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1
00:00:11,924 --> 00:00:14,696
[phone ringing]
2
00:00:16,567 --> 00:00:20,073
Hi. You've reached
Samir's landline,
which I just realized we have.
3
00:00:20,307 --> 00:00:22,979
-Hi, Issa. It's Samir's mom.
-Oh, my God. Hi, Mrs. Rahman.
4
00:00:23,212 --> 00:00:25,317
-I'm talking to you
on your phone.
-How's the house doing?
5
00:00:25,384 --> 00:00:26,887
House is great.
House is normal.
6
00:00:27,154 --> 00:00:28,724
Is Samir there?
He's not answering his phone.
7
00:00:28,724 --> 00:00:30,226
Oh, Samir? Samir...
8
00:00:30,327 --> 00:00:31,931
Well, he's probably
FaceTiming his girlfriend.
9
00:00:32,197 --> 00:00:34,503
Girl to girl, your son's balls
are in an absolute headlock.
10
00:00:34,569 --> 00:00:37,074
There you go.
I got an omelet for my husband.
11
00:00:37,141 --> 00:00:39,747
-Watch out, okay?
That plate is hot.
-Thank you.
12
00:00:39,814 --> 00:00:40,982
[Issa] Paul Baker.
13
00:00:41,382 --> 00:00:44,255
-And an omelet
for my "lovesband."
-[stammers]
14
00:00:44,421 --> 00:00:45,959
-What?
-I don't know.
15
00:00:46,025 --> 00:00:48,329
Uh, Anton, talk to Samir's mom.
Paul Baker, you come with me.
16
00:00:48,463 --> 00:00:50,133
Lina, hi. I heard
you're in Paris.
17
00:00:50,233 --> 00:00:51,837
-Where we going?
-It's season 2, Paul Baker.
18
00:00:52,104 --> 00:00:54,108
-We're doing a oner.
-[Billie] See you
again sometime.
19
00:00:54,175 --> 00:00:56,079
Okay. Bye, Austin. [chuckles]
20
00:00:56,145 --> 00:00:57,549
-Name's Dayton.
-Dayton?
21
00:00:57,649 --> 00:00:59,853
-Yeah.
-Shit. Yeah,
I knew it was a city.
22
00:00:59,920 --> 00:01:01,857
I think I called him
Austin last night, though.
23
00:01:01,923 --> 00:01:04,028
-Obviously, yeah.
-[Carly] Okay, now what?
24
00:01:04,228 --> 00:01:06,734
Okay, now I'm in the kitchen
with everybody. Say hi.
Everybody, say hi.
25
00:01:06,801 --> 00:01:08,504
-[Paul, Issa] Hi.
-[Billie] Hi, Carly.
26
00:01:08,571 --> 00:01:10,975
-Now I'm getting juice.
-Ooh, a garbage strike?
27
00:01:11,142 --> 00:01:12,679
Très chic. Magnifique.
28
00:01:12,745 --> 00:01:14,917
-It's your parents,
Samir. So take this.
-Oh, shit.
29
00:01:15,116 --> 00:01:16,654
-Hi.
-Hi, Carly.
30
00:01:16,721 --> 00:01:18,289
-[Carly] Hi.
-I'm freeing you
from this FaceTime.
31
00:01:18,356 --> 00:01:19,760
-[Carly] Thank you.
-Okay, bye.
32
00:01:19,859 --> 00:01:22,832
-Sweet girl. Perfect teeth.
-Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
33
00:01:23,166 --> 00:01:24,670
-Yeah, I'll tell them.
-What?
34
00:01:24,737 --> 00:01:26,339
[stammers] Uh-huh.
35
00:01:26,405 --> 00:01:28,343
-It's about us
smoking on the roof?
-I took a shower on the lawn.
36
00:01:28,409 --> 00:01:30,080
-I'm sorry.
-Tell her I'm sorry
about the fire.
37
00:01:30,246 --> 00:01:31,583
-Okay.
-[Issa] I'm really sorry.
38
00:01:31,650 --> 00:01:33,921
Okay, Mama.
All right. I love you.
39
00:01:34,388 --> 00:01:35,858
-[Lina] Bye.
-Bye.
40
00:01:36,125 --> 00:01:37,662
The neighbors are
complaining about
the crop tops.
41
00:01:38,564 --> 00:01:40,100
-Oh, come on.
-That's homophobic.
42
00:01:40,233 --> 00:01:42,137
Was it Doreen?
Ugh, she's just bored.
43
00:01:43,607 --> 00:01:45,778
[♪♪ theme music playing]
44
00:02:01,375 --> 00:02:03,012
Do you have the Wi-Fi password?
45
00:02:03,079 --> 00:02:04,850
You're not on the Wi-Fi?
46
00:02:04,917 --> 00:02:06,687
Oh, my God.
You sent feelers out
to all of these companies?
47
00:02:06,787 --> 00:02:09,492
Yep. Ninety-seven of 'em.
No more temp jobs.
48
00:02:09,559 --> 00:02:11,262
Mama's getting herself
a career this year.
49
00:02:11,329 --> 00:02:14,001
Yes, she is.
And mama wants to be a...
50
00:02:14,736 --> 00:02:16,038
"junior compliance officer"?
51
00:02:16,105 --> 00:02:17,576
Mama's casting a wide net.
52
00:02:17,675 --> 00:02:19,646
-You trying to make
mama feel bad?
-No, mama, no.
53
00:02:19,813 --> 00:02:21,282
-There we go.
-We're on?
54
00:02:21,382 --> 00:02:22,619
Great. Eyes up here!
Okay, it's happening!
55
00:02:22,685 --> 00:02:24,690
Oh, Samir,
the newlyweds are talking!
56
00:02:24,756 --> 00:02:27,762
[clears throat]
So, in honor of Billie
applying for jobs again...
57
00:02:27,795 --> 00:02:29,799
[all cheering]
58
00:02:29,799 --> 00:02:29,833
[all cheering]
...and Issa deciding
that she wants to work
more than five hours a week...
59
00:02:29,833 --> 00:02:31,737
...and Issa deciding
that she wants to work
more than five hours a week...
60
00:02:31,770 --> 00:02:33,240
Whoo! [chuckles]
61
00:02:33,306 --> 00:02:35,177
-It's getting dark
in this mind of mine.
-[Anton] Yeah.
62
00:02:35,410 --> 00:02:36,914
...we took the morning
to comb through
your social media
63
00:02:37,214 --> 00:02:39,753
for anything fucked up
or otherwise unemployable.
64
00:02:39,953 --> 00:02:42,258
And the results are shocking.
65
00:02:42,457 --> 00:02:43,359
[gasps] In a good way?
66
00:02:43,527 --> 00:02:44,963
-No.
-In a bad way.
67
00:02:45,196 --> 00:02:46,834
[Paul] Very.
68
00:02:46,867 --> 00:02:48,538
-Samir, sit.
We're doing the scrub.
-[Paul] And you are up first.
69
00:02:48,704 --> 00:02:50,407
-Wait, what?
-[Paul] Boom.
70
00:02:50,473 --> 00:02:53,380
Jennifer Garner,
I choreographed
this dance for you.
71
00:02:53,447 --> 00:02:54,883
Oh. What the fu...
72
00:02:55,183 --> 00:02:56,318
Don't let the election
get you down, girl.
73
00:02:56,485 --> 00:02:57,622
[ ♪♪ "Glad You Came" playing]
74
00:02:57,755 --> 00:02:59,693
[Samir] Stop, stop.
Make it stop.
75
00:02:59,760 --> 00:03:01,597
And did this work
on Jennifer Garner?
76
00:03:01,730 --> 00:03:03,133
Yeah. Did she like it?
[chuckles]
77
00:03:03,199 --> 00:03:04,636
Yeah, we're dating still.
Scrub it.
78
00:03:04,769 --> 00:03:07,509
Wow. Samir, if that was
on my Facebook page,
79
00:03:07,675 --> 00:03:09,045
I would light myself on fire.
80
00:03:09,344 --> 00:03:11,951
Well, get your matches, girl.
'Cause you're up next.
81
00:03:11,983 --> 00:03:14,121
Wait, what?
82
00:03:14,188 --> 00:03:16,760
Hi, guys. Today,
I am going to be ranking
the top ten worst accents.
83
00:03:16,827 --> 00:03:17,829
[screams]
84
00:03:17,896 --> 00:03:20,033
-First up, Jamaican.
-No, no.
85
00:03:20,233 --> 00:03:22,538
[Jamaican accent]
You sound crazy, man.
Stop talking like that.
86
00:03:22,638 --> 00:03:24,909
And so if you search your name,
this does come up.
87
00:03:24,976 --> 00:03:27,081
Scrub it, Anton. Burn it!
88
00:03:27,148 --> 00:03:29,285
You guys, I've been telling
you, you have to bury your past
before it buries you.
89
00:03:29,485 --> 00:03:31,924
Yeah, guys.
Why didn't you just delete
your old accounts like I did?
90
00:03:31,990 --> 00:03:33,360
[mocking]
Oh, why didn't we just...
91
00:03:33,426 --> 00:03:34,996
-Come on, Billie.
-Yeah.
92
00:03:34,996 --> 00:03:35,030
-Come on, Billie.
-Yeah.
-[Paul] Hey, Bills?
-Yeah.
93
00:03:35,030 --> 00:03:36,165
-[Paul] Hey, Bills?
-Yeah.
94
00:03:36,332 --> 00:03:37,936
-Uh, quick question.
-Shoot.
95
00:03:38,002 --> 00:03:39,405
Uh, what's "Cinco de Homo"?
96
00:03:39,606 --> 00:03:41,042
-No.
-[Paul] Mm-hmm.
97
00:03:41,342 --> 00:03:43,781
-[Billie gasps]
-[Issa] Oh, wow! Is that you?
98
00:03:43,781 --> 00:03:45,384
No, no, no, no, no!
99
00:03:45,618 --> 00:03:48,056
-Why didn't you just delete it?
-Why didn't you delete
your Facebook?
100
00:03:48,122 --> 00:03:50,460
-It's not what it looks like.
-It's never what it looks like.
101
00:03:50,528 --> 00:03:52,933
-So then what is it?
-It was a themed party.
102
00:03:52,999 --> 00:03:54,937
-[Samir] Themed party.
-You gotta do the theme, girl.
103
00:03:55,004 --> 00:03:57,608
We were combining Pride
and Cinco de Mayo
into one weekend.
104
00:03:57,675 --> 00:04:00,047
So, you dressed up like
a gay little tortilla man?
105
00:04:00,346 --> 00:04:03,019
What? How did you...
I deleted my account.
106
00:04:03,019 --> 00:04:06,526
Right, so, it turns out
deleting your Facebook
doesn't remove the photos,
107
00:04:06,626 --> 00:04:10,801
but it means you can't
untag yourself from the photos.
108
00:04:12,738 --> 00:04:14,509
So, I can't even scrub it?
109
00:04:15,243 --> 00:04:16,479
No.
110
00:04:16,847 --> 00:04:20,053
-I...
-But I just sent emails
to 97 companies.
111
00:04:20,120 --> 00:04:21,957
[Issa] Oh, mama.
It's okay, mama.
Here, come here.
112
00:04:22,057 --> 00:04:23,961
Lots of companies
hire racists now. It's okay.
113
00:04:24,061 --> 00:04:25,698
-[Anton] You're gonna be fine.
-Don't worry.
114
00:04:25,998 --> 00:04:28,403
Okay, well, it's not our fault
we got the Internet
115
00:04:28,537 --> 00:04:30,140
when we were
our most horny and stupid.
116
00:04:30,306 --> 00:04:31,543
-[Issa] True.
-[Billie] Yeah.
117
00:04:31,643 --> 00:04:33,446
You're telling me that you guys
never recreated
118
00:04:33,647 --> 00:04:35,551
-one Mad TV sketch
in middle school?
-Yeah, I mean, sure.
119
00:04:35,618 --> 00:04:37,922
But I have a real job,
so I have to, like,
scrub once a month.
120
00:04:37,989 --> 00:04:40,294
Mmm, yeah, and I never had
social media, so...
121
00:04:40,426 --> 00:04:41,997
-[grunts] True. That's canon.
-Mmm.
122
00:04:42,030 --> 00:04:44,803
-[phone buzzes]
-Oh, sorry that's
the restaurant calling.
123
00:04:44,869 --> 00:04:47,241
-Got to take this. Sorry, guys.
-[Samir blows raspberry]
124
00:04:47,440 --> 00:04:50,146
-Why can't we all
be like Paul Baker?
-He's like a digital virgin.
125
00:04:50,313 --> 00:04:52,218
I know. His heart is so pure.
126
00:04:52,284 --> 00:04:54,188
It's like
untouched country snow.
127
00:04:54,388 --> 00:04:55,357
[FaceTime call ringing]
128
00:04:55,424 --> 00:04:57,427
Yo! What's good, biggest bros?
129
00:04:57,494 --> 00:05:00,802
-Yo! Baker!
-What's sloppy, toppy?
130
00:05:00,968 --> 00:05:02,738
-Wait, what?
-Who's Baker?
131
00:05:02,805 --> 00:05:06,178
Yo, not much. Just taking
the fattest shit of my life.
132
00:05:06,378 --> 00:05:07,616
[all exclaim, laugh]
133
00:05:07,715 --> 00:05:09,719
This is now, right?
This is happening now.
134
00:05:09,786 --> 00:05:12,057
Yo, Baker.
You gotta get that cute
little boy b-hole down here.
135
00:05:12,357 --> 00:05:13,761
We're going psycho
on some beef water.
136
00:05:13,894 --> 00:05:16,099
-Come through, baby!
-Baker!
137
00:05:16,166 --> 00:05:17,836
[Paul] All right, bro.
I'll slide, bro. I'll slide.
138
00:05:17,903 --> 00:05:20,039
I'm trying to go horsey
on some liquid shrimps!
139
00:05:20,106 --> 00:05:22,912
-[all exclaiming]
-Issa, did you
choke him too hard?
140
00:05:23,012 --> 00:05:25,083
-Show us your poo.
-Show us the poo.
141
00:05:25,083 --> 00:05:26,319
Show us the poo.
142
00:05:26,452 --> 00:05:28,256
-[Paul] Boom!
-Oh, my God.
143
00:05:28,489 --> 00:05:29,859
Oh, my God.
144
00:05:29,859 --> 00:05:29,860
Oh, my God.
Who are these men?
145
00:05:29,860 --> 00:05:31,495
Who are these men?
146
00:05:31,596 --> 00:05:32,999
I didn't even know
he hung out with men.
147
00:05:33,132 --> 00:05:34,803
[friend]
Okay, we'll see you soon.
148
00:05:34,836 --> 00:05:36,105
Show us your dick
and we'll order you food.
149
00:05:36,172 --> 00:05:37,341
Kill yourselves. Bye, guys.
150
00:05:37,575 --> 00:05:39,779
[toilet flushes]
151
00:05:40,881 --> 00:05:42,384
[door opens]
152
00:05:42,451 --> 00:05:44,823
[Paul] Ugh.
Sorry, that was my boss.
153
00:05:44,989 --> 00:05:46,459
She needs me to cover a shift.
154
00:05:46,560 --> 00:05:47,962
But I'll see you guys
tonight for Bananagrams?
155
00:05:48,062 --> 00:05:50,067
-Sounds good.
-[Paul] Okay. [clears throat]
156
00:05:50,133 --> 00:05:53,406
-[blows kisses]
Kisses. Love you guys.
-Love you.
157
00:05:53,640 --> 00:05:54,909
[door opens]
158
00:05:54,943 --> 00:05:56,513
[door closes]
159
00:05:57,849 --> 00:06:00,020
-Follow him.
Follow him, follow him now.
-Yeah, yeah.
160
00:06:00,053 --> 00:06:01,289
Go, go, go.
161
00:06:01,356 --> 00:06:02,291
Oh, my God.
He's not going to work.
162
00:06:02,525 --> 00:06:03,761
Oh, my God!
163
00:06:03,860 --> 00:06:05,397
Grab my shoes.
Wait, no, don't grab my shoes.
164
00:06:05,664 --> 00:06:07,602
-I'm wearing
my fucking slippers!
-[door closes]
165
00:06:07,668 --> 00:06:11,643
At number nine
worst accent is Japanese.
166
00:06:12,143 --> 00:06:14,682
Oh, my... Just turn it off.
167
00:06:21,428 --> 00:06:23,165
[Issa] What the hell
is this place?
168
00:06:25,169 --> 00:06:26,573
-I just... I don't get it.
-I know.
169
00:06:26,640 --> 00:06:28,043
-Who were those guys?
-I don't know.
170
00:06:28,142 --> 00:06:29,679
And why was
Paul Baker talking like that?
171
00:06:29,812 --> 00:06:31,850
[imitates Paul]
Big bro, look what you...
172
00:06:32,050 --> 00:06:34,087
He never talks to me like that.
173
00:06:34,087 --> 00:06:34,088
He never talks to me like that.
My whole thing is,
like, I don't get why
he'd hide something from me.
174
00:06:34,088 --> 00:06:35,925
My whole thing is,
like, I don't get why
he'd hide something from me.
175
00:06:35,991 --> 00:06:37,829
-Like, I'm his girlfriend.
-Yeah, and I'm his best friend.
176
00:06:37,895 --> 00:06:40,968
So, if he can lie about this,
what else is he lying about?
177
00:06:41,001 --> 00:06:42,738
[intercom buzzes]
178
00:06:43,640 --> 00:06:44,809
Oh, no!
179
00:06:46,111 --> 00:06:47,648
[door buzzes]
180
00:06:51,121 --> 00:06:53,661
[Billie] This is a nightmare.
I'll be unemployed for
the rest of my life.
181
00:06:53,860 --> 00:06:54,930
[Anton] Billie, relax.
182
00:06:55,063 --> 00:06:56,934
If it makes
you feel any better,
183
00:06:56,967 --> 00:06:58,737
Issa dressed up
as Michael Jackson
eight Halloweens in a row.
184
00:06:58,904 --> 00:07:00,674
She went
both darker and lighter.
185
00:07:00,741 --> 00:07:03,379
-You're gonna be fine, okay?
-You have to help me.
186
00:07:03,547 --> 00:07:05,016
-Me? No.
-Yes. Please.
187
00:07:05,083 --> 00:07:06,619
Bills, I'm running on, like,
nine hours of sleep here.
188
00:07:06,686 --> 00:07:08,456
-I'm crashing.
-You have to help me. Please.
189
00:07:08,657 --> 00:07:10,093
You are the Scrub Daddy.
190
00:07:10,159 --> 00:07:12,231
No. That's a sponge
that got famous on Shark Tank.
191
00:07:12,297 --> 00:07:13,700
Okay, you're the Scrub King.
192
00:07:13,800 --> 00:07:16,707
And I am but a humble,
unemployed white girl
193
00:07:16,840 --> 00:07:19,077
who wrote "mucho gayo"
on her chest at age 15.
194
00:07:19,144 --> 00:07:21,415
-Why'd you do that?
-[whispers] I don't know.
195
00:07:21,683 --> 00:07:23,052
Help me.
196
00:07:23,119 --> 00:07:24,321
[sighs]
197
00:07:24,856 --> 00:07:25,992
-Fine.
-Thank you.
198
00:07:26,059 --> 00:07:27,628
Who uploaded it?
199
00:07:27,862 --> 00:07:29,933
Uh, Danielle Walters,
but I haven't spoken
to her in years.
200
00:07:30,568 --> 00:07:32,170
-[Anton] Wait, that's her?
-Yeah.
201
00:07:32,237 --> 00:07:34,107
Oh, my God. This is, like,
mutually-assured destruction.
202
00:07:34,174 --> 00:07:36,613
Just call her
and ask her to delete it.
203
00:07:36,980 --> 00:07:38,917
-Just call her? Okay.
-Yeah, just call her.
204
00:07:40,153 --> 00:07:41,957
-[ringing]
-[whispers] It's ringing.
205
00:07:41,990 --> 00:07:43,059
Yeah, great.
206
00:07:43,126 --> 00:07:44,562
[person] Hello.
207
00:07:45,129 --> 00:07:47,334
Hi, is... is this Danielle?
208
00:07:47,535 --> 00:07:50,340
No, this hasn't been
Danielle's number for awhile.
209
00:07:50,574 --> 00:07:51,777
[scoffs] What?
210
00:07:51,876 --> 00:07:54,014
What do you mean
this isn't her number anymore?
211
00:07:54,081 --> 00:07:57,555
Wow, Danielle really wanted
to save Brooklyn Nine-Nine.
212
00:07:58,657 --> 00:08:00,694
Why is there
a candle next to her name?
213
00:08:01,161 --> 00:08:02,765
-What?
-I'm really sorry.
214
00:08:02,832 --> 00:08:05,036
-Oh, my God. She died.
-I know. I know that too now.
215
00:08:05,103 --> 00:08:08,810
-Anton, she fully died.
-Her cover photo is a psalm.
216
00:08:09,746 --> 00:08:12,150
-Oh, my God.
-[Anton exhales]
217
00:08:12,183 --> 00:08:13,386
Poor Danielle.
218
00:08:13,620 --> 00:08:14,990
[clicks tongue]
219
00:08:15,022 --> 00:08:16,659
It's so sad.
220
00:08:20,567 --> 00:08:22,705
But what do we do
about the picture?
221
00:08:23,072 --> 00:08:24,675
Ay dios mío.
222
00:08:28,249 --> 00:08:31,523
-[gunshots on video game]
-[♪♪ hip-hop music playing]
223
00:08:31,589 --> 00:08:34,663
Yo, dude. You're right.
It is low-key way funnier
if the butthole's a mouth.
224
00:08:34,729 --> 00:08:37,367
Right? Wait till
I do his balls. It's gonna
really come together.
225
00:08:37,635 --> 00:08:39,606
Thing is overflowing.
I don't really know what...
226
00:08:39,673 --> 00:08:41,042
-Oh, shit!
-[all exclaim, laugh]
227
00:08:41,175 --> 00:08:43,313
Yo, my boys
are locked the fuck in.
228
00:08:44,047 --> 00:08:46,152
Bro's Leonardo da Bussy
over here.
229
00:08:46,218 --> 00:08:49,158
-[all laughing]
-Yo, Baker!
Check this out, bro.
230
00:08:49,191 --> 00:08:50,961
[all exclaiming]
231
00:08:51,028 --> 00:08:52,665
[both blowing raspberries]
232
00:08:52,732 --> 00:08:54,268
[doorbell ringing]
233
00:08:54,334 --> 00:08:55,871
Oh, shit. Oh, yo, d-bell's
going cuckoo. One second.
234
00:08:55,938 --> 00:08:58,276
Yo, Baker.
You going cuckoo for this D?
235
00:08:58,343 --> 00:08:59,880
[all exclaim, laugh]
236
00:08:59,946 --> 00:09:01,549
Your mom was going cuckoo
for my D last night, bro.
237
00:09:01,783 --> 00:09:03,119
[all] Oh!
238
00:09:03,185 --> 00:09:05,289
He was fucking your mom
and your mom was like, "Yeah!"
239
00:09:05,289 --> 00:09:05,290
He was fucking your mom
and your mom was like, "Yeah!"
She was just slurping it.
She's slurping my balls.
I'm gonna...
240
00:09:05,290 --> 00:09:08,997
She was just slurping it.
She's slurping my balls.
I'm gonna...
241
00:09:09,799 --> 00:09:10,901
Oh, my God.
242
00:09:12,237 --> 00:09:14,241
-Uh, what are
you guys doing here?
-What are we doing here?
243
00:09:14,341 --> 00:09:16,211
[both] What are you doing here,
Paul Baker?
244
00:09:16,245 --> 00:09:18,917
-I'm, uh, I was...
-[friend] Slide back,
Papa Johnson.
245
00:09:18,984 --> 00:09:21,488
We're gonna make
his balls look smooth!
246
00:09:21,689 --> 00:09:22,826
[Samir] Paul Baker?
247
00:09:23,693 --> 00:09:27,467
I'm sliding, twin! Yeah,
I'm sliding. That's crazy.
Nah, the lore's crazy.
248
00:09:27,735 --> 00:09:29,739
The lore's way too strong.
It's way too strong.
249
00:09:29,939 --> 00:09:30,874
Guys, I can explain.
250
00:09:31,041 --> 00:09:32,177
-Can you?
-Please.
251
00:09:32,177 --> 00:09:33,981
[friends laughing]
252
00:09:34,048 --> 00:09:35,951
This is my other friend group.
253
00:09:36,553 --> 00:09:39,926
-Your other friend group?
-Sorry--
254
00:09:39,993 --> 00:09:41,663
It worked, "Cockathan."
His balls look perfect.
255
00:09:41,796 --> 00:09:43,432
That's crazy, Twinothy.
That's crazy.
256
00:09:43,499 --> 00:09:45,805
Nah, that's crazy, bro.
You got me cackling
off my ass...
257
00:09:45,971 --> 00:09:47,642
-[Issa] Stop!
-Please go home.
258
00:09:47,875 --> 00:09:49,311
Please go home, guys.
I don't want you
seeing me like this.
259
00:09:49,344 --> 00:09:51,348
Come home.
260
00:09:51,348 --> 00:09:51,382
Come home.
[friend] Hey, slide back,
big bro! We're gonna test
if we got epilepsy!
261
00:09:51,382 --> 00:09:53,920
[friend] Hey, slide back,
big bro! We're gonna test
if we got epilepsy!
262
00:09:54,020 --> 00:09:56,125
-Why would you test that?
-I'm sliding, pimp!
263
00:09:56,191 --> 00:09:58,196
-[friend] Strobe's coming on...
-[Issa] Why would you...
264
00:09:58,262 --> 00:09:59,866
-I'm sliding, pimp.
-[friend] Coming on
in three, two, one.
265
00:09:59,966 --> 00:10:03,339
-[mouthing words]
-[friends cheering]
266
00:10:03,406 --> 00:10:04,576
[friend] Stop, stop, stop.
267
00:10:04,642 --> 00:10:06,345
I have it! I have it! Stop!
268
00:10:06,411 --> 00:10:08,149
Stop, stop, I have it.
269
00:10:16,633 --> 00:10:19,204
Hmm. "Decorative use only."
Hmm, for soup.
270
00:10:19,304 --> 00:10:21,743
Oh, Anton, Anton, that's her.
That's Danielle's mom.
271
00:10:21,943 --> 00:10:24,716
Oh, my God, I'm gonna shit
myself. I'm gonna shit myself
on my nice coat.
272
00:10:24,882 --> 00:10:26,185
Okay. Shh. Breathe, Billie.
273
00:10:26,553 --> 00:10:29,258
Just like you practiced, at me,
the entire train ride here.
274
00:10:29,325 --> 00:10:30,761
-Let's go.
-Okay.
275
00:10:31,228 --> 00:10:33,199
-Get anything. Grab it.
-The hat? Right.
276
00:10:33,332 --> 00:10:34,803
No, we don't carry that.
Thank you.
277
00:10:34,869 --> 00:10:37,775
-Hi. Just this hat, please.
-Okay.
278
00:10:38,743 --> 00:10:40,514
Wait, Mrs. Walters?
279
00:10:40,681 --> 00:10:42,283
-Yeah.
-[stammers] It's Billie.
280
00:10:42,283 --> 00:10:42,284
-Yeah.
-[stammers] It's Billie.
Danielle's friend.
281
00:10:42,284 --> 00:10:43,787
Danielle's friend.
282
00:10:44,187 --> 00:10:46,994
-Oh, my God, Billie Schaeffer!
-Yeah.
283
00:10:47,060 --> 00:10:50,901
Ugh, I was so sad to hear
about Danielle's passing.
284
00:10:50,968 --> 00:10:54,074
-I know.
-I am so sorry for your loss.
285
00:10:55,911 --> 00:10:57,782
-But...
-Oh, my God.
286
00:10:57,848 --> 00:11:01,489
Um, I was actually looking
at photos the other day, uh,
from high school,
287
00:11:01,557 --> 00:11:05,062
and I found
this photo of Danielle
and me at this party.
288
00:11:05,129 --> 00:11:06,232
[gasps]
289
00:11:06,331 --> 00:11:08,704
-Cinco de Homo!
-Uh... Ci-Cinco de, uh...
290
00:11:08,904 --> 00:11:11,609
-Yeah, um,
but you know, I was--
-I remember that night!
291
00:11:11,743 --> 00:11:14,883
You had the moustaches
and the maracas.
292
00:11:14,949 --> 00:11:17,421
-Oh, maracas?
-Oh! And remember the lisp?
293
00:11:17,487 --> 00:11:19,491
-[Billie] No.
-That lisp that you put on?
294
00:11:19,725 --> 00:11:23,299
-So it was
"Thinco de Homo." "Thinco."
-[Billie clears throat]
295
00:11:23,399 --> 00:11:25,504
Was it a gay lisp,
or was it a Spanish lisp?
296
00:11:25,771 --> 00:11:28,042
-Both.
-Both. That's why
it was so clever.
297
00:11:28,109 --> 00:11:29,846
-[laughs]
-That's hilarious.
298
00:11:29,979 --> 00:11:31,448
Billie, you didn't tell me
about the lisp.
299
00:11:31,516 --> 00:11:34,822
They were so creative
and so interesting, it's...
300
00:11:34,989 --> 00:11:38,563
-[sniffles, cries]
-Oh... Oh.
301
00:11:39,297 --> 00:11:41,335
It's just
a little hard sometimes.
302
00:11:41,769 --> 00:11:43,807
A-Arlene, I'm coming around.
303
00:11:43,874 --> 00:11:46,112
-[sniffles] It's okay.
Thank you, dear.
-Anton.
304
00:11:46,178 --> 00:11:49,117
-She's in mourning.
-You know what?
It's happy tears.
305
00:11:49,251 --> 00:11:51,523
I worry the memories
are getting fuzzy,
306
00:11:51,589 --> 00:11:53,927
-and you brought back
the memory for me.
-You did that.
307
00:11:53,994 --> 00:11:55,463
-Good.
-[Arlene] And you know what?
308
00:11:55,530 --> 00:11:59,138
We're always gonna have
that gay... gay noche.
309
00:11:59,205 --> 00:12:01,342
-[Anton] Yes. [chuckles]
-Whew!
310
00:12:01,408 --> 00:12:02,912
I can't, Billie.
There's nothing I can do.
311
00:12:02,978 --> 00:12:06,085
[sighs] Okay. That'll be 68.88.
312
00:12:06,151 --> 00:12:08,623
-[Billie] Oh.
-Probably, like,
1,200 in pesos, huh?
313
00:12:08,890 --> 00:12:11,964
-Oh. Laughing
through the grief?
-[laughs]
314
00:12:12,030 --> 00:12:14,234
-Oh, my God, she's Joan Rivers.
-Yeah.
315
00:12:14,636 --> 00:12:16,873
[both laughing]
316
00:12:18,610 --> 00:12:20,681
I'm gonna be honest,
it's the hardest scrub
of my life.
317
00:12:20,914 --> 00:12:23,587
And I got Fox
to pull my entire season
of MasterChef Junior.
318
00:12:23,653 --> 00:12:26,526
Anton, every company
will do a Google search
and they'll find it.
319
00:12:26,759 --> 00:12:28,329
No, they won't.
320
00:12:28,396 --> 00:12:30,000
They have to scroll past
so many photos of you
at Six Flags,
321
00:12:30,132 --> 00:12:31,636
-it's truly a firewall.
-[door closes]
322
00:12:31,803 --> 00:12:33,306
[Anton] Oh, hey. How'd it go?
323
00:12:33,439 --> 00:12:35,343
How did it go with what?
With our betrayal?
324
00:12:35,476 --> 00:12:37,147
With...
With our great big betrayal?
325
00:12:37,347 --> 00:12:38,917
Good, I feel very betrayed.
326
00:12:38,984 --> 00:12:41,923
You guys, Paul Baker
has a whole other friend group.
327
00:12:42,056 --> 00:12:44,127
-Wait, what?
-[Issa] It was crazy.
328
00:12:44,260 --> 00:12:47,100
That was not the same guy
who asked to borrow my blouse
to go to a MUNA concert.
329
00:12:47,233 --> 00:12:48,637
What does that group
have we don't have?
330
00:12:48,703 --> 00:12:50,439
-Nothing. Nothing.
-Those guys?
331
00:12:50,473 --> 00:12:52,377
-I mean, like,
our chemistry is electric.
-It's amazing.
332
00:12:52,410 --> 00:12:54,782
-We're diverse
as a fuckin' brochure.
-[Issa] Yeah.
333
00:12:54,882 --> 00:12:56,118
Yeah. We have almost
one of every one.
334
00:12:56,185 --> 00:12:58,222
Also, I'm Paul Baker's
straight friend.
335
00:12:58,389 --> 00:13:01,796
Yeah. Boys like us,
we have one straight friend,
and-and he's mine, and I'm his.
336
00:13:01,963 --> 00:13:03,298
-He-He's fluid.
-He's fluid.
337
00:13:03,365 --> 00:13:05,103
-He's fluid, yeah.
-Whose side are you guys on?
338
00:13:05,170 --> 00:13:07,675
-[Issa] Oh, hoo!
-[Samir] Wow!
339
00:13:07,875 --> 00:13:10,714
Speak of the devil,
and he shall appear,
he shall, he shall!
340
00:13:10,914 --> 00:13:14,088
So... I'm-I'm sorry, okay?
I-I didn't want you
to find out that way.
341
00:13:14,154 --> 00:13:17,594
Well, we did. We found out
all about your double life,
Mrs. Doubtfire!
342
00:13:17,661 --> 00:13:19,565
-I never seen it.
-Me neither. Is it a movie?
343
00:13:19,865 --> 00:13:22,538
Just... Why did you lie?
Are you embarrassed of us?
344
00:13:22,805 --> 00:13:26,144
What? No. I-I-I lied because
I'm embarrassed of them!
345
00:13:26,478 --> 00:13:29,151
Look, those guys were
my first friends
in New York. Okay?
346
00:13:29,351 --> 00:13:32,290
And we'd go out, and we'd drink
and bet on sports
and whip our dicks out,
347
00:13:32,457 --> 00:13:36,098
and, like, rank each others'
shits based on, actually,
a really complex system.
348
00:13:36,165 --> 00:13:38,235
-So what, you don't like them?
-No, that's not it at all.
349
00:13:38,302 --> 00:13:39,705
I fuckin' love those guys.
350
00:13:40,373 --> 00:13:42,009
My heart, ladies and gentlemen.
351
00:13:42,176 --> 00:13:43,580
-My heart!
-[Paul] Look.
352
00:13:43,880 --> 00:13:46,118
Those guys took me in
during a really lonely time.
353
00:13:46,185 --> 00:13:48,089
Okay? But then I met you guys.
354
00:13:48,288 --> 00:13:51,729
And you guys talk
about your feelings
and give each other advice,
355
00:13:52,030 --> 00:13:53,767
and, like, vote.
356
00:13:54,068 --> 00:13:57,307
And ever since then,
I've been terrified of you guys
finding out about them.
357
00:13:58,108 --> 00:14:01,783
-Okay? They're like my...
you know, like--
-Oh!
358
00:14:01,850 --> 00:14:04,421
-They're your shame friends.
-What?
359
00:14:04,487 --> 00:14:06,258
It's like the group of friends
you've had forever
360
00:14:06,391 --> 00:14:07,961
who you can act
completely fucked around,
361
00:14:08,028 --> 00:14:09,699
who you, like,
still use the R word with.
362
00:14:09,965 --> 00:14:12,170
-Yes. Exactly.
-It's like Billie's friend
Onnika.
363
00:14:12,303 --> 00:14:14,107
What? I'm not
ashamed of Onnika.
364
00:14:14,474 --> 00:14:16,379
-Oh, really?
-[Issa] Wait, no.
365
00:14:16,411 --> 00:14:19,451
We cannot have shame
or secrets in our relationship,
Paul Baker.
366
00:14:19,518 --> 00:14:21,556
-I know.
-Secrets rot relationships.
367
00:14:21,623 --> 00:14:23,827
Like, why do you think
my dad had so many affairs?
368
00:14:23,894 --> 00:14:26,967
-Why?
-'Cause my mom kept secrets.
369
00:14:27,133 --> 00:14:28,435
-No, Issa.
-No, Iss.
370
00:14:28,503 --> 00:14:30,239
-There's only one solution.
-[Samir] I agree.
371
00:14:30,974 --> 00:14:32,645
-You gotta cut them out--
-I'm inviting them over.
372
00:14:32,712 --> 00:14:34,314
-No. No.
-[Samir] No.
373
00:14:34,347 --> 00:14:36,384
Yes, yes, yes.
You have to let us in,
Paul Baker.
374
00:14:36,384 --> 00:14:36,385
Yes, yes, yes.
You have to let us in,
Paul Baker.
No, no, no, Iss, Iss,
you will not look
at me the same way.
375
00:14:36,385 --> 00:14:39,558
No, no, no, Iss, Iss,
you will not look
at me the same way.
376
00:14:39,558 --> 00:14:39,592
No, no, no, Iss, Iss,
you will not look
at me the same way.
The two worlds cannot collide.
377
00:14:39,592 --> 00:14:42,097
The two worlds cannot collide.
378
00:14:42,296 --> 00:14:43,833
They already have.
379
00:14:43,900 --> 00:14:45,102
[Billie] Oh, my God,
she commented.
380
00:14:45,169 --> 00:14:46,806
-Anton, she commented.
-Wait, what?
381
00:14:47,473 --> 00:14:51,314
[Samir] "It was so great seeing
you today. Such beautiful
memories. Ay caramba."
382
00:14:51,448 --> 00:14:53,820
She bumped it
to the top of the feed.
383
00:14:54,154 --> 00:14:56,959
The Six Flags firewall
has fallen.
384
00:14:58,395 --> 00:15:00,099
-[Billie sighs]
-Wow.
385
00:15:06,946 --> 00:15:09,217
[objects Is this enough food?
I feel like they eat
so much food.
386
00:15:09,350 --> 00:15:11,221
I don't get why
we have to do this.
387
00:15:11,288 --> 00:15:14,896
Samir, we have to show
Paul Baker that he can be
his full self around us.
388
00:15:15,029 --> 00:15:17,668
Otherwise, like, where do you
think he's gonna go next time
he wants to play Mario?
389
00:15:17,935 --> 00:15:19,505
-Get that name
out of your mouth.
-I'm telling you.
390
00:15:19,605 --> 00:15:21,108
You have to be concerned
about these things.
391
00:15:21,241 --> 00:15:23,613
-Oh, my God.
-Hi! We're here for lunch.
392
00:15:23,713 --> 00:15:27,153
-Hi, boys. Hi.
-Here they are. Here they a--
393
00:15:27,286 --> 00:15:29,625
-Easy, easy.
-Hello, ma'am.
394
00:15:30,192 --> 00:15:32,898
Thank you for having us
to your lovely home.
395
00:15:33,065 --> 00:15:34,167
-Good. Nice.
-[Issa] Mmm.
396
00:15:34,334 --> 00:15:36,038
[friend] Thank you, ma'am.
397
00:15:37,374 --> 00:15:39,512
-[softly] We got this
for you as a sign...
-Project.
398
00:15:39,512 --> 00:15:42,016
[gulps] We got this for you
as a sign of respect
for your culture.
399
00:15:42,083 --> 00:15:43,385
Now smile.
400
00:15:45,758 --> 00:15:47,160
Tuck in your shirt.
401
00:15:48,997 --> 00:15:50,534
Gay flowers, nice.
402
00:15:51,068 --> 00:15:52,571
[Issa] So... Oh.
403
00:15:54,008 --> 00:15:55,442
What's going on?
404
00:15:55,510 --> 00:15:58,917
Let's eat! Huh?
Let's go. You look gorgeous.
405
00:15:59,150 --> 00:16:00,419
Look at you.
406
00:16:10,306 --> 00:16:12,911
Pardon me, Issa, would you pass
the beans, please?
407
00:16:12,978 --> 00:16:16,586
-Sure. Black or pinto?
-Um, bla...
408
00:16:17,521 --> 00:16:19,258
What? What are you...
What are you trying to say?
409
00:16:19,390 --> 00:16:21,730
-Bla... Bla...
-Do not say it. Do not...
410
00:16:21,796 --> 00:16:23,131
-Bla...
-Black?
411
00:16:23,298 --> 00:16:24,434
-You can say black.
-Bla...
412
00:16:24,568 --> 00:16:26,839
-You can say...
-You can say black.
413
00:16:27,039 --> 00:16:27,975
-Ebony. Ebony.
-Blergh.
414
00:16:28,175 --> 00:16:29,645
Black. You can say black beans.
415
00:16:29,678 --> 00:16:31,949
Pinto. Pinto.
416
00:16:32,116 --> 00:16:34,387
Oh, by the way,
I love Hanukkah.
417
00:16:34,555 --> 00:16:36,458
I wish there was more nights.
418
00:16:36,826 --> 00:16:39,632
Oh, I'm-I'm not Jewish,
actually. I'm Muslim.
419
00:16:39,698 --> 00:16:41,101
Oh.
420
00:16:42,571 --> 00:16:44,708
Well, I'm a big fan of, uh...
[sucks teeth]
421
00:16:47,013 --> 00:16:48,148
What?
422
00:16:50,119 --> 00:16:50,921
Jafar.
423
00:16:51,187 --> 00:16:52,124
Fuck.
424
00:16:52,323 --> 00:16:53,893
Jafar from Aladdin?
425
00:16:54,227 --> 00:16:56,431
Nice. Princess Jasmine
gave me my first boner.
426
00:16:56,498 --> 00:16:57,868
[grunts]
427
00:16:58,135 --> 00:16:59,437
You're the most Jewish-looking
Muslim guy I've ever seen.
428
00:16:59,572 --> 00:17:01,842
Chips are good.
Oh, my God. Pass the guac.
429
00:17:01,909 --> 00:17:04,113
Oh, my God. You know what
I wanna know about?
430
00:17:04,548 --> 00:17:08,355
What was Baker like
when he first moved
to New York? I'm so curious.
431
00:17:08,422 --> 00:17:10,861
You have any crazy stories
about Baker?
432
00:17:11,061 --> 00:17:12,598
He was very, um...
433
00:17:13,566 --> 00:17:14,835
-punctual.
-Mmm.
434
00:17:14,835 --> 00:17:14,869
-punctual.
-Mmm.
-And on time.
-Same thing.
435
00:17:14,869 --> 00:17:16,573
-And on time.
-Same thing.
436
00:17:16,706 --> 00:17:18,342
-And he never fucked a couch.
-What?
437
00:17:18,409 --> 00:17:20,747
-[table bangs]
-Stop. Shut the fuck up.
438
00:17:21,047 --> 00:17:23,787
Okay. I think
we all need to just relax.
439
00:17:24,087 --> 00:17:26,492
I think we need to be
ourselves. This is a safe--
440
00:17:26,626 --> 00:17:29,532
I have mental health!
I have it!
441
00:17:29,598 --> 00:17:31,969
-You said
the quiet part out loud.
-[friend] Mm-hmm.
442
00:17:32,036 --> 00:17:34,308
Paul Baker, can I talk to you
in the kitchen, please?
443
00:17:34,508 --> 00:17:36,345
Yeah, for sure. Yeah.
444
00:17:36,646 --> 00:17:38,248
I-- 'Cause--
445
00:17:40,052 --> 00:17:41,789
-Hey.
-Why are they acting like that?
446
00:17:41,789 --> 00:17:43,492
What did you say to them?
447
00:17:43,560 --> 00:17:45,864
-Like what?
Like perfect gentlemen?
-No, Paul Baker.
448
00:17:45,864 --> 00:17:45,931
-Like what?
Like perfect gentlemen?
-No, Paul Baker.
They look like chimpanzees
killed a bus full of people
and took all their clothes.
449
00:17:45,931 --> 00:17:48,570
They look like chimpanzees
killed a bus full of people
and took all their clothes.
450
00:17:48,637 --> 00:17:50,841
Before we sat down,
Roach asked me
if I identified as who or whom.
451
00:17:50,907 --> 00:17:56,719
Cynthia Erivo. That's it.
That's the whole sentence.
452
00:17:56,752 --> 00:17:59,291
-Okay, Iss,
I just wanted this to go well.
-By tricking me?
453
00:17:59,358 --> 00:18:02,097
No, I just thought you could
meet them all once now.
454
00:18:02,163 --> 00:18:04,869
Then again on my 30th.
And who knows, by then
they'll probably all be dead.
455
00:18:04,936 --> 00:18:07,641
Oh, my God. You are still
not letting us in.
456
00:18:07,741 --> 00:18:11,014
Paul Baker, I can handle
your shame friends.
457
00:18:11,081 --> 00:18:13,986
Issa, trust me, you can't.
458
00:18:14,053 --> 00:18:17,360
-[scoffs] I can't?
-Issa.
459
00:18:17,427 --> 00:18:19,497
-I can't?
-No, actually,
though, you can't.
460
00:18:19,565 --> 00:18:23,506
-Oh.
-Issa, no. Issa, please.
Please stop.
461
00:18:23,573 --> 00:18:25,911
-I can't.
-Don't. Just actually stop,
please, Issa.
462
00:18:25,978 --> 00:18:30,820
-Issa.
-Yo, kings!
Bros, bros, bros! [chuckles]
463
00:18:32,490 --> 00:18:35,429
Who wants to fucking darty?
464
00:18:36,164 --> 00:18:38,836
[friends] Yeah!
465
00:18:38,836 --> 00:18:40,774
[all chuckling, cheering]
466
00:18:40,841 --> 00:18:42,611
[♪♪ party music playing]
467
00:18:42,744 --> 00:18:44,949
-Yes. Oh!
-Bitch, fuck that!
468
00:18:45,182 --> 00:18:47,086
[Issa] Hey, Baker.
469
00:18:47,253 --> 00:18:48,757
-[Arlene] Honey,
you were making a joke.
-[Billie] And you're logged in?
470
00:18:48,856 --> 00:18:50,860
-No, I know, Arlene. I know.
-It was funny.
471
00:18:50,927 --> 00:18:52,931
I know, but I'm telling you,
it's what Danielle
would have wanted.
472
00:18:52,998 --> 00:18:54,300
Tell her I'm wearing the hat.
473
00:18:54,434 --> 00:18:55,704
-[shushing]
-No, she'll love the hat.
474
00:18:55,770 --> 00:18:56,873
-[door bangs open]
-[shouting, exclaiming]
475
00:18:56,906 --> 00:18:58,442
[screaming]
476
00:18:58,576 --> 00:19:01,916
Hi, boys. We're playing
beer pong over here.
477
00:19:02,216 --> 00:19:04,321
-[Arlene] I'm logged in.
-Great. Yes, okay.
478
00:19:04,521 --> 00:19:08,797
So, you're gonna wanna
click the three dots,
then click delete.
479
00:19:09,330 --> 00:19:10,968
[notification chimes]
480
00:19:11,034 --> 00:19:12,971
-There, I did it.
-So, she just commented
the word "delete."
481
00:19:13,205 --> 00:19:15,544
Okay, so, Arlene,
you just commented
the word "delete."
482
00:19:16,244 --> 00:19:18,550
-[Roach] Finish it!
-Yes, yes, yes!
483
00:19:18,649 --> 00:19:20,453
Roach, Roach.
Don't piss in that plant, dude.
484
00:19:20,521 --> 00:19:22,156
Your girlfriend said I could.
485
00:19:22,223 --> 00:19:24,061
Baker's like, "Please, don't
piss in the plant, please."
486
00:19:24,293 --> 00:19:26,999
Hey, Baker. Your friend wants
to paint a mustache on my face.
487
00:19:27,066 --> 00:19:29,470
-I think I'm gonna let him.
-[all] Do it! Do it! Do it!
488
00:19:29,638 --> 00:19:31,542
-Do not let him.
-She's my muse.
489
00:19:31,675 --> 00:19:33,679
[Paul] That paintbrush
has been places.
490
00:19:33,679 --> 00:19:33,680
[Paul] That paintbrush
has been places.
-I fucking hate these guys.
-Samir, just give in.
Stop resisting.
491
00:19:33,680 --> 00:19:37,688
-I fucking hate these guys.
-Samir, just give in.
Stop resisting.
492
00:19:37,854 --> 00:19:39,625
[friend]
Slide back, foot munch.
493
00:19:39,658 --> 00:19:41,829
Shout the name of
a random male celebrity.
They'll love it.
494
00:19:41,829 --> 00:19:41,863
Shout the name of
a random male celebrity.
They'll love it.
[friends imitating dog barking]
495
00:19:41,863 --> 00:19:43,432
[friends imitating dog barking]
496
00:19:43,566 --> 00:19:46,740
-Kevin James.
-[all] Kevin James!
497
00:19:47,608 --> 00:19:49,612
Yeah, my cousin's
this kind of straight.
498
00:19:49,845 --> 00:19:51,314
Gerard Butler, y'all.
499
00:19:51,381 --> 00:19:53,052
[all] Gerard Butler!
500
00:19:53,285 --> 00:19:55,189
You're a psycho, dude.
They're foaming
at the mouth out there.
501
00:19:55,422 --> 00:19:56,826
[Samir chuckles]
502
00:19:57,227 --> 00:19:59,230
-I can't deal with this.
-Okay, okay.
503
00:19:59,330 --> 00:20:02,938
Arlene, hi.
I'm wearing the hat. [chuckles]
504
00:20:03,573 --> 00:20:06,445
Okay, um,
three dots, delete, my love.
505
00:20:06,645 --> 00:20:07,981
[notification chimes]
506
00:20:08,048 --> 00:20:10,152
-Oh, so, now
it's her profile picture.
-No.
507
00:20:10,219 --> 00:20:13,458
Oh, and now
it's her profile picture
with the Ukrainian flag.
508
00:20:13,526 --> 00:20:15,496
-I stand with Ukraine.
-Three dots, delete, Arlene!
509
00:20:15,697 --> 00:20:17,266
Three dots, delete!
510
00:20:17,500 --> 00:20:20,272
Yo, I can just flag that
internally for you,
if you want.
511
00:20:20,840 --> 00:20:21,976
What?
512
00:20:22,444 --> 00:20:24,681
I work at Facebook.
I could have my team do it.
513
00:20:24,748 --> 00:20:26,519
-You work at Facebook?
-You have a team?
514
00:20:26,652 --> 00:20:28,857
Yeah, why?
Is that, like, surprising?
515
00:20:28,924 --> 00:20:30,627
-[groans]
-Bro.
516
00:20:30,693 --> 00:20:32,797
No, uh, that-that
would be amazing.
517
00:20:32,864 --> 00:20:36,404
Sweet, bet. But can you
do something for me first?
518
00:20:38,308 --> 00:20:41,414
-Um...
-You like art, right?
519
00:20:49,263 --> 00:20:51,569
[friends s Paul Baker, Roach
just taught me how to dap.
520
00:20:51,602 --> 00:20:52,538
Watch.
521
00:20:52,905 --> 00:20:55,476
-Tobey Maguire.
-[all] Tobey Maguire!
522
00:20:55,643 --> 00:20:57,581
-[cheering]
-What's wrong?
523
00:20:59,652 --> 00:21:01,556
Anton, do you think
I'm a piece of shit?
524
00:21:01,622 --> 00:21:03,693
-What? No.
-Really?
525
00:21:03,826 --> 00:21:07,200
I think a piece of you
is shitty.
526
00:21:07,266 --> 00:21:08,703
Which is, like,
honestly a relief.
527
00:21:08,769 --> 00:21:11,007
It's like when we found out
Obama smokes cigs.
528
00:21:11,040 --> 00:21:15,717
-[friend] Hit it!
-[all] Samir! Samir!
Samir! Samir!
529
00:21:15,750 --> 00:21:17,053
We're the boys!
530
00:21:17,120 --> 00:21:19,558
See, Baker, you're the only one
not being yourself!
531
00:21:19,625 --> 00:21:21,763
They love him. [chuckles]
532
00:21:22,731 --> 00:21:26,137
-[Samir] Ow! Cut it out!
-[all] Samir! Samir! Samir!
533
00:21:26,304 --> 00:21:28,041
-Stop.
-They're killing him!
534
00:21:28,108 --> 00:21:30,613
Oh, shit. Hey, hey!
535
00:21:30,813 --> 00:21:33,418
[all] Samir! Samir!
536
00:21:36,659 --> 00:21:37,961
[Issa] Paul Baker!
537
00:21:38,829 --> 00:21:40,032
What the hell?
538
00:21:40,600 --> 00:21:42,838
-I hate them,
Paul Baker. I hate them.
-[Paul] I know. I know.
539
00:21:42,938 --> 00:21:45,142
-Make them leave.
-Okay, okay.
540
00:21:45,209 --> 00:21:48,583
[all mocking Samir]
541
00:21:49,618 --> 00:21:51,054
Hey, yo!
542
00:21:51,321 --> 00:21:54,428
Holy fuckin' shit, boys.
Lock the fuck in
for me right now.
543
00:21:54,494 --> 00:21:56,064
For the love of fuck!
544
00:21:56,131 --> 00:21:57,801
[whispers] It's him.
545
00:21:57,834 --> 00:22:00,372
If I don't see
four fucking teeny
weeny little B sacks
546
00:22:00,506 --> 00:22:02,811
carving straight tires
out this bitch,
547
00:22:02,844 --> 00:22:05,249
I'm gonna start going
horsey neigh neigh
on all this shit.
548
00:22:05,482 --> 00:22:06,485
Comprende?
549
00:22:06,552 --> 00:22:08,122
-Yes, sir.
-Yes, sir.
550
00:22:08,623 --> 00:22:10,727
-[panting] Yeah.
-Yeah, that's our bad, dude.
551
00:22:10,793 --> 00:22:13,699
I got a pressy tomorrow, but,
uh, P.F. Chang's next week?
552
00:22:13,766 --> 00:22:16,204
-Yes, sir.
-Gotta take a deposition
tomorrow morning.
553
00:22:16,271 --> 00:22:18,008
Good luck, man. Have fun.
554
00:22:18,075 --> 00:22:20,078
-Wait, do you all
have amazing jobs?
-Nah, I'm a teacher.
555
00:22:20,078 --> 00:22:20,112
-Wait, do you all
have amazing jobs?
-Nah, I'm a teacher.
Love you. Deuces, big bros.
556
00:22:20,112 --> 00:22:21,481
Love you. Deuces, big bros.
557
00:22:21,615 --> 00:22:23,886
Paul Baker,
I'm so sorry. That was...
558
00:22:23,953 --> 00:22:25,790
-Went too far.
I didn't mean for--
-No, no, no, Iss.
559
00:22:25,857 --> 00:22:28,964
No, you were
right about the secret.
No more secrets.
560
00:22:29,030 --> 00:22:31,636
All right, from now on,
it's Paul Baker,
561
00:22:31,769 --> 00:22:33,573
with just
a little bit of Baker.
562
00:22:33,639 --> 00:22:35,944
-Okay? Okay.
-Okay. Thank you.
563
00:22:37,881 --> 00:22:40,253
-And one day, you'll meet Paul.
-[chuckles] Wait, who's Paul?
564
00:22:40,520 --> 00:22:42,891
-You weren't lying.
You're an artist.
-Thank you.
565
00:22:42,958 --> 00:22:46,832
Guys, uh, mama, uh,
got her photo scrubbed.
566
00:22:47,166 --> 00:22:48,903
-[Paul] Ooh.
-[murmuring]
567
00:22:50,072 --> 00:22:51,407
What?
568
00:22:51,609 --> 00:22:53,245
Happy Cinco de Homo.
569
00:22:53,478 --> 00:22:54,682
[Paul] Bills...
570
00:22:54,748 --> 00:22:57,253
-[whistles] And got it.
-No, no, no, no!
571
00:22:57,386 --> 00:23:01,528
[♪♪ "FRONT LEFT SPEAKER"
playing]
572
00:23:01,762 --> 00:23:05,871
♪♪ You can find me
At the front left speaker ♪♪
573
00:23:05,937 --> 00:23:08,475
♪♪ Find me
At the front left speaker ♪♪
574
00:23:08,543 --> 00:23:11,815
This story is about
the very first time
that I ever saw porn.
575
00:23:11,949 --> 00:23:13,819
Pornography, pornography,
a porno,
576
00:23:13,919 --> 00:23:16,759
an adult movie, erotica,
"a girly magazine."
577
00:23:16,825 --> 00:23:18,996
So, I love tribal print.
I love it.
578
00:23:19,063 --> 00:23:21,401
And this is a tribal top I got,
and if you haven't noticed,
579
00:23:21,602 --> 00:23:25,175
I love things that don't have
sleeves because I like
my arms to be free.
580
00:23:25,175 --> 00:23:25,176
I love things that don't have
sleeves because I like
my arms to be free.
We're in Saint-Tropez.
581
00:23:25,176 --> 00:23:27,380
We're in Saint-Tropez.
582
00:23:27,514 --> 00:23:30,285
Just Saint-Tropez.
Oh, beautiful.
583
00:23:30,520 --> 00:23:34,027
♪♪ You can find me
At the front left speaker ♪♪
584
00:23:34,093 --> 00:23:37,199
♪♪ Find me
At the front left speaker ♪♪
585
00:23:37,266 --> 00:23:41,107
-♪♪ Find me
At the front left speaker ♪♪
- ♪♪ Girl, where are you? ♪♪
586
00:23:41,174 --> 00:23:44,213
♪♪ Find me
At the front left speaker ♪♪
587
00:23:44,848 --> 00:23:46,785
♪♪ Girl, where you at, though? ♪♪
588
00:23:51,829 --> 00:23:53,131
♪♪ Call me back ♪♪
589
00:23:58,876 --> 00:24:00,212
♪♪ Call me back ♪♪
47653
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