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(Transcribed by TurboScribe. Go Unlimited to remove this message.) Thanks.

Come again.

Okey dokey.

What's next?

Chris?

Yeah.

I don't quite know how to put this,

but, um...

Well, you know, we're together all the time,

and there's...

There's something that you do that really gets

on my nerves.

I'm sorry.

What is it?

You're gonna forget about it.

It's my problem.

Okey dokey.

That's it.

What's it?

Okey dokey.

Do I say that?

Oh, yeah, you do.

Yeah.

And it drives me crazy.

I mean, it's like the way people say

any who.

Oh.

It's that bad?

Well, it is to me.

I'll try not to say it anymore.

You know, Jake, I'm glad you felt comfortable

enough to tell me what you did, because

that thing you do with the spoon on

the coffee cup, it really bothers me.

What thing?

Well, after you stir your coffee, you tap

the spoon on the cup.

Yeah, well, that's to get the coffee out

the spoon.

Yeah, I understand that.

Well, then what's the problem?

Well, it's just that that sound it makes,

it just goes through me like a knife.

Oh.

That's certainly easy enough to fix.

Thank you.

Okey dokey.

Just kidding.

Hey, Chris.

Jake, how you doing, buddy?

Wow, you're in a good mood.

What happened?

You find a nickel on the sidewalk?

Even better.

Brand new pack of cigarettes on the subway.

Great.

Homeless guy was reaching for it, but I

was too quick for him.

So you outraced a guy who hadn't eaten

in days.

Yeah, well, I like to stay in shape.

Hey, everybody.

Oh, Greg, there you are.

You know, I've been calling you for a

week.

When are you going to come upstairs and

stake out my drink?

I'll get to it, Becca.

Right now I've got more important things on

my mind.

Bob's going to be a dad.

You need a license to sell real estate.

What happened, Bob?

Did you get some girl pregnant?

No, I went to my family reunion.

That doesn't answer the question.

I meant that seeing all my nieces and

nephews running around made me feel like it's

time I had a kid of my own.

Wait a minute.

Didn't you once tell us you had kids?

Oh, yeah, I kind of made them up.

You made up having kids?

Well, I wanted to get into that parents

without partners group, you know?

I thought it'd be a good place to

meet lonely, desperate women.

I've also pretended to be an alcoholic, a

gambler, and an overeater.

What about a sexaholic?

They got a group.

Hey, Bob.

Yeah?

You know, to get a kid, don't you

sort of need a wife or at least

some woman who will let you touch her?

I don't know, that's a tall order, Becca.

I'm kind of in a hurry.

Oh.

Maybe I can be artificially inseminated.

Does that work?

I hope not.

Bob, having a child is sort of a

big deal.

Why don't you check out Big Brothers or

look into becoming a foster parent?

Oh, come on.

What would Bob possibly teach a child besides

burping the alphabet backwards?

That's a lot harder than you think.

It's not that hard.

Well, it isn't.

Hey, listen, by the way, Becca, I got

a lot to teach a kid.

I mean, I can pass on all my

knowledge, my expertise, my experience so that maybe

one day my child can accomplish all the

things I never got around to.

Oh, great.

And, you know, 18 years from now, your

kid can come up and snake out my

drain.

Hi, Margaret.

I'm here for my appointment.

Oh, hi, Jim.

The doctor has your cholesterol results.

You can go on back to room one.

Okay, thank you.

Oh, it is nice to see him doing

so well.

Why?

What was wrong with him?

Well, when Jim first came in, he had

a multiple personality disorder.

Two completely different people living inside of him.

That is so hot.

What was the other personality like?

Jerry.

Ugh.

Loud, obnoxious, rude, completely despicable.

Ooh, I'm getting chills.

Linda, why are you always attracted to the

weird ones?

Come on, Margaret.

Imagine going to bed with one man and

having no idea who you're going to wake

up with.

You do that now.

Anyway, none of that matters.

Dr. Becker referred Jim to a psychiatrist, and

now he is completely normal.

Oh, normal.

Hi, Dr. Becker.

Jim, I got a riddle for you.

What's the difference between you and a pound

of bacon?

Oh, well, you know, I'm not so good

with riddles.

I like knock-knock jokes.

All right, all right, fine, knock-knock.

Who's there?

You have really high cholesterol, and you could

die.

You have really high cholesterol, and you could

die who?

Enough playtime.

No, look, I'm trying to lower your cholesterol.

You haven't taken those pills I prescribed, have

you?

Well, I wanted to take the pills, but

there's a problem.

All right, what's the problem?

It's the old problem.

It's Jerry.

He's back.

Oh, no.

Yeah, not Jerry.

Is he, uh...

Is Jerry in there right now?

Yeah, you know the deal.

You never know when he's going to come

out.

That guy is so obnoxious.

Yeah, well, try living with him.

I thought Dr. Geary gave you a new

medication that kept Jerry away.

Yeah, he did, but then Jerry hid the

pills before I could take them.

All right, all right, look, this whole extra

personality thing, that's up to Dr. Geary.

I'll call him and tell him what's going

on, but, you know, the high cholesterol, I

can help you with that, but you're going

to need to meet me halfway.

Well, I'm doing my part.

I mean, I don't touch red meat.

I eat a ton of vegetables.

I exercise like crazy, but then on the

way home from the gym, Jerry the pig

stops off for chili dogs.

Well, can't you reason with him?

Doubtful.

We're not speaking.

All right, all right, look, is there any

chance that you can have Jerry come in

and see me?

Well, I'll try, but just so you know,

he really hates you.

Well, that's all right.

You like me, and we can work together,

you know, two against one.

Okay.

I'll tell you what, just get him in

the car, tell him you're taking him to

a strip joint, and then drop him off

here.

Okay.

But he's going to have to drive.

I lost my license.

Jake, Chris, this is my kid Scott.

Hi.

Hi.

I got him up with the youth center

on Manning Avenue.

We have Chris to thank for getting us

together.

I am so sorry.

Hey, you know, Chris was in the Army.

First she served the country, now she's serving

us.

That's called irony.

It's not that funny.

It sounded funny.

And this is Jake.

You see that newsstand over there?

Yeah.

Good, because he can't.

Shut up.

Okie dokie.

Now, let Jake be an inspiration to you.

If a blind guy can own a crummy

business like that, think how good you can

do.

Eight times eight?

Sixty-four.

I feel like sponges at this age.

Anyway, we got a busy day, so can

I get one black coffee and one hot

chocolate to go?

Actually, I like hot chocolate, too.

Make it two hot chocolates.

So where are you off to first?

The public library, the Metropolitan Opera, and then

the Statue of Liberty.

All in one day?

Hey, I got a lot to teach this

little rascal.

I've already missed the first ten years of

his life.

I got to make up for lost time.

Eight times nine?

Seventy-two.

Can't argue with that.

Before we leave, can I go to the

bathroom?

I don't know.

Can you?

Oh, right.

May I?

Of course.

Just remember the lava los manos.

That's Spanish for remember to zip up.

Never underestimate the value of a bilingual education.

We live in an ever-changing world, my

friend.

Is it my imagination or is she starting

to look like me?

Hello.

Good afternoon, Jim.

Oh, please.

Would Jim have the guts to tell you

how hot you look today?

Oh, God.

Jerry, I thought you were gone.

But not forgotten.

Hello, snowflake.

Hello.

Who might you be?

Her name is Linda and she's seeing someone.

No, I'm not.

Sometimes Margaret thinks she's my mother, but I

never listen to my mother.

I bet you'd listen to your daddy.

Okay.

All right, that's it.

The doctor is waiting for you.

I'll take him back.

Oh, no, you won't.

I'll take him back.

Please, ladies, don't fight over me.

There's enough Jerry to go around.

Oh, come on.

Just come on.

So, brown sugar, what's shaking?

Not much, Wonder Bread.

How about you?

John, in the off chance you were in

a good mood, Jerry is here.

Boy, the years have not been kind to

you.

Nice to see you again, Jerry.

Yeah, don't patronize me.

What do you want?

Look, I...

I talked to Jim this morning.

Yeah, I know.

Little whiner said something about high cholesterol.

The high cholesterol would be an improvement.

That gravy you've got coursing through your veins

is going to kill you.

Hey, life will kill you.

All right?

The point is to have a little fun

before it does.

Yeah, you've heard of fun, haven't you?

It's what people have when you're not around.

Oh!

You do understand that if Jim dies, you

die.

Now, I'm not voting.

I'm just stating a fact.

Look, if you're really so concerned about us,

why don't you tell Jim to stop hiding

those pills you prescribed?

No, he said that you hid them.

How could I hide them?

I never even saw them.

Look, the lying little weasel's scared to death

of any medication.

He keeps crying about the side effects.

So, wait a minute.

Jim's lying to me?

Oh, oh.

You think?

Look, Becker, I don't want to die, okay?

And you know me.

I love pills.

Give me the pills.

I'll take the whole bottle.

So, if I give you the pills right

now, you'll take them?

I will take them.

But then, when Jim sees them, he'll just

throw them all away.

All right.

All right, Jerry.

I guess I better talk to Jim.

Jim, are you in there?

I need to talk to you.

It's Dr. Becker.

Do I look like Jim?

Oh, finally.

You got up here and fixed the drain,

huh?

Well, you got it half right.

I took it apart.

Becker, this is my kid, Scott.

Scott, this is the doctor I told you

about.

Yeah, hi, Scott.

Hi.

Look, Bob, I'm in the middle of a

very difficult case.

I need to do some research.

Maybe you can come back some other time.

Becker, I told the kid all about you.

He saw up a role model.

I can see that.

Look, I'm serious.

You know, pack up your stuff and get

out, please.

Come on, Becker.

I wanted to meet someone professional.

You're a doctor.

You went to Harvard.

That's a big deal to a kid like

this.

Really?

Yeah.

Well, I guess I can take a few

minutes out of my busy day.

At least I can do.

You really went to Harvard?

Yes, I did.

You know, Harvard's not that big a deal,

Scott.

I mean, sure, it's the best school in

the country.

And yes, I had to be top of

my class just to get in.

You know, something, you work hard like I

did.

I bet you can make it, too.

He's being modest, Scott.

He left out four years of medical school,

two years of residency, and a great career

in research.

Oh, let's not forget graduating summa cum laude.

Wow.

And after all that education and all that

hard work, you have to look at this

man and ask yourself, what the hell happened?

He had every advantage a person could have

in life.

He should be in a penthouse on Park

Avenue sucking the fat out of rich people

instead of living in a dump like this.

Thanks a lot, Beck.

I really appreciate it.

Three times nine?

27.

Close enough.

I hate the way you drum your fingers.

How annoying is that?

Oh, you want to talk about annoying?

How about the way you clear your throat?

Eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh,

eh, eh.

As long as we're clearing things up, I

hate the way you answer the phone.

You say yellow.

It's not yellow.

It's hello.

I hate the way you say mayonnaise.

It's mayonnaise.

Quit saying it wrong.

Oh, yeah?

Mayonnaise.

Hi.

I'm here to see the doctor.

Hi.

You're Jim, right?

Yeah, I'm Jim Reynolds.

God, this is so hot.

I'm sorry.

What's so hot?

The fact that you have no idea who

I am.

You see, the other day I met Jerry

and...

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Jerry and I are two completely different people.

God, I'm tingling.

Do you ever play Canadian Devils, if you

know what I mean?

I have no idea what that means, but

I hope that he wasn't too offensive.

He kind of was.

Hi, Margaret.

Jim?

How are you today?

Oh, good.

Why don't you just go on back to

room one?

The doctor will be with you in a

moment.

Okay.

It's nice to meet you.

Bye, Jim.

Say hello to Jerry for me.

I can't tell you how exciting this is.

Linda, it's not exciting, it's sad.

What must have happened in that man's life

to get him to this point where he

is so confused?

Don't question what works, Margaret.

Would you be attracted to him if he

didn't have this problem?

No, I wouldn't really be attracted to either

of them.

I mean, one's obnoxious and one's just dull.

It's like a Malamar.

I don't particularly like marshmallows or graham crackers,

but you smack them together and then you

got something.

Okay, who's here?

It's me, Jim.

Oh, good.

Thanks for coming in.

Jerry left me a note on the palm

of my hand.

Go see Becker and tell him he's an...

Well, there's no call for that kind of

language.

No.

Look, Jerry and I had a little talk,

you know.

He came in here and he told me

that you hid the pills from him.

He told you that?

That's ridiculous.

Well, he's lying.

All right, all right, fine.

Well, you know, now that we know you're

willing to take the pills, I've got an

idea, you know.

Why don't you come into the office every

morning and take one?

Jerry will never know.

Here, as a matter of fact, why don't

you take one right now?

What, right now?

Yes, right now.

Well, okay.

No problem.

Oh, now, what are you doing?

Come on.

I'm sorry, I can't.

Do you know what kind of side effects

these things have?

I mean, ulcers, internal bleeding, heart problems.

Yeah, they also cause irregular periods.

Are you worried about getting those too?

Well, I am now.

I'm sorry, I'm way over my head here.

I'm going to call Dr. Geary.

Hey, where the hell do you think you're

going?

Jerry, I told you the little twit was

lying.

Jerry, how did you get here?

Who do you think drove him?

This is unbelievable.

What a spectacular waste of time.

Hey, I'm not through talking to you.

You get back in here.

Why are you yelling at me?

Look, I told you I can't take the

pills.

Did I tell you they can also cause

loss of hair?

You know, just take the damn pills, you

crazy bastards.

Oh, come on.

What are you doing?

Don't do that.

Don't cry.

What, Jim, Jerry?

Who am I talking to here?

My name is Stephanie, and I'm this many

years old.

All right, all right.

I'm sorry, Stephanie.

Here, sit down.

Look, I need a moment.

Are you going to be all right here

all alone?

Yeah, like you're all alone.

Are you okay, Dr. Meyers?

No, I'm not okay.

They're driving me crazy.

Ooh, they're both in there?

Oh, brother.

What's the matter?

Oh, it's getting a little crowded in room

one.

What are you talking about?

Get Dr. Geary on the phone.

We have a little problem.

Who's in there, Jim or Jerry?

Stephanie.

Who?

Jim and Jerry have had a child.

Dr. Becker, I went into room one and

handled everything.

They'll be glad to take the pills.

How'd you do that?

Easy.

I'm having tea with Jim on Friday and

going dancing with Jerry on Saturday.

But right now I have to take Stephanie

to the zoo.

Hey, Jake.

What are you doing eating over here?

Well, apparently when I sprinkle salt on my

food, someone thinks it's too loud.

Okay.

Something going on between you two?

I'm over here because someone thinks my voice

is so shrill it could make a dog

cry.

You know, you two are behaving like children,

but you're something.

Having recently had one of my own, that

Bob knows a little about.

So what you need to do is you

need to find some common ground.

Find some little starting point where the two

of you can get together and, you know...

Shut up, Bob.

There it is.

Hey, look who's here.

Wait a minute.

Aren't you supposed to be in school?

I just came in to see if you

have the money you borrowed from me.

I need it for lunch.

Right, I forgot about that.

Sorry, man.

Here you go.

So, uh, you coming by after school today?

Depends.

Is there any chance we can go to

the toy store?

What are you going to learn at the

toy store?

There's no life lessons there.

I thought we'd take a tour of Wall

Street, you know, maybe see the stock exchange,

then after that go to an art gallery.

Oh, come on, Bob.

Come on what?

Would you rather go to Ellis Island and

learn about your ancestors?

I don't want to learn about anything.

I want Rollerblades or a Game Boy.

What are you talking about, Scott?

That's what all the other kids got.

Okay, listen.

Here's how it works.

I act pitiful, you feel guilty, then I

get something cool.

But I gave you something more valuable.

What?

I gave you quality time.

A hand to guide you through life.

The knowledge of knowing that you'll never be

alone.

That Bob will always be here for you.

You suck!

You suck!

You okay, Bob?

Kids.

They break your heart.

Your work.

Your sacrifice.

You give them the best you have to

give and then in the end they kick

you in the gut.

Bob, it was just two days.

It goes by so fast.

You know, Chris, I hate to say it,

but I think Bob had a point.

I mean, you really do have to get

along.

Yeah, you're right.

I have been way too sensitive.

I don't even remember how all this started.

It was you saying okie-dokie.

Look, we like each other.

We just have to learn to deal with

each other's little idiosyncrasies.

I say mayonnaise, you say mayonnaise.

Big deal.

Yeah, exactly.

Friends?

Yeah, friends.

Oh, good.

Good.

I see.

I see everything's calm here at the Mayo

Clinic.

Coffee, please.

We realize we're just being silly, so we

just put that behind us.

Yeah, it doesn't matter what anyone does, we'll

rise above it and not let anything annoy

us.

Oh, well, good for you guys.

What?

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.