All language subtitles for The.Golden.Girls.S01.E01

I taught a class today,

the finest school in Dade County.

Two girls had shaved heads
and three boys had green hair.

- They're expressing themselves.
- Yeah, well, I expressed myself.

I told them they had to leave.
They were too ugly to look at.

Now the parents are mad.

A father came in in a three-piece suit
and defended Tiffany,

a bald girl with a nose ring.

- What's that?
- Enchiladas rancheros.

Why don't you just shoot me?

- Hi.
- Hi, Rose.

What a day!

One sad person after another.

Rose, you work
at grief counseling.

What do you expect, comedians?

Well, it would be a change of pace.

Dorothy, can I borrow
your mink stole?

It's Miami in June.
Only cats are wearing fur.

- You going out?
- No, no.

She's going to sit here where it's
112 degrees and eat enchiladas.

I just need some cucumbers
to put on my eyes.

You'll have trouble seeing, Blanche.

It's very good.
It reduces puffiness.

Does it work on thighs?

I don't know, honey.
I don't need it on my thighs.

- Who's she going out with?
- Harry... again.

Harry? Who is this Harry?

All Blanche said was he still has
his own teeth and hair.

It is wonderful dating in Miami.

All the single men under 80
are cocaine smugglers.

- You know, I'd kill to be 20 again.
- I would kill to be 40 again.

...you know, I had
the shock of my life today.

I was in the teachers' lounge
talking to a group of girls in their 20s.

They were so pretty.

At that age, you don't even have
to be pretty and you're pretty.

Anyway, we were laughing and giggling
and having a great time,

and I completely forgot
that I was older.

I just felt like one of the girls
and we had a wonderful time.

And then I got into my car
and caught a glimpse of myself,

and I almost had a heart attack.

This old woman was in the mirror.
I didn't even recognize her.

Who was it?

It was me.

Rose, I'm borrowing
your earrings.

Lord, I'd love to get
a face-lift by 800.

Blanche... who is Harry?

Girls, he's just wonderful.

He's very gallant,
he's a perfect gentleman,

he's a great dancer,

and he doesn't make noises
when he chews.

Chewing, that's way up there on my list.

Comes right after intelligent.

He doesn't talk loud at the movies,
doesn't take his own pulse...

and he's still interested.

In what?

Rose, if you have to ask,
it does not matter anymore.

And he proposed.

Blanche, wait a minute!

He proposed?
You've only known him a week!

- And he wants an answer tonight.
- Tonight?

Ton... what are you gonna tell him?

I don't know. You know,
he's very wonderful,

- but I have only known him for a week.
- That's right.

But I don't want to lose him.

Girls, I just don't know
what I'm gonna tell him.

I have to go put on my face.

What if she marries him?

What'll happen to us?
This house is hers.

Then we'll move.

We can't afford to buy a house.

What do we have for collateral?
A gay cook?

Come on, Rose.
Nobody is getting married.

- Now, let's go talk to Blanche.
- Dorothy, we'll become bag ladies!

Blanche?

Come in.

Blanche, Blanche, your friend, Harry,
wants an answer tonight.

- What are you gonna tell him?
- I haven't decided.

I guess I'll know when I hear it come
out of my mouth.

You'll know when you hear it
come out of your mouth?

This isn't a belch, Blanche.
This is marriage!

Will you look at this?

She has more colors
than Benjamin Moore paints.

You mustn't rush into anything, Blanche.
You hardly know him.

I just wonder what my husband, George,
would think about me and Harry.

Well, if he was alive,
he probably would not like it...

but since he's dead,
I don't think it poses a problem.

I just want him to know
that I'm happy

but that I could never be
as happy with Harry...

in the same way as I was with him.

He knows, Blanche, he knows.

Your thoughts and feelings
go right to him.

You can communicate directly
from your heart.

- Can't you, Dorothy?
- Don't ask me.

I can't get through to New Jersey
with MCI.

That's him. He's early!
I haven't finished my face.

Well, the only thing left
is to dip it in bronze.

- We'll get it.
- Thanks.

I wonder what he looks like.

I just hope he doesn't
have hair in his ears.

- Hi there.
- Ma!

Ma, what's the matter?

Everyone is fine, no one died.
The home burned down.

My God, are you all right?
How'd you get here?

- I hitched.
- Ma!

- A cab. I took a cab.
- Well, you should've called.

I'm perfectly capable of managing
by myself. I don't need help.

- I'm a totally independent person.
- I know, I know.

I need $67 for the cab.

$67?

Ma, ma, this is crazy.
The home is 15 minutes from here.

My cab driver is Cuban.

He said there was an additional tax
for a bilingual driver.

I'll take care of him.

Sit down, Sophia.
You must be exhausted.

Why? I rode in the cab,
I didn't push it.

Sophia, honey!
How nice to see you.

- Who are you?
- It's me, Blanche.

You look like a prostitute.

Sophia, the things you say!
She didn't mean that, Blanche.

Of course, I mean it. Look at her.
My cab driver would fall in love.

Can I get something to eat,
or is the fancy man in the kitchen?

The way she talks!

She can't help it.

I've known plenty of women
who have had strokes.

Some of them were in very bad shape,
but they're still ladies.

But, Rose, this stroke destroyed
the part of her brain

that censors what she says.

So she just says whatever she thinks.
She can't help it.

He's an ok petunia.

Ma, ma, the cab driver said
you promised him a $67 tip?

Don't be silly.
I said a $6, $7 tip.

Why don't these people learn English
if they're gonna live here?

This is Miami.

I'd have less trouble
getting around Ecuador.

I'll get it.

- Harry, hi.
- My pretty.

Harry. Everybody, this is Harry.

- Harry, this is Rose.
- Rose.

- And Dorothy.
- Dorothy.

- Hi, Harry.
- And this is Sophia.

- Well, you must be Blanche's sister.
- You must be blind.

- Sophia's home just burned down.
- That's terrible!

Not to me.

It was a retirement home
and you know what they did?

They set off the fire alarm
in a retirement home.

Who can rush?
Half the people have walkers.

The other half can't
get out of their chairs.

But they got bells
going off like crazy.

You know what that does to hearts
that only beat a few times a week?

It's not pretty.

We better go.
We have reservations.

I hope he's taking you
to a cold climate.

Good night. Thanks, ladies.
It was a pleasure.

Nice meeting you,
Harry. Have fun!

The man is a scuzzball.

This is so sad.

We were all so lonely,

and then by a miracle
we found each other.

Rose, we both answered an ad
to share Blanche's house

that we found in the supermarket.

It was not the resurrection.
It is hardly a miracle.

To me it was a miracle,
because we're happy.

It's not fair, you know.

I mean, we get married,
we have kids...

the kids leave and our husbands die.

Is that some kind of a test?

You don't work that hard,

you don't go through everything you
go through to be left alone.

We are alone, Dorothy.
We really are.

Our families are gone and we're alone.

And there are too many years left,
and I don't know what to do.

Get a poodle.

- It's yes. I know it is.
- She's gonna marry him.

Come on, Rose.

She can't help it.
Blanche needs a man.

She told me, when George died,
she made a date at the funeral.

Not that she didn't love George.

She can't be without a man.

You know what I'm saying?

What am I doing up?

I'm subbing for a teacher
who was shot by a student.

I need all the sleep I can get.

I used to sleep so well.
I never even turned over.

I'd wake up with a perfect hairdo.

Charlie, on the other hand,
moves all night long.

His side of the bed looks
like a murder took place.

- Rose, Charlie is dead.
- Why tell her?

Coco, it's 15 years!

I know he's dead. I'm not crazy.

I just like to talk about him
in the present tense sometimes.

It makes him seem closer.

That's fine, Rose. You do that.
I don't mind at all.

Sure, Rose. Set a place at the table.

- Well, hi!
- What happened?

We had the nicest time.

We went to Joe's.
You ever been to Joe's?

- Yes, what happened?
- I had the stone crabs.

I never had stone crabs.
You ever have stone crabs?

Yes, yes, Blanche. Just tell us.

I was just so relieved
they didn't have eyes.

You know, I can't eat anything
with eyes, like lobster.

- I can't eat anything that moves.
- Like what, Rose? Horses?

- Like oysters.
- Oysters don't move!

Coco, they could dance! Who cares?

- Tell us.
- Oysters move!

Very slowly.
You have to watch very closely.

- Blanche, are you gonna marry Harry?
- Marry Harry, marry Harry.

- A little rhyme.
- Knock it off. Are you?

Yes. Next week.

I knew it.
I knew she was gonna marry him.

But next week?

At our age, long engagements
don't make sense.

I have to go to bed.

- Where will you live?
- Well, here.

- Where will we live?
- Don't worry. We'll live, we'll live.

- I hadn't thought of that.
- It's so hard to find a place to live.

- Well, you can just stay right here.
- Well, that's settled.

Rose.

How could we stay here
with Blanche and Harry?

- Well, she just said!
- You certainly can until you find a place.

However long that takes.

We're going to New York
for the honeymoon.

I just hope I don't get murdered.

Charlie and I waited two whole
years before we got married.

I got married before my father
finished the sentence.

You married your father?

My father told Stan that he had to marry
me. I was pregnant.

You had a blowgun wedding?

If you live in the Amazon.

In Queens, it's called shotgun.

Well, maybe that's why he left,
because you forced him into it.

Rose, he left me 38 years later...

for a stewardess that he met
on a business trip to Hawaii.

It was her first flight.

They said, "On arrival,
give the passengers a lei."

She got confused...

he got lucky,
and they now live on Maui.

It's really wonderful.

A 65-year-old man with gout
learning to windsurf.

I hope he trips on his thongs
and falls into a volcano.

- It's you.
- Sophia, did we wake you?

I heard noise. I thought it was robbers,
so I hid my jewels.

Now I can't remember where.

Ma, you don't have any jewels.

Thank God, because I can't find them.

Tea, Sophia?

How about a shot of gin
with a beer back?

That was dumb of me
to have tea this late.

Now I'll go to sleep
and have to get up to go.

And wake me up.

If you didn't drink before bedtime,

you wouldn't have to wake up
in the middle of the night.

I don't drink before bedtime.

I stop all liquids at noon
and I still wake up.

I never have that problem, never.
I sleep like a log.

I never get up
in the middle of the night

to go to the bathroom.

I go in the morning,
every morning like clockwork.

At 7am, I pee.

Unfortunately, I don't
wake up till eight.

- Where's Blanche?
- In the bathroom.

- I've gotta talk to you.
- What is it?

I know this sounds crazy,
but I'm suspicious.

- Of what?
- Harry.

- Harry?
- And I don't know why.

There's just something
about it I don't like...

and I have to tell Blanche.

- Tell Blanche what?
- That she can't marry him.

The wedding is in 12 minutes!
You can't tell her that.

- I owe it to her. I'm her friend.
- But there's nothing to tell her.

This is just some crazy hunch.

My hunches are never wrong.

Mrs. Gandhi would be alive today
if she had taken my call.

- I'm gonna tell her.
- You are not.

- I will not let you.
- I can't stop crying.

I'm so happy and so sad.

Kind of a happy sad.

- Speaking of sad, Blanche...
- Shut up, Rose.

She's crying already.
What's the difference?

Rose, pick that up.

I just can't believe it.
I'm getting married!

- What do you think about that?
- I think it's a mistake.

To wear all that makeup.

I know it's fast,

but I just don't know
when I'll find another like him.

He just... girls, girls,

he makes me feel so good,
so young, so happy.

Aw. Rose, did you hear that? So happy.

Now I have to go
to the bathroom again.

You know, when I get nervous,
I have to go all the time.

That's why I'm getting
married here at the house.

Public bathrooms are so difficult for me.

I wash my hands so thoroughly and then
I find it so hard to get out again

without touching the doorknob.

- Don't...
- Be too long!

Rose, that is a happy woman in there.

Now, I want you to promise
that you will not say anything.

Do you promise?

Do you promise?

Are you sure?

Well, what's got me so sad...

I just...

I just never, never had
two better friends.

I just can't stand
the thought of leaving you.

Blanche, you look gorgeous.
Shut up, Rose.

- Are you ready?
- Yes, I guess.

Stop!

- The minister's here.
- I need perfume.

Perfume, perfume.
Come on, let's go.

- He's a half-hour late.
- He probably got caught in traffic.

Ladies, I'm on a tight schedule.

This is Miami.
I've got funerals backed up.

Give us a few minutes, please.

Five minutes more, then I've got to bury
Mr. Pinkus.

You see?

- Is there a Blanche Hollingsworth here?
- My God, he's been killed.

- Arrested.
- What?

He gave me this to give to you.
He's a bigamist, ma'am.

He's wanted in four states.
He's got six wives.

You got yourself mixed up
with a real hustler.

I'm sorry.

Well, you won't be needing me today.

Blanche, do you want to read the note?

Do you want me to read it to you?

"Dear Blanche, I guess you know by now.
I'm really sorry.

"The thing is, I really liked you.

"This time was different.
You're a special lady.

"Maybe someday you'll write to me.

- "Harry."
- God.

- I'm stunned. I'm just stunned.
- I know.

I feel like such an old fool.

Not just a fool, but an old fool.

My God, I just wanna die.

You're not a fool, Blanche.

You're a beautiful,
loving, trusting woman.

There's no fool here, Blanche.

I guess maybe I'm hoping the shock
will be too much for my heart

and I'll just drop dead right here...

and the minister can bury me
with Mr. Pinkus.

I won't have to look anyone
in the eye ever again.

Except maybe Mr. Pinkus.

If I meet our paperboy,
he will not live to be a paper man.

Florida is having a drought.

In the entire state,

there is not enough water
to make a cup of tea.

He finds a puddle.

What are you doing? She's sleeping.

Just checking.

You never know. Tell me, how is Blanche?

She didn't go to work again today.

It's been three weeks,
and she just sits in her room.

- The museum's gonna fire her.
- Well, we've tried everything...

golf, the movies, theater tickets.

She wouldn't even budge
for Julio Iglesias.

- I know grief. It takes time.
- Please, Rose.

Listen, if you're Irish,
you have a wake.

You eat, you cry, you drink,
you vomit and you're done.

If you're Jewish, you cry, you sit,

you eat for 7 days,
you put on 10 pounds and it's over.

We Italians scream, dress up a donkey,
hire a band and that's that.

It's these Southern protestants
who make it a way of life.

When I go, put me in a steel sack

and leave me on the curb
next to the cans.

- We thought you were asleep.
- You never know.

You girls shouldn't sit
out here in the sun.

- Blanche, we've been so worried about you.
- I know.

- I'm so glad you're up.
- I'm sorry if I worried you.

- Aw, sweetheart, how are you?
- I'm ok. I really am.

No. At first I wanted to give up,
to die, truly.

Only time I ever felt worse
was when George died...

but then I had the kids with me,
and I pulled through it.

This time, I thought,
well, this is my last chance.

This is my last hope for happiness.
I just thought I'd never feel good again.

How long is this story?
I'm 80. I have to plan.

Then this morning I woke up
and I was in the shower,

shampooing my hair,
and I heard humming.

Well, I thought there was
someone in there with me.

No, it was me. I was humming.

And humming means I'm feeling good.

And then I realized I was
feeling good because of you.

You made the difference.

You're my family...

and you make me happy to be alive.

Let's all drive
to coconut grove for lunch.

Ok.

My treat. We have to celebrate.

What, that she came out of her room?

That we're together.

And that no matter what happens,
even if we all get married,

we'll stick together.

Then we'll need
a much bigger house.

Sure, Rose. After lunch,
you can pick up the lumber.

Ma, you want to join us?

Nope. I gotta rest.
I got a date tonight.

With whom?

The fancy man and I
are going to the dog track.

- Your mother bets?
- No, she rides.

She's a dog jockey. Let's go.