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1
00:00:01,630 --> 00:00:04,700
James, great speech
for the Scouts of America.
2
00:00:04,800 --> 00:00:06,300
Although for future reference,
3
00:00:06,400 --> 00:00:09,040
we got to keep the mayor away
from words like "Webelo."
4
00:00:10,960 --> 00:00:12,220
I'll add that to the list.
5
00:00:12,320 --> 00:00:15,150
We've got these
two school closings
up in the Bronx.
6
00:00:15,250 --> 00:00:19,470
Whoever goes up there
is going to take
a real beating, so, uh...
7
00:00:19,570 --> 00:00:21,510
Stuart, why don't you
handle that?
8
00:00:21,610 --> 00:00:22,710
They're here!
9
00:00:22,810 --> 00:00:24,640
They're here, they're here,
they're here.
10
00:00:24,740 --> 00:00:26,240
Okay, people, listen up.
11
00:00:26,340 --> 00:00:27,600
According to
Manhattan magazine,
12
00:00:27,700 --> 00:00:31,960
as of 9:23 on this glorious
October morning,
13
00:00:32,060 --> 00:00:34,480
I, Michael T. Flaherty,
am now officially...
14
00:00:34,580 --> 00:00:37,010
the sexiest man in Manhattan.
15
00:00:37,110 --> 00:00:39,430
(ALL CHEERING)
16
00:00:42,910 --> 00:00:45,370
JFK Jr. took himself
out of the running.
17
00:00:45,470 --> 00:00:47,980
I don't want this to disrupt
things here at the office.
18
00:00:48,080 --> 00:00:51,720
After all, I'm no sexier today
than I was yesterday, so.
19
00:00:52,560 --> 00:00:53,940
What about
Alec Baldwin?
20
00:00:54,040 --> 00:00:56,050
Not technically
a New Yorker.
21
00:00:56,730 --> 00:00:58,550
Now the mayor's being
honored on Friday
22
00:00:58,650 --> 00:01:00,390
by the association
of Christians and Jews.
23
00:01:00,490 --> 00:01:01,710
You're all expected
to attend.
24
00:01:01,810 --> 00:01:03,990
Please, keep in mind
these are religious people.
25
00:01:04,090 --> 00:01:06,090
So choose your dates
with care.
26
00:01:06,700 --> 00:01:08,120
There are ten commandments.
27
00:01:08,220 --> 00:01:10,220
I'd like your dates
to check out on
at least seven of them.
28
00:01:12,060 --> 00:01:13,160
That's kind of tough, Mike.
29
00:01:13,260 --> 00:01:15,080
Even assuming they haven't
killed anybody,
30
00:01:15,180 --> 00:01:17,190
They still have
to go six for nine.
31
00:01:19,470 --> 00:01:21,470
What about
Billy Baldwin?
32
00:01:23,470 --> 00:01:25,490
Los Angeles.
33
00:01:25,590 --> 00:01:27,010
Do we have to bring a date?
34
00:01:27,110 --> 00:01:29,820
No, but anybody
who doesn't bring a date
35
00:01:29,920 --> 00:01:31,700
will be placed on Helen duty
for the evening.
36
00:01:31,800 --> 00:01:33,300
Oh!
37
00:01:33,400 --> 00:01:35,260
Personally, there's nothing
I'd rather do
38
00:01:35,360 --> 00:01:37,220
than spend an evening
with the mayor's wife,
39
00:01:37,320 --> 00:01:40,410
but unfortunately for me,
being the sexiest man
in New York,
40
00:01:41,330 --> 00:01:42,630
I already got a date.
41
00:01:42,730 --> 00:01:45,470
You're telling me
there isn't a single
Baldwin brother
42
00:01:45,570 --> 00:01:47,570
in any of the boroughs?
43
00:01:48,290 --> 00:01:50,300
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
44
00:02:01,630 --> 00:02:03,690
Ashley, maybe
I need to clarify.
45
00:02:03,790 --> 00:02:06,970
I have no comment.
I have nothing to say.
46
00:02:07,070 --> 00:02:09,620
I have no idea what
you're talking about, okay?
47
00:02:09,720 --> 00:02:12,060
Fine. Just one final
question, though.
48
00:02:12,160 --> 00:02:13,140
One.
49
00:02:13,240 --> 00:02:15,240
Well, it's divided
into three parts.
50
00:02:16,520 --> 00:02:17,660
Paul, I have
something important
51
00:02:17,760 --> 00:02:19,020
to discuss
with Miss Schaeffer.
52
00:02:19,120 --> 00:02:20,330
Could you allow us
a moment
of privacy, please?
53
00:02:20,410 --> 00:02:22,410
Gladly.
54
00:02:25,370 --> 00:02:27,370
(WHISTLING)
55
00:02:30,050 --> 00:02:32,060
I take it
the magazine came out?
56
00:02:35,420 --> 00:02:37,820
Next on the runway,
Mr. Michael Flaherty.
57
00:02:39,860 --> 00:02:41,870
And...
58
00:02:42,550 --> 00:02:44,250
He's wearing...
59
00:02:44,350 --> 00:02:46,350
His Marky Marks.
60
00:02:47,310 --> 00:02:50,490
Named for a man who, while
quite sexy in his own right,
61
00:02:50,590 --> 00:02:53,240
must now toil
in Flaherty's shadow.
62
00:02:54,200 --> 00:02:56,260
Do you mind?
People are eating here.
63
00:02:56,360 --> 00:02:59,160
(IN GERMAN ACCENT) What?
Am I too sexy for you?
64
00:03:00,960 --> 00:03:03,190
Yes. Yes. I am so woozy
with desire,
65
00:03:03,290 --> 00:03:05,070
I can barely finish
eating this carrot.
66
00:03:05,170 --> 00:03:08,830
Then I will just...
Wait for you here.
67
00:03:08,930 --> 00:03:10,930
Thank you.
68
00:03:11,570 --> 00:03:13,580
(CHUCKLES)
69
00:03:13,980 --> 00:03:15,980
Ashley...
70
00:03:17,940 --> 00:03:19,940
You want a piece
of this?
71
00:03:28,710 --> 00:03:32,530
Would I be having sex
with you or with the
sexiest man in New York?
72
00:03:32,630 --> 00:03:35,360
Well, you can't have one
without the other.
73
00:03:36,080 --> 00:03:37,620
Then I'll pass.
74
00:03:37,720 --> 00:03:38,900
What do you mean
you pass?
75
00:03:39,000 --> 00:03:41,620
You can't pass on an
opportunity like this.
76
00:03:41,720 --> 00:03:43,020
I've slept
with you before.
77
00:03:43,120 --> 00:03:45,590
I'm familiar
with the procedure.
78
00:03:45,690 --> 00:03:48,430
I wouldn't pass
on a chance to sleep
with the sexiest woman...
79
00:03:48,530 --> 00:03:50,270
Don't finish
that sentence, mister!
80
00:03:50,370 --> 00:03:52,370
Because that's you!
81
00:03:54,690 --> 00:03:56,040
PAUL: Mike?
Yes, Paul.
82
00:03:56,140 --> 00:03:58,320
I know that
Ashley Schaeffer's
your girlfriend,
83
00:03:58,420 --> 00:03:59,880
and let me just say,
I think she's wonderful.
84
00:03:59,980 --> 00:04:02,320
She's beautiful, charming,
witty, a real catch.
85
00:04:02,420 --> 00:04:03,400
Spill it, Paul.
86
00:04:03,500 --> 00:04:05,510
She's evil, Mike.
87
00:04:07,510 --> 00:04:09,850
I'm telling you, she's all
over me. It's eerie.
88
00:04:09,950 --> 00:04:12,330
It's like she can
read my mind.
89
00:04:12,430 --> 00:04:14,530
She's just on a hot streak.
It's going to pass.
90
00:04:14,630 --> 00:04:16,300
I'm telling you,
she's out to get me.
91
00:04:16,400 --> 00:04:17,660
What is she
on to now?
92
00:04:17,760 --> 00:04:19,820
Some internal audit
of this high school
out in Queens.
93
00:04:19,920 --> 00:04:21,860
What's that
all about anyway?
94
00:04:21,960 --> 00:04:23,860
We got a custodian
95
00:04:23,960 --> 00:04:25,960
at a high school
in Queens,
96
00:04:26,690 --> 00:04:28,910
happens to own
a fishing boat.
97
00:04:29,010 --> 00:04:31,370
A municipal worker
who owns a boat. So?
98
00:04:32,570 --> 00:04:34,670
So, there's just
some concern that
99
00:04:34,770 --> 00:04:37,320
the boat might be
misrepresented by the press.
100
00:04:37,420 --> 00:04:39,420
Misrepresented how?
101
00:04:40,020 --> 00:04:42,020
As a yacht.
102
00:04:43,620 --> 00:04:44,640
Is it a yacht?
103
00:04:44,740 --> 00:04:46,360
No, it's, uh...
104
00:04:46,460 --> 00:04:48,490
It's not a yacht.
It's the guy's fishing boat.
105
00:04:48,590 --> 00:04:51,150
You know,
it's a dinghy, really.
106
00:04:51,990 --> 00:04:54,250
All right, fine.
Sure, okay.
107
00:04:54,350 --> 00:04:56,350
All right.
I'll see you.
108
00:04:58,080 --> 00:05:00,080
Does this boat
have a jacuzzi?
109
00:05:00,720 --> 00:05:01,700
Why do you ask?
110
00:05:01,800 --> 00:05:03,380
Oh, no, Mike!
111
00:05:03,480 --> 00:05:04,540
Aw, Mike, no!
112
00:05:04,640 --> 00:05:06,340
We're talking scandal!
We're talking kickback!
113
00:05:06,440 --> 00:05:07,740
We're talking
news footage
114
00:05:07,840 --> 00:05:09,510
of crumbling
inner-city schools
115
00:05:09,610 --> 00:05:10,830
cross-cut with photos
116
00:05:10,930 --> 00:05:12,870
of a janitor sitting
in his jacuzzi
117
00:05:12,970 --> 00:05:14,970
aboard a 60-foot yacht.
118
00:05:16,010 --> 00:05:17,750
It's got a big mother
of a satellite dish.
119
00:05:17,850 --> 00:05:19,860
Oh!
120
00:05:21,100 --> 00:05:22,800
Hey, hey. You guys
read my article yet?
121
00:05:22,900 --> 00:05:24,000
Ah, yes.
122
00:05:24,100 --> 00:05:26,880
It was fascinating.
I'm having it framed.
123
00:05:26,980 --> 00:05:29,370
Mike, Wordsworth is
my favorite poet, too.
124
00:05:29,470 --> 00:05:31,650
Is that who I put?
125
00:05:31,750 --> 00:05:33,810
They faxed me
this little questionnaire.
126
00:05:33,910 --> 00:05:37,250
Since when do you
kayak on the weekends?
127
00:05:37,350 --> 00:05:40,400
I kayak in my spare time.
128
00:05:41,680 --> 00:05:43,620
In my spare time...
129
00:05:43,720 --> 00:05:46,220
Of which I have none.
130
00:05:46,320 --> 00:05:49,220
However do you find time
for all your hobbies,
131
00:05:49,320 --> 00:05:51,470
playing squash,
cooking pasta,
132
00:05:51,570 --> 00:05:54,470
and contemplative
introspection?
133
00:05:54,570 --> 00:05:57,630
Thinking, Mike?
That's your hobby?
134
00:05:57,730 --> 00:05:58,950
You guys are
missing the point.
135
00:05:59,050 --> 00:06:00,470
The point is,
136
00:06:00,570 --> 00:06:03,040
I'm the sexiest man
in New York,
137
00:06:03,140 --> 00:06:06,240
And I bet statistically,
I'm sexier than all of you
put together...
138
00:06:06,340 --> 00:06:07,920
Yeah, maybe,
but that's only
139
00:06:08,020 --> 00:06:10,020
because Stuart's
dragging us down.
140
00:06:12,750 --> 00:06:14,130
Well, be that
as it may,
141
00:06:14,230 --> 00:06:15,290
I got a date
for tomorrow night.
142
00:06:15,390 --> 00:06:17,390
and if tradition holds,
none of you do.
143
00:06:19,310 --> 00:06:21,610
I'll tell you what.
I'll pass the savings
on to you.
144
00:06:21,710 --> 00:06:23,660
I suggest dividing
Mrs. Winston up
145
00:06:23,760 --> 00:06:26,220
into easy-to-swallow
30-minute shifts.
146
00:06:26,320 --> 00:06:28,700
This isn't fair.
You have a live-in date.
147
00:06:28,800 --> 00:06:30,800
You'll never have
to go on Helen duty.
148
00:06:31,280 --> 00:06:32,510
I'll tell you what I'll do.
149
00:06:32,610 --> 00:06:36,590
If all of you get dates
for Friday night,
150
00:06:36,690 --> 00:06:38,690
I'll take care
of Mrs. Winston.
151
00:06:40,090 --> 00:06:43,800
Of course, the banquet would
probably have been canceled,
152
00:06:43,900 --> 00:06:46,020
what with hell having
frozen over and all.
153
00:06:47,220 --> 00:06:48,440
James,
154
00:06:48,540 --> 00:06:50,280
would you like to go to dinner
with me Friday night?
155
00:06:50,380 --> 00:06:51,360
Sure.
156
00:06:51,460 --> 00:06:52,720
No, no, hey, wait a minute.
157
00:06:52,820 --> 00:06:54,370
Karen, would you
go to dinner with me?
158
00:06:54,470 --> 00:06:55,850
I'd love to!
Oh, great.
159
00:06:55,950 --> 00:06:57,950
You can't. No.
Hey, that's not fair.
160
00:06:59,710 --> 00:07:02,150
Well, Stuart, Carter...
161
00:07:08,480 --> 00:07:10,920
Guess you guys will be
sharing Helen duty.
162
00:07:18,450 --> 00:07:20,450
Pick you up at 7:00?
163
00:07:23,730 --> 00:07:25,680
You know, I take it
there is some impropriety
164
00:07:25,780 --> 00:07:27,080
going on down
at that school.
165
00:07:27,180 --> 00:07:28,840
Well, that depends on what
you mean by impropriety, sir.
166
00:07:28,940 --> 00:07:30,440
Larceny, fraud,
embezzlement.
167
00:07:30,540 --> 00:07:32,540
Well, then, yes.
168
00:07:33,300 --> 00:07:35,160
So have you briefed Paul?
169
00:07:35,260 --> 00:07:36,730
Yeah. I told him we want
to keep it quiet.
170
00:07:36,830 --> 00:07:39,410
You know, we want
to do our own
internal investigation.
171
00:07:39,510 --> 00:07:40,890
There's no telling
how high up the...
172
00:07:40,990 --> 00:07:43,650
Hmm.
...ladder this thing goes,
173
00:07:43,750 --> 00:07:46,140
so we wouldn't want
to make the mistake of...
174
00:07:46,240 --> 00:07:48,860
Can I help you
at all, sir?
175
00:07:48,960 --> 00:07:51,080
You know, they're right.
You are a very sexy man.
176
00:07:51,920 --> 00:07:53,060
Striking.
177
00:07:53,160 --> 00:07:55,160
All right, sir, I'm going
to be honest with you.
178
00:07:56,160 --> 00:07:58,170
I'm already taken.
179
00:07:58,770 --> 00:07:59,950
You know, uh,
180
00:08:00,050 --> 00:08:01,630
you better get used
to people looking at you,
181
00:08:01,730 --> 00:08:04,590
because from now on,
everything you do is a story.
182
00:08:04,690 --> 00:08:06,710
I mean, the restaurants
you eat at,
183
00:08:06,810 --> 00:08:08,720
the movies that you see,
the way you look.
184
00:08:08,820 --> 00:08:11,160
I'm sure it's not going to be
that much of a burden, sir.
185
00:08:11,260 --> 00:08:13,400
Once you're
in the public spotlight,
186
00:08:13,500 --> 00:08:15,440
you can't get out.
187
00:08:15,540 --> 00:08:16,760
You walk down the street,
188
00:08:16,860 --> 00:08:20,610
you start to feel
people looking at you.
189
00:08:20,710 --> 00:08:25,170
Everywhere you turn,
nothing but eyes staring...
190
00:08:25,270 --> 00:08:27,490
Judging...
191
00:08:27,590 --> 00:08:30,520
Gazing into the very recesses
of your soul.
192
00:08:33,160 --> 00:08:35,220
MIKE: No, no.
Wait, wait. Stop.
193
00:08:35,320 --> 00:08:37,320
ASHLEY: What?
What's the matter?
194
00:08:38,280 --> 00:08:40,230
I, I can't do this.
195
00:08:40,330 --> 00:08:42,330
What is it?
196
00:08:42,730 --> 00:08:44,730
Uh, I don't know.
I just...
197
00:08:45,170 --> 00:08:46,990
I feel weird...
198
00:08:47,090 --> 00:08:49,240
Like, uh...
199
00:08:49,340 --> 00:08:51,340
Like people
are watching me.
200
00:08:53,140 --> 00:08:54,560
Well, why don't you
close your eyes
201
00:08:54,660 --> 00:08:56,600
and just let me
help you get over it?
202
00:08:56,700 --> 00:08:58,960
No. Honey, you
don't understand.
203
00:08:59,060 --> 00:09:00,850
This is like, uh...
204
00:09:00,950 --> 00:09:02,950
It's like a major
malfunction...
205
00:09:03,630 --> 00:09:05,630
Kind of
a hydraulics problem.
206
00:09:06,150 --> 00:09:08,330
What do you mean?
207
00:09:08,430 --> 00:09:12,820
Okay, uh, you know when
your foot falls asleep?
208
00:09:12,920 --> 00:09:15,280
Yeah. I just shake it
real hard and stomp on it.
209
00:09:17,720 --> 00:09:19,720
Not a good idea.
210
00:09:20,240 --> 00:09:22,230
Oh.
211
00:09:22,330 --> 00:09:24,330
Oh...
212
00:09:28,090 --> 00:09:29,510
Hey there, sexy.
213
00:09:29,610 --> 00:09:31,200
You're looking
mighty fine today.
214
00:09:31,300 --> 00:09:32,800
Right back
at you, Roberta.
215
00:09:32,900 --> 00:09:34,080
You're number one.
216
00:09:34,180 --> 00:09:35,880
You know it, kid.
217
00:09:35,980 --> 00:09:37,980
I'm living a lie.
218
00:09:40,180 --> 00:09:41,890
Honey, really,
it's going to be fine.
219
00:09:41,990 --> 00:09:43,890
No. I'm a big,
fat phony.
220
00:09:43,990 --> 00:09:46,410
MAN: Hey, sexiest man
in New York, up top!
221
00:09:46,510 --> 00:09:47,810
I can't go on
with this.
222
00:09:47,910 --> 00:09:50,050
This has got
to stop.
223
00:09:50,150 --> 00:09:51,610
Hey, Mike, nice tie.
224
00:09:51,710 --> 00:09:54,300
Oh, for God's sake,
will you people
please leave him alone?
225
00:09:54,400 --> 00:09:56,400
What do you want
from him?
226
00:09:59,800 --> 00:10:01,800
Thanks, honey.
That's much better.
227
00:10:05,530 --> 00:10:07,530
Everything all right?
228
00:10:08,250 --> 00:10:09,310
Yeah. Fine.
229
00:10:09,410 --> 00:10:11,410
All right,
so whip it out.
230
00:10:13,980 --> 00:10:15,200
What?
231
00:10:15,300 --> 00:10:16,760
The football pool.
232
00:10:16,860 --> 00:10:18,280
Giants over Dallas.
I won.
233
00:10:18,380 --> 00:10:20,380
Oh, God,
the football pool.
234
00:10:22,260 --> 00:10:24,490
Oh, thank God. Okay.
235
00:10:24,590 --> 00:10:26,490
Here you go.
That's a 20, Mike.
236
00:10:26,590 --> 00:10:28,970
Yeah. Well, you keep the rest
237
00:10:29,070 --> 00:10:31,350
because I'm just going
to go lie down.
238
00:10:32,670 --> 00:10:35,540
...which are just a few
of the many reasons
239
00:10:35,640 --> 00:10:38,140
why the mayor has issued
this proclamation
240
00:10:38,240 --> 00:10:41,260
making today
pedestrian safety day.
241
00:10:41,360 --> 00:10:42,660
Yeah. Yes, Ashley?
242
00:10:42,760 --> 00:10:44,700
Thank you. I just wanted
to follow up on that audit
243
00:10:44,800 --> 00:10:45,910
of that high school
out in Queens.
244
00:10:46,010 --> 00:10:47,870
First, I'd like to respond
to any and all
245
00:10:47,970 --> 00:10:49,970
pedestrian safety-related
questions.
246
00:10:52,090 --> 00:10:53,390
Okay, then.
247
00:10:53,490 --> 00:10:55,760
Have the school books,
in fact, been audited?
248
00:10:55,860 --> 00:10:56,840
Ah, no.
249
00:10:56,940 --> 00:10:58,120
So all the funds
are accounted for?
250
00:10:58,220 --> 00:10:59,800
Yes. They have.
That's correct.
251
00:10:59,900 --> 00:11:01,480
But you don't
really know that,
252
00:11:01,580 --> 00:11:03,760
because as you said,
the books haven't been
audited yet, right?
253
00:11:03,860 --> 00:11:06,370
Right. Wrong. Wrong.
254
00:11:06,470 --> 00:11:07,850
That's, uh, I mean, uh...
255
00:11:07,950 --> 00:11:09,950
Why are you
doing this to me?
256
00:11:11,390 --> 00:11:12,450
ASHLEY: What are we doing?
257
00:11:12,550 --> 00:11:14,450
MIKE: We're just coming home
258
00:11:14,550 --> 00:11:15,850
for a little
early lunch.
259
00:11:15,950 --> 00:11:17,500
Mike, it's quarter
after 9:00.
260
00:11:17,600 --> 00:11:19,700
A late breakfast.
261
00:11:19,800 --> 00:11:21,540
All right, you know
why we're here.
262
00:11:21,640 --> 00:11:23,640
I got to get right
back on the horse.
263
00:11:26,400 --> 00:11:28,890
Does the horse have
any say in this?
264
00:11:29,890 --> 00:11:31,830
The horse gets no say.
265
00:11:31,930 --> 00:11:34,050
If the horse likes,
it can whinny.
266
00:11:35,090 --> 00:11:36,910
All right, now, please,
267
00:11:37,010 --> 00:11:39,020
just strip and lie back
on the bed.
268
00:11:40,660 --> 00:11:41,720
Excuse me?
269
00:11:41,820 --> 00:11:43,360
Do you have any idea
270
00:11:43,460 --> 00:11:46,320
how many people subscribe
to Manhattan magazine?
271
00:11:46,420 --> 00:11:49,050
246,000.
272
00:11:49,150 --> 00:11:51,890
I feel like I'm having sex
in the middle
of Yankee stadium,
273
00:11:51,990 --> 00:11:55,750
and they're all watching me
and judging me.
274
00:11:57,510 --> 00:11:59,140
Honey, maybe you should
see someone about this.
275
00:11:59,240 --> 00:12:01,240
You know, talk to somebody,
a professional.
276
00:12:04,320 --> 00:12:06,320
Is there a good reason
you're not naked yet?
277
00:12:07,360 --> 00:12:09,630
If I do this, it is only
because I love you
278
00:12:09,730 --> 00:12:11,590
and because it is clear
that you're about
to lose your mind.
279
00:12:11,690 --> 00:12:14,070
Well, those are
two excellent reasons
280
00:12:14,170 --> 00:12:15,910
to have sex with a person.
281
00:12:16,010 --> 00:12:18,390
All right.
Now, I just...
282
00:12:18,490 --> 00:12:19,920
I got to remember...
283
00:12:20,020 --> 00:12:23,080
no matter how much
they may want me,
284
00:12:23,180 --> 00:12:25,680
I'm not making love
to the entire city.
285
00:12:25,780 --> 00:12:27,280
You just got
to narrow it down.
286
00:12:27,380 --> 00:12:29,320
A few square
city blocks.
287
00:12:29,420 --> 00:12:31,430
Pretend I'm Chinatown.
288
00:12:32,550 --> 00:12:34,450
Chinatown?
289
00:12:34,550 --> 00:12:36,530
Oh, yeah.
290
00:12:36,630 --> 00:12:38,050
Yeah. I like that.
291
00:12:38,150 --> 00:12:39,490
Mmm. Chinatown.
292
00:12:39,590 --> 00:12:41,620
Mmm. I'm thinking...
293
00:12:41,720 --> 00:12:43,740
I'm thinking silk kimonos.
294
00:12:43,840 --> 00:12:45,300
I'm thinking
geisha girls.
295
00:12:45,400 --> 00:12:46,580
Geisha girls
are Japanese.
296
00:12:46,680 --> 00:12:47,700
So?
297
00:12:47,800 --> 00:12:49,420
So are kimonos.
So?
298
00:12:49,520 --> 00:12:51,810
So we shouldn't have
culturally insensitive sex.
299
00:12:56,610 --> 00:12:58,890
Not exactly
my biggest problem
right now.
300
00:13:00,370 --> 00:13:02,580
I'll apologize
to the Pacific rim
when we're done.
301
00:13:03,300 --> 00:13:05,120
I'm sorry.
302
00:13:05,220 --> 00:13:07,000
Okay, where were we?
303
00:13:07,100 --> 00:13:09,160
I mean, you were
just trying to help.
304
00:13:09,260 --> 00:13:10,720
Oh, yeah. Chinatown.
305
00:13:10,820 --> 00:13:12,250
Mmm. Yeah.
306
00:13:12,350 --> 00:13:14,350
I'm thinking chopsticks.
307
00:13:14,710 --> 00:13:15,930
I'm thinking...
308
00:13:16,030 --> 00:13:18,630
Dead ducks hanging
in store windows.
309
00:13:25,000 --> 00:13:27,000
You've ruined Chinatown
for me.
310
00:13:27,480 --> 00:13:28,460
Well, it's a big city.
311
00:13:28,560 --> 00:13:30,560
We just got to try
someplace else.
312
00:13:31,560 --> 00:13:32,580
Little Italy?
313
00:13:32,680 --> 00:13:33,630
Mmm.
314
00:13:33,730 --> 00:13:35,730
Oh, bene, bene.Molto bene.
315
00:13:39,170 --> 00:13:40,470
Checkered tablecloths.
316
00:13:40,570 --> 00:13:42,390
Um, tiramisu.
317
00:13:42,490 --> 00:13:44,200
Penne puttanesca.
318
00:13:44,300 --> 00:13:46,300
You're making me hungry.
319
00:13:46,860 --> 00:13:48,840
No, no.
It's just New York.
320
00:13:48,940 --> 00:13:51,300
How about Santa Fe?
321
00:13:52,380 --> 00:13:53,480
BOTH: No.
322
00:13:53,580 --> 00:13:54,650
Minneapolis?
323
00:13:54,750 --> 00:13:56,750
No.
Houston?
324
00:13:57,190 --> 00:13:59,190
Houston?
Houston.
325
00:14:01,870 --> 00:14:03,870
Houston.
326
00:14:04,270 --> 00:14:06,280
We have a problem.
327
00:14:12,920 --> 00:14:15,020
We have just got to stop
obsessing about this.
328
00:14:15,120 --> 00:14:16,910
You're right.
You're right.
329
00:14:17,010 --> 00:14:19,370
I mean, it's not really
that big a deal.
330
00:14:21,530 --> 00:14:23,530
I won't blame you
if you want to leave me.
331
00:14:25,610 --> 00:14:27,320
Come on. I love you,
and I will love you
332
00:14:27,420 --> 00:14:29,420
even if you can never
have sex again.
333
00:14:30,540 --> 00:14:32,540
Thanks.
334
00:14:33,340 --> 00:14:35,780
Up until this moment,
I hadn't considered
that possibility.
335
00:14:37,830 --> 00:14:39,010
Excuse me.
336
00:14:39,110 --> 00:14:41,890
Aren't you
on Helen duty tonight?
337
00:14:41,990 --> 00:14:44,910
'Cause I'm Helen, and
where have you been?
338
00:14:46,390 --> 00:14:47,500
You know,
down at the office,
339
00:14:47,600 --> 00:14:49,300
we don't refer to it
as Helen duty.
340
00:14:49,400 --> 00:14:51,780
We refer to it
as Helen privilege.
341
00:14:51,880 --> 00:14:54,440
You really didn't
have to get me
a corsage, James.
342
00:14:59,770 --> 00:15:01,670
I thought it would make it
look more like a real date.
343
00:15:01,770 --> 00:15:03,770
If you were
prom king, maybe!
344
00:15:05,170 --> 00:15:06,150
Oh, I'm just kidding.
345
00:15:06,250 --> 00:15:07,390
We're gonna have
a good time.
346
00:15:07,490 --> 00:15:08,840
Well, you better believe it,
347
00:15:08,940 --> 00:15:10,940
'cause look
what I smuggled in.
348
00:15:13,140 --> 00:15:15,140
We got peach schnapps.
349
00:15:19,510 --> 00:15:21,290
You're kidding.
350
00:15:21,390 --> 00:15:23,530
We're gonna party
very hard tonight.
351
00:15:23,630 --> 00:15:25,630
You're not kidding.
352
00:15:26,110 --> 00:15:28,470
So, both of you guys
are in a rowboat...
353
00:15:34,760 --> 00:15:37,540
No, no, no. Stop me
if you've heard this one.
354
00:15:37,640 --> 00:15:40,630
Right now, 100,000 papers
are being printed up,
355
00:15:40,730 --> 00:15:43,810
and every one of them
has a picture of a janitor
on a yacht.
356
00:15:44,490 --> 00:15:46,670
And you know why, Karen?
357
00:15:46,770 --> 00:15:48,770
Because he
was cleaning it?
358
00:15:49,730 --> 00:15:51,680
Because of me.
Because I can't do my job.
359
00:15:51,780 --> 00:15:52,880
I'm an albatross.
360
00:15:52,980 --> 00:15:55,320
Are you gonna eat
that cherry?
361
00:15:55,420 --> 00:15:56,520
So, how are
you guys doing?
362
00:15:56,620 --> 00:15:58,620
Paul's making me sad.
363
00:16:01,590 --> 00:16:02,810
You should go and dance.
364
00:16:02,910 --> 00:16:04,910
Okey-dokey.
365
00:16:06,470 --> 00:16:07,530
What's up?
366
00:16:07,630 --> 00:16:09,630
Ah, I'm fine. I'm fine.
I'm, I'm fine.
367
00:16:11,080 --> 00:16:13,180
How many drinks
have you had?
368
00:16:13,280 --> 00:16:15,280
Oh, this is my first one.
369
00:16:19,320 --> 00:16:20,460
Really?
370
00:16:20,560 --> 00:16:22,730
All right. All right. Two.
371
00:16:28,850 --> 00:16:30,850
Unbelievable.
372
00:16:31,330 --> 00:16:33,580
Hey, Paul.
Let me ask you something.
373
00:16:34,260 --> 00:16:36,260
How much do you weigh?
374
00:16:36,700 --> 00:16:39,080
I don't know.
About 175.
375
00:16:39,180 --> 00:16:40,840
Popular kid in school,
were you?
376
00:16:40,940 --> 00:16:42,950
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
377
00:16:43,390 --> 00:16:45,390
Yeah, guys love me.
Yeah. Yeah.
378
00:16:46,390 --> 00:16:47,410
Where did you go
to college?
379
00:16:47,510 --> 00:16:48,530
Notre Dame.
380
00:16:48,630 --> 00:16:49,810
There it is.
I see it.
381
00:16:49,910 --> 00:16:52,450
What? What? I did.
I went to Notre Dame.
382
00:16:52,550 --> 00:16:54,260
Paul, you have a tell.
383
00:16:54,360 --> 00:16:55,940
You tip it
when you lie.
384
00:16:56,040 --> 00:16:57,340
I do not.
385
00:16:57,440 --> 00:16:58,460
Oh, yeah, really?
386
00:16:58,560 --> 00:17:00,380
When did you
lose your virginity?
387
00:17:00,480 --> 00:17:01,740
I don't know.
When I was 16.
388
00:17:01,840 --> 00:17:02,780
Paul.
389
00:17:02,880 --> 00:17:04,910
All right. I was in college.
Paul.
390
00:17:05,010 --> 00:17:07,230
All right! I was 33.
391
00:17:07,330 --> 00:17:08,950
But, oh, Mike,
you should have seen her.
392
00:17:09,050 --> 00:17:10,950
She was beautiful.
She was a model.
393
00:17:11,050 --> 00:17:12,550
You know, she didn't
like me at first,
394
00:17:12,650 --> 00:17:15,200
But then, oh, then,
she was head-over-heels
for me.
395
00:17:15,300 --> 00:17:17,200
Oh, my God!
Oh, God!
396
00:17:17,300 --> 00:17:19,040
I touch my face
when I lie!
397
00:17:19,140 --> 00:17:20,520
Oh, my God!
398
00:17:20,620 --> 00:17:22,740
Oh, Mike! Oh, no!
Oh, God!
399
00:17:23,780 --> 00:17:25,690
Carter, let me
ask you something.
400
00:17:25,790 --> 00:17:27,890
Shoot.
401
00:17:27,990 --> 00:17:29,990
Suppose I was...
402
00:17:32,110 --> 00:17:34,110
You know.
403
00:17:34,750 --> 00:17:37,260
Gay, Stuart.
The word is gay.
404
00:17:37,360 --> 00:17:39,440
It only has one syllable.
I know you can say it.
405
00:17:41,040 --> 00:17:43,040
Okay. Suppose I was gay.
406
00:17:43,800 --> 00:17:45,810
Would you find me...
No!
407
00:17:52,770 --> 00:17:54,770
Not even a...
No!
408
00:17:55,650 --> 00:17:56,680
I work out.
409
00:17:56,780 --> 00:17:58,780
I don't care.
410
00:18:00,780 --> 00:18:02,780
Can I, can I
ask you something?
411
00:18:03,140 --> 00:18:04,760
Fire away.
412
00:18:04,860 --> 00:18:07,010
When you, uh...
413
00:18:07,110 --> 00:18:08,530
When you first started
making speeches,
414
00:18:08,630 --> 00:18:11,010
you know, and
running for office,
415
00:18:11,110 --> 00:18:13,730
and being
in the public eye,
416
00:18:13,830 --> 00:18:18,400
Did you develop
any problems, you know,
417
00:18:19,320 --> 00:18:21,380
handling the pressure?
418
00:18:21,480 --> 00:18:22,500
You know,
419
00:18:22,600 --> 00:18:25,640
I've never told anybody
about this before.
420
00:18:27,810 --> 00:18:28,910
Once I took Helen
421
00:18:29,010 --> 00:18:31,750
to this beautiful,
old romantic inn
422
00:18:31,850 --> 00:18:33,850
to get away
for the weekend,
423
00:18:34,610 --> 00:18:36,790
and, bam, it happened.
424
00:18:36,890 --> 00:18:38,720
That's right.
425
00:18:38,820 --> 00:18:40,560
Bam!
426
00:18:40,660 --> 00:18:42,040
That's the way
it was for me.
427
00:18:42,140 --> 00:18:44,140
My golf game
went right out the window.
428
00:18:46,900 --> 00:18:48,890
And by your golf game,
429
00:18:48,990 --> 00:18:50,990
I take it
you actually...
430
00:18:52,190 --> 00:18:54,190
Mean your golf game.
431
00:18:54,710 --> 00:18:57,170
I used to play
every day.
432
00:18:57,270 --> 00:19:00,380
Sometimes twice
if I had the stamina.
433
00:19:00,480 --> 00:19:03,140
Then I became
Mayor Winston.
434
00:19:03,240 --> 00:19:04,420
I completely fell apart.
435
00:19:04,520 --> 00:19:07,340
I can still manage
to make it to the green,
436
00:19:07,440 --> 00:19:08,820
but then I'd pull
my putter out...
437
00:19:08,920 --> 00:19:10,930
(POIT) Nothing.
438
00:19:11,490 --> 00:19:13,710
It just... It just
didn't feel right.
439
00:19:13,810 --> 00:19:15,310
Exactly.
440
00:19:15,410 --> 00:19:18,190
My confidence was shot.
441
00:19:18,290 --> 00:19:20,800
You know, and you can't
fix that at the driving range.
442
00:19:20,900 --> 00:19:23,000
Oh, no.
443
00:19:23,100 --> 00:19:25,100
You can practice
by yourself all day...
444
00:19:27,140 --> 00:19:29,200
It's just not the same.
445
00:19:29,300 --> 00:19:31,310
You speak the truth.
446
00:19:33,230 --> 00:19:34,450
So, what did you do?
447
00:19:34,550 --> 00:19:36,050
I mean, how did you
get past it?
448
00:19:36,150 --> 00:19:38,150
I didn't.
I quit the game.
449
00:19:40,430 --> 00:19:42,860
Golf isn't
everything, Mike.
450
00:19:42,960 --> 00:19:46,680
Oh, but what if you
really, really loved golf?
451
00:19:47,880 --> 00:19:49,660
Well...
452
00:19:49,760 --> 00:19:51,460
If I was going to try
to get back on the course,
453
00:19:51,560 --> 00:19:52,670
I think I would focus
454
00:19:52,770 --> 00:19:54,930
on what drew me there
in the first place.
455
00:19:56,570 --> 00:19:58,570
The pure, simple
456
00:19:59,650 --> 00:20:01,650
beauty of the game.
457
00:20:04,980 --> 00:20:06,980
The beauty of the game?
458
00:20:08,540 --> 00:20:10,680
Thank you, sir.
459
00:20:10,780 --> 00:20:12,790
Are you a golfer, Flaherty?
460
00:20:13,590 --> 00:20:15,590
Uh, used to be.
461
00:20:16,390 --> 00:20:18,790
Haven't played much
in a while.
462
00:20:20,670 --> 00:20:23,900
I'm thinking
of taking it up again.
463
00:20:24,000 --> 00:20:26,400
Well, you should.
Best six hours of your life.
464
00:20:28,840 --> 00:20:31,480
I think that might be
a little optimistic, sir.
465
00:20:33,850 --> 00:20:35,850
Well, this has been
a little slice of heaven.
466
00:20:37,130 --> 00:20:38,470
He's awful cute, though.
467
00:20:38,570 --> 00:20:40,570
JAMES: Thank you.
468
00:20:41,850 --> 00:20:46,560
You are so
unbelievably beautiful.
469
00:20:46,660 --> 00:20:48,660
JAMES: Thank you.
470
00:20:51,660 --> 00:20:55,210
When I look
into your eyes,
471
00:20:55,310 --> 00:20:57,630
I just want to be with you
for the rest of my life.
472
00:20:58,470 --> 00:21:00,370
Excuse us.
473
00:21:00,470 --> 00:21:03,050
Mike, there are
people around.
474
00:21:03,150 --> 00:21:04,770
You know what?
475
00:21:04,870 --> 00:21:06,980
I don't care.
476
00:21:07,080 --> 00:21:09,180
I want you
477
00:21:09,280 --> 00:21:11,460
right here and right now.
478
00:21:11,560 --> 00:21:13,500
You don't have to put
this kind of pressure
on yourself.
479
00:21:13,600 --> 00:21:15,600
This really is not
the kind of place...
480
00:21:19,130 --> 00:21:20,550
Let's go.
Yeah.
481
00:21:20,650 --> 00:21:23,090
Excuse us. Coming through.
Deputy mayor.
Official business.
482
00:21:28,300 --> 00:21:30,300
MIKE: It's alive!
483
00:21:32,820 --> 00:21:34,120
I don't want to be
baby-sat
484
00:21:34,220 --> 00:21:36,220
every time
we leave the house.
485
00:21:38,230 --> 00:21:39,570
So I suppose I could,
486
00:21:39,670 --> 00:21:42,270
in situations where
your career is at stake,
487
00:21:43,030 --> 00:21:45,030
Take more care
to be...
488
00:21:45,910 --> 00:21:47,920
Appropriate.
489
00:21:52,080 --> 00:21:53,980
That's my deputy mayor
and his girlfriend.
490
00:21:54,080 --> 00:21:55,540
Mmm.
Mmm.
491
00:21:55,640 --> 00:21:57,580
They seem very happy.
492
00:21:57,680 --> 00:21:59,690
You would be, too,
if you just had sex.
493
00:22:00,730 --> 00:22:02,730
Father!
34410
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