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1
00:00:03,630 --> 00:00:06,290
James. Hey.
2
00:00:06,390 --> 00:00:09,260
Mmm. I missed you.
How was your Christmas?
3
00:00:09,360 --> 00:00:10,500
Uh, it was
good, Nikki.
4
00:00:10,600 --> 00:00:12,600
I missed
you, too.
5
00:00:13,520 --> 00:00:14,780
I can't tell you
how excited I was
6
00:00:14,880 --> 00:00:16,380
when you asked me out
for a drink tonight.
7
00:00:16,480 --> 00:00:19,200
Yeah, well,
the others should
be here pretty soon.
8
00:00:20,210 --> 00:00:22,210
Uh, the others?
9
00:00:22,850 --> 00:00:23,910
Great.
10
00:00:24,010 --> 00:00:26,590
That way, you know,
we don't have to be alone,
11
00:00:26,690 --> 00:00:28,830
just the two of us.
12
00:00:28,930 --> 00:00:30,080
Hey.
Hey, hey.
13
00:00:30,180 --> 00:00:31,260
Happy New Year.
Happy New Year.
Happy New Year.
14
00:00:31,340 --> 00:00:33,160
Hey, guys.
How was
your Christmas?
15
00:00:33,260 --> 00:00:34,240
Nice.
16
00:00:34,340 --> 00:00:36,520
(UNENTHUSIASTICALLY)
Lots of family.
17
00:00:36,620 --> 00:00:37,960
Mine was perfect.
18
00:00:38,060 --> 00:00:40,010
I gave myself
a steak dinner,
a case of Heineken,
19
00:00:40,110 --> 00:00:44,050
and a few
very special
adult videos.
20
00:00:44,150 --> 00:00:46,130
If you were spending
the holiday alone,
you should have called me.
21
00:00:46,230 --> 00:00:48,230
Oh, my parents
were there.
22
00:00:49,790 --> 00:00:51,020
Oh, don't
sit there.
That's broken.
23
00:00:51,120 --> 00:00:52,300
Oh.
24
00:00:52,400 --> 00:00:54,860
So, I guess Mike's
not going to be
joining us, huh?
25
00:00:54,960 --> 00:00:56,980
I... I called him
a couple of times,
left messages.
26
00:00:57,080 --> 00:00:58,340
He's not
picking up.
27
00:00:58,440 --> 00:01:00,430
I can't believe Mike
and Ashley broke up.
28
00:01:00,530 --> 00:01:01,910
I really thought they were
gonna go the distance.
29
00:01:02,010 --> 00:01:03,870
So, does anyone know
why they broke up?
30
00:01:03,970 --> 00:01:06,270
I've heard,
like, hundreds
of different rumors.
31
00:01:06,370 --> 00:01:08,310
Hey, you're
in a public position,
people are gonna talk.
32
00:01:08,410 --> 00:01:10,360
There's probably
not a person
in this city
33
00:01:10,460 --> 00:01:11,800
that doesn't know
about this.
34
00:01:11,900 --> 00:01:14,680
Happy New Year, guys!
35
00:01:14,780 --> 00:01:17,240
So, did you make any
resolutions this year, huh?
36
00:01:17,340 --> 00:01:20,280
Mine is to be
less gullible this year.
37
00:01:20,380 --> 00:01:22,050
Did you hear?
Mike and Ashley
broke up.
38
00:01:22,150 --> 00:01:24,150
(LAUGHING)
Oh, come on.
39
00:01:25,070 --> 00:01:26,290
Very good.
40
00:01:26,390 --> 00:01:27,390
Not going to work.
Uh-huh.
Oh, don't sit there.
41
00:01:27,470 --> 00:01:28,890
That's broken.
42
00:01:28,990 --> 00:01:30,090
Oh, please.
43
00:01:30,190 --> 00:01:31,580
Oh, people,
what do you
44
00:01:31,680 --> 00:01:32,820
take me for, huh?
ALL: Paul.
45
00:01:32,920 --> 00:01:34,920
(NIKKI SCREAMS)
46
00:01:36,800 --> 00:01:38,800
Mike and Ashley
broke up?
47
00:01:39,520 --> 00:01:41,770
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
48
00:01:52,260 --> 00:01:53,600
Good morning.
Welcome back.
49
00:01:53,700 --> 00:01:55,320
How's everybody doing?
NIKKI: Hi, Mike.
50
00:01:55,420 --> 00:01:57,160
STUART: Hi.
JAMES: Hey, Mike.
How are you?
51
00:01:57,260 --> 00:01:59,320
How are you
doing, Mike?
52
00:01:59,420 --> 00:02:01,430
Oh, God.
The pity face.
53
00:02:03,070 --> 00:02:05,330
Look, you got to
get a message back
to girl headquarters.
54
00:02:05,430 --> 00:02:07,870
Let them know
guys hate the pity face.
55
00:02:09,870 --> 00:02:11,460
(BOTH EXCLAIM)
It's
pretty bad.
56
00:02:11,560 --> 00:02:13,820
All right, I take it you
all heard that Ashley
and I split up.
57
00:02:13,920 --> 00:02:15,780
So, I should probably make
a brief statement.
58
00:02:15,880 --> 00:02:17,780
Ashley got offered
a terrific job in L.A.
59
00:02:17,880 --> 00:02:19,740
She took it.
I supported her.
60
00:02:19,840 --> 00:02:23,250
She left. She's fine.
I'm fine. The end.
61
00:02:25,250 --> 00:02:26,230
Press two if you want
62
00:02:26,330 --> 00:02:28,330
this message
repeated in Spanish.
63
00:02:29,250 --> 00:02:30,430
What's in the box?
64
00:02:30,530 --> 00:02:32,960
Just some of her stuff.
It's, uh... You know,
65
00:02:33,060 --> 00:02:35,440
sweatshirt, four books,
66
00:02:35,540 --> 00:02:38,840
six CDs, picture frame,
pair of earrings...
67
00:02:38,940 --> 00:02:41,120
Bra.
68
00:02:41,220 --> 00:02:43,050
That's pathetic.
69
00:02:43,150 --> 00:02:44,530
What? What?
70
00:02:44,630 --> 00:02:46,490
Come on, Mike.
It's so obvious.
71
00:02:46,590 --> 00:02:47,690
It's a breakup box.
72
00:02:47,790 --> 00:02:48,830
You could have thrown
all that stuff out,
73
00:02:48,910 --> 00:02:50,610
but, no, you had
to send it all back,
74
00:02:50,710 --> 00:02:51,690
hoping that each item
75
00:02:51,790 --> 00:02:53,340
dredges up
some painful memory.
76
00:02:53,440 --> 00:02:54,660
Yeah.
77
00:02:54,760 --> 00:02:56,760
Especially the bra.
78
00:02:58,600 --> 00:03:01,660
See, it was
the first one she gave me.
79
00:03:01,760 --> 00:03:04,210
It was designed
to both lift and separate.
80
00:03:05,330 --> 00:03:06,790
Come on.
It's her stuff.
81
00:03:06,890 --> 00:03:07,950
I got to send it
back to her.
82
00:03:08,050 --> 00:03:09,270
Can we move on,
please?
83
00:03:09,370 --> 00:03:10,830
You know,
I got dumped once.
84
00:03:10,930 --> 00:03:12,940
No.
85
00:03:15,820 --> 00:03:17,080
No, seriously,
I did.
86
00:03:17,180 --> 00:03:18,880
I'd like
to point out that
this is irrelevant,
87
00:03:18,980 --> 00:03:20,120
seeing as
I did not get dumped.
88
00:03:20,220 --> 00:03:22,200
We broke up.
It's a giant difference.
89
00:03:22,300 --> 00:03:23,290
It is huge.
90
00:03:23,390 --> 00:03:25,390
Can I tell
my story anyway?
91
00:03:27,230 --> 00:03:28,650
All right.
92
00:03:28,750 --> 00:03:30,450
I met this girl
in college, all right?
93
00:03:30,550 --> 00:03:32,210
She was a sophomore.
I was a freshman.
94
00:03:32,310 --> 00:03:33,660
We dated
for three years,
95
00:03:33,760 --> 00:03:35,760
and she just up
and left me.
96
00:03:36,440 --> 00:03:37,660
James,
97
00:03:37,760 --> 00:03:39,760
she graduated.
98
00:03:41,800 --> 00:03:44,790
I'm really excited
to release these holiday
tourism statistics.
99
00:03:44,890 --> 00:03:47,410
Press eats
this stuff up like
yogurt-covered raisins.
100
00:03:48,890 --> 00:03:49,910
That's an
interesting reference.
101
00:03:50,010 --> 00:03:52,070
Hey, you cover
anything with yogurt...
102
00:03:52,170 --> 00:03:55,040
(LAUGHS)
Count me in.
103
00:03:55,140 --> 00:03:57,580
That attitude
can get you in a lot
of trouble, Paul.
104
00:03:58,620 --> 00:04:00,240
Oh, you're not
really gonna
105
00:04:00,340 --> 00:04:01,480
use those statistics,
are you?
106
00:04:01,580 --> 00:04:03,370
'Cause, uh...
107
00:04:03,470 --> 00:04:04,650
'Cause I made
them up.
108
00:04:04,750 --> 00:04:06,010
What?
109
00:04:06,110 --> 00:04:07,290
Oh, no.
No, Mike.
110
00:04:07,390 --> 00:04:08,610
I could lose
my job for this.
111
00:04:08,710 --> 00:04:10,010
I could go to jail.
112
00:04:10,110 --> 00:04:11,290
Jeez, Paul,
come on, I thought
113
00:04:11,390 --> 00:04:12,970
you weren't going to be
so gullible this year.
114
00:04:13,070 --> 00:04:15,180
Oh, why did I tell
you people about my
New Year's resolution?
115
00:04:15,280 --> 00:04:17,280
Stupid.
Stupid. Stupid.
116
00:04:18,200 --> 00:04:19,340
Why am
I here anyway?
117
00:04:19,440 --> 00:04:21,420
I mean, this is
routine stuff.
118
00:04:21,520 --> 00:04:22,620
Well, you
and Ashley saw
119
00:04:22,720 --> 00:04:24,310
a lot of each other
in that room,
120
00:04:24,410 --> 00:04:25,950
and, uh, you know...
121
00:04:26,050 --> 00:04:27,110
Oh, no.
So, you're thinking
122
00:04:27,210 --> 00:04:29,750
if I don't go back
in there today,
123
00:04:29,850 --> 00:04:31,110
I may never
go back?
124
00:04:31,210 --> 00:04:32,190
Yeah.
125
00:04:32,290 --> 00:04:33,710
Come on, Paul.
126
00:04:33,810 --> 00:04:34,800
You've been watching
too many soaps.
127
00:04:34,900 --> 00:04:36,900
Let's get this thing
over with.
128
00:04:39,540 --> 00:04:41,960
(INDISTINCT CHATTER INSIDE)
129
00:04:42,060 --> 00:04:44,090
What?
130
00:04:44,190 --> 00:04:46,050
I... (SIGHS)
131
00:04:46,150 --> 00:04:49,130
I don't know.
I can't go in there.
132
00:04:49,230 --> 00:04:51,230
I can't go
in that room.
133
00:04:52,070 --> 00:04:54,380
It's like...
(SIGHS)
134
00:04:54,480 --> 00:04:57,760
It's like there's
this invisible barrier that
135
00:04:59,120 --> 00:05:00,580
my heart
won't let me cross.
136
00:05:00,680 --> 00:05:02,680
Oh, God.
137
00:05:03,640 --> 00:05:05,890
Oh, God.
It's too soon,
isn't it?
138
00:05:07,530 --> 00:05:09,530
This is gonna be
a long year
for you, Paul.
139
00:05:13,690 --> 00:05:16,800
Mike, read...
Morning, sir.
140
00:05:16,900 --> 00:05:20,040
Read this, please.
All right.
141
00:05:20,140 --> 00:05:23,080
Wow. John Tesh is giving
a free concert in the park.
142
00:05:23,180 --> 00:05:24,200
No, no.
143
00:05:24,300 --> 00:05:25,970
The next page.
144
00:05:26,070 --> 00:05:28,070
I love John Tesh.
145
00:05:29,830 --> 00:05:31,830
I know you do, sir.
146
00:05:32,470 --> 00:05:34,410
Oh, sir, these are
political cartoons.
147
00:05:34,510 --> 00:05:36,900
Yes, but they have gotten
very personal, Mike.
148
00:05:37,000 --> 00:05:39,340
You're a public figure.
You're gonna get nailed
a few times.
149
00:05:39,440 --> 00:05:41,180
Besides, the fact
that they choose you
to make fun of
150
00:05:41,280 --> 00:05:42,860
could almost be
considered flattering.
151
00:05:42,960 --> 00:05:44,180
Oh, really?
Well, what about
the one here
152
00:05:44,280 --> 00:05:46,290
where I have
an ass head?
153
00:05:47,730 --> 00:05:50,510
Well, the donkey
has long been a popular
political symbol.
154
00:05:50,610 --> 00:05:52,990
No, not a
donkey head, Mike.
155
00:05:53,090 --> 00:05:55,090
An ass head.
156
00:05:55,660 --> 00:05:57,660
Oh, my. Well...
157
00:06:02,500 --> 00:06:05,400
It's not
very flattering
at all, is it, sir?
158
00:06:05,500 --> 00:06:07,130
All right,
I'll tell you what,
I'll give them a call.
159
00:06:07,230 --> 00:06:09,010
Or we could
just hoist you up
on the copy machine,
160
00:06:09,110 --> 00:06:10,570
fax them
a better likeness.
161
00:06:10,670 --> 00:06:12,730
(CHUCKLING)
162
00:06:12,830 --> 00:06:15,860
Yeah, yes,
you're right.
Well, listen,
163
00:06:15,960 --> 00:06:18,020
this cartoon isn't
the real reason
I came in here.
164
00:06:18,120 --> 00:06:19,380
I heard about
you and...
165
00:06:19,480 --> 00:06:20,500
Ashley.
Yeah.
166
00:06:20,600 --> 00:06:23,620
Yeah, I figured.
I'm okay.
167
00:06:23,720 --> 00:06:24,980
If you need
any time off or...
168
00:06:25,080 --> 00:06:26,310
I just had some.
Oh.
169
00:06:26,410 --> 00:06:28,350
I tell you what, though.
I'll take a rain check.
170
00:06:28,450 --> 00:06:30,470
That way, if there's
any lingering sadness
171
00:06:30,570 --> 00:06:33,650
in say, like, July,
when the weather's
really hot...
172
00:06:35,690 --> 00:06:37,700
I'll take
a few long weekends.
173
00:06:38,140 --> 00:06:39,760
(LAUGHS)
174
00:06:39,860 --> 00:06:41,860
I don't think so.
175
00:06:43,380 --> 00:06:45,700
Look, sir, I'm not
gonna lie to you.
176
00:06:46,390 --> 00:06:48,170
It's not easy to end
177
00:06:48,270 --> 00:06:49,850
a relationship.
So, there's nothing
I can do.
178
00:06:49,950 --> 00:06:51,950
I'm fine, sir.
179
00:06:55,270 --> 00:06:57,280
CARTER: Heading out?
I'm trying to.
180
00:06:57,880 --> 00:06:59,260
And good.
181
00:06:59,360 --> 00:07:01,920
You're taking your little
cardboard friend with you.
182
00:07:03,000 --> 00:07:05,100
All right
now, Mike.
183
00:07:05,200 --> 00:07:06,220
If you need to talk
to anyone later...
184
00:07:06,320 --> 00:07:07,390
(SIGHS)
...I'm gonna
be kinda hard
185
00:07:07,490 --> 00:07:09,030
to get a hold of
because I've got a date.
186
00:07:09,130 --> 00:07:12,910
I don't think
Mike needs to hear
about that right now.
187
00:07:13,010 --> 00:07:14,950
In fact, I don't think
Mike needs you to be
dating, period.
188
00:07:15,050 --> 00:07:17,060
No more dating!
189
00:07:17,620 --> 00:07:19,880
You know, that's
a catchy slogan, James.
190
00:07:19,980 --> 00:07:21,040
If we need
to lock up
the Amish vote,
191
00:07:21,140 --> 00:07:23,360
we can slap that
on a buggy sticker.
192
00:07:23,460 --> 00:07:25,120
Uh, point
of information, Mike.
193
00:07:25,220 --> 00:07:27,330
Technically, the Amish
are not allowed
194
00:07:27,430 --> 00:07:29,430
to decorate
their buggies.
195
00:07:30,310 --> 00:07:32,370
How could you
possibly know that?
196
00:07:32,470 --> 00:07:35,570
The Amish
have a website
on the Internet.
197
00:07:35,670 --> 00:07:37,300
You know,
normal people
198
00:07:37,400 --> 00:07:39,560
download
nudie pictures,
199
00:07:41,120 --> 00:07:44,540
but you hang out
on the Amish home page.
200
00:07:44,640 --> 00:07:46,640
They have
nudie pictures.
201
00:07:51,490 --> 00:07:53,310
Yeah?
202
00:07:53,410 --> 00:07:55,410
How do you log on?
203
00:07:56,050 --> 00:07:58,140
Am-babe.com.
204
00:08:01,940 --> 00:08:04,440
You know what it's like
to feel empty, Clayton?
205
00:08:04,540 --> 00:08:07,660
Feel a big, gaping hole
around you wherever you go?
206
00:08:12,190 --> 00:08:14,190
Can I just get
my nine bucks?
207
00:08:15,110 --> 00:08:17,090
I mean,
look at me, Clayton.
208
00:08:17,190 --> 00:08:20,780
Look at me. This...
This isn't who I am.
209
00:08:20,880 --> 00:08:23,860
All right, look.
You can give me a ten
or a 20. I don't care.
210
00:08:23,960 --> 00:08:25,220
I can make change.
211
00:08:25,320 --> 00:08:26,500
All right,
Clayton, come on.
Look, have a slice
212
00:08:26,600 --> 00:08:27,700
with me, okay?
213
00:08:27,800 --> 00:08:29,790
Sorry the place
is a mess, but...
214
00:08:29,890 --> 00:08:31,270
Here. See?
All right? Okay?
215
00:08:31,370 --> 00:08:32,870
We'll hang out.
We'll have a beer.
216
00:08:32,970 --> 00:08:35,970
Just two guys.
We don't need anybody.
217
00:08:38,210 --> 00:08:40,000
(KNOCK ON DOOR)
Oh, hey.
218
00:08:40,100 --> 00:08:42,180
Be a sport
and get that for me,
would you, Clayton?
219
00:08:44,620 --> 00:08:46,620
I'm looking for
Michael Flaherty.
MIKE: Oh, hey.
220
00:08:47,420 --> 00:08:49,570
Beerski, friend?
221
00:08:49,670 --> 00:08:51,670
Dude, get out
while you can.
222
00:08:52,990 --> 00:08:54,570
I'm... I'm just here
for a signature.
223
00:08:54,670 --> 00:08:55,650
I just want
nine bucks.
224
00:08:55,750 --> 00:08:57,750
I've been here
since noon.
225
00:09:00,640 --> 00:09:03,460
Listen, I just have
the paper plates.
Is that okay?
226
00:09:03,560 --> 00:09:06,100
Listen, sir,
this pizza's
on me. See ya.
227
00:09:06,200 --> 00:09:08,620
Well, hey, Clayton.
Clayton. Whoa.
228
00:09:08,720 --> 00:09:10,730
Clayton.
229
00:09:11,690 --> 00:09:13,690
You're good
people, Clayton.
230
00:09:14,930 --> 00:09:16,930
Guy really
understands me.
231
00:09:18,090 --> 00:09:20,100
So...
232
00:09:20,980 --> 00:09:23,040
(DOOR SLAMS)
233
00:09:23,140 --> 00:09:25,140
Gonna be able
to hang out
for a bit?
234
00:09:26,980 --> 00:09:28,240
Uh, you have
a package going
235
00:09:28,340 --> 00:09:32,490
to Ashley Schaeffer
in Los Angeles?
236
00:09:32,590 --> 00:09:33,890
Yes, I do.
Yes, I do.
237
00:09:33,990 --> 00:09:35,330
Right over...
(GRUNTS)
238
00:09:35,430 --> 00:09:37,210
Whoa.
Here we go.
239
00:09:37,310 --> 00:09:38,810
If you
would just sign
by the "X," sir.
240
00:09:38,910 --> 00:09:40,920
All right.
So, hey, Jimmy.
241
00:09:41,440 --> 00:09:42,500
You look like
the type of fella
242
00:09:42,600 --> 00:09:44,380
who's had
a few relationships.
243
00:09:44,480 --> 00:09:46,680
Keep your eye
on that "X," sir.
244
00:09:49,730 --> 00:09:51,670
All business,
huh, Jimmy?
245
00:09:51,770 --> 00:09:53,770
I respect that.
I know the type.
246
00:09:55,010 --> 00:09:56,430
There you go.
247
00:09:56,530 --> 00:09:58,530
Okay.
248
00:09:59,530 --> 00:10:01,540
(SIGHS)
249
00:10:02,980 --> 00:10:04,840
I'm sorry.
I know this
250
00:10:04,940 --> 00:10:06,240
is gonna sound
weird to you,
251
00:10:06,340 --> 00:10:08,560
but I can't let you
take this box.
252
00:10:08,660 --> 00:10:10,330
Listen, buddy,
you just signed
the invoice.
253
00:10:10,430 --> 00:10:12,090
It's officially
my responsibility now.
254
00:10:12,190 --> 00:10:14,330
I have to take it.
(GRUNTS)
255
00:10:14,430 --> 00:10:16,650
Maybe you could just take
something else, huh?
256
00:10:16,750 --> 00:10:19,410
How about
the lazy Susan?
257
00:10:19,510 --> 00:10:21,420
All right. Okay.
I got the invoice.
258
00:10:21,520 --> 00:10:23,380
You're free to go.
259
00:10:23,480 --> 00:10:26,980
Oh. I get it.
What?
260
00:10:27,080 --> 00:10:29,080
It's a breakup box.
261
00:10:31,210 --> 00:10:33,350
You can't prove that.
262
00:10:33,450 --> 00:10:34,990
Listen, buddy,
trust me.
263
00:10:35,090 --> 00:10:36,670
I do this every day.
264
00:10:36,770 --> 00:10:39,530
She's not coming back.
She doesn't love you anymore.
265
00:10:43,780 --> 00:10:45,780
You're never getting
this away from me.
266
00:10:47,020 --> 00:10:48,600
Jimmy.
267
00:10:48,700 --> 00:10:50,040
Jimmy!
268
00:10:50,140 --> 00:10:52,410
(BOTH GRUNTING)
269
00:10:52,510 --> 00:10:54,590
You know,
you're stronger
than you look.
270
00:10:56,790 --> 00:10:59,070
Jimmy,
give me the box.
Give me the box.
271
00:11:02,680 --> 00:11:04,180
You got
back together
with him?
272
00:11:04,280 --> 00:11:07,260
Yes. That's what makes
my breakup story so good...
273
00:11:07,360 --> 00:11:08,940
The rare
double breakup.
274
00:11:09,040 --> 00:11:10,500
We lived together.
He left me.
275
00:11:10,600 --> 00:11:13,430
I took him back.
He left me again.
No warning.
276
00:11:13,530 --> 00:11:15,830
One day,
I got home from work,
277
00:11:15,930 --> 00:11:16,910
he'd already
moved his things
278
00:11:17,010 --> 00:11:18,870
into a
friend's apartment.
279
00:11:18,970 --> 00:11:20,430
His, uh,
280
00:11:20,530 --> 00:11:22,720
things?
281
00:11:22,820 --> 00:11:26,460
Yeah, you know,
handcuffs, whips,
other sex toys.
282
00:11:27,580 --> 00:11:29,580
His clothes,
you fool.
283
00:11:30,300 --> 00:11:31,690
Personal effects.
God.
284
00:11:31,790 --> 00:11:32,770
Sorry.
285
00:11:32,870 --> 00:11:34,870
I wandered.
Sue me.
286
00:11:35,950 --> 00:11:37,650
Guys, it is
almost noon.
287
00:11:37,750 --> 00:11:38,850
Mike is still
not in yet.
288
00:11:38,950 --> 00:11:40,690
Yeah, I know.
I'm worried, too.
289
00:11:40,790 --> 00:11:42,540
I think we should wait
about another 15 minutes,
290
00:11:42,640 --> 00:11:44,640
and if he doesn't
show up, call it a day.
291
00:11:46,080 --> 00:11:47,900
I'm going to
try him again.
292
00:11:48,000 --> 00:11:50,980
So, Nik...
what you doing tonight?
293
00:11:51,080 --> 00:11:52,950
"Nik"?
294
00:11:53,050 --> 00:11:54,390
Cozy night
with Mr. TV?
295
00:11:54,490 --> 00:11:57,350
Nah, Mr. Fuchs.
Dan, my date.
296
00:11:57,450 --> 00:11:59,650
(IMITATING NIKKI)
My date this,
my date that.
297
00:12:01,330 --> 00:12:03,360
(NORMAL VOICE)
I was just mumbling.
298
00:12:03,460 --> 00:12:04,800
Mike?
It's Nikki.
299
00:12:04,900 --> 00:12:08,360
Hey, Nikki.
How you doing?
300
00:12:08,460 --> 00:12:10,320
Forget about me.
How are you doing?
301
00:12:10,420 --> 00:12:12,430
Oh, I'm fine.
I'm fine.
302
00:12:13,270 --> 00:12:15,290
Just taking
a personal day.
303
00:12:15,390 --> 00:12:16,930
Well, you want
some company?
304
00:12:17,030 --> 00:12:19,650
Oh, I don't think
there's a whole lot
of room in here.
305
00:12:19,750 --> 00:12:21,090
I mean, I got
a few people over,
306
00:12:21,190 --> 00:12:23,740
and there's
an occupancy limit.
307
00:12:23,840 --> 00:12:25,840
(FORCED LAUGH)
308
00:12:26,600 --> 00:12:28,220
Anyway, I'm...
I'm fine.
309
00:12:28,320 --> 00:12:30,140
Thanks for
checking on me.
310
00:12:30,240 --> 00:12:31,260
(STAMMERS) Okay.
311
00:12:31,360 --> 00:12:33,370
Okay.
312
00:12:34,210 --> 00:12:35,390
That was
a special treat
313
00:12:35,490 --> 00:12:36,990
watching you handle
that briefing, sir.
314
00:12:37,090 --> 00:12:38,990
Yeah, with what passes
for news these days,
315
00:12:39,090 --> 00:12:40,510
I knew there'd be
more than a...
316
00:12:40,610 --> 00:12:41,630
Well, a couple
of questions
317
00:12:41,730 --> 00:12:44,320
about Mike's
personal life,
318
00:12:44,420 --> 00:12:45,680
and what kind of friend
would I be
319
00:12:45,780 --> 00:12:48,480
if I didn't just step in
and deflect a few shots, huh?
320
00:12:48,580 --> 00:12:50,800
(LAUGHS) May I say, sir,
it was very impressive.
321
00:12:50,900 --> 00:12:51,960
Well, thank you
very much.
322
00:12:52,060 --> 00:12:54,770
I've always excelled
at public speaking.
323
00:12:54,870 --> 00:12:56,850
Well, that's...
324
00:12:56,950 --> 00:12:59,830
That's an advantage
in the political arena,
no doubt, sir.
325
00:13:01,030 --> 00:13:02,290
Well, I really
appreciate you
letting me,
326
00:13:02,390 --> 00:13:03,620
you know, sub in
for you today.
327
00:13:03,720 --> 00:13:06,100
(LAUGHS) Oh. You can fill
my shoes anytime, sir.
328
00:13:06,200 --> 00:13:09,260
Yeah, well, Paul,
therein lies the problem.
329
00:13:09,360 --> 00:13:10,300
Problem?
330
00:13:10,400 --> 00:13:11,860
Well, see, interacting
with the press
331
00:13:11,960 --> 00:13:15,670
is one of
my favorite things
about public office,
332
00:13:15,770 --> 00:13:17,710
but with you
here, I...
333
00:13:17,810 --> 00:13:20,810
I just don't get
to seem to do it
as often as I'd like.
334
00:13:21,650 --> 00:13:23,520
What are you
getting at, sir?
335
00:13:23,620 --> 00:13:26,240
Well, I've decided
to discontinue
your position here
336
00:13:26,340 --> 00:13:28,660
and handle
things myself.
337
00:13:29,820 --> 00:13:31,820
We're going to
let you go, Paul.
338
00:13:32,780 --> 00:13:35,810
Oh. Well... I'll...
I'll just pack
339
00:13:35,910 --> 00:13:37,690
my things, sir.
340
00:13:37,790 --> 00:13:39,970
Boy, Paul.
They were right.
You're easy pickings.
341
00:13:40,070 --> 00:13:42,070
(LAUGHS)
342
00:13:46,640 --> 00:13:48,660
Hey, Lassiter,
your fly's open.
343
00:13:48,760 --> 00:13:50,760
Oh.
344
00:13:54,210 --> 00:13:56,310
I can't believe
you cooked for me.
345
00:13:56,410 --> 00:13:57,550
Well, uh, before
I became
346
00:13:57,650 --> 00:14:00,190
a bond trader,
I was a chef
for a while.
347
00:14:00,290 --> 00:14:01,590
Wow.
348
00:14:01,690 --> 00:14:04,020
Got any other
interesting jobs
in your past?
349
00:14:04,700 --> 00:14:05,880
I was a masseur.
350
00:14:05,980 --> 00:14:07,480
Yes!
351
00:14:07,580 --> 00:14:09,280
If you tell me
you've never been
convicted of a felony,
352
00:14:09,380 --> 00:14:10,800
you can move
in tomorrow.
353
00:14:10,900 --> 00:14:12,640
(CLICKS TONGUE)
Ooh, so close.
354
00:14:12,740 --> 00:14:15,610
I tell you,
you kill one guy,
and it haunts you forever.
355
00:14:15,710 --> 00:14:16,810
But two out of three
ain't bad, right?
356
00:14:16,910 --> 00:14:18,890
I mean, this date's
going pretty well.
357
00:14:18,990 --> 00:14:20,450
What, are
you kidding?
358
00:14:20,550 --> 00:14:22,650
You know what that
sound is, don't you?
359
00:14:22,750 --> 00:14:24,940
The sound
of us clicking.
You hear that?
360
00:14:25,040 --> 00:14:27,040
I think so.
361
00:14:29,760 --> 00:14:32,020
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
362
00:14:32,120 --> 00:14:33,940
Oh, yeah,
I'm definitely
picking it up now.
363
00:14:34,040 --> 00:14:36,050
It's... It's more
of a knocking sound.
364
00:14:39,490 --> 00:14:40,950
Nikki. Nikki,
you were right.
365
00:14:41,050 --> 00:14:42,190
I am an idiot.
366
00:14:42,290 --> 00:14:44,960
I need to talk,
and I need you
to listen.
367
00:14:45,060 --> 00:14:46,840
Hi. I'm Mike...
368
00:14:46,940 --> 00:14:48,940
Nikki's 9:00 date.
369
00:14:50,220 --> 00:14:54,300
Dan, I'd like you
to meet Mike, my boss.
370
00:14:57,030 --> 00:15:00,190
Uh, well, I should
probably go.
371
00:15:06,080 --> 00:15:07,220
No. You stay.
372
00:15:07,320 --> 00:15:08,620
I asked you to talk.
You came to talk.
373
00:15:08,720 --> 00:15:10,720
We're going to talk,
just you and me.
374
00:15:11,720 --> 00:15:13,340
And Dan.
375
00:15:13,440 --> 00:15:15,070
Oh, I don't want to
drag you guys down.
376
00:15:15,170 --> 00:15:18,510
I mean,
the date must go on.
377
00:15:18,610 --> 00:15:19,950
What did you guys
have planned?
378
00:15:20,050 --> 00:15:23,070
Well, we were gonna catch
the new Star Trek movie.
379
00:15:23,170 --> 00:15:25,170
Well, I've seen that.
380
00:15:26,140 --> 00:15:27,520
Of course you have.
381
00:15:27,620 --> 00:15:30,720
What about dinner?
I mean, that's
a date thing, right?
382
00:15:30,820 --> 00:15:34,040
Yeah, we could eat...again.
383
00:15:34,140 --> 00:15:35,320
Okay, great.
Well, listen.
384
00:15:35,420 --> 00:15:37,770
I'm just going
to use the bathroom.
385
00:15:37,870 --> 00:15:40,910
Dan, why don't you
pick the restaurant?
386
00:15:42,230 --> 00:15:43,610
Oh, you are a doll.
387
00:15:43,710 --> 00:15:46,380
He has been
in such a bad place.
388
00:15:46,480 --> 00:15:47,580
I know this is
really awkward for you.
389
00:15:47,680 --> 00:15:48,940
Nah, it's okay.
It's like we have
390
00:15:49,040 --> 00:15:50,020
our own chaperone...
391
00:15:50,120 --> 00:15:51,540
(DOOR OPENS)
392
00:15:51,640 --> 00:15:53,640
...or two.
393
00:15:55,560 --> 00:15:56,510
James?
394
00:15:56,610 --> 00:15:58,610
Hey, Nikki.
Excuse me.
395
00:16:01,250 --> 00:16:03,250
You must
be the date.
396
00:16:04,210 --> 00:16:06,220
Dan.
Uh-uh.
397
00:16:07,660 --> 00:16:10,360
James, what are
you doing here?
398
00:16:10,460 --> 00:16:13,200
I... I came
to talk about Mike.
399
00:16:13,300 --> 00:16:14,760
I'm really
worried about him.
400
00:16:14,860 --> 00:16:17,190
Oh, actually,
he's here.
Yeah, whatever.
401
00:16:19,910 --> 00:16:21,890
So...
402
00:16:21,990 --> 00:16:23,990
What do
you do, Dan?
403
00:16:35,960 --> 00:16:37,970
I like your box.
404
00:16:39,410 --> 00:16:41,070
Thank you.
405
00:16:41,170 --> 00:16:44,390
Mike... I thought
you wanted to talk tonight.
406
00:16:44,490 --> 00:16:46,550
Yeah, yeah, I just got
to go slow, okay?
407
00:16:46,650 --> 00:16:48,000
I want to
ease into it.
408
00:16:48,100 --> 00:16:49,520
You know,
I've been through
409
00:16:49,620 --> 00:16:51,320
a couple of
painful breakups.
410
00:16:51,420 --> 00:16:52,760
Oh, you hear
that, Nikki?
He loves them
411
00:16:52,860 --> 00:16:54,860
and leaves them.
412
00:16:56,380 --> 00:16:57,410
Citizens
of Gotham.
413
00:16:57,510 --> 00:16:58,770
Howdy,
howdy, howdy.
414
00:16:58,870 --> 00:17:00,010
More friends?
415
00:17:00,110 --> 00:17:03,090
I... I like to date
in large groups.
416
00:17:03,190 --> 00:17:04,370
Who's the new guy?
417
00:17:04,470 --> 00:17:05,690
Nikki's date, Dan.
418
00:17:05,790 --> 00:17:06,850
Oh, how's
the date going?
419
00:17:06,950 --> 00:17:08,960
(GRUNTS)
420
00:17:09,360 --> 00:17:10,580
So, Mr. Big Talk,
421
00:17:10,680 --> 00:17:11,740
you going
to finish your
422
00:17:11,840 --> 00:17:12,940
breakup story
or what?
423
00:17:13,040 --> 00:17:15,380
I did. She climbed
down the fire escape
424
00:17:15,480 --> 00:17:17,670
and left
my life forever.
That's it?
425
00:17:17,770 --> 00:17:19,710
Hey. We lived
on the 14th floor.
426
00:17:19,810 --> 00:17:21,110
She was carrying
all my luggage...
(SIGHS)
427
00:17:21,210 --> 00:17:22,910
...and my TV.
428
00:17:23,010 --> 00:17:24,590
My breakup story's
much better than that.
429
00:17:24,690 --> 00:17:26,070
Well, mine was
better than yours.
430
00:17:26,170 --> 00:17:27,720
Nah. No.
I just heard it.
431
00:17:27,820 --> 00:17:29,560
You know what?
It's getting late.
432
00:17:29,660 --> 00:17:30,720
I should really
get going.
433
00:17:30,820 --> 00:17:33,860
Uh... I had
a wonderful date
434
00:17:34,820 --> 00:17:36,820
with all of you.
435
00:17:37,580 --> 00:17:39,450
Good night, Nikki.
436
00:17:39,550 --> 00:17:41,650
Sorry about
this, Dan.
437
00:17:41,750 --> 00:17:44,050
Give me
a call sometime.
We'll go out again.
438
00:17:44,150 --> 00:17:45,930
You can
count on it.
439
00:17:46,030 --> 00:17:47,010
CARTER:
Drive safely.
440
00:17:47,110 --> 00:17:48,500
Thanks for
dinner, Dan.
Okay, Dan.
441
00:17:48,600 --> 00:17:50,600
Go get
'em, tiger.
442
00:17:53,480 --> 00:17:54,700
He is so
not going
to call you.
443
00:17:54,800 --> 00:17:55,780
Not a chance, Nik.
444
00:17:55,880 --> 00:17:58,010
Sayonara,
Danny boy.
445
00:18:01,770 --> 00:18:03,350
I'm going
to get us
another round.
446
00:18:03,450 --> 00:18:05,450
I'll help carry.
447
00:18:06,410 --> 00:18:08,440
Well, she might not have
the best breakup story,
448
00:18:08,540 --> 00:18:11,200
but now
she's definitely
got the quickest.
449
00:18:11,300 --> 00:18:13,540
I don't know.
Yours is pretty fast.
450
00:18:14,700 --> 00:18:16,980
It's like Ashley
just disappeared.
451
00:18:17,980 --> 00:18:20,010
She left
last Tuesday.
452
00:18:20,110 --> 00:18:21,330
New Year's Eve?
453
00:18:21,430 --> 00:18:22,730
Yeah.
454
00:18:22,830 --> 00:18:24,830
Tough travel day.
455
00:18:25,590 --> 00:18:27,730
And you didn't
ask her to stay?
456
00:18:27,830 --> 00:18:29,740
Nope. Nope.
Stuart, it wouldn't
457
00:18:29,840 --> 00:18:31,740
have been fair
to either of us.
458
00:18:31,840 --> 00:18:33,980
So, she just
got on a plane.
459
00:18:34,080 --> 00:18:36,080
What a bitch.
460
00:18:41,570 --> 00:18:43,690
The situation, Mike,
not the girl.
461
00:18:46,290 --> 00:18:48,110
What are
you doing?
462
00:18:48,210 --> 00:18:50,720
(GRUNTS) Nothing.
463
00:18:50,820 --> 00:18:53,200
Nothing.
Just playing
around.
464
00:18:53,300 --> 00:18:55,300
I don't like
that game.
465
00:18:59,470 --> 00:19:01,570
Mike, you left
your coat.
466
00:19:01,670 --> 00:19:03,010
Thanks.
467
00:19:03,110 --> 00:19:04,090
Everything okay
in there?
468
00:19:04,190 --> 00:19:05,890
James and Carter
are fine.
469
00:19:05,990 --> 00:19:07,530
Stuart's hiding
under a table.
470
00:19:07,630 --> 00:19:08,850
Oh, you're
trying to tell me
I'm the first boss
471
00:19:08,950 --> 00:19:11,000
who tried to choke
Stuart to death?
472
00:19:11,920 --> 00:19:13,820
Mike, you got
a problem here.
473
00:19:13,920 --> 00:19:15,140
Yeah.
Tell me about it.
474
00:19:15,240 --> 00:19:16,700
It's impossible
to catch a cab
in this city
475
00:19:16,800 --> 00:19:18,800
when you're
carrying a box.
476
00:19:19,200 --> 00:19:21,210
Damn Unabomber.
477
00:19:21,890 --> 00:19:23,150
Oh, yeah. Great.
478
00:19:23,250 --> 00:19:24,630
Mike,
you can't do this.
479
00:19:24,730 --> 00:19:26,710
Yeah, you're right. My bad.
You take the first one.
480
00:19:26,810 --> 00:19:28,510
We're not ready yet.
Thanks.
481
00:19:28,610 --> 00:19:30,980
Oh, no, hey.
Oh. No, wait.
482
00:19:32,220 --> 00:19:33,640
Well, that's great,
'cause it's going to be
483
00:19:33,740 --> 00:19:35,120
real easy
to get another one.
484
00:19:35,220 --> 00:19:36,360
I don't want
to leave here
until I know
485
00:19:36,460 --> 00:19:37,760
you're going
to be okay.
486
00:19:37,860 --> 00:19:40,370
Jeez, you know,
between you
and Ashley,
487
00:19:40,470 --> 00:19:42,470
that's the second time
I've heard that this week.
488
00:19:43,990 --> 00:19:45,810
But you
know what?
489
00:19:45,910 --> 00:19:47,490
You don't
always get
what you want.
490
00:19:47,590 --> 00:19:51,500
That's why I'm standing
out here in the rain
with this box
491
00:19:51,600 --> 00:19:54,280
with the sweatshirt
that Ashley wore
every Sunday,
492
00:19:55,720 --> 00:19:58,500
pictures of us
on that camping trip,
493
00:19:58,600 --> 00:20:00,630
earrings that she
494
00:20:00,730 --> 00:20:02,190
left at my place
first night she stayed over
495
00:20:02,290 --> 00:20:04,070
that she probably
doesn't even know
I still have.
496
00:20:04,170 --> 00:20:05,790
Call her, Mike.
497
00:20:05,890 --> 00:20:08,110
Tell her
you made a mistake.
498
00:20:08,210 --> 00:20:10,360
You shouldn't have
let her leave
like that.
499
00:20:10,460 --> 00:20:12,460
That's the
funny part.
500
00:20:13,780 --> 00:20:15,780
I didn't
just let her go.
501
00:20:16,380 --> 00:20:18,780
But you said that...
Yeah, I lied,
all right?
502
00:20:21,110 --> 00:20:23,110
I begged her to stay.
503
00:20:24,830 --> 00:20:26,830
She left anyway.
504
00:20:28,230 --> 00:20:30,450
But apparently
I'm a...
505
00:20:30,550 --> 00:20:33,260
I'm a real
special person,
506
00:20:33,360 --> 00:20:35,360
and I got
a good heart,
507
00:20:36,520 --> 00:20:39,300
and she won't
forget me.
508
00:20:39,400 --> 00:20:41,690
So, I got that
going for me,
which is nice.
509
00:20:47,890 --> 00:20:49,890
Give it
some time, Mike.
510
00:20:51,540 --> 00:20:54,680
Maybe it'll all
work itself out.
511
00:20:54,780 --> 00:20:55,960
Well, she left
because she doesn't
love me
512
00:20:56,060 --> 00:20:58,060
as much as I love her.
513
00:20:59,460 --> 00:21:01,610
There. You happy?
I shared.
514
00:21:01,710 --> 00:21:03,710
Is that what
you wanted?
515
00:21:04,150 --> 00:21:06,150
Mike, I'm so sorry.
516
00:21:07,310 --> 00:21:09,310
It's killing me, Nikki.
517
00:21:09,990 --> 00:21:12,000
I'm just dying inside.
518
00:21:14,240 --> 00:21:15,900
I don't know
what I'm going to do.
519
00:21:16,000 --> 00:21:18,000
Come here.
520
00:21:19,680 --> 00:21:21,930
You're gonna be okay.
You're gonna be okay.
521
00:21:26,370 --> 00:21:28,370
(MIKE CRYING)
522
00:21:31,090 --> 00:21:33,100
I just miss her.
523
00:21:34,460 --> 00:21:36,460
Call me if you
need anything, okay?
524
00:21:38,700 --> 00:21:40,700
PAUL: Bye.
Bye, guys.
525
00:21:41,380 --> 00:21:43,370
Mike, Mike, this reminds me
of when I was a bachelor.
526
00:21:43,470 --> 00:21:44,970
Messy apartment,
fridge full of beer,
527
00:21:45,070 --> 00:21:47,070
late-night TV.
528
00:21:47,390 --> 00:21:50,050
Why the hell
did I ever get married?
529
00:21:50,150 --> 00:21:52,760
Gentlemen, feast
your eyes on this.
530
00:21:54,760 --> 00:21:56,020
Why? It's just...
531
00:21:56,120 --> 00:21:57,660
It's an Amish girl
churning butter.
532
00:21:57,760 --> 00:22:00,200
PAUL: Ah, thou must
be patient.
533
00:22:05,130 --> 00:22:07,130
And there goes
the bonnet.
37279
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