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I've got you now.

That's it, my little misunderstood friend.

Nibble the powdery cinnamon bliss.

No, your path ends in death.

No!

You have been saved. No charge.

This is certainly an ironic situation...

...with an apex predator there and me over here...

...holding this little guy at the bottom of the food chain.

Hey, Mom. Look what I found.

Ace Irwin Ventura, get out of that and away from that alligator this instant.

Okay.

Stay.

- How many times have I told you? - A million.

- Visiting me... - Is a privilege, not a right.

- This is... - The last time...

- I get to come here if I am going... - Gonna behave this way.

- I'm serious, Ace. - You're always serious, Mom.

And do you know why?

Because you're not gonna lose me like you lost Dad.

I'm sorry, Mom.

I don't know why I had to save him, I just did.

It's a mouse, Ace.

That's why we have traps here.

You are not, I repeat, not responsible...

...for every stray animal in every corner of this planet.

- I'm not? - No.

Now give me the mouse.

And the hedgehog.

And the guinea pig.

And the ferret.

And the toad.

Oh, there we go.

What?

Baby gator.

What baby gator?

Fine, here.

- Now you're late for school. Let's go. - Hey, what's that?

- Ace. - What's going on over here?

Honey, honey, come back here.

- Ace, okay, look. - Pong Ping?

The Chinese government has loaned us Pong Ping and Ting Tang...

...the world's most famous pandas.

There's gonna be an unveiling next week. Now, Ace...

I know. I promise, no trying to find missing pets...

...or helping animals or anything.

- Even if they're about to get run over. - Okay, that's not what I mean.

And I will try to be normal.

Thank you, A.J.

- Now will you please go to school? - Okay.

Normal.

Normal.

Must be normal.

Hey, Tara, is it true what happened to your pet?

Yeah. I woke up this morning...

...and my pet rabbit, Mimzy, was totally gone.

Of course we're depressed. Our skunk's been missing two weeks.

We're emotional wrecks about it.

- I will be normal. - I turned my back...

- ...and my hamster's gone. - My dog.

My friend Bethany can't find her chinchilla.

This is really weird, guys.

- It's an animal-nabbing epidemic. - Weird.

Laura, what about you?

You think that's bad?

The other day, Greeny, my incredibly rare emerald-green koi fish?

Vanished right out of the aquarium.

Your attention, please. I have same sad news.

Mr. Chompers, our beloved swim team mascot, has gone missing.

Any student with information...

...is requested to report to the pool immediately.

Well, he's gone.

Do you know where our mascot is or not?

Well, I wouldn't say I know where he is.

- But you know who took him? - Not exactly.

- But you have some kind of lead? - Define "lead."

Forget this loser.

No, wait. I can find him.

What makes you think that?

I just know I can.

Ooh, what are you, some kind of pet...

...finder guy?

Just give me four days. What do you got to lose?

You got 72 hours.

Okay. Seventy-two hours. That's like two weeks.

That's great.

I know what Mom said, but this is important.

She won't find out.

Now cowboy up, dog, because we're not just gonna go find Mr. Chompers.

I hear a whole lot of lost pets calling my name.

That'll do it.

This is the busiest intersection in town, Ox.

Thousands of people will see this.

Recognize your Mimzy?

- No. - Number 3, hop to the right.

Number 1 just went number two.

Number 4, stop doing that to Number 3.

Would you guys stop multiplying?

Well, how about now?

Lost hamster, milk for Milton.

Help find Milton. Runaway rodent.

Do a brother solid.

Milk for Milton. Please help find Milton.

- I found Milton. - No. Mm-mm.

I didn't find Milton.

Offensive action. Three, two, one.

Now, that's offensive.

Stop toying with our emotions.

That's not Breezy, moron.

Skunk!

It's called papering the town, Oxnard.

Very effective method for disseminating information.

That's not true.

I treat every one of my missing pets exactly the same...

...no matter who they belong to.

Well, here we are, Ox.

Casa de Laura Wilson's house.

The scene of the crime.

Sorry, old friend, now is not the time to tell Laura how I feel.

I am not scared to talk to her.

Oh, you think so, huh?

Yeah, well, watch and learn, Puppy Chow.

We'll find her pet, then I'll find time to express how I really feel.

- Hi, Ace. - Oh, my God, you're pretty!

What?

Um, your koi fish...

...she's itty-bitty.

Yeah, she sure is.

Much like a grunion.

Stand aside, ma'am.

Clues don't find themselves, you know. Oxnard, while I'm young?

Crime scene is secure. No sign of any forced entries.

Initial suspects include the scuba man and the treasure chest.

Remember when I brought her into school...

...as part of my report on unusual animals?

The next morning, when I woke up, Greeny was gone.

Really?

Case number 349-A-493-20451.

Neptune Alpha Charley Horse.

Missing green koi fish.

Answers to Greeny.

Question: Have you tried calling her?

Calling her? She's a fish.

May I?

Sure.

- Well, she's gone. - Yeah.

Owner is one Laura Wilson.

Smart. Funny. Great listener.

Excellent personal hygiene.

A smile that'll make you feel like pudding inside...

...and skin like peaches and cream...

...except for maybe this one spot on her perfectly formed chin.

Possibly a pimple?

- A pimple? Where? - Oh.

I'm such an idiot.

No one asked you. Uh...

Um, Oxnard and I must be, uh, going now.

Anyway, your lovable collection of aquatic friends...

...will have their emerald companion back...

...in, um, three days.

- Really? - I promise.

You broke your promise.

- What did I tell you? - That I'm not responsible...

...for the well-being of every stray animal in every corner of the planet.

But, Mom, I had to.

Do you think I like scooping poop all day? I don't.

I got this job so that you could see animals...

...whenever you want, safely and with complete supervision.

Yeah, but it's not the same, okay? I wanna find lost animals.

I love it.

Okay, I tried every other

extracurricular activity you wanted me...

...and I mastered them all.

What?

Next.

Bananas.

P-R-E-T-T-Y. Pretty.

That is correct.

Your word is "antidisestablishmentarianism."

P-R-E-T-T-Y. Pretty.

This was a dumb idea.

Okay, maybe I didn't master all of them...

...but maybe athletics aren't my calling.

Wait, was Dad an athlete?

A good speller? An entertainer?

This is not about your dad. We'll talk about him another time.

Mom, you always say that.

I'm not ready for that talk yet. We can have it when you're older.

I am older, Mom. I'm 12 years old...

...and I'm starting to have weird feelings...

...and I don't have Dad for "that talk."

Honey, everybody your age has those feelings.

No, Mom.

Not these feelings.

That's it. You are not eating out of a dog bowl.

You are not sticking your head out of a car window.

And use the toilet for something other than drinking.

- You'll be like other kids. - But this is who I am.

No, it's not. It's who you're acting like.

Hmm?

- Morning. - Good morning. Mom.

Hey, what's with that hat on?

- What hat? - Ace.

It's what all the kids are doing.

You said you wanted me to be like them so here you go.

Not at the table.

Mom. Mom, the cereal.

- Oh, my God. - What?

- It's happening. - What is it?

Come out with your hands up.

Don't move.

- Melissa Ventura? - Yeah.

Oh, wow, one more punch and you get a free yogurt.

Uh, ahem.

"The Cinnamon Hippo"? Is that like Chuck E. Cheese?

Never mind that. Russell Hollander, NBFW.

- National Bureau of Fish and Wildlife. - Smart kid.

I'm in charge here.

Do you have any idea how often they let...

...a member of Fish and Wildlife lead a SWAT team?

Yeah. Never.

You guys don't even get badges. You wear patches.

Give me that. Try that again, I'll have you arrested for assaulting an officer.

Okay, fine, jeez. But technically, police dogs outrank you.

Ranger Hollander?

- They're towing your car. - Again?

Hey, wait a minute. Can't you tell us what you're looking for?

Your case is the biggest in service history.

They're calling guys back from Alaska. Playing dumb is not gonna work.

You left a lot of evidence at the crime scene.

We found your shoe prints all over the place.

In English, Ranger Smith?

Ting Tang has been stolen.

Mom works for the zoo. Of course her footprints were.

Your bank accounts show you've been living paycheck-to-paycheck.

A panda cub brings big bucks on the black market, huh?

We found something, sir.

Look at this.

- Your ransom note? - Somebody sent that to us.

- I don't even know what that means. - And this.

A tranquilizer gun.

Sir, your finger...

- ...prints. - Recently fired.

Aah! They give us all tranquilizer guns. I used it to sedate a chimpanzee.

Oh, that was actually very funny.

- He grabbed ahold of this tourist's... - But that's enough, Ace.

- Uh, Uh... - Melissa Ventura...

...you're under arrest.

- What? No, no. - Oh, wait.

Down, boy. Down, boy. Down. Down.

It's been a mistake. It's a mistake.

There you go. There we go. We'll sort it all out.

Oh, good. It's like chocolate.

- They're so addictive. - There we go. I know they are.

- Come on. - I am not going anywhere...

...until I can make a call for someone to stay with my son.

Give her the phone.

It'll be all right. I'll find Ting Tang.

No, you promised.

I don't want you to do anything, Ace.

One call.

- Okay, while you walk. While you walk. - I'm gonna call his grandfather.

But, Mom. Grandpa's gonna be on a cruise for another four weeks.

- I'm calling your other grandpa. - What other grandpa?

Grandpa...

...Ventura.

Huh?

Rex? It's Melissa.

Hold on.

Come on, Spark.

Come on, Spark.

Sorry about that.

Hello, Ace.

Grandpa?

First thing, your mom is fine.

She's gonna have a bail hearing on Friday. You can see her then.

Darn hairballs.

What can you do? My cat's on his eighth life.

There are some spots he's simply too old to lick himself.

Too much information.

Well, Ace. I haven't seen you since you were a baby.

What are you now, 84?

Grandpa. I'm 12.

Right. Dog years.

Eighty-four years old.

I'll bet you're helping animals by now, aren't you?

Come on, show me your office.

Come on, Spark.

Come on, Sparky, here we go.

Thattaboy.

So these are the animals you're trying to find, huh?

Well, I was, but then Mom said it was too dangerous.

Really?

Hi, Ace.

- You obsess much? - What, about Laura? No, not really.

Sometimes. Maybe. Yeah, I do.

Hey, Grandpa, can I ask you a question?

Sure thing.

What was my dad like?

Well, what did your mom tell you about him?

Nothing. She says that he disappeared on a business trip when I was a baby...

...and that I'm too young to know the rest.

Yeah, well, your mom's got good reasons...

...why she doesn't wanna talk about him.

But can I ask you this?

Have you ever wondered why you keep looking for lost animals?

- Because... - Because why?

- I don't know. - Because you're a Ventura.

- A Ventura. - Ventura.

Now, although it took along time...

...for our ancestors to develop a kinship with the animal world.

Eventually, we won them over. Even the carnivores.

Down through history, the Ventura line continued.

Including Charles Ventura Darwin. You know who he was, don't you?

He was the evolution guy, right?

Survival of the least loserest.

Did you know a Ventura would never harm an animal?

One of your ancestors, the great Antarctic explorer...

...Sir Ernest Ventura Shackleton.

Although he and his crew were starving to death...

...they would not eat a penguin.

Jacques Ventura Cousteau...

...who invented the scuba suit...

...so that finally man could commune with his watery brethren.

Fit like a glove.

So you see, Ace Jr...

...the Ventura line has a long and storied career...

...of animal advocacy, communion and search and rescue.

Well, was my dad like the other Venturas?

Well...

...I've probably said too much already.

But your mom was in trouble and I thought you needed to know.

So, what you're saying is...

...is that I should go out and try to find Ting Tang?

I'm not saying anything.

I'm just saying.

Saving what?

Your Y-chromosome has the Ventura mutation.

You're one of us.

- Come on, Sparky. - Um...

Grandpa. I'm pretty sure he's dead.

He's not dead. He's sleeping. Come on.

You hear what he said? My goodness. My goodness.

Hey, if I say over the wall, It's over the wall.

Don't be a maverick. Let's go.

Jeez. I didn't know the lunch lady had a night job.

Russell Hollander, NBFW CSI: Orlando.

I like the way that sounds.

I left no stone unturned, no clue undiscovered.

Case closed, Melissa Ventura.

You are guilty.

That guy is one bigtime sick monkey, my friend.

Case number 349-A-493-20452.

Alpha Beta Delta Airlines.

Missing panda cub. Answers to Ting Tang.

Or if you speak Panda:

On loan from national government.

Country: China.

Crime scene shows no sign of disturbance.

As expected, my mom's shoe prints are everywhere.

And the only other prints are panda...

...or are they?

Holy roly-poly.

I knew it.

Hey. Look, Pong Ping, I'm a family friend.

I knew your uncle when he was here, Chan Chin.

Or, uh, Bing Bang?

Or Hong Kong?

Wang Chung?

You miss your cub?

Yeah, I miss my mom too.

But I found some really important clues while I was here.

I'm not the world's greatest, uh...

...pet sleuth.

Finder? Investigator?

I don't know. But...

But I'll try.

I promise.

Hey, kid. Are you Arnold Plushinski?

Yeah, but call me A Plus. Aah!

You're dead, Plushinski. I mean it.

Move.

Uh-oh. That can't be good.

Proximity alert. Proximity alert.

Give up the gummies, Plushinski, and the horror will end.

Never. Aah!

Excuse me. Yes.

Move.

Move it. Out of the way.

Where is he?

Can't hide the gummies forever, Plushinski.

- Hey, what are you doing? - Oh, my God.

- Where'd he go? - Whatever.

Hello?

A Plus?

Why are you talking to me?

Who just said that?

No one ever talks to me except bullies.

You're not gonna beat me up, are you?

No, I need your help.

Oh. In here.

What the...

Awesome.

Awesome.

Holy cellar dweller, Batman.

This place is...

How did you build this?

This place was forgotten about during a renovation...

...but I found a way in.

Made my lab.

I can't believe I have a friend...

...and I didn't even have to grow him in a petri dish.

Oh, my God, those are giant gummi worms.

Hey, stop...

That's a bully-tracking device.

They transmit to my GPS here.

A bully eats a harmless-looking candy and it gets into his digestive tract.

I can track him for up to 18 hours.

Twelve, if he eats chili.

- Ew. - So how can I help you, friend?

Um, I have some, uh, measurements that I need analyzed.

These prints are 1.5 millimeters deep as differentiated from these...

which are 2.3 millimeters and these, which are 5 millimeters.

Fascinating, captain. These measurements clearly indicate...

...prints made by three very different organisms...

...weighing approximately 125 pounds, 183.253 pounds...

...and 390 pounds respectively.

So anything else?

How long would it take to hack into a website called...

..."www.PandaFanatic.com"?

We're in like Tolkien. Here's a picture of the guy who runs the site.

His e-mail address is m.sickinger@penningtoncorp.net.

Pennington Corporation.

That's Pennington Jr.'s father's company.

Oh, he's so cool.

Isn't that the kid who rides in the limousine?

Yes, and he's extraordinarily popular.

Of all the tables in the cafeteria, his is the furthest away from mine.

Okay, do you mind if I keep one of these?

- Of course. - Okay.

I'll just... I'll be on my way.

I'll be on my way. I will talk to you later.

Really? And you won't even pretend like I'm not there or give me a swirly?

- No, no. - Awesome.

Grandpa, I'm pretty sure he's dead.

No, he's just a good actor.

Dead dogs don't get dinner.

Oh. All right.

Hard day at the office?

It's just that I found all these clues to help Mom's case...

...but to do that, I had to break my promise to her.

So...

- ...you're working on a case? - Yeah.

You know what they call those working on cases?

Yeah, cops.

Face it, Grandpa, I'm just a kid who lied to his mom.

I don't know what to do.

Well, you can start by being who you are.

Who you were born to be.

Now, lying to your mom is one thing, but lying to yourself, Ace Jr...

...son, that leads to a life of disappointment.

That's not normal.

I will be normal.

Ha.

Hi, this is Pennington Jr. with a very special message just for you.

You're invited in my birthday party. Lucky you.

Yes. I'm invited, I'm invited, I'm invited.

I'm invited!

Press.

Perez Ventura. I'm here to interview Pennington Jr.

- No, not on the list. - List? What list?

I don't care about no stinking list. I'm with The, uh, Daffy Rumor Mill.

School paper? Familiar with freedom of the press?

It's in something called the Constitution

of the United States. You should read it.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Don't tase me, bro. First Amendment violation.

- Put me down. - Let him through.

Put him down, boys.

Now that's admissible evidence.

I haven't been humiliated like this since

they started making us shower after P.E.

We're on a tight schedule. You got three minutes.

Is that a forest up there?

Man, you gotta clip those nose hairs. You could make a teddy bear out of that.

Wow.

Clean up Bigfoot here real nice.

We Penningtons pride ourselves on good relations with the press...

...but the invitations have already been recorded.

- There's nothing I can do. - Waiter? Lunch.

Please, take this pass.

It will get you into the gymnasium...

...where we'll be webcasting the whole thing.

It'll make headlines.

Oh, that's terrific, sport. Here's a few for you:

"Billionaire Boy in Liposuction incident."

Or "I Had Pennington Jr.'s Alien Love Baby."

I'm great with Photoshop.

You're threatening to blackmail me unless I give you information.

I'm the paparazzi. It's what I do.

But I will get off your back if you tell me about this guy.

Dr. Michael Sickinger.

A brilliant scientist who worked for our animal genetics laboratory.

He's one of the finest.

Indubitably.

Unfortunately, he's quite insane.

Incontinently.

He harbors a bizarre hatred for panda bears.

Incomprehensibly. Does he still work for your father?

Oh, no. We fired him just a few weeks ago.

I believe he's now the chief of non-telegenic species research...

...at the Dinosaur Fossils Foundation.

What?

I don't know what it means either. You'll have to ask him yourself.

Oh, I will.

Bye-bye, then. Every shot I take, a Picasso.

No touching the camera.

- Where's my rabbit, loser? - Nice to see you too, Tara.

You were supposed to find Breezy a week ago.

You owe us for the extra therapy session.

I can't comment on an ongoing investigation.

Aah! Holy magenta, you guys look like a box of crayons.

Why do you guys always travel in a flock?

Is this really necessary?

Can't we talk this over like civilized adults?

You can IM me and I'll text you back.

You said I had 72 hours!

You've had eight days.

Two kinds of people:

People that pee in the pool and people who lie about it.

Find Mr. Chompers or you go swimming again tomorrow.

- What? - Get to class, Ventura.

I gotta break into Dr. Sickinger's office at the museum...

- ...so you can upload his hard drive. - I can only do that in my lab.

Would you get out of there? Come on, the coast is clear.

Sounds like a three-man job. Hey, uh, why are you all wet...

With the wet, okay?

About the three-man job...

...I know someone.

But it's gonna take all my power of persuasion...

...to convince this beautiful animal lover to commit a level-five felony.

Please help me break into the Dinosaur Fossil Foundation...

...so we can stop the guy who stole Ting Tang...

...and save my mom before she's sent to prison.

Um, okay.

- Really? - Yeah.

- Are those from my mom's garden? - No.

Shut up.

Right this way, folks. Stick together.

Okay.

You are all in for a very special treat.

The rarest, most complete Tyrannosaurus skeleton in existence.

It has an estimated value of $100 million.

Uh-huh.

Do not touch it.

A hundred million dollars?

You want your koi fish back, you're hot or not. This plan is gravy.

Everybody, stay close. We're on a tight schedule.

Aw, T. rex, cool.

I'm sorry, sir. No pets allowed.

He's my Seeing Eye dog.

He's facing backwards.

And you're not blind.

I can see again. I can see. It's a miracle. It's a miracle.

- Sir. I mean it, you... - Fine. I'll take him off.

I'm so sorry about all this.

- Make him stop doing that. - He's a dog, it's a bone. Do the math.

What...

Oh. Oh, jeez.

Oxnard Hueneme Carpinteria Ventura, you get back here right now.

Sir, that is a priceless skeleton unearthed in the badlands of...

Oh, please. This thing's lasted millions of years.

It's going to survive a little doggy love nibble.

Maybe not.

Oh, my!

Okay, I told you it would work.

Now go. I'll meet you in the Dinosaur Cavern. Go.

Security!

You seen a kid come out here?

What are you guys standing around? Come on, let's go. Come on.

- A Plus, are you there? - Affirmative.

Oh, this is so cool. Now I have two friends.

Let's start a band. You play an instrument?

I used in play the bagpipes, but my legs are too skinny for a kilt.

Come on. I'm in the office.

It's really freaky in here. Tell me what to do.

- Don't let him get away. - Over here.

Bring backup. That's him.

Aah! Oh...

Ha!

Okay, your program's running.

- Oh, one other thing. - What?

In my instant messenger...

...can I move you from contacts to buddies?

No.

- Can I put you on my Fave 5? - No.

- MySpace add? - Denied.

But we're friends now, right?

Sure, A Plus. We're friends.

- And you're a girl, right? - Duh.

So I can call you my girlfriend, right?

Ew. Not.

Fine, be that way.

There he goes, there he goes.

Get out of my way, get out of my way. No, I'm going first.

You...

Okay, it's finished.

He's over there.

- Copy that. - Come here, kid.

Come here, kid.

Aah! Jeez, with the sneaking up on me, okay?

Mission accomplished.

- Where's Ox? - Well, I don't know, he's a lone wolf.

- You're putting that bone back. - Fine, I will.

- He's in the tunnel. - Let's go.

Let's go. This way.

- Stay where you are. - Come on.

Fan out.

Do you Heely?

Right.

- Shall we? - Let's do.

Fun time's over.

Go.

Hey, that's my girl.

Ha. Got you.

Ha, ha. Got you.

You're not gonna let him keep that.

I'll put it back later. Hey, good job, Ox.

- Where are the kids? - What's this?

Where did they go? Which way?

What? Bunch of idiots. Oh, man.

Her financial situation is dire, and, as the bears' keeper...

...she has ready access to the panda house at any time.

The agency's skilled forensics team has concluded...

...that the only fresh footprints at the crime scene belong to Mrs. Ventura.

I object.

Excuse me.

Who are you?

Ace Ventura Darrow Hutz Junior, Esquire of the following law firms, one minute.

"Dewey, Fleeceum and Grab, Wiley, Little and Weasel..."

...Shakem, Down and Hard, Cheap, Ambulance and Chaser.

Imontha Take and Lovitt, Ben Dover and Grunt...

"...and the non-profit Mater Innocentus."

My mom is innocent. Your Honor, I represent the defendant.

Your Honor, this is ridiculous.

He's a 12-year-old behavioral case and the defendant's son. He can't...

This a bail hearing. Character is pertinent.

Continue, young man.

Ow. That must've hurt and it's only gonna get worse.

Pay attention.

- Thank you, paralegal Laura. - You're very welcome.

- Oh, come on, Your Honor. - Pardon me, Your Honor. My bad.

- Thank you, pretty paralegal Laura. - You're welcome, Mr. Esquire.

Come on, boys.

Drop it. Okay. I'm good, I'm good.

The only footprints that Agent Hollander and his personal CSI...

Complete Stupid Idiots. ...found at the scene were...

Okay. Okay, a little help. It's getting really heavy, bailiffs. Please!

- Let me remind you, you're under oath! - Actually, I'm not.

I want the truth! You can't handle the truth!

Be seated, you maggot. Immediately if not sooner!

Anyway, the only footprints that Ranger Blockhead found in the habitat...

...besides my mom's shoeprints were panda prints.

The average panda weighs 352 pounds with a body mass index of 21.34.

At over 5 feet in length, the panda has slightly offset weight distribution.

They use a modified sesamoid bone for stability.

And they create a 5-millimeter deep footprint.

But, as you can see, these are 2.3-millimeter deep footprints...

...that I just created by adding 75 pounds to my weight.

A man weighing 183 pounds...

...would establish a print depth of 2.3 millimeters.

We are looking for a 183-pound man, not a...

- Mom, how much do you weigh? - A hundred and ten.

- You wanna be free or not? - One thirty-five.

...Hundred and thirty-five-pound woman.

If the footprints don't fit, you must acquit.

Order! Order.

Thank you, thank you. It's Ventura with a V as in victory.

I plead for acquittal, Your Honor.

Game, set, match. Cut, print, moving on and scene.

Let me get this straight.

You trespassed on a federal crime scene.

Or you're just making all this up.

- Um, well... - Mm-hm.

It's a hypothesis.

A theory, if you will.

Well, that's terrific, tiger.

But right now the grownups have to send your mommy to jail...

...unless, uh, someone else wants to put on a Halloween costume...

...and vandalize the courtroom.

Order. I'm sorry, young man. It's an interesting theory...

...but this case involves an endangered species...

...international relations.

Bail is set at $500,000.

Melissa Ventura...

...you're remanded to the custody of the state of Florida.

Ace, where did you get all that information?

- You promised that you wouldn't. - But Grandpa said that he...

- He carries around a dead dog. - It's not dead, it's just sleeping.

I thought I could help solve the case by finding Ting Tang or something...

...but no one believes me. Not even you.

Of course I do. I just don't wanna lose you.

- Like you lost Dad. - Yeah, like I lost Dad.

I realize now that no matter what I say, you're gonna be who you are.

I want you to know the truth about your dad.

I just didn't talk about him or what he did because I...

I didn't want you to follow in his footsteps.

Well, what happened to him?

He was on a case.

Using an ultralight plane...

...he was leading a flock of disabled Canadian snow geese...

...back to their winter breeding ground in Miami.

They said that he got disoriented...

...that he vanished from radar somewhere over the Bermuda Triangle.

Oh, Ace, oh.

Time is up, convict, on the bus.

Oh. Oh, I've been saving something for you.

Your father bought this.

He wanted you to have it when you were old enough...

...and now you are.

- Look up in the attic. It's there. - Mom, I promise, I'll be normal.

Be who you are, Ace!

Hollander will find the panda-napper. We'll be a family again.

I love you, Ace!

I love you, Mom.

Ace, I'm so sorry.

So, what do we do now?

Nothing. I'm a loser.

It's over.

Sorry about your koi fish.

Come on, Ox.

Hey, Laura, where the heck is Bermuda?

I have no idea.

That's not what I think it is, is it?

I guess.

Your mom gave that to you?

Yeah, but it's not important.

What about the animals?

Animals have never brought me anything but trouble.

I gotta be like everyone else, Grandpa.

You can't.

Well, I will if it kills me.

You'll never be like everyone else because you're one in a million.

Just like your ancestors.

Just like your father.

Eat your own food, Ox.

I've been trying to get you to figure this out...

...but I guess I'm just gonna have to come out and say it.

Say what?

The magic word.

Don't you know what you are?

I'm a kid, right?

You're more than that.

You're a pet...

...detective.

- Like my dad? - Yeah.

Well, what was he like?

Just like you.

And you know...

...this thing you threw away?

This is the key to your future.

Alrighty, then.

- Nice outfit. - Ha, ha.

Let's talk fashion.

Tara's wearing the latest in the spoiled and shallow collection.

Love the shoes. Hate you.

Ventura, our therapist said for us...

...to order you to stop inflicting emotional damage on us.

Franken Berry called. Count Chocula wants his wardrobe back.

And the sun's out. Get back in your caskets.

Is there a veterinarian in the house?

Because these are some sick puppies. Aah!

Hey, watch the hair.

Oxnard, I need you!

Time for another motivational dunking, dork.

No, but you don't underst...

Jeez, next time you're late like that, I'm buying a cat.

Tell your dog to back off, Ventura.

Are you crazy? I'm not going near him.

He looks rabid...

...and he can smell your fear.

You are Spartan!

- What about our alligator? - I told you I'd find him and I will.

But right now I've got bigger fish to fry.

Oxnard!

Oh, and, uh, sorry about that whole buying-a-cat thing.

Ace?

Ventura Jr...

...pet detective.

Um, okay.

What's wrong?

The question, young Laura, is what is right.

The answer: everything.

So you feel like solving that case?

Thought you gave up?

Even Tiger Woods shanks one from time to time.

But the past is past.

Now, A Plus?

Wow. This table is great.

I looked through Sickinger's hard drive.

He's a biological researcher specializing

in non-telegenic endangered organisms.

In English, Mr. Spock.

He advocates for ugly animals.

He planned a demonstration for like-minded activists...

...at a publicity stop for a famous feline.

Okay. I didn't understand a word you just said...

...except for "ugly animals" and "Sickinger".

He's organizing a protest at Tabby the Tabby's autograph session...

...at the Animals Actors' studio at Universal, Orlando.

Oh.

Well, looks like we're going on a field trip.

I'll take a few of these for the road. Two percent next time.

Field trip? Do I need a permission slip?

No, you don't.

Have a meow-tastic day.

Thanks for coming. Tabby says, "Have a meow-tastic day."

Thanks for coming. Tabby says, "Have a meow-tastic day."

Thanks for coming. Tabby says, "Have a meow-tastic day."

Thanks for coming. Tabby says, "Have a meow-tastic day."

There's Sickinger.

Tabby says, "Have a meow-tastic day."

Thanks for coming. Tabby says, "Have a meow-tastic day."

No justice, no peace! Equal treatment for ugly species!

No justice, no peace! Equal treatment for ugly species!

Take him down! He's an eco-terrorist!

Cease and desist immediately or I'll be forced to use this!

Don't even think about moving. Slow down. Just stop.

Don't tase me. Don't tase me, bro.

- Get him. - No justice, no peace!

No justice, no...

Oh.

We shall not be silenced!

Be quiet.

Ugly animals of the world, unite!

- You have nothing to lose... - This guy is crazy.

...but your leashes!

We shall not be silenced!

Aah! Tabby is gone!

Find Tabby! Tabby's gone!

Yikes, Tabby's been nabbied.

- Tabby! Tabby! - This is bigger than I thought.

Sickinger must be running some sort of criminal animal-napping network.

Oh, the humanity! Tabby!

I know you don't want to, Ace, but you better talk to Hollander.

- Tabby's gone! - Now he'll listen to you.

- You're not listening! - I'm sorry, what? Ha, ha.

Dr. Sickinger. He was creating a distraction...

...at the Animal Actors stadium when Tabby the Tabby vanished.

This is a major criminal network. We have evidence.

- Tabby the Tabby. - Catnapped.

- Ting Tang. - You know what happened.

Princess.

Championship West Highland terrier.

Her Majesty was stolen from an international dog show last week.

Freedom the Hawk.

Mascot for the Stars and Stripes Burger Company...

...his freedom was taken away when he was stolen last month.

They even took Snuggles, the fabric softening bear.

- They took Snuggles? - Yes.

And...?

Sickinger's organization is stealing famous animals.

Yeah.

You're welcome for solving the case, doing your job.

Need me to wipe your butt for you? I just did.

So when can I get my mom back?

Ten, 20 years, I'd say.

What?

You see, doorstep, a major investigation like this...

...takes on a life all of its own.

I think your mom's guilty...

...and I spent all morning on CNN saying she is.

Her case is putting this agency on the map.

And that's just the beginning. Get this:

Fish and Wildlife.

Guess who's gonna play me?

Gumby.

I didn't want it to have to come to this, Russell, but now it's on.

Aha.

Ha!

Ha!

- Out. - With the pushing.

- Come on, out. - I am gonna get Sickinger...

...solve this case, prove my mom's innocent...

...and show the world what an idiot you are.

Nice hair.

This used to be the most pristine tyrannosaurus skeleton on Earth...

...formerly valued at $100 million.

Ahem, how much is it worth now? Ahem.

Substantially less.

Please, do not touch it.

Let's move very carefully to the gift shop.

I don't think it looks that bad.

Here, you put it back.

You put it back.

- Yes? - Dr. Sickinger, I presume.

What? Wait. Uh, Uh...

Who are you?

Ace Ventura Jr., pet detective.

Ha, ha. You're kidding me, right?

Do I look like I'm kidding?

Oh, I get it.

Young supporters of the cause, yes.

Oh, it's brilliant. Yes, yes.

You're never too young for political mobilization, huh?

We don't wanna join your movement.

Look, buddy, my mom's in jail because of you...

...so tell us where the panda is so we can get him back to the zoo.

If I were going to steal an animal from the zoo...

...the panda is the last one I'd take.

I don't think you understand.

This is the Madagascan aye-aye.

The proboscis monkey.

- Big nose. - Ew.

The Chinese paddlefish.

- Oh. - Ugh.

The marabou stork.

Yeah, all of them endangered. Yet no one's ever heard of them.

- You know why? - No.

They're hideous.

Ugly.

- Butt ugly, actually. - You got it there.

- Whoops! Ha, ha. - Ugh.

Sorry, that one's from vacation.

Ace, shoot me now.

Lights, ha, lights. Ahem.

And this has what to do with the panda?

Well, everything.

We put all of these "cute" creatures in zoos...

...and then we spend insane amounts of money to protect them.

And for what, huh?

I started the PandaFanatic website...

...to, uh, get attention for my cause.

That's all.

I didn't kidnap Ting Tang...

...or any of those other animals.

All species of animals, including the ugly ones...

...should be treated with the same respect as the cute ones...

...like pandas...

I think I just busted this case wide open.

I have a car.

Ace, so, what's going on?

Well, here's the plot up until now.

Our perpetrator is stealing famous animals...

...and there's none more famous than Calypso.

He played the unicorn in the epic trilogy they shot in New Zealand.

His owners are doing a benefit magic performance today...

...and I got a feeling our thief is gonna try and steal him there. Punch it.

Here's the plan. Doc, you watch the exits. Ox...

...you watch doc.

Let's go.

Okay, when we get past this, A Plus, Laura, split up.

Whoever finds Calypso, call in.

We'll stake out the perpetrators and wait for them to reveal themselves.

I've been looking around here all day. I can't find Calypso.

He's right over there.

For my next illusion...

- Ooh, magic show. - ...I need a volunteer.

Me, me, me!

- A volunteer, anyone. - Me. Here. Me.

- Who wants in the show? - Pick me. Me.

- You. How about you? - No, not her.

No, no, no, me. Wanna-be magic man, right here.

- Anyone else? - No, me. He-he, me.

Sure, son. Okay, go inspect the box.

You'll see that there are no mirrors.

There are no strings. There are no trap doors.

- What's he doing? - I don't know.

Ace Irwin Ventura Jr., at your service.

This is real.

- Don't worry, you'll be okay. - This is what I do.

- Are there any back doors? - There are no back doors.

- Are there any mirrors? - No mirrors.

All right, go on.

- Stranger danger. - Thank you. Give him a big hand.

Raise the box.

You won't believe what you're about to see.

Everyone remain calm.

One, two, three!

And now close the box.

Raise the box, gentlemen.

I'm a professional, so nobody try this at home.

And now...

...Calypso.

What the...

- What happened? - My God.

Where's my horse?

Where's Calypso?

- That horse gets 6 million a picture. - Calypso?

- Houdini, I want him back now. - That kid right there.

The volunteer. He knows something.

Me? No. Where would I be keeping a horse that big, in my pocket?

- Where's Calypso? - I don't know, your mother's house?

- No, no, he's just joking. - Come on.

- Just get him. - Hey. Hey, kid.

- Where are you going? - Stop.

- Slow down, Simba. - Kid.

Ace, Calypso's really gone?

Yeah, my plan worked.

- What plan? - I fed him one of your homing devices.

Strawberry gummy, he loved it.

Now he's gonna lead us to whoever's behind all this treachery.

- Get him. - Stop. There they are.

Doc. Sickinger, start the car.

I think they have rabies!

Here. Dog. There. Car, car.

- Seatbelts. - Seatbelts?

- What, are you kidding me? Let's go. - Okay, here we go.

Where's my horse?

Oh, they're getting off the highway at Palm Grove.

That's where the rich kids from our school live.

But where exactly?

My invitation.

My invitation.

You 're invited to my birthday party...

...this Saturday at 3421 Tropicana Avenue.

Okay, party people, suit up.

Party. I haven't partied since '99.

Ox, vámonos.

- Here? - No, wait. No, up there. Left.

No, no, wait. Straight. Okay, stop. Stop right here.

- Stop? Stop? - No, no, Stop.

- Stop here. Stop. - I'm stopping, backseat driver.

All right. Laura and I are going inside.

If we're not back by 3:00, Implement...

...Plan B.

Synchronize watches. Let's go.

A red carpet? What is this, an awards show?

Where's Joan Rivers when you need her? You, make sure no weirdoes get in here.

Talk about filthy stinking rich. Where's the back of the line?

You know where the line is? How's the wife and kids?

- What's the word I'm looking for? - It's regal.

- Exactly. Egomaniacal. - Invitation, please.

- Thank you. - Holy Shaq.

How many puberties have you gone through?

All right.

- Thank you. - Wear the wristband at all times.

- Whoa. Invite only, kid. - He's my date.

- What, did you lose a bet? - Oh, ha, ha.

You're killing me, Smalls.

How about you pick on somebody your own size?

Like Sasquatch.

- Now band me. - Yeah.

Gray areas are off-limits.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- Electronic device. - Here.

Don't touchy the hair. I haven't been treated this badly...

...since I got sick in a country with socialized medicine.

Ten thousand shares of Exxon stock.

Awesome.

I got a Rolex.

You bring him a gift?

I got him the one thing he doesn't have.

- What? - Nothing.

Holy real estate.

This place probably has its own ZIP code.

We're gonna need an exit visa to get out of here.

Best party ever. Bananas.

Out of the way, please. Make room for Mr. Pennington.

Ooh, it's Mr. Big-Scary-Billionaire-Man.

Get out of the way.

Pirates of the Caribbean is the other side of town, sport.

Don't touch me.

Stay back, people. Thank you.

- Out of the way, please. - He's mean.

Young ladies and gentlemen...

...may I direct your attention to the sky.

The Pennington Estate proudly presents the moment we've all been waiting for.

Put your hands together and welcome my son Pennington Jr.

- Hi, everybody, hi. - Big deal.

Hi, how are you? Great to see you.

Thanks for coming.

How are we gonna get inside?

I know. Let's crash into the back door in

our million-dollar personal helicopter.

Ace.

- You're glad to be here. - I'm working on it.

Hey, Laura, glad you could make it.

Hi, how are you?

Well, I asked my father for the best party ever...

...and, as you can see...

...what a Pennington wants, a Pennington gets.

- So for the next four hours... - I got it. Let's go.

...do not embarrass yourselves by

breaking any of the following rules. Dad?

Gifts in the party bags are not tax deductible.

Do not take any photos.

Anyone found to be outside of the designated areas...

...will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law.

Have fun, kids.

We'll cut the cake in 45 minutes.

Until then, happy birthday to me.

Ace.

I'm thinking.

- Down here. - Yeah.

Ow! Watch the hair.

Will you stop spinning? I'm dizzy.

Let's go.

- Ooh, the tunnel of love. - In your dreams, Ace.

How did you know about that?

Oxnard. Big mouth.

I got it.

Follow me.

Who's the man?

They could have seen you.

Why do you keep doing that?

That's just how I roll, baby.

If Scooby-Doo has taught me anything...

...it's that one of these books will activate a secret door.

Earthy, sweet...

...a strong bouquet of bamboo with a slight infusion of crocus.

Just a touch of wild grass and butt.

I smell panda poop.

Excellent year.

How did you know that?

I'm a meddling kid.

Dookie marks the spot. Musk be Pumas.

Or Jimmy Poo.

The Penningtons think they're smart, but they're quite "poo-pid."

We've caught them brown-footed.

They really stepped in it.

Okay, Ace, enough with this crap.

What... Oh.

You said crap. You did. Okay, fine, fine.

National Bureau of Fish and Wildlife. How can I direct your call?

Oh, yes, um. I have an anonymous tip for Agent Hollander.

Is he currently on duty? Ha, ha.

Uh, gum. I need a piece of gum.

Here.

We received a tip instructing us to come to this address.

From whom?

Anonymous.

The tip said that the case of the missing panda cub has been solved.

You're the one who called in?

That's it, short stack, now you're in big trouble.

No. He's in big trouble.

We found these shoes in his closet.

It proves that my mom didn't steal the panda.

I think I understand.

This cartoon has taken advantage of my son's hospitality.

He's found some cheap costume store haberdashery...

...snuck it in as a birthday gift and planted it in my home.

Now he expects you to believe that I used these...

...ridiculous things in the commission of a crime? Ha, ha.

Yes.

Can you believe this guy? I mean, he's pathetic.

I'm glad I'm not in his shoes. No pun intended.

He's been trying to save his mom with all sorts of crazy theories.

Get rid of these.

He came by the NBFW command center just the other day.

- National Bureau of Fish and Wildlife? - Yeah.

I play golf with your director.

You'll have to join us next time, Agent...

Hollander. Russell Hollander. That would be great.

How's the investigation coming? I'd read...

Hey. Hey, hometown. You're not here to be interviewed.

Now arrest this guy and let my mom out.

Uh, would you excuse me for one second, Mr. Pennington?

Call me Pennington.

Don't you worry, Ventura. I'm gonna make an arrest.

Two of them. You're out of control.

Oh, you wanna see out of control? Let's go, right now. Ha.

Ha. I win, bedhead. Take these two in.

Ex-squeeze me?

You're both locked up until the panda case is completed.

We don't need any more distractions.

Three o'clock.

What the hell is that?

Plan B.

Sorry. Sorry.

- Ah. Panda song. - Here we go.

Sound of a mother panda calling her young.

Hello.

- Oops. We're out of power. - The house is clean.

- Check around back. - Okay.

They're small. Why'd you let them go?

- They're little people. - Turn it up. Go.

Ting Tang will hear his mom calling him.

Catch up with them.

- Let's go, go. - Get the guy with the boom box.

Over there, point them over there.

Congratulations.

You found my horse stalls.

I apologize for the misunderstanding.

Just get him off my property.

Silence. They're all here.

Come on, half-pint. I'm getting tired of this.

Ha!

Don't go near those doors!

Princess. Tabby.

Otter. Piggy.

Tortoise, Freedom the Hawk, be free.

Possum.

Ting Tang, I found you. Touchdown.

Go to the haystack. I'll be right back.

- Oh, no, you don't. - Ha.

Come to me, my jungle friends.

You had everything, sir. Why did you do this?

I decided to start an animal collection.

I wanted only the most famous pieces.

Smooth ride for stolen property, Pennington.

And what a Pennington wants...

...a Pennington gets.

Mr. Pennington Sr., sir...

...you're under arrest.

Whack!

Yahtzee.

What's that on your tie?

I win.

Exit stage left.

Come on.

He's going to jail, he's going to jail.

Ace, you're a really great pet detective.

Well, what can I say? Ha.

Like father, like son.

I'm good. Okay. Let's go.

So, um, when are you gonna find my koi fish?

I just solved a huge case.

I'm working on it.

Nothing to see. Just one of your classmates...

...taking down a powerful billionaire for stealing celebrity animals.

Hey, I know where you're going.

And my future license plate is going to be "A-C-E Jr."

Where's he going?

Like father, like son.

Like father, like son. Come on.

You guys want your pets or not? Come on.

Let's go get our pets.

Mr. Chompers.

You stole our pets?

I'm the pet detective here.

He stole your pets.

He wants to be just like his dad.

He wants to be just like his dad:

Cruel, shallow and selfish.

You forgot "filthy rich" and "egomaniacal."

We Penningtons can have whatever we want.

Oh, you're quite a pair. But this time an Ace trumps a pair.

You did not just make that lame joke.

Oh, I did, sir. And you and your dad...

...are going to look great in matching orange jumpsuits.

You think you're a good detective?

Solve this.

The fish...

...is about to disappear.

- Greeny. - No.

Come on, I need help.

- Open his mouth, I'm going in. - No, Ace.

Five of you are going on a mission.

Couple of you probably aren't coming back.

Ace, be careful.

What the...

Easy, Mr. Chompers.

That's where my hair dryer went.

His mouth is closing. People, his mouth is closing.

I think I got him. I got him.

Careful. Careful.

Ew. I think I just squeezed his liver. That's disgusting.

- Yeah! - Greeny.

No!

Way to go, Sparky.

Grandpa, what are you doing here?

Oh, I'm taking 10 minutes off from retirement...

...to help you wrap up your first case.

- Thanks, Grandpa. - Hey, Sparky. Good going. Good Sparky.

I told you, I told you he was sleeping.

Who had the hamster?

And the snake and the turtle and...

Thanks, Ace.

It's what I do.

Now, uh, Laura, um, since I, uh, solved your case...

...there was something I kind of wanted to tell you.

What?

Um...

Well, it all kind of started when I met you in third grade...

Don't be shy, Ace.

You like me.

You have a crush on me.

No.

I have a huge crush on you.

That's what I just said.

I'm good, I'm good now. All right, um, let me just get my sea legs this way.

I am Ace Ventura Jr., pet detective.

And I declare all of your cases closed.

- Ace, Ace, Ace. - Thank you.

Ace Jr...

...you're the man.

Actually, you know what, Grandpa? You're right. I am the man. Whoa!

Get over here, Laura. Whoa!

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Ha, ha. Hey, I am so proud of you, Ace.

Ventura.

- Thank you, honey. - I love you too, Mom.

Alrighty, then.