Original subtitles

ANNOUNCER: Okay. 3-1, Giants. Two outs, two on,

bottom of the ninth. Three and two on Hodges.

-Maglie deals.

It's cut on and belted to deep left field.

Back goes Mueller. A-way back to the wall!

It's a three-run homer for Gil Hodges!

She's gone.

The Dodgers go from bums to kings

and win it 4-3!

Come on, Frank.Shut up, will ya?

Geez, it's 4-3in the morning.

This game will be rebroadcast

at 1200 hours on Armed Forces Radio.

Frank, come on!

Oh, stop dreaming and go back to sleep.

Oh, that makes good nonsense.

-Hawkeye. -Yeah?

Wake up, Hawkeye.

The stove in our tent went out.

-Again?-It's freezing in there.

-It's warm in here. -There are four of us.

I knew I should havegotten a bigger bed.

FRANK: Can you people hold it down?

I mean, show some consideration.

I don't remember leavinga wake-up scream.

Thanks, Hawkeye.You're the only onewho can fix it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

-B.J.? -Hmm?

If I'm not back in five minutes,

don't come and get me.

Good night, Frank!

Here he is, girls, Handy Andy.

Hey, Mr. Fix It.

Let's hear it for the janitor.

Thank you. Thank you very much. Thank you.

Thank you, Hawkeye. It's freezing.

Well, what do you expect?Springtime in Korea.

You should feel honored.

We chose you 'cause youhave the best hands in camp.

I try to keep in touch.

Be careful, Hawkeye.

-ALL:

Ohh! Ohh! Ohh!

Oh, knock it off, Pierce.

Radar, call the 121st Evac.

I want their ophthalmologist.

Tell 'em we got a boy with flash burns.

Major James Overman.

Get his keister up here pronto.

Get him in here, quick now, B.J.!

Get me in there quick. I can't see anything!

Now look, you dumb clerk.

I'll tell you this once,

and I want you to get it straight.

This is General Walter O'Reilly.

Three stars and real mad.

If Major Overman isn't over here by the time

they crack my powdered eggs for breakfast,

I'll have you digging a latrine

for every G.I. in Korea!

You got that? Good!

How's that feel?

Blind.

Okay, Hawkeye, you take it easy for a couple of days.

I'll be back Friday.

Listen, uh, oneimportant question.

Will I get to keepmy nickname?

Let's hope so.

Just wondering if I should rent

a seeing eye dog or buy one.

See you Friday.

Tell me, Sherm, whereis this General O'Reilly?

Who?

Oh, well, let me explain.

We're really sorry, Hawkeye.

You don't have to shout.The sides still work.

-We're sorry. -That's all right.

Next time,get a union man.

Hawk, if there's anything you need...

Well, if you'regoing by the P.X.,

you could get me a coloring book and some crayons.

I think you're sick enoughto qualify for the big box.

I gotta go.

-B.J.? -Yeah?

Visit me a couplehundred times, will ya?

At least.

Nurse? Nurse?

What's the matter?

My arm's numb. I-I think it's asleep.

Well, let me take a lookat it, so to speak.

Where are you?

Is there a doctor in the house?

Now what is it, Pierce?

Oh, Frank, I'm glad you'rehere. Go get a doctor.

What are we trying to do with this patient, hmm?

Arm wrestle, only I havea slight advantage.

His bandage is too tight.

Oh, I'll take care of that.

Now let's scoot back to our bed, okay?

We don't want to botherthe other patients now,

-do we? Hmm? -Keep it up, Frank.

We'll getour nose busted.

Somebody will be with you in a minute, okay?

Sorry, just bumping through.

Huh, Claude Rains.

I'm Doctor Pierce. Anybody home?

Hi.

Tell me whatthis says, will you?

You're a real funny man, aren't you?

Come on, fella,give me a break.

Can't you seeI can't see?

No, no, I can't.

I'm sorry.What happened?

A grenade... landed 10 feet in front of me.

I caught most of the stuff in the face. And you?

I offered a light toa temperamental gas heater.

I didn't get your name.

Oh, I'm-I'm Tom Straw.

-Hiya. -Hi.

Hawkeye Pierce.

Where you from, Tom?

-San Francisco. -Beautiful city.

Yeah. I'm looking forward to getting back

and not seeing the Golden Gate.

You tryingto depress me?

No, no. I'm too busy depressing myself.

Look, you're alive.Maybe you should feel lucky.

Do you feel lucky, Hawkeye?

Not lately.

What'd you doback in San Francisco?

Taught high school English.

Well, you can still teach.

Be grateful you're notan airline pilot

or a truck driver.

Or a doctor.

Right.

Pierce, I thought we agreed

we were going to stayin our bed.

No, we agreed that we were going to loosen

that kid's bandage. Did we?

-I was on a break. -Burns, I swear,

I'm a better doctor blindthan you are with both eyes.

-Nurse! -Yes, Doctor.

Kellye, help me re-bandagethat kid down there.

Then I want you to fill me inon everybody in here.

Frank, you can go back towhat you were doing: nothing.

Ow!

-Where is it? -Right here.

Colonel, how am I supposedto maintain order in there

with Pierce stumbling aroundtrying to help everyone?

The nurses can't take a temperature

without reporting to him first.

And he's always touching them.

Disgraceful.

Well, he's got no business

being in there if he's sick.

I suggest we ship him

-back to the 121st. -Why?

Well, I'm sure he'd bea lot more comfortable.

I appreciate your concern.

You're right.He should be moved.

Well, thank you.

But I don't think it's necessary

to take him any fartherthan the Swamp.

-But I-- -And to avoidthe inevitable argument,

dismissed.

"And the rest ofthe family is doing fine.

San... Sandy Falcon," I think...

-Yeah. -"Asked about you.

She still sweats..." No, no, that's...

Oh, she's sw..."She's still sweet on you."

-Hmm. -Who's Sandy Falcon?

A girl who used to dipmy pigtails in the inkwell.

So obnoxious, she was voted

most likely to marryout of her species.

Oh. Uh, "Take care, son. We're really--"

Hold it, Radar.I'm ready to try again.

-Oh, sir. -Come on.

I think I can do itthis time. Come on.

Okay.

Here... one, two.

Get outta my light.

Sir, do I haveto chase them again?

No. Let 'em lay there until they get it right.

Finish reading the letter.

Yes, sir.

Uh, "Take care, son.

We're connecting the dogs--"

That's "counting the days," Doodles.

Oh, right."We're counting the days.

"All my love."

-Major Burns. -What?

Major Burnsis coming this way.

Pierce, you disgust me.

That's right, Frank. I discussed you with everyone I know.

They all think you're disgusting.

Handicapped people usuallyknow how to act properly.

Oh, come on, Frank.I'm just trying to keep busy.

Look. I even made your bunk.

Did a good job, Pierce.

But it's not regulation.

The "U.S." goes on theoutside of the blanket.

I wore thiswith just you in mind.

You make me want to throw up.

See? It pays to dress.

Hawkeye, did you reallymake Major Burns' bunk?

Why not? I'm used toshort-sheeting in the dark.

It's me-- Corporal Klinger.

I heard the hairon your legs rustling.

Hey, Hawk, is it okay if I goover to the Mess Tent?

They got fried shrimp for lunch,

but you gotta be one ofthe first six guys in line.

Bon appetit.

-That mean yes? -Yes! Yes.

How you doing, Captain?

I feel as goodas I look.

Hey, Klinger,silk, right?

Always bright and breezy.

Listen, Captain, I brought you somethin'.

Good. Have her siton the edge of the bed

and tell mewhen you're gone.

Sorry, sir. All I got for you is this.

In case you ever need us, just toot.

Perfect.

It was either that or a howitzer.

I can't get my lipsaround a howitzer.

Yes, sir. What can I do for you?

Works like a charm.

Klinger, would you like toescort me to the art museum?

We don't have an art museum.

Then I'll settlefor the latrine.

Your limo awaits.

Lead on, MacDuff.

-Don't hit that. -I'm sorry.

Low bridge.

-We're outside. -Uh-huh.

I bet we're drawing staresfrom all the other couples.

I look fabulous,

but you look a trifle frumpy in your fatigues.

You never looked better to me.

Here we are.

Need any help in there?

Not since I was 2.

Watch your step.

-Corporal Klinger. -Ma'am.

Colonel Potter wants to see you on the double.

He needs your help to pick out a present for his wife.

I'm kinda busy, Major.

Are you disobeying an order?

All right, Major,but you'll have to stay here

-and wait for Captain Pierce.-Very well.

-Oh, Margaret. -That's very good.

It's your perfume: Moon Over Fort Dix.

It's Forbidden Furlough.Where do you want to go?

Mess Tent. Then after that,

we can go over to your placeand play blindman's bluff.

-Savage.

Head.

♪ I'll hear you in my dreams ♪

♪ Call you in my dreams

♪ Le dee doo doo da dee da ♪

- Here. You take him.- Right away, Margaret.

I'll bet I'm the only hot potato in this entire tent.

Here you go, Hawk.

Oh, how convenient. It's in Braille.

Now let me tell youwhat they got.

No, no. Let me guess.

Creamed spinach.

Incredible.You can smell it?

No. I could hear it.

Uh, try a little of that.

Last week's bread?

Close.This week's meat loaf.

What you don't eat,they drop on the North Koreans.

Dodgers are down to their last strike

as Hodges waits on the two-two pitch.

Hodges.

Maglie delivers. Just inside.

Those Giants stink.

I think the Dodgerswill win.

Oh, what's so funny?

Sir, the Giants got 'em 3-1.

All they need is one more out.

Oh?

Oh, well, uh, do you guysever bet on these things?

Okay. 3-1, Giants. Two outs, two on,

bottom of the ninth. Three and two on Hodges.

Maglie deals. It's cut on

and belted to deep left field.

Back goes Mueller. A-way back to the wall!

It's a three-run homer for Gil Hodges!

The Dodgers go from bums to kings and win 4-3!

Thanks, suckers.

Very good, Frank.

I bet he could have calledthat one in his sleep.

Colonel, have I ever toldyou about our world-famous

Crabapple Cove Lobster Festival?

Radar!

Go ahead, Hawkeye.I'm listening.

For two days and two nights,3,000 people do nothing

but drink beer and gorge themselves

on the biggest, reddest, juiciest lobsters

you've ever seen.

And then at sunset-- Hello, Radar.

-The boats start coming in.-Hold the boats.

Radar, what's this requisitionfor 300 rubber gloves?

We're almost out, sir.

On New Year's Eve,we used them for balloons.

-Oh, yeah. -I remember one year it got so cold,

-we bundled up in rubber gloves. -Right, Hawk.

Get me that requisitionfor blankets, Radar.

Yes, sir. Right away.

Where were we?

Oh, yeah, the lobster festival.

Right.

One year I went downto a deserted cove

with, uh, three baskets

and a little homewreckernamed Sharon.

"Sharon Share Alike"we called her.

We were therefor four days.

Never got to the lobster.

Four days and nevergot to the lobster.

Colonel! Radar!

Oh, son, I'm sorry.

I thought I'd only beout for a second.

Forget it. I just got a little nervous.

It would have been worseif you were here and snoring.

Hawkeye, this is Radar O'Reilly speaking to you now.

Uh-huh. How would you like to take me

for a little walk, Radar?

Wanna hit some more golf balls?

-No. Post-op. -Okay.

Colonel, I'll be back laterto tell you the story

about the two priests and a mule.

You'll get a kick out of it.

-Door's always open. -I hope so.

Otherwise, I'll break my nose.

Radar, how'd you like to get your money back

with Major Burns?

Is this doingsomethin' sneaky?

-Of course. -Oh, boy.

Here's the bedpost.

-Welcome aboard. -Thank you, Radar.

It's been wonderful traveling with you.

Will you be needing me anymore, sir?

Ah, no, but if you're ever in town again,

I'll give you a call.

-Beej? -Yeah.

How's the, uh, Straw kid doing?

Okay. We're about to sendhim down to the 121st.

I-I want to see him.

Right away.

-Mr. Straw. -Yes.

I have here Hawkeye Pierce,

new boy in your English class.

Ah, yes, Pierce.

Third row, second seat,big mouth.

The very same. How you doing, Tom?

Not very well.

I tried to write a letterto my wife this morning.

I only got as far as "Dear Marilyn."

Try "Darling, I'm coming home."

She'll be thrilled.

How thrilled will she bewhen I tell her the rest?

Don't sell her short.

Captain, which one is"Straw, T.S., Lieutenant"?

Right here.

Movin' out, sir.

Movin' out.

I'd like you towrite to me, Hawkeye.

Only if you promise not to send the letters back corrected.

It's a deal.

I really want to knowhow things turn out for you.

Thanks.

Give my regards to Mill Valley.

And remember me to Union Square.

So long, guys.

-Bye. -Bye-bye.

Bye.

Beej, let's get in thejeep and go for a ride.

-You drive. -Hawkeye.

All right. I'll drive.

Look, will you settledown for five minutes?

Sit down.

I know what you'retryin' to do,

and I know how you feel.

No, I don't think you do.

You don't want to thinkabout what might happen,

so you keep running.

No, that's not it. That's not it.

No. Look-look-look. When Doctor Overman

comes in here and unwraps my package,

I hope to God I'll have my sight back, but--

Something fascinating's been happening to me.

What's that, Hawk?

One part of the worldhas closed down for me,

but another part has opened up.

Sure, I-I-I keep picturing myself

sitting on a corner with a tin cup

selling thermometers, but...

I'm going through somethinghere I didn't expect.

This morning I spent two incredible hours

listening to that-- that rainstorm.

And I- And I didn't just hear it.

I was part of it.

I'll bet you have no idea

that-- that rain hitting the ground

makes the same sound as steaks

when they're barbecuing.

Or that...

thunder seems to echo forever.

And you wouldn't believewhat-- how funny it is

to hear somebody slip and fall in the mud.

I b-- It had to be Burns.

Beej, this is full of trapdoors,

but I, uh...

I think there may almost be

some kind of advantagein this.

I've never spent a moreconscious day in my life.

All right, Pierce.

This area's been deemed off-limits

to personnel in your condition,

and I'm giving youone minute to clear out,

-starting now. -Frank.

Fifty-five seconds and counting.

Frank, do us a favor and defect.

All right. That's it, Mister.

No more chances. Orderly!

All right, Frank. Here we go!

This is your one chance for a fair fight.

Oh, you askedfor it, Pierce.

I can take you with both eyes tied behind my back.

-Easy, easy, easy! -Who's this?

-It's me. -Where's Frank?

Able! Nurse! Nurse Able!

Do me a favor. Get him outta here, will you?

Say something, Frank,so I'll know where to spit!

Who's this?

Able, it's Able.

He's lucky you stepped in.

You're lucky I didn'tlet him kill you.

Girls, we have company.

Oh, hi, Hawkeye.

At ease. Smoke 'em if you got 'em.

Oh! Gotta be Bigelow.

-How'd you know? -Never mind.

What can we getfor you, Hawkeye?

I just had it a second ago.

Listen. Uh, could he come back in a little while?

I was gonna undress and take a shower.

Well, don't let me stop you.

I won't see anything.

And you can throw me outif I so much as drool.

Go on.

That's one.

Well, I can't do it with him in here.

Oh, come on, Lieutenant.He can't see anything.

Okay, Hawkeye, but no more comments.

It's no good.

D'you want more sax?

Oh, forget it, Hawkeye. Come on.

You gotta get outta here.

Wait a second.Wait a minute.

Wait a minute,wait a minute.

Chopper's coming.

It's a pleasure working in here today, sir.

How so, Major?

Well, we're busy, lots of casualties.

Terrific.

And no sign of Pierce.

Party's over, Frank.

Sir, isn't it against regulations

to have a blind man in surgery?

Ask Captain Pierce.

He's chief surgeon.

Be nice, Frank.

I'll let you sign my face.

Boy here took a bulletin the abdomen.

Yeah? What are the damages?

Not too serious.

Lacerated iliac artery.

-Clamp. -Clamp.

Wonder what the patientwould think if he woke up

and saw me standing over him.

He'd know he wasin the army.

-Clamp. -Clamp.

Beej, you oughta sit back sometime

and listen to the war.

It sounds as bad as it looks.

Are you ready to close, Doctor?

Was that intestine perforated?

I'm getting a whiff of bowel.

I ran it. It was okay,

but I wantedto check it again.

You're right.There's a small nick.

Who was that masked man?

HAWKEYE: Indians lead it 5-4

in the bottom of the ninth.

One out, and the Yanks better get something going here.

--Rizutto steps back in.

The pitch... swung on and missed.

Strike two.

O and 2 to Rizutto.

Big Bob Lemon goes into his windup.

--Here comes the pitch.

--Line drive! Base hit to left!

How about that! Listen to that crowd!

--It's 5-4, Indians.

One out in the bottom of the ninth.

Coming up for the Yankees, Gil McDougal.

Red Hots!Get your Red Hots!

Peanuts here! Goulash!

Here's the next pitch. Swung on and missed.

Strike one.

The infield looks for a bunt.

What do you say, kid? You and me now.

Here, burn it in. Right in here. Come on, baby.

Windup and the pitch.

Swing and a miss. Strike two.

Wait a minute. He caught part of it.

Ball rolls down to short.

Picked up, over to second, back to first.

Double play. Cleveland wins it 5-4.

That score again--Cleveland 5, Yankees 4.

That'll do it for tonight.

This is Bryan Moxey signing off.

This program will be repeated at 1200 hours

on the Armed Forces Radio Network.

Sorry I was late, Hawkeye.I couldn't get a chopper.

That's all right.I was just sitting around

listening to myself sweat.

Now, Hawkeye, shade your eyes.

Now open them slowly.

Well?

Five, right?

Yeah.

They work.

MAN : Here's the results of yesterday's game.

Yanks 8, Indians 1.

For those who'd like to collect,

Major Burns is in post-op.

Well, that score can't be right.

I listened to the game and...

Major...

Frank, I want my $10 now!

Thanks.

-Thanks, Major. -Thanks, Jim.

That compound is themost beautiful thing

I've ever seen.

Congratulations, Hawkeye. You're a lucky guy.

Yeah, I got lucky twice.

First I got the chanceto see without my eyes,

and then I got 'em back.

FRANK:Aw, come on, you guys!

-Wait a minute!

Nurses?

Hawkeye, what happened?

Temporary relapse.

They were working okay this morning,

and then they went.

-How awful.

Well, it's not permanent.

The, uh, the doctor saysthey'll be okay in a few days.

You poor guy.

Well, what can I tell you, girls?

I need all the sympathy I can get.

Well, is there something we can do?

No, you just go ahead and dowhatever you were doing.

You know, uh, set your hair,

iron your undies, get undressed.

Oh, isn't it awful? A relapse.

Maybe we couldcure it.

How?

I don't think I should have done that.

Out!

-Watch it! Watch it! -Get him outta here!

Watch the eyes!