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1
00:01:17,611 --> 00:01:21,715
I work in a shoe store,
and still I'm not happy to come home.
2
00:01:24,985 --> 00:01:27,655
Mr. Bundy, wanna buy some
chipmunk cookies?
3
00:01:27,822 --> 00:01:29,457
No. Go away.
4
00:01:31,859 --> 00:01:34,061
You can't tell me you're not hungry.
5
00:01:34,228 --> 00:01:36,864
My daddy says you eat bugs and dirt.
6
00:01:40,167 --> 00:01:44,638
Well, you go home and tell your daddy
you have the mailman's eyes.
7
00:01:46,974 --> 00:01:49,376
It's food.
8
00:01:50,244 --> 00:01:53,614
All right. Give me a box
of these macaroons.
9
00:01:54,248 --> 00:01:57,384
Cash only, deadbeat.
10
00:01:58,886 --> 00:02:01,155
I don't have any cash.
Give me some credit.
11
00:02:01,322 --> 00:02:03,424
Eat a bug.
12
00:02:04,024 --> 00:02:05,693
Wet a bed.
13
00:02:09,230 --> 00:02:10,865
Jeez.
14
00:02:17,705 --> 00:02:18,873
"Dear Al...
15
00:02:19,840 --> 00:02:22,142
...You always complain there's no dinner.
16
00:02:22,309 --> 00:02:24,545
Surprise. I left it on the table for you."
17
00:02:31,051 --> 00:02:34,555
You ate my dinner,
you bag of fleas and ticks.
18
00:02:34,722 --> 00:02:36,056
I'm starving.
19
00:02:47,768 --> 00:02:49,603
Hi, honey.
20
00:02:49,770 --> 00:02:52,139
Al, we had such a great day.
21
00:02:52,306 --> 00:02:54,308
Steve took us all to the zoo.
22
00:02:54,475 --> 00:02:56,710
And, Al, it was the best time to go.
23
00:02:56,877 --> 00:02:58,279
No lines or anything.
24
00:02:58,779 --> 00:03:03,784
Because, you know, during the day,
all the idiots who have jobs can't go.
25
00:03:07,688 --> 00:03:10,824
Dad, you'll never guess what we saw
at the zoo today with Uncle Steve.
26
00:03:11,191 --> 00:03:15,095
A family of vultures
pecking the flesh of the daddy?
27
00:03:15,429 --> 00:03:20,701
No. A big gorilla, big as you,
scratching himself.
28
00:03:21,135 --> 00:03:24,705
Yeah, and he had one hand
where his pants would be.
29
00:03:24,872 --> 00:03:28,375
And in his other hand--
You know how you hold your beer?
30
00:03:28,542 --> 00:03:32,146
Well, he was holding something.
31
00:03:32,313 --> 00:03:34,448
I think it was doody.
32
00:03:38,285 --> 00:03:41,655
Where were you around 3:00 today?
33
00:03:42,690 --> 00:03:45,159
You know, my favorite part
was the penguin cage.
34
00:03:45,326 --> 00:03:46,727
It really makes you think.
35
00:03:46,894 --> 00:03:49,897
There, but for the flippers, go I.
36
00:03:55,502 --> 00:03:58,272
Well, the flippers and a breakaway bra.
37
00:04:00,507 --> 00:04:02,209
You know, you should be nice to me.
38
00:04:02,376 --> 00:04:04,278
If I hadn't told the guard
that you were with us...
39
00:04:04,445 --> 00:04:09,116
...You'd be riding a unicycle
and clapping for fish right about now.
40
00:04:11,251 --> 00:04:13,087
Oh, my God, I'll bet that's Marcie.
41
00:04:13,253 --> 00:04:15,723
I was supposed to be out
looking for a job today.
42
00:04:15,889 --> 00:04:20,961
If she smells fun on me,
I'm a dead man. Stall her.
43
00:04:23,564 --> 00:04:25,299
Pretty pathetic, huh?
44
00:04:25,466 --> 00:04:28,936
You know, I don't think Steve
has what it takes not to work.
45
00:04:29,103 --> 00:04:30,904
He almost seems ashamed of it.
46
00:04:31,071 --> 00:04:34,541
I'll tell you what, if I ever get like that,
shoot me.
47
00:04:35,075 --> 00:04:37,311
In case I'm not here when that happens...
48
00:04:37,478 --> 00:04:39,747
...Can I just wing you now?
49
00:04:40,948 --> 00:04:45,753
Hi, Marcie. I went to the zoo today
with the kids and nobody else.
50
00:04:45,919 --> 00:04:48,222
- How was your day?
- Superb.
51
00:04:48,389 --> 00:04:50,424
Since I got demoted to drive-up teller...
52
00:04:50,591 --> 00:04:54,228
...Everything is just so much more exciting.
53
00:04:54,395 --> 00:04:58,332
It's a people job.
They drive up to my window...
54
00:04:58,499 --> 00:05:03,404
...Order a cheeseburger,
spit at me and drive away.
55
00:05:04,071 --> 00:05:05,639
But they're not all like that.
56
00:05:05,806 --> 00:05:08,108
Some of them actually try
to pull my hand through the chute...
57
00:05:08,275 --> 00:05:10,511
...Before they spit at me and drive away.
58
00:05:10,978 --> 00:05:15,015
So between that and the cheery,
"Hurry up, you stupid moo-cow"...
59
00:05:15,649 --> 00:05:19,086
...The 50-hour workweek
just seems to zoom by.
60
00:05:19,653 --> 00:05:20,954
Don't let them bother you, Marcie.
61
00:05:21,121 --> 00:05:26,126
Ignore them, chew your cud
and hold your horns up high.
62
00:05:31,999 --> 00:05:34,902
Excuse me,
but did a pig just burp in here?
63
00:05:37,237 --> 00:05:40,841
Well, here I am feeling sorry for myself
when my poor Steve...
64
00:05:41,008 --> 00:05:43,811
...Has been out looking for work
all day long.
65
00:05:43,977 --> 00:05:49,216
He must exhausted. You know, he
comes home even more tired than I am.
66
00:05:51,585 --> 00:05:53,787
Have you seen him?
67
00:05:53,954 --> 00:05:56,690
- Well, he was nowhere near the zoo.
- Don't look at me.
68
00:05:56,857 --> 00:05:59,660
I'm blind from hunger.
69
00:06:00,694 --> 00:06:02,930
Boy, what a day.
70
00:06:03,097 --> 00:06:05,099
Oh, Marcie.
71
00:06:05,265 --> 00:06:08,335
I didn't expect to see you here.
72
00:06:08,502 --> 00:06:13,006
Oh, damn. I wish I could've been home
in time to cook you dinner.
73
00:06:13,173 --> 00:06:15,676
I'm such a failure.
74
00:06:15,843 --> 00:06:18,579
No, honey, it's okay.
75
00:06:18,746 --> 00:06:20,914
Did you find anything today, angel heart?
76
00:06:21,081 --> 00:06:25,753
No. Not from lack of trying.
I've heard it all:
77
00:06:25,919 --> 00:06:28,589
Too old, too young, too handsome.
78
00:06:29,089 --> 00:06:33,494
Put your feet up, folks.
Getting pretty deep in here.
79
00:06:35,496 --> 00:06:38,799
Well, you come on home, Steve.
I'll rub your feet for you.
80
00:06:38,966 --> 00:06:41,168
They must be tired from walking all day.
81
00:06:41,335 --> 00:06:45,539
But, dear, you work so hard.
But okay.
82
00:06:45,773 --> 00:06:49,643
Hey, Mr. Rhoades, before you go,
I have a zoo question for you.
83
00:06:49,810 --> 00:06:52,913
When you were riding the little train
around Bear Land today...
84
00:06:53,080 --> 00:06:55,783
...Were there any real-live teddy bears,
like Bud said?
85
00:06:55,949 --> 00:06:58,819
Or do they live someplace else,
like I think?
86
00:07:04,525 --> 00:07:06,860
Marcie, I can't go on
keeping secrets from you.
87
00:07:07,027 --> 00:07:10,230
I was at the zoo today,
and I really didn't look for anything.
88
00:07:10,397 --> 00:07:13,700
Well, good, Steve.
Tonight, when we're in bed together...
89
00:07:13,867 --> 00:07:16,036
...Don't look for anything there, either.
90
00:07:18,539 --> 00:07:22,109
Well, then I guess
you won't take this well, either.
91
00:07:22,276 --> 00:07:24,344
I've been thinking.
92
00:07:24,511 --> 00:07:27,714
I don't really want to work.
93
00:07:27,881 --> 00:07:31,251
It's boring. I'm having fun not working.
Peggy says--
94
00:07:31,418 --> 00:07:34,755
Well, Marcie says you're working,
leech-man.
95
00:07:37,057 --> 00:07:40,794
Now, on the slim chance
you weren't gonna do squat today...
96
00:07:40,961 --> 00:07:43,897
...Which you didn't,
I called your former boss...
97
00:07:44,064 --> 00:07:48,202
...On my lunch, six minutes,
and he agreed to see you.
98
00:07:48,368 --> 00:07:52,072
So if you could put on
a clean suit, brush those teeth...
99
00:07:52,239 --> 00:07:56,009
...And put on some cologne
to cover up that wombat smell...
100
00:07:56,176 --> 00:07:58,178
...He'll see you tomorrow afternoon.
101
00:07:58,345 --> 00:08:02,082
I will meet you there
to make sure you say, "I'll take it"...
102
00:08:02,249 --> 00:08:04,518
...To any menial job that's tossed your way.
103
00:08:05,519 --> 00:08:07,721
Well, I'm afraid tomorrow
doesn't work for me.
104
00:08:07,888 --> 00:08:11,225
I told Peggy and the kids
I'd take them to the aquarium.
105
00:08:11,391 --> 00:08:15,562
Well, dear, I'm afraid you'll be rather
uncomfortable at the aquarium...
106
00:08:15,729 --> 00:08:19,766
...With my foot lodged where mommy
used to put the thermometer.
107
00:08:22,202 --> 00:08:24,271
Peg, seeing Marcie take charge like that...
108
00:08:24,438 --> 00:08:27,941
...Reminds me of what a real man
should be. So I'm putting my foot down.
109
00:08:28,108 --> 00:08:30,477
Tomorrow, when I come home,
I want my slippers...
110
00:08:30,644 --> 00:08:32,579
...I want my paper, before Buck.
111
00:08:32,746 --> 00:08:35,949
I want my dinner, again, before Buck.
112
00:08:36,116 --> 00:08:39,353
I am the Marcie of this house.
I have spoken.
113
00:08:39,519 --> 00:08:42,155
So it is written.
So it shall be done.
114
00:08:45,225 --> 00:08:49,329
"Place cheese critters in water
and watch them grow."
115
00:08:52,366 --> 00:08:54,668
"Keep out of reach of children."
116
00:09:03,443 --> 00:09:06,179
Hi, honey.
You should've been with us today.
117
00:09:06,346 --> 00:09:09,883
- We had a great time.
- Yeah, we fed a shark a hamburger...
118
00:09:10,050 --> 00:09:13,587
...And then they gave a french fry
to this guppy, and he exploded.
119
00:09:13,754 --> 00:09:16,523
And they had those
great hot dogs that you like so much.
120
00:09:16,690 --> 00:09:21,228
Mom put one on each side of her mouth
and pretended like she was a walrus.
121
00:09:22,362 --> 00:09:25,532
Does anyone care
that I haven't eaten in days?
122
00:09:25,766 --> 00:09:28,869
- Not too much.
- Not really. No.
123
00:09:29,770 --> 00:09:31,872
You look a little down, Steve.
124
00:09:32,039 --> 00:09:36,343
What's wrong? The choo-choo
through Toyland shut down?
125
00:09:36,510 --> 00:09:41,915
- Worse than that, Al. It's Bosco.
- You have some Bosco?
126
00:09:42,082 --> 00:09:45,352
Well, let me spit in a glass,
and we'll mix it up.
127
00:09:45,519 --> 00:09:50,157
No. I mean, Bosco, the rare Caribbean
pygmy sea turtle at the aquarium.
128
00:09:52,659 --> 00:09:54,528
He looked really despondent today.
129
00:09:54,695 --> 00:09:57,698
Was he selling shoes to the other turtles?
130
00:09:59,232 --> 00:10:02,903
No. They have him in an itty-bitty tank.
131
00:10:03,070 --> 00:10:04,671
He must weigh 200 pounds.
132
00:10:04,838 --> 00:10:08,942
He's as out of place in that tank
as you would be in a library.
133
00:10:09,109 --> 00:10:12,879
Like a trouper, he kept his beak up.
But I could tell...
134
00:10:13,046 --> 00:10:15,582
...He was just a shell of a turtle.
135
00:10:16,083 --> 00:10:17,751
You should've seen them, Al.
136
00:10:17,918 --> 00:10:20,821
Both of their little noses pressed up
against the glass.
137
00:10:20,988 --> 00:10:23,490
You could barely tell them apart.
138
00:10:23,657 --> 00:10:26,026
No, the turtle is the one with the job.
139
00:10:29,730 --> 00:10:34,534
That's right! I was supposed
to meet Marcie at my old bank today.
140
00:10:34,701 --> 00:10:38,972
Oh, man. Mrs. Rhoades
is gonna gut you like a fish.
141
00:10:39,139 --> 00:10:42,042
Hey, I can handle Mrs. Rhoades.
142
00:10:42,209 --> 00:10:45,445
I'll just give her what she's been
begging for all week:
143
00:10:45,612 --> 00:10:48,081
My famous chocolate soufflé.
144
00:10:50,250 --> 00:10:52,052
Yeah, it takes a good two hours...
145
00:10:52,219 --> 00:10:54,755
...But a man's got to do
what a man's got to do.
146
00:10:56,189 --> 00:10:57,724
A drug-crazed gunman...
147
00:10:57,891 --> 00:11:01,094
...Attempted to rob the Leading Bank
of Chicago this afternoon.
148
00:11:01,261 --> 00:11:04,631
His attempt was foiled by a feisty
local woman, Marcie Rhoades...
149
00:11:04,798 --> 00:11:07,100
...Whom he tried to seize as a hostage.
150
00:11:07,267 --> 00:11:10,270
But he picked the wrong woman,
didn't he, Mrs. Rhoades?
151
00:11:12,105 --> 00:11:16,043
Is that gunshot wound
through your hand bothering you?
152
00:11:16,209 --> 00:11:18,111
Not really, Waldo.
153
00:11:18,278 --> 00:11:21,715
What's bothering me
is my husband is a screwup.
154
00:11:25,018 --> 00:11:28,622
You went to the zoo again today,
didn't you, Steve?
155
00:11:31,625 --> 00:11:34,628
That soufflé better be damn fluffy.
156
00:11:39,633 --> 00:11:42,769
Exactly how did you apprehend
the criminal?
157
00:11:42,936 --> 00:11:46,740
Well, when the robber
jammed his gun in my stomach...
158
00:11:46,907 --> 00:11:49,176
...I did what I felt I had to do.
159
00:11:49,342 --> 00:11:51,478
I threw up on the floor.
160
00:11:51,645 --> 00:11:55,782
As he slipped on it,
he knocked himself out.
161
00:11:55,949 --> 00:11:58,618
But the gun went off
and shot me through the hand...
162
00:11:58,785 --> 00:12:00,487
...Horribly wounding me.
163
00:12:00,654 --> 00:12:04,224
But enough about me.
How was your day, Steve?
164
00:12:07,194 --> 00:12:12,132
Well, guess I'll go home,
get my stuff and head for the Y.
165
00:12:12,299 --> 00:12:15,535
Listen, if she comes over here,
you haven't seen me.
166
00:12:15,702 --> 00:12:18,138
Tell her I'm out looking for a job.
She'll buy it.
167
00:12:18,305 --> 00:12:20,841
After all, she's probably
loaded full of painkillers.
168
00:12:21,007 --> 00:12:22,409
Hi.
169
00:12:23,977 --> 00:12:27,047
Hi, Marcie.
I was just out looking for a job.
170
00:12:27,481 --> 00:12:29,216
So, what's up?
171
00:12:29,816 --> 00:12:31,952
- See this hand, Steve?
- Yeah.
172
00:12:32,119 --> 00:12:33,186
See this one?
173
00:12:40,026 --> 00:12:45,899
Gee, this kind of puts the kibosh on
the sailboat trip tomorrow, doesn't it?
174
00:12:53,673 --> 00:12:56,143
Thanks for bringing me here, Al.
175
00:12:56,309 --> 00:12:58,645
I'm sorry you had to see me like that.
176
00:12:58,812 --> 00:13:03,183
I usually pride myself
on being a lady at all times.
177
00:13:03,350 --> 00:13:05,051
Hey, lard butt!
178
00:13:06,453 --> 00:13:09,222
A couple of brewskis over here!
179
00:13:09,389 --> 00:13:15,428
Hey, guys! A toast to the working man,
the last American hero.
180
00:13:15,595 --> 00:13:17,664
- Right, guys?
- Right.
181
00:13:17,831 --> 00:13:19,232
We work to make a living...
182
00:13:19,399 --> 00:13:22,869
- ...And what do we get?
- Squat!
183
00:13:23,036 --> 00:13:26,206
- And what else?
- Nothing!
184
00:13:26,373 --> 00:13:30,343
- Why do we go on?
- We're stupid!
185
00:13:30,510 --> 00:13:34,781
- A toast to the stupid working man.
- To us!
186
00:13:36,850 --> 00:13:39,386
Do you know what really frosts my weenie?
187
00:13:42,389 --> 00:13:45,725
After you marry them,
they don't care how they look.
188
00:13:45,892 --> 00:13:48,261
Don't even shave, right, guys?
189
00:13:48,428 --> 00:13:50,430
- Right.
- Yeah, sure.
190
00:13:51,431 --> 00:13:52,933
Well, I can't complain.
191
00:13:53,099 --> 00:13:56,236
At least I live with one who has a job,
makes me dinner...
192
00:13:56,403 --> 00:13:58,972
...And doesn't mind rubbing my feet
after a hard day.
193
00:13:59,139 --> 00:14:01,942
Yeah, but your mom's getting kind of old.
194
00:14:04,945 --> 00:14:06,813
Besides, moms aren't really women.
195
00:14:06,980 --> 00:14:11,218
I'm talking about the things you marry.
I mean, when you come--
196
00:14:11,885 --> 00:14:14,354
I mean when you come crawling home
after a hard day...
197
00:14:14,521 --> 00:14:16,723
- ...What do they want?
- Loving!
198
00:14:16,890 --> 00:14:19,359
They don't understand
it's just more work for us.
199
00:14:19,526 --> 00:14:22,395
I mean, the last thing a guy wants
to look at...
200
00:14:22,562 --> 00:14:27,000
- ...At the end of a day is a woman.
- Hey, look at that one!
201
00:14:28,301 --> 00:14:31,605
Hey, Al, you know what else ticks me off?
202
00:14:31,771 --> 00:14:35,375
It's the way they change.
I mean, when I first married Steve...
203
00:14:35,542 --> 00:14:38,812
...He was a greedy, materialistic pig.
204
00:14:39,179 --> 00:14:42,182
He'd step on an old lady for a dollar.
205
00:14:42,349 --> 00:14:44,751
God, how he excited me.
206
00:14:45,986 --> 00:14:51,091
Now, he's just another man
with sea horses on his boxer shorts.
207
00:14:51,258 --> 00:14:54,628
Oh, Al, what if Steve never works again?
208
00:14:56,129 --> 00:14:59,766
Lock yourself in the bathroom
and don't have kids.
209
00:14:59,933 --> 00:15:01,901
Hey, guys. Kids!
210
00:15:05,171 --> 00:15:07,007
Case in point:
211
00:15:07,173 --> 00:15:10,210
See that old man in the corner there?
212
00:15:14,681 --> 00:15:16,316
Neil Cockran. Eight kids.
213
00:15:16,483 --> 00:15:18,518
He's 30 years old.
214
00:15:23,089 --> 00:15:25,859
Steve and I talked about having children.
215
00:15:26,026 --> 00:15:27,927
God, can you imagine that life?
216
00:15:28,094 --> 00:15:29,929
You, the only working parent...
217
00:15:30,096 --> 00:15:33,233
...A couple of kids chained to your wallet.
218
00:15:33,400 --> 00:15:37,103
I'd rather have a knife
plunged in my throat.
219
00:15:41,574 --> 00:15:42,776
Sorry.
220
00:15:44,110 --> 00:15:48,415
What's bothering me about Steve
is that, not only are we not talking...
221
00:15:48,581 --> 00:15:51,284
...But this is the first time
in our relationship...
222
00:15:51,451 --> 00:15:55,355
...I've kept secrets from him. I'm
keeping something from him now...
223
00:15:55,522 --> 00:15:58,458
...Even though I know it's wrong.
224
00:15:58,625 --> 00:16:01,828
Oh, Al, maybe you can help me handle this.
225
00:16:07,801 --> 00:16:09,602
Wait a minute here, Marce.
226
00:16:10,670 --> 00:16:13,540
I know you look at me
and just see hunk, but...
227
00:16:16,810 --> 00:16:20,413
You're not the first who tried
to bag the big one, but...
228
00:16:24,084 --> 00:16:26,353
It can never be.
I belong to another.
229
00:16:26,519 --> 00:16:30,490
And more importantly,
I find you physically repulsive.
230
00:16:33,026 --> 00:16:36,162
I don't want you, you shaved ape.
231
00:16:37,564 --> 00:16:41,735
Hey, no need to get personal,
chicken legs.
232
00:16:42,435 --> 00:16:44,270
Anyhow...
233
00:16:44,871 --> 00:16:49,075
...You remember when I sort of
caught that bank robber?
234
00:16:49,242 --> 00:16:54,147
Well, what I didn't tell Steve is that
they sort of gave me a little reward.
235
00:16:54,314 --> 00:16:55,882
How much?
236
00:16:56,049 --> 00:16:58,651
Twenty-five thousand dollars.
237
00:17:02,322 --> 00:17:03,957
Hey, barkeep.
238
00:17:04,124 --> 00:17:08,128
A whiskey for the lady
and a deck of cards for me.
239
00:17:09,829 --> 00:17:13,767
Boy, it's really scary being unconscious.
240
00:17:13,933 --> 00:17:16,403
The things you imagine.
241
00:17:16,569 --> 00:17:20,640
I thought two little leprechauns
and a redheaded giant...
242
00:17:20,807 --> 00:17:23,476
...Were going through my pockets.
243
00:17:30,550 --> 00:17:35,422
Then a woman with a mustache
gave me a big French kiss.
244
00:17:35,588 --> 00:17:39,826
That was Buck. He thought your tongue
was his chew rag.
245
00:17:45,498 --> 00:17:49,636
Well, I can't go through life
getting knocked out.
246
00:17:49,803 --> 00:17:53,206
I guess there's no way around it.
Marcie wants me to get a job...
247
00:17:53,373 --> 00:17:55,074
...I guess I have to get a job.
248
00:17:55,241 --> 00:17:57,210
Oh, forget about Marcie for a minute.
249
00:17:57,377 --> 00:18:01,047
- What do you want to do?
- I want to be a cowboy.
250
00:18:02,649 --> 00:18:08,788
Well, let's just say that all
the cowboy jobs were taken by men.
251
00:18:10,790 --> 00:18:12,358
What's your second choice?
252
00:18:13,593 --> 00:18:15,128
Well...
253
00:18:15,795 --> 00:18:17,964
...I was hoping to do something special...
254
00:18:18,131 --> 00:18:22,702
...Something that's been on my mind
all day. But I don't have the nerve.
255
00:18:28,107 --> 00:18:29,943
Oh, Steve.
256
00:18:30,109 --> 00:18:33,780
I know you look at me
and just see man candy.
257
00:18:38,384 --> 00:18:40,220
But it can never be.
258
00:18:40,386 --> 00:18:42,689
First, I belong to another.
259
00:18:42,856 --> 00:18:44,858
And, second...
260
00:18:47,227 --> 00:18:49,462
You couldn't handle the ride.
261
00:19:01,708 --> 00:19:04,577
I can't even handle the thought.
262
00:19:08,481 --> 00:19:12,819
- Forget it. Who cares what I want?
- Well, I care, Steve.
263
00:19:12,986 --> 00:19:16,623
Look, tomorrow you gotta go out
and get some stinking job...
264
00:19:16,789 --> 00:19:19,192
...You'll be saddled with,
just to please Marcie.
265
00:19:20,460 --> 00:19:22,328
You really don't want me?
266
00:19:23,696 --> 00:19:24,797
Oh, well.
267
00:19:24,964 --> 00:19:27,300
Anyway, before you do,
you owe it to yourself...
268
00:19:27,467 --> 00:19:29,335
...To do something that pleases you.
269
00:19:30,603 --> 00:19:34,140
Peggy, you're right.
And I'm gonna do it.
270
00:19:35,942 --> 00:19:38,211
- Wish me luck.
- Good luck.
271
00:19:41,481 --> 00:19:43,016
He wants me.
272
00:19:49,222 --> 00:19:50,590
Last call.
273
00:19:59,966 --> 00:20:02,502
Come on, Marcie, it's a normal bar bet.
274
00:20:02,669 --> 00:20:04,671
Twenty-five thousand dollars to the one...
275
00:20:04,837 --> 00:20:07,874
...Who can hit the bowl from farthest away.
276
00:20:08,041 --> 00:20:11,411
- Shall we?
- I got five bucks on the broad.
277
00:20:14,180 --> 00:20:16,449
I don't know.
278
00:20:16,616 --> 00:20:19,986
Maybe the smell of this check
will wake Steve up again.
279
00:20:20,720 --> 00:20:23,556
Maybe it will remind him of the good
old days when we used to drive...
280
00:20:23,723 --> 00:20:27,160
...To the poor side of town
and pull up next to some old guy...
281
00:20:27,327 --> 00:20:29,729
...And ask him for change of a thousand.
282
00:20:31,731 --> 00:20:34,634
Oh, the times we had.
283
00:20:34,801 --> 00:20:39,672
I don't know,
maybe I've been too hard on him.
284
00:20:40,239 --> 00:20:42,442
I'm gonna tell Steve about the money.
285
00:20:42,609 --> 00:20:44,510
Hey, look at this.
286
00:20:45,044 --> 00:20:50,516
And to close,
we have a story about a true moron.
287
00:20:50,850 --> 00:20:53,186
Tonight, an unemployed househusband...
288
00:20:53,353 --> 00:20:55,188
...And self-described man of nature...
289
00:20:55,355 --> 00:20:57,857
...Thinking that the last
Caribbean pygmy turtle...
290
00:20:58,024 --> 00:20:59,726
...Born in captivity was unhappy...
291
00:20:59,892 --> 00:21:02,762
...Broke into the zoo aquarium,
stole the turtle...
292
00:21:02,929 --> 00:21:05,231
...And released it into Lake Michigan.
293
00:21:13,706 --> 00:21:16,175
Apparently, this man of nature...
294
00:21:16,342 --> 00:21:19,746
...Didn't know it was a saltwater turtle.
295
00:21:20,213 --> 00:21:24,350
Witnesses report Bosco tried valiantly
to crawl back out of the water...
296
00:21:24,517 --> 00:21:29,055
...Only to be thrown back in
by this deranged, unemployed man...
297
00:21:29,222 --> 00:21:33,059
...Standing on the bank singing "Born Free."
298
00:21:34,460 --> 00:21:36,763
Bosco will be missed.
299
00:21:44,570 --> 00:21:48,441
Bail has been set at $25,000.
300
00:21:48,608 --> 00:21:51,678
Not nearly enough
in this reporter's opinion.
301
00:21:54,681 --> 00:21:58,384
Well, I guess I know what I have to do.
302
00:21:58,818 --> 00:22:02,722
- You gonna go bail him out?
- Let him rot.
303
00:22:03,356 --> 00:22:06,459
I'm gonna buy myself a new Jag.
304
00:22:12,832 --> 00:22:15,802
Hey, Bundy,
you ready to settle up your tab?
305
00:22:15,968 --> 00:22:17,970
Yep, I'm ready.
24890
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