All language subtitles for Spin City S01E09 Dog Day Afternoon_track4_[eng]

Folks, in about
five minutes,

the Mayor's
going to stand up
in front of the press

and continue moving
forward with our plan to
"streamline" the budget.

Nice way of
putting it, Mike.

"Streamline"
Very innocuous,
very soothing.

Paulie, tell you what.

When I raise my hand
like this,

that means
I want you to critique
my word choice, okay?

Sounds like a plan.

Now, I know it hasn't
been a lot of fun
around here lately,

but that's just
the way it is when
you're streamlining.

We ran on a platform
of no budget cuts
and no layoffs,

and we're about to
announce that

we're cutting the budget
and laying people off.

Does anyone else see
the irony in that?

We could get the guy
that did the Crazy Eddie
commercials.

"We're slashing!
We're cutting!

"Budgets so low,
we're practically
giving city hall away!"

I saw the irony
in that.

I got to tell you, Mike,
I have been living

with this budget
for months.

It's fiscally sound.

Nikki's right.
All of our cost increases

have been
kept well below
inflation levels.

Great. We'll
just tell that

to all the people
we're firing today.

I'm sure it'll
perk them right up.

Ah, frustrated.
I'm sorry.
I apologize.

I accept.

I wasn't
apologizing to you.

I was apologizing
to Nikki.

I accept for Nikki.

I have the answer.

The annual public schools
"Mayor For A Day"
essay contest winner

is due here any minute.

Ah. Another
public relations gem

from the man
who brought you

The Muffins With
The Mayor program.

If the kid is cute,
it could be
a good distraction.

The press eats up
that wide-eyed
innocent stuff.

Yeah. It's worth
a shot.

Fetch the boy.

We'll parade him out
in front of the press,

get a few photo ops,
and then we'll release
him back into society,

well on his way
to becoming a cynical,
disillusioned adult.

Great. Maybe someday
he'll be able to work here.

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

As you all should know,

balancing the city budget
is tricky business.

As a matter of fact,
the budget for the city

is not unlike the budget
you might have
in your own home,

Except, of course,
we're dealing with

billions of dollars here,

and in your own home,
you're probably not.

(COUGHS)
Take a few questions.

Know what? I'll take
a few questions.

Yeah.

Sir, the general
feeling of the public

seems to be that you're
completely out of touch

with the human costs
of the cuts that
you're proposing.

That wasn't a question.

MAYOR: Next.

Paulie, you see what's
happening out there?

The Mayor's trotting out
his "that wasn't
a question" defense.

Get me the Mayor
For a Day kid.

Mike, let me just...

I want the kid.
Get me the kid.
Okay, okay.

Okay, okay.

Mike, this is
Tommy Dugan.

Hi.
Hey.

Hi. Uh... Listen,
don't you worry.

We're going to
take real good care
of your son today.

Well, I appreciate
that, sir, but I don't
have a son.

Well, your daughter.

No.

You?

(CHUCKLES)
Took a while,
but I knew you'd get there.

Paul.

His essay
was postmarked

Public school
423.

I'm... I'm
the janitor there.
Yeah.

This contest
was supposed to be
for kids.

Well, I hate to
ruffle your feathers,

but the rules did say
"for children of all ages."

All right, you guys.
I got these stats...

Well! Who do we
have here?

Tommy Dugan,
mayor for a day.

You mind
if I look in there?

How can he
be the...
Oh, don't ask.

So is our mayor
for the day married?

Oh, I don't know.
Uh, uh...

Paul, maybe that's
a good one

for next year's
questionnaire.

Right after, uh...

"Are you a grown man?"

TOMMY:
Am I married?

Do I have a son?
Do I have a daughter?

This really is
a family-oriented
administration.

Look, uh,
Tommy, uh...

I... We appreciate
your efforts,

and I'm sure
that your essay
was topnotch.

And trust me
you'll get
your certificate,

you'll get that
photo of you on
the mayor's lap...

But you have
to understand.

We can't
take you out there
and introduce you...

Mike, you may
want to take
a look at this.

Excuse me, uh, Tommy.

That wasn't
a question, either.

I asked if you plan
to announce any other
budget cuts today.

Yes, but your voice
didn't go up at the end.

Welcome aboard,
little fella.

Oh! Aw...

This is good news.

The winner of our
public schools

Mayor For a Day
essay contest is here.

Now, that's exciting,
isn't it?

Okay. Let's meet him now.

From public school 423
in Brooklyn,

little Tommy Dugan.

It's an honor, sir.

Who the hell are you?

Tommy Dugan, sir.
What?

You know,
I could do without
the "little" part.

That doesn't exactly
help with the
ladies, you know?

Mr. Dugan...
Mr. Dugan...

Oh, just
call me Tommy

Or, you know,
Mayor Tommy.
Whatever.

This has to be a joke.

Well, now,
that wasn't really
a question, was it?

So, Mayor Tommy,

how did you end up
getting this job?

Well, heart
and desire, sir.

I think I just
wanted it

more than some
of the other kids.

Are you a democrat
or a republican?

Well, ma'am, now
that I'm officially
a politician,

let me ask you,

what do you
want me to be?

REPORTER: Well, fine.

How do you feel
about the proposed
10-cent fare hike?

Well, I guess
that really depends on
what it's going for.

You know, uh,
if it's going
for public schools,

heck, you know,
I'd be willing to kick in
a couple of dimes.

The school that
I work at is so crowded

that they are actually
having some classes
in the bathrooms.

I guess there's
some pluses.

If a kid's
in English class,

he needs to go
to the bathroom,

he can always
pick up a little math
while he's in there.

This guy is money.

I know, Mike.

I'll get rid of him
as soon as you
give me the word.

No, no, no, Paul.
Being money is good.

Oh.

Oh.

I'm usually
very hip.

I know.

ASHLEY: So you're
telling me that you
were not surprised.

No, no, no.
Not at all.

The fact is that
none of the finalists

in the elementary school
essay contest

were under 30.

Can you please
look me in the face while
you're saying that?

I don't think I need to.

I want you to admit
that you guys

made a mistake
on this one.

If we had, I would.
You know me.

Yes, I know you.

Oh, hey!

Good golly, Molly!
I got an idea.

Why don't you
interview this guy?

Mike, you know that
I made a pledge

never to set foot
in this building

until I worked my way up
to the city hall beat,
you know?

And then you call me
about some fluff interview

with your
mayor for the day?

Excuse me, fluff?

Well, that makes me
feel good inside,

especially after
all the hours

I spent
sifting through
those essays

until I handpicked
Tommy Dugan.

The amazing thing is
it actually seems you
believe what you're saying.

The goal here was
to amplify the voice
of the common man,

and the fact
that you would spin
that simple truth

is a sad commentary
on the cynicism of
the press today.

A cynicism that
is so corrosive

it is eating away...
This is too much,
isn't it?

Way.

Off the record?

I thought he was
in the fifth grade.
Paul's an idiot.

There he is.
There's my mayor
for a day.

Come on.
Give me another one.

Ah!

You were great out there.

You made us look like heroes
for raising the price
of a subway token.

Not that we're not,

but, you know, sometimes
that message gets lost.

Tommy, you seem
to have created

what we media gurus
like to call a buzz.

Well, I'm just
trying to be myself,
you know?

I'm just
a common-sense guy.

It's not like I'm going
to explain complicated
chemistry stuff to you,

but I do know that
if you mix baking soda
and lemon juice,

you can get the rust
off a urinal no problem.

Really? Any urinal?

Oh, yeah, by the way.
Oh, gosh.

You know,
I was so excited
about coming here,

I wanted to just, uh,
to be prepared,

So I jotted some
stuff down on a...
Look at that guy.

Oh, here we go.

Now, I hope this
isn't, you know,
out of line,

But when Mr. Lassiter
called me to tell me
I was mayor for a day,

he didn't explain
any parameters, so...

P-Paul,
you spoke to him?

He sounded
so much younger
on the phone.

"All public officials
must ride public
transportation.

"New job hotline
for laid-off workers."

Tommy, these are good.

Let's have these
typed up.

Just disregard
the mandatory 40% tip
for bartenders.

It was late,
and I was getting
free drinks.

Good morning,
everyone.

Little Tommy,
loved your little show
in there.

Very cute,
very likable.

Mike, can I see you
in the office?

You know, uh,
Tommy, he's right.

You were great
in there today.

Oh, thanks.

You know, it's weird.

I used to get so nervous
talking to people.

It was like I felt
like my tongue didn't
fit in my mouth.

Oh, right. Sure.

No, seriously.

Yeah, I'd want to just,
I don't know,

just walk up to a pretty girl,
you know, like yourself,

and say...

"Your hair is
the same color as leaves
at the end of autumn,

"You know, when they're
just so beautiful

"You can't take
your eyes off of them,"

But then I'd
open my mouth,

and it would just
come out like...

(MUMBLING INDISTINCTLY)

Not anymore, huh?

Oh, that was
a long time ago.

(GARBLED)
I don't have that
problem anymore.

So are you sure Tommy isn't
going to be a distraction
out there today?

Well, actually, sir,

he's not supposed to
be in the office for
the rest of the day.

We got a
Mayor For the Day
schedule here.

According to this,

next he's got
a City Hall guided tour

and then a pony ride.

Then a nap.

Aw, gee! A pony ride?

You got to admit it.

He killed at that
press conference.

You know, I don't
understand something.

This kid can just
waltz in here off the street,

and everybody
loves him.

You know,
I think the answer

might be in this
focus group report.

I thought we were
done with those, Mike.

We had that one
last focus group,

and their
recommendation was
more focus groups.

I'm not interested
in the results.

Well, they say some
very nice things about
your honor in here.

No. I don't care.
What kind of things?

You might want
to read it.

(SIGHS)
I'm not making you
any promises.

They like that
about you.

Page six.

Oh, gee!
Here they come again!

Really, all I meant
to say was...
(REPORTERS CLAMORING)

Yeah?

Mr. Mayor,
about this afternoon's
press conference.

They're going to
come after us hard
today, Mike,

but have no fear.

At lunchtime,
I went to my gym,

did a little workout
on the speed bag,
I'm ready.

Huh? Huh? Whoo!

Sir, you know,
I was thinking.

We still got
Tommy Dugan
hanging around,

And I thought,
I don't know,

I thought we might
open up with him.

What?

I'm telling you.
Tommy Dugan could run
for mayor today and win.

Excuse me?

Well, not here.

I mean in a much,
much smaller city.

Somewhere, like,
on the west coast...

Of Africa.

Well,
he's a good kid.

A damn lion tamer
with the press,
too, huh?

You know, okay.

We could use
all the guns that
we got today, Mike.

Speaking of which, sir,

did you
get a chance to look at
the focus group results?

Oh, you know,
this stuff is
just nonsense.

I mean, look.

Do you find me
detached, huh?

Do you think
that my gestures
are threatening?

Uh...

Now, look at this.

Still
with the height.

Will they ever
let that go?

I'm afraid
that one's going to
keep dogging us, sir.

Thanks, everybody.
Thank you.
(ALL APPLAUDING)

Ed, Malcolm.
Toby, I love the scarf.

How would you describe
your experience
as mayor for a day?

Well, to tell you
the truth, Frank,
it's been great.

You know,
I've learned so much.

Heck, before today,

I had no idea
how many people worked
down here at City Hall.

How many people
do work here?

Well, as far as
I can tell,
about half.

(LAUGHS)

No. I'm kidding.
I just set you up.

Tommy, would you
ever consider running
for public office?

No. Leave that
to the professionals.

I mean,
these guys are great.

Of course, they get paid
a lot more than I do.

All I got was lunch.

MIKE:
Uh, thanks, Tommy.

Listen, uh, I hate
to interrupt here

because you're
doing a great job

and we all want
to hear more
about your day.

I just have
a couple of quick
housekeeping items

I got to
take care of.

Uh, first, we're
happy to announce

that the Christmas tree
for Rockefeller Center
is on its way,

and, folks,

it's the tallest one
in the history
of New York city.

Taller than last year?
I mean, that's great.

What did I say?
These guys are great.

Thanks, Tommy, thanks.

What's the other item?

Uh, due to
budget restrictions,
we'll be downsizing

the Department
of Transportation
road crews by 8%.

Okay, back
to you, Tommy.

You're firing people
right before Christmas?

Well, no, Tommy.

We're letting them go
before the end
of the fiscal year.

And how many people
are you letting go?

Uh, well, we've been
able to limit it
to about 150.

You know,
let's be honest, Mike.

There's not
a lot of freelance
pothole work out there.

This is a bum deal
for these guys,

even if they do get
to keep the orange vests.

You didn't
let me finish.

Okay? Uh...

They will be keeping
the orange vests.

150. You know, that is
a hell of a lot more

than how many people
are in this room.

How would you like to
tell all these reporters

they don't have to
come in tomorrow?

Oh, Tommy, if I only
had the power.

(REPORTERS ASKING QUESTIONS)

TOMMY:
How great
was that, huh?

Home run,
out of the park.

You know,
those reporters

are still
back there,
scribbling away.

Yeah, Tommy.
That was a real
game-winner.

Mike, you were right.
This is definitely
not a fluff piece.

Oh, I'm real happy
for you, hon.

Can I talk to you
for a minute?

Okay, yeah,
just a second.

I want to do this
while I'm still on a high.

Hey, uh...
Nikki? Um...

Listen, would
you be interested

in having dinner
with me tonight?

Just like that?

No mind games?

No pre-date
commitment-phobia
speeches? Nothing?

What kind of a guy
is afraid of commitment?

You know,
Tommy, no one in
this room right now

is interested
in doing anything
with you, okay?

You know, I sense
you're a little bit upset.

You have no idea
what you just did,
do you?

Well, I told the truth.

Well, you get
a gold star
for that.

Mike, there's a bunch
of angry roadworkers
downstairs.

If you don't
meet with them,

they're threatening to,
and I quote, "start
paving the lobby."

So, are you going to
go talk with them?

Well, Tom,
as a general
rule of thumb,

I don't have
an open-door policy

with angry
ex-government workers,

especially ones
who drive steamrollers.

Well, who do you
have an open-door
policy with, Mike?

The people who
are paying for your
expense-account lunches?

What exactly
is your point,
Mayor Tommy?

Those guys
lost their jobs
today, okay?

All they want
to do is talk.

And you want to know
the weird part?

It was fun for me.

Seriously, I got a big
spinning wheel in my office,

and whenever
I get the urge to fire
some blue-collar workers,

I go in there,
I give that sucker a twirl.

I know that you have
tough decisions to make.

All right? But what
you're doing is affecting
real people's lives,

and I think that they
deserve a little respect.

At least they deserve
someone who's going to,

you know,
look them in the eyes.

I saw that.

Oh! Ahhh!

All right, sir,
you've gone over
the speech?

Yes, yes, yes.

Okay, remember,
we're going to
do this one

according
to the focus group
recommendations.

And remember what
we went over

about the people-
friendly gestures.

The shrunken thumb,
the soft chop.

No, see,
the soft chop goes
away from the torso.

Never toward.
Always away.
Always away.

I got it, Paul.

As far as
the height issue,

we've raised
the podium

to give the illusion
that you're not
quite so tall.

What are you,
Doug Henning?

Anytime
you're ready, sir.

Ladies and gentlemen,

it has been a trying time
for me lately

and for this
administration,

But I truly believe that...

There are
better days ahead.

I stand before you
a new mayor,

new ideas,

lots of new stuff.

Oh, forget it.
Come on, this is...

Look, this is me,
huh?

I'm still this tall.

Let me tell you
something.

I'm making
these budget cuts

because they need
to be made for the city.

If you don't like the way
I'm doing it, fair enough.

Just don't vote for me
next time.

Let's just forget
all these gimmicks, okay?

All right,
how about some questions?

Mr. Mayor, how do you
respond to accusations

that your administration
is out of touch

with the needs and
the cares of the people?

I speak for every member
of my administration

when I say that
we do not like to see

people losing their jobs
any more than you do,

But what annoys me,
what really frustrates me,

is every single person
sitting in this room

has been here long enough
to know that.

But still,
I guess you just need

a bad guy to sell
your newspapers.

That's all.

(REPORTERS MURMURING
INDISTINCTLY)

Yeah, that's all right.
I'll... I'll handle it.

All right,
this isn't
going to work.

Just wanted to come
to say good-bye
and thank you.

Oh, not at all.

Oh, hey,
great interview
with Ashley.

See yourself on TV?

Oh, yeah,
that was so cool.

You know, I never
been on TV before

When I wasn't
doing this.

Well, as long
as you had fun.

Oh, it was great,
maybe the best day
of my life.

Well,
you got to come back
and see us sometime.

You mean that?
No, not at all.
Just being polite.

I guess it will
just have to wait
till next year, then.

I've already started
outlining my essay.
It's a doozie.

Till then.

Oh, still around,
fellas?

Tommy.

One for the road.

(LAUGHS)

Yeah, right.

That's enough,
Tommy. Come on.

Come on.
Bell's rung.
Go to class.

(LAUGHS)
There we go.

I'm going to
miss you,
Mr. Mayor.

Yeah, well,
I'm going to
miss you, too.

You take good care
of yourself, huh?

Damn it, I can't
break this habit.

Good night, guys.

God, he's a tall one,
isn't he?

Yeah. Yeah.

It's killing us.

Seeing as how
I'm no longer
mayor for a day,

I imagine the shine
is off the apple for you.

I don't have half
the pull that I used to.

Imagine if we
tried to go back
to that diner tonight.

We couldn't get the booth
near the jukebox

Even if I phoned ahead.

You know what?

I don't care.

Let's go strap on
a couple of
feed bags.

You know, you are
a very cool woman.

(GARBLED)
Well, that was...

(GARBLED)
Wha...

(GARBLED)
Oh, yeah, sometimes
it's contagious.