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1
00:01:37,431 --> 00:01:39,366
Good morning, honey.
2
00:01:44,738 --> 00:01:47,208
Gee, you were great last night, Al.
3
00:01:47,374 --> 00:01:49,376
You snored "Vaya con Dios" in your sleep...
4
00:01:49,543 --> 00:01:53,614
...While your nose hairs
swayed romantically to the beat.
5
00:01:53,781 --> 00:01:58,352
You were pretty good yourself. You
sweated your silhouette on the sheets.
6
00:01:59,753 --> 00:02:01,989
Oh, honey, let's do
something special tonight.
7
00:02:02,156 --> 00:02:03,424
You know, like we used to.
8
00:02:03,591 --> 00:02:07,194
You mean, like, I say I don't wanna
get married, and you book the hall?
9
00:02:07,595 --> 00:02:10,397
Actually, I was thinking
we could find someplace romantic...
10
00:02:10,564 --> 00:02:12,666
...And grope each other in the dark.
11
00:02:12,833 --> 00:02:15,769
I don't think I could find anything
in the dark.
12
00:02:16,804 --> 00:02:19,974
None of the important parts
are where they used to be.
13
00:02:20,608 --> 00:02:24,178
Actually, you couldn't find them
in the light, either.
14
00:02:25,913 --> 00:02:28,649
Pillow talk all you want, Peg,
but tonight's bowling night.
15
00:02:28,816 --> 00:02:31,585
I can't be with you.
I'm gonna have fun.
16
00:02:33,020 --> 00:02:34,288
Well, it's just as well.
17
00:02:34,455 --> 00:02:38,659
I'm gonna be pretty tired after
a whole day in the beauty parlor.
18
00:02:38,993 --> 00:02:42,696
I guess we can't put it off any longer.
We've both got a lot to do. Come on.
19
00:02:47,535 --> 00:02:50,671
What do you want for breakfast,
honey? Bacon and eggs?
20
00:02:50,838 --> 00:02:52,740
That'd be great.
21
00:02:53,741 --> 00:02:56,710
Good. While you're at it,
make me some too.
22
00:03:01,916 --> 00:03:04,151
Okay, okay, okay, okay.
How about this:
23
00:03:04,318 --> 00:03:07,555
How much would it take for you
to do the deed of darkness...
24
00:03:07,721 --> 00:03:09,890
...With Garry Shandling?
25
00:03:12,927 --> 00:03:14,161
Ten million.
26
00:03:14,328 --> 00:03:17,031
Twenty if he wants to talk.
27
00:03:18,666 --> 00:03:21,902
How about with Sonya's husband?
28
00:03:24,271 --> 00:03:27,041
We'll be with you in a minute,
Mrs. Rhoades.
29
00:03:29,243 --> 00:03:31,045
I'm kind of nervous about this.
30
00:03:31,478 --> 00:03:34,081
I don't like new people doing my hair.
31
00:03:34,248 --> 00:03:38,285
Why did Mr. Maurice have to
get in that slap fight with Julio?
32
00:03:40,187 --> 00:03:42,756
Don't worry, Marcie.
You'll look great.
33
00:03:42,923 --> 00:03:46,260
They're known for tailoring
each hairdo to the individual.
34
00:03:57,338 --> 00:04:00,307
So when was the last time
you got it, Peggy?
35
00:04:00,474 --> 00:04:03,110
Got it, or got it good?
36
00:04:09,984 --> 00:04:11,619
Bleached.
37
00:04:11,885 --> 00:04:13,954
Siliconed.
38
00:04:14,888 --> 00:04:16,256
Kept.
39
00:04:16,423 --> 00:04:18,225
Happy.
40
00:04:20,527 --> 00:04:22,930
We're ready for you now,
Mrs. Rhoades...
41
00:04:23,130 --> 00:04:25,766
...And we're gonna make you beautiful.
42
00:04:25,966 --> 00:04:29,136
Do you sell insurance,
like at the airport?
43
00:04:31,772 --> 00:04:33,941
What's wrong with our husbands, anyway?
44
00:04:34,108 --> 00:04:36,777
We go out of our way
to look beautiful for them...
45
00:04:36,944 --> 00:04:41,148
...And all we are are things
to strike a match on.
46
00:04:41,782 --> 00:04:43,017
I know.
47
00:04:43,217 --> 00:04:47,655
The only time Al looks at me is
when he wants the cap off his beer.
48
00:04:48,389 --> 00:04:51,925
As if his teeth aren't as good as mine!
49
00:04:55,362 --> 00:04:59,266
If I could get the paperboy to come
up for some hot cocoa just once...
50
00:04:59,433 --> 00:05:02,436
...I'd chuck my husband in a second.
51
00:05:02,870 --> 00:05:04,271
Husbands.
52
00:05:04,571 --> 00:05:06,707
Actually, husbands are wonderful...
53
00:05:06,874 --> 00:05:08,809
...If they're not your own.
54
00:05:11,979 --> 00:05:14,381
They're grateful for
the smallest bit of attention.
55
00:05:14,548 --> 00:05:16,817
They're horny as all get-out.
56
00:05:16,984 --> 00:05:21,588
And the best part of it:
Their spirit's already been broken.
57
00:05:23,257 --> 00:05:26,260
Well, isn't breaking it part of the fun?
58
00:05:26,427 --> 00:05:31,098
Oh, no. The fun is the condos,
the cars and the sex every night.
59
00:05:31,265 --> 00:05:35,969
Oh, believe me, the best things in life
are someone else's.
60
00:05:37,104 --> 00:05:38,672
Well, when do you get to see him?
61
00:05:38,839 --> 00:05:41,709
I mean, how do husbands get out?
62
00:05:42,810 --> 00:05:45,379
Well, they may appear stupid...
63
00:05:45,646 --> 00:05:48,348
...But they usually find an excuse
to get away.
64
00:05:48,515 --> 00:05:49,917
Usually bowling.
65
00:05:52,920 --> 00:05:56,824
That's what my current guy says.
He is married to a real shrew.
66
00:05:56,990 --> 00:06:00,060
She doesn't cook for him.
She doesn't clean for him.
67
00:06:05,499 --> 00:06:08,335
Well, it's so easy to please a man
who has nothing.
68
00:06:08,502 --> 00:06:12,406
Fry him up a burger,
and you get a 24-inch Sony.
69
00:06:14,241 --> 00:06:16,143
Are you ready for your color now, dear?
70
00:06:16,310 --> 00:06:19,146
Oh, sure.
Now, don't let it go red.
71
00:06:19,313 --> 00:06:22,349
He says that color
makes him wanna throw up.
72
00:06:27,421 --> 00:06:31,058
Hey, everybody,
Al's cheating on Peggy!
73
00:06:33,827 --> 00:06:36,663
Oh, Marcie, stop complaining.
74
00:06:36,830 --> 00:06:38,899
I think you look great.
75
00:06:58,085 --> 00:07:02,756
Oh, Marcie, I'm really worried
about Al and this other woman.
76
00:07:02,923 --> 00:07:06,193
Oh, who cares about your petty problems?
77
00:07:06,493 --> 00:07:08,962
I'm a helmet-head!
78
00:07:13,567 --> 00:07:16,003
Look, it's the pope!
79
00:07:20,474 --> 00:07:22,876
Lick a wall socket!
80
00:07:25,145 --> 00:07:26,747
Don't worry. Just do what I said...
81
00:07:26,914 --> 00:07:29,616
...And your girlfriend will never
find out you're cheating.
82
00:07:30,317 --> 00:07:32,186
Trust me. I'm an expert.
83
00:07:32,352 --> 00:07:34,855
All right. I'll see you tonight
under the bleachers.
84
00:07:35,022 --> 00:07:40,327
Oh, and this time, leave your camera
at home. Thanks. Bye.
85
00:07:40,594 --> 00:07:43,030
Kelly, I wanna talk to you
about something.
86
00:07:43,197 --> 00:07:45,132
I'm a good girl, Mommy.
87
00:07:45,432 --> 00:07:47,701
I said no camera.
88
00:07:48,502 --> 00:07:51,104
Oh, I don't care what you do.
This is about me.
89
00:07:51,338 --> 00:07:53,640
Bud, get lost.
90
00:07:56,610 --> 00:07:58,178
Honey, look.
91
00:07:58,378 --> 00:08:00,280
You've obviously been the other woman...
92
00:08:00,447 --> 00:08:03,650
...Ever since you learned to
slit your diapers up the side.
93
00:08:08,755 --> 00:08:12,759
But tell me, how come
their girlfriends never find out?
94
00:08:13,360 --> 00:08:16,163
Well, you know, people throw
the word "hussy" around...
95
00:08:16,330 --> 00:08:20,367
...But they don't understand the
research and preparation involved.
96
00:08:20,868 --> 00:08:25,038
No guy walks away from me without
lessons in the art of cover-up.
97
00:08:25,239 --> 00:08:27,808
And the number of the free clinic.
98
00:08:36,083 --> 00:08:39,019
Go look in the mirror and twitch.
99
00:08:39,786 --> 00:08:41,922
Anyway, the first thing that I teach them...
100
00:08:42,089 --> 00:08:45,325
...Is that a woman can pick up the
scent of another woman on her man.
101
00:08:45,492 --> 00:08:48,428
So, to get rid of it, I have them
rub their hands in the grass.
102
00:08:49,062 --> 00:08:52,266
Does he ask you to move,
or does he just work around you?
103
00:08:55,002 --> 00:08:57,104
Is there no kennel that will take him?
104
00:08:57,271 --> 00:09:00,107
Bud, please. We both know
your sister's not a tramp.
105
00:09:00,274 --> 00:09:01,842
She's just popular.
106
00:09:03,644 --> 00:09:07,114
Okay. Date's over.
Your smell's off him. Now what?
107
00:09:07,981 --> 00:09:09,683
Always make sure they have an excuse.
108
00:09:09,850 --> 00:09:11,151
Somewhere they've been.
109
00:09:11,318 --> 00:09:15,088
The library, their parole officer,
the drunk tank.
110
00:09:15,889 --> 00:09:17,057
Bowling?
111
00:09:17,324 --> 00:09:18,992
Well, that works for older guys.
112
00:09:20,794 --> 00:09:22,996
Your father's out bowling tonight.
113
00:09:23,497 --> 00:09:27,034
Oh, well, I mean--
I meant people older than Daddy.
114
00:09:27,200 --> 00:09:28,902
Are there any?
115
00:09:30,804 --> 00:09:33,440
Hey, Mom. Do you think
Dad's cheating on you?
116
00:09:33,607 --> 00:09:35,542
Oh, of course not.
117
00:09:35,709 --> 00:09:38,645
Good. Because we don't wanna see
you and Dad break up.
118
00:09:38,812 --> 00:09:41,148
We're almost like a family here.
119
00:09:42,316 --> 00:09:44,451
You two should stay together forever.
120
00:09:44,618 --> 00:09:45,819
However...
121
00:09:46,687 --> 00:09:50,057
...If you find that you can't, may I
suggest Mr. Rudnick, the butcher?
122
00:09:50,223 --> 00:09:53,460
He makes a nice living. We'd always
have fresh meat on the table...
123
00:09:53,627 --> 00:09:56,063
...And season tickets to the Cubs.
124
00:09:57,331 --> 00:10:00,634
Can't say I like the sound of Bud Rudnick.
125
00:10:01,168 --> 00:10:03,937
But pound for pound,
he's the better father.
126
00:10:04,104 --> 00:10:05,906
Oh, wait. Not so fast, Bud.
127
00:10:06,073 --> 00:10:08,909
I've been scoping out
Mr. Fletcher, the dry cleaner.
128
00:10:09,076 --> 00:10:12,946
He's got a Porsche,
cable TV and a bad heart.
129
00:10:17,985 --> 00:10:19,519
- Rudnick.
- Fletcher.
130
00:10:19,686 --> 00:10:20,954
- Rudnick!
- Fletcher!
131
00:10:21,121 --> 00:10:22,622
Kids!
132
00:10:22,789 --> 00:10:25,592
Now, your father and I
love each other very much.
133
00:10:25,759 --> 00:10:29,496
And I'm gonna do everything in my
power to make sure we stay together.
134
00:10:29,663 --> 00:10:32,466
Then what'd you get us all excited for?
135
00:10:33,333 --> 00:10:36,136
Is this another one of your cruel jokes?
136
00:10:36,803 --> 00:10:39,439
Yeah, what are we, just playthings
for your amusement?
137
00:10:39,606 --> 00:10:42,075
Oh, that reminds me.
I'm late for my date.
138
00:10:46,213 --> 00:10:47,614
Hi, Kelly.
139
00:10:47,781 --> 00:10:51,184
Hey, what are you throwing
the grass on me for?
140
00:10:55,956 --> 00:10:58,592
Because I don't wanna be a Rudnick.
141
00:10:59,426 --> 00:11:01,094
Hello, Al.
142
00:11:01,261 --> 00:11:02,763
How was...
143
00:11:02,929 --> 00:11:04,197
...Bowling?
144
00:11:05,399 --> 00:11:08,235
Well, Peg, it was...
145
00:11:08,402 --> 00:11:10,037
...Fine.
146
00:11:11,204 --> 00:11:12,706
Good.
147
00:11:23,216 --> 00:11:27,621
Well, Peg, what's next? We go out,
find a fire hydrant, lift our legs?
148
00:11:29,823 --> 00:11:34,061
I just wanted to make sure all
the smells are where they should be.
149
00:11:35,962 --> 00:11:38,165
And they are.
150
00:11:39,933 --> 00:11:42,235
Is that a burger
I smell on your breath?
151
00:11:42,402 --> 00:11:46,173
No, Peg, it's our wedding cake.
That's the last time I ate.
152
00:11:49,042 --> 00:11:50,644
What's going on around here?
153
00:11:50,811 --> 00:11:54,881
I might ask you the same thing,
Mr. 24-Inch-Sony.
154
00:11:55,048 --> 00:11:58,785
Don't call me a TV in my own home.
You're a TV.
155
00:11:59,386 --> 00:12:01,321
Dad, it's for you.
156
00:12:01,488 --> 00:12:03,423
It's some woman.
157
00:12:05,258 --> 00:12:06,626
Hello.
158
00:12:06,793 --> 00:12:08,228
Yeah.
159
00:12:08,762 --> 00:12:12,365
Oh, yeah. I guess I can make it.
Oh, yeah, yeah. Bye.
160
00:12:13,967 --> 00:12:17,137
It was Jim Bauer's wife. He got some
kind of stomach flu or something.
161
00:12:17,304 --> 00:12:20,207
I gotta work for him at the store
the rest of the week.
162
00:12:20,373 --> 00:12:21,641
Anything for supper?
163
00:12:21,842 --> 00:12:24,411
I hate you, Al.
164
00:12:25,679 --> 00:12:27,481
Toaster!
165
00:12:32,486 --> 00:12:36,389
I'll show that woman she's not the
only one who can cook a burger.
166
00:12:40,794 --> 00:12:43,497
So you, like, reverse it?
167
00:12:45,232 --> 00:12:47,567
It's called "flipping it over."
168
00:12:47,734 --> 00:12:49,870
That way, it gets cooked on both sides.
169
00:12:50,871 --> 00:12:54,808
Gee, I wonder if that would work
with pancakes.
170
00:12:56,743 --> 00:12:59,579
Oh, Marcie, I can't believe it.
171
00:12:59,746 --> 00:13:04,284
I've taken the best years of Al's life,
and this is how he thanks me.
172
00:13:04,618 --> 00:13:07,187
Peggy, I really don't think
Al's cheating on you.
173
00:13:07,354 --> 00:13:10,290
I took an impromptu poll
of all the women I know...
174
00:13:10,457 --> 00:13:12,592
...And as far as his desirability...
175
00:13:12,759 --> 00:13:15,896
...Al ranked below Alf.
176
00:13:17,664 --> 00:13:22,569
They'd rather make love to a piece
of cloth with a man's hand in it...
177
00:13:25,872 --> 00:13:27,974
...Than with your husband.
178
00:13:28,642 --> 00:13:30,544
What if he is cheating on me?
179
00:13:30,744 --> 00:13:32,012
Stand by your man...
180
00:13:32,179 --> 00:13:33,947
...In court.
181
00:13:34,247 --> 00:13:37,117
Take him for everything,
and get yourself another man.
182
00:13:37,284 --> 00:13:38,685
A real man.
183
00:13:39,386 --> 00:13:41,121
I don't want a real man.
184
00:13:41,288 --> 00:13:42,923
I want Al.
185
00:13:46,860 --> 00:13:48,595
Why?
186
00:13:49,696 --> 00:13:51,531
Oh, I don't know.
187
00:13:51,698 --> 00:13:54,601
Have you ever had a favorite pair
of old shoes?
188
00:13:54,768 --> 00:13:58,605
They're boring and ugly
and stink to high heaven.
189
00:13:58,772 --> 00:14:00,907
But they're yours, you know?
190
00:14:01,074 --> 00:14:04,611
They're worn down and broken in,
and when you put them on...
191
00:14:04,778 --> 00:14:07,614
...It feels like there's nothing there.
192
00:14:07,781 --> 00:14:10,517
That's my Al.
193
00:14:11,685 --> 00:14:15,155
I've lost my stinking Al.
194
00:14:15,689 --> 00:14:19,226
Not yet. I told you,
I had Steve wear a disguise...
195
00:14:19,392 --> 00:14:21,928
...And follow Al since last night.
196
00:14:22,095 --> 00:14:23,530
He has nothing else to do...
197
00:14:23,697 --> 00:14:26,533
...Because he won't go near me
with this hair.
198
00:14:33,607 --> 00:14:35,709
Hello, Peggy.
199
00:14:36,009 --> 00:14:37,644
Bee-woman.
200
00:14:41,514 --> 00:14:44,117
So, what'd you find out about Al?
201
00:14:44,517 --> 00:14:46,853
I found out that he has
the most pathetic life...
202
00:14:47,053 --> 00:14:49,522
...Of any creature on this planet...
203
00:14:50,523 --> 00:14:52,959
...And has nicer hair than my wife.
204
00:14:56,763 --> 00:14:58,832
Now for my report.
205
00:15:00,533 --> 00:15:04,170
"Subject arrived at work
at seven p.m. last night.
206
00:15:04,337 --> 00:15:06,940
Wept till 7:30.
207
00:15:07,841 --> 00:15:10,043
Then turned on lights.
208
00:15:10,610 --> 00:15:14,180
Inventory till 8:30. Bathroom till ten.
209
00:15:16,750 --> 00:15:20,053
10:07, ate dinner consisting of
packaged condiments...
210
00:15:20,220 --> 00:15:22,555
...He lifted from Barney Dog.
211
00:15:24,624 --> 00:15:28,695
10:31, the mall security guard comes by...
212
00:15:28,862 --> 00:15:31,665
...Clubs me about the head and ears
and takes my watch."
213
00:15:34,267 --> 00:15:38,238
So from here on, I don't know
what time anything happens.
214
00:15:38,471 --> 00:15:40,273
"Went home."
215
00:15:42,575 --> 00:15:46,513
Looked at the sleeping Klingon
that used to be my wife--
216
00:15:47,847 --> 00:15:49,316
Come on, lice-capade.
217
00:15:49,482 --> 00:15:51,451
Is he cheating on me or not?
218
00:15:53,320 --> 00:15:56,022
Absolutely not.
219
00:15:56,189 --> 00:15:59,726
You are a liar.
All you men stick together.
220
00:15:59,893 --> 00:16:01,094
Yeah.
221
00:16:01,261 --> 00:16:03,430
You probably weren't even watching Al.
222
00:16:03,596 --> 00:16:05,699
Where have you been?
223
00:16:07,400 --> 00:16:08,768
You got me.
224
00:16:08,935 --> 00:16:11,838
An old girlfriend, Kathleen Turner,
was in town.
225
00:16:12,005 --> 00:16:14,341
So I rubbed some grime and lice
on my body...
226
00:16:14,507 --> 00:16:16,843
...And we went dumpster hopping.
227
00:16:17,877 --> 00:16:21,414
Well, you hate my hair so much,
you'd really do that, wouldn't you?
228
00:16:21,948 --> 00:16:23,483
Well...
229
00:16:23,650 --> 00:16:25,352
...Yeah.
230
00:16:27,253 --> 00:16:30,690
Well, let's just see Kathleen Turner
make melon balls for you.
231
00:16:31,157 --> 00:16:34,327
I'm sorry. I'm sorry!
232
00:16:36,262 --> 00:16:37,897
Hey, Peg.
233
00:16:38,064 --> 00:16:42,302
I just saw Steve and Marcie.
Boy, Marcie looks ridiculous.
234
00:16:43,236 --> 00:16:45,705
Hi, Al. Honey, look.
Look, look, look.
235
00:16:45,872 --> 00:16:47,607
I-- I made you a hamburger...
236
00:16:47,774 --> 00:16:51,678
...And I even cooked it on both sides.
237
00:16:52,245 --> 00:16:56,116
Well, Peg, I'm not hungry. I filled up
at the store on ketchup and mustard.
238
00:16:56,750 --> 00:16:58,451
Besides, I'm going bowling tonight.
239
00:16:58,685 --> 00:17:01,855
Oh, no, you're not.
I know what you're up to.
240
00:17:02,021 --> 00:17:05,859
You're making the 7-10 split
with some blond floozy.
241
00:17:06,059 --> 00:17:08,294
That's what this is about?
242
00:17:08,461 --> 00:17:10,397
You think I'm cheating on you?
243
00:17:10,563 --> 00:17:12,232
Well, what else am I gonna think?
244
00:17:12,399 --> 00:17:15,869
You go to work, come home.
I'm not blind, you know.
245
00:17:19,339 --> 00:17:20,807
Peg, sit down.
246
00:17:23,176 --> 00:17:24,711
Honey...
247
00:17:24,878 --> 00:17:26,813
...You're an idiot.
248
00:17:29,949 --> 00:17:32,652
You think that just because
I don't tell you I love you...
249
00:17:32,819 --> 00:17:35,388
...I don't wanna spend any time with you...
250
00:17:35,555 --> 00:17:37,590
...And your voice often makes me cringe...
251
00:17:37,757 --> 00:17:40,126
...That I want another woman?
252
00:17:40,393 --> 00:17:42,996
You're the only one for me.
253
00:17:43,163 --> 00:17:45,565
- You really mean that?
- Sure. What do I always say?
254
00:17:45,732 --> 00:17:49,169
"Why go out for milk
when you got a cow at home?"
255
00:17:56,743 --> 00:17:59,579
Oh, honey.
256
00:17:59,746 --> 00:18:02,415
You really do love me.
257
00:18:02,582 --> 00:18:05,485
Let's go upstairs and have sex right now.
258
00:18:05,652 --> 00:18:07,420
Now, honey, you know what I always say:
259
00:18:07,587 --> 00:18:09,189
"No."
260
00:18:10,924 --> 00:18:13,860
Look, Peg. I gotta go upstairs
and wash the feet off my hands.
261
00:18:15,361 --> 00:18:17,797
I know you're cheating on me...
262
00:18:17,964 --> 00:18:20,667
...And I'll find out. Mark my words.
263
00:18:20,834 --> 00:18:23,603
I'll win you back. And when I do...
264
00:18:23,770 --> 00:18:27,740
...You better pack your bags
because you're out of here.
265
00:18:29,175 --> 00:18:32,312
Look at her. Sitting there,
all blond and pretty.
266
00:18:32,479 --> 00:18:35,882
I bet Al takes his socks off for her.
267
00:18:36,483 --> 00:18:40,353
Mine doesn't even take the cigar
out of his mouth.
268
00:18:40,753 --> 00:18:44,390
Mine does.
He rests it on my forehead.
269
00:18:48,027 --> 00:18:50,129
Oh, what could he see in her?
270
00:18:50,296 --> 00:18:53,633
You know how I like it. Even out
the ends, but don't lose any length.
271
00:18:53,800 --> 00:18:56,936
He likes it long.
That's what turns him on.
272
00:18:57,103 --> 00:19:00,006
Oh, does it, Al?
273
00:19:00,273 --> 00:19:04,978
Marcie, could you subtly distract
the hairdresser?
274
00:19:06,012 --> 00:19:08,615
The one who did my hair?
275
00:19:08,781 --> 00:19:10,650
I'll try.
276
00:19:34,874 --> 00:19:37,443
Remember, just the ends.
Leave it long.
277
00:19:38,077 --> 00:19:41,481
Just like he likes it.
278
00:19:43,016 --> 00:19:47,554
So, how many husbands have you stolen?
279
00:19:47,720 --> 00:19:49,088
Ten or 12.
280
00:19:49,255 --> 00:19:50,790
But the year is still young.
281
00:19:50,957 --> 00:19:54,093
And the best part is,
I've never been caught.
282
00:20:00,066 --> 00:20:03,269
I guess you're just
too smart for them, huh?
283
00:20:03,436 --> 00:20:06,105
You know, I've even had sex
in their own beds...
284
00:20:06,272 --> 00:20:08,875
...While their wives were out shopping.
285
00:20:20,887 --> 00:20:22,822
Just keep on reading, honey...
286
00:20:22,989 --> 00:20:26,392
...And I'll get right back,
and we'll get started.
287
00:20:28,294 --> 00:20:31,297
Hi, Al. What brings you here?
288
00:20:31,464 --> 00:20:35,702
Judging by the condition of my
bowling ball, I figured you might be--
289
00:20:36,869 --> 00:20:39,372
I figured you might be in a mood.
290
00:20:39,539 --> 00:20:42,108
Look. What the hell.
I been thinking. We're married.
291
00:20:42,275 --> 00:20:45,178
You deserve a jump every now and then.
292
00:20:46,479 --> 00:20:49,248
So I checked the TV Guide.
There's nothing on Saturday night.
293
00:20:49,415 --> 00:20:54,320
So, what say we make a date between
eight and 8:30 during Mr. Belvedere.
294
00:20:56,489 --> 00:21:00,126
Well, maybe we could go a little longer
if I were wearing this.
295
00:21:00,293 --> 00:21:03,763
What do I care what you're wearing?
I'll just be watching the clock.
296
00:21:05,531 --> 00:21:07,333
Come on.
I want you to meet someone.
297
00:21:07,500 --> 00:21:08,968
Okay.
298
00:21:09,569 --> 00:21:11,137
- Hi.
- Hi.
299
00:21:11,304 --> 00:21:14,240
- Who's this?
- Who's this?
300
00:21:14,907 --> 00:21:17,010
You mean, you're not sleeping with him?
301
00:21:17,977 --> 00:21:20,580
Please. Even I have standards.
302
00:21:24,317 --> 00:21:26,152
So you were really jealous, huh, Peg?
303
00:21:26,319 --> 00:21:28,755
Well, who can blame you?
304
00:21:28,988 --> 00:21:32,392
A stallion like me only comes around
once a year.
305
00:21:33,159 --> 00:21:35,995
Exactly once a year.
306
00:21:37,163 --> 00:21:41,267
Yeah. I guess it was pretty silly of me
thinking you were cheating.
307
00:21:41,968 --> 00:21:44,604
How stupid!
308
00:21:44,871 --> 00:21:47,573
Like someone else would have you.
309
00:21:47,740 --> 00:21:49,575
I feel like such a fool.
310
00:21:49,742 --> 00:21:52,278
I mean, you are a middle-aged
shoe salesman.
311
00:21:52,445 --> 00:21:54,781
Some woman would have to be
pretty darn desperate--
312
00:21:54,947 --> 00:21:58,785
Okay, Peg.
That's enough of an apology now.
313
00:21:58,951 --> 00:22:00,486
Good night.
314
00:22:04,257 --> 00:22:06,993
- Al.
- Leave me alone.
315
00:22:07,860 --> 00:22:08,995
Oh, well.
316
00:22:09,162 --> 00:22:13,599
At least it's nice to know I'm the
only one you're not doing it with.
317
00:22:15,435 --> 00:22:17,570
Good night, honey.
24462
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