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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:55,055 --> 00:00:56,621 Kitchen's down. 2 00:00:56,621 --> 00:00:58,014 Well, that's good news. 3 00:00:58,014 --> 00:01:00,060 -Here. -Hmm. 4 00:01:00,060 --> 00:01:01,670 That's it for the coffee. 5 00:01:02,801 --> 00:01:04,151 Vile to the last drop. 6 00:01:05,674 --> 00:01:07,545 I'll be back in ten minutes. 7 00:01:07,545 --> 00:01:09,112 Then you can leave with the others. 8 00:01:09,112 --> 00:01:11,071 I'm staying. 9 00:01:11,071 --> 00:01:13,508 Hmm, you finally realized I have a beautiful body. 10 00:01:13,508 --> 00:01:15,814 I've never seenyour body. 11 00:01:15,814 --> 00:01:17,164 Every evening at 8:30, 12 00:01:17,164 --> 00:01:18,861 matinees Wednesday and Saturday. 13 00:01:18,861 --> 00:01:20,732 Let's keep ourrelationship medical. 14 00:01:20,732 --> 00:01:22,386 You wanna play doctor? 15 00:01:23,561 --> 00:01:25,215 Look, Margaret, I can handle this. 16 00:01:25,215 --> 00:01:26,869 Get on the truck and get out of here. 17 00:01:26,869 --> 00:01:28,305 I'm staying with you. 18 00:01:32,048 --> 00:01:33,180 If you need me, I'll bepacking up my troubles 19 00:01:33,180 --> 00:01:35,138 in my old kit bag. 20 00:01:48,108 --> 00:01:49,500 Where's my tent? 21 00:01:50,588 --> 00:01:51,981 RADAR: Did you yell, Hawkeye? 22 00:01:51,981 --> 00:01:53,417 Where's my tent,my clothes, 23 00:01:53,417 --> 00:01:55,376 my sneakers,my dirty magazines? 24 00:01:55,376 --> 00:01:57,073 Uh, Captain Hunnicutt finished packing up 25 00:01:57,073 --> 00:01:58,770 the rest of your gear, sir. 26 00:01:58,770 --> 00:02:01,469 I hope he left mea change of filthy socks. 27 00:02:01,469 --> 00:02:03,427 Did he take care of the still? 28 00:02:03,427 --> 00:02:06,082 Major Burns wouldn't let thestill go on the truck, sir. 29 00:02:06,082 --> 00:02:07,518 Fink! 30 00:02:07,518 --> 00:02:08,998 He wouldn't let Klinger's dresses 31 00:02:08,998 --> 00:02:11,696 or my animals go onthe truck, neither, sir. 32 00:02:11,696 --> 00:02:13,045 I can understandthe dresses, 33 00:02:13,045 --> 00:02:14,917 but Snuffy andthe Doo-doo twins? 34 00:02:14,917 --> 00:02:17,528 The Smith Brothers ofthe jelly bean industry. 35 00:02:17,528 --> 00:02:19,617 They're careless,but they're loyal. 36 00:02:19,617 --> 00:02:20,923 Not as loyal as my still. 37 00:02:20,923 --> 00:02:23,055 All it asks is a little alcohol, 38 00:02:23,055 --> 00:02:24,448 some corn mash, 39 00:02:24,448 --> 00:02:26,058 and what does it give in return? 40 00:02:26,058 --> 00:02:27,147 Liquid love. 41 00:02:27,147 --> 00:02:28,583 Yeah. 42 00:02:28,583 --> 00:02:31,020 Uh, can you keepa secret, sir? 43 00:02:31,020 --> 00:02:32,761 Scout's honor. 44 00:02:32,761 --> 00:02:33,762 Were you a Scout? 45 00:02:33,762 --> 00:02:35,981 No, but I was always prepared. 46 00:02:38,419 --> 00:02:40,595 B.J., Klinger, and meworked out a little deal 47 00:02:40,595 --> 00:02:43,206 with Wat San Yeefor the use of his cab. 48 00:02:43,206 --> 00:02:45,643 He's gonna haul the stilland the animals 49 00:02:45,643 --> 00:02:47,341 and the Klinger collection. 50 00:02:47,341 --> 00:02:50,518 Radar, when all this is over,I'm gonna adopt you. 51 00:02:50,518 --> 00:02:52,694 I've already got my motherand my uncle Ed. 52 00:02:52,694 --> 00:02:54,783 -I'll sleep on the couch.- 53 00:02:56,959 --> 00:02:59,135 Start your engines! 54 00:03:00,745 --> 00:03:03,400 Move out! Yo! 55 00:03:37,826 --> 00:03:39,610 RADAR:Snuffy gets the carrots. 56 00:03:39,610 --> 00:03:41,699 Pokey and the restget the lettuce. 57 00:03:41,699 --> 00:03:43,484 Sequins all over the ground! 58 00:03:43,484 --> 00:03:45,703 -Take care of yourself.-Same to you! 59 00:03:46,704 --> 00:03:48,315 Come on, Pokey! 60 00:03:57,498 --> 00:03:59,108 What are you doing back here? 61 00:03:59,108 --> 00:04:01,110 You might need me. 62 00:04:12,034 --> 00:04:14,906 How's he doing? 63 00:04:14,906 --> 00:04:16,734 Hangin' in there. 64 00:04:19,563 --> 00:04:21,652 Is today the 4th of July? 65 00:04:21,652 --> 00:04:23,263 It's September. 66 00:04:23,263 --> 00:04:25,265 Just a wild hope. 67 00:04:25,265 --> 00:04:28,268 Does the enemy rape female prisoners? 68 00:04:28,268 --> 00:04:30,748 Margaret, there's noreason to be afraid. 69 00:04:30,748 --> 00:04:32,924 Aren't you scared? 70 00:04:32,924 --> 00:04:34,926 Me, scared? 71 00:04:34,926 --> 00:04:37,059 This whole body is one white knuckle. 72 00:04:37,059 --> 00:04:38,713 You don't show it. 73 00:04:38,713 --> 00:04:40,584 The minute this kid is stableand on the chopper, 74 00:04:40,584 --> 00:04:42,630 I may wet my pants and suck my thumb. 75 00:04:42,630 --> 00:04:45,067 -Wow, wow.- 76 00:04:45,067 --> 00:04:46,416 Everybody's heading south. 77 00:04:46,416 --> 00:04:48,113 The whole road'sjammed up with traffic. 78 00:04:48,113 --> 00:04:49,332 Must be going tothe Rose Bowl game. 79 00:04:49,332 --> 00:04:50,594 What'd you bring, Corporal? 80 00:04:50,594 --> 00:04:52,248 Well, they left us this stuff. 81 00:04:52,248 --> 00:04:54,076 It's a-- it's a couplecans of Vienna sausage, 82 00:04:54,076 --> 00:04:56,165 two cans of Spam,some dehydrated potatoes, 83 00:04:56,165 --> 00:04:57,949 and some extra shoelaces. 84 00:04:57,949 --> 00:04:59,995 I'll have the shoelaces.House dressing. 85 00:04:59,995 --> 00:05:01,518 And have the chefremove the tips. 86 00:05:01,518 --> 00:05:03,346 Is he all right? 87 00:05:03,346 --> 00:05:05,827 He's moving his toes. That's something. 88 00:05:09,439 --> 00:05:11,136 I wish to hell we hadn'ttorn down the still. 89 00:05:11,136 --> 00:05:12,268 I could use a belt. 90 00:05:12,268 --> 00:05:14,923 Rosie's bar's still there. 91 00:05:14,923 --> 00:05:16,490 Why don't you go on over? 92 00:05:16,490 --> 00:05:17,839 I can handle things here. 93 00:05:19,928 --> 00:05:21,364 What do you say, Radar? 94 00:05:21,364 --> 00:05:23,453 Want to walk overto the gas station 95 00:05:23,453 --> 00:05:24,846 for an orange soda? 96 00:05:24,846 --> 00:05:26,413 Then we can strolldown Main Street 97 00:05:26,413 --> 00:05:27,718 to the dry goods store 98 00:05:27,718 --> 00:05:29,285 and watch them undressthe window dummies. 99 00:05:29,285 --> 00:05:30,721 It's what we used to do back home 100 00:05:30,721 --> 00:05:32,636 -every Saturday night. -You mad fools. 101 00:05:36,814 --> 00:05:38,860 Geez,look at all the trucks. 102 00:05:40,514 --> 00:05:42,516 Nice corner for a taco stand. 103 00:05:42,516 --> 00:05:43,604 Yeah. 104 00:05:44,605 --> 00:05:45,736 Wow! 105 00:05:49,087 --> 00:05:50,567 -RADAR: Back! 106 00:05:50,567 --> 00:05:51,786 Yeah, yeah! 107 00:05:51,786 --> 00:05:53,396 That's telling them,Sheriff. 108 00:05:54,702 --> 00:05:57,400 For Pete's sakes, run a guy down! 109 00:05:58,401 --> 00:06:00,055 Tell it to Truman! 110 00:06:04,364 --> 00:06:07,062 First time I ever gotthe best table in the house. 111 00:06:07,062 --> 00:06:08,368 Rosie! 112 00:06:10,195 --> 00:06:12,328 -Dr. Stud! -With two D's. 113 00:06:12,328 --> 00:06:13,677 Time to flee. 114 00:06:13,677 --> 00:06:15,853 One last drink, my wee bonny lassie, 115 00:06:15,853 --> 00:06:17,768 to celebrate our cowardly retreat. 116 00:06:17,768 --> 00:06:19,857 But time to flee. 117 00:06:19,857 --> 00:06:22,817 Rosie, who gave you theblue medicine for your gums? 118 00:06:23,948 --> 00:06:25,036 Hawkeye. 119 00:06:25,036 --> 00:06:26,386 Come on. 120 00:06:26,386 --> 00:06:28,649 A double for me anda grape Nehi for Radar. 121 00:06:28,649 --> 00:06:30,128 No grape Nehi. 122 00:06:30,128 --> 00:06:32,000 Check the wine cellar. 123 00:06:35,003 --> 00:06:36,961 I'd settle for an orange soda. 124 00:06:36,961 --> 00:06:38,920 This is a special occasion. 125 00:06:38,920 --> 00:06:41,662 The grape has a morememorable artificial flavor. 126 00:06:47,363 --> 00:06:49,452 There's a lady on my foot. 127 00:06:50,540 --> 00:06:51,976 Oh, Miss, 128 00:06:51,976 --> 00:06:53,500 this probably isn't your table, 129 00:06:53,500 --> 00:06:55,110 but would you scratch the back of my leg? 130 00:06:58,243 --> 00:06:59,419 Ah. 131 00:07:02,030 --> 00:07:04,728 Found! One grape Nehi. 132 00:07:04,728 --> 00:07:06,382 -Let me see. -Oh, boy. 133 00:07:09,254 --> 00:07:12,170 Ah, titillating bouquet. 134 00:07:12,170 --> 00:07:14,521 Delicate coloring.Travels well. 135 00:07:14,521 --> 00:07:16,044 It's bottled in Duluth. 136 00:07:16,044 --> 00:07:19,134 1951. Good year for Nehi. 137 00:07:19,134 --> 00:07:20,440 Cin-cin. 138 00:07:23,530 --> 00:07:26,315 Mmm, it's still got its fizz. 139 00:07:26,315 --> 00:07:28,317 Would I deny you a belch? 140 00:07:30,188 --> 00:07:31,494 Missed. 141 00:07:31,494 --> 00:07:33,583 They forgot to pack the cockroaches. 142 00:07:36,325 --> 00:07:39,241 Hey. That's Blue Velvet. 143 00:07:40,285 --> 00:07:41,591 B.J's racing cockroach? 144 00:07:41,591 --> 00:07:43,419 Sure, look at the limp. 145 00:07:43,419 --> 00:07:45,900 Oh, it is Blue Velvet. 146 00:07:45,900 --> 00:07:48,642 One of the great thoroughbredcockroaches in Korea. 147 00:07:48,642 --> 00:07:50,121 I'm glad you missed him. 148 00:07:50,121 --> 00:07:52,384 He's sired a lot of winners. 149 00:07:57,041 --> 00:07:59,130 A farewell. 150 00:07:59,130 --> 00:08:02,438 Much sadness in Rosie's heart. 151 00:08:02,438 --> 00:08:04,266 Tear come to eye. 152 00:08:04,266 --> 00:08:06,181 To Dr. Hawkeye, 153 00:08:06,181 --> 00:08:08,183 healer of sick. 154 00:08:08,183 --> 00:08:09,532 That's sweet, Rosie. 155 00:08:15,277 --> 00:08:19,499 Tab owed: $51.55. 156 00:08:19,499 --> 00:08:21,631 You crazy sentimental kid. 157 00:08:29,857 --> 00:08:31,598 Able Bravo Oneto Able Bravo Two. 158 00:08:31,598 --> 00:08:34,644 We're in C2 section,intersection 4. 159 00:08:34,644 --> 00:08:36,777 Affirmative.Affirmative. 160 00:08:36,777 --> 00:08:38,779 Able Bravo One out. 161 00:08:38,779 --> 00:08:40,041 How's it going? 162 00:08:40,041 --> 00:08:41,521 Who are you? 163 00:08:41,521 --> 00:08:43,523 Dr. Pierce and his loyalminion Corporal O'Reilly. 164 00:08:43,523 --> 00:08:45,699 Captain Stevens, Intelligence and Recon. 165 00:08:45,699 --> 00:08:47,352 -Minion? What's a minion?-You know. 166 00:08:47,352 --> 00:08:48,876 You fetch and carry goblets of wine, 167 00:08:48,876 --> 00:08:50,399 you fend off knaves and varlets, 168 00:08:50,399 --> 00:08:52,444 and on occasion you find me a toothsome wench. 169 00:08:52,444 --> 00:08:53,837 He's a fun guy. 170 00:08:53,837 --> 00:08:55,447 In real life,I'm the company clerk. 171 00:08:55,447 --> 00:08:57,145 You people shouldhave gone south. 172 00:08:57,145 --> 00:08:59,060 Yeah, we got a patient we can't move yet. 173 00:08:59,060 --> 00:09:00,975 Where's the front? 174 00:09:00,975 --> 00:09:02,846 You're standing on it. 175 00:09:10,332 --> 00:09:12,508 Oh, to be in England, now that war is here. 176 00:09:31,266 --> 00:09:34,748 Halt! Convoy, halt! 177 00:09:34,748 --> 00:09:37,098 -Convoy, halt! -Major Burns. 178 00:09:37,098 --> 00:09:38,316 SOLDIER: Convoy, halt! 179 00:09:38,316 --> 00:09:40,710 Convoy, halt! 180 00:09:40,710 --> 00:09:41,929 Yes, sir? 181 00:09:41,929 --> 00:09:43,800 Get latrine andtent detail started. 182 00:09:43,800 --> 00:09:46,063 Set up a mess pre-op andpost-op near the building. 183 00:09:46,063 --> 00:09:47,412 I'm gonna checkit out for O.R. 184 00:09:47,412 --> 00:09:48,762 Roger Wilco. 185 00:09:48,762 --> 00:09:50,372 Uh, sir, I was thinking that-- 186 00:09:50,372 --> 00:09:52,330 -Uh, Colonel Potter, sir?-What is it, Father? 187 00:09:52,330 --> 00:09:55,986 I believe it's customary tobless the site of a new MASH. 188 00:09:55,986 --> 00:09:58,467 Of course, of course.Stand by for the blessing. 189 00:09:58,467 --> 00:10:01,209 Stand by for the blessing! 190 00:10:01,209 --> 00:10:03,428 Stand by for the blessing! 191 00:10:03,428 --> 00:10:05,822 Stand by for the blessing! 192 00:10:05,822 --> 00:10:07,998 Stand by for the blessing! 193 00:10:07,998 --> 00:10:10,522 Stand by for the blessing! 194 00:10:21,229 --> 00:10:22,926 Hear me, O Lord. 195 00:10:22,926 --> 00:10:25,233 Hear me, O Lord! 196 00:10:25,233 --> 00:10:27,191 Hear me, O Lord! 197 00:10:27,191 --> 00:10:29,237 Hear me, O Lord! 198 00:10:29,237 --> 00:10:31,282 Hear me, O Lord! 199 00:10:31,282 --> 00:10:33,197 Hear me, O Lord! 200 00:10:34,677 --> 00:10:36,026 I'm just trying to help. 201 00:10:36,026 --> 00:10:37,593 The padre does a single. 202 00:10:40,944 --> 00:10:45,122 We thank Thee for guidingus safely to this place 203 00:10:45,122 --> 00:10:48,299 and ask Thy blessing thatwe may continue to heal 204 00:10:48,299 --> 00:10:49,692 and do Thy work, 205 00:10:49,692 --> 00:10:51,433 and for a speedy end to this war-- 206 00:10:51,433 --> 00:10:53,740 I mean, uh, police action. 207 00:10:53,740 --> 00:10:57,395 Uh, well, you know what I mean, Lord. 208 00:10:57,395 --> 00:10:59,223 Amen. 209 00:10:59,223 --> 00:11:01,051 -Amen. -Is that it? 210 00:11:01,051 --> 00:11:02,618 Nothing comes after "amen." 211 00:11:02,618 --> 00:11:03,880 Well, we used to sing. 212 00:11:03,880 --> 00:11:05,403 -Get set up! -Yes, sir. 213 00:11:06,840 --> 00:11:08,842 Nice blessing, Father. Standard prayer? 214 00:11:08,842 --> 00:11:11,322 Well, it's a golden oldie. 215 00:11:11,322 --> 00:11:12,410 Hunnicutt. 216 00:11:12,410 --> 00:11:14,151 Yes, sir, Colonel. 217 00:11:16,632 --> 00:11:18,155 Come on, let's look over the building. 218 00:11:18,155 --> 00:11:19,591 With this retreat, 219 00:11:19,591 --> 00:11:20,897 there will be a lot of busted-up kids 220 00:11:20,897 --> 00:11:22,159 -coming in here. -Right. 221 00:11:23,683 --> 00:11:26,076 Looks like an abandoned schoolhouse. 222 00:11:26,076 --> 00:11:28,035 Fu Manchu Junior High. 223 00:11:30,472 --> 00:11:33,170 -Sir, conflict. -What now? 224 00:11:33,170 --> 00:11:34,694 We can't find the surgical equipment. 225 00:11:34,694 --> 00:11:37,609 Look in the boxes marked"kitchen utensils." 226 00:11:37,609 --> 00:11:39,655 The ninnies. 227 00:11:41,048 --> 00:11:42,658 Hunnicutt, do me a favor. 228 00:11:42,658 --> 00:11:44,660 -Name it, Colonel. -If I'm ever shot, 229 00:11:44,660 --> 00:11:46,662 don't let him lay a hand on me. 230 00:11:46,662 --> 00:11:48,359 - Same here.- 231 00:11:48,359 --> 00:11:49,970 I'd hate to have that whistlesewed up inside me. 232 00:11:49,970 --> 00:11:51,972 Where the hell did he get that whistle anyway? 233 00:11:51,972 --> 00:11:53,451 Same placehe got his diploma-- 234 00:11:53,451 --> 00:11:54,801 a box of Cracker Jacks. 235 00:11:59,544 --> 00:12:01,155 Was that you? 236 00:12:01,155 --> 00:12:03,287 I haven't giggledsince my wedding night. 237 00:12:07,204 --> 00:12:08,640 Who there? 238 00:12:08,640 --> 00:12:11,078 Colonel Sherman Potter, MASH 4077. 239 00:12:11,078 --> 00:12:12,993 Sorry, no appointment. 240 00:12:14,646 --> 00:12:15,909 No appointment? 241 00:12:15,909 --> 00:12:17,388 What does she mean, no appointment? 242 00:12:17,388 --> 00:12:18,607 Today is Wednesday. 243 00:12:18,607 --> 00:12:20,348 Maybe the dentistis playing golf. 244 00:12:24,439 --> 00:12:25,745 Let me try, Colonel. 245 00:12:25,745 --> 00:12:27,398 I know how to knockin Korean. 246 00:12:29,749 --> 00:12:31,751 Sorry. Everybody tired. 247 00:12:31,751 --> 00:12:33,100 Big night last night. 248 00:12:33,100 --> 00:12:34,754 Now, would you pleasecome out here, madam? 249 00:12:34,754 --> 00:12:36,494 I think you hit it right on the head. 250 00:12:36,494 --> 00:12:38,192 What's thatsupposed to mean? 251 00:12:38,192 --> 00:12:40,281 Madam. And the others are her ladies of the evening, 252 00:12:40,281 --> 00:12:42,544 or afternoon or morning, as the case may be. 253 00:12:42,544 --> 00:12:44,938 Concubines,in a schoolhouse? 254 00:12:44,938 --> 00:12:47,375 Well, they have to learn someplace. 255 00:12:47,375 --> 00:12:48,768 Again. 256 00:12:54,730 --> 00:12:56,384 Don't give methat static, lady. 257 00:12:56,384 --> 00:12:58,778 We're here to establish MASH 4077. 258 00:12:58,778 --> 00:13:01,650 You get your concubines out of here! 259 00:13:01,650 --> 00:13:02,825 Concubines? 260 00:13:02,825 --> 00:13:04,479 Out lady, now. 261 00:13:04,479 --> 00:13:06,742 Business before war. 262 00:13:06,742 --> 00:13:08,439 That's what makesAmerica great. 263 00:13:08,439 --> 00:13:10,398 We're here on orders of "I" Corps. 264 00:13:10,398 --> 00:13:12,704 General Irving R. Hamilton,commanding. 265 00:13:12,704 --> 00:13:15,795 Ohh. Binky. 266 00:13:19,146 --> 00:13:20,582 Ready to set up the O.R., Colonel. 267 00:13:20,582 --> 00:13:22,018 Stand by, Major. 268 00:13:22,018 --> 00:13:23,237 Who are they? 269 00:13:23,237 --> 00:13:24,412 Are there people living here? 270 00:13:24,412 --> 00:13:25,630 The Assistance League. 271 00:13:25,630 --> 00:13:26,893 Assistance League? 272 00:13:26,893 --> 00:13:28,285 The oldest profession. 273 00:13:28,285 --> 00:13:30,200 A bakery? 274 00:13:30,200 --> 00:13:31,245 Tarts! 275 00:13:31,245 --> 00:13:32,463 Tarts? 276 00:13:32,463 --> 00:13:33,900 Peach? Raspberry? 277 00:13:33,900 --> 00:13:35,162 -Frank. -Huh? 278 00:13:35,162 --> 00:13:36,163 It's a brothel. 279 00:13:37,729 --> 00:13:40,428 A den of iniquity? In this building? 280 00:13:40,428 --> 00:13:42,996 If you order before 6,I'm sure you can get takeout. 281 00:13:42,996 --> 00:13:45,825 Disgusting. Colonel, request permission 282 00:13:45,825 --> 00:13:47,522 for an armed squad to remove them by force. 283 00:13:49,524 --> 00:13:51,091 Confiscated! 284 00:13:51,091 --> 00:13:52,701 Get cracking! 285 00:13:52,701 --> 00:13:54,311 He took my whistle. 286 00:13:55,791 --> 00:13:57,532 Look, lady, you have to move. 287 00:13:57,532 --> 00:13:59,490 We're using this buildingfor a hospital. 288 00:13:59,490 --> 00:14:01,188 You've got to set up your... 289 00:14:01,188 --> 00:14:03,016 shimmy palace in another spot. 290 00:14:03,016 --> 00:14:04,234 No. 291 00:14:04,234 --> 00:14:06,106 Listen, sister. 292 00:14:06,106 --> 00:14:07,629 Me no Catholic. 293 00:14:07,629 --> 00:14:09,587 We'll put all of you in one of our trucks. 294 00:14:09,587 --> 00:14:11,720 We'll take you any place you wanna go. 295 00:14:12,808 --> 00:14:14,201 Throw in a case of chipped beef. 296 00:14:14,201 --> 00:14:17,160 Oh, no, I love that after church, on toast. 297 00:14:17,160 --> 00:14:18,770 How about a caseof Vienna sausage? 298 00:14:18,770 --> 00:14:20,903 Ohhh. 299 00:14:20,903 --> 00:14:23,427 That got her.She loves Vienna sausage. 300 00:14:24,820 --> 00:14:27,997 -Oh, dresses! -Dresses! 301 00:14:27,997 --> 00:14:29,781 - Pretty! -Thank you, sis. 302 00:14:29,781 --> 00:14:31,696 Uh, hold it, babe. Hold it now. Take it easy. 303 00:14:31,696 --> 00:14:33,568 That's not for sale.That's my confirmation dress. 304 00:14:33,568 --> 00:14:35,570 All right, girls, come on now. Let's knock it off! 305 00:14:35,570 --> 00:14:37,615 Give me that dress!This ain't Klein's basement. 306 00:14:37,615 --> 00:14:39,313 Come on, that doesn't look good on you. 307 00:14:39,313 --> 00:14:40,575 Come on, girls. Hold up! 308 00:14:40,575 --> 00:14:42,751 Let's behave like gentlemen now! 309 00:14:42,751 --> 00:14:44,100 Don't! You're gonna tear it! 310 00:14:44,100 --> 00:14:45,536 Give me that dress. Give me that. 311 00:14:45,536 --> 00:14:46,711 You're gonna split the pleats! 312 00:14:46,711 --> 00:14:48,061 My dress! 313 00:14:48,061 --> 00:14:49,540 That's not your dress.I'll kill ya! 314 00:14:49,540 --> 00:14:51,586 Wait a minute!Hey, come back here! 315 00:14:53,109 --> 00:14:54,545 I've got it. 316 00:14:54,545 --> 00:14:56,417 -POTTER: Klinger! 317 00:14:56,417 --> 00:14:57,940 KLINGER: Give me that dress. 318 00:15:00,290 --> 00:15:02,771 All present and accounted for, sir! 319 00:15:02,771 --> 00:15:04,164 Come over here. 320 00:15:06,296 --> 00:15:09,430 Put that back on the rack,next to the pink chiffon. 321 00:15:09,430 --> 00:15:11,693 And watch the collar.It's simulated raccoon. 322 00:15:11,693 --> 00:15:14,261 -You whistled, sir? -With both lips. 323 00:15:14,261 --> 00:15:16,828 Step over here.I want to talk to you. 324 00:15:16,828 --> 00:15:20,223 Son, those girls arecrazy about your clothes. 325 00:15:20,223 --> 00:15:22,051 They're ruining 'em. Look at my black sheath. 326 00:15:22,051 --> 00:15:23,618 Klinger,I'm the first to say, 327 00:15:23,618 --> 00:15:26,012 you're a fine medicand a snappy dresser. 328 00:15:26,012 --> 00:15:27,578 I try, sir. 329 00:15:27,578 --> 00:15:29,493 They'll give us the buildingfor the clothes. 330 00:15:29,493 --> 00:15:32,932 What? I got 300 clams invested in those dresses! 331 00:15:32,932 --> 00:15:35,108 We've gotta have an O.R. 332 00:15:35,108 --> 00:15:37,937 But my blue chiffon.It's from Murdoch's of Toledo. 333 00:15:37,937 --> 00:15:40,896 I understand. I've alwaysliked that dress. 334 00:15:40,896 --> 00:15:43,159 My pearls won't go with anything else. 335 00:15:43,159 --> 00:15:46,249 Put that chubby back! That's real fake fur. 336 00:15:46,249 --> 00:15:48,860 Klinger, we're gonna havewounded coming in here. 337 00:15:48,860 --> 00:15:52,429 The war is going bad for us.We need that building. 338 00:15:52,429 --> 00:15:55,519 It took me three years of my life. 339 00:15:55,519 --> 00:15:56,694 Alterations. 340 00:15:56,694 --> 00:15:59,132 Sewing my fingers to the bone. 341 00:15:59,132 --> 00:16:02,613 Staying up all night studyingthe Monkey Ward catalog. 342 00:16:02,613 --> 00:16:04,485 Fighting my way through snipers 343 00:16:04,485 --> 00:16:07,488 for the month-end sales at Wangs of Seoul. 344 00:16:08,445 --> 00:16:10,186 Cowboy... 345 00:16:10,186 --> 00:16:11,840 do it for your country. 346 00:16:11,840 --> 00:16:13,102 My country? 347 00:16:13,102 --> 00:16:15,061 Do it for Toledo. 348 00:16:17,498 --> 00:16:18,890 Toledo. 349 00:16:20,588 --> 00:16:21,719 Okay, Colonel. 350 00:16:22,894 --> 00:16:24,984 Ladies, the clothesfor the building. 351 00:16:24,984 --> 00:16:26,028 It's a deal? 352 00:16:31,773 --> 00:16:33,644 -Look what I got! 353 00:16:42,740 --> 00:16:44,438 Corporal Klinger, 354 00:16:44,438 --> 00:16:47,397 that's the finest act ofbravery I've ever witnessed. 355 00:17:02,282 --> 00:17:04,371 HAWKEYE:What's his blood pressure? 356 00:17:04,371 --> 00:17:06,677 116 over 80. 357 00:17:06,677 --> 00:17:08,462 I thought you were asleep. 358 00:17:08,462 --> 00:17:11,378 I always wake up when a ladypumps her sphygmomanometer. 359 00:17:12,857 --> 00:17:15,556 Besides, I don'tsleep well on a soft wall. 360 00:17:21,127 --> 00:17:22,737 What time have you got? 361 00:17:22,737 --> 00:17:24,304 Time to flee. 362 00:17:24,304 --> 00:17:26,349 Captain, you're waxingpoetic again. 363 00:17:26,349 --> 00:17:27,742 I also make candles. 364 00:17:30,701 --> 00:17:32,616 He's improving. 365 00:17:32,616 --> 00:17:34,662 With any luck,we'll have him on his feet 366 00:17:34,662 --> 00:17:36,142 in time for World War III. 367 00:17:36,142 --> 00:17:37,491 Perish the thought. 368 00:17:37,491 --> 00:17:39,275 Not to mention the people. 369 00:17:39,275 --> 00:17:41,408 The weather's clear. 370 00:17:41,408 --> 00:17:43,062 I can see the stars. 371 00:17:45,412 --> 00:17:48,937 That chopper oughtabe here just after dawn. 372 00:17:48,937 --> 00:17:51,244 Is he gonna beable to make it? 373 00:17:51,244 --> 00:17:53,028 Well, he's got his ticket, his matched luggage, 374 00:17:53,028 --> 00:17:55,422 and his souvenir satin pillow that says 375 00:17:55,422 --> 00:17:56,858 "I have visited Korea, 376 00:17:56,858 --> 00:17:58,686 land of the midnight mortar attack." 377 00:17:58,686 --> 00:18:00,079 How close is the enemy? 378 00:18:00,079 --> 00:18:01,689 Uh, that captain said 379 00:18:01,689 --> 00:18:03,212 we're in Communistterritory. 380 00:18:03,212 --> 00:18:05,867 Oh, thank you, comrade.And get me some borscht. 381 00:18:05,867 --> 00:18:08,783 -Easy on the sour cream.- 382 00:18:08,783 --> 00:18:11,612 Corporal, have you heardif they're taking prisoners? 383 00:18:11,612 --> 00:18:13,831 I hope not. 384 00:18:13,831 --> 00:18:16,443 Chop suey makes me break out. 385 00:18:20,273 --> 00:18:22,275 MARGARET: Pierce, stop that! 386 00:18:23,754 --> 00:18:25,539 RADAR:I'll wait in the jeep. 387 00:19:04,491 --> 00:19:05,927 Where's the hospital ship? 388 00:19:05,927 --> 00:19:07,494 Off Sinchon. 389 00:19:07,494 --> 00:19:09,060 Give him a smooth ride. 390 00:19:26,948 --> 00:19:28,428 You think he'll make it? 391 00:19:28,428 --> 00:19:30,169 If they don't get a flat. 392 00:20:00,111 --> 00:20:01,591 MARGARET: What are you doing? 393 00:20:01,591 --> 00:20:05,595 Big hunk of our lives has been spent here. 394 00:20:05,595 --> 00:20:08,511 Yeah, just think of allthe guys we operated on. 395 00:20:08,511 --> 00:20:10,252 Right, Doctor. 396 00:20:13,299 --> 00:20:15,083 A lot of them didn't make it. 397 00:20:15,083 --> 00:20:18,608 Most of them did.You should be proud. 398 00:20:18,608 --> 00:20:19,827 You, too. 399 00:20:21,089 --> 00:20:22,308 We better get going. 400 00:20:22,308 --> 00:20:24,135 Yeah, let's go. 401 00:20:24,135 --> 00:20:25,833 Don't you notice anything? 402 00:20:25,833 --> 00:20:28,052 What? 403 00:20:28,052 --> 00:20:32,361 No shelling. No more machine gun fire. 404 00:20:32,361 --> 00:20:34,058 That's spooky.Let's get outta here. 405 00:20:34,058 --> 00:20:36,147 Come on, let's go. 406 00:20:41,109 --> 00:20:42,328 Now what? 407 00:20:43,285 --> 00:20:44,591 We got plenty of gas. 408 00:20:44,591 --> 00:20:45,766 I'll check the hood. 409 00:20:45,766 --> 00:20:48,116 Yeah, see if the hood's okay. 410 00:20:48,116 --> 00:20:49,944 Hurry up! 411 00:20:49,944 --> 00:20:51,859 Uh, nothing-- nothing's where it is 412 00:20:51,859 --> 00:20:53,382 in my mother's Nash! 413 00:20:57,212 --> 00:20:58,518 What? 414 00:20:58,518 --> 00:21:00,302 Shh, listen. 415 00:21:04,306 --> 00:21:05,960 Holy moly. It sounds like 416 00:21:05,960 --> 00:21:07,570 there's a whole battalioncoming down the road. 417 00:21:07,570 --> 00:21:09,398 I'm gonna be ravaged,I know it. 418 00:21:09,398 --> 00:21:10,530 Tell 'em you're with me. 419 00:21:10,530 --> 00:21:12,358 They're getting closer. 420 00:21:12,358 --> 00:21:13,620 -Let's get outta here. -Aah! 421 00:21:13,620 --> 00:21:14,664 Ow! 422 00:21:17,101 --> 00:21:18,407 -Okay. -What? 423 00:21:59,666 --> 00:22:00,884 Hey! 424 00:22:00,884 --> 00:22:02,321 -HAWKEYE: Hey! -RADAR: It's us! 425 00:22:02,321 --> 00:22:04,235 HAWKEYE: Hey, it's us!Here we are! 426 00:22:04,235 --> 00:22:05,933 -Hey, hey, hey!-RADAR: Over here! 427 00:22:05,933 --> 00:22:06,934 -Aah! -Hey! 428 00:22:06,934 --> 00:22:08,109 Hey! It's us! 429 00:22:08,109 --> 00:22:09,415 RADAR: Boy, are weglad to see you. 430 00:22:09,415 --> 00:22:11,155 Convoy, halt! 431 00:22:11,155 --> 00:22:13,201 Convoy, halt! 432 00:22:13,201 --> 00:22:15,116 Convoy, halt! 433 00:22:15,116 --> 00:22:17,597 -Convoy, halt! 434 00:22:17,597 --> 00:22:19,294 -Corporal. -Colonel. 435 00:22:19,294 --> 00:22:21,209 -What's the scoop?-Our boys beat 'em back. 436 00:22:21,209 --> 00:22:23,037 -We're coming home. -Thank God. 437 00:22:24,430 --> 00:22:27,781 Hey, Pokey. How are ya? 438 00:22:27,781 --> 00:22:29,652 Hey, Klinger.It was really scary. 439 00:22:29,652 --> 00:22:31,350 We were overrunby Chinese almost. 440 00:22:31,350 --> 00:22:33,743 Big deal. I was overrun by a batch of bimbos. 441 00:22:33,743 --> 00:22:35,919 They got everything but the dress on my back. 442 00:22:35,919 --> 00:22:37,356 Geez, what a gyp. 443 00:22:37,356 --> 00:22:40,533 I can't wear this every day.People will laugh. 444 00:22:40,533 --> 00:22:42,056 Hey, how's Snuffyand the twins? 445 00:22:42,056 --> 00:22:43,449 You fed 'em, didn't ya? 446 00:22:43,449 --> 00:22:46,408 Congratulations. You're a grandfather. 447 00:22:46,408 --> 00:22:49,150 -How'd that happen? -Very quickly. 448 00:22:49,150 --> 00:22:51,500 I think the twins brokeone of the Commandments. 449 00:22:51,500 --> 00:22:53,197 Oh! 450 00:22:53,197 --> 00:22:55,852 -Have a cigar. -Thanks. 451 00:22:55,852 --> 00:22:59,073 Oh, Frank, we were surrounded by Chinese. 452 00:22:59,073 --> 00:23:00,422 They were breathing down our necks. 453 00:23:00,422 --> 00:23:02,685 It tickled, but I kinda liked it. 454 00:23:02,685 --> 00:23:04,513 You haven't changed a bit. 455 00:23:04,513 --> 00:23:06,559 Get aboard, Houlihan. 456 00:23:11,346 --> 00:23:12,652 Yo! 457 00:24:13,930 --> 00:24:15,454 Think they'll ever finish, Hawk? 458 00:24:15,454 --> 00:24:17,847 Once they passthe bond issue. 459 00:24:19,240 --> 00:24:20,502 They're goin' awful deep. 460 00:24:20,502 --> 00:24:23,026 Well, they have to.It's polluted. 461 00:24:23,026 --> 00:24:25,115 Remember?Frank fell into it. 31056

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