returning was a wish come true.

I want to thank you all for being here with me, especially on Valentine's Day.

Now, to celebrate, we've prepared a very special dessert.

All you dieters needn't worry about calories.

It's from an old recipe I learned from my grandmother.

Enjoy.

These are especially for you.

Oh, isn't that lovely?

Thank you.

Thank you.

Oh, delicious.

It hasn't been easy.

Widowed five times and having to bring up a daughter all... myself.

Well, you're a survivor just like me.

Yes, but I can see you're a very successful survivor.

I hope it's legal.

You know the 11th commandment. Thou shalt not get caught.

Right on. Where'd you learn that? Oh, I went to school on the south side of

Chicago.

No kidding.

Stockyard Elementary?

And Cicero High.

Me too.

You know, I'm getting kind of dizzy.

Well, uh, maybe if you, uh, took your head off? Well, I'll need help.

All right.

There we go.

Oh.

Haida?

Haida Jaworski?

What?

Alfred.

Alfred Jerome.

Where have you been all these years?

Have I changed very much? I can't remember that twinkle in your eyes or

your mustache.

Gee, I always wondered what happened to you.

You stood me up.

We had a date for the prom and you never showed.

Well, I was just a dumb kid then. What did I know?

You were, A.J., you were.

Are you sure you're not obsessed with my body?

Denise, do you believe in God?

Of course.

Do you think God would have given me that beautiful body to cover it up so no

one could ever see it? You're not only beautiful on the outside, but you're

beautiful on the inside.

Really? Really.

Nobody's ever talked to me like this.

I've got to see your face.

You have the most beautiful eyes.

My eyes?

Usually I wear glasses.

Oh, Denise, can I take you home to meet the bishop?

Oh, you can take me anywhere. Just take me with you.

I live in a small town.

Oh, I love small towns. I'm from a small town.

And I can be very dull.

Oh, but that gives us so much more time for each other.

Now, I must beg that I put on my arm and I'll find I'm dreaming.

Well, if I'm dreaming, I don't want to wake up.

Quick, let's get out of here.

I'll explain later.

You were the first, Alfred. I've never forgotten.

Maybe we should try it again, Bunny.

Bunny, you do remember.

But I'm no spring chicken, A.J.

You'll always be bunny to me, Bunny.

You know, I never make the same mistake twice.

Think of all the new ones we can make together.

I was thinking of Reno.

Vegas? Close enough.

You know, I think I see your heart beating, Bunny.

It's kind of warm under all these feathers.

How about a stroll in the moonlight?

Just give me a few minutes.

I'm thinking.

This is the happiest night of my life.

It'll always be like that.

Why can't it?

Oh, these clothes I'm wearing and all, they're not the real me.

Crystal doesn't even need my real name.

I'm Cora Luann.

Oh.

You know, skating on Saturdays and bowling on Tuesdays.

Well, I hope you don't think that these clothes are the real me.

I am certainly no Prince Charming. I don't even own a horse.

Well, I think you've done everything right.

Everything?

It's not quarrel. The night's young.

You're beautiful.

I'm beautiful.

And you haven't eaten your dessert.

It's too beautiful.

I'll take it home as a souvenir.

Something to remember you by.

Take me home.

As I recall, you're out of work.

We'll be out of work together.

You have an answer for everything.

Because you keep asking questions.

Look, look, I'm engaged.

She gave her my ring.

Well, you walked out on me. You threw in the towel, the ring, the keys, and my

heart. A.J., do you know Beverly?

A.J. was my former employer.

Well, I just wanted you to know, Beverly, that I'm not angry anymore.

Thank you. I'm glad you're not angry.

But if you'll excuse us, you're interrupting a very important

discussion. Oh, sure.

Oh, do you mind if I help myself?

No blood sugar.

You got the ring.

Thank him. He's yours.

Help me up, A.J. Oh, sure, Blanche.

Tomorrow, I send this costume to the pillow factory.

Lord.

You were involved with A.J.?

Well, you did some pretty fancy dancing with Denise long after I walked out on

AJ.

Let's stop beating around the bush, Billy. What do you want?

You?

For us to get married?

Tomorrow? Right here on Love Island?

I'm asking.

You got it.

The ring, please.

Now, do you, William, take this woman to be your lawful wedded? I most definitely

do.

You, Beverly, take this man. Absolutely.

Be your own.

With the power vested in me, I pronounce you man and wife.

Husband and wife.

Yeah. Husband and wife.

You want to kiss the bride?

Again?

Congratulations.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Oh, it's just lovely. Hey, Jay, I'm warning you. If you start anything, I've

got someone here who can stop it.

I just wanted to offer you your old job back. And, uh, no strings attached.

Oh, no, thank you. I'm not interested.

What's the problem?

Would you ask your bride if she's going to be back to work on Monday morning?

No.

Does she get a raise?

Ten percent.

Come on, that doesn't even keep up with inflation.

Twenty-five.

That's the deal.

Wait a minute.

Now, Billy, would you care to do some ads for us?

I've considered signing a new spokesman.

I'm his manager now. You'll have to negotiate with me.

We'll talk about it at the office.

Meanwhile, you'll be reporting to the future Mrs.

A.J. Morgan.

She'll be in charge of consumer relations.

And we'll have male secretaries serving us coffee.

Why don't you toss your bouquet, dear? Give one of the other girls a little

hope. Okay.

Time for the bouquet.

Thank you.

Thank you. Okay. Ready? All right.

Come on.

I've got an idea. Hold on. Okay.

Okay.

Um,

will you marry us?

Well, I think the bishop would be disappointed if he didn't do the honors.

Charles, you and Denise are... Congratulations.

Do I get to kiss the bride-to-be?

Uh-uh.

Me first.

Excuse

us.

Murphy!

Look, A.J., I can explain everything. She was alone and she was lonely. You

know, tropical nights, long, lazy days. This island is permeated with romance.

I'm talking about nonstop, 24 hours a day, excruciating romance.

You just got here last night and look at you. What about yourself? What about

you, A.J.? You're fired.

What about me?

Now, what about you?

Crystal, I would like for you to meet the man who is almost your father.

Well, excepting horseshoes almost doesn't count.

And it's about to become your stepfather.

I'm delighted to meet you, my dear.

Your mother and I were high school sweethearts.

Well, what kind of new stepfather introduces himself by firing my future

husband? Future what?

I hope in my deepest heart that you and A.J. are very happy. I do.

I just want you to let me live my own life.

This is Robert, your future son-in-law.

Be back to work on Monday morning, 9 o'clock sharp.

Son.

Thanks, Dad.

Well, now we got just one major problem left.

See, Mama's going to be living in San Francisco, too.

Well, in that case, you're going to love Berkeley.

Not the closer to my night courses, anyway.

Did you really mean everything you said last night?

I meant everything.

I think

I'm

going to cry.

Oh, don't do that, Ant-Man.

I'll be back. Billy's going to help me get a football scholarship.

Yeah, where, bastard?

You're going to miss me.

Yeah.

Thanks, Aunt Madge.

Here you are,

Madge. Thank you.

I've been wanting to ask you, Madge. I'm kind of a conglomerate, you know, of

real estate. Just so you know, it's racetracks.

Would you, uh...

Consider selling the island?

Never.

You see, love is not a cartel, Mr. Morgan.

Would you consider a franchise operation?

Well,

I'll ask you the next time.

I hope you didn't forget.

I have it right here.

Oh, thank you.

I'd better get him on the boat before he changes his mind.

Oh, Madge, you've got to give me that recipe for those wonderful little

desserts. Oh, I'm afraid I can't do that. You see, it's an old family

recipe. But I can tell you that a little goes a long way.

You'll never be hungry again.

Scrawl a little hair.

Gone with the wind.

Thank you very much. Bye-bye.

Bye-bye.

Bye, my dear. Bye.

Bye. Bye, Carl.

Oh,

boy, all this hugging and kissing.

It's neither contagious nor congenital. Enjoy.

Well, I better go, too.

Bye-bye, Cheryl.

Bye.

Bye, man.

Bye.

You know, I'm almost tempted to stay, if only to keep the knee in shape.

You're welcome any time.

Yeah, you've given me something a lot more important, Matt.

No, I only set the mood.

You two did it yourself.

Keep doing it.

Suddenly I'm at a loss for words.

That'll be the day.

Bye. Oh, bye, Matt.

Bye-bye. Well, I feel positively beautiful.

You look beautiful.

Thank you.

Mr. Murphy? Yes.

Is this your pigeon? Oh, yes, it is. Thank you very much.

But how come there are two pigeons?

Would you mind if she went back with him?

After all, this is Love Island.

Bye-bye. Bye.

Bye. Bye.

left to do.

Madge, will you teach me all the things you learned from Wanda?

I can try.

Would that bring them back again?

Yes, and for all those who still need to come here.

The roses.

Are they really... magic?

Only if you want them to be.