Original subtitles

- How you livin'? - What?

- How you livin'? - What?

- How you livin'? - ♪ In living color♪

- ♪ You can do what you wanna do ♪ - ♪ In living color♪

- ♪ Anything you want is up to you ♪ - ♪ In living color♪

- ♪ You for me and me for you ♪ - ♪ In living color♪

- ♪ You can be anything you wanna be ♪ - ♪ In living color♪

- ♪ Let's take a trip and sip on a dream ♪ - ♪ Yeah ♪

- ♪ Glide with the guide on a funky scene ♪ - ♪ All right ♪

♪ Here comes another one of those funky, funny mo'money shows ♪

♪ A cast for laughs and talented roles ♪

♪ And sisters with twisters for you been lookin', listener♪

♪ It seems you don't believe so you can believe what I convince ya ♪

♪ Some booty to your short and thought We'll make it snappy ♪

♪ With jokes and pokes at folks to keep you happy ♪

♪ No need to hold your remote control ♪

♪ Chill This show's got soul ♪

♪ All aboard, all aboard The train never troubles ♪

♪ You'd better snuggle up couple up ♪

- ♪ On the double-dub-double ♪ - ♪ Yeah ♪

♪ It's hard to believe but some of the best things in life are free ♪

♪ So, fellas, grab your girl Tell her that you love her♪

♪ 'Cause that's the way you're livin' when you're livin'in living color♪

♪ Go, go, go, go go, go, go, go ♪

♪ Go, go, go, go, go ♪♪

Anybody moves and you dead!

I say we waste 'em all right now.

[Man Narrating] 237 people...

trapped by international terrorists.

They had no hope. That is, until...

- Eh. - [Narrator]Jackée is passenger 227.

Drop 'em.

All right. You make one move, and I'll blow your head off.

Oh, I like the sound of that.

Oh, look. I broke a nail.

Anybody got a Lee Press-on? Where's Mary?

Who the hell are you?

Oh, I'm Sandra, airline security.

Now, what's a good-looking terrorist like you doing hijacking a plane like this?

Airline security? What is this, some kind of a joke or something?

No, it's your worst nightmare.

But if you play your cards right...

it might be your dream come true, tall, dark and handsome.

Eh, I get off at 8:00.

Look. I have an idea.

I'll keep them covered, you go down and de-fuel the plane...

and then when it's low enough, jump out of the baggage compartment...

run to the control tower and tell them what's going on here.

Then you can come back and save the day.

Are you crazy? You been watching too many Wesley Snipes movies.

- Who? - You know Wes...

Tall, dark and... Never mind.

You just make yourself useful, get somebody a pillow or something.

We have you now, funny, sitcom woman.

- Look what you did. - Now the shoe's on the other foot, Miss Airline Security.

[Phone Buzzes]

Hello? It's the control tower.

Now it's time to meet my demands.

I want $100,000 cash. I want a passports. And l...

Hold on a second, there's another call coming through.

Hello?

- It's for you. - Oh.

Hello? Oh, hey, Mary. It's... Oh.

No, I didn't teach your daughter to do that thing with her tongue.

I think Rose did.

No, I don't think so, but I'll ask him anyway. Bye, Mary.

Now, uh, would you be interested in, uh, having dinner?

I have no time for you, lady.

Oh, how dare you! In that case.

Oh, look over there.

- [Yells] - Eh.

[Narrator] Coming this fall from Fox.

Jackée is passenger 227.

I'm Cathy Williams for Fox News here at the White House.

We're talking with Milt Kellerman, President Clinton's lead economic adviser.

Tell me, Mr. Kellerman, what is the main focus of the committee going to be...

during this next fiscal year?

Well, Cathy. Things aren't going to be as simple as they seem at first.

There are a lot of factors to be taken into account.

Whenever you're going to try to balance the budget, there are several ways to do it.

Now, we're going to have to concentrate on the approaches...

that will best suit the American people without compromising the current financial security.

Tell me, will there be large cuts in Medicaid and Social Security?

Well, now, that's a very complicated question.

Although there will have to be some substantial cuts in government aided programs...

there will also be tax breaks for the elderly in need.

Now, I'm not saying that this is going to be easy.

There are sacrifices that need to be made.

But if we all pull together...

I truly believe we can bring this to a conclusion that's amenable to all parties.

Your critics say that these are the exact same policies that have failed in the past.

How would you respond to that?

Well, now, I've addressed this point over and over again.

The issue is not what has failed in the past...

but what will work in the future.

You know, we want to stop worrying about what is behind us and look ahead.

Last week, the Dow plummeted 80 points.

Are you concerned with the current volatile state of the stock market?

Well, now, what we're seeing is a short-term readjustment.

The stock market is traditionally influenced by world events.

Recent troubles in the Middle East, the decline of the Deutsche Mark...

you're bound to see some temporary instability.

What sort of a timetable are we looking at here?

Well, these things can't be rushed.

You must be patient. Let the current recession run its course.

And then we will be ready to tackle this p-problem with total equanimity.

In closing, Mr. Kellerman, can this plan work? Can this council make a difference?

[Chuckles] Well, let me just say this.

We know that there are people out there who are hurting.

I can stand up here all day and say...

"Things are going to get better."

But see, that's not going to help that man in Trenton, New Jersey...

who just lost his job.

We'll put our best minds to the task and then run it up the flagpole...

and see if it's wearing panties.

Thank you, Mr. Kellerman. We certainly wish you luck with that.

This is Cathy Williams reporting from the White House.

[Male Announcer] Welcome to The Dysfunctional Home Show.

Now here's your host, Grandpa Jack McGee.

Hi. How's it going?

It's good to have you back again.

Guess what. It's my little girl's wedding day.

And I'm gonna show you how you can throw a dysfunctional wedding...

in the privacy of your own home.

[Belches]

'Cause you gotta learn how sometime.

Now, it's customary for the father... [Grunting]

For the father to make peace with the groom.

Hey, Tyrell! Come here, Tyrell!

- Come here, son. Where are you? - Hey, hey, hey, man.

Don't be callin' my name all out loud. I got police looking for me, man.

- Why don't you chill a little? - Hey, cool it, jack.

I know the gang sign.

Listen, son. I just want you to know that I love you.

I think you're a hell of a guy...

and I hope you have lots of luck...

with my beautiful, innocent daughter.

You black bastard, I'll kill you.

- Hey, hey... - I'll kill you! I'll kill him!

I'll kill him!

Oh, you want to fight, yeah?

Y'all wanna fight? Come on, you crazy...

Places, everyone. We're ready to get started.

- Where's the music? - Hey, don't you worry about that, Father.

I got it under control.

And a one, and a two...

♪ Take one down Pass it around ♪

♪ Ninety-eight bottles of beer on the wall ♪♪

Not that one, you tired, old piece of cow!

I know what song to sing, you loser!

♪♪ [Electric Piano]

♪ Here comes the bride ♪

♪ All dressed in white ♪♪

Dressed in white? Who are you tryin' to fool?

[Laughing]

Isn't she a vision of loveliness?

Daddy's precious little Buddha.

This is the happiest day of my entire... [Gags]

Of my entire... [Gags]

[Hacks]

- Get out of here! - The bride and groom have elected to write their own vows.

Oh, yeah.

Uh, Tyrell, I think you're great.

Uh, and I promise to stop chewing loud and making you mad.

And I promise not to sleep with any more of your friends.

Except when you tell me to.

- Tyrell? - Oh, yeah. Uh.

Yo, look. Just don't be pissing me off, all right?

And so, by the power vested in me...

Ow! Ow! My water broke!

She's always breaking something.

By the power vested in me, I now pronounce you man and wife.

You may now deliver the baby.

- Come on, baby, push. I gotta get to the swap meet. - Ow.

[Baby Screaming]

Wait a minute. My baby is white.

What is my baby doing white, huh?

If you'll all join me in the recessional hymn!

- ♪ She'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes ♪ - ♪ When she comes ♪

- ♪ She'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes ♪♪ - ♪ When she comes ♪♪

[Announcer] This has been The Dysfunctional Home Show with Grandpa Jack.

♪♪ [Hip-hop]

♪♪ [Continues]

[Sighs]

Ladies, everything is in order for tonight's performance.

Oh, 10 cities in eight days. Girl, I am tired.

I can't wait to go home.

Yeah, this tour has taken a lot out of me.

I mean, the fans are great and everything, but it can really get crazy out there.

- Thank God we're up here in the penthouse. - I know.

Dawn, why don't you open the window and get a breeze going in here?

- That's a good idea. - I'm hot.

No! Oh, my God! Turn your eyes!

[Screaming]

Mooning us!

I think somebody's got their bare ass up on the window.

Oh, these fans will stop at nothing.

Security! I'm in Room 3727, man.

We got a damn wildebeest up in here.

Will somebody let her in? She could get killed out there.

Hey.

Will you take my hand? Dog, can't you take somebody's hand?

How y'all doing? I'm glad y'all came to the window.

I was drawing a crowd and stuff that was lookin' all up at my stuff.

They probably thought you were Queen Kong.

- Excuse me? - Wait a minute.

- Wanda? - Girl, yes. It's me, in the flush.

- You know this thing? - Excuse me, it's Miss Thing to you.

Not only do I know them, but we all started out together.

'Cause I used to be their "choreogriphany."

You know, when I was gettin' all their dance steps together.

How you doin', girl? You look good.

- Uh, listen, Wombat, Wolverine, whoever you are. - That's what you better do.

Wait a minute. Wanda's not lying.

She really did use to be a part of this group.

See that? You don't even know. See, because...

No, because we started out. You know "Hold on to Your Love"?

See, we started out. I wrote that.

It used to be called " Hold on to your Hot, Sweaty Monkey Love."

But see, y'all been dissin' me, 'cause when y'all was leavin'...

to go to Philly in the bus, I was tryin' to catch up with y'all.

I was in the street. Y'all almost ran over me.

- Wanda, that was you? - That sure enough was.

It was his fault.

He told us that he almost ran over this coyote in a big, blue dress.

He's so crazy. It was the red dress.

- But, Wanda, I thought you went solo. - Yeah, that's right. I did.

I've been singing down at Billy's Barbecue and Check Cashing Place.

No, really. No. My career is really jumping.

I sung the national anthem at Slauson Swap Meet.

Everybody was crowding around, telling me:

♪ Go Wanda, Go Wanda It's your birthday It's your birthday ♪♪

You know, and stuff.

Wanda, if you're doing so well, what you want with us?

Oh, well, I got to get paid. I need some of that Ferrari, Maserati, Porsche money.

- You know what I'm saying? - Wait a minute.

Are you saying you want to sing with us?

I didn't think y'all was gonna ask me that quick.

I was just thinking we could be like the Jacksons. I could be like Michael, you know.

Yeah, more like Bubbles.

Wait a minute. First of all, why you got so many words and all this stuff for me?

- What's wrong with you? - Yo, look. Come on, lady. I don't care who you are.

Wait a minute.

What is wrong with you? You don't be putting your hands on me. You ain't my mama.

Okay, man. But, you know, things kind of got out of hand.

- Who's leaving? - Ow! You are.

- Who's leaving? - Ow! I am!

Then you better get on and get on up out of here.

Mm-mmm, yep. That's Wanda.

I gotta talk to y'all now. I don't mean to be hurtin' nobody's feelings...

but I just had to say, you know, just 'cause y'all living good...

and y'all hair is-is fine and stuff...

and y'all get to eat all good food like "scrimps" and stuff...

and y'all be riding in "Mercredeeses" and B.M.W.'s...

and all that other kind of stuff, that don't mean nothing.

Y'all ain't no better than I am.

'Cause y'all put y'all drawers on one day at a time just like I do.

For real.

Now, wait a minute, Wanda. That is where you're wrong.

You don't put your drawers on one day at a time?

Y'all nasty. That's why they call y'all funky divas.

Now, look, don't you be giving us none of your attitude either.

What you wanna do, light-skin? Let's go.

Okay. I'll knock your lips off.

There they are. There they are.

Come on. Come over here.

- What you wanna do, Cindy? - Uh-huh.

- Ladies, calm down. - She don't know nothing about me.

Now, Wanda, our careers did not come easy, okay?

We worked hard for everything we have.

Right, honey. We paid our dues.

Well, I know y'all didn't get it on y'all good looks...

'cause that's why y'all kicked me out the group, 'cause y'all was mad and stuff...

'cause I was takin' all y'all men.

'Cause I'm something to look at.

Look, we've got our own thing...

you ain't a part of it, and I'm just... I'm sorry.

Hey, look. I ain't tryin' to get all in y'all's stuff.

I'm just sayin', why don't we just sing some songs like we used to up at Oaktown?

You know, Oaktown, like we used to do it.

- Can't we just do it one more time? - [Whispering]

Guys, yeah. Just one song.

Oh, girl, I got my dress on too.

Yeah, that's what I say.

Oh, let's get in position and stuff. Okay, uh.

- Do I have to be over in the back like y'all used to make me do? - No, no, no.

- No, you can stay right there. - Oh, shoot.

I tell you what, uh, I'll start the tune off.

Let me get my tune... Let me get my note.

♪♪ [Vocalizing] [Clears Throat]

♪♪ [Vocalizing]

Oh, my throat is parched. Y'all gonna have to start.

Okay.

♪ Never gonna get it Never gonna get it ♪

♪ Never gonna get it Never gonna get it ♪

♪ Never gonna get it Never gonna get it ♪

- ♪ Never gonna get it ♪ - [Howling]

[Continues]

- Come on. - ♪ Never gonna get it Never gonna get it ♪

- ♪ Never gonna get it ♪ - For real, dawg.

- ♪ Never gonna get it ♪ - Hey.

♪ Never gonna get it Never get it ♪♪

[Howling]

♪ Never gonna get it Never gonna get it ♪♪

We was good, wasn't we? We was good.

We gellin' now. Now let's get warmed up and go to the stage, 'cause it's time.

No, look, Wanda. Wanda, you know, it was really fun singing with you again, but...

[All] We "ret" to go.

But if you ever need anything, and we can do something for you, you just ask us.

- But right now we gotta go rehearse. - Well, what I was sayin'...

Y'all should go do that.

- [Door Closes] - Y'all should go... [Sniffles]

And I was gonna rock somebody's world up in here.

I got to get me some before I leave.

You'd think if they was makin' all that money, they'd have some beer or something up in here.

♪ Never gonna get it, never ♪♪ [Howling]

- ♪♪ [Hip-hop] - Okay, thanks for watching the show.

I want to introduce a couple of people...

royal princesses, my niece, Jaqueline, my niece, Jennifer...

my prince, nephew Jonathan...

my queen, grandmother, Mrs. Mary L. Carter.

And thanks for watching the show. Good night.

♪♪ [Hip-hop]

- ♪♪ [Continues] - [No Audible Dialogue]

♪♪ [Continues]

♪♪ [Continues]

♪♪ [Continues]

♪♪ [Continues]