Original subtitles

ALL: # There's three of us

# There's three of us

# Look closely, you will see

# There's three of us

# Just three of us

# There's him and you and me

# And every day, we all hang out

# To find out what we talk about

# And I'm the one that's over here

# And I'm the one that's over here

# And I am over here

ALL: # That's three of us

# Just three of us

# Us three. #

Oh, look, it's morning.

Huh, I guess we stayed up all night talking again.

Well, what are we supposed to be doing now?

Um... What?

I would like to know what's meant to happen today.

Right, yeah.

Let me check the schedule.

Oh.

Oh. Says here we don't have anything planned.

Says we're doing nothing.

What? Nothing?

Nothing at all?

That's what it says on the schedule.

No, we need to do something.

Especially me.

Honestly, I don't mind it.

How about we just give it another 20 minutes?

No, it's too dull.

Only dull people think things are dull.

What? I'm not dull?

I'm the best one.

What do you think we should do?

Oh, my, will you look at the time!

I'd better get going.

Wha...? Who is this?

Why didn't we get breakfast?

I certainly wouldn't want to be late for my job, would I?

Um, probably not. I don't know.

Cheerio, then!

See you. Bye. Wait.

Can you tell us what we're supposed to... Whoops!

Almost forgot my briefcase!

Look, he's one of those guys who has one of himself.

Hey, where are you going? To my job, of course.

I've got a million things to do today.

A million things?

Wow.

Hm. Sounds stressful.

Not at all!

If you found the right job, it won't even feel like work.

In fact, you'll feel like an angel! VOICE ECHOES

Wow. I've got a job.

On my shoulder.

That's not a job.

That's a welt.

Is that true?

Yeah.

I think we'll have to pass. We've got other plans, I'm afraid.

No, we don't. We're not doing anything. Yeah, exactly.

Sign us up for three jobs straight away. Yeah.

Steady on there, friend.

You need to find the right one first!

Well, no. What about Nothing Day? It was supposed to be Nothing Day.

I was looking forward to doing that.

# You can be anything you want to do

# It's totally up to you

# Even if you don't know what to do

# I can help you, show you

# You could be the guy who types so fast on computers

# Clackity, clackity, clackity, clack

# Oh, you could be the one who kicks so hard at a football

# It's a goal!

# Oh, you could be the one who bangs the hammer when he's angry

# Order!

# Oh, you could be the one who makes people better when they're poorly

Oh, careful! What are you doing?

# Maybe I could be the one who plants a tree

# Cuts it down to make a shed

# And I will invent a digital currency based around respect

# And I would really prefer to do as little as possible

# Or nothing at all. #

Is that an option?

What, you want to sit around all day, a great big guy like you?

He's not that big.

OK, I get it.

So, you want to be like my brother,

Unemployed Brendan.

Take it away, Brendan!

# Oh, you don't want to end up like me

# Oh, I'm very shameful and upset

# My brother is quite successful and perfect

# Even though I'm older than him. #

What's he saying?

I don't want to do this anymore!

What's wrong? Come on, that was good! Go on.

Yeah. Yeah, it's...good.

Keep going, Unemployed Brendan.

Why can't you just call me Brendan?!

My name is Brendan!

Oh, don't be like that. This isn't fair!

Ow! My hand!

You all right? What did you say to me?!

Is your hand all right?

Are you gonna publish my novel? Um, no.

SHOUTING: Then leave me alone!

# I could be the one who tells all the soldiers to stand up straight

# Attention!

# I could be the one who drives a truck full of ice creams

# Yum, yum! Have one!

# You could be the one who cuts people's hair for a party

So it looks smart. It looks dumb.

# Maybe I could be the one who catches all the fishes in a big net

Uh, there's nothing in it.

# Oh, you could be the guys who fly so high to a space moon

# Oh, you could be the guys who work as a team in the workplace

Yes!

# Or you could be the ones who dig a hole for a funeral. #

Huh?

SINGING CONTINUES

What?

Where'd he go?

HE CLEARS THROAT Uh, sorry to interrupt, guys.

Have any of you seen a strange, uh, box person?

Box?

Eh?

No, no. He's more of a business bag.

He's a brown bag.

He eats breakfast.

He's one of those ones with one of himself.

PHONE RINGS

Uh, also, I think the phone's ringing.

You need to be more aggressive.

That's how you get ahead in the workplace. Give it here.

Attention, freaks. It's me.

We're supposed to be starting our new job any moment.

How do we get out of here and away from you immediately?

How strange. They're pretending they don't respect me.

And the phone's still ringing, guys.

Isn't...?

Sorry, but isn't anyone going to get that?

RINGING CONTINUES

Don't get too close to them.

They look feral.

RINGING CONTINUES

Uh, hello?

You're through to, uh... Oh.

..Peterson's And Sons And Friends Bits & Parts Limited.

Huh.

What are you doing?

We're making bits and parts.

Although sometimes, I feel a bit like the parts are making me!

Oh, Andy! That makes me laugh.

Yep, I'm a bit of a cheeky guy sometimes.

Yeah, I wish! You and whose army?

THEY LAUGH

Uh-huh.

Good job, team-mate.

That's what I call a quality product.

So, how do we get out of here?

Sorry, I'm just at work.

What? What are you doing?

I'm making bits and parts,

although sometimes, I feel a bit like the bits and parts

are making...me.

SHE LAUGHS Good one!

HE LAUGHS Here, let me have a go.

CREATURE SHRIEKS

What?! Oh, dear.

CREATURE SHRIEKS

Hey, my thing that I did!

I think Duncan's looking for you.

Duncan's in charge of the website.

Look, he's working on the website now.

Duncan?

Duncan...

Hm. That's not a website.

Eh?

The website's under construction.

Here you go.

Don't forget your helmet!

You don't want to have an accident.

They're more common than you think.

Oh, thanks, guys.

What about me? I should get the helmet.

I've got the most valuable brain.

Hm. Here. Give me yours.

Argh! Ah!

That's lunch!

# He's a vending machine

# It's a vending machine

ALL: # We all eat lunch from a vending machine

# He's a vending machine

# That's a vending machine

# We all eat lunch near a vending machine

# Some people say it's not real food

# But I quite like it and I think you will, too. #

Stop it! Oh.

Uh-huh. OK, yeah.

Well, I don't actually work here. Bye.

Wow, nice work!

You're a real go-getter, aren't you?

Am I? Uh, I don't think I am. Most people say...

I think you are, and you've got such a beautiful telephone voice,

if I may say so myself.

Oh. Thanks. That's very kind, actually.

Thank YOU.

Why don't you sit down, make yourself comfortable? Uh...

Oh, I've got a fax coming through for you!

SHE STRAINS

Oh, that's nice.

Who's this from?

Me.

Hi there. How are you? How is your child?

Good, thanks.

I like my child, but not as much as I like...lasagne!

One restaurant-style lasagne coming up. Mm!

When are we going to go?

I thought I was supposed to invent a digital currency, not this.

What? We can't go. It's only lunchtime.

What's he saying in there?

What's he walking around for? Is he lost?

Hey, come on. Let's not talk about work over lunch.

Don't even talk to Clare until she's had her lasagne.

THEY LAUGH

Oh, stop forming a bond with them.

We should go.

If you're going, can I have your lasagne?

Get away from me, Duncan. Aw.

You must be the new guy I've been hearing so much about.

How are you? How is your child?

Good, thank you. You don't have a child.

One restaurant-style lasagne coming up.

And don't forget your hot black water - on the house!

Mm-mm, it's good!

Lunch!

All right, machine. I'd like two of everything, please.

Ooh, I'm sorry.

It looks like you forgot your lunch token.

What? Nobody else had tokens.

Don't worry. You can still get a meal from the free vending machine.

MACHINE CREAKS

Hi.

What can I get you?

Um...do you have the lasagne?

Yeah, I reckon.

Hold your hand out, then.

OK.

MACHINE GRUNTS

Actually, that's too much.

Put some back. Mm.

No, no, I can't help you.

I don't work here.

OK, fine.

SHOUTING: Bye!

HE SIGHS

Get a load of you.

I really liked what you did at the end there. What was that?

Yeah, uh, I guess I kind of yelled a bit.

It's like it's your voice, but it's even more of it.

Is it? Uh, I should probably get going now.

It sounds like it's lunchtime.

Oh, you don't have to get your own lunch. We've got it here for you.

Look, it's salmon with diamonds.

Oh. I don't know if you can eat diamonds. Can you eat diamonds?

Oh, we'll just get something else. Well, don't throw it away.

HE SCOFFS That's wasteful.What are you doing?

Well, I was gonna put it in the bin, shouldn't I?

Don't do it yourself. Make the bin do it. He's pathetic.

Yes, sir, I'm pathetic!

Sir? Why's he calling me sir?

Because you're the boss. You're the boss! I'm not the boss.

Yes, you are. You're upper management. Look! Yeah!

Am I? What does that mean?

It means you can do anything you want.

Oh. Great.

You could even fire somebody if you like.

Yeah. Fire somebody.

Fire somebody?

Hey, hey, hey, you don't have to fire someone,

but it's the kind of thing Mr Peterson would do.

Fire somebody! Fire me!

OK, calm down. You could fire him, or kill him.

For the world!

THROUGH TELEVISION: So, you're a new employee here

at Peterson's And Sons And Friends Bits & Parts Limited.

I imagine you've probably been thinking a bit

about what part you play.

Like a sporting team or the army,

our business runs on something called teamwork.

From the manufacturing team... Hello!

..to the big brains in upper management... I'm busy.

..we all have a vital role to play. Him? No!

Even Duncan on the website. Hi!

Health and Safety.

First things first -

we are well aware of our reputation, but health and safety is important

to us in our own special way.

What? What does that even mean?

What that means is that, at some point, we will have an accident,

and that's a promise because we feel that only a freak accident helps us

appreciate all the times we're not being burnt in a grease fire

or mangled in a piece of machinery.

Thanks for listening, and if you're still having trouble fitting in...

Who's in charge around here? That's it.

HE HUMS

Er, excuse me, do you have an appointment?

That's it. I've had enough of this place.

What do you want? I'm busy.

Busy? What are you talking about?

We've only been here for nine minutes.

Hang on a second. What are you wearing?

Don't say that. He looks smart.

Smart dress clothes only.

Is that a lanyard?

What? No. HE LAUGHS

This is a laminated tag.

The lanyard itself is the fabric festooning it.

I thought everyone knew that. What have they done to you?

Look, I told you, I'm busy.

If you're having trouble fitting in, then maybe you should book in

a session with the Carehound.

Otherwise, I've got important work to do.

Important work? What are you talking about?

Nobody here does anything at all.

All they do is turn bits into parts.

Hey, he can't talk to you like that.

Yeah, you're just jealous cos I'm actually good at it.

And I look like a smart boy in my outfit.

Good at what?

All you do is pick up the phone.

Anyone can do that.

What you doing? Don't do that. Don't do that.

PRINTER SCREAMS

Ah!

He can't do that! Quick, show him who's boss!

CHANTING: Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it!

RED GUY: Uh...

But... Please, do it!

Ow! Do it!

That's it.

Here, take your things.

What? These aren't my things.

I'm afraid I'm letting you go.

Letting me go?

From what?

TOILET FLUSHES

Oh, hello. Ha! You all right?

Working hard or hardly working, eh?

You didn't wash your hands.

Yeah, so what?

Somebody else will do it.

Anyway, back to the grindstone, hey.

# Vending machine... #

But...

What do you think it means to have a job?

Some people think it's just something you do between breakfast

and dinner, but not me.

Whatever else is going on, my job provides me...

OVER PHONE: ..high call volume.

Please stay on the line. Your call is important to us.

A member of the Urinal Support Service

will be with you as soon as they can.

Ugh. If you're about to overflow, please hang up and dial...

So, I guess that's what my job means to me.

I hope that made a difference.

If you're having trouble coping at work,

please ring the below number.

Or the above number.

Or the diagonal number.

ELEVATOR: Hi there. How was your day today

at Peterson's And Sons And Friends Bits & Parts Limited?

Not good. I got let go.

Please answer by selecting a member of the emotion family.

What?

I don't know these emotions.

You sound stressed.

Would you say you're feeling overwhelmed with stress?

I'm not stressed. I'm unemployed.

I understand. We all feel a bit lost sometimes.

Perhaps there's still a place for you here, after all. What?

We just need to deal with your attitude.

# I see that you're having problems

# And your stress is getting you overwhelmed

# Maybe you need a break

# Or something to take

# To help you when you need help with yourself

# We'd like to make some suggestions

# Here's some guidance for dealing with stress

# Just a small exercise that may help you stay calm

# When your stressful behaviour is bad. #

Try to imagine all your thoughts

are squeezed inside a cube

and the cube is in a garden.

But the garden isn't real

and the cube is made of nothing.

Now, let's imagine we're in a library,

and there's loads and loads of books

and they represent the cube.

And the cube is actually you.

What? That's it. I'm not a cube.

Turn it off.

So, you'd like to register a complaint with the Carehound?

Um...

Just whisper your complaints very quietly into the mouth

of the Carehound.

Shouldn't I whisper into its...ear?

No, no. Just right into the mouth of the Carehound.

Let it all out.

Um...

Argh!

INDISTINCT CLAMOUR

There you are.

So, how are you feeling?

I feel...

I feel like...

..I'd better get back to work.

Glad to have you back on board.

ELEVATOR: Hi there. How was your day today at...?

I'm part of the team.

You must be the new guy.

Guilty.

HE LAUGHS You're a cheeky guy, too.

You'll fit right in.

What's all this? It's the retirement party.

Sign the card?

Rumour has it even Mr Peterson's going to do a speech.

Wow, Mr Peterson!

I like the sound of that.

Oh. Sh, sh.

Here he comes.

HE COUGHS

Hello, employees.

As you know, I've been in upper management for a long, long time.

Oh. That's Peterson.

But today isn't all about me.

It's about another guy. That's... No.

Somebody who has been working hard

or hardly working here for many years now.

So, let's all wish him a fond farewell on his...

Many...years?

HE LAUGHS

Wait.

This... This isn't...

Of course, he's joined by his beautiful wife, Clare,

and his lovely daughter, Jackie.

CLARE AND JACKIE: Yay!

But I think everyone might agree with me when I say what a guy.

40 years.

Can you believe it?

CLARE: The big 4-0.

No.

No, I can't.

This...

This...

Yay! The website's going on! VOICE ECHOES

Yah!

This isn't what we're supposed to be doing!

Uh...

My card! Me too old!

Argh!

Finally, the accident!

Yeah, it's here!

Yay, Daddy!

This does make me appreciate not being in an accident.

I feel so alive, yeah!

Do something!

WORKERS SCREAM

You're fired!

Not that!

Argh!

Hey! Huh?

# Oh, you could be the one who gets the post from the postbox

Huh?

# Oh, you can be the one who paints a picture with a paintbrush

Wait, what?

# Oh, you could be the one who makes the shoes for the horsies

Where...? Where's my phone?

# Oh, you can be the one who spends all day with the sad ones

What?

# You can be anything you want to do! #

YELLOW GUY BREATHES HEAVILY

What? Huh?

My hand.

My child.

Oh, my lanyard.

And my weight gain.

Well, I'd better be off.

Come on, Brendan. Time for your bath.

Meh!

Wait, what was all of that?

All of that stuff that we just did.

What was it all for?

Ha! Oh, yes! I almost forgot!

You've earned this.

Whoa.

Argh!

Subtitles by Red Bee Media