All language subtitles for Hogans Heroes S02E21 The Swing Shift

( theme song playing )

I had one of the
best evenings ever.

Go on. What Happened?

What a beauty she was.

What a gorgeous girl.
Mm!

Her name was Michelle.

Michelle, that's one
of my favorite names.

Really?

From now on I'll
call you Michelle.

SCHULTZ:
Now wait a minute.

Don't stop him.

What happened then?

What a beauty she was.

And she had this marvelous
bottle of vintage champagne

just waiting for me.

Ooh.

After all this time,
it's amazing,

the words are still
ringing in my ears.

What, what?
What?

Well, as she held up her glass,
she said,

"I shouldn't drink this,
mon cheri.

"After one glass of champagne

I cannot be responsible
for my action."

Go on.

Then she drank down
the whole glass in one gulp.

And I drank mine.

Uh-huh.

Well, what then?

Well, when I woke up
the next morning...

SCHULTZ:
Wait a minute!

What happened before that?

I don't know.

My drink was spiked
and she stole my wallet.

You twister.

Hey, what's that?

General Burkhalter.

I wonder who
the civilian is.

Could be Michelle coming
to return your wallet.

Jealous.

Burkhalter?

What's old roly-poly doing
here with a civilian?

Shall I pour, sir?

Yeah, please do,
Kinch, please do.

BURKHALTER ( over transmitter ):
Now let's get down to business.

Hans Spear is the
leading man in Germany,

in converting factories to the
production of war materials.

He's the best.

My father always said,
"Whatever you do in life

do it the best,
the very best."

You should have
taken his advice.

Spear will fill you in.

Colonel, you know that
automobile factory

about a mile from here,
near Hammelburg?

Oh, of course.

They make a very
fine little car.

Now it's not exactly the kind
of car that I like personally.

I like something bigger,
a little bit more substantial.

But for the ordinary people...

Klink, shut up and listen.

Yes, sir, shut up and listen.

As of now, that
automobile factory

is being turned into a war plant
to produce cannons.

No more cars?

BURKHALTER:
Cannons!

Cannons, cannons, cannons!

That's what we are making now--
cannons!

Cannons.

I have always said,
General Burkhalter,

that you never can have
too many cannons.

So glad you agree.

Naturally, I want my operation

to be the most efficiently run
war plant in Germany.

Exactly-- just as Stalag 13

is the most efficiently run
POW camp in Germany.

You may not know it, sir,

but we have never had
an escape here.

Not one single escape.

Remarkable.

Never an escape
from Stalag 13. Not one.

No, not one.

Maybe 100,
but not one.

Very impressive
record, Colonel.

Even if I say so myself,
I must take full credit

for the security here
in this camp.

I am on top of everything

as General Burkhalter
will tell you.

I could also tell you
a few other things about him.

Oh, General, you're too kind.

Colonel, my factory will be
running 24 hours a day.

And until I get my regular
compliment of security officers,

I would like to have a few
of your efficient guards.

Well, sir, I don't know if I...

Klink!

Are you going to stand
in the way of the war effort

any more than you do?

Of course not, Herr General.

Then it's settled.

It's settled.

A toast.

Turning an automobile factory
into making cannons, huh?

Anything we can do
about that, Colonel?

Yeah, Kinch, radio London.

This is a job
for the Air Force.

They can turn that factory
into an acre of scrap iron.

Right.

What's the
good word, Kinch?

"Regarding request
bombing cannon factory,

will do early
as possible moment..."

Now that's what I call
an air force, huh?

Great.

Wait, wait a minute.

"Earliest possible moment,
six weeks from date.

"Your reservation noted.

You are on priority list."

A six-weeks priority?

You call that an air force?

Ahead of us are
the submarine pens,

a ball-bearing factory
at Swineford,

a tank factory
in Hamburg,

a Messerschmitt
assembly plant
in Wiesbaden

and a drugstore
in Dusseldorf.

A drugstore?

Maybe somebody
made a reservation.

One thing's for sure.

We can't let that cannon factory
produce for six weeks.

All right, we don't
get a bombing mission,

we'll try sabotage.

You think we can handle
something that big, Colonel?

I don't see why not.

How can we get
in the factory?

What's the matter,
haven't you guys

ever worked
a swing shift before?

( oompah music playing )

Guten nacht, fellas.

Could you give me a hand?

My car is stuck
just outside.

With the four of you,

I think just a little push...
It would just take a second.

Danke, danke,
I appreciate it.

I don't know what I would
do without you, fellas.

Danke.

Beer, beer.

Thank you.

The underground will
keep those guys on ice

until they hear from us.

You look real good,
Colonel.

I'm not Colonel.

My name is Ritter.

And you're Kornhauser.

Kornhauser, what a name.

I bet that guy's glad
I took it from him.

Hey, my name's Bum.

That's Baum.

Hey, I'm Mueller.

Hey, I'm the foreman.

( whistle blows )

All right, you lot,
you heard the whistle.

Come on, let's
get cracking.

( whistle blowing )

All right, Sergeant,
this is the night shift.

Now remember, make them show you
their identification cards.

Without a card,
they don't belong in here.

Jawohl.

Herr Spear, you
can depend on me.

I'll be on my toes,
every minute.

Jawohl.

We know of your
fantastic record.

Never an escape
from Stalag 13.

Not even one.

Jawohl.

You're going to have
that same record right here.

Jawohl.

No one, believe me,

but no one is going
to get out of here.

I'm not worried about people
getting out, Sergeant--

it's in.

I mean, in.

Oh.

No one, believe me--
no one

is going to slip by me.

Jawohl.

Jawohl.

What are we
supposed to do?

It's a cannon factory.

We make cannons.

Figured it out yet?

Yeah, I think
I know how it works.

The barrel is placed
on that machine.

Now this gauge over
here sits at 100.

And a machine
bores a hole
clear through.

That's very good.

Well, that's
all there is to it.

The barrel goes down there.

It's then taken over
to the inspector.

He okays it
for shipment.

Then it's stacked up
over on the loading zone.

Uh, it's a piece of cake.

Uh, suppose instead of 100,

we set this at 50.

That should double
production, right?

What good's
a cannon like that?

The hole doesn't even
go all the way through.

Oh, that's great.

Terrific.

Now all we've got to do
is get it past the inspector.

LeBeau, I'm surprised.
Don't you trust me anymore?

( with German accent ):
Sorry to bother you.

My wife wanted to know, do we
get Hindenburg's birthday off?

How should I know?
Ask in the office.

Danke.

I will never doubt again.

Hello, boys.

ALL:
Hi, Schultz.

Colonel Hogan!

Shh. You want to tell me
something, Schultz?

Oh, too far...

This time you've
gone too far.

We're only a mile from camp.

That's what I mean.

This time you must be punished.

Schultz, don't be foolish.

I won't tell.

You won't tell?

I promise.

I don't care.
I will tell.

You will?

What a shame.

I feel sorry for you, Schultz.

You'll see when I...

You feel sorry for me?

Let's face facts, Schultz.

You were the guard
at the prison camp
we sneaked out of.

You're the guard
in the factory
we sneaked into.

What do you think
they'll do to you?

Colonel Hogan...

Schultz, we'll only be
here a couple of days.

That's all.
You have my word.

Come on. Come on.
Knock off this goldbricking.

Now let's get to work.

Hi, Schultz.

I've got to obey him, Schultz.
He's my foreman.

Oh.

Come on, come on.

The boys at the front are
waiting for those cannons.

I can't wait
until he's 65

and they lay him off.

He's drunk
with power.

Just get on with it.

( clinking solid metal )

This isn't going
to hurt anybody.

Colonel Hogan...

I just been poking around
down in the storeroom.

Instead of being
up here working.

Our foreman's going
to be very upset.

No, this is important.

This joint's loaded
with gunpowder.

Really?

That's interesting.

Enough to do any real damage?

Are you kidding?

With a detonator
and a timer fuse,

we could blow this place
clear to London.

Then the Air Force could bomb
it there in their spare time.

What do you
think, Colonel?

I think Fourth of July is gonna
be a little early this year.

Carter, on the next
break, go to work.

You bet.

Boy, what a blowup
this is gonna be.

There's gonna be stuff
going up in the air...

( imitates explosion )

One of the great
pyromaniacs of our time.

( bell ringing )

Who is Mueller?

Step forward.

( clears throat )

I have an important
announcement.

Mueller here will not
be with us anymore.

I want you to take
your last look at him.

The next time
you see him,

he will be
Private Mueller...

of the German Army.

Congratulations.
Your enlistment

just came through.

I know I speak
for all of the men here

when I say how proud
we are of you.

Right? Isn't that right?

Jawohl.

Tomorrow there'll
be a service star

in my window for him.

That's touching,
real touching.

I know how anxious
you must be to leave.

Your escort will
take you directly

to the induction center.

Good luck, Mueller,

and give it
to those alive.

I will.

The first chance I get.

Men, back to work.

There's a war
on, you know.

Mueller.

What are we going
to do, Colonel?

They're taking him away.
He's gonna be
in the German Army!

All right,
hold it down.

I was here, too,
remember?

But we've got
to do something.

Poor Newkirk.
Boy, can you imagine

going through
basic training again?

And as a private.
They should at least

give him
his stripes back.

Colonel Hogan,
please tell me

it is not true
what I just heard.

Please tell me
it is not true.

What isn't
true, Schultz?

That Newkirk enlisted
in the German Army.

He's in the German Army,
but don't worry,

he'll visit you when he
comes home on furlough.

I don't want him
to visit me.

I don't want him
to be in the German Army.

It is against rules
for one man

to be in two armies
in one war!

Schultz, we're no happier
about this than you are

that he's in
the German Army.

But it happened
by accident

and we don't know
how to get him out.

Oh, If I think of what
Kommandant Klink

is going to do to me
when he hears about it.

No, no, no, no...

I don't want to think.

Hey, I just thought
of something.

What if he doesn't
pass the physical?

You know,
can't fool the doctor?

Newkirk could do it.
He's the kind of guy
that would.

Well, forget it.

If it's anything like
my draft board...

They took your X ray,

and if your bones
showed, you were in.

You think it is possible

he may not pass
the physical examination?

Judge for yourself,
Schultz. You passed.

( clears throat )

Oh, Ja.
You sit over there.

Go over there.
You sit right here.

Well, this is it.

Sure hope I pass.

I just won't tell them
about my bad back.

Und if I don't tell
them about my bad back,

they'll never find out...

about my bad back, then.

'Course, I can't hide
my fainting spells.

They can happen any time.

But the worse thing about
my fainting spells

is that I usually fall
on my bad back.

Schmidt-- inside.

What's the matter, chum?

Didn't you make it?

The doctor
said my feet

were too bad
for the infantry.

Pity.

Ja, and I'm too fat
for the tank corps

and my eyes aren't good
enough for the artillery.

Shocking.

So they're putting me
in the paratroopers.

Ah.

OFFICER:
Mueller.

Mueller.

Mueller!

Pardon me, did
you say Mueller?

Inside.

Sit down in the brown chair.

Color vision excellent.

Your name?

Uh, Mueller. Wolfgang Mueller.

Memory perfect.

( gunshot )

Hearing perfect.

Reflexes excellent.

Have you had any serious
illnesses or major operations?

You name it, Doctor,
I've had it.

In the last three days?

In the last three days?

Since Tuesday noon to be exact.

Tuesday?
What was I doing Tuesday?

Obviously not.

Congratulations, Mueller.

You are in the Army.

The examination's over?
That's it?

Correct. Wait outside.

You are inhuman.

I could be
a very sick man.

And worse,
if you don't obey orders.

But I've got all kinds
of things wrong with me.

Don't you even want
to look at my blood?

Why, are you bleeding?

Outside!

Achtung!

PINTZ:
I'm only too glad

to be of service
to you, Colonel.

Major. I want
to thank you

for your cooperation.

Sergeant, this is
Colonel Klink from Stalag 13.

He needs replacements
for his guard staff.

These are today's
recruits, sir.

Not much to pick
from I'm afraid.

( loud sneeze )

Well, as they say,
beggars can't be choosers.

I'll take them.

Get these men
uniforms, Sergeant,

and have them report
to me at once.

Jawohl, Herr Major.

( loud sneeze )

We are certainly

scraping the bottom of
the barrel these days.

Let's see the rest of them.

All right, no slip-ups now.

Otherwise, Newkirk's going
to become a 30-year man

in the German Army.

Herr Inspector?
Ja?

I found this on
the floor.

Did you lose it?

Well, uh...

Why don't you search
your wallet?

Ja.

Ja. Danke.

You're welcome.

Herr, Spear.

Ja?

( grunts )

I don't enjoy
doing this, sir,

but I feel
it's my duty.

Jawohl.

What is it?

This cannon. Look.

( clinking solid metal )

What is the
meaning of this?

Inefficiency, Herr Spear.

I was afraid something
like this might happen now.

What are you
talking about?

Why should it
happen now?

With Herr Mueller gone--

the one man capable
of carrying out your orders.

Mueller?!

I hardly even...

Obviously personally trained
by an expert like yourself.

You were wise
in choosing him
for the job.

It's lucky I caught this one,

but when it happens again...

It won't happen again.

Don't count on it.

If only Herr Mueller
were still here.

Mueller's in the army.

A man with your influence
could get him out.

But that's ridiculous.

He's only a foreman.

They'll laugh at me.

I guarantee they'll
stop laughing

if they see a
cannon like this.

There won't be any
more cannons like this.

Maybe you're right,

and what difference
does it make if one or two

or possibly three
faulty cannons should slip by?

It's not your fault
you lost the foreman.

A judge would understand.

Judge? What judge?

Oh, that's right.

An open-and-shut case, there
wouldn't even be a trial.

All right, all right.

Back to work.

Back to work.

Well, Colonel,
as I said before,

they are not much
to look at.

Fortunately, I'll only need them
for a few days...

( loud sneeze )

if they last that long.

( phone ringing )

Jawohl.

Sir.

Major Pintz.

Yes, General
Burkhalter.

Yes, we do have a
recruit named Mueller.

But, General, he's
already been assigned.

I couldn't...

But, General...

Yes, General.

Yes, sir.

Immediately, sir.

Sorry, Colonel,
but I'm afraid

you're losing one of
your replacements.

Defense priority.

Mueller!

You are discharged.

Get back to your
job at once.

Bitte?

And take off
that uniform!

Yes, sir.
Yes, sir!

Heil Hitler!

( loud sneeze )

( loud sneeze )

Well, I know
how disappointed

you must be, Mueller,
but think of the good

you are doing here.

I'll try.

Oh, and by the way.

There will be a little
something extra

in your paycheck next week.

Ah, but carry on.

Well, look who's home.

Our boy in service.

What happened?

Was Army life too
tough for you?

Don't laugh, I almost
ended up a guard at Stalag 13.

What?
That's right.

Old Klink was at the induction
center looking for replacements.

Did he see you?

I kept sneezing all the time.

I don't think he recognized me.

Where's Carter?

He's wiring the TNT.

We'll all be out
of work tomorrow.

Wouldn't
you know it?

Right before I get my raise.

( bell ringing )

Well, it's home for dinner,
to the wife and kinder.

Did you leave
something behind?

Mm-hmm. But
it'll be safe

until they blow
the whistle

at the end of
the next shift.

Hey, there's a tavern
around the corner.

I think this calls for a beer.

I got a better idea.

Let's go to my place
for champagne.

Punch this out,
will you, Schultz?

Yeah, do that,
Schultz, will you?

Me, too, Schultzy, please.

Me, too, Schultz.

Herr Spear, I always
want you to consider

our prison camp your home.

Well, Colonel,
it's back to work.

Oh, so soon?

Oh, please,
let me help you.

The factory
never stops.

But I had to come
and personally thank you

for the use
of your guard.

Oh, it was nothing.

If you could ever
use something...

Oh, you're most generous,

but the men
I received this morning

are quite capable.
Oh, good.

Let me walk you
to your car, hmm?

And, uh, the work
is going well

at the factory I hope?

Without parallel.

When this next
shift ends,

we will have already
produced 1,000 cannons.

Marvelous, marvelous.

( whistle blows )
There it is.

1,000 cannons.

Congratulations on
a job well done.

( explosion )

Congratulations on
a job well done.

Now, what I have to say is
primarily for the new prisoners.

But even for the older prisoners
who've heard this speech before,

it would be advisable
to pay attention.

Forget about escape.

As long as I'm in charge,
escape is impossible.

This is Stalag 13,

the toughest POW camp
in all of Germany.

I, Colonel Klink, have
personally trained these guards

and they never miss a thing.

Smile, Schultz,
he's talking about you.

Now, as for the recent example
in the cannon factory,

when my guards were on the job

those saboteurs
never had a chance.

But as soon as they left...

So, never forget

those same guards
will be watching you

and I will be
watching them.

No one has ever fooled me yet.

Dismissed.

( loud sneeze )