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1
00:00:11,289 --> 00:00:14,062
[commentator] You know,
with the Knicks, it all comes
down to offensive rebounding.
2
00:00:14,161 --> 00:00:17,201
[commentator 2] This group
has played together since
Villanova. Now you're just...
3
00:00:17,401 --> 00:00:19,471
[Billie mumbling]
4
00:00:24,716 --> 00:00:26,553
-[Issa grunts]
-Sorry.
5
00:00:36,807 --> 00:00:38,777
Oh, I'm sorry. I am sorry...
6
00:00:41,048 --> 00:00:42,886
-[thuds]
-[Paul groans] What the fuck?
7
00:00:43,119 --> 00:00:45,858
We have an announcement.
Since we are
no longer together,
8
00:00:46,125 --> 00:00:49,165
me and Paul Baker have decided
to stop sharing a room.
9
00:00:49,298 --> 00:00:50,769
-Totally.
-Yeah, that makes sense.
10
00:00:51,102 --> 00:00:54,577
[Issa] Great.
So, we are doing a...
11
00:00:54,709 --> 00:00:57,281
-room swap! What?
-Room swap!
12
00:00:57,348 --> 00:00:59,018
Yeah, we couldn't sleep,
so we came up with this.
13
00:00:59,218 --> 00:01:00,755
It is going to be great.
14
00:01:00,822 --> 00:01:02,257
[Issa] Yeah,
we found the blueprints
in Samir's mom's closet.
15
00:01:02,324 --> 00:01:04,028
She doesn't need them
anymore, right?
16
00:01:04,095 --> 00:01:05,765
We don't know that.
She's always doing
little projects.
17
00:01:05,832 --> 00:01:07,434
Thank you, Samir's mom.
Okay, everyone, pick a ball.
18
00:01:07,502 --> 00:01:09,573
The color you get
is your new room/roommate.
19
00:01:09,639 --> 00:01:11,510
Oh, I feel like we're drawing
rocks on Survivor.
20
00:01:11,577 --> 00:01:13,313
I'd be so fucking good
at the puzzles.
21
00:01:13,380 --> 00:01:15,518
-[Paul] Yes, Samir.
-What if I end up with a girl?
22
00:01:15,685 --> 00:01:17,722
-Grow up, Samir.
-Come on, dude.
23
00:01:17,722 --> 00:01:19,693
-[Billie]
Then you'll room with a girl.
-The house is already co-ed.
24
00:01:19,760 --> 00:01:21,697
Yeah, we're post-gender.
25
00:01:21,764 --> 00:01:23,300
I thought the table
was an open forum,
but I'll-I'll go fuck myself.
26
00:01:23,367 --> 00:01:25,605
Okay... [sighs]
...everyone, ready?
27
00:01:25,738 --> 00:01:28,176
-[Paul clears throat]
-[Issa] Go.
28
00:01:30,848 --> 00:01:32,317
-[gasps] Girls!
-[screams]
29
00:01:32,384 --> 00:01:34,422
Boys, boys, boys, boys.
Yes, yes, yes, yes.
30
00:01:34,589 --> 00:01:36,359
It's me. Oh, my God, it's me.
31
00:01:36,426 --> 00:01:38,163
Yes, me! It's me!
32
00:01:38,396 --> 00:01:40,935
Oh, thank God.
I did not wanna room
with Samir or Paul Baker.
33
00:01:41,001 --> 00:01:43,073
Like, what do they even talk
about before they fall asleep?
34
00:01:43,206 --> 00:01:44,442
[both] Biggest car
we've ever seen.
35
00:01:44,609 --> 00:01:46,246
I saw a monster truck once...
36
00:01:46,379 --> 00:01:48,182
You know what?
I'll save it for tonight.
37
00:01:48,316 --> 00:01:49,786
-No!
-We'll talk about it tonight.
38
00:01:50,521 --> 00:01:52,692
[♪♪ theme music playing]
39
00:02:07,922 --> 00:02:11,328
Okay, the mini hoop
is way better there.
[grunts] Oh, you suck.
40
00:02:11,395 --> 00:02:12,799
-No, but it holds.
-Yeah.
41
00:02:12,866 --> 00:02:14,536
Dude, and then this can be
the Gusher drawer.
42
00:02:14,603 --> 00:02:16,239
-We'd never have
to go downstairs, ever.
-No.
43
00:02:16,306 --> 00:02:18,243
[both grunt]
44
00:02:18,310 --> 00:02:20,180
And then this
can be your side of the bed.
I'll go on the other side.
45
00:02:20,247 --> 00:02:21,817
We'll get two beds eventually.
46
00:02:21,884 --> 00:02:23,419
Yeah. Yes!
47
00:02:23,486 --> 00:02:24,990
[Samir and Paul grunting]
48
00:02:25,256 --> 00:02:26,660
Call me crazy. This was meant
to be a girl's room.
49
00:02:26,727 --> 00:02:27,795
Mm-hmm.
50
00:02:27,929 --> 00:02:29,332
Every night
we should do a theme.
51
00:02:29,398 --> 00:02:31,369
-[gasps] I love that.
-Yeah, right.
52
00:02:31,570 --> 00:02:34,274
And tonight could be,
"Get drunk in Samir's sister's
graduation gowns,"
53
00:02:34,375 --> 00:02:38,049
and then tomorrow
could be, like, luau.
54
00:02:38,116 --> 00:02:39,620
Genius. [chuckles]
55
00:02:39,686 --> 00:02:41,823
-Can I say something?
-Mm-hmm.
56
00:02:41,823 --> 00:02:41,824
-Can I say something?
-Mm-hmm.
Now that we've finally
switched rooms... [sighs]
...it feels, like, real.
57
00:02:41,824 --> 00:02:45,765
Now that we've finally
switched rooms... [sighs]
...it feels, like, real.
58
00:02:46,298 --> 00:02:49,071
Like, I'm single again.
59
00:02:49,304 --> 00:02:50,741
Single Issa.
60
00:02:50,808 --> 00:02:52,679
-New York City is trembling.
-[chuckles]
61
00:02:52,745 --> 00:02:55,450
-I don't know about trembling.
-Ugh. I do.
62
00:02:55,951 --> 00:02:57,187
Oh, my God.
63
00:02:57,254 --> 00:02:58,824
We should go out tonight.
64
00:03:00,193 --> 00:03:01,930
Tonight?
65
00:03:01,930 --> 00:03:01,963
Tonight?
I mean, how fun would that be?
Single Issa, single Billie
on the prowl.
66
00:03:01,963 --> 00:03:03,801
I mean, how fun would that be?
Single Issa, single Billie
on the prowl.
67
00:03:03,901 --> 00:03:06,172
Yeah, I don't know.
I'm really tired from the move.
68
00:03:06,338 --> 00:03:09,378
Oh. Come on. Picking up guys
has been, like, my one
marketable skill this year.
69
00:03:09,444 --> 00:03:11,817
I want you to see. Get dressed.
70
00:03:11,884 --> 00:03:13,954
-Okay, you've convinced me.
-[chuckles]
71
00:03:14,021 --> 00:03:16,092
Oh, my God, I could wear...
Wait, look.
72
00:03:16,225 --> 00:03:19,766
This, halter, no pants,
just underwear.
73
00:03:19,899 --> 00:03:22,639
-No.
-Ugh. It's too much fabric.
74
00:03:22,706 --> 00:03:23,874
You're right.
75
00:03:25,077 --> 00:03:27,348
-[Paul] And he's down.
Samir is down.
-No.
76
00:03:27,447 --> 00:03:29,452
-From the top. Here it comes.
-No. No, no.
77
00:03:29,619 --> 00:03:30,888
-[phone dings]
-T, T, T, T!
78
00:03:30,955 --> 00:03:32,390
Oh, dude.
79
00:03:32,491 --> 00:03:34,530
-Bro, imagine
that wasn't T. Boom!
-I wish.
80
00:03:34,562 --> 00:03:36,867
Sorry, Carly's just in Austin.
She wants to say good night,
81
00:03:37,000 --> 00:03:39,071
-so I need like 10, 15, okay?
-Okay.
82
00:03:39,438 --> 00:03:40,908
Wait, door open or closed?
83
00:03:41,910 --> 00:03:44,281
Uh... I guess closed.
84
00:03:44,949 --> 00:03:47,254
-Closed is chill.
-Okay.
85
00:03:49,526 --> 00:03:51,395
[grunts]
86
00:03:53,299 --> 00:03:55,237
[woman moaning on video]
87
00:03:55,303 --> 00:03:56,840
Yeah. Right there.
88
00:03:58,744 --> 00:03:59,913
Keep going. Yeah.
89
00:04:00,346 --> 00:04:02,451
-Yo, I just...
-Yo. [clears throat]
90
00:04:04,221 --> 00:04:05,356
Were you about to jerk off?
91
00:04:05,524 --> 00:04:07,962
No. Skin is dry.
Nose is stuffy.
92
00:04:08,029 --> 00:04:09,566
Mm-hmm.
93
00:04:09,632 --> 00:04:11,837
But, um, would it have been
a problem if it was yes?
94
00:04:11,903 --> 00:04:13,707
Could have been...
Like perchance?
95
00:04:13,841 --> 00:04:17,047
No, I mean, we all...
we all gotta eat.
96
00:04:17,047 --> 00:04:18,684
Brother's gotta eat.
97
00:04:18,751 --> 00:04:22,023
I guess I would rather that
you didn't eat in the bed.
98
00:04:22,023 --> 00:04:22,057
I guess I would rather that
you didn't eat in the bed.
-Yes, uh-huh.
-Right?
99
00:04:22,057 --> 00:04:24,027
-Yes, uh-huh.
-Right?
100
00:04:24,328 --> 00:04:26,933
Because we wouldn't want crumbs
in the bed, right?
101
00:04:26,933 --> 00:04:26,934
Because we wouldn't want crumbs
in the bed, right?
No crumbs in the bed.
102
00:04:26,934 --> 00:04:29,539
No crumbs in the bed.
103
00:04:29,672 --> 00:04:33,246
So, neither of us will eat
in the bed.
104
00:04:33,446 --> 00:04:35,751
-Great.
-Got it, yeah.
105
00:04:36,520 --> 00:04:38,390
-[trills lips]
-Huh?
106
00:04:38,456 --> 00:04:41,395
It's just that Carly's
traveling for residency
interviews all month,
107
00:04:41,462 --> 00:04:44,468
so my restaurant's closed.
108
00:04:44,536 --> 00:04:48,978
And my restaurant
and I just broke up.
109
00:04:49,546 --> 00:04:50,981
Oh, but the bathroom
is like right--
110
00:04:51,048 --> 00:04:52,418
I thought about that.
Bathroom door doesn't lock.
111
00:04:52,618 --> 00:04:54,288
-Yeah.
-And the attic...
112
00:04:54,421 --> 00:04:56,225
-Spooky pipes. Oh.
-Spooky pipes.
113
00:04:56,425 --> 00:04:58,396
Fucking hate those.
114
00:04:58,864 --> 00:05:00,835
Huh.
115
00:05:01,001 --> 00:05:03,039
-Gusher?
-Yeah, Gusher me.
116
00:05:06,613 --> 00:05:08,316
-Huh.
-Hmm.
117
00:05:11,723 --> 00:05:14,963
Oh. And, uh, don't skimp
on the lychee.
118
00:05:15,664 --> 00:05:17,969
-I can handle it.
-[bartender] I got you.
119
00:05:18,402 --> 00:05:20,107
-Nice. Yeah.
-I know, right? [chuckles]
120
00:05:20,406 --> 00:05:21,977
It's like the student
has become the teacher,
121
00:05:22,110 --> 00:05:24,181
but the teacher
is still the teacher
122
00:05:24,381 --> 00:05:26,587
and now we're just
two teachers, really good
at finding guys to fuck.
123
00:05:26,786 --> 00:05:28,590
-Yeah.
-[chuckles]
124
00:05:29,391 --> 00:05:31,630
Oh, hey. Look.
125
00:05:32,832 --> 00:05:36,138
-Okay. I'm wingmanning you.
Scooch over.
-Uh!
126
00:05:36,438 --> 00:05:38,410
-Wait, right now?
-Yeah, right now. Scooch.
127
00:05:38,610 --> 00:05:39,779
[Billie clears throat]
128
00:05:41,583 --> 00:05:45,257
Hi, I'm Billie,
and this is my friend, Issa,
129
00:05:45,324 --> 00:05:48,163
and we are drinking martinis.
130
00:05:48,230 --> 00:05:52,237
Hmm. Maybe I could put
those two martinis on my tab.
131
00:05:52,304 --> 00:05:53,473
[Billie] You probably should.
132
00:05:53,707 --> 00:05:55,143
Say hi, Iss.
133
00:05:56,245 --> 00:05:59,285
[in British accent] Hello.
[normal voice] Sorry,
that was...
134
00:05:59,786 --> 00:06:01,189
[in British accent]
Hello. [chuckles]
135
00:06:01,455 --> 00:06:03,927
It's good to see you night...
tonight, governor.
136
00:06:04,027 --> 00:06:06,666
[normal voice] That's me
if I were British today.
137
00:06:07,100 --> 00:06:08,503
Nice. Um...
138
00:06:08,604 --> 00:06:11,141
-Well, Issa is actually a--
-Wait a second.
139
00:06:12,645 --> 00:06:14,982
-Does this go with my outfit?
-[patron] Um...
140
00:06:15,083 --> 00:06:17,321
Be honest. Does this go
with my outfit right now?
141
00:06:17,487 --> 00:06:18,724
Me if I were random. [chuckles]
142
00:06:18,791 --> 00:06:21,295
Sorry, I'm...
I'm getting some texts.
143
00:06:21,529 --> 00:06:23,466
[Issa in British accent]
Oh, hello, is it Mummy
on the line?
144
00:06:23,667 --> 00:06:26,238
[in high-pitched voice]
Cinderelly, Cinderelly,
please let the mice free.
145
00:06:26,539 --> 00:06:29,111
-What?
-Wait, hold on.
Me if I were a crab.
146
00:06:36,793 --> 00:06:38,162
Oh, our drinks are here.
147
00:06:38,462 --> 00:06:39,966
[Issa in deep voice]
Great, thank you, barkeep.
148
00:06:40,099 --> 00:06:42,170
Cheers, one last time
before the war.
149
00:06:42,237 --> 00:06:44,474
-Can I get the check?
-[Issa] It's the blitzkrieg.
150
00:06:49,652 --> 00:06:51,957
How have you gone 11 months without having sex?
151
00:06:52,057 --> 00:06:54,361
After a while, the body
just kind of acclimates.
152
00:06:54,562 --> 00:06:55,698
It's like altitude.
153
00:06:55,765 --> 00:06:57,234
Anton, you have your own room.
154
00:06:57,301 --> 00:06:59,305
You're morally obligated
to sleep with someone in it.
155
00:06:59,505 --> 00:07:01,142
[Samir] I didn't appreciate
the solo room
until it was gone.
156
00:07:01,208 --> 00:07:02,377
Let that be a lesson to you.
157
00:07:02,545 --> 00:07:04,181
Don't point your spoon at me.
158
00:07:04,214 --> 00:07:05,985
[Billie] Okay,
I know you're worried
about catching feelings,
159
00:07:06,051 --> 00:07:08,155
but you can hook up
without it meaning anything.
160
00:07:08,155 --> 00:07:08,156
but you can hook up
without it meaning anything.
I fucked a tax attorney
the other night, and I
don't care if he lives or dies.
161
00:07:08,156 --> 00:07:11,362
I fucked a tax attorney
the other night, and I
don't care if he lives or dies.
162
00:07:11,596 --> 00:07:13,066
Who are you?
163
00:07:13,132 --> 00:07:16,039
You used to be this nice girl
with those nice little loafers.
164
00:07:16,171 --> 00:07:18,143
-Anton.
-Anton, you're deflecting.
165
00:07:18,209 --> 00:07:21,516
Okay, fine, I will hook up
with someone in
my gorgeous new room.
166
00:07:21,583 --> 00:07:22,618
Thank you.
167
00:07:22,852 --> 00:07:24,922
[Issa coughs]
168
00:07:26,593 --> 00:07:28,462
-[Billie] Oh.
-What's that?
169
00:07:28,530 --> 00:07:33,373
Just a little a souvenir
from girls' night out,
aka somebody's number.
170
00:07:33,573 --> 00:07:34,576
[Issa laughs, squeals]
171
00:07:34,643 --> 00:07:36,580
-Wow.
-Yeah.
172
00:07:37,081 --> 00:07:39,986
I thought
I was gonna be a little rusty,
but I guess not.
173
00:07:40,053 --> 00:07:43,794
Okay, I got to go to work, but,
Billie, luau night tonight.
174
00:07:43,994 --> 00:07:45,196
-Yes.
-Okay.
175
00:07:45,531 --> 00:07:47,201
Ah. Love you, guys.
Don't lose that napkin.
176
00:07:47,267 --> 00:07:48,737
We won't. We'll cherish it.
177
00:07:48,804 --> 00:07:51,610
-Okay, bye, roomie,
you man-eater.
-[Issa] Bye.
178
00:07:51,843 --> 00:07:53,413
She chomping.
179
00:07:53,647 --> 00:07:56,218
-She chomp, chomp,
chomp, chomp, chomping.
-[Anton chuckles]
180
00:07:56,251 --> 00:07:58,890
Okay, so,
Issa was not chomping.
Last night was a disaster.
181
00:07:58,990 --> 00:08:00,661
-What do you mean?
-What? She got somebody's...
182
00:08:00,728 --> 00:08:03,466
♪♪ 800-588-23... ♪♪
183
00:08:03,633 --> 00:08:05,103
[gasps] ♪♪ Empire... ♪♪
184
00:08:05,169 --> 00:08:06,372
Today.
185
00:08:06,506 --> 00:08:07,876
I have never seen her
act like that.
186
00:08:08,008 --> 00:08:09,712
I've never seen anyone
act like that.
187
00:08:09,946 --> 00:08:12,919
It was like
she was doing like a...
like a character showcase.
188
00:08:13,052 --> 00:08:14,655
And, like, at one point,
she was pretending
189
00:08:14,722 --> 00:08:16,292
that her fingers were legs
190
00:08:16,359 --> 00:08:19,700
and she was doing this, like,
sexy cabaret on the bar.
191
00:08:19,899 --> 00:08:21,035
I mean, what is that?
192
00:08:21,168 --> 00:08:23,072
-Weird little guy.
-Weird little guy.
193
00:08:23,139 --> 00:08:24,876
-Yeah.
-What?
194
00:08:25,076 --> 00:08:28,116
Issa is one of those people
that when she gets
uncomfortable, she...
195
00:08:28,650 --> 00:08:29,919
she acts like
a weird little guy.
196
00:08:30,019 --> 00:08:32,023
Okay, but Issa
doesn't get uncomfortable.
197
00:08:32,090 --> 00:08:34,328
I mean, I've seen Issa shave
on a crowded bus.
198
00:08:34,562 --> 00:08:36,165
That is Issa.
199
00:08:36,198 --> 00:08:38,236
-Well, that's Issa
since you've known her...
-[Samir] Hmm.
200
00:08:38,302 --> 00:08:39,839
...but she was not
that confident when
we met her in college.
201
00:08:39,972 --> 00:08:42,712
Oh, God, uh,
I just got a horrible flash.
202
00:08:42,779 --> 00:08:46,619
[gasps] Issa introducing
herself to every new person
at freshman orientation like...
203
00:08:46,686 --> 00:08:49,157
[mimics electric shock]
"Hi, I'm Issa...
No, just kidding."
204
00:08:49,257 --> 00:08:51,429
See, but I haven't seen
weird little guy since...
205
00:08:51,663 --> 00:08:54,569
Sorority rush when
she did the whole thing
in an Elmo voice.
206
00:08:54,802 --> 00:08:57,942
[imitating Elmo]
Issa loves Theta.
Issa does keg stand?
207
00:08:58,075 --> 00:08:59,645
Okay,
so what did you do about it?
208
00:08:59,712 --> 00:09:01,082
-Do about it? Nothing.
-[Anton] We didn't do anything.
209
00:09:01,181 --> 00:09:03,420
-What is there to do?
-We just waited it out.
210
00:09:03,486 --> 00:09:04,956
That is such a boy solution.
211
00:09:05,023 --> 00:09:07,161
Just sit around with
your hands down your pants.
212
00:09:07,193 --> 00:09:08,663
I freakin' wish.
213
00:09:08,730 --> 00:09:12,070
-Whereas girls
actually solve problems.
-Mm-hmm.
214
00:09:12,103 --> 00:09:13,473
Oh, shit.
215
00:09:13,673 --> 00:09:15,276
We getting carpet?
216
00:09:16,044 --> 00:09:18,316
[♪♪ thumping electronic
music playing]
217
00:09:18,751 --> 00:09:20,754
Wow! It's so loud!
218
00:09:20,821 --> 00:09:22,191
[Billie] I know!
That's the point!
219
00:09:22,257 --> 00:09:24,161
Yeah.
220
00:09:24,161 --> 00:09:28,035
You can just dance and not talk
'cause everybody's
just dancing and...
221
00:09:28,603 --> 00:09:30,039
not talking.
222
00:09:30,106 --> 00:09:33,580
Are you sure you don't wanna
just go home? Do luau night?
223
00:09:36,887 --> 00:09:38,056
What do you think?
224
00:09:38,423 --> 00:09:41,863
Uh, I think the bass
is disrupting my heartbeat.
225
00:09:41,930 --> 00:09:44,101
-Come on.
-Okay.
226
00:09:44,201 --> 00:09:46,138
-[shower running]
-[Samir] I can chance it.
227
00:09:49,110 --> 00:09:50,346
I'm chancing it.
228
00:09:56,158 --> 00:09:57,662
[gasps, moans]
229
00:09:57,895 --> 00:09:59,431
-Hi.
-Hi.
230
00:09:59,498 --> 00:10:02,370
-Hi, yeah, hi, yeah.
-I just came in
to grab the Neosporin.
231
00:10:02,605 --> 00:10:05,476
I just cut myself trying to
hang my new floating bookshelf.
232
00:10:05,744 --> 00:10:07,014
No.
233
00:10:07,081 --> 00:10:08,717
-You know what's funny
about Neosporin?
-What?
234
00:10:08,817 --> 00:10:11,121
I always think
that we don't have Neosporin,
235
00:10:11,155 --> 00:10:14,227
so then I end up
buying another, and then
we end up with like eight.
236
00:10:14,294 --> 00:10:17,034
Eight, eight, eight,
eight, eight, eight.
237
00:10:17,100 --> 00:10:18,703
Eight's a funny word, right?
238
00:10:18,770 --> 00:10:20,707
Oh. That reminds me,
I have to call my aunt.
239
00:10:20,774 --> 00:10:23,714
Great, yeah, yeah, yeah.
You should go
and call her downs--
240
00:10:23,780 --> 00:10:25,651
-[Anton] Yeah,
I'll do it on speaker.
-[line rings]
241
00:10:25,884 --> 00:10:28,857
-[Carol] Hello.
-[Anton] Aunt Carol,
it's me and Samir.
242
00:10:28,990 --> 00:10:30,561
-[Carol] Hey, boys.
-[Samir] Hi.
243
00:10:30,827 --> 00:10:33,199
-We need to hear
about that estate sale.
-Do you mind?
244
00:10:33,265 --> 00:10:35,169
-[Carol] I'll tell you later.
-[Anton] Sorry. Here.
245
00:10:35,169 --> 00:10:36,806
-[Carol] Oh, hi, Samir.
-No, no, no.
Oh, my God. No, no.
246
00:10:36,906 --> 00:10:38,877
-[Anton]
It's on FaceTime. It's on...
-Hi.
247
00:10:38,977 --> 00:10:41,415
[♪♪ thumping electronic
music playing]
248
00:10:43,052 --> 00:10:45,691
Cut to after this
where I'm in your house
249
00:10:45,891 --> 00:10:50,166
slobbing so hard on your knob
I'm, like, dribbling
all down it.
250
00:10:51,135 --> 00:10:52,972
Uh, what?
251
00:10:54,241 --> 00:10:55,510
I said cut to...
252
00:10:55,811 --> 00:10:58,082
to after this at your house
where I'm slobbing
253
00:10:58,182 --> 00:11:01,288
so hard on your knob I'm, like,
dribbling down it.
254
00:11:01,321 --> 00:11:02,323
Right, right.
255
00:11:02,323 --> 00:11:02,357
Right, right.
No, no, no, I'm from Jersey.
256
00:11:02,357 --> 00:11:04,161
No, no, no, I'm from Jersey.
257
00:11:05,030 --> 00:11:07,400
Do you know those park benches
with the divider in the middle?
258
00:11:07,467 --> 00:11:09,204
[Billie] Yeah.
259
00:11:09,237 --> 00:11:10,908
That's called
hostile architecture,
and it makes me sick.
260
00:11:10,975 --> 00:11:12,845
Wow, you're so passionate.
261
00:11:12,945 --> 00:11:15,383
Thanks. Wait, wait, I'm...
I'm really good at this.
262
00:11:15,383 --> 00:11:16,519
Can I guess your sign?
263
00:11:16,686 --> 00:11:18,322
Oh, my God, yes, I love this.
264
00:11:18,355 --> 00:11:20,126
Okay. Uh, Leo.
265
00:11:21,194 --> 00:11:24,434
-Yes, yeah, you got it.
[nervous chuckle]
-See, I told you.
266
00:11:24,502 --> 00:11:26,372
Wha... Okay, rolling dice?
267
00:11:26,471 --> 00:11:29,477
Mama wants a new pair of shoes
and... [groans]
268
00:11:29,477 --> 00:11:29,512
Mama wants a new pair of shoes
and... [groans]
Please, Hammer, don't hurt 'em.
269
00:11:29,512 --> 00:11:31,081
Please, Hammer, don't hurt 'em.
270
00:11:31,248 --> 00:11:32,618
Who are you...
Hey, I'm gonna...
271
00:11:32,685 --> 00:11:33,987
I'm gonna check out
what's going on over there.
272
00:11:34,054 --> 00:11:35,156
-Okay.
-Cool.
273
00:11:35,323 --> 00:11:37,193
-See you around.
-See you around.
274
00:11:41,068 --> 00:11:42,739
I mean, Times Square is dead.
275
00:11:42,805 --> 00:11:44,374
It was fun while it lasted,
276
00:11:44,441 --> 00:11:47,080
but now it's just a place
to get Broccolini, you know.
277
00:11:47,748 --> 00:11:50,587
You have some, uh...
you have some salt on your lip.
278
00:11:50,821 --> 00:11:52,124
Oh, yeah?
279
00:11:52,191 --> 00:11:55,196
Yeah, I could... I could
help you get it if you want.
280
00:11:55,598 --> 00:11:57,100
Totally.
281
00:11:58,770 --> 00:12:00,473
Hey, you get off of her!
That's my daughter!
282
00:12:00,741 --> 00:12:03,412
-Oh, my God. Hi. [chuckles]
-That's my... That's my friend.
283
00:12:03,513 --> 00:12:06,587
-Oh. Hey.
-This is, uh, my friend Issa.
284
00:12:06,653 --> 00:12:09,091
Hi. [in British accent]
It's a bit loud in here,
isn't it?
285
00:12:09,157 --> 00:12:11,596
Iss, why don't you go, uh,
request that song we like?
286
00:12:11,863 --> 00:12:15,103
-[normal voice] What song?
-The one with the... the girl.
287
00:12:15,169 --> 00:12:16,839
I don't know.
Do you wanna play a board game?
288
00:12:17,006 --> 00:12:18,510
Do you wanna play Heads Up?
289
00:12:19,144 --> 00:12:21,415
[Billie's date] Thank you
for asking, but no.
290
00:12:21,415 --> 00:12:22,852
Have you seen my friend?
291
00:12:22,985 --> 00:12:25,090
-I, uh...
-Oh, your friend. He...
292
00:12:25,156 --> 00:12:28,296
-He apparated away,
Ron Weasley.
-Issa!
293
00:12:28,362 --> 00:12:32,839
And your father was attacked
in the Ministry of Magic.
294
00:12:32,905 --> 00:12:34,875
Um... It was great
meeting you, guys.
295
00:12:34,942 --> 00:12:36,479
-This was awesome.
-[Issa, normal voice] Yeah.
296
00:12:36,546 --> 00:12:38,349
-Yeah.
-Wait, do you want
to exchange numbers?
297
00:12:38,415 --> 00:12:40,353
We should do the thing where
we tap our phones together.
298
00:12:40,419 --> 00:12:42,691
-For sure. Boop. Got it.
-No, I...
299
00:12:42,891 --> 00:12:44,963
You have to
actually hold it down
for a little longer than that.
300
00:12:45,030 --> 00:12:47,066
[Billie's date]
No, no, it came through.
301
00:12:48,870 --> 00:12:51,308
Oh, is this the song
you were talking about?
302
00:12:51,375 --> 00:12:54,381
I love this song.
I-I obviously know this song.
303
00:13:00,894 --> 00:13:02,397
-This is smart, right?
-Yeah.
304
00:13:02,463 --> 00:13:04,903
If you can't play a home game,
take the show on the road.
305
00:13:04,970 --> 00:13:06,271
Yeah, road dogs.
306
00:13:06,338 --> 00:13:08,977
-Yeah. Woof, woof.
-[receptionist] Next.
307
00:13:11,214 --> 00:13:12,851
[Paul] Hello, Linda.
308
00:13:12,951 --> 00:13:16,526
We are here to make
a donation of sperm.
309
00:13:16,826 --> 00:13:18,963
-Let me get the forms.
-[Samir] Thank you.
310
00:13:22,303 --> 00:13:23,707
You know this used to be
a Shake Shack?
311
00:13:23,774 --> 00:13:25,678
-Oh, yeah?
-Yeah.
312
00:13:25,744 --> 00:13:28,482
Okay. Our guidelines state
that all males have to be
at least 5'9".
313
00:13:28,482 --> 00:13:28,517
Okay. Our guidelines state
that all males have to be
at least 5'9".
-I am that.
-Mm-hmm.
314
00:13:28,517 --> 00:13:30,520
-I am that.
-Mm-hmm.
315
00:13:32,056 --> 00:13:32,992
Okay.
316
00:13:33,927 --> 00:13:35,697
Once you fill out the forms,
we'll take you back
317
00:13:35,897 --> 00:13:37,502
for your physical
and then you'll undergo
a background check.
318
00:13:37,569 --> 00:13:39,605
And just how long
do the background checks take?
319
00:13:39,672 --> 00:13:41,074
-Two weeks.
-[grunts]
320
00:13:41,241 --> 00:13:43,212
-I'll be dead by then.
-What?
321
00:13:43,379 --> 00:13:45,116
Is there a way that
we can pay, like, a rush fee,
say, like, for next day?
322
00:13:45,282 --> 00:13:46,954
-Or same day, even?
-Mm-hmm.
323
00:13:47,020 --> 00:13:48,256
I would love same day.
324
00:13:48,389 --> 00:13:50,159
Yeah, same day
just sounds expensive.
325
00:13:50,192 --> 00:13:51,361
I'll sell my dad's watch.
I don't fucking care anymore.
326
00:13:51,529 --> 00:13:53,633
We don't do that,
unfortunately.
327
00:13:53,633 --> 00:13:53,667
We don't do that,
unfortunately.
Okay, how about I'll just
tell you what would come up
in a background check,
328
00:13:53,667 --> 00:13:57,140
Okay, how about I'll just
tell you what would come up
in a background check,
329
00:13:57,207 --> 00:13:58,543
and that way
we just get ahead of it.
330
00:13:58,877 --> 00:14:00,446
We don't even have to do
this whole thing, right?
331
00:14:00,479 --> 00:14:01,783
[Linda] Sir--
332
00:14:01,850 --> 00:14:03,820
I googled how
to 3D print a gun once.
333
00:14:03,953 --> 00:14:05,390
Okay?
I wasn't gonna do anything.
334
00:14:05,456 --> 00:14:08,764
That's it. That's-That's all
you're gonna find, okay?
335
00:14:08,963 --> 00:14:10,333
-Cup?
-Cup? No.
336
00:14:10,400 --> 00:14:12,136
-The--
-[Paul] What if we
just donate today,
337
00:14:12,236 --> 00:14:14,675
and then you don't even
have to pay us? Pro bono?
338
00:14:14,742 --> 00:14:16,946
-Yeah, it's not
about the money.
-No, for the love of the game.
339
00:14:17,013 --> 00:14:19,518
And if, in two weeks,
our background checks
come up clean,
340
00:14:19,585 --> 00:14:21,455
congrats, you just got yourself
a whole lot of sperm.
341
00:14:21,523 --> 00:14:23,727
But if not,
you trash the loads,
342
00:14:23,993 --> 00:14:26,365
flush 'em down the drain,
pretend this never happened.
343
00:14:26,431 --> 00:14:29,271
We don't call them "loads."
I think you guys have to leave.
344
00:14:29,338 --> 00:14:31,375
-For that?
-For nomenclature?
345
00:14:31,509 --> 00:14:33,279
Maybe I'm not
understanding something.
346
00:14:33,412 --> 00:14:34,915
Don't these women
need the sperm?
347
00:14:34,982 --> 00:14:37,086
Like, aren't they happy
just to have the sperm?
348
00:14:37,286 --> 00:14:38,657
Think of the women.
349
00:14:38,723 --> 00:14:41,195
We get high-quality samples
from educated candidates
350
00:14:41,328 --> 00:14:42,798
from all over the city
every day.
351
00:14:43,031 --> 00:14:44,702
Oh, I'm sorry.
352
00:14:44,769 --> 00:14:46,606
I didn't realize that
the Queen of England
came here for her jizz.
353
00:14:46,673 --> 00:14:48,443
-Samy. I'm sorry about him.
-[Linda] You guys gotta go.
354
00:14:48,576 --> 00:14:50,747
Wait-- Linda.
Can I call you Linda?
355
00:14:50,947 --> 00:14:52,083
Are you busy after this?
356
00:14:52,150 --> 00:14:53,385
-I'm married.
-Me too.
357
00:14:53,520 --> 00:14:55,156
-And I'm gay.
-Hey, me too, sometimes.
358
00:14:55,356 --> 00:14:56,692
[Samir] Hey, I have an idea.
359
00:14:56,759 --> 00:14:58,764
How about we turn off
The Kelly Clarkson Show
360
00:14:58,831 --> 00:15:01,368
-before I lose my goddamn mind?
-Shh. She's interviewing
Stanley Tucci.
361
00:15:01,502 --> 00:15:03,606
You're the craziest one here,
you know that?
362
00:15:05,042 --> 00:15:06,311
[Paul grunts]
363
00:15:06,411 --> 00:15:09,050
How much did you say
two beds would cost again?
364
00:15:09,552 --> 00:15:11,088
A million dollars.
365
00:15:11,155 --> 00:15:13,159
-[Paul groans]
-[thumping]
366
00:15:14,060 --> 00:15:15,931
-[person] Give it to me.
-[Paul] What is that?
367
00:15:16,933 --> 00:15:19,739
Does everyone hear that
or is my head
just still pounding?
368
00:15:19,806 --> 00:15:21,709
-[person moans]
You want me to flip?
-[bed creaks]
369
00:15:21,709 --> 00:15:21,742
-[person moans]
You want me to flip?
-[bed creaks]
-Is that Anton?
-[loud moaning]
370
00:15:21,742 --> 00:15:23,814
-Is that Anton?
-[loud moaning]
371
00:15:23,880 --> 00:15:25,517
Oh, my God. He's hooking up.
372
00:15:26,084 --> 00:15:27,855
-Wait. Quiet. Quiet.
-Go, go, go.
373
00:15:28,088 --> 00:15:32,798
Guys, wait, wait.
Hey, hey. Okay, guys,
give him some space.
374
00:15:33,065 --> 00:15:35,302
Wait a second, wait a second,
wait a second. Shh. Shh.
375
00:15:35,369 --> 00:15:39,344
I hear springs.
My parents have a Tempur-Pedic.
376
00:15:39,411 --> 00:15:41,582
-[moaning]
-Tempur-Pedics
don't have springs.
377
00:15:41,649 --> 00:15:44,956
-Oh. What the hell? It's porn!
-[Samir] It's just porn?
378
00:15:45,089 --> 00:15:46,960
-Can I help you, please?
-You're faking it?
379
00:15:47,027 --> 00:15:48,429
Are you kidding me right now?
380
00:15:48,530 --> 00:15:50,400
There are people
in this house dying of thirst,
381
00:15:50,499 --> 00:15:52,838
Anton, and you're here
pouring evian down the drain?
382
00:15:52,905 --> 00:15:55,945
[scoffs] First of all,
I don't drink evian.
It tastes thick to me.
383
00:15:56,011 --> 00:16:00,452
And second of all, I don't
think you're understanding
the risk here, okay?
384
00:16:00,520 --> 00:16:03,058
When I hook up with someone,
it's quicksand.
385
00:16:03,258 --> 00:16:05,096
My friendships? Neglected.
386
00:16:05,296 --> 00:16:06,899
My work? Cast aside.
387
00:16:07,133 --> 00:16:10,574
My mother?
A mere rumor, a-a woman
I might have met in a mall.
388
00:16:10,641 --> 00:16:12,410
I don't know.
I cannot picture her face.
389
00:16:12,544 --> 00:16:14,615
-Where is she? Mama?
-Come on, Anton.
390
00:16:14,615 --> 00:16:14,648
-Where is she? Mama?
-Come on, Anton.
You can find one person
to hook up with that
you won't catch feelings for.
391
00:16:14,648 --> 00:16:16,553
You can find one person
to hook up with that
you won't catch feelings for.
392
00:16:16,619 --> 00:16:19,324
-Can I? Really?
-Just pick somebody.
Pick anybody.
393
00:16:19,490 --> 00:16:22,264
It could be
the worst person of all time!
I don't care! Dead or alive!
394
00:16:22,330 --> 00:16:24,569
Alive! Just fuck someone alive!
395
00:16:24,636 --> 00:16:27,975
Twenty-four hours.
Twenty-four hours
to earn your room...
396
00:16:28,042 --> 00:16:29,378
[Anton] Uh-huh.
397
00:16:29,477 --> 00:16:30,881
-...with a good, honest fuck.
-[Billie] Easy.
398
00:16:31,014 --> 00:16:32,350
-[Samir] Otherwise, guess what?
-What?
399
00:16:32,416 --> 00:16:35,824
-Room swap over! Yes, yes, yes.
-No, no.
400
00:16:35,891 --> 00:16:37,226
-Can't go back.
-Yes, we can.
401
00:16:37,293 --> 00:16:39,599
It's my house.
I'm pulling rank for once.
402
00:16:39,632 --> 00:16:42,270
Fine, Samir.
I will fuck a stranger
in your parents' room,
403
00:16:42,370 --> 00:16:45,543
someone hateful
and loathsome. Ass-up!
404
00:16:45,610 --> 00:16:47,247
Thank you.
405
00:16:47,313 --> 00:16:50,253
Now, please leave,
while I'm turned.
406
00:16:51,121 --> 00:16:52,658
I need to find
the Hidden Immunity Idol.
407
00:16:52,724 --> 00:16:55,530
Oh, my God. Just look
where the camera is pointing.
408
00:16:55,530 --> 00:16:55,531
Oh, my God. Just look
where the camera is pointing.
-That is where
the idol is. Hello.
-I've been looking everywhere.
409
00:16:55,531 --> 00:16:58,770
-That is where
the idol is. Hello.
-I've been looking everywhere.
410
00:16:58,836 --> 00:17:00,574
That rewards challenge
was intense though.
411
00:17:00,641 --> 00:17:02,978
-I know. I could never do that.
-All that crawling under nets.
412
00:17:03,045 --> 00:17:05,183
Uh, I think
I'm gonna get some air.
413
00:17:05,416 --> 00:17:07,353
Okay, that's...
414
00:17:08,122 --> 00:17:10,225
-Wait, stop.
-Hmm?
415
00:17:12,030 --> 00:17:12,998
What's under your hoodie?
416
00:17:13,198 --> 00:17:14,601
[clicks tongue] Oh, uh...
417
00:17:14,668 --> 00:17:18,844
Just, like, a T-shirt I got
from a T-shirt cannon.
418
00:17:19,077 --> 00:17:20,279
[Issa gasps]
419
00:17:20,346 --> 00:17:22,184
-That's your
backless halter top.
-No.
420
00:17:22,250 --> 00:17:24,922
-Are you going out tonight?
-Fine, fine,
I'm going out, okay?
421
00:17:25,189 --> 00:17:27,895
What happened to single Issa
and single Billie on the prowl?
422
00:17:28,095 --> 00:17:29,765
You're not prowling, Iss.
423
00:17:29,798 --> 00:17:32,938
You're, like, being a clown
and doing a crab impression.
424
00:17:33,238 --> 00:17:35,511
-He loved that crab.
-He did not like the crab, Iss.
425
00:17:35,644 --> 00:17:37,648
He did. The crab
made him super hard.
426
00:17:37,748 --> 00:17:39,718
Okay, whatever.
I want to meet someone tonight,
427
00:17:39,785 --> 00:17:41,322
and it's not gonna happen
428
00:17:41,388 --> 00:17:43,091
-if you're being
a weird little guy.
-[gasps]
429
00:17:45,362 --> 00:17:47,134
I don't know
what you're talking about.
430
00:17:47,333 --> 00:17:49,470
Issa! Do you know
how long it's taken me
to get good at flirting?
431
00:17:49,538 --> 00:17:52,010
Like, literally all 25 years
of my life. Okay?
432
00:17:52,077 --> 00:17:53,479
I taught you
how to get good at this.
433
00:17:53,579 --> 00:17:55,684
But now it doesn't matter
how good I flirt.
434
00:17:55,684 --> 00:17:55,717
But now it doesn't matter
how good I flirt.
I don't get to fuck
the guy who knows
what hostile architecture is,
435
00:17:55,717 --> 00:17:57,654
I don't get to fuck
the guy who knows
what hostile architecture is,
436
00:17:57,721 --> 00:18:00,493
-all because you're...
you're being weird.
-I am weird?
437
00:18:00,560 --> 00:18:02,464
-Yes.
-You want to know
what I think is weird?
438
00:18:02,664 --> 00:18:04,602
Going out alone to get laid.
439
00:18:04,635 --> 00:18:08,543
Like, what are you,
a middle-aged divorcée
at an airport bar?
440
00:18:08,609 --> 00:18:09,444
[gasps]
441
00:18:09,611 --> 00:18:11,482
Going out alone isn't weird.
442
00:18:11,549 --> 00:18:14,855
It's mature. I asked my mom.
443
00:18:15,155 --> 00:18:16,526
-I'm going to my room.
-I'm going to my room.
444
00:18:16,625 --> 00:18:18,530
-No, I'm going
to my room. Move!
-Issa!
445
00:18:18,596 --> 00:18:23,038
-Move! Stay back!
-[grunts] Issa!
446
00:18:23,238 --> 00:18:25,810
[hand gripper squeaking]
447
00:18:31,555 --> 00:18:33,058
Everybody okay in here?
448
00:18:33,125 --> 00:18:35,262
Well, Samir
has had a mild erection
for the last 30 minutes,
449
00:18:35,362 --> 00:18:37,167
and I am no longer
speaking to Billie.
450
00:18:37,366 --> 00:18:40,406
And I told Issa
that if she's so mad,
she can go to another room.
451
00:18:40,540 --> 00:18:42,110
There are plenty of rooms
in this house.
452
00:18:42,309 --> 00:18:43,613
[both] Fewer than you think.
453
00:18:43,713 --> 00:18:45,750
Well, I'd like to stay
with my friend Samir here
454
00:18:45,750 --> 00:18:45,751
Well, I'd like to stay
with my friend Samir here
'cause, unlike some people,
I actually like being
with my friends.
455
00:18:45,751 --> 00:18:48,422
'cause, unlike some people,
I actually like being
with my friends.
456
00:18:48,489 --> 00:18:50,359
I don't only think about sex.
457
00:18:50,426 --> 00:18:52,096
-Don't touch, don't touch.
-You know? Sorry.
458
00:18:52,163 --> 00:18:55,336
Okay, guys, we tried
the room swap
and I appreciate it,
459
00:18:55,469 --> 00:18:57,206
but clearly, it's not working,
460
00:18:57,273 --> 00:18:59,444
and as the last person
to move in,
461
00:18:59,511 --> 00:19:02,050
it would only be fair that
I'd be the first to move out.
462
00:19:02,116 --> 00:19:03,619
-Paul Baker,
that's not even an option.
-What?
463
00:19:03,686 --> 00:19:05,389
-No, you can't move out.
-You're not moving out.
464
00:19:05,557 --> 00:19:07,360
Guys, look at us! Look at us.
465
00:19:07,561 --> 00:19:08,797
You girls are fighting.
466
00:19:08,896 --> 00:19:11,736
Samir and I, we can't,
you know, find relief.
467
00:19:11,803 --> 00:19:13,540
-Hold on. Hey, hey, hey. Hey.
-What?
468
00:19:13,606 --> 00:19:16,211
-[Samir]
We can make this work, okay?
-Can we, Samir?
469
00:19:16,311 --> 00:19:17,914
Maybe the pipes in the attic
aren't that bad.
470
00:19:17,914 --> 00:19:17,915
Maybe the pipes in the attic
aren't that bad.
[Issa] Anton? Do you--
471
00:19:17,915 --> 00:19:19,284
[Issa] Anton? Do you--
472
00:19:19,918 --> 00:19:24,061
-Oh, my God,
is someone up there with you?
-What? Who? Where?
473
00:19:24,127 --> 00:19:25,263
Seriously. I'm scared.
474
00:19:25,429 --> 00:19:26,799
Did you hook up last night?
475
00:19:26,899 --> 00:19:29,303
-Um, it...
It's not... Wasn't...
-You did.
476
00:19:29,370 --> 00:19:31,241
-Well, we want to meet him.
-Go get him down here.
477
00:19:31,441 --> 00:19:32,410
Nah, you don't want to.
478
00:19:32,577 --> 00:19:33,980
-Yeah, we do.
-Yeah, we do.
479
00:19:34,047 --> 00:19:35,149
Show us.
480
00:19:35,315 --> 00:19:37,020
I don't want you to want to.
481
00:19:37,087 --> 00:19:38,824
-[Zack-Carlos]
Ooh. My ears are burning.
-Okay. Please. Just stay.
482
00:19:38,890 --> 00:19:40,661
-Wait, what?
-Stay there.
Just stay. No, stay!
483
00:19:40,827 --> 00:19:42,898
-I said stay.
-Hi, freaks.
484
00:19:42,965 --> 00:19:44,735
[all scream]
485
00:19:44,768 --> 00:19:48,308
-Yes, Anton and I
fucked last night.
-[Billie gasps] God.
486
00:19:48,408 --> 00:19:51,816
And, yes, this is
your last string cheese.
487
00:19:51,849 --> 00:19:53,553
You're sick.
488
00:19:59,898 --> 00:20:01,902
whispers]Stop, stop, stop, stop.
489
00:20:02,336 --> 00:20:05,443
First you marry my boyfriend,
and then you have sex
with my ex-husband?
490
00:20:05,610 --> 00:20:07,013
What is wrong with you, Anton?
491
00:20:07,080 --> 00:20:10,352
-[scoffs] This is
what you all wanted.
-No.
492
00:20:10,520 --> 00:20:14,529
You told me to break
my dry spell with someone
I wouldn't catch feelings for.
493
00:20:14,695 --> 00:20:15,830
Okay, so, sorry, here he is.
494
00:20:15,897 --> 00:20:17,499
I'd rather you found
someone dead.
495
00:20:17,601 --> 00:20:21,543
Oh, no, what are we
even gonna do about this?
496
00:20:21,609 --> 00:20:25,082
What the hell
is even gonna happen?
497
00:20:25,249 --> 00:20:26,953
No, no, no. Don't leave me.
498
00:20:27,019 --> 00:20:29,457
I think it'd be okay
if we all put our heads
together though, right?
499
00:20:29,558 --> 00:20:31,394
-If we all
just stay cool, right?
-Mm-hmm.
500
00:20:32,831 --> 00:20:35,503
[Paul] Come on, guys,
he has to leave eventually.
501
00:20:35,637 --> 00:20:37,340
He's got a job.
He's got a life.
502
00:20:37,407 --> 00:20:39,645
No, he's unhirable
and he's obsessed
with us... [inhales]
503
00:20:39,778 --> 00:20:41,348
...and now,
he has a foot in the door.
504
00:20:41,515 --> 00:20:42,885
Oh, is this for the room swap?
505
00:20:42,952 --> 00:20:45,223
Anton told me about it
during my postcoital stretch.
506
00:20:45,723 --> 00:20:47,126
-Wink-wink.
-[Issa chuckles]
507
00:20:47,426 --> 00:20:50,165
I'm just gonna add
a wee little square for me.
508
00:20:50,232 --> 00:20:51,468
-Basement, perhaps?
-No.
509
00:20:51,669 --> 00:20:54,842
Zack-Carlos bin Laden.
510
00:20:55,911 --> 00:20:57,013
[Anton] What?
511
00:20:57,413 --> 00:20:59,718
He wasn't born with the name.
He changed it.
512
00:21:00,352 --> 00:21:01,722
That's worse!
513
00:21:05,830 --> 00:21:08,002
-[pipes rumbling]
-Oh.
514
00:21:08,069 --> 00:21:10,673
[pants] Fuck it.
515
00:21:14,447 --> 00:21:16,686
[grunts]
Make him go home, Anton.
516
00:21:16,753 --> 00:21:18,556
[Issa] Just give him my room.
517
00:21:18,623 --> 00:21:20,025
I'm sure Billie will love
living with a diagnosed nympho.
518
00:21:20,793 --> 00:21:22,898
You know what? I'm gonna do it.
519
00:21:22,964 --> 00:21:24,602
I'm gonna be mature
and talk to him.
520
00:21:24,701 --> 00:21:26,438
-[Issa] No. He will...
-[Anton] Okay, be careful.
521
00:21:26,505 --> 00:21:28,208
The-The charm on his necklace
is a human tooth.
522
00:21:28,441 --> 00:21:30,012
Whose tooth?
523
00:21:30,079 --> 00:21:31,481
[grunts]
524
00:21:31,582 --> 00:21:33,553
-You're really on there, huh?
-Zack-Carlos?
525
00:21:33,620 --> 00:21:36,726
-Hmm?
-Yeah, can we just
chat real quick?
526
00:21:36,859 --> 00:21:39,497
I know what this is about,
but don't worry,
527
00:21:39,631 --> 00:21:41,635
Issa and I,
we're fine living together.
528
00:21:41,836 --> 00:21:43,907
Oh. No, that's not--
529
00:21:43,973 --> 00:21:46,880
How's she doing, by the way?
Anton told me about
the breakup.
530
00:21:47,346 --> 00:21:49,852
Before oral,
after the other oral.
531
00:21:52,557 --> 00:21:56,164
You... You've actually
known her for a while, right?
532
00:21:56,431 --> 00:21:58,135
Mm-hmm.
533
00:21:58,335 --> 00:22:02,343
She's sort of
been acting like this,
um, weird little guy lately.
534
00:22:02,544 --> 00:22:03,647
-Weird?
-Yeah.
535
00:22:03,813 --> 00:22:05,482
Have you seen that side of her?
536
00:22:05,550 --> 00:22:07,253
Who decides what's weird?
537
00:22:07,887 --> 00:22:10,326
I mean, God, some people
think that I'm weird.
538
00:22:10,994 --> 00:22:13,498
No, totally. Uh, I guess...
I don't know. I've...
539
00:22:14,133 --> 00:22:16,170
I-I guess I just thought
when she was single
540
00:22:16,404 --> 00:22:18,810
that it'd be kind of like,
her and me going out...
541
00:22:18,876 --> 00:22:23,018
You thought... Billie...
Billie, Billie, Billie, Billie.
542
00:22:23,051 --> 00:22:24,955
[Billie] Hmm.
543
00:22:24,955 --> 00:22:24,956
[Billie] Hmm.
There's no such thing as weird
when you're going
through a breakup.
544
00:22:24,956 --> 00:22:27,193
There's no such thing as weird
when you're going
through a breakup.
545
00:22:27,393 --> 00:22:30,266
Me, I like to go to Mount Sinai
and watch the light
leave people's eyes.
546
00:22:30,499 --> 00:22:32,203
Oh, my God.
547
00:22:32,270 --> 00:22:34,240
And Issa,
I guess her thing is just
being that weird little guy.
548
00:22:34,975 --> 00:22:38,148
All things considered,
that seems pretty normal to me.
549
00:22:38,415 --> 00:22:39,417
[gasps]
550
00:22:39,484 --> 00:22:41,054
That's nice.
But that's my two cents.
551
00:22:41,387 --> 00:22:44,629
Now, enough talking.
I wanna dance.
552
00:22:45,028 --> 00:22:50,106
This room should be
the creative hub of our house.
553
00:22:50,372 --> 00:22:52,577
Okay, I hate him,
but I've been saying
that for years.
554
00:22:52,644 --> 00:22:54,948
[♪♪ "We No Speak Americano"
playing]
555
00:23:01,662 --> 00:23:02,697
-[pipes rumbling]
-[Samir] Shh.
556
00:23:02,764 --> 00:23:04,668
Stop, I'm trying to focus.
557
00:23:04,801 --> 00:23:07,707
-[pipes rumbling louder]
-Oh, my God.
558
00:23:08,643 --> 00:23:10,112
[gas hissing]
559
00:23:10,880 --> 00:23:12,550
Oh. Oh.
560
00:23:18,095 --> 00:23:19,130
[Samir] Oh, shit.
561
00:23:19,665 --> 00:23:20,800
Um.
562
00:23:22,203 --> 00:23:23,171
No.
563
00:23:23,238 --> 00:23:25,409
-[alarm beeping]
-Oh.
564
00:23:27,914 --> 00:23:29,184
[alarm continues beeping]
565
00:23:29,417 --> 00:23:30,720
[♪♪ music stops]
566
00:23:39,337 --> 00:23:40,873
[♪♪ music resumes]
567
00:23:42,944 --> 00:23:45,750
Fine, I'll do it,
but not for free.
568
00:23:46,451 --> 00:23:48,288
How long is this song?
569
00:23:48,355 --> 00:23:50,125
I think it's a megamix.
570
00:23:50,192 --> 00:23:54,500
We need percussion.
I'm gonna go get
a pot and a spoon.
571
00:23:55,870 --> 00:23:57,006
[Samir] Carbon monoxide alarm!
572
00:23:57,073 --> 00:23:59,144
-[Billie] What?
-Carbon monoxide alarm!
573
00:23:59,210 --> 00:24:01,782
It just started.
I ran down here immediately
to get you guys.
574
00:24:01,949 --> 00:24:03,953
No delay. It just started.
575
00:24:04,020 --> 00:24:06,625
Anton! Women and children!
Women and children!
576
00:24:06,692 --> 00:24:08,395
-Me first! Me first!
-Please.
577
00:24:08,461 --> 00:24:12,838
-Thank God. Are you okay?
Are you okay?
-Oh, God.
578
00:24:13,004 --> 00:24:14,641
Okay, one, two, three... Hey!
579
00:24:14,741 --> 00:24:17,112
Wait, guys... [stammers]
...where's Zack-Carlos?
580
00:24:17,112 --> 00:24:17,146
Wait, guys... [stammers]
...where's Zack-Carlos?
[Billie] Uh, I-I don't know.
581
00:24:17,146 --> 00:24:19,417
[Billie] Uh, I-I don't know.
582
00:24:19,651 --> 00:24:20,787
[Samir stammering]
583
00:24:20,853 --> 00:24:23,058
You guys are horrible.
Okay, please.
584
00:24:23,125 --> 00:24:24,194
[clears throat]
585
00:24:24,260 --> 00:24:25,930
[softly] Zack-Carlos.
586
00:24:27,967 --> 00:24:29,470
[softly] Zack-Carlos.
587
00:24:29,705 --> 00:24:30,774
-Anton.
-What?
588
00:24:30,841 --> 00:24:32,276
That's the loudest
I can scream.
589
00:24:32,544 --> 00:24:33,679
It's the loudest he can scream.
What are you gonna do?
590
00:24:33,813 --> 00:24:35,015
-Is everyone okay?
-Oh, yeah.
591
00:24:35,148 --> 00:24:36,250
[Issa] Yeah, yeah.
We're good. We're good.
592
00:24:36,250 --> 00:24:36,284
[Issa] Yeah, yeah.
We're good. We're good.
Did everyone make it out?
593
00:24:36,284 --> 00:24:37,921
Did everyone make it out?
594
00:24:39,123 --> 00:24:41,662
-No. [sighs] No.
-[Billie] There is one inside.
595
00:24:42,630 --> 00:24:44,267
You sure you're both okay?
596
00:24:44,500 --> 00:24:46,104
Uh, yeah.
No, it was a little scary,
but we're good now.
597
00:24:46,171 --> 00:24:47,908
-We... [stammers] Oh.
-Is something--
598
00:24:48,041 --> 00:24:49,578
-Sorry, you go...
-[firefighter stammers]
599
00:24:49,811 --> 00:24:50,747
[both chuckle]
600
00:24:51,180 --> 00:24:55,222
You know, they tried
to kill me, the lot of 'em!
601
00:24:55,222 --> 00:24:57,594
And still I rise up!
602
00:24:57,661 --> 00:24:59,664
You're fine, sir.
603
00:24:59,731 --> 00:25:01,568
We're gonna do
some checks on the gas levels,
then we'll be outta here.
604
00:25:01,835 --> 00:25:03,038
Thanks.
605
00:25:03,773 --> 00:25:06,411
We're off at 6:00 if you two
wanna get some drinks?
606
00:25:06,478 --> 00:25:08,749
-[firefighter 2] Yeah.
-Oh. Um...
607
00:25:10,620 --> 00:25:14,293
Um, yeah. [stammers] Sorry.
608
00:25:14,293 --> 00:25:14,327
Um, yeah. [stammers] Sorry.
Um, we could do that, but--
609
00:25:14,327 --> 00:25:15,763
Um, we could do that, but--
610
00:25:15,830 --> 00:25:18,101
[in British accent]
No, thank you, sir.
611
00:25:18,134 --> 00:25:23,813
Me and my missus here,
we're gonna have
a quiet night at home.
612
00:25:26,685 --> 00:25:28,488
[normal voice] Me
if I was a chimney sweep.
613
00:25:28,689 --> 00:25:30,292
She was a chimney sweep there.
She was a British
chimney sweep.
614
00:25:30,593 --> 00:25:33,265
-They inhaled gas.
They inhaled gas!
-Yep.
615
00:25:33,331 --> 00:25:35,436
-Stretchers!
Get the oxygen tank!
-[firefighter 2] Copy that.
616
00:25:35,503 --> 00:25:36,972
[Billie, Issa chuckle]
617
00:25:37,106 --> 00:25:38,609
-I know what you did.
-I'm not sorry.
618
00:25:38,676 --> 00:25:39,945
Fuck you.
619
00:25:40,078 --> 00:25:42,249
[♪♪ "We No Speak Americano"
playing]
620
00:25:46,023 --> 00:25:49,565
Turns out, the one who
was preaching trust the most
621
00:25:49,632 --> 00:25:51,201
is the one who was blindsided.
622
00:25:51,267 --> 00:25:54,173
[all] "Grab your torches.
Head back to camp. Good night."
623
00:25:54,306 --> 00:25:56,745
[♪♪ "We No Speak Americano"
resumes]
624
00:26:31,380 --> 00:26:33,752
[♪♪ music ends]
50239
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