Original subtitles

[opening theme music playing]

♪ Hey! ♪

[Luci] Ooh, look. The new heads are in early this year.

Where is everyone? This place is quiet.

-Too quiet. -Quiet, Elfo!

-So empty. -Like Jerry's head.

[Luci and Jerry laughing]

[Luci grunts]

Yo! Over here, dumbass.

Ah! Two steps to the left. Three steps to the right.

And cha-cha.

[scatting]

[grunts]

I dreamt this was gonna happen.

Everyone, shut up! I hear something.

[pops]

[man chanting]

[men chanting in response]

[scoffs] Fascist goons.

That means Dagmar is back.

Start pantin', pervo.

Oh, I hope she's wearing her boots.

Follow me.

[horse laughs]

[men grunting rhythmically]

[Luci scatting]

Flip, flip, trip, dip, dip, dip.

[all grunt]

[Jerry humming]

If I were drunk, this wouldn't seem so dangerous.

[Luci scatting]

[Jerry groans]

Why does it smell like wet boots and whiskey in here?

And sadness. Don't forget the sadness.

I just need to get something.

Say hello to Blunty the Giant Slayer.

-There are no giants around here. -Exactly.

Why is my bed so lumpy?

Okay, Bunty. Get up.

[both scream]

-Wow! -Is that you, Frankie?

Hi, Jerry.

[Bean] Do not look at me while I'm changing.

That includes you, Elfo.

Okay, who are you? Why are you here?

What were you doing in my bed?

I want answers, and I want 'em now to all but that last question.

[all grunting]

Let me speak to them in their native language.

-Ask 'em when my mom took over. -Got it.

[speaking other language]

[grunting]

-[speaking other language] -[grunting]

-[Jerry speaking other language] -[grunting]

Hmm. Hmm. Hmm.

-[in English] Well, what did they say? -Utter gibberish.

Okay, next up, Dagmar's neck.

Mmm. Can we have a quick meeting in the conference closet?

[Bean] Mmm.

Okay, Bean. If we're going to get Dagmar, we need a strategy.

Here's what I've been thinking about. You go low, I'll go thigh.

I mean, I'll go for her booty.

I mean boots. I mean…

[laughs] Elfo, I'm going to mercy kill that thought right there.

-Thank you. -Here's what I think.

Bean, when you say you wanna slice your mother's head off with that big sword,

all I see is a sweet, innocent little girl who's just asking to be loved.

You know down in your heart that that love ain't a-comin'

because your mother doesn't look at you as a person,

but as an extension of herself.

She's incapable of loving anyone, Bean.

She's a narcissist.

But as long as you still need her love, she's got power over you.

So, if you want to truly break free,

you gotta stop focusing on revenge and anger and wrath.

Instead, just focus all your energy on what matters the most, Bean. And that--

Murder!

[grunting]

Oh, yeah!

[grunts]

[exclaims and grunts]

Who's slouching now, Mom?

-Hello, Bean. -Welcome home.

Uncle Cloyd? Aunt Becky?

Since when did you two jerks take over Dreamland?

The last time I saw you, I dropped a bookcase on you.

The Encyclopedia Erotica fell right on my face.

I nearly suffocated under that two-page spread.

But I'm not complaining.

And, boy, we know you've been busy.

Committing your father to an insane asylum.

-That's right. -Romancing a mermaid.

-[Bean] Uh-huh. -Becoming Queen of Dreamland.

Yeah. Wait, mermaid? Mora? That was real?

We've been binging all your exploits on our oracle fire.

We don't know how it works, but apparently, it will green-light anything.

Odval, go mix up another pitcher of Marugaritas.

Yes, Your Beckyness.

[sighs]

[Bean] Make that two pitchers, please.

Elfo, we've been looking for your little elf friends everywhere.

Where are they all hiding?

That's for me to know and you to flog it out of me.

I don't know what Dagmar's got you up to, but Dreamlanders will never stand for it.

They don't even like it when I tell them what to do.

Oh, sweetie, we're already taking care of that.

"Sweetie"?

Maybe I'll do to you what I did to that throne.

Toss them in the dungeon.

-[Bean exclaims] -Hey!

[all grunting]

[Elfo screams]

-[Bean screams] -[Luci exclaims]

[Bean] Ouch!

[Luci scatting]

[Elfo exclaims]

Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!

Wait for my head.

Oh, wow. Here's where all the chumps went.

Well, la-di-da. The big shots finally decided to roll in.

[birds hooting in distance]

When I was in the monastery, I learned two important lessons.

One, always be kind to others.

Two, you don't need nothin'.

Except for pillows. Come here, pillows.

[grunts]

Well, good night. [snores]

Vip, if you move again… [snores]

Vap, stop squirmin'. [snores]

Okay, well, nobody panic. We're here to save you.

[indistinct chatter]

Not the response you were looking for?

Not really. I--

Yeah, it kind of landed with a thud, didn't it?

I don't understand you people.

Well, maybe if'n you didn't call us, "You people."

Don't be so ungrateful.

Bean's your queen, you dumb hicks.

Oh, that's better.

And Cloyd and Becky promised to make Dreamland dreamy again.

Cloyd and Becky freed us from working, too.

Cloyd and Becky make the goons do all our jobs now.

Even the cushy ones like dung stacker.

You can't stay here forever.

Oh, you have no idea how lazy we are.

[imitates trumpet]

[scoffs] Now what?

Attention, Dreamlanders.

Who's next up for the royal treatment?

-[man 1] Pick me! -[man 2] Pick me!

Over here!

Step forward, Tedrick, the shepherd.

Ah dinnae ken what to say except… later losers!

[indistinct chatter]

[man 3] Have fun!

[scatting]

Ah, I'm home, baby.

A whole lot wiser and a whole lot balder.

[laughs]

Where the hell is everybody?

[man] Nobody here but us urine barrels.

-Who said that? -[man] Who said that?

You want to get your head chopped off?

[man] Oh, King Zøg!

It's Turbish, stupid. I mean Mertz.

I know who you are.

[man] You better hide. The goons are everywhere.

They'll take you to the dungeon with the rest of Dreamland.

-Even Bean's down there. -Bean?

[man] Do you hear me?

Because I know I can definitely hear you.

Yes, I… Uh-oh. [grunts]

Ow, my head is bumping.

Ow! It's still bumping.

Aren't you listening? I said, "Ow!"

There's got to be a less stupid way in.

Ha! My old grave.

Down the hatch, boys.

[exclaims]

[muffled] Turn left at the third rat.

You step into the bottomless pit, you've gone too far.

Here I am, queen of nothing.

You're queen of the dungeon.

You're not queen of my dungeon.

[Zøg] And I'm the king of the sewer hole. Ta-da!

Toilet troll! Jab it.

[Elfo and Zøg grunting]

What, are you trying to make a jerk out of me?

What happened to all your hair?

It's called the cue ball.

Should have got the Porky.

Now, come on, Dreamland.

It's me, King Zøg. And I'll get you all out of here.

-Thanks, but no thanks. -[man 2] But thanks.

But no thanks, but thanks.

[scatting] You're doomed!

Dad, I missed you.

-I'm so sorry I sent you away. -It's okay, Beanie.

I got all enlightened.

And now I'm back, baby.

Or should I say, "Your Majesty."

And I'm going to get us our throne back.

So, who took over anyway?

Derek and Oona? Odval and Sorcerio? Mop Girl and Bucket Boy?

Who's Bucket Boy?

-No, it was Cloyd and Becky. -Cloyd and Becky…

-Cloyd and Becky? [grunts] -Uh-oh.

-Cloyd and Becky… -I think your dad has in-law issues.

Dad, Dad, what's happening?

Is the self-actualization wearing off?

[grunting]

Find your goddamn Zen!

Hey!

[exclaims] I'm okay. I'm okay.

Peace be with you.

Om…

[woman screams]

What was that?

Uh, that was a scream,

and not a scream of ecstasy, I will tell you.

[laughs]

What does a scream of ecstasy sound like, Elfo?

I don't know.

[man screams]

No, that must be the royal treatment. Come on.

[man screams]

-[man screams] -[woman screams]

[man exclaiming]

[grunting rhythmically]

[screaming continues]

Welcome, Tedrick. Are you ready for the royal treatment?

A chair with a back. I really must be a king.

Strap him down.

This cannae be right.

[Tedrick exclaims]

Oh, stop. We haven't even done anything to you yet.

-And slice! -[Cloyd] Now you can scream.

[screams]

-Whoa. -[cries]

[Becky] Next.

[Bean] Run!

[whispering] Are they gone?

Oh. Tedrick's still alive.

Damn it.

Aye, and I'm feeling fitter than ever. Like I've had me porridge.

Aye. Aye. Aye!

Why is he wiggling like that?

[exclaiming]

[roaring]

[Bean] It's the royal treatment.

They're turning ugly Dreamlanders into ugly goons.

Won't be needing his change purse now.

And… doink.

[all exclaiming]

Your Majesty.

Your other Majesty and the others.

What the hell, Sorcerio? Why are you helping Cloyd and Becky?

I'm naive and innocent, I swear.

They just use my lab because they believe me to be an all-powerful wizard.

Since when?

Since I told them that.

Most of this stuff is rented from the Halloween shop.

Please don't tell them I'm a fraud. I've got a good thing going.

Whoa.

Is this what it's like to have long arms?

Hello over there! [laughs]

[exclaims]

Oh, put those down, little man.

One scratch and within an hour, you goon up.

Wait. Those severed arms look familiar.

I bet they were chopped off that old lady who scratched me in Maru.

Well, as far as I'm concerned, they're the devil's hands,

not idle playthings.

They will be the ruination of this kingdom.

Dreamlanders don't deserve a fate like this,

no matter how annoying and stubborn and dirty they are.

We've got to save my people.

Why did I ever hire you?

I was a magician at Bean's eighth birthday party.

The children threw me in the dungeon.

[Elfo] Careful, Jerry.

I could really use some oven mitts right now.

Wake up, you dumb countrified clodhoppers!

Jerry's got something to show you.

They're not stupid hicks, Luci. They're sophisticated urban boneheads.

[all exclaim]

Look at them flames.

I like the squiggly ones.

Show me big brother Cloyd and big sister Becky.

[all exclaim]

There's little people in there.

Oh, oh, this is the good part.

Time for the royal treatment, Lady Lingonberry.

Hurry up. I want everything I so richly deserve.

Stop in the name of the law!

-[scoffs] Her again. -Yeah, her again.

And "her" know all about your secret plan.

-The plan to find the magic and steal it? -Cloyd!

What? No.

What? No, the royal treatment.

I know you're turning the Dreamlanders into goons.

[Lady Lingonberry] No! Keep that wrinkled old arm away from my wrinkled old arm.

I didn't see that comin'.

Suspense. That's how they hook you.

It makes me think. And that makes me angry.

And now that all Dreamland knows what you did… Sword!

Beware the wrath of Blunty!

You rang, ma'am?

I said "Blunty," not "Bunty."

[grunts]

Ah! A good old-fashioned ladies arm fight.

[exclaims] A good old-fashioned ladies arm fight?

[grunting]

-[Lady Lingonberry] Ooh! Get off me! -[Zøg] Sorry.

[screaming]

[screaming]

I'm not afraid of your stupid flail.

My what?

Prepare to bleed, Becky.

[exclaims and grunts]

[Becky laughing]

I'll be in the pantry making scones, ma'am.

Uh-oh. I don't usually go for girl fights, but it beats watching two fat guys

slapping each other with chopped-off arms.

[both grunting]

[Bean] Dad!

Why can't family reunions be more friendly?

I'll kill you.

We know, you'll kill everyone.

Now, tell us where the magic is.

Hey, leave Bean alone.

-Jerry? We thought you were dead. -You couldn't even do that right.

All my life you told me, "Get in the Jerry box."

"Jerry, no one loves you."

"No one will ever love you."

"You're worthless."

I'm not just worthless.

I'm Jerry.

Oh, give it up. We're the only ones who love you.

That may be true,

but my friends like me a lot.

And that's good enough for Jerry.

[sips]

[munches]

Dad, you're okay.

[groans] I feel all tingly.

-Oh. Dad. -Forget about me, Beanie.

I'm too far gone.

Dad, I just got you back, I can't lose you again.

I've been a nut, a hothead, a tyrant, a ventriloquist,

and now a monster.

But I'll always be your dad.

Oh, Dad, you've always been a monster.

But that never stopped me from loving you.

At this point, I don't know who's enabling who.

Bean, you made the scratch disappear.

Wow.

Would you mind taking a look at this rash on my ass?

-[Bean] Ah! -And he's back, folks.

[clamoring]

Run faster, Cloyd!

We'll be perfectly fine as long as we stay out of rock-throwing range.

[Cloyd] Ow!

I aimed for where he was going to be.

[all cheering]

[closing theme music playing]