Original subtitles

Good morning.

WOMAN: Good morning. Hey.

All right, everybody, listen up.

As of about... one minute ago,

the sanitation workers union rejected our final offer.

They are now officially on strike.

It's happening?

So let's... let's start looking into alternative dumpsites, all right?

Vacant lots, barges...

New Jersey.

This strike could drag on for days, weeks.

Maybe even months.

Mike, I need something to tell the press. They're killing me.

The strike's over, Paul, finished.

Really? Oh, yeah.

(EVERYONE SPEAKS AT ONCE)

You're not lying to me, are you?

I would be disappointed if this whole thing wasn't settled by this afternoon.

God, I love this job.

Okay, that's only going to buy us a couple hours,

But I'm not debating this thing in the press.

It's only going to hurt negotiations.

Now, you all know the rules.

Anybody who tells Paul the truth,

puts ten bucks in the kitty.

It's going to be a long day, people.

We got garbage in the streets.

We got a weather report calling for temperatures in the mid-90s with no breeze.

By 11 o'clock, the city's going to smell like a giant foot.

People are going to be hurling themselves into the East River,

and we all know who everybody's going to blame, don't we?

Good morning, everyone!

Hey, Flaherty, how's our city?

Oh, couldn't be better, sir.

That's what I like to hear.

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

The Mayor is not happy.

Sorry to hear about that. How you doing?

I'm okay. Let me see my own schedule.

Why? You're not going to have time for any of it.

No. No. No. No. No. No.

You gave me six nos. There's only five things on the list.

That last no, that's for you.

You can use that however you want.

Karen. Yes, Mr. Flaherty?

I need you to get a Mr. Sabatino on the phone.

He's the head of the sanitation workers union...

Mmm-hmm. ...and he doesn't want to talk to us,

so you're gonna have to do me a favor, okay?

You know how, no matter what happens, You're always so cheerful,

it just makes us all want to stab you through the heart?

Uh-huh.

That's not going to work on Mr. Sabatino,

so you got to do me a favor, all right?

You got to intimidate this guy, all right?

Tap into your darker side,

that angry corner of your soul

where violence reigns

and terror cracks the whip.

Okey-dokey.

It was just a run-of-the-mill orgasm. I didn't mean to scare you.

Could you hold a second, Mom?

I worked up some new numbers for you, Mike.

Talk to me, Nikki.

We're not there yet.

I mean, forget the health insurance and the pension plans.

We can't even come close to

what these sanitation workers are asking for.

Give it another pass. All right,

but I wouldn't be optimistic.

Oh, I'll... I'll let you get back to your mom.

Before she loses her erection.

(IMPERCEPTIBLE)

So, yes, we do hope that New Yorkers will continue

to bag and dispose of their garbage in the usual manner.

Any other questions?

Anybody have any questions?

Any questions at all? Anybody? Anybody?

Yes, Ashley?

So, am I to understand that you actually believe

that garbage pickup will resume tomorrow morning? Yes.

Yes.

With all my heart.

That's interesting, because I spoke to Mr. Sabatino

about 15 minutes ago,

and... and I asked him how long he thought the strike might last,

and he said, and I quote,

"How long you got?"

It's not good. No.

Why are you beating up on Paul?

Guy's just doing his job.

I don't blame Paul.

I know who has his hand inside the puppet.

Why, thank you. That's a lovely image.

Got any more questions?

Yeah, I mean, what do you hope to gain by this?

It's a strike. It's not like people aren't going to notice.

Why can't you just say no progress has been made?

'Cause the second I do that,

you'd make it out to be the Mayor's fault.

Oh, so it's not the Mayor's fault?

I'll just write the story, uh,

"Garbage unreasonable, refuses to be taken away."

Why do you people always focus on the negative?

Mike, the city of New York generates more garbage

than any other city in the world.

We're number one.

That's great. When we came in, we were number three.

Whatever. You're the one who has to sleep at night.

That's right.

Okay, then. Okay.

See you tonight? My place?

No problem.

All right, the Mayor prepared to speak about the strike, James?

I worked on it all night, Mike.

I have six pages of spontaneous remarks.

You know, Mike, if I were deputy mayor,

there never would have been a garbage strike.

Stuart, I'm sure there are 100 reasons

why you think you deserve my job.

Oh, good! You read my manifesto.

(OVER TV) REPORTERS: Sir? Mr. Mayor?

REPORTER: Any comments on the strike, sir?

"I don't think we need to be overly concerned."

MAYOR: I don't think we need to be overly concerned.

"We all want this settled quickly."

We all want this settled quickly. Besides...

Eighty-eight percent.

Good God, Eighty-eight percent! Eighty-eight percent of...

...88% of all major

union strikes end in less than 48 hours,

so this shouldn't drag on. Thank you.

And there's your sound bite.

All right. We're golden.

REPORTER: (OVER TV) Mr. Mayor, would you consider marching

in the gay pride parade this week?

What are you, drunk?

What was that?

I didn't write that, Mike.

Oh, great. There go all our free show tickets.

All right. It's out there. He said it. Now what?

I tell you, if we have

one gay person on the staff,

this whole thing goes away.

Everybody stop.

I need a gay person.

Huh?

Who in this room is gay?

Not that kind of gay.

Oh, come on.

You telling me nobody is even leaning that way?

Do threesomes count?

Nobody even had a gay fling?

Nobody here went to camp?

James?

Why are you asking me?

All righty, people.

I assume you all get television.

I'd like to get a jump-start on our new problem.

All right, Paul, we're in great shape. We are?

Oh, sure. We're an open administration.

We even have prominent gay personnel

on our staff.

We do? Who?

James.

Oh, yeah.

(TELEVISION PLAYING INDISTINCTLY)

Eleven o'clock.

Workday is over.

Well, you're not listening to me.

That's not the Mayor's position.

I got to go.

What do you want to do?

Oh, I don't know.

What do you want to do?

We could rent a movie.

Nah. I don't want to.

We could read.

No.

We could play Boggle.

That's it. I want to play Boggle.

(TELEPHONE RINGS)

(ANSWERING MACHINE BEEPS)

(OVER SPEAKER) Hey, Mike, this is Paul.

Listen, we're really getting beat up on this parade thing.

It might be a good idea maybe to have James in there in the morning,

answer some questions. All right.

Get back to me. I'll see you.

Have James there to answer questions about what?

Off the record?

What it's like to be a gay man in the Mayor's office.

Since when is James gay?

Since about 5:15.

(TELEPHONE RINGS)

(ANSWERING MACHINE BEEPS)

(OVER SPEAKER) Mike, it's Stuart.

Sabatino turned our offer down.

I've rounded everybody up.

We're on our way over. Be there in three minutes.

Can we do it?

Well, I could.

(GRUNTS)

I hate to say this, but this could turn into an all-nighter.

Oh, great. That's just what I need.

You know, I got a big day tomorrow. I got to be up at 6:00.

Maybe you should just crash at your place tonight.

No. I can't.

Why not?

I don't have one.

What?

My lease, it ran out a few weeks ago,

and I didn't bother renewing it.

Oh. So, then, uh...

...we live together.

Well, yeah, I guess.

I feel I should have been told.

We already live together.

I mean, it's not like I snuck into your apartment.

I've been sleeping here every night for a year and a half.

As a guest.

Oh, as a guest? Really?

Look at that picture over there, Mike.

Oh, my God.

Those aren't my parents.

They're my parents.

Who did you think they were?

I thought they came with the frame.

That's my dresser, too.

All right. okay. Well, listen, honey,

a photo and a dresser doesn't...

Couch.

Coffee table. Television.

Okay.

The dog.

Not Rex.

You do live here.

Uh-huh.

Where do I live?

I... I can't believe this is such a big deal to you.

I mean, we eat together. We sleep together.

We vacation together.

Mike, we're each other's

"In case of emergency, please notify" person.

I can't breathe.

(BREATHING HEAVILY)

You might want to notify yourself.

MAYOR: (OVER TV) What are you, drunk?

MAYOR: What's in the journal?

"Sanitation strike cripples city."

What about the news?

"Mayor snubs gay community." (GASPS)

Anything in the Post?

"Family dog drives heart attack victim to hospital..."

(SMACKS LIPS)

"...as Mayor snubs gay community."

I love the Post.

Here are your remarks for the dedication, sir.

"Proud to be here.

"Proud of a community on the rise."

Mmm-hmm.

Basically, you're just...

you're very...

very proud.

You look terrible, Flaherty.

We were up all night working on this thing.

Mmm. Ashley...

Forget I said that, okay?

I don't want to bother you.

No bother. Romantic problems are, uh...

right up my alley.

I did a little bird-dogging in my day.

Let's hear it.

All right, uh... well, the thing is, Ashley feels...

You know what you do?

Send her to a spa.

All is forgiven in the 100-degree mud.

Or if that doesn't work, you name a street after her...

or a park.

They love parks.

Those are three...

...really good suggestions, sir.

Hey.

Hey.

You've been avoiding me all morning.

I think we need to talk. Don't you?

I think that everything that needed to be said was said.

I don't know about that.

You dropped a bomb on me last night.

I got a feeling you didn't get the reaction

you were looking for.

No, not at all. I find hysterical paralysis

very reassuring.

I just don't see what the big problem is.

All we have to do is get your old place back.

Mike, will you tell me why my apartment is so important to you?

Us. Important to us.

It's our safety net.

It's a $900-a-month empty room that allows you to delude yourself

into thinking that you haven't made a commitment.

Well... if it does all that...

...and it's only 900 bucks...

(SIGHS)

All right. All right, look.

You said commitment, and, uh...

and I got a little crazy, okay?

I admit that, but I know what you're saying,

and you're right,

so let's go ahead.

Let's do it.

We live together.

Just like that.

Yeah.

Isn't it great?

I don't think so, Mike. (SIGHS)

Now I'm really confused.

Well, I'm confused, too.

I mean, this is hard. You know?

I think we should just take some time off.

Would you like to go to a spa?

Look, I'm sure with work,

we'll see each other all the time.

You know, I think we should just,

keep the rest of our relationship platonic for a while.

Oh, I see. Okay.

Just keep exactly what we have now.

Just...

without the sex.

I'm gonna have to vote no on that.

You know what? I really care about you, Michael. I do.

I love you, but... I ask for an honest reaction,

you know, and all I get is a joke.

I love you, too, honey.

We're just different. That's all,

but, you know, hey, hey, different is good.

You know, that's why it's great that we're together,

because I think we need people like you

to keep people like me in check,

and I think that we need people like me

to keep people like you from overthinking things.

And I think that... that people...

...who need people...

...the luckiest people in the world.

See, we're different. I would have laughed at that.

Michael, as per your request,

I have scheduled a press conference this afternoon at 5 o'clock

to introduce a key member of our staff,

who also happens to be homosexual,

but guess what, Mike?

James here says that he's not gay.

Ten bucks in the kitty, James.

I can't take this anymore, Mike.

I can't take it.

I don't know what's real and what's not.

I don't know day from night, good from evil.

I'm lost. I'm lost. I'm lost.

Don't melt down on me, Paul.

Not today, okay? I need you.

This is a very emotional time.

James being gay surprised all of us.

Especially James.

Come on, Paulie. For me?

All right, all right, all right.

All right, look. If we're going to go through

with your charade of a press conference,

we may as well take a couple of minutes,

go over the sort of questions you're going to get asked.

Is it really going to be that big a deal?

I mean, it's not like it's front-page stuff.

Is it?

You might want to call your parents.

Uh, Janelle, I'd like you to get Ashley... Schaeffer

on the phone for me, please.

What?

This is getting ridiculous. You've tried 23 times.

I don't care.

I don't feel like an idiot.

You're not the one making the calls.

Hey, Mike. Mike, get over here.

This guy's killing us.

No. This wasn't just a slight to the gay community.

We consider it to be symptomatic

of a hostile and repressive administration.

And until we see significant changes,

we are going to harass and haunt the Mayor at every turn.

We are going to make his life miserable

over the next four years

and make sure there aren't

four years after that.

Now, what do you people have to say about that?

What can I say?

You're hired! I love this guy. Get him a desk.

Mike, Mike...

Uh, listen.

You know I'd do anything for you.

I would.

And so when you asked me to be gay for you...

...I gave it a lot of thought, and, uh...

Let me say first off how honored I am that you chose me.

James, James... relax, okay?

You're not gay anymore.

"Hostile and repressive."

That's good. That's a good line.

I thought "Backward and medieval" was pretty good, too.

"Morally stunted and Machiavellian."

Look, it's very easy to stand outside throwing rocks.

But please, do not have the unmitigated audacity...

Two very big words...

...to question what I believe in, okay?

I'm offering you a chance to come in,

sit down at the table, and make policy.

This... this is the opportunity of a lifetime.

If I act now, do I get a free set of steak knives?

The Mayor made a mistake.

I admit that.

But what do you want to do?

Do you want to stay out there

and bitch about a parade,

or do you want to come in and make a difference?

You won't be able to control me.

You know that.

How we doing in here?

Mr. Mayor, perfect timing as usual.

I think we're pretty close to making a decision.

Mr. Mayor... Yes.

...thank you for asking me

to be a part of this administration.

I accept... Oh.

...and I promise you, as long as you're in office,

I'm going to be your worst nightmare.

Mike, is that good?

It's good.

Splendid! Welcome aboard.

MAN: Good night, good night. WOMAN: Good night.

We're meeting Carter for a beer to celebrate.

You want to join us?

Uh, no, I don't think so. All right.

We're meeting at Houlihan's, right?

Yes.

Really? 'Cause I went there the other night,

and none of you guys showed.

Imagine that.

Can I talk to you for a second?

Yeah.

Talk.

Okay, I thought that part was going to take a lot longer,

so I'm not really prepared... Oh, to hell with it.

Okay, uh...

Here goes.

(EXHALES)

Are you done? Because that was very moving.

Would it make any difference to you

if I gave up my own apartment?

I don't know what good that would do,

seeing that neither one of us would have a place to live then.

Okay, 'cause I sublet my apartment this afternoon.

Needless to say, I was hoping

for a completely different answer.

I just...

figured that if... we're going to do this for real...

...we should have a fresh start.

You sure about this, Mike?

Maybe I didn't know what all this meant,

but I do now.

I really...

really want us to live together.

No nets?

I live for danger.

(DOOR OPENS) MAYOR: Michael?

Hello. Walk out with me, would you, please?

Oh, just one thing.

Promise to tell me if we get married.

Okay, sir, what can I do for you? Yeah.

Anything I need to know?

Uh, well, I've been back and forth with Sabatino all day.

I mean, I don't think the guy realizes

what we're offering.

I'll give him another call.

Mike, it's a strike. There's no quick fix here.

Now, just let it rest.

You know, the city's not going to fall apart

because you take one night off.

I mean, it probably will,

but it will anyway.

So, where are you off to?

A fund-raiser. Um...

Oh, yeah, Jewish Community Center,

Rego Park.

Well, shalom, sir.

L'chayim, Mike.

(SINGS HASIDIC SONG)

Good night, Mr. Flaherty. Good night, Skippy.

ASHLEY: So, where should we live?

Chelsea? SoHo?

Tribeca?

What's wrong with this place?

It's furnished.

Rent's cheap.

Unbelievably short commute for me.

Okay... let me just warn you.

(CLEARS THROAT) Everything we do here is on record.

Let's go to a hotel.

What are you doing?

Just checking my voicemail.

(ANSWERING MACHINE BEEPS)

Mike, look at your watch.

Whoa, 11:05, what do you know?

Workday's over.

Honey.

Fine, it worked for you.

Yeah, well, it's working for you, too.

(ANSWERING MACHINE BEEPS)

(OVER SPEAKER) Hey, Mike, this is Paul. Listen.

I'm at Houlihan's.

Where the hell is everybody?