Original subtitles

I'd like to tell you a story about a guy, a girl,

and a bathing suit.

I saw her at every swimming meet the city ever had --

just like this one.

She was always lined up with a group of other girls,

but she stood out like a swan in a bunch of mud hens.

I saw the starter take his place and call, "Swimmers up!"

She hit the water and cut through it

like a million-dollar yacht.

At the turn, it was neck and neck.

But she soon pulled away, away out in front.

And that's where she belonged -- out in front.

Well, she walked to her dressing room on air.

And I went right after her.

Well, she knew me and knew what I wanted,

but the answer was still no.

I tried to convince her we could go places together,

but she wasn't interested.

She didn't want to go any place but home.

She lived in a little apartment near the college

with all her trophies and her sister,

a scatterbrained little chick who had a lot to offer

but couldn't seem to get anyone to take it.

I kept telling her the swimsuit business was crying for us.

With my ideas and her face and figure, we'd be a cinch.

She seemed interested

but was worried about her amateur standing.

But I felt if I kept after her, I'd make her realize

there comes a time in every woman's life

when she has to turn professional.

We started on a shoestring.

She was clever.

She designed and modeled her own suits.

They were new, different.

A little gag here, a little trick there.

And did they sell.

Say, she could sell anything.

The orders kept coming in and pilling up,

and we shipped them out as fast as we could fill them.

Before you knew it, we were in big business.

"All-South American polo team to play U.S. stars at Middlebrook."

-So what? -So what?

Everybody and his brother will be there.

Not to mention Life and Look and the news services.

Sorry. I don't play polo.

Neither will the players when they get a load of you

and our models parading around the pool

in that swimming spectacle you're going to stage.

I'm going to stage?

As a tribute to our South American neighbors.

You're a good neighbor, aren't you?

Hmm. Sounds like great publicity.

What about the club? They're pretty conservative.

-I wonder if they'll go for it. -Of course they'll go for it.

As soon as you sell Mr. Canford, the club president.

Me? Oh, now, just a minute, Joe.

You're the barker of this outfit.

I'm just the trained seal.

You balance this ball on that pretty little nose of yours,

and we'll both take a big, fat bow.

Well, what are we waiting for? Let's go.

Go where?

To Middlebrook, to meet the South American polo team.

Oh, Betty, get that gleam out of your eye.

You're not going.

Oh, Evie, this is my chance to meet a romantic Latin.

And a polo player is what I've always wanted.

Yes.

Last year, it was a football player you always wanted.

And the year before that, it was a cowboy.

Well, I'm flexible.

You're too flexible.

Well, this time, it's the real thing.

This time it's love.

Love. Oh, Betty.

Evie, you might as well face it.

I'm madly in love.

With whom?

The South American polo team.

Betty, dear, you've got to stop throwing yourself at men.

You're only going to get hurt.

Not if my aim is good.

Besides, what's wrong with a woman chasing a man?

Well, it just isn't done.

Men are men, and women are women,

and...well, that's just the way it is.

Well, I don't want to change it. I just want to get in on it.

If I don't stop dreaming of orange blossoms,

I'm gonna have to sleep with a smudge pot

at the foot of my bed.

-Are you hurt? -No, not too bad.

Just got my shoulder.

We've got a great masseur at the club.

Fix you up in no time.

Hey, Julio! Call Jack Spratt, the masseur.

Who will be the lucky winner

on tonight's "Stroke of Fortune,"

the quiz show to end all quiz shows?

You don't have to guess anything,

you don't have to say anything,

and you don't have to know anything.

If you're lucky and have a telephone

and can answer our call, you will receive $1,000

and other valuable prizes --

if you're lucky and have a telephone.

And now the wheel is turning, and while we're waiting...

-Pardon me, señor. -Shh! Shh, shh, shh, shh.

-...the orchestra plays. -Excuse, please, señor.

-You make with the massage? -Oh, not now. Come back later.

-Oh, but, señor -- -Look.

Do you want me to lose $1,000?

This is an important program. They give away a lot of prizes.

Last week, there was an old maid in Pomona.

She won a 32-room house,

a four-door sedan, a live-bait barge,

and a two-weeks' vacation in a Tibetan monastery --

with all expenses paid.

Oh, but, señor, you better come with me.

Señor O'Rourke -- She hurt his arm.

Her did? Señor O'Rourke?

You mean the captain of the polo team?

-Sí, señor. -Well, why didn't you say so

in the first place?

Probably wouldn't have won anything anyhow.

I listen to these quiz programs all the time.

Of course, they never call me. They -- Sort of a waste of time.

Oh.

Sometimes I think those quiz programs are not on the level.

Stop the music. Stop the music!

Long distance is ringing the number of the fortunate winner.

Probably some phony name that doesn't even exist.

Mr. Jack Spratt of Clayport, California.

Jack Spratt!

Who ever heard of anyone named Jack Spr--

That's me! They're ringing me!

No answer yet.

-It's locked. -Well, keep trying, operator.

The key. The key. Don't stop ringing!

Well, you'd better hurry up, Mr. Spratt.

-I can't find my key! -This is your last chance.

Oh, no, no, no! No! No! No!

It's just --

Mr. Spratt doesn't answer?

Well, never mind, operator.

But Mr. Spratt will receive our consolation prize

of five crisp, new one-dollar bills!

Five dollars?

Five dollars.

You'll never know what I went through to get all those phones.

Night after night in those phone booths.

I paid $30 for that radio, a fortune in box tops.

Wore out two pair of pants just sitting.

I lose half of my customers, and what happens?

They call me and I can't even get in,

all on account of a little key.

A little key no bigger than...

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no!

Oh, no, no, no!

-Hey, mister. -Sí, señorita.

Where will I find the polo players?

Oh, they are out on the polo field, I think.

Well, how do I get there?

Well, you go down this road until you come to a...No, no.

You go down this road until you come to a tree,

and then you turn to the... N-No, no.

You go down this road until you come...

Gee, I don't think you can get there from here.

Well, aren't there any polo players around here?

El capitán, Jose O'Rourke, is in the tack room, I think.

Oh. Well, how do I get to the tack room?

Well, you go down this road until you come to -- No, no, no.

- Here we go again. - You go down this road until --

Never mind.

-Great country, South America. -Gracias.

You know, I've always wanted to meet

one of those black-eyed señoritas.

The señoritas right here look muy bonitas to me.

Yeah? Well, they may look that way to you.

But whenever I meet them,

they're always facedown on a table.

They only come to me to get them in shape for some other guy.

-Can you keep a secret? -Oh, sure.

Well, I wouldn't like this noised around,

but I've never had a girl.

No.

See, my mother was very strict.

Didn't have my first date till I was 24.

So you mean your mother wouldn't let you go out

with members of the opposite sex?

Yeah, but she wouldn't tell me which ones was the opposite sex.

I'll bet you've had plenty of girls.

Ah. Too many.

Believe me, horses are more dependable.

Of course, one cannot make love to a horse.

No, unless one happens to be another horse.

Of course, I don't have much choice myself.

You see, women don't like me,

and, well, I don't like horses, so...

Well, amigo, maybe your approach is wrong.

Now, what is the first thing you do

when you get a woman in your arms?

Well, I give her a salt rub.

Oh, no. No. I'm talking about love.

The first thing you do is kiss her.

Mm-hmm. Oh, no.

I couldn't do that.

Don't tell me you have never kissed a woman.

Unh-unh.

Well, have you ever held a woman in your arms?

Unh-unh.

Have you ever held a woman's hand?

-Unh-unh. -Well, have you ever --

Unh-unh.

Oh, amigo, you are in bad shape, aren't you?

-I don't know. -But I will show you what to do.

First, you have a beautiful woman in your arms.

You hold her tenderly.

Oh, she's gorgeous, and she's all yours.

-She is? -Oh, yes.

Would you mind if I held her for a while?

Of course! Here. You take her.

Oh.

You know, she's heavier than I thought.

Now, you must say to her...

Ves y mi --

Hmm? Why do I have to speak Spanish?

Because it's a language of love.

-Oh? -Women can't resist it.

-They can't? -Now, hold her tight.

No. Tighter. Still tighter.

-Tighter! -She's kind of big.

All right. Kiss her.

No, not like a baby.

Like a man. Mm!

-Mm? -Mm!

-Mmm! -Mm!

Mm! Mm!

-Oh, amigo, I like you. -Oh?

And you have made my arm as good as new.

-Well, hasta la vista. -Hmm?

Oh, in your language, that means "adiós, amigo."

Oh!

Gee, he sure looks romantic in that Groucho costume.

Gosh, anybody could get a girl if he looked like that.

What a guy.

Oh!

Señor O'Rourke!

Speak to me. Say something.

Oh, gee, he's unconscious. What will I do now?

Oh, no. I've got to give him a chance to defend himself.

Oh, Señor O'Rourke!

I didn't know you were behind that door. Honest.

I wouldn't hurt a polo player for anything,

especially a South American polo player.

-Hmm? -My name is Betty Barrett.

I hope you don't think I'm bold for breaking in like this.

Gee, you're handsome.

-Do you think I'm pretty? -Hmm?

You don't have to answer that now.

I-I live at the Savoy Apartments,

and if you're ever in the neighborhood,

you might drop in sometime.

-Tonight. -Mm-mmm.

-Mm. -Oh, Señor O'Rourke.

Mm-mmm.

Is this all right, Miss Betty?

Oh, yes, but they like it hot.

There. That's better.

Now, are you sure my sister's not gonna be home this evening?

Yes, I'm sure.

Well, I sure hope so.

No. I guess it'd be too obvious if I sat on his lap.

Will there be anything else, Miss Betty?

No. I wish to be alone tonight, Matilda.

You may go.

Come in!

Ah, señorita!

Oh, Jose, what a surprise!

I am delightful.

What a beautiful --

It's an old native custom.

Won't you sit down?

Hmm?

Oh, I do not understand so good your language.

Well, sit down in your own language.

Merci, mademoiselle.

You understand Spanish good?

Good. Ah!

Spanish is the beautiful language of love.

You speak it very fluently, don't you?

Mm. Oh. Tijuana.

Well, I wanna if you wanna.

Oh! My hors d'oeuvres.

I prepared some of our native dishes for you.

Oh, I am delightful.

My beautiful --

Uh, Sacramento, California!

Well, don't go away, Jose.

Babalú!

Tico-Tico!

Well, if Spanish does it, this ought to do it.

I made these just for you.

Oh, I am delightful. You ma--

This thing.

I've lost so much weight, you know.

I made these with my own two little hands.

Oh, your little hands.

They are so, so... so so-so.

Gee. Just like in the ads.

Ah. You are so gentle, so beautiful, so...

hasta la vista!

Tell me more.

Tell me more.

Y ahora la primera lección.

El tenedor. El cuchillo.

La cuchara. La sal. La pimienta.

El agua. La mantequilla.

El azúcar. La crema.

Oh, that's beautiful.

You sound so different when you speak Spanish.

El plato. La taza. El vaso. La servilleta.

You know, that's just the way I feel about you.

Caldo, verdura, ensalada, carne con frijoles.

Ahora, todo jundo.

El tenedor. El cuchillo.

La cuchara. La sal. La pimienta.

El agua. La mantequilla. El azúcar. La crema.

El plato. La taza. El vaso. La servilleta.

Caldo, verdura, ensalada, carne con frijoles.

And that means...

It means "I want to hold you in my arms forever."

And now, please, turn over.

Oh, uh, that's an old South American expression

meaning, uh, "let's have soft music."

Oh.

Oh, that's beautiful.

Shall we dine or shall we dance?

-Well -- -Let's dance.

Oh, doesn't this music do something to you?

Buenos noches! Buenos noches!

Oh. Buenos noches. Buenos noches.

Gee. Members of the same lodge.

Argentina, Brazil, or Nicaragua?

Sí!

Sí.

Sí.

Sí!

Oh, your friend here says that he plays all the instruments.

Oh!

How interesting.

Sí?

Oh, nice. He has consented to do a number for us.

I hope you don't mind.

Mind? Oh, he'd love it.

I'll sing too. Come on.

Ladies and gentlemen, tonight we have a rare treat.

A countryman of mine from South America

is going to do a number for us,

accompanied by his very charming companion here.

What would you like us to play?

Oh, yes. Uh, go ahead.

The orchestra is yours. Use any instrument you like.

Oh.

♪ I love those men who go... ♪

♪ D-D-D-D-ring ♪

♪ D-D-D-D-ring ♪

♪ D-D-D-D-ring ♪

♪ D-D-D-D-ring ♪

♪ Kkkt! Kkkt! ♪

♪ Boom, boom ♪

♪ D-D-D-D-ring ♪

♪ Vvt, vvt, vvt, vvt, vvt, vvt ♪

Boom!

♪ Give me a South American drummer ♪

♪ And keep your butcher and your plumber ♪

♪ Oh, let me hear the fabulous fracas of the maracas ♪

♪ Give me the guy who strums the guitar ♪

♪ An ocho cuatro to the bar ♪

♪ I'll even take the yokel ♪

♪ From Buenos Aires Musicians Local ♪

♪ Who does the vocal ♪

♪ Frère Jacques, Frère Jacques ♪

♪ Babalú, Babalú ♪

♪ I love those men who go... ♪

♪ Kkkt! Kkkt-kkkt! Kkkt! ♪

♪ Chic-chic, chicka-chicka, chic-chic, chicka-chicka, chic ♪

♪ They've warned me time and again ♪

♪ But oh, how I love those men ♪

Shh!

♪ Those men ♪

♪ Those men ♪

♪ Chic-chic-chic, chic-chic-chic-chic ♪

♪ Wahh, wahh, wahh! ♪

♪ Burr-wahh! ♪

♪ Boom, boom, cha! ♪

♪ Ch-ch-ch-ch-choon! ♪

♪ Bt-ta-bt-ta-bt-ta-bt-ta ♪

Excuse me.

Oh.

Oh!

♪ I love those men who go... ♪

♪ Chic-chic-chic, kkt-kkt ♪

♪ Chic-chic-chic ♪

♪ But oh, how I love ♪

♪ Those men ♪

Shh!

Did I wake you?

Fine time to get home.

Fine time before I got home.

Where have you been, with whom,

and who said you could wear my coat?

Casa Cugat, Jose O'Rourke, and nobody.

Jose O'Rourke?

Not one of those South American polo players?

Not just one of the players, the captain.

I hit the jackpot.

Betty, dear, can't you get in enough trouble here

without going below the border?

-Boom! D-D-D-D-ring! -Look, Betty.

Now, no one wants a nice, substantial man for you

more than I do.

But these visiting firemen are strictly on a joy ride.

Now, believe me, honey.

When you fall hard and they exit laughing,

it's not going to be so funny.

Oh! You've been out with them.

Certainly not.

But, Eve, he thinks I'm wonderful.

He says he's never met anybody like me.

-That I believe. -Ohh.

Betty, dear, you don't know this type.

-Yes, I do. -Tonight was just a buildup.

Next time he'll show his teeth.

♪ I love those men who go... Lum, chic-chic...♪

Betty, look. Please.

Now, put down these animated beanbags and listen to me.

I want you to promise you won't see him again.

Nope. I got a date with him tomorrow.

♪ I love those men who go... ♪

Yes, I'll see that it's taken care of.

Of course.

All right. All right.

-How do you do? -How do you do?

I received a telephone call this morning.

-Your name, please? -Jose O'Rourke.

Oh, yes, Mr. O'Rourke. Miss Barrett's expecting you.

Miss Barrett?

I don't believe I've had the pleasure.

If you'll just be seated, she'll be back shortly.

She's showing some buyers through the factory.

Oh, could I join them?

I've never seen a bathing suit in its natural state.

Uh, yes. Of course.

- Miss Carroll. - Yes?

How far has the tour gotten?

I think they're on the third floor.

Thank you.

-This way, Mr. O'Rourke. -Okay.

-This way, please. -Oh, yes.

I usually make a rough sketch of a new idea

and then give it to our artists to retouch and refine.

The design is then put on the material,

and the pattern is stamped by these pattern machines

onto this special pattern paper.

They look a little like old-fashioned piano rolls,

don't they?

As you know, our bathing suits are made of silk from China,

rubber from Malaya, wool from Australia,

cotton from all over the world,

and, of course, our own wonderful synthetic rayons,

made right here.

And now if we --

Now if you'll step this way, please, I'd like to show you

another very interesting piece of equipment.

The spools of thread are putting together a patchwork

of colors, which revolve into a beautiful harmony.

This strange-looking monster is knitting swimsuit material

of Ceylonese rubber yarn, Lastex, and Mattletex.

Now, those in the rear

are set to handle any type of material we intend to use.

We hang the pattern paper on, tie the yarn --

As I was saying...

The automatic blade cuts through

hundreds of thicknesses of material simultaneously.

See?

And once the material is cut,

it is stacked in sizes ranging from 10 to 20.

You know, any woman that's over size 20

should have her bathing suit made to order.

Oh, I agree.

Shall we go on to the finishing department?

And over there, the girls are sewing the very first seam.

On this shaft back here,

the girls are working on the actual garment,

sewing and finishing the neckline.

These girls are mattletexing the waistline for perfect fit.

And now, ladies and gentlemen,

you have seen the Neptune bathing suit...

...conceived, designed, and created.

If you will kindly step into the salesroom,

you will see it come to life.

The Riviera suit.

The Christmas Package.

The Ballerina.

The Sarong.

The Scotch Mist.

The Pantywaist.

The Olympic, for the sportswoman.

And now, the Streamliner.

Lovely, Miss Barrett. Perfectly charming.

Thank you. Thank you very much.

You'll notice that the suit neither shrinks, sags...

-nor stretches. -No, it doesn't, does it?

Would you mind telling me what company you represent?

Oh, I'm in business for myself.

Uh, would you mind, uh, turning around for me, please?

Well, no, not at all, Mr., uh...

O'Rourke. Jose O'Rourke.

-Did you say O'Rourke? -Yes.

Lotus, my robe, please.

Mr. O'Rourke, would you mind stepping into my office?

I won't keep you waiting long.

Oh, Miss Barrett, for you, I'd wait forever.

Lotus.

Mr. O'Rourke, you're exactly what I anticipated.

You have the advantage. I anticipated nothing like you.

You no doubt have some idea why I sent for you.

No, but I assure you I'm delighted.

Does the name Barrett mean anything to you?

No, not yet, but, uh, I have a feeling it will.

Uh, what can I do for you, Miss Barrett?

You can stay away from my sister.

-Your sister? -I have plans for my sister --

worthwhile plans -- and I don't intend

to see them disrupted by a South American detour.

Oh, forgive me. I don't understand this word "detour."

Allow me to explain.

To detour is to take the bad road

because the good road is unavailable.

But, Señorita Barrett, I am not unavailable.

And now will you break the date with my sister?

Date? Well, I, uh...

You have a date with her tonight.

Will you please break it?

Very well. If I must, I must.

Good. Thank you very much.

However, there is a slight condition.

I thought so.

Well, how much?

Oh, it isn't money I want.

No? What do you want?

Merely that, uh, you consent to go in your sister's place.

-Me? -Mm-hmm.

Why, you're out of your mind.

Oh, not at all.

Just a little lonesome after I put my horses to bed.

Mr. O'Rourke, your state of mind

after you tuck your horses in is hardly any of my concern.

I'm sure you can find some other misguided female

-to take their place. -Oh, undoubtedly.

But you see, I am particularly drawn to your family.

So if I cannot go out with you, I, uh...

You realize, of course,

that this is just another form of blackmail.

Oh, Señorita Barrett,

in my language, there is no such word.

If I go with you,

will you promise never to see my sister again?

I promise.

Very well. It's a deal.

Oh, Señorita Barrett,

your spirit of self-sacrifice is truly admirable.

Where shall I pick you up?

-This address, 8:00. -Good.

-Oh, do you have a car? -Of course.

Oh, then we will go to dinner, drive along the ocean.

There will be a moon tonight.

I'm sure you can show me many points of interest.

Mr. O'Rourke, I will show you

the most miserable evening of your life.

Oh, I don't think so.

Oh. Oh, there is just one more question.

How do I get this contraption off my finger?

It's very simple.

On this side,

we have the oldest avocado trees in Southern California.

Over here, you will observe a small inlet

known as Pirates' Cove.

Around the bend, there is --

Miss Barrett, I don't care what's around the bend, really.

You've shown me Pirates' Cove with no pirates,

Inspiration Point with no inspiration,

and, uh, Lovers' Lane with no love.

So I will take you home now.

Thank you very much.

Why are we slowing down?

And don't you tell me we're out of gas.

It's my car, remember?

Look.

"To detour is to take the bad road

because the good road is unavailable."

Did I say that?

Yes, and you also insinuated that I was a blackmailer

and, uh, several other unpleasant things.

Well, I'm sorry, but --

Well, Mr. O'Rourke, please try to understand.

My sister, Betty, is somewhat of a problem.

She needs to find a man that's substantial and settled

and...well, safe.

And I am not?

Well, are you?

No.

No, I am unsubstantial, unsettled,

and, uh, definitely unsafe.

But not for your sister, no. Don't worry, Miss Barrett.

I'll -- I'll keep my end of the bargain.

Thank you very much, Mr. O'Rourke.

Jose, please.

Jose.

And now if you'll take the road to the left --

Of course.

Oh, uh, do you mind if we stop at the stable a moment?

My best pony has been rather ill.

I would like to look in on her.

No, not at all.

I'll only be a second.

Julio. Julio, ¿estamos listos?

Oh, patrón, she is very beautiful in the moonlight.

Julio, tonight, I want you to play

like you've never played before.

Patrón, I have serenaded beautiful señoritas

all over the world for you, and I have never failed you.

And tonight, I won't fail you.

Oh, I'm afraid my pony's worse.

I'll have to sit up with her all night.

Oh, I'm sorry.

-Would you care for a cigarette? -No, thank you.

Your horses mean a great deal to you, don't they?

Oh, yes, señorita.

When they suffer, I suffer.

What's that?

Oh, just some of the stable boys.

They play at the drop of a sombrero.

Do you know what the music is saying?

I have an idea.

I think maybe we'd better be going.

♪ My heart beats faster ♪

♪ Faster ♪

♪ Faster and faster ♪

♪ At the sight of you ♪

♪ My heart beats faster ♪

♪ Faster ♪

♪ Faster than I have ever felt it do ♪

♪ You bring me madness ♪

♪ Madness ♪

♪ Beautiful madness every little while ♪

♪ When you pass by ♪

♪ And you smile ♪

♪ My heart beats faster ♪

♪ Faster ♪

♪ Not its own master ♪

♪ When I hear your voice ♪

♪ My heart hears music ♪

♪ Music ♪

♪ Music for dancing ♪

♪ And it has no choice ♪

♪ And if I never kiss you ♪

♪ Tell me -- What can my poor heart do? ♪

♪ But just beat faster and faster ♪

♪ Until it breaks ♪

♪ In two? ♪

There. That's better.

-How does it feel, Linda? -Fine unless I breathe.

Miss Delaghy, I think maybe we ought to have it

a little lower here and a little bit higher there.

-Eve? -Right.

-I've got to talk to you. -Come on in, Joe.

I'll just be a moment. That's all, Linda. Thank you.

I'll take care of these sketches, Miss Delaghy.

Yes, Miss Barrett.

Where were you last night?

Where were you this morning?

I was getting over last night.

You know, I spent three hours with the president of the club

-waiting for you to show up. -And you waited in the bar.

Can I help it if he likes television?

I'm sorry, Joe. I had something else to do.

Oh, I suppose last night wasn't important.

Well, of course it was, Joe, but, well, this was personal.

Oh, personal, eh?

Joe, lower your eyebrows.

I'm strictly a career gal.

The only interest I have in men

is whether or not they whistle at our bathing suits.

You know that.

Oh, now you're talking.

You know, honey, love has ruined more big business

than the Sherman antitrust law.

Unless, of course,

one partner happens to be in love with the other.

I have a picture of Sears falling in love with Roebuck.

That's not what I meant.

I'll pick you up at 8:00 sharp.

And this time, my little webfoot, I'll deliver you

to the president of the club personally.

Yes, master. Yes.

Matilda, where's my little white coat?

Last time I saw it, it was going through that door --

-on Miss Betty. -Oh, I see.

Where was Miss Betty going when she went through the door?

To the other door.

Said she had to get out before you got in.

Well, do you know where she was going?

Oh, I wouldn't fill out an affidavit, but I have an idea.

I eaves-drooped a phone call.

To whom?

A Mr. Jose O'Rourke.

Said she'd meet him at his apartment tonight -- alone.

Matilda, are you sure?

Sure, I'm sure.

I heard it with my own two little pierced ears.

Well, that scheming, calculating...

Miss Barrett. What an expected pleasure.

I'll bet it is.

Well, where is she?

-Who? -My sister, Betty, of course.

Oh, is she loose again?

You know perfectly well she is.

And don't tell me that she isn't here, because I know she is.

Miss Barrett, I gave you my word. I --

Your word. What does your word mean?

Oh, to me, it means a great deal.

Unh-unh.

Why don't you sit down, have a nice drink,

and, uh, cool off, huh?

Mr. O'Rourke, I wouldn't drink with you

if you were the last man on earth.

Well, what an interesting possibility.

Will you kindly tell my sister to come out of your closet?

Miss Barrett, there is nothing in my closet

except a few suits, one of which is minus a button.

At home, we, uh, have a skeleton.

Well, she's probably under the bed.

-I suggest you look. -I intend to.

You know, in my country,

that practice is confined to old maids.

Your button.

-Would you like to sew it on? -Ah.

Oh! Would you care for a shower?

Shirts, shorts, pajamas, and, uh, miscellaneous.

Ay-yi.

Very, very funny.

What about the other door -- the one in the living room?

-Miss Barrett, please. -I thought so.

Well, one would think you didn't trust me.

And one would be so right.

Now, kindly step aside.

Miss Barrett, I am a gentleman.

Step aside.

Very well. You win.

Well, you do have a date with her.

With your sister? No. Believe me.

Now, I will take it as an apology

if you sit down and have that drink with me.

All right?

I'm sorry.

I'm not that sorry.

Ah. Qué bonita es la vida.

A lovely lady.

Soft music.

A warm summer's evening.

You know, for an evening that started out so badly,

it has definite possibilities.

No, no, no. Before you drink, you must always say, "Salud."

Salud.

-You know, I -- -Salud.

Salud.

You know, on second thought --

-Yes? -I really can't stay.

♪ But, baby, it's cold outside ♪

♪ I've got to go away ♪

♪ But, baby, it's cold outside ♪

♪ This evening has been... ♪

♪ Been hoping that you'd drop in ♪

♪ ...so very nice ♪

♪ I'll hold your hands ♪

♪ They're just like ice ♪

♪ My mother will start to worry ♪

♪ Beautiful, what's your hurry? ♪

♪ My father will be pacing the floor ♪

♪ Listen to the fireplace roar ♪

♪ So really, I'd better scurry ♪

♪ Beautiful, please don't hurry ♪

♪ Well, maybe just a half a drink more ♪

♪ Put some records on while I pour ♪

♪ The neighbors might think -- ♪

♪ But, baby, it's bad out there ♪

♪ Say, what's in this drink? ♪

♪ No cabs to be had out there ♪

♪ I wish I knew how... ♪

♪ Your eyes are like stars right now ♪

♪ ...to break this spell ♪

♪ I'll take your hat ♪

♪ Your hair looks swell ♪

♪ I ought to say, "No, no, no, sir" ♪

♪ Mind if I move in closer? ♪

♪ At least I'm gonna say that I tried ♪

♪ What's the sense of hurting my pride? ♪

-♪ I really can't stay ♪ -♪ Oh, baby, don't hold out ♪

-♪ Ah, but it's cold outside ♪ -♪ Baby, it's cold outside ♪

♪ I simply must go ♪

♪ But, baby, it's cold outside ♪

♪ The answer is no ♪

♪ But, baby, it's cold outside ♪

♪ The welcome has been... ♪

♪ How lucky that you dropped in ♪

♪ ...so nice and warm ♪

♪ Look out the window at that storm ♪

♪ My sister will be suspicious ♪

♪ Gosh, your lips look delicious ♪

♪ My brother will be there at the door ♪

♪ Waves upon a tropical shore ♪

♪ My maiden aunt's mind is vicious ♪

♪ Gosh, your lips are delicious ♪

♪ Well, maybe just a cigarette more ♪

♪ Never such a blizzard before ♪

♪ I've got to get home ♪

♪ But, baby, you'd freeze out there ♪

♪ Say, lend me a comb ♪

♪ It's up to your knees out there ♪

♪ You've really been grand... ♪

♪ I thrill when you touch my hand ♪

♪ ...but don't you see? ♪

♪ How can you do this thing to me? ♪

♪ There's bound to be talk tomorrow ♪

♪ Think of my lifelong sorrow... ♪

♪ At least there will be plenty implied ♪

♪ ...if you caught pneumonia and died ♪

-♪ I really can't stay ♪ -♪ Get over that old doubt ♪

-♪ Ah, but it's cold outside ♪ -♪ Baby, it's cold outside ♪

♪ I really can't stay ♪

♪ But, baby, it's cold outside ♪

♪ I've got to go away ♪

♪ But, baby, it's cold outside ♪

♪ This evening has been... ♪

♪ Been hoping that you'd drop in ♪

♪ ...so very nice ♪

♪ I'll hold your hands ♪

♪ They're just like ice ♪

♪ My mother will start to worry ♪

♪ Beautiful, what's your hurry? ♪

♪ My father will be pacing the floor ♪

♪ Listen to the fireplace roar ♪

♪ So really, I'd better scurry ♪

♪ Beautiful, please don't hurry ♪

♪ Maybe just a little drink more ♪

♪ Put some records on while I pour ♪

♪ The neighbors might think -- ♪

♪ But, baby, it's bad out there ♪

♪ Say, what's in this drink? ♪

-♪ No cabs to be had out there ♪ -♪ I wish I knew how... ♪

♪ Your eyes are like stars right now ♪

♪ ...to break this spell ♪

♪ I'll take your hat ♪

♪ Your hair looks swell ♪

♪ I ought to say, "No, no, no, señor" ♪

♪ Mind if I move in closer? ♪

♪ At least I'm going to say that I tried ♪

♪ What's the sense of hurting my pride? ♪

-♪ I really can't stay ♪ -♪ Oh, baby, don't hold out ♪

-♪ Ah, but it's cold outside ♪ -♪ Baby, it's cold outside ♪

♪ I simply must go ♪

♪ But, baby, it's cold outside ♪

♪ The answer is no ♪

♪ But, baby, it's cold outside ♪

♪ The greeting has been... ♪

♪ You're lucky that I dropped in ♪

♪ ...so nice and warm ♪

♪ Look out the window at that storm ♪

♪ Your sister will be suspicious ♪

♪ Gosh, your lips look delicious ♪

♪ Your brother will be there at the door ♪

♪ Waves upon a tropical shore ♪

♪ Your maiden aunt's mind is vicious ♪

♪ Gosh, your lips are delicious ♪

♪ Maybe just a cigarette more ♪

♪ Never such a blizzard before ♪

♪ You've got to go home ♪

♪ But, baby, I'd freeze out there ♪

♪ I'll lend you my comb ♪

♪ It's up to your knees out there ♪

♪ You've really been grand... ♪

♪ I thrill when you touch my hand ♪

♪ ...but don't you see? ♪

♪ How can you do this thing to me? ♪

♪ There's bound to be talk tomorrow ♪

♪ Think of your lifelong sorrow... ♪

♪ At least there will be plenty implied ♪

♪ ...if I caught pneumonia and died ♪

-♪ You really can't stay ♪ -♪ Get over that old doubt ♪

-♪ Ah, but it's cold outside ♪ -♪ Baby, it's cold outside ♪

I called for Eve that night

and waited a couple of hours for her.

But she never showed.

Well, it was too early to go home,

so I dropped in at Cugie's.

The joint was really jumping.

I fought my way to the bar and sat down.

But this time, I was smart.

This time, I stuck to the soft stuff.

Through the mirror, I saw Lukie, the owner of the club,

bearing down.

I'm one of the few people who like Lukie.

Maybe he deals under the table once in a while,

but he always gave me a square shuffle.

He tried to buy me a drink, but I wasn't having any.

Then he asked me the 64-dollar question.

Where's the mermaid tonight?

She stayed at home. She has a little headache.

Too bad.

Don't look natural to see you here without her.

Well, I'll probably drop in on the way home

and see how she feels.

Well, you can save yourself a trip.

She's evidently feeling better.

Nice-looking guy if you like the type.

And I don't.

Shall we?

Do you know him?

Only by reputation.

Jose O'Rourke, the famous South American polo player.

A 10-goal man.

That's good, eh?

You bet it's good. He's the whole team.

Subtract him, they haven't got a chance of winning.

Winning what?

The big polo match at Middlebrook.

Don't you read the papers?

Only the race results.

-Big game, huh? -Mm-hmm.

Any good bets around?

Lukie, this is a polo match -- strictly society stuff.

Fifty bucks is tops in the locker room.

Fifty bucks?

That's birdseed. I bet that on traffic signals.

So this guy is the whole works, eh?

Without him, they haven't got a chance.

What else do you know about him?

Nothing.

Except he's dynamite with the ladies,

undoubtedly out to feather his nest.

Right now he's unfeathering mine.

You know, I never dreamed this morning

I'd hold you in my arms this evening.

The only reason I'm in your arms this evening

is so my sister, Betty, won't be.

Oh, and all the time, I thought it was my charm.

Our song. Remember?

Jose, how wonderful to see you again.

The minute I heard the music, I thought of you.

Remember?

-A lovely thing. -Huh?

Uh, the music.

Jose, darling!

How cute of you to have them play our song.

Remember?

He has it played at the drop of a señorita.

Let's sit down, shall we?

Señor O'Rourke.

-You know, she just said that -- -Yes. I know.

"Our song. Remember?"

Oh, I'm sorry, señor, but this is a table for two.

-This was a table for two. -Uh, Mr. O'Rourke, Mr. Backett.

Mr. Backett is a dear and old friend.

Very old. I aged 10 years waiting for you tonight.

Joe, please. I'll explain later.

Why should you?

Well, Mr. Backett is my partner.

Well, it's a wonder you're not bankrupt.

- Please. No. - Now, look.

I happen to have a date with Miss Barrett this evening,

and, uh, I don't want anybody to annoy her.

I had a date with Miss Barrett first.

-And who's annoying her? -You both are.

Now, please, sit down.

I'm sorry, señorita. I apologize.

Well, I don't.

And there are a few other little things I'd like to say to you.

Say them to me on the dance floor, then.

Come on. Excuse us, please.

What do you mean by creating such a scene?

"Creating a scene," she says. She stands me up last night.

I call for her tonight. She's not there.

No message, nothing.

I come to the Casa Cugat alone, friendless.

And sit in the bar.

I had nothing but salted peanuts!

I wonder, worry. I grieve.

I'm just about to call the morgue...

Oh, Joe.

...when in she comes on the arm of a professional guest.

Jose is not a professional guest.

Wait till the check comes around.

I go to your table. I sit down like a gentleman.

This mallet-wielder insults me.

I try to defend myself, and I'm accused of creating a scene?

-Joe, please. -Doesn't our business,

our friendship mean more to you

than this -- this Romeo from the Amazon?

Joe, I can explain if you'll let me get a word in.

He's not a Romeo. He's --

Oh, really?

The man means absolutely nothing to me.

The reason I came out with him was to keep him away from Betty,

and he knows that.

She's crazy about him.

She probably would follow him right across the border

if I didn't nip this thing in the bud.

Now, do you understand?

Knowing your sister, I'd say maybe.

And you're not going to see him again?

-No. Of course not. -Good. Let's get out of here.

You've got a busy day at the office tomorrow.

Well, Joe, it's early yet, and --

and I can't just walk out.

Take me home, Joe.

Get my things, would you, please?

So this will be the best game of the season.

Excuse me.

-Who's that? -I don't know.

-Don't let it bother you. -Of course not.

Know anything about polo?

Um...Uh, what's his first name?

No, no. It's a game.

Very fast. Played with a mallet and a ball.

Oh, you mean croquet.

No, you dope.

Now, listen and get this straight.

Go out to the Middlebrook Country Club tomorrow

and pick up a polo player named Jose O'Rourke.

Bring him here.

Suppose he don't want to come?

Persuade him.

You know, boss, sometimes I hardly know what you mean.

Hey, Julio, is Jose O'Rourke around?

Oh, no, señor. He is out on the polo field.

He will be back soon, I think.

Well, I'll wait in the --

He's pretty good, ain't he?

Oh, that is nothing, señor.

Come out here. I show you a good trick.

Really?

Hey, Gonzales!

What's he gonna do?

Knock the cigarette out of your mouth with the whip.

Oh! Out of whose mouth?

Oh, do not be afraid, señor. He never misses.

With one flip of the whip,

he will cut the cigarette in half.

Yeah?

I'll make it easier for him. There.

Okay. He do it with half a cigarette.

Well, are you sure he can do this trick?

Oh, sure. He does it with my brother all the time.

Yeah? Well, I'd like to see him do it with your brother first.

Okay. Hey, No Nose!

"No Nose"? I'll see you in the tack room.

Hey, Pancho, where does Jose O'Rourke hang out?

The tack room.

Gee, thanks, Mr. O'Rourke.

You know, that gaucho suit worked for me too.

I got a girl now.

She kind of likes me too.

I hope you don't mind, but do you know who she thinks I am?

-Jose O'Rourke? -That's right.

But how did you know? Gosh. Pardon me.

We're in the midst of a conversation.

Okay, buddy. Let's go.

Let's go where?

Never mind. Just get going.

Here. Don't push me, mac.

-Come on. Get going. -I said don't push me.

Now, I dare you to do it again. I dare you.

Say, you take directions nicely, don't you?

Look, I ain't got all day. Lukie wants to see you.

Lukie? Lukie who?

Lukie Luzette. That's who.

Oh. You -- You mean the fella -- the guy -- the one...

Yeah, all three.

Oh. Oh.

W-What does he want with me?

He don't tell me his business.

He just said bring in Jose O'Rourke,

so I'm bringing you in.

Oh, well, you've got the wrong fella.

I'm not Jose O'Rourke. I'm Jack Spratt.

And I'm Little Bo Peep. Quit stalling, O'Rourke.

-Come on. -No, I wouldn't fool you.

Honest, I wouldn't. I'm not a South American.

Look. No accent.

-Aw! -Now, wait a minute, now.

South Americans are always tall, dark, and handsome.

I'm just a little bitty redhead.

-Oh, no, you don't. -Here. Put me down!

Look. Ask anybody. They'll tell you I'm not Jose.

Jose? Jose, darling?

Hey. There's somebody who knows you.

-Oh, no. -Get her in.

-No. -Tell her to come in.

Oh, there you are, darling.

Guess that means we're engaged.

Aren't you gonna say something?

Oh, I know. You're speechless with joy.

I can see it in your eyes.

Oh, I can hardly wait for the day when I'll be Mrs. Jo--

What's the matter?

Aren't you happy about my being Mrs. Jo--

Darling, you do want me to be Mrs. Jo--

You keep that up, you're gonna have a slap-happy wife.

And I want you to be proud when people point us out and say,

"There go...

the newlyweds -- Mr. and Mrs. Jose O'Rour--"

I'll tell Eve about it tonight.

I'd tell her now,

but she's rehearsing the girls at the pool.

Oh, I forgot.

My engagement ring. I bought it today.

You'll get the bill for it tomorrow.

Well, I have to go now.

La cucaracha.

I think I go with you. Ooh.

Well, come on if you're coming.

Well, something seems to be holding me back.

What's the matter? Is there something on your mind?

Well, not exactly.

Well, then I'll -- I'll see you at the pool.

La Traviata.

Here. Here.

So she's gonna marry you and become Mrs. Jo--

Hey. Get going!

Okay.

Oh. Pardon me, madam.

Hey, did you see a redheaded guy go by here?

-Ug. -Which way did he go?

-Albuquerque. -Albuquerque.

Albuquerque?!

Oh!

Well, kids, what's new?

This is a cute little number.

All right, now, girls. Come on. We're gonna try it again.

Betty, you put the record on

and count it out for them, would you?

-Okay. -Come on, gals!

Get into positions. Line up. Get them started.

I'm gonna work out some new formations

-before we try it in the water. -All right.

Ready? Go.

Backstroke.

Two, three, four, five, six, seven.

Together. Forward.

Two, three, four, five.

Breaststroke.

Go to position four.

Tread water. Right.

Up and down.

Lay back.

Both. Up and down.

Both.

Pat. Eight. One, two, pat.

Two, three, slide up.

Six, seven, eight.

I wonder if Jose has a sister.

Three, four, five, six, seven.

Up. One, two, three. Down.

One, two, three, four.

One, two, three.

And turn.

One, two, three.

And turn.

One, two, three, four --

Oh, no. No. No.

Ooh. Oh, no.

Boss, I got him. I got him locked up in there.

Good work.

I got a big wad riding on Middlebrook.

With this O'Rourke out of the running, I'm a cinch.

Why, you birdbrain. That isn't O'Rourke.

That's some stupid-looking redheaded goon.

Gee, I'm sorry, boss. I'm sorry I made that mistake.

I hate myself.

I'll let him go and pick up the real guy, huh?

Let him go. So he can tip off O'Rourke?

You let him out of your sight until after the game

and I'll cut your throat.

This time I'll send someone with a brain.

Yeah. Somebody with a brain.

That evening, on my way out of the factory,

I stopped to look in on Eve.

An old family custom.

I was surprised to find her still at her drawing board

and a little curious to know what she was working on

so late.

It was a sketch of a new swimsuit.

A very nice suit, except for one thing.

It looked exactly like a polo outfit.

You like it?

Frankly, no.

It's too reminiscent...

...of a certain polo player.

Jose? That's ridiculous.

Oh, ridiculous, is it?

Ever since that polo player rode into your life,

you've been a different girl.

You've missed appointments, neglected your work.

We've built up something together, Eve,

something that's pretty good.

I don't care to see it knocked flat

by a gust of wind from below the border.

Joe, the business means just as much to me as it does to you.

As for Jose O'Rourke, I don't want to ever see him again.

Well, now you're talking.

Maybe he did give me the idea for the suit.

So what? It's new and different.

I thought maybe we could spring it at Middlebrook

when we give our water show --

sort of a tribute to our South American neighbors.

Aw, that's my girl.

What say let's close up shop, hmm?

How about a nice, cozy dinner?

Nothing I'd like better, Joe.

-Pick me up in an hour, huh? -Okay, honey.

And, uh, you forget what I said.

I should know that the kind of a guy who would appeal to Betty

couldn't get to first base with you.

Very pretty.

W-What are you doing here?

Watching you.

I, uh, came to return your gloves.

Thank you very much for the gloves.

Now, wait.

Now, wait. Wait a minute.

When are you going to return the things you took of mine?

I've taken nothing of yours.

Oh, but you have.

My peace of mind, my every thought, my...

Oh, Jose.

Please leave me alone.

I'd appreciate it a great deal

if you'd leave my sister alone too.

Well, are you absolutely opposed to marriage?

Why? Are you thinking of it?

Oh, yes. Very much. All the time.

Well, that's a relief.

I hoped it would be.

I-I suppose I really ought to apologize to you.

Well, it's about time.

Well, Jose, you can hardly blame me

for thinking your intentions weren't entirely honorable.

-Of course not. -After all, I feel

a very deep responsibility to my sister, Betty.

Well, naturally.

But if -- if you have marriage in mind...

Well, I guess if it's all right with Betty,

it's all right with me.

Well, now that you approve of marriage and approve of me,

there is only one thing left to clear up.

What's that?

It isn't Betty I want to marry.

It's you.

Me?

It's been that way from the beginning,

but you wouldn't see.

You wouldn't listen.

Well, Jose, I-I can't listen now.

This is impossible. It's all wrong.

What's wrong about it?

We can't do this to Betty.

It's perfectly all right with Betty.

Well, what about Joe?

It will be all right with Joe too.

He'll find somebody else in the water, make a fortune with her,

and...well, that only leaves you and me.

Oh, no, Jose.

Listen. I love you.

I loved you the moment I saw you.

I will always love you.

Now, look, are you going to get out of there

or will I have to go in after you?

No, no. Don't come in.

I'll come out.

Up to now, my relationship with Eve

had been strictly business.

But I knew I had always been in love with her,

and tonight I decided to do something about it.

As I handed her the flowers, I felt something was wrong.

Flowers. I-I brought you some flowers.

Well, thank you, Joe. They're beautiful.

Well, they won't be if you don't put them in water.

Oh, I'm sorry. I-I wasn't thinking.

I'd say you were thinking... and not about flowers.

What's on your mind, honey? Or would you rather not tell me?

Of course I want to tell you, Joe, but...

Well, I-I j-- I just don't know how.

If it's anything I said tonight, I'm sorry.

-I'm very sorry. -Oh, no. It's nothing like that.

Then what is it?

As if I didn't know.

You sure he's the right guy for you?

That he's sincere and honest and worthy?

Yes, I'm very sure.

You weren't sure an hour ago.

Well, a lot can happen in an hour.

It was like a bolt of lightning. I-I don't know.

I-I guess that's just the way it happens when it's real.

I'm very happy, Joe.

I'd...I'd like you to be happy for me.

When's it gonna be?

Tonight.

He isn't wasting any time, is he?

We're -- We're flying up to Yuma tonight,

and right after the game tomorrow,

we're leaving for South America.

South America?

Well, you don't need me anymore, Joe.

The firm's well established.

It can get along just as well without me.

You're the driving force. I-I just did what you told me.

There are lots of girls coming up now --

smarter ones and prettier too.

Oh, Joe.

I...I just wish it could have been you.

It -- It must be Betty.

You haven't told her yet.

No, and I'm not looking forward to it either.

She hasn't had much luck with men,

and the one man she's crazy about, I take away from her.

Hi, sis. Hi, Joe.

Oh, I have something thrilling to tell you!

I'm so excited, I got to sit down.

Oh, I can't sit down. I'm too excited.

Your sister has something to tell you,

and it may be a shock, so you'd better sit down.

I know! You and Eve are gonna get married!

Well, you're only half right.

Please, Joe. Let me tell her.

Oh, what is it?

Betty, dear, i-it's about Jose. I was all wrong about him and --

Oh, that's wonderful!

I didn't know how I was gonna tell you.

Tell me what, dear?

About me and Jose.

What about you and Jose?

We're gonna be married!

Married?

Yes. I'm so excited I could die.

I-I don't believe it.

I didn't believe it either, but it's true.

Look. A ring and everything.

It's a ring, all right.

Well, when did he give it to you?

A few hours ago, when he proposed.

He's had a busy day.

Well, he wanted to get married right away,

but I was worried about Eve,

because she thought he was a heel.

We all make mistakes.

People aren't always what they seem.

Well, Evie, then you give your consent?

Of course she does.

She wishes you every happiness in the world.

Don't you, Eve?

Of course I do, Betty.

Well, that's wonderful.

Then you two can stand up for me.

I'm afraid we can't.

We have a lot of work at the factory.

Well, don't take it so hard, sis.

I'll still be around.

Hey, Matilda, what's for dinner? I'm starved!

Oh, no, Joe. He wouldn't dare.

-Let me go. -No.

No. This is my job.

I'll take care of it.

-Hello, darling. -Don't you "darling" me.

How dare you show your face around here?

Of all the contemptible, despicable, low --

-Why, Eve, I -- -I ought to slap your face,

but you're not just worth the effort.

Let me in.

Let me in!

I must talk to you --

No use looking at that door, bud.

I'd tackle you before you got halfway.

Oh. Football player, huh?

I suppose like most football players,

you've got a slipped disc.

All I ever got slipped was 200 bucks before each game.

-Oh. -Now, sit down.

Look. Don't get so rough.

After all, I'm only concerned about your back.

A lot of football players have slipped discs and never know it.

You sure you don't have trouble with your back?

-No, I don't have any trouble. -Really? Even right there?

-Ow! -Ah. Just as I thought.

You know, I run across a lot of these cases in my work.

-Yeah? -Mm-hmm.

What do they do?

I'd rather not tell you about it.

It'd only make you worry.

First, it throws you off to one side a few degrees

and then a little more and... a little more, a little more.

And finally you're at an angle where they just cover you up.

What do you mean? I ain't off no degrees.

You're not, huh? Get the chair.

Here. Sit down and face me.

We'll make a little test right here.

Now, look me straight in the eye.

Hey. You sitting up straight?

Sure.

Gee, there does seem to be a difference.

I knew it.

Stand up.

Aw.

You know, you could probably go like this for years

before the final stages.

But then again, it could happen overnight.

-Hey, walk over to me. -Mm-hmm.

What happens in the last stages?

Oh, I'd rather not tell you. It's pretty horrible.

And, well, I want to remember you just as you are.

-Is there any cure? -Yeah. I could help you.

But you haven't been very nice to me.

-Is there any cure?! -Yeah!

I don't like to brag, but my massages have helped hundreds.

-Would you give me a treatment? -Oh, sure. Sure.

Get over on the table there. Just stretch right out.

Now, get up there. Every second counts.

You never know where those slipped discs

might slide to next. Ow!

-There. -Oh!

-How's that feel? Huh? -Oh!

See, this is much quicker.

Besides, you don't want any back talk from me anyhow.

Here. Now we'll put a little pressure pack on here.

-Ow. -How's that? Huh?

- Yeah. - That feel better?

Yeah. Yeah.

- That hurt? - No.

Well, it's better when it stops hurting.

Now, we'll --

-There. -Ohh!

-How does that feel? Huh? -Ohh.

Yeah.

This is in case you walk in your sleep.

Now, final treatment, we'll give you a little...

hot poultice here.

Yes, sir. You should be done in about an hour.

We haven't been able to find out

why Jose O'Rourke isn't in the game today,

but the South Americans certainly miss him.

Well, I'm gonna go and find him.

There is the stroke, and it's over for a score!

That makes the score 2-0 for the North Americans.

Don't you understand what I'm trying to tell you?

He's been kidnapped!

-¿Qué? -Oh!

Jose O'Rourke. He's been kidnapped. Kidnapped!

Pardon me, señor. Did you say "kidnap"?

No, but I'll try it that way.

He's been keed-nopped.

Kidnapped? Hey, Pedro.

Kidnapped?!

Yeah. What did he say? What did he say?

He don't know what it means too.

Oh. Well -- Oh, I'd better call the police.

Hey, have either of you seen Jose O'Rourke

-or do you know where he is? -Sí, señorita.

Jose O'Rourke has been kidnapped, I think.

Kidnapped? You mean he's been abducted?

Abducted?

-Hey, Pedro. -Huh?

Well, what did he say?

He is still working on "kidnapped."

Oh, this is awful!

I'd better go call the police.

Hello. Is this the police department?

Excuse me. I have to report a kidnapping.

Hello. Give me the police department.

This is the police department? Well, look.

My fiancé has been keed-nopped -- I mean napped.

A description? Uh, well, he's about 6-feet-2.

He's got red hair and brown eyes, and he's...

He's here!

Jose, darling! Thank goodness you're safe.

-How'd you get away? -Well, I w--

No time for explanations. Get into your polo suit.

You got to get out there and win the game.

Yeah. Oh.

-Oh -- Oh, no. No. -What's the matter?

Are you ill?

Well, I've been duped.

-Duped? -Yeah.

They filled a needle with dupe, and they duped me.

You mean doped, you dope. Did they hurt you?

Oh, it was terrible.

First, they stick me with a little needle,

then they stick me with a little bigger needle,

and then they stick me with a little bigger, bigger needle.

Oh, and to think you have to go out there and play polo!

Oh, I'm in no condition to ride a horse.

Why?

Where you think they stick the needles?

Mm.

And there it comes out.

It was Bakersfield that hit it out, number 4 for North America.

Now Hernandez is on it, riding.

They're all riding. And there's Nelson.

There goes North America, riding for another score.

That team is really galloping! They're balanced.

They're riding as a team, believe me.

They're going along down the field.

It looks as if they're going to score.

-Uh-oh! Sanchez... -No. No!

-Sit down, son. Sit down. -...injured in the play.

They're carrying Sanchez off the field.

The South Americans certainly need a miracle man today.

But where are they going to get a miracle man?

Where?

-Oh. -What's the matter?

-Are you all right? -The dupe. The dupe.

Well, keep breathing.

Once you stop breathing, that dupe will get you.

Open up your eyes. Now, get up on the horse.

-Where's the horse? -Right in front of you.

Oh. I thought that was you.

Come on, fellas. Give him a hand.

He's been duped. That's South American for doped.

Put your foot in his hand, not the stirrup.

That's better. Yeah.

Now -- No.

-Oh! -Ooh.

Here. I'll show you how to do it.

Oh!

You see?

Now, go in there and win for us.

Okay. Wait a minute!

I'm not supposed to be up here. You're supposed to be!

-Come on. -Huh?

Put your foot in the hand, like that.

-Oh. -Up. Up!

-That's it! -Here. Here.

No, no, no. You're on the wrong horse.

Wait a minute. Put me down.

-Aah! -Ooh!

No.

There must be an easier way to get on one of them things.

Try it like this.

Oh, that's good. And then you...

There. That's good.

Here. Now get in there and win for us.

You're supposed to be up there, not him.

Now, come on. Over.

Here. Wait a minute.

What are you doing?! I...

- Put me down, will you? - Hey!

No, no, no. That's...

Here. That's it.

That's it. Put this foot over.

This foot over.

Hey! Hey! Hey!

Hey! I'm s--

Ouch!

Oh, there you are.

Where did he go now?

Now where's Jose? Oh, there you are.

Look.

Oh, I know. Look.

You put your leg up like he did.

-Like here? -Up here.

Like -- That's right.

-Now, you -- -Ooh!

Where's my foot?

Where's my leg? Where's my leg?

-No, that's not it. -Oh! Oh! Ooh!

Your foot's coming off!

Your foot's coming -- Oh.

Oh, I broke my leg!

-Oh. -Look. This has gone far enough.

Get him on that horse.

Here. Here. Here. Here. Put me down.

Get back around the horse.

That's right. All right. Now, back, boy.

Back. Back.

Now, get in there and win.

No. Wait a minute. I -- Betty, let me explain.

I can't ride. I... Ay-yi-yi!

Hey! You forgot your polo mallet!

That's not a polo pony. That's a jumper.

A jumper?

Whoa, boy! Whoa!

But I don't understand.

Whoa, whoa. Whoa. Here. Here.

Whoa! Ooh!

Oh. Oh.

Oh. Oh.

Oh. Oh! Whoa!

Oh! W-- Whoa!

Whoa. Whoa. Whoa! Whoa!

Here's a player riding onto the field.

Look out!

What a spectacular entrance!

We can't see who it is from here.

It's number 3. Yes, it is!

It's Jose O'Rourke!

O'Rourke? I don't get it.

How can you be there and here at the same time?

Split personality.

-Shut him up, Max. -No, you don't, Lukie.

Patrón! Patrón!

Well, patrón, a redheaded fellow --

Yes. Never mind. Señor, how can I get to the polo field?

-Grab the squad car outside. -Gracias! Come on, Julio.

Well, Lukie, kidnapping isn't a very pleasant rap.

You won't need a television where you're going.

There's plenty of excitement

in the game now with O'Rourke in.

Anything's liable to happen. He's the spark plug of his team.

O'Rourke's been hit. He seems to be dazed.

He's lost control of his mount

and bumping into all the players.

There's the ball right at the goalpost!

Both teams are riding after it.

O'Rourke's got it, and he scores with his cap,

making the first score for the South Americans!

Oh, you were just wonderful in the game!

Now, come on. Only two more minutes to play.

-Okay. Ready for the next horse. -Oh, no.

Ooh!

Oh! Whoa!

Here! Whoa!

The teams are in midfield.

O'Rourke is late for lineup again.

And there goes the ball.

Fordman misses, and Hernandez rides over the ball.

He's offside.

Nelson comes through. The ball is rolling along.

And a beautiful play by Jose O'Rourke!

He rode Nelson right off the ball,

enabling Gonzales, his teammate,

to go through to make the score for South America!

That ties up --

There's very little time left for play in this last chukker.

You can expect some real action now.

Nobody's giving an inch.

There goes the ball down the field, and there goes O'Rourke

galloping down the sideboard after it.

Hey! Stop!

That's my popcorn!

Hey!

There's a scramble for the ball.

Looks like O'Rourke has found it.

He's broken his mallet.

But nothing is going to stop Jose O'Rourke today.

There he goes down the field, both teams chasing him.

Another beautiful shot! They'll never catch him now.

The ball is in the clear now.

And there he goes again!

It's over for the South Americans!

Before I present this trophy

to the victorious South American team,

I would like to say that in all my experience,

I've never seen such, uh, spectacular polo.

And now I take great pleasure in presenting this trophy

to the captain of the South American team, Jose O'Rourke.

Muchas gracias, señor.

Muchas gracias.

I am proud to accept this beautiful cup

-on behalf of my teammates. -Wait a minute!

This cup belongs to Jose O'Rourke!

Señorita, I am Jose O'Rourke.

-You? -Yes.

What some people won't do to get a cup.

Jose, tell this impostor who you are.

I'm Jack Spratt.

You see, he's the real Jack Spr--

What is a Jack Spratt?

Betty, I hope you won't hate me, but I'm the real impostor.

I'm not a polo player. I'm not even a South American.

I'm -- Well, I'm just a masseur.

Why...you're wonderful!

And I don't care if you are a masseur.

I like the French as well as the South Americans.

And I'd be proud to change my name from Barrett to Spratt.

-Did you say Barrett? -Yeah.

-Do you have sister? -Sure. Eve.

Wait a minute!

I-I just don't believe it.

I don't know whether to kiss you or kill you.

Well, kiss me.

And I got two extra tickets on the plane.

We can make it a double wedding.

Oh, that's wonderful! But where's Jose?

He's probably on a boat for South America by now.

- Oh, Betty. - Eve! Eve!

Oh, come on! Get ready!

-You're on! -Joe, I can't.

-You don't understand. -Let her get dressed.

I understand everything. Will you get ready?

-Señor! -What happened?

She fell for it.

She thinks you're on your way to South America by now.

- Good! Good. - Joe? Joe?

Hey, you kids, beat it.

Jose, hide in that cabana right there.

I'll see what she wants.

Oh, come on, Eve.

The ballet goes on in a few minutes.

Joe, you've got to hold it up for me.

I've got to find Jose and explain.

I-I can't let him go away feeling that --

Now, look, Eve. There are several hundred people...

-Joe, please! Don't -- -...waiting to see you swim.

They're waiting to see a ballet...

-I don't care. -...because we invited them.

-I'm not gonna do it. -Now, will you forget about

Jose O'Rourke and Eve Barrett for a minute and think of me?

Just this once, think of me?

Oh, I-I'm sorry, Joe. I'm terribly sorry.

I-I didn't mean to be so selfish.

I'll be ready in a minute.

Jose.

-Yes? -It's all set.

Oh, gracias, amigo. Muchas gracias.

Well, I guess this is what you call a happy ending, huh?

After all, I got the girl I wanted

and she got the man she wanted,

and you... well, you got the business.

Yeah. Yeah, I sure did, didn't I?

- Hello. - W--

Well, fancy meeting you here.

But, Jose! Where did you come from?

South America.

But...why --

Ah, ah, ah. Shall we dance?

Well, that's the story of a guy, a girl, and a bathing suit.

Happy ending too.

South America, take it away.