Original subtitles

rock solid piece of [ __ ] I couldn't even

scrape it off with my police

badge so I should have stayed there in

police station all night but

[Music]

no you know we all have to live with our

own

circumcisions I pinched a [ __ ] squad

car and I started home in Sunnyville was

sleep was that thick on the road and you

guess that I went right into this

[ __ ] snow bank about 20 ft High

ripped the CB areial off so I couldn't

call anybody Jam me in the doors I

couldn't get out of the doors I couldn't

even run the engine cuz it would been

fixated and it was cold it was cold as

[ __ ] penguin

[ __ ] so what could I do there's only one

thing you can

do

well next morning they pulled me in the

car with a snow bank I pissed myself and

I was incoherent

and I got an internal discipline which

to look at this horse square and ass it

was the beginning of the end of my

career as a policeman and I can't prove

who ice cream [ __ ] send in my windshield

but you know who it was the same guy

who's been my lifetime [ __ ] in bar

wouldn't speak to me and she wouldn't

sleep with me for [ __ ] months

wouldn't believe it would and they put

me on that I I was on the night shift

and I I had to deal with pimples and

hookers for a long time that that's

that's when I met Randy but that's

another story

so the moral of the story is

this if you're going to scle cotch don't

get caught in the [ __ ]

blizard it's Jim Le signing off with

another one of my exciting liquor

stories

did you get a closeup of that and cut

it's Le with another one of my exciting

liquor stories and this is something

you're going to be really happy with I'm

going to teach you something that's

going impress all your friends and

neighbors here's see you skull Baker

Jean you got to when you skull you got

to [ __ ] drink your drink Jim don't be

stupid you probably I know what animal

you want to be what a horse no he want

musular race he wants to be a shaved

gorilla so he can just go to the

gym would not go to the Gorilla Gym I

actually I would like to be a gorilla

for maybe an hour that's

it this big though what would you do as

a whatever I wanted man I'd be just

checking you know walking into stores

just grabbing [ __ ]

leaving the we've all thought about it

I'm going why what's the first being an

animal a part of an animal no I don't

want to be an animal but I would like to

have Eagle talents anyway and win I'd

like to get in a [ __ ] boat with pedal

paddles at some point May we'll go on

the pedal paddle or the paddle paddle Bo

maybe a [ __ ] shaved gorilla P why is

everybody saying paddle twice I don't

know it's just a paddle boat it's not a

paddle paddle boat or a pedal paddle

pedal paddle it's not a pedal paddle

well there P petals petals that make the

paddles or the

uh later

on thank [ __ ] Ron I love this place I

love it here look at the

crystals what did he give us there's

some Shoreline okay looks delicious

there

wonderful there's some something

Hilton s Hilton I think it says or th I

don't know and there's AG13 he said

that's the that's the crazy [ __ ] that's

the

nuclear all right nuclear stuff looks

like it's going to be an interesting

afternoon yeah yeah we'll go to P paddle

we'll go to the kitty let's so here's

let's just do a quick recap okay before

we Winder up here we're going to go for

a swim in the canal you are you are

we're going to go pedal paddling I'm

doing that yes we're going to the cat

Museum maybe maybe no maybe we're going

to the [ __ ] cat Museum we'll see

we'll see we're going to go look at

animals and decide which ones we want to

be no we're not doing that we're doing

that all right I don't know that would

be fun we're not talking about animals

and what we want to be well it depends

what we see we might see something and

then go see okay that's okay but we're

not an eye shower have to what an eye

shower cuz I now my eyes are all dry an

eye shower well I had tears from a bit

of laughing what's an ey how do you do a

eye shower

Ricky just hold the shower over your eye

it's just called a shower Ricky you

don't have to call it I don't need to

wash anything El just here if you're

going to get into a shower [ __ ] do

the whole thing man all right what else

is on the list besides what when you

take ey shower mhm you get all your get

your rag off or do you just get in with

your clothes on not if I'm just having

an eye shower I don't have them that

often when I do yeah just you got the

little handy little handy shower take

that just you can be fully closed

another way to do it which is real easy

what just P into the

wind yeah I guess but then you're

covered in your own piss all right let's

wrap this up boys let's go get some [ __ ]

done man just stop talking and look at

the cam which

[Music]

camera

warning the following program contains

really coarse language weed alcohol

consumption smoking and sexual

inferences this content may not be

suitable for viewers under 18 to

activate parental control please press

the go yourself button on your remote

[Music]

[Music]

control what's up man Rey what's going

on what's up boys what are you doing I

got you some socks some socks nice socks

the byway on sale white and black yeah

two colors white and

black what are you doing what are those

just waiting for the [ __ ] blown airs

to get ready boys holy [ __ ] you making

blown airs [ __ ] right decent thought

we'd have something special for this

little thing today Deon all right get

what the is that a

turntable yeah going to sleep through

this is he who is met some [ __ ] guy

at the legion last night decid to come

back and I think his name is Jerry you

picked up a dude at the legion last

night up no we he want to keep [ __ ]

came back here fud you got to go we got

to shoot a thing you got to get what's

out no [ __ ] like I'm just uh traveling

through Ricky what he said Terry he said

I could take five Terry yeah that's it

that's Terry who's Terry Terry from the

movie he [ __ ] doing here what's upy

where you me [ __ ] you what did you

[ __ ] get dinner going or what yeah

man I [ __ ] know who you are now you

remember we went to the movies I didn't

know he was famous [ __ ] fu he's a good

part

what's going on I'm tearing you thanks

to [ __ ] meet you good to meet you I

seen you [ __ ] I'm a little dizzy guys

you [ __ ] gave her last night I'm a

little dizzy what's your name what hey

what's up Julian man nice to [ __ ]

pleasure right on you right [ __ ] y' no

was just a bit parched we gave her

[ __ ] hard last night [ __ ] sorry guys

just crashing out there yeah no worries

we're just shoo pull out the speaker you

can be in the thing with us here if you

want just pull up the speaker easy on

the speakers Buffs [ __ ] Sor you guys run

a little rough there [ __ ] I can't

believe you party with

Terry um Terry I wish I remembered it

where's J at he's not here I just have a

little one second there guys sorry I

just got

a where is this [ __ ] what is you're

going to down there don't piss sorry

piss down there hold on guys I'll be

right [ __ ] back Ricky you m Terry I

had no idea I could know [ __ ] tell

you he could party holy [ __ ] [ __ ]

beers he was shotgun was knuts yeah [ __ ]

he's one of the craziest drinkers I've

ever seen I don't remember much after

leaving the [ __ ] Legion look crazier

than Le hey sorry guys I [ __ ] I don't

really remember I didn't meet you there

again you just met me man it's Julian

[ __ ] wash your hands man Terry [ __ ] that

was a ripper man I'm going to just have

a cool one if it's that's all right

right in the door there this one thanks

thanks guys me one too I'll take well

there you go B not the right one anyone

else want a brusi there I'll take one of

the other ones the green Bard green

bards there you go take right on [ __ ]

that

was [ __ ] you got the B what's it

called again b b Bown airs last night we

were [ __ ] sitting cheers boys [ __ ]

right on right on we was sitting on the

[ __ ] curb starving everything's

closed up and he says I got an idea for

something then we [ __ ] passed out

yeah but now we're [ __ ] going to get

it blown a wrecky she's starting to

starting to BL her there you might want

to cut that layer off all right hold on

a second do you have you ever had a Don

air you know what a Don air is oh [ __ ]

y'all my cousin she worked at the mall

and I had them all the time so but this

is like a real Innovation I ain't never

seen anything like that [ __ ] blone

donators I think are better than real no

it's not a cat SC ohly [ __ ] these are

going to be something

oh my God I'm freaking out I'm freaking

out right now it's bubbles Here in My

Command Module I built um sitting with

this fell here

he's

Mission specialist one on STS 74 Mission

specialist one on STS 100 and then he

flew the Sawyers up doctor with the

International Space Station was up there

for five months that's the one and only

Chris Hadfield Colonel Hadfield right

here in my

spaceship welcome Colonel Commander

thank you bubbles how you doing thank

you I'm sitting in the commander seat

I'm freaking out I'll tell you right now

I can barely barely keep together here

cuz this is you know I built this this

is what I like to play space in here and

I know it's it's pretty accurate to to

what you're used to I believe yeah it is

it is there are several realistic things

here yeah like this thing I'm sure you

have one of those everybody needs one of

those anyway so I wanted to just ask you

some things about space if that's if

that's cool I'm ready well I mean I've

been trying to be a Spaceman pretty much

my whole life I've been writing letters

to NASA you know for years and they

don't reply so I was wondering first of

all if there's a like if you know a

direct line or anyone I could call you

know to maybe get the the fast track

they have a filter they do yeah well

maybe there's a way to you know bypass

that is there cuz I mean I'm still I'm

ready to go I mean I've been training I

built a centrifuge I built a centrifuge

almost spun myself to death in

I can do like a I got up to about 12 G's

12 sustained G's I didn't black out so I

mean that's got to be worth something

did you tell NASA that I did but they

don't they don't seem to believe me I

mean I could do all the things I I mean

maybe not i' probably still need some

training but I'd be willing to go if if

we could so I wanted to talk to you

about I mean you've gone up in the space

shuttle two times I have that's like I

can't even believe that could you could

you tell me what it's like like cuz I'll

probably you know realistically I'll

probably never get to do that and I'm

starting to accept that but could you

just could you just tell me what it's

like like from the morning when you wake

up and you know you're going to space

what's that feel like well it sort of

feels like this you're sitting in the

Pilot's seat I'm sitting in the

commander seat uh on your side over

there this controls the engines yeah and

this controls the

uh auxiliary power units to generate

hydraulic power for the vehicle and

everything that we need in emergency is

right here in the middle everything you

need an Emer including the telephone

everything that you need to handle in a

big hurry has to be right here so both

of us can take care of it decent you got

it right and then over on this side I

handle like environmental controls and

then the computers are above my head and

you got all the reaction control system

above your head you got to take care of

that okay so if we just got in here and

we're just you know I mean we'd be on

our backs right Point straight up this

is sort of a simulator type thing right

but like if we just climbed in and we

were getting ready to go to space what

would be the first thing you do I guess

you got to turn turn on do you uh yeah

so you uh you plug in your helmet so you

can talk to everybody we got our helmets

plugged in yeah do a c check you hear me

all right yes C check we got to talk to

Houston come here in Houston Houston

here's your loud and clear it be uh

Commander pilot ms1 MS2 loud and clear

you all set y okay and then uh we want

to make sure everything's powered up we

got screens in front of us make sure

everything's running and then you

actually have the most critical step you

got to you got to ignite the auxiliary

power units on your side three switches

you got to

throw oh that was a good sound effect

that was exactly how it sounds in fact

we we make that noise as well and decent

I Know It And um then you got to watch

the pressures make sure everything's

coming up and now we got hydraulic

pressure and then uh 3 and a half

minutes before launch it's going to

check all the systems and the whole

vehicle sways you got to sway with me is

that what's that what does that now so

you got the the big uh metal pieces on

the back of the shuttle are moving

around and the engines these huge

engines are swinging all around I've

seen that on the TV they're moving the

whole vehicle sways and moves underneath

you as you're sitting there decent it is

decent and then uh you're checking

everything's going to work Houston's got

everything sorted out you're talking to

launch control and about uh 2 minutes

before launch you clear all the uh the

extraneous memory out of the computers

and then the launch director gives you

basically a go to launch my God imagine

that hi I'm

Julian I've been on my own since I was 6

or seven that's when I started drinking

rum my life has been [ __ ] up but I'm a

Survivor if you want advice I'll give it

to you if you use it that's fine but if

you don't I really don't give a [ __ ]

juli we gota go Bud let's go [ __ ]

sakes hey this is Dear Julian I'm

Julian and today I'm [ __ ] and I

shouldn't even be here right now doing

this [ __ ] but I'm going to get some run

for it and I'm doing a Ricky with me

Ricky Rick wake up just say hi or

whatever what is we're doing it's the

dear Julians we got to answer some

questions give people advice answer

their questions and what the f Dear

Julian what is that it's dear it's like

you know how there's like a Dear Abby

this is Dear Julian I'm giving you like

straight up advice on [ __ ] and you give

advice yeah I give advice because I've

been through a lot of [ __ ] in my life

man are you good at it I don't [ __ ]

care can you give me some advice yeah

you got to help me answer these

questions we've been up all night we

haven't what time did we start yesterday

uh 11: 11:00

a.m. and give me some advice how many

days a week do you think we can party

like that and still live till we're

85 oh you can't you can't party like

that every day man you you'd be dead

three days a week n you could probably

n party like we did last night we'd be

dead in two years I got to try to drink

through this hangover all right let's

get this started jefc Dear Julian a

hockey fight's a good way to learn

self-defense you've been in a lot of

hockey fights well I'd say if you don't

get good at it you get the [ __ ]

living [ __ ] kicked out of you

so yeah you learn pretty [ __ ] quick

that you're not going to win the fight

you're going to get [ __ ]

hurt hockey fights I mean people don't

understand this but when you grab the

shirt you got to try to

grab both parts of the shirt and grab as

tight as you can that way the guy can

barely [ __ ] throw his little dinosaur

arms at you cuz they're tied

up just one piece of viice but Sal what

the [ __ ] is

that oh is that Dopey Dopey I wonder

where Dopey went Dopey the

Pig that is you know

what that pig is [ __ ] man that's why

I'm so [ __ ] well sometimes a per yeah

you put the joint in it like

[Laughter]

that

[ __ ] I wish I had a joy right now

probably my not I'm not ever [ __ ]

smoking from Dopey the pig every again

man this breakfast is shitty by the way

well cheesy liquor and chocolate things

well I no this is not breakfast man it's

just [ __ ] that's left over all right did

we what was the question it's it's a

good way to learn self-defense actually

it's not it's self-defense is one thing

but it's it's more like it's a better

way to learn how to kick the [ __ ] out of

somebody yeah not self-defense and

normally when you're running around the

streets you're not on [ __ ] skates so

so you get I mean it's easier you just

get in there and [ __ ] grab the person

just start Wheeling I'm like if you're a

good hockey fire you're going to be a

[ __ ] good brawler on the street yeah

so yes I guess I don't know all right

that's a yes Brian Josh it is very

[Music]

stupid when we passed upon the

stairs we spoke of was and

when I was

there he said I was

friend which came as some

surprise I spoke into his eyes I love

you got

Al a long long time ago

[Music]

no no

no not

me I never lost

control your

face your

face the

[Music]

man

I laughed and shook his

hand and made my way back

home I searched for f and

land for years and years i

r I gazed the gazely

St at all the

million we must have got

us a long long long time

ago

[Music]

knows

[Music]

never

face

face with the

man the

[Music]

world

oh

no not

me never

lost

face

face

[Music]

the

[Music]

n

the Jim Ley show and

Randy did you say action yes he said

[ __ ] action Randy well you're

supposed to say welcome everybody Mr Ley

you say today Randy all right welcome to

the Randy and Mr Ley Show you people are

part of an excruciating uh group of

people who are P of P right Mr Le that's

not that the right way you're supposed

to say welcome to the okay we're

starting fresh brand new okay here we go

3 2 1 AC good afternoon ladies and

gentlemen Jim Le Sun Park supervisor at

your service and thank you that was

excellent Mr lady thank you we got a

great show right right I'm going to do a

cheers to the audience here's a cheers

to the audience here give me this drink

hear oh Randy that's straight up have a

little SI I'll just have a little sip so

cheers audience yeah cheers okay so we

have so many things to do today I just

tell you we have oh a special special

new what do you call it when you put a

new seg in joke of the day joke might as

well start off with the joke of the day

Randy's belly button it's not the joke

of the day Mr it's an any it's when he

gets horny it's not it's an Odie

everybody no it is it holds 2 ounces of

alcohol well actually the hair yeah

sometimes the hair catches things Mr Ley

Randy you got to pull stuff out even

though I don't wear shirts like if you

go it's it's at least holds an ounce

right Mr

Ley joke of the day this is a story of

the guy who the three guys uh one guy

The Three Little

Pigs the one no there's three guys right

Three Pigs Three Guys and they're going

to have a beer together and they put the

beer down and uh the [ __ ] heads on

the beer all heads and three flies land

on the heads of the beer all at the same

time the first guy he goes oh this

disgusting and he pushes it away and the

second guy says oh that might matter H

all and he takes the and the Fly and he

throws what did he say that won't matter

T oh where's he from Ireland or Scotland

or Newland or somewhere okay and the

third guy picks up the [ __ ] fly holds

a little [ __ ] bag like this and he goes

okay you little bugger spit it out get

her in cuz he didn't want him to drink

any of the

beer a little fly that's a new segment

in our show called

B oh look Randy it has a mine of its own

oh look at this look at off you got some

cool stuff on your desk I like this guy

I know yeah it's wonderful he's a mounty

I know but Brandy and I play mounty all

the time that's liquor Mr Ley this is

our somebody it's

whiskey where does the liquor come out

of is our Randy don't be silly unb scw

his head no no no no still got the

little label

okay we have we have a a a nautical

Motif in the show and people have

noticed it as you remember our last show

we asked for a contest for the magic box

the magic box oh Mr lady that smells his

head comes off have a sippy pool

rers as old as [ __ ] doesn't get boards

as you see this is a little [ __ ] in the

bottle there's nothing like a [ __ ] in

the bottle Randy but

we have people that notice our Motif and

we have a

contest what are you talking about Mr Le

really didn't tell you but see this this

is all the way all the way from

Australia it's crazy kakatu Studios from

Australia Troy Productions [ __ ] off

poetry Inc and this and guess what they

sent us Randy guess what he send us

Tada see this there a [ __ ] in the bottle

Randy let me there a [ __ ] in a bottle

look check this out this can you see

that that's a beautiful little saing

ship and see that that's a coral from

the Great Barrier Reef outside of

Australia how'd they get it in there

what Randy guess what he sent with it

they not only that boat but this is a

boat look check this out see that that's

a [ __ ] in a bottle without the bottle oh

M Le this stinks look at this you put

this inside the bottle you slide it in

and then you pull on a little stringy

pool like this and you pull the mask

right up like that and they all stand up

like this that's how they do it like

that and that's what's going sh and [ __ ]

in the bottle Andy isn't that

beautiful wearing hailing over the

bounding man but guess what Ry guess

what I got what you got Mr I got a

special thing also now this person oh

yeah we have to give we're going to

spend a special present back to the

person from here who gave us this can I

see yeah that's the thing and guess what

else I got another one here from uh this

is from uh Lawrence Kansas and guess

what it is it's a record and they sent

this and we're going to make a contest

out of this record and they wanted us to

send a record contest we're going to

play this record the way it was [ __ ]

printed by the BB red and we're going to

put it on here bring the C camera and

see the record going this is

unbelievable what we're doing is we're

having a contest swearnet.com

and what you can do is if you know what

this record is you just let us

know most of you people who were over 35

or so you would have heard this but they

[ __ ] printed the record with the r

like you know when they it's backwards

I know it is it's just like that Beatles

record if anybody knows what this record

is next time we have a r Landy Show what

we're going to do is we're going to play

the other side I can't let you see it

but the other side of the record is when

of course hide it Mr lady Randy you

can't see it anymore but look at this

I'll show it to you you remember

this let me see don't you say a [ __ ]

word all right so we're moving on

and what we're going to do is oh first I

have to have a little ninky

poo I'll put this back

okay yeah you have to have a little

liquor fruit for the breakfast

morning oh yeah you [ __ ] really she

won't come off give me another one

here's

another oh yeah give me

that I'm trying not to yeah I got both

Brain still

sleeping oh she [ __ ] came apart oh

yeah but look at that GL he passing out

back there

Terry here bud come here for one second

[ __ ] man you [ __ ] her before you pass

out keep watch out man look at that hot

dog that's the most beautiful thing I

seen in my whole [ __ ] life he can you

saucer for me yes sir holy [ __ ] yes

the sauce on pump that

up yes sir holy [ __ ] get her in here I'm

going to

try oh

man it's hot I bet be careful

Man

real

[Laughter]

warning the following program contains

really coarse language weed alcohol

consumption smoking and sexual

influences this content may not be

suitable for viewers under 18 to

activate parental controls please press

the big go yourself button on your

remote

[Music]

control this [ __ ] girl from England

whose claims she's banged over 20 ghosts

and now she's engaged to

one [ __ ] kidding me say that into my

go ear I know it's I even watched a

[ __ ] interview she's she banged 20

ghosts yep and now she's engaged to a

ghost apparently they're better lovers

than real

men wow she got and she's [ __ ] she's

not a badl looking girl I I don't really

get it it's weird I get it she's got a

couple of screws loose yeah that's

probably she wants to have a wants to

have a baby with this ghost she's

engaged to so they're asking her you

know well is it going to be a human baby

and she said well I'm hoping but if it's

not you know it'll probably be a phantom

baby a you know what if she believes in

Phantom pregnancies I guess whatever

that's that's her only way out of this

for her to actually have a ghost baby

that's the only way she can get out of

[ __ ] knot looking like a crazy oh she

you know what I feel bad for her I feel

actually s for her because she's clearly

insane out of her mind maybe she's not

maybe she's happier than all of us she

sure [ __ ] seems like it she met her

[ __ ] fiance ghost in Australia on a

nature

hike and then she's like normally when I

sleep with a ghost I have to leave the

ghost at the scene because I can't

really move around but she said I was

surprised when I was flying home he was

on the plane and they went to the

bathroom and now she's part of the mile

high club no the ghost you [ __ ]

kidding me I S we go get drunk now can

we stop this yes I'm out to I'm I need

another beer [ __ ] she seems she said the

[ __ ] she was just sitting on the

plane all of a sudden she felt The Ghost

and the guy was like what he hugged

she's like no no I felt him like so I

think he must have been inside of her in

the seat and then they took it to the

basket so he just ghost just float

around and just [ __ ] whoever they want

that's quite a [ __ ] right through

clothing too quite a thing well he's a

ghost he can [ __ ] he could be in

between her skin and the clothing he

could fit right in that they said it's

old microscopic Gap and she said yeah

he's been around for a long time he's

very wise so he's good at banging too

obviously he's been [ __ ] for

centuries so I went up to the props

Department found this big bag of

dicks so I figure what we'll

do tie a bunch of these together in a

big ball put that on a pulley up the

ceiling they hit a trip Barre a big

[ __ ] ball of deck smack right in the

face it's going to be [ __ ] awesome so

just take about four dicks I guess grab

them by the ball sack and tie them

around the ball sack leave a bit of

length so you can tie them all

together I can't wait to see the [ __ ]

look on their face when they get hit in

the face of the [ __ ] 25 dicks [ __ ]

you all right well we've got six left so

we'll just tie all these little guys and

do a little six [ __ ] pod

here that'd be weird if you had one of

those

huh what would you do with

that all right so once you get your

dicks All Tied off it's kind of weird

how that worked out two groups you want

to tie them all

together so you get some some [ __ ]

twine Circle it around all the balls

[ __ ]

off all right holy [ __ ] that's heavy

that's going to [ __ ] hurt so getting

a big [ __ ] ball of dicks in the face

is not great

but getting a big ball of butter dicks

in the face is even [ __ ]

worse and then you know when someone's

got coming through the office and they

got butter and [ __ ] all over them and

say hey dick butter the [ __ ] are you

doing in my [ __ ] my office [ __ ]

with all my tools and [ __ ] so that's

going to be oh that's [ __ ]

nasty oh they feel so

weird all right so imagine taking that

[ __ ] thing in the [ __ ]

face all right so now I'm going to take

my big ball of dicks all buttered up

going to hang him from the ceiling from

the police set up my little trip wire

and we're going to see on camera next

time who's [ __ ] with me cuz they're

going to get this right in the [ __ ]

face just setting the last of my trip

wire here for the big ball of butter

dicks so everybody be careful here don't

hit this [ __ ] wire you're going to

get a big ball of butter dicks right in

the [ __ ] face which would be kind of

funny but all right now that that's done

we're going to move on to [ __ ] you trap

number three the flower

[Music]

Blaster the flower blast is a great way

to [ __ ] someone over especially if they

get hit with the [ __ ] piss balloons

first and they get hit with flour I mean

it's going to be pretty easy to tell who

the [ __ ] has been in here and [ __ ]

with all my stuff so with the flower

Blaster you're going to need an air

compressor just need a little bag of

flour with this size you want to run a

[ __ ] tube like this from your

compressor cut a little hole in the

little baggie

here don't keep it too big smaller the

better Jam your little tube in Secure

that with a bit of [ __ ] duct tape

and you don't want to turn the

compressor on till you're done just in

case it [ __ ] goes off and blast

you so that's all ready like that you

want to open the bag and you can just

have it sit in here or anything like

that as soon as they hit a trip wire

basically the idea is the trip wire is

going to be hooked up to this little

[ __ ] thing and then boom

[ __ ]

okay that wasn't supposed to happen um

anyway it does work pretty [ __ ] good

as you can see

SE so I'm going to have to reset that

run a [ __ ] trip wire [ __ ]

sakes but we're going to get to the

bottom of who's been in my [ __ ] shop

[ __ ] with me and we're going to [ __ ]

them this is [ __ ] ridiculous now I

got in my [ __ ] eyes I can't

see

[ __ ] God damn

it [ __ ] all right you're going to have

to cut I can't see a [ __ ] thing I

need to smoke a [ __ ] joint we'll be

back I'm Maddie mat and I'm here I'm

Randy Rand not now just chill man I'm

Maddie mat and I'm here and I'm going to

be cooking Rockie pie for the boys we

got Juliet and the Ricky and the bubbles

and Randy you're going to help me carry

the bags okay yeah but you're you're

making cheeseburgers Maddie no I'm not

making [ __ ] cheeseburg you're known

for your cheeseburgers but that's not

what I'm making I'm making the boys roie

pie I want to make them something I care

about I don't [ __ ] care about

cheeseburgers man but I don't want

dessert Maddie I want a nice

cheeseburger pleasey pie is not dessert

it's chicken it's potato it's crunchy I

don't know what this wrappy pie stuff is

it's it's a freaking dessert like he's

won awards from his cheeseburgers for

Frank's sakes like stick to what you

know I want to make them something

that's really honest and a part of me

and [ __ ] Randy [ __ ] idiot is just

just like cheeseburgers cheeseburgers if

you do a good job maybe I'll make you a

cheeseburger you make me a cheeseburger

well maybe if you carry the bags I don't

want you to be sad cuz I don't want some

sad [ __ ] walking around I'll

carry the bags okay you carry the bags

but we're going to get the roie pie and

if you do a good job you got to help me

I'll make you a

cheeseburger okay deal okay Randy good

grip well yeah strong hands you got a

strong hand eh you're pretty handsome

well okay we're going to go get some

[ __ ] roie pie maybe a cheeseburger

for my cheeseburger boy

[Music]

here hey what's going on

man watch glass [ __ ] Randy we're at

the [ __ ] butcher shop and he presses

his greasy [ __ ] belly right into the

glass like a [ __ ] goddamn feral

gorilla it had the [ __ ] imprint on

the glass going to have to clean that up

[ __ ] get heepsy or something Randy

he's just an animal just living outside

of society

I need chicken for roie pie if you can

just cut them in half yep that'd be

great I'm trying to share something like

[ __ ] intimate and a part of my

Heritage with the boys I want to impress

them it's my first time hanging out with

them I want to look cool two pass or you

want it like that just do it one more

time oh yeah that's going to make the

patties for the

boys all right boys all set there's your

beef yeah what's awesome you got to make

sure for the rest of the day we got to

be really good roie pie is important I

believe you Maddie okay I believe you

I'm very excited so who

pain uh Julian's got this looked after

who's Julian jul Julian's got it yeah

Julian he got uh money on him yeah yeah

no he's out in the car okay julan I'm

here to [ __ ] cook for the boys and

I'm not [ __ ] paying out of my [ __ ]

pocket come right back the money yeah

absolutely thank you very nice meeting

you nice meet you guys let's go thanks

okay I feel bad for that butcher shot

but it seems like everyone gets [ __ ]

coming down

here are we going to make cheeseburgers

first before the Robie pie please dude

we got I wanted to really make sure that

the Robie pie is perfect for the boys

I'm famished I need a cheeseburger okay

just if we stop we need to stop talking

about cheeseburgers I'll show you how to

make the cheeseburger you will yeah I'll

get you we're going to [ __ ] do it

we're just do the [ __ ] cheeseburger

roie pie I'll [ __ ] we'll do later

cheeseburgers okay [ __ ] I hate

cheeseburgers do you like big Patties or

do you like small patties I like smaller

patties but with more of them okay more

of them like multiple P like triple

maybe triple stackers sure okay so can

you make balls kind of want to like make

meatballs like that is that okay and as

you do that I'm going to make some some

Secret Sauce how come mine looks like an

egg well you got to [ __ ] pay

attention you got to work really hard

right now you don't squish the balls

hurt no you you're gentle firm but fair

look that's almost perfect okay A little

just a little bit smaller just a little

bit

smaller so I got yellow mustard ketchup

and then we're going to do Mayo right

and then these

sauces that's what makes special sauce

and then I'm going to cut an onion I'm

going to share your cutting can I share

the cutting

sure what's your favorite

cheeseburger uh the one that I'm just

about getting ready to eat that's your

favorite one you haven't even had it

well I'm just saying that it's like

every cheeseburger some cheeseburgers

are better than others just I don't like

it if it's a dried up piece of freaking

[ __ ] I don't like that no Julian likes

[ __ ] well done [ __ ] doesn't he

Julian yeah he likes them lean because

he's got the musles he's got [ __ ] so

many muscles and then pickles do you

like pickles love pickles okay we got

pickles

and sausage do you like sausage yeah but

not for this I'm just that long oh Randy

so I'm just going to cut this on raw

beef always make sure you got raw beef

on your cutting board cuz you know what

we're in the trailer park you're not

supposed to cut stuff on raw beef do you

like eating tartar steak tartar have you

ever had I don't like

tar no it's not tar tartar have you ever

had St tartar tarter sauce yeah no it's

not Tarter s okay never

[Music]

mind what's going on it's bubbles here

[ __ ] try not to freak out try not to

freak out I'm about to go into

classified Studio where it all goes down

where he makes the hits I got tea here

with T got me in tonight T thanks for

getting me in when you come up in this

[ __ ] don't make a fool of

yourself y'all I won I'll try not down

be splitting some real [ __ ] yo you know

what it is okay I don't normally get

into places like this you but you know

what it is though right I think I do

listen your two other friends they ain't

here listen I got you you just be

yourself so it's just me and T it's me

and you I got you you cool though don't

worry I don't normally get into places

like this t vouched for me

and he's like bubbles will be cool he

won't [ __ ] around he [ __ ] better be

you know what it is I will D I will D

thank you

what yeah I'm just you know I'm in the

[ __ ] right in the recording room here

this is where they do the

vocals look if this is up I can just

shoot a little bit of stuff while you're

rapping this will be [ __ ] decent

peing in the window is that what you

want me to do let's do

[Music]

it

[Music]

I don't know if you wanted a creepy I

did it

creepy [ __ ]

[Music]

around this is where all the recording

Happ right here it's got all the fancy

gear what's up up classified right there

Pony I'm trying to show them what I wor

so I work until I suffocate nobody wants

to die overwork and under

day batt raer one of these days I'm

going to take you on you know what I'm

ready for you I'm ready for you could

you teach me how to you know do some

battle rap you want to stick around an

hour after this if you have time go

through the basics and some just that's

weird stack around afterwards shamess

the way I'm so Frank

with fing like

[Music]

everybody's right on the lcer go down to

so to The Fish Department grab a Big C

and start sucking on his lips that's

what it tastes like who hasn't done that

can you play guitar yeah yeah you got to

you want me to try to put some guitar

I'll [ __ ] put some guitar on there

guitar on that [ __ ] man matches your

[ __ ] holy [ __ ] look at that look at that

special

order are you looking for country

western

[Music]

or

s let me roll my sleeve up my sleeve's

getting tangled

[Music]

up

[Music]

serious

[Music]

[ __ ] BBS you killed that

[ __ ] come on it's over all right I'm

going to need three quars of the

publishing

okay GE I hope I'm not embarrassing you

I know you got me in here tonight and

I'm right on the liquer I hope I'm not

embarrassing you oh we're good we on the

same Lane decent

[Music]

it's almost dinner time and I am [ __ ]

pumped it's chicken finger day the

greatest [ __ ] day of the week I mean

it's little things in jail that really

make being in jail worthwhile and

chicken finger day to me is like I don't

know going to the Olympics I mean not as

one of the the Athletico guys or

whatever but you know some of that works

there and and it's pumped up cuz it's

what's the [ __ ] olyp anyway I'm

[ __ ] pumped it's the Olympics yeah

chicken finger day boys you going to be

disappointed brother there's not no

fingers what are you talking about go

check it [ __ ] try man reck reck tell

[ __ ] Billy the peas and carrots are

frozen man you guys peas and carrots

Frozen this is [ __ ] don't even cook

man know

man what the [ __ ] is that chicken

nuggets it's chicken finger day yeah

it's the same thing no no it's not yeah

yeah it is it's the same thing I want

some [ __ ] chicken fingers it's

chicken finger day here watch chicken

finger two nuggets two nuggets chicken

finger same thing no it's not the same

thing we're the [ __ ] good conon

chicken fingers Ricky's mental battle

over chicken fingers versus chicken

nuggets it's been going on as long as I

can remember since we were little guys

and I think it started with Ray cuz Ray

always thought the chicken fingers were

a part of the chicken wing that actually

came right off the bird and that nuggets

were just compressed meat from various

areas and he taught that to recky and

it's stuck and it's been going on and I

mean thank [ __ ] he doesn't know what

popcorn chicken or chicken tenders even

are yet do you have any [ __ ] chicken

fingers back there no I put them in the

[ __ ] deep fry have chicken nuggets

it's the same thing okay want to play

like that do you [ __ ]

Jesus what's Ricky doing he's in an

awful

hurry he's worked up on something what

what is that does he have a shank he's

got a the shank and he's threatening the

chef I'm not doing the paperwork do not

threaten me with that toothbrush go in

the [ __ ] freezer and get some [ __ ]

chicken fingers for me only I don't get

these guys are fine with checking

nuggets I'm not have any just take the

nuggets come on I'm not eating that

[ __ ] ball and [ __ ] gut [ __ ] take

step back we all Cal down he's right

they taste the same no they don't F

those are [ __ ] these [ __ ] things

they're not even the good con do you see

any [ __ ] beaks or balls or [ __ ] or

anything doesn't look like white meat

it's all white probably [ __ ] ble love

a [ __ ] what's going on in here [ __ ] off

Jesus [ __ ] Ricky what the [ __ ] is this

[ __ ] it says chicken finger day and

he's got chicken balls here what they're

nuggets they're chicken nuggets chicken

[ __ ] is what it is I want [ __ ]

good kind chicken fingers or I'm [ __ ]

shank a billy what are you serving up

here chicken nuggets frozen vegetables

tots salad

delicious RI just put the [ __ ] look

at the [ __ ] shake down we'll get you

some top quality A+ we'll have one of

the [ __ ] guards run out to Costco is

that going to make you happy yeah it's

going to make me very [ __ ] happy I

want chicken fingers on chicken finger

day from now on not this nugget

[ __ ] give so I'm going to get some

[ __ ] chicken fingers we're going to

get you some chicken fingers Rick yeah

see Billy great [ __ ] now give me the

shank it's not a shank it's a toothbrush

with a toothpick built in just so we're

clear yeah and this is my vibrator hand

it over we'll get you a new one of these

great I feel good chicken finger day is

not [ __ ]

red would you like red wine or white

wine with that Sparkling White would be

great Sparkling

White all right a good voice we'll make

sure we get this enjoy your shitty

nuggets they should have waited for the

good [ __ ] chicken fingers [ __ ]

dummies I'll be in my [ __ ] cell I

want them delivered what's he talking

about that's [ __ ] quality yeah I

know I knew those guys were [ __ ]

going to give me what I want I mean they

know I'm not going to shank Billy

probably I like Billy and I know they're

[ __ ] watching the fights tonight so

they're [ __ ] lazy I don't want to do

a bunch of paperwork and be late getting

out of here so [ __ ] them outsmarted them

pay-per-view is

$120 not going to waste my money over

some [ __ ] chicken nugget fight stupid

he wasn't going to shank them he wasn't

serious and if he did I wouldn't have

blame him $1,200 limit are you kidding

me I've got $1.75 million in

assets oh I I understand that I'm not

working right now because I have so much

money in assets okay okay I think you

guys got to go

back I got to talk to you I just just

one please I got to talk to you I'm

trying to apply for a [ __ ] credit

card did you have any of the [ __ ]

chicken fingers Ru e no you would

[ __ ] share them with me well we got a

[ __ ] situation the guys are saying

Ronnie rubbed them all over his bag

before he gave them to Ricky oh my [ __ ]

no we did he had them up his ass crack

he had them in between his back and his

legs doing a

dance okay so what do you want me to do

oh we got to tell him don't we no we're

not going to [ __ ] tell him do you

want him to retaliate against [ __ ]

Ronnie you know what that's going to

[ __ ] do well we just let him eat the

[ __ ] things they were all over his

bag okay he's had one or two or three or

four of them they've been [ __ ] dipped

in his bag just let him continue to eat

the rest of them he doesn't know

obviously okay what does bag even taste

like huh I don't know feel right no one

that

he just make sure nobody else [ __ ]

tells him okay

that's just [ __ ] I know it's

[ __ ] [ __ ] for

centuries I've been [ __ ] for

centuries and disappointing you getting

me down good seeing Buffs it's going to

be a good night boys all right boys let

go get some drinks karaoke and we're

staying [ __ ] for centuries I have

been [ __ ] for

centuries

[Laughter]

warning the following program contains

really coarse language weed alcohol

consumption smoking and sexual

inferences this content may not be

suitable for viewers under 18 to

activate parental controls please press

the go yourself button on your remote

[Music]

control now everybody has all kinds of

[ __ ] candy from trick- orre from last

so you pick a house that has like four

[ __ ] kids in it they're going to have

all kinds of good [ __ ] so go to the door

they going to say no they'd probably be

scared of me definitely be scared of

you they're going to call the cops recky

if you go up hanging on the door [ __ ]

demanding candy dressed up as a hot dog

a [ __ ] week after Halloween well then

I'm going to put a daro to the [ __ ]

cops to [ __ ] try to come over and

take my candy tonight see what

happens you're going to threaten the

police on the air are you not going to

threaten them say look I'm [ __ ] going

trick- or treat I miss last week cuz you

dicks threw me in jail for pissing in

[ __ ] public and then [ __ ] kept me

in the extra couple days for a little

tiny fight with four guys [ __ ]

off anyway that's all I'm going to say

about that [ __ ] cops sometimes they

just they try to take the fun out of it

and I mean I can't miss a [ __ ]

Halloween because what my dad always

said that we our family I guess invented

Halloween some of our old [ __ ]

relatives who used to say that right

yeah remember I didn't want to go

trick-or treating once I got a little

bit older cuz it wasn't [ __ ] cool I'm

like d I'm not [ __ ] going he said oh

you're [ __ ] going I said no I'm not

going he said well you have to because I

if you knew this Ricky but your great

great grandfather grandmother holy [ __ ]

it's rain and horsecocks out there the

wind yeah listen to the wind she he said

my great grandfather great great greater

four great mother father one of them

decided to come up with the idea for

Halloween to make the kids happier and

scare them a littleit your great great

great grand whatever his name was horse

Co

it could have been I don't know I just

said it was rain and horsecock I didn't

say his name was R I thought his name

was Raymond horsecock oh Raymond that

would be a weird [ __ ] Coin

coincidence Co in

coinci

coincidence you know that

word so Isn't that cool so was your

great-grandfather's name Raymond

horsecock or no let's just go with that

and good old Raymond [ __ ] came up

with this whole idea so from that point

on I never miss a Halloween so it's

Halloween November but it's still

[ __ ] Halloween to me and Raymond if

you're listening to this wherever the

[ __ ] you

are cheers to you my friend great

[ __ ] idea you have so

Ricky Ray told you your great

grandfather great great grandfather

invented Halloween could have been

grandmother I guess it was sad times

back then kids needed a boost so we

thought hey if all the kids [ __ ]

dress up then no one knows who the kids

actually are and they can just be crazy

and have fun no knows who was the crazy

people he scares them a little bit and

then candy is like a celebration all

kids like candy he came up with that did

he what year what year did Ray say that

all [ __ ] place in it would have to have

been at least 100 years ago for sure

well Halloween's been around longer than

that I believe okay what was more than

that then why are you ask questions if

you already know the [ __ ] answers to

them what are we doing right now

introducing Our Guest no we're going

first you're going to do your little

cookie [ __ ] show all right today we're

going to have Randy's kitchen it's going

to be the best cheeseburger cow Zone

ever all right okay I'm going to bring

this with me Mr L just in case all right

all right we're going to do we got to go

over here cuz you took all the room but

it's okay we I got we got a good a bunch

of extra space Mr Ley we're going over

to Ricky set are we Mr Le it's just

extra room RI it's Ricky set and you

guess

what you're sexy Randy we're going to

cook Mr lady I took everything your

stories look let me look in your eyes

just Randy it's the lights Mr lady I can

see the hole of space Infinity in your

eyes Randy how drunk are you I'm not

drunk Randy I just had a couple of

little drinky poo hi ho hi ho it's off

to the cooking show oh I forgot my drink

I better get one get the [ __ ] over there

delay cheeseburger cowz I love the

C what the freak did I just step

oh

my holy

[ __ ] this Mr look I'm covered in

PE is going on the

fre turn the [ __ ] thing offy stick it

up your

[Applause]

ass [ __ ] up this is a piss of shitty

what the [ __ ] it's [ __ ] the [ __ ] just

hit me it's a bundle of [ __ ] Lady it's

[ __ ] you [ __ ] you [ __ ] everything

upy Mr lady Ricky clearly set booby

trops that's a piece of [ __ ] it's

because you freaking messed with the set

Mr what are you talking about Randy I

was want to F okay

don't got hit with a big bunch of car

this Show's ruined it isn't too ruin

it's never too [ __ ] late always grab

the bulb of the horn break the gas Mr

lady I didn't get to do the cooking show

stay show's over stay

there for [ __ ]

sake we got a lot of [ __ ] good [ __ ]

to do here ladies and gentlemen we're

just going to we're just going to finish

up the show in a nice little randers

Randy come on back up here bud I'm not

coming back Mr Ley you got to [ __ ]

come back here we got to see the show

fre off okay I'll bring go [ __ ] yourself

okay bring the special guest ladies and

gentlemen we got a special guest for you

today who's going to show us how to make

two tin cans of a rocket ship with a bit

lighter so come on bring where's the

special guest he's gone what he's gone

the special guest is gone he left ages

ago oh well as he say in Latin

polium lus Bas mend REM

[ __ ] [ __ ] you okay so why don't we' just

finish off the show very nicely with a

little drink to our sponsor and Randy

you [ __ ] ruin the ratings no one's

going to [ __ ] look into the next

doesn't matter oh I know what I could do

I have a trick a magic trick see this I

can make this go all the way through my

body oh this a little lior

poo all the way through my body into

this hand and then back again watch

this now back

again and special

show to

[ __ ]

s tune in next week to see if Randy can

get his [ __ ] together until

then

from yeah [ __ ] off I'm sorry [ __ ]

up

that's a good

[ __ ] thanks for tuning in to the Jim Le

show and Randy

[Music]

why are you guys taping in here don't

wor about the camera right friend of

mine's doing a documentary don't worry

about it all right what look I need some

stuff and I could rob you or you could

just give it to me it's up to yourself

so you're Ricky right yeah man yeah man

it get whatever you want I don't care

give me uh four packs of smokes and I'm

going to take uh these flowers here

guess my smoke sir uh I was in I was

here first there

bud what's that camera doing here none

of your [ __ ] business

actually obviously you don't know who

the [ __ ] I am obious name is Cyrus Cyrus

and I don't give a [ __ ] who you

are better chill out there heavy metal

dick yeah you go back to the bowling out

you came from him on probation is all

right see you that's it bye-bye that'll

be stus you didn't pay [ __ ]

off see this all

right old man gave me that when I was in

grade seven seen a lot of action 9

mm safety always

off told me he was proud of me

once [ __ ]

[Music]

prick

[Music]

we got to make a few things clear sure

two of us can't live in this trailer

park together now can we right so I

guess someone's got to move that's what

I'm talking

about hey that's my

[ __ ]

hey that's my [ __ ] that's my

[ __ ] obviously you didn't hear me when I

said clear out your own [ __ ] now I want

a new TV I want a vcr and I want my porn

tapes replaced because those were the

Crum of La cramp I want you out of this

park I'm not leaving I provide a service

for these good people they're like my

family you tell them people go on I show

a hands those who need is dope

I'd like to take this opportunity to let

anybody know that me and Tyrone's open

for business we service all you don't

need it's good prices too you know what

I'm saying see we don't need you

here well I'm not leaving and I'm not

afraid to use this gun I think you're

afraid [ __ ] afraid you think I won't

pull the trigger my brain tells my

finger to pull the trigger and boom

happens just like that well let me talk

to your brain then hey Cyrus's brain

pull the trigger a funny guy pull the

trigger do it do

it you're not going to do it man cus you

[ __ ] dick Shut

up why don't to do yourself a favor get

not from the park man you don't belong

here this is my family don't you get out

of here need this [ __ ] anyway J

change

[Music]

thanks for getting rid of Cyrus for us

Julian now if you could just help

straighten Ricky out we'd be all set all

right everybody party's over let's go

home welcome back junior [ __ ] off Mr

Le hi I'm

Julian I've been on my own since I was

six or seven that's when I started

drinking rum my life has been [ __ ] up

but I'm a Survivor if you want advice

I'll give it to you if you use it that's

fine but if you don't I really don't

give a [ __ ] hey this is Dear Julian I'm

Julian let's get this [ __ ] going all

right dear Julian I wake up to get out

of bed I piss myself on my sleep my

friends and family won't let me crash at

the crib anymore because I piss on the

couch people will get all [ __ ] when I

actually accidentally piss all over them

at night Jesus man it's a problem I've

had I've never grown out of since I was

born I'm nearly 3 years old now how can

I stop pissing myself in the bed and put

in my bed when I have once all have to

rest okay okay man all right number one

if you're drinking a lot and [ __ ] maybe

you're just too [ __ ] drunk okay you

get Ley drunk you've seen it happen to

him many times before on TV but if it's

not I don't know man maybe go see a

doctor maybe uh set find out what time

the piss time is through the night set

an alarm get up a little

early or just don't [ __ ] drink

anything okay all right it's all I can

do for you

bud all right n Dan Megan

okay Dan Megan Dear Julian my old boss

is being a massive prick and won't pck

up pay up my last week's wages uh should

I be patient and wait for him to try to

sort it out or should I talk walk into a

club and tell the dummies I stole my job

he said I could have a tab and drink my

wage before pissing in the booth and

leave him that leave there with slight

dignity all right man like [ __ ] the guy

owes your money I wouldn't go to the

club I'd go right to the motherfucker's

house all right you go to us house you

knock on the the door you say Hey listen

bud you owe me money I want my cash see

you later at the bar tonight have it or

else I'm going to get pissed off then

you go to his BR meet him up later and

say all right you you still do the same

thing you just said you start drink and

do the whole tab thing collect your

money drink for free I think it's a good

idea I mean you know what's this guy

going to he ow your cash he's being a

dick all

right convicted Julian for the past 25

years I've worked for some rich city

Pricks with the task of rebuilding the

rundown farms and turning them into

profitable working

farms for the last year now uh the MS

has been hounding me to sell up and

invest in my own firm and become the

landowner I've dreamed of being we're

talking about a massive gamble by

investing every penny I I own into my

own firm should I go forward stay with

the little small holding I already have

listen man all right this that's a good

question you know I'm a businessman and

if I had some cash on me and I wanted to

invest in my own B business and be my

own [ __ ] boss that's the way to do it

man I mean you've been working for these

other [ __ ] people making them tons of

money this is a no-brainer man risk

everything if you don't you're going to

[ __ ] regret it and you're probably

going to end up with uh no [ __ ] money

to have son fun when you're retired

you're never going to be able to retire

man so go for

it

okay

not many [ __ ] questions

here uh Trevor Jade Walker Julian Bud my

girlfriend keeps bugging me because

almost every t-shirt I own is black and

says I need to have more variety

variety but my favorite color is black

and I don't want anything other than

black shirts what should I tell her I'd

tell her to [ __ ] off all right I find it

easy like you know it takes some people

a half hour to figure out what the [ __ ]

they're going to wear every day for me

it's the same thing I gained a half hour

over everyone you know so I can go and

do my thing and make money right because

that's what life is about right now make

money try to retire early have some fun

so I'd say Hey listen you know honey

just let me [ __ ] be who I want to be

if I want to dress this way this is the

way I want to do it if you don't love me

uh if you love me you'll [ __ ] accept

it all right the next question is from

Kristen Sarah Cera Julian my obsessive

stalker ex-husband is dating my cousin

to try to piss me off and linger around

should I kick both her asses or avoid

that side of my family till the greasy

bastard

disappears man that's a tough one uh so

he's a stalker I mean your cousin sounds

like she's a bit of a [ __ ] you know

she's going up with your ex husband for

[ __ ]

sakes

uh I don't know I'd want to i' I'd want

to get back at them I would definitely

want to kick her ass because it's your

cousin she deserves to get her ass

kicked KNE him in the nuts a few times

I'd take them out I would seriously do

that do that and then just don't have

anything to do with outside of the

family or them at least everybody's

going to hate you if if you do that on

her side obviously but you can say she's

a [ __ ] [ __ ] that's you know causing

[ __ ] with me it's

obvious okay I don't know if you want to

call her [ __ ] call her whatever you

want to call her I don't know what you'd

call her she's your cousin I'd be a lot

worse than that

actually so I guess uh I guess that's

all the questions

so I hope uh this helped you out if not

though I don't give a [ __ ] good

[Music]

luck

are you roll yeah of course oh yeah

welcome to ask me any [ __ ] any [ __ ]

[ __ ] ask me anything with the

swearnet questions from Facebook and

swearnet uh I I um I answer cold and so

uh uh I need my questions can I have my

questions you're [ __ ] sitting on but

I was sitting on my

questions oh there

there well it's not very you can't read

them they're oh oh for [ __ ] sakes how

about um first of all let me have a

little sippy this is a a toast to my

audio radiances you guys are looking

good today and here's a toast to you

propane

propane oh

yeah good at

Licor nothing better dear lady I really

lik it when you in off the liquor and

season 11 treating Ricky

nicely do you think you'll ever this byy

raan cjun number one question do you

think you'll ever burn the hatchet at

both ends and make up with a with the he

and Julian raan cjun like a Cajun Cajun

is like a Cadian a Cadian Cajun I bet

she lives down in Louisiana down in

Louis but you know

what it's not burn a hatchet at both

ends if you were a raging engine I could

see you saying that for your mology but

a Raging Cajun doesn't say burn a

hatchet at both ends cuz it's a

candle even if you are on the liquor it

could actually turn out to be beneficial

for you and

banders

um what is the question do you think you

have ever burn the hatchet at both ends

and make up with

Julian even if you are on the liquor

could actually turn out to be beneficial

for well banders doesn't like the fact

that me and Julian have a secret kind of

like it's dark it's very dark but it's

it's light but it's I don't know what

the question means okay number two

organic

187 dear lady how people have how how

people have you shot over the years and

why do they still let you have a gun

they don't let me have a gun any

vehicles I have are

are I don't have a permit right now and

that's just the way as I want to

be how many people have

yeah shot a guy my mistake

once shot Myself by mistake once I

missed the guy I was shooting that

once that's all I can remember Michelle

My Belle dear lady what is one guilty

cure pleasure you enjoy too much to give

up Freud calls guilt super ego your

guilt is your super

ego I don't have a super ego so I don't

feel guilty so there's no Pleasures I

feel guilty about so there's

no enough dear

Ley number four Jeff what was the best

cure for what's the best cure for a

liquor surge well I'll give you a an

illustration if you have to sneeze and

you go you can blow your ear balls you

can actually I've heard it that you can

blow your sack and you can [ __ ] blow

your balls right over your sack if you

check a super sneeze it's the same with

a liquor surge you don't check a liquor

surge you do it can cause irreparable

damage to the Psycho System of the

[ __ ] atmosphere John valz this one's

a [ __ ] to and a half I tell you that

Dear Mr Le he you have told us several

versions of the story about when you

first realized that you were sexually

attracted to men there's the bachelor

pool party story then there's the story

about two Scottish gentleman that you

accidentally walked in on the incident

in the fin there's randers from the time

that you were on the police force they

cannot all be the first time can you

please tell us which story describes the

time when you first realize you were

attracted to other men it's not a really

a physical attraction to other men like

the scraping and the burning of the SLE

and the biger baggy it doesn't really

[ __ ] turn me on but what it really

happened when I was like I was about

nine or 10 and it was was my cousin he

was a couple years older and he was

asking if you could have one of my socks

and I didn't why and he pull his sock

into his [ __ ] sleeping bag with them

and uh pretty soon there was a jistic o

odorifer coming from the bag sleeping

bag and I I was you know I asked him I

insisted what he was doing he showed me

and that was it he like I was say I was

nine or 10 and first time I ever came in

a sock it it hurt

like I remember like I think it was

guilt it was Catholic guilt that I it

actually like sometimes when you come

like it feels like oh like it's called

the petty uh Mo Petty Moore The Little

Death like it's after a lion [ __ ]

bangy bangies he can't run this fast

then the young lion comes in that's

ridiculous anyway it's true but it has

nothing to do with this first time I

ever knew I was attracted to a man it

was just to a hand that's all it was

just to a hand it's time to go

trick-or-treating three more beer

shotgun two more joints let's go buddy

trick or treat time doing this [ __ ]

right we

are all right only problem is [ __ ] got

to do a boner

test no we going to be fine Ricky why

would you get a boner oh in case you see

trick or treat might be some hot

moms you got an extra trick or treat bag

for me

buddy thanks for listening

go to swearnet.com to watch

it let's go

[Music]

[Laughter]

cutie

warning the following program contains

really coarse language weed alcohol

consumption smoking and sexual

infuences this content may not be

suitable for viewers under 18 to

activate parental controls please press

the big go yourself button on your

remote control

[Music]

here's what you do here's how you do

pretend you go like this and you suck

the air out of the bottle like

this and you let it back in then p and

buckles and people oh so you didn't just

have a big snap wer there that was just

no it's knock

knock

who's Sir Juno Juno Jun know where I can

get a little drinky poo around here you

want to hear one of my cleaner jokes

what did what did the janitor say when

he popped out of the

closet

supplies Jesus Christ it's a cleaner

joke get it yeah I get it holy [ __ ] holy

[ __ ] he's a real [ __ ] no that's not

fake [ __ ] bubbles that's ridiculous

okay all

okay are you [ __ ] kidding me right

now also for those that can't see what's

happening Ley is just finishing oh my

justu There He Go just finished almost

34 of a CT of [ __ ] lerman's old dirty

Canadian wesy how the [ __ ] are you still

alive how do you do that Keith Richards

can't do that nobody can do that Bubba

nobody it's impossible you did it

without getting a liquor surge too or

even spilling that's some that's

impressive I you want me to see do a

wrap around well you got no more liquor

in it now can use another bottle

B what's in that botle that's beer there

I don't think you want that do you I

hate beer beer tastes a just

smell holy [ __ ] I haven't seen this I'm

on podcast this is my Gary for a cast

people it's going to be a long [ __ ]

day today Sunnyville listen to Ricky you

your eyes aren't all red and puffy like

they us are cuz you're Stone over your

[ __ ] tree you you keep little when you

do your little party cast do you rck do

you Ricky I am normally pretty [ __ ] up

right now I'm actually waiting on some

hash to be delivered you're waiting on

some master to be delivered and you say

that in the [ __ ] air and you're going

to bring the [ __ ] in the heat right in

the [ __ ] Sunnyville [ __ ] talking

about look and you leave this [ __ ] on

the table what the [ __ ] is that Ricky

what is the [ __ ] that

and joints and every look at [ __ ] be

five people Baker Joys and this you know

that this is a [ __ ] piece of [ __ ]

ready you guys are [ __ ] you guys are

[ __ ] I just want point out that's why

you're not allowed to have [ __ ]

broadcast on the in sunv trailer park

because [ __ ] Isis will come here and

H Lang security come here and they'll

shut the whole I just want to point out

when you arrived here you were somewhat

calm I wasn't I was upset you were

somewhat calm and respectful then you

chugged almost 3/4 of a quar liquer and

now look at you all [ __ ] red up was

watered down it was watered down you

know [ __ ] water down should smoke a

joint and calm the [ __ ] down I have a do

you know what not escaping is no

actually yeah I saw some suck I don't

want to talk about this with him here

suck npe is when you see a nice little

scene like the stue of Liberty and you

[ __ ] put your camera under there and

get your B your gols that's all it is

Bo ballscapes right and that that's

because the Blue Jays were [ __ ]

Wicked out of the kickle car and that's

why they're [ __ ] doing it it's a they

they beam [ __ ] they beamed him down

and [ __ ] like and Mr the batter and I

cut the [ __ ] umpire and he called a

[ __ ] thing a strike wasn't a [ __ ]

strike we should be [ __ ] playing the

Royal bules you [ __ ] [ __ ] and you

know what here's the what he oh

look that was like weeks ago what the

[ __ ] is he talking where are you going

you don't want to talk about ball skat I

got to have a

piss don't [ __ ] piss in my trailer

piss

outside it's not about the money anyway

we're going to [ __ ] kick these guys'

asses for the first time [ __ ] lies

look at the are you sure we can win cuz

I need some [ __ ] chips popping a bar

lader I'm not sure but the odds are sure

okay the odd just trust the odds anybody

want a side bet five bucks Terry's doing

good five bucks to Terry no five

bucks we got a leader we got a leader

here okay just he's doing good five

bucks oh settled down go ahead we're

good we're good all right boys keep it

up okay right on

p on buddy you got her how's it going

over here Ricky not good what do you

mean not good [ __ ] oh it's your turn

man the [ __ ] man you don't even got a

guy in yet I told you I didn't even want

to play in this [ __ ]

tournament nice

on right yeah I want play the game bro

play the game way

yeah [ __ ] [ __ ] winner boys [ __ ]

great I didn't even a [ __ ] go thanks

juli 10 bucks G thanks what do you mean

my money for me or what Terry's winning

though go Terry come on man got it I got

itry Papa bubble likes me that's a fact

you got to win man I [ __ ] sucked I

didn't even get a guy

out all right

back who's up next over here we need one

more player there all right you get 10

bucks at the

Terry W Julian nice another one maybe

I've been a little bit hurt on Terry and

you know but that's just because he's

dumb but you know he's he's starting to

kind of grow on me a bit you know

starting to like the guy little lady

luck come on come on give three give

three what do you well whatever either

way I

win got this the [ __ ] Darren get in

the [ __ ] six and settle down Darren

what the [ __ ] you doing man yeah [ __ ]

around here man Fu [ __ ] right the bubble

Don't Lie the bubble don't [ __ ] going

on here man you guys are [ __ ] playing

me you're swe whoo that was a [ __ ]

double bubble was what the [ __ ] you

talking about a double bub [ __ ] you

[ __ ] double you can't double bub bro

you were talking to me what the [ __ ] you

expect well that's the way it goes I'm

get distracted all you it's three

against one what the [ __ ] going on the

[ __ ] bubbles don't [ __ ] that I'm the

[ __ ] winner man [ __ ] what the [ __ ]

you think this

is you're in real trouble now

[ __ ] [ __ ] the game I don't want

no trouble trouble listen [ __ ]

this is my money great jul this is

[ __ ] great we're going to get it back

yeah we're going to win no matter what

hey you going to take on all these guys

hurry up [ __ ] you fredd the [ __ ] you

think you're doing Julie [ __ ] is going

on you owe me

[ __ ] you said we're going to [ __ ]

win here it's supposed to be a fun game

[ __ ] where's my [ __ ] money at boys

doll I got the coins go [ __ ] yourself

that's not part of the deal eh what's

part of you [ __ ] up my [ __ ] money

Julian stop give you go [ __ ] yourself

hey boys we need our [ __ ] money let's

do this yeah nobody's getting the

[ __ ] money take [ __ ] money thank

you my [ __ ] [ __ ] what is wrong with

you you want to [ __ ] take on all

these guys what Freddy wants Freddy gets

[ __ ] now I've got no money I got

some we should have [ __ ] played

Monopoly [ __ ] boys boys we got [ __ ]

paid a lot of money what you got the cas

you think I'm going to [ __ ] take care

of business not in our pockets first

come on okay we got 20 each oh we still

got 20

bucks well you owed me 10 so you get 10

carry the three I mean next time we got

to rig that bubble you don't get a

[ __ ] magnet under there next time we

don't

play whoa whoa whoa you guys aren't

getting off here this a stop Julian

listen boys I lost a lot of good friends

in jail protecting you guys all right

the least you can do is leave me alone

listen you stay away from Ricky you

won't have any problem with us Julian

Jim you know the equation you [ __ ] with

Ricky you're going to get burned Let It

Go Jim [ __ ] jul hey hold on a sec

driver for [ __ ]

sake thank God I need to drive truck for

me today okay you're in charge of cor

Trevor [ __ ] be h on tell they

understand [ __ ] move I hope this

power come on

boys hurry up boys you guys are bait

don't

you

Ricky

the power's still on Julian Ricky I'm

bobles the power's still on Julian Ricky

I'm bobles Ricky you don't even a

cigarette I need a

joy ni chain is that real yeah did you

get the money for that the trailer park

supervisor now man 16 Grand a year bar

gave me a bit of money and Bubbles gave

me some money come on in buddy list up

listen man I don't want anything to do

with any illegal [ __ ] all right I'm

done Julie we don't even have time for

legal [ __ ] think about it we're trailer

pack supervisor we got to plant flowers

put up satellites and [ __ ] man we've

been looking forward to getting out

today all [ __ ] week thank God to see

you Manick Rick what are you talking

about man you're not even making any

sense here I didn't even know I was

getting out until today

exactly [ __ ] good to see you budy

Julian we're both baked that's why he's

not making sense big time

man Rick you already got to smoke going

in

there yeah no boys boys boys boys I got

to go home have a few drinks okay the

Paro board [ __ ] me around big ton

today I just have to be alone here okay

no offense guys I got to go should we

just have another drink or something

buddy come on Julian hang on [ __ ] hang

out with me for a bit I got surprise for

you I haven't seen you months come on

boys to jail all right all right all

right but listen Rick Le's on a war path

okay he wants to [ __ ] you over big time

Juliet I'm the [ __ ] tr Park

supervisor now bubbles is the assisted

Le can [ __ ] off all right I'm going do

anything wrong we going to deal with

that for two weeks who gives a [ __ ] no

no no they're back today

Rick what they're in the jail too so

watch your back bues

listen reick I want you guys to get

drunk all right have a [ __ ] great

time today buddy you deserve man You'

been in [ __ ] jail J dope I got dope

in the trailer I got to do some

paperwork all right guys okay what's up

the smokes man he always smokes three

smokes come on let's get some liquor hey

Jim here with part two of of not the

liquor stories uh oh it's ask me [ __ ]

anything look here's part one we just

did the part one here's part two and I

got a couple more questions and oh I'm

almost finished the liquor but I was

promised for part two I get another

liquer ble okay so let's get right to

the questions otter 81 that's Rucker

Howard's brother he's older brother he's

81 Mr Lake OH Morgan Freeman I already

really like their Trail Park Boys I

heard of Morgan Freeman he's a cool dude

I say no more say no more Mr Le I've

noticed that you have an extensive vo

vocabulary even excluding shitisms EG

malthusian did you go to Catholic school

I certainly did I went to I was taught

by the nuns I remember once n the nun

the nun came up nun came up to me and

she said uh uh uh she said I I forget

what she said but I said to her I said

listen I'm very uncomfortable could you

put your hands where I can see them and

I don't know why I said that but I got

some big [ __ ] anyway um malthusian

malthusian Doctrine uh that was malus do

Robert meus 1800 something he talked

about the difference between uh the

arithmetic uh production of uh of uh

food stuffs and uh um r Andy what's the

other one what it's not it's not

arithmetic uh what's the other aric not

the ormic Randy like the population

expands in a

geomantic never mind shic ship plates

they're not ship plates Randy Randy's

going to be here soon and he's going to

answer number 14 ajl

0333 three three three Ley how do you

feel about Randy's [ __ ]

stash well it's a dickler I tell you

that it's a nice little Tickler and

sometimes it gets Tangled in a little

digly dangle but um look ajl 0333 he

hasn't really come out yet as an evil

person

666 you know I used to have a phone

number guess what here's how it went I

was always looking like looking

for you know I was always looking for

that and then one day phoned home and I

phoned home and it was 228

2666 It's a small world after it is

coincidence it is a [ __ ] incredible

coincidence

Christina adson as the foremost experts

on [ __ ] related activities what are your

lips oh no what are your tips for

surviving a [ __ ] NATO or a shitan what

does the lequer

recommend

what do you recommend Mr

licker well as Randy always told me he

says Mr Le when you're in a [ __ ] you to

keep your lips closed right and you to

turn your face away from the [ __ ] storm

but here's the thing sometimes we get

dropped into a [ __ ] Abyss by Other

Extreme extremities Other Extreme

circumstances has no cause of our own we

have no like there's no compunction or

no comp compatibility or whatever it is

is and all you have to do is you just

have to wait it out like you just hunker

down cover up wait her out don't try to

fight the [ __ ] storm [ __ ] storm will

kill you every [ __ ]

time look at that you got so many

burgers so look so that's our special

sauce okay we got the mustard the

ketchup Mayo onion and pickles that

looks pretty freaking tasty and then we

stir do you like that do you hear

it that sounds like sex sauce that's

sexy sauce is this Randy sexy sauce kind

of it could be a super sex sauce do you

want to stir for a little bit well I've

got Burger on my it's okay it's okay

we're in the trust tree we're in the

Matty trust tree so you stir it okay

that's good okay Randy let's crank up

the oven here the flat top so we're just

going to griddle them you know griddle

yes okay I usually put barbecue cuz I

don't have that in the trailer no this

is nice we we're having the luxury this

is luxury this is a fancy stainless

steel stainless steel stainless

stainless steel good that's the good

stuff there that's the good stuff and

now we got to open up some cheese cuz we

got to do it really quickly we're going

to cook these Burgers cuz we're going to

push them down really thin okay and then

I'm going to butter some buns we got

some nice

buns you butter your buns we butter buns

really yes do you want double burgers do

you want them all to be double Burgers

doubles are nice doubles are nice one

one two three four and one we'll have

one single that'll be for someone that's

like an Ord that's like an Ur that's

French for pre meal free pre meal or D

we I don't know is it that's a big

butter knife you could cut yourself with

that you got to be careful Randy the

world's a dangerous place grab some

balls now we got to smush

them yeah buddy yes

perfect

oh you [ __ ] it Randy there was one EXT

you [ __ ] it I'm sorry [ __ ] sakes man I

don't normally smash them now you

[ __ ] rat [ __ ] it I'm freaking sorry

right then we going to Salt

them you [ __ ] rat [ __ ] that one

[ __ ]

Randy not my fault yeah it is that what

are we going to do with that one now now

no one's going to have

one okay now we got to get the Buns on

yeah B bots on one side it's crowns

crowns that's a heel and that's a crown

there's a heel and a crown that's right

I didn't know that I just

learned see come here than we're

learning from each other you're not mad

sweaty then put the cheese when I flip

it put the cheese okay put the cheese on

top the cheese now yeah right away yeah

what about cook time we're cooking these

are cooked in like 30 more

[Music]

seconds

okay oh yeah buddy oh these are

soft does that look good that looks

awesome anyone ever tell you that you're

kind of sexy when you're

cooking sure and now do you want to top

with some sauce

yeah look at that M oh

buddy see okay I see what you're doing

do you feel me yeah these are like

donuts see this bio soft

Brios crowns Brios before you ever eat

anything you have to take a photo for

Instagram do you know Instagram I'm not

really it's a world where everyone is

beautiful everyone's always on vacation

it's really nice have you ever heard

food porno is that when people put it on

their bodies no no no you just have to

you just have to take F this is food

porno this is porno food yeah but you

should take the top off it is how

beautiful is that um it'd be more

beautiful like got if I get to eat one

okay let's try one I hope it's your

favorite

cheeseburger is that the best

cheeseburger you've ever

had oh man it

is it freaking is

Randy so happy how's that special sauce

are you getting like a little bit of

crunch that's the best cheeseburger look

at the smoke coming off it it's not

steam Steam steam Randy it's got the

perfect cheese to bun to meat and sauce

ratio oh my gosh I love you man I love

you thank you thank you just going to go

over here and finish my burger where are

you going just we got to clean up Randy

we got to [ __ ] clean up we got roie

pie for the

boys just kissed me on the

mouth his lips tasted like a [ __ ]

[ __ ] that ate a cheeseburger really

good cheeseburgers

holy Maddy the perfect meat to bun to

cheese ratio and a special sauce Secret

Sauce well I guess it's not a secret now

cuz he told everyone how to make it I

[ __ ] got decked by [ __ ] Randy he

got the cheeseburgers kissed me on the

mouth and [ __ ] off I just felt I loved

him at that moment that I bit that

burger that's why I kissed him and he's

a good kisser I give him that too it's

like he used me I guess that that that

I I I feel misled well [ __ ] you Randy

see Full Circle I'm back to hating you

[ __ ]

[Music]

prick dared Julian even with my job 3 to

11 I feel like I don't really have much

time to to do with my time to I don't

just a

second my job is 311 I feel like I don't

really have much to do with my time what

would feel rewarding to me any advice on

what could eat up my time and get me

some satisfaction Michelle you're [ __ ]

okay if you don't know what's going to

make you happy you got some problems I

mean you're working from 3:00 to 11: all

right those are shitty [ __ ] hours if

you don't have time after that long ass

shift to to go do something fun and what

what you just come home from work and go

[ __ ] I've got nothing to do and you just

sit there in your apartment and you just

do nothing come on get some go out find

some friends or go to what bar get drunk

get get super drunk go up to people talk

to them try to get banged sounds like

you need to get banged

Michelle Jesus Christ all right dear

Julian I'm a positive person so

sometimes I feel down and other sorts

you're always so positive in control of

every

situation what is your secret to always

being positive in control of situations

thanks in advance all right well number

one you have to be positive because if

you don't you're GNA [ __ ] fail all

right I've gone through a lot of [ __ ] in

my life and I've had you know my parents

leaving me when I was young but I've

never used that as an excuse because I

think I've done all right for myself and

you know I'm a survivor in life so just

have to be positive okay if you if

you're sitting around gossiping [ __ ]

like that and talking about people and H

my life [ __ ] sucks you're just going

to you're going to be a loser for the

rest of your [ __ ] life be positive

make something have some goals always

have

goals it's [ __ ] easy Thomas skyling

Dear Julian I decided I want to take

Char in my destination and start making

money for myself nothing big just

something small so I can so you can do

it on the side as an entrepreneur what

advice would you give someone who

doesn't want to do the N9 to-5 and wants

to work hard make

money oh [ __ ] it's like you know I

haven't really figured out the perfect

business and but the thing with me I I

never give up okay you just can't quit

try to start up your own business man I

mean best advice I can give you is pay

yourself first okay if you got employees

you pay your make sure you get the money

first and give them whatever you can

give them but you know pay yourself

first don't pay the government a goddamn

thing government usually gets paid first

but that's where people most people go

wrong all right that's it questions are

pretty [ __ ] but hopefully I'll you

know I give some people some help if not

I don't give a [ __ ]

cheers get

up get up you drunk

bastard what am I doing with

thank Jesus Murphy Harder They Fall bu

hard should should go home and maybe

have a little

knif see you later guys he just stole

that [ __ ] book what get back here you

[ __ ] drunk oh that

[ __ ] you stole my [ __ ] book I

going to have a little nap we should get

up around 3 and [ __ ] start party he's

going to be pass it all night so we can

be loud as [ __ ] tonight are we done that

[ __ ] ended it I don't

know all right what we talking about

what we were talking

about I don't know I mean I guess that's

probably probably enough for today look

there's pets on the floor [ __ ] see

there's something here [ __ ] not GL box

would have like to know what that was

[Music]

[Laughter]

about

warning the following program contains

really coarse language weed alcohol

consumption smoking and sexual

inferences this content may not be

suitable for viewers under 18 to

activate parental controls please press

the go yourself button on your remote

[Music]

control

[Music]

you've been on like Jimmy camel and

Jimmy Fallon in those shows is this like

a s b commercials that's pretty

incredible um no Ricky he's been [ __ ]

it wasn't because of the bank

commercials when I was on um Fallon and

Kim was it was for some other for some

some movies and he's been in great big

[ __ ] movies Ricky really huge ones

what are you doing hanging at the food

courp hungry that was a terrible [ __ ]

decision on my

part right on I well it's I don't want

him to be what well he's obviously feels

like he's been kidnapped for he's not

kidna I thought it would make today that

much more special yeah what what do you

you what's more special what's I hope

you guys are joking right what are you

talking about Ricky what are you you're

poking around at something fishing for

something well neither one you brought

anything I see what's happening today

Ricky I have no IDE nothing you want to

say to

me no what day happy March 20th that's a

good start

TG not

bad Ricky just tell us it's my [ __ ]

birthday boys you forgot my

birthday it's not your [ __ ] birthday

today Ricky what do you mean it's not

that's [ __ ] up you forgot his birthday

no we your birthday's not even a merch

Ricky

somebody's birthday is today it's not

yours Jesus Mar 20th you kidding me do

you think I'd forget your birthday I

never foret I thought you guys did

forget it but now that I think it is my

birthday can it just be my birthday we

can yes I mean we can pretend it's your

bir no reason not we do have chips so

you you thought they forgot your

birthday but you forgot your birthday

when is your birthday good question holy

[ __ ] Ricky maybe it's 420 that' be cool

it's not 420 well if you can make today

your birthday you can make any day your

birthday let's do it let's have a

birthday

week okay let's have Rey's birthday week

you should time it out with chili Fest

at

Harvey's when is chili Fest I

think chili Fest it's [ __ ] chil they

just basically just throw chili on

everything they have it's the best it's

called the chili Fest it's called chili

Fest even when you get a napkin there's

chil

chil Fest or is that no it's

hary yeah it's not a government

holiday Harvey's hamburgers hary make

your

hamburger a beautiful thing beautiful

were you at Harvey's at the food courp

or what were you oh yeah sadly that Dove

Tails pretty what were you getting hary

I was getting har now when you go into a

harvey I heard you're a big fast food

fell I I it's I I am I wish I wish I

wasn't but it's it's my cross to bear

you eat I now you maybe you just tell me

if this is true what I've heard is you

will not eat anything that's not fast

food and you eat it six times a day well

that's I mean that's that's a slightly

hyperbolic but I I I eat a lot of fast

food and and I'll but typically three

times a day like most people decent yeah

you imagine yeah I eat like a child do

you ever see home alone that's how I eat

like Kevin mallister yeah me too I'm a

picky eater man I know what you're feel

so if you were let loose in a grocery

store with a credit card you would go

right to the candy aisle probably number

one yeah candy and then then I probably

grab some hungry man and then uh oh

hungry man's are [ __ ] noser I know

who invented the hungry man probably a

Hungry

Man Matt loaf Quist did Trina ever get

on the liquor like the rest of the

Lees

no Trina my God Trina I

wish some things you can't take back

right yeah I feel sorry about Trina but

guess what she might be coming home she

might be coming home for a little visit

um she doesn't take my phone calls but

one of these days I think I'm going to

get through to her cuz I'm going to give

up the liquor for good and she'll know

it in her hearts and she'll come home

Christian Todd when's a li when the

liquor talks to you what does its voice

sound like well you

know that is an extremely existential

question because the voices that we have

in our heads a lot of people like

psychologists and psychiatrists and

everything they'll talk about

Psychopaths and and sociopaths and and

and dual

personal oh

[ __ ] I forget

I can hear I can hear the voices right

now there's many different voices in

there it sounds like really it sounds

like a choir of angels really when you

think about it when I when I was in

school we had Gregorian champ

like those some of my favorite

[Music]

on I really like that and I think that

is what it sounds like when the Liquors

when you're just when you're just

smoothly flowing with the liquor but

sometimes the liquor gets angry I mean

really angry and it sounds like somebody

like it sounds like the Four Winds of

the Apocalypse

what the [ __ ] going on welcome

backler [ __ ] juicy [ __ ]

[ __ ] holy

[ __ ] [ __ ] booby traps went off this

is going to be [ __ ]

awesome I got to see that [ __ ]

security Camp footage find out who the

[ __ ] came in here [ __ ] with my [ __ ] took

my beaver's [ __ ] bow tie oh I hope I

got them [ __ ] good who's in charge of

the [ __ ] security cam footage here

get to the bottom of this right [ __ ]

[Music]

now

schools they can [ __ ] off and teachers

could suck my

[ __ ] I'm drunk it up high and this is

get lert with

Ricky how's that bubs it [ __ ] sucked

didn't it I told you I can't [ __ ]

[Music]

sing

[Music]

[Applause]

come on boys you're [ __ ]

dead what kind of trouble can I get in

for driving you guys with all the dope

and these guns and all the crazy

[ __ ] it's not a big deal bubbles

don't worry about it gotting a little

bit of a gunfight I could shot a little

bit it's no big deal a bit of dope to

get rid of we're fine I don't know Ricky

I heard that you know you can get in a

lot of trouble for having that much dope

and guns bubbles you'll just get a slap

on the wrist man everything will be cool

you might get a f or something I'll take

care of it I promise well you guys will

get in big trouble it's no big we've

been a lot worse [ __ ] than this bubbles

this was nothing what the H [ __ ] great

hella [ __ ] copter oh my God one we

have suspects heading north of Highway

103 in a Bronco to an airam trailer

suspect is leaning out of the vehicle

[ __ ] out of here there's nothing to see

here leave us the [ __ ] alone we're just

on vacation I'm calling the cops you're

Fly way too [ __ ] low you

[ __ ] [ __ ] this sucks right now this

is going to be cool boys we're going to

get away with this don't worry boed

there's a helicopter behind us oh [ __ ]

just keep driving we'll l in the trees

up here or something is that a kitty on

the road there a kitty on the road do

it Bo come on she's going to

blow come on

[Applause]

Ricky vehicle has crashed repeated

vehicle has crashed suspects are on

foot I'm never getting a vehicle with

you again I'm not going to run over here

K to save your dop

Ricky come on boys what do you think we

got to hide boys the cops Rich give me

your gun I'm getting out of here the

house the house hash is still in the

trailer we got to get it Ricky Ricky

there's no hash in the trailer what you

smoked all the house I sold it this

morning check it out the evidence is on

fire they can't do [ __ ] to us rcky

Julian help me I'm all tangled up in

this [ __ ] wire come on guys we're

going to get out of here we're not

leaving Julian help me I'm all tangled

up in this [ __ ] wire come on folks we

got to get out of here help me

out nobody mov everybody calm down here

get [ __ ] Cher out of here and just

calm down this guy's totally innocent

he's a farmer came out to help us out of

the wreck he saved our lives and you

guys are going to be Su of you rest him

as he's innocent guy that's right I

can't see that well I tripped into that

wire I don't even know what's [ __ ]

going on here there's a helicopter over

here my cows are scared everybody can

get the [ __ ] off off my property two

suspects in custody headquarters has

identified another vehicle approaching

Jim Ley trailer park supervisor from the

sunny Bell trailer park the other man

with no shirt is Randy hey boys good

luck back in con College [ __ ] You Lee

get this [ __ ] helicopter out of here

come on guys you right now you owe me

$500 damage to the Airstream not a

problem lady I'll give it to you as soon

as I'm released which will be in a

little bit cuz we didn't do anything

wrong there's no evidence nothing

happened we're on a little vacation here

guys and had a bit of an accident calm

down you guys don't got [ __ ] you don't

have jacked [ __ ] there's no [ __ ]

evidence nothing I don't want your badge

ners cuz I'm suing you everything's cool

Ricky if they think we're going to jail

they're [ __ ] dreaming we're suing

your families and your grandparents and

your [ __ ] pets I need a cigarette

here for [ __ ]

sakes there's the food that you like

your favorite

type there you go tend like you know

[Music]

me hey hey what's going on fist

pump hey what's going on you guys are

here

already we're here today at the B while

shelter Dartmouth Nova

Scotia nice awesome shelter they take

care of a lot of kitties here whenever I

come to shelters like I like to bring my

my custom kitty kit that I

built I to show you guys what's involved

with dealing with kitties like this

whenever you're dealing with a lot of

kitties in one room like this it's a

good good thing to bring a you know

professional kitty kit I built this one

myself so I got all my you know these

are all my toys you know shakers and

feather kind of toys in this region I

got all kinds of you know scratchers and

P and different treats oh I got like

feather things here you all these type

of things which kitties they love them

see

that so you got to have things like that

you know I've got dangler gloves and

under here is where I keep this is where

I keep all the you know various nips you

know I like to use different types of

nips homemade nips and different nips

there's a scratcher and a expander tube

in there it's always good to have a tube

and a blanket you know for your kitties

but that's what I that's what I like to

bring right there bring the

[Music]

Heat this week's featured Kitty of the

week is this this gorgeous guy right

here this is June hi June June's a

2-year-old black and white domestic

short hair maybe me medium hair gorgeous

Kitty hey June

look I think June might like um maybe a

yarn ball she looks like a bit of a yarn

ball kind of

kitty oh yeah you're going to like that

you like that yarn

ball yeah you like that

huh I thought you might like that yarn

ball Jon's been here for

quite some time now she came in with

some kittens and they've all since been

adopted to good homes but Jun needs a

home too don't you June let's see what

else you might like you might like this

this is this I like this kitties enjoy

this this is a squeezer squeezer tube

here Jun look at this look at this what

else could I bring out for you oh how

about old fishbone this guy this

guy's

look at this this is a pretend fishbone

you would never give real Fishbones to

kitties that would be stupid but these

these ones are fine

look yeah there you go

Jun you like

that yeah that is that's June right

there black and white excellent Kitty

she likes back

worka get in for some

dugs she's

playful Buble

certified are you being serious right

now yeah man please just do this for me

you're a [ __ ] life savior Ricky I'll

try get down as quick as you can I not

promise you anything and do you know

that this not no no I know I know it's

it sounds [ __ ] but I need this done

thanks buddy love

you oh thank [ __ ]

[ __ ] bu

yes how's it going man I brought your

[ __ ] J Ricky yes [ __ ] the [ __ ] gs

took everything on us oh I don't know

how I'm supposed to get it into you I

can't stack it through the [ __ ] glass

I'm [ __ ] dying in here man I'm dying

you know how H it is just to come up

with stuff in your head every time like

you need visuals I don't know what to

tell you Ricky they wouldn't let me in

the [ __ ] other room so I mean I'll

try to talk to them on the way out and

see if I can leave it for you or no no

we can't wait for that in case it

doesn't

happen you're a good friend buddy I'm

going to need you to do something here

for me what Ricky just open up to uh

page 18 Ricky what a good one what do

you mean open long times since I've been

with someone with a hairy

bush just turn to page 18 just let me

have a look there okay 18

just oh yeah there she

is that yeah okay if you could just I

know this is going to sound weird but

we're good friends right if you could

just hold that after the glass and just

kind of look the other way there what

what are you talking about recky just

nothing nothing recky recky what you're

nothing just adjusting some things down

here Ricky Oh my Jesus oh yeah that's

working

good

Ricky oh yeah oh so how you been Buddy

you been good I've been yes I've been

great Ricky I've been working a lot and

still doing the C thing or what are you

up to these

days maybe we shouldn't talk maybe you

just you know let's just how's my family

doing

much [ __ ] yes they F Sak turn to AG

42 R Jesus Murphy I didn't agree to come

down here and be your [ __ ] Jack

assistant this is [ __ ]

[ __ ]

42 there

42 is that it 42 there hurry

up is there nothing else is new in the

park Ricky just don't talk to me stop

breathing in my [ __ ] ear it sounds

like you're Brea and right in

it okay to uh 56 56 just a second just a

second Julian 56 56 quickly almost the

done

here here 56 yeah this is going to be it

right

here BS BS yeah just hold it up like oh

yeah there you

go there Ricky it's a centerfold BS what

you me what the [ __ ] are you doing what

why you why are you doing this [ __ ] I sh

for a second are you kidding me what are

you doing as well now you got your hand

I know I'm holding the [ __ ] sure man

Ricky Ricky [ __ ] Jesus

Ricky oh my [ __ ] need that

unbelievable unfuckingbelievable Ricky

are we done here thanks for the visit

BBS you are a [ __ ] good friend buddy

thank

you I should have had [ __ ] rubber

gloves on even carrying the thing now

that I'd see what you do with

it okay I'm good

now all right I'm I'm getting the [ __ ]

out of here I've got PTSD problem

nothing else you want to talk about her

anything else no I'm good I'm good I'm

just going to go try to erase that from

my memory bank how's the weather been

got a lot of rain last week I'll talk to

you just call me later

Ricky can you bring the other one down

tomorrow the red one what can you bring

the red one down tomorrow no this is

look this was a one-time [ __ ] event I

am not going to regularly come down here

and hold up magazines while you jacket

I'm sorry I know it seems weird to you

but you have no idea how much this means

to me you're probably the fanciest

person that's ever been in this trailer

oh thank you that's awesome yeah I would

say I can't think and I I believe that

so how is what's Clint Eastwood like oh

um very nice I was um yeah I was scared

[ __ ] with

is he approachable though is he an

approachable very very very approachable

okay all right yeah and um still the

only guy I've ever worked for that you

know would have impressed my uh my

granddad you know um it's impressive

right now let me tell you oh cool I'm

very happy do anything anything to meet

that [ __ ] guy

anything anything calm down not sound no

I'm just saying okay um like anything

almost anything I don't think he can

just roll you down to Clint's house hey

oh here's my buddy that kidnapping from

the food court

Clint is it cool if we start making

kidnap jokes just cuz like oh yeah

you're not going to get hurt nobody's

going to kill you that's what you're

worried about no we're not

Killers yeah what do you what do you

guys do for a

living I haul shopping carts out of the

ponds and I clean them up fix them and

sell them back to the grocery store fair

I'm part-time farmer part-time

distributor oh cool I open businesses I

sell businesses I open up more

businesses and keep going you know yeah

keep it going you should name a business

that you've ever

sold what do you mean well you know

success auto body oh cool man what kind

of I had a bar juli's I had a bar in a

gym with the gym in a bar well you just

made it sort of sound like you're big

wheel and dealing entrepreneur there

when really how many businesses have I

have open in my life no I didn't say you

didn't open lots I'm saying how many of

them were successful and you sold them

one and just so you're aware like you're

not being detained right now you can go

like don't think you're oh really yeah I

don't think you're you know being held

captive or anything I appreciate you

going saying that but this camera is in

front of the only exit so um and the

mood will change a little bit if you try

to leave without you know oh things

being set up fair enough fair enough I'm

just saying I read between the lines

we're just going to hang out have a nice

little birthday celebration then you can

probably leave diders did you offer him

a drink or anything did you get some

chips yeah I got I got chips chips

aren't the greatest why they're not

they're a nice lay chip recky they're

old nice lay chip they're not man those

are [ __ ] disgusting boys I'd love to

have some [ __ ] Wendy's right now i'

i' I'd [ __ ] kill for Wendy's right

now if you could have any burger right

now what would it be

oh

[ __ ] I hard isn't it yeah that is a hard

one I probably have to

go I have to go double team burger oh

[ __ ] let's do it let's go to A&W do you

have a car I I know but um I I don't

let's take him to a and let do it we

will in a bit okay he better to have him

in a public area anyway he'll feel feel

more comfortable yeah with other people

around where he can scream help if he

thinks well we could just get the

drive-thru

get the drivethru and come back here

yeah yeah let's do it can't wait all

right drive-thru look store your wallet

first we got to exchange some info here

here we come

[Music]

yeah

[Laughter]

warning the following program contains

really coarse language weed alcohol

consumption smoking and sexual

influences this content may not be

suitable for viewers under 18 to

activate parental controls please press

the big go yourself button on your

remote

[Music]

control can you say humming for stink

humming huming oh he's humming he's got

a hum to him you know what I've heard

that what it makes no sense like it's so

stinky that it actually makes a little

noise

I don't know what that

means understand that's woohoo and it'

be it'd be a hum like there's a hum

coming off here yeah it's like that's

the stink I know what a Hummer

is what's a Hummer

Ricky you know that thing

that the ladies do to

you ladies do you a Hummer yeah man

isn't that a Hummer so what is the

Hummer I've never heard of the Hummer

what is that getting a Hummer getting a

Hummer BJ yeah oh a BJ a BJ is called a

Hummer yeah all right so what's

happening guys holy [ __ ] cuz I'm [ __ ]

not in a good mood as it is and I

brought this Hammer cuz I want to

[ __ ] smash why you in a bad mood what

is wrong with you car troubles guys

Jacob [ __ ] my car and they're not even

sure if they can find the [ __ ] parts

to fix it because it's old Jacob [ __ ]

your car like literally probably after

that story we saw about the minivan he

may have but re end

[ __ ] and how did Jacob do it I don't

[ __ ] know CU he's dumb he was

probably jamming it the gear shift

doesn't work [ __ ] great and he

probably was just [ __ ] it too much

and just said [ __ ] you and blew up or

it's from years of you living in the

[ __ ] thing and not really taking care

of

it maybe that's the problem what the

[ __ ] is that supposed to mean you've

just well when I gave you you remember

gave you that car years back yes it was

in [ __ ] beautiful condition man it

wasn't mint it was it was about 98% it

was pretty [ __ ] nice recky and you

[ __ ] it

over sorry but I'm just I've got a lot

of [ __ ] aggression right now I don't

mean to smash [ __ ] but I brought a few

things smashing it's better to smash

things than smash people you got to get

this away from me you guys aren't

helping the [ __ ] me feel better you

got to be more positive rookie you got

to come in like with a positive the

[ __ ] vibe to you you can't come in

with a [ __ ] I'm [ __ ] look where am I

going to get money to fix a car if it

can even be fixed or get a new car we're

going to have to do some [ __ ] jobs or

something we'll do some

jobs right on bubs what kind of jobs

jobs it's not really a job recky okay so

okay do you want to live in the [ __ ]

thing or do you want to drive it

around well if I can't fix my car then

I'll just keep it as a cottage or

whatever and I'll have to get a new car

but okay so you can't get a car for less

than what 700 bucks these

days well you can but the thing is if if

you're just going to get a car for

driving around you don't need a big

[ __ ] crazy long car that's like a gas

col guzer maybe we'll get you something

smaller so when you go car shopping

you're looking in the $700 range you can

usually get a pretty decent car for 7800

bucks but that's a lot of

money but you know new cars are [ __ ]

like you're lucky if you can get a

cigarette lighter it's ridiculous no

astray what the [ __ ] you know what you

need you need like a 1985 Volkswagen

Rabbit four-door diesel a rabbit there

four-door rabbits yeah man you can get

you can get those real

cheap I don't buy anything that has the

name rabbit in it what about rabbits do

I meant

cars you know what I think you should

get you should get a [ __ ] I an 82

LTD yeah they're pretty

big spent a lot of time in the cop cars

the old LTDs nice [ __ ] cop cars yeah

that's why I picked it I mean you you're

used to the backseat of those things

those old Malibus the four barrels yeah

those are nice cars your mother had a

four barrel didn't

she yeah w i ow you it's okay man you

can joke around what was it on I'm tell

you what what what did she have to get

the four barrel

on you know what do you mean you know

you're pointing

[Music]

down down there just kind of mounted

right on the top

yeah mount it right on the front and why

would it be mounted there what what's it

for I don't know just got a four

barrel so she take four on at

once found it hard enough the other two

barrel open

up the other two barrels open up she's

normally just a two barrel yeah [ __ ]

boys she really wants to bring the

power the other two pop

open well hopefully if she ever comes

back some one of these days you guys can

play play with the four barrel okay but

she's never going to come back so I

don't want to play with your mother's

for bar believe me no she probably be

some big muscle bound [ __ ] w

woodswoman a woodswoman I wonder how big

your mother's muscles

are she might be a [ __ ] beast yeah

she might look like Andre the Giant in

the

[Music]

dress

unfuckingbelievable get [ __ ] down

here right away bubbles get down here

I'll be waiting for

you no [ __ ] this I'm leaving putting

this

away you know what take a long [ __ ]

sucking this Ronnie how about that why

don't you take that put it right in your

[ __ ] mou and suck it [ __ ] ID Ricky

pick up the phone what the [ __ ] phone

phone pick it

up hey buddy thanks for coming down man

Ricky you said you get down here as

quick as I could and you'd be waiting

for me I me here 45 [ __ ] minutes 45

minutes what were you doing I got in a

fight with [ __ ] Larry over goddamn

last Baga dressed all over chips well

you [ __ ] made me wait forever well

I'm sorry about that but you know how

important chips are in my life all right

so is this the same as Checkers or what

does it look the same as

Checkers pretty much except for the

pieces recky the thing is I have to win

this tournament bubs I'm going to

[ __ ] run into more situations where I

don't have money to buy the last bag of

chips it's a $100 prize nobody [ __ ]

will bet on Checkers okay they'll bet on

chest and they'll bet on [ __ ] poker

but not on [ __ ] Checkers it's

[ __ ] okay well open your [ __ ]

board up I don't have much time now that

I can do open it up and set your pieces

up like this

okay Ricky you does that board look like

this

board they're both

SES but look at the flip it over they

told me this was a chest game flip the

board over so it looks like the checker

board I thought you said it wasn't like

Checkers well it's got the same board

but it's not the same game oh yeah here

we

go Ricky just picked them

off you're going to need

that

yeah just like a [ __ ] Russian chest

master all right okay do you even know

what the pieces are called no well they

each have a name and they each have a

specific

movement look set these guys see these

what are those called These are called

pawns these go there should be eight of

them and they go across the front pause

pawns P A W NS okay so look like a like

a lake think of these like Cory and

Jacob so they're dumb they are sort of

the dumbest of the pieces okay so then

look see these there's two of these see

it's the little like Castle piece I

wouldn't say it's a castle well it's

like a a cannon okay it's a cannon yes

they go on each corner behind them boom

kind of looks like the mouth on the

Predator okay and then do you got two

horses horses see the horse es oh yeah

these are horse head well a horse head

yes okay and then see this one this is a

bishop little pointy guy with the slit

for the mouth he's like a knight he goes

next to that and then you got your king

and your queen going in between them

which one's which the King has a cross

on top of them got him and the other

one's got a like a crown I guess that's

the queen be easier if they put a [ __ ]

on the king I can't even believe it that

you were in space three times one time

for 5 months I mean that's I don't even

know what to say I probably won't get to

do that realistically I'm starting to

realize that my I might have missed my

chance but it's awesome that you did but

uh we could simulate space flight

together well that's what I was going to

ask you like I play space with recky and

you know he doesn't really get it I like

to use space words and I try to you know

learn some of the and stuff and I know a

few things that I use but Ricky doesn't

he starts talking about space weed and

junifer and juner he just doesn't get it

well we could talk space talk if you

like yeah like could you could you throw

some heavy you know launch lingo at me

you know if you were talking to the uh

you know I used to say things like um uh

Mission Control this is Commander

bubbles I got a MPS warning light on the

link monitor subsystem I'm requesting

reallocation of main ohms firing through

the Le CDs at level six you know that

type of thing yeah that's good but you

got to be careful that you don't want to

get your ol down too far because you get

into a blowdown situation so you got to

watch the helium pressure inside the

ohms tank that's right oh yes uh tell me

more about this ohms pressure yeah well

in the reaction control system of course

with the hypergolic fuels you know when

the nitrogen tetroxide is mixing with

the the ammonium nitrat you got to make

sure that your pressures are good so you

don't get an IM imbalance of the mixture

otherwise you get a really bad

combustion oh yeah you don't want bad

combustion do you no no no yeah maybe so

if I was what what switches would be

right here what what would it be say uh

okay so you got the orbital maneuvering

system right here and then the two

reaction control for the left and the

right right there in front of you and

then one for the nose reaction control

system right there above your head

decent yep so when you're coming back

into re-entry in the shuttle you're the

guy's flying or right like a yeah with

that that hand you fly it right in the

middle and then this when you handle

it's got a uh um a big like a throttle

thing for the speed bre okay so it's

like the Hornet I flew the Hornet it is

like I know you're the Hornet it's like

the Hornet guy yep yes I got to fly the

Hornet the neat thing about the shuttle

is though if you wanted to go up and

down you go like that if you wanted to

roll you go like that if you wanted to

turn you just twist it oh you can do the

whole thing like that it's pretty cool

that's like video game I have a video

game that works like that it's like a

video game can I ask you about your you

were a test pilot I was like top test

pilot in in the US I read that yep I was

what what's the craziest uh craziest

thing you ever had to test uh we put

f18s out of control to try and invent

new ways to get it back under control

again like a flat spin and Top Gun yeah

flat spin and uh and uh all sorts of

inertial out of- control work and what

happens if you can't get her though uh

well you wait a while and hopefully

it'll get down where the Air's thicker

so then it'll it'll fly a little better

the worst I had was it fell for about uh

2 miles fell for about 30 seconds just

out of control and then eventually the

air got thick enough that we could make

it Fly again my God I didn't realize

that's exactly what that vient did so

here's what you do you're in an F-18 and

uh you just push forward and the stick a

little bit so it's gentle and then you

stand to one Rudder and the vehicle goes

sideways and then flat plates and then

took off and then it would go end over

end over end and then you'd have to

figure out new ways to get it back under

control well when I was flying it the

guy told me do whatever you want what if

I had it done that

he's like yeah bubbles do whatever you

want so I was you know I was going

straight up straight down throttles I

mean I could have put her into a flax

bin nobody told me that you could have

well actually after we did that test

they changed the the way the airplane

flies the flight controls that can that

so protect you from putting it into a

spin like

that about 2 billion people across the

world consume liquor a small percentage

of those fall in into the category of

excess but whether you drink a little or

you drink a lot every drop of liquor

tells a different

[Music]

story good day welcome to another liquor

story with your host Jim Le today we're

going to try something a little bit

different today it's going to be a

little quiz you're going to guess what

kind of liquor that we're promoting

today I'll give you a hint it it's not

fermented it's brewed like

beer 800 years ago in a little place a

little island out in the Pacific called

Japan are you close can you get

it taada

sake that's what we got going for us

today ladies and gentlemen wonderful

sake now I can't drink this today I'd

love to have a little tippa poo but

custom says that someone else has

support for you the cop comes in a

little wooden box of this and then you

pour the thing like this ha that's what

you say now you say K kayanga and then

you pour it in uh someone else pours it

in and you go no no no that's enough but

they keep pouring it and it P go over

the top of the Ed into the box then you

drink it and it's sweet it's a it's like

do you know what Rice Krispies tastes

like something like that I guess I don't

like this [ __ ] I I but let's be serious

sake is a wonderful drink some people

drink it War hot some people drink it

room temperature some people drink it

chilled if you drink it chilled it's

because it's good [ __ ] sake that's

what I'm told bad sake you heat up CB

masks to The Taste BL Blends the flavors

back and forth anyway every time I look

at this little thing this was on our

Shelf this is on our mantle piece for a

couple

years yeah because what back way back in

oh when was it late '70s and I was I was

in a patrol car I was doing night Duty

cuz I you well I told you that story

before anyway it was my last break

before end of my shift and I was at Tim

Horton having a double double and um and

I had some of them Boston cream donuts

and I sucked the cream out and then I

pour some bourbon into the donuts and I

ate one or two of them and then I had a

call it was robbery in progress at uh

lee fongs it a Chinese restaurant and

I I wonder why he would have saki if

he's a Chinese restaurant his name was

Bruce Lee not like the other Bruce Lee

that you know it was not the Lea or le e

different spelling anyway someone took a

100 bucks from the gu

not a lot of money now but back then for

the struggling boost lead was so I I I

promised that I would do everything in

my power to find out who stole the thing

and I had to seize this little bottle as

part of evidence cuz he threw it at the

robber as he was escaping so I you know

so I took it home and I had it had it in

the car but when I went in I was going

to have a little night cap cuz Barb took

all my [ __ ] bows and po it down the

all the bottles lined up like poor poor

little indan soldiers standing beside

the fridge and I didn't have anything I

went out to the car I got my saki had a

little sippy pool and I put it down by

the bedside in the morning BB up and

said what the [ __ ] is this anyway it

like I told her it was a fessel for C

holy water that this guy gave me and she

put it on the Manel and she wouldn't let

me [ __ ] take it so I scrapped the

report on Bruce s every time I that was

when I started drinking bad hard good

times so every time I see this little

this little Chinese lady from Japan I

always think what would I be like if I

didn't drink well I don't drink sacki so

that's a [ __ ]

import

Jeremiah

Slagle that's Slagle or Sagle slag stag

or Sagle whatever the [ __ ] it is

Jeremiah my girl and I want to bring

another girl into the mix H she has this

uh chicken mine when she's uh sitting

next to me I smell oh Jesus but when

she's sitting next to me I smell Seafood

Jesus Christ should I say [ __ ] it and

get a clothes pin or uh just get a blow

up doll okay man blow up dolls that's

[ __ ] weird Okay some dudes in jail

they get a hold of those things it's

just it's

I don't know it's pretty [ __ ] gross

it's I you're you're banging a [ __ ] a

doll a blowup doll that's pretty [ __ ]

up don't do that close Pin that's not

going to work man what you got to do you

got to start this threesome off in the

shower you know go down with the little

rubby dubdub get everything nice and

clean use one of those [ __ ] those

little scrubby things just get get all

the bits and pieces clean get your thing

going and then maybe you know you do

that every day she's not going to smell

like fish I guarantee you okay

three swims in the shower every day then

at night you're okay did go down and do

whatever you got to do in bed because it

won't smell like seafood don't blame me

man I don't like seafood Dr me sick

moving on to

Michelle all right Michelle Dear Julian

I love my rumed Coke however I am

wondering if Coke or Diet Coke are more

healthy Coke is corn syrup and diet as

aspartame or sucos or sweetener whatever

all that [ __ ] of course neither is

healthy but which would you think is

better for keeping fit all right you

definitely got to go with the diet coke

all right I I it doesn't taste nearly as

good but you got to go for that it I

don't know what I like to do sometimes

have a few normal pops you know normal

diet co uh Cokes that switch it up a bit

get in some Diet just go back and forth

and then maybe try drinking it with

water okay if you really want to get fit

or whatever drink it with water doesn't

taste that bad lots of ice cubes though

all right there you go that's it for

another session of Dear Julian hope

things helped you out here with you guys

and your lives but if it didn't like I

said I don't give a [ __ ] I'm not this is

not what I do thank

[Music]

you bubs you're a

woman I'm not though so it's hard to

process well just pretending that you're

a girl

I'm not a girl I'm bubbles all right

I'll make it easy for you then Amy

Poler I think she's lovely yeah she is

pretty lovely and she's funny as [ __ ]

too she makes me laugh now I know if

Julian was a woman he would definitely

bang this next one Mark Anthony because

remember you used to do that [ __ ]

dance live in the v lotion

what I know man I never did the Lita Lo

will bring you down what's the song are

you in the v lotion no man and that

wasn't that wasn't Mark Anthony that was

what's his [ __ ] name that was Ricky

Mar [ __ ] that's right what was Mark

Anthony I know you liked him too he had

live in

the listen to American Anthony Tunes man

he has a lot of those sexual songs you

like you like those sexual songs sex

music when you're wearing your saxs

underwear it would have been BB Kings

birthday today so I want to say that for

you

bubs David Cocker field

Copperfield now what about what about

him would you bang

[Laughter]

him would you Ricky all right I'll just

stick you're ack would you yeah what if

you're what if

you're

ralina definitely I'd bang whatever I

could [ __ ] it especially you know these

famous celebrities bang the [ __ ] out of

them okay Molly

Shannon yeah yeah Julian you're gonna

love this one one of your [ __ ] Idols

oh God Mickey roor mcky roor you would

bang the [ __ ] out of him if you were a

girl no I wouldn't man you thought he

was the [ __ ] man after 10 and a half

weeks or eight and a half weeks or what

the [ __ ] n and a half months oh man no

that was a good k Kim Basinger man she

was awesome but you did comment about

Mickey a lot what did I say about Mickey

you said [ __ ] really work works out he

looks good without a shirt I thought

he's [ __ ] good with the ladies that's

what I was saying You saido must work

out and he's got a really nice body I

didn't say that man I said he was a

smooth [ __ ] operator I did look up to

him that movie he was you know he was

quite a

machine Micky Rock all

right let's go break into

[Laughter]

curse

warning the following program contains

really coarse language weed alcohol

consumption smoking and sexual

influences this content may not be

suitable for viewers under 18 to

activate parental controls please press

the big go yourself button on your

remote

[Music]

control

[Music]

events that are happening right now I

guess or close to right

now you don't need to explain to people

what a current event is Ricky oh people

might think it's a [ __ ] like a river

current it's an event that's happening

in a [ __ ]

River holy [ __ ] Ricky nobody would ever

think

that nobody would ever go oh [ __ ]

they're going to talk about things that

are happening in the river well I'm the

only guy right now it's high [ __ ]

drinking beer that maybe when you said

current first thing I thought of was a

[ __ ] river that what you're saying

fine next topic besides the river we

haven't done a topen yet and we don't

want to talk about a river it doesn't

make any sense I wasn't going to I said

it's events that are happening right now

or close to now I was explaining what it

was not a river [ __ ] current for

people that might have thought it was a

[ __ ] River Curr what is a [ __ ]

event happening close to now [ __ ]

California

drought yeah that's a bad one that's a

big [ __ ] current issue is this a band

a show or what the [ __ ] are we talking

about it's a drought

Ricky there's no rain there like they're

they're having they're running out of

[ __ ] okay it's dry it's dry

California

Dry California's [ __ ] losing it's

water that's right there's got to be

ways to fix

that well okay tell how would you fix

the drove problem in California Ricky

first thing that comes to mind with this

buzz on

is big [ __ ] fans big big [ __ ] fans

you put them up high enough they blow

rain

clouds down there rain on the [ __ ]

place for a few days and then fans fans

in the

sky blowing the clouds down how the [ __ ]

you you got lots of [ __ ] rain let's

[ __ ] share our rain blow it down

there blow it so you're going to have

fans up in the [ __ ] like two miles up

blowing [ __ ] clouds down well over

why are you even trying to explain this

Ricky do you know how big the [ __ ]

fan would have to be to blow clouds down

to California they've built big [ __ ]

[ __ ]

boys no Ricky I'm talking aircraft

characters all that [ __ ] they build that

[ __ ] they can build a big [ __ ] fan

that's big and high bigger and taller

than the CN Tower and it blows [ __ ]

clouds maybe it moves so it kind of

blows the clouds and falls them and

keeps blowing them until they get to

where you need

them you're talking like a big [ __ ]

like spaceship like some from Star Wars

or something here Ricky you could do

that too you could build a [ __ ]

spaceship that had like a big tarp

behind like a tler instead of trolling

for fish you catch a cloud and troll the

[ __ ] thing down there and C [ __ ]

Cloud are you kidding me catch a by

California dry so you want to catch

clouds on a big aircraft carrier type

thing that's in the sky and ship it over

to California we're just [ __ ]

shooting out ideas here guys I got a

buzz on and I think that's one of the

dumbest things you've ever said maybe

that's [ __ ] cure for everything isn't

it you care for everything what do you

mean you got a desert not anymore blow a

cloud down there now it's [ __ ] nice

and wet grass is growing people living

there you just you can't blow [ __ ]

clouds from not yet you

can recky oh my what else can we solve

what else you

got that's just one idea maybe I take

that idea and make some sense of it and

do something that might

work

we rolling yet bud y waiting for you

bud you're waiting for me yep how you

doing everybody Randy here I'm here on

the what the [ __ ] what's it it's called

ask me [ __ ] anything that's right

right did I say it right ask me [ __ ]

anything on saret and I'm just here on

the the Randy and Ley show set and we

got a bunch of questions here that that

came in I just having a little bit of my

honey bong cuz there nothing like a

little bit of a honey bong you know it

helps me relax and stuff and and we got

questions from I think they came in from

Facebook and and from the the saret site

and they want to ask Randy questions so

I'm going to answer them all right ask

me [ __ ] anything that's a pretty

crazy

name all right we'll just put that

there okay this one here question number

one is from

Lisa it says de Randy why do shirts make

you itchy but not pants or socks or

getch or

anything H have you been wearing blue

bags under your pants this whole time no

no I haven't or or have you thought of

making shirts out of the same material

as your pants for the occasions you

absolutely need to wear one yeah

sometimes they make you wear a freaking

shirt you know you can't even get into a

place if you don't got a shirt on

[ __ ] SP anyway it says PS please

don't ever grow a porn stash again okay

oh well anyway that mustache you know

you got to sometimes experiment with the

way you look and you know I'm a handsome

man I'm wellb built and sometimes that

mustache people took me pretty serious

when I had that mustache but uh um it

started to get in my nose a little bit

and and you know in the winter time your

nose runs and gets a little bit of snot

in there and it freezes and it doesn't

look that good so I got rid of it but

the whole

uh the whole shirt thing is well that's

that's kind of a personal question um uh

I have not tried to make shirt out of

the same uh material as my pants um I

mean my pants These are nice pants I

don't get itchy in these tidy whes are

good they they they keep your scrotum

close to your body so it doesn't hang so

much I mean in or tighter boxers you

need to have be tight in that region

because you don't want floppy floppy

scrotum

and the whole thing is is

uh well it happened when I was young Mr

Le says that sometimes your brain can

control things that that it's

inexplicable psychosomatics or something

he said it was because what happened was

I went to a parade you know when I was

proba about five or six and the a horse

was going by and the Horse stopped and

uh it had to have a pee and a poop so

the because you know and when you're on

a horse and it has a poop the whole

thing shakes and the poop comes out it

doesn't come up looking the same as ours

cuz they eat hay and stuff but he had a

big pee a big had horses have big

horsecocks big that's that's the big

thing and he and he was peeing and Ricky

came up behind me and pushed me and I

got

caught I got caught underneath the the

the horse pee and you know got all over

the shirt that I was wearing it was a

weird freaking material and stuck to me

and the doctors had to peel it off and

anyway since then I get rashes when I

wear shirts and you know you get pimply

and and no you know I don't like

freaking shirts they can freaking suck

it okay so that's that's enough about

that I got pissed on by a horse and

maybe my brain thinks that I can't wear

shirts so I'm not going to wear them

frig

them now I'd like to just read a letter

from uh some of our rip some of our uh

uh previous uh

radio uh listeners this comes from Brian

McKenzie who says dare record

Brown are you an ordained minister well

let's just talk about that for a minute

R Brown Don't Need No [ __ ]

certificate to speak the Lord's words

all right the Lord came to Ricky Brown

and spoke to him and told him what to do

does Gloria need a a certificate for the

delicious potato salad no do you need a

certificate to say that you took you

know the perfect [ __ ] when you did after

you ate too much food and you get up the

next day and now you don't Ricky Brown

don't

either because the word of the Lord

can't be measured by a piece of

paper now I understand that there's a

lot of piece of papers in the book that

I'm reading but that's because it's the

word on the

paper let's just continue shall we James

5:7 be patient them brothers and sisters

till the Lord's coming see the farmer

who's patient for crops you two brothers

stand these [ __ ] lights is hot man n

it's like hold on excuse me can you

start for a minute please why this

[ __ ] life so hot man I told you this

this is the first time on the goddamn a

you know what I'm saying I'm sweating

like like a pig up here they can't

[ __ ] breathe and [ __ ] B trying to

look good for the people

man getting

Marlo I know who it was I see you back

there I know it was you and turn the

goddamn [ __ ] down Marlo or smack it

beside your face be looking for a new

job [ __ ] Rick man oh well it seems to

that's all the time we

have we was talking about patience well

thanks to your patience uh we we managed

to give you the word of the Lord today

so

uh just play some music

[Music]

please let's hang our head in

prayer

[Music]

okay let's hold on a minute listen can

you play something really upbeat like I

mean [ __ ] rocking you know what I mean

watch this hold on ready I mean

something

like I mean you got some soul [ __ ] like

anything

like yeah here we

go Ricky Brown hit

it

[Music]

[ __ ] thank you

GL a lot of people used to to to say

that Ricky Brown shoved the word down

the throat too

much and possibly maybe he did shove it

down the throat too much maybe a little

too hard R BR I mean he actually I

actually tear the paper out and shove it

down the throat but sometimes you know

uh it just ain't listening and sometimes

you need to have drastic measures to

listen that's what Ricky Brown was

taught by his daddy when his daddy used

to you know shove food down his throat

that he like or or you know smash his

face into a book when he didn't want to

study and of course you know Ricky Brown

certainly started getting better grades

after that and he uh he certainly ate

the food that he was he was uh demanded

to eat you you say sometimes he he was

made to watch other things too but we

won get do with that main thing is is

that maybe Ricky Brown was a little too

harsh with how he was putting the word

down his throat but you know God is is a

har God God is is not a compassionate

God you know God is a bit of a [ __ ] ass

[ __ ] mad at you smack you around

uh not afraid to grab you by the throat

not afraid to uh when you say yo this is

my problem and God said you know what I

don't care this what this what it

is and Ricky Brown teaches that word way

it

yeah and

and and Ricky Brown is is happy to teach

the

[Music]

word hey this is Bubbles welcome to kity

of the

[Music]

week oh this week Kitty of the week is

this little gy right here this is JoJo

JoJo's a 2-year-old gray and white

domestic short hair excellent Kitty I

mean this is where you want to get your

kitties at shouts like this this is why

you want to get them is because they're

you know they're looked after this cat's

got all its you know its needles and

Spade and all that stuff all taken care

of he's just ready to go let's see see

what this JoJo would like based on her

demeanor I think she might like oh I

think she might like this guy hey Jojo

look at this look who's

this this is the guy I built here this

is corporal

spoony look down here look who's

this

hello

no you're not really you know what you

might not be a spoon Kitty you might not

be a spoon Kitty let me put on my

dangler glove this here is a dangler

glove I built watch this you want to get

a kitty's attention you're just kind of

like this and

then oh who's got your attention now

that's my dangler glove see that see

that yeah and then you can come in for a

pack oh yeah you like that

see that you can kill two birds with one

stone

or what recky says get two birds stoned

at once you know you can do some neck

work JoJo is one excellent Kitty and

she's there for the taken you know for

the right person that's a certified

excellent Kitty right

[Music]

there oh my

[ __ ] it's a [ __ ] good carard too A

lot of people don't know this but like

pepperoni is like a complete meal you

get everything you need one [ __ ] meal

in a package and it's [ __ ]

delicious come

on what the

[ __ ] Jesus [ __ ] Christ Ricky I got to

get my [ __ ] protein hurry the [ __ ] up

Justin [ __ ] off I'm trying to get this

[ __ ] pepperoni out here what you

[ __ ] eating at all you greedy [ __ ]

pig I'm just oh

yes I'm taking the rest of the [ __ ]

pepperoni

like [ __ ] you are well you can have some

[ __ ] lunch meat I don't like the

lunch

meat [ __ ] is going on

here what the [ __ ] are you giving me

back my money for I don't want the money

back I want my [ __ ]

pepperoni God damn it okay be nice to me

I'll be nice to you we going to try this

again [ __ ]

off you [ __ ] done yet

it won't [ __ ] give me my pepperoni no

one's using this machine I get it it's

eating my [ __ ] money here why is that

my [ __ ] problem [ __ ]

up got [ __ ] hit the [ __ ]

button doesn't [ __ ] work what the

[ __ ] did you do

man I don't

[ __ ] God damn it now I don't have to

[ __ ] money do

I here we go come on why want to give me

the [ __ ] pepperoni C3 C [ __ ]

three [ __ ]

Jesus it took it just to eat my [ __ ]

money are you kidding

me [ __ ] [ __ ] pepper on you [ __ ]

suck

[ __ ] [ __ ]

Christ

[ __ ] I need some [ __ ] help here my

[ __ ] arm's stuck Jesus Christ he just

put pepperoni in there so that makes

sense he is trying to fist that thing

like my Uncle Tom the night he went to

the goddamn Legion too drunk look at

him that's Theory you're going to have

to [ __ ] sleep there idiot what he

saying he wants help yeah you know what

he's stuck the vending company is not

back till Monday get a [ __ ] pillow

idiot I [ __ ] fed you the money you're

supposed to give me my [ __ ] food no

you got to be a [ __ ] [ __ ] don't

you Jesus

Christ [ __ ] taunt you dumb [ __ ] I

need you guys to [ __ ] get the keys

and open this thing my [ __ ] arm's

stuck and ate my money it's being an

[ __ ] sorry tough luck what do you

mean sorry what we don't have the keys

for this what are you talking we don't

have the keys how the [ __ ] do they fill

it up it's an independent company I

don't know well you're going to have to

get them down here I can't like my

[ __ ] arm and ate it must have been

hungry can you give me a pepperoni while

you're in there I can't even [ __ ] I'm

trying to reach the [ __ ] things I get

I can get your condom or cheese and

crackers well you're going to have to

get comfortable cuz they're not going to

come till Monday

so what the [ __ ] does that mean I can't

[ __ ] sit here with my arm eating by a

vending

machine looks like that's the case Rick

we can get you a pillow call the company

and get them down here here I can't live

like this we can't call they're not

there sorry see you on Monday

Bud you're [ __ ] joking I

hope [ __ ] [ __ ] here you go BD I've

got a little [ __ ] stool there oh [ __ ]

J PA this [ __ ] blows [ __ ] there you

go climb up there janked up man there

you go oh [ __ ] that's so much better

thanks d there you go oh Wicked man [ __ ]

there you go oh awesome tar all right

well have a good one bud you going to

stay and hang out oh I would but I got

like I got a big day tomorrow I'm

[ __ ] slammed and you know that floor

is like a little chili so can I use your

leg pillow I'm just going to anyway I

I ter I might need a piss

jug

no ter

[ __ ]

sakes there's nothing wrong with saying

other man's good luck that doesn't mean

you're I'm not saying that I'm just

saying I think Hulk Hogan's a fine

looking specimen there you go okay so

you've got a crush on them no I don't

got a crush on them now you're attracted

to him now I'm not let's not get off

topic you call another man beautiful

because he has a nice tan like I didn't

call him beautiful beauti man I did not

see attracted to Hulk if you called me

beautiful or goodl looking I wouldn't

think anything of it i' just be like

thank I didn't call him beautiful I said

he's got a beautiful tan that's

different than saying [ __ ] Hulk Hogan's

beautiful okay check this out if the

green bastard was in the ring with Hulk

Hogan oh God and they got in to move and

some tangling things started happening

for the green basser which would

probably happen cuz he's got such

beautiful tan he's beautiful Jesus boys

I'm Tri you try to bang him if you could

if he let you I would not i' if kind of

slipped in there by mistake and he

didn't push away would you keep

going what the [ __ ] are we talking about

just saying man you you've got a crush

on Hulk Hogan it's you want to bang him

I don't want to bang Hulk Hogan how did

we get talking about from going from tan

to

banging because every all I said was

he's got a beautiful tan then he goes oh

you think he's beautiful you want to Bam

you do think he's beautiful he's got a

beautiful tan he's beautiful and you did

say he was handsome there's a book by a

man named Sigman Freud that I read one

time Julian and guess what you talking

about that you know what that means no

you want to bang H I don't want to bang

you're projecting it over on me you

kidding me no you're probably attract I

like the way I like the way you flipped

this around I didn't flip around you're

the one that call beautiful and that you

wanted to bang them you want to wrestle

no but I didn't bring it up you did and

it's probably cuz you want to you like

his oiled up muscles you his okay you

may not say he's beautiful but do you

think he has nice muscles no I no I I

don't check I don't check mus no man

he's big he's a big dude must crossed

your good for him congratulations you

got really big do you you have better

muscles I don't have better muscles it

it's not it's not a better thing here he

to a flex off would you take them off

well the the international bodybuilding

Championship would disagree that it's

not he's [ __ ] huge man he's way

bigger than me okay so you are attracted

to his size attracted to jealous this is

this is [ __ ] ridiculous I'm not I

don't even I don't not he's got a

beautiful tan you should just admit that

you're attracted to his muscles anyway

whether or not he has a beautiful tan

and you do or do not like his muscles

he's dropping in bombs and that's pretty

[ __ ] yeah yeah that is [ __ ] up okay

moving on [ __ ] you Hulk Hogan can't do

that we got five more minutes here bubs

okay really then I can nap then you can

have a nap in 4 minutes just so you guys

cuz this beer will be gone in about

Excuse Me 3 minutes I can't get it

working oh my [ __ ] we can probably just

wrap it up do you want me to [ __ ] we

can wrap it up I think wrap it up yeah

oh we could talk about other things man

what you what it's time for my drinking

nap I'll be good in about an hour all

right

recky take a nap and I'll get

reconfigured

here what does it mean we're done

now

why didn't you just go into the living

room go on the [ __ ]

[Music]

sofa

warning the following program contains

really coarse language weed alcohol

consumption smoking and sexual

inferences this content may not be

suitable for viewers under 18 to

activate parental controls please press

the go yourself button on your remote

[Music]

control still don't get my [ __ ]

horse don't start talking about the

horse nobody's trying to get a [ __ ]

horse what's the best thing you could be

given Ricky like if somebody said here

Ricky and went like like that to you

what would you like to see in their hand

best thing in the world besides cash and

a

horse yes besides cash and

horse an

Island an island no laws [ __ ] good

some I mean some somebody could [ __ ]

hand you something somebody could

deliver in here not someone like God or

someone just go there's an island but an

island in your trailer no an island no

we're talking about someone walks into

the trailer and says here you go man

yeah like something somebody could

actually hand to you you talk about this

we'll give it to you if you're getting a

package in the mail Ricky what would you

love it to be [ __ ] that's tough I mean

immediately I started thinking about

different types of drugs that maybe I

haven't tried

or something cool like that but that's

kind of lame so and crash is out so I

got Lucy so I can't really get different

women

um need a boat think bigger I have a car

like what if a guy came in with a

[ __ ] big box of

fight that would be awesome imagine

getting baked and just [ __ ] taking

off down we're not going to get we're

not going to get sponsored by [ __ ]

McDonald Douglas or somebody fly pass

over [ __ ] Le's trailer like I mean

Ricky what if a guy came with a huge box

at all the latest video games yeah

that's a good idea already to play the

[ __ ] on them see that's what I mean yeah

one of those video game companies could

we could be sponsored by them we could

be sitting in the living room playing

[ __ ] video games right okay okay see

what I'm saying so think like that okay

and what else would you like [ __ ]

video games would be cool okay we just

said mentioned that what

else uh there were some people asking me

you know on the comments there hey

bubbles we'd like to see in your shed

anything new in your set so I thought

I'd give you a little tour here so so I

did put a put a new extension on her

here if you can see that there's an

extra about 18 in there which gives a

nice you know nice head room she was

getting a little low there before I

jammed the [ __ ] Skylight in her up

there put that and she leaks like an old

dirty old [ __ ] but I have to get that

fixed and she'll be good put a window in

the side here let some natural light in

and this you know this here becomes a

new sha for

knickknacks and whatnot that's a kitty

you know some different Kitty things I

have there and Porcelain Kitty there

that's where I keep all my cat boxs

installed some hanging

lamps it's just I mean it's much more

functional now look see I got a bread

holder in there [ __ ] my bread should be

in there actually so the Cates don't get

out it that's where I keep my bread can

you keep with excuse me can you

keep

[Music]

praise God that [ __ ] was perfect

[ __ ] you can play softly onto

this

[ __ ] any

time Ricky Brown didn't choose his life

this life chose Rick

Brown now Rick Brown do whatever the

[ __ ] he wants normally but when God

wants you to do something you'll do like

a good

[ __ ] see God spoke to me uh much

like he spoke to Moses with a burning

bush except it was a piece of toast I

had just finished eating a piece of

toast and suddenly that shake off eye

and I looked into the flames and all of

a sudden a voice came bellowing out at

me and said

Ry drop the dope get off the crack or

whatever it is you smoking right this

instant and the Flames licked in my face

and I rolled in the corner in Terror and

I I trem I clawed myself for a little

while had a lot of Scar I saw bugs under

my skin I believe they was Locust and

God he told me in a comforting voice get

yourself up Nia and you get in that

shower and you Band-Aid up there those

cuts and you clean out your nose and

flush your [ __ ] toilet for God's

sakes and feed the cat cuz it's [ __ ]

everywhere in the

room and for God's sakes pay your child

support to all 15 of your kids wherever

they

are and Ricky cleaned himself

up and he started to saying the names

and and and and the words of God before

he even knew what the [ __ ]

and here yeah before you

now reflecting on on on uh uh uh my my

my purpose in life much like I want you

to reflect uh on yours and and and rck

brown will be doing a good thing if if

he helps you reflect in your life which

is why we use uh the book of God we to

to tell these stories yes they have

[ __ ] up names like Isaiah and Exel and

[ __ ] Jezebel and whatever the [ __ ]

the names I we don't judge that we only

judge what they learn from the

Lord much like the way that I you know

we judge each

other is your neighbor cleaning his car

funny are you pissing on your neighbor's

house

why sure you can't find the keys to get

in the house and you had a long night

and you just going to [ __ ] your pants or

piss your pants or

whatever but you don't need to piss on

your parents or your your your

neighbor's house Ricky Brown did that

once in his darker days and got a rake

to the

faith but now Ricky Brown's feeling much

better he even

apologized well that's all the time I

have and remember

keep it real keep it right kiss your

brother man love your other

man and maybe even another

man a

[Music]

woman God bless

[ __ ] I can't remember time that Ricky

Brown uh uh did things for himself Ricky

Brown is a selfless man Ricky Brown is

an unselfish human being because Ricky

Brown give his life to someone

else and although Ricky Brown give his

life to someone else in order to give

his life to someone else Ricky Brown got

to make sure that he's taken care of

Ricky Brown got to do [ __ ] for himself

in order to do [ __ ] for everyone else so

technically Rick Brown has to be on

selfish but to be unselfish he must be

selfish speaking about

Exquisite we every day we have a oh look

Randy I found your [ __ ] opener yeah this

is the best bottle opener in the world I

know it's great it's strong really

strong got a heft it looks like a penis

no K so we're going to have a segment

every time we have a show every show and

it's going to go called the pickle word

uh and this is a very special diction

we're not doing that yeah Randy how do

we learn things Randy we learn look

there's nothing that a person can know

feel or think that can't be expressed in

words in dictionary how many times have

we been through this Randy you're going

to point at random to a word in the

dictionary and that's going to be your

word for the day so at random open the

book

random random bandom okay would you like

me to read it for you buddy yeah

okay it says uh habilitate habilitate

habil to make suitable to qualify from

suitably fit habilitate that's good he

Randy I don't I don't it says clothed

furnace with ailments that means it

wants you to put your shirt back no it

doesn't [ __ ] rainy furnish with

equipment I need a barbecue yeah for the

we're going to get a barbecue going

refractor and Bill and then we're going

to put the girl on

on the stage as for working in a mine I

don't want to work in a mine Mr Lee it's

underground that's like that song that

Rita McNeil saying remember it's a

working man I am and I go down

underground that do you remember she was

hauling the dopo for Ricky and it's

episode six or whatever for four

remember I remembery look this is how

you learn ladies and gentlemen if you

want to know something specifical you

should every day you should look up a

separate word and and increase your

vocabularies okay what's next we've done

see this is what I don't understand

what's that you go down here and it says

habit and I thought habit was when you

know I've got a cheeseburger habit I eat

cheeseburg and you have a liquor habit

somewh and with I mean you you have

breakfast Bailey with your Captain

Crunch every morning and liquor ball

sandwiches for lunch these are habits

but here it

says gerb

what's a

Garb that's talking about your shirt

dress clothes dress and clothes

specifically the costume commonly worn

or appropriate for a particular time use

or vocation this is exactly what I'm

talking that's why you should be wearing

a shirt clerical habit that's got

nothing to do with eating cheeseburgers

every day clothing that's appropriate to

the occasion I don't think dictionaries

are as smart as what everyone thinks

they are do dictionaries look Randy I

think someone know what habit supposed

to mean so they just write down a bunch

of stuff Mr Ley gry the dress worn by a

woman when riding on Horseback yeah a

habit yeah I thought those were those

pants that look like RCMP pants yeah

they're called

riding okay enough of the book we're

going to move this is dumb we're not

doing this anymore Mr Ley you said we

don't need laws we got to make this

exciting no one gives a [ __ ] about a

freaking book how old is this book you

people you can see through this you can

see that this book is so specific it is

encouraging bandis to wear a shirt as

appropriate carbonology right randers

you

bet

hello Mr Le is everything all right in

there boys Phil fil wake

up Randy Brandy

ladyy my

God crazy like you're in cheeseburger

Pary boys boys come on need your help

911 we can't understand you come in

here

three party barbecue burgers goddamn

greasy hell Burgers ler everywhere come

on what the [ __ ] going on in here some

kind of a crazy ler cheeseburger party

recky let's get them outside boys come

on

a bu you got to get Brandy out of the

way come on he's too fat can you guys

give me a [ __ ] hand in here come on

[ __ ] help

me watch out nothing on gas is going

[ __ ] blow

up Jesus the smell of liquor and

barbecue sauce boys [ __ ] I can't take it

boys they breathe in a lot of carbon

monoxide we're going to have to give

them mouth to

mouth I'm not [ __ ] kissing these guys

guys Ricky it's not kissing them it's

saving their lives we got to do this I'm

not doing here in the open where people

can see let's get the [ __ ]

wheelbarrow move them somewhere all

right we'll take them back to your place

but let's hurry up we Wast of time let's

load them

up okay who gets who here oh T right now

there's no way I'm doing that [ __ ] on

Phil Collins all right we'll draw

cigarettes in those are my cigarettes

shut up

Ricky how does this work J okay short

one gets

fill than

[ __ ] for [ __ ] Sak I got to do it on Phil

he smells like

myel you want rer Ley [ __ ] take Le I

guess just idea boys here take the tin

foil poke a hole in put it over their

mouth that way there's no lip to lip

contact let go let's go okay boys look

pinch the nose tilt the head back knck

on and start blowing hair into

them oh my God what happened crazy

cheeseburger part got that hand Lucy

call the name right now oh God I'm got

to keep driving the air to the

[Applause]

mo this still

exploded stink oh my [ __ ] works fres

[ __ ] dummies what we doing barbecuing

come on fil you big gurgling

bastard God Lu Frey got

back get some Wilding on the bunks got

them reinforced put a fancier end on

them hang my ski goggles there in case I

need them over here look my dance

records I've been practicing some dance

moves put those on it teaches you how to

dance you know one two one two three one

two one two that type

stuff you know it's mostly all just

Kitty stuff you know there's an old

picture of me and Julian that I

found but it's mostly just you know

Kitty stuff got my karaoke machine got

that brand new so I've been you know

practicing singing there's an open mic

contest coming up that I'm going to

enter oh yeah look at this that's that's

an

original that's an original Bionic

Man Bionic Man adventure sup that was a

suit you'd put on Steve Austin look at

that from the

1970s I had one of these when I was a

little guy and it got all [ __ ] up

Randy broke it when he was a kid you

know got mustard stains on it whatnot so

that's a brand new one in the case

that's probably worth a lot of money I'm

not going to open that I'm going

to going to leave her right in there oh

get up there you son

of oh yeah can you get a shot of that

too look at that up there somebody gave

me that Wayne graty Wayne graty Doll

going to keep that in the pack too cuz

that's probably worth a lot of

money Kitty's on the ceiling and a fan

look fan sent me

that look that roll with my kitty hard

as

[ __ ] which I am

so anyway that's pretty much the the

whole shed right there I mean I don't

know if anybody's ever lived in a shed

but it's [ __ ] it's good living

baby okay JL I cut my 16-year-old

stepson smok a weed in the house as the

adult that took his weekend away this

little [ __ ] thought this was a good

time to negotiate the terms of his Pion

punishment and asked if he could be

grounded for a weekend sometime next

month because he has plans for all the

other weekends Jesus Christ man okay

should I be a dick stepdad that tells

him no or should I let him take his

weekend of grounding when it's more

convenient because according to him it

was only dirt weed he was smoking are

you [ __ ] kidding me from your cop fan

in South Carolina okay this is this is

[ __ ] see cops aren't that smart Okay

obviously and this this guy right

here I he says here uh

I don't want to be a [ __ ] dad or

stepdad should I mean why don't you just

be a [ __ ] cop if he's bothering you

that much take out the [ __ ] uh take

out the badge and say listen you little

[ __ ] pin them up against the wall read

the motherfucker's rights and say I will

take you to jail right now you little

[ __ ] if you want to [ __ ] do this [ __ ]

in my house and be a useless piece of

[ __ ] become the Bad Lieutenant man on

them okay that this is easy I can't

believe a cop is asking me for

advice because I mean your the stepson

he need he needs an attitude adjustment

okay he's in your [ __ ] house smoking

weed you're

cop did you ever get to fly any like

crazy top secret planes or you probably

can't down me I flew about a 100

different types of

airplanes uh but nothing too top secret

lots of different airplanes some old

airplanes some new airplanes F-18 is a

great airplane I a lot of I got to fly

the hawk too you flew the hawk I

how' you like the hawk I love the hawk

we did uh we did some really low stuff

like 50 ft off the ground Y which was

awesome we did but in I mean in The

Hornet I got to go straight up to 40,000

ft I have to take off straight up did

you throw up no I didn't all right not

in the Hornet I went straight up we

leveled off straight down and then uh he

just you know he gave me the stack and I

got to do that and then last week I was

flying to Vegas I got to go to Vegas on

a private Jack and I had some liquor

drinks and they let me fly a falcon 900

ex after the liquor drinks yeah well I'm

probably shouldn't be saying that on the

TV but I had a couple you know I wasn't

I was just you know flying or like this

just light I wasn't putting her into

didn't try to roll or anything like that

right so oh yeah I want to ask you about

the the comet too with the the Rosetta

Mission did you what did you think of

that I'm sure you thought it was pretty

cool I thought it was pretty what did

you think of that I thought it was very

cool I thought it was unbelievable that

you can you know put a rocket up there

chase a com around shot 10 years 10

years I know and they had to slingshot

off some planets to gain some speed

catch up to her yeah it's amazing and

then they they popped this little guy

off the top like

uh this little satellite was sitting on

top of the big Rosetta and they just

went pop and then it fell for 7 hours

just slow like a little Dandy line seed

until finally it went all the way down

and hit the comet and then it was G slow

but it didn't have way hold on so it

bounced and because there's no gravity

it bounced for like 2 hours and then

slowly came down and bounced and bounced

and bounced then eventually laying on

its side on the comet but it was working

and it took pictures and it's and maybe

it'll get enough Sunshine that it'll

start working again it's pretty cool

thing I think well I've got faith I

think it's going to it's going to shoot

by the sun and the sun's going to

recharge its batteries and it's going to

start transmitting again that's what I'm

I'm hoping I'm betting on that I'm

thinking I think it's one of the coolest

things ever that we could do that you

know that was Brave that was cool that

was real space stuff that is real space

stuff I mean you know what that is

that's decent that is decent I think

we'll do another one of these okay I

started slow but I I'm having fun now

guys we shouldn't stop I need some

[ __ ]

ice I get some [ __ ] ice how about

have a beer how about maybe you have

some ice here next time we do

just wait here's another headline

[ __ ] Jesus here's another headline

this is interesting it says the rock is

looking for a weightlifting partner he's

looking for somebody in a tight black

shirt that's real funny tight black

shirt you know what turn this off

prefers him to have a goatee jul off

just [ __ ] being a dick now he being a

dick we're done no we're not Ro is

looking for [ __ ] life everyone

weightlifting partner off BBS we still

got beer who still got hash we have weed

we have hotti

oil we have gas so let's turn this off

and go do all of it well we got to do a

proper sign off all right thanks for

should I have another KN we're trying to

do a sign off do whatever you want

Rick I should just nap for 20 minutes

boys and then we'll keep it going all

right go have a [ __ ]

nap okay Ricky I'll do the sign off

while you all

right all right well thanks for

listening recky just end it why don't

you go in on the

couch why does he do that nice [ __ ]

pillow why wouldn't you take the 10

steps to a nice comfy couch with a

pillow bus for those of you at home who

can't see this Ricky has curled up on

the kitchen table and is using a chip

ball a chip ball for a pillow last chip

ball all right see you later

cheers

[Music]

[Laughter]

yeah

warning the following program contains

really coarse language weed alcohol

consumption smoking and sexual

infuences this content may not be

suitable for viewers under 18 to

activate parental controls please press

the big go yourself button on your

remote control

[Music]

[Music]

I tried to get Rocky balla see that was

few your [ __ ] guas show us some

[ __ ] knockout moves that' be working

I did I did I tried to call Sylvester

strong what' he say well I didn't get a

hold of them you can't just call them up

I just got on the internet and you know

typed in Sylvester Stallone phone number

and one came up so I dialed it but I

think it was a I think it was a porno

site or

something cuz it sounded like Rocky but

he was saying

dirty things like what like hey you're

looking to get

banged stuff like that so I assume that

was not it could have been who [ __ ]

knows maybe that's why he hooks now who

knows this the way he

hooks Ricky Sylvester Stallone is not a

male prostit

I hate to tell you I think everyone's a

male prostitute for the right price I've

been a male prostitute yeah we're

[ __ ] fully aware of that pays good

money I don't you want to think about

you being a prostitute Randy what Randy

it's going to wcky and you can he have

some of that I don't know oh I'm the

guest you treat guests with respect you

should use a [ __ ] finger condom if

you're going to have any cuz I don't

know where that mouth has been

today just use a finger condom you put

the [ __ ] joint in deep so you're just

you're not touching the actual joint

yeah see he knows what a finger con him

is not surprised Ricky that's good [ __ ]

no kidding what do you think I'd be

smoking terrible [ __ ] you got any extra

that I can have we can talk about that

after Randy right now we're on the big

[ __ ] thing that sends us all over the

world gives a [ __ ] about you and your

drugs I got some money but it's it's

back in my trailer okay I got a question

for you Randy yeah what's the most money

you've made in one week of hooking while

being Smoky oh that's hard to say cuz I

spent some of the money on cheeseburg

okay just just how much do you think

approximately I I did really good like I

probably made about 100 bucks wow I'd

say in a week no not in a week that was

like a day cuz it's different days are

busier than other days and that's seven

days a week thanks Ricky well you can't

it's too much energy to do it every day

of the week and you don't want to do it

if it's storming do you kiss your

customers

or just get right to it holy [ __ ] that's

good boys are you seriously this

seriously what we're [ __ ] talking

about how much money ry's made hooking

well you know maybe he can work for us

why are you so interested well you take

a cut you help him out get him some

customers so you're going to be Randy's

pimp basically if if the money was good

if you youve he's got to be more

motivated though you know you'd have to

work seven days a week I'm not doing it

anymore hours a day I don't have to do

it anymore now you basically just said

you would be open to be in ry's pimp for

the right buddy

yes 2 billion people across the world

consume liquor a small percentage of

those fall into the category of

excess but whether you drink a little or

you drink a lot every drop of liquor

tells a different

[Music]

story

good afternoon ladies and gentlemen

doctor of epistemology Jim Ley at your

cervix got my paper this

afternoon for online on

appleo but today we're going to have

another little talk about a wonderful

liquor all liquors are great some

Liquors are greater than others today

we're talking about

lionstone whiskey now lionstone whiskey

is a bourbon and what makes a bourbon a

bourbon is that it has to be brewed in

the United States of America 2 years it

has to be fermented or whatever this

[ __ ] but what happens is it's made from

Limestone water through the aquifers in

Kentucky and and that I bet it was

called Limestone first and then [ __ ]

Snoop Dog came along and they called it

lime Limestone I got that confused but

this is this is what this is this is

called

um porcelain and they in 1975 they had a

whole bunch of little porcelain things

that they made they had little clie dogs

like this and they had they had

everything from Mickey Mouse and firemen

to Cowboys all kinds of [ __ ] it was

beautiful I collected most of them but

this one here was a special one because

we had a dog Barb and I had a little dog

beautiful dog I called it Gypsy and she

called it Cindy or

something it was wonderful we didn't

realize she got it for me because I was

having trouble being un inebriated so

she thought that I if I had a friend she

knew about PCS PS

PTSD psds PT sexually transmitted

diseases isn't that's

PTSD she knew about that kind of [ __ ]

and she knew to get me through I could

if I have a companion like that she

bought me a dog beautiful smart

wonderful I used to cruise in my patrol

car she could solve [ __ ] sniff here

sniff there and tell me the secret right

in my ear anyway Barb and I we love that

dog so much and we trained it to do all

kind we won best of show

1979 with our beautiful dog and that was

so incredible but the

next [ __ ] day dog somebody in the

park poisoned our

dog the only thing I have to remember we

won this best show doesn't quite look

like her she was way better looking than

this do you know what they call him they

call him British R our dog was called

British Ru

colie where was I oh

yeah I couldn't sleep for

days and I kept my little porcelain

doggy with me and I just touch it and

then one day I discovered that right

there they used used to be an award seal

right there I touched it and it went

broke and it came up and it was

filled with

bourbon I hadn't had a drink since I had

the dog and Barb was asleep beside

me Dean Martin was on the Johnny Carson

show I what could I do so I had a little

sippy

poop since then I've I've sort of

escalated my proclivities and I use a

straw cuz straw is much more

gential

and that's when I started drinking again

and it's been 30 years of [ __ ]

absolute [ __ ] cuz when you find a

dog if you get a dog that you

love you better hold on to that

dog tell you why

cuz you'll never have another love like

that

dog woof

woof remember Lassie remember Lassie

yeah wof woof woof what little Jimmy's

trapped in the well good Lassie let's go

woof woof wof woof woof wof

woof this is Jim lay and another dog

story signing off for tomorrow

[Music]

okay we're shooting a little scene here

that involves some science very precise

measurements need to be taken so that

nobody gets hurt that's how you do it

properly I don't know why they're so

[ __ ] worried about it we don't really

who cares what's he

do this guy's not very smart hey bu hey

weed say what

huh doesn't even know doesn't even know

I called him a dick weed I don't even

understand really what they're

doing very professional looks like a lot

of people know what they're doing what's

this thing for here what's this for a

light reflector watch

ity here's always on drugs eyes a k all

[ __ ]

day just walks around with that thing

Shining Light on people there's a lot of

drugs on the set you can tell who the

really high people are baked

baked baked not big Bren glass not

big that's up boys Doritos all right I

got a Doritos I'm going

Doritos all right what kind of chips

yeah Alex do you accept that it's my

turn Darren Darren stting what do you

think about Darren Darren okay let me

think I'm going to say I'm going to say

something violent I think

maybe maybe stabing at a bar I'm kind of

feeling the same thing something violent

he's been in here for a while I'm going

to say like a like a skin

peeler skin peeler Ricky there's no way

Buffalo Bill skin peeler he's not a

[ __ ] skin peeler not what's your pick

was at the Legion trying to get up stage

[ __ ] to play his guitar he sucks someone

threw ball at him he got in a fight no

he too long you want me to tell you cuz

I [ __ ] know word on the street is he

made uh counterfeit her f [ __ ] fake

yeah just the little changes like

nichels and dimes so I would have

thought n and dime kind of thing yeah

believe okay so nobody won that that one

ride let it ride let it ride or do you

want to op it do you want to op it you

know what I'm going to throw a goldfish

in don't double nothing okay I don't

have a goldfish but I'll match you with

a cheese and crackers how'd you guys get

so much

[ __ ] okay boys okay who we on to let's

go I don't know does anybody know what

Freddy

did I do [ __ ] dirty I bet probably

something sexual oh do you

think I'm going to

say I'm going to say he was up in the

tree Jack and walk in a window jacket a

tree jerker a tree jerker I'm going to

say sexual assault with a

weapon I'm saying he tried to bang his

stepdad oh my god do you think it's that

bad I was thinking more just like a you

know something like he's down at the old

folks home looking in the windows you

know what I heard when I was in the

shower about

Freddy I was in there listening with my

ears and he didn't notice I heard he was

a grave robber so not grave Rob

yeah digging them up and then banging

them yeah no well maybe but that's what

I heard and cuz you know all the jewelry

and go banging Dead People BET how come

we've never robed Graves it's a good

idea no there's tons of dead people like

[ __ ] thousands but they're usually

not buried with their [ __ ] wallets

Rings rings and things you're not

getting into that Ricky for two in a row

we

missed let it ride or double up the

Annie let's see

someone's going to be a big [ __ ]

winner here twinky oh man I'm not

throwing in a [ __ ] twinky I'll raise

a Twinkie I got a here I'll throw in a

[ __ ] rice Chrispy Square I'm not

giving up my twink oh I love those all

right I love those who are we at okay

what about um what about Billy I don't

know what Billy

did I'm going to say something like I

bet you it was like some kind of a

accounting scam or he's pretty smart so

I don't think it was like Oh you mean

like a white CER crime I'm going to say

white collar crime Billy's a [ __ ]

priest no ra that that's what I would

have mean white collar means like a no

no yes priests have white collar but I

mean like a like a is it legal to be a

priest no rcky I'm talking about like it

never used to be I think they just mean

like not a plumber it means like bank

fraud money laundering something that

takes your brain but not violent that's

a good guess I think I think white call

I think pills man or meth you know

Breaking Bad style that other dude I'm

going to say you know what I'm going to

say cocaine dealer he's got that look

about him no

pills go pills I can tell you again

people seem to tell me [ __ ] they want to

confess n non-lethal

murder for [ __ ] sake how the [ __ ] is he

getting out

soon do manslaughter non non lethal

murer he might have just doesn't make

sense does hit someone with his car bys

involved I don't know man I can find out

okay maybe find that out because that's

no would cuz if there was pills involved

I'm [ __ ] winning no we don't know

well it could have been cocaine involved

then I'm winning I guess me hey boys I'm

down to my last bag of dedos holy [ __ ]

this is the biggest pot we've ever had

someone's going to win like snacks for a

week here that's just the biggest pot

we've ever had Doodles and crackers I'm

not taking the [ __ ] news those are

rare what they're not rare rare

thr all right oh my God I want to win

this so bad if I win this I'm going to

have a [ __ ] party in my own celf who

do we got

left um well what about beardo Justin

what about Justin he's a [ __ ]

strange I'm going to say poke the guy's

eyes in at the bear the guy's eyes in

yeah he's got a bit of temper I'm going

to see he [ __ ]

snapped what's it called when you're

drunk in public drunk public drunkenness

yeah that or in or assault he got in a

fight when he's drunk he's he's poked

somebody's eyes in no I think road rage

and he was drunk DUI man few times three

maybe four or five times [ __ ] Bingo

man

yeah [ __ ] yeah Sak come to can I have

them

noodles man I got nothing to B with [ __ ]

sake I still have one

goldfish you can have those I like those

those n they're all yours buddy that was

a good game T yeah well I'm just lucky

people [ __ ] over chirp to me and find

out this [ __ ] you should give ter

something for being the guy in

charge well maybe you should well I'll

have got nothing left come on you can't

eat all those Doritos [ __ ] or all them

chips you can't eat all them chips

they're just baby bags oh thanks man

well I'm going to make some Goldfish and

noodle soup boys right if you guys want

to play again come grab me I'll play

later

yeah R Krispy Cheers

[Music]

Cheers

[Music]

what's going on [ __ ] dick

weeds you have some questions for me do

you all right well let's get to

them first one's from Darren Brennan he

says hey dear Cony I have a puppet

fetish and I want to cram my fist

straight up your asss oh wow that's

[ __ ] great Darren you might want to

head to the [ __ ] psychiatrist and

figure out why you want to fist me you

[ __ ]

idiot that's not normal going around

fisting

puppets Dion Jameson Cony what the [ __ ]

are you doing back in the park well Dion

uh somebody told me your mom was around

here so I came to stick my big wooden Co

in

her [ __ ] off Tristan ham dear Cony is it

possible you'll have kids that will hate

and [ __ ] with Ricky as much as you do

well I probably won't have kids Tristan

I don't know if you know how a [ __ ]

puppet Works

[ __ ] but you never know I might

figure out a way to to to crank out a

[ __ ] you know a wooden

kid okay this one's from Terry ran

that's a nice name Terry where the [ __ ]

did you run to [ __ ] idiot he says

Cony you little smart ass h how the [ __ ]

did you get back to the park you little

[ __ ] well that's exactly how I

did it Terry I picked your mother up at

a bar and I took her back to the park

and I [ __ ]

her you set yourself up with that one

Terry you [ __ ] [ __ ] Ryan West Cony

have you ever met Bobby turkalino and

what are your thoughts on him yeah I

have met Bobby Kino I think he's a

little prick [ __ ] made of fat fabric

little [ __ ] yeah I haven't seen him in

a while if you know where he is you tell

[ __ ] turkalino I'm looking for him

[ __ ] [ __ ] little fabric [ __ ] I'll

beat the [ __ ] [ __ ] fabric teeth

right out of Bobby Galino [ __ ] up

little

head and Marie

shaly says Hey Cony where the [ __ ] have

you been and do you Harbor any

resentment to Bubbles after the near

fatal

drowning no actually I don't because

bubbles is very aware that I don't need

oxygen to [ __ ] live I've lived

underwater for a long [ __ ] time so he

wasn't trying to drown me he was just

trying to get me away from Ricky because

Ricky is a [ __ ]

idiot oh and if you didn't notice I'm in

Ricky's [ __ ] trailer right now and

I'm going to go take a [ __ ] on his

pillow and stick his toothbrush up my

ass er er Louise says Cony why do you

get dressed like bubbles you little

[ __ ] who said I get dressed like

bubbles arur whatever kind of a [ __ ]

name that is who said I get dressed like

bubbles who said he doesn't dress like

me he's the one that [ __ ] dresses

like me I'm the one that had this

hairstyle and I had glasses and shirts

like this long before [ __ ] bubbles

did so arur you can suck it go get a new

name you [ __ ]

idiot all right I'm going to I'm going

to [ __ ] with Ricky I'm going to I'm

going to piss in his

mouthwash and then he'll brush his teeth

and take mouthwash and he'll be drinking

my

piss [ __ ]

[Music]

off

[Music]

[Music]

down

hey this is Bubbles from Sunnyvale

Trailer Park welcome to Kitty of the

[Music]

week hey how's it going everybody

bubbles here at the body wild shelter

dartman nois goost for Kitty of the week

and this is this week's featured Kitty

and he is unbelievable this guy he's an

orange tabby two years old named Chucky

and Jacky came in with a infection in

his leg so they had they had had no

choice they had to they had to get rid

of her off she came [ __ ] him he's

just ready to rock doesn't matter that

he's only got three legs he's you know

perfectly good kitty agile I bet you

Chucky here would like some I bet your

Chucky's into some white fluff balls hey

Chucky look what I

[Music]

got oh yeah there we

go Chucky's uh

he's only about 2 years

old and he's you know he's he needs a

good home somebody that can you know

deal with a special needs Kitty but

there's really nothing that much you

have to do different you know he's he's

got three legs it's not like he only got

one he's got three so you can still get

around you know these are the kind of

kitties that when things like you know

in factions and things come in people

like oh well that kitty's no good and

they throw them away that's what I can't

can't believe but people do that this

guy you know proves everybody

wrong he likes [ __ ] with those he's a

bubble certified Kitty right

[Music]

there can we just shut this down bubs

yes I guess sign her off how do you do

that you say good night or good day good

day or

goodbye oh yeah if you want to get

technical good morning no you say see

you

later you say [ __ ] off to

you wow Randy there was a burp rule made

last week ho because he almost leveled

us all right time to leave that's

disgusting oh [ __ ] Randy all right later

yeah thanks everybody signing off [ __ ]

off R see you later get the [ __ ]

out see you

[Music]

later

and good

[Music]

night

CHR

warning the following program contains

really coarse language weed alcohol

consumption smoking and sexual

inferences this content may not be

suitable for viewers under 18 to

activate parental controls please press

the go yourself button on your remote

[Music]

control

[Music]

I still didn't fix my lamp for the

[ __ ] game tonight [ __ ] piece of

[ __ ] what do you need a lamp for dash

cuz once it gets dark you're trying to

find drop a piece of hash and a [ __ ]

where did that

go [ __ ] I know it's in there right

why would you just get a flashlight is

there a button yes oh [ __ ] there we go

go a [ __ ] perfect all right well this

is your hash finding lamp or whatever

else maybe mixing a drink you want to

know how much is in there cuz you want

to put too little you want to have why

wouldn't you just turn on a [ __ ]

light though Darkness outside happens

Falls all right let's do this don't just

hang on now I'm not why do you keep them

going like this well because I'm

interested you keep this around

inside in case you lose hash well

usually by the car I like to watch the

games outside cuz cuz smoke you have wor

get smoking the baby's long especially

if you're smoking a joint so it's

basically your flashlight even though

there's no evidence it's [ __ ] bad for

them no evidence why well if you're in

the [ __ ] trailer watching the game

you want to light up a joint and you

know well tren's got her little my

grandson in there whatever apparently

you're not supposed to smoke in front of

your grandkids or other kids oh but

there's no [ __ ]

solid papers that say it's GNA [ __ ] them

over or anything yes there is I mean I

do it out of respect cuz I don't some

people don't like to smoke are you

talking he can decide when he's seven or

eight if he wants to smoke or not I'm

going to wait till then but there's

thousands of documented [ __ ] papers

saying smoke hurts baby cigarettes yeah

like smoke outside why can't you just

step outside and I always smoke my

cigarettes outside well that's a good

thing that's a good start now smoke the

dop you're talking about smoking dope

and blowing it on the baby well not even

a joint it's just a little hit off a

water bong or something and you blow it

on the baby no [ __ ] you got you guys are

missing the points of the whole [ __ ]

said just don't try not to smoke around

the

be smoke in the

bathroom [ __ ] just think look it's got a

morse code

[Music]

button it's pretty hard to see that on

the radio

bubs oh all right so what else are we

going to talk about here nothing let's

just keep getting a buzz on till the

[ __ ] game starts [ __ ] all this [ __ ]

no I got some fun facts to talk about I

loed up Mr Preparation

H why would I be Mr Preparation H cuz

you I don't know I just went you know

what that is right what Preparation

H no that's the stuff you stick in your

hoop man for hemorrhoids you mean stick

in your hoop if you got to put this

cream up your ass if you've got

hemorrhoids and [ __ ] man what the [ __ ]

are you talking you put cream on your

finger and dry your finger up your ass

what you talk talking about it doesn't

go in you just put it on the actual roid

I've never had hamro so I I don't know

but it's samuroid green I don't even

know how the [ __ ] we got on asses and

things going in ass you call me Mr

Preparation H I thought cuz you're

prepared all right I know but why would

you add the H when that's the Hemorrhoid

green basically called me hemorrhoid oh

it's from a TV show the greatest hero of

the Americans when he was Mr H and he

was always prepared that's what I was

talking The Greatest American Hero cuz

he had h on his little [ __ ] costume

he didn't have H on it did he I don't

[ __ ] know you know what boys I'm too

[ __ ] to be talking about this stuff

right now all I meant to say was you're

[ __ ] prepared so what do you got I am

prepared [ __ ] so I was just reading

[ __ ] Stamos is back on the lequer did

you know that what mean Stamos you know

Stamos yeah Three's a Crowd or whatever

the [ __ ] they're Full House house yes

full crowd he doesn't know how to to

that's somebody that does not know how

to Pace

[Music]

[Music]

himself hi I'm Sarah and I live in

Sunnyville okay questions so the first

thing is who they're from right this

one's name is Sarah which is a fantastic

name dear Sarah you're a versatile and

talented lady beautiful too well

obviously what's your favorite way to

spend the day in Sunnyvale provided the

boys aren't [ __ ] things up too much

well whenever we aren't looking after Mo

me and Trinity basically like to just

get really high and our new thing lately

is we've been making a lot of jewelry

and we make a lot of snacks and we just

like get really blast it out of our

minds and eat snacks and it's [ __ ]

awesome okay next question Dion Jameson

Sarah what's up with you falling in love

with the guys Ricky makes basically his

slaves Corey Trevor and even Jacob do

you think it's something like pity you

have towards them that makes you

attracted to them thanks uh Dion I'm not

attracted to them I was never attracted

to any of them like duh obviously it's

pity I felt sorry for them they can't

run themselves and they needed someone

to run them so I just like took them

over for a bit and then I was done with

Jacob so now Trinity runs him and it's

no big deal Falling in Love

uh Jinx wonders Sarah would you ever

consider getting back together with

Ricky

no Chloe Jameson wants to know oh Sarah

if you had to kill one [ __ ] one and

marry one who would you pick and why out

of Ricky Bubbles and Julian that's like

the worst [ __ ] thing I've ever heard

in my life I wouldn't kill any of them

cuz they're my friends and that would

make me like some [ __ ] psychopath and

I don't [ __ ] people sometimes I bang

people but we don't [ __ ] that's so crass

God and Mary like hello I'm not really

the Maran kind so to answer your

question I think that's a really [ __ ]

up game and I don't like it and I'm not

playing Allison hope wonders dear Sarah

after all these years of dealing with

stress in the park how do you manage to

stay so young your face seriously has an

age since the early 2000s what's your

secret well Allison I don't know what

you want from me but you're not getting

it okay like it's been 17 years since

those guys started filming whatever in

the park and I look 17 years older and

you know what I'm totally [ __ ] cool

with that I'm 41 I look 41 and that's

great I'm not into this whole thing of

like o people want to be young all the

time like I just think you know I look

my age I mean that's I should be nice

that's nice of you to

say I use Oil of Olay

okay uh oh another suck up question I

guess NJ DB says say hi Sarah before I

praise your smarts before I praise your

smarts first let me compliment you being

the hottest person in the park well I

think really the smart should come

before the hot because I always think

you know you can have brains and beauty

and it's nice to have both which

obviously I do but I think you know

really your brains are going to get you

further in life so next time um you give

someone a compliment I would say

definitely put this merits first and I

don't think that oh yes oh no he did ask

a question

apart from bubbles you're clearly the

smartest person in the park do you ever

see yourself owning Andor running Sunny

Veil you manage the dirty dancer Julian

sports bar surely it would be easy for

you and you do a better job obviously

than Barb Julian drunkie the [ __ ] clown

or that cave dick Sam um like I don't

think I would ever want to run Sunnyvale

because there's so many [ __ ] crazy

people that live here like I would not

want to be in charge of trying to track

down people's like lot fees and stuff

and also there's always people like

Ricky around just like making a huge

mess and screaming and the cops are

always called so no um I would do a

better job yes obviously I would do a

much better job um but I would never

want to do that and actually I think

Barb does a pretty good job I have to

say Barb um ran a pretty good

Park last question is Aaron estan

Valerio Sarah are you finally going to

go back to being with

Ricky no so I guess that's it these are

the questions you guys asked I want to

say uh thank you very much for like

keeping it real and not asking anything

too gross I really appreciate that cuz

you know I won't answer it anyway and uh

yeah Sarah from Sunnyvale we

out last year the [ __ ] Birds came

back from s and they're all [ __ ] this

is cool it's spring and then we got a

bunch of snow and they got [ __ ] over

big time bunch of them proba [ __ ]

stared to death they couldn't find any

food and [ __ ]

so in case that happens I'm going to get

you learn on how to make these little

bird feedies and

bird housies and birds are going to be

[ __ ] looked after this year here's

what you're going to need one of these

little trays some apples one of these

[ __ ] things it's just a coat hanger

cut some water soap and shampoo one of

these little drink containers bunch of

[ __ ] seed and I guess one of these

little things that help big things go

into smaller things all right a torch

some

drills snippers

this [ __ ] that's for

pipe bunch of you know glue and wood

saw you don't even need a [ __ ]

measuring tape for this I'm going to

show you how to make a freaking birdie

howy without even using a measuring tape

but first we're going to make a bird

feedy peanut butter is [ __ ] good for

Birds they love this [ __ ] so what you

want to do is we got three compartments

here we're going to make three different

types of food for them for [ __ ]

sakes thanks guys for getting get me

some great [ __ ] tools this is

amazing and we want to take some of this

delicious [ __ ] peanut butter just

coat that [ __ ] on there [ __ ]

sakes get that on there as good as you

can all

right

[ __ ] now in this big compartment here

we'll probably put some bird seed on top

of the peanut

butter make sure that sticks really good

there

yeah that's looking [ __ ] awesome one

of these smaller compartments we'll take

some of this little

Toasties break those [ __ ] things up

cuz birds love breadcrumbs mix with

peanut butter it's even

better get some of that in

there having some ketchup chips for

breakfast so put some of those on there

mix with the peanut butter birds will

probably love that [ __ ]

thing [ __ ] now you're going to want to

be able to hang this [ __ ] thing from

a tree so this stuff is like wire I

guess and you could use that for

catching rabbits or all kinds of

different crazy [ __ ]

so

go it's a lot easier to do when you're

not covered in [ __ ] peanut

butter all right look at that bird feedy

[ __ ]

beautiful set that up there birds come

in like holy [ __ ] I'm [ __ ] starving

and now I'm not I can eat all this [ __ ]

holy [ __ ] cutup chips are you [ __ ]

kidding me awesome okay now it just

before we bring our special guest in we

have got an incredible thing a lot of

places the [ __ ] a lot Randy don't say

[ __ ] on the air you're a freak guy a lot

of people give us presents over the

years this present was given to me and

the guy's name is on the back it's

Donnie Brown and he made he makes three

string guitars like this and he gave

this to me and I'm so proud and happy

about this I just wanted to show it off

but look at this look Randy look

Tada there's liquor in it I know there's

liquor in it and there's little Dopey

poo in this little bag here and there's

a cigar right there and isn't it

incredible and you know what this thing

hooks up to an amplifier really yeah we

should get an amp fire I we should go on

the road randers he we could play I

could play Gazoo they're going to put us

in the

movies they're going to make some big

stars out of we don't you think Randy

you know that's lonely okay guess what

it's time for our guest trandy we got

guests it's time for our special guests

and every week we're going to show you

special things that people give us as in

an incred

and [ __ ] some put some [ __ ] on oh God

what wrong now somebody dropped a pickle

Puck on the [ __ ] lock

already mle I'm going to make some

burgers show falling apart and you

[ __ ] up but I didn't want it just wait

I I oh oh jeez we have another minute I

just want this is time for a commercial

break for the dictionary good job Mr l

no l yeah and look it's a this is an

apologies to William Blake sphincter

sphincter burning bright to my torch Ed

sleepless night was it the peppers in my

sub or the soap insertion in my tub that

was a like an apology to I wrote this

book go to diary.com and buy your own

now there's a companion piece cuz he

wrote Tiger Tiger Burning Bright and

then he wrote Little Lamb who made thee

so I wrote little turd who made thee

Dost thou know who made thee ate the

food so you could grow pushed you out

with grunt and blow wiped your remnants

from her ass smiled so sweetly when

you'd pass grabbed the handle of the L

and sadly said farewell to you little

turd who made thee Dost thou know who

made thee I don't like dust Mr lady dust

th know it's he got a

dust shut

up you better shut up I'll come out

there after you I swear to God I'll kill

every one of you Ricky would you shut up

go to

sleep well I've been out of jail for a

week now and it's time for me to make

some important decisions in my

life I'm going to go to Community

College will you please

stop I'm either going to become an

electrician a meat cutter or I'm going

to get into television and radio

broadcasting stop [ __ ]

Perkin pery what are you shooting at the

[ __ ] up scws dogs and

asshley hold your

Fone Jes what are you doing sh sh listen

listen [ __ ] fre what are you

doing trying to get some sleep you want

to go back to jail you want to go back

to jail listen to this stuff listen to

get the over there get in the C [ __ ]

fire get in there

everyone would shut the [ __ ] up out

there

Ricky what are you doing Ricky listen

give me that gun you don't know what

it's like living a cur you only get

insects and animals that's what you got

to deal with when you live a cur can't

sleep go to sleep you know what you're

moving out of here tomorrow why cuz

you're driving me nuts you're shooting

guns off in the middle of the night it's

not a big deal than Ricky can't sleep is

the problem go to

sleep can I have the gun back in case

anything happens no that [ __ ] I won't

fire it unless I absolutely have to

you're not going to fire it at

all go to

sleep

idiot shut up shut up shut up Ricky get

that thing

away I want my kitty freak off bubbles

you gave me the cat I didn't say you

could keep them and I don't want them

living in a [ __ ] car bubbles we've

got tons of cats let me keep them he was

a loner I loaned them to you well I need

them look at my weed plants one of

them's dead I don't give a flying [ __ ] I

didn't never said you could keep them

you doing wake me up so cat of mine's

going to live in a car Julian both of

you guys shut up Ricky won't give me my

kitty Ricky give him his cat it's my cat

now I don't care give him his cat look

see that you know why that plant's dead

cuz a squirrel peed in there that's why

I need the cat it protects my weed

plants I got four plants left guys it's

all I got left in my life please let me

have one cat to protect my plants here's

what I know Ricky if you love something

let it go if it comes back to you you

own it if it doesn't you don't own it

and if it doesn't you're an [ __ ] just

like you the stay in the car Bubble

Snake your cat get out of here rooky you

stay in the car me out this car right

now Ry calm down fing let me out of here

I want that cat back I need him bubbles

get out of here calm down Ricky just you

just got woken up in the middle of a

great dream and I'm pissed

off D Julian I have a neighbor who is

always coming over to borrow my tools or

asking for snacks and other [ __ ] when he

sees me out on my Porsche he borrowed my

lawn trimmer and after using up all my

string Fuel and then bring it back to me

all [ __ ] the [ __ ] he then had the nuts

to ask me if he could help put a a new

trimmer he had just bought together and

if he had any more [ __ ] fuel are you

kidding

me how could I tell this douche moocher

of a neighbor he can't Bor any more of

my ship without being a complete dick

about

it [ __ ] you know you shouldn't have let

the guy [ __ ] bore your [ __ ] in the

first place okay it sounds like you got

a neighbor like Ricky Ricky does this to

people all the time he'll borrow the

tools he'll either he'll try to take

them and not give them back or if he

does give them back he'll beat the [ __ ]

out of them because I'm pissed off that

you're like nagging him saying give me

my [ __ ] tools back

so I

mean best thing I would do with this guy

get really drunk and high with him until

he passes out and then [ __ ] with them

okay hit him a few times if you want

draw some [ __ ] on him I don't know piss

on him do whatever you want to this guy

but do it when he's wasted he'll wake up

and then you'll be like hey man if he

says what you do this to me for you're

like you're a [ __ ] drunk man you did

it to yourself abuse the [ __ ] out of

them like okay this is plan

too after you do that borrow the

motherfucker's new trimmer use his fuel

[ __ ] over his string and [ __ ] it over

and give it back to him if he you know

gets mad at you either punch him in the

face and say you [ __ ] over my trimmer

first or just say you know [ __ ] off and

I know just punch him in the

face I don't know if that's great advice

or not but yeah I know how I feel man it

pisses me off that someone could [ __ ]

over your [ __ ] like that [ __ ] him over

when he's drunk [ __ ] over his [ __ ] fight

him if you have to djp

420 I need some

advice I have a solid way to move to

Florida the catch is uh is my family

that's the only catch here I live in

Chicago I'm not happier I have the money

move I don't want to leave my

three-year-old son nor my mom I'm simply

not happy in Chicago have to worry about

myself uh and my well-being also okay

you you you're [ __ ] okay number one

you had the kid all right the kid is

your responsibility not your mother's

responsibility if you're like all down

yourself because you're not [ __ ]

happy in Chicago which is [ __ ] because

I've been to Chicago it's an awesome

place to be and I would [ __ ] love to

live there you kidding me all the pubs

you guys have downtown by the water and

[ __ ] turning your water green at St

Patrick's you live in a good [ __ ]

City Al Capone come on yeah so you're

thinking too much about yourself here

you think about your son if you can move

to Florida with your son maybe and make

it which you probably could unless

you're being a selfish

[ __ ] then take your son all right ended

[ __ ]

dumb how the [ __ ] does a duck have a hit

song though like hey I'm dancing duck

and how he does he sing you don't

remember Disco Duck I don't think

so Ricky what year was it 197

sing a bit of it wasn't it just like the

Village People disco disco duck yeah

that was it and then would do like a

Donald Duck kind of thing okay hold the

[ __ ] on here but is it the duck the one

singing the [ __ ] song is it a quack

song I don't understand what the [ __ ] a

Disco Duck does you think duck was

actually singing the [ __ ] song Ricky

was he the singer here he was the song

Ducks can't [ __ ] sing that was my

point well it's pretty [ __ ] obvious

man that's it's not it could have been

like the Chipmunks though you know how

they make Chipmunks singing songs maybe

a duck [ __ ] I don't know how you

would shift it into duck talk but this

internet sucks pull up Disco Duck

then I can't get on marry [ __ ]

antoinet sing the song how [ __ ] was

it a dumb song how does it become number

one I could have wrote a song called

disc look at [ __ ] LLY LLY chicken

there you go you guys are making fun of

that maybe that could be number one I

think LLY LLY LLY chickens a [ __ ] hit

wait go Disco Duck these chips are

[ __ ] no internet's [ __ ] it's not

gonna play wow what a [ __ ] great

piece of History lesson this is well

Disco Duck was [ __ ] huge Ricky did

you ever dance to

it maybe you disco danced a Disco Duck

did you oh I might have got a little

shiny [ __ ] kid

suit going around dancing didn't have a

giin suit when I was a

kid yes you did man what are you talking

about I did silver one I did not have a

shiny shiny silver SE it's like a

jumpsuit was it white I thought it was

silver I wonder if I could chew this in

half

R all right all right boys I'm done I

got to go build a water B for the

[ __ ] Big Blue Jays game tonight this

internet's not working Angela lanberry

Lansbury's birthday oh that's great

Murder She Wrote awesome she be happy

birthday if you're going to pick someone

not to hang out with though

maybe oh absolutely why in the [ __ ]

would you hang out with her every

[ __ ] where she goes somebody gets

murdered yeah that's pretty FU oh I'm

going on vacation to the [ __ ] Poconos

murders all right I'm take a good good

job with this one bubs good job bubs

nice facts buddy Tim Robins

birthday freaky are you kidding me like

was that

necessary holy [ __ ] I want to prove I

can [ __ ] do it and I [ __ ]

[Music]

up

[Music]

[Laughter]

warning the following program contains

really coarse language weed alcohol

consumption smoking and sexual

infuences this content may not be

suitable for viewers under 18 to

activate parental controls please press

the big go yourself button on your

remote

[Music]

control I'll be a

dick not being a dick Jesus Christ he's

sleeping on a

handgun here just wait are you kidding

me I don't want to startle him for [ __ ]

sakes

recky

recky Jesus Christ Jesus Christ

wrecky would you stop falling asleep on

handguns you stupid idiot you kidding me

why would you use a [ __ ] handgun as a

bell I thought thought the [ __ ]

safety was on I must have turned it off

from my sleep I thought someone was

[ __ ] coming to the trailer last night

is that my [ __ ] Don air from last

night

nice love it when you wake up and you

forgot to eat something and then it's

still there and you can eat it for

breakfast love it that looks [ __ ] that

looks disgusting man look hey you got me

a beer good

man starting to figure out the way I

operate I didn't P you that's been

sitting there since last night I think

you were using it as an ashke too yeah

that's [ __ ]

warm wait a second okay no I remember

this now I [ __ ] came up with some

things for this last night when I was

[ __ ] you did is this it oh yeah yeah

you got some things to talk about just

leave that right there I got a couple

things to talk about well maybe we

should talk about Ricky stuff first no I

want to save it you want to save it why

I don't remember can you [ __ ] put

this somewhere it's not pointing right

at me there we oh put no there we go

Corner no seriously like Bobs your ideas

weren't that great last week maybe we

should let Ricky try this man all right

fine [ __ ] cold don't air even with

the cheese which is now hard Ricky that

thing's going to stop your heart dead

pretty [ __ ] good speaking of that

boys I've been

thinking we need to probably slow it

down a bit we've been partying too

[ __ ] hard what do you mean we we

haven't been partying too hard well

we're waking up with the [ __ ] Pastor

tables and all over the [ __ ] place

who is just us as a group we got to slow

it down no you're the one getting [ __ ]

up man we're getting a good buzz on

you're getting totally

[ __ ] pass I hav passing not on

tables I haven't passed out since last

month all

right okay I want a couple bites of Don

air couple drinks of warm beer little

gun hey let's he you seriously want me

to start yes well he said you you do one

and I'll do okay go for it bubs whoever

I'm just get this going okay I'd like to

give a space update [ __ ] are you kidding

me what do you mean an update from space

something Big's happening in space right

now K

i846

2852 you know the big star they found

yeah yeah yeah well it's 1500 light

years away from us in between the signus

and Lear constellations and there's

something in front of it Ricky something

keeps moving in front of it like this

blocking the light what are you talking

about there's a [ __ ] star like way

the [ __ ] out there the scientists are

looking at it but they notice

something's been you know moving in

front of it not in an orbit not in a

regular it's just been erratically doing

this so it could be a big ship well you

know what I do believe in aliens I've

seen weird things in the sky I thought

it was just my buzz on but maybe it's

just somebody [ __ ] jumping in front

of it doing jumping jacks oh my [ __ ]

Ricky no but Ricky I'm talking about a

[ __ ] star like bigger than or son

right and something's moving in front of

it it's not a guy jumping I know but

it's so far away that all you'd have to

do I mean you could put your finger up

like that and block the light right half

of it if you have telescope right here

and you put your finger in front of it

what's happen there if you just move

your finger around you would never see

that you would never ever see that Ricky

there it's impossible if you were up the

so you're [ __ ] telling me that this's

star 1500 miles away the [ __ ]

something's dancing around in front of

it a big Death Star it's 1500 light

years away recky 15 whatever the [ __ ]

you do you know what a lightyear is can

you even comprehend how [ __ ] far that

is explain it to me I once you tell me I

never forget okay wrap your [ __ ]

brains around this one okay here's how

far a lightyear is oh my God okay bubs

how far is it light travels at about

380,000 km a second [ __ ] something

like that it's in the 100 thousands yeah

so a light year is the distance mhm that

the light can travel in a whole year

going that fast how far are you going to

get a lot yes a lot so just one of those

is a lightyear this is the [ __ ] known

universe is 93 billion of those across

recky that's so they say has everyone

ever [ __ ] gone from point A to point

B no God Ricky definitely not but they

can see it with their eyes and

measurements and right oh so now you're

going to tell me it's not

[ __ ] it could be bunch of mirrors and

[ __ ] floating around her asteroids with

mirror just like a mirror ball and it

just they don't [ __ ] know it's

[ __ ] up the

readings BBS why do you even like this

is what I'm talking about you throw [ __ ]

like that what are you trying to tell me

here what is this really trying to

[ __ ] saying that there's something

out there moving around that's defying

the laws of physics it's not in orbit it

looks like it's made by an intelligent

species how [ __ ] big is this supposed

damn B object big if it's block it says

it's blocking out 22% of the light and

that's bigger than what Jupiter would

block out so it has to be so you're

trying to tell me there's a ship bigger

than [ __ ] Juniper maybe that is

[ __ ] I'm just saying that's a theory

my theory is it's a [ __ ] 900t

[Music]

alien hey what's going on I'm in the

park here today okay got the [ __ ] day

off the camera people aren't going to be

following me around so I thought I'd

give a little tour of the park nobody

gets to how you doing bud uh we're ready

for Ricky over here do you know where he

is I think he's at the hotel sleeping

coffee standby uh can you go get him we

need him for this we're ready to shoot

and he's my job to go get him I'm

supposed to be I'm doing a thing here

I'm giving a door well you're you're

kind of uh three of the same guy right

so you guys need to go and get him and

bring him back in here we need to shoot

um soon too right I was going to give a

tour of the park and why do you need him

anyway it's nice and peaceful here right

now right on Donnie [ __ ] Donnie later

strap idiot uh because we need to shoot

we have to shoot the show things have to

happen well what if I say no what do you

think I'm going to do I'm going to say

no [ __ ] liquor like I always do and

you're going to say oh for [ __ ] sakes

and you're going to go get them anyway

so don't we just save ourselves the

problems you go [ __ ] do your job and

go pick them up buddy

look at Donnie lighting her

up light her up

Donnie holy [ __ ] going right on the

lacker today so I'll get him all right

I'll go get them see this what happens

you get one little bit of time to

yourself and you're going to do

something fun and these [ __ ] come in

go do this go do that or you're not

getting your [ __ ]

liquor so oh we got to go get wcky you

guys meet me at the [ __ ] hotel okay

B see piece of cake now all I need is

the light there it is okay I used to be

a cameraman well I could have been a

camera all right good Jim Le here

how's it going bud

yeah it's a very exciting show here

tonight this [ __ ] place is haunted I

tell you the back door opened as I was

coming into the studio by itself and the

[ __ ] alarm didn't go off nothing and

I come in here and I come in here cuz

I'm one the most the most important

pilgrimage in my [ __ ] entire life you

know my job most of you know Jim Le you

know that I I've kind of grown as sunv

has probably been part of my life I mean

part of my soul I don't know why I I

have no idea why I [ __ ] married into

a Barb [ __ ]

Barb anyway where was I oh

yeah I just want you to

know tonight I had an

epist I had a an idea that just blew me

away I was sound asleep I was in the

middle of this most incredible dream was

that a boo and Adam may your tribe

increase I woke One Night in a deep

dream of Peace that's what it was like I

felt peaceful for the first time in my

life maybe it's cuz I'm 70 years old

maybe it's

because I'm pretty [ __ ] good for 70

years old

but

maybe maybe it's the thing that I live

for to share this beautiful idea that I

had tonight I mean I'm as confused as

everybody else about the state of the

world I

mean everything you're talking about

North Korea and Iraq and and Syria and

[ __ ] oh man it's mindboggling and

then you think about the zombies if

you're any [ __ ] into that kind of

[ __ ] and then people talk about the

Thousand Ways the Earth could die and

then people get all scared and woly boy

but the thing is you got to Branch out

yeah I could have been a

cameraman but I chose to be a police

officer and I was a good [ __ ] cop I

was for a while till [ __ ] booze get

in the way it wasn't entirely my fault

what you can't play an alcohol I'm not

an

alcoholic I don't go to any

meetings but I do have a problem with

alcohol I identify so deeply with the

liquor that is more than part of my soul

it is my Essence I am the liquor and I

believe I believe that tonight I finally

have found like Pope

Francis like his middle name my middle

name is

Francis yeah James Francis Le the pope's

name is Francis my father's name was

Francis with an i and my [ __ ]

mother's name was Francis with an E the

[ __ ] it's like this is my I am

[ __ ] stargazing my friends and I have

my head had went right tonight all

through the synapses and undercurrents

of a

[ __ ] you got to understand what

dreams

are dreams to some people are rehashing

of the day's

events dreams to other people's just a

scrambling of imagery of stuff that's

being dumped and

resorted Freudian I like the Freudian

the best like the dream you can make

anything into a dripping penis or you

know what I'm getting at the problem is

I didn't know there was a problem I beg

you pardon ladies and gentlemen while I

collect myself my soul is in the coffin

there with Caesar and I must pause a it

come back to

me sunny Bale

Cal hello thank [ __ ] how's it going man

hey how's it going good man you my my

trailer yeah I'm just playing Frogger

recky got the [ __ ] high score hug you

do huge favor man why cut you off but

you got to [ __ ] feed my plants how

are they looking they look fine to me I

got the lights on them and I gave them

some of that the juice which juice the

juice the the colored juice and the jugs

I poured a little bit each one how much

how much juice did you get them a little

bit of each color isn't that you got

Grove you got micro and you got Bloom so

like originally started off was going to

be [ __ ] 321 right backwards 1 two

three

yeah all right and then you switched it

to [ __ ] I've just been giving them

little bit [ __ ] Bloom now it's very

important you got to go to the one two

three instead of 321 222 you got to go

one two3 to grow the micro The Well

Ricky first of all like the way you I

don't know what the [ __ ] Bloom and

what's you've got them labeled so [ __ ]

what do you mean it's [ __ ] there's

different colors right a different color

one of them is a grow one of them is a

micro one is a [ __ ] Bloom you just do

the ratios with the water put them in

the [ __ ] things and feed them I know

Ricky but listen to what I'm saying

here's what you got you got a [ __ ]

jug with blue liquid in it right okay I

think the blue is probably gr but then

it's got a red cap and it's written in

red Sharpie it says blue and red red

[ __ ] lid and red tape is probably the

bloom you might have to taste it I'm not

going to taste it the other one's red

and it's red it's got a blue cap and

it's got blue tape and then in blue

Sharpie it says

red like why wouldn't you just write

Bloom well that would have made a lot

more sense but I know what I know what

they are right so I don't need to write

the [ __ ] names of them on there I

didn't [ __ ] expect to be in here and

there's two shades of green so I've been

giving it a little bit of each of the

greens what do you mean there two shades

of green there got only one green like a

like a nice Kool-Aid looking green and

then there's like a darker a darker

green here just wait let me see you have

to taste one of those [ __ ] sakes Well

Ricky basically taste them is the only

way to know what the [ __ ] they are taste

them tastes pretty good how do you taste

them do you just dip your finger in them

I guess you could dip your finger in I

usually just take them off what one

should I taste green try try one of the

greens and then we'll know which one is

which okay [ __ ] tastes pretty [ __ ]

awful

no that one's not bad that one's kind of

sweet that'd be nice on Ice whatever

that is

sweet yeah oh [ __ ] no man that's

antifreeze I forgot know that was

antifreeze you put antifreeze on the

[ __ ] plant Ricky you got [ __ ]

unlabeled jugs antifreeze laying around

I had antifreeze and an antifreeze jug

the [ __ ] jug got a hole in it so I

had to put in something I used one of my

old grow contain you're the reason

people die you're the reason people get

called at [ __ ] poison control and

they say I drank a jug antifreeze how'

you do that sir well it was in a pop

bottle we got to figure this out bubs

I've only got so many phone credits here

right I shouldn't be wasting them trying

to teach you how to do something so

[ __ ]

basic you guys been in there yet no B's

waiting for you

recky

recky Jesus

Murphy

Ricky

Ricky

Ricky Ricky wake up you got to come back

to the side h you got to come back to

the

park

here get

up what the [ __ ] is going on in

here recky

recky you got to come back to the park

let's go I know come on who are the

ladies there's two lities right there

who is

it I [ __ ] know man I don't remember

much here get up what in the flying [ __ ]

did you do in here

Ricky you destroyed the Fella's

room what do you got in your for

it is that

beer what did you do to the microwave

Rey they told you not to use that

I need

sleep what is going on with you here you

got a bucket on your foot get your foot

up

there oh yeah that's better

buddy Ricky don't lay down get up get

up maybe you should turn that off here

get up what did you do here

here oh the chicken you [ __ ] blew the

door right off her I put it the chicken

and

beer he put a bucket of chicken and beer

in the microwave blew the [ __ ] door

off you know how pissed off that Fell's

going to be he told you specifically

don't use the microwave and you blew the

[ __ ] thing

up what were

they I don't know man they wanted me to

do things

and I didn't do anything I don't think

but they were doing lots of stuff to

themselves man holy

[ __ ] this

[Music]

isy they obviously were doing things

when they passed out

clearly Ricky Ricky get it together we

got to go back to the

park look at this Ricky you were only

here a few hours how did you do

this

got her going bubs got her going

buddy here I'll double your back here we

got I got my car

here what are we going to

do we got to go back to trailer

park do I just close holy

[ __ ] I can't get over

that I'm sorry no I'm just I'm just here

with the TV people you guys just go back

to is this a sex

team

ow to

sleep this is how this is the H the

wearing at fellas this is how they

live here let's go

I'm just getting on there are you wrecky

holy

[ __ ] just wait [ __ ] it here hold the

brake down would

you don't hold the [ __ ] gas down or

you're going to shoot right across the

street hey just take her slow

recky [ __ ] hang on

though

boys hope we got some more beer Ricky

can you put that [ __ ] thing somewhere

the safety's [ __ ] on look it's not on

look just it's cocked for [ __ ] sake

it's not [ __ ] no it's not cocked yes

it is cocked oh yeah it is sort of

cocked all right we'll just we'll just

point over in the corner there's no one

over

there why like just did you ever hear

ricochets listen to this one Ricky

they're called hate beak see this hate

beak hate beak the lead singer uhhuh is

a [ __ ] parrot [ __ ] off he's the lead

singer of they're a metal band hate Peak

21y old African gray parrot he's the

lead

singer fing jok him right now no I'm

serious they're a real B pull them up

yeah man just SEC eight are you talking

about a guy dressed up as a [ __ ]

parrot or a real [ __ ] parrot I'm

talking about

real he's the singer he's how do learn

the words I don't know that he sings

words Ricky I don't know I got to go

figure out why this thing keeps [ __ ]

going off when it hits the

floor cuz it's a [ __ ] gun Ricky take

I know but safety is usually on

like doesn't make sense

boys since you're being an our soul next

one it's all you bud you [ __ ] come up

with the fun facts all right I'll come

up with some facts maybe I won't even

[ __ ] be here who knows maybe you can

just do it by

yourself don't [ __ ] me like that none

of us really want to do this anyway it

was your idea to start this [ __ ] this

was [ __ ] well I'm just saying I thought

you'd have fun doing it no you're

[ __ ] no man coming AB board me don't

have our [ __ ] microphones back either

by the way maybe that's it maybe I don't

know doesn't feel [ __ ] real just

feels like we're sitting around the

table being

dicks exactly we look professional with

our [ __ ] mic microphones and stuff

this looks stupid big chunk of Don air

meat like what pretzel who eats pretzels

Rick why do you have pretzels [ __ ]

Mickey

Mouse you know what maybe you guys just

[ __ ] do it without me then maybe that

it's

happening whatever and I'm taking this

no you're you guys can both give me it

let it go let you let it

go I can't believe you tried to look

[ __ ] yeah holy [ __ ] bubs don't ever

do that to me again no I'm just saying

Jesus and don't touch my pretzels

either I I can't believe you just

[ __ ] spit all over the [ __ ]

pretzels well they're my pretzels now

yeah well these are mine aren't

they boys you guys are [ __ ] crows

like why would you what grade are you

guys in right now better [ __ ] claim

something cuz I'm going to spit on the

resturant go ahead I got my Breck in my

lequer all right call on here I'm the

[ __ ] out of here going to go shoot some

[ __ ] you guys want to go

[Music]

[Laughter]

shooting

warning the following program contains

really coarse language weed alcohol

consumption smoking and sexual

inferences this content may not be

suitable for viewers under 18 to

activate parental controls please press

the go yourself button on your remote

[Music]

control

[Music]

I'm serious you need to shut the [ __ ] up

Rick what's that going to do kicking it

it [ __ ] tells it to shut

up and then it's like okay if I don't

shut up I'm going to keep getting kicked

so maybe I better and it actually

worked well of course it worked [ __ ]

appliances go [ __ ] with you OCT

but if you [ __ ] with them back hard

enough they'll be like all right you're

[ __ ] going to win so I'm going to

back off that's what they're saying

Ricky hang on now you don't think that

appliances think that when you kick them

do you they have computers in them that

do all the thinking for them but

yes there's all kinds of sensors and

[ __ ] we don't know about but do you

think it's consciously gone oh that son

of a [ __ ] he's going to kick me is he

like that type of thinking well the

fridge for example was was making a

noise and then I went over and kicked it

so I had to [ __ ] take all that

information and go [ __ ] what do we do

here and while it was doing it it just

kept running so by the time it figured

it out I gave it a second and third kick

and then that right away was like okay

sense danger and it said [ __ ] shut her

down

boys so it's got sensors for that huh no

but he thinks that the sensors are

thinking things think I

know cuz he's

[ __ ] let's talk about something else

then guys I'm not even going to try to

explain let's listen to all the exciting

wonderful things that you guys have to

say no I think this is fascinating

actually well thank you bubbles but you

think appliances are think you so you

think really if that fridge had arms and

legs you think he could get up and walk

around

and and think if you gave it the option

maybe it would yeah oh my God

F but that's why they probably don't put

the [ __ ] things on cuz we don't want

a goddamn real Terminator on our

hands Ricky that is so [ __ ]

man

that I can't listen to any more of this

[ __ ] that's probably I can no I'm too Fu

that's probably you know what and now

with cars are putting all this [ __ ] you

think that fridge is just one degree

away from becoming a

Terminator it's arms and legs and a few

other things away yes I mean [ __ ]

imagine that thing coming at you yeah

serving you cold

drinks can open his door and [ __ ]

whack you as you're going by all kinds

of [ __ ] sneak attack

[ __ ] flood you with cold

air man I don't even I don't even know

what to say man well let's talk about

something else I'm too [ __ ] up to be I

can't even process what you're saying

you have to admit these are [ __ ] good

drugs we're on these days yeah I mean

you're talking about a fridge turning

into the Terminator and I'm actually

envisioning the whole [ __ ] thing I am

dude no but that's how it starts what's

going to take over the world is cars cuz

they're putting too many [ __ ] smart

things in them now the car is eventually

going to say okay I got so much smart

[ __ ] in me now that I don't have to

listen to you anymore [ __ ] brains won't

even let you in and it can move around

once they start teaming up they can

[ __ ] run you over they're not going

to team up on you man [ __ ] big dump

truck shows up your house and just takes

the house

down not we should write a movie that's

what we should

do cars cars that take over the world

yeah kind of like it the Transformers

something like that kind of a deal they

don't transform maybe it's already been

done not there's no way man all right I

agree the cars are [ __ ] these days

they need to start we need to have cars

like you know back in the the 80s those

are the cars you can work on that's true

you know what I'm saying on all these

[ __ ] sensors and

[ __ ] well maybe Ricky maybe there's

something to what he's saying maybe they

are thinking a little too much the

sensors see I'm telling you boys these

drugs make you smarter don't man they

just get paranoid that's what they do

these drugs are making me

smarter I'm going to keep my head on a

swivel around those new fancy cars I

would you don't have to worry about

that holy

[Music]

[ __ ]

I got a lot of [ __ ] money coming at

me today like some serious [ __ ] guys

because you know it it's not the easiest

thing to make good money in jails but

being an entrepreneur taking the advice

of Warren Buffett you got to find the

need and what I've got right now is the

need people need what I have to [ __ ]

offer so I'm going to capitalize iing

that and make some serious [ __ ] cash

[ __ ] this one's leaking a little darar

man don't cross it over my arm when I'm

collecting money bod this a really good

idea you came up with like how you [ __ ]

try not to [ __ ] get a [ __ ] the

hole in it you got any piss for

collection there Freddy yeah bubbles no

I got a couple bags oh here I got them I

got them I got them all right give me

some cash hold on I got one more one

more one more Jesus Christ Freddy oh you

been go on hard [ __ ] man chilling on the

light here all right you want a fresh

bag

yeah Bobs what you don't got any bags no

what do you mean no no nothing julen

I've been holding

it are you sure I can loan you the

[ __ ] money I it's not about the money

Julian I can't pull my unit out and hold

it over a [ __ ] plastic bag BBS just

here take this one you'll get me back

later if you need to use it use I don't

need to use it I'll wait for the pipes

to be fixed I have no [ __ ] way to

prove it but if I was a bman I guarantee

if [ __ ] Julian plug those pipes on

purpose just to try to make a few bucks

off people but a [ __ ] heads up would

have been nice because I am [ __ ]

clogged solid here and I'm not the type

of person that can just pinch one off in

a grocery

bag that takes a certain type of

person what do you got here I'll grab

her

oh these

are those are full Jesus [ __ ] easy on

the bags Darren so I I get rid of them I

get 10% right you get 10% yes you do

sweet all right one head is this the

strong stuff no

man good luck

buddy

Jesus just spit in your car hey

man don't spit my

car screwdriver

Ricky okay focus

bubbl focus you got a job to do

here Focus Stay Focus

[ __ ]

up what what was I doing

laundry laundry's

hilarious put your clothes in a

machine what the [ __ ] are we supposed to

do um we've got to get 22 bottles of

cram

shampoo holy [ __ ]

22 all right you kinchy little bastards

it's the end of the line for you guys oh

no no oh my

God oh my God oh my God don't panic

bubbles Don't Panic do not panic oh my

God

suit it's stuck it's

stuck oh my God I can

feel oh my God help me get naked help me

they're going for my bird [ __ ] off

they're going for my bird calm the [ __ ]

down M kids in

here [ __ ]

down all right man you go get the [ __ ]

I'm waiting here no no no I had nothing

to do with the [ __ ] crabs I'm not

going in there to buy that [ __ ] what if

Lucy saw me fine too big to do this [ __ ]

man you've changed Julian shut up man no

I

haven't

can I help you find

something sir tooth

toothpaste and

it's that's not

toothpast

[ __ ] squish [ __ ] you CL

squish I [ __ ] up you need to go in

there and get it I told you I can't be

seen buying that

[ __ ] well here put this on and see you

got bad allergies or something no listen

you're the one that promised bubbles Not

Me Jesus Christ fine if I'm going to do

this [ __ ] doing it my way what are

you

doing I'll be right

back

everybody put up their [ __ ] hands and

freeze

huh I'm not here to hurt anybody I want

some [ __ ] crab shampoo and some of

those pills will help make your fenus

get bigger move fenis oh [ __ ] you you

become a people's doctor you don't know

what a fenus is move move hurry the [ __ ]

up quiny here's your box of shampoo and

your pills to make your fenus get bigger

look we understand if you're embarrassed

to buy this stuff that's what people are

just don't hurt us embarrassed I don't

get embarrassed the shampoo's for my

friends and the pills are for my [ __ ]

daughter you lab Co dummies just take

that don't [ __ ]

move cops

[ __ ] get us out of

here

[ __ ] what the [ __ ] I guess it wasn't for

us shouldn't touch me cuz you're going

to get things on you you're going to

regret it telling you they're going to

be crawling all over

you [ __ ]

sakes I'll show you to make another bird

feed take your

little drink bottle

here take your drill you want to get

some holes in this [ __ ]

thing the [ __ ] in there

you [ __ ]

off all right so you get a little perch

in there like that you have one on each

side you can actually put four through

there but want to keep it like this and

you want to cut a little hole right

above the little thing for the little

birds to stick their fat [ __ ] heads

in so they

can get out the [ __ ] seed

[ __ ]

off so a hole I don't know kind of like

that so you can just different birds get

their different types of heads in there

some birds have Fat Heads some have

skinny heads some have little beaks big

beaks some of them can't even [ __ ]

fly so they're going to have trouble

getting up

here well the piece of plastic fell in

there but it's pretty big I think it's

too big for a bird to eat so we're just

going to leave it in there normally your

thing wouldn't be all covered in peanut

butter and [ __ ] but I don't have a

[ __ ] sink back here to get cleaned up

and maybe you could [ __ ] put one of

those in at some point [ __ ]

idiots all right so once you have that

thing

built you want to take your little

[ __ ] funnel device so that seed

doesn't go

everywhere and you start pull okay that

didn't work as good as ID hop cuz the

[ __ ] [ __ ]

sake

that's not working out as well as it

probably normally would

but you can build a funnel out of your

hand actually like

this it's working pretty

good no it's not really

[ __ ] Jesus

Christ actually yeah it's probably

easier to put the seedings through the

bigger holes I just

just figured out see even I'm getting

learned on getting learned with Ricky

today but little tricks you can [ __ ]

do with the bird

feedies all right so that's pretty good

right there I don't know what the [ __ ]

that is but a bird you can see you could

pitch perch down on this like this go

hey look at this [ __ ] put his little

head and Beak in there and go PE PE and

[ __ ] get

stuffed ladies and gentlemen we're

pleased to have you here today as I

bring you the word of the Lord straight

from the mouth of rck R Brown Rick Brown

[ __ ] neck for the Lord

listen lot of times we wake up on the

wrong side of the bed and we're ready to

slap our neighbor in the face we don't

want to do that today no we don't we

want to welcome our neighbor into our

house especially if they bringing some

free food there's besides the point come

on into the house invite your neighbor

into the house today because loving our

neighbor is today's

lesson [ __ ] man

[ __ ] that's all the time we have today

I'm R Brown I want to thank you for

joining us on the upliftment now please

join us next week when we have a new

aist and a mother godamn [ __ ]

man Ricky Brown sometimes gets a lot of

of of compliments and a lot of respect

for how he uh he respects and accepts

other people but the way Ricky Brown

sees it is it came to him while eating

the bowl of fruit

loops uh you know many times I didn't re

I didn't want to eat the green Fruit

Loops in the bowl and I would pick out

the green fruit loops and I realized

that I spent a lot of my breakfast time

just picking out green fruit loops and

uh uh it wasted my whole morning and I

realized that that's much like life

is it I don't want to pick out the green

fruit loops all the time well my my

whole mornings will will disappear if

morning was life then my whole morning

will be gone spent on picking out a fro

Loop instead you know once it was soggy

with the milk in them and it all taste

the same anyway it's just how you look

at them so Ricker took that bowl of

Froot Loops and there now he it's the

cherios cuz the the cherios is all one

one size and and one shape and but it's

all the same thing and I realize now I

don't even need to look at the Cheerios

I I just eat them and that's how Ricky

Brown feel about people Mo most people

anyway unless you you [ __ ] with Ricky

Brown Ricky Brown won't treat you like a

green fruit loop and pick you out of the

bowl he put you in the palm of his hand

to crush you to a fine

powder

[Music]

that's the work all day

song Go R ladies and gentlemen welcome

let's do it oh I work all day in sunny

Veil Milwaukee by my side I'm picking up

trash in the playground then taking my

bike for a ride that's great Randy all

right Mr Ley yeah the Randy with Le show

sounds good okay now we're going to do

our cooking segment check this out I got

everything going right over over here

everybody I am cooking today something

very special Mr Ley you're going to love

this have you eaten yet no Randy I've

been waiting all day for a taste of your

wonderful culinary I love it okay so

what I've done is I'm cooking the Randy

Bandy breakfast Burgers right now okay

now I precook the burgers because it

takes a little bit of time to make sure

that the burgers are the right

temperature I got my handy dandy spatula

with a little thermometer on it you just

press it on meat and you put it in and

it you got to make sure your burgers are

cooked proper temperature everybody

otherwise you'll get that uh salmonella

or whatever they call it Sam and we know

him Sam the caveman okay it's going up

Mr Le 115 and once it gets up a high to

the well done can you hear the

sizzle listen

listen Mr Le don't get too close you can

hear the [ __ ] Sizzle

Randy Burger Time With Chef romandy this

is it they're they're well done the

thermometer says it's good so then what

you do you get your Burgers you cook

them nice you get a nice sear on each

side like that these are good these

burgers are the best better than better

than going to the drive-thru Mr L then

you got to take the cheese and you put

the cheese on each burger and let it

start to melt now I pre-cooked some

bacon and this Mr Le turkey bacon is

that two different types of meat why

would you have turkey because turkeys

turkeys [ __ ] thing is turkey bacon

Randy turkeys make bacon turkeys make

turkey meat Randy bacon is bacon we just

got to heat that up look cheese is

melting right nice okay now you put your

bun in the toaster okay and you turn it

down you turn it down low you don't want

you don't want to toast the [ __ ] out of

the bun then you get your eggs and take

your eggs out for probably half hour

first cuz then the shell will will crack

nice and easy okay you look you just

here's how you're crack no no Mr Lady

this is my cooking show don't okay you

do one but be gentle Mr lady gent how

they do I see him go like this you

you've cracked the Yol Mr lady I like M

CRA that's your fraking burger for frak

S no it is it

is no give me this let me spell it let

me no let

go you're too drunk to be cooking

Burgers how drunk are you she

bored about talk about the man that

drove 870 m to get KFC from Yellow

Knife 870 miles y from where to where

somewhere in yell enough to get KFC for

his [ __ ] wedding anniversary which is

kind of

romantic I've done it before actually I

drove further than

that

when I don't know 10 years ago Lucy

wanted [ __ ] chicken Christmas

day I had to go to four provinces for I

[ __ ] finally found one that was open

for some reason most of the KFC's

clothes on Christmas day like I would

say a lot of people would probably eat

that on Christmas Day is that why you

disappeared on Christmas day that year

yep you didn't get back until after

Boxing Day

Ricky no was a yeah I was gone two and a

half days but I [ __ ] got the chicken

didn't I I didn't know you were on a

chicken run 48

barrels that's a lot of chicken I

remember wondering why the [ __ ] did he

buy so much I had to get an extra deep

freeze

had chicken for [ __ ] almost nine

months and it's in buckets not barrels

Ricky they're buckets of chicken what

did I say barrels a barrel no you can

get you can get barrels now at KFC yeah

I'm pretty sure you can't buy a barrel

I'm pretty sure you can the buckets that

high and it's got like 700 would be 700

piece feast or something it's called oh

my [ __ ] see there's another great idea

they should be sponsoring a barrel of

chicken barrel of

chicken

$279 can you imagine what the chicken

would look like at the bottom of the

barrel it'd be [ __ ] crispy you get

extra crispy grease man disgusting you'd

layer it with uh recycled pizza

boxes that might work a little bit but I

don't know man a barrel of chicken

that's bar chck would be awesome how

many pieces would it

be oh it would have to be how many's in

a bucket bucket there's what like 20 24

20 you can get a 20 piece bucket yeah

standard bucket you can drive 20

her have to be it would have to be oh

it's well over a th000 pieces oh man

well over a th000 piez pieces that would

be [ __ ] awesome I bet you have to

wait you couldn't go through drive-thru

and pick up something like that though I

wouldn't Fred Flintstone you could when

they said it on the car you dip

[Music]

over remember remember Fred

Flintstone he was [ __ ] wasn't he he

was [ __ ] not as [ __ ] as Bernie

Bernie was [ __ ] little short Bernie

with his big nose Bernie kind of reminds

me of Randy think about it just a little

know yeah if you pulled if you pulled

Bernie's little you know jungle man top

down to there you had a big you know

boiler like Randy I don't really have

much left all right yeah I was going to

have a little contest okay if you have a

pencil I do you started drawing a line

yeah how far will that line line go

until it runs out the winner gets a

bottle of this what you have a pencil

draw on the line okay yeah how far until

it runs out the pencil well it depends

on the F kind of pencil oh for [ __ ]

sakes bubs it's a pencil one of it's

just a normal [ __ ] pencil yeah but it

depends if it's a how hard are you

pressing how hard you're pressing

whether it's a 5H or a

2B is it from the dollar is is it a

carpenter's

pencil never mind never mind nobody want

two miles

no not even

close I just want to know cuz F anymore

do not give a fly [ __ ] anymore stupid

answer I'm not telling you the answer oh

[ __ ] are you serious people are going to

be [ __ ] pissed about that man well

you guys want to be dicks I'm done well

I'm not talking about SP you know what

it is it was a trick he doesn't know the

answer cuz it can't be figured out I

know what the answer is the answer can't

be figured out I know what the answer is

the answer probably was it depends

depends on all the things we said so we

got the right answer 31 miles something

like that okay those guys can suck it

Julian he's not going to tell

[Music]

[Laughter]

us

warning the following program contains

really coarse language weed alcohol

consumption smoking and sexual

infuences this content may not be

suitable for viewers under 18 to

activate parental controls please press

the big go yourself button on your

remote

control

[Music]

I'm I'm good I'm good good I wasn't

going to give it to anybody you [ __ ]

piece of

[ __ ] ready don't [ __ ] push it you're

lucky that I have a half of a has joid

to be right now I'm not feeling that

aggressive you [ __ ] with me too much but

some [ __ ] will go

down just so you know and I think you

could totally take you so you probably

should shut your mouth stop being dead

okay all right guys this warm beer is

making me feel violent Ricky I'm about

to talk about the next topic the hash is

kind of fighting it but the liquor on

this shoulder going and [ __ ] hit him

and the [ __ ] has over here saying not

yet just [ __ ] let him say his [ __ ]

and just so you know Randy if he does

[ __ ] freak it on you I'm not going to

stop him okay so don't be a dick

continue don't blame you better have

some [ __ ] good [ __ ] here actually I

got a story that that I found and uh I

thought it would be interesting to you

and you'd actually be able to talk about

it because normally you're dumb I don't

even think you got your grade 10

actually keep saying [ __ ] Randy I'll

keep drinking we'll see what happens

okay the next story that we have to talk

about here today is some news about NASA

all right who doesn't like NASA right J

[ __ ] Space story man well this is

this is interesting cuz cuz people are

saying that they want NASA to stop

holding press conferences until they

discover some little alien guys what the

[ __ ] well apparently people are getting

pissed off like they don't want them to

be talking about you know oh we found a

black hole or we found water on Ms and

stuff like this that and people are just

saying look if you find

aliens put it in the news but I like

hearing about stuff like water on Mars

that's cool [ __ ] I think it's useless

[ __ ] [ __ ] that's wasting space in our

brains in my opinion I agree with

whoever the [ __ ] said this it's stupid

oh [ __ ] we found another star we found

another planet who gives a [ __ ] I can't

see them I don't care what are we going

to live there someday do I have to

remember the name of these [ __ ]

things they're named with numbers and

[ __ ] to [ __ ] save our planet instead of

you know I agree until you find [ __ ]

aliens spaceships or other worlds or

whatever [ __ ] off we don't need to hear

from you it's a waste of time say Ricky

was money with you I disagree I think

the story is [ __ ] anyway I think I

think NASA should be telling us about

all kinds of stuff that's why of that

telescope's up there tell me this Randy

do you think do you think there is

actually little alien guys running

around up there I've seen well Julian

every time you look up in into the sky

and you at night and you see a a star

twinkling that star is really a sun and

that sun has got all kinds of other

planets circling around it and just it's

just like not like our solar system but

it's it's you know kind of different but

anyway every one of those is a whole

solar system Julian so there there's

problem there's probably aliens out

there I mean maybe they're eating like

alien cheeseburgers and stuff you are

[ __ ] I'm going to sleep d

man all right and there is

aliens you guys are just [ __ ] do a

lot of mushrooms or theit LSD and that's

when you [ __ ] can see them and

communicate with them Ricky that's

called hallucinating bud or is it it is

or it's a drug it's an elusa gen you're

[ __ ] hallucinating or it's all real

and no one's telling you the

truth probably just looking at Corey

thinking he's an alien because you're

hallucinating man well whatever it is

I've seen them they exist they don't

exist you're so stupid they might exist

you're [ __ ] more stupid than I'll

ever try to

[Music]

be

joint an hour

yeah get to be got getting flower to got

gotten flow to get juli

visitor let's go

reck for what got a visit her what's the

point julan I don't give give a [ __ ]

anymore but it's bubbles come on get the

[ __ ] up there's no point what do you

mean there's no

point Who Am I who the who get the [ __ ]

up who am I Jesus

Christ come on I'm [ __ ] nobody that's

who I am I'm [ __ ]

nobody hey

boys no no no no no

sit the [ __ ] there what just sit

there pick up the phone hey Ricky how's

it going what's wrong oh man just I

don't know having some [ __ ] negative

thoughts and feelings man I don't what

well you know I've had a couple close

calls with death lately when I almost

shrunk to death and had hair growing

under my pistol and my M he's driving me

[ __ ] nuts Buffs what's wrong gotten

me to the getting think that if I did

get dead what the [ __ ] would I be

remembered by nothing who am I I'm

nobody I'll remember you Ricky

everybody's going to remember but I want

everyone to remember me Ricky I'm

telling you right now by something take

the frown and turn it upside down right

now see who came up with that expression

that's a perfect example I've been

thinking about Expressions lately cuz

that's the guy that came up with finger

looking good he'll be remember remember

forever that's [ __ ] brilliant cuz

it's true it's finger [ __ ] looking

good but somebody came up with it that

remembered forever and other Ricky then

fine you're going to look just calm the

[ __ ] down okay you're going to be

remembered you can come up is that what

you need you need a [ __ ] saying I

like sayings and I just thought that

maybe if I could come up with one that

be like [ __ ] that guy that's the guy

that came up with that this is what this

is all about a [ __ ] saying who gives

a [ __ ] about saying first of all

fingerlicking good is just a thing they

come up with for the commercial I don't

the commercial no no there's other ones

like

some of the well what are the other ones

you can't fit a square peg into a round

hole Yeah that guy's probably remembered

for yeah but who's the guy that come up

with it nobody [ __ ] knows I mean if

he laid claim to it you'd know probably

somebody famous that's what I mean what

just

a I had the other ones too cu the

problem is I've been trying to come up

with them they don't even [ __ ] make

sense who the [ __ ] would say a square

peg doesn't fit into a round hole well

are you just talking about sayings like

let sleeping dogs lie that type of thing

Bingo and look no point crying over

spilled liquor what does that spilled

milk is actually the thing no

point but the old man says I don't know

it's not sleeping dog sleeping dogs

seldom

bite no let sleeping dogs you know that

sayings aren't just about what the

[ __ ] words mean right Ricky like let

sleeping dogs lie doesn't just mean

about

dogs what oh my God Ricky you're saying

is something something that you know it

means a bigger thing like let sleeping

dogs lie what it means is don't [ __ ]

around with something that doesn't need

to be [ __ ] around with cuz if you do

you might cause yourself a bigger

problem that's what it means so that's

what I need to get my head wrapped

around so I can come up with one I guess

but what about so what do you mean all

right best things in life for trees what

does that mean

no Ricky the it's oh my God the best

things in life are free [ __ ] that's

a [ __ ]

it's not [ __ ] it means Ricky that

the best things in life are being happy

and you know enjoying nature all those

typ that's not [ __ ] reality okay all

right it's [ __ ] I sort of get

nothing's free I get what you're saying

okay curiosity killed the rat would be

about no if the rat wasn't curious he

wouldn't have gotten dead it's a cat but

yes that's what it means being too

curious and poking your [ __ ] nose and

things

wh you get killed by something that you

don't know enough about Jesus Ricky if

it's just look if you want to come up

with saying you just got to think of

don't eat your chickens before they

hatch don't what don't eat your chickens

before they

hatch Ricky it's don't count your

chickens chickens of course you don't

eat them before they hatch you'd be just

eating a [ __ ] a raw

egg don't count them means don't don't

like get too far ahead of yourself it

means don't get you

know how do you [ __ ] even explain

this Ricky look you just want to say

something don't expect something to

happen because it might not okay well

yes I'm going to [ __ ] win the lottery

got all kinds of tickets well don't

count if you want to come up with

something Ricky you just have to think

of something that's universally

applicable what's I came up with a

couple with if you play with guns you

might get shot what do you think of that

one it's similar to if you play with

fire you might get burned okay which is

a known one so you're kind of

plagiarizing but you're on the right

track that's just a fact that's not a

saying this one I'm still working on it

but a joint in hour helps your brain to

get

flowered oh my [ __ ] it's that's that's

just for it's pretty good I get what

you're saying a joint but it's not but

it doesn't mean something else does it

[ __ ]

Jesus hey this is Bubbles welcome to

Katy of the week

[Music]

come on big Louie come on hop up it's

your turn come

on this week's featured Kitty of the

week is this guy here big

Louie big Louis do Grande I call him

come on up Louis come on up here let me

get you up here out a boy he's a he's a

big boy Lou is yeah he's uh dtic IC you

know medium long hair but I'm batting if

I was a batting man I'd say he's got

some maincoon in him maincoon he's a

he's a big he's sort of King of the

kitties as far as I'm concerned now when

you're dealing with big you know big

kitties like this guy you know you want

to pull out the big guns here so I mean

this is a this is a uh crochet worm I

made oh

yeah peekaboo

oh you're right in my case now are you

that's okay that's okay you can poke

around in there here you might like that

yeah it's all right here let me just get

this guy out you know this is a

uh feather Fisher you know yeah big Lou

is going to be all over this what do you

think of that

Lou yeah that's got your attention

doesn't

it bigou L's going to make quick work of

that he's a bubble certified Kitty at

the bite while oh he almost got me in

the chops that was my own fault never

dangle a fishing feather in front of

your own face that was amateure move by

me right

there so come on in that's big Lou

certified bubbles Kitty right there

bubble

certified

[Music]

hey Rick what's going on bud too much

getting a little bit of food are you

yeah I mean it's good that the crew's

back now I finally get some real food

but they don't really cook it enough so

no sometimes you got to heat stuff up a

bit get some cheese put on it but yeah I

mean you're only supposed to have a

couple piece of this but yeah right

how's it been going on set bud it's been

going good you know not enough free

cigarettes and me kind of tight with the

liquor and the beer

but how was uh how was last week on set

with Snoop last week was pretty crazy

Snoop was here and you know I didn't

really know what to expect I thought you

know based on everything you hear about

him he could probably smoke a fair bit

and I could smoke a fair bit anyway I

just thought he'd be able to smoke a lot

more

we kind of went Toe to Toe I smoked him

over the table between me and you and I

mean he wasn't

really that big of a smoker at all he

can smok but I mean he couldn't really

smoke any better than anyone else I know

I mean when it comes to me I can smoke a

lot I've been smoking my whole

life you know he tried to keep up he's

like oh yeah you know I'll try to keep

up with your

Ricky

anyway he was no match for me it's no

match for you huh hey boys what's up

what are you doing Rick just making a

little meat log

sandwich what were you just Sushi Bob

they call it it's from Japan land so you

can what were you just saying there

about Snoop we're just talking about

different uh foods and things that he

like to eat and things I like to

eat you guys to saying about him smoking

though nothing we we did smok together

last you said you can smoke a lot more

than

Snoop did you say I smoke more often

than him oh what you mean he was baked

the entire time he was here I know but

and you you can smoke a lot more than

him how do you come to that conclusion

just I don't know just seemed like he

was a pretty good smoker and smoked very

I think I smoked more than him and more

often you didn't smoke more than him are

you [ __ ] kidding me why would you

think that Ricky well a lot of people

say it

who Jeff Jeff who the [ __ ] is Jeff who's

Jeff he's up 28 or 24 he just moved in

here not that long ago Donny's trailer

who's Jeff down that way is what I said

Jeff or Dean I think Dean what the [ __ ]

R you were smoking he was he was walking

like [ __ ] Johnny Depp and feering lad

Snoop was like fine he was like Hey one

day there was one day that I may have

been a little more [ __ ] up than he was

and that's cuz I didn't really have much

sleep Snoop you want bite I'm not taking

a bite off that how [ __ ] good that

looks that on a bun

I'm just curious as to you know what how

you would explain to the camera that you

can smoke more than Snoop Dog well just

depends how you look at it some people

look at that smoking time and say yes

you know what Ricky he was good but not

as good as you and he smoked a lot but

not as much as you is what a lot of

people would probably say if they were a

lot of people like imaginary Jeff and

his friend imaginary Dean they were here

boys they were [ __ ]

here you're so full of [ __ ] you know

what let's be honest boys not everybody

sees everything the same way all right

so I mean no I know but recky you can

have your own opinion but you can't have

your own facts facts are facts Bud well

it depends though isn't it cuz it

depends I look at it and said you know

what I smoked him FR of the table he

didn't really smoke that much at all fre

he seemed unaffected and you couldn't

walk so who do you think one day one

[ __ ] day every [ __ ] day every day

okay well I smoked almost as much as he

did didn't I not even man not even close

recky all right you know what boys [ __ ]

it he can outsmoke me he out smoked me

is that what you want to St on camera

all right he [ __ ] outsmoked me big

time I was falling down he smoked joints

[ __ ] 24 hours a day [ __ ] five or

10 every [ __ ] two minutes I couldn't

keep up with them I tried I couldn't

[ __ ] do it is that what you want me

to say just calm [ __ ] you did okay I

tried I tried to keep up with nobody can

keep up with that man I can smoke more

dope than anyone I've ever met and I'm

just nothing compared to him [ __ ] recky

you don't got to be it's Snoop Dog you

don't got to be upset about it he's like

a he's like a you know now I'm not even

hungry do you want this [ __ ]

thing all right [ __ ] sakes you don't

mind if I eat that on

you I don't know what's the big square

one in there how does he smoke so much

he's not he's not normal recky I mean he

just he just can smoke more than anybody

that's all and I smoke 40 50 joints in a

day sometimes and it was nothing

like don't be sad recky s you can smoke

almost as much as him man almost as much

he's having off week I've never met

anybody with lungs like that think how

cool it is you can say that I got outm

smoke my Snoop do not cool cuz I wanted

to be the guy that can outsmoke anybody

Ricky we tired man don't worry about it

you'll get a I think you take him if it

was and it was weed Ricky I bet you if

it was straight up hash I bet you you

could take them maybe you can have a

have a hash off next time was hash I

definitely smok them over the table

there you go question exactly there you

go you can hear you eat that now there

you go all right all right boys all

right man take easy bu I got a good haul

over here

recky out smoked Snoop he's so

[ __ ] today we're visiting the islands

of Trin bag and Tobago and we're doing a

story about the limbo this guy here is's

a conab Bonker they got those steel

drums ringy dingly dingly down the way

where the nights are G in the sunshine

oh I got to do this daily on the

mountain tops I took a trip on the

sailing ship and when I reached him make

I made Stu and this was not J this is

Randy this is Randy B bandy's little hat

for his peano I borrowed it for today

for a special celebration because we are

talking about the most exciting

incredible sipping rum the world has

ever known

angura aromatica was used in medical

practice by the Surgeon General for

Simon bolar's Army way back in 1800s and

something and it has come through

unscathed today cuz its Purity and its

wonderful taste I tell you one

thing I am going to get really [ __ ]

drunk

tonight you know why cuz tonight Randy

and I we're going to be going to the

plan for recreation center to introduce

our new bubble wrap song we're going to

take the World by storm check it

out oh do the bubble wrap with the snap

snap

snap I might be white but I got the

black Knack with

a it's incredible ladies and gentlemen

we are going to take the world you saw

it here first there's nothing

like okay back to our story

where are my

glasses

oh excuse me I'm getting a call from Dr

Dunk as

[ __ ] yeah hello

doctor yeah I did yeah how how how did

the prology go no no I haven't found any

rubber

gloves okay thanks y'all watch the bow

but do where were we oh yeah Randy won

the limbo contest the guys were really

[ __ ] bugging him cuz he had a cuz

they put a bar across a thing like this

and Randy was going down like this

underneath the limbo thing and he got

right the [ __ ] under slithered under

like a [ __ ] snake and he won the goddamn

contest and we won a whole [ __ ] case

of this [ __ ] that was the only night

that I remember that Randy could get

both ankles behind his back at

once

tune in soon for another cting Lipper

story with your host Chim

Lan you have [ __ ] heard of the Easter

bunny I you got to be kidding me Rick

come on are you [ __ ] kidding me Santa

Claus is one thing but the [ __ ]

Easter

Bunny so when you got growed up you

never had a [ __ ] egg hunt or I've

never had an egg hunt Okay well lots of

kids do and guess what where the [ __ ]

does that [ __ ] come from dumb ass from

their parents yeah right [ __ ] parents

stay awake late at night and oh yeah

okay that's a fun fun little I can't

believe you fcking think the Easter

Bunny is real I just got a hash right

through the bunny's head you know what I

thought he I thought you were smarter

than him Ricky but no you're dumber than

Randy you just proved it right there oh

smart dummy than him that's for

sure what do you think you're believe to

me yeah yeah I am what do you think

Julian you're not smarted what do you

believe in anything there's no such

thing as EAS Bunny man you just believe

in

[ __ ] whiskey and Coke or Ramen coke

maybe that's your that's your God makes

sense no it's not my

God you guys are both

[ __ ] Fu am CU right now you're smoking

an ear joint no no that joint's from the

swear that crew they they know they

mixed with [ __ ] oils and stink from

behind your ear waxes and different hair

shellack are you [ __ ] kidding me no I

don't want find you ly you guys smoke it

halfway that'll kill everything that's

on it and in it and then I'll maybe have

a

drag all right Burgers aliens Easter

bunnies and all right handsome Prime

Ministers what a [ __ ] day this has

been and then I thought we could open up

you know questions from the audience

there is no [ __ ] audience all your

stories he could probably use his

machine there and pull up 10 [ __ ]

things right now that will blow your

[ __ ] out of the w good but guess what

it's time to go so I'm not going to it's

seriously time to go yeah yeah are you

sure I'm done we're at 30 minutes I'm

the [ __ ] out of here he stinks he's

stupid you're not that smart Ricky as

well you proved it I'm out of here well

Julia where the [ __ ] are you doing

Ricky trying to take this thing off so

can [ __ ] fight you you are so [ __ ]

stupid [ __ ] dumb all right are the

cameras off for [ __ ] sake yeah I don't

want to fight on camera I don't get a

[ __ ] embarrass fight puss get your

freak off get the [ __ ] out freaking fre

off

rcky that's my

Foody

[Music]

[Laughter]

warning the following program contains

really coarse language weed alcohol

consumption smoking and sexual

inferences this content may not be

suitable for viewers under 18 to

activate parental controls please press

the go s button on your remote

[Music]

[Music]

control what's your big someone tells

you some [ __ ] sometimes it just sticks

like [ __ ] bosta

butter B of butter okay what's uh let's

just keep going what is this there's a

skeleton found in a in a soap somebody

found a skeleton in a coach left on the

side of the highway I just thought I'd

throw that out there was it a hide of

bed or just a normal

coach see that's pretty good question I

wasn't expecting

that does it make a difference

Ricky I what people are like actually

actually use that sofa they you know

cruise over I was just thinking wa I

want to know why wrecky

ass cuz a lot of people [ __ ] up

sometimes they're sleeping on it goes

down folds

back take that they might end up in the

bed no one

do [ __ ] I'm too [ __ ] up again boys you

can't come over here breakfast up Fe me

join roll something normal roll

something normal that's not going to

tick her heads off are you [ __ ]

kidding me wearing sunglasses or that

just just put them on cuz you're

freaking me out a little bit wait a

second so you think maybe somebody was

laying on the bed and they got

accidentally folded inside and something

ate the whole body except the

head or it just rotted Ricky Ricky Don't

You Think Jesus I mean if somebody you

know got trapped in their hide

okay I don't know if that's what

happened maybe somebody just dropped a

skull on a [ __ ] couch and someone

found it no they found a skeleton not a

head okay so that makes sense so someone

did get foled up in the [ __ ] thing

and they rotted to death and then

somebody found it years later it's

probably a hi of bed from the

70s could have been that [ __ ] missing

mafia guy who knows who who Jimmy ha

that's what happened to him are you

kidding me there's no there's no way is

Jimmy haa you know how [ __ ] long

they've been looking for that

[ __ ] would that be awesome how

much money was poured you never [ __ ]

bed big new St found in a [ __ ] hi to

bed sofa the side of the road Jimmy was

found today contact the family he wasn't

killed after all he [ __ ] up he passed

out and got folded up in the sofa bed

wow he was in the dump for the last [ __ ]

35

years that's [ __ ] I bet it happens all

the [ __ ]

time it doesn't oh well next time you go

to a [ __ ] flea market you're thinking

about buying a hide of bed you should

unfold the [ __ ] thing first that's

all I'm saying well I would anyway recky

just in case there's something else in

there I wouldn't unfold it to make sure

there wasn't a human skeleton what else

would be in the the bit well you want to

unfold it just to make sure there wasn't

a dog or chinchilla see that's just buzs

or you know like Ricky now oh somebody

might play a prank it could be full of

shitty diapers you get it home you open

it up and boom I could see like maybe a

guinea pig or something but

I don't know see I know people that

would do that as a

track yeah fill a hi to bed with shitty

diapers and take to had guinea pigs no

that wouldn't be a very nice thing to do

with those pigs they're not pigs [ __ ]

off guinea pigs mother's a

pig what you bang pigs I'm just saying

I'm

hungry if Ricky lived on a firm he would

definitely be banging the pics that's a

weird thing to say oh you're weird

remember that time you ate a guinea pig

recky cuz you thought it was like a

little bacon

ater I did eat again Pig I'm not proud

of it did you know he ate again Pig cuz

he thought it would be like mini bacon I

thought it was aena Pig and all parts

would taste like a pig no did you eat

the whole thing not the head oh God [ __ ]

you deep fried them sick you deep fried

them at them a little snack little beer

batter oh you beer battered them nice I

didn't know you beer battered them the

[ __ ] I just had a flashback boys F I

didn't finish my tall boy from last

night the [ __ ] is

that star water

homemade well you drink this side and

then you flip it over and you open this

side you tape two beers together yeah

just need one hand then two

beers Ricky that's why would you want to

do that Ricky why wouldn't you just have

two beers it's cuz then you got to hold

[ __ ] both hands right now I can do

whatever I want could [ __ ] dance or

punch people no but you could set this

one down you wouldn't have to hold the

two of them if the other one's not open

why would you hold it it's more when

you're going outside and you're walking

around right going for a little walk you

finish this one I know but the whole

time you're drinking this one you're

shaking the piss out of this one so when

you open this one it's going to be all

oh it does foam up a little bit but it's

not bad it's worth it it's [ __ ]

awesome

so you're two festing with one Fest is

that the theory I think they should sell

them like that you're double festing

with one Fest they're not going to sell

them like that like that you know what

that's pretty good that's a pretty good

slogan too double Fest it with one Fest

s beard

twins syes beard

twins that's a that's [ __ ] that's

ridiculous Ricky why would you put the

effort into tape in it together

breakfast is

[ __ ] pretty liquid and Smoky this

morning let's see oh the joke of the day

Andy what's the joke you're going to

tell the joke of the day um what did the

janitor

say didn't we already say that oh Darren

I thought we didn't do that one um you

can't think of any jokes can you knock

knock who's there cheeseburger good

morning Andy cheeseburger who

cheeseburgers can't talk Mr Le yes they

can look say that R ready to say it once

more just for

fun knock knock knock knock who's there

I don't like this

guy Randy is a

little you say say you say what he is

you say what he is no you

say come on he look this is an this is

cerebral intelligence Randy you know

what I invented this myself I built it

myself and it's the new it's the

state-of-the-art in cybernetics Randy

you can make love with that thing that

thing eat supper time and everything

okay so we are know where Oh Nicole

could you bring in our list of all the

places that we were this year

please this is where we were Andy do you

remember all these wonderful places

thanks Nicole yeah we've been to all of

these places everybody do do you

remember Lancing Michigan yeah yeah

laning what went on Lance I don't people

had swords do you remember Hamilton I in

Ontario yeah we were with Syrian

refugees in our Motel remember that I

remember that do you remember Branford

mhm no you do not no Bangalore we in

Bangalore Leon bidy for Spartansburg

Pensacola Orlando Barry we in Barry

that's Orlando was

sunny excuse me sir do you know where a

guy could get a little drinky pool

around

here

fck take my pants off

br

[Applause]

br br

br propan

propan propan

propan I love you

guys what do you think

Randy okay now are they playing it don't

forget are they playing it though what

are they playing the berry they just

played the berry Andy oh look it's not

real time cuz look they just interjected

into the stock of the show here look

don't forget this that's my my assistant

trailer park supervisor of the Year

award where's it Orlando if I can it's

from the uh Orlando i p t p s a t TPS we

sold them out in Nashville Randy we sold

him out and our names painted on the

wall all with those big can you remember

some of the groups Tom p and the red Red

Hot Chili Peppers yeah and they and we

got our names right the [ __ ] wall

what's that guy that was in The Jerk a

comedian Anapolis Steve Maring not the

singer the Steve Martin the funny guy he

was in roxan or Roseanne with the nose

Pittsburgh's kind of cool where were we

when we saw the Val oh yeah Val [ __ ] Ry

we've been all over the place we went to

Christopher Columbus that's not

Christopher Columbus that's Columbus

Ohio he discovered America in Columbus

yeah but not not in Columbus they named

it Columbus because there's big columns

there like like the Grecian columns

Randy because cheers Bud why did you

give me my

award because I just want to remind you

how wonderfully you were

[Music]

any welcome to

Du [ __ ] up get drunk

how

you how's it going ground are you a real

real we're from Canada we've never

really met no I'm not really here me

hand me

hand pleasure nice to meet you where are

you from Canada sunville trailer park

Canada look at this that's right the

hair on his sh stinks too yeah he's not

the cleanest fever that's that's where

the rugy B

yeah well listen fellas SL to me nice

meet your I've had a vitim okay well

that's what we're going to do right now

what we're going to do right now PA

yourself man enjoy enjoy all right thank

you that's what it's all

[Music]

[Applause]

about you say that we can't drink or get

high to a [ __ ] beer Factor yeah as a

tourist not as a drinker Wells I don't

even like beer I don't give a [ __ ] about

Guinness beer I don't give a [ __ ] what

you give a [ __ ] about you're not

drinking and doing drugs today and I

want to do tourist thing so we're at the

Guinness Factory I need a buzz on I

don't work without a buzz on do you want

to see the Gen fact Frey Randy yeah

that'd be fun who gives [ __ ] what he

wants to do he's here to

work well me and Randy well let's go see

[ __ ] then [ __ ] sakes no drinking oh look

who's got a new little

boyfriend

boy [ __ ] waterfall I love waterfalls

look at all the [ __ ] money in here

should we take some you don't take the

money it's a wishing around you throw

money in and make the

wi the coolest waterfall I've ever seen

it's a waterfall who gives a

[ __ ] not sanitary that's is awesome

let's go see from behind I guess

amazing I'm not getting the whole

fascination of waterfall I might have a

shower it's water and it's falling off

who cares F you got a lot of shower

here you're not getting

shower Jesus welcome to Brewing my name

is fergo Murray and I'm a gness master

Brewer scared the hell it's my great

pleasure to explain to you the

fascinating steps of the Guinness

Brewing process you will see how this

great beer is made awesome I'm

Ricky [ __ ] assome let shake my hand

where'd he go he went this way where'd

you go

now

dick he

keeps how did he get so small here are

three of our ingredients on a

TV all right are we done no we're just

getting going there's four more floors

to Tres this Barrel

pull 720 Guinness pints nocky 720,000

you think about that at five bucks a

pint that's about $3.5 Million worth of

leor in that

Barrel [ __ ] I need a buzz on hey Lu boys

if you promise you'll be good yeah they

gave us a free pint each let's go [ __ ]

these M over BR on bus thanks man come

on julan we'll drink some beer I don't

like beer

okay there big problem here I'll drink

his [ __ ] there's like five more levels

to go great so we're only right here

we're here look we got to go up here oh

my God four more levels look there's a

gravity bear at the top great big

escalator too I love

[Music]

escalators

[Music]

you have

a we love on the way my man only love to

have one you have any R unfortunately

not man I'm okay then I guess

okay it's pretty cool B look it up

[Music]

here Jes really powered through that one

Randy she's good

bubbles that's made fresh right

here cheers bubbles finally I get what

are you doing Randy it's mine Randy

finally get to drink and now ry's

drinking my

beer you better not finish you son of

fish oh you dirty dirty

brick all right let's go great my God

Randy since he drank my beer I should

get to smoke a

joint sounds fair one little one one

little one all right let's go drink my

beer SM boys we're listen we're going to

do what I want to do for the rest of the

day okay what do you want get to see the

tour go get some room and get drunk

please all right

thank you Mr Ley for your expert

testimony and for providing this very

Illuminating tape your honor I think the

video evidence clearly speaks for itself

and that any sane and rational person

would have no choice but to convict

these individuals of these ridiculous

crimes blah blah blah blah blah [ __ ] oh

objection that's the 17th time that he

has sworn so far Richard please all

right I'm

[ __ ] I'm sorry about all the bull but

all the stuff but the prosecutor is a

he's

a he's an fing bad guy and he's he's

pissing me off he can't even speak

without swearing your honor this is

ludicrous it's disgrace to these

proceedings thank

you Richard since you chose to defend

yourself and fired the public defender I

guess it's your turn to question the

witness thank you your majesty and

Richard before you begin I'd like to say

that I think this is a bad idea however

you do have a right to defend yourself

so proceed but please remember to watch

your language look I can't speak without

swearing and I've only got my grade 10

and I haven't had a cigarette since I've

been arrested I'm ready to [ __ ] snap

so I'd like to make a request under the

people's freedom of choices and voices

act that I'd be able to smoke and swear

in your courtroom CU if I can't smoke

and swear I'm [ __ ] I SAR all these

guys I won't be able to properly express

myself at a court level and that's B

[ __ ] it's not fair and if you ask me

I think it's a [ __ ] mraw this man

can't represent anyone your honor he's a

complete and total idiot yeah although I

am opposed to that kind of language in

my courtroom I'm going to allow it as

unfortunately it is part of your right

to a fair trial so you may proceed but

please I want to remind you that this is

not a carnival Richard you have

permission to smoke and swear thank you

I'm just got to get some cigarettes

actually let's go

smokes but I only got two left I don't

care you've been a dick all morning it's

the least you can do for me oh for the

love of

God just the defendant

please my first order of business is to

tell the prosecutor to shut the [ __ ] up

and wipe that stupid [ __ ] grin office

face cuz dist Dracula my case next I'd

like to announce that Randy and Ley have

been drinking all [ __ ] day they're

wasted of their [ __ ] minds and

they're both [ __ ] and the testimony

they just gave was total [ __ ]

[ __ ] and I can prove it and I'm

going to show you what really [ __ ]

happened here

hey boys your's $220 cash fill up for

him please don't know what that's for

probably prostitute we don't want your

money Cory and

Trevor watch him put right right in his

pocket right there what's going on with

you guys anyway oh man we're we're sick

from stealing so much gas but we should

be better like 68 days stealing gas why

Cory and Trevor that's highly illegal

you shouldn't be stealing gas Cory and

Trevor right it's [ __ ] up to be

stealing gas like Cory and Trevor did

and you know I don't want anything to do

with Cory and Trevor's gas stealing we

wanted nothing to me neither you know

what I'm saying only whack suckers like

Cory and Trevor steal gas and deal dope

that was all right see you later Randy I

don't want to say anything about the

dope de because you know I don't know

anything about that but clearly they

accepted money on film and they admitted

they stole gas and they're sick I mean

look at them that's gas

sickness [ __ ] idiots I got nothing

else to say right now except at the

crown and Le he can go [ __ ]

themselves you're not buying any of this

[ __ ] are you sit down please sir

you'll be in contempt of court and watch

your language yeah lady sit the [ __ ]

down truth [ __ ] hurts doesn't you son

of a [ __ ] booby so booby Ricky okay

whatever defense rests everybody can

[ __ ] off except you I'm so I didn't mean

you but Rich him you may be safe you

guys get the [ __ ] out of the way

please okay well I think I've heard

enough and uh I'll be back shortly with

my verdict well you know just because

these young men have little education

and live in squalor doesn't entitle them

to commit antisocial behavior and get

away with it there's two things

[ __ ] got to know about J to the

r straight up you know what I'm saying

first of all I spin more Rhymes and a

lazy Susan and I'm innocent until my

guilt is proven peace represents

Sunnyvale straight the [ __ ] up be seated

please well I've reached a verdict in

this ridiculous case and I do mean

ridiculous given Richard's

deconstruction of the video evidence

clear Trevor and Cory are the only ones

with any hard evidence against them here

oh we are afraid quiet please Shir

therefore [ __ ] up I find Richard

Julian Jamie and Bubbles not guilty on

all

counts order please order

please Trevor and Corey please

stand I find you guilty and senten you

to 450 hours community service case

closed

I'm not giving it here do you want

another bag do you got any

money all right suit yourself man Billy

what do you got

okay fres holy [ __ ] right on right on

you got the money you actually uh give

me two I'm feeling fancy fancy yeah all

right at least yours is not leaking all

over the [ __ ] place I like to keep it

thick drink some more water okay drink

more water a little dark all right

thanks guys hey no problem see you in a

bit all right so take care of it man you

get paid when you're done okay found it

right on awesome man [ __ ] Julian

asked me to hide this [ __ ] and piss and

I'm I'm like really [ __ ] good at

hiding stuff you know I'm kind of like

like a squirrel with a nut you know

except the nuts kind of like you know

there's nuts in the [ __ ] though

so

[ __ ] [ __ ]

oh look at that and you can just you can

almost keep your hand down your side now

right and you got chips when you get

hungry that's right you know what if

they made the Pringles where you open

them down here you know the chips come

out like a little side upside down PA

you know what I mean then you'd have

your beer and your chips yeah there's no

way they'd do that man see you know what

we should do call up [ __ ] wackerly

tell them we're coming to Dragon stand

he'll say smoke another one that's what

he's going to say he's going to say

[ __ ] sign me up no he's not man for

the [ __ ] beer and

chinator [ __ ] I thought that was a

tow get wackerly on the phone right now

right it's going to make million I'm not

I'm not talking about that stupid idea

man I will not beer chip dispenser it's

a good people might try it but it's [ __ ]

what be called Ricky me and you were

going 50/50 on this beer holder chip

dispenser what do you want to call

I need another joint for that

but you know what I'm not feeling it

what do you

mean you mean like you have to [ __ ]

peel

opening yeah you just have a little tab

there and then the chips you know are

ejected on a spring I think I can I

think I can work for we got to stop

talking about this we got to end this

okay we're done what do you mean we're

done I'm done I don't want to talk about

Pringle well some people can't

see [ __ ] minutes I just woke up 5

minutes ago we've been it's been a half

hour [ __ ] jul I don't think it's

been that long it's been a half hour man

I'm telling you all right well I'm going

the [ __ ] back to bed

then no well we need a big Zinger for

the

finale got nothing you should sing

something sing something from the heart

when do I ever sing man I don't well

that's what mean this would be a very

special thing if we ended it with you

singing you're not going to get me

singing I'm

lampy sing us a song lampy no all right

we're done then just ler wait just wait

we're not done quite

yet ready

[Music]

mhm how are you doing under there bud

[Music]

mhm he's

[ __ ]

it

Tada that's

[Music]

[Laughter]

ITR

warning the following program contains

really coarse language weed alcohol

consumption smoking and sexual

infuences this content may not be

suitable for viewers under 18 to

activate parental controls please press

the big go yourself button on your

remote

control

[Music]

canak the CW flies off with knife from

crime scene in Vancouver look at him I

think we talked about him didn't we did

we I don't know that's it's a [ __ ]

brilliant guy he's he [ __ ] gets a

baby pet Crow trains it whole [ __ ]

life to pick up knives as you know he

maybe has a dummy he goes over and stabs

it throws the knife

and then he [ __ ] trains the crow to

come in grab it pick it up no

evidence now that's a premeditated

murder right there that's like a that's

the best smart that's just I don't

believe it I don't think the guy that is

a [ __ ] terrible idea well you don't

want to kill anybody future depends on a

crawl and whether you trained him well

enough I'd like to steal that Crow and

[ __ ] have him for my own though and

get him instead of knives picking up

knives like picking up my my dope cop

pulls you over [ __ ] takes the dope

out of your pocket puts it on the hood

of the car [ __ ] Crow M Jones swoops

down grabs it no

evidence wonder how much a [ __ ] crow

like that would

cost I don't think you can even buy them

man I think you just got to go capture

them huh you couldn't just buy a crawl

oh man the P store Rick you have a hi

there do you have a CW that could swoop

down and take my drugs when the police

have me you could probably find a place

that would import one for you though

from one of the Crower Crower countries

where it's not illegal to to buy a crow

a Crower

country you man they're all over [ __ ]

North America C

Place grower of

crows they don't grow crows

man Crow ate

you a good

one get it yeah I get it get it I just

don't find it funny man I do and I'm big

bre

cro

you ah yeah nice one riy thanks bubs

Crow

you

okay anything with not unwed men no

either so the guy [ __ ] on a [ __ ] uh I

don't know Ricky I'm even talk about

that one all right I found this guy who

has a rare genetic condition he's 53 he

can run for 350 miles straight without

stopping [ __ ] swear to [ __ ] man car

can't do that Miles he just he can go

the only reason why he stopped is

because he was falling asleep as he was

running and he kept going like on

autopilot no you've read that in the

inquire no man no no no this it's this

dude right here how's that a car can't

do that if a car can't do it a man can't

do it he's going to need a car is a

machine a car can Fu what do you mean a

car can't go 350 miles now with [ __ ]

fuel body's the same way doesn't I mean

you don't eat gas but you eat stuff that

turns into gas

that's why you

fy and in this condition he doesn't

build up like lactic acid so his muscles

don't get sore they just keep [ __ ]

going it's pretty weird that would be

good but does he eat while he's jogging

he must need to put something into his

body no see I just want to back up here

a second now what you know the gas that

goes in a car is different than gas you

get from eating right yeah know I know

because you eat food like if I eat this

it takes anywhere from a few hours to

maybe 20 hours and that's going to be

turned

into well what's in here but also

gas but you know that's not the gas that

goes in a car right I don't know it's G

it burns it lights on fire the same as a

gas you would put in a car lights on

fire it's a well it's different because

liquid gas goes in the car this is gas

gas that comes out of you because it

does it's not liquid but you light it

and it it does light on

fire okay this is yes or no

yes or no answer here rcky do you have

[ __ ] chicken burgers or cheeseburgers

or any kind of food in your gas tank

right

now yes or no by gas tank do you mean my

stomach no the your vehicle no no my car

would not [ __ ] be able to eat a

chicken sandwich it doesn't have things

that will break it down and turn it into

[ __ ] gas like I do my car eats

[ __ ] liquid

gas it eats it I wish you could fire it

into your tank and fill it up it' be a

lot cheaper but have you tried that no

but now that I think about it I am going

to [ __ ] try I could be on something

there you're not Ricky you'd need a car

that burns ma fan for [ __ ] sakes You'

need a cap that was self-sealing so that

when the gas went in it immediately seal

and wouldn't come back out like a

propane tank that way it may not work on

the car but I bet it would work for a

[ __ ] propane

barbecue take you a [ __ ] few weeks to

get enough pressure built

up I got three [ __ ] explosion devices

they're going to be fun as [ __ ] so when

you're done you should have have one

that looks like this one that looks like

this and one that looks like

this we may as well start small get to

the [ __ ] big daddy at the end it's

the [ __ ] funnest one out of the three

just take a bit of hairspray doesn't

matter what kind it all [ __ ] works oh

little shot in there like that and you

can just see

oh

oh kind of cool kind of little flame but

the other thing you can do with this

is put a little bit of that in there put

a little cup on

it it's kind of cool too actually it's

kind of [ __ ] lame but if you're a kid

it might be cool I

guess now this one here is [ __ ] fun

you put a [ __ ] tennis ball down there

which I already did may or may not put

some other [ __ ] in there take your

lighter fluid now you got to [ __ ] be

careful with this [ __ ] because you can

blow yourself up pretty bad I've done it

it sucks you only want to put a couple

drops actually that was way too

much and then you want to take it you

want to shake the [ __ ] thing up let

all your gases expand up into the other

[ __ ] things I forget what it's

called just take a little

lighter boom all right now it's time to

have some real [ __ ] fun with this

piece of Machinery look at this goddamn

thing so what you want to do first is

take a potato that's bigger than this

[ __ ]

pipe ramp some of that [ __ ] thing in

there like that then you take a

clearance stick or a [ __ ] broom or

shovel or whatever the [ __ ] else you can

find pack this [ __ ] thing down like a

musket take your cap off want to hit

this with a bit of

hairspray put your cap back on and then

I set up some targets here got some cans

got some of the curvy

chips start with the

cans holy [ __ ] all right I didn't know

that was going to be that [ __ ]

powerful [ __ ] over some of my

tools [ __ ]

sakes [ __ ] well that's why you have them

all traced out so you know where the

[ __ ] they go and [ __ ] like this

happens put a nice little dent and [ __ ]

that over pretty

good all right let's try this again

shoot at the [ __ ] curvy

chips holy

[ __ ] all right I missed the curvy chips

[ __ ] sakes put a [ __ ] big dent in

this but holy

[ __ ] that's something I didn't know I

got [ __ ] learned today potato cleans

up these [ __ ] boards so takes it

right the [ __ ] off

there sometimes even Ricky gets [ __ ]

learn and getting learned with Ricky

that's [ __ ] awesome I was going to

get them to get me a new one of these

but I guess I can just reuse that

one [ __ ] all right I'm going to try to

get a better angle on the [ __ ] curvy

chips because I keep [ __ ] over all my

[ __ ] in the back there so see if this

can [ __ ] hit

them what the [ __ ] did that

hit [ __ ] [ __ ] the smell of

[Music]

this that was [ __ ] awesome look at

the [ __ ]

damage [ __ ] blasted a hole right

through the [ __ ]

thing awesome what the [ __ ] else can we

shoot at

all right let's try for the gasoline

can holy [ __ ] that was awesome this

thing's [ __ ] powerful this is wicked

all right I will now attempt to shoot at

a moving

Target wow did that ever get [ __ ]

over

awesome uh we've kind of blew the

[ __ ] on off you switch off of it

so oh yeah we [ __ ] her

good now the other nice thing about this

is it's not a deadly weapon so if you

get a dog that's [ __ ] with you can

blast one of these and teach them a

little lesson or you know maybe somebody

breaks in your home it's good to have

one of these next to your bed so hear

the [ __ ] door open all of a sudden

you pick up your little potato gun

you're like hey who the [ __ ] are

you then you take this and use it as a

weapon too come over and say get the

[ __ ] out of my house you [ __ ]

[ __ ] so it's good for that too for

self- defenses and [ __ ] all right one

last one just cuz this is so [ __ ]

fun [ __ ]

awesome [ __ ] love this thing this has

been getting learned with Ricky I'm

Ricky hope you got learned today on how

the [ __ ] to shoot the [ __ ] of of [ __ ]

when people won't let you fire off a

[ __ ] handgun in their [ __ ]

building a dick sucking Pokey ass

you're such a [ __ ] assle why today

why do I have to [ __ ] deal with you

today [ __ ] sakes what the [ __ ] going

on hey Terra yeah you're not sleeping eh

some days you wake up you just feel like

being a dick today one of those [ __ ]

days okay well I'll just be staying over

here then woke up with this [ __ ]

thing nothing worse than waking up with

a piss boner in jail well you got two

options you can [ __ ] do a handstand

over the [ __ ] [ __ ] her or you can pop

her down man just take five [ __ ] you

[ __ ]

[ __ ] I hate this [ __ ] jail we're

at a real jail I have a toilet myself if

you wake up with a piss boner you can

get rid of it if you have to [ __ ]

yourself you can deal with it not here

only you can do is piss in your [ __ ]

toothpaste cup good times so now I'm in

a pissy mood ruin my whole [ __ ]

day what are we dealing with ter well

you're not going to [ __ ] like it one

bit raising cobbler and Fruth

[ __ ] this Billy I'm not eating this [ __ ]

I want some [ __ ] ice cream for

breakfast can't have ice cream for

breakfast why not well first off I give

the warden a meal plan ice cream is not

on it for breakfast secondly I'm a human

being you don't e ice cream for

breakfast I'm having some [ __ ] ice

cream for breakfast I don't know where

you're going to get it from from you no

that's not how this works well maybe

this is how it works maybe my car comes

out does it Billy oh for Christ how

about that

huh squid yep slides right through you

you have to add it to the shake holy

Christ I'll eat five of those if that's

going to clear me out uh is there any

reason Ricky is trying to serve beans

and wieners to the boys look like just

wieners from here jeez wow it's actually

not a bad size for a breakfast sausage

to be truthful maybe I take some of this

bread

heree I'll flip that dick like a couple

of hamburgers give me that off stay out

of my kit I don't know what it is with

recky but ever since we've been little

anytime somebody pisses him off the

first thing his brain thinks take out

your Wier and rub it on their stuff he's

always been like that I don't know what

it is Julian thinks it's like a you know

like a dog marking his territory but I

think Ricky just likes rubbing his

wiener and putting wiener flakes on

people's staff he's done it to me more

times and I can count I remember I used

to have a Steve Austin bionic M doll

pest wcky off wiener all over Steve

Austin's face ruined

it get your dick away from my

food no no no no not the fruit cups not

the fruit cups for the love of [ __ ]

what's going on in here Jesus [ __ ] what

the [ __ ] put it away I want some [ __ ]

ice cream for breakfast it's not going

away until I get some are you [ __ ]

kidding me put your [ __ ] away Jesus I

just want some [ __ ] ice cream for

breakfast is that too much to ask Yes

actually you're in jail you got to put

the [ __ ] dick away Rick please I'll

put it away when I get some [ __ ] ice

cream for me and my friend Terry r on

you're not having ice cream for

breakfast but you know what what I will

do I'll roll up a piece of bread like a

little cone and pop some oatmeal in it

and you could use your

imagination like we're all imagining

you're wearing pants want some real

[ __ ] ice cream for me and Terry or

this isn't going away and let's take it

up a level it I know what you guys drive

maybe you get your [ __ ] tire slash

your parking lot you drive a white Prius

I know that and you got that [ __ ]

stupid eye Rock don't you don't you

Ronnie nothing stupid about my ey Rock

Rick it's my grandfather's ey Rock oh

yeah been in my family for [ __ ]

Generations now put your [ __ ] dick

away please I'll put the dick

away but you guys have a simple [ __ ]

choice to

make either I get ice cream for

breakfast for me and my friend t or your

[ __ ] tires are getting slashed what's

it going to

be more M ho [ __ ] that's good that's

what being a dick is all about sometimes

you win sometimes you lose today we

[ __ ] won to yeah oh hold on Cheers

VOD right on nice guys finished last

that's a [ __ ]

fact do they well

today right cuz if you were nice we

wouldn't [ __ ] have it right so good

job being a

dick you're a good guy for

that uh hey bud they need the car Bron's

calling for for you we got to get you

out of

there Julie needs to shoot uh they need

the car for something so you got to

Prest and watch it he's on the walkie

yeah PR we got him he's out well he's

passed out you [ __ ] kidding like why

do you guys work so [ __ ] early man

people need to sleep

like this is [ __ ] [ __ ] where the

[ __ ] am I supposed to sleep tell me that

I don't know bud maybe like in your own

trailer I mean this car when we need to

do a shot we need to do a

shot this is [ __ ] [ __ ] hey

Ricky you got to get up I need that door

H you got to get up I need to get that

Doorly

[ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] idiots

hey

[Music]

are you [ __ ] kidding me what the [ __ ]

is going on here

what this is [ __ ] [ __ ] bubbles

this is [ __ ] man those people have no

[ __ ] respect for me I've been trying

to sleep I haven't slept yet they have

no respect for me so today guess what I

have no respect for them let's get drunk

us [ __ ] high as [ __ ] and [ __ ] around

with them I can't do that right now

recky the ugly guy with the beard told

me if I come up to the front and shoot a

thing for them 10 bucks I get 10 bucks

so I'm going to go out and do that first

you're shooting that right now pretty

soon yeah where right up at the the

front gate up at Randy shot big [ __ ]

Randy shooting his lips off came down to

my shed and he was looking to do you

know whatever and I [ __ ] said come

here Randy come here you big [ __ ]

walk hey

recky I'm going recky I'm shooting a

[Music]

thing can't hear you bud something got

to go I told you you can't be here on

we're shooting an actual bit and you

just wrecked it s bubs you're wrecking

everything he's just doing it he can

[ __ ] hear you he's just doing

it wo yeah anyways go ahead bubbles well

now like do I just [ __ ] start over oh

look yeah start over yeah so I was down

at my shed there and Randy came down

shooting his lip off all [ __ ] pissed

off and I said come here ready you

[ __ ] Big W and I'll punch your tits

right

off what's he doing

tricky guys tell me how to get to the uh

how do you get down to where bubbles

lives you know

bubbles you live right next door to

him recky

Drake bus you're drinking and driving

are

you I'm driving and

drinking well I guess the whole crew's

moved inside Julian's bur now not sure

what they're shooting but I'm going to

[ __ ] with them you ever see what happens

when you go in a place and fire a gun

off they're not expecting it it's

[ __ ] hilarious hey how's everybody

doing Bry what the [ __ ] is wrong with

you man [ __ ] get the [ __ ] out of here

with your guns jilan are you kidding me

shooting up in the [ __ ] Bur

don't be [ __ ] shooting gun St Ricky I

am here with a child you know what I'm

saying you don't walk in a place firing

a hand gun when there's a child up in

this map right quick I'm just trying to

make a point you guys are going to [ __ ]

around with me while I'm trying to sleep

I'll [ __ ] around with you hell am ick

idiots [ __ ] ain't smart am I [ __ ]

around with your [ __ ] sleep see the

thing is when someone [ __ ] with you

they disrespect you then you got to [ __ ]

with them five or 10 times as much as

they [ __ ] with you the only way they're

going to get learned a

lesson so I heard they're trying to

shoot this little thing with Ley and

apparently sound's the big thing oh

don't [ __ ] up her precious [ __ ]

sound oh they call it aution did they

were they shooting some with Mr Le are

you guys is this bothering you can you

hear this or this isn't screwing things

up is

it it's got a little siren thing too I

don't know if that's going to [ __ ]

things up just to sec we're rolling over

here for [ __ ] sake sorry guys that

that's that [ __ ] the sound up

or What's your deal just hanging out

here guys I can't sleep for some reason

you know people wake me up and just

thought I'd come down here and hang out

for the day and just talk to you guys

and hang out maybe have a few drinks and

first of all give me this hey you're

Mike Smith I know you this is our

megaphone no I found this in the

woods I was going to just hang out with

it for the day found it in the woods did

you bud here

listen I'll make you a [ __ ] deal how

do you shut this [ __ ] thing [ __ ]

suck see I think people could learn

stuff from me there's a really good life

life lesson there people [ __ ] with you

you [ __ ] back with them five times as

much and look what happens next thing

you know in a [ __ ] hotel room with 24

beer and a half bucket of chicken that's

how you [ __ ] do

things what's the difference between a

donkey and a mule number like sow one

looks like your mother and the other one

looks like his mother number 11 yeah

know that's a different thing all

together a donkey is made from a

horse and a cow

a horse and a cow man uh yeah

no a mu okay no it's a mule is between a

a donkey Fox a fo a

what a baby horse that turns into a

donkey or a

mule [ __ ] boys I don't remember just

tell me what it is I've learned it you

said a donkey's made from a horse and a

cow right

and then that donkey [ __ ]

a baby horse and makes a

mule yeah you got it

Ricky that's exactly right

perfect people [ __ ] say I'm not Smur

[ __ ]

themselves got anything else for me I

don't know man it's hard to [ __ ] see

this screen I can't even [ __ ] believe

that my pictures on this and I'm not

seeing one [ __ ] scent I do love that

Cyrus is riding a big giant [ __ ] horse

the Republic of malova they've got the

highest liquor consumption out of any

place in the entire [ __ ] world I want

to go there that tennis player was from

there wasn't

she Martina malova with a nice

breasted Martina navat trova is that her

name it's not malova man okay sorry the

prince of mtoa

what what did I don't even know what you

said all I heard was M baked out of your

God damn [ __ ]

yes I just don't I don't even want to

look I don't want to read just tell me

one more time I'm ready I'm going to eat

my chicken and I'm going to listen I'm

I'm done man I'm totally done I don't

even know what I was talking about I

thought you said something about the

prince of M I said there's a place

called the Republic of mtoa oh wow so

that's all we learned is a [ __ ] place

booze out of anybody in the world in

this small [ __ ] place well yeah

they're saying it's like 14 leaders a

year that's not a lot 14 lit a year

straight alcohol we drink [ __ ] 14 liters

Jes that's on average on average big

year yeah [ __ ] Canada they couple liters

a week for me they say it's like 13 or

something 13 or 14 liters a year yeah

that can't be right no 10 I'd like them

to

find for in a month just do Nova Scotia

I bet it would be yeah at least 14

liters a month oh it's way more than

that I mean is that hard liquor is that

beer if it's beer [ __ ] 800 liters a year

I don't [ __ ] know man I don't want to

this seems this is too much work right

now boys I got to go feed my kitties

what the [ __ ] are you doing here lady

Jesus

Christ guys in are you boys no nothing

to see here bud just minding our own

business actually I hear there's a

little uh little freebie going on

today little what

freebie Che boys you owe me five

bucks and I'm getting it I'll deduct it

from your live fees you're looking real

pretty

boys that's a weird thing to

say all right now I'm going yeah me too

what's up dude can I come hang out with

you [ __ ] worries

are you [ __ ] kidding me I got [ __ ] to

do today okay later man tune in next

time when something cool

happens

warning the following program contains

really coarse language weed alcohol

consumption smoking and sexual

inferences this content may not be

suitable for viewers under 18 to

activate parental controls please press

the go yourself button button on your

remote

[Music]

control here's a couple more here recky

that I was curious about how to

unmela [ __ ]

yeah yeah why were you googling that

because two of my [ __ ] cups one of my

plates and a couple of my plastic

kitties were melted yeah I'm sorry about

that is that what you Googled there and

I'm sorry about Lucy's plastic mixing

bowl I melted it and then I was like

[ __ ] there's got to be a way to

unmelted think there would be it's

[ __ ] stupid that you can melt

something and then you can't [ __ ]

unmelted why would they invent [ __ ] like

that well it's called ruining it Ricky

you ruined the [ __ ] thing right but

if it was made of of something that

unmelted once it was melted it wouldn't

get red how would you unmelted though

when you melt something it's you know

it's burning it Ricky like it's part of

it's going away you can't just you can't

harness all the vapor and put it back

together but you would think if you

melted something with a blowtorch that's

heat so if you put it in a [ __ ] extra

cold freezer it would be like take it

back to where it was no it doesn't work

but like that Terminator like that

Terminator D dude is that what you're

talking about they've got [ __ ] like that

now yeah they just it's probably

expensive and they don't make household

products out of it bows out of that [ __ ]

Where to steal diamonds why in the [ __ ]

were you googling that cuz I'm [ __ ]

sick of living like this and I just

diamonds I don't know if you know this

but they're one of the most valuable

things in the [ __ ] world they're a

girl's best friend and they're her I

wanted to make something out of them

that's extra her that would last forever

they could make like car tires out of

diamonds that would be

neat you know what [ __ ] it would cost

to make diamond tires there'd be a lot

but if you stole a [ __ ] ton of them you

can make all kinds of [ __ ] stuff out

of them

how teeth uncomfortable of a ride would

it be imagine if you could replace all

your teeth with diamonds nothing can

[ __ ] with them it's one of the hardest

things in the

world clear diamond teeth [ __ ] be

cute you'd look [ __ ] cool wouldn't

want to go to open up your mouth and

just glisten someone want to [ __ ] rob

your your mouth though man you wouldn't

want to go see the

who get it I don't get it man they

always had that big laser show oh you

just open

hit you in the teeth it would go

everywhere cool this ball this is one

your Wu that I was really curious about

Peter forsberg's

eyes okay that's a bad one what is up

with you in his eyes man you've

mentioned his eyes on several occasions

well it just I don't know I always

thought that I had pretty nice eyes and

then he comes along right so it's kind

of

like we're almost like enemies I guess

and you're always checking out your

other enemies see what his weap you

think Peter forsberg realizes your

enemies because you're jealous of his

eyes if you saw my eyes maybe he would

be he probably wouldn't be because he

knows his are better I don't know but I

was just looking at them to see what it

is about them that makes them better

than

mine what did you conclude it doesn't

mean anything there's nothing wrong with

looking at Another Man's eyes to see why

they're better than yours that doesn't

mean [ __ ] off so you think he's got

beautiful eyes I never said the word

beautiful you think you have you know

nice eyes I think he has qualities about

his eyes that make them Superior to

mine and I'm a little jealous what would

those qualities be shape

color all of it pretty much yeah

size oh I hope they put up a picture

like a nice picture of Peter forsberg's

eyes right now [ __ ] perfect wolf

eyes anyway I so what I Google a man's

eyes doesn't mean anything how come

you're not talking about the other

things I searched perfect tits I search

because those are boring I know why

you're Googling that I wanted to know

why you're Googling these other things

does the queen smoke

weed well yeah that's a great question

because we're going over there and she

turned 90 which is pretty cool she made

it that long so I was going to [ __ ]

well first I'd like to smoke could joint

with her for her 90th birthday but if

she's not up for that I could at least

leave her a little something as a nice

gift it's a [ __ ] Queen you're

supposed to do nice things for her she

doesn't smoke weed how do you know she

Liv to be 90 she probably

does anyway she does she does have a

drink every morning you guys are going

to be jealous when all of a sudden I

[ __ ] where were you last night Ricky

I'll tell you where I was [ __ ]

smoking [ __ ] hash with the queen

where were

you

[Music]

welcome welcome once again to the Randy

L show if we got a show for you today

every Randy that's right Mr Le and you

got the name right Randy Le show I'm in

the Le Randy show Randy Ley show whom

thinkest thou cometh on our show today

randers cometh who this is the Jim Le

literary episode Anders and we have got

a Shak Ian expert is going to come on

the show today really I hate Shakespeare

M Shakespeare I don't like them at all I

don't be or not to be that is the

question Mr Le that's a dumb question if

you're in the car and there's a bee

buzzing around stop and let the friger O

you can get stung on your nipple Mr Ley

this and you this is a show where we

enhance our acting skills whereby we

achieve fame and fortune on the

Magnificent stages of London and New

York City rers well this really stupid

but you sound like an idiot Mr Le no I

don't really you don't sound like your

normal self and we don't have to do that

we practice at the blanford recreation

center everybody and I think that's

enough isn't it Mr lady IO Quanto my

dear Bendis we need to improve our

performance skills so we can conquer

[ __ ] Mountain randers sounds really dumb

Mr Le well that's what you think bodler

oh if you ask me it's stupid well what

should we have for to oh I have a new

episode what a new segment on our

episode what have I gotten in the bag

banders you're in the bag Mr yeah that's

true you remember what the producers

said they said that you're not allowed

to drink you're only going to have to

drink half of that today Mr Ley I'm okay

just give me a good one this time just a

little sippy pool Andy just for courage

do a little more what what come on just

a little let me see how much I got

yeah Mr Ley cheers Randy there's not any

give give me a drink what are we going

to drink rers that's not enough for for

[ __ ] sake s that pie of [ __ ]

stop okay today we're going to drink to

ry's big gut no we're not going to drink

to my big gut I think what we should do

we should have a toast today to all of

the people all the fans to season 10 is

what we should toast to season 10 Seas

to season 10 our fans love us out there

they love season 10 season 10 okay so

roller

rolling roll what Mr Le he's showing the

footage Randy showing the footage show

footage of what show the [ __ ] footage

of when we were on the road

Randy [ __ ] you [ __ ] you lady you guys

seen Mr lady

there he's freaking

drinking propane

[Music]

propane propane

propane

propan

propan I love you

guys swearnet.com say

it say it one more

timeand lady

showy say the Ley with Randy

show

Randy with

show

Fu off

wa just way he's coming up right now

here we

[Music]

go that was good was it what

was yeah that was how much our fans love

us oh yeah boy they love us oh Mr Ley

this is good liquor is

good so Licor

okay so today Randy we have a special

we're going to do the dictionary game

okay bu no Mr we agreed that we're going

to do something I'll tell you what I'll

tell you what to do how would you like

20 free meals that didn't at all 20 free

coupons Randy andw

Tada and and you want to know why we do

this every week Randy in my little book

called the diction go to the

dictionary.com and you can get one of

these books you can ERS online read this

I don't want to read it this is a

literary episode you got to be that'ss

why do we have to teach people words

they can go to school

ditismilan Co incidence by posing

questions and having them answered by

pointing at random in dictionaries of

any language dict tsts believe every

atom of every element contains the map

of the universe the the every atom in

every element contains the map of the

universe and it's true and I didn't make

it up it's a true

[ __ ] Ricky Brown had a fume near-death

experiences and it does tend to bring

him closer to the

Lord one of the near-death experiences I

can remember is is almost being killed

by someone I

knew uh they they lost the man and rck

rcky was there to to help that person he

almost killed the the the person he

loved most his wife and Ricky Brown

stood between him naked and no clothes

on telling him don't don't it was me

Rick Brown through himself In Harm's Way

much like he would a bus or oncoming car

or a rhino or maybe a hippopotamus

whatever hippopotamus is are vicious

creatures you see them live vicious

creature the big old mouth say the

herbivo but [ __ ] Mouse swall

your

ho I

digress jumping in front of of that

person he knew uh helped Ricky

understand that you know in that moment

uh he almost got his ass kicked and his

life was almost ended uh you know since

then I you know I believe that that that

Act of Valor that act of Honor that

Ricky Brown did the S selfless act that

he did might have brought this too

closer together they're not friends with

Ricky anymore but you know Ricky does

pay child support now

but everything worked out and I found

the Lord and they was brought together

it's things like that that make me

realize Rick Brown was meant to be

yeah God got a plan for

him and he got a plan for

you all right welcome to a date with

class and my brief interactions with you

all I have realized this is something

you seriously need especially for those

of you who are getting out soon okay you

need to know how to treat a lady okay

we're going to talk about etiquette and

we're going to talk about not [ __ ] it

up

all right so who thinks that they know

how to treat a lady on a date come

on all right so you're picking me up for

a date let's go what's your first

move okay problem number one does anyone

know he sat down too fast exactly Freddy

what should he have done Freddy he

should have slowed it down took his time

took his time with what sitting down no

no no the first thing you need to

compliment me make me feel good okay

this nice those nice finger those really

nice fingernails it's like really

nice all right so let's say um I'm sorry

who do you think I am am I supposed to

pull out my own chair here oh Jesus man

Jesus Christ Larry what the [ __ ] man

wonder why you're

single thank you all right what next

anybody help her help the chair in push

the chair in for her Jesus [ __ ] man you

better off staying in here

okay what the [ __ ] he doing now sit

the [ __ ] down [ __ ] waiter does that

[ __ ] Waiter on now does anybody see a

mistake that he's made

here for he didn't go to the bathroom

and use his one hitter paper napkins why

the [ __ ] am I on a date without cloth

napkins that's that's all they had of

the that's all the that's all they have

that's all you have of the facility

that's all you have you want cloth

napkins at least there's a tablecloth

okay and here we are so small

talk so what what was your first time

like was it good nice whoa that's a

great question yeah can anybody think of

a better thing he could have started

with when will when when will you guys'

first time be M 13 it's like was like

okay you know I had one of those hot

cousins right and uh you don't want to

you don't talk about banging your first

cousin on the first date jeez what is

wrong with you you're trying to get out

of here you supposed to talk about

banging at all no don't probably not no

I'm really close to my mom my mom's like

you know like my best friend and um okay

nobody cares nobody wants to hear about

your mama nobody wants to hear about

your exes just ask me about my day and

we'll go from there all right that's

good yeah

um how was your day how was your day

thank you eye contact do you see that

that's really nice not not down here but

up here this is this is good stuff

actually I would never do any of this

stuff it's [ __ ] boring and then you

need to listen okay right no you don't

have to look like you're listening but

actively try and understand what I'm

saying okay [ __ ] is wrong okay

okay okay but that makes me feel like

you're going to kill me so let's find a

balance in

there

okay now you're just thinking pervy

thoughts so we need to find something

that your face can look like that isn't

scary that doesn't give me bad dreams um

and doesn't make me feel like all you

want is sex that's is there a trick to

that like cuz you know when you're on a

date with woman in her not to look down

here you don't want to you know it makes

them feel weird and you're trying not to

but you just find your eyes going there

is there a trick to that I actually

think if you just look right through her

okay yeah right past then you will be

less in danger of looking down but what

if they're talking to you that's that's

good look no not your eyes or

lips look through look your titties

might be talking to them oh Jesus the

titties aren't going to be talking to

you you know what just right through

your eyes man if you're that concerned

you should just jack off before the date

so your mind is clear okayy can you

write that down for me can you write

that down for me how many times as many

as you feel will make you a civilized

member of society I've been told if you

do that and then you go on a date and

you still want to have sex with a person

and you really like them there you go

that's a real Crush that's love okay

that's romance yeah yeah so remember

that you're some

romantic I'm just horny okay do we know

about the cutlery situation uh the fork

goes on the left I think mhm and when

you have multiple Forks you start on the

outside and work your way in okay why

you need multiple Forks

well hopefully you've taken her

somewhere nice so you're going to have

multiple meals you're going to have your

appetizer your entree and then your

dessert well Chinese buffet you use the

same fork for everything you're eating

though look unless you plan on ending

the night in the bathroom do not take

your date to a Chinese

buffet I've been in the bathroom before

it's kind of fun

sometimes little crammy but you can

still do it oh my word all right so we

start our meal um some topics to maybe

avoid we've already discussed the

banging uh your ex your mom probably

your time here because I mean let's be

honest nothing to be proud of right I

thought chicks dig guys in

jail that is up to you that is if that's

who you're looking for that's fine no

talk

time all right it's really about the

eyes and the body language but remember

not the creepy eyes

yeah light your bottom lip is there best

color of I to look

for best color of eye you just said it's

all about the eyes and I don't know like

the look in the eyes okay look in all

right yeah so no eye color no no not a

specific eye

color um so hopefully the date goes well

you stayed away from those topics you're

having a nice time and let's talk about

the end of the night okay yeah so

okay make sure you got your

car thank

you back that's great so we're here I I

like your the lipss really it's really

it's really nice whoa

okay [ __ ] kiss her what the [ __ ] easy

there Romeo you know what you go on a

date do whatever you got to do you're

[ __ ] either way and just

Wheels horse wheels wheels I do that was

me these probably aren't all me but that

was

me why were you googling that horse

Wheels well I was pretty baked and you

know how they have horse shoes so I was

wondering you know if instead they had

horse wheels and then you could just

roll your horse

around it would save you know some of

his energy and if you had to move him

like in a tight area like especially if

the wheels turned every way you just

like move them forward or sideways what

would you do would you like you mean

like a set of casters you just screw gun

them right to the bottom of EX yeah or I

don't know if you'd screw gun them but

like maybe Velcro so they're quick

release or I don't

know so you want to velcro some casters

onto a horse that you don't

own why were you thinking about this you

don't even own a horse I know but would

it make the horse faster is another

question once you got the hang of it oh

my [ __ ] Ricky kind of like roller skates

I guess but on a horse

whaty why would you why would you even

think about that like I cuz I've been

trying to come up with one of those

million-dollar ideas and anyway Wheels I

couldn't find anything on it so you

should start a Kickstarter campaign

recky get HSE wheels off the ground what

is that how do you do that I'll show you

you go on the internet and you just put

up your ID and you ask people to give

you money horse Wheels it's got a good

ring to it horse wheels.com

you got to luck for that one this is one

here

that a pair of them actually that kind

of took me by surprise why were you

googling how to barbecue a guinea

pig and then immediately after that how

to barbecue a pork

pack I've been doing a lot of uh

research in lately and I just trying to

figure out different food Al alterative

Foods

so you know people don't have a lot of

money there's all kinds of those things

[ __ ] around and I just want to know

if people have barbecued them and if

they have what they would use to make it

taste good and if it tastes good even in

the first place couldn't find a lot on

it so as an alternative food source yeah

you're recommending guinea pigs and

porcupines just throwing it out there I

don't know never heard of many people

eating them before maybe it's like did

you barbecue one tell me the truth maybe

it tastes like [ __ ] KFC or something

good tell me did you barbecue a guinea

pig I need to know cuz I use that

barbecue what's the right answer here

bubs the truth recky truth sometimes is

not the best answer all the

time

I I didn't I did not barbecue a por ack

you didn't put that way why would you

want to though but you barbecued a

guinea pig

then well little mohe headed little

guinea pig got pretty fat and he died

so I'm thinking what do you do bury them

or do you not waste them and make a meal

out of

them didn't turn out so [ __ ] good

that's why you know I was trying to

think what did you have them with did

you have them with like some you know

like a jacket potato potato

salad you had a potato salad with guinea

pig you did eat a guinea pig not the

whole thing no cuz it wasn't [ __ ]

very good Ricky did you pull them apart

like you know eat his little legs and

stuff the legs are just a bit smaller

than like a chicken you know when you

get chicken wings and they throw in the

little mini legs sometimes it's lot

smaller

man like

Ricky all right guys sorry for [ __ ]

trying out new foods do people actually

eat guinea pigs or porcupine do they

actually do that actually they do eat

porcupine I did see that when I Googled

it didn't say anything but barbecue in

little [ __ ] but you can cook them

it's one guy roasts them in the

oven

God Ricky if I catch you [ __ ]

barbecuing Porky picks or guinea pigs or

any of

that that's probably why I'm sick man

I'm probably sick because of that [ __ ]

like the guinea pig if it died Ricky it

could have died because it ate rat

poisoning or something bad I mean you

just can't eat [ __ ] like that it's dead

better if you killed

it don't why would you tell him just

saying I could have died from some

[ __ ] disease man do go to a pet store

and [ __ ] buy a couple guinea pigs and

strangle them and throw them on the

Queue but why don't you just go through

a [ __ ] drive-thru and get a burger or

something man for 99s cuz that's plain

and

[Music]

normal

warning the following program contains

really coarse language weed alcohol

consumption smoking and sexual

influences this content may not be

suitable for viewers under 18 to

activate parental controls please press

the big go yourself button on your

remote control

[Music]

[Music]

you ever hear the game if you could

have that's when I invented if you could

have yeah all right so you just pick a

different thing you know each time you

play so we can just pick like up and you

invented this game yes this been around

forever man ever since there been a

lottery this this game's been going on

it's just basically if you win the

lottery what do you want right it's

basically the same [ __ ] thing no it

isn't no it isn't there things you can

get with a just cuz you won the lottery

doesn't mean you can have air okay if

you could have a [ __ ] superpower

could you have that if you won the

lottery okay so what are you saying if

you could have a superpower you're

wondering what it would be yes and then

you discuss obviously yourselves see

that's complicated cuz you're going to

pick flying it'd be [ __ ] cool to fly

but what if you could trade in flying

for like three like you could run 55

mile an hour maybe walk on water

and F on demand or something like

that fire on demand that'd be like a

that's not considered a superpow man so

you would trade in flying to be able to

run 55 miles an hour walk on water and

fire it on

command well I'm just saying you'd have

to to really think about it wouldn't

you I don't think you would Ricky you

wouldn't trade in flying for that well

[ __ ] running 55 miles an hour would

be cool and trail behind you no you're

in a room full of people that [ __ ]

pissing you off just start dropping

bombs little bomb you do that anyway I

know but then you could do it

more it's not even a superpower recky

well some of them are um

okay what would you guys

have what would you be Julian what if

you could have a superpower what would

it be besides Incredible strength which

you already have [ __ ]

off no I'd be okay what if the

superpower was was uh I could Flex [ __ ]

off Buffs all right I'm me Flex Flexes

in his arms blow everything in the room

up I'm passing his biceps just destroy

everything in the room and light PS out

of them I know you guys get [ __ ]

carried away with this [ __ ] out of the

game not playing what about a machine

gun

penis

why I don't know what does it shoot

Ricky whatever you want to I guess

but yeah you can take that in a bunch of

different

ways like a machine I want to hear what

yours would be no man I told you why cuz

you got mad cuz we said the mega flax no

you you're going to keep on going you

could shoot superglue

what could this machine gun

penis so it would look like what would

your name be if you were a superhero

what would your name be if you had a

machine gun penis

MGP it's not

bad GP super super gun super

gun super holy [ __ ] you're come super

gun everybody dock he's blasting us with

better get out your umbrella

that' be a [ __ ] up superpower

Ricky you what a machine

gun what would you do bubs what would

you have well I never really thought

about it I was more thinking about

inventing the game I wasn't actually

thinking about playing it but I mean if

I was going to do

it you know I would probably be you know

fly at the speed of light

okay that's a great nobody has that

superpower I don't think fly at the

[ __ ] speed of light you could fly up

and meet the tall whites or anybody you

wanted to up in the you know space yeah

they just discovered a bunch of new

planets didn't they is that what you're

telling

me who did I thought you told me they

discovered like 1400 planets or some

[ __ ] I didn't tell you that rck a [ __ ] I

dream that I

guess flying at the speed of light I

don't wait a second you had a dream that

you discovered 1,400 new planets maybe

do you remember what any of them were

called

No but I think there was possible life

or potentiality for life or something

like that so it's kind of cool if it's a

true

dream if it's a true

dream that's so [ __ ] I think flying at

the speed of light would be the T I

don't think that's even a superpower

though is it

well would be nobody can do it seeing

through clothes would be

cool x-ray vision yeah well there's been

that people have had x-ray vision what

about that stretch plastico man or

whatever the [ __ ] like stretch your

armst strong yeah like right now if I

wanted to throw that [ __ ] Plinko game

across the room I could just

go stretch plastic all

man wasn't he a super super that's but

everybody there's been lots of

superpowers where you can you know okay

extend your arm evenor Gadget can do

that for [ __ ] sakes flat speed light

machine gun penis super glue to be

Invincible that'd be something pretty

cool nothing could [ __ ] with you like

nothing

until Ultra not Invincible man comes out

you who's even more more Invincible than

you are see why would you [ __ ] ruin

up like you didn't have to ruin it man

like Mr Invincible is is a good [ __ ]

my name would be the super fast floaty

[Music]

Fatman wrap a

handful

I got to

say

[Music]

wow camera guy you got to get you

something Boom Boom come on Boom man

cameraman lovely lady get your scoop

like two scoops of raising you

understand

me yeah a big one there like two SCS

rais

[Music]

baby

[Music]

I like the way you

[Music]

roll play a partner you hit me

kill sorry man

[Music]

every sister just another sister he

should have

listen every brother would you have

another brother and say I should have

listened to her hello sir how are you

y'all forgive me but I

[Music]

got you got to theath come

back

I my

[ __ ] she was F she was real fine

[Music]

got

[Music]

loose I

got girl take

it youin [ __ ] the way she gra I cash my

dick I need a [ __ ]

withone not

[Music]

[Music]

back in the [ __ ] dick in your

[ __ ] mouth no doubt had to do aout DPC

what we yeah don't you hate AIG TR to

introduce

you you got play

[Applause]

off Never As Good As the

[Music]

First good

they what is going

[Music]

to

to hang out with the

trailer live and

[Music]

[Music]

direct [ __ ] Epic

swi Good As the First

Time come

they it'sa one

day remember the we forget we our we

never spend a minute on gra it's a

possibility

[Music]

so well man pretty good [ __ ] dancer

you go

[Music]

girl

[Music]

nice mellow Mo

everything

relax

[Music]

one of the greatest

[Applause]

[Music]

moment feels as good as the first time

this the first time we smoking together

y'all and it won't be the last

time

[Music]

czy in the

tra get crazy the in the

trail park boys hello today yes we are

going to be talking about a special

little drink ladies and

gentlemen Vat

69 this is an amazing thing

because well some of the things that

come to mind there was a movie what was

the movie The Band of Brothers and the

guys in the guy was the drunk guy was

always looking for the Vat 69 and and it

was a Indian [ __ ] you like those bongy

Wood movies where they

go they they when whenever they show

rich people drinking tickets they're

braking bat 69 because it is symbolic of

upper class I have to tell you one

thing my memories of v69 are exemplary I

think that what happens if you go to New

York City in

1984 with your wife

Barb

and just a little just come on do some

never mind who the [ __ ] I don't I don't

care anymore I don't [ __ ] need to

care anyway it was a hot [ __ ] hot 1984

that was sy withy just refaces the arc

the Triumph in the [ __ ] New York

Harbor on Liberty

Mountain we were over visiting there on

Staten Island I think it is and then we

got back over and it was so [ __ ] hard

the was stri off of me we decided to go

back to the hotel and maybe I was hoping

to get a little something something cuz

nothing was [ __ ] never

mind

oh yeah so well on the way back to the

hotel what did we do I see this little

[ __ ] liquor Boutique it's a little

narrow door in the side between two you

wouldn't [ __ ] believe it two huge

parking buildings with offices and

delicates and all this [ __ ] and this

little thing was a narrow long narrow

Corridor that went about a half a

[ __ ] Mile and every inch of every

shelf on every side was filled with this

amazing [ __ ] pan panoply of liquor

and guess what there was a whole [ __ ]

shelf of that 69 there and I fought [ __ ]

the whole goddamn and you know what was

sitting ni but that it did turn out that

that afternoon in New York City I did

get down and I did get dirty and I did

get a little bit of what bad 69 is all

really about which reminds me no there's

a couple of stories about the v i

remember this is kind of an ideational

uh Brew uh there's something something

about this liquor that gives you

a gives you an appreciation for the

Finer Things of

life and if I may say the true love

between people

ungenerous love like you know what I'm

saying no whole bird nothing back that

is what back

69 now for those of you haven't painted

before you're G to [ __ ] love it

because painting basically what it is is

like it takes something like something

like that and then you're going to put

it on something like this which is like

your canvas so it's almost like taking

that and putting it here with paint or

taking a picture of that with paint so

if you don't have a camera you want to

remember something painting is a good

way to [ __ ] do

that so the first type of painting we're

going to do it's called a still alive

what I've been getting really good at

lately is painting vases with flowers in

them so we're going to start with that

so the first thing you want to do is

take your [ __ ] paint

plate take a big brush like this pick

some [ __ ] colors today I'm feeling

like orange I don't know must be the

[ __ ] drugs I'm on take some orange

mix that with a bit of white just start

making big [ __ ] circles like [ __ ] off

I forgot one thing you got to staple

your [ __ ] sucking canvas to the Border

it's going to be all

[ __ ] ah

[ __ ] make sure your finger is not behind

the [ __ ] painting when you staple it

or you'll get

cut [ __ ] sakes just put the little bit

of that there for some

character once that's [ __ ] secured

you [ __ ] take your

paint make these C [ __ ] I got black in

there now but that's fine it's still

kind of

[Music]

cool just want to make a bunch of

[ __ ] circles like this

[ __ ] off you're going to get

broke and you want to tape the shape of

your vase tape that so it doesn't get

paint all over it I'll get back to that

later

so I'm going to finish this and chipper

will probably [ __ ] cut to the next

part when this is done so go smoke a

joint have a drink we'll see you in a

couple

seconds that's pretty [ __ ] good right

there so once you got that done the top

part just put some kind of a weird

little [ __ ] base there you want to

take your tape want to heel that the

[ __ ]

off all right so once you got that you

want to take a smaller

brush [ __ ] I guess I don't have a

smaller brush so you have to end up

making a smaller

brush always remember to take drinks and

smoke more joints it helps with

painting So once you got that [ __ ]

thing made you just want to start

outlining this [ __ ] vase and you

don't need to make it look too [ __ ]

good cuz it's going to look good

anyway yeah I shouldn't used [ __ ]

gray here should used a different color

[ __ ] up a little bit so maybe

blue and see most people would look at

this and think this is a vase but I kind

of secretly tried to make it look like a

bit of a [ __ ] cuz I find cock's

funny so there once you got that done

then you want to take some [ __ ] maybe

a

blue all right so that's how you kind of

make your vase sort of looks like a

penis but nobody's going to know that

except

you the next thing you want to do is

take another small breath

brush which we seem to be not having a

[ __ ] lot of you guys could have had

more [ __ ] brushes and better

equipment here for this [ __ ] show but

it's all right I'll make one out of one

of these little meat

painters now you just want to [ __ ]

get some flower stems coming up out of

here it doesn't have to look [ __ ]

great cuz it's all going to be hidden

with other

[ __ ] [ __ ] Jesus

Christ normally I have professional

tools and I'm a lot better at this [ __ ]

but still look pretty [ __ ] good

there actually looks like [ __ ] have to

find a better [ __ ]

tool maybe one of these bow scrapers I

don't know we'll try

it yeah it's not bad no it's [ __ ]

shitty

too [ __ ] maybe a

knife that's pretty [ __ ] good

actually so there you see some beautiful

flower

stems next you want to put some [ __ ]

leaves on those [ __ ]

suckers this is really starting to take

[ __ ] shape here it's [ __ ]

beautiful actually already which I

wasn't expecting I'm going put some

[ __ ] little flowers up there well I

[ __ ] up put one on a leaf but still

looks

awesome and put some little [ __ ]

weird things around

those all right so I mean normally I'd

take another few hours and really put

some more flowers and [ __ ] in that but

don't have a lot of time so we got to

move on to the other types of paintings

but there you go some people spend you

know 3 or 400 three or $4,000 on a

painting like that for

the Maybe put it over your fireplace or

in your kitchen h on your patio look

[ __ ] pretty good anywhere if you tell

three things about yourself but make two

of them lies okay only one of them's

true then we got to guess you know which

one's the

true that's a good game don't you think

sounds like lots of fun bubs okay well

it's more fun than sitting here watching

that [ __ ] you got to figure out which

one's true should try yeah so you tell

three things about yourself two of them

are not true all right I'm not wearing

any

underwear um Sor how many are true just

one just one true and two lies I'm not

wearing any under underwear uh you can

might put that awful quick like you

didn't even have to think about that so

I'm guessing that's the non lie I've got

a bloody sock on that's on top of a

broken

toe and

I've got

three Easter eggs in my

pocket

okay see this is a [ __ ] great

game I'm guessing as Ru out okay the

obvious he doesn't what was I forget

they were he's not wearing any underwear

he's got a bloody sock on top of a

broken do that's a tough one okay and

he's got three Easter eggs in his pocket

any of those could be true but only one

is he def doesn't have three Easter eggs

in his pocket okay so we'll unim but he

could right he could have

got are you [ __ ] kidding me see that

best game ever okay it's like I knew we

were going to play or something wait a

second Ricky you don't have underwear on

well [ __ ] so there's two that are see I

[ __ ] it up do you have a bloody sock

on no you are you sure I did last week

that's where that one came

from okay well now the game's called two

truth two truths and a lie and then it

works you guys want an Easter egg

they're [ __ ] delicious where did you

get them Ricky Easter candy yeah but

Easter how long ago was [ __ ] Easter

I'm pretty sure it wasn't that long ago

was

[Music]

it

[Laughter]

warning the following program contains

really coarse language weed alcohol

consumption smoking and sexual

inferences this content may not be

suitable for viewers under 18 to

activate parental controls please press

the go self button on your remote

[Music]

[Music]

control I remember in the intermission

last night I was trying to find out some

fun facts about animals was trying to

fun facts about animals yeah yeah why

were you doing that I was thinking about

getting a new pet and I wanted to

research things about different ones

find out what's a good pet my pants are

falling off well pull them up do you

have underwear on who

knows it's flip of a corner you don't

know if you have underwear on or not can

you feel them oh yeah no I do well can't

you feel that you have under I mean I

always know when I have underwear

H

Jesus what do you guys want to do I

don't know that's just I'm reading a

story here it kind of reminds me of

something that you would do who me yeah

remember how you used to go on like [ __ ]

I want to get to Bull prooof F in start

you know I want to get shot by one yeah

we're like no Ricky it it's [ __ ] it

hurts like you can break ribs and [ __ ]

you don't get dead yeah but still you

don't want to get [ __ ] shot man it's

just it's not Norm shoot you in the

neck by an accident you have to get a

bulletproof scarf anyway these two guys

were drinking their neighbors they were

like they put on the vest they're like

let's shoot each others see what it

feels like something [ __ ] tough guys one

guy shot the guy right and it hurt so it

hurt him so [ __ ] bad that buddy picks

up a [ __ ] rifle and shoots him like

unloads the whole [ __ ] that clip at

the guy's vest and killed him he didn't

kill him no but I [ __ ] them up oh my

God went to the hospital and said they

got into a gunfight with

somebody and they were like no you guys

are just [ __ ] shooting at each other

and they're like yeah okay we [ __ ]

did that anyway they're going to jail

that [ __ ] up I don't know man I guess

you're not allowed to shoot at each

other you're not allowed to shoot at

each other yeah even with bulletproof

vest on bulletproof SC not a bad idea

actually bulletproof gloves bulletproof

gloves yeah cuz you're always getting

defensive wounds yeah bulletproof gloves

bullet if you [ __ ] try to stop a

bullet with your bulletproof [ __ ]

glove your hand would be [ __ ] it would

just be all mangled up inside and you'd

take it out in your hand be [ __ ] what if

do kind of man what if you put on two

bulletproof gloves small you're like

you're not catching a [ __ ] baseball a

bulletproof glove and then a bulletproof

Mitten over the whole thing boys it's

still going to break the [ __ ] it's going

to shatter your [ __ ] hand maybe maybe

not depends let's try do you want to try

no I don't I bet you you could look it

up on

MythBusters I bet we can get Cory your

job to [ __ ] try it well of course you

could all right let's try it then

sometime all you'd have to do was

promising something and you've got to

make up a bulletproof [ __ ] glove good

luck with that one I tell you I Nam my

Beaver no calling him nickel nickel yeah

just picture of him on every nickel get

it I know there's a beaver on the

Canadian nickel what's up

nickel we hanging out cool dude what a

horrible [ __ ] name nickel nickel and

he talks like that does he and a like

this hey

bubs hey Niel you got any treats Beaver

treats I don't have any Beaver treats

I'll bring some next time so the beaver

jerky where are you going just checking

out what you got in the fridge here

man you want some quick we got some

quick

fries full bottle of vodka you want a

quick fry there you go that's going to

help you out man that's going to keep

you alive you drink some of this okay

with vodka that's what this is you got

some carrots down there oh man you got

to go into the good section you could

give carrots to oh yeah now we're

[ __ ]

talking egg rolls baby all

right you're cooking are you Ricky in

the middle of the sh quick fries Jesus

Murphy you might want to wrap but like

use a Ziploc bag man you got freezer

burn on of them oh they're not bad how

about some quick fres some sweet and

sour pork and a couple egg rolls yeah

yeah [ __ ] off Christ man Ricky you're

going to break your leg you have a

little bit of freezer burn but they're

not bad oh those are the bear paw ones

too I like those I don't have a

microwave as the only problem where's

your microwave I don't know I think I

sold

it you don't know where your microwave

is do you see it

anywhere I don't know

but how can't you remember whether you

[ __ ] sold the thing or not I have a

weird memory about smashing the [ __ ]

thing you smashed it here Ricky let you

know stand this way so that people can

you know like this well just you know I

just want people to be able to see what

you're doing that's all uh

[ __ ] you still don't know how to work

your oven do

you showed you at least 50

times aren't these supposed to be a

different color

yeah it's supposed to be this color

that's what I'm saying they got freezer

burn man what does that mean you got to

put them in a Ziploc bag to wrap them up

they're fine turn your blower on though

recky or you going to fill the place

with

stink quick fry stink read this Randy

which one shidos scope shos scope all

right everybody from The Diary we have

shidos scope okay that Mr Le I'm reading

I I got you

sh in gr EXP explorar surgery that's

Latin what's is that did I say it right

yeah perfectly okay it's a noun n an

archaic instrument for viewing the bowel

through the sphincter Advanced models

come equipped with [ __ ] lights rectal

dilators bung oil and aprons I don't get

it Mr oh there's [ __ ] scopy right here

sh shidos scopy shidos scopy enough Mr L

stop scopy shos scopy the science of

rectal Telemetry sh recently sidelined

by the feal finger yeah oh and here's a

poem on my side I happily linger as she

Plies her feal finger CP [ __ ] bend over

let L Heat come over new [ __ ] Yorker

January 2011 that's pretty funny Mr lady

okay can you guess what's in the box

Randy coins it's related to the shos

scope Randy [ __ ] piece of [ __ ] is

Randy guess what it is bud I think we

need t hold that it's a pair of scissors

no it's oh it doesn't

open it's a tuning fork it could be what

else do you think what else do you think

try boom

jaom ja boom let me see I can do this

one careful you know what they are

anybody out there in the audio Radiance

know what that little [ __ ] [ __ ] those

are rectal

di what here take these wait for me Mr

lady you that was

mean

lady okay ready time for our word of the

week you want the big dictionary or the

little dictionary what the little

dictionary Mr lady don't forget the

synchronous of of the of the idiotic

Cosmos Randy anything you point to do

this in this dictionary is magical

magicus oh do you want me to open it

I'll just open it at random right there

right there what point to something

Point can you see it says what

immeasurable your gut Randy immeasurable

not measurable Limitless yeah I know

because you have the most wonderful

epiphanous I grew 2 inches last year

it's true from 44 and2 to 46 and2 ry's

got his immeasurable Mr you got to try

this burger I have

a

you know that's that's what oh Randy I

got to drink a toast to ry's Kitchen

make your own burgers using [ __ ] I need

my liquor okay I think you drank it all

but here Mr Le I'll come you got to give

me a sippy poo okay just a little sippy

poo rendy bendy is as sweet as candy

R don't say that

okay oh [ __ ] you head to toll health is

kind of what I'm known for like like you

know some of them guys are just all

upper body and then they have little

chicken legs but I'm trying to like

pretty be much be even hey [ __ ] man I'm

doing something trying to be like even

throughout my whole body like like watch

this

move like that you know not a lot of

guys can do that you know they'd be like

how'd you do that and then it's like

mental physical strength all together

okay one

more [ __ ] slipp re

[ __ ] the

[ __ ] what the

[ __ ] holy

[ __ ]

yeah so [ __ ] tonight's the night I feel

like it's an opportune time for me to

[ __ ] break free get out you know

fight for my life and [ __ ] the prison

life so you know if you if you read

about me in the news later like Terry's

got a bullet in his back like just think

ofon Scott like you know made it out

it's all that mattered I'm running for

Freedom tonight

so probably won't see you again there

Rick Bud cuz like you wouldn't fit

through the crack so I'm kind of leaving

without you but you're a good guy to me

you know like kind of a brother so don't

cry for me Ricky I'm already

gone son of a [ __ ] holy

[ __ ] oh

[ __ ] oh [ __ ] a little bit

pain oh [ __ ]

Ricky

Ricky guys oh [ __ ] I'm in the

walls well I pretty much figure I'll

just enjoy my privacy tonight and

hopefully you know once I lose a pound

or two I can wiggle my way back

out [ __ ]

sakes the good news is I [ __ ] have a

little hidey-hole to to hang out on my

own the the bad news is I ain't really

that

free so yeah like I spent the whole day

and a half there [ __ ] stuck in the

wall and I was like kind of panicking

thought maybe I was going to die and

then like you know out of nowhere this

little rat kind of came up to me and I

you know I think it almost might have

like kickstarted my heart on the final

beat found a little buddy down here

keeping me keeping me safe keeping me

warm and you know I kind of like gave

him a little name here a little Ricky

kind of reminds me of Ricky you know

like got feisty sort of feisty Spirit

you smell that you smelling for some

hash yeah I wish I had some too bud you

want to come back with me to jail what's

up oh no you're free Spirit yes I was

gone I was gone for 40 days and 40

nights and Rick and brown was serving

his time in the prisons now Rick and

brown would like to consider the fact

that since the prison was named the

South Garden Penitentiary he was

spending 40 days and 40 nights in the

garden I find that no coincidence

whatsoever Jesus Christ of course was

somewhat of criminal himself and

sometimes we let ourselves go and we

need to take the time for ourselves

whether or not that's time that has been

slapped Upon Us by a corrupt Police

Department or or simply because the man

is black or because the man might want

to go on his own the fact is is that

while I was there reord Brown had time

to

reflect he had time to think he had time

to to to consider new ways will bring

the Lord into your house I'd like to

bring your attention to

levius verse

24 uh uh number

12 and levius tells us [ __ ] this Bible

man who's [ __ ] with

my levius book

24

T this ain't even the r [ __ ]

man forget that listen man Rick Brown

listen Rick the fact is that Ricket

Brown lives in he goes to prison he

comes back to prison I don't give a [ __ ]

with anyone say all right anyone can

judge me a lot of people judge Ricky

Brown on his first couple shows we'll

tell you what Ricky B got the balls and

the nuts to come up in here he got the

balls of Goliath and he got the dick of

sson and he come up on stage and he has

the audacity to to to come and and and

and

and no [ __ ] man this shit's

hard deuteron 23 number one he that is

wounded in the stones or hath his privy

member removed shall not be welcomed to

the church basically what that means is

Ricket Browns has big balls and he's

welcome in church you get no balls you

get the [ __ ] out all right Ricky has a A

can be here I mean I'm sorry if you have

testial cancer I guess that means you're

not lot in church either but you know

we'll we'll pray for you on your speedy

recovery let us hang our head in

prayer

Lord we

are generally thankful that hot in here

we're generally thankful that

uh Lord if you'll

uh Lord let us hang our heads in prayer

we

can be able to excuse me for a minute

this is all part of

the Ladi and gentlemen we have

a

for

oh n what's up M I'm sorry I'm getting

mean a little too fast sometimes I come

on little bit it's not

my fault I

justu

oh okay

reck Doon uh ver chapter 25 when

you go through your neighbor's Vineyard

you make eat as many of grapes as you

wish but do not put them in your

basket is it time is it lunch time

yet I'm going just use step off for a

minute hey this is Bubbles welcome to

Kitty of the

[Music]

week hey welcome to Kitty of the week

we're at the B wild shelter here again

we got an excellent Kitty being featured

this week this guy here look at this

guy he doesn't have a name yet so you

know you can give him your own or you

can ask me to give him one which I will

happily do if I was keeping him myself I

would call him Blacky Lawless cuz he's

he kind of does what he wants he's a

feisty little guy so he's going to need

you know he's going to need something

let's see if he's into scratchers you

want to get into a scratcher look I'll

just wrap this right around you no he's

not see you can tell right away he's not

into scratching although he does enjoy

belly work I noticed if you if you get

him here like this and you just give him

dogs on his belly like that see that he

calms right down he Eno Joy's belly work

that's a that's a sign of a good kitty

if you can give him dogs on his belly

like that and he likes

it he likes that maybe you need some nip

maybe some nip well you're already

pretty fired up though let's see what I

got in the tackle trunk

here how about green mousi oh yeah that

got your that got your attention didn't

it green

mousy

no no see this is exactly why I call him

Blacky Lawless he just

does the natural laws of kitty physics

don't really apply to this guy he just

does his own

thing but he's an excellent look at him

he's just he likes it all look you can

just give him dogs everywhere he's

definitely a bubble certified Kitty

right there Blacky

Lawless

[Music]

remember how I always want to fight a

grizzly bear and I was thinking about

getting one as a pet so that I could

practice on it as it's growing bigger

eventually I'd be able to fight him full

on no do you know that a grizzly bear's

bite is strong enough to crush a [ __ ]

bowling

ball I don't I don't know what a bowling

ball is made of grizzly bear seems

pretty hard oh my God a grizzly bear can

bite a bowl and ball crush it turn it

the dust how could his teeth be that

strong bowling balls are made out of

Super Teeth they're made out of stone

they're made out of like marble or

whatever they must drink a lot of

milk strong mil doesn't give you strong

teeth like that type of strong teeth why

the [ __ ] isn't this cooking to the

even Ricky why don't

Jesus forget my forget my half quick fry

I'm not I'm not having any of that I

don't want a half quick fry and then

little mo wanted to CL clown fish so I'm

like okay do you want a [ __ ] boy or a

girl he said they're only there only boy

clown fishes they all get born to

boy which I didn't know and I guess it's

true but some of them do turn to females

to enable meeting so they wers fall off

I don't know how it works I'd like to

get one to see it in action well they're

clown fish so he probably just goes

surprise then I was thinking about maybe

getting armadillo just have a unique pet

why cuz they're cool looking and

apparently they're friendly and they

like to

snuggle it says they like to snuggle no

I I just think they might but anyway

these nine banded

bastards they always give birth to

identical quad trets every [ __ ] time

identical quad trets so if I got a

[ __ ] armadillo I can't have four

babies be [ __ ] and I have all of a

sudden five [ __ ] [ __ ] running

around it would be be [ __ ] the [ __ ] is

he talking about I'm not getting an

armadillo don't get a [ __ ] armadillo

then Ricky where would you even find you

know what this [ __ ] you don't need a

microwave look at this [ __ ] that's the

best thing in here what is the sweet and

sour [ __ ] concussion [ __ ] microwaves

microwaves could suck my [ __ ] I was

going to buy bash everything up man I

know Ricky but you would have had cooked

long ago these egg rules are taking

forever this guy Sergeant Rizzle says

what kind of car does Ricky Drive 1975

Chrysler New Yorker I like big cars I

like big cars and I don't know

why get it yeah I get it pubs okay boys

well my name is

Ricky I'm tricky all right that would be

I'm Ricky I walk around I smoke some

dope I walk around I'm

Ricky I'm Ricky Ricky Rick Boys on that

note this it's time to end this we got

to go now why it's time's up time and

now we can eat okay well get like get

serving her up can try this [ __ ] [ __ ]

Ricky you're going to eat with the tongs

I was going to but it didn't work right

oh [ __ ] that's still on you dumb ass fre

[ __ ] man that sucks you're going to

burn

yourself how is it it is [ __ ] good

all right well I'll tune in next week

when recky has food

[Music]

poisoning

Jesus

Christ

[ __ ] warning the following program

contains really coarse language weed

alcohol consumption smoking and sexual

inferences this content may not be

suitable for viewers under 18 to

activate parental controls please press

the big go yourself button on your

remote

[Music]

control no you you cannot [ __ ] turn

off a man's Cable in the middle of the

[ __ ]

playoffs no I get that I come on Buffs

listen bud I need to see the game

tonight okay I will [ __ ] come down

there tomorrow myself and pay you some

[ __ ] money you got to turn it back on

for tonight though if I miss the game

tonight I'm canceling my [ __ ]

cable I don't give a [ __ ] turn it back

on Just for tonight I'll [ __ ] you

know what [ __ ] yourself I'll go watch

the [ __ ] game at the bar you [ __ ]

sucker what happened Ricky Jesus turn my

[ __ ] cable off in the middle of the

playoffs well you don't pay your bills

you got to pay the [ __ ] bill man how

many months overdue is it it's about

[ __ ] time boys been waiting for you

look at this Ricky what the [ __ ] is that

look at this I told you I was get your

microwave no and I got you a [ __ ]

microwave nice he picked it up but you

know we kind of brought it here together

looks pretty old what do you mean we

brought it here together it out and I

carried it it's got stains in [ __ ] all

over it it's used but it's nice Ricky it

works well you know what that's a

[ __ ] nice gift buddy thanks you're

welcome man you're going to have to

[ __ ] teach me all the codes it's easy

to Jesus Christ Ricky you're [ __ ]

it's not me here Ricky plug her

in plug her in I got it at Value Village

six bucks are you serious oh she sounds

like she might work oh she works six

bucks there you go mik wave h on fits in

there nice well that's where microwaves

go that's why there's plug there it's

built for microwave [ __ ] I don't even

remember the codes I remember the code

for popcorn was code

211 I think what are you talking about

codes the codes you pcking punching to

get everything cooked rightly it's not a

code

Ricky popcorn's 230 that's 2 minutes and

30 seconds clean it Jesus Christ Christ

Ricky [ __ ] Ricky Rick Ricky the F [ __ ]

is the [ __ ] is wrong with you man it's

not real Jesus Christ it scared the [ __ ]

out of me Bobs you [ __ ] think it

would scare you that bad Jesus Christ

it's rubber man it's rubber this a

squint it's a what Sint squinty I'm too

big to be doing this with you right now

man I broke my [ __ ] good backer

scratching MH holy [ __ ] that was amazing

that was pretty [ __ ] here bud I didn't

think he

dogs right on boys I got those for you

we're going to have a feast I got those

I carried them but I paid for who

carried them all right okay Julian Carri

the hot dog J PS wow you really need a

here let me see this for one second give

him a pad on the back with it cuz he

really needs it yeah funny what a all

right let's get this [ __ ] going [ __ ]

that scared me I just want talk about

this codes thing Ricky you know that

when you put microwave popcorn in and

you go 230 it just means 2 minutes and

30 seconds it's not a

code what do you mean it's just a timer

it's a timer it's a countdown timer

that's how a microwave works I know

there's like different levels and well

you yeah but you just put it on the

numbers are just times Ricky when you

put in a you put in a roll and you put

it

on 12 seconds did you think a roll was

code one two [ __ ] watch one minute see

59 58 57

56 okay it's a timer can't run a

microwave nothing in it that's how you

[ __ ] them up I know but see when it says

I didn't it says 100 and then it would

go to 59

that's so I thought code 100 was

actually like 59

seconds it's one minute recky 58 59 1

minute 60 seconds I'm feeling pretty

[ __ ] dumb it's all right it's just

not a big deal just don't try to like

stuff a big turkey in there and try to

you guys hungry I got some [ __ ] mac

and

cheese mac and

cheese and I got

some

beautiful chicken fingers the good

kind oh yeah oh yeah a little well done

not bad

not

bad how come you only cook three I made

mac and cheese because that's all I had

left don't be greedy bubs I'm not you

going to have mine I'm not even going to

have one I was just wondering why it's

an odd number he usually cooks you know

12 you guys like lots of butter with

your Mac and Cheese I know I

do you should start a health sha Ricky a

cooking cooking healthy sh Butter's

healthy it's all natural need to add a

stick of butter to one pot craft dinner

whole

stack I know what I'm having I know what

I'm having what else do I need I need

some

milk I'm going to have my vodka Ricky

Ricky you cooked the [ __ ] noodles way

too long man no man this is good I

thought that was mashed potatoes well

you guys were you guys took too [ __ ]

long to get here didn't

you well I was out shopping for a

[ __ ] microwave if you didn't notice I

appreciate that too bubs I got your my

microwave bubbles knows how to Del

delever all right let's get this [ __ ]

thing going whatever it is too much

butter in here butd no no you can never

have too much butter now then it'll make

it too runny you can you can't have too

much butter [ __ ] off man you're making

butter noodles go everywhere see the

problem is you only got one little

package of the [ __ ] cheese stuff

right that's going to just tast [ __ ]

that's still

hot got some saucer here

Ricky you know the hash you left in my

shed the Hat the hash yes it was only

this much it was a tiny chunk but we

smoked it and I am

[ __ ] I'm a little cookaroo need

myself it was the the cash

cashmere it's different than regular

that's for sure stuff is little uh crazy

but it's good isn't it it's something

now depends on what you're doing very

giggly giggly Wily I guess this is

making this a lot more fun huh all right

let's

[ __ ] [ __ ] we're just going to have to

pass a spoon around if that's all

right what do you mean pass it around

we'll have different ones for each

person how about that I just don't want

to have a lot of dishes to do CU I I got

to sleep after this pass the pot

around ready grab a fork mix up [ __ ]

[ __ ] up man I'm [ __ ] getting to that

aren't I you got to mix it I can use my

fork for that I guess did you put milk

into it no not yet I going to just get

it just get doing its thing

first you think eventually we'll be able

to use comets like taxis where we could

just latch onto one and then you know

use it to get somewhere and then hop off

and we could use it as fuel yeah that's

what I mean methane and methanol maybe

we could use it as fuel it's pretty cool

that would be

amazing we do that we can name it after

you bubbles the bubbles transfer orbit

that would be H you heard it here right

there I mean he's the guy that could

make that happen he'd make one phone

call and I got a comet named after

me yeah that's probably I don't know if

you should touch that I actually rigged

up an ejection seat you don't want to

blast yourself into the GDs there you

know this was built outside I wasn't

expecting to be inside so I don't want

to blast you into the ceiling we build

most of our spaceships outside yeah it's

the best place to

build you know cuz

it's well that's all I just want to

thank you so much for for coming and

playing space with me today this was

probably one of the best days of my life

and now I can you know I can show recky

this and maybe he can maybe he could

just give me a couple more lines that I

could teach you want to get ready to

land yes just walk me through the land

all right so we're coming to The Heading

alignment Circle right and uh the

Commander's flying the vehicle during

the heading alignment Circle but he's

going to give it to the pilot for a

minute so I'm flying it I'm watching

we're all on on glide slope and we're

following the uh the left right guidance

and I'm saying you ready to take it and

you say I'm ready to take it ready to

take it you got it okay follow the

follow the heading alignment cone you

got the the stuff in your heads up

display that you're chasing yeah okay

and now we're going to pick up the Glide

slope so you're ready to start down all

right down 30° start tipping it down

pick up the Glide slope that's fine

you're coming down and now you're

watching the the little cursors are

coming up and they're coming up and your

heads up display like this and as soon

as they come in for you start pulling

back on a stick start bringing the nose

up start a flare about a kilometer above

the ground you got the flare coming not

too much nice and smooth 300 ft you call

for the landing gear landing gear okay

down goes the landing gear that's good

we got one two three no Barber PS that's

good okay ease it off and now just hold

it hold on I'm going to call speeds for

you all right okay we got 230 we got 225

2 want to touchdown at 205 cuz we're

heavy 225 220 25 210

205 perfect okay now easy nose down you

got to push forward let the nose down

nose down nose down okay jle you're

going to deploy the drag shoot that's up

here with two buttons like that we got

the drag shoot out okay we're rolling

down the runway jenel little bit of Brak

starting at 100 knots little bit of

break with the toes little bit of break

little bit of break 60 knots ease off

okay and now we got a jettus in the drag

shoot third button there we go drag

shoots off good sound effect and now

we're going to roll to a stop want to be

right on the center line they're going

to take all the pictures yeah sh and

ready and now you say wheel stop Houston

wheel stop Houston outstanding nice work

oh my God I just landed the space

shuttle with Commander

Hatfield it is a little bitter this is

bunny honey and this is uh Miss

Piggy and uh this is uh Dary the

duck and um this is pork the pig oh what

what what up what up doc whatever that

[ __ ] thing is anyway where was

I I don't know where I

was every time I have a drink of

almondine my mind goes back many many

years way back

1978 that's when they first bottled this

stuff I remember the bottles that I

remember was Elmer fed what's up dog not

Bugs Bunny they Bugs Bunny too and they

had Sylvester the cat you know [ __ ]

trying to treaty all the time and then

they had uh Wy coyote the stupidest

[ __ ] coyote

that you should have just

[ __ ]

Co anyway I get it

really when I was first

married she after that when Trina was

born she was just a little bit B little

bit baby and about the same time that

she was going cuz she had [ __ ]

garlicy goar my wife I got a job as

undercover undercover cop and I was what

I was doing and I was hot through I was

investigating a bootlegging

ring these guys are real bad asses and I

I grew a little beard and was [ __ ]

really cool and I got in grape shap

myself with the Hulk [ __ ] bunch of them

and I was [ __ ] I I was on top of my

game but I started having trouble at

home because Barb was saying you can't

stay out till 4:00 in the morning and

expect to have marriage and all that

[ __ ] and one I used to stay up I I

hardly slept at all I was [ __ ] sleep

Defy is one of the most R you can't

[ __ ] think if you don't have

Leaps I used to stay up in that I used

to Fe a little tree over a little bottle

and then sometimes I would take one of

the bottles and I'd take the [ __ ]

Wast of Bine and I take off the the

nipple and I just put some liquor in it

and Barb caught me she hit the [ __ ]

roof I was passing wasted I got I went

down to the tavern where the boys were

hanging out and I walked in there with

my [ __ ] 12 gauge shotgun they didn't

know what the [ __ ] was coming on and I

had a bat and I told him they were all

[ __ ] under arrest and I battered the

[ __ ] out of every [ __ ] bottle in the

place glass flying everywhere and then I

came across these beautiful little

flarin don't spill a little honey and I

thought of Trina and I thought of my

marriage and I was you know sometimes a

little bit you know you get a little

emotional when you when you drinking

sometimes and it stopped me did to my my

tracks and I couldn't smash the figin so

I put him in my

pocket and when I'm putting them in my

pocket [ __ ] big head [ __ ] suuck comes

up [ __ ] whacks me and knocks me out

the next thing I know I'm in a [ __ ]

garbage

dumpster so I still have my

figin so I polished them all off and I

turned myself in at the police

station I was [ __ ] I mean truly [ __ ]

we weren't supposed to bless those guys

for another

month they demoted

me I was on uh picket Patrol from 9:00

in the morning till 5:00 at night come

Rainer shine

L but there not bad thing really because

it saved my

marriage I guess for every cow Liv just

a aligning no doubt about

it the first weapon of choice on Extreme

ped there a potato gun modified a little

bit you want to take some [ __ ] domes

or condoms fill them with some paint

like

this you want to ram them down inside

this one's already ready to

go pretty [ __ ] cool so that one's out

of the way take this guy

here shake the [ __ ] thing down

there all right so that's your potato

guns then you can take like a slink shot

here and get some [ __ ] cotton balls

full of paint just start [ __ ]

blasting also you can use your little

watery

things

[ __ ] that kind of [ __ ] up a bit

but that's kind of cool [ __ ]

off that doesn't work very [ __ ] well

turkey bastards are good though

[ __ ]

Jesus then you can just do that you can

just dip stuff in and just start [ __ ]

throwing on

it it's pretty [ __ ] cool and the

great thing about AB Stacks is you can't

[ __ ] them up that's why I like them so

much and they're a bit violent which is

[ __ ] cool so we're going do some more

potato

gun get the [ __ ] in

there

do a bit of green in the other one the

[ __ ] in

there [ __ ] [ __ ] still painting this

[ __ ] thing so me so throw a bit of

that on

there

[ __ ] try this one I guess

that was pretty [ __ ] all right my

potato guns are [ __ ] up

so just [ __ ] go back to some of this

[ __ ] that's pretty [ __ ]

cool

paint is also very [ __ ] slippery you

need to be careful with that you can

slip on

it Jesus

Christ [ __ ]

sakes

[ __ ] first question's from what the [ __ ]

is this woo w i o uux is that woo like

Sue Falls kind of thing woo it's pretty

[ __ ] up handle all right us fans take

your advice to

Heart nice uh I know you say take it or

leave it but you have a show to do about

giving advice so without going into too

much tell us about yourself specifically

things that will help us to understand

where your advice comes from within why

should we take your advice over that say

of a person with a degree in criminal

science who pretends to know people of

your lifestyle all right number one you

take my advice because it's free well

you know you got to pay whatever you pay

swearing it to to get your subscription

or whatever but it's basically free so

that's number one reason number two I

mean I I've spent I'm going to be

straight with you guys I don't do this

because I love doing it I do it because

I'm getting paid to do it I sit here

swearing I puts this in front of me they

mix me up a drink and I answer a bunch

of questions I get paid 25 bucks today

I'll do like maybe three segment

segments so that's like 75 bucks that's

why I'm doing

it okay so why should you take my advice

um I'm a Survivor I mean I I've

had uh no parents my entire life well up

until till the age of six or seven and

I've done pretty good in my life you

know I've also spent a lot of time in

jail and in jail I've read a [ __ ] ton of

books on psychology okay so maybe my

advice is a little bit [ __ ] up but you

know I'm taking it from the heart like

like you just said there it's from

within I'm giving you what I would do if

I was put in your situation so I'm going

to be straight up with you did you know

we had an official phone number I did

not I do know this What official phone

number there's a phone number number for

Canada 1800 O Canada a [ __ ] I knew that

can we call it yes bus who named the

Earth Earth that's a tough one um Johnny

Earth who named the Earth Earth yeah

don't hurt your brain too much because

there's a this is there's a catch to

this one it's probably God they don't

know they don't [ __ ] know they don't

know I remember that it was probably

somebody in ancient Greece I'm guessing

yeah it's just some dude probably drunk

ah a here just wait Ricky 1 1800 O

Canada got

it

1800 o oh that actually is the right

that's the right number of numbers d

a is this for real oh is it just the

letter o or o h no just one o o c a n a

d a

call put on speaker phone man I wonder

if we're going to get trude though thank

you for calling 1800

so it's real Contin in English

oh whoops [ __ ]

up continue in English press one please

note that this call may be recorded for

quality assurance and training purposes

a why do people call this [ __ ] number

you're on hold so there's tons of people

call I'm on hold but what what do you

want like if you're calling this you

want something I want just want to know

what the [ __ ] deal with the number is

is it Trudeau's line no it's not going

to ring through the trudo might be a

cell phone hello M friend speaking hi

I'm trying to call

Canada well you're calling 800 O Canada

a general information line for the

federal program what is your your

question oh awesome I'm coming over from

uh coming over from Finland and I was

looking for something fun to do what

would you

recommend you're looking from you're

coming from Finland yeah what's the most

fun thing I could do in Canada we're

trying to figure it out if you had to do

one thing what would it be well I here

we are a general information line for

the federal program so okay oh okay we

we hear that we hear that you eat a lot

of mac and cheese in

Canada are you serious no that's we've

got some facts about Canada and that's

what they say that you eat a lot of mac

and cheese so we want to try that out

most macaroni and cheese consumed of any

country in the world and you have a lot

of

lakes you're calling from which city in

uh Canada no I'm calling from Hell s

yes you're calling from Finland yes from

hell

sinki it's hard to hear you okay okay

we're just going to we're just going to

come over anyway it's we love it over

there if you don't have a serious

question for the government of Canada I

will hang up okay sorry Jesus Murphy

that was kind of rude thank you bye

wow kind of rude yeah that is really

[ __ ] not the friendliest number but not

the friendliest so you got to crank up

your friendliness there Canada all right

okay that's it you going to have a name

for this recipe here Rick this [ __ ] that

you made today I think I would like to

call

this heat mac and cheese with deep fried

chicken parrots all right okay we're

going to throw that recipe up for

everybody that's watching this so you

pretty simple just mac and cheese you

cut up some chicken fingers the good

kind the real [ __ ] chicken meat and

lots of hot sauce [ __ ] it's good I would

put extra cheese in maybe a cheese

slice yeah okay there we have it think

we're done

boys

[Laughter]

CH [ __ ]

off

warning the following program contains

really coarse language weed alcohol

consumption smoking and sexual

inferences this content may not be

suitable for viewers under 18 to

activate parental controls please press

the go s button on your remote

[Music]

[Music]

control as long as I don't need a

[ __ ] degree for for this I found my

job you're calling here we go plan

research write romance novels additional

activities include answering

corresponden conducting business

transactions dialogue with agents or

Publishers okay reick okay here's a

scene I'm going to set up a scene for

you you're with the chick right this

isn't the romance novel that you're GNA

write yeah and you're going to make out

with her in the car so let's just you

describe to me what you're going to do

in a romantic way did she start it or do

I start well you got to tell us tell us

you got to tell us

manay R theater or whatever where would

you put where would you set it where

would it take place and is there an

armrest or is it a bench seat whatever

you want whatever you want man this is

your romance novel I think bench seat

okay okay this is good bench seat in a

car yeah okay okay just just some left

over Chinese food I guess maybe all

right let's put us there man describe

what's going on Ricky is eating the food

and feeling good just when he thinks

nothing's going to happen he's going to

go home alone

again she reaches over puts your hand on

his

thigh okay and then what and then why

I'll keep it cold man I'm there I'm

already SC I'm in the car [ __ ]

watching this movie

then R Ricky got a blistering

erection

blistering I don't know I have to think

about the words so it's more romantic I

do this though no no no keep it going

keep it going Ricky a bless during

erection describes that part very

well do you think you'd say erection or

boner erection is more

romantic was a sudden r of blood to his

penis no that's good no it's good yeah

sounds really romantic okay else

romantic and scientific what else

happened then what did you

do realizing that he had no protection

with them Ricky tried to cool things

down a little

bit what did he do

[Laughter]

man he ate another chicken ball tried to

ignore the advance

it's good

man okay so and what happened next then

what happens I'm getting into this movie

this movie is great go for round two to

try again or she moved her grip up his

leg all right maybe I should find

another

job I think you're actually quite good

read this cuz I'm picturing fabiio in

there already oh look look who's picture

ofio you're not picturing like you know

I Char or something you're picture I

picture fa wanting to be in the book

Sean pan or somebody like that

maybe oh look who's picturing Sean I'm

saying you be

picturing

uh there's another one here called uh

erotic screenwriter

okay okay well yeah you're you're good

man write scripts heavy in nudity and

sex that's basically writing fornos oh

[ __ ] you only get like 4,000 to 12 4,000

12,000 per script that's a lot some good

cat bang to script A Day couldn't

you you been writing pornos Ricky who

watches more porno than

you so that scene that you were just

describing in the romance novel now

rewrite that scene as a porno yeah yeah

and watch how much easier it is can you

give him like some little porno mus see

what he can do cuz he's really good no I

want to hear the exact same scene you're

in the car some leftover Chinese food

done what

happens they can't control their hunger

anymore even as they're still finishing

their chicken balls they start the kiss

with chicken ball going back and forth

inside their

mouths okay all right yes see I've never

seen that in anything are you naked at

this point or no but that quickly

happens okay so now you're naked clothes

are ripped off before the chicken balls

are even

finished where's the chicken ball at now

recky is it getting ped into other

places it's just [ __ ] falling out and

it's just going everywhere no one

cares why aren't you chewing the chicken

ball why are you just passing it around

so much

it's more about the sauce okay the sauce

okay what's going on S sour sauce is

just

everywhere remember that mie licked off

and brushed on and licked off again n

and a half nine and a half weeks style

do you guys remember that one yeah that

was a good what is anything getting

dipped in the dipped in the sauce in the

big bucket of sweet sour sauce what

would get dipped in there your wer oh

[ __ ] that's i' never thought of trying

something like that well maybe I'm

co-writing this with you okay awesome

boys okay so all of a sudden his wiener

goes in the sweet and sour sauce now

what happens Ricky she's got to find a

way to clean it

off what is she how is she going to do

that I would think with her

mouth

hey yeah I get it yeah okay porno

guys thanks for coming to SSP safe

sexual practices very near and dear to

my heart you know why I'm going to tell

you why CU very unfortunately when you

guys leave here you have a very high

chance of either Contracting an STD or

getting some man or woman pregnant right

when I was a young fella we used to

party our butts off all the time

drinking we were up all night there was

all kind of relations with all kinds of

peoples and there was no protection

being used if I could take the time back

I would have protected myself it wasn't

talked about back then now our job here

is to rehabilitate these men in this uh

institution and they've got to be

prepared for the real world it's

dangerous out there now I'm just going

to do a little demonstration here on

this banana this is called a condom or a

rubber I don't know if you've ever seen

one of these but you just uh you just

got to slide it on I'll show you

how you just got to get a good grip on

your your pecker and uh you uh put it on

the top like this you see you squeeze

the air out of it and you roll it down

just nice and slow I don't enjoy it one

bit it's part of my job okay and it's

it's a dirty uh aspect of the job that

someone's got to do but I'll tell you I

do it with pride and passion you don't

want to rush this right you got to get

it done right you know you count uh the

washroom stalls and the malls you talk

the campgrounds you talk about all the

places I met some beautiful people and

was you know you can't help it when

you're young it's you're it's the

passion inside of you and uh I just had

uh many encounters Anonymous encounters

which I wish I could take back but

that's what happens when you're young

and full of piss and vinegar you're

going for

it anyway

see damn it ah these bananas never work

um okay let me think here okay we're all

buddies here so uh I'm going to share a

little something with you just between

us all right I haven't had anything that

I couldn't get rid of with a you know a

little bit of help from my doctor and

you know some meds clear everything up

nothing too serious but uh we've all had

that happen to us you know like three or

four probably minor uh issues going to

show you how this really gets done and

uh it's only going to take a sa be much

more effective I think everyone's

familiar with crabs and chlamydia things

like that sort of minor but then there's

some major things I've encountered you

know syphilis

gonorrhea sort of itchy things that

drive you half to your mind you know uh

itching and dripping all the time I

don't like that you really get the

[ __ ] right idea we're always naked in

here there's gang showers there's

everyone's it's like a Sausage Factory

okay that's the first thing so it's no

big deal to them that if I have to uh

you know get myself standing straight up

and put one of those things on they see

it all the time and it's just uh you

know in just like in war with the

military you get it as close to the real

thing as you can and anything else it

just doesn't cut it okay now hold on so

you get your you get your knob in your

hand and uh we're going to try again now

the when I put the condom on Pro L it's

going to slide down just like a slug on

a wet

Leaf yeah look at that that's nice it's

got to be used every time all the time

to be safe to keep your diseases to

yourself which is what I always say you

don't need to spread them if you got

them you got to you know keep them away

from other people and not tell anyone

and it just goes all the way down now uh

come on up and uh if you guys want to

have a look or if you want to uh here

any anyone uh want to come up and give

it a try and uh you'll really get a good

grip on it and come on up come on here

we go all

right that's it take your time we don't

have to rush you know I think today was

a huge success uh the guys all it was a

hands-on experience and uh I was a

little surprised at just how quick they

were to jump into The Fray but uh there

was a lot of excitement and energy and

uh everyone got involved and uh was

helping each other out I saw men who are

normally at each other's throats giving

each other a helping hand which uh I

really really

liked okay you do a little crack Mr Le

and you go close close to the grill you

open it up it comes out in a pool

beautiful Randy that's how you cook the

egg bur I like those eggs that's great

okay now here Mr leg here oh my God

secret to a good cooking show is having

clean uh grilling surface don't that's

my Jack symbolic I [ __ ] see it right

in there look he's smiling at me Randy

this Bun's done Mr Le we just put that

one in and you put that on the side

right there while that's going you grab

another bun like this take it you put it

down you pop it down the of the [ __ ]

Ry rag look cheese is melting we got to

turn the heat up just like that okay now

what you can do now that the Bacon's

heated you can take it and put it on top

of the cheese everybody would you put it

in well Mr Le some people put it right

on the egg so you just put it right

there so now you

got oh [ __ ] what did you do it's hot

it's hot Mr Le I love your Chens okay

and while the eggs are you got to let

the eggs cook a little bit and then you

get your your condiments so we got a

tomato here this is the food

group [ __ ] listen Mr show yeah but we

only got a certain amount we got a big

[ __ ] Show Ladies and Gentlemen well

maybe if you let didn't start until I

freaking got here for frak Sak that does

make any sense this is a great so you

get nice tomato slices like that you're

good and we got some lettuce because

this is the roughage this everyone needs

a little bit of vegetables in their

lives I like Lim that's limp you got to

get the nice like the good greasy stuff

that's perfect I covered one of these

for Halloween so a little taste test y

yeah it's it's good these this lettuce

compared to that other lettuce that Roma

or whatever it's called this is no

calor they grow this on icebergs Mr Le

but you can put stuff on like like L

salad oils Randy okay this is the very

important part flipping the eggs are

very difficult now you're that's your

egg Mr Ley your egg is f m nights new no

you got because you're supposed to do

mine is [ __ ] character that looks

like a [ __ ] egg anybody can make any

[ __ ] diner for $2.99 breakfast but

that [ __ ] egg that's our all right Mr

Le you're getting the this burnt piece

hey we have to save one for our guest

well we're going to make one we going to

last buns are going in the toaster okay

I'm going to leave Randy at his cooking

show no you don't leave me oh yeah I got

to move on for this we got to lock the

cover today bud Mr Le we're almost done

okay okay okay please well you go ahead

if you need more I I'll continue cooking

over here but I want to be able to you

want to say something to the fans people

about oh that's Overkill you don't have

extra piece of extra chicken bacon I

think chicken bacon sounds like fcking

oxymoron Randy chickens you know if you

take a pile of bead and you put it like

Randy like this a

pile you're six out of 10 Mr Lee for

sure for sure okay here it is this is it

Mr Lee I got your burger ready oh I love

it Randy I got it you got it this is

going to be a good bre a great breakfast

to start your day is the way that

everyone should roll now this is a very

important part M I got to show them this

year bun Well normally if you got cheese

on your your burger you flip the bun

upside down and then you put that top

part on there so it doesn't stick and

then you can put your ketchup and

mustard and stuff on there Mr Le okay

I've invented a new appeti I like to

experiment with these are peanuts and

lettuce now if you have a little shot of

something to put on the peanuts and

lettuce the Randy this is going to be

[ __ ] crazy Mr L don't you're going to

ruin your

dinner

oh oh [ __ ] I got some burn going on Mr

Le that's not don't let it burn

everybody we'll give this one this one

to Our Guest Our Guest gets that one I'm

getting the good one frig

him look at Brown is here feeling better

than ever sorry about that previous

random folks duton number 23 verse one

no one whose testicles may have been

crushed or whose penis has been cut off

may be admitted into the community of

the

Lord that's right he that is wounded in

the stones or hath his privy member cut

off shall not enter into the membership

of the

Lord ladies and gentlemen y'all need to

have big nuts to carry the

word don't be afraid to hang your nuts

out don't be afraid to swing your dick

out that's what the Lord wants from

you Ricky Brown slap a [ __ ] in

the face with a dick he don't

care

listen have balls

people the Lord's work is not for

cowards the Lord's work is not for a

bunch of pansies wear your Tap Out

shirts wear whatever the [ __ ] you want

but bring your nuts in your hands y'all

that's what Ricky Brown wants all of you

to do even the women if you ain't got

any balls put someone else's balls in

your hand maybe even

[Music]

mine cuz that's what we do here we do

what we do with bravery in the

Lord Ricky Brown has been criticized

criticized for for for doing the things

that he has to do that no one else will

do yes Ricky Brown takes money from

others sometimes without

asking but the Lord tells Ricky what to

do and Ricky would

listen Ricky doesn't matter if people

going to Stone him to death Ricky don't

matter if people going to yell names of

him because Ricky had the Lord and a

that a l

nuts Ricky will do whatever it takes to

work with the Lord Ricky drinks for the

Lord Ricky live for the Lord Ricky Brown

eats for the Lord Ricky Brown [ __ ] for

the Lord ladies if you're listening

Ricky Brown yells the people for the

Lord Ricky Brown even goes to prison for

the Lord Ricky Brown passes out for the

Lord even if the lord gave him a

condition he ain't particularly pleased

with

large

nuts large

penises membership to the Lord now that

being said this is not to say uh if you

do have tatis cancer and you nut had to

get cut off you know we will pray for

you just don't come into

church cuz the Bible says you

can't let's hang our heads in

prayer

Lord give us the

strength that as our nuts swell as our

nuts grow like hot air balloons on our

sacks as we carry the word and get

strong every

day that the millions of little Rick

Browns or whoever else you're carrying

inside of you carry that word right with

you ready to impregnate the entire world

with your with your your your your

strength your

love your your your

your feel fill in the blank on that

one and what Ricky Brown plans for Ricky

Brown will do for you is Ricky Brown

will impregnate the word especially like

this Bible here get impregnated and Rick

Brown going to push out and push out and

boom Rick Brown's little baby Bible born

of the Bible but you can get from Ricky

Brown's website Rick brown.com or SW

at.com Ricky Brown's Bible is an easy

way to carry in your

pocket all proceeds go to ttis

cancer and Ricky Browns Church of of of

blman it's a notebook but technically

it's a Bible because you write your own

[ __ ] in

it and a lot of the the things that I

want to put in it was copyrighted

thank you very much Rick Brown's little

baby

bab the last execution by hanging in the

US was on January 25th

1996 what

1996 they hung a bastard 96 [ __ ] where

at was it televised the last execution

by hanging in the US was January 2 96

doesn't say where no let's take let's

take a guess I'm saying

Texas or Florida yeah I was going to say

Florida where would they hang a bastard

in the 90s Bangor M really no man just

[ __ ] I don't fck say Jesus Murphy I

where was Clinton

from who no not those other crazy [ __ ]

the I can't now I can't say their name

or I'll get in trouble never mind

oh you're not going to get in trouble

Ricky

where the [ __ ] was it where the [ __ ] was

why I thought you were looking up where

he was hang no no no I'm looking at

something else here this is really

[ __ ] crazy there's a woman that's

that [ __ ] paints with their boobs

look she's making tons of cash selling

the [ __ ]

things I can't see pretty

cool

Bo wow I prob one of those

paintings that's pretty good you to see

if people like would you just Google

where the [ __ ] guy was hanged in the

9s [ __ ] sakes [ __ ] man a lot of people

were wondering where was the last

hanging in the United States like legal

hang there's probably other people have

been hung you

know okay man just SEC January 25th 1996

okay I got it I got

it last okay uh last no

man

no May what May May 1st

2001 what so OMG is wrong what happened

in 2001 okay just a second here [ __ ]

just a second I'm [ __ ] trying to

figure I got it there all kinds of [ __ ]

you got to go through man shouldn't

be okay should be one little thing okay

just Google

it just put in January 25th 1996 h

type that into your thing Billy Bailey

I'm not asking who it was where the [ __ ]

Billy Bailey man January 25th 1996 where

Delaware [ __ ] Delaware Delaware

wow isn't that where they signed the

[ __ ] what do they got down there a

constitution Delaware it's kind of and

he he got to choose either that that or

lethal injection and he picked hang it

he said [ __ ] [ __ ] that hang me

[ __ ] I think I would have went

with the I guess if he has a choice

whatever what were the other choices

lethal in Jack that can go wrong the

chair can [ __ ] you pretty bad well if

you watch The Green Mile it can remember

that yeah that was [ __ ] they didn't

put the sponge in the wet sponge yeah

and he burst into flames [ __ ] that would

suck that would suck he that happens so

doesn't it that [ __ ] that's in the

movies Jo do a hanging do a hanging

does it kill you quicker Lee well it

snaps your neck like a twig but is it

dead is it dead then or I would think

your brain would still be functioning

now for a little while you'd be hanging

there thinking [ __ ] what is it like 14

seconds you're like looking around going

holy [ __ ] holy [ __ ] I'm dead I am [ __ ]

really 14 seconds after the Little Neck

break don't know what if you had a super

strong NE say they back when you used to

cut your head off that's what you'd be

looking around going hey what the [ __ ]

does it break your neck or does it

strand you both both man break I don't

think it breaks your neck every time

because some people supposed to some

people would like try to like [ __ ]

you flex your neck muscles and it would

just [ __ ] probably bend the Rope the

Rope Bend [ __ ] rope blow apart that's

what a rope does Ricky it bends you just

see a big PFF of rope and then Julian

lands on his feet I'm

[Music]

free

[Laughter]

warning the following program contains

really course language weed alcohol

consumption smoking and sexual

influences this content may not be

suitable for viewers under 18 to

activate parental controls please press

the big go yourself button on your

remote

[Music]

[Music]

control Julian yeah no that's not going

to happen it could be a different Julian

no they know what's it's a Julian's Bar

Gym man Julian it could be Julian that

[ __ ] up the

uh iy leaks or the who pity keys or

whatever the [ __ ] the never mind what

the pity Keys what it was a Julian

wasn't he the the [ __ ] up the

what lick licky leaks or the lick what

what is the licky leaks now Lees the

Julian sandes boom yeah see [ __ ]

dummy yeah what the the [ __ ] you I can't

understand you you're slurring who's

dumb and who's Dumber now what the [ __ ]

what are you on his side I don't know he

doesn't know what he's talking about J

that's because I had brownies for

breakfast I'm sorry came liquor did you

have for breakfast what was what was the

particular liquor that I had for

breakfast

yeah it was decanted I don't know what I

poured in there but it was a mixture

deed I poured it all in one same

bottle so it was a little this a little

that's [ __ ] that's quite a way to

start the day you well that's how

alcoholics usually start their day with

a [ __ ] crazy ass drink like that

julan I have a question for you what

under what

circumstances first of all have you ever

heard of the Randy and Ley show or the

Ley and Randy show whatever the [ __ ]

it's called I thought it was called the

Randy show and Le something like that

the other show that another show that's

on the swear yeah yeah have you ever

seen that I've never watched either of I

jul so we're [ __ ] even but I'll just

tell you one thing that you should

remember forget what I was going to say

all right moving on oh yeah I want you

to be a guest one no a great idea yeah

well isn't that a great idea yeah I

think you'll have a really good time

Julian and it should be for a goatee

contest and we should invite all the

handsome [ __ ] dudes around with

cookies we can I really want to sit

around with a bunch of dudes with

[ __ ] go it would be at the Metro

Center there'd be thousands of them

there

are you what if they win sound like a

good time you should do it man what you

shut the [ __ ] up I would not want to do

that you that's the last [ __ ] thing

in the world you could put on a goatee

clinic or set up a booth going to a

goatee contest and yeah hang out with a

bunch of guys and him I've seen some of

the shows and I think you would have a

lot of fun they treat their guests very

well they uh yeah no you'd have a really

good

time what do you what's so [ __ ] funny

nothing just go on the show and you'll

find it not going to it's not going to

happen well he doesn't even

drink and he's not attracted to any of

the guests you don't have to worry about

that Julian like what the [ __ ] is he

doing on these

shows it's not like why are you moving

over closer to me I want see what you're

looking at Jesus Christ Escobar the

legend oh look did you know I I can do

card

tricks I'm sure the people watching this

they're just going to love seeing give

me one minute one minute for the card

trick okay

we take a deck of cards like this right

yeah and we go like this like that and

we hold the cards up like this okay and

then we take the cards like this we take

them like that put them like this and

then we go like that and we go whoop

like this and we go

t and [ __ ] blow your mind that was

pretty [ __ ] I have to tell you I know

how he drug you br up close you I it's

it's just a card trick it a good

one shitty so you started your day of

liquor we were reading this [ __ ]

thing about this we're kind of fans this

Hunter S Thompson fell oh [ __ ] he's

wonderful he's a [ __ ] nightmare they

shot his remains in a cannonball up to

the Earth of orbits so we should compare

his how he spends his day to how you

spend your day he used to get up at 300

p.m. yeah then we'd start with Chas

Regal with morning paper me he didn't

get up to drink 305 yeah5 to drink this

is the schedule 345 tell me about it 345

cocaine 350 another glass of

Chas uh

405 first cup of coffee and some Dunhill

415 cocaine Dill 416 orange juice dun

Hill oh with a cigarette I guess

so uh 430 cocaine 451 cocaine 505

cocaine 511 coffee no no 5:30 more ice

and Chas 5:45 cocaine 600 p.m. grass to

take the edge off take the edge off 7:05

you'd head to the Woody Creek Tavern

they used to go there every day for

lunch you would get a hinin two

margaritas two cheeseburgers two orders

of fries a plate of tomatoes that's an

odd one col SLO a taco salad double

order of onion rings carrot cake ice

cream Bean Fritter dun Hills another

hinin cocaine for the ride home sow con

believe the glass of shredded ice over

which is poured three or four jiggers of

Chas 9 pm cocaine 10 p.m. drops

acid 11 p.m. shre cocaine grass 11:30

cocain this is insane this is not true

midnight yeah no nobody can do that at

midnight he's ready to write so he

starts work at

midnight and he does a bunch of more

[ __ ] cocaine grass coffee boo

orange juice ridiculous and goes to bed

at 8:20 in the morning after eating some

fetuccini and some champagne in the hot

tub it's from [ __ ] the bed Dear Julian I

need your professional opinion on a

whole matter my brother-in-law who is 20

years old has moved into my house along

with my wife and our nine-year-old son

and our newborn we let him stay because

he got kicked out of his mother's home

for being disrespectful and just being

an [ __ ]

he will not clean up after himself and

is a constant nuisance what's the best

way to get him to leave without hurting

him or causing Bad Blood usually in a

situation like this I wouldn't care to

hurt someone but I'm going to have to be

around with him for the rest of my life

what should I do holy [ __ ] man number

one you should have good talk with your

wife and say hey what's this scooping

your brother he's a [ __ ] dick maybe

you should talk to him and tell him to

smarten the [ __ ] up or get the [ __ ] out

that's what I would do but if you got a

problem with talking your wife because a

lot of people in relationships I guess

don't communicate that well you go up to

the guy I mean this is your [ __ ]

house man okay this is your kingdom this

[ __ ] coming in and making a mess

not cleaning up after himself you got to

go hard on this [ __ ] you got to say

listen man I'm letting you into my home

okay I love you as a brother-in-law or

step brother whatever the [ __ ] you

are but you got to stop [ __ ] up my

house and you got to stop stop being a

dick or you're the [ __ ] out this is an

easy one to handle go to the wife first

then dig into this guy and say no

offense maybe you'll respect me more for

talking to you bud but you're a [ __ ]

you're a

bum clean up your

act you little Tickler yeah I got to

keep Little Ricky hidden real good cuz

I'm so worried about him I'm going to

build him a home you know like some

people say different things about a home

like home is the heart of the universe

or

home RO where you're home I put you like

a trapo like this so you can get in and

out and then like I can seal you up and

then you'll be safe so no one can take

you away from me I didn't really ever

think I'd like feel so much affection

for like a critter like I really didn't

have a lot of Critters when I was little

so this is kind of like my my first pet

so I'm just basically head over heels

and I love them so much maybe I'll put

like some [ __ ] you you like [ __ ] right

there's a long thin one

big long Packer a little bit of fuzz up

there oh oh [ __ ] smokes for sure this is

a fresh smoke okay that's your extra

backup one do a little uh cross hatching

that's [ __ ] a technical term here's a

fresh dbe twisted up for you there and

there's the filter the entrance Ricky

what do you want there are you serious

okay your [ __ ] shitmobile I don't

know that's a little tricky let me see

oh you gave me a little quiver when

you're feeling

emotions it's okay bud yeah I know

there's no doors I know I [ __ ]

know okay you want it like l t t little

little apostrophe little and then I'll

put over here for good measures [ __ ] off

okay oh yeah here we go shred it it's

bigger too you could like fit the whole

family in

there no I won't be able to sleep in

there with you cool your jets in you go

here you go little Ricky now watch this

close it up you feel secure

bad safe and sound now I'll do the

fourfold here you go there now look hey

bud here you are your home sweet [ __ ]

home Ricky my best friend now watch this

I'll [ __ ] Air Lift you out of

here it's better than your own personal

helicopter buddy walking right on SMS

let's go well me and Ricky are like

thick of Thieves as usual so you know

I'm going to do what it takes to keep

them hidden like I'm never going to let

him go come holler high water Rick's my

buddy you know like I'll protect him

till the end till death death do us part

we're pretty much married oh he wants

more hash you love your hash I can't

[ __ ] believe it you're wrecky oh

you're gobling it right up hey holy [ __ ]

you're a harh harh maniac

what we don't need to come down there

dude no no Ricky [ __ ] get out down come

down here [ __ ] off [ __ ] I knew it was

too good to be true Ricky you got to

come out bud come on pal we got to go

we're coming down can't [ __ ] off go

Ricky go go be

free yeah so uh Ricky had to go you know

that's just the way it is like uh the

guards were on to us and uh it was

either him or me so to speak so I I sent

him off

and I don't even mind you know what I

mean once more into the breach dear

friends once

more

yeah we're not going to need this

anymore I don't think there they

are I come back to claim my trophy I'm

going to earn it what boys I brought my

black pants I see I see you're not

wearing your black pants well I don't

want anyone disqualify me this time cuz

I'm wearing some shitty pants I'm going

to go and put these pants on and I'm

going to reclaim the trophy good luck 20

years bu I wait for lik your

optimism man he looks the same I don't

think he's cleaned up at all everybody

said that he got banned for not wearing

black pants but there's times I don't

think he had pants on at all be right

back I thought he died holy [ __ ]

well when you come in and you got vomit

over your pants two different bowling

shoes oh he was just something else I

mean when it was his turn to bowl you

could never find him boys you smell bad

are you sure you change your

pants come on there was one incident I

remember machine seemed to jam or

something the balls weren't coming back

so Jim said I'll go down and fix it you

know he went down he never came back

they found him on a turntable down there

that's that's why the balls weren't

coming back we're going to have a little

drinking pool just to show there's no

hard feelings you little [ __ ] rizel here

we go it's

2-year-old Rock

vodka to your health he was drinking

some weird stuff we had no idea what it

was oh that's fing good they're letting

them back in these Lanes after 20 years

it's just unbelievable like they they

should never ever even let them in

here's a little rly pool you you get a

strike and you got to have a little

drink and you get a spare you got to

have a drink I don't think he has a

snowballs chance in how getting that

trophy back here we go boys first ball

oh for [ __ ] sake that's a practice

that's a pra league league rules is a

practice yeah you're best two to3 best

[ __ ] 20 to three boys you know that's

rle this is [ __ ] bag I'm going over here

oh for [ __ ] sake okay watch

this

shut up that wasn't a gutter ball that

was a gutter ball I'm leaving it all up

to

[Music]

you for [ __ ]

sake okay boys now the game begins

what's your name again oh

no oh you guys are figle

fraged

taada here's a little drinky poo get a

drinky poo you guys have met your wobber

pick her up guys come

on it over was that a 10 or a spare you

get a little sip of this for T straight

Goods don't go don't cross your [ __ ]

line have another little

zipping I deserve to win I'm the best

bowler

there

oh holy

moly

T another little drinky po drain the cup

Bud drain the

cup what a ball there it is you deserve

a little drinky poo you deserve a little

drinky poo my turn all

right yeah oh yeah yeah yeah that's him

I remember him

I got

one guys I I never have a drink have a

drink I have yeah have another

drink oh that

sucks oh what a ball what a ball right

Jim you all right I still get another

ball I get another one it's to be you

you so far oh I got a slock I got a

slock of liquor in my

eye

that wasn't you know 100% but that's cuz

that ball was [ __ ] this ball here this

ball here this ball here's for twin

[ __ ] Brothers what the ball

was hey you guys it's so great to see

you

cockheads [ __ ] right on Sebastian how

you doing oh and you brought a puppet

man this is great because I dig puppets

yeah that's Bobby turino little wcky

right it's not quite a time man but this

should last you quite a goddamn while

you're telling me that this whole thing

is filled with honey oil well it's not

quite full but [ __ ] yeah there's a lot

in there holy [ __ ] Ricky I didn't think

you were talking about an actual ton

look I speak the [ __ ] words my brain

thinks out to me did you or did you not

say I would take whatever you got yeah

but not a whole goddamn Barrel dude like

really Jesus [ __ ] Christ calm down

Ricky how much we you plan on buying not

a barrel what about 125 G Jesus no man

not a [ __ ] chance look this is the

best [ __ ] I ever smoked it's maple

flavor try

it holy sweet mother of maple syrup

trees this is the greatest honey oil

that I myself have ever exper experience

what the this is [ __ ]

delicious [ __ ] man we need 125 Grand to

buy the trailer par we live in if we

don't these two [ __ ] are going to

come in by the place and kick us the

[ __ ] out how would I give you the whole

goddamn thing for 125 Grand what are you

nuts there 400 Grand with a [ __ ]

honey on there man that's my retirement

what's better do you want everybody to

lose their

homes I know what it's

like

I know what it's like to lose my

crib I know what it's like to lose my

band and my

chick and it [ __ ] sucks ass you know

what [ __ ] it I'm taking the whole Barrel

$125 eie is worth let's [ __ ] do it

let's blaze and the puppet [ __ ] come

on [ __ ]

$225,000 worth of this [ __ ] get it in

the [ __ ] bus let's go get it loaded

open it up let's go let's blaze come on

right now do you think you're an

alcoholic yeah not not in the least bit

when did you start

drinking when I was six or seven I

started drinking do you drink every day

six or seven I drink every day but the

problem the thing is with me I Pace

myself okay really I never have memory

loss ever I don't have

hangovers I just keep it at this even

steady Pace man all day unlike you who

look at that had that much already look

it should be down I was so interested in

what Ricky was reading over there about

Humper

thomon am I aloh you just ruined it why

you've got a [ __ ] cup there Ley that

was I was drinking to you Julian because

you made it all the way to the [ __ ]

middle I know where your lips [ __ ]

always end up every day okay and I'm not

drinking out of that [ __ ] bottle all

where do they end up what where do his

lips on what do you mean by that I don't

even let's not get into that just think

about it I just tell you Jud the more

you describe the possibilities the more

I think you and I think along the same

[ __ ] wave look I think there's some

kind of why am I attracting to you I

mean I fought it all my life no I fought

it all my life we're not [ __ ] talking

about this [ __ ] lady is it because of

your phermones because how you look what

are phermones phermones are the juices

that people can't detect I need a

[ __ ] drink I need yeah and and you

get more is that the stuff a dog smells

dogs are a million times better noses on

them than [ __ ] anybody I know I don't

know about that they they do they

[ __ ] do like 1400 times they [ __ ]

track people man

dogs drug dogs you think you're better

than a [ __ ] drug dog at an airport

they're not all that [ __ ] smart yeah

they are they they can detect anything

they can detect like they use it for Le

Wikileaks oil leaks in the pipelines

Wikileaks really yeah

they put a little [ __ ] mason jar in

the underground and then the dog goes

and he sniffs out the Mason jar so if

you were grade six I wonder if a dog

could have come up to you with those

short shorts on said you know what bud

yeah you might want to rethink that

wardrobe cuz something bad's about to

happen to you you're about the leak they

probably know what an an leish is all

about they probably about guys but boys

I'm in hell right now this is not the

[ __ ] way I wanted this day to go I

don't even give a [ __ ] about all this

other [ __ ] I prepared am I alcoholic or

drug addict you're both man but really

you're a good kind of alcoholic drug not

you're not a drug addict you like to

smoke a lot of weed that's fine smoke as

much as you want I don't do many other

drugs mushrooms mushrooms are fine once

every couple weeks or once a week or

whatever you don't drink a lot you just

like you're a weekend alcoholic that's

well I drink every day but I don't get

really I get drunk memory lost twice a

week is that bad no at least five times

a week you drink about five times a week

to memory loss man liqu

I just realized it makes you feel

friendlier yeah drinks it sod's hash and

honey oil and

marijuana but does liquor makes you

friendlier CU I've never noticed that

over the years I was just you should

switch to LIC if it's making you

friendlier please I feel like it is a

happy kind of a boost you do like you

don't get the when you drink it like rum

does sometimes right I feel like we have

through the years

been at each other's throats do you

think and I think for this moment to

happen right now for us to sit here the

Three Musketeers no no no we are not the

three [ __ ] Musketeers nor will we

ever be if if you admit was all your

fault and we can move on and I'll

[ __ ] cheers up to that again okay I

do no we're not we're not having a

Makeup Session here no this is not what

this podcast is about let's hug rcky go

ahead guys I don't know

no no no no not me Le get your [ __ ]

hands I just EAS it I lucky I'm high

right

now yeah I know so this is our podcast

okay so what what are we you how how are

you and Randy these days let me read

this what Randy yeah are you guys still

good yeah Randy was what you can call an

idiot idiot ry's not half as dumb as

people think he's more dumb you know he

was uh yeah I saw trying to wear shirts

he's putting plastic bags over his skin

and then wearing some shirts that was

kind of weird but yeah but it's

psychosomatic which means which means

it's all in your head like he thinks oh

[ __ ] I agree if he thinks that if he

wears a shirt he'll break cuz he got

pissed on by a horse in that parade

right I do remember that you remember

that par that's that's he got pissed on

by and that's what started it all you

remember for [ __ ] sake I know I know

there was something 11 years old or

something how old was he didn't wear

shirts after that and he liked it that

was the funny thing sat there took it

all like he was in a sprinkler or

something that just shows how depraved

you are just imagine that scenario I was

there he was enjoying it this is

awful you you know

Julian but I I still think he has a rash

problem okay I don't want cheers you

were enjoying watching that's not happen

I wasn't enjoying I was just there for

[ __ ] sakes you were there look

away that was funny as [ __ ] man yeah

that sound pretty funny dancing around

in in a piss sprinkler oh God I can just

see the

r [ __ ] that was gross that'd be sad

that'd be like you could cry about that

if you think about it sitting there in

the

got Horse stopped everything's what the

Horse stopped and the crowd that was

going Roar Just I was quieted to

nothing

[Music]

J

CHR

[ __ ]

warning the following program contains

really coarse language weed alcohol

consumption smoking and sexual

influences this content may not be

suitable for viewers under 18 to

activate parental controls please press

the big go yourself button on your

remote

[Music]

[Music]

control

give me a little

snap little snap

pepperoni what kind is it is it hot this

is

hot

yes that's the best pepperoni you'll

ever eat right

there hot brother's

pepperoni yeah no I'd rather have the

pepperoni deep fried you know diping in

honey mustard that's the way to do it

man it's all right like that but this

good just like this oh I he makeing

pepperony

fingers careful recky your knife is as

dull as [ __ ] yeah and that's how you cut

yourself people don't know that a doll

knife is way more dangerous than a sharp

knife cuz it'll still slice you wide

open my finger still [ __ ] wonder if

I'm going to lose that [ __ ]

nail you're definitely losing Lo that

nail man what' you do with your

finger [ __ ] broke her on the cruise

ship man

wasted slammed the door on my [ __ ]

finger well I didn't the waves

did the waves did yeah door in my room

just kept

[Music]

going and one time I was walking through

it the [ __ ] sucker bit

me it closed on you doors don't bite

doors don't bite

Cy okay so what's happening Boys still

waking up here park after dark we're

making that right now we're making

Doritos just Doritos with some

meat and cheese what the [ __ ] was going

on outside just started raining

horsecocks that sounds like a

[ __ ] what do you call those things a

hurac coock sucker that is raining

horsecocks out

there jeez Jesus Murphy did you guys

hear the thunder this morning Thunder

loud man hear the

thunder I don't even know what song

you're singing Ricky did you hear the

thunder this morning it's pretty crazy

man lightning the Thunder [ __ ] loud

felt like the whole sky was going to

blow up you know what it was weird cuz

the Thunder kept [ __ ] just going on

and on sound like a godamn a long

[ __ ] Jet Plane it just never ended I

was like [ __ ] is that Thunder maybe not

it just won't

stop normally you hear a crack not those

big [ __ ] one minutter big long one

and then there was some high pitch stuff

that sound it didn't even sound like

thunder it sounded like like a giant

bird squawking or something yeah

okay all right these are looking these

are looking a lot better man with these

little diced up pepperonis yeah oh these

are these are the sock one for D

Doros nice I may have made a little too

much pepperoni but you think it's better

to cut these first or peel the plastic

off them first peel the plastic off the

plastic then you got to do [ __ ] 16

peels whereas right now you can just do

one lightning and thunder lightning and

the thunder thund

thunder what song are you singing the

sep dragons or whatever they

are all right boys check this poor

little [ __ ] out man 12-year-old boy

goes viral for doing his homework under

a street light because family can't

afford

electricity how [ __ ] depressing ass

he's just Murphy if it's true it's very

depressing this poor

[ __ ] now You' never see Ricky doing

something like this let me see I've done

[ __ ] homework on the street light

when the power was shut off that no you

didn't man well yeah when your power was

shut off it [ __ ] sucks man see we're

pretty lucky

boys ah you son of a a bastard [ __ ] you

knife this guy right here he wants to go

to school so bad yeah he's doing his

homework under the street lights just

like you should [ __ ] think about that

man Ricky you couldn't pay you to do

[ __ ] homework under a street light or

do homework correction if you were to

pay me I would gladly try to do

it see but this guy he would love just a

[ __ ] I think that guy's great I'm a

big fan of

him he do anything to have a [ __ ] tr

like this with the power

making these [ __ ]

things see I [ __ ] up I shouldn't have

stuck those [ __ ] things together all

right so that was a happy story I guess

I'm trying to yeah I've been trying to

get some fgood stories here but there's

nothing man how in the [ __ ] is that a

Feelgood story oh this one's even worse

man this [ __ ] this

chick oh man this is [ __ ] gross they

find four living bees in this one

woman's eye and feeding off her tears

like how the [ __ ] what is wrong with you

what are you talking about try flipping

your leg down and checking out what's

irritating you you know what I mean bees

bees four of them like honey bees like

[ __ ] bees bumble bees look at these

[ __ ] things look for real are you

kidding me that can't be real you were

dumb if you don't know you got bees

living in your eye oh yeah she was

something wrong with your [ __ ] brain

she's 20s something going to University

with bees in her [ __ ] eyes that what

website are you finding this song that

sounds like the

onion tell you I can still get a 10 out

of 10

board Mark me up got to seven got to

take my pants

off oh not

bad

yeah yeah I can do

this you don't want to get beaten by a

drunk guys come on watch this come on

Doug pick it up we're letting the liquor

do the bowl of man now what do you want

now you're getting a little get a little

wh what's the score boys what's the

score the score you got a beat loser is

107 7 right and how much have I got

you're 88 you're 8 you got get two marks

going out I got to get two marks two

marks going out guess what you never got

two marks to row your life what I'm

going to do boys I'm going to pick up my

secret weapon what do you got in there

this is 140 Proof this is the last time

remember today I have the bis of the

rightness Just In My

Soul all right pass it around boys

through the back door turbo [ __ ] bags

coming up watch this little

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

[ __ ] holy Jesus Christ if he makes one

more Mark he beats us no way right a

strike and you win no problem think

up okay hold

up here we go

right going to drunk like that throw a

ball like

that oh my

God oh my God did

it it's like the liquor made him better

the hell was that I get a little rinky

boo oh not only do I get a drinky po I

get [ __ ] day I waited 20 years for

this boys 20 years I came I saw I

conquered yeah yeah VY V

VII at

J let's see what we got for the lucky

lucky lucky lucky you know what the

lucky lucky

say nice

one I'm a winner every time I say B all

your little shitty [ __ ] ducky

friends oh

listen that's right never cry [ __ ]

duck that's my favorite magical bowling

ball I don't want to make little

ducky we see you next time for another

exciting episode of Jim War here and

liquor

stories [ __ ]

off can't waste good

L I came down to the jail as fast as I

could once Ricky called me I mean I

can't imagine what he's going through

this is a day that I always thought you

know could come someday but I just hoped

it wouldn't but it looks like it's here

so all I can do is go in and just be as

supportive as I can and I just got to be

braced for when he tells me I'm going in

oh

in hey Ricky hey bubs thanks for coming

man thanks for being here

join boys I got got some really really

bad news today at the [ __ ] infirmary

I know Ricky I know just I've been

trying to get ready for it so I think

the best thing to do is just [ __ ] hit

me with

it I'm [ __ ] I'm shrinking to

death Ricky you're shrinking to death

what the [ __ ] does that even mean man

what are you talking

about is Ricky I thought you were

[ __ ] GNA tell me you [ __ ] a cancer

or something Ricky no man it's just as

bad though I'm going to [ __ ] shrink

that what do you mean you're shrinking

to death I did the math and within five

years I'll probably be the size of a

[ __ ] squirrel maybe a

rabbit this is the news yeah and if it

keeps going I mean eventually I might be

[ __ ] as small as an an R maybe a

bigger bug like a dragonfly but if I'm

that small I wouldn't even be able to

smoke dope anymore

like first of all you would be able to

smoke dope but I don't think you're

going to shrink to the size of a [ __ ]

ant just promise me if I ever become the

size of an ant and I'm still alive

you'll build me like a nice little ant

things that a match sticks or something

you'll feed me and if you could just

smoke a joint once in a while and blow

it in my little ant face Ricky

Ricky this is [ __ ] Julian did you know

about this I bubs you think I'd be here

if you [ __ ] told me he was shrinking

to death are you [ __ ] kidding me what

okay Ricky just back the [ __ ] up here

let's why do you think you're shrinking

in the first place I'm an inch and a

half shorter than Mar the last time I

went there when they measured me so

that's all it is it's just that you got

measured and I from what I've read

there's no way to stop it but Ricky

maybe they just wrote it down wrong the

first time or the they [ __ ] up with

the measuring tape like you have no

proof that you're shrinking do you I

don't give a [ __ ] about how tall you

were man man if I do what can you riddle

me this if I did become the size of a

little ant would my brain still have the

the same

smir well

Ricky you don't got to worry about it

yes you would probably retain your same

smart you'd probably be smarter so what

then so I mean so your biggest worry is

that you're going to be the size of an

ant you won't be able to smoke a joint

but if I was an ant and I smoked it I

wouldn't eat as much probably but my

brain would still be like this is [ __ ]

because you're not you you can smoke a

lot more than this even though you can't

and then what happens with my brain

Ricky if you became an ant and you

retained all your [ __ ] knowledge you

would be able to get high cuz I would

blow smoke at you or I'd make you a

little joint the size of a piece of rice

and light it for you you could just suck

on BBS thanks bubs I love you buddy this

is really why you got me down here all

the [ __ ] driving down here panic and

almost [ __ ] [ __ ] myself in the

taxi hyperventilating [ __ ] thought

you were dying and now you tell me your

word you're going to turn into a [ __ ]

squirrel and then an

ant how would you feel Ricky you could

have just told me on on the phone and I

could have straightened it out for you

and not came all its way I thought you

might have some Bic I was thinking maybe

you could bring me down some of my weed

fertilizers and see if I can get growed

up a bit more again you're not eating

people don't shrink to death Ricky I am

do you nobody is Ricky say you maybe

somehow you shrank a tiny bit just maybe

from [ __ ] dehydration or something I

don't know maybe you

shrank even if you kid you're not going

to shrink to the size of a [ __ ]

squirrel nobody's ever done that in the

history of man you can't go from being a

human to a [ __ ] squirrel Ricky and

then from a squirrel to a [ __ ] ant

it's impossible just that size I'd still

look like this but just L like this big

little tiny ant

wcky thanks for coming bu thanks for if

it does happen you're going to look

after Budd now I can I promise you if

you turn into a [ __ ] ant I will have

you the nicest ant home you've ever seen

thanks buddy you'll have an ant Mansion

Ricky Jes H we'll see you soon man

thanks okay me feel better see you PS

okay see

you can't believe I'm [ __ ] shrinking

to death you're not [ __ ] shrinking

that

[ __ ] this is what I deal

with all right all right welcome back to

getting learned with Ricky brand new

year for most of you people I don't

start my new year till the [ __ ] snow

is gone at least because nothing's

changed it's not a [ __ ] New Year

still [ __ ] winter anyway hopefully it

won't be a long winter this year and

have you know my new year in March or

maybe 420 it's good time to start a new

year but anyway this time of year is

[ __ ] cold for most of us in Canada

all you people living down in the Sunny

[ __ ] United States or us and a or

whatever the [ __ ] you call it good for

you guys it's cold up here it's a

[ __ ] shitty time of year so this time

of year we got no money we need to get

extra high and how do you do that

[ __ ] bongs so today's episode we're

going to talk about

bongs how to make the [ __ ] things

because why would you buy one right now

you don't have a lot of money but you

need to get high you can make a [ __ ]

bong of pretty much anything the bongs

are pretty much it is science and

there's a pretty much a simple [ __ ]

science to

it normally I'll make them out of like a

[ __ ] masonry jar you know something

like that or maybe a can or some kind of

a [ __ ] like a b thingy like this that

has a

top

top and what you want to do here is

you're going to put a hole in the

[ __ ] side of

it this is going to be your little thing

that comes down into the

water that's your little that's where

you want to put your dope and [ __ ] right

here then you need another little

[ __ ] opening or a straw I like use a

straw doesn't go into the water that's

where that's your sucker

Point

suck so then what you want to do put a

bit of water in it

this part has to be under the water this

is where your [ __ ] shit's going to

come in all your Smoke's going to come

in through here and then when you're

sucking on it it's going to come up

through here and right into your [ __ ]

lungs delicious could be weed could be

hash sometimes little combo is nice so

we're going to show you how to make one

of these [ __ ] things out of pretty

much anything now I will say this bongs

are awesome because they do filter out a

bunch of the shitty [ __ ] make the smoke

healthy for you but they also filter

with some of the [ __ ] thc's so if you

want to get extra high sometimes it's

better just to smoke a joint but anyway

that's a different show let's [ __ ]

make some bongs all right as you can see

you can pretty much make pipes and bongs

that a [ __ ] anything so we're going

to start with pipes cuz some of you

probably too [ __ ] lazy or too dumb to

make a water bomb even though it's easy

as

[ __ ] or maybe you're just in a [ __ ]

rush to get some smoke in your lungs so

pipes you can make out of [ __ ]

anything here here's a simple pipe can

rip off that little thing to cut [ __ ]

poke some little holes in here fill that

up with some [ __ ] some weed or

whatever and

very simple very [ __ ] quick but if

you want to get creative you can also

make [ __ ] bongs at a fruit it's a

nice little pineapple bone there with a

carrot just Hollow it with that put some

tin foil in there you

know adds a nice little flavor to it

your [ __ ] weed if it's pretty harsh

shitty [ __ ] M dope there's a

watermelon one with an apple at the top

and a carrot so that's going to have

three [ __ ] flavors like a nice little

mixture maybe you don't have any [ __ ]

fruit but you got a big baloney log got

some [ __ ] pepperoni so hollow out the

balone log in the middle there put a

nice little place where you can put this

little sucker device take a nice piece

of pepperoni it's about

a 5 and 1 half inch [ __ ] of pepperoni

there I guess then you just want to

drill it the middle of

that there you go so you can [ __ ] see

right through that it's perfect you want

to put that [ __ ] thing right in there

actually that kind of looks like

somebody some dude with a [ __ ] or cigar

so you can draw a little face on if you

want it might be

fun just a little guy smoking there so

then what you want to do is you want to

take some tin

foil put that right in the top

here and take a little [ __ ] nail or

some poke some little [ __ ] holes in

there with something could use your [ __ ]

if it's really

tiny there you go nice little [ __ ]

pipe put your [ __ ] in

there beautiful tastes a little like

meat which is kind of [ __ ] unless you

really like meat like I do I like honey

garlic pepperoni puts a nice flavor on

it and the best part is once you're'

done all this like all the dope kind of

gets absorbed into the fruit or the meat

you [ __ ] eat it and you get extra

High um if Chris Hadfield married a lady

with the last name

flowers and they just kept their Naes

and hyphenated

them

yeah his last name or her last name

would be

Julia had field

flowers

what what the [ __ ] are you I'm just

saying he has to be careful who he

marries if they're going to keep the

last names and hyphenate them Ricky

there's no weed in these is

there no no not these ones took me a

second what do you mean not these ones

did you put oh oil on the other

ones cuz I feel like I'm starting to get

you know what there could be a bit of

weed bar I remember melting weed better

last

night I can feel myself getting baked

it's great just let it run with you

better It Go With It

Man Ricky or if you married someone's

last name

horse Julia had field

horse see that shouldn't be funny to me

yeah I'm not laughing why am I laughing

at Julia had field

horse Julia had field

horse oh I guess I might as well just

keep eating them now just go with it man

last name was

Cox I guess that's not that great but

Julia had field Cox Julia Hadfield

Cox like what what the [ __ ] is wrong

with your brain man

[ __ ] what have you married if her last

name was

finger Julia had F field

finger that [ __ ]

mean I get it what if he married

Julia I remember when I Julia I remember

when

I what Julia I remember when I had field

and then I got turned into a parking

lot bu man keep eating those [ __ ]

things more of these no no keep keep

going trying to [ __ ] I like this guy

don't make my brain explode baby

Americans invade Canada twice yeah 1775

and 1812 and they lost both times that's

right however I think if they did it now

we would be [ __ ] you'd be totally

[ __ ] Man the War would last about 20

minutes it might be a little hard to

defend and at this point wrap it up [ __ ]

third largest oil reserves after Saudi

Arabia and Venezuela yeah all right it's

a lot of oil we were the Third Country

in space after the US and the USSR I

didn't even know we went to space what I

thought we just did with other

people Canada space agency CSA they said

we're one of the best ones in the world

in 1962 oh in

62 are money Mexico's money indias

Russia and Israel have BR like Americans

for the blind bra bra little bumpy

little bumpy tomato tomato No it's not a

tomato tomato thing man it's not a Tom

that's pretty awesome why don't is every

[ __ ] country have

that well most do this is [ __ ] Canada

has fewer people than Tokyo's

metropolitan area and we're the second

biggest country in the world that's

weird man yeah man that's a busy City

say that again

we have less people than

Tokyo's Tokyo City's metropolitan area

just downtown Tokyo is more people in

Canada that's [ __ ] downtown Tokyo has

more than 30 million people that's

insane that's a pretty crowded place man

Jesus that's crowded compared to here

[ __ ] nuts okay we got to go I guess I

am officially too baked to be here all

right well we're done so Doros try them

they're [ __ ] awesome give them the

recipe quick Ricky for Doros just any

kind of Doritos Spicy ones are good

pepperoni this were hot and just some

kind of cheese good cheese probably be

better but all they have is cheese

slices cut up a Solo Cup dump some hot

sauce in her y or other your door meat

Jo roll in some uh weed butter if you

want me had butter there you go me head

door me

[Music]

Joe's

[Laughter]

warning the following program contains

really coarse language weed alcohol

consumption smoking and sexual INF

lenses this content may not be suitable

for viewers under 18 to activate

parental controls please press the big

go [ __ ] yourself button on your remote

[Music]

control we've hung out with Snoop Dogg

quite a bit really I'd like to do that

he's a [ __ ] Maniac he doesn't smoke

hourly he smokes minutely really I heard

he's got a guy he hires to roll joints

for him he rolls a lot of them

himself like see the way you just let

that takes it in his own hand he would

have already passed that to him and let

another one he'd have a second one lit

already anybody and I guess if you're

hanging out with Snoop Dog you feel

inclined you got to smoke with them I

know I understand that's what happens

and so you get totally when he goes like

this and hands you the joint you can't

be like no thank you Snoop Dog cuz it's

rude so you just take it no thank you

and then 20 minutes later you're going

oh hope I don't [ __ ] myself hope I don't

[ __ ] myself I got a crazy story it's

kind of like that I uh we were on tour

with Slash and lemi was there and I was

just losing my mind

[ __ ] real ly real life lemy which was

just mindblowing so I'm looking down the

hallway and I'm super nervous I'm like I

can't go talk to him Brand's like I

don't give a [ __ ] he went up and like

starts the conversation with ly I'm like

there's my in so I walked up and we

talked for a while while and I got

through the night and we're hanging side

stage watching slash and ly turns to me

goes you want to drink I was like no man

it's okay I'm drinking vodka so I turned

down a drink from lemie oh no you did I

turned down a whiskey and

Cy that was brilliant and then I weirded

him out cuz I was so wasted trying to

keep up with him I like totally weirded

him out so there's there's my lemy

embarrassment right there that's pretty

awesome it's all right man it was fun

though he was really nice the cool part

was a grandad totally he's like a

grandad the cool part was that lemie

wasn't allowed upstairs cuz slashing a

bunch of them them don't drink anymore

oh yeah right so L's drinking but in our

dressing room is the only one on the

bottom floor so they're like if lemie

needs the bathroom can you use your

dressing room I was like of course and

that was my ticket to go walk up and say

hey ly if you need to take a piss man

yeah we got the we got the drinking room

for I met Lenny one but I just got to

say hi I didn't get to talk to him but

it was at the rainbow room oh [ __ ] was

he playing VTS he was he sitting in his

seat there at the end playing the I

think he was playing photo match yeah

yeah and I was like hi there how you

doing I got to shake his hand and that

was kind of it but he was super kind

super kind he was very

friendly very friendly I thought he was

going to be like aie Osborne and would

be like it would be hard to understand

him like snorting ants well yeah but he

was like he was articulate like he would

no way really yeah he told super like

like it was like talking to your

granddad like you're like hey [ __ ] I'd

like to meet o

me

too see the movie The mle Crew movie

where he snorts up the ants you think is

that real I think it is that is real I

I've heard that story for years it was

the drink and the piss that really took

me for aie got down at the pool side cuz

everybody was talking about how hardcore

they were and there was a line of ants

going you know doing their thing and he

got down with a straw and he snorted it

up a bunch of ants that' be it's the

creepiest thing would it make you high

or what would that do no Ricky it would

make die they'd start tunneling around

in your [ __ ] brain wouldn't they yeah

I mean they're not going to die they

live underground that's [ __ ] up then

he sucked up his piss took a piss on the

he took a piss sucked it up and then nii

SE took a piss and he pushed him out of

the way and he licked up his

piss jeez [ __ ] it I can't believe like

that's now common knowledge like in

human culture you know where's before it

was I guess that's why he walks around

now

going dude I think there's a lot more to

that that's what it was it was the ants

that's [ __ ] drilled some holes in his

brain some of his brain some of his

brain's not there now figure it out

people people that drink other people's

piss will be normal now I guess pretty

much if you don't snort ants I think

you're fine yeah wow that's [ __ ] let

me set or sorry Aussie set a bar you

know he set a bar for a crazy remember

the time you had a centipede in your ear

I didn't eat it though no but I mean I

had to get it out with little

needle-nose plier but he was in there he

was [ __ ] setting up

shop yeah Ricky had a centipede in his

ear so you guys are on tour for like

forever now yeah something like that you

it's [ __ ] more good for you guys but

man yeah it's nice to work but yeah it's

a lot you're not home much but you know

you do you can what's the longest run

you've ever done without going home I

think 11 weeks long three tours all in a

row that's a [ __ ] week and went back out

[ __ ] crazy but we're GNA go next time

next toour starts in in the middle of

April in Europe and it's like six weeks

maybe okay it's still long long that's a

good time but over in Europe you get to

see [ __ ] different things where's

your biggest when you go to Europe where

are your biggest markets uh UK and

Germany for sure well is is the UK part

of Europe I don't want to get political

oh [ __ ] here we go but the whole thing

is UK is okay and uh you know Germany's

sweet we played in Germany yeah Berlin

yeah I went in Berlin Marathon

caused a big

accident you in hockey gear weren't you

I wor hockey gearoll blad oh that's

amazing yeah and I got answered I had

the thing and I started going and I

tripped and a whole bunch of people fell

over me it NASCAR crash you actually got

a metal though I did get a metal I don't

think you were supposed to cuz you

cheated but I didn't cheat you cheated

you did cheat it you brought me off the

track put me in a car and drove me to

the end of the finish line and let me

out and I cross and then they gave me a

medal an Achievement medal participation

they tried to take it away and you

wouldn't let them that was awesome well

I'm not giving back my medal you already

gave it to

me I still have that metal somewhere

Berlin marathon runner

skater yeah you guys got liquor drinks I

got a liquor drink you guys want some

popcorn just pepperoni over there we got

some vegetables what was what was that

[ __ ] you made boys these are not serious

uh lunch setup it's not bad Ricky

usually doesn't go Full Tilt like

this I still wouldn't eat that stuff

here we go who want there you

gos first time ever seeing him [ __ ]

hando napkins paper towel oh that's

[ __ ] wings wings get a little messy

you should just use your shirt though

man I might go with just straight up

sauce what you're just doing a shot of

sauce I forget which one this is now oh

smells like Barb sauce barbock F

barbock actually Cory said that

originally your guys's name was not

monster truck it was monster [ __ ] and

the record company made you change it

you know I wish that was true that'd be

a way better

story you would never call monster Co no

we called it monster truck cuz um it's

ridiculous and we just wanted to have

fun and get [ __ ] up and that was the

whole point of this band and then we

wrote good songs so good on us I guess

right on [ __ ] like mon this good name

man yeah it well it's it's kind of weird

because nobody everything monster truck

Affiliated doesn't want anything to do

with it really when we first came out

we're like yo Monster Jam we're totally

the ban for you like you guys should

figure this out like it's it's hard rock

it's called monster truck you know let's

get in there and they're like n we're

good we tried for years with those

[ __ ] guys we got into ho never never

hockey schol yeah well that was our

thing like we liked hockey the most so

we wrote a song about hockey and then it

was a leaf Go song for three years and

Don Cherry we talked hocky in Canada I

was like okay [ __ ] that's awesome

that is

awesome Kan said Abel look down there

Abel turned around what bam killed just

like that smack him down in the face

hurt in the dirt put his heel down on

his throat crush him let him bleed out

into the river god came to Abel said

Abel where are you he went to visit Kan

said Cain where's your brother Kane said

am mind my brother keep God said

[ __ ]

what have you done listen your brother's

blood cries to me from the soil you

shall be banned from the soil that

opened the mouth to receive your

brother's blood and the [ __ ] hand and

Cain was sent out now listen let me tell

you something there a lot of noise going

on on these social network sites about

meat eating as being a

sin well Genesis tells us the only

[ __ ] sin is being a

vegan a veggie mother [ __ ] ter

self-righteous [ __ ] ter came

killing immediat and that's what

happening right

now y'all want to judge you judge Abel

who's laying face first on the ground

well you vegetarians are the descendant

of

Kane m kain's not a bad man he just gets

mad when people don't want to eat a

sabad now when people want to Ricky

because Ricky doesn't want to eat

[ __ ] greens and fruit all his life

and want to tell him he murdering animal

Ricky Brown will come to you with a rock

in his head just

like well wait oh [ __ ] man actually did

that K able didn't he well Ricky Brown

won't let you do that to to Ricky cuz

when you lead Ricky Brown into the

garden Ricky turn around just like this

hey turn around catch that rock juggle

it up like a goddamn soccer player

bicycle kick that [ __ ] right in the

goddamn throat watch your lanx crush

pull out the back Rick grab you by the

spine y it out play that [ __ ] like a

flute and play all the way home with a

sheep following

behind you don't come to wcky and decide

that he's killing animals CU he likes a

good goddamn leg of turkey now do

he you can learn a lot from

[Music]

God okay you do a little crack Mr Le and

you go close close to the grill you open

it up it comes out in the pool beautiful

Ry that's how you cook the egg bir I

like those eggs that's great okay now

here Mr leg here oh my God secret to a

good cooking show is having clean uh

grilling

surface don't that's

my symbolic I [ __ ] see it right in

there look he's smiling at me Randy this

Bun's done Mr Le we just put that one

you put that on the side right there

while that's going you grab another bun

like this take it you put it down you

pop it down you don't need to nature of

the [ __ ] Ry rag look cheese is

melting we got to turn the heat up just

like that okay now what you can do now

that the Bacon's heated you can take it

and put it on top of the cheese

everybody where the [ __ ] else would you

put it well Mr L some people put it

right on the egg so you just put it

right there so now you

got oh [ __ ] what did you do it's hot

it's hot Mr Le I love your Chens okay

and while the eggs are you got to let

the eggs cook a little bit and then you

get your your condiments so we got a

tomato here this is the food

group [ __ ] listen my show but we only

got a certain amount we got a big

[ __ ] Show Ladies and Gentlemen well

maybe if you let didn't start until I

freaking got here for freak Sak that

doesn't make any sense this is a great

so you get nice tomato slices like that

you're good and we got some lettuce

because this is the roughage this

everyone needs a little bit of

vegetables in their lives I like limp

that's limp you got to get the nice like

the greas stuff that's perfect I covered

one of these for Halloween so a little

taste test y it's it's good these this

lettuce compared to that other lettuce

that Roma or whatever it's called this

is no caloric INF they grow this on

icebergs Mr L but you can put stuff on

like like L salad oils Rand okay this is

the very important

flipping the eggs are very difficult now

you're that's your egg Mr Ley your egg

is mine's nicer than you no you got

because you're supposed to do mine is

[ __ ] character that looks like a

[ __ ] egg anybody can make any [ __ ]

diner for $2.99 breakfast but that

[ __ ] egg that's

our all right Mr Le you're getting the

this burnt piece of toast he we have to

save one for our guest well we're going

to make one last buns are going in the

toaster okay I'm going to leave Randy at

his cooking show no you don't leave me

oh yeah I got to move on for this we got

a lck to cover today bud Mr Le we're

almost done okay okay okay Lee well you

go ahead if you need more all I'll

continue cooking over here but I want to

be able to you want to say something to

the fans the people about about oh

that's Overkill you don't have extra

piece of extra pie chicken bacon I think

chicken bacon sounds like a [ __ ]

oxymoron Randy chickens you know if you

take a pile feed and you put it like R

it like this would

it you're six out of 10 Mr Le for sure

for sure okay here it is this is it Mr

Lee I got your burger ready oh I love it

Randy I got it you got this is going to

be a good bre a great breakfast to start

your day is the way that everyone should

roll now this is a very important part

Mich I got to show them this year bun

Well normally if you got cheese on your

burger you flip the bun upside down and

then you put that top part on there so

it doesn't stick and then you can put

your ketchup and mustard and stuff on

there Mr Le okay I've invented a new ATI

I like to experiment with these are

peanuts and lettuce now if you have a

little shot of something to put on the

peanuts and lettuce the Randy this is

going to be [ __ ] crazy Mr Le don't

you're going to ruin your

dinner

oh oh [ __ ] I got some burning going on

Mr

Le that's not don't let it burn

everybody we'll give this one this one

to Our Guest Our Guest gets that one I'm

getting the good one frig him we got to

make chicken stock okay first for roie

pie so do you want to what is chicken

stock what okay we're just going to

throw it in the pot that's it that's it

this we're halfway there so you can take

some celery cut up some celery that's

this one yes okay yeah celery why you

not know you do you keep all this [ __ ]

we're going to use that that's the good

stuff so just cut like right here okay

and then put that in the pot this in the

pot or this no that that okay this is

we'll save that for later now take half

for

that Ricky is doing a really good job

even though he doesn't know how to

[ __ ] read poor guy he didn't even

know what [ __ ] celery was but he's

trying maybe you know what did come

first the chicken her's leg the leg at

the same time and then bubbles bubbles

is [ __ ] killing it he can't I'm

surprised he could didn't cut his

fingers off and then Julian he just

doesn't give a [ __ ] he's got that cup of

[ __ ] ROM and Coke or whatever the

[ __ ] it is and all the boys are they're

chipping in Fry holy [ __ ] look what I

did BBS just joking oh [ __ ] don't

make me throw up don't you imagine if I

finger went in the rap pot and then put

that in the pot carrot you got carrots

so all this is called Mira so onions

carrots celery is called mepa that's

French it's called what Mir Julian you

know

frencha

Mira so that's flavoring those three are

the foundations of everything that's

good I believe onions carrots and celery

and then all we're going to do is take

actual Box chicken stock we're just

going going to fortify it he used to

drink that you used to use it as mix

chicken stocks have VOD oh my God guys

yeah open up some boxes here boys okay

let's open them up Julian can you got

you got one kind here I'll try you try

how many people would this feed do you

think this could feed like 12 people

probably holy [ __ ] do you know what's

crazy we're going to pour all of this

liquid into this potato mix all of it

what all of it and it's going to absorb

it all holy [ __ ] because this is dried

so this is like grated you grate potato

you peel them you grate them and then

you spin them in like old dryer and you

spin them and then you hang them in in

sacks and all of the liquid comes out

and then that paste this is how they

would they would store back in the day

like my nanny when she was young they

would make their own bricks of potato

and they hang them and throughout winter

you just that's how you keep potatoes

and then it doesn't go sour so now we

just have to bring this up to a boil you

guys just made chicken stock don't get

too close you don't want to [ __ ] get

the raw chicken that was [ __ ] easy

man that's going to take about a half an

hour clean up I'm going to go get a

drink give me a drink too you have a

drink I'll be right back Bob just clean

the [ __ ] whenever it's clean in time

[ __ ] he disappears Into Thin Air you

did most the cut and I didn't even make

any mess okay so but I thought he was

going to try to pitch in maybe I'll give

him a small slice see how he likes that

right on thanks man the guy who back the

chef guy there he said keep them coming

he's okay just sits there with his

[ __ ] coca colola and rum got big

muscles thinks he's hot [ __ ] but they

need to understand a little bit of their

Heritage they're got their heads up

their asses most of the time chasing

around doing the weed deals and whatever

else they're doing and I just want to

make sure that they have a little bit of

Heritage just keep them coming keep them

you're going to get a good tip right

Ricky Julian and Bubbles came over to my

nanny gry's house I think it would be a

hoot the stock is done [ __ ] that smells

good right now we're going to have to

pick all the chicken meat okay so the

chicken meat's hot though guys what pair

is the meat the meat is the meat here

use a pair of tongs just everything but

the bones yeah everything but the bones

and then ear bubbles you're going to

pick the meat holy [ __ ] that's hot [ __ ]

FR came out of a boiling P yeah it's not

[ __ ] didn't come out of the fridge

boil [ __ ] so just pick it can I use Tong

yeah just that's why I gave you the tong

so pick the chicken [ __ ] and then I'm

going to strain the

star here hold that for a second rck

double time it two at a time Julian I

wanted you to help

man I can get I could should be a

professional Tong player yeah you can

play the tongs okay here slice those

green onions you know how to

slice is that what you want that or the

top it's not great no I just oh no oh

[ __ ] sakes chop it up like that right

your usess is a dick on a none yeah

there you go Julian it's a lot of work

huh I bet if you could invent a boneless

chicken you'd be a rich

man yeah I think if you invent boneless

chicken where do you want these [ __ ]

things just put them in here put them

right in the pot all of them though okay

don't [ __ ] throw them on the ground

who's throwing things on the [ __ ]

ground Julian how strong are you I don't

know man I can you know I get to take

care of myself why okay cuz I need your

arm see this looks nice right looks

weird so we're going to do this really

slowly and this is kind of dangerous

because this chicken stock is hot but

you need it to be hot Don't splash

yourself Splash I'm going to show just

let me show so I'm just going to show

you just hold on I just want to you just

kind of got to work it a bit and you

just turn it into sludge this is like

Little House in the prairie [ __ ] they

made this [ __ ] back then didn't they

yeah this is exactly this is Little

House on the so you got to do it until

it's kind ofing [ __ ] good now L

angles with okay so this is you can

start stirring so stir it but be careful

yeah just and you can mash it a bit Jo

you could set your [ __ ] drink down

too actually take part take part in the

whole

festivity Ricky don't turn it to dust

slow you don't want to Splash it's hot

look at the flax he's got going I know

look at his arm have you guys been to

hinki Y yep it's pretty sweet [ __ ]

sweet best steak restaurant we ever went

to was in hinki I don't doubt it their

food standards are crazy yeah it was

good no bleach in their chicken it was

called Stefan really how do you remember

that I because I went there three times

stefans and they have certif A5 wagle

beef oh yeah look out baby 100 bucks for

a 4 o steak Jesus Christ it's expensive

Jesus well I didn't pay the promoter was

paying so that's the key it was kind of

fatty too it was wonderful it was

wonderful the [ __ ] up thing about

Finland there was a sauna in every

single place that I have like it whether

was one of the venues had a sauna in the

basement and then every hotel has a

sauna like everybody saunas all the time

in Finland and so I did it every time I

was there and then wished I had a sauna

you go to Japan and they got the toilets

to choot the water up your ass genius

they have those in Edmonton now we were

in a hotel in Edmonton that had the the

shooting water toilets I'm too scared to

try it though I'm like you know what oh

yeah I I tried right away really I'm

just like [ __ ] I don't know where go the

water's just going to shoot out

everywhere I was in Japan with Axel Rose

and his he had the presidential suite

and his toilet in his room home didn't

just have that thing it had a a scanner

that

went and then it found your it didn't

matter if you're were sitting off kilter

it knew exactly and it knew exactly

where to shoot you laser guided it was

like a laser guided

Star right in the Hope every time i'

love to have one of those Japanese

technology is pretty Advanced they ass

technology I'll be honest though if it

was laser guided I'd probably definitely

take the risk like I'm just worried

about errant sprays because I'm not POS

position right way it would be the

toilet's fault it be my laser guarded

prion all right I'm going to try it I

might get addicted to it but I'm trying

it 2 million saunas in Finland just

going to throw that out there two what

two million how many people in 5.3 yo

every house I'm telling you every Hotel

every hotel has like the ball in his

sauna you walk in the hotel lobby and it

kind of sucks and you go down to the

sauna and you're like holy [ __ ] it's

like this like beautiful do they have

saunas in the rooms no no no down the

basement they have a pool and then they

have his and her sauna that are just

massive and when you go in the dudes are

always naked yeah they're just

sitting full me and Brandon sitting

there hey guys how's it going he would

love

that I'm I'm a fulln guy I never played

Sports I'm not into it so if you're

going to start a sauna business you got

got to go over there you're not a full

naked guy well I'll give you a tip don't

ever go to meet an NHL hockey team after

the game yes yeah I just I can't I we

got hauled down to who was it the rain

San Jose's dressing room and everybody

was excited to meet us so they didn't

bother getting dressed they just came

over to meet us and like that's [ __ ]

we were in the La King's dress room same

thing he was

hyperventilating [ __ ] four years old

[ __ ] been flapping out I guess so yeah

group showers I'm not used to he was

hyperventilating I wasn't

hyperventilating bus reminded me of a

jail

[Music]

[Laughter]

warning the following program contains

really coarse language weed alcohol

consumption smoking and sexual

influences this content may not be

suitable for viewers under 18 to

activate parental controls please press

the big go [ __ ] yourself button on your

remote

[Music]

[Music]

control [ __ ] right come on Julian

just a second

FR I was reading something here I wanted

to share with you guys I can't remember

what it was oh yeah how many times do

this happen what how to survive if you

wake up next to someone and don't

remember their

name you ask them what their name is

what do you mean how to survive it's not

like really a life and death it happens

to people man it's happened to me so

here's what you do if you're at their

place do not

panic get up and go to the bathroom look

through the medicine cabinet for

prescription medicines with her name on

the label or his name depending or just

[ __ ] leave say hi sort through

magazines looking for subscription

labels with name and address or get up

and make them the her a [ __ ]

breakfast or something man go through a

waste basket to find discarded junk mail

address to her yeah that's what you do

get out and start creeping through their

[ __ ] medicine cabinets so that they

call the police on people are [ __ ] and

say there's a stranger in my house

looking up my medicine then you return

to the bedroom she's awake ask her to

make coffee for you use the time alone

to search the bedroom for evidence look

for wallet checkbook ID or name bracelet

who wrote This Book [ __ ] Matlock

scrapbook business cards Jessica

Fletcher wrote the book if she is

sleeping look for these and other items

throughout the house all right that's

good that's a good piece of news next

thing get out some rope sneak up behind

them if if it's at your place use terms

of end endearment when adressing

her do not guess at her name acceptable

Terms of

Endearment are Honey Sweetie cutie yeah

that goes over big these days sugar hey

sweetie hey sweetie fire me up cup

coffee would you handsome and

gorgeous no this book's

outdated that sounds like something that

would happen in the 50s unless you were

certain that you have ample time do not

go through her

belongings if your partner is showering

you can count on having at least a few

minutes of privacy to search through her

belongings otherwise really in the book

otherwise do not risk

it dude he's in his [ __ ]

underwear looking at her [ __ ] shuffling

through her drawers while she's in the

shower ask leading questions while

making small talk fishing for

information is risky and can backfire by

calling attention to what you're trying

to do how do you spell your name is that

with a an

a well oh this is how you trick this is

how you trick them while getting dressed

pull out your own ID and ask her if she

thinks that your hair is better now or

in the picture oh beond to you then

laugh about how silly you used to

look look at that crazy picture of me

back then what we got to back this up so

this means ask her if she ever had a

nickname she might say no is this about

a one night stand you wake up with a

chick next to you and you don't know

what the [ __ ] happened ask her how she

got her

name what does your name mean in Naval

if she is leaving give her your business

card and ask for

hers there's a lot it's very romantic

thanks for all the bang and here's my

business card if she does not have a

business card I ask her to write her

Vital Information on yours yeah all

sounds very normal very normal she's not

going to thank you your creep

Shaw after that

one this is how to oh how to spot breast

implants remember if they look too good

to be true they probably are

Ricky who wrote where did you get this

book assess breast size and compareed

with frame

size for

what why petite petite is that a word

petite yeah but why that's small you

doing this a te woman have naturally

small breasts tell that to Dolly Burton

yeah but hers aren't real

Dolly out of the gate they were [ __ ]

big be suspicious of baseball shaped

breasts or strangely arranged

breasts strangely

arranged that's a

giveaway she's got one on her stomach

and one on her

sternum something's not right there

check cleavage for Rippling of the skin

boy after you read this book you're

going to be real popular fella if

appropriate brush up against or hug

someone with suspected breast

implants hi hi nice to meet you no man

don't touch me get away from me man

check under and around the breast for

scarring why are you doing this though

like why is what what is that it's who's

that for it's a survival book what's it

called give me some [ __ ] answers here

bubs the ultimate worst case scenario

Survival

Handbook it's could save your life Ricky

it's not

even [ __ ] 19 [ __ ]

1989 [ __ ] pricks

[ __ ] [ __ ]

police what is it recky oh they're just

tricking people [ __ ] Wisconsin police

warn recently bought Wisconsin police

warn recently bought meth may contain

Corona virus they offer to test it for

free yeah so people brought their meth

in you get [ __ ]

arrested well you know what if you're if

you're dumb enough to bring your MTH

down to the police station and say could

you tell me if this has Corona virus in

it you probably don't it's not fair to

the virus either CU it isn't doesn't

have

it how to tell if you're dead are you

kidding me

what the f how to tell if you're dead

how I'd like to know I could be dead

right now not even KN it the grammar

check okay that's number one when people

speak about you note whether they do so

in the present or past sense are you

[ __ ] kidding me I so I could be a

ghost right now Ricky was a good guy he

Ricky was a great F I miss him [ __ ]

awesome guy man Jesus I miss him [ __ ]

boys maybe I'm dead no do you hear

something you [ __ ] up every now and

then I think I hear something and I get

a chill in my bones and punch me in the

face like Rey's right here with us I

should have wonder what two was cuz the

number one was [ __ ] if you get punched

in the face and you feel it not

dead how there was a picture of a guy

putting a fork through his hand how to

deal with someone welding a

chair oh

wield wielding a chair big

yeah cuz if they're welding it that's

one thing I was going to say you

wouldn't come across that situation

thrust your hand towards the attacker's

face Dock and grab his closet ankle his

what

closest his closest

ankle his ankle came out of the

closet or grab a boulder or something a

big rock grab a chair or [ __ ] pull

out your gun and shoot him in the Face's

a good one Rey got this extreme I want

to do that all right the kneecap maybe

the

kneecap that'll take him down that

probably hurt you never I thought you

were trying to kill me with that chair

no I was just moving it over there and

you blew my [ __ ] KN

off you know in the

70s and I remember I [ __ ] I was a good

cop don't let anyone tell you in the

70s my partner in the 70s [ __ ] rest

in peace wasn't like a [ __ ] George

[ __ ] sucking

green pissed me off ruin my [ __ ] life

there's certain people in your life that

[ __ ] you over birds of a [ __ ] feather

flock together if you find yourself with

a [ __ ] craw in your [ __ ] Nest or

living near you [ __ ] walk away that's

all I'm saying if I could live my life

over I wouldn't need this actually I

would need this but I might not need

this but you know what I'm getting man

life is just a [ __ ] Rose Bowl of

Cherries you know what I'm saying anyway

I remember it was in the 70s and oh yeah

my partner and I rest in peace he's a

good [ __ ]

God my partner and I were on this

[ __ ] drug bus it was here's what was

going on it was [ __ ] hashes coming

into the port of Halifax [ __ ] by the

container load because the [ __ ] guys

were paying them off meanwhile downtown

all the [ __ ] not all the St doors but

some one of the [ __ ] they would they'

see what was in the [ __ ] thing was

TVs or whatever oh we'll have that one

they [ __ ] empty the whole no one gave

us [ __ ] cuz insurance came in [ __ ] that

anyway I'm just saying this [ __ ]

container came in and we knew about it

and we [ __ ] started spying on this

[ __ ] and see where all the [ __ ] dope

was going well some of the dope was

going to the local bichel games which

were cleaned up about 8 years ago and

now they're [ __ ] back I don't [ __ ]

understand that [ __ ] if a guy's a

[ __ ]

and you get him over of the [ __ ] Nest

keep him over of the [ __ ] [ __ ] Nest

that's all I

mean

anyway we did our best [ __ ] police

work I want you to know we were I

undercovered for about two months I [ __ ]

I didn't shave or anything like that and

I got I found out 90% of the hashes that

was coming in in this [ __ ] container

was going to Scotland about five % was

going up to [ __ ] Montreal and about

5% was staying around here to [ __ ] [ __ ]

we and we had like I we had a tip I got

a tip the two of the Scottish guys that

were here to [ __ ] T they were hold

they were in this hotel room and I could

go there and I can find the papers I

could find dope I could find shipping

stuff I can find guns I can find a lot

of money and [ __ ] tip

and you know I never told who gave me

that tip till this [ __ ] day and you

know what you know why I

can't can't

remember anyway my partner and I [ __ ]

police force I told the chief I said to

the chief this is going down he's

[ __ ] you know they used to call me

late never mind I w't [ __ ] tell you

what they used to call me I used to get

them alerted once in a while for [ __ ]

going down but somehow someone in the

[ __ ] Department it could have been

George [ __ ] lock and green himself

[ __ ] spilled the beans [ __ ] one time

one things I want never mind anyway we

went there 4:00 in the morning cuz we

were going to catch those guys

red-handed I was [ __ ] scared stitless

cuz I know these Scottish guys they were

[ __ ] oh my God they were they had I

never met them but they had a real

[ __ ] reputation for just going hi how

you doing blowing your [ __ ] nuts off

we was we came in the [ __ ] front door

was open we came in the house my partner

and I and it was [ __ ] pitch Park and

we heard this [ __ ] music it was

incredible music was quite

loud kind of like like the bum bum

that kind of thing like the Bumble Arrow

so we go up the stairs creeping up the

[ __ ] stairs guns drawn and there's

music coming from the [ __ ] room and I

open the

door and it was a 50 candles all around

all that maybe not that many and there

was two naked people on the

bed the Scottish

guys and they were in this kind of

numerical

position and I stood there and I watched

them for the longest

time and they knew we were watching them

and then they just looked over like they

knew we were coming all the

time and that was a [ __ ]

moment that changed my life

forever right there as if the world

didn't

matter

yeah and I don't know why

but v

69 every time I have a sip I think of

those beautiful

[Music]

man tun back into Jim Le and the liquor

stories going to tell you another

exciting

[Music]

Tale

unfuckingbelievable

Larry can you hear me what do you need

by these toasters I told you not to get

from China every one of them's [ __ ]

[ __ ] off circuit board's not working I

tested them all they're all garbage not

my problem bubbles by you might as well

send them right the [ __ ] back yeah get

right on that there [ __ ] [ __ ]

[ __ ]

[Applause]

sakes hey Julian what's going on what's

going on pubs just working on these

stupid [ __ ] Chinese toes right on man

you could to put down scene one and

whatever you got to put on this thing

what are they doing here it's swearing

us the camera crews are going to be

following us around for a little while

in jail yeah we're under contract they

get to come in we I've been talking to

them J Rick's going to [ __ ] freak out

he doesn't have a [ __ ] choice he's

got a [ __ ] can do this I think it's

pretty cool that the swear net people

got a hold of me and wanted to come in

and you know film us and shoot a little

show you know I think people could

seriously learn something from what goes

on in

jail what do you want me to do seen one

oh so I'm the [ __ ] slating guy now am

I you don't even get a [ __ ] break in

jail mark

it why can't you be the Slate go I've

got a drink in my hand all right how you

doing you [ __ ] this Jewel J this is

Bubbles we're in jail this show is

called Julian in jail you guys are going

to learn a lot of [ __ ] from us why is

show called Julian and if I'm on the

[ __ ] show it's not called Julian in

jail it's already they already cleared

it they said it was a good name we're

going to go with that well we need to

have equal billing ever since you guys

with the cameras there have been putting

us all over the world around the world

it's gone right to Julian's head I mean

I hate to say it but it's going to be in

a show off are we getting paid we're

going to get paid I'll get into that

let's just talk about what you're doing

here right now bubs well you might as

well just call the show [ __ ] Larry

bought a [ __ ] load of shitty Chinese

toasters that's what the show should be

called cuz they got me working on these

things trying to fix them to send them

back to the store and the [ __ ] look

at the circuit boards look what I'm

working with look at that see that

transistor yeah see that garbage well

how can you tell it's garbage because

look if you put current to it look it

just there's no [ __ ] Rhyme or Reason

to why that

doing that all right what's happening

here they got a bunch of toasters in

they're all defective the company gets

them back from the customers they go to

one another company they send it to us

we fix them they resell them I fix them

not we we fix them I'm going in here

[ __ ] 12 hours a day working on

goddamn toasters it's a shitty place

but you know there's ways of making it a

lot better for yourself in here and

that's what I want to teach people bubs

what I want you to do is take these four

toasters build one massive heating unit

so we can cook something okay why I

can't do that just take the elements out

of these ones put it into this one why

WRA [ __ ] elements from four toasters

into one unit can it be done well

obviously it can be done but I mean what

are you trying to cook the [ __ ]

thing's going to be about 300° that's

perfect if you can get this thing to 325

it would be absolutely perfect what you

got to do in jail you got to think

outside of the box you don't make a lot

of money you make like 15 20 bucks a

week in [ __ ] hole place like this work

workshops so you got to make moneyy

where you can make money I've come up an

idea that's going to make us a lot of

[ __ ] money if you can only get this

thing to work with I can don't worry I

can it up but things like these have to

be approved Bud yeah no I'll just don't

worry about Larry no he's cool we're

cool down here Larry right on all right

so how long do you think this is going

to take well J you know I mean it's a

bit of a [ __ ] order here I got to

strep the elements out of four toasters

now you you know drop the walls on this

one rewire the [ __ ] things in solder

it back together it's not going to be a

quick job if do I want to help you want

me to take this one apart or what do you

want me to do no just look I know where

everything is just hands off get me a

good set of Pines over there my good

pinches so next category is Lands

scrapes there's one I painted on the Pod

cash actually and it looks [ __ ]

fantastic once you paint for a while you

can actually get this good so that's a

lands scrape and then the other type of

painting is heads so you want to take

your paint plate and some smaller

[ __ ] brushes for this

[ __ ] so that can be some

nice nice flowing hair there looks great

I like Jennifer ainson or whatever the

[ __ ] name is and you want to take some

of your white mix that with red white

and red actually can make pink you'll

learn that pretty

quickly nice thing about long hair is it

hides the ears cuz ears are [ __ ] hard

to

paint so pretty much fill in most of the

area except for you want to put a mouth

in

there all right so once you got the

mouth done you can fill in the rest of

the [ __ ] face with some more

pink maybe do some [ __ ]

eyebrows

and use a bit darker red

to outline some kind of a nosy

thing and then for eyes I like to go

with blue blue are my favorite kind of

eyes I guess cuz I have

some pretty nice looking [ __ ] eyes

there kind of just beaming at

you I mean once you have a nice head

like this you could Stir It with You

know you can maybe make a little bit of

a body

too that's arms

there and then maybe put some you don't

want to paint clothes clothes are

[ __ ] hard to

paint so you could maybe put some some

breasts on there breasts are hard to

paint especially the shadowing and I

find the nipples really

hard that looks pretty

good so once you have some real nice

looking breasts on there like actually

I'm starting to feel a little funny here

that looks so

real so I'm going to finish a bit more

of this up and go have another smoke

break another couple drinks and we're

going to move on to extreme [ __ ]

painting

or what's it called again abs abstack

where you stack the paint look at that

[ __ ] thing she's

[Music]

hot okay we're backed and we're really

[ __ ] baked now I did a bit more

painting kind of filling in while I was

smoking my

Cannon I mean normally I'd spend couple

more hours putting a bit more detail I

mean that looks really realistic and

awesome but I would normally put a bit

more detail bit of shadowing around the

breasts and teeth and you know nostrils

and maybe some eyelashes that sort of

[ __ ] but these tools that they gave me

[ __ ] suck so we're g to move on to

extreme [ __ ] painting right

after I sign this CU every painter

should sign his paintings that's what

you're supposed to do I forgot to sign

that one but I'll do it

later

so like this brush is shitty even for

some my [ __ ] name

but

that's pretty close looks pretty

good I don't know kind of cute what is

it that's a dog cat no don't want to see

it look how cute that little [ __ ] you

might like it more than a cat look at

look at this little [ __ ] look at him

yeah he's [ __ ] he's like a it's

pretty you kicked that little [ __ ] out

of your

shed would you I don't like him well

he's a [ __ ] of a lot smarter than a dumb

cat could play with you and stuff [ __ ]

up man yeah Ricky i' [ __ ] i' put my

cats up against you any day of the week

for what playing with each other no for

smart

stuff if they woke up next to a person

they'd know how to get the [ __ ] out of

there without rooting through their

medicine cabinet I'll tell you that cat

can't even count dog can cats can count

to a

thousand all right well I guess you're

Smur than I've had several cats that

could count to a thousand come on that's

[ __ ] cute he's fairly cute but I need

to know what type of Furs on him is he

coarse or is he soft he looks soft man

what do you mean coarse he could be like

a bristly old brush dirty old [ __ ]

sink brush and you don't want to be

having him

around I think that I would like to uh

come on if we're playing person favorite

person of the week I'd like to nominate

this guy from Louisiana

are we playing favorite person of the

week I didn't know it could be okay who

is it he got pulled over and his license

plate expired in

1997 that's awesome he's [ __ ] amazing

23 years and his excuse was I've been

busy see I don't disagree with him

there's some things I've been meaning to

do for 20 or 25 years that I've been

just too busy to get at like what what

just different

things different things so it just shows

you I mean how much money would he spend

years I've meaning to get a new pair

boots I haven't done that yet couple

hundred bucks a year over 28

years it's a lot of money I got to use

it oh my one or two cuz you're not doing

it in here do you have a p jug rcky or

should we just shut her down I got piss

J just use that thermos look you got

your drinking thermos good wash it

I'm not ping go for it I'm not pissing

in your ther you offered it up I'll just

go p in the toilet I just thought you

know you can do that rude man use his

thermos oh

[Music]

boy

[Laughter]

warning the following program contains

really coarse language weed alcohol

consumption smoking and sexual

inferences this content may not be

suitable for viewers under 18 to

activate parental controls please press

the big go [ __ ] yourself button on your

remote

[Music]

[Music]

control slow fried baloney sandwiches

with cheese and

mustard that's what I'm making you

always want to eat baloney man what your

problem B blowing last time but oh [ __ ]

with one don't get me wrong well we had

blown airs we didn't have my special

slow fry

sandwiches for do it up

boys I'll make them recky you just stay

seated I'll make the [ __ ] yeah

man holy [ __ ] this guy's claiming that

uh some cheap dog deworming medicine Cur

his [ __ ] cancer BD what D some what

it's a d Worman medicine for his dog he

took it what the [ __ ] he was just going

to guess and say hey I wonder if this

will cure my cancer [ __ ] it try man so

this guy came up to him said hey look

could have killed him you uh you want to

get rid of that take these [ __ ] pills

and it worked

really did you ever deworm yourself

julan cuz you had worms there one time I

didn't have worms what do you think you

had earth worms remember I did not have

earth worms we got cheese man you want

cheese for yeah I need cheese slices oh

[ __ ] do you have slices yeah man yeah we

need slices you ever hear Fen

bendol

who no not V Fen bendol yeah man Fen

bendol yeah that's that drug you taking

to bend you over that's what no that's

what we need to get our hands on why

it'll be worth a lot of money man what

is is it it's deworming [ __ ] man for

your

dogs what language are you talk what is

it I don't know what happened there yeah

here we go

this is that why do you keep buying this

thin shitty baloney Ricky I like the

thick stuff thick cut there is this

thicker that's what your mama said

too no that's the same stuff

[ __ ] all beef yeah that's the

skinny skinny slices I can just double

them up double them up man it's not big

deal don't worry buzz what do you think

of that Yeti [ __ ] he's scary what Yeti

[ __ ] Yeti just the yeti believe in those

things or what in yetis

yeah I believe in Yeti Van Halen you

know what this was not a great

grocery day

no where the [ __ ] why did I buy spicy

pickles do I have the wrong [ __ ]

burner on

here the Indian army are saying they

found [ __ ] Yeti Footprints man up in

the mountain I had the wrong one on does

that do anything to you do you want

regular mustard or honey

mustard regular [ __ ] man yeah mon recky

the Indian [ __ ] army they claim to

have found Oh my Jesus yeah I know they

found a footprint or something a bunch

of them man he was walking all over the

[ __ ] place in the mountains who was

this Yeti yeah no he wasn't that's what

they're saying man apparently there's

one Yeti left there's one Sasquatch left

and they're going to try to get them

together so that they can meet who said

that I read something about it Ricky

that's not true that maybe that was a

kid there's more than one big

foot AKA Sam

samps there's lots of those cops the

[ __ ] else do you need for these [ __ ]

Bears but I just got I got everything I

need Ricky I got the bread do you need

any molasses or anything no hot sauce oh

Ricky that bread is [ __ ] old as the

[ __ ] hinges of hell it's probably

been a while I don't you here this is

feeling oh no you know what happened

this is feeling good you know what

happened to this bread what

the light the [ __ ] light she cooked

the bottom of it feel it oh my God it

did dude feel that that was a oh yeah

that's [ __ ] slow cooked we got to look

at that might be

good slow toast the bread was sitting in

the cover but look the bottom of

it she got slow toast that's probably

probably a bit of a fire hazard there oh

she's cooking numb nuts I know give me a

spatula

Ricky oh that's a big guy here that's

nice

oh

yeah you want a little guy no I

just tur wow I can't really like the

bone is the same color as the pan having

trouble seeing it can you see that Boney

or is it completely camouflaged it's

pretty camouflaged it is cooking see how

she's bubbling there now

no oh yeah that piece is that needs to

be

flipped that piece there needs to be

flipped this is not a great Boney pan

I'll tell you that that's a [ __ ]

great pan for everything camouflage

that's one of those

[ __ ] what are they called clondike

something gold bars or gold bur I don't

know Gotham

steel the no stick pan Gotham steel no

stick pan I've tried all the chemicals

going right into you I cooked an ice

cube train that the other night and it

[ __ ] came right up

you what I just to see how [ __ ] good

it was I cooked an ice cube treay M the

[ __ ] [ __ ] it ever

stink I want to try to get this built by

the end of the day is that going to

happen the end of the [ __ ] day

doesn't [ __ ] matter if we're in jail

out of jail where we are doesn't matter

all Julian can think about is how in the

[ __ ] can I make more money four toasters

into one well but we're going to lose

we're losing money right now just

talking about it okay just get it

[ __ ] done

today all right I mean it's ridiculous I

work in here I work my nuts off all week

I make 15 bucks a week 15 bucks a week

just fine and dandy for me I can't live

a $15 a week [ __ ] that I mean I can make

a lot of money in jail and if I can do

that if I get the ability to do that I'm

going to do it you settle for living off

for $15 a week you're [ __ ] and you're

lazy this is the thing you know I'm in

here working my ass off I know he's

working quite a bit as well but I'm

trying to help him out he's always like

uhuh don't touch my tools don't touch

the [ __ ] toaster the tools I signed

out the tools so I'm responsible for the

tools you know what it [ __ ] costs if

that goes missing I got special

privileges in here cuz I'm what they

categorize as low risk so I'm allowed to

sign tools out of the the lock up you

know anything I want but I got to be

careful cuz once they're out they're in

my name if anything goes missing then

it's you know I'm G to get strep

searched you know what that is [ __ ]

strep search rip my cell apart

I'm not going through that I'm not going

to [ __ ] accidentally leave with a set

of [ __ ] snippers there's a guard in

here they call Gorilla fingers he's got

[ __ ] fingers the size of a soap can

and he likes to you know he searches

everywhere everywhere and as the legend

goes he he enjoys

it all right so they can probably cut

this and you know cut back and it'll be

done

or how do they do this yeah they don't

need to film me working on toasters I

mean nobody wants to see that that's not

interesting to

[Applause]

anybody hey Ricky was that so [ __ ]

hard Larry two minutes you're not

supposed to be in here Ricky I know I'm

not supposed to be in here I said I give

you a [ __ ] piece of hash on Friday

you 30 [ __ ] seconds just got to talk

to Bubbles about something bubes I need

to [ __ ] [ __ ]

[ __ ] [ __ ]

what guys from the thinger here oh my

[ __ ] what the [ __ ] is this what do you

mean in jail they're not following me

around a [ __ ] jail Julian no [ __ ]

way this is like a [ __ ] Paradise

vacation in here I don't you fall around

here can fall around the outside turn

off the [ __ ] camera recky they're

allowed to shoot us in jail turn off the

[ __ ] I see the red light turn on the

[ __ ] camera right now [ __ ] knock

Ricky Ricky har he's cool Ricky calm the

[ __ ] down show the [ __ ] out Larry okay

I'm just having a little conversation

with camera dick here why the [ __ ] are

they in jail cuz we're under contract

they're allowed to [ __ ] shoot us 24

hours a day if they want to okay they're

not going to be here every day they're

going to be here every now and then Ed

when they're here please say something

that's going to [ __ ] you know people

are going to learn something okay learn

how to do this [ __ ] off Ricky up got to

go Rick it's all it's under control

Larry okay just Larry you got to turn

your thing off for a minute you got to

turn your thing off for a minute I got

to talk to BS about something turn it

off I can see the [ __ ] red light just

turn it off for a second thank you B I'm

serious Ricky today is Jim Le's last day

on planet of the earth I need a [ __ ]

something to St him with something

that's going to [ __ ] I'm not making

you sh B here perfect no who who who

over the [ __ ] head with this bus

Ricky I am respon I signed that out of

the lockup and I'm not letting you use

it as a murder weapon I want to kill Le

he just as bad as Ricky does but you

know what it's not going to happen so

just let it go we're in jail kill Le he

in jail what's going to happen to you

you're going to end up the rest of your

[ __ ] life in the [ __ ] hole just

[ __ ] calm down we'll get him back

just got to be smart about

it shake that up and tell me what you

think in it oh

a turn them off

shut he looked like he's

humping

Mr oh I hope what do you think what did

I promise you last time we were to the

show Andy the last show what did I

promise you little buddy thought you

weren't going to drink so much I didn't

Randy I didn't didn't didn't what did I

promise you said that you were going to

you going to call it the Ray and Dey

show no I promised you that I was going

to get you

a

t no way you're a you like it it's a

carbo Mr Ley I think you it's got wheels

on it it's true and

I what's the [ __ ] key

Randy you can't [ __ ] wind it up Randy

you [ __ ] key Mich that's not the key

that's the key to the [ __ ] Mystery

Box listen to anybody got a pair of cers

out there somebody give me a pair of

cers cers Mr lady cers nle knows hey hey

Frank how you doing bud yeah are

you you like to bang them when Mr Le

don't say that I'm going to wind it up

CU it goes [ __ ] bags Ry you lost a

[ __ ] key what kind of guy I didn't

lose the key you lost a [ __ ] key you

were drunk and you got the mystery box

ready I was getting the Randy kitchen

going oh for Christ's sake Randy I can't

wind the [ __ ] thing well what's it do

when you wind it it

goes like this like an oo motor yeah

like this goes like this Randy [ __ ] off

little [ __ ] bag this you [ __ ] you

broke my Robo I didn't break your Robo

it's it was broke this is just great oh

Randy yeah you you say you're going to

show people what to do and then you just

end up being a drunk idiot no I'm not a

drunk idiot Randy I'm the host of the

Randy Le [ __ ] most incredible podcast

in the world go go little [ __ ] go little

[ __ ] give it a little push from behind

[ __ ] off [ __ ] off Randy this is a [ __ ]

there's only one [ __ ] thing we can do

Randy you owe me another boat Mr you

brought your

D okay Randy it's time for the podcast

time for the dict I'm not doing the

dictionary yeah I I guess what I got the

tuny for you ay if you do little one

more this is the last time I'll ever ask

you it's really Park important what do

you got I got a tuny for you

Ry tuny Tuesday was yesterday Mr Le too

little too late is what I say oh I got T

no that's two okay [ __ ] okay I'll do

it then over bend over let Ley come over

here Andy just make a point and we're

going to share with the world okay you

want me to do this yeah really do quick

because you don't want any lws Mr Ley

okay do all right okay here we go I'm

going to reach in the bucket oh oh good

one here you go Mr Ley that say it says

acros acros acate AC criminate yes what

the [ __ ] is in glos Randy yeah it's uh

this is for everybody acromatic a chili

is is uh oh I'm sorry Mr Ley I RI some

more pages it doesn't matter we're never

[ __ ] doing it again because you

[ __ ] wreck this I didn't wreck

anything here have another drink off

never mind this is okay folks this is

not the way the show is going to be it's

going to be a happy show it's going to

be a great show just let Mr Le drink a

few more drinks and he'll turn into the

nicest person cuz he's like Mr hod and

Jackal I am going to manipulate my Randy

holy Mr Le look a big bottle of

liquor give little more Trier you

tricker trigger you know what we're

going to do we're going to show our

listening glistening about our crew

could you Bo put the light on out there

for a sec I'm going to take a look Randy

the cameras are looking at us this way I

know I'm just showing the camera look oh

[ __ ] there's jiffer with his and there

little Frankie oh look and we got four

camera shoot there who's that oh that's

beautiful Nicole and there's lovely Anna

right there track one too what the [ __ ]

is this place this is the [ __ ] Mall

of America Ricky this is the biggest

mall in the world and we're here we're

going to get on some [ __ ] roller

coasters I cheeseburger man this is

stupid why are we at a mall we should be

going to some place it's not just a mall

it's the [ __ ] mall is there a place

to get drunk excited he wants to go on a

[ __ ] roller coaster Randy wants to go

to the food court of course the [ __ ]

idiot I just need some rolling papers

they better sell [ __ ] rolling papers

in here it's the all of America they'll

sell Rolling Papers let's get the [ __ ]

in there man it's cold out here all

right right we'll see you in a second

you

excited very

excited very excited going into the

mall there's the

mall okay let's find the roller coaster

boys all right sounds good this is it

this is the biggest mall in the world

just this

[Music]

no holy [ __ ] look at that

man this is [ __ ] cool there's a whole

land made out of Lego Ricky there's an

aquarium in here man 10,000 sea

creatures you could to get baked to go

check that out look at all the levels

four levels of fun four levels of

fun this is going to be decent come on

Randy keep back I'm coming I was looking

to see where the did we find it where

the roller coaster was no I thought you

checked it out I couldn't see the thing

that juli's job boys I need to get some

rolling you can't go

shopping right roller coasters or go to

aquariums when I'm not big we need to

get [ __ ]

ston can I get a picture what's up I get

a picture a picture yes you can get a

picture can you take this picture can I

get the middle get in here you must have

saw us on the TV did you oh my God you

you guys singlehanded my GPA freshman

year from watching you you know

singleand oh my God high five hi oh my

God what are you

doing man find roll

Co have fun the roller coaster for you

go just just straight right this way

here um just right it on the out a

shaving Place yeah yes all right let's

go get on her you too she seem nice well

how come all these people know who we

are cuz they see us on the TV recky even

down here yeah the guys that follow us

around with the cameras you know that

all plays down here too this you know

what this mall is bigger than I thought

was going to be hey what does that

thing oh my

God man how can you have a mall that has

this kind of stuff in it

look at

that I've never seen anything like that

Turtles ride Ninja

[Music]

Turtles he can't wear he can't walk

around with OD shirt on I'm allergic

shirt I think it's a good rule wish he

always wear a shirt drives me nuts he

never wears a shirt it gives me a rash

you should have wore a shirt you're

stupid go buy your shirt but if I wear

it I can rash bubbles you know what he's

Ru on our davut two things actually one

can't wear a shirt too we have U media

pass we have media pass at all yeah

we're from the Canadian Association for

malls just came down here to check it

out for

Canadians

Randy we got to get you a shirt going

Randy let's go let's get you out of here

pardon me turn turn it off

off I don't know how to work it actually

let's

see Randy what way it goes what's going

the whole day well I I don't wear shirts

kind go the roller coaster I got a rash

if I wear a

shirt that's what happens when you take

Brandy to the mall with us it go where

it go I get a picture

they won't last yeah you have to come

here

get I hope you're proud of yourself

Randy it's not my fault you can't do

[ __ ] I don't wear shirts I get allergic

I am

allergic [ __ ] we never going to the

mall with Randy

again it's not like this

know CED out of the [ __ ] Mall of

America way to go Randy going Randy

[ __ ] de weed we got keed out of the

Mall of America didn't even get to go on

the roller coasters it's not my fault

you got a camera too it's all the camera

and that's why it's not the camera he

said he can't have a shirt on I'm only

one of two things all right everyone in

the

photo you can't you won't even let us

get pictures with the fans hey man still

in all right see us

later

well that that concludes our trip to the

Mall of America you happy going the

[ __ ] roller coaster cuz of you you're

godamn not wearing a shirt listen girls

don't have to wear like pants they can

wear skirts and show their legs and they

show their boobs and stuff it doesn't

freaking matter they're not [ __ ]

naked from the was St you guys know I

don't wear freaking shirts frak off you

had to

come had to come give it to him bus give

it to him let me

go oh for [ __ ] sakes I really [ __ ]

this up what the [ __ ] it's sry Ricky

actually that looks goddamn fantastic

well it probably

is oh man that pan is [ __ ] you know

what I should never did the ice cube

tray that was

dumb

[ __ ] just go grab another

pan No actually look the cheese is

coming right out of her I think there's

plastic still in here recky could be I

don't remember doing dishes so [ __ ] sake

I dropped the toast in there you cooked

her own high did you did I she's pretty

[ __ ]

red

there

here there's more this was the backup

baloney over

here so we'll just load that on she's

getting a little rap in

here you did you say you want pickles or

no pickles I don't want pickles why the

[ __ ] did I buy spicy

pickles here just wait I'm going

to load that under okay you happy now

she's here she's not even open I don't

think

no brand new recky why is you biting my

mustard man I'm not biting it I'm biting

the lid off of

it

wow all right

recky hide this under here

that put that on there what's your

secret recipe or secret ingredient

anything no I I'm not familiar with your

kitchen so but you did toast the bread

that's different a little bit where's a

nice knife where's your bread knife at

right

here here you want the electric bread

knife look at that oh what's that a

French bread no bread

knife

there we'll splitter

Ricky what about muscles he's doesn't

want one he said he didn't want any of

my blon Boney [ __ ] reminds me of jail

that's what blone reminds me of it's a

good memory you know what you can

there's a lot of money in [ __ ] right

bedtime stories just so you know this

Bob how much money a lot people are into

it how much people are having a hard

time falling asleep these days people

are writing they're called Sleep writers

a Zoomer of that adults for adults man

bedtime stories for adults yeah what the

[ __ ] do you mean it's just bedtime

stories that are [ __ ] will'll catch

your attention but then make you go to

sleep cuz they're kind of [ __ ] boring

so that might be something you can get

in so you write a boring story and you

get money and you get money [ __ ] that's

good

baloney maybe that's a secret thin stuff

would just add more like a [ __ ]

smoked meat sandwich fry her up man a

little bit of a crisp to it you know

Jesus VOD and boney

we could write boring stories that' be

easy would got to write some boring

stories BB you're good at that [ __ ] what

are you talking about you just got to

write boring stories there the big money

in it now bedtime stories mine's going

to start out today I was laying in the

grass and

then I rolled

over and then I saw a

cloud and then I saw a

bug and then I fell asleep for a little

bit and then I woke up

go that's exact you know what let's

[ __ ] record one right now cuz this

this how you they're all recorded things

right you don't got to rap them I'm got

to try a bite of this

Honker it's [ __ ] good

[Music]

man

[Laughter]

warning the following program contains

really coarse language weed alcohol

consumption smoking and sexual

inferences this content may not be suit

suble for viewers under 18 to activate

parental controls please press the go Fu

yourself button on your remote

[Music]

[Music]

control so what you got going over there

recky you got you're cutting up some uh

some wieners right yeah I'm doing five

at a time it's pretty good man this is

really something so what do you guys

want to talk about while we're making

this [ __ ] dog cakes did you wash your

[ __ ] mits before everything's washed

disinfected you were just scratching

down at your Jewels a little while ago

my Jewels are perfect down the track

pants haven't touched my jewels and well

since last night youve been itching your

nuts a lot lately Ricky what's going on

why are your nuts so itchy just cuz it's

spring is that when the bugs come out

wake up your clothes are [ __ ] up like

you're still wearing clothes that are a

little too warm for spring so you get a

little action going on down there and

then you had

to jerk [ __ ] around what does uh when

did crab start coming out right to about

now this one they what do they do like C

tick they what come out at the same time

as the ticks crabs come [ __ ] are you

talking they're in the same family I

think like [ __ ] when people get crabs

when you do some banging you get crabs

those don't come out with the

Tex where do they come from man I'm

getting itchy thinking about maybe it's

a huming Birds something comes up with

the ticks I don't know a humm bird

couldn't have a tech could it yes manam

I don't think tick give a [ __ ] what

they're munching on to a hummingbird

could have a

crab on his little hummingbird window no

on his body I'm not sure I don't know

what they do but what are you doing

Ricky just cutting up a bit

onion this is taking it to a new level

I've never had onions in [ __ ] pan

should have had slap job here I should

have brought my slap job oh man I'd [ __ ]

I'd bang one of you guys for a Slap Chop

right now hey it's Slap

Chop didn't he die Vince from Slap Chop

on a plane or something I don't believe

so he was uh he was all banged up on

drugs or something for a while was oh

yeah he was on the crack wasn't he what

he was on the crack man Slap Chop guy he

was SLA away on somebody else a don't

say that I don't know man maybe I don't

like to hear are you thinking about the

guy the other infomercial guy that

drives the boat with the door in it he

died does he die on a plane I don't

think he was on a plane I think he was

on one of those boats with the door cut

in it yeah I think he had hair problems

or something Slap Chop he got into

something dirty man let's let's look it

up Slap Chop dude what's his name hey

it's Vince with Slap Chop Vince with

Slap Chop That Remix is one of the best

remixes ever done okay Slap Chop remix

why do onions make you want to get sad

they don't make you sad Ricky they just

make your eyes water you still happy I'm

not happy right now I'm

sad

it's onions are making them sad not just

te eyes I don't want to be here anymore

rcky what are you talking about man

they're not that's not what they do they

make you cry they make your eyes water

has nothing to do with being sad are

you're still happy aren't you or no not

really are you sad cuz your eyes are

watering cuz that's

different all right what's this that's

fromage as they call

in a little bowl of

fromage I got a lot lot of lot of too

many knives you were pretty prepared and

I didn't see those I used the shittiest

[ __ ] one I used this [ __ ] shitty

little steak thing

[ __ ] all right just go about your

business Vince was arrested on F F only

battery charges in Miami last month

following a violent encounter with a

hooker yeah that sucks yeah he gave her

a th000 bucks poor hooker after uh she

propositioned him for straight

sex so she propositioned him do you want

to do some bagging he was like [ __ ] yeah

here's a th000 bucks I thought maybe she

stole a slap drop or

something no man no okay now we're

[ __ ] getting

some let that do it's little dirty work

what do you got in there recky just the

hot dogs and frying up the hot dogs

onion and the onions so explain to me

what happens C hot dog bits and onions

you want pickles I like

pickles yeah go make them small man cut

them up in small pieces you don't want

see we need a Slap Chop you don't want

them too big in the [ __ ] pant remind

me to get a Slap Chop next

time okay this is we'll find a Slap Chop

what the [ __ ] that thing right there

that's slap jop I can build a slap drop

what's

this what is this I saw that and just

had to have

it oh my God serious [ __ ] scissors

ever take your fies off or other

things what recky well what was her name

the do

dois oh your wer he's talking about I

would not be good man recky are there

more hot dogs yep let me see one right

over there in the hot dog package why do

you got to do this just imagine F Julian

not you

okay

Jesus oh boy put those things away get

that away from me that's danger bag

do you remember Danger Bay yes I

remember Danger Bay I don't think I've

ever watched an episode but I remember

it do you remember um they had a float

plan or something didn't they Danger Bay

yeah he might had a float plan I don't

[ __ ] know that's good nice work on

the [ __ ] pickles man I don't think

we're going to go too crazy with the

pickles no man you don't want too much

pickle

action a you could have cut them up with

the scissors [ __ ] why spilled

one okay leave it on the ground I'll put

it back up there

there all right what's that

maneuver holy [ __ ] why some Prett spicy

oh they're not spicy are they no no

they're not they're called Damn

spicy [ __ ] man maybe we won't put these

no just wait now I love a Spicy Pickle

wow I love me a Spicy Pickle you get the

[ __ ] cooking out [ __ ] turn that

[ __ ] up high

man

spicy those are spicy Jesus

boys and I'm happy you have all join me

today and I I want you all at home to

immediately listen to everything that I

say I want y'all to cover thy neighbor's

wife I want y'all to steal from your

name I want y'all to listen to the word

of me Ricky Brown and know that word is

coming from the almighty his or her

yourself I want y'all to pick up a

kitchen KNE I want y'all to go threaten

someone to make you mad I want y'all to

take your money gamble it down the slots

I want y'all to go to the machines uh

the 7 11 or wherever the [ __ ] they are

and I want you all to click that thing

all day don't even go home to your

family don't even uh uh give give money

and and go to the grocery store and feed

your kids I want want y'all to be a

alcoholic mix I want y'all to to

fight I want y'all to to

sin hi Ricky Brown that wasn't really me

that was the

devil but I bet for a minute you thought

that Ricky Brown was was was behind all

that and he was but not theoretically

but I was just making an example to to

show you the devil is all around

you the devil is here and sometimes that

you you see the face of someone you love

but that face has a mask the mask of

Satan over top the mask of the devil the

makeup of Hell itself CED on that [ __ ]

red and blurting in the the warts and

boils of sin bleeding out and pussing

out along the cheek like mascara but but

it's all covered

up it's that easy to be

tempted that the devil sometimes doesn't

show his true face but it's the words of

the devil that you must uh see

through and Rick Brown's here to expose

that because the world of sin is like

one big [ __ ] ocean and we're

all drowning in the ocean and once we

start drowning [ __ ] start panicking

and clawing each other kicking each

other and trying to breathe underwater

and [ __ ] and you can't breathe at all no

no no you're bubbling up to the surface

and as you dring down and the light of

God is disappearing from it and you

sucking down then the devil throw me the

mask again where the mask again while

you sucking down down the water just

stay and the devil down here like this

and he laughing at you and he CLW he say

I got

you no Your Love must be the life jacket

and your faith is the buoy to keep you

up and you tread that [ __ ]

water water devil come up to you and

he's trying to to grab your ankles like

jaws and [ __ ] you kick that [ __ ]

clean in the teeth and I want everybody

to float on that water tread that water

till you see the bright light in the

helicopters of God coming along the

helicopters of Heaven rescuing you and

dropping that ladder from heaven and

where that ladder from Heaven drop that

rope ladder from the Lord yeah we Dro

that rope ladder from the Lord Lord and

you climb up inch by [ __ ] inch

and you grab the rung and you climb

yourself up and the devil stuck in the

water like this and he drowning you

kicking one last time for good measure

and you watch that head go bubbling back

down and you know you know [ __ ] sorry

about that you

know that you going be saved and you all

right just make sure you clear on the

lad Tight cuz if you fall back that

helicopter ain't coming back the

hypothermia hell is waiting for you but

the heat of the helicopter of God is

whirling up

above sound like

this oh sorry Mane a [ __ ] that don't

work let's

pray murder's pretty much [ __ ] legal

in jail anyway stop what are you talking

about settle the [ __ ] down just can you

grind like a toothbrush at the end of it

off or something like I'm jabing with

that I'm not making you a [ __ ] shank

why not you want to kill a too yeah I

did but I'm deserves die he needs to die

yes he does but let him die his own way

we're not doing it you kill him in here

you're going to be in here for the rest

of your

life you can't what's going on Larry I

told you to turn off the [ __ ] camera

no one's taught him about killing

anybody we're just [ __ ] talking about

toasters and [ __ ] you [ __ ] idiot okay

sorry B just settle the [ __ ] down is

that [ __ ] camera still

on you better [ __ ] not be if you show

any of this [ __ ] that we were just

talking about you're [ __ ] dead too

not that anyone else was going to be

dead but you'll be dead did you settle

the [ __ ] down boys I got to go BBS

please cafeteria 6:00 he's probably

going to be there with us and if I could

just walk over and say hi and just go

hey

buddy just something like that would

feel [ __ ]

awesome you're not going to shank Ley

well then let me Bonk him over the head

you probably won't kill him fine Bonk

him but don't [ __ ] sh don't not

giving it to him with that I'm coming

[ __ ] cafeteria Buffs please I need

something yeah okay love you guys [ __ ]

off J why you got to talk to him he's

not listening to me he doesn't listen to

me either you got to well you're better

me to build him a [ __ ] shank I'm not

building him a shank you [ __ ] don't

seem to get it dude you're not following

me around I'm not doing a stupid

interview clip maybe I want to kill Le

maybe I don't none of your [ __ ]

business all right but I'm not doing an

interview clip what are you going to do

sue me get me thrown in [ __ ] jail I'm

in jail dumb ass so I'm not [ __ ] a

scared of you so [ __ ] leave me alone

no we just figured we' give you a chance

to say something Bud cuz around the jail

the word is you're afraid of Ley I'm

afraid of Ley no I'm not [ __ ] afraid

of anybody and L's going to get what's

coming to him I'm going to [ __ ] kill

him well I not going to dead kill him

but if he does get dead it wasn't

because of [ __ ] me but I'm going to

do something L bubes is working on

something right now and maybe you might

want to be in the cafeteria later on

maybe you won't I don't know it's up to

you but I'm not [ __ ] a scared of Ley

and you guys didn't trick me into saying

this [ __ ] I just said it cuz I wanted to

I'm not going to kill Ley proboly

[ __ ] leave me alone what's the

timeline on this I don't know end of the

day end of the day it's going to be the

end of the day right I can't do it by

the end of the day repeat after me I can

do this by the end of the day Julian

just cuz you make me repeat something

doesn't make it possible repeat it then

it doesn't make it possible it's a lot

of pressure just leave me alone and I'll

work on it as fast as I can you're going

to have that done by the end of the day

right please I'll try my best all thank

you that's all I wanted to hear all

right good luck man if you need any help

just you know I don't know tell Larry

maybe you can come get me that's going

to cost the extra there all right thanks

bud do you have to understand that if

you hang with a bunch of [ __ ] Hawks

you're going to be a [ __ ] [ __ ] birds

of a [ __ ] feather flock together that's

the maximum that's rule number one

second one you got to consider nurture

and nature that's what you have to

consider like whether it is Noble or

never mind that [ __ ] just think about it

rule number two [ __ ] apple does not fall

far from the [ __ ] Apple three you got to

look at your jeans and your genetics you

got to look carefully at'll if you can

get a [ __ ] test for 300 bucks or

something that'll tell you you part this

you part that you part this and you got

a propensity for this and you're going

to get L lumeno when you're 72 cuz every

[ __ ] male in your family did and that

Aunt too she was a little weird anyway

razor blades that's what we're talking

about here ladies and gentlemen it's

[ __ ]

think about the price of razor blades

like how much it cost to make when a

half% set you're making a [ __ ]

billion SK you not look I just tell you

this is an experiment I actually tried

if you go into the dollar store and you

get a pair of sunglasses for a dollar

and you look at where it's distributed

from Burnaby BC and you go on your on

you Fu go on the [ __ ] line excuse me

I'm having a little bit of a liquor

surge you got you know there's a new way

to treat there's a new way to treat

alcoholism they give them a drink every

hour one little drink and people get

back on such they able to raise her

family don't laugh at it when you think

about it's not pound and cative it's

it's something that all of us know in

our deep heart of hearts where our [ __ ]

line is and that's the third rule never

cross the [ __ ]

line

ever

anyway here I wanted to tell you you

know all

serious

I I wanted to tell you about uh I I want

to I want to tell you about the

idea the idea that I had

uh wait it's

[ __ ]

oh no problem do you know what you know

what a pneumonic is you know what a

pneumonic is bet you [ __ ] can't spell

mneumonic wait cuz the oxra dictionary

spells it with the p n e o who e u p u

that's a [ __ ] Randy's favorite

expression now PE that's cuz I made him

going into the septic tank I wrapped him

up in [ __ ] garbage P he boots all

[ __ ] tape with magic tape

anyway oh yeah they're looking good hey

move these two [ __ ] over there bring

the ones that need some heat over here

good call man you need to get some

[ __ ] heat management going man why in

the [ __ ] would the grill say hey over

here I'm hotter well probably do you

have this burner on underneath it still

is that still it's that's sh [ __ ] that's

what did it like turn that off [ __ ]

[ __ ]

Jesus you don't want to know man you

melt at my grill you don't want to touch

this thing though I had double double

Grill going on look

[ __ ] plastic that's why that's why

these guys cooked up so quick maybe it's

a good thing we don't know we don't know

we don't know for

sure oh [ __ ] what look at that there you

go maple syrup I got some chocolate

syrup too maybe you want some chocolate

onto her no I don't okay I want Maple

that's time what did what did Tom Green

put on his [ __ ] spaghetti chocolate

sauuce chocolate Lobster [ __ ] that's

gross that was a weird one I tried it

yeah lobsters and chocolate sauce a bow

787 can fly 10,000 mi in one tank of gas

yeah that's that's a lot man 787

dreamline go around the world you only

have to fill up how many

times 10,000 miles that could make it

all the most all the way around two

tanks you go right around that's

crazy you've been on a Dreamliner did

you know that nope yeah we were on one

two times did we

dream 787 Dreamliner we've been on them

you're [ __ ] [ __ ] me man I was

never on a Dreamliner you were on a

Dreamliner my friend do you dream more

when you're on one of those or no the

Air Canada ones do you remember the

windows and there's no blinds but you

push a button and it just turns black

that's the

Dreamliner we were what the 787

Dreamliner yeah man 787 dream liner

didn't they startop making those [ __ ]

things cuz which brand knew Ricky yeah I

thought they were done with them I don't

think so but there was some talk that

some people at the bo Factory were

saying they're not great with the

leaving leaving wrenches inside the

[ __ ] engines and things yeah that's

not cool man [ __ ] no you don't want to

be flying with a [ __ ] wrench in your

jet engine believe me I've dropped

enough wrenches in