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1
00:00:11,984 --> 00:00:14,687
I think the Unicorns should
pack their suitcases,
2
00:00:14,721 --> 00:00:18,458
'cause they're about to take
a trip in the penalty box.
3
00:00:18,492 --> 00:00:20,626
Capisce?
4
00:00:20,660 --> 00:00:24,897
It's not your fault that this establishment
is insensitive to the needs of your pussy
5
00:00:24,931 --> 00:00:26,632
cat.
6
00:00:26,667 --> 00:00:28,200
I'm telling you, you let one
more fart loose in here
7
00:00:28,235 --> 00:00:29,802
I'm gonna have to
drop the oxygen masks.
8
00:00:31,471 --> 00:00:33,872
Don't talk about your
"underwear bomber."
9
00:00:33,907 --> 00:00:35,874
That's this guy.
That's this guy.
10
00:00:36,074 --> 00:00:46,274
Sync by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
11
00:00:56,766 --> 00:00:58,400
Ah. Wonderful.
12
00:01:01,839 --> 00:01:03,707
Excellent.
13
00:01:05,777 --> 00:01:07,778
Ah, good choice.
14
00:01:07,813 --> 00:01:09,747
Lamplighter, 5:30?
15
00:01:09,781 --> 00:01:11,716
There you go.
16
00:01:11,751 --> 00:01:13,151
Oh, hi!
17
00:01:13,186 --> 00:01:15,153
You know what I like
to do from time to time?
18
00:01:15,188 --> 00:01:17,156
I like to take it up the ass.
19
00:01:17,190 --> 00:01:19,791
Not literally, of course,
but figuratively.
20
00:01:19,826 --> 00:01:22,962
The older you get,
the easier it is to do.
21
00:01:22,996 --> 00:01:25,164
I mean, do you really
think you're smarter
22
00:01:25,199 --> 00:01:28,001
than all those guys
trying to screw you over?
23
00:01:28,035 --> 00:01:29,236
You're not.
24
00:01:29,270 --> 00:01:30,671
Right now, there's
some college nerd
25
00:01:30,705 --> 00:01:32,773
working a computer
at a Wall Street office
26
00:01:32,807 --> 00:01:35,976
thinking of ways to fuck you over
you can't even imagine, my friend.
27
00:01:36,010 --> 00:01:39,480
Just going about your day, swinging
a hammer, flipping a burger,
28
00:01:39,514 --> 00:01:41,949
and he's looking at numbers,
29
00:01:41,983 --> 00:01:45,586
thinking to himself, "How
can I fuck somebody over?"
30
00:01:45,620 --> 00:01:46,821
You're not smarter than him.
31
00:01:48,357 --> 00:01:49,991
And there's a
bunch of 'em, too.
32
00:01:50,025 --> 00:01:51,793
They just got through fucking
us a couple of years ago,
33
00:01:51,827 --> 00:01:53,661
and now they're at it again.
34
00:01:53,695 --> 00:01:56,330
There's really nothing
you can do except sit back,
35
00:01:56,365 --> 00:01:59,000
have a drink,
watch a little TV,
36
00:01:59,034 --> 00:02:00,535
and take it like a man.
37
00:02:02,138 --> 00:02:04,105
I've actually come to enjoy it.
38
00:02:05,241 --> 00:02:07,008
Figuratively speaking,
of course.
39
00:02:35,474 --> 00:02:37,775
Tonight on Funny or Die,
40
00:02:37,809 --> 00:02:39,276
Tijuana Jackson,
41
00:02:40,411 --> 00:02:42,480
part two of Lady Refs,
42
00:02:43,515 --> 00:02:44,849
and the movie of the week,
43
00:02:44,883 --> 00:02:47,752
Terrorist on Flight 77,
44
00:02:47,786 --> 00:02:50,655
starring Tom Lennonand Ben Garant, okay?
45
00:02:54,026 --> 00:02:55,660
A lot of peoplewanna hear my story.
46
00:02:55,694 --> 00:02:58,029
You what I'm saying?
A lot of people wanna hear how I got...
47
00:02:58,064 --> 00:03:01,299
They wanna know how a nigga ended up
in jail, you know what I'm saying,
48
00:03:01,333 --> 00:03:04,802
a nigger of my caliber ended up
in prison in the first place.
49
00:03:04,836 --> 00:03:07,505
You know, the gas prices, they
went up, you know what I'm saying,
50
00:03:07,539 --> 00:03:09,306
and nigga got busted
siphoning some gas
51
00:03:09,340 --> 00:03:12,108
out of a motherfucking school
bus in a parking lot, okay?
52
00:03:12,143 --> 00:03:14,610
You know, and the cops
pulled up and caught me,
53
00:03:14,644 --> 00:03:16,678
you know, and it
was a misdemeanor.
54
00:03:16,713 --> 00:03:20,348
But then, it escalated to a felony,
'cause I was smoking a cigarette,
55
00:03:20,383 --> 00:03:23,752
therefore endangering the lives of
the kids that were still on the bus.
56
00:03:23,786 --> 00:03:26,088
I didn't really realize those
little motherfuckers was on there.
57
00:03:31,461 --> 00:03:32,862
626?
58
00:03:32,896 --> 00:03:33,930
Aw, hell no.
59
00:03:33,964 --> 00:03:35,598
Not on my cell phone, no.
60
00:03:35,633 --> 00:03:39,336
Last time, man, last time I got one
of them calls, I called them up.
61
00:03:39,370 --> 00:03:42,372
They told me, I said, they said I won
a prize. I said, "What'd I win?"
62
00:03:42,407 --> 00:03:46,142
They said, "You won the complete
Ginsu knife set with..."
63
00:03:46,176 --> 00:03:48,244
And it came with
the bamboo wood block
64
00:03:48,278 --> 00:03:50,145
and they said it had a
knife sharpener with it.
65
00:03:50,180 --> 00:03:51,447
I went to pick my shit up,
66
00:03:51,481 --> 00:03:52,915
these motherfuckers
slap handcuffs on me.
67
00:03:54,250 --> 00:03:55,584
You know what I'm saying?
For outstanding warrants.
68
00:03:55,618 --> 00:03:56,785
Not again.
69
00:03:56,820 --> 00:03:58,353
Y'all just hold tight
for a second, all right?
70
00:03:58,388 --> 00:03:59,588
I just gotta...
71
00:04:16,571 --> 00:04:17,938
My nephew usedto go to that school,
72
00:04:20,242 --> 00:04:22,176
but then the Koreans
took it over.
73
00:04:22,210 --> 00:04:23,778
This is the issue,
74
00:04:23,813 --> 00:04:26,614
this is the issue that a lot of
motherfuckers don't try to understand.
75
00:04:26,649 --> 00:04:28,850
I'm trying to give y'alllegitimate information.
76
00:04:28,884 --> 00:04:30,985
If people are willing tomake a documentary about you
77
00:04:31,020 --> 00:04:33,455
it must say something aboutyour heart, and who you,
78
00:04:33,489 --> 00:04:35,123
who you are as an individual.
79
00:04:35,157 --> 00:04:36,891
As a whole, you knowwhat I'm saying,
80
00:04:36,926 --> 00:04:38,393
these motherfuckersdon't think.
81
00:04:38,427 --> 00:04:40,595
Just due to becauseof the fact that I'm flashy,
82
00:04:40,629 --> 00:04:42,363
you know what I'm saying, I'm good
looking, you know what I'm saying,
83
00:04:42,397 --> 00:04:44,398
I wear chains and shit,you know what I'm saying,
84
00:04:44,433 --> 00:04:46,233
I can't be no motherfucking professional,
you know what I'm saying?
85
00:04:46,268 --> 00:04:47,501
Contraire, mon frere.
86
00:04:51,006 --> 00:04:52,139
Get some change?
87
00:04:52,174 --> 00:04:53,707
No camera, no
smoking in the store.
88
00:04:53,742 --> 00:04:54,875
It's menthol.
89
00:04:54,909 --> 00:04:56,476
They ain't filming you,
they're filming me.
90
00:04:56,511 --> 00:04:59,312
Life coach. Motivational speaker.
How much for the sweets?
91
00:04:59,346 --> 00:05:00,613
It's $1.
92
00:05:00,648 --> 00:05:02,149
A...
93
00:05:02,183 --> 00:05:05,285
Hey, can you check the back
for hypoallergenic cat licks?
94
00:05:05,319 --> 00:05:07,520
All we have is what you see.
95
00:05:07,554 --> 00:05:10,222
Hypoallergenic cats need hypoallergenic
food for a reason. It's not optional.
96
00:05:11,691 --> 00:05:13,392
Sorry. There's nothing in the back.
Forget it.
97
00:05:13,426 --> 00:05:15,126
Sorry to disturb you, sir.
98
00:05:15,161 --> 00:05:16,661
Whatever.
99
00:05:16,695 --> 00:05:18,696
Okay.
100
00:05:18,731 --> 00:05:21,766
Obviously she's rooting something deep
in the motherfucking feline, okay?
101
00:05:23,836 --> 00:05:25,136
Excuse me.
102
00:05:25,170 --> 00:05:26,637
I noticed you were having
a bit of a dilemma.
103
00:05:26,672 --> 00:05:28,239
My name's Tijuana Jackson.
104
00:05:28,273 --> 00:05:30,141
Motivational speaker,
life coach.
105
00:05:30,175 --> 00:05:31,442
How come they're filming me?
106
00:05:31,476 --> 00:05:33,010
Oh, they're
not... guys.
107
00:05:35,280 --> 00:05:36,848
Cut. Cut.
108
00:05:38,050 --> 00:05:40,185
Okay, now. Got
that out the way.
109
00:05:40,219 --> 00:05:42,488
Uh, what seems to be getting
your hormones so riled up?
110
00:05:42,522 --> 00:05:43,622
I'm the worst
mother in the world.
111
00:05:43,656 --> 00:05:45,490
My cat's hungry...
That's not true, okay?
112
00:05:45,525 --> 00:05:48,026
Look, it's not your
fault that this establishment
113
00:05:48,060 --> 00:05:50,629
is insensitive to the
needs of your pussy
114
00:05:50,663 --> 00:05:52,431
cat.
115
00:05:52,465 --> 00:05:55,568
Furthermore, I believe an investigation
of your self-image is what's in order.
116
00:05:55,602 --> 00:05:57,370
What's the matter
with my self-image?
117
00:05:57,404 --> 00:05:59,238
It's a beautiful
thing. Okay?
118
00:05:59,273 --> 00:06:01,873
It just needs to be nurtured in the
same way that you nurture your cat.
119
00:06:04,443 --> 00:06:05,577
Do you wash it?
120
00:06:05,611 --> 00:06:07,379
Yeah.
Okay.
121
00:06:07,413 --> 00:06:09,080
Do you play with it?
Of course I do.
122
00:06:09,114 --> 00:06:10,147
Mmm-hmm.
123
00:06:10,182 --> 00:06:12,383
And when you stroke
it, does it purr?
124
00:06:12,417 --> 00:06:13,517
What?
125
00:06:13,551 --> 00:06:15,318
Okay, let me put it
to you this way, okay?
126
00:06:15,353 --> 00:06:16,853
By the paleness in your skin,
127
00:06:16,887 --> 00:06:21,156
dark circles, the hunch in your
posture, moderately excessive weight,
128
00:06:21,190 --> 00:06:25,094
I'm led to believe you're neglecting
something other than your cat.
129
00:06:25,128 --> 00:06:27,863
Do you honestly consider yourself
to be an attractive woman?
130
00:06:27,897 --> 00:06:29,631
Right now? I mean, I don't, okay?
Fuck you.
131
00:06:29,666 --> 00:06:31,166
No, I don't mean... No. No.
132
00:06:31,200 --> 00:06:32,434
No, I do... okay.
Fuck... fuck you!
133
00:06:32,468 --> 00:06:33,502
No, wait a minute...
134
00:06:33,536 --> 00:06:35,303
Fuck you!
135
00:06:35,338 --> 00:06:37,806
I'm breaking you down to build you back up,
okay? Don't take offense to it.
136
00:06:37,840 --> 00:06:39,841
If you take it personally,
it's not gonna work.
137
00:06:50,452 --> 00:06:52,787
Prime example of what
I'm talking about, okay?
138
00:06:52,821 --> 00:06:55,089
Drinking soda.
God knows what else.
139
00:06:55,123 --> 00:06:58,092
You know what, I think that the
lesson that we learned here today
140
00:06:58,126 --> 00:07:01,028
is that you can lead
a feline to the water,
141
00:07:01,063 --> 00:07:03,431
but if that feline don't
want to see its reflection,
142
00:07:03,465 --> 00:07:04,665
it ain't gonna drink.
143
00:07:06,067 --> 00:07:08,636
Man, honestly, you
can't save everybody.
144
00:07:08,671 --> 00:07:10,471
I think some people are
just meant to be fucked up.
145
00:07:10,506 --> 00:07:12,240
I thought Christians
don't curse.
146
00:07:12,275 --> 00:07:13,909
What makes you think
I'm Christian?
147
00:07:13,943 --> 00:07:15,711
I see you got a cross on.
148
00:07:15,745 --> 00:07:17,913
This ain't no cross, nigga.
This is "T" for "T.J."
149
00:07:17,948 --> 00:07:19,848
Some change, homey.
150
00:07:19,883 --> 00:07:22,117
Hey,somebody page T.J.?
151
00:07:22,152 --> 00:07:23,319
What'd I win?
152
00:07:25,188 --> 00:07:26,722
With the bamboo wood block.
153
00:07:27,824 --> 00:07:29,592
Fuck these niggas.
Let's go.
154
00:07:41,403 --> 00:07:43,237
Welcome back to Juggalo News.
155
00:07:43,272 --> 00:07:46,141
The highest honors in
carnival-crazed graveyard cinema
156
00:07:46,175 --> 00:07:49,645
were handed out tonight at the
annual Suck My Cockscar Awards.
157
00:07:49,680 --> 00:07:52,648
Joining us now from the red carpet
is entertainment correspondent
158
00:07:52,683 --> 00:07:55,318
Crime Minista Molotovsticles.
159
00:07:55,353 --> 00:08:00,758
Thanks, Krazee. It truly was a magical
night here in Hollywoodville, Michigan,
160
00:08:00,792 --> 00:08:05,262
where all the biggest stars
came out to shine and shit.
161
00:08:05,297 --> 00:08:08,265
And the Suck My Cockscar goes to
162
00:08:09,301 --> 00:08:11,235
Sovereignty in this Bitch.
163
00:08:11,269 --> 00:08:15,405
Revolutionary war epic Sovereignty
in this Bitch was tonight's big winner,
164
00:08:15,440 --> 00:08:20,077
taking home six awards, including
Dopest Picture and Best Sound Design.
165
00:08:20,111 --> 00:08:21,177
Ya heard?
166
00:08:21,212 --> 00:08:22,779
Let the word go forth
167
00:08:23,881 --> 00:08:26,950
that our nation can
chillax no longer.
168
00:08:26,985 --> 00:08:30,354
We must rise against those
who wish to fuck us up
169
00:08:30,389 --> 00:08:34,359
and axe them in
their gay boners!
170
00:08:34,393 --> 00:08:39,464
The film also earned a Best Supporting
Psycho Prize for Adolph Satanfinger,
171
00:08:39,499 --> 00:08:42,868
star of TV’s
Shit's Fucked Up Hospital.
172
00:08:42,903 --> 00:08:45,004
I wish my fucking father
could have seen this shit.
173
00:08:45,038 --> 00:08:49,675
El Jardin de Sacos Testiculos
took home best not English film,
174
00:08:49,709 --> 00:08:53,378
while the best animatifiedfilm went to Wicked Ass Zoo.
175
00:08:53,412 --> 00:08:56,148
Hey, yo. How we gonna get
out of this fucking zoo?
176
00:08:56,182 --> 00:08:57,616
We animals!
177
00:08:57,650 --> 00:08:59,318
We belong in the zoo, bitch!
178
00:08:59,352 --> 00:09:04,723
But let's not forget the real star
of any Suck My Cockscar night,
179
00:09:04,757 --> 00:09:06,625
the fashion!
180
00:09:06,659 --> 00:09:10,695
Decapitatrix looked stunning in a
vintage diamond necklace from Cartier
181
00:09:10,730 --> 00:09:12,931
and a red hoodiestolen from Target,
182
00:09:12,965 --> 00:09:18,670
while Blunts Assface rocked a smart
Burberry coat and no pants.
183
00:09:18,704 --> 00:09:24,076
All in all, a night of glitz, glamour,
and ghetto-ass hocus pocus.
184
00:09:24,110 --> 00:09:25,244
Krazee?
185
00:09:25,278 --> 00:09:26,512
Some other big winners tonight,
186
00:09:26,546 --> 00:09:29,615
Downest-ass Bitch went
to Her Vajesty,
187
00:09:29,649 --> 00:09:32,418
Best Original Strangling
went to Fuckfoot,
188
00:09:32,453 --> 00:09:37,656
and Freshest Original Jam was a tie
between the Nightmerican Skullfuck Squad
189
00:09:37,691 --> 00:09:40,626
and Randy Newman.
We'll be right back.
190
00:09:59,945 --> 00:10:02,547
Previously on Lady Refs...
191
00:10:02,582 --> 00:10:04,550
Jablonsky loves hersome Dirkson...
192
00:10:04,584 --> 00:10:06,152
God damn, she's fine.
193
00:10:06,186 --> 00:10:07,987
...But Dirkson likesto play the field.
194
00:10:08,022 --> 00:10:09,890
Look. Hot new
girl in town.
195
00:10:09,924 --> 00:10:12,559
Hot new girlwith a male fiance.
196
00:10:12,593 --> 00:10:14,428
He wears the ringin the family.
197
00:10:14,462 --> 00:10:16,597
Jablonsky calls game over...
198
00:10:16,631 --> 00:10:18,899
You might get the new girl,
but you'll never get these.
199
00:10:18,934 --> 00:10:20,701
If she can't service Dirkson,
200
00:10:20,736 --> 00:10:22,303
she'll takeher service elsewhere.
201
00:10:22,337 --> 00:10:24,072
Is Afghanistan far from here?
202
00:10:24,106 --> 00:10:25,640
You bet.
203
00:10:25,674 --> 00:10:26,941
Well, sign me up.
204
00:10:30,846 --> 00:10:34,348
Man, soon as I think reffing's
the only thing worth living for.
205
00:10:34,383 --> 00:10:35,616
Amen.
206
00:10:35,651 --> 00:10:38,052
Damn, Dirkson. You're so
good at jogging backwards.
207
00:10:38,086 --> 00:10:39,186
It's kind of my thing,
208
00:10:39,221 --> 00:10:42,489
but it takes a lot
of concentration.
209
00:10:42,524 --> 00:10:44,224
Here's to popping your cherry.
Dirkson!
210
00:10:44,259 --> 00:10:45,760
That shower was
a one time thing.
211
00:10:50,600 --> 00:10:53,402
Chillax, rookie.
I'm talking about your ref cherry.
212
00:11:00,245 --> 00:11:02,279
♪ If you're offsides,out of bounds
213
00:11:02,314 --> 00:11:04,281
♪ to play real roughand show them down
214
00:11:04,315 --> 00:11:05,482
♪ even you would get a bump
215
00:11:05,517 --> 00:11:07,384
♪ 'cause when I kickI kick it hard
216
00:11:07,419 --> 00:11:09,987
♪ every time you hearthe whistle go
217
00:11:10,021 --> 00:11:11,555
♪ that's me in control
218
00:11:11,589 --> 00:11:13,490
♪ we're playing sudden death
219
00:11:13,524 --> 00:11:17,027
♪ lady refs ♪
220
00:11:19,130 --> 00:11:20,263
Play ball!
221
00:11:20,298 --> 00:11:22,132
Keep it clean! Easy!
222
00:11:23,134 --> 00:11:24,301
Offsides!
223
00:11:25,170 --> 00:11:26,337
Damn!
224
00:11:27,439 --> 00:11:28,572
Let's go, girls.
225
00:11:30,109 --> 00:11:33,011
I think the Unicorns should
pack their suitcases.
226
00:11:33,045 --> 00:11:34,912
'Cause they're about
to take a trip
227
00:11:34,947 --> 00:11:36,814
in the penalty box.
228
00:11:36,849 --> 00:11:38,784
Capisce?
229
00:11:38,818 --> 00:11:42,488
A bribe? What
do I do? Dirkson!
230
00:11:42,522 --> 00:11:44,590
Not now! I'm
jogging backwards!
231
00:11:44,624 --> 00:11:46,458
But, Dirkson!
232
00:11:48,194 --> 00:11:49,227
No!
233
00:11:57,236 --> 00:11:59,871
Are you okay?
Are you dead?
234
00:12:02,407 --> 00:12:03,942
I did everything I could,
235
00:12:03,976 --> 00:12:05,543
but I couldn't save her
236
00:12:05,578 --> 00:12:08,346
interior (speaking gibberish) ligament.
237
00:12:08,381 --> 00:12:11,383
Oh, God!
Not her ACL!
238
00:12:11,417 --> 00:12:12,884
How long does she have?
239
00:12:12,918 --> 00:12:16,188
Six months, to a year...
240
00:12:16,222 --> 00:12:18,890
...Before she, uh, can
run backwards again.
241
00:12:18,924 --> 00:12:21,026
No. No!
242
00:12:21,060 --> 00:12:22,628
It's all my fault!
243
00:12:22,662 --> 00:12:24,963
I distracted her backwards jog.
244
00:12:24,997 --> 00:12:27,432
There's gotta be
something you can do.
245
00:12:27,467 --> 00:12:30,302
Well, there is an
experimental surgery but it's
246
00:12:30,336 --> 00:12:31,503
very expensive.
247
00:12:32,738 --> 00:12:34,339
Very expensive, huh?
248
00:12:35,341 --> 00:12:37,042
Well played, Unicorns.
249
00:12:39,645 --> 00:12:41,546
I'll take that bribe now.
250
00:12:41,581 --> 00:12:43,414
The game's over.
251
00:12:43,449 --> 00:12:45,716
I'll take it for
next time, then.
252
00:12:45,751 --> 00:12:47,484
Next time's the finals,
253
00:12:47,519 --> 00:12:51,254
and word is the
Unicorns are a shoo-in.
254
00:12:51,289 --> 00:12:52,489
Capisce?
255
00:12:53,457 --> 00:12:55,258
Ugh.
256
00:12:55,292 --> 00:12:56,659
Capisce.
257
00:13:01,131 --> 00:13:05,002
I believe this should cover it.
258
00:13:05,036 --> 00:13:08,406
Look, I could lose my athletic
trainer ID if I do this surgery,
259
00:13:09,775 --> 00:13:11,042
but this is a lot of cash.
260
00:13:12,378 --> 00:13:14,346
No one can know about this.
261
00:13:14,380 --> 00:13:15,681
Then I'll prep the LR.
262
00:13:16,750 --> 00:13:18,217
Locker room.
263
00:13:20,087 --> 00:13:21,421
Someone say surgery?
264
00:13:21,455 --> 00:13:23,189
Jablonsky!
265
00:13:23,224 --> 00:13:25,825
Came from Afghanistan as soon as
I heard about Dirkson's fall.
266
00:13:26,960 --> 00:13:28,127
She's flatlining!
267
00:13:36,304 --> 00:13:38,472
Next time on Lady Refs...
268
00:13:38,506 --> 00:13:39,573
Ow!
Clear!
269
00:13:41,676 --> 00:13:43,077
Oh!
270
00:14:08,805 --> 00:14:09,971
Ooh.
271
00:14:11,474 --> 00:14:14,342
Are you from Tennessee?
272
00:14:14,377 --> 00:14:17,345
Because you're
the only "ten" I see.
273
00:14:31,894 --> 00:14:34,029
Hey!
274
00:14:34,064 --> 00:14:40,170
Presenting the world premiere of a motion
picture produced especially for Funny or Die.
275
00:14:40,204 --> 00:14:41,905
The movie of the week.
276
00:14:41,939 --> 00:14:45,374
Tonight's movie,
Terrorist on Flight 77.
277
00:14:52,715 --> 00:14:54,582
And good evening,ladies and gentlemen.
278
00:14:54,617 --> 00:14:57,385
From the flight deck, this
is your co-pilot speaking.
279
00:14:57,419 --> 00:14:58,753
This is flight 77,
280
00:14:58,787 --> 00:15:01,855
en route from LAX
to Detroit, Michigan,
281
00:15:01,890 --> 00:15:02,990
the Motor City.
282
00:15:03,025 --> 00:15:04,859
We've got nothing but
clear skies up ahead of us.
283
00:15:04,893 --> 00:15:08,830
We might even have you at the
gate just a little bit early.
284
00:15:08,865 --> 00:15:10,432
Huh.
285
00:15:10,466 --> 00:15:11,800
That's weird.
286
00:15:13,103 --> 00:15:14,337
What's weird?
287
00:15:15,773 --> 00:15:18,408
Radio just handed me a new
message from the tower.
288
00:15:18,442 --> 00:15:24,715
They want us to change our landing
coordinates to 68 degrees north by 99 west?
289
00:15:24,749 --> 00:15:27,418
That's like, uh, south of
five point? South Dakota?
290
00:15:27,452 --> 00:15:30,454
South Dakota. 68 north,
99 west, that's, uh...
291
00:15:32,357 --> 00:15:33,624
That's Mount Rushmore,
isn't it?
292
00:15:33,658 --> 00:15:35,325
I think that is Mount Rushmore!
293
00:15:35,360 --> 00:15:37,627
They want us to land the plane
294
00:15:37,662 --> 00:15:39,862
on Mount Rushmore.
295
00:15:39,897 --> 00:15:41,764
Hmm.
That would pretty much have us
296
00:15:41,798 --> 00:15:45,001
crashing smack dab
into Mount Rushmore.
297
00:15:45,036 --> 00:15:47,004
That seems kind of
weird, doesn't it?
298
00:15:47,038 --> 00:15:48,271
Huh.
299
00:15:48,306 --> 00:15:49,539
Huh.
That's weird.
300
00:15:49,573 --> 00:15:51,041
That is really weird.
301
00:15:52,210 --> 00:15:54,644
68 north by
302
00:15:54,679 --> 00:15:57,480
99 west.
303
00:16:00,919 --> 00:16:02,419
You know what seems weird?
304
00:16:02,454 --> 00:16:05,289
Huh. Them wanting us to crash
the plane into Mount Rushmore.
305
00:16:05,323 --> 00:16:07,492
Is it me? Am I...
I don't know.
306
00:16:07,526 --> 00:16:09,327
It just seems a little
weird, doesn't it?
307
00:16:09,361 --> 00:16:11,463
You know what? Maybe we should just radio
in to air traffic control and just
308
00:16:11,497 --> 00:16:12,998
kind of double-check those coordinates.
Couldn't hurt.
309
00:16:13,032 --> 00:16:14,733
Couldn't hurt.
310
00:16:14,768 --> 00:16:16,435
Couldn't hurt to double check.
Do a little idiot check.
311
00:16:16,469 --> 00:16:18,371
Hey, uh, radio man.
312
00:16:18,405 --> 00:16:19,572
Radio man?
313
00:16:26,979 --> 00:16:29,080
I'm sorry, uh...
314
00:16:29,115 --> 00:16:31,850
I'm so embarrassed.
I forgot your name.
315
00:16:35,220 --> 00:16:37,488
Rusty. Rusty O’Brien.
316
00:16:37,522 --> 00:16:40,324
Rusty O’Brien.
Rusty! I'm so sorry.
317
00:16:40,358 --> 00:16:43,728
So many new faces around here, Rusty,
ever since the merger and the buyout.
318
00:16:43,762 --> 00:16:44,962
Blah, blah, blah.
319
00:16:44,997 --> 00:16:47,498
Oh, uh, what was
I gonna ask you?
320
00:16:47,533 --> 00:16:50,702
Oh, hey, would you, uh, run those
coordinates by air traffic control
321
00:16:50,737 --> 00:16:53,038
just to see if that's what
they meant, 'cause it seems
322
00:16:53,073 --> 00:16:54,507
just a little bit fishy to me.
323
00:16:54,541 --> 00:16:56,109
Just, just radio to the tower.
324
00:17:10,358 --> 00:17:11,658
So,
325
00:17:11,692 --> 00:17:12,926
that's a yes?
326
00:17:18,266 --> 00:17:20,133
All right. Well, there you go.
Okey doke. Okey doke.
327
00:17:20,167 --> 00:17:21,968
Thanks, Rusty.
328
00:17:22,002 --> 00:17:23,536
Huh.
329
00:17:33,379 --> 00:17:34,580
You know what seems weird?
330
00:17:34,614 --> 00:17:35,948
Hmm.
331
00:17:35,982 --> 00:17:39,350
Them having us crash the
plane into Mount Rushmore,
332
00:17:39,385 --> 00:17:42,019
instead of landing
safely in Detroit
333
00:17:42,054 --> 00:17:43,621
where all these
passengers paid to land.
334
00:17:43,655 --> 00:17:46,690
It seems like straight up bad
customer service to me, right?
335
00:17:46,724 --> 00:17:48,225
Doesn't it?
336
00:17:48,259 --> 00:17:50,059
I wonder if we should maybe
wake the captain up.
337
00:17:50,094 --> 00:17:53,496
No, no, no, no, no. The captain had
a very, very late night last night.
338
00:17:53,530 --> 00:17:54,897
We are not waking the captain.
339
00:17:54,931 --> 00:17:57,032
That's why there's four of
us in the cockpit, okay?
340
00:17:58,735 --> 00:17:59,968
I'm gonna call the tower.
341
00:18:00,003 --> 00:18:01,637
Yeah, I'm just
gonna double check.
342
00:18:01,671 --> 00:18:03,372
Super duper idea.
343
00:18:04,775 --> 00:18:06,843
Detroit tower, this is Mark.
344
00:18:06,877 --> 00:18:11,248
Hey! Hey, how's it going, Mark?
Uh, this is flight 77 from LAX...
345
00:18:11,282 --> 00:18:13,183
Tell him I said hi.
346
00:18:13,218 --> 00:18:17,088
Uh, our radio guy just gave me
kind of a squirrely message,
347
00:18:17,122 --> 00:18:19,157
and I just wanted to double
check that you want us
348
00:18:19,191 --> 00:18:22,259
to land at 68 degrees north
349
00:18:22,294 --> 00:18:24,128
by 99 west...
99 west.
350
00:18:24,162 --> 00:18:26,263
...Because we think that
would have this plane
351
00:18:26,297 --> 00:18:27,831
crashing into Mount Rushmore?
352
00:18:27,865 --> 00:18:29,533
That make sense to you guys?
Definitely will, yeah.
353
00:18:29,567 --> 00:18:31,067
Give me a sec here, and
I'll run it up the chain.
354
00:18:31,102 --> 00:18:32,769
Don't, I mean if
it's too much trouble.
355
00:18:32,803 --> 00:18:34,303
Don't, uh... Don't, uh...
Tell him not to freak out about it.
356
00:18:34,338 --> 00:18:35,438
Oh, yeah.
They're looking?
357
00:18:35,472 --> 00:18:36,672
Yeah.
Okay.
358
00:18:38,308 --> 00:18:39,708
Hold music.
359
00:18:39,743 --> 00:18:40,943
What are they playing?
360
00:18:42,412 --> 00:18:43,479
Danger Zone.
361
00:18:43,513 --> 00:18:45,348
Danger Zone!
362
00:18:45,382 --> 00:18:47,250
Fucking A!
363
00:18:47,284 --> 00:18:48,618
Goose!
364
00:18:48,652 --> 00:18:49,953
Maverick!
365
00:18:49,988 --> 00:18:51,255
Maverick, Goose!
366
00:18:52,524 --> 00:18:53,758
I feel the need...
367
00:18:53,792 --> 00:18:56,528
The need for speed!
368
00:18:58,765 --> 00:19:00,132
Ah, the Gun.
369
00:19:00,166 --> 00:19:02,334
Rusty! Rusty, you a big
Top Gun fan?
370
00:19:04,270 --> 00:19:05,170
The movie?
371
00:19:05,205 --> 00:19:07,673
The movie Top Gun?Tom Cruise?
372
00:19:07,707 --> 00:19:08,941
Kilmer?
373
00:19:08,975 --> 00:19:10,676
Dead fighter pilots?
374
00:19:10,711 --> 00:19:12,177
You never saw that one?
Never saw Top Gun!
375
00:19:12,212 --> 00:19:14,413
Oh, you gotta Netflix
that one, Rusty.
376
00:19:14,447 --> 00:19:16,048
That is a good one.
Goody.
377
00:19:16,083 --> 00:19:17,249
Cruise's always good.
378
00:19:17,284 --> 00:19:19,018
He was always good.
He was always good. Reliable.
379
00:19:19,052 --> 00:19:21,587
You know, despite all the
hubbub, just a great actor.
380
00:19:21,621 --> 00:19:23,289
Found it.Hmm.
381
00:19:23,323 --> 00:19:26,292
68 north by 99 west, that'sMount Rushmore, all right.
382
00:19:26,326 --> 00:19:28,828
Anything else I can do for you?
383
00:19:28,862 --> 00:19:30,430
No, I guess that's good.
384
00:19:30,464 --> 00:19:32,465
Thanks, guys.
Thank you.
385
00:19:32,499 --> 00:19:33,533
What'd he say?
386
00:19:33,567 --> 00:19:34,735
Yeah, that's Mount
Rushmore, all right.
387
00:19:34,769 --> 00:19:39,340
Okey doke, 68 north by 99 west.
388
00:19:40,909 --> 00:19:42,443
Who's on Mount Rushmore, again?
There's uh, let's see.
389
00:19:42,477 --> 00:19:44,378
You got, uh...
390
00:19:44,412 --> 00:19:46,680
Roosevelt. One of the Roosevelts.
Lincoln? Yeah, Lincoln.
391
00:19:46,714 --> 00:19:48,982
Teddy? FDR?
The walking Roosevelt.
392
00:19:49,016 --> 00:19:51,017
Walking Roosevelt is Teddy.
Yeah, you got Teddy.
393
00:19:51,051 --> 00:19:53,453
And then, uh, right.
You got, uh, George Washington.
394
00:19:53,487 --> 00:19:55,488
Right. And...
And...
395
00:19:55,522 --> 00:19:58,591
Van Buren? No, obviously
not Van Buren. Taft.
396
00:20:04,798 --> 00:20:06,165
What were we talking about?
397
00:20:06,199 --> 00:20:08,067
Uh, we were talking
about, uh, Top Gun.
398
00:20:08,101 --> 00:20:09,168
Top Gun!
399
00:20:09,202 --> 00:20:10,503
Mount Rushmore!
Right, right!
400
00:20:10,537 --> 00:20:11,937
They want us to crash the
plane into Mount Rushmore.
401
00:20:11,972 --> 00:20:13,739
Maybe...
402
00:20:13,774 --> 00:20:14,807
We should run that by the
old, uh, flight attendants.
403
00:20:14,842 --> 00:20:16,276
This must be
their route, right?
404
00:20:16,310 --> 00:20:18,044
Yeah. They would
remember, right?
405
00:20:18,079 --> 00:20:19,646
Flight attendants
to the flight deck,
406
00:20:19,680 --> 00:20:21,282
flight attendants to the
flight deck, please.
407
00:20:21,316 --> 00:20:22,449
Va-va-voom!
408
00:20:24,085 --> 00:20:25,252
Is there a problem?
409
00:20:32,295 --> 00:20:36,633
Uh, no, not a problem per se,
just a quick question which is, um,
410
00:20:36,667 --> 00:20:38,702
this is your normal route, right?
Right?
411
00:20:38,736 --> 00:20:40,738
Oh, fourteen times a week, sir.
412
00:20:40,772 --> 00:20:47,344
Do you remember ever, ever being ordered
to crash the plane into Mount Rushmore?
413
00:20:49,147 --> 00:20:52,916
I, wow, I don't think so, but then
I'm not up in the cockpit, so...
414
00:20:52,951 --> 00:20:54,918
Ah.
415
00:20:54,952 --> 00:20:56,853
I know we never have crashed into
Mount Rushmore, so there's that.
416
00:20:56,887 --> 00:20:58,221
Right. You'd
remember that.
417
00:20:58,255 --> 00:21:00,390
I would remember that, I think.
Yeah, totally.
418
00:21:00,425 --> 00:21:02,926
Yeah. What about
you two guys?
419
00:21:02,960 --> 00:21:05,628
You ever remember being
ordered to crash the plane?
420
00:21:05,663 --> 00:21:07,463
You do?
You do remember?
421
00:21:07,498 --> 00:21:08,631
You definitely have?
422
00:21:11,167 --> 00:21:14,970
So, on previous flights on this
route you have been ordered to
423
00:21:15,004 --> 00:21:19,841
and subsequently did crash
the plane into Mount Rushmore?
424
00:21:19,875 --> 00:21:25,013
Uh, every day
the same old, same old.
425
00:21:25,048 --> 00:21:26,782
Different day, same shit.
426
00:21:26,816 --> 00:21:28,217
Huh.
Huh.
427
00:21:28,251 --> 00:21:29,451
Your guess won.
There you go.
428
00:21:29,486 --> 00:21:30,752
All right.
There you go.
429
00:21:30,787 --> 00:21:32,554
Maybe we should call the TSA?
430
00:21:32,589 --> 00:21:35,056
No! Let's not bug those guys.
Let's not bug them.
431
00:21:35,091 --> 00:21:37,426
Yeah, let's not
bug those guys. Yeah.
432
00:21:37,460 --> 00:21:38,860
I hate to bug 'em. Yeah, okay.
433
00:21:38,895 --> 00:21:40,329
Okay, okay, yeah.
Oh, don't bug 'em. Don't bug 'em.
434
00:21:40,363 --> 00:21:41,797
No, no, no, no, no.
Don't bug 'em, don't bug 'em.
435
00:21:41,832 --> 00:21:42,865
They're there. Speed dial.
Okay, bug 'em.
436
00:21:42,899 --> 00:21:44,899
That's okay. That's
why they're there.
437
00:21:46,637 --> 00:21:48,438
Ringing. Ringing.
438
00:22:07,324 --> 00:22:08,858
You know, it's still
pretty early there,
439
00:22:08,892 --> 00:22:10,626
- at the TSA, you know.
- Okay, here's the thing.
440
00:22:10,661 --> 00:22:13,429
We are over South Dakota right now,
so if we don't quit squawking,
441
00:22:13,463 --> 00:22:14,597
we're gonna miss
Mount Rushmore, so...
442
00:22:14,631 --> 00:22:16,032
There ain't gonna
be no plane crash.
443
00:22:16,067 --> 00:22:18,668
Exactly.
So, uh, so I say
444
00:22:18,702 --> 00:22:21,538
that's it, boom, settled, we're
crashing into Mount Rushmore.
445
00:22:21,572 --> 00:22:24,941
Uh, everybody back to your seats,
and crash positions, please.
446
00:22:24,976 --> 00:22:26,410
Yay!
Woo-hoo!
447
00:22:26,444 --> 00:22:27,678
Here we go.
Very exciting.
448
00:22:27,712 --> 00:22:29,179
Okay.
Bye!
449
00:22:29,214 --> 00:22:31,315
This is going to feel a little
funny for a little while.
450
00:22:31,349 --> 00:22:33,017
And...
451
00:22:33,051 --> 00:22:36,186
Ladies and gentlemen, if you look
directly out the front of the plane
452
00:22:36,221 --> 00:22:38,522
you are in for a real treat,
453
00:22:38,557 --> 00:22:41,425
and that is the face of Mount
Rushmore heading straight for us.
454
00:22:41,459 --> 00:22:42,593
Jefferson!
Look at that!
455
00:22:42,627 --> 00:22:43,927
That's who it is!
That's number four.
456
00:22:43,962 --> 00:22:47,231
And away we go!
457
00:22:47,265 --> 00:22:49,666
Coming in hot!
Coming in hot.
458
00:22:49,701 --> 00:22:53,137
Did you say 68
north by 99 west?
459
00:22:53,171 --> 00:22:54,538
Yeah, where you been, Rusty?
460
00:22:54,573 --> 00:22:56,907
What part of "We're crashing
the plane into Mount Rushmore"
461
00:22:56,941 --> 00:22:58,008
don't you get?
462
00:22:59,210 --> 00:23:04,281
I think this is
66 north by 89 west.
463
00:23:04,315 --> 00:23:06,583
Minneapolis St. Paul International Airport.
Right!
464
00:23:06,617 --> 00:23:08,284
Makes so much more sense!
Makes way more sense.
465
00:23:08,318 --> 00:23:10,586
Pull her up, pull her up. Whoa!
466
00:23:10,621 --> 00:23:12,821
Just rerouting.
Just rerouting. Whoo.
467
00:23:12,856 --> 00:23:14,790
Just rerouting us.
468
00:23:14,824 --> 00:23:18,026
Jeez, yeah, there's that big blizzard
so they send us to another airport.
469
00:23:18,060 --> 00:23:19,527
Yeah.
Not crashing...
470
00:23:19,562 --> 00:23:20,628
Not crashing into
Mount Rushmore.
471
00:23:20,663 --> 00:23:21,662
That's crazy.
472
00:23:21,697 --> 00:23:22,730
Did I miss anything?
473
00:23:22,764 --> 00:23:24,131
No, no, no.
Nothing at all.
474
00:23:24,166 --> 00:23:25,599
It's all good.
It's all good.
475
00:23:27,102 --> 00:23:28,369
I'll tell you, though, you let
one more fart loose in here
476
00:23:28,403 --> 00:23:29,970
I'm gonna have to
drop the oxygen masks.
477
00:23:31,873 --> 00:23:34,041
Don't talk about your
"underwear bomber."
478
00:23:34,076 --> 00:23:36,043
That's this guy.
That's this guy.
479
00:23:52,262 --> 00:23:53,529
Oh, lordy.
480
00:23:53,563 --> 00:23:55,064
Hey, don't blame me, though.
481
00:23:55,099 --> 00:23:57,467
I was told by my boss that
was going to be a lot better.
482
00:23:57,501 --> 00:23:59,302
You know, that's the problem
around here, though.
483
00:23:59,337 --> 00:24:01,838
People at this company don't
know what they're doing.
484
00:24:01,872 --> 00:24:03,573
Isn't that always
the way, though?
485
00:24:03,607 --> 00:24:06,508
Guys like you and me get the
shaft, while they get the mine?
486
00:24:07,744 --> 00:24:09,277
Well, don't worry.
487
00:24:09,312 --> 00:24:10,411
We'll get 'em back.
488
00:24:10,611 --> 00:24:20,811
Sync by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
37416
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