All language subtitles for MASH.S01E17.Sometimes.You.Hear.the.Bullet.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DD+2.0.H.264-AJP69_track3_[eng]

-Margaret.
-Frank.

Oh, Margaret, you don'tknow what it does to me,

being near you
all day in surgery,

only able to touch you
through rubber gloves.

Oh...

Dance?

You all right?

Oh, yes.

It's just this song.

It gives me goose bumps.

I'm the same way about
"Pennsylvania 6-5000."

Ohh, you're so
light on your feet.

I was voted
"Most Graceful"
in my class

at Veloz and Yolanda.

Oh...

Oh, Frank.

Frank, that's marvelous,

but the blood is beginningto rush to my head.

It's not marvelous,
Margaret.

It's my back.
I can't move.

Frank, don't moan.

But I have to.

When a man's in pain,
he has to moan.

No, not unless hewants to get caught

in a lady's tent.

I won't moan a word.

But we've got
to do something.

Can't you let go of me?

I'll try.

Now... go get help.

But they'll see us...dressed like this.

In my tent!With a candle.

And "I'm In theMood For Love".

But, Margaret, I need help!

Oh, and you'll get help,my darling...

but not in my tent!

I don't think I shouldbe here, Hawkeye.

War's a dirty business,
Lieutenant.

None of us should be here.

I mean in your tent.

My tent's
a dirty business, too,

but it's a lot more fun
than the war.

Wait.

Have an olive
for your martini.

Olive? There aren'tany olives in Korea.

There are at least a dozen
right here in this jar.

From China.

Communist China?

I never talk politics
with an olive.

But they do comefrom up there.

Mm-hmm.

How?

Well, let's just say

I know a Red
on the black market

who gets me green olives.

BOTH: Ohh!

Oh, that's terrible.

Oh, those dumb commies.

That's why they'll lose.

You can't
conquer the world

with a shoddy olive.

Hitler found that out.

Mm. Mm.Oh, this is sensational.

You're my kind of girl,
Nancy:

drunk.

TRAPPER JOHN: Hawkeye.

Are you a ventriloquist?

Mm-mm. It's your roomie.

I thought you were shooting
craps with the chaplain.

It's Frank.
He's had an accident.

Well, give him a mop

and tell him to be
more careful next time.

Come on, give me
a hand, will you?

I'm serious.

I hate him when
he's serious.

Be right back.

What's the matter, Frank?

-It's my---His back. It's his back.

How'd it happen?

-Well, I--
-Uh, he fell.

On his way to the shower.

He was comingfrom that direction

from his tent, I guess,

going in that direction--the showers.

Were youdirecting traffic

at the time ofthe accident, Officer?

Don't get snippy, Captain.

Frank, do you have
a history with your back?

Oh, it goes out
every few years.

The last time was V-J Dayin Times Square

when this big sailor
hugged me.

Let's get himto the post-op ward

and string him up.Maybe traction would help.

Oh, traction helps.

Usually a day or two
in traction and I'm--

Now wait a minute, Frank.
I'm the doctor here.

I thought I wasthe doctor here.

Actually,
we're all doctors here.

Even the patient's
a doctor here.

Hear, hear.

Will you clowns
act like professionals?

That man is hurt.

He's probably in shock.

He'll be in divorce court

if you don't erasethe tracks from your tent.

Well, Frank, how goes it?

He's restingcomfortably, Colonel.

Thank you, Major.

Any pain, Frank?

Slight muscle spasms
this morning,

but re-adjusting
the traction helped.

Thank you.

-Radar, give me the--
-Yes, sir.

-Thank you.
-Welcome.

Uh, I wonder if we could
discuss this, Frank.

It seems you've, um, appliedfor the Purple Heart.

Yes, Colonel, you see,the way we understand it--

Major, unless Frank's
tongue's broken,

I'd like to hear it
from him.

Frank?

Well, yes, Colonel,
I've, um...

put in for
the Purple Heart.

But according to
your accident report,

you tripped in the mud
on the way to the shower.

-Yes.
-Is that the way

you want it announced
at the awards ceremony?

"Tripped in the mud onthe way to the shower"?

Well-Well, I-I...

Sir, this injurywas sustained

at a front line unit.

Technically, that makesit battle-connected.

On that basis, we'll
be handing out medals
for social diseases.

What are you
doing here, Pierce?

Well, I havea stethoscope fetish.

This is the only placeI can wear one

without attractingattention.

Henry, you'renot gonna endorse

this idiot'sapplication, are you?

That's "Major"
to you, Captain!

Henry, you're notgonna endorse

this major idiot'sapplication, are you?

Pierce, that's
a decision I'll decide

when I decide and make
my, uh, uh, decision,

and that will,
uh, decide.

Doc! Doc!

Now take it easy, kid.I'm a doctor.

Ohh... But I need
Dr. Pierce.

He's the only one
who can help me.

I'm Pierce.What's the problem?

You're my problem.
I think I love you.

Tommy!

You're a beautiful sight.

What are you doing here?

What am I doing here?

I'm an American soldier.I'm one of the good guys.

Last I heard, I thoughtyou had a fool-proof wayto beat the draft.

Well, the recruiting sergeantpeeked under my dress,

and here I am.

Henry, I want you to meetone of my best friends--

Tommy Gillis.Tommy, Henry Blake.

Henry, you'rea beautiful sight!

Well, uh, how's it
going, uh, Tommy?

Then he writesa poem to his teacher

called "Ode toa Pretty Teacher."

Oh, he did. He did.

Listen, how long
have you two nuts

-known each other anyway?-What time is it?

Right now, 15 years.

No, it's more than that.

It was, uh-- it was
back in grammar school,

fourth grade.

Fifth grade, remember?

He wasa wonderful child.

He was a bitof a sissy.

But he was one ofthe great milk monitorsI've ever seen.

A milk monitor!

Well, that was a very
responsible position.

It was the Depression,

and anybody with milk
carried a lot of weight.

Ohh.

Ha ha ha ha!

Maxine.

Listen, what I don't
understand is what
a guy like you

with your-with yourbackground is doing herein the infantry?

Why aren't you
a correspondent,
or something?

I'm keeping my country safefrom the Communist menace.

You used to be a Communist!

I'm keeping my countrysafe from me.

Oh, I'll drink to that.

Look, if I wasa correspondent,

I'd be reporting the war.

In the infantry,I'm living it.

So what's the difference?

Here.

Here's the difference.

You Never Hear
the Bullet.

What? Is that--
is that the book?

Yeah, it's about the war,

and it's beingwritten by a soldier,

not a correspondent.

Yeah, how can Iexplain it to you?

Okay, there's alwaysthat big blond kid

that's always in allthose war movies, right?.

-Yeah.-The one that should neverdie and always does.

Yeah, and they
bring him back to life
in the next movie.

-It's a great way to run a war.-Right.

Well, you always hearthis big, loud ricochet

-just before he
gets killed, right?
-Yeah.

Well...

that's not the way
it really happens.

There was a youngblond kid in our outfit.

One day I looked over,and half of him was gone.

And you know what he said?

He said, uh, "I neverheard no bullet."

That's why that book iscalled what it's called.

Let's get drunk.

-I'll drink to that.
-I never drink.

MAN :
Captain Pierce,

Captain McIntyre,
report to surgery.

What was that?

Him. He hates it
when we drink.

Listen, stick around
for a while.

-We'll be back
in a little bit.
-Hey, hey.

You guys aren'tjust gonna pranceoff and leave me?

Uh, I live in a very smalltent with three other guys.

"Prance"
makes me nervous.

Listen, stick around.
Make yourself at home.

-We'll be right back.
-Oh, thanks,

But half-time's over.I better get back to the war.

Oh, say goodbyeto Henry for me.

He'll understand.

Tommy Gillis, you'rea genuine lunatic.

Come backand see us soon.

Right.We'll split a nurse.

So, dumbbell, when will I
see you again? Soon?

That's up tothe North Koreans.

Tell 'em I sent you.

You still owe me
for a pint of milk.

Multiple lacerations,contusions and abrasions.

Looks like
somebody bit him.

Heard the North was
using bamboo sticks,

but biting?

Uh, the North
didn't do it.

He did.

What do you mean?
This guy bit that guy?

Mm-hmm, a fight.

This one has almost
identical injuries,

plus an ear that has
to be sewn back on.

Well, that'llteach him to listen.

Let me see that.

What were they
fighting about?

Nobody knows.

This one over here
is an appendectomy.

Oh, great, no
battle-inflicted wounds.

All right, look, we can
have time to do this

and still be crocked
before dinner.

Nancy, you prep
the appendectomy,

and we'll sew up
Zale and Graziano.

Father Mulcahy,
are you all right?

Just-Just out of breath.I-I ran from chapel.

Happily you ran
for nothing, padre.

No last rites today.

Oh, thank heaven.

Uh, could Ishow you something

in a "get well" prayer?

That's good.

Okay, tie it off. Got it?

Yeah, I got it,
I got it.

Okay, lighten up
on him.

Ugh! Appendixes
make me sick.

Sutures.

Did you seethis kid's chest?

There's hardly
a hair on it.

Maybe we got ourselves
a flat-chested WAC.

And look how thin he is
about the chest and waist.

Yeah.

"Private Wendell Peterson,Marine Corps."

You know, I'd swearthis kid is really a kid.

I guess if they're tallenough to reach the trigger,

they're old enough
to enlist.

-A question.
-The answer is yes.

Um, we're not going to beinterrupted again, are we?

My folks won't be
home for hours.

Frank is in traction,

and Trapper's watching
a movie in the mess tent.

And, um, you don'tthink that he mightleave the movie?

And walk out
on Debra Paget?

Hur-- Ugh!

Hurry, please.
It's Major Burns.

Tell him to get
his own girl.

He's in pain.
He wants to see you.

Remember
where we were.

T-Tell him where
it hurts, Frank.

Don't be brave.

Why don't you go boilsome water or something?

You know whatyour trouble is?

You're a four-starhypochondriac.

But the pain!

The only painaround here is the one

you two are giving me.

Please,
I don't wanna go home.

Please, I...

I'll just stay here.

Don't reach foryour appendix, kid.

It's gone.

How do you feel?

All ready to go out andkill me some more gooks, sir.

Wendell, another wordfor "gooks" is "people."

I mean the North Koreans.

The Chinese, sir,
the enemy.

I'm a Marine.
We're the best.

I'm a coward.We're the worst.

How long before I can get
back to my outfit, sir?

Well, maybe a few more weeks.

Depends on how muchpostoperative pain you have.

I don't care
about no pain.

I just wanna get
back to fightin'.

How old are you, Wendell?

Twenty.

Really, I'm 18.

For somebodywho's both 20 and 18,

you look awfully 16 to me.

See ya later.

What'd you do
while I was gone?

-Oh, I drank.
-Mmm.

-And I filed my nails.
-Mm-hmm.

And I looked throughthis dirty book I found

hidden on your shelfbehind Arrowsmith.

-Dirty book?
-Mm-hmm.

It's Snow White
and the Seven Dwarfs.

Oh. Then how comeone of the dwarfs

is named Leather?

RADAR:
Hawkeye?

Hot Lips, if you don't getoutta here, I'll shoot you.

It's not Hot Lips.
It's Radar.

Radar, if you don't
get outta here,
I'll shoot Hot Lips.

There's trouble
in the post-op.
You gotta come.

What is it?
Frank again?

No, no, it's a fight.Hurry up!

I'll see ya.

Wait here, okay?

I'll be right back.

Watch it! The back!

The back! The back!
Watch the back!

Okay, break it up!
Break it up!

Cut it out.
Come on, come on.

Now, what's
all this about?

Come on,
what's going on?

-He stole my salami.
-You lousy liar!

Knock it off!Knock it off!

Let me point out if youmeatballs have ripped out

those stitchesI put in,

I'm gonna put themback with staples.

-You got that?
-He stole my salami.

I smell it
on his breath!

All right now,
wait a second!

If I get you
each a salami,

will you promise
to stop fighting?

At least until
your stitches heal?

-Kosher?
-Kosher.

Okay.

All right.
Come here.

Radar!

-Sir?-Take care of these guys.

If they give youany more trouble,

I want you to beatthem senseless withtheir own salamis.

Aye aye, sir.

Wendell, as your doctor,I'd advise you

to lay off hot-wiring
jeeps for a few days.

You're notsendin' me home.

For an appendix?
If they sent you
home for that,

I'd take my own out
every other day.

Come on.

Crummy appendix.

If it hadn't beenfor that,

I'd still be up therewith my outfit.

I might evenget me that medal

and show that
dumb Bernice.

Bernice?
That your sergeant?

It's my girl.

She was, anyway.

We was going steady,
and then she dumps me

'cause Augie Hofstettercomes back from boot camp.

Well, it ain't my faultI'm too young to join up!

You 16?

Almost.

Did you use a phony
birth certificate?

My brother's.

What about your folks?

They think I run offto join the circus.

Sent 'em a coupleof postcards withelephants on it.

They don't knowthe difference.

But you see...

if I was a-a hero witha medal and everything,

I just know Bernice'd
beg me to come back.

- Look, Wendell---Walter.

Wendell'smy brother's name.

Right, uh, I was
just wondering

if any girl worth having

cares whether youhave a medal or not.

And it's none
of my business.

If you wanna dress up likea soldier and play marine,

that's up to you.
Just come inside

and let yourself heal
for a few days.

And I won't
turn you in, okay?

Gee, Captain...for an army guy,

you're okay.

Who's in the army?

I just wear this uniform

because my saddle shoes
clash with blood.

She's not
in there anymore.

What are you
talking about?

Attention, attention,
all personnel,

all medical personnel...

That's what I'mtalking about.

A whole regiment took itin the teeth a while ago.

It's gonna bea long night. Come on.

Give me some suction.
I can't see anything here.

All right, good.

How many
does this make?

Ask Colonel Blake.

He's the one who puts
notches in his scalpel.

Dr. Pierce,
this one very shocky.

Trapper, can you
finish for me?

Sure, go ahead.
Yeah, okay.

Pierce, I heardthat little remark.

Oh, good, then we
won't have to amputate
your ears, Henry.

I'd give you a kiss, but I...

can't lift my head.

Well, you'd just
get my mask icky.

He's had 10 milligramsof morphine.

Pressure 80 over 50and faint.

Give me some O-negativeblood here, quick!

The blood's for me.
I'm anemic.

Henry, I need your help.

Start another IV with
a large-bore needle.

Come on, get over
there and help me.

70 over 50.

Wanna hear a funny one?

I heard the bullet coming.

Just like in the movies.

So you'll change the title ofthe book, that's all.

Sometimes You Hear
the Bullet.

It's a better title anyway.

60.

They got the aorta.

Give me some retractionand suction.

Father Mulcahy.

I can't get a pressure.

I've lost the pulse.

I'm gonna open the chest.

Give me a knife.

I said give mea knife!

Pierce...

Go help McIntyre.

Come on, move.

We're jammed up
in here.

Pierce, is there anything
I can do to help?

This is the first timeI've cried

since I came tothis crummy place.

I don'tunderstand that.

Well, Gillis
was your friend.

I mean, it's only natural
that you'd, uh...

you know.

Henry, I knowwhy I'm crying now.

Tommy was my friend,and I watched him die,

and now I'm crying.

I've watched guysdie almost every day.

Why didn't I evercry for them?

Because you're
a doctor.

What the helldoes that mean?

I don't know.

If I had the answer,
I'd be at the Mayo Clinic.

Does this place look
like the Mayo Clinic?

Look, all I know is
what they taught me
at command school.

There are certain
rules about a war,

and rule number 1
is young men die.

And rule number 2 is

doctors can't change
rule number 1.

You believe that?

I don't know.

Do you?

I don't know,but I know one doctor

who can keep one young manfrom dying in one war.

Major Houlihan?

This is PrivateWendell Peterson,United States Marines.

Except Wendell's nameis really Walter,

and he's only15 years old,

and he's going back homewhere he belongs.

Put a guard on himand give him to the MPs

as soon as he's wellenough to travel.

You double-crosser.

I'm never gonna forgiveyou for this!

Not for the rest of my life!

Let's hope it's a longand healthy hate.

"And because saidinjuries were sustained

"at a MASH unit in a zoneof armed combat...

"the Secretary of the Army

"hereby declaresthat Franklin D. Burns,

Major, U.S. Army Reserves--"

- Sir--
- "...shall be awarded

the Orderof the Purple Heart."

-Sir---May I have the medal, please?

Frank, here isyour Purple Earring.

Earring? What the--

I guess you didn't know

having your appendix out
at a line unit

qualified you
for the Purple Heart, eh?

No, I sure didn't.

Gee, you really got it
for me fast, Hawkeye.

Well, there are ways.

-Give my love to Bernice.-I will.

Have a good trip,Wendell.

Walter.

Both of you.

Out of the way there.
Move.

Well, aren't we
grumpy today.

Well, what do you expect?

Somebody's stolen
Frank's medal.

It's not everybody

who wins
a Purple Earring.