All language subtitles for MASH.S01E11.Germ.Warfare.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DD+2.0.H.264-AJP69_track3_[eng]

♪ Happy days
are here again ♪

MAN : Attention, all MASH personnel,

tonight's
War Department film

on how to lead
a good, clean life

has been canceled

due to unusually
heavy indifference.

Mm-hmm.

Another day of bed rest.

Oh. Yes. He'scoming along splendidly.

I did this one myself.

Quality shows, Frank.

I like to think so.

All right.Try not to move.

You've bought enoughshrapnel in your backside

to use it as a doorstop.

Let's watch our language,shall we, McIntyre?

Frank,I'm sorry about that,

but you know how it is.War is heck.

What have you got againstwriting intelligibly?

If I could have done that,I'd have become a lawyer.

Another day of bed rest.Continued IVs.

How are you this
morning, Pierce?

Not too good, but I'llfeel better once I desert.

This man's North Korean.

Right, first time.

Well,you better tell the MPs

to have him transferredto the POW section.

Time, Frank, time.

We just got this kid
outta shock.

He's got multiple
lacerations.

We stick him in the clink,he's liable to kick off.

Oh, he doesn't lookthat bad to me.

Look, whatever he needs,

he can get itat the next stop.

I'm sending him out.

Hold it, Doctor.

What this guy needs issome plasma and some rest.

He doesn't need a ticketfor being on the wrong side.

We've got
limited bed space.
You know that.

Why doesn't somebody tell themthat up at the front?

They keep shootingeach other like we'vegot beds for everybody.

-Get him out today.
-I don't think so.

Look, don't make meget unpleasant.

I can't improve
on nature, Frank.

-He goes.
-He stays.

I'm sorry, but this time,he happens to be right.

Look, I know the guy behaveslike an enlistment poster,

but I mean, this time,I gotta back Frank up.

I want one day
for that patient.

-One day.
-You want.

You know, Pierce,

you got a way of makingevery man in this outfit

feel as ifhe's working for you.

Henry, open your
middle drawer.

Look, this is not just
another beef against
Frank Burns, you know.

We can't turn
that kid away.

Well, I mean, you're notasking much, are you?

I mean, you only want meto give him one unit

of AB negative.

One lousy
pint of blood.

Henry, I mean,
who'll ever miss it?

We're talkingabout AB negative.

Look, if I hand outAB neg to somebodyfrom the other side,

and then one ofour kids needs it,

Well, General Hammondwill personally

give me a tylectomywithout a local.

Yes, sir.Radar!

Pierce.Damn it, Radar.

How many times have Itold you not to come in here

before I call you?

Well, I don't like
to be late, sir.

How can you be lateif you come in here

before I even knowI want you?

Ours is not to
question why, sir.

What why? What? I--

You wanted these
transfer orders, sir?

-No, I want the
transfer orders.
-Yes, sir.

Those ones that you'vegot there in your hand.

Those are the ones.

Wait a minute, Henry.
What orders are those?

You're not transferringthe Korean?

I've got no choice.Now, honest...

I mean, we've onlygot so many beds,

and this kid's got onewaiting someplace else.

That'll be all, Rad--

Gimme 24 hours beforeyou ship him out.

No.

One day.

As opposed to 24 hours?

Henry, you're turninginto a regular army clown

before our very eyes.

Yeah.

All right, take all
the time you want.

You mean it?

Just get him outta
the post-op.

All right,
where do we put him?

Anywhere.I mean-- But I don'twant any more static

from Frank Burns.That man is a raw nerve.

HAWKEYE:I couldn't agree more.

TRAPPER JOHN:
You know, if I
didn't know better,

I'd say the guy was
my wife in army drag.

No sweat. Everything's
gonna be okay.

Ask him if
he's comfortable.

Glucose on this side.

Look, ask him his name.

We can't just treat himlike a wounded egg roll.

Wish we had
subtitles for this.

He's called Pai.

Welcome to the
end of the war, Pai.

RADAR:
Hawkeye.

Oh, here's the personal
records you wanted.

This-- this is the entire
MASH personnel here

and their blood type.

Terrific.

Take two splints
out of petty cash.

Surprising how many of ushave blood, isn't it?

Well, it's not so hardif you stay far enoughbehind the lines.

I'm trying to find
somebody with AB neg.

Pssst.

Isn't that the POW?

That's right.He's in my C-O-T.

I ordered him
shipped out.

What's he doing here?

Easy, Frank.Henry okayed it.

He's not taking upanybody's space but mine.

Why don't you
buzz off, Frank?

Go review your
hypocritical oath.

Trap?

Hmm?

What do you think?

Hey.

Good work, Igor. Very good.

In the morning, he willbe one of my brides.

Shhh.

Not so loud, my count.

Oh, Margaret...

I think we struck dream.

Oh, Frank,
you're so strong.

You're so big
and strong.

We don't want to
get him too excited.

We might start something
we can't finish.

-You got enough?
-Almost.

I wanna put
a head on it.

This guy can sleep
through anything.

But then he gets a lot ofpractice while he's awake.

-How are you doin'?
-Full.

One pint even.

Shall we check his oilwhile we're at it?

You get him cleaned up.

I'll go get Pai ready.

Good night, darling.

You're the greatest.

Hmm...

Did you get it?

A full pint.

Great. Is he all right?

He's fine.

They may have to putstarch in his underwear

to sit up, but he's okay.

I see you orderedthe hunt breakfast.

The hunt breakfast?
What is--

Forget it.

Can I help it if the war
gives me an appetite?

That's an awfully dirty lookfor so early in the day.

I just wanted tothank you for last night.

You weren't with me
last night.

I was speakingfor my fantasies.

You never quit,
do you?

Well, in the absenceof any real success

with you in the amourdepartment,

you have to allow methe odd fantasy or two.

You're having one
right now, aren't you?

Yeah.

Is this a new one
or are you undressing me

with your eyes again?

Well, if I did it
with my hands,

-I'd get killed, right?-Uh-huh.

Not a bad way to go, really.

What do you say?

You got a minute?

Uh, actually, I'm trying
to make some time

with this
lieutenant person.

He's got a minute.

It's about Pai.

See ya later.

I'm sure you will,

whether I'm there or not.

-What's wrong?
-You name it.

Severe abdominalpains, nausea,

darkened specimen,

can't keep anythingon his stomach.

-Transfusion reaction.
-Mm-hmm.

Last night's trip
to Transylvania.

Same symptoms
as hepatitis.

But it can't be
from Frank's blood.

I mean, not that fast.

It might bea new variant.

Well, stranger things
have happened.

If Frank did have it,

it'd be a lovely way toget him out of our hair.

What about outta
the outfit?

There he goes.
Typhoid Mary.

Loaded withjaundice juice.

Let's go.

-Hey, Frank.
-Frank!

Frank.

Hold it up.

Hey, how do you
feel, pal?

Feel? Me?

-Yeah.
-What's the gag?

No gag.We're interestedin your health.

Oh, come on!

Frank, listen.

You, uh, are you
eating all right?

I mean, do you
have any signs of
fatigue or anything?

None. Why are you...?

Well, my sleep was off
a bit last night.

I had this weird dream.

-Yeah?
-What was it?

That I was a soda witha big straw stickin' in me.

You know something?

You could be coming
down with something.

A guy who works
as hard as you.

Feel that, feel that.

-Huh? Huh?
-Oh, wow.

You guys are
starting something.

Frank,
don't be paranoid.

I'm only paranoid 'causeeverybody's against me.

Fever, too, Doctor, you know?High pulse rate.

Yeah, a little
disoriented here.

-Classic signs.
-Oh, cut it out.

Hey, Frank, listen.

Why don't you give us
a blood sample?

The lab down in Seoul cando a complete run on you

and have the results
back here in two hours.

I'm fine.
I'm completely fine.

The last thing I'm gonnagive you two ghouls

is any of my blood.

Ghouls.

That's a nice thing
to call us vampires.

You know, we are gonnahave to check him out.

I mean,for his own good.

I don't think we can doanother midnight caper.

Well, we gota little left over

from last night'ssiphon.

It might be enough.

I think we're gonna have toget something else from Frank

to back that up,
don't you?

Definitely.

Frank, old buddy,

let's hope you're not too
house-broken.

-Okay?
-Okay.

Frank Burns
at six o'clock.

Oh, what do
you say, Frank?

You got a minute?

I'm not giving you
a blood sample.

I'm probably the fittest
man in this outfit.

And don't ask me again
how I feel,

because you have
no real concern for
my welfare at all.

Take it easy, Frank.

There's a veinstanding out on your head

you could
tow a car with.

We just wanted your help,that's all.

Yeah.

You wanted
my help?

Well three's somethingwrong with the beer, Frank,

and we can'tfigure out what it is.

Well, you know all I knowabout beer is that I...

I can't hold it.

I told you he'd be
too hard-nosed to help.

Yeah, I thought for oncehe'd be a regular guy.

Well, let's see.

Okay, try this.

Tastes all right to me.

Well, that's not
enough to tell.

It's fine.

Okay, try this one.

Aren't they the same?

Close your eyes.

No monkey business.

Come on.

Now try this one.

Now, rememberwhat that tastes like.

-Mm-hmm.
-And try this one.

Now which onewas stronger?

The first oneor the second one?

I'm not really sure.

Okay, let's trythe first one again.

All right, now we'lltry the other one.

Well?What do you think?

I'll be right back.

Which beer do you
think's flatter?

Oh, I-I don't know.
Just leave me alone,
can't you.

You don't think
the first was different
from the second?

No. Yes. Wh-Whatever.

Why are you two
following me?

Oh, no problem.It's on our way.

-What's on your way?-Wherever you're going.

That's the great
kinda guys we are.

-Oh, morning, sir.
-What are you--
What are you doing?

Get this thingout of my way!

I'm sorry, sir.
This is closed.

Closed?

How can it be closed?

We're redecorating.

What kind of
nonsense is this?

No, we're just trying tobrighten up our lives, sir.

We had many complaintsthat the latrines lacked

any sort of aestheticquality whatsoever,

and it's essentialthat we show the Koreans

democratic plumbingin action.

Does the colonel
know about this?

Well, of coursehe does, sir.

He signedthe papers himself.

Well what are we
supposed to do

until
the grand reopening?

Well, if you'll just
step this way, sir,

we have a temporary officers'arrangement right over here.

This is it?

Well, there'smore to it, sir.

Ready, Pierce?

Hang on.

You got
the full scam?

I get the stuff
to HQ lab in Seoul,

wait for the report

and get back here
as fast as I can.

-Or it's?
-My butt, sir.

All right.

Drive carefully.

-Yes, sir.
-Okay, go.

How long
do you figure?

Two hours, tops.

Well, we can't let him
near any patients

until we get
that report.

Right.No patients.

And no Hot Lips.

HAWKEYE : Observe the female of the species.

Seemingly calm and detached,

her tiny G.I. bosom
is beating wildly

because she senses
the presence

of her frequent partner

the notorious red-necked nose-breather.

Uh-oh. The signaling
process has begun.

Eyeballs are exchanged,

and our khaki lovers

do their famous "Where will we meet today?" ritual.

It is almost impossible

for the uninitiated to discern any connection

between these two
U.S. Army majors,

yet the trained
observer will see

that what these two
officers have in mind

is to arrange a bit
of brass rubbing.

Excuse me.

-Uh, excuse me, sir. Sir?-Huh? Huh?

Uh, The colonel says
that he'd like to see you

in his office
immediately.

-The-The colonel?
-Yes, sir.

He's really very upset
about something

and wants you there
right away.

-Now?-Yes, sir. He said immediately.

It was imperative that
you got there right away.

Oh!

I've been on fire all day.

Just the sight of youand I wanna do crazy things.

Okay,
where do we start?

Oh, any way.

What are you doing here?

I'm taking a survey forthe Peeping Toms of America.

You foul-minded, dirty,sneaking, spying--

Not only that,

but Dish wants you
in post-op on the double.

Oh! You haven't heardthe last of this!

I bet I have.

Why-Why would I
send for you, Frank?

I would assume that
if you sent for me,

you'd at least know why.

Well, I mean,
I would too.

Why that
certainly follows.

Excuse me.

-Yes, sir?
-Rada--

Radar, Major Burns heresays you said I said

I wanted to see him.
Is that true?

Yes, sir.

Well, did I
want to see him?

You must have, sir.
Here he is.

Radar, are you tryin' to--

Why would I wanna
pull a fast one, sir?

Will you stop sayingwhat I am thinking?

One of us has to.

Would you mind initialing
these initials?

Why am I initialingthese initials?

To authorize a stamp madewith your initials, sir.

Oh.

It'll save you having
to do so much initialing.

-Uh-huh. Good thinking.-Thank you.

Thank you.

Colonel,
am I dismissed?

Hmm?

Oh. Yes, uh...

I think we've, um, justabout covered it, Frank.

Covered what?

Whatever.

Come see us
any time, sir.

But I didn't sendfor you, Major, really.

Then why did Pierce sayyou needed my help?

Everything's under control.

That's when this placeis the most dangerous.

Sorry I couldn't
meet you.

I was sent
on a wild goose chase.

Hmm.

So was I.

Margaret,
what's happening?

They're jealous,all of them jealous,

of our-- our fine, almostspiritual relationship.

Oh, you're so right.

They want to keep us apart

because we're symbols of--

of what a decent man and womancan mean to each other

without the tawdriness

that fills their sordidlittle affairs.

Yes, yes.

Take one step closer,

and I'll bite your chestright through your shirt.

Oh, Margaret.

Where can we go?

I'll check
the vegetable bins.

Frank, it's 4:30. We haveto go on hospital duty.

Eight whole hours
before I can touch you?

There's alwaysthe coffee break.

It's 4:30.

Yeah...

All right, let's go.

Boone should be back
any minute.

Any minute
would be just fine.

-You got 'em?
-Yeah, I got 'em.

Hi, kids. Shall we
make it a double date?

Just watch your tongue.

Can you say that
in front of her?

Hey, Frank, we got
a pretty light load
in there today.

Why don't you
let us handle it?

Oh, I carry
my own weight.

We can't let you
operate, Frank.

You look like
an ad for death.

You can't?

The gall.

It's your liver,
actually.

Think you'd bettertell him.

We think you might have
hepatitis, Frank.

What are you
talking about?

We took a pint of bloodoutta you last night.

-You what?
-You took his what?

We drilled for blood,
we gave it to the POW,

and now he shows everysign of serum hepatitis.

Well, it takes weeks forsuch symptoms to appear.

He probably came
in here with it.

Yeah, maybe.

-But who knows?
-Yeah.

My gown, Major.

-You're not going
in there, Frank.
-Oh, yes, I am.

No, Frank, you're
a walkin' bug factory.

I'll deal with you twoleeches after my shift.

Sergeant,
do your duty.

Major.

Hey, what are you
doing there?

Hey, get those off me,
you maniac!

Quiet, please.
This is a hospital.

Let me out of this!

-Enjoy it while you can.-Easy, Frank.

We'll have your report
back in no time.

Somebody!

Report? On my what?

I don't think we shouldtell him about that.

-No, I don't think---I'll have you broken.

There had better be a goodreason for all this racket!

I want these twoarrested immediately!

You always want
these two arrested
immediately.

Colonel,
look at us!

Yeah, well, it looks
a little silly,

I mean,
without the music.

Look, if you have a good
explanation for this,

I'll be a most
attentive audience.

-Sir?
-HENRY: Yes?

Oh, uh,
not you, sir.

This sir here, sir.
Here, sir.

Unlock him.
Lab report, Frank.

"All tests for
hepatitis negative."

You can't win 'em all.

I told you so.

That POW came in herewith it.

You stole a pint ofmy blood for nothing.

They what?

Maybe you'd know more aboutwhat going on in this camp

if you weren't so busyredecorating latrines.

Redecorating latrines?
Well, I'm not--

-Radar, am I redecorating---Later, sir.

Okay, folks.Visiting hours are over.

Uh-oh.
Bad news, Frank.

-What?
-You've got anemia.

-Anemia?-Well, what do you expect

if you give a pint of bloodwhen you're not ready for it?

Yeah, you should have
checked with us first.

Yeah, you're too
selfless, Frank.

Very good.

What do you say, men?

Hiya, Frank.
Hi, Pai.

Hi, guys.

How come the enemy talksto us and you don't?

You guys have
a rough shift today?

Oh, bad enough.

But we didn't forget
our star patient.

No hard feelings,
Frank?

-Well...
-That's good,

because there'sa heart transplant

we'd liketo experiment with

and you're justthe right type.

You--