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1
00:00:07,270 --> 00:00:09,330
(HUMMING THEME SONG)
2
00:00:09,430 --> 00:00:13,390
Oh, great. Must be 3:30,
5:30, 7:30, or 9:30 again.
3
00:00:14,440 --> 00:00:16,020
Honey, it's not like
I want this.
4
00:00:16,120 --> 00:00:19,440
I... I need it.
I... I need my
SportsCenter.
5
00:00:20,800 --> 00:00:22,800
Hey, turn on MTV.
6
00:00:23,200 --> 00:00:25,200
Got it.
7
00:00:25,960 --> 00:00:27,990
I mean, will you just
look at Eddie Vedder?
8
00:00:28,090 --> 00:00:30,110
It's like he's only a guy,
and then he starts singing.
9
00:00:30,210 --> 00:00:31,270
MIKE: I know what
you mean, hon.
10
00:00:31,370 --> 00:00:33,370
I feel the same way
about Wayne Gretzky.
11
00:00:33,970 --> 00:00:35,970
Mike, I don't think
that's possible.
12
00:00:36,770 --> 00:00:37,760
(TURNS OFF TELEVISION)
13
00:00:37,860 --> 00:00:39,360
Ahhh! Ahhh!
What are you doing?
14
00:00:39,460 --> 00:00:41,460
Look at my hands, honey.
Turn it back on.
15
00:00:42,940 --> 00:00:44,280
Honey, this is crazy.
16
00:00:44,380 --> 00:00:46,000
We get one night a week
to spend some real time
together.
17
00:00:46,100 --> 00:00:48,100
We shouldn't spend it
watching TV.
18
00:00:49,750 --> 00:00:51,790
Yeah. Yeah.
19
00:01:02,880 --> 00:01:04,880
(HUMMING
SPORTSCENTER
THEME SONG)
20
00:01:05,840 --> 00:01:07,840
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
21
00:01:18,530 --> 00:01:20,630
Okay, next. Minority
affairs. Carter.
22
00:01:20,730 --> 00:01:23,310
I've got the mayor
having dinner at the
Asian Alliance fund-raiser.
23
00:01:23,410 --> 00:01:26,640
Great. Play up his record
in small business loans,
and sure you bring a fork.
24
00:01:26,740 --> 00:01:28,740
Because he is not too good
with the, uh...
25
00:01:30,020 --> 00:01:32,320
Mike, I think we all
remember the sushi incident.
26
00:01:32,420 --> 00:01:34,860
I thought you could
break a window with
a piece of raw fish.
27
00:01:36,430 --> 00:01:38,210
Well, you live,
and you learn.
28
00:01:38,310 --> 00:01:40,810
Okay, the next piece
of news. Very exciting.
29
00:01:40,910 --> 00:01:42,210
According
to this report,
30
00:01:42,310 --> 00:01:44,330
The crime rate
in the city
of New York,
31
00:01:44,430 --> 00:01:46,770
that's here,
is down 30%.
32
00:01:46,870 --> 00:01:48,180
Paul,
spread the news.
33
00:01:48,280 --> 00:01:51,160
Have no fear,
Captain, good news
is on the case.
34
00:01:54,920 --> 00:01:56,920
You know, he's just
getting stranger.
35
00:01:58,360 --> 00:02:00,230
Okay, next up,
the Sharon Project.
36
00:02:00,330 --> 00:02:01,310
Oh, no!
Oh, no!
37
00:02:01,410 --> 00:02:02,870
That's right.
You're right.
38
00:02:02,970 --> 00:02:04,590
Just because we were
elected to serve
39
00:02:04,690 --> 00:02:05,950
doesn't mean
we have to worry
40
00:02:06,050 --> 00:02:08,710
about some retirement center
in Queens going bankrupt.
41
00:02:08,810 --> 00:02:10,790
Finally,
you're coming around.
42
00:02:10,890 --> 00:02:12,080
We've been trying
to drum up support
43
00:02:12,180 --> 00:02:14,640
for buying
the Sharon Project
for weeks.
44
00:02:14,740 --> 00:02:15,800
I think it's time
to throw it away.
45
00:02:15,900 --> 00:02:16,880
No. I don't throw things away.
46
00:02:16,980 --> 00:02:18,980
That's not who I am.
That's not my style.
47
00:02:19,660 --> 00:02:21,000
It's like with underwear.
48
00:02:21,100 --> 00:02:24,930
It doesn't matter how
tattered or torn a pair get,
49
00:02:25,030 --> 00:02:27,090
as long as that sucker
has a waistband in it,
50
00:02:27,190 --> 00:02:29,190
it stays in the rotation.
51
00:02:31,390 --> 00:02:33,570
It's time, 10:00.
Donaldson's never late.
52
00:02:33,670 --> 00:02:35,680
Okay, let's go.
53
00:02:37,080 --> 00:02:38,420
Why are we rolling out
the red carpet
54
00:02:38,520 --> 00:02:40,140
for some real-estate
developer, anyway?
55
00:02:40,240 --> 00:02:42,340
Dan Donaldson is the
real-estate developer.
56
00:02:42,440 --> 00:02:43,620
The man is my hero.
57
00:02:43,720 --> 00:02:45,720
You read his book
Dan I Am?
It's brilliant.
58
00:02:48,050 --> 00:02:50,090
Except for the title,
which he clearly
ripped off.
59
00:02:51,090 --> 00:02:52,310
From who?
60
00:02:52,410 --> 00:02:55,050
Think about it in your chair.
Think about it anywhere.
61
00:03:00,420 --> 00:03:01,400
How do I look?
62
00:03:01,500 --> 00:03:03,500
Way too excited.
63
00:03:04,420 --> 00:03:06,360
Oh! Here he comes.
64
00:03:06,460 --> 00:03:08,040
Now, Mike, I think
you should let me
do the talking.
65
00:03:08,140 --> 00:03:09,120
Oh, you do, do you?
66
00:03:09,220 --> 00:03:10,290
Yeah.
Don't get me wrong.
67
00:03:10,390 --> 00:03:11,730
Your little "look at me,
I'm so charming" thing
68
00:03:11,830 --> 00:03:14,130
Works on most people,
but Donaldson's
different.
69
00:03:14,230 --> 00:03:16,490
He's ruthless.
He's serious.
He's my people, Mike.
70
00:03:16,590 --> 00:03:18,590
Flaherty, you and me,
let's go.
71
00:03:25,280 --> 00:03:28,460
Mr. Donaldson,
I'm, uh, I'm pleased to
make your acquaintance.
72
00:03:28,560 --> 00:03:30,760
(MOCKINGLY) Mr. Donaldson,
I'm pleased to make
your acquaintance.
73
00:03:33,410 --> 00:03:35,070
No, actually, I think
Mike and I first met
74
00:03:35,170 --> 00:03:38,030
at a $10,000-a-plate
charity dinner.
75
00:03:38,130 --> 00:03:39,670
I would have
bought dinner,
but I'd just
76
00:03:39,770 --> 00:03:41,990
come from
a $5,000-a-plate
charity lunch
77
00:03:42,090 --> 00:03:44,090
and I was
a little
tapped out.
78
00:03:45,300 --> 00:03:47,120
Dan, I'm sorry
to keep you waiting.
Are you ready?
79
00:03:47,220 --> 00:03:48,680
No problem, Your Honor.
80
00:03:48,780 --> 00:03:50,960
Nikki, would you
escort Mr. Donaldson
to my office, please?
81
00:03:51,060 --> 00:03:52,840
I'll catch up to you
in a moment.
82
00:03:52,940 --> 00:03:54,480
Mike.
Yes, sir.
83
00:03:54,580 --> 00:03:56,530
I just got off the phone
with Speaker Rosen,
and he tells me
84
00:03:56,630 --> 00:03:58,930
you won't get off his case
about this Sharon Project.
85
00:03:59,030 --> 00:04:00,530
Well, first off, sir...
86
00:04:00,630 --> 00:04:03,570
I'm sympathetic,
Mike, but come on.
You've read the budget.
87
00:04:03,670 --> 00:04:05,490
You know, all my friends
told me that I should,
88
00:04:05,590 --> 00:04:08,500
but I can never get past
the second chapter.
89
00:04:08,600 --> 00:04:11,420
I know it's tough, Mike,
but there are bigger
battles to be won.
90
00:04:11,520 --> 00:04:14,840
Mr. Mayor, I convinced
your yoga instructor
to see you at 5:00.
91
00:04:15,240 --> 00:04:17,240
Yes!
92
00:04:18,080 --> 00:04:20,090
Okay, Mike.
93
00:04:20,450 --> 00:04:21,870
The press gods
are restless.
94
00:04:21,970 --> 00:04:24,070
They demand
a sacrifice.
95
00:04:24,170 --> 00:04:26,030
All right,
if Paul's not here
in one minute,
96
00:04:26,130 --> 00:04:28,130
James, you're going on
in his place.
97
00:04:28,850 --> 00:04:32,320
Please, no, Mike.
No, no. I can't.
I'm sorry.
98
00:04:32,420 --> 00:04:35,140
That's okay, James...
Nikki, brief him.
99
00:04:36,420 --> 00:04:37,560
No, no, no.
100
00:04:37,660 --> 00:04:39,160
I can't get any air.
101
00:04:39,260 --> 00:04:41,720
I know, honey.
Now, just try
to pay attention.
102
00:04:41,820 --> 00:04:44,210
Okay, home robbery
is down 17%.
103
00:04:44,310 --> 00:04:45,850
Car theft is
down 28%.
104
00:04:45,950 --> 00:04:47,950
I feel like
I'm being strangled.
105
00:04:50,070 --> 00:04:52,070
Funny.
That's down 12%.
106
00:04:53,510 --> 00:04:55,900
Hey, look who's here.
It's captain good news.
107
00:04:56,000 --> 00:04:58,180
I just went out
to get my morning muffin.
108
00:04:58,280 --> 00:04:59,740
Crime statistics,
Paul, remember?
109
00:04:59,840 --> 00:05:01,980
Big news,
banner day,
safer streets.
110
00:05:02,080 --> 00:05:03,780
I just got mugged.
111
00:05:03,880 --> 00:05:04,820
Yeah!
112
00:05:04,920 --> 00:05:06,460
Yeah, yeah.
He took everything.
113
00:05:06,560 --> 00:05:09,070
He even took
my crime statistics.
114
00:05:09,170 --> 00:05:11,470
Somewhere in
this city, there's
a guy walking around
115
00:05:11,570 --> 00:05:13,430
with my wallet,
my cell phone,
116
00:05:13,530 --> 00:05:17,430
and a big pie chart
showing how much
crime has dropped.
117
00:05:17,530 --> 00:05:19,800
I'm sure they're all
getting a big laugh
out of that
118
00:05:19,900 --> 00:05:21,900
back at the hideout.
119
00:05:25,420 --> 00:05:27,360
Did you get a look at him?
White guy?
Black guy?
120
00:05:27,460 --> 00:05:30,650
Big guy. Massive.
So big, he stood
in front of me,
121
00:05:30,750 --> 00:05:32,750
I thought
it was an eclipse.
122
00:05:33,550 --> 00:05:34,530
Did he have a gun?
123
00:05:34,630 --> 00:05:35,610
No.
124
00:05:35,710 --> 00:05:36,970
A knife?
No.
125
00:05:37,070 --> 00:05:38,690
A comb?
126
00:05:38,790 --> 00:05:40,450
He was just
intimidating,
all right?
127
00:05:40,550 --> 00:05:41,530
What did he say?
128
00:05:41,630 --> 00:05:43,640
Well, he didn't
speak English.
129
00:05:48,960 --> 00:05:50,380
Hey, Paul,
you think there's
an outside chance
130
00:05:50,480 --> 00:05:52,480
this guy
was just asking
for directions?
131
00:05:54,530 --> 00:05:56,310
Look, I know
you guys are
just making jokes
132
00:05:56,410 --> 00:05:59,030
to try and cheer me up,
but it's all right.
133
00:05:59,130 --> 00:06:01,110
Don't you worry,
because I'm not
going to be a victim.
134
00:06:01,210 --> 00:06:02,790
You give me
those statistics,
all right?
135
00:06:02,890 --> 00:06:04,390
I'm going to
blow this baby
out of the water.
136
00:06:04,490 --> 00:06:06,500
Attaboy, Paulie.
137
00:06:07,900 --> 00:06:09,080
Were you just trying
to cheer him up?
138
00:06:09,180 --> 00:06:11,180
Eh!
139
00:06:15,340 --> 00:06:17,350
I finished
my coffee.
140
00:06:17,790 --> 00:06:19,850
Good.
141
00:06:19,950 --> 00:06:21,930
I finished
my brownie, too.
142
00:06:22,030 --> 00:06:23,130
You want another one?
143
00:06:23,230 --> 00:06:25,230
Yeah. You got $9?
144
00:06:26,870 --> 00:06:29,880
I love this place.
I get some of my best
writing done here.
145
00:06:30,320 --> 00:06:32,320
All right.
146
00:06:37,760 --> 00:06:39,760
There you go.
147
00:06:40,530 --> 00:06:42,530
"I'm bored."
148
00:06:43,290 --> 00:06:44,910
It's very creative.
149
00:06:45,010 --> 00:06:46,110
I'm feeling
pretty good about it.
150
00:06:46,210 --> 00:06:47,310
What do you want?
151
00:06:47,410 --> 00:06:49,550
I want
those two waitresses
to huddle up
152
00:06:49,650 --> 00:06:51,650
and tackle
those two waitresses.
153
00:06:53,140 --> 00:06:54,560
You know what,
honey, if you want
to go watch sports,
154
00:06:54,660 --> 00:06:56,800
you can, you know?
Just go home.
155
00:06:56,900 --> 00:06:58,900
It's a tough call.
156
00:07:01,540 --> 00:07:02,600
Hey, Mr. Donaldson.
157
00:07:02,700 --> 00:07:03,690
Mike.
158
00:07:03,790 --> 00:07:04,890
What are you doing here?
159
00:07:04,990 --> 00:07:07,450
Me? I own this place.
160
00:07:07,550 --> 00:07:10,050
Well, actually,
I own the whole chain.
161
00:07:10,150 --> 00:07:12,010
Actually, I own a small
pharmaceutical firm
162
00:07:12,110 --> 00:07:14,110
which recently purchased
parts of Colombia.
163
00:07:15,360 --> 00:07:18,660
The big deal here is
that I get free coffee.
164
00:07:18,760 --> 00:07:21,220
Samantha, could I have
a double mochaccino, please?
165
00:07:21,320 --> 00:07:23,260
Throw some nutmeg
on top of there.
Thank you.
166
00:07:23,360 --> 00:07:25,640
Samantha, can I get
a pair of chinos?
167
00:07:28,290 --> 00:07:30,290
Flaherty, I think
you just ordered pants.
168
00:07:31,650 --> 00:07:33,650
Uh, decaf. No pleats.
169
00:07:34,570 --> 00:07:37,030
This isn't really
my type of place,
either, you know?
170
00:07:37,130 --> 00:07:39,920
Sometimes I think
I just buy things
because I'm bored.
171
00:07:40,020 --> 00:07:41,040
No kidding.
172
00:07:41,140 --> 00:07:42,080
Yeah.
173
00:07:42,180 --> 00:07:44,300
Uh, sir,
can you read this?
174
00:07:44,900 --> 00:07:46,840
"I'm bored."
175
00:07:46,940 --> 00:07:48,940
I think I can
help you out.
176
00:07:50,470 --> 00:07:51,730
DONALDSON:
So let's hear it.
177
00:07:51,830 --> 00:07:53,290
I'm giddy
with excitement.
178
00:07:53,390 --> 00:07:54,490
All right, sir.
179
00:07:54,590 --> 00:07:57,570
This is an incredible
business opportunity.
180
00:07:57,670 --> 00:07:59,490
Are you familiar
with the Sharon
Retirement Center?
181
00:07:59,590 --> 00:08:00,570
Yeah.
182
00:08:00,670 --> 00:08:02,340
Okay, so what I'm
proposing is this,
183
00:08:02,440 --> 00:08:04,440
you buy
that facility...
184
00:08:06,400 --> 00:08:08,400
And basically,
that's all
I'm proposing.
185
00:08:10,320 --> 00:08:12,020
Great pitch.
186
00:08:12,120 --> 00:08:14,130
I can have it
typed up for you.
187
00:08:15,090 --> 00:08:16,350
How much?
188
00:08:16,450 --> 00:08:17,430
Four million.
189
00:08:17,530 --> 00:08:18,550
That's all?
190
00:08:18,650 --> 00:08:20,650
Because, you know,
I probably got that on me.
191
00:08:22,650 --> 00:08:24,650
Oh, don't tease, sir.
192
00:08:25,090 --> 00:08:26,840
It's not a bad idea,
Flaherty.
193
00:08:26,940 --> 00:08:28,960
Fix the place up,
we hike the fees.
194
00:08:29,060 --> 00:08:30,320
Well, no, see,
it would have to be
195
00:08:30,420 --> 00:08:32,420
the same people
living there
at the same cost.
196
00:08:33,020 --> 00:08:34,000
Oh, great.
197
00:08:34,100 --> 00:08:35,400
What you're
telling me then is,
198
00:08:35,500 --> 00:08:37,250
I basically take
a huge chunk of money
199
00:08:37,350 --> 00:08:39,350
and flush it
down the toilet.
200
00:08:40,230 --> 00:08:42,230
I thought you
would appreciate me
coming to you first.
201
00:08:42,710 --> 00:08:44,730
I like you, Flaherty.
202
00:08:44,830 --> 00:08:46,830
You, sir, are plucky.
203
00:08:47,670 --> 00:08:49,180
What I want to know is,
204
00:08:49,280 --> 00:08:51,280
what's the Mayor's office
getting out of all this?
205
00:08:53,080 --> 00:08:55,080
All right,
all right.
206
00:08:58,280 --> 00:09:00,280
We're trying
to help people.
207
00:09:04,290 --> 00:09:06,290
All right,
I'll take it.
208
00:09:07,370 --> 00:09:09,390
You're kidding.
Really?
209
00:09:09,490 --> 00:09:11,070
Just like that?
210
00:09:11,170 --> 00:09:13,120
Hey, thank you.
Thank you, sir.
211
00:09:13,220 --> 00:09:14,160
Dan.
212
00:09:14,260 --> 00:09:16,440
Dan. Sir Dan.
Like a knight.
213
00:09:16,540 --> 00:09:18,040
I have no idea
what I'm saying.
214
00:09:18,140 --> 00:09:20,760
You did pretty good
for yourself, kid.
215
00:09:20,860 --> 00:09:24,090
Pretty good?
I spun you
like a top.
216
00:09:24,190 --> 00:09:25,530
I figured it out.
217
00:09:25,630 --> 00:09:27,530
The way to you
is through your
heartstrings.
218
00:09:27,630 --> 00:09:30,610
You people think that
rich guys have it so easy.
219
00:09:30,710 --> 00:09:35,010
You go to the market,
at worst, you come home
with an extra pack of cookies.
220
00:09:35,110 --> 00:09:37,240
Me, I just impulse-bought
a retirement home.
221
00:09:38,920 --> 00:09:40,920
Try explaining that
to the wife.
222
00:09:47,280 --> 00:09:49,190
Thank you very much.
Thank you.
223
00:09:49,290 --> 00:09:50,990
(IMITATING HOWARD COSELL)
And there he is...
224
00:09:51,090 --> 00:09:53,110
The young deputy mayor
out of Fordham.
225
00:09:53,210 --> 00:09:56,830
An unprecedented victory
on the Sharon Senior
Citizen Project.
226
00:09:56,930 --> 00:09:58,790
Tell us about it, Mike.
227
00:09:58,890 --> 00:10:00,560
(WITH SOUTHERN ACCENT)
I just want to thank
the good lord
228
00:10:00,660 --> 00:10:02,660
for giving me
the ability to
play this game.
229
00:10:03,860 --> 00:10:05,960
JAMES: Well,
there you have it.
230
00:10:06,060 --> 00:10:08,320
So, Donaldson just bought
the Sharon Center
231
00:10:08,420 --> 00:10:10,120
out of the goodness
of his heart?
232
00:10:10,220 --> 00:10:11,570
Pretty much.
233
00:10:11,670 --> 00:10:14,910
Well, talk about
your fallen idols.
234
00:10:17,830 --> 00:10:20,170
Paulie, listen, good news
on those crime stats.
235
00:10:20,270 --> 00:10:21,370
Front page
of every paper.
236
00:10:21,470 --> 00:10:22,620
I was robbed, Mike.
237
00:10:22,720 --> 00:10:24,780
I know, Paul.
Quit milking it.
238
00:10:24,880 --> 00:10:27,500
No. I mean
I was robbed again.
239
00:10:27,600 --> 00:10:29,660
This time,
he got my apartment.
240
00:10:29,760 --> 00:10:31,020
For those of you
keeping score at home,
241
00:10:31,120 --> 00:10:33,120
that's criminals two,
Lassiter zero.
242
00:10:34,530 --> 00:10:37,030
Wow. Robbed twice
in two days.
243
00:10:37,130 --> 00:10:38,710
Wouldn't that
be weird if it were
the same guy?
244
00:10:38,810 --> 00:10:40,310
Oh, James,
please.
245
00:10:40,410 --> 00:10:43,390
We live in a city
of eight million people.
Same guy. Right.
246
00:10:43,490 --> 00:10:45,710
Paul, when you were mugged,
they got your wallet, right?
247
00:10:45,810 --> 00:10:47,360
What was in there?
Cash, credit cards,
248
00:10:47,460 --> 00:10:49,680
maybe something with
your address on it?
249
00:10:49,780 --> 00:10:51,640
Yeah, my driver's license.
Terrible picture, though.
250
00:10:51,740 --> 00:10:53,640
It was so horrible.
251
00:10:53,740 --> 00:10:55,800
What about
your keys, Paul?
252
00:10:55,900 --> 00:10:58,170
Well, yeah
but I used
my spare set.
253
00:10:58,270 --> 00:10:59,570
My keys.
Oh, my God,
he got my keys.
254
00:10:59,670 --> 00:11:01,330
He knows
where I live.
He got my keys.
255
00:11:01,430 --> 00:11:03,430
My bike!
My bike!
My bike!
256
00:11:08,190 --> 00:11:10,620
I thought we were
going to watch
the game together.
257
00:11:10,720 --> 00:11:12,720
That's what
we're doing,
honey.
258
00:11:14,960 --> 00:11:16,380
You're
in the kitchen.
259
00:11:16,480 --> 00:11:18,940
Sweetheart, anytime
anything even remotely
exciting happens,
260
00:11:19,040 --> 00:11:21,150
they play it again
in slow-motion.
261
00:11:21,250 --> 00:11:22,550
When that happens,
you tell me,
262
00:11:22,650 --> 00:11:24,650
and I'll run right over
to that couch and watch it.
263
00:11:26,130 --> 00:11:27,470
No. You can't watch
a game like that.
264
00:11:27,570 --> 00:11:29,570
You got to sit down.
You got to focus.
265
00:11:30,330 --> 00:11:32,330
Okay.
266
00:11:32,780 --> 00:11:34,480
Hey, did I tell you
that my sister,
she's changing...
267
00:11:34,580 --> 00:11:36,240
Shh, shh.
268
00:11:36,340 --> 00:11:38,340
There's no...
There's no talking.
269
00:11:40,740 --> 00:11:42,920
But it's a commercial.
270
00:11:43,020 --> 00:11:44,770
Yeah, but I could
just tell
271
00:11:44,870 --> 00:11:47,070
you had more than
30 seconds worth
of conversation.
272
00:11:48,790 --> 00:11:49,770
So who are we
voting for,
273
00:11:49,870 --> 00:11:51,870
the blue guys
or the red guys?
274
00:11:53,710 --> 00:11:54,890
Well, it's
a hockey game,
275
00:11:54,990 --> 00:11:57,720
so it's probably not
going to be decided
by a vote.
276
00:12:03,760 --> 00:12:05,820
We... We are,
however, rooting
277
00:12:05,920 --> 00:12:07,590
for the blue guys.
278
00:12:07,690 --> 00:12:09,350
Gotcha.
279
00:12:09,450 --> 00:12:10,390
Ahem.
280
00:12:10,490 --> 00:12:12,190
Hey, you want
another beer?
281
00:12:12,290 --> 00:12:14,310
No, I'm okay.
282
00:12:14,410 --> 00:12:15,750
Wait a minute.
283
00:12:15,850 --> 00:12:17,850
How come you can get up,
walk around, and talk
and I can't?
284
00:12:18,850 --> 00:12:20,720
Because
I'm getting a beer.
285
00:12:20,820 --> 00:12:22,800
Ah, the rules don't
apply when you're
getting beer.
286
00:12:22,900 --> 00:12:24,640
Or food.
287
00:12:24,740 --> 00:12:26,280
So no walking
or talking
288
00:12:26,380 --> 00:12:28,360
unless food
and/or beer
are involved.
289
00:12:28,460 --> 00:12:29,880
I got it.
290
00:12:29,980 --> 00:12:31,730
Oh, boy.
291
00:12:31,830 --> 00:12:33,250
This is great.
I got my beer.
292
00:12:33,350 --> 00:12:35,350
I got my game.
I got my girl.
293
00:12:35,750 --> 00:12:37,410
Couldn't be happier.
294
00:12:37,510 --> 00:12:39,510
Good. I'm so glad.
295
00:12:49,080 --> 00:12:50,420
What are you
doing?
296
00:12:50,520 --> 00:12:52,380
Well, I'm sitting here
next to you
297
00:12:52,480 --> 00:12:54,470
watching the game
and not talking.
298
00:12:54,570 --> 00:12:56,570
Besides that.
299
00:12:57,290 --> 00:12:59,310
Paying bills.
300
00:12:59,410 --> 00:13:00,390
All right, see,
okay, this is why
301
00:13:00,490 --> 00:13:02,490
I can't watch
a game with you.
302
00:13:03,690 --> 00:13:05,110
Because I'm
paying bills?
303
00:13:05,210 --> 00:13:07,680
Because you don't even
care what's happening
in the game.
304
00:13:07,780 --> 00:13:09,720
It makes no difference
to you who wins or loses.
305
00:13:09,820 --> 00:13:12,160
You have no personal
investment in the outcome.
You barely...
306
00:13:12,260 --> 00:13:14,980
You know, Mike,
I think the red guys
just scored.
307
00:13:15,460 --> 00:13:17,460
No!
308
00:13:22,630 --> 00:13:24,250
Hey.
309
00:13:24,350 --> 00:13:26,290
You can't tell me
you don't have
your own office
310
00:13:26,390 --> 00:13:27,850
because I've seen
pictures of it.
311
00:13:27,950 --> 00:13:29,780
It's much nicer than mine,
it's got a better view,
312
00:13:29,880 --> 00:13:31,980
and the golf course
is magnificent.
313
00:13:32,080 --> 00:13:33,820
This is nice,
too, Mike.
314
00:13:33,920 --> 00:13:36,400
What do you
call this, anyway,
deputy mayor chic?
315
00:13:37,720 --> 00:13:38,780
What is this,
a social call?
316
00:13:38,880 --> 00:13:40,500
Oh, no, no,
much more than that.
317
00:13:40,600 --> 00:13:42,590
Now that
I officially own
the Sharon Center,
318
00:13:42,690 --> 00:13:44,270
I reckon it's time
for a little
celebration.
319
00:13:44,370 --> 00:13:45,430
To the Sharon Center.
320
00:13:45,530 --> 00:13:47,470
To new friends.
321
00:13:47,570 --> 00:13:48,590
To generosity.
322
00:13:48,690 --> 00:13:50,070
To the library
annex.
323
00:13:50,170 --> 00:13:52,170
To the Empire State
Building.
324
00:13:53,420 --> 00:13:54,720
I'm not following you.
325
00:13:54,820 --> 00:13:56,960
The new public
library annex,
Mike...
326
00:13:57,060 --> 00:13:59,220
I'd really like
the construction
contract on that.
327
00:14:00,620 --> 00:14:02,720
Well, I can't wait
to get your bid.
328
00:14:02,820 --> 00:14:04,690
Oh, that's the thing.
329
00:14:04,790 --> 00:14:06,970
You see, I was
kind of hoping
that you'd wait
330
00:14:07,070 --> 00:14:08,330
till all the other
bids came in
331
00:14:08,430 --> 00:14:10,210
and you'd let me know
which one was lowest,
332
00:14:10,310 --> 00:14:12,390
and that way
I could slide
right in underneath.
333
00:14:13,910 --> 00:14:14,890
I'm...I'm sorry.
334
00:14:14,990 --> 00:14:17,000
I don't...
I don't do, uh...
335
00:14:17,520 --> 00:14:19,520
I can do "safe."
336
00:14:19,920 --> 00:14:22,380
I can do
"touchdown."
337
00:14:22,480 --> 00:14:24,480
I can even do
that guy in the box.
338
00:14:25,840 --> 00:14:27,420
Yeah, but if I get
this contract,
339
00:14:27,520 --> 00:14:30,310
I'll have an in
for future city work,
and I really want that.
340
00:14:30,410 --> 00:14:32,070
Dan, you know,
I'm not comfortable
341
00:14:32,170 --> 00:14:34,270
making those kinds
of deals.
342
00:14:34,370 --> 00:14:35,870
Uh, even
for a new friend?
343
00:14:35,970 --> 00:14:38,610
Uh, I'm sorry.
My hands are, uh...
344
00:14:39,170 --> 00:14:41,000
Uh...
345
00:14:41,100 --> 00:14:42,160
Look, you got to do
346
00:14:42,260 --> 00:14:43,880
what you're
comfortable with,
right?
347
00:14:43,980 --> 00:14:47,520
After all, you know,
comfort's what
it's all about.
348
00:14:47,620 --> 00:14:50,640
For example,
I don't really know
how comfortable I am
349
00:14:50,740 --> 00:14:52,450
owning
an old-age home.
350
00:14:52,550 --> 00:14:54,930
I may be
a little more
comfortable
351
00:14:55,030 --> 00:14:56,690
owning a...
I don't know...
352
00:14:56,790 --> 00:14:57,930
Mini-mall...
353
00:14:58,030 --> 00:15:00,030
A vacant lot,
perhaps.
354
00:15:01,390 --> 00:15:02,850
So that's
what this has
all been about.
355
00:15:02,950 --> 00:15:04,060
Oh, no, no, no, Mike.
356
00:15:04,160 --> 00:15:05,740
This has been
a romance.
357
00:15:05,840 --> 00:15:08,100
You're the son
I've never had.
358
00:15:08,200 --> 00:15:11,840
Just imagine my surprise
to learn that you were
the deputy mayor.
359
00:15:13,240 --> 00:15:14,620
All right,
get the hell
out of my office
360
00:15:14,720 --> 00:15:16,810
and take
your cheap...
You own a vineyard?
361
00:15:18,810 --> 00:15:21,150
Mike, if I don't get
this contract from you,
362
00:15:21,250 --> 00:15:23,870
you know I'm going to
go right down the line
until somebody else bites,
363
00:15:23,970 --> 00:15:27,000
and in the meantime,
I own this retirement home.
364
00:15:27,100 --> 00:15:29,360
Now, have you
ever heard the sound
of a wrecking ball?
365
00:15:29,460 --> 00:15:31,360
Boom!
366
00:15:31,460 --> 00:15:33,460
Gives me
goose bumps.
367
00:15:35,180 --> 00:15:36,880
You're a son
of a bitch,
you know that?
368
00:15:36,980 --> 00:15:39,730
Guess you didn't play me
like a top after all,
did you, Flaherty?
369
00:15:39,830 --> 00:15:41,830
Not many people do.
370
00:15:43,070 --> 00:15:45,370
I can't believe I let
that guy beat me.
371
00:15:45,470 --> 00:15:46,570
You know what,
Mike?
372
00:15:46,670 --> 00:15:48,610
Maybe we can
find some dirt
on this guy.
373
00:15:48,710 --> 00:15:49,980
Oh, he loves hot dogs.
374
00:15:50,080 --> 00:15:52,540
I always see him
buying them outside.
375
00:15:52,640 --> 00:15:53,820
Well, we've got him,
then, don't we?
376
00:15:53,920 --> 00:15:57,880
Well, it's a starting
point, all right?
377
00:16:02,170 --> 00:16:04,630
Don't you people
realize what
you're up against?
378
00:16:04,730 --> 00:16:06,110
Finding dirt
won't do any good.
379
00:16:06,210 --> 00:16:08,350
Donaldson's dirt
just makes him stronger.
380
00:16:08,450 --> 00:16:10,890
Sorry, but it's
survival of the fittest
out there.
381
00:16:12,330 --> 00:16:14,420
If we were
stranded alone
on a desert island...
382
00:16:16,660 --> 00:16:18,660
You would eat me.
383
00:16:22,180 --> 00:16:24,180
I like to think so.
384
00:16:24,500 --> 00:16:25,570
Buck up, Mike.
385
00:16:25,670 --> 00:16:27,850
Look, we're
the dream team,
remember, huh?
386
00:16:27,950 --> 00:16:29,770
We're unbeatable.
387
00:16:29,870 --> 00:16:31,450
Did you really just
tell me to buck up?
388
00:16:31,550 --> 00:16:33,010
Sure did.
389
00:16:33,110 --> 00:16:35,110
Because if you'd added
the words "little camper,"
390
00:16:36,960 --> 00:16:38,960
you'd be fired.
391
00:16:40,200 --> 00:16:43,100
Look. Look at me.
I've been robbed
twice in two days.
392
00:16:43,200 --> 00:16:45,780
I'm a one-man
crime wave,
393
00:16:45,880 --> 00:16:48,590
but nothing is going to
stop me from feeling
like a winner.
394
00:16:48,690 --> 00:16:49,710
Paychecks,
everyone!
395
00:16:49,810 --> 00:16:51,070
NIKKI: Fantastic.
396
00:16:51,170 --> 00:16:53,190
Oh, goody. You see,
now, I'm going to
take that money,
397
00:16:53,290 --> 00:16:56,510
and I'm going to use it
to buy maybe some furniture,
a new coat...
398
00:16:56,610 --> 00:16:59,790
Mama needs a manicure,
pedicure, wax,
and facial.
399
00:16:59,890 --> 00:17:01,980
Okay, Mama
needs to keep
that stuff to herself.
400
00:17:02,980 --> 00:17:04,120
Thanks.
401
00:17:04,220 --> 00:17:06,220
Whoo hoo!
I can buy...
402
00:17:07,020 --> 00:17:09,020
Nothing good.
403
00:17:09,700 --> 00:17:11,200
Ah.
404
00:17:11,300 --> 00:17:13,730
Excuse me. Excuse me.
You skipped me.
405
00:17:13,830 --> 00:17:16,290
Uh, no,
you already
got yours.
406
00:17:16,390 --> 00:17:18,490
I most certainly did not.
I was standing over there.
407
00:17:18,590 --> 00:17:19,690
No, no,
earlier.
408
00:17:19,790 --> 00:17:20,730
Earlier when?
409
00:17:20,830 --> 00:17:22,450
Well, like,
about an hour ago.
410
00:17:22,550 --> 00:17:25,740
You were wearing that
blue suit and that hat
with the ear flaps.
411
00:17:25,840 --> 00:17:26,900
You don't
remember that?
412
00:17:27,000 --> 00:17:28,460
Oh, yeah,
that's right.
I got the check,
413
00:17:28,560 --> 00:17:30,780
I went out, cashed it,
bought a new suit,
had it altered,
414
00:17:30,880 --> 00:17:32,880
came back here,
all within an hour.
415
00:17:34,640 --> 00:17:37,150
The guy that mugged you,
robbed your apartment,
416
00:17:37,250 --> 00:17:38,950
also picked up
your paycheck.
417
00:17:39,050 --> 00:17:42,270
Wow! Okay, you see?
Hey, score one for
the criminal, huh?
418
00:17:42,370 --> 00:17:44,370
(CHUCKLES)
Guy's killing me.
419
00:17:47,820 --> 00:17:48,960
I wanted
to thank you.
420
00:17:49,060 --> 00:17:50,520
It's always nice
when you get
knocked down
421
00:17:50,620 --> 00:17:53,360
to have someone
on your team
stand on your neck.
422
00:17:53,460 --> 00:17:57,760
Mike, if it makes you
feel any better,
no one expected you to win.
423
00:17:57,860 --> 00:18:00,730
Yeah, I'm thrilled, Stu.
Why don't we go out
and get a beer?
424
00:18:00,830 --> 00:18:02,690
Back off, Sparky.
If you can't handle it,
425
00:18:02,790 --> 00:18:04,090
maybe you should take
a couple of days off.
426
00:18:04,190 --> 00:18:05,250
I can take care
of things.
427
00:18:05,350 --> 00:18:08,410
Boys, boys,
what's all the
ruckus?
428
00:18:08,510 --> 00:18:10,620
You know,
as a taxpayer,
I'd like to think
429
00:18:10,720 --> 00:18:12,140
that there were
more productive ways
430
00:18:12,240 --> 00:18:13,700
for the Mayor's staff
to spend their time.
431
00:18:13,800 --> 00:18:16,460
I say that every day,
Mr. Donaldson.
432
00:18:16,560 --> 00:18:19,740
Stuart, no one can talk
and kiss ass at the
same time like you.
433
00:18:19,840 --> 00:18:22,030
I bet you can do it
drinking a glass
of water.
434
00:18:22,130 --> 00:18:23,350
Ouch.
435
00:18:23,450 --> 00:18:25,350
That was harsh.
436
00:18:25,450 --> 00:18:27,450
Stuey, you've
been dissed.
437
00:18:29,050 --> 00:18:31,050
It's time you and I
took a little walk,
438
00:18:31,450 --> 00:18:32,510
had a nice
little talk,
439
00:18:32,610 --> 00:18:34,040
get to know
one another.
440
00:18:34,140 --> 00:18:36,140
I really don't like
to be called Stuey.
441
00:18:36,860 --> 00:18:38,520
Stuey's fine.
442
00:18:38,620 --> 00:18:40,620
Stuey, do you like
to read books?
443
00:18:43,940 --> 00:18:45,490
You asked to see me?
444
00:18:45,590 --> 00:18:47,590
Uh, yeah. Come in.
445
00:18:48,910 --> 00:18:50,910
Awfully dark in here,
isn't it, Flaherty?
446
00:18:53,310 --> 00:18:55,770
(CHUCKLES) I get it.
447
00:18:55,870 --> 00:18:57,340
You've read chapter four
of my book,
448
00:18:57,440 --> 00:18:59,440
"How to take control
of a meeting."
449
00:19:00,160 --> 00:19:01,140
I have no idea
450
00:19:01,240 --> 00:19:02,580
what you're
talking about.
451
00:19:02,680 --> 00:19:04,820
Please.
You're backlit.
452
00:19:04,920 --> 00:19:05,940
You've got
the letter opener
453
00:19:06,040 --> 00:19:08,140
aimed directly
at my heart.
454
00:19:08,240 --> 00:19:10,430
Your hands are
in the power tepee.
455
00:19:10,530 --> 00:19:12,750
You've arranged
everything in this room
to make you appear to be
456
00:19:12,850 --> 00:19:14,750
the biggest and most
dominant thing in it.
457
00:19:14,850 --> 00:19:16,850
I did nothing of the sort.
458
00:19:27,780 --> 00:19:29,760
Comfy?
459
00:19:29,860 --> 00:19:32,730
Actually, yes,
and thoroughly intimidated,
460
00:19:32,830 --> 00:19:36,090
but, you know,
I've already won,
so why am I here?
461
00:19:36,190 --> 00:19:37,610
I wanted to give you
one last chance.
462
00:19:37,710 --> 00:19:39,410
To do what, gloat?
463
00:19:39,510 --> 00:19:40,610
To do
the right thing.
464
00:19:40,710 --> 00:19:42,770
Are you still
with the old people?
465
00:19:42,870 --> 00:19:44,820
Mike, that ship
has sailed.
466
00:19:44,920 --> 00:19:47,800
Those old people
are out on a deck
playing shuffleboard.
467
00:19:49,080 --> 00:19:50,540
All right, look...
468
00:19:50,640 --> 00:19:53,340
No, you look, okay?
I don't have time
to play with you anymore.
469
00:19:53,440 --> 00:19:56,030
They're going to award
that new contract
in about half an hour.
470
00:19:56,130 --> 00:19:58,530
If you don't mind,
I think I'm going to
be the lucky one.
471
00:20:02,130 --> 00:20:04,130
Hello, everybody.
472
00:20:05,690 --> 00:20:08,200
Okay, I get it.
473
00:20:08,300 --> 00:20:10,860
We're all playing
"let's hate
the billionaire."
474
00:20:13,020 --> 00:20:15,020
Afternoon,
Your Honor.
475
00:20:15,460 --> 00:20:17,460
Stuart.
476
00:20:19,630 --> 00:20:21,010
All right, what's
going on here?
477
00:20:21,110 --> 00:20:23,110
Ah-ha!
478
00:20:24,670 --> 00:20:26,210
What the hell
is that?
479
00:20:26,310 --> 00:20:29,090
It's a tape
of our little talk.
480
00:20:29,190 --> 00:20:32,140
You know, Dan,
if I didn't know that
you were the kind of guy
481
00:20:32,240 --> 00:20:34,980
who would rescue a
retirement center just out of
the goodness of his heart,
482
00:20:35,080 --> 00:20:37,220
I might have to listen
to this little tape...
483
00:20:37,320 --> 00:20:40,260
Maybe along with some
of our mutual friends...
484
00:20:40,360 --> 00:20:42,270
Or the attorney
general, huh?
485
00:20:42,370 --> 00:20:44,490
(CHUCKLES) Yeah.
Have a good day.
486
00:20:49,490 --> 00:20:52,070
I suppose
this is where
you say, "touche."
487
00:20:52,170 --> 00:20:53,830
Well, I don't
speak French.
488
00:20:53,930 --> 00:20:56,060
I do speak
a little Italian.
489
00:20:56,900 --> 00:20:59,640
Oh!
490
00:20:59,740 --> 00:21:01,640
If any job
opportunities
open up,
491
00:21:01,740 --> 00:21:03,740
please keep me
in mind, sir.
492
00:21:06,230 --> 00:21:07,610
You're quite
an actor, Stu.
493
00:21:07,710 --> 00:21:09,210
I mean, you were
very convincing
494
00:21:09,310 --> 00:21:11,310
as the angry,
bitter underling
with delusions of grandeur.
495
00:21:13,470 --> 00:21:15,490
A bit of a stretch
for you there.
496
00:21:15,590 --> 00:21:17,600
I did a little theater
in high school...
497
00:21:18,040 --> 00:21:19,620
Caesar...
498
00:21:19,720 --> 00:21:21,780
Guard number four.
499
00:21:21,880 --> 00:21:24,380
So that was
all acting?
500
00:21:24,480 --> 00:21:26,480
I was in the moment.
501
00:21:28,600 --> 00:21:30,610
You're
out of it now.
502
00:21:31,370 --> 00:21:33,370
(STRAINS)
Didn't hurt.
503
00:21:35,050 --> 00:21:36,630
Isn't this
the exact same
SportsCenter
504
00:21:36,730 --> 00:21:38,730
you were watching
a couple of hours ago?
505
00:21:39,490 --> 00:21:43,020
Yeah. But emotionally
I'm in a completely
different place now.
506
00:21:44,540 --> 00:21:45,520
What are you
listening to?
507
00:21:45,620 --> 00:21:46,720
Rancid?
508
00:21:46,820 --> 00:21:48,280
Smashing Pumpkins?
509
00:21:48,380 --> 00:21:50,360
Rancid Pumpkins?
510
00:21:50,460 --> 00:21:52,470
Yeah, that's it.
511
00:21:53,350 --> 00:21:54,330
You know,
this is great.
512
00:21:54,430 --> 00:21:56,490
You know, we're doing
our own thing,
513
00:21:56,590 --> 00:21:57,650
but we're together.
514
00:21:57,750 --> 00:21:59,750
Yeah. It's called
compromise.
515
00:22:00,630 --> 00:22:02,610
Only one thing would
make it perfect, though.
516
00:22:02,710 --> 00:22:04,300
Please? Ready?
517
00:22:04,400 --> 00:22:06,100
One, two, three...
518
00:22:06,200 --> 00:22:08,200
(BOTH HUMMING
SPORTSCENTER
THEME SONG)
38162
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