Original subtitles

First of all, let me just say,

I completely disagree with your school's decision to expel you over this.

But even though you're a student at a city university,

neither I nor the mayor

have any jurisdiction over what ultimately

becomes a question of your First Amendment rights.

So I... I urge you to take it up at a federal level.

I'm sorry, we just can't help you here.

So...

Cold outside, huh?

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

(WIND BLOWS)

Could you describe him again?

He was naked.

That's it? No height, weight, hair color?

He was blond.

He was a natural blond.

Can you believe the snow out there?

This morning, I tried to take

my cat out for a walk, right?

Buttons is pulling on the leash so hard,

I could hardly get him from the building.

Okay, let's forget for a second

that Paul actually walks his cat.

There's a kernel of relevance in what he has to say.

The finest weathermen in the city

say we're gonna get somewhere between

1 and 125 inches of snow today.

You know, if you're in an avalanche,

you're supposed to hunch over and create an air pocket.

Well, that's great, James.

We're gonna post that on Fifth Avenue.

Right next to the tsunami warnings.

Don't worry about it, James. If it weren't for you,

I wouldn't know that if attacked by a bear,

I should avoid eye contact.

Oh, yeah, they get nervous if you stare.

Okay, we gotta process these overtime forms

and get them over to the Department of Transportation,

so we can get the plows out in the streets in time.

Carter, Stuart, which one of you wants to handle this?

He does. He does.

Congratulations, we have a tie.

Nikki, you're in charge of the TLC.

Oh, that's sweet.

We could use a little more of that around here.

That's Taxi and Limousine Commission,

you dip.

Thank you for proving my point.

Mike, Building Services needs your permission

to start salting the steps.

Tell 'em they got it.

And if there's a fire, they should feel free to put that out, too.

Oh, and there's a young woman coming upstairs to see you.

Janelle, we're in the middle of a potential crisis situation here.

This is priority one right now. Nothing else matters.

Great googly moogly!

Hi, Mike.

I suppose we could take a quick time out.

Shelly McCrory.

I can't believe I haven't seen you since high school.

Shelly...

McCrory.

Right again.

I had the... The biggest...

crush on you in high school, and I...

I just never did anything about it.

Well, if you had a thing for me,

why did you go out with Julie MacCallum senior year?

Because her locker was next to yours.

And she put out.

Well, guess what, Mike.

Everything you were thinking about me,

I was thinking the exact same things about you.

Oh, I doubt it.

Well, it's too bad we never went out on a date.

Actually, we went out on lots of them.

You, uh... You just didn't know it.

Remember that homecoming game?

We sat next to each other in the bleachers.

Mike, I was with my boyfriend.

Was that as uncomfortable for you as it was for me?

Well, since you're in town now,

there's no reason we couldn't get together.

Well, actually, I'm just here for the night.

I, uh... I turned 30 a couple of months ago,

and, uh... it occurred to me,

my whole life, it's been nothing

but missed opportunities, you know?

So, I figured, what the hell?

And I... I quit my job, I gave up my apartment,

and I am moving to Paris.

My plane leaves tomorrow morning.

Well, that's exciting.

Just when I had stopped obsessing about you.

Thanks for dropping by.

Well, you know, just because I'm... I'm leaving tomorrow morning,

doesn't mean that we can't get together...

tonight.

You know, you're right. You're right.

(STAMMERS) Listen, why don't I take you out to dinner, all right?

Any place you want, you name it.

I was thinking room service.

(SNAPS)

I love that place.

Mike, I've come up with what I think

is a cohesive theme for our storm broadcast,

Blizzard Watch '97.

That's brilliant.

You should put in for overtime this week.

James, I need you to write the mayor's copy.

Just basic stuff, okay?

Keep the avalanche safety tips to a minimum.

James?

I'm... I'm sorry, Mike, I'm just a little nervous.

You know, I haven't spent a lot of time in here.

I don't want to put my foot in my mouth.

Don't worry, you won't.

Who's this drunken old man with the mayor?

That's his mom.

So, we all ready in here?

Yes, sir, we are. This is the command center for...

(IN DEEP VOICE) Blizzard Watch '97!

Sorry, sir.

As you can see, sir, I leave you in the most capable hands.

Uh-huh.

Now, Mr. Mayor... Yeah.

...when speaking into a radio microphone,

I usually like to keep my lips

just a... A comfortable distance from the device.

Really, Paul?

I usually like to swallow the microphone whole

and then talk.

(EXHALES)

Hey, there, citizens.

Ooh.

(LOUDER) Hey, there, citizens.

Hey, there. (MIMICKING ECHO) Hey, there. Hey, there.

♪♪ Hey there

♪♪ You with the stars In your eyes

♪♪ Love never made... ♪♪

Sir. Sir.

What?

Sir, we're live.

And now, here's the mayor.

Why is this not working?

I don't suppose you have change for a dollar?

Sorry.

What are you looking at?

Nothing.

Not that it's nothing.

It's just that, well...

You must be very proud.

(SHOUTING) Damn this thing!

Give me... Give me your money. Give me your money.

You know, this hallway light is out, too.

Maybe a fuse is blown.

I'll get you your Mr. Goodbar or...

I want a Zagnut.

Apparently, you want a Mr. Goodbar.

MIKE: You talk to Human Services

about setting up extra shelters? Check.

Suspended alternate side of the street parking?

Check. We've taken care of everything on your list.

No, not quite everything.

Put on your mittens.

Yes.

Well, my work here is done.

Good night, everybody.

JANELLE: Good night, Mike.

Have fun catching up with your friend.

All right, do I detect a note of sarcasm there?

Come on, out with it. Out with it.

Let's hear what you have to say.

She's trying to say you could not be

in more of a hurry to go have sex.

Well, I never.

I mean, I am shocked.

Claudia, you know me. Do I seem like

that kind of guy to you? Uh...

I just came by to say hi to Paul. (CHUCKLING)

Come on, you're among friends here. Let's go. Out with it.

Mmm, I think you're looking to make a booty call.

Right.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

Stuart, we don't have time for this.

We have to fax the overtime authorization

for the snow plow guys.

That'll take five seconds. What are you talking about?

I don't want to be down here in this nasty boiler room

trying to fix a fuse, because you want a damn Zagnut.

I still want a Zagnut.

Shut up!

It's got a crispy nougat center.

Just flip the switch.

(SIGHS)

I can't get it open.

Oh, let me. Move, move.

Go ahead, you control freak.

This should be simple.

Here, use this to pry it open.

Where did you get this?

STUART: Um... (DOOR CLOSES)

(SIGHS IN EXASPERATION) Under the door.

So cold.

No cabs.

You were really out there for an hour?

I don't know. It seemed like an hour.

I think my watch stopped.

And now it's frozen to my head.

Help me.

Help me.

Careful.

Ahhh!

Why aren't the streets plowed, Janelle?

(BOTH SCREAMING)

Where the hell are Stuart and Carter?

We must have plows, Janelle.

No plows, no streets. No streets, no cabs.

You want me to call someone?

That would be nice.

You know, with that woman waiting for you,

I'm surprised you didn't just tunnel your way to a subway station.

I tried.

I got a couple of hundred yards,

I couldn't feel the lower half of my body.

I figured, you know,

what's the point?

NIKKI: I'm glad you're here.

A large section of Brooklyn

just lost power.

Claudia's helping us with the calls.

Uh, no, I'm sorry.

I don't got no freaking idea

how long the lights will be out.

Well, conditions as they are,

I'm restricting transportation to emergency vehicles only.

Hang the sign out, Mike. New York City is closed.

No, no, sir, you can't do that!

Give me one good reason.

The children, sir.

What children?

The children in all of us.

It's done, Mike. We're stuck here for now!

Well, I don't suppose it could get any worse.

Shelly just called. She wanted you to know

she's curled up in front of a big, cozy fire.

Was that the guy?

I don't know.

I just saw him from the back.

(WIND WHOOSHING)

(TAPPING IN MORSE CODE)

Morse code. Brilliant.

Maybe the Coast Guard will come down and rescue us.

Well, your idea to crank the heat up to 150

didn't exactly bring people flocking down here.

I can't take this anymore. I'm turning it off.

(CLATTERS)

Great! What are you gonna do now?

(TAPPING IN MORSE CODE)

Cut me some slack! I'm dying over here.

Well, take off... Take off the wool suit.

Oh, yeah, right.

Oh, what are you, eight?

I promise not to watch.

All right, then.

(SIGHS)

(VOCALIZING)

♪♪ Da da da da da da

♪♪ Da da da da da

♪♪ Da da da da da da da da Boom, boom, boom ♪♪ Will you stop it!

You're making me uncomfortable!

Whatever it takes to get you guys to drive the plows,

I authorize it.

Just saddle up.

Thank you. Thank you, thank you.

Yes! Ladies and gentlemen, put on your name tags,

New York City is open for business.

Whew!

And what are you doing?

I'm getting some coffee.

We're snowed in.

What are you gonna do, throw me out?

Give me a cup of that, will you?

Cream and sugar?

Yeah, I'll... I'll stir it myself.

Damn! It is hot in here!

You know, some people pay a lot of money for this.

You know, I'm totally comfortable.

The human body is remarkably self-regulating.

Take a hike, you nudist crackpot.

I'm going to ahead and announce the school closings for tomorrow.

All of them. (LAUGHS)

"So, who's your favorite mayor, huh, kids?

"And you high-schoolers, let's remember that come election time, huh?"

That's very funny.

Thank you. Thank you.

You know...

This storm reminds me of when I was a boy.

Uh, no, it doesn't.

It was December, 1955.

(CHUCKLES) I was rushing out to meet up with my playmates.

(CLICKS TONGUE) And my mother grabbed me

And told me to shovel the front walk,

so that the postman wouldn't slip.

God, I resented her.

Yeah, no, no. Of course, I'm still coming.

Yeah, no, listen. All the emergencies are taken care of.

It's just a waiting game now.

Yeah. Oh, hey, you, uh, forgot your shopping bag.

It's a... It's a nice scarf.

It's not?

Nikki.

Go!

I'll be there in 15 minutes.

You have to promise you'll wear your beeper at all times.

I'll tie it to my wrist.

Mike, that's not your coat.

I don't care.

Hey, I think I hear my Paulie on the radio.

PAUL: James, I can't take this anymore.

Thank goodness he went to the bathroom.

The mayor and his stories! Sheesh!

The man could bore his way through sheetrock.

JAMES: Paul, we're still on the air.

PAUL: Oh, no.

No.

Bummer for Paulie.

Mike, you can't leave. You gotta help him!

This job is Paul's life.

It's everything to him. If he loses it,

he'll be stripped of his pride, his dignity.

Mike, he'll be a broken, empty, hollowed out shell of a man!

Claudia.

That's a worst-case scenario.

(SIGHING)

(SIGHS)

Ahhh! Congratulations, Stuart.

You've done it.

You are now officially the worst guy ever

to be stuck in a room with.

Ha! Meet my parents!

No, thanks. I've already met my own.

A little family tension from the most sensitive man on the planet?

Oh, it's mostly my dad.

Wait a minute.

Are we relating?

We'll deny it later.

Go ahead, talk about your father.

I'm here for you.

I'll keep trying to attract attention.

STUART: What is that, the water pressure?

All right, do me a favor. Get utilities on the phone.

Find out what the hell is going on with the water pressure.

I flushed a toilet in the men's room.

I almost got sucked into the center of the earth.

What are you doing flushing the toilet while you're sitting down?

Stay out of my personal life, okay?

Where the hell is Paul?

I can't get out of here till this thing is settled.

Shelly's flight leaves in less than six hours.

Are the airports still closed?

Runways will be open by dawn.

All right. Do me a favor. Call the fire department. Have them open the hoses

and freeze those babies back up.

Are you proposing that we shut down a major international airport?

Hey, dinner, flowers, shutting down airports.

Women appreciate the little gestures.

Well, where is he, Mike?

I looked everywhere, sir.

I even put a plate of Ho-Hos in front of the air duct.

Oh.

I think he's gone AWOL.

Oh, out there in the bitter cold... (SHIVERS)

Let's hope he forgot his jacket.

Sir, you're angry, you have every reason to be, but...

Look, it's late, we're all tired. MAYOR: Mmm-hmm.

The sooner we get past this,

the sooner we can finish up and go home.

Plus, Mike, aren't you meeting that girl tonight?

We're focusing on the mayor right now, James.

Paul?

Honey, it's Claudia.

PAUL: Shh. I'm hiding.

Ooh, are we playing our little game?

PAUL: This is no game.

The mayor's got it out for me.

Paul, I heard what you said on the radio,

and it's not as bad as you think.

Now, you should just go find the mayor and apologize.

No one ever solved anything by hiding.

The Von Trapps did.

Honey, that was a musical.

Based on a true story.

Paul, please, for me.

Okay, all right, but...

Does this mean that we've reached that stage in our relationship

where I have to do whatever you ask?

Honey, we got to that stage

the second I agreed to go out with you.

Paul? (GASPS)

Sorry. I didn't realize anybody was, um,

naked in here.

Stay. I'm just reading the paper.

Here. Sports page?

No, no. You go ahead and wear that.

Listen, I am not one of those '70s hipsters

who's trying to act out some exhibitionist fantasy.

So then it's laundry day?

Think about the power of nudity.

No fashion, no shopping malls, no supermodels.

Ridding the world of supermodels, I could get on that bus.

No shame about your body, no sexual hang-ups.

No guys asking you out just 'cause they want to see you naked.

Are you with me? I am!

We've been oppressed too long! Yes, we have!

Take your clothes off. Not a chance.

Sir, you're on in 30 seconds. Okay.

Sir, this is Paulie we're talking about. MAYOR: Hmm.

Should it have happened? No.

Could it happen again?

You betcha.

(SOFTLY) Mr. Mayor?

Mr. Mayor, there is nothing I could say to undo what I said,

so I just want to say that I said it,

I'm sorry.

Work on that a long time, did you?

It may not be poetry, sir, but it is from the heart.

"Good morning, citizens.

"Oh, good news. Power has been restored

"to all affected areas of Brooklyn,

"and the subways will be up and running

"by morning rush hour."

Now, earlier, most of you probably heard some comments

made by my press secretary, Paul Lassiter.

Well, I'd like to take this opportunity

to assure you that I...

took no offense.

Good night, New York.

In fact, Paulie is... He's with me right here now.

Say hi, to the folks, Paul.

(WHISPERING) Hi.

This is radio, Lassiter.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Hello, everybody. Yes, come on, sit down.

God knows we kid each other around the office, huh, Paul?

We do? Yeah. (LAUGHING)

Sure. Why, I can hardly count the number of times

that you've stuck your foot in your mouth up on that podium.

(LAUGHS) It's a thousand if it's one, sir.

Yeah.

And I'm sure we can both admit

that I do sometimes get a little long-winded myself.

A little? I could strap you onto a balloon

and fly around the world! (LAUGHING)

I should go hide now.

Well, will you look at this.

(WHISPERING) Water!

(HOARSELY) Is it really true?

Are we finally free?

(TELEPHONE RINGING)

Yeah?

Yeah, I was right. They're down here.

You sure I can't see him just for a minute?

I'm sorry. No.

You see, I caused him a lot of trouble last night.

He was so tired, he fell asleep at his desk.

Now he is asleep, he's gonna stay asleep,

and that's the end, okay?

But, I just really... (STAMMERS)

No buts. No buts.

Now, you just go off to Paris, okay?

I hear it's beautiful this time of year.

Okay, just do me a favor and give him a kiss for me.

Oh, yeah, okay.

Yes, that is exactly what I am going to do.

Of course. Yeah. Will do.

Good night, buddy.