All language subtitles for Hogans Heroes S02E28

( theme song playing )

12 Tiger tanks, six Panthers...

ten more of the new model--
all in the 70-ton class.

There are four
munitions carriers.

Headquarters will
be glad to get this.

KINCH:
How much longer do
those tanks go on by?

HOGAN:
Eh, you can just about see
the end of the column now.

( crashing )

The vibration's
loosening the beams.

I don't think this
tunnel's going to
hold up much longer.

Okay, Lieutenant,
let's get a move on.

If this tunnel caves in,
you'll be trapped.

Where will I meet
the underground?

They're at the
end of the tunnel.

LeBEAU:
Colonel Hogan!

Roll call, Colonel.
They want us for formation.

HOGAN:
Okay, LeBeau,
be right up.

All right, Lieutenant,
you're on your way to England...

with a complete description
of the Third Panzer Division.

Good luck.
Thank you.

( sighs )

We'd better fall out,
Colonel.

Well, we'll have
to wait for Kinch
to come up.

Boy, Klink is
really steamed up.
All right.

Come on, Kinch,
hurry it up.

( rumbling )

There goes
the tunnel.
What about Bigelow?

He's okay-- he's
past the shaky part.

Come on.

CARTER:
Hey, battle stations.
Here comes Klink.

Colonel Hogan,

I hope you will forgive me
for mentioning it,

but we've been trying
to get your attention.

You have? How?

( blows whistle )

But, Colonel,
with all those tanks going by

and all that noise, how could
we hear one little whistle?

Schultz, they didn't hear
a thing.

What do you think
about that?

The tanks are a
little bit noisy.

Schultz, shut up!

I don't want your opinion,
even when I ask for it!

Now, Hogan, there is
another little matter

I've been meaning
to bring up.

Do you have a moment?

At your beck and call.

Have you noticed how sloppy
your men have been lately?

Sloppy?
What do you
mean, sloppy?

What in the world?!
That's a

terrible
thing to say.

It isn't just
their physical appearance,

but it's the way they keep

the barracks looking
like a pigsty.

Pigsty?
A pigsty?!

Aw, that's
not fair at all.

Looks more like
a stable to me.

It might also
interest you to know

that the Inspector General
was here last week.

Sorry I missed him.

He didn't miss you.

This morning, I received
his rating report

for the entire camp...

"G"-minus.

Is that a passing mark?

That is next to the lowest.

Commandant, you
mean we've worn out
our welcome here?

Fellas, let's pack
and get out, huh?

Ah, ah-ah, ah-ah!

You all find this
very amusing, huh?

Why don't we all
be amused, huh?

( laughing )

( cackles )

Well, so much
for humor.

We've been waiting
for you.

Oh.

Do join us for
the formation...

whenever you
find the time.

Certainly was in a jolly mood.

I never saw Klink
so pleasant.

For him, that was happy.

HOGAN:
Yeah, and the only
time Klink is happy

is when he's got
something rotten going.

That's right--
he acts like
he's got us

where he wants us.
Where is that?

Wherever it is, I don't
like the neighborhood.

Come in, come in.

Colonel?
Yes, Hogan.

Colonel, I couldn't resist
the temptation

to come in and compliment you
on your good sportsmanship.

You fooled me.

I thought for sure you'd
be angry with the bad rating.

Why should I be
angry, Hogan,

when I know that
the next report

from the Inspector
General will be

a perfect rating?

Double "E", double plus.

You're going to bribe
the Inspector?

Oh, don't be
ridiculous, Hogan.

In the German army, you don't
bribe the Inspector General.

I mean, uh, not
on a colonel's pay. Oh, no.

I might say that I have
a secret weapon.

( knocking )
Come in!

Sergeant Reinhold Franks,
reporting for duty

to Commandant Klink
for duty as ordered, sir!

Your, um,
secret weapon?

Uh-huh. My secret weapon.

( whistle blowing )

It took you one minute
and 53 seconds

to fall out
after the whistle.

According to regulations,
for the time is of essence,

to complete formation,
you are allowed 48 seconds.

As punishment,
you will fall out

one hour earlier
tomorrow morning.

( men shouting )

Talking in ranks
is also against the regulations.

For that,
you will fall out

two hours earlier
tomorrow morning.

( prisoners booing )

Does the Commandant have
anything to say

to the men
before the work detail?

Nothing wrong, Sergeant.

Everything is fine.
Just perfect.

Right face!

Double time! Hut!

Eins, zwei, eins,
zwei, eins, zwei,

eins, zwei, eins,
zwei, eins, zwei,

eins, zwei,
eins, zwei,
eins, zwei,

eins, zwei, eins,
zwei, eins, zwei,

eins, zwei
eins, zwei...

That Sergeant
Franks is

a great believer
in regulations.

Yeah. There ought to be
a regulation against him.

Where'd you get
this prize package?

Major Meiling from Stalag
Eight gave him to me.

Yeah, well, the Major's
going to have to

answer for this
at the war crime trials.

I thought it was
very generous of him.

You know, Stalag
Eight has had

the lowest
efficiency rating

of any of the camps.

And ever since they've
had Sergeant Franks,

they've been getting
perfect ratings:

double "E", double plus.

And that's what we're
going to get from now on.

FRANKS:
Eins, zwei, eins, zwei
eins, zwei, eins, zwei,

eins, zwei, eins, zwei,
eins, zwei, eins, zwei,

eins, zwei, eins,
zwei, eins, zwei,

eins, zwei, eins, zwei,
eins, zwei,

eins, zwei, eins, zwei, eins,
zwei, eins, zwei, eins zwei...

Klink, you know,
this is the kind of thing

that gives a prison camp
a bad name.

How'd it go?

That Kraut never heard
of walking.

He had you
running all day?

Oh, no. We stopped to rest
and pull weeds.

I'll never play
the violin again.

You don't play
the violin.

I know, but he
doesn't know that.

Everything is regulations--

according to the book.

We gotta clear out that tunnel,

but you guys aren't
in any shape to work.

What is he running for?

What? What?

Why do you let him do it,
Schultz?

Why do you let him
push you around?

There must be some regulation
that lets him do it.

He knows them all.

But you're both sergeants.

He can't order you around.
You're the same rank.

That's right.

Who's he think he is?

Yeah, who does he think he is?

Tell him off, Schultz.

I will!

Nobody pushes
Sergeant Schultz around! Nobody!

Who does he think he is?

He better not start up with me.

All right, everybody
on his feet!

Up, up, up!

Don't do that.
It is forbidden to rest

on the beds during the day.

This will be reported.

HOGAN:
Do you have to report
everything, Sergeant?

I mean, can't you overlook
something once in a while?

That would be
against the regulations.

( laughs ):
Regulations.

Sergeant Schultz,
I am putting you on report.

Fraternizing
with the prisoners,

uniform not
in regulation order,

and taking an unauthorized break
during duty hours.

Yes, sir!

Raus, heraus!

Double time, hut!

Eins, zwei, eins,
zwei, eins, zwei,

eins, zwei, eins, zwei,
eins, zwei,

eins, zwei, eins,
zwei, eins, zwei,

eins, zwei,
eins, zwei...

Hey, Schultz,
what happened?

Next time, I
tell him off.

Hogan, you've had it too easy.

From now on,
thanks to Sergeant Franks,

all rules and regulations
will be strictly enforced.

Now, we'll show you how things
are run in the German army.

This camp will have
an efficiency rating

that I will not be ashamed of.

( knocking )
Come in.

Colonel Klink, I have
made out a report

on Sergeant Schultz.

Violations of
Article Six,

Article 13,
subsection "G",

and Article 78,
paragraph four.

H-Herr Kommandant,
it is nothing.

I was only...
Nothing?

Rules are here to be kept.
That goes for everyone.

No one is too big
for regulations.

Now, remember that.

I have another
report here, Colonel.

Would you please
initial it

so I can send it
to Headquarters?

Of course, Sergeant Franks.

You know, you're doing
a wonderful...

This report is about me.

Yes, sir. I felt it was my duty
to make it out.

"Commandant's efficiency report
six weeks in..."

This is outrageous.

Colonel, remember,

no one is too big
for regulations.

Sergeant Franks,
I could have
you broken.

Yes, sir, but I will
have to write to
my cousin about it.

What cousin?

The one who works in
Field Marshal Göring's office.

Does the Colonel wish
to contest my report?

According to
the Article 17,

a letter made
out in triplicate

can be forwarded...
No, no, no, no.

I'll have the girls make out
the efficiency report.

I am sorry, sir.

According to regulations,
the reports must be made out

in the commanding officer's
own handwriting.

But that would take weeks.

Sergeant Franks, you strike me
as the kind of guy

that would turn in
your own father.

Colonel Hogan,
at this very moment,

my father is in a labor camp
in east Prussia.

I knew it.

Colonel Klink, I
did not mention
it in my report,

but the Führer's picture
is not properly hung.

According to regulations,

it must be eight inches
above eye level.

Thank you so much
for not reporting it.

Do I have to hang it myself?

No, sir, that can be done
by anyone,

but he must wear gloves.

Now, there's
a regulation I
can understand.

I wouldn't touch it
myself without gloves.

You look like
a bunch of old men.

That's what we are.

We're old men.

You should have seen us
this morning.

We were young men.

One thing's for sure.

We got to figure some way
to get rid of Franks.

Got to figure some way to do it.

It's either him or us.

This can't go on,
even if we have to...

( sighs )

All right!
All right!

Everybody up!

Up! Up! Up!
Don't do that.

I am here to inspect
the barracks, Colonel.

Well, as you can see,
they're still here.

( tape measure sliding )

The bunks are
28 inches apart.

How about that?

Regulations say bunks

must be 27 inches apart.

We needed the space
for dancing.

Guards are not allowed
to joke with prisoners of war.

Article 15, Paragraph Six.

It's a formal inspection.

Aha!

I always use
a black glove, myself.

That way, the dirt
doesn't show.

I know-- Article 15.

Dirty bunks and
dirty walls.

From now on, this barracks
is on half rations,

and all recreation periods
are canceled for a month.

Well, there go
the polo matches.
( men shouting )

I want this barracks
scrubbed down-- every inch.

Use a toothbrush
in the corners.

I want to be able to
eat off the floor.

I'm not too crazy about
your eating habits, but
if that's what you want...

Halt!

Rechtsom!

Schultz.

Jawoh...

Oh, it's you.
I thought it was...

Yeah, I know, Schultz.

You know, you're acting
different lately, Schultz.

It's terrible, isn't it?
Oh, awful.

You've lost your charm.

I know.

Colonel Hogan, please,

couldn't you
get rid of him?

What are you suggesting?

I want you to suggest.

We're on the
same side now.

Franks is the enemy.

( yelling in German )

What's new, Max?

You tell me, Colonel.

We're still waiting
for Lieutenant Bigelow.

Bigelow? We sent
him out through

the tunnel yesterday.

My men have been watching

the end of the tunnel
every minute.

He never came out.

Then he's still
in the tunnel.

He must've got caught
in the cave-in.

That means Bigelow...
Don't say it.

I don't know.

All right, fellas.
Everybody up!

Don't do that, sir.

KINCH:
Something wrong,
Colonel?

Plenty. Bigelow's
still in the tunnel.

What?
He's still
down there?

But he was
past the part
that caved in.

He never got out.

Let's start digging
and hope for the best.

Schultz coming!

What's going on?

We have no time, Schultz.

You better make time.

The Commandant
wants to see you.

All right.
Let's go.

Get going, you guys.

( knocking on door )

Come in, come in.

Oh, it's you, Hogan.

I thought it was, uh...

Yes, I know.

You wanted to
see me, sir?

Yes, Hogan.

I want to tell you...

I want to ask you...

How to get rid of
Sergeant Franks.

( mutters ):
Yes.

Don't misunderstand me, Hogan.

I admire
a dedicated German soldier

who lives by the rules, but...

He's getting in
your hair, too, hmm?

Sorry, sir.
Bad taste.

Look, why don't you send him
back where you got him?

Back to Major Meiling?
He laughed when I called him.

He couldn't wait
to get rid of him.

What about the
other prison camps?

Oh, I called them all.
They all laughed.

Everybody knew about this
Sergeant Franks but me.

Hogan, I know you.

You can think of something.

You have a devious,
cunning mind.

You don't have to flatter me.
I'll come up with something.

Eh, danke.

Are you, uh, thinking
of something?

I'm thinking...

( snaps fingers )
Huh?!

Forget it.

I've got it.

You have? What is it?
Tell me.

Ooh, I like it already.

We rub him out.

Rub him out.

Bump him off.

Bump him off.

If he's standing
in the street,

we come by in a car
with a Tommy gun

and let him have it.

( imitates rapid firing )

Hogan, are you out
of your mind?

The Gestapo will get
to you in ten minutes.

Oh, I don't know.
Cagney always did it,

and the Gestapo
never got him.

You've lost your confidence
in me, haven't you, sir?

I have six months of paperwork
to catch up on.

Oh, don't worry, I'll think
of something by then.

Hogan?

You don't care
what happens to me.

( door shuts )

Nobody cares.

Franks is coming!

All right, get
down in the tunnel.

KINCH:
Right.

Tell the rest
to keep quiet.
( knock at door )

Looking for something,
Sergeant?

The Colonel
is up late.

Yeah, I was just gonna
get some fresh air.

It's not against
regulations, is it?

The Colonel still
likes to make jokes.

Didn't think you'd notice.

I notice everything.

Nobody fools Sergeant Franks.

Man would have to be a fool
to try to fool you.

That's right.

( laughs )

( laughing continues )

Oh.

The Inspector General
is coming here tomorrow.

He was just here.

You have something
to do with it?

Through my cousin,
who works...

Works in Göring's
office, yeah.
Ja.

You expect a good rating?

"E.E." double plus.

Naturally, you'll
get the credit.

Why not?

Before I came here,
the camp rating

was "G" minus.

Oh, I see.

You're out to make
yourself look good

and Klink look bad.

Why not?

That is how a
soldier gets ahead

in the German army.

Well, I hope you get
everything you deserve.

I'll even help if I can.

Come on.

KINCH:
Hey, I think we're
almost through.

HOGAN:
Bigelow!

Yeah. Hi, you guys.

You okay?
Yeah, fine.

Oh, I'm glad to see you.

Here, LeBeau,
get in there.

Come on, fellas,
let's go. Go!

Here. Give him a hand.

( Hogan grunts )

Here we go.
HOGAN:
All right.

The rest are
coming through.

Welcome.

Yeah.

It took you guys
long enough.

I was just starting
to lose my taste
for sardines.

Eh, freak cave-in.

Looks like everything
went but the middle.

Which is where I happened
to be at the time.

For once, being
caught in

the middle is okay.
( chuckles )

NEWKIRK:
Hey.

There's at
least 40 feet

before we
get outside.

That's another week's digging.

We've got to get
rid of the dirt.

Yeah, I know.
With that sergeant

sniffing around,
it's gonna be tough.

Look, we'd better get those
sacks of dirt back upstairs.

We'll put them in the rafters.

CARTER:
Okay.
Go ahead.

( whistle blowing )

Reveille?
It isn't time yet.

KINCH:
Two hours earlier
for punishment. Remember?

CARTER:
What do we do now, Colonel?

We'd better fall out.

Franks inspected
the barracks yesterday.

Does that mean
he won't come in?

HOGAN:
If we're not out there
in ten seconds, he will.

( whistle continues blowing )

All present
and accounted for.

Colonel Klink.

Colonel Klink.

Hmm? Hmm?

What's the matter?

The men are all present
and accounted for.

Did you have to wake me
up just to tell me that?

Oh, very good.
Very good.

I wish to report
that the Inspector General

will be here this morning
for an unscheduled inspection.

The Inspector General?
Why so soon?

I assure the Colonel
that we will get a top rating.

Colonel Hogan!

You will see
that your men are ready.

My men are ready
at all times for anything.

I will inspect
your barracks now.

Why bother?

The place was just
cleaned yesterday.

( softly ):
The dirt, it's
all over the place.

I will make sure.

You act like you
don't trust us.

The Colonel is right.

I do not.

I want to go on record

as protesting
this breach of faith.

Give us a few minutes
to tidy up the place.

Well, Sergeant,
I hope you're satisfied.

Make sure it
stays this way.

I understand you
are a tailor.

Sometimes.
Schultz!

SCHULTZ:
Yes, sir!

Yes.

Press my uniform.

I want it back in time
for the inspection.

Is this soon enough?

I can have you shot for this.

All right, easy, Sergeant.

LeBeau, I'm surprised at you.

You're not being friendly
with our guest.

It'll be done, Sergeant.

Very good, Colonel.

You are sensible.

What else could we do?

We're just prisoners,
and you're the master race.

Bigelow, thanks for
cleaning up the place,

but what'd you
do with the dirt?

Threw it back
down in the hole.

Good thinking.

Hey, that's
great, Bigelow!
Great!

We're getting you
out of here today.

Today? We won't have
the tunnel clear.

You said yourself
it would take a week.

I know. He's going out
through the front gate.

Front gate?!
How?

I don't quite know how yet,
but it involves Sergeant Franks.

Well, I'll tell
you one thing:

I'm not pressing
his uniform...

unless he's in it.

Take it easy.
Yes, you are.

But you're going to do
a better job than he expects.

Carter, you still got
some of that invisible ink

that you made up
for sending messages?

Sure. Why?

What temperature does
the ink begin to show?

90 degrees.

And body temperature is 98.6.

That's perfect.

What's-what's going
on, Colonel?

Same time we
get rid of you,

we're gonna get rid
of Sergeant Franks.

Killing two birds
with one stone, eh?

Let's just say we're
killing one bird,

and the other one's
flying the coop.

I am sure the
Inspector General

will find everything
in order.

I hope so, Sergeant.

The last commandant
who had two "G" minus ratings

was Colonel Feldgaum.

Oh, you mean Colonel Feldgaum
from Stalag Five, huh?

( chuckles )
No, Colonel Feldgaum

of the Russian front.

INSPECTOR GENERAL:
This is the worst
I have ever seen!

I can't understand it.

You told me everything
was in order.

It was... just two minutes ago.

Get the men out here.

Jawohl!

( blowing whistle )

FRANKS:
Fall out!
Fall out! Fall out!

Make it snappy.
Get into formation.

Get into formation!

( murmuring )

Get into the formation!

Sergeant Franks,
this is shocking.

Prisoner detail,
all assembled and correct, sir.

( prisoners laughing )

Bravo! Bravo!

Nothing up his sleeve.

Silence!

( men whooping )

Hey, show a leg there!

Detail awaiting
instructions, sir.

NEWKIRK:
Oh, my good...

You're coming apart
at the seams, mate.

As I, uh, as I said,
awaiting instructions, sir.

Sergeant Franks, what
is happening here?

( laughter,
indistinct taunts )

( laughter continues )

I do not know anything
about this!

This is treason!

Turn this man
over to the Gestapo.

But I am innocent!

That's what they all say.

You're right, mate,

the old story,
every time.

Schultz!

Hold this man
till the Gestapo
picks him up.

With pleasure!

But I did not do
anything wrong!

Yes, you did.
You broke the regulations.

Article Two, Paragraph Nine.

You're out of uniform.

( prisoners laughing )

NEWKIRK:
Don't forget
to write, mate!

Don't forget to write.

Naturally, Klink,
I don't blame you

for the condition
of the camp.

He did it.

He won't do it anymore.

Gestapo.

You have a prisoner for me.

Which one of you is it?

He's the one.

But I tell you,
I am innocent.

I will prove it
at my trial.

What trial?

( laughing )

My car broke down.

I have commandeered this truck.

( truck starts )
Put him in the back.

Well, Hogan,
I got rid of him

without your help.

I knew I would.

I never doubted it
for a minute, sir.

Never forget
one thing, Hogan:

No one gets the best
of Colonel Klink.