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1
00:00:05,641 --> 00:00:11,666
Sync by mczolly
www.addic7ed.com
2
00:00:13,306 --> 00:00:15,607
Solid brass. I lost
mine 20 years ago.
3
00:00:15,641 --> 00:00:16,708
What happened?
4
00:00:16,742 --> 00:00:18,643
A butt-fucking
contest.
5
00:00:18,678 --> 00:00:20,444
Preaching to the choir.
6
00:00:20,478 --> 00:00:22,947
He had three balls.
I swear to God.
7
00:00:22,981 --> 00:00:24,081
Ew.
8
00:00:24,115 --> 00:00:25,783
Two is already a lot of balls.
9
00:00:25,817 --> 00:00:27,017
Look what I found.
10
00:00:28,086 --> 00:00:29,219
No!
11
00:00:30,622 --> 00:00:31,689
No!
12
00:00:31,723 --> 00:00:32,889
No!
13
00:00:33,924 --> 00:00:35,058
And I'll say it like this,
14
00:00:35,092 --> 00:00:36,259
"bananas!"...
15
00:00:50,139 --> 00:00:53,809
You know, when I was a young man, the
world of television and film seemed...
16
00:00:53,843 --> 00:00:56,211
a million Miles away.
17
00:00:56,245 --> 00:00:59,647
Hollywood was an emerald
city too magical to be real,
18
00:00:59,681 --> 00:01:03,584
where beautiful people lived out
romantic lives so the rest of us...
19
00:01:03,618 --> 00:01:05,386
could dream.
20
00:01:05,420 --> 00:01:08,856
Who dared to pass through its gates
or step upon its red carpets.
21
00:01:08,890 --> 00:01:12,125
China may have had its
forbidden city, but we had...
22
00:01:12,159 --> 00:01:13,259
Hollywood.
23
00:01:14,695 --> 00:01:16,529
Of course, that's all
over now, though.
24
00:01:16,564 --> 00:01:18,298
The barbarians are
at the gates.
25
00:01:18,332 --> 00:01:22,002
Cameras follow sluts and drug addicts
around and call it television.
26
00:01:22,036 --> 00:01:25,037
Giant billboards hovering over sunset
boulevard that once advertised...
27
00:01:25,071 --> 00:01:27,072
the latest rock Hudson picture...
28
00:01:27,107 --> 00:01:30,743
now promote cheap crap like the
real housewives of Denver...
29
00:01:30,777 --> 00:01:33,045
and my dog's a queer.
30
00:01:33,079 --> 00:01:36,714
And do you think the executives who
greenlit this shit could care less?
31
00:01:36,749 --> 00:01:38,049
Of course not.
32
00:01:38,083 --> 00:01:40,451
Well, funny or die cares.
33
00:01:40,486 --> 00:01:44,756
We make original programming every day on our
website and here on our television show.
34
00:01:44,790 --> 00:01:48,459
Sure, it's no rock Hudson movie,
but it's original stuff.
35
00:01:48,494 --> 00:01:50,494
Sort of like the old Hollywood.
36
00:01:50,528 --> 00:01:52,329
Before everything went
into the shitter.
37
00:02:17,286 --> 00:02:21,423
Female narrator: Tonight
on funny or die presents...
38
00:02:21,457 --> 00:02:24,592
do you want to see a dead body?
With rob huebel,
39
00:02:24,627 --> 00:02:27,995
Ben Schwartz,
terrible decisions,
40
00:02:28,029 --> 00:02:30,531
United States police department...
41
00:02:30,565 --> 00:02:33,100
and brick novax's diary.
42
00:02:45,779 --> 00:02:47,146
Hey!
43
00:02:47,181 --> 00:02:48,181
Deepak!
44
00:02:48,215 --> 00:02:50,116
Hey, rob.
How's it going?
45
00:02:50,150 --> 00:02:51,184
Good. You having
fun at the beach?
46
00:02:51,218 --> 00:02:52,452
Yeah. Good
to see you.
47
00:02:52,486 --> 00:02:55,654
Aw, man. I'll be
honest with you.
48
00:02:55,688 --> 00:02:59,191
I was having a great day, and then
my day just got really shitty.
49
00:02:59,225 --> 00:03:00,392
What happened?
50
00:03:02,228 --> 00:03:05,996
Well, I was hanging out with this
guy that I thought was tom cruise.
51
00:03:06,031 --> 00:03:08,699
Turns out it wasn't
tom cruise at all.
52
00:03:08,733 --> 00:03:10,601
Fake tom cruise.
Exactly.
53
00:03:10,635 --> 00:03:14,338
And it was such a bummer, man, because
I had all this stuff planned.
54
00:03:14,372 --> 00:03:16,307
I was gonna take him...
55
00:03:16,341 --> 00:03:19,042
to go see
a dead body.
56
00:03:19,076 --> 00:03:21,611
I've seen dead bodies all my life.
You know I'm a doctor?
57
00:03:21,645 --> 00:03:23,079
Oh, yes.
Yes, of course.
58
00:03:23,114 --> 00:03:26,149
I started my career
with a dead body...
59
00:03:26,183 --> 00:03:28,485
and my first diagnosis
was also a dead body.
60
00:03:28,519 --> 00:03:29,786
What did you tell
the dead body?
61
00:03:29,820 --> 00:03:31,820
I said,
"your soul has left."
62
00:03:31,855 --> 00:03:35,257
Wow, that seems profound.
63
00:03:35,291 --> 00:03:37,759
Well, you don't seem
to have much going on.
64
00:03:37,794 --> 00:03:38,994
Do you want to see a dead body?
65
00:03:43,500 --> 00:03:46,200
So, it's not too far away.
It's just up here a little bit.
66
00:03:46,235 --> 00:03:47,702
Let me tell you something.
67
00:03:47,736 --> 00:03:48,836
Just so you're ready.
68
00:03:48,871 --> 00:03:50,938
It's supposed to
be fucking gross.
69
00:03:52,441 --> 00:03:56,043
I think one thing you can learn
from a dead body is about...
70
00:03:56,078 --> 00:03:57,978
the impermanence
of our existence.
71
00:03:58,012 --> 00:04:02,449
You know, the Buddha said,
"this lifetime of ours...
72
00:04:02,483 --> 00:04:05,585
"is transient like
autumn clouds.
73
00:04:05,620 --> 00:04:10,589
"To watch the birth and death of beings is
like looking at the movements of a dance."
74
00:04:10,624 --> 00:04:12,024
I'm gonna cut you off
for just a second.
75
00:04:12,058 --> 00:04:13,559
Keep an eye out for some pussy.
76
00:04:16,930 --> 00:04:18,597
Look at those ocean waves.
77
00:04:18,632 --> 00:04:21,300
You know, they've been doing this
forever, for all of eternity.
78
00:04:21,334 --> 00:04:24,335
A few years from now, you
and I will be dead bodies,
79
00:04:24,370 --> 00:04:27,038
those ocean waves will be doing the
same thing as they're doing now.
80
00:04:27,072 --> 00:04:29,073
Oh, this is boring already.
81
00:04:32,478 --> 00:04:34,179
Oh, my gosh,
Dr. chopra?
82
00:04:34,213 --> 00:04:35,913
Hi, how are you?
Hi!
83
00:04:35,947 --> 00:04:40,417
I your biggest fan. I've read all your
books and they have touched my life.
84
00:04:40,451 --> 00:04:41,652
Then come sit here...
85
00:04:41,686 --> 00:04:42,686
and talk to my friend.
No, no, no.
86
00:04:42,720 --> 00:04:44,188
He's really depressed.
87
00:04:44,222 --> 00:04:46,023
We don't have time for your bullshit.
Hit the road.
88
00:04:48,759 --> 00:04:50,193
She could
have helped you.
89
00:04:50,227 --> 00:04:51,627
I don't know
what that means.
90
00:04:51,662 --> 00:04:55,665
See, my treatment is
spiritual, hers could be physical.
91
00:04:55,699 --> 00:04:57,633
I have no idea what the
fuck you're talking about.
92
00:04:57,668 --> 00:05:01,469
I'm trying to give you insight
because you're depressed and you have...
93
00:05:01,504 --> 00:05:06,441
this obsesssion to see dead bodies because
they probably remind you of your numbness.
94
00:05:06,475 --> 00:05:10,545
Are you just making this shit up?
'Cause that makes no sense at all.
95
00:05:23,992 --> 00:05:25,559
Oh, God.
96
00:05:25,594 --> 00:05:26,759
This was a mistake.
97
00:05:28,262 --> 00:05:29,829
I'm so sorry,
I'm so embarrassed.
98
00:05:29,863 --> 00:05:31,831
I'm so happy for you.
99
00:05:31,865 --> 00:05:36,436
When you're sad, when you cry, when you
laugh, when you have sorrow in your heart,
100
00:05:36,470 --> 00:05:38,870
then you're living.
101
00:05:38,905 --> 00:05:40,872
Now we can see the difference...
102
00:05:40,907 --> 00:05:42,708
between life,
103
00:05:42,742 --> 00:05:44,643
and death.
104
00:05:44,677 --> 00:05:46,411
Thank you, deepak.
105
00:05:46,446 --> 00:05:47,579
Thank you so much.
106
00:05:48,881 --> 00:05:50,349
If you don't mind,
107
00:05:50,383 --> 00:05:52,450
could I have a moment alone...
108
00:05:52,484 --> 00:05:53,651
with the body?
109
00:06:05,062 --> 00:06:07,130
Hey, rob, I, uh,
just wanted to apologize...
110
00:06:07,164 --> 00:06:09,065
for that misunderstanding earlier.
111
00:06:09,100 --> 00:06:10,667
Didn't mean anything by it.
112
00:06:12,570 --> 00:06:14,671
Get the fuck out
of here, Danny.
113
00:06:45,400 --> 00:06:47,401
I just want you
to get in there,
114
00:06:47,435 --> 00:06:50,170
give 'em the case, make the
drop, and get 'em to open it.
115
00:06:50,204 --> 00:06:52,272
Then we
got 'em. Now,
116
00:06:52,307 --> 00:06:55,141
if you get into a jam and some shit goes
down we should have a safe word, okay?
117
00:06:55,175 --> 00:06:56,309
Bananas!
118
00:06:57,244 --> 00:06:58,277
And I'll say it like this,
119
00:06:58,312 --> 00:06:59,645
"bananas!"...
120
00:06:59,680 --> 00:07:00,680
When I say it,
you jump right in...
121
00:07:00,714 --> 00:07:01,681
How about "gentlemen"?
"Gentlemen."
122
00:07:01,715 --> 00:07:02,882
I said it with you,
"gentlemen."
123
00:07:02,916 --> 00:07:04,450
"Gentlemen."
"Gentlemen" it's gonna be.
124
00:07:04,484 --> 00:07:05,584
Good. So if you hear
me say "gentlemen,"...
125
00:07:05,619 --> 00:07:06,619
you know what to do.
126
00:07:06,653 --> 00:07:08,520
Terrific. Okay. Right,
give me the case.
127
00:07:08,554 --> 00:07:09,587
Yeah.
128
00:07:10,956 --> 00:07:13,425
Okay. Hey, what are you
doing? Don't open it!
129
00:07:13,459 --> 00:07:16,328
It's rigged. It's booby-trapped
so that when they open it,
130
00:07:16,362 --> 00:07:17,629
they got a surprise
coming, all right?
131
00:07:17,663 --> 00:07:19,698
It's rigged with what?
132
00:07:19,732 --> 00:07:23,100
Just an ink pad. When it opens, boom!
They're tainted. Blue paint all over 'em.
133
00:07:23,134 --> 00:07:24,234
So, what happens
if I just open...
134
00:07:24,269 --> 00:07:25,602
No, no, no!
135
00:07:25,637 --> 00:07:26,704
I just wanna make sure
the ink pack is in there.
136
00:07:26,738 --> 00:07:28,539
No, no. You can't
open it "a little bit."
137
00:07:28,573 --> 00:07:30,341
You know, it feels light.
You know it feels light.
138
00:07:30,375 --> 00:07:32,743
Okay, okay. Just leave
it be, will you?
139
00:07:32,777 --> 00:07:34,410
We're ready.
We're ready.
140
00:07:34,445 --> 00:07:35,712
I'm not gonna open it.
I'm not gonna open it. Let's go.
141
00:07:35,746 --> 00:07:36,946
Let's go.
142
00:07:36,980 --> 00:07:38,047
All right. He's ready
to rock and roll.
143
00:07:40,217 --> 00:07:41,517
I'm not gonna let
you down, okay?
144
00:07:41,552 --> 00:07:42,618
Good luck, kid.
I'm not gonna let you down.
145
00:07:42,653 --> 00:07:43,686
Wait, wait, wait.
146
00:07:43,721 --> 00:07:44,821
Yeah, just keep that.
147
00:07:44,855 --> 00:07:46,621
Just keep that.
Yeah, I'll do that.
148
00:07:59,701 --> 00:08:00,835
Bananas.
149
00:08:30,697 --> 00:08:33,165
He had three balls.
I swear to God.
150
00:08:33,199 --> 00:08:34,299
Ew.
151
00:08:34,334 --> 00:08:36,301
Two is already a lot of balls.
152
00:08:36,336 --> 00:08:39,804
I know. And the weirdest thing,
is he was like super into it.
153
00:08:39,838 --> 00:08:41,706
And he didn't want
to tell his doctor,
154
00:08:41,740 --> 00:08:44,308
'cause he thought they would, like, tie
him down and take it, or something.
155
00:08:44,343 --> 00:08:45,510
What did it look like?
156
00:08:45,544 --> 00:08:49,913
It was, like, smaller, but like...
157
00:08:49,947 --> 00:08:52,449
a prickly garbanzo bean.
158
00:08:52,483 --> 00:08:54,084
Why was it prickly?
159
00:08:54,118 --> 00:08:56,119
I think it was just,
you know, it was...
160
00:08:56,154 --> 00:09:00,190
hard for that delicate
skin to grow hair.
161
00:09:00,224 --> 00:09:01,425
Oh.
162
00:09:01,993 --> 00:09:03,559
Oh.
163
00:09:03,593 --> 00:09:05,494
I mean, I didn't want to make
him feel weird about it.
164
00:09:05,529 --> 00:09:07,196
I don't know, I didn't ask.
165
00:09:07,230 --> 00:09:09,565
But there was just
one dick, right?
166
00:09:09,599 --> 00:09:12,501
Yeah, I think I would
have opened with,
167
00:09:12,536 --> 00:09:15,004
"I was with a guy
who had two dicks."
168
00:09:15,038 --> 00:09:16,571
Yeah, I guess.
Yeah.
169
00:09:42,229 --> 00:09:44,797
Det. Phuk: How many people are
there in this room that are dead?
170
00:09:44,832 --> 00:09:46,766
Four.
And how many are alive?
171
00:09:46,800 --> 00:09:49,168
Sgt. Reeves: I don't usually count how
many there are alive unless it's a...
172
00:09:49,203 --> 00:09:51,370
Det. Phuk: Well, see, these are
the details we gotta figure out.
173
00:09:51,405 --> 00:09:52,839
Sorry I'm late.
174
00:09:52,873 --> 00:09:54,806
Visiting my son
in the hospital.
175
00:09:54,841 --> 00:09:56,041
What do we got?
176
00:09:56,075 --> 00:09:59,411
Four males, one female, all
killed about 12 hours ago.
177
00:09:59,445 --> 00:10:01,880
Their buttholes cut
out of their bodies.
178
00:10:01,914 --> 00:10:03,515
Looks like they
were in a hurry.
179
00:10:03,549 --> 00:10:05,484
Gotta cut the butthole out
before rigor mortis sets in.
180
00:10:05,518 --> 00:10:07,651
Otherwise you can't transplant
it to another person.
181
00:10:07,686 --> 00:10:08,919
Transplant?
182
00:10:08,954 --> 00:10:10,354
It's the latest trend
in organ harvesting.
183
00:10:10,388 --> 00:10:12,857
Courtesy of the Russian
triad Costa nostras.
184
00:10:12,891 --> 00:10:14,959
The regular folks can take
years to find a donor.
185
00:10:14,993 --> 00:10:17,294
Rich folks don't like waiting.
186
00:10:17,329 --> 00:10:19,596
Some people would give their
left nut for a pucker like that.
187
00:10:19,630 --> 00:10:23,500
So, they hire an anal coyote who sneaks
them into this country with promises of...
188
00:10:23,534 --> 00:10:25,435
a safe and profitable
prune switch.
189
00:10:25,469 --> 00:10:29,472
Why pay for a new chili spigot when you can
just commit murder and get one for free?
190
00:10:30,674 --> 00:10:32,674
Hey, Reeves, remind you of anything?
191
00:10:32,709 --> 00:10:33,809
College.
192
00:10:33,843 --> 00:10:35,377
Any clues?
193
00:10:35,411 --> 00:10:37,846
Not a one. Been over this whole
place with a fine-toothed comb.
194
00:10:41,284 --> 00:10:42,851
Wait a minute.
195
00:10:42,886 --> 00:10:44,219
Think I got something.
196
00:10:52,561 --> 00:10:54,529
1234 business street.
197
00:10:54,563 --> 00:10:55,763
That's in the
building district.
198
00:10:55,797 --> 00:10:58,632
Maybe they can pencil us in.
Here's hoping.
199
00:10:58,666 --> 00:11:00,634
Yeah, I
recognize that box.
200
00:11:00,668 --> 00:11:04,204
A couple of Russians came by last week.
They bought a bunch of them.
201
00:11:04,238 --> 00:11:05,305
They were real creeps.
202
00:11:05,339 --> 00:11:07,240
How so?
203
00:11:07,275 --> 00:11:10,609
Uh, one of them, the leader, he kept
looking at my Chinese throwing star.
204
00:11:10,644 --> 00:11:12,778
But he was barking up
the wrong tree.
205
00:11:12,812 --> 00:11:14,046
Yeah, why's that?
206
00:11:15,415 --> 00:11:17,917
Solid brass. I lost
mine 20 years ago.
207
00:11:17,951 --> 00:11:18,984
What happened?
208
00:11:19,019 --> 00:11:20,986
A butt-fucking
contest.
209
00:11:21,021 --> 00:11:22,288
Preaching to the choir.
210
00:11:22,322 --> 00:11:24,322
Hey, any idea where they went?
211
00:11:24,356 --> 00:11:27,792
Yeah, they said something about
renting the warehouse next door.
212
00:11:27,826 --> 00:11:29,060
Thanks, eddy.
213
00:11:29,094 --> 00:11:33,464
No problem. All right, move
them all back onto the truck.
214
00:11:33,499 --> 00:11:35,266
Looks like we got a date
with some Russians.
215
00:11:35,301 --> 00:11:36,733
Put your lipstick on.
216
00:11:39,103 --> 00:11:41,638
Well, that commute
wasn't so bad.
217
00:11:50,948 --> 00:11:52,181
United States
police department!
218
00:11:52,215 --> 00:11:53,683
Everybody put your hands up!
219
00:11:53,717 --> 00:11:55,952
Assholes down!
220
00:12:15,904 --> 00:12:17,204
Fuck!
221
00:12:18,306 --> 00:12:19,473
God damn it.
222
00:12:50,370 --> 00:12:51,403
What's so funny?
223
00:12:51,437 --> 00:12:53,738
You can't touch me.
224
00:12:53,772 --> 00:12:55,740
I have diplomatic immunity.
225
00:12:55,774 --> 00:12:57,241
Is that right?
226
00:12:57,275 --> 00:12:59,577
Well, I've never been
very diplomatic myself.
227
00:13:01,279 --> 00:13:02,480
Look what I found.
228
00:13:03,348 --> 00:13:04,515
No.
229
00:13:05,816 --> 00:13:06,883
No!
230
00:13:06,917 --> 00:13:08,184
No!
231
00:13:13,190 --> 00:13:14,724
Diplomatic immunity?
232
00:13:14,759 --> 00:13:15,925
Yeah.
233
00:13:16,994 --> 00:13:18,127
Wait here.
234
00:13:18,161 --> 00:13:19,395
There's something
I gotta take care of.
235
00:13:22,899 --> 00:13:23,932
Hi, daddy.
236
00:13:23,967 --> 00:13:25,100
Hey, kiddo.
237
00:13:26,036 --> 00:13:27,102
Got you a present.
238
00:13:28,171 --> 00:13:30,304
Is it a new butthole?
239
00:13:30,339 --> 00:13:31,706
Yeah.
240
00:13:31,740 --> 00:13:33,274
Yeah, it's a new butthole.
241
00:13:35,210 --> 00:13:36,844
Everything's gonna
be all right, buddy.
242
00:13:37,980 --> 00:13:39,814
I love you, daddy.
243
00:13:42,551 --> 00:13:43,717
I love you, too, son.
244
00:13:45,853 --> 00:13:47,320
I love the shit out of you.
245
00:13:49,891 --> 00:13:53,527
Hey. I ever tell you the story about
the wizard with a new butthole?
246
00:13:54,429 --> 00:13:56,028
Tonight, climate change.
247
00:13:56,063 --> 00:13:59,065
Is it, in fact, getting
warmer up this bitch?
248
00:13:59,099 --> 00:14:02,001
Plus, should pussies be
allowed to get married?
249
00:14:02,035 --> 00:14:04,236
Juggalo news starts
right now.
250
00:14:10,543 --> 00:14:12,177
You're watching
juggalo news,
251
00:14:12,211 --> 00:14:15,246
the only news source specifically
for fans of insane clown posse.
252
00:14:15,281 --> 00:14:16,881
I'm krazee thug nutz.
253
00:14:16,916 --> 00:14:20,552
With the kyoto treaty set
to expire in early 2012,
254
00:14:20,586 --> 00:14:22,319
is there still
a legitimate need...
255
00:14:22,353 --> 00:14:24,755
to slap co2 emissions
with our dicks?
256
00:14:24,789 --> 00:14:27,925
Joining us now to discuss this
issue is acclaimed geophysicist...
257
00:14:27,959 --> 00:14:29,727
Professor Richard ghostanus.
258
00:14:29,761 --> 00:14:31,028
Thank you for having me.
259
00:14:31,062 --> 00:14:32,963
Professor ghostanus,
in your estimation...
260
00:14:32,997 --> 00:14:35,465
is climate change
a serious threat?
261
00:14:35,499 --> 00:14:37,433
Very serious, indeed.
262
00:14:37,468 --> 00:14:40,002
And I've got the facts
to back that shit up.
263
00:14:40,037 --> 00:14:43,873
In the last two decades, global
temperatures have risen from "a'ight"...
264
00:14:43,907 --> 00:14:45,975
to "fucked up
the ass."
265
00:14:46,009 --> 00:14:50,345
It's currently projected that by 2045, we'll
be "fucked up the ass with a chainsaw."
266
00:14:50,379 --> 00:14:53,715
Now, if we take measures
to curb these trends,
267
00:14:53,750 --> 00:14:58,587
we can prevent a disaster like being
fucked up the ass, mouth, and ears...
268
00:14:58,621 --> 00:15:00,287
with three chainsaws.
269
00:15:00,322 --> 00:15:01,856
And a dick.
270
00:15:01,890 --> 00:15:05,226
So, how can we, as a society,
stab these trends in the throat?
271
00:15:05,260 --> 00:15:08,095
It's simple.
Exploring alternative forms of energy.
272
00:15:08,130 --> 00:15:09,196
You mean like
windmills and shit?
273
00:15:09,231 --> 00:15:11,132
Exactly.
274
00:15:11,166 --> 00:15:13,466
Now, Professor, your findings have
provoked a fair amount of skepticism...
275
00:15:13,501 --> 00:15:16,770
among several prominent critics.
Take a look at this.
276
00:15:16,804 --> 00:15:20,440
Hey, yo, this krunt.
Just want to say, global warming is a myth.
277
00:15:20,474 --> 00:15:22,442
Professor ghostanus
is a liar.
278
00:15:22,476 --> 00:15:24,144
He's got pussy
for balls.
279
00:15:24,178 --> 00:15:27,913
What? What?
What? Clown!
280
00:15:27,947 --> 00:15:29,281
Strong words.
How do you respond to that?
281
00:15:29,315 --> 00:15:30,315
Well, look.
282
00:15:30,350 --> 00:15:32,451
Global warming isn't a myth.
283
00:15:32,485 --> 00:15:36,755
It's a very serious problem with
serious ramifications for the earth.
284
00:15:36,790 --> 00:15:38,990
And if I may touch
on his second point,
285
00:15:39,024 --> 00:15:40,491
my balls are made of grenades.
286
00:15:40,526 --> 00:15:42,894
So I would ask that the
gentleman suck on them...
287
00:15:42,928 --> 00:15:44,562
and get his mouth exploded.
288
00:15:44,596 --> 00:15:46,497
Well, Professor, thanks for
bringing the wicked shit.
289
00:15:46,532 --> 00:15:47,732
No doubt, fuckles.
290
00:15:47,766 --> 00:15:49,400
And that's, uh, about
gonna do it for us.
291
00:15:49,434 --> 00:15:51,802
Let's see what murderbitch
has on tap for tomorrow.
292
00:15:51,836 --> 00:15:53,937
Murderbitch?
Thanks, krazee.
293
00:15:53,971 --> 00:15:56,540
I've got seven useful tips
on getting mad skinny...
294
00:15:56,574 --> 00:15:58,708
so your husband don't
divorce your ass.
295
00:15:58,743 --> 00:16:00,277
All this and some other shit on...
296
00:16:00,311 --> 00:16:03,345
wake up, muthafukka, tomorrow
9:00, 8:00 central.
297
00:16:38,079 --> 00:16:41,881
Why don't you come
sit in my lap?
298
00:16:41,915 --> 00:16:45,685
We'll talk about the
first thing that pops up.
299
00:17:42,972 --> 00:17:45,007
My name,
300
00:17:45,041 --> 00:17:46,240
brick novax.
301
00:17:54,683 --> 00:17:56,250
I'm known for
two things:
302
00:17:57,319 --> 00:18:00,086
My many heroic exploits...
303
00:18:00,121 --> 00:18:02,956
and my legendary, prodigious
substance intake.
304
00:18:04,225 --> 00:18:06,660
Now, with two weeks
left to live...
305
00:18:06,694 --> 00:18:09,362
I've holed up here
in the Clyde motel...
306
00:18:09,397 --> 00:18:11,297
to record my memories,
307
00:18:11,331 --> 00:18:13,966
and preserve
my legacy.
308
00:18:14,000 --> 00:18:15,734
This is my life.
309
00:18:15,769 --> 00:18:17,269
This is...
310
00:18:37,755 --> 00:18:40,324
Testing. One,
two. One, two.
311
00:18:40,358 --> 00:18:42,759
This is another
entry in my diary.
312
00:18:42,794 --> 00:18:45,329
I want to talk about
some time ago when...
313
00:18:45,363 --> 00:18:50,132
I got blasted into space
to observe a supernova.
314
00:18:50,167 --> 00:18:54,470
I had been recruited by the American
coalition for intergalactic development,
315
00:18:54,504 --> 00:18:59,342
as I was only one of ten people on the
planet with the ultra-rare blood type...
316
00:18:59,376 --> 00:19:00,876
h. O. Posi-negative,
317
00:19:00,911 --> 00:19:03,945
famous for its high
radiation tolerance.
318
00:19:03,980 --> 00:19:06,614
My mission, observe
a supernova.
319
00:19:11,487 --> 00:19:15,055
Hello, brick novax.
My name is beautak-7.
320
00:19:15,090 --> 00:19:16,890
Pleasure's mine, space lady.
321
00:19:16,925 --> 00:19:20,928
I am the physical embodiment
of what you call a supernova.
322
00:19:20,962 --> 00:19:23,330
You look like a
super-"yes"-va to me.
323
00:19:23,365 --> 00:19:24,431
What?
324
00:19:24,466 --> 00:19:25,899
You want a sip of this?
325
00:19:25,934 --> 00:19:27,001
What is it?
326
00:19:27,034 --> 00:19:28,568
Space scotch.
327
00:19:28,602 --> 00:19:31,371
I rewired the cooling
apparatus to make a still...
328
00:19:31,405 --> 00:19:33,740
and brewed up
a crude batch.
329
00:19:33,774 --> 00:19:36,509
Come on. I've got some
more in the living area.
330
00:19:37,911 --> 00:19:40,012
You are fantastic, baby.
331
00:19:40,046 --> 00:19:41,279
Fantastic?
332
00:19:41,314 --> 00:19:43,515
I can feel your
vibrations from here.
333
00:19:43,549 --> 00:19:46,518
I've never felt
like this before.
334
00:19:46,552 --> 00:19:49,621
I'm not supposed
to have these, these...
335
00:19:49,655 --> 00:19:51,890
They're called feelings, baby.
336
00:19:51,924 --> 00:19:53,758
Half of that's the scotch.
337
00:19:53,792 --> 00:19:57,528
And half of that's from a
healthy dose of vitamin novax.
338
00:19:57,562 --> 00:20:03,634
♪ Hey, gray skies
we want you to go away♪...
339
00:20:03,668 --> 00:20:08,938
♪ please, be gone don't
come again another day♪...
340
00:20:08,973 --> 00:20:14,844
♪ you've caused us
so much sadness♪...
341
00:20:21,751 --> 00:20:27,890
♪ sunshine, all
we ever wanted was♪...
342
00:20:27,924 --> 00:20:33,394
♪ sunshine, all we
ever wanted was some♪...
343
00:20:33,429 --> 00:20:37,098
♪ sunshine♪...
344
00:20:39,535 --> 00:20:43,737
♪ sunshine ♪...
345
00:20:49,844 --> 00:20:51,445
So.
346
00:20:51,479 --> 00:20:52,646
So.
347
00:20:52,680 --> 00:20:54,247
Well, I...
348
00:20:54,282 --> 00:20:55,849
guess I'd better be going.
349
00:20:55,883 --> 00:20:58,150
Yeah, that's probably good.
350
00:20:58,185 --> 00:20:59,618
I think I love
you, brick novax...
351
00:21:01,421 --> 00:21:04,223
I never got a chance to
tell her I loved her.
352
00:21:07,094 --> 00:21:09,594
My rocket crashed
back to earth.
353
00:21:09,628 --> 00:21:13,865
I was checked into the moab institute
for private rehabilitation.
354
00:21:13,899 --> 00:21:17,635
I had to play chess against
death to win my life back.
355
00:21:19,872 --> 00:21:24,174
They pumped me full of a gallon a day of
the finest narcotics money could buy.
356
00:21:24,209 --> 00:21:26,376
I asked about
beautak-7.
357
00:21:26,411 --> 00:21:28,178
But the doctors
said my rocket...
358
00:21:28,213 --> 00:21:30,247
never even
left the ground.
359
00:21:30,281 --> 00:21:32,116
Traumatic? You
betcha, palominos.
360
00:21:32,150 --> 00:21:35,384
But it was also the first time
I'd ever experienced love.
361
00:21:35,419 --> 00:21:38,554
Sometimes life deals you both
extremes of the spectrum...
362
00:21:38,589 --> 00:21:41,858
so you can drink up everything
the universe has to offer.
363
00:21:41,892 --> 00:21:43,426
That's it for this entry...
364
00:21:43,460 --> 00:21:45,628
of brick novax's diary.
365
00:22:15,189 --> 00:22:16,656
Guys, I'm in a real jam.
366
00:22:16,690 --> 00:22:18,858
I have to find the
perfect outfit for tonight.
367
00:22:18,893 --> 00:22:20,460
Let's do it as a team!
368
00:22:20,494 --> 00:22:22,095
As a team?
369
00:22:22,129 --> 00:22:23,530
Okay!
370
00:22:32,372 --> 00:22:33,505
And then...
371
00:22:36,042 --> 00:22:37,309
♪ Tonight ♪...
372
00:22:38,443 --> 00:22:40,678
♪ I'm gonna make
a big impression ♪...
373
00:22:40,712 --> 00:22:41,846
♪ tonight ♪...
374
00:22:43,715 --> 00:22:45,516
♪ all their
heads will turn ♪...
375
00:22:45,551 --> 00:22:51,254
♪ they'll pick me up and
put me on their shoulders ♪...
376
00:22:51,289 --> 00:22:55,258
♪ I'll spread my wings
and soar just like a bird ♪...
377
00:22:57,094 --> 00:22:59,196
♪ I'll look fantastic ♪...
378
00:23:02,200 --> 00:23:04,934
♪ I'll look amazing ♪...
379
00:23:04,968 --> 00:23:07,336
♪ they'll love my style ♪...
380
00:23:07,370 --> 00:23:09,505
Oh, baby!
381
00:23:11,641 --> 00:23:13,275
I did it!
382
00:23:13,343 --> 00:23:17,212
♪ I'm flying high I can
almost touch the sky ♪...
383
00:23:18,514 --> 00:23:20,148
Sorry for your loss.
384
00:23:20,182 --> 00:23:21,349
So sorry.
385
00:23:42,769 --> 00:23:44,837
Well, from funny or die,
386
00:23:44,871 --> 00:23:46,639
that's all we have tonight.
387
00:23:46,673 --> 00:23:48,641
I think you got
your money's worth.
388
00:23:48,675 --> 00:23:51,477
On the off chance, though,
that you think you didn't,
389
00:23:51,511 --> 00:23:53,079
well, there's not much
you can do about it.
390
00:23:53,113 --> 00:23:55,814
That boat sailed
a long time ago.
391
00:23:55,848 --> 00:23:57,582
And I own that boat.
392
00:23:57,617 --> 00:23:59,818
I got it with the
money you just wasted.
393
00:24:01,120 --> 00:24:02,354
Good night.
394
00:24:05,813 --> 00:24:10,600
Sync by mczolly
www.addic7ed.com
29739
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