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1
00:01:15,009 --> 00:01:17,978
Oh, let's see.
2
00:01:18,145 --> 00:01:21,882
"Farmer Brown has 50 potatoes
and six children.
3
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If half of the potatoes are to be divided...
4
00:01:24,552 --> 00:01:26,487
...Among one-third of the children...
5
00:01:26,687 --> 00:01:31,525
...How many potatoes do each
of the remaining children get?"
6
00:01:31,725 --> 00:01:34,028
Oh, God.
7
00:01:35,162 --> 00:01:36,931
I know. I know.
8
00:01:37,097 --> 00:01:41,469
Short skirt for math, Monday.
9
00:01:45,239 --> 00:01:49,477
- How'd it go?
- He's still constipated.
10
00:01:51,278 --> 00:01:54,815
If he was any tighter,
you can wear him to the prom.
11
00:01:55,883 --> 00:02:00,087
You mean to tell me he didn't react
at all to the picture of you naked?
12
00:02:00,321 --> 00:02:04,225
Because just the thought of it
would work for me.
13
00:02:04,425 --> 00:02:06,427
Well, I guess we have
to give him his pill.
14
00:02:06,627 --> 00:02:09,230
He'll spit it out if we don't
wrap it in something good.
15
00:02:09,430 --> 00:02:11,999
Well, let's see what we've got.
16
00:02:16,937 --> 00:02:20,341
How about this thing
in the tinfoil that's moving?
17
00:02:20,908 --> 00:02:24,345
No! Mom said never to touch that.
18
00:02:25,112 --> 00:02:27,047
I know.
19
00:02:27,214 --> 00:02:29,650
How about this piece of cheese?
20
00:02:29,850 --> 00:02:33,053
The mouse wouldn't eat it,
but maybe Buck will.
21
00:02:33,220 --> 00:02:37,024
Well, it can't be all that old.
It's still green.
22
00:02:42,897 --> 00:02:44,999
Here, Buck. Come on, boy.
23
00:02:45,165 --> 00:02:47,801
Yummy, fuzzy cheese.
24
00:02:51,105 --> 00:02:54,208
Hey, I love waking up after
your mother's already up and out...
25
00:02:54,408 --> 00:02:59,647
...The scent of her perfume in the air,
50 bucks missing from my wallet.
26
00:02:59,813 --> 00:03:01,315
Just like I was single.
27
00:03:01,515 --> 00:03:04,451
- Hey, breakfast cheese.
- No!
28
00:03:08,756 --> 00:03:10,357
That's not bad.
29
00:03:10,558 --> 00:03:14,194
You know, I have a feeling it's
gonna be a big day for Daddy today.
30
00:03:16,463 --> 00:03:19,033
The biggest, Dad.
31
00:03:19,433 --> 00:03:21,735
Humongous.
32
00:03:23,637 --> 00:03:24,972
Who could that be?
33
00:03:25,139 --> 00:03:28,042
Well, since Mom and Kelly's boyfriends
have their own keys...
34
00:03:28,208 --> 00:03:30,044
...It's probably the mailman.
35
00:03:30,811 --> 00:03:32,546
Bundy, I just want you to know...
36
00:03:32,746 --> 00:03:36,216
...I'm retiring after 20 years
of faithful service--
37
00:03:41,755 --> 00:03:44,992
Well, let's see. Bill. Bill.
38
00:03:45,159 --> 00:03:47,661
Hello! My tax refund!
39
00:03:47,861 --> 00:03:49,830
Yes!
40
00:03:50,097 --> 00:03:51,932
I told you it's gonna be a big day.
41
00:03:52,099 --> 00:03:54,535
My stomach's getting warm.
42
00:03:55,536 --> 00:03:57,204
Maybe that cheese will settle it.
43
00:03:59,173 --> 00:04:00,674
By God, I love you.
44
00:04:00,841 --> 00:04:03,911
- Thanks, Daddy.
- Not you. Go away.
45
00:04:04,078 --> 00:04:07,514
Kelly, I'm sorry.
No, come back here. Come back here.
46
00:04:11,018 --> 00:04:13,187
Now you go away.
47
00:04:13,487 --> 00:04:15,255
Oh, let's see how much I got.
48
00:04:15,456 --> 00:04:18,459
Oh, man. I'm gonna be...
49
00:04:19,994 --> 00:04:22,229
Audited?
50
00:04:23,664 --> 00:04:25,232
Peg, I'm gonna be audited!
51
00:04:25,866 --> 00:04:27,234
Very nice.
52
00:04:27,401 --> 00:04:29,703
I just spent three hours
in a beauty parlor...
53
00:04:29,903 --> 00:04:32,773
...And all you can say is,
"I'm being audited."
54
00:04:32,973 --> 00:04:34,475
Why do I bother?
55
00:04:35,042 --> 00:04:36,677
What's "audited"?
56
00:04:36,844 --> 00:04:39,246
Basically, it's when
they take everything you own...
57
00:04:39,446 --> 00:04:41,148
...And throw you in jail.
58
00:04:41,315 --> 00:04:43,217
But just Dad, right?
59
00:04:44,251 --> 00:04:47,788
- Yeah.
- Then to hell with it.
60
00:04:48,122 --> 00:04:51,859
Peg, get our tax records, because I'm
suing the moron that bungled our taxes.
61
00:04:53,227 --> 00:04:56,130
Well, gee, that would be me.
62
00:04:56,296 --> 00:04:59,099
Oh, now, don't get that look on your face.
63
00:04:59,266 --> 00:05:01,268
It's a good thing I did the taxes.
64
00:05:01,435 --> 00:05:02,970
You see, I had this idea.
65
00:05:03,170 --> 00:05:06,540
If claiming two children as dependents
gets you $200...
66
00:05:06,740 --> 00:05:10,644
...Imagine what 23 kids would be worth.
67
00:05:12,546 --> 00:05:15,449
The gas chamber?
68
00:05:15,616 --> 00:05:18,485
- Dibs on his car.
- I want it! I always said I could have it.
69
00:05:18,652 --> 00:05:20,654
- No, it's mine.
- Kids, don't fight.
70
00:05:20,821 --> 00:05:23,724
There'll be cars for both of you.
Mommy's is up for grabs...
71
00:05:23,891 --> 00:05:26,960
...Because Mommy
will be up the river with me.
72
00:05:27,161 --> 00:05:30,664
See, it was a joint return.
73
00:05:30,864 --> 00:05:32,666
Think they'll be gone by Valentine's Day?
74
00:05:32,833 --> 00:05:35,369
I don't know about you, Kel,
but I'm thinking party.
75
00:05:36,136 --> 00:05:40,040
Imagine both Mom and Dad in jail.
We'll be the coolest kids in school.
76
00:05:40,240 --> 00:05:41,842
Yeah.
77
00:05:42,009 --> 00:05:43,811
Now, kids, stop worrying.
78
00:05:44,011 --> 00:05:46,146
Mommy's not going anywhere.
79
00:05:46,413 --> 00:05:48,115
And why is that, Peg?
80
00:05:48,282 --> 00:05:50,584
Oh, Al. You don't think
I'd be stupid enough...
81
00:05:50,784 --> 00:05:53,721
...To sign my name to that return too.
82
00:05:53,921 --> 00:05:55,989
This isn't like a parking ticket.
83
00:05:56,156 --> 00:05:59,193
This is what they sent Capone away for.
84
00:05:59,359 --> 00:06:00,728
Oh, but don't worry, honey.
85
00:06:00,961 --> 00:06:04,098
I'm gonna go upstairs right now
and call my Uncle Ephus.
86
00:06:04,264 --> 00:06:07,034
He'll know what to do.
He's a pig farmer.
87
00:06:07,701 --> 00:06:12,072
Hey, Mom? If Dad does go to jail,
can we still have a Valentine's party?
88
00:06:12,406 --> 00:06:16,410
Well, let's get him off to jail first,
and then we'll talk about it.
89
00:06:16,577 --> 00:06:18,812
Well, son, we owe five grand
to the government.
90
00:06:19,046 --> 00:06:22,783
So sometime between now
and ten a.m. on Thursday...
91
00:06:22,983 --> 00:06:25,052
...I've gotta come up with a small fortune.
92
00:06:25,252 --> 00:06:27,988
Well, let's see what we got here.
"Free money for fools."
93
00:06:28,188 --> 00:06:30,224
Nope. Nothing here.
94
00:06:30,424 --> 00:06:33,827
Here's something.
"Store toxic waste at home."
95
00:06:34,795 --> 00:06:38,599
You wouldn't mind growing a second
head for Daddy, would you, son?
96
00:06:39,666 --> 00:06:43,504
I don't know, Dad. Everything in my
closet is sort of built around one head.
97
00:06:43,670 --> 00:06:46,807
Well, we'll just circle this as a "maybe."
98
00:06:48,776 --> 00:06:51,345
"Desperate woman needs human hair for wig.
99
00:06:51,512 --> 00:06:55,883
Will pay any price. Red preferred."
100
00:06:58,385 --> 00:07:00,654
Al, honey, great news.
101
00:07:00,854 --> 00:07:03,924
Ephus wasn't there,
but Aunt Innie said if you get her...
102
00:07:04,124 --> 00:07:07,795
...A blueprint of the courthouse, he'll
pull his half-ton under the window...
103
00:07:07,995 --> 00:07:10,497
...And you're just a manure ride
away from freedom.
104
00:07:15,302 --> 00:07:17,104
What are you two looking at?
105
00:07:17,304 --> 00:07:19,673
Your lovely red hair.
106
00:07:19,907 --> 00:07:21,441
Oh, Al.
107
00:07:21,675 --> 00:07:23,744
You noticed.
108
00:07:23,944 --> 00:07:26,547
I didn't think you cared.
109
00:07:27,314 --> 00:07:29,316
Oh, but I do.
110
00:07:30,918 --> 00:07:32,452
Oh, come on, Buck.
111
00:07:32,619 --> 00:07:34,254
Take your pill.
112
00:07:34,421 --> 00:07:37,324
I put it in this nice bonbon.
113
00:07:49,603 --> 00:07:52,806
Al, you have been in there all morning.
114
00:07:53,540 --> 00:07:58,512
I don't know what it is. I haven't eaten
a thing since that cheese yesterday.
115
00:07:58,879 --> 00:08:00,948
Oh, a bonbon.
116
00:08:07,554 --> 00:08:09,957
Oh, it's nice and crunchy.
117
00:08:10,490 --> 00:08:12,492
Gee, I hope it settles my stomach.
118
00:08:13,460 --> 00:08:16,263
I don't think it'll be in there
long enough.
119
00:08:18,332 --> 00:08:22,436
Oh, Al, are you brushing my hair again?
120
00:08:22,636 --> 00:08:25,706
To some people, you're just a guy
who needs a shower...
121
00:08:25,906 --> 00:08:29,109
...But beneath it all,
you really are romantic.
122
00:08:29,309 --> 00:08:31,445
Yep.
123
00:08:32,112 --> 00:08:34,248
Yep, I am.
124
00:08:35,482 --> 00:08:37,284
Peg, bring your hair over here.
125
00:08:37,484 --> 00:08:39,887
You can come too, dear.
126
00:08:40,087 --> 00:08:41,889
Sit down here.
127
00:08:44,892 --> 00:08:46,994
We're the Privetts, here to see the hair.
128
00:08:47,194 --> 00:08:50,464
Of course.
Step right into our showroom.
129
00:08:50,664 --> 00:08:53,233
Dear, these are our good friends, the...
130
00:08:53,433 --> 00:08:54,668
- Privetts.
- Privetts, yes.
131
00:08:54,835 --> 00:08:58,005
- And this is my lovely wife, the...
- The Peggy.
132
00:08:58,205 --> 00:09:01,541
- Oh, you have lovely hair.
- Why, thank you.
133
00:09:01,742 --> 00:09:03,377
Leo, it's perfect.
134
00:09:03,577 --> 00:09:05,746
Come on, Leo, you touch it too.
135
00:09:07,414 --> 00:09:09,583
- Oh, it's very nice.
- Isn't it, though?
136
00:09:13,487 --> 00:09:16,189
Al, could I speak to you for a minute?
137
00:09:16,390 --> 00:09:18,492
Excuse us for a second.
138
00:09:20,861 --> 00:09:23,063
- What's going on?
- I've gotta pay the IRS...
139
00:09:23,263 --> 00:09:25,999
...So I'm selling the...
The lawn furniture.
140
00:09:26,199 --> 00:09:29,136
- How much you asking?
- Ten thousand.
141
00:09:29,336 --> 00:09:33,407
Al, it cost 40 bucks 15 years ago.
142
00:09:34,675 --> 00:09:36,643
So did you.
143
00:09:37,811 --> 00:09:42,149
You know, 10,000's a little steep,
Bundy, but I might go to 2000.
144
00:09:42,316 --> 00:09:44,718
Two thousand dollars?
145
00:09:45,585 --> 00:09:47,587
You know, it's really worth the money.
146
00:09:47,788 --> 00:09:49,723
Why, you can just sit on it for hours...
147
00:09:49,957 --> 00:09:52,592
...And if you hose it off, it's good as new.
148
00:09:53,894 --> 00:09:56,697
- Five thousand.
- You don't mind us taking it from you?
149
00:09:56,897 --> 00:09:58,932
No!
150
00:09:59,132 --> 00:10:00,867
Why, the dog just lies on it...
151
00:10:01,068 --> 00:10:04,137
...And the birds use it as a bathroom.
152
00:10:05,038 --> 00:10:07,240
You know, I'll be glad to get rid of it.
153
00:10:07,474 --> 00:10:11,078
- We'll be back tomorrow with a check.
- Could you make that cash?
154
00:10:11,278 --> 00:10:14,681
That way, we don't have to
report it to the government.
155
00:10:15,582 --> 00:10:17,484
Five thousand dollars!
156
00:10:17,684 --> 00:10:18,919
Al, we're rich!
157
00:10:19,086 --> 00:10:21,521
Oh, you are the smartest man
in the whole world.
158
00:10:21,688 --> 00:10:24,024
Honey, let's just forget about this audit.
159
00:10:24,224 --> 00:10:27,461
Run from the government and the kids.
Set off across the country...
160
00:10:27,661 --> 00:10:29,262
...And we'll sell lawn furniture.
161
00:10:29,463 --> 00:10:32,666
Oh, God, I love you!
162
00:10:33,266 --> 00:10:35,569
A split end.
163
00:10:37,371 --> 00:10:39,439
Al, what are you doing?
164
00:10:39,873 --> 00:10:44,678
Bud, honey, you'll never guess
what your father just sold for $5000.
165
00:10:44,878 --> 00:10:48,181
Well, sure, I would.
He sold your hair.
166
00:10:48,382 --> 00:10:51,885
No, silly. The lawn furniture.
167
00:10:52,085 --> 00:10:53,820
Right, Al?
168
00:10:54,021 --> 00:10:58,025
Well, we'll just discuss that
when you wake up in the morning.
169
00:10:58,859 --> 00:11:02,729
- Oh, no.
- Oh, yes.
170
00:11:03,230 --> 00:11:04,631
Oh, no.
171
00:11:25,886 --> 00:11:28,622
Oh, Peg.
172
00:11:28,789 --> 00:11:31,491
Come to bed.
173
00:11:33,960 --> 00:11:36,096
I'm not sleepy.
174
00:11:36,396 --> 00:11:37,898
I can wait.
175
00:11:45,138 --> 00:11:47,140
Well...
176
00:11:48,942 --> 00:11:51,378
...I passed math.
177
00:11:53,747 --> 00:11:56,383
French too, and I'm not even taking that.
178
00:11:57,617 --> 00:11:58,852
What are you doing up, Mom?
179
00:11:59,019 --> 00:12:01,288
I'm waiting for your father
to go to sleep.
180
00:12:01,455 --> 00:12:03,690
Kelly, he wants to sell my hair.
181
00:12:03,857 --> 00:12:05,692
What am I gonna do?
182
00:12:05,859 --> 00:12:09,396
Wear a pig nose
and dance in the street for crumbs?
183
00:12:09,563 --> 00:12:13,300
- Just kidding, Mom. Good night.
- Kelly, honey.
184
00:12:13,467 --> 00:12:18,705
When you were a baby, I used to get up
every morning at noon to feed you.
185
00:12:18,872 --> 00:12:21,775
The least you can do
is listen to my problems.
186
00:12:23,810 --> 00:12:26,546
I've got the coffee if you need it.
187
00:12:27,080 --> 00:12:30,650
- Is Al asleep?
- I don't know. Let's see.
188
00:12:41,761 --> 00:12:43,697
Hair tease.
189
00:12:46,666 --> 00:12:47,901
Can you believe him?
190
00:12:48,068 --> 00:12:51,972
With all the hair in his nose, ears
and on his back, and he wants mine.
191
00:12:53,473 --> 00:12:55,709
It's hair envy, is what it is.
192
00:12:55,876 --> 00:12:59,546
It's because they lose theirs
and we don't, and they hate us for it.
193
00:12:59,746 --> 00:13:01,414
They have no respect for our hair.
194
00:13:01,615 --> 00:13:05,819
They only use it to pull us up,
to pull us down.
195
00:13:09,756 --> 00:13:14,628
You know, one day I'm just gonna say,
"Use your own hair to wax that car."
196
00:13:16,796 --> 00:13:17,998
Kelly's right.
197
00:13:18,165 --> 00:13:21,835
She's got the morals of an alley cat,
but she's right.
198
00:13:22,035 --> 00:13:24,371
We give men too much.
199
00:13:24,571 --> 00:13:29,376
We give them our trust,
our love, our support.
200
00:13:29,843 --> 00:13:34,981
We give them $5 to take us to the prom
and not tell anyone they're our cousin.
201
00:13:35,182 --> 00:13:37,384
But they do.
202
00:13:37,584 --> 00:13:40,554
And then you're the laughingstock
of the entire school.
203
00:13:40,720 --> 00:13:45,458
He winds up in the back seat of your
car with some fat slut named Roberta.
204
00:13:45,659 --> 00:13:48,228
And you have to take the bus home!
Some prom, huh?
205
00:13:49,863 --> 00:13:51,665
Anyway...
206
00:13:52,666 --> 00:13:55,869
...I say we women
must draw the line at our hair.
207
00:13:56,069 --> 00:13:57,938
It serves a purpose.
208
00:13:58,104 --> 00:14:00,774
Like when you see a guy
with really great buns...
209
00:14:01,007 --> 00:14:05,111
...It's your hair that says,
"Saddle up, cowboy.
210
00:14:06,112 --> 00:14:09,749
Rope me. Brand me.
Break my spirit."
211
00:14:11,084 --> 00:14:14,588
Oh, yeah, and I'm the alley cat.
212
00:14:15,155 --> 00:14:18,792
Well, there's no reasoning with Al.
If I'm gonna keep my hair...
213
00:14:18,959 --> 00:14:21,861
...I'm just gonna have to
stay awake until that trial.
214
00:14:22,028 --> 00:14:24,864
Then I'll have 20 years of peace.
215
00:14:25,031 --> 00:14:28,101
Don't you worry. We'll stay up
with you. Won't we, Kelly?
216
00:14:28,301 --> 00:14:30,470
Darn right.
217
00:14:30,904 --> 00:14:33,873
Our six eyes will beat as one.
218
00:14:37,277 --> 00:14:39,846
Well, good. We'll sleep in shifts.
219
00:14:40,046 --> 00:14:42,749
Marcie, take the first one.
Kelly, take the second.
220
00:14:42,949 --> 00:14:45,452
- Marcie, you take the third.
- Right.
221
00:14:45,652 --> 00:14:47,754
Just let him try to get past us.
222
00:14:47,921 --> 00:14:51,291
For tonight, we are woman.
223
00:16:06,266 --> 00:16:09,102
Well, I'm all packed for prison.
224
00:16:10,337 --> 00:16:13,206
Have a nice time, Daddy.
225
00:16:13,406 --> 00:16:16,176
Come on, Dad, you've got
two more days till the audit.
226
00:16:16,376 --> 00:16:17,777
Why wait? I'm guilty.
227
00:16:17,977 --> 00:16:20,814
What's my defense?
Your mother's an idiot?
228
00:16:21,014 --> 00:16:24,617
Besides, I deserve to be punished.
I married your mother.
229
00:16:24,818 --> 00:16:28,855
So long, kids. Let me know who wins
this year's Bud Bowl.
230
00:16:29,255 --> 00:16:33,226
Come on. Now, surely
you can make $5000 in two days.
231
00:16:36,162 --> 00:16:40,467
Thanks, son. Your love's gonna make
those 20 years just fly by.
232
00:16:40,667 --> 00:16:43,403
Now, I'm gonna need
some toilet paper, two-ply, white.
233
00:16:43,603 --> 00:16:47,440
A harmonica. And a picture of Mommy
in case escape crosses my mind.
234
00:16:51,244 --> 00:16:54,981
You know, Kel, maybe I should get
Dad something to remind him of me.
235
00:16:55,181 --> 00:17:00,019
Fine. Pack him some Clearasil
and underwear with holes in it.
236
00:17:02,622 --> 00:17:04,457
Hi, Al. What you doing?
237
00:17:05,291 --> 00:17:06,893
I'm headed for prison.
238
00:17:08,094 --> 00:17:10,163
Well, I got a problem.
239
00:17:12,232 --> 00:17:16,302
- You're wondering why I'm not at work.
- I'm looking at 20 years, Steve.
240
00:17:17,771 --> 00:17:21,374
I'll bet you think I was fired,
but I wasn't. I quit.
241
00:17:21,574 --> 00:17:25,478
You wouldn't believe the politics
that goes on backstage at a pet shop.
242
00:17:25,645 --> 00:17:28,515
- They're putting me in with killers.
- I mean, there I am...
243
00:17:28,715 --> 00:17:31,551
...Putting fresh paper under
the macaw-- Which liked me...
244
00:17:31,751 --> 00:17:33,987
...And don't think that wasn't noticed.
245
00:17:34,487 --> 00:17:37,290
--When Zeke decides to make a power play.
246
00:17:38,124 --> 00:17:40,260
He wants birds.
247
00:17:40,460 --> 00:17:43,096
Suddenly, fish isn't good enough for him.
248
00:17:43,296 --> 00:17:45,265
So he breaks bread with the owner.
249
00:17:45,465 --> 00:17:49,102
Next thing I know,
he's got his hands on my bird.
250
00:17:49,769 --> 00:17:52,839
And I'm up to my patootie in guppy poo.
251
00:17:53,039 --> 00:17:58,311
What say I make you a nice
license plate that says, "I'm a bore"?
252
00:17:59,546 --> 00:18:02,215
Would that make you feel better, buddy?
253
00:18:02,415 --> 00:18:04,584
No, it wouldn't, Al.
254
00:18:04,784 --> 00:18:07,020
You know what would make me feel better?
255
00:18:07,220 --> 00:18:11,324
To be the outdoorsman
I was born to be.
256
00:18:11,558 --> 00:18:13,426
Al...
257
00:18:13,626 --> 00:18:16,996
...I wanna be a rodeo clown.
258
00:18:18,998 --> 00:18:21,534
You know, something with the land.
259
00:18:21,701 --> 00:18:23,970
Thing is, how do I tell Marcie?
260
00:18:24,137 --> 00:18:27,040
Well, now, see,
that is a thorny one, Steve.
261
00:18:27,240 --> 00:18:30,844
What say I give that some thought
while I'm making my marriage vows...
262
00:18:31,044 --> 00:18:34,714
...In a prison chapel to a guy named Rock?
263
00:18:37,317 --> 00:18:40,954
Okay, okay, this is something
a man's gotta work out for himself.
264
00:18:41,521 --> 00:18:43,990
I know. I'll call my mom.
265
00:18:44,157 --> 00:18:46,292
She always told my Dad what to do...
266
00:18:46,526 --> 00:18:48,194
...Until he killed himself.
267
00:18:49,529 --> 00:18:52,065
Oh, and Al, when you're in prison...
268
00:18:52,232 --> 00:18:55,902
...If you run into James Brown,
you tell him for me...
269
00:18:56,135 --> 00:19:00,206
...There's one white dude out there
who thinks he got a raw deal.
270
00:19:06,379 --> 00:19:09,716
Is there no one who can ease my pain?
271
00:19:09,916 --> 00:19:13,119
Al, honey, great news.
272
00:19:13,319 --> 00:19:16,122
Uncle Toppee called.
He pulled some strings...
273
00:19:16,322 --> 00:19:19,125
...And he got you a cushy gig
in the prison hospital.
274
00:19:19,325 --> 00:19:24,330
You're gonna be a guinea pig
in the experimental medicine ward.
275
00:19:24,497 --> 00:19:27,700
And you thought he didn't like you.
276
00:19:27,901 --> 00:19:31,004
Would you get me cigarettes, kids?
I need lots of cigarettes.
277
00:19:31,237 --> 00:19:33,940
It's for my new boyfriend.
278
00:19:35,875 --> 00:19:38,444
Well, Al, if he only smokes after sex...
279
00:19:38,645 --> 00:19:41,614
...A half a pack'll do you.
280
00:19:42,882 --> 00:19:45,785
That's a good one.
I'm gonna miss you, Peg.
281
00:19:45,985 --> 00:19:49,289
Well, I guess unless you're gonna
cut your hair, I'll be going.
282
00:19:54,994 --> 00:19:58,798
Well, I'll see you, I guess...
283
00:19:58,998 --> 00:20:00,833
...In a decade or two.
284
00:20:01,034 --> 00:20:02,869
- Bye, Dad. See you.
- Bye, Dad.
285
00:20:15,114 --> 00:20:18,151
Very nice. Very nice.
286
00:20:18,351 --> 00:20:20,320
No "Oh, Dad, please don't go"?
287
00:20:20,520 --> 00:20:23,189
No "Oh, Al, yes, I'll cut my hair"?
288
00:20:23,356 --> 00:20:27,260
Not even a "Shane, Shane, come back"?
289
00:20:29,295 --> 00:20:32,065
Honey, no one wants you to go to prison...
290
00:20:32,265 --> 00:20:34,867
...But we're talking about my hair,
for God's sake.
291
00:20:38,304 --> 00:20:40,340
Why is everybody staring at me?
292
00:20:40,573 --> 00:20:43,109
I'm not the only one
in this family with hair.
293
00:20:43,276 --> 00:20:44,777
Bud, what about you?
294
00:20:44,944 --> 00:20:47,180
Yeah, right, I'd be quite the lady-killer...
295
00:20:47,347 --> 00:20:51,284
...As a 15-year-old bald kid with no money.
296
00:20:51,451 --> 00:20:53,252
Yul Bundy.
297
00:20:55,455 --> 00:20:58,925
Well, don't look at me.
I've got finals coming up.
298
00:21:01,361 --> 00:21:02,962
Peg?
299
00:21:03,162 --> 00:21:05,898
I don't wanna cut my hair.
300
00:21:06,265 --> 00:21:09,035
We're talking about prison, Peg.
301
00:21:09,235 --> 00:21:10,637
Prison.
302
00:21:13,539 --> 00:21:15,642
Oh, Leo, it's beautiful.
303
00:21:15,842 --> 00:21:18,678
With this on my head,
I can walk proud again...
304
00:21:18,878 --> 00:21:22,582
...And forget all about
that woodpecker incident.
305
00:21:23,082 --> 00:21:26,085
What a day, huh?
Well, that's 5000.
306
00:21:26,252 --> 00:21:29,255
- Pleasure doing business with you.
- Anytime, Leo.
307
00:21:29,422 --> 00:21:31,991
Listen, how's the wife
fixed for fingernails?
308
00:21:34,193 --> 00:21:36,329
Well, maybe now is not the time.
309
00:21:36,529 --> 00:21:39,532
- Wear it in good health, Marie.
- Thank you.
310
00:21:39,732 --> 00:21:43,302
And if you ever change your mind
about that lawn furniture...
311
00:21:46,706 --> 00:21:49,809
- He's gone.
- We did it.
312
00:21:50,009 --> 00:21:51,411
Five thousand dollars.
313
00:21:51,611 --> 00:21:55,214
Oh, Al, that's more than we'd make
if you had an education.
314
00:21:55,715 --> 00:21:59,218
Pretty good for a guy
stupid enough to marry you, huh?
315
00:21:59,786 --> 00:22:02,989
I'll go pay my taxes,
and then the only prison I'll be in...
316
00:22:03,156 --> 00:22:05,324
...Is the one I created for myself.
317
00:22:05,758 --> 00:22:09,495
Before you go, I think you'd better
walk Buck over by Marcie's roses.
318
00:22:09,696 --> 00:22:12,165
- He's still constipated.
- All right.
319
00:22:12,365 --> 00:22:15,134
He should be eating what I've been eating.
320
00:22:15,768 --> 00:22:17,437
Worthless fleabag.
321
00:22:17,637 --> 00:22:19,806
You think the Privetts
will figure this out?
322
00:22:19,972 --> 00:22:21,941
Well, why should they?
It's real hair.
323
00:22:22,141 --> 00:22:24,177
Come on, boy.
25122
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