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1
04:52:59,000 --> 07:06:59,000
CBS presents this
program in color.
2
00:01:11,062 --> 00:01:12,789
Hold it!
3
00:01:12,813 --> 00:01:14,179
Hold it! Nobody move!
4
00:01:14,215 --> 00:01:16,148
Attention!
5
00:01:18,420 --> 00:01:19,619
Good morning, Commandant.
6
00:01:19,654 --> 00:01:20,836
How's tricks?
7
00:01:20,872 --> 00:01:22,271
"Tricks" is right.
8
00:01:22,306 --> 00:01:23,951
Somebody took a code
book from my office,
9
00:01:23,975 --> 00:01:25,085
and I want it back at once.
10
00:01:25,109 --> 00:01:26,186
At once!
11
00:01:26,210 --> 00:01:27,777
At once!
12
00:01:27,812 --> 00:01:29,306
I don't blame you
for being upset,
13
00:01:29,330 --> 00:01:30,463
but why blame us
14
00:01:30,498 --> 00:01:31,942
if your new code
book is missing?
15
00:01:31,966 --> 00:01:33,032
Ha! How did you know
16
00:01:33,067 --> 00:01:34,383
it was a new code book?
17
00:01:34,418 --> 00:01:36,785
You wouldn't be so upset
if it was an old code book.
18
00:01:36,821 --> 00:01:38,137
Now, be honest, would you?
19
00:01:38,172 --> 00:01:39,771
I suppose not.
20
00:01:39,807 --> 00:01:40,851
Schultz, search the men!
21
00:01:40,875 --> 00:01:43,187
Jawohl, Herr
Kommandant. Wait a minute.
22
00:01:43,211 --> 00:01:44,211
I want to go on record
23
00:01:44,245 --> 00:01:45,311
as protesting this search,
24
00:01:45,346 --> 00:01:46,862
a violation of the
Geneva Convention.
25
00:01:46,898 --> 00:01:49,098
Your protest has been
duly noted and rejected.
26
00:01:49,133 --> 00:01:50,249
Go ahead, Schultz.
27
00:01:50,285 --> 00:01:52,068
I would also like to point out
28
00:01:52,103 --> 00:01:53,236
you interrupted me.
29
00:01:53,271 --> 00:01:55,171
I was just reading to
the men from this book,
30
00:01:55,206 --> 00:01:57,639
Mein Kampf, by Adolph...
31
00:01:57,675 --> 00:01:58,840
Hitler.
32
00:01:59,961 --> 00:02:01,054
Oh, go on, Colonel Hogan.
33
00:02:01,078 --> 00:02:02,923
You stopped at the
most interesting part.
34
00:02:02,947 --> 00:02:04,224
Yeah. Tell us what happens
35
00:02:04,248 --> 00:02:06,393
after he says he's
gonna conquer the world.
36
00:02:06,417 --> 00:02:08,317
Boy, I can't wait
to see how it ends.
37
00:02:08,352 --> 00:02:09,935
See how anxious they are?
38
00:02:11,355 --> 00:02:13,483
Would you care to read a
couple of chapters to them, sir?
39
00:02:13,507 --> 00:02:14,473
Some other time.
40
00:02:14,508 --> 00:02:16,286
Schultz, I gave you an order.
41
00:02:16,310 --> 00:02:17,275
Search the men!
42
00:02:17,311 --> 00:02:18,877
Jawohl, Herr Kommandant.
43
00:02:22,000 --> 00:02:24,400
Schultz, don't tickle. Shh!
44
00:02:27,338 --> 00:02:28,716
Wait a minute.
45
00:02:28,740 --> 00:02:30,740
That one over there,
he was in my office.
46
00:02:30,775 --> 00:02:32,909
Step forward.
47
00:02:32,944 --> 00:02:34,688
Oh, oh, no, sir, please, please.
48
00:02:34,712 --> 00:02:35,678
That tickles.
49
00:02:35,713 --> 00:02:36,962
Never mind! Step back.
50
00:02:36,997 --> 00:02:38,647
Schultz, search them all.
51
00:02:38,683 --> 00:02:39,748
One of them has it.
52
00:02:39,784 --> 00:02:41,064
Jawohl.
53
00:02:48,509 --> 00:02:51,677
Ah, General Burkhalter, what
a pleasure to see you again, sir.
54
00:02:51,712 --> 00:02:54,613
Klink, I can get out by myself.
55
00:02:54,649 --> 00:02:56,248
Of course you can, General.
56
00:02:56,283 --> 00:02:59,952
I never doubted that for one
minute, not for one minute, sir.
57
00:02:59,987 --> 00:03:01,732
And, oh, how is your dear wife,
58
00:03:01,756 --> 00:03:04,140
the charming and
delightful Frau General?
59
00:03:04,175 --> 00:03:07,509
In the first place, my wife is
neither delightful or charming.
60
00:03:07,544 --> 00:03:10,079
In the second place,
this isn't a social visit,
61
00:03:10,114 --> 00:03:11,497
it's official.
62
00:03:11,532 --> 00:03:13,782
It's official. Yes,
sir, it is official.
63
00:03:13,818 --> 00:03:15,283
What are you doing?
64
00:03:20,357 --> 00:03:21,534
The code book.
65
00:03:21,558 --> 00:03:25,461
Isn't that the new code
book, Series G, Klink?
66
00:03:25,496 --> 00:03:26,395
Yes, sir, it is.
67
00:03:26,430 --> 00:03:27,696
Well!
68
00:03:27,732 --> 00:03:28,814
You know the regulations.
69
00:03:28,850 --> 00:03:31,217
This code book is not
supposed to leave your office.
70
00:03:31,252 --> 00:03:32,329
It didn't, sir.
71
00:03:32,353 --> 00:03:33,319
No, what I mean is,
72
00:03:33,354 --> 00:03:35,199
I don't know how it
got into my hands.
73
00:03:35,223 --> 00:03:37,456
I'll talk to you in your office.
74
00:03:37,491 --> 00:03:38,990
Yes, sir.
75
00:03:39,026 --> 00:03:40,054
Colonel Klink?
76
00:03:40,078 --> 00:03:41,110
Yes, what is it?
77
00:03:41,145 --> 00:03:43,813
Aren't you forgetting the
apology you owe us, sir?
78
00:03:43,848 --> 00:03:45,047
What apology?
79
00:03:45,083 --> 00:03:47,783
Uh, for saying they stole it.
80
00:03:47,819 --> 00:03:49,585
I don't know what apology!
81
00:03:49,620 --> 00:03:51,448
Nobody contradicts
Colonel Klink!
82
00:03:51,472 --> 00:03:53,606
Around here I'm the
supreme authority.
83
00:03:53,641 --> 00:03:55,173
Nobody tells me what to do.
84
00:03:55,209 --> 00:03:56,174
Klink!
85
00:03:56,210 --> 00:03:58,050
Yes, sir, General, I'm coming.
86
00:04:11,792 --> 00:04:13,603
Kinch, have you
reached headquarters yet?
87
00:04:13,627 --> 00:04:14,627
No, not yet,
88
00:04:14,662 --> 00:04:16,128
but I should pick
them up any minute.
89
00:04:16,164 --> 00:04:17,374
When you do reach headquarters
90
00:04:17,398 --> 00:04:18,809
tell them about
the new code book.
91
00:04:18,833 --> 00:04:21,434
Tell them we photographed
it and we'll start transmitting it.
92
00:04:21,469 --> 00:04:22,501
Carter?
93
00:04:22,536 --> 00:04:23,769
How long to develop that film?
94
00:04:23,804 --> 00:04:26,138
About an hour, Colonel.
I'll start on it right away.
95
00:04:26,173 --> 00:04:27,584
Oh, you know, just to make sure,
96
00:04:27,608 --> 00:04:30,375
I took two pictures of every
page using a different exposure.
97
00:04:30,410 --> 00:04:31,755
You know, because after all,
98
00:04:31,779 --> 00:04:34,179
with something
as important as...
99
00:04:35,516 --> 00:04:38,050
Oh, no.
100
00:04:38,085 --> 00:04:39,295
What's the matter, Carter?
101
00:04:39,319 --> 00:04:40,285
Don't you feel well?
102
00:04:40,320 --> 00:04:41,464
I may faint.
103
00:04:41,488 --> 00:04:43,588
Why, what happened?
104
00:04:43,624 --> 00:04:46,125
No film in the camera?
105
00:04:46,160 --> 00:04:48,661
I forgot to put it in.
106
00:04:48,696 --> 00:04:52,464
Boy, you can always depend
on me to foul things up.
107
00:04:52,499 --> 00:04:54,344
You'd be better off without me.
108
00:04:54,368 --> 00:04:55,812
I-I'm no good. I'm stupid.
109
00:04:55,836 --> 00:04:57,514
Why don't you get rid of me?
110
00:04:57,538 --> 00:04:59,337
Because I can't spare
a good man like you.
111
00:05:00,574 --> 00:05:02,418
A good man? I ought
to be court-martialed.
112
00:05:02,442 --> 00:05:03,408
Don't tempt me.
113
00:05:03,443 --> 00:05:04,921
I've got headquarters, Colonel.
114
00:05:04,945 --> 00:05:05,911
What should I tell them?
115
00:05:05,946 --> 00:05:06,912
Just what I told you,
116
00:05:06,947 --> 00:05:08,091
except there'll
be a slight delay
117
00:05:08,115 --> 00:05:09,081
in getting it to them.
118
00:05:09,116 --> 00:05:10,148
Right. Colonel?
119
00:05:10,184 --> 00:05:11,367
How are we going to get
120
00:05:11,402 --> 00:05:13,101
another crack at that code book?
121
00:05:13,137 --> 00:05:14,870
Yeah, you can
bet that Klink will
122
00:05:14,905 --> 00:05:16,572
keep it in the safe from now on.
123
00:05:16,607 --> 00:05:18,619
Edison once said that genius was
124
00:05:18,643 --> 00:05:21,710
one-tenth inspiration,
nine-tenths perspiration.
125
00:05:21,746 --> 00:05:22,746
Well, that's great,
126
00:05:22,780 --> 00:05:24,591
if you're inventing
the electric light,
127
00:05:24,615 --> 00:05:26,749
but what's that got to
do with the code book?
128
00:05:26,784 --> 00:05:28,328
We'll supply the inspiration,
129
00:05:28,352 --> 00:05:30,872
let Klink supply
the perspiration.
130
00:05:31,505 --> 00:05:37,359
Klink, we've had some
disturbing reports recently.
131
00:05:37,395 --> 00:05:38,505
Yes, Herr General.
132
00:05:38,529 --> 00:05:41,863
I understand that things
have not been going too well
133
00:05:41,899 --> 00:05:43,199
at the Russian front.
134
00:05:43,234 --> 00:05:45,667
But the Fuhrer will
think of something.
135
00:05:45,703 --> 00:05:46,902
He always does.
136
00:05:46,937 --> 00:05:50,206
I'm not talking about
the Russian front.
137
00:05:50,241 --> 00:05:52,741
I mean right here in this camp.
138
00:05:52,776 --> 00:05:54,242
Here in my camp?
139
00:05:54,278 --> 00:05:57,263
It may not be your
camp much longer.
140
00:05:58,366 --> 00:06:00,432
General Burkhalter,
please, don't joke
141
00:06:00,467 --> 00:06:01,816
about a thing like that.
142
00:06:01,852 --> 00:06:03,585
I never joke.
143
00:06:03,620 --> 00:06:05,554
Our monitors have
been picking up
144
00:06:05,589 --> 00:06:09,441
Allied broadcasts,
originating from Germany.
145
00:06:09,476 --> 00:06:11,210
Oh, that's an outrage!
146
00:06:11,245 --> 00:06:14,847
Now those men should be
caught and put into a prison camp.
147
00:06:14,882 --> 00:06:18,383
We think they already are
in a prison camp... this one.
148
00:06:18,418 --> 00:06:19,568
Here?
149
00:06:19,604 --> 00:06:21,704
That is absurd and ridiculous.
150
00:06:21,739 --> 00:06:24,723
It is totally and
completely impossible.
151
00:06:24,758 --> 00:06:25,591
What?!
152
00:06:25,626 --> 00:06:27,376
I mean it isn't very likely.
153
00:06:27,411 --> 00:06:30,562
How could anyone run a
radio right under my nose?
154
00:06:30,597 --> 00:06:33,181
It would be the
most obvious place.
155
00:06:33,217 --> 00:06:38,453
Naturally, if such a radio
is found here in camp,
156
00:06:38,488 --> 00:06:40,755
operated by prisoners,
157
00:06:40,791 --> 00:06:42,702
it would be very
unpleasant for you.
158
00:06:42,726 --> 00:06:45,460
You mean they might take
my command away from me?
159
00:06:45,496 --> 00:06:48,614
I said unpleasant,
not inconvenient.
160
00:06:49,984 --> 00:06:51,944
Sergeant?
161
00:06:56,523 --> 00:06:58,324
What is that machine?
162
00:06:58,359 --> 00:07:00,141
An electronic marvel.
163
00:07:00,177 --> 00:07:04,063
A new signal-finding device
working on a single beam.
164
00:07:04,098 --> 00:07:05,280
Start it.
165
00:07:09,369 --> 00:07:11,537
It looks very efficient.
166
00:07:11,572 --> 00:07:14,339
But machines do make mistakes.
167
00:07:14,374 --> 00:07:15,941
Not this machine.
168
00:07:15,977 --> 00:07:18,794
It has been tested
under all conditions.
169
00:07:18,829 --> 00:07:21,441
It picks up all
electrical energy.
170
00:07:21,465 --> 00:07:23,109
Is it trying to tell
us something?
171
00:07:23,133 --> 00:07:24,666
It's not warmed up yet.
172
00:07:25,820 --> 00:07:27,530
Now it's trying to
tell us something.
173
00:07:27,554 --> 00:07:29,866
It's picking up a signal.
174
00:07:29,890 --> 00:07:32,240
Someone is broadcasting.
175
00:07:33,310 --> 00:07:35,744
That's the front
gate, no radio there.
176
00:07:38,732 --> 00:07:41,834
Solitary confinement barracks,
well, there's nothing there.
177
00:07:45,239 --> 00:07:46,600
Colonel Hogan's
barracks, nothing.
178
00:07:46,624 --> 00:07:47,540
That's it!
179
00:07:47,575 --> 00:07:48,785
That's where
180
00:07:48,809 --> 00:07:50,020
the signal is coming from.
181
00:07:50,044 --> 00:07:51,326
What's in that direction?
182
00:07:51,362 --> 00:07:55,547
Nothing, nothing
at all, Herr General.
183
00:07:55,583 --> 00:07:58,116
Just some barracks, that's all.
184
00:07:58,151 --> 00:08:00,435
Excuse me, sir.
185
00:08:00,471 --> 00:08:02,871
Check it again.
186
00:08:04,175 --> 00:08:05,640
Schultz!
187
00:08:05,676 --> 00:08:07,116
Get over to Colonel
Hogan immediately
188
00:08:07,144 --> 00:08:08,177
and tell him to get rid
189
00:08:08,212 --> 00:08:10,379
of that radio transmitter
right away. If he has one.
190
00:08:10,414 --> 00:08:11,846
Jawohl, Herr Kommandant,
191
00:08:11,882 --> 00:08:14,550
to get rid of the radio
transmitter right away.
192
00:08:14,585 --> 00:08:17,252
But Herr Kommandant,
what if he hasn't got one?
193
00:08:17,288 --> 00:08:18,498
Oh, I know, I know.
194
00:08:18,522 --> 00:08:20,467
Tell him to get one right away.
195
00:08:20,491 --> 00:08:22,458
Schultz, with my bare hands...
196
00:08:22,493 --> 00:08:24,759
I'm going, Herr
Kommandant, I'm going.
197
00:08:50,187 --> 00:08:52,921
Boy, if I had just put film in
that camera. What a stupid...
198
00:08:52,956 --> 00:08:54,790
Why don't you escape?
199
00:08:54,825 --> 00:08:56,558
Hear, hear.
200
00:08:56,594 --> 00:08:57,893
Hi, Schultz.
201
00:08:57,928 --> 00:08:59,573
What's the matter, Schultzie?
202
00:08:59,597 --> 00:09:01,497
Take it easy. Sit down.
Sit down. What's wrong?
203
00:09:01,532 --> 00:09:02,998
You all right?
204
00:09:03,033 --> 00:09:04,199
You've got a message.
205
00:09:04,234 --> 00:09:05,334
For me.
206
00:09:05,369 --> 00:09:06,835
You're in trouble.
207
00:09:06,870 --> 00:09:08,337
We're in trouble.
208
00:09:09,340 --> 00:09:10,388
What kind of trouble?
209
00:09:12,126 --> 00:09:13,126
Toothache.
210
00:09:16,380 --> 00:09:17,660
You're opening two safes.
211
00:09:19,416 --> 00:09:20,544
You don't want to hear anymore.
212
00:09:20,568 --> 00:09:23,128
Colonel.
213
00:09:26,740 --> 00:09:29,100
Some kind of directional beam.
214
00:09:34,965 --> 00:09:36,548
Radio!
215
00:09:36,584 --> 00:09:37,727
What radio?
216
00:09:37,751 --> 00:09:39,551
We haven't got a radio.
217
00:09:45,960 --> 00:09:47,437
Well, there's nothing here.
218
00:09:47,461 --> 00:09:49,821
No use wasting our time.
219
00:09:51,531 --> 00:09:55,184
Colonel Hogan, stand aside.
220
00:09:55,219 --> 00:09:57,419
That footlocker
contains private property.
221
00:09:57,454 --> 00:09:59,704
He's just protecting
his privacy, sir.
222
00:09:59,740 --> 00:10:02,541
For the last time, get
away from that footlocker.
223
00:10:02,576 --> 00:10:04,376
Okay, but under protest.
224
00:10:04,411 --> 00:10:07,396
Klink, open the footlocker.
225
00:10:07,431 --> 00:10:08,730
Yes, sir.
226
00:10:15,789 --> 00:10:19,307
Ah, you see, I told you
so. No radio, no radio.
227
00:10:23,864 --> 00:10:25,776
Care for a cup of
coffee? It's the real stuff.
228
00:10:25,800 --> 00:10:28,917
Perhaps a small cup. It
has been a long time since...
229
00:10:28,952 --> 00:10:29,830
Schultz!
230
00:10:29,854 --> 00:10:30,897
Now you know the rules
231
00:10:30,921 --> 00:10:32,321
about cooking in the barracks.
232
00:10:32,356 --> 00:10:34,317
There will be severe
punishment for this.
233
00:10:34,341 --> 00:10:37,158
Yes, sir, I don't stand
for any monkeyshines.
234
00:10:37,194 --> 00:10:38,643
Klink, will you shut up?
235
00:10:38,679 --> 00:10:40,512
Yes, sir, I certainly will.
236
00:10:40,547 --> 00:10:42,063
Oh, shut up. Yes, sir.
237
00:10:42,099 --> 00:10:43,732
I cannot understand it.
238
00:10:43,767 --> 00:10:47,535
I was sure it was a radio
signal we were picking up.
239
00:10:47,571 --> 00:10:49,738
It never failed before.
240
00:10:49,773 --> 00:10:52,040
Oh, sir, I wouldn't
call that a failure.
241
00:10:52,076 --> 00:10:55,326
It's a marvelous machine
for tracking down coffee pots.
242
00:11:02,636 --> 00:11:04,502
Phew, that was a close one.
243
00:11:04,538 --> 00:11:06,071
I thought they had us.
244
00:11:06,106 --> 00:11:07,217
They do have us.
245
00:11:07,241 --> 00:11:08,885
We don't have the
new code to send.
246
00:11:08,909 --> 00:11:11,076
Even if we did, we
wouldn't be able to send it
247
00:11:11,111 --> 00:11:13,056
with that signal beam
just waiting for us
248
00:11:13,080 --> 00:11:14,312
to start using the radio.
249
00:11:18,302 --> 00:11:19,413
Hey, what's going on?
250
00:11:19,437 --> 00:11:21,114
They've got a directional finder
251
00:11:21,138 --> 00:11:22,348
that spotted our radio.
252
00:11:22,372 --> 00:11:24,973
We seem to have a
couple of sticky wickets.
253
00:11:25,008 --> 00:11:28,276
Let's take care of one
sticky wicket at a time.
254
00:11:28,312 --> 00:11:30,612
First wicket is how do we
lay our hands on that code?
255
00:11:30,647 --> 00:11:31,980
There's nothing to it.
256
00:11:32,015 --> 00:11:34,516
We just walk into old
Klink's office with a camera
257
00:11:34,551 --> 00:11:35,883
and we say, uh...
258
00:11:35,919 --> 00:11:38,753
"Look, here, Klink, old boy,
259
00:11:38,788 --> 00:11:40,054
"trot out that code book
260
00:11:40,090 --> 00:11:42,591
"so we can take some
snapshots of the ruddy thing.
261
00:11:42,626 --> 00:11:43,742
There's a good chap."
262
00:11:45,245 --> 00:11:46,628
What's the matter, Colonel?
263
00:11:46,664 --> 00:11:49,164
Newkirk, you just came
up with a great idea.
264
00:11:49,199 --> 00:11:50,215
Thanks a million.
265
00:11:50,251 --> 00:11:51,216
Carter, come with me.
266
00:11:51,251 --> 00:11:52,462
Let's look at your cameras.
267
00:11:52,486 --> 00:11:53,766
We need something special.
268
00:11:56,357 --> 00:11:57,322
LeBeau?
269
00:11:57,358 --> 00:11:58,323
What?
270
00:11:58,359 --> 00:12:00,124
What was that
great idea I just had?
271
00:12:00,160 --> 00:12:01,688
I don't know, what did you say?
272
00:12:01,712 --> 00:12:03,312
I don't know, I
wasn't listening.
273
00:12:03,347 --> 00:12:05,046
Kinch, what did I say?
274
00:12:05,082 --> 00:12:07,465
"Look, here, Klink, old boy,
275
00:12:07,501 --> 00:12:09,111
"trot that code
book out of the safe
276
00:12:09,135 --> 00:12:10,569
"so we can take a few snapshots
277
00:12:10,604 --> 00:12:12,432
of the ruddy thing,
there's a good chap."
278
00:12:12,456 --> 00:12:14,339
Oh, well, it's
obvious, isn't it?
279
00:12:14,375 --> 00:12:15,585
What's obvious?
280
00:12:15,609 --> 00:12:17,376
Colonel Hogan,
he's around the bend.
281
00:12:17,411 --> 00:12:19,378
He's crackers.
282
00:12:27,304 --> 00:12:29,070
See what Klink's doing.
283
00:12:35,312 --> 00:12:37,545
It's all right, he's occupied.
284
00:12:38,748 --> 00:12:41,483
Nylons. Danke, Colonel.
285
00:12:41,518 --> 00:12:44,286
Get General Burkhalter on
the phone, official business.
286
00:12:44,321 --> 00:12:46,399
General Burkhalter, please.
287
00:12:46,423 --> 00:12:47,500
It's an official call.
288
00:12:47,524 --> 00:12:48,801
What's the telephoto
lens set for?
289
00:12:48,825 --> 00:12:49,825
About six feet.
290
00:12:49,859 --> 00:12:50,859
Good.
291
00:12:53,963 --> 00:12:55,997
General Burkhalter?
292
00:12:56,032 --> 00:12:58,132
This is Ludwig Linkmeyer.
293
00:12:58,168 --> 00:13:00,168
Maybe you remember me?
294
00:13:00,204 --> 00:13:02,048
The sausage
maker in the village.
295
00:13:02,072 --> 00:13:05,106
A code book?
296
00:13:05,142 --> 00:13:07,676
No, I did not lose one.
297
00:13:07,711 --> 00:13:10,979
But I know the
Dummkopf who did lose it.
298
00:13:11,014 --> 00:13:12,847
Bring it to me right away.
299
00:13:12,883 --> 00:13:14,550
Ja, Heil Hitler.
300
00:13:14,585 --> 00:13:17,318
That should start
the wheels to rolling.
301
00:13:20,407 --> 00:13:22,140
Commandant Klink speaking.
302
00:13:22,175 --> 00:13:23,841
Oh, yes, General Burkhalter,
303
00:13:23,877 --> 00:13:25,877
it's always a
great pleasure to...
304
00:13:25,912 --> 00:13:27,211
Code book?
305
00:13:27,247 --> 00:13:28,647
Of course, sir.
306
00:13:28,682 --> 00:13:30,582
I never let it out of my office.
307
00:13:30,617 --> 00:13:32,194
No, sir, I'm not
contradicting you,
308
00:13:32,218 --> 00:13:34,218
it's in my safe.
309
00:13:34,254 --> 00:13:37,188
Yes, sir, I'll look, but I
can assure you that I...
310
00:13:37,223 --> 00:13:39,824
Yes, sir, right away.
311
00:13:51,104 --> 00:13:52,304
Yes, Herr General.
312
00:13:52,339 --> 00:13:55,774
I have it right here in
my hand, Code Book G.
313
00:13:55,809 --> 00:13:58,009
I think, sir...
314
00:13:58,044 --> 00:14:00,445
that someone is
playing a joke on you.
315
00:14:01,548 --> 00:14:03,147
No, sir, I'm not laughing.
316
00:14:03,183 --> 00:14:06,718
I'm just clearing my throat.
317
00:14:06,753 --> 00:14:08,152
Yes, sir.
318
00:14:08,188 --> 00:14:09,999
I'll have him
arrested right away.
319
00:14:10,023 --> 00:14:12,390
Oh? Yes.
320
00:14:12,426 --> 00:14:16,093
"Ludwig Linkmeyer...
321
00:14:16,129 --> 00:14:17,995
sausage maker."
322
00:14:18,031 --> 00:14:19,498
Yes, sir.
323
00:14:19,533 --> 00:14:20,832
Heil Hitler.
324
00:14:25,038 --> 00:14:26,158
Newkirk?
325
00:14:29,743 --> 00:14:31,376
Colonel Klink?!
326
00:14:31,411 --> 00:14:32,491
Colonel, where are you?
327
00:14:34,281 --> 00:14:35,308
What was that noise?
328
00:14:35,332 --> 00:14:37,277
One of the boys
dropped a flash bulb.
329
00:14:37,301 --> 00:14:38,650
Did it startle you?
330
00:14:38,685 --> 00:14:40,269
Of course not!
331
00:14:40,304 --> 00:14:42,738
I was just looking for my pen.
332
00:14:42,773 --> 00:14:44,573
What are you doing here?
333
00:14:44,608 --> 00:14:46,024
What's that camera for?
334
00:14:46,060 --> 00:14:48,309
Colonel, I don't know
whether you're aware
335
00:14:48,345 --> 00:14:50,339
of how the men in this
camp feel about you.
336
00:14:50,363 --> 00:14:52,897
So what? I feel the
same way about them.
337
00:14:52,933 --> 00:14:54,132
They know that.
338
00:14:54,167 --> 00:14:56,179
That's why you're so
popular and respected.
339
00:14:56,203 --> 00:14:57,386
I am?
340
00:14:57,421 --> 00:14:58,514
And how.
341
00:14:58,538 --> 00:15:00,467
They know your
job isn't an easy one,
342
00:15:00,491 --> 00:15:03,041
and they-they
admire your fairness.
343
00:15:03,076 --> 00:15:07,095
Well, I... I always
try to do my best.
344
00:15:07,131 --> 00:15:12,333
You're right, Colonel
Hogan, this is not an easy job.
345
00:15:12,369 --> 00:15:15,920
Well, now, the men,
they like me, do they?
346
00:15:15,956 --> 00:15:17,634
They even have a
pet name for you, sir,
347
00:15:17,658 --> 00:15:18,784
just among themselves.
348
00:15:18,808 --> 00:15:20,107
Oh, they do? What is it?
349
00:15:20,143 --> 00:15:23,629
They call you Klink the Fink.
350
00:15:23,664 --> 00:15:25,631
Fink? What's that?
351
00:15:25,666 --> 00:15:30,518
It's short for "Firm, Impartial
Nazi Kommandant." Fink.
352
00:15:30,554 --> 00:15:32,904
Oh, that's very nice of them.
353
00:15:33,957 --> 00:15:36,274
Klink the Fink.
354
00:15:36,309 --> 00:15:38,460
Ooh, it has a nice sound to it.
355
00:15:38,495 --> 00:15:40,078
Wait until I tell
them about this
356
00:15:40,114 --> 00:15:41,246
at the officers club.
357
00:15:41,281 --> 00:15:42,792
Yeah, yeah, well,
anyway, you see,
358
00:15:42,816 --> 00:15:44,927
the fellows would like some
pictures of you, you know.
359
00:15:44,951 --> 00:15:47,280
Oh? To hang in their lockers,
send home with their letters.
360
00:15:47,304 --> 00:15:48,698
Would you mind posing for them?
361
00:15:48,722 --> 00:15:49,854
Oh, no, not at all.
362
00:15:49,890 --> 00:15:51,456
Oh, good. How about this?
363
00:15:51,491 --> 00:15:53,057
Uh, uh...
364
00:15:53,092 --> 00:15:55,460
no, the background's
wrong, background's wrong.
365
00:15:55,495 --> 00:15:56,828
Um...
366
00:15:56,863 --> 00:15:58,062
Yeah, that's more typical.
367
00:15:58,098 --> 00:15:59,447
Why don't you sit in the chair?
368
00:15:59,483 --> 00:16:00,948
That's a typical pose.
369
00:16:00,984 --> 00:16:03,129
That's-that's the way the men
would want to remember you...
370
00:16:03,153 --> 00:16:04,169
All right,
371
00:16:04,204 --> 00:16:05,236
all right.
372
00:16:05,272 --> 00:16:06,750
Yeah, that's good, that's good.
373
00:16:06,774 --> 00:16:08,851
Let's do an action one,
signing something at the desk.
374
00:16:08,875 --> 00:16:10,142
All right. Yeah.
375
00:16:10,177 --> 00:16:12,210
Klink the Fink.
376
00:16:12,246 --> 00:16:14,379
Now here's a good
character pose.
377
00:16:14,414 --> 00:16:16,214
Ah... more this way,
sir. Face this way.
378
00:16:16,250 --> 00:16:17,499
Yeah, with a hint of a smile.
379
00:16:17,534 --> 00:16:19,734
Mona Lisa like.
380
00:16:19,769 --> 00:16:20,935
Ah, yeah, yeah, that's good.
381
00:16:20,971 --> 00:16:22,120
How's that for you, Carter?
382
00:16:22,155 --> 00:16:24,505
That's perfect.
383
00:16:24,541 --> 00:16:27,358
Now a big smile, huh?
384
00:16:27,393 --> 00:16:28,593
Oh, come on, bigger.
385
00:16:28,628 --> 00:16:30,628
Say "cheese."
386
00:16:30,664 --> 00:16:31,996
Cheese?
387
00:16:32,031 --> 00:16:33,331
Forget it.
388
00:16:34,785 --> 00:16:36,752
Now one for the ladies.
Maybe a profile, huh?
389
00:16:36,787 --> 00:16:38,498
Uh-huh, uh-huh...
Oh! This way, this way.
390
00:16:38,522 --> 00:16:39,837
We want to get your best side.
391
00:16:39,873 --> 00:16:41,739
Oh, yes. All right now...
392
00:16:41,775 --> 00:16:43,519
How's it going,
Carter? Fine, Colonel.
393
00:16:43,543 --> 00:16:44,976
Have it for you
in a few seconds,
394
00:16:45,011 --> 00:16:46,294
all sharp and clear.
395
00:16:51,401 --> 00:16:53,067
Hey, it's getting pretty close.
396
00:16:53,103 --> 00:16:54,447
I hope our flyers
know we're here.
397
00:16:54,471 --> 00:16:56,249
It's the railroad outside
of camp they're after.
398
00:16:56,273 --> 00:16:58,251
Well, as long as they
know it's outside the camp.
399
00:16:58,275 --> 00:16:59,275
Yeah.
400
00:17:00,977 --> 00:17:02,277
Thanks, Carter.
401
00:17:04,748 --> 00:17:07,649
Hey, great work.
402
00:17:07,684 --> 00:17:08,750
Thanks.
403
00:17:08,785 --> 00:17:11,286
Now the problem is how
to get this to our people.
404
00:17:11,321 --> 00:17:13,121
Every time I turn on this radio,
405
00:17:13,156 --> 00:17:14,289
out comes that little guy
406
00:17:14,324 --> 00:17:15,857
with his directional
finder beeper.
407
00:17:18,111 --> 00:17:19,588
Phew! There's another close one.
408
00:17:19,612 --> 00:17:21,674
It's a good thing
they're not aiming at us.
409
00:17:22,833 --> 00:17:26,401
Carter, how long would it
take you to make a bomb?
410
00:17:26,436 --> 00:17:27,803
Well, gee, I don't know.
411
00:17:27,838 --> 00:17:29,704
I'd have to fix up
some kind of explosive.
412
00:17:29,739 --> 00:17:31,106
I don't mean a real bomb.
413
00:17:31,141 --> 00:17:33,286
I mean one that
looks like a bomb,
414
00:17:33,310 --> 00:17:34,553
ticks like a bomb,
415
00:17:34,577 --> 00:17:35,822
but doesn't go off like a bomb.
416
00:17:35,846 --> 00:17:37,741
What do you mean by
that, Colonel? Look...
417
00:17:37,765 --> 00:17:40,109
if your toe is aching and somebody
hits you on the head with a hammer,
418
00:17:40,133 --> 00:17:41,744
you'd soon forget about
your toe, wouldn't you?
419
00:17:41,768 --> 00:17:42,583
Right.
420
00:17:42,619 --> 00:17:43,985
What's that got
to do with bombs?
421
00:17:44,021 --> 00:17:45,120
Don't you get it?
422
00:17:45,155 --> 00:17:47,755
We plant a phony
bomb in the prison yard.
423
00:17:47,790 --> 00:17:48,968
When they hear it ticking,
424
00:17:48,992 --> 00:17:50,470
they'll think it's a real one.
425
00:17:50,494 --> 00:17:52,472
And they'll be so
busy with the fake,
426
00:17:52,496 --> 00:17:56,047
they won't have time to monitor
our radio broadcast, right?
427
00:17:56,083 --> 00:17:57,331
Right.
428
00:17:57,367 --> 00:17:58,978
It's a marvelous idea, Newkirk.
429
00:17:59,002 --> 00:18:00,535
You've done it again.
430
00:18:04,307 --> 00:18:07,275
Hey, looks like a
bomb, doesn't it?
431
00:18:07,310 --> 00:18:08,609
It is a bomb.
432
00:18:08,645 --> 00:18:09,645
One of yours.
433
00:18:09,680 --> 00:18:10,712
Oh, come on, Colonel.
434
00:18:10,747 --> 00:18:12,447
I wouldn't leave a
bomb lying around.
435
00:18:12,482 --> 00:18:14,565
You know the
rules about littering.
436
00:18:14,601 --> 00:18:16,195
One of your planes dropped it
437
00:18:16,219 --> 00:18:17,802
in last night's raid.
438
00:18:17,837 --> 00:18:20,572
It's a new type.
439
00:18:20,607 --> 00:18:23,085
I never saw one like it before.
440
00:18:23,109 --> 00:18:25,288
It's a good thing it's
a dud, Herr General.
441
00:18:25,312 --> 00:18:26,360
A dud?
442
00:18:27,397 --> 00:18:29,130
It's alive!
443
00:18:29,165 --> 00:18:30,499
Do something!
444
00:18:30,534 --> 00:18:33,918
Jawohl, Herr Kommandant.
445
00:18:37,941 --> 00:18:39,307
Do what?
446
00:18:39,342 --> 00:18:43,862
I think it calls for a
bomb disposal expert.
447
00:18:43,897 --> 00:18:46,080
It will take hours
to get a man here.
448
00:18:46,115 --> 00:18:48,433
Maybe it will stop
ticking by itself.
449
00:18:48,468 --> 00:18:51,770
Mm-hmm, and when
it stops ticking, brroom!
450
00:18:51,805 --> 00:18:53,554
Ah! Don't do that!
451
00:18:53,590 --> 00:18:55,473
Hogan, you've got
to disarm that bomb.
452
00:18:55,508 --> 00:18:56,540
Me, why me?
453
00:18:56,576 --> 00:18:58,176
It's your duty...
454
00:18:58,211 --> 00:18:59,511
to the Fuhrer
455
00:18:59,546 --> 00:19:01,579
and it's your duty
to the Third Reich.
456
00:19:01,615 --> 00:19:05,149
Hogan, I am not asking
you; I am ordering you to.
457
00:19:05,185 --> 00:19:06,067
No.
458
00:19:06,103 --> 00:19:08,303
Klink, you're an idiot.
459
00:19:08,338 --> 00:19:10,438
Colonel Hogan, what do you want?
460
00:19:10,473 --> 00:19:11,673
Diffuse that bomb
461
00:19:11,708 --> 00:19:13,808
and you can have
anything you ask for.
462
00:19:13,843 --> 00:19:16,361
Well, let's see.
463
00:19:16,396 --> 00:19:17,962
A movie every week for the men?
464
00:19:17,998 --> 00:19:19,614
No!
465
00:19:19,649 --> 00:19:20,698
Agreed.
466
00:19:20,733 --> 00:19:21,916
Ice cream every Sunday.
467
00:19:21,951 --> 00:19:23,779
No! Agreed. Agreed.
468
00:19:23,803 --> 00:19:26,487
From now on, the men fall out
one hour later every morning.
469
00:19:26,522 --> 00:19:27,934
Agreed. Agreed. Agreed.
470
00:19:27,958 --> 00:19:29,624
You got yourself a deal.
471
00:19:31,294 --> 00:19:32,538
Where's Colonel Hogan?
472
00:19:32,562 --> 00:19:34,340
Schultz came and got
him a little while ago.
473
00:19:34,364 --> 00:19:35,529
What's up?
474
00:19:35,565 --> 00:19:37,110
Part of the tunnel collapsed.
475
00:19:37,134 --> 00:19:38,344
Carter's trapped down there.
476
00:19:38,368 --> 00:19:40,902
He was just coming
up with the phony bomb.
477
00:19:40,937 --> 00:19:43,349
Carter's in the tunnel
with a bomb? Yeah.
478
00:19:43,373 --> 00:19:45,940
Well, what's that
bomb in the yard?
479
00:19:45,976 --> 00:19:47,475
Bomb?
480
00:19:51,281 --> 00:19:54,182
That's a real one.
481
00:19:54,217 --> 00:19:56,212
Come on, let's dig Carter out.
482
00:19:56,236 --> 00:19:58,303
Schultz, help Colonel
Hogan with the bomb!
483
00:19:58,338 --> 00:19:59,632
Me? Colonel Klink!
484
00:19:59,656 --> 00:20:01,623
I'm going to need
your help, too.
485
00:20:03,159 --> 00:20:04,592
Me?
486
00:20:04,628 --> 00:20:06,305
I don't know
anything about bombs.
487
00:20:06,329 --> 00:20:08,357
You'll never get a
better chance to learn.
488
00:20:08,381 --> 00:20:11,299
Help him, Klink,
that's an order.
489
00:20:13,036 --> 00:20:14,948
I wonder how this
thing is put together.
490
00:20:14,972 --> 00:20:16,104
Don't you know?
491
00:20:19,509 --> 00:20:20,608
Ah!
492
00:20:20,643 --> 00:20:22,893
Please, Colonel
Hogan, don't do that!
493
00:20:22,929 --> 00:20:24,929
It'd be a good idea
if we get everybody
494
00:20:24,964 --> 00:20:26,608
as far away from
this bomb as possible.
495
00:20:26,632 --> 00:20:27,699
That makes a lot of sense.
496
00:20:27,734 --> 00:20:30,235
Not you, Klink.
497
00:20:30,270 --> 00:20:31,814
Boy, I didn't know
it was that late.
498
00:20:31,838 --> 00:20:33,271
I have an appointment in town.
499
00:20:33,306 --> 00:20:34,272
Are you going, sir?
500
00:20:34,307 --> 00:20:35,873
You don't need me.
501
00:20:35,908 --> 00:20:39,210
I think you three can
handle it very well.
502
00:20:41,932 --> 00:20:43,876
Sergeant!
503
00:20:43,900 --> 00:20:46,434
Colonel Klink, I
want you to know,
504
00:20:46,469 --> 00:20:47,836
no matter what happens,
505
00:20:47,871 --> 00:20:49,670
it's been a privilege
knowing you.
506
00:20:49,706 --> 00:20:51,206
In the time I've
been here in camp...
507
00:20:51,241 --> 00:20:52,518
Never mind that, Hogan!
508
00:20:52,542 --> 00:20:55,409
Just stop that
bomb from ticking.
509
00:20:59,666 --> 00:21:01,266
Screwdriver.
510
00:21:04,904 --> 00:21:06,204
Chisel.
511
00:21:12,512 --> 00:21:13,561
Pliers.
512
00:21:28,511 --> 00:21:31,846
Beautiful, beautiful.
513
00:21:31,882 --> 00:21:35,050
Carter Manufacturing Company
has outdone themselves.
514
00:21:35,085 --> 00:21:36,951
They make these bombs, you know.
515
00:21:36,987 --> 00:21:38,731
Are you sure you
know what you're doing?
516
00:21:38,755 --> 00:21:39,721
No.
517
00:21:39,756 --> 00:21:40,788
You like to try it?
518
00:21:40,823 --> 00:21:44,592
Please, Herr Kommandant,
don't make him nervous.
519
00:21:50,834 --> 00:21:52,734
Here.
520
00:21:52,769 --> 00:21:54,235
Hold that, hold that.
521
00:21:54,270 --> 00:21:55,537
Now don't let the ends touch,
522
00:21:55,572 --> 00:21:57,839
otherwise you'll
short-circuit the bomb.
523
00:21:57,874 --> 00:21:59,206
And then boom!
524
00:21:59,242 --> 00:22:00,520
Dummkopf, don't touch me!
525
00:22:00,544 --> 00:22:02,143
Do you want me to explode?
526
00:22:07,283 --> 00:22:09,517
Colonel Hogan, can I
speak to you a minute?
527
00:22:09,553 --> 00:22:10,852
He's busy.
528
00:22:10,887 --> 00:22:13,087
Never too busy
to talk to my men.
529
00:22:13,122 --> 00:22:14,255
Here.
530
00:22:14,290 --> 00:22:15,356
Hold that.
531
00:22:16,676 --> 00:22:18,242
Hi, Kinch.
532
00:22:18,277 --> 00:22:20,356
We've got this bomb
here we're disarming.
533
00:22:20,380 --> 00:22:21,679
A real live one.
534
00:22:21,715 --> 00:22:23,214
That's exactly what you've got.
535
00:22:23,249 --> 00:22:24,849
A real, live bomb.
536
00:22:24,885 --> 00:22:26,818
We had a cave-in,
and Carter's trapped
537
00:22:26,853 --> 00:22:29,353
in the tunnel with the fake one.
538
00:22:29,389 --> 00:22:31,255
That's a real, live bomb?
539
00:22:31,290 --> 00:22:33,503
You mean I've been fooling
around with a live bomb?
540
00:22:33,527 --> 00:22:35,104
Let's get out of here. No, wait.
541
00:22:35,128 --> 00:22:36,427
The only trouble is,
542
00:22:36,462 --> 00:22:38,229
the part of the
tunnel that Carter's in
543
00:22:38,264 --> 00:22:39,697
is right under this bomb.
544
00:22:39,733 --> 00:22:40,877
Well, get him out of there.
545
00:22:40,901 --> 00:22:42,600
We've been digging,
but he won't leave,
546
00:22:42,636 --> 00:22:44,468
not until he finishes
sending the new code
547
00:22:44,504 --> 00:22:45,469
on the radio.
548
00:22:45,505 --> 00:22:47,204
Oh, boy.
549
00:22:48,942 --> 00:22:50,742
I'll tell you one thing,
550
00:22:50,777 --> 00:22:53,611
you've just taken all
the fun out of this job.
551
00:23:13,716 --> 00:23:15,049
Is that the fuse?
552
00:23:15,084 --> 00:23:16,417
Uh-huh.
553
00:23:19,856 --> 00:23:21,956
Thank you, Schultz.
554
00:23:21,991 --> 00:23:23,524
Wire cutters.
555
00:23:29,999 --> 00:23:31,043
What are you waiting for?
556
00:23:31,067 --> 00:23:32,344
Cut the wire.
557
00:23:32,368 --> 00:23:35,553
That's the problem.
558
00:23:35,588 --> 00:23:38,939
One of these wires
disconnects the fuse.
559
00:23:38,975 --> 00:23:40,858
The other one fires the bomb.
560
00:23:42,579 --> 00:23:44,056
Which one would
you cut, Schultz?
561
00:23:44,080 --> 00:23:46,147
Don't ask me.
562
00:23:46,183 --> 00:23:48,516
This is a decision
for an officer.
563
00:23:50,219 --> 00:23:52,186
All right.
564
00:23:52,221 --> 00:23:53,570
Which wire, Colonel Klink?
565
00:23:56,059 --> 00:23:58,026
This one.
566
00:24:01,197 --> 00:24:03,364
You're sure?
567
00:24:03,399 --> 00:24:04,799
Yes.
568
00:24:27,023 --> 00:24:31,258
If you knew which wire it
was, why did you ask me?
569
00:24:31,293 --> 00:24:34,528
I wasn't sure which
was the right one.
570
00:24:34,563 --> 00:24:36,643
But I was certain you'd
pick the wrong one.
38834
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