All language subtitles for My.Mad.Fat.Diary.S01E05.Its.a.Wonderful.Rae.1.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP.2.0.H.264-moorkat_track3_[eng]

Don't mention
Friday to anyone.

- Why are you looking at me?
- I'm looking at everyone.

Don't tell your brothers,
don't tell your sisters,

don't even tell
knobheads from school.

At the end of the day,
it's between us.

Whatever, Chop! Dear Diary,

The fight for Finn's
delicious heart has begun.

In the red corner, Chloe.

Seen here, looking at Finn
like a black widow

sizing up how much Gaviscon
she's gonna need
after eating him whole.

In the blue corner, see me.

Finn, so out of my league
that no one would ever
even suspect I liked him.

Nay, loved him.

But since we had had that

amazing heart-to-heart
at the party,

my odds have shortened massively.

This Friday is
between the six of us.

Put it in the vault people,
lock it in the fucking vault.

We've even developed
a secret mode of communication.

I had to use every ounce
of my will power

not to move his hand
over just a few inches

and ask him to write out
all of War and Peace.

Yeah, check out this bad ass.

Oh, my God. Hi, Rae.
Hi, Chloe. Hi, everyone.

Hi.

Mum, what are you doing here?

I'm booking the function room
for Saturday.

Oh, Rae's friends,
this is my new husband, Karim.

- Oh, hi.
- Congratulations.

Pleased for meet you.

We're getting the marriage blessed

and then we're gonna come here
and have the reception afterwards.

So, you're all invited, of course.

- They're can't. They're busy…
- We're not busy at all!

That is wonderful,
Mrs. Earl, congratulations.

Thank you, Chloe. But, actually,
my name is Mrs. Bouchtat now.

Oh, Bouchtat.

Does that mean
your name is Rae Bouchtat?

No, it doesn't.

This is so exciting!

We can use it as a wind down
session after the rave.

What did you say?

Nothing.

Did she say rave?

How many calories a minute
does high intensity sex burn?

- Eighteen.
- So how long would
I have to have sex

to burn off
a six pack of Wagon Wheels?

- Jammie or normal?
- Jammie.

Jammie Wagon Wheels are 167 cal.
Six is 1,002.

At 18 cals a minute,
just under an hour.

Oooh. Maybe I should get
Dr. Nick to cancel his 1:00.

Hand jobs are supposed to be
exhausting, too.

I heard that you sometimes have
to change arms half way through.

So what you're saying is I could
essentially sex myself thin?

Well, you could eat
two roast dinners,
have sex for an hour,

throw in a couple of hand jobs
and you'd actually be
in minus calories.

Well, what is not to like?
Where do I sign?

What date is it?

It's Wednesday,
21st August 1996.

21st August 1996.

Dear Diary,
I want to be more like Rae.

Then my life would be
full of things like boys…

…things like, how many
calories things contain

and how to lose those calories.

I want you to start
trying to drink at least
two of these a day.

They taste like tar.

Tix, your BMI has dropped again.
It's dropped significantly.

You've become in danger
of falling very ill. OK?

There's a risk of organ failure,
of heart problems,

hormone problems,
problems with your brain…

Angie says you've refused solids
for the last few days.

I don't like people
watching me eat.

You're on supervised eating,
Tix. It's her job
to watch you eat.

If you don't start eating
in the next few days,

if your weight doesn't stabilize,

I'm going to have to
put you on a tube feed, Tix.

I really, really don't
want to have to do that.

- Do you understand?
- Yeah.

So how have you been
since our last session?

You scared?

You have to let go, Tix.

It's OK
to lose control… sometimes.

You don't have to worry
all the time.

You don't have to count calories.

Tell me something
that makes you feel good?

Anything?

Rae.

Rae. Great.

So supposing I set up a date.

Between you and Rae for dinner.

She'd like that. I'd like that.

It'd have to be Rae though.

'Cause I said no,
and that means no.

Everyone's going. It's not
like an illegal rave anyway.

It's more like a big dance event.

You're not going.

I know sometimes
I tell you to do things

and you ignore me… right?

Well, this isn't gonna be
one of those times.

Anyway, what do you think
Kester would say if you told him
you were going to a rave?

He'd say, "Go for it."

I know Kester,
and he would love the idea
of me enjoying myself

because he's not
a complete ball-breaker.

Thank you! I'm not deaf.
Right, how does it look?

Oh, great. I look like a cross
between a profiterole
and a prolapsed colon.

I love it.
I absolutely love it.

What about this one?

- It's too expensive.
- But, I love it.

If everyone's going to be there
I have to look nice.

Rae, when I say no to
something it doesn't
mean keep arguing.

It means end of discussion.

- I think I'm gonna be sick.
- Oh, don't be so dramatic.

You always wonder
what it would be like
to sit in front of

a doctor and hear
the worst possible news.

How you'd cope, how you'd feel…

Rae… I'm afraid you're going
to have to stop drinking alcohol.

Why?!

The meds we switched you over to,

some people feel very
nauseous if they drink on them.

- Especially at first.
- So it's nothing serious?

What?! I want to go back
to the old ones.

No, I wasn't happy with the SSRIs.

You said yourself
that they made you feel drowsy.

I'd rather feel drowsy
than feel sick.

It's fine. She can just
give up the booze.

- This is bullshit!
- Rae!

We can review your
meds in the next few weeks,

but changing them
or stopping them now is
really not a good idea.

Dr. Nick, I meant to say,
I got married last week.

Oh, wow. Great. Congratulations.

Are we alright?

Yeah.

When you're sick, you don't belong
to yourself any more.

You don't get a say.

Every doctor is another parent,
every ward another classroom,

every pill another piece
of their bollocks
that you have to swallow.

So that was it,
no booze because of my pills

and no rave because
of my cow bag of a mum.

You never know,
maybe the rave would be shit.

Who was I kidding, it was
going to be fucking amazing!

The perfect opportunity
to lick the fillings
from his teeth,

to suck on his fingers, to grab
hold of his firm cock--

Rae? What you thinking about?

I was thinking… How I'm gonna
tell you that you smell of BO.

I'm sure you will
find something to say.

Oh, shit, there's Kendo.

- Who's Kendo?
- Some twat dealer from Dalehead.

- Do I look alright?
- What do you mean,
do you look alright?

He's a scumbag.

Alright, ladies?
Alright, Chopper?

- Alright, Kendo?
- Tell your fucking brother

I'm gonna smash his face
in when I see him, yeah!

I'm only joking.
How is the cunt?

- He's alright.
- You want some pills for Friday?

Yeah, yeah. Sounds good.

Drop around tomorrow then
and I'll see what I can
do for you. Yeah?

In a bit. See you later, girls.

What are you getting drugs for?

It's a rave, isn't it?

Finn, can I get a ride
on the back of your scooter?

Yeah, of course, no problem.

There's room
for you all to go in one car.

- What are you talking about?
- I'm not going.

- What?
- Why?

Is it because of your mum?

I'm not going if Rae's not going.

I'm not going
if Rae's not going either.

Whoa, Whoa, Whoa. No, no, no one

is backing out of this…

Rae… Come here.

Rae, what's going on?

My mum won't let me go.

Rae… listen to everyone,
you've got to go.

Rae, you're always being
reminded about how sick you were.

It's just making you worse.

You even said yourself,
you're getting better.

You and Finn are getting close.

Yeah, he's a good laugh.

Does he ever mention me?

Dunno, really.

What do you reckon he'd do
if I tried to kiss him?

How should I know what he'd do?

Can you imagine sleeping with him?

- I'd need a fucking bib.
- That's disgusting.

That's what you said about
Jarvis Cocker last week so…

- It's still disgusting.
- Well, you're disgusting.

Right, I'm off. Rae, come over
to mine tomorrow if you want.

Why?

Uh, because I've got some really

crap reggae
I want to show you.

And you can give me
some personal hygiene tips.

- Alright.
- Whoo!

Round one. To me…

Rachel. Come name.
Special bird for you.

No, thanks.

Oh, Rae, come and name the bird.

What's the matter with you?

You're not still in a mood,
are you, about the rave?

I'd like to see Kester's face
if he thought I was letting you
go to a rave.

Stop pretending like you know him.

I already told you,
he wants me to have a life.

Are you gonna name
this bird or not?

They might not even
like each other

and you've got
them all cooped up together.

Yeah, well. A lot of us have to
live like that, so…

Well, it doesn't make it right.
You shouldn't cage up
wild animals.

Just name the bird.

Fine!

He's called "Mandela."

Mandela. Yes.
Like Nelson. I like.

So are you going
to the rave tomorrow?

Doesn't look like it.

- Will you go out with me?
- Where?

In the hospital.
A dinner date.

I need to try
and have some proper food.

Kester says
I need to lose control.

I love Kester for saying that.

How do I lose control?

Do something
that you've always wanted to do
but you've been too scared of.

Can you think of anything?

Maybe.

- Hiya, Tix. Hiya.
- What you up to?

Bit of admin.

Do you want to go to
the lake with me later?

- Me?
- Yeah.

- OK. Cool. What time?
- Four-ish?

Four-ish. OK. Cool.

Even his house was a bit sexy.

Oh, God, stop. No craziness.

Stop the craziness.

I'm breathing too deep.
I'm hyperventilating.

Put your hands on something flat.

Pulled a hamstring.
Just stretching it out.

Come up to my room.

If my Dad sees you he'll
bend your ear for weeks.

His bedroom.
My God, this was it.

About to enter the lion's den.

Hi.

Round two.

Well, I didn't want to miss out
on listening to some reggae.

Yeah, because you love reggae.

I don't particularly
like any type of music best.

I just like good music, you know?

Finn, I love this song!

Who do you like best, Chloe,
Morrissey or the lead singer
of The Smiths?

Well, depends what mood I'm in.

What?

In your face, Chloe!

- Alight, who wants a beer?
- I would.

- Rae?
- No, I'm alright.

- You serious?
- Come on, Rae.

Don't be boring.
Don't be a weirdo.

I can't believe
I asked a boy out!

Finally, I'm gonna be able
to talk to Rae about kissing

and sex things
and flirting and love.

Just like a normal girl.

Maybe I can be normal.

So what about the rave then?
Is your mum not letting you go?

- It's complicated.
- It really would be
shit if you don't come.

All the rest of the gang
are still going.

You're still
gonna have a good time.

The rest of the gang will
fall apart if you're not there.

You are the gang.

I mean that, Rae. Everyone else
has got too much stuff going on.

You're the most…
you know, normal.

- That's bollocks.
- It's true!

Anyway, you've got to go.
I won't take no for answer.

- Because…
- Because what?

You OK?

- No… I just…
- What's up?

I don't feel very well.

Do you want me to see if my
Dad'll give you a lift home?

Oh, God! No vomitorium.

You'll like this,
I got really bladdered

at a Status Quo concert once.

Round two to Chloe.

Just relax. He's just a boy.

Rae would say something funny.

Maybe I should tell a joke?

No… don't tell any jokes!
Just make conversation.

What do you want to talk about?

Ducks. They are one of
my favorite things, ducks.

I mean, when you
think about a duck.

They're just so chilled out.

They're not chilled out.
I've seen them fight.

Yeah, but once they've done
flapping their wings
and splashing about and stuff

they just go back
to being so… chilled out.

Hey, do you know
what we should do?

- What?
- We should become ducks.

We could go into the pond.

Danny, no! They'll see you
from the windows.

I fear nothing.

Come on then.

Lose control.

Let go.

Lose control, let go.

Lose control, let go.

Lose control, let go.

Come on.

Oh, shit.

Fucking pills. Fucking doctors.

How was I supposed to compete
for Finn when I couldn't go
anywhere,

couldn't do anything.

At least there was one adult
on the planet who understood.

It's a load of crap. I'm 16.

Everyone else is going
and she's all like,

"Oh, you can't go
because you're different,

you shouldn't be exposing yourself
to that kind of situation".

She even used you as an argument.

"Oh, think of
what Kester would say…".

And what did she think I'd say?

She said you'd think
it was a bad idea.

But she doesn't know about
everything we talk about in here.

She doesn't know all the work
we've done on me
being brave and confident.

She just reminds me
I'm ill all the time.

I agree with your mum.
I think it's a terrible idea.

You don't think that.

You're recovering
from a serious illness.

If you'd broken your leg,
would you try and run a marathon
two months later?

Do you still think
I'm a mess then?

I don't think you're a mess.

I think you need to
take care of yourself.

I need to take care of myself?

Who were you arguing with…
last week in the car park?

I saw you. Was it your wife?

How am I supposed to
listen to someone

whose life
is a bigger mess than mine?

What is even the point
of these sessions? Seriously.

To find out
what pushed you over the edge

and to stop it
from happening again.

Oh, you're always
asking questions.

Why did you hurt yourself?
Why did you go crazy?

Sometimes there is no why.
I just did!

And being here and being asked
about it every bloody day

is what's keeping it alive!

- Look, I know this is painful--
- Are you even listening to me?

I was bored. I was lonely.

I had no mates.

Now I'm finally popular…

…and you just want to
make me feel different again.

I don't want to come here anymore.

You're not obliged
to come here, Rae.

But I think
that would be a bad idea.

I think we're making
some real progress here.

What would happen if I just
walked out of that door right
now and never came back?

Aren't you going to try
and say something insightful
to make me stay?

Do you think perhaps…

…your anger is born out of
frustration with yourself?

That you're angry and frustrated
with yourself for being ill?

You see,
that is not something you are
entirely responsible for…

I bloody love you, beasty.

Friday, the 23rd of August.

Dear Diary,

Oh, bollocks to it!

Morning.

Morning.

What?

What happened?

What happened?

Someone let
all the birds out the cage.

That's what happened.

Who did? Why would
someone do such a thing?

I don't know.
Maybe you can tell me why
someone would do such a thing?

Oh, my…

Do you wanna tell me
why you did it?

Well,
I didn't know they'd die…

What did you think they'd do?
Fly back to the Bahamas?

Check in at the local RSPB?
Karim is in bits.

He built this because he doesn't
know many people here,
he wanted a project,

something nice
so he didn't feel so trapped.

I did it because
they shouldn't be in a cage.

They're birds, they are not toys.

No, no, you did it
to get back at me

for not letting you
go to the rave. Didn't you?

Well, is it any wonder
I won't let you go
when you do things like this,

when you behave
like a mental case?

- Don't call me a mental case.
- You know what I meant.

Don't you ever
call me a fucking mental case.

Don't talk to me like that,
Rae, I'm your mum.

I meant you need to start
behaving like an adult

instead of behaving like a child.

Yeah, well maybe you need to
start behaving like my mum
instead of behaving like a twat.

I'm sorry, Rae.

Save it.

Where are you going?

Dunno. Anywhere.
Away from you. Away from him.

Rae don't go.
Let's talk about this.
I'm really sorry.

Why don't you slap me,
and then we're even.

I don't want to slap you.

I don't even want to look at you.

I'd always known
I'd have to run away
from home at some point.

I'd always planned that I'd go
and stop at Chloe's.

We'd be like sisters,
I'd have a normal family.

But things change.

There you go.

Tea makes everything alright.

I reckon it'll be alright,
you know, in a couple of days.

When you've both had
some space or whatever.

- Thanks for letting me stop.
- It's alright.

My dad's ironing sheets
for the spare room as we speak.

Oh, please don't let him do that.

I wouldn't try and stop him.

So, what time's the rave?

Probably set off in about an hour.
Why, you thinking of coming?

No. No, I'm not. It'd mess up
all the lifts and stuff anyway.

Ni, it wouldn't, bollocks, no.
I'll tell Chloe
to jump in with Chop,

and you can get on
the scooter with me.

I can't even dip my toe in a pond.

I can't even lose control
enough to get my feet wet.

I'll never be normal.

I'll never be able
to talk to Rae about

kissing and flirting and love.

I'll never be like…

Rae?

It's me.

- What are you doing in here?
- Hiding.

- Why? What you doing in here?
- Hiding.

I thought you'd be getting ready
for your big date with Rae.

I'm not going. Please don't try
and convince me to go.

I once treated a young boy
of about seven-years-old,

he used to pull down on his
testicles whenever he was upset.

I mean really yank down.
It was truly eye-watering
to behold.

Then one day I asked him
a difficult question…

…and he pulled down
so hard upon them

that he had to go to hospital.

That's crazy.

You'd be surprised
what lengths people will go

to not to face what's real
and painful inside them.

But that's what my job is,
I'm essentially a torturer.

This is were you say
I'm not a torturer,

that I'm actually quite lovely.

My methods of torture
are asking you to trust people,

asking you to lose control.

But if I'd been treated the way
you'd been treated by people,

I'd want to sit in a toilet

and hide from the rest
of the world as well.

You are sitting in a toilet.

It's really quite nice, actually.

I can see why you
and Rae hang out here.

I do trust people, you know?
I trust, Rae.

Well, then maybe you should
have dinner with her.

Finn!

You alright?

Listen. Try and have
a good night. Enjoy yourself.

Uh, what's going on with you two?

- What do you mean?
- You look like a couple.

Come on, Chloe. We look like
a better couple than they do.

Uh, no way.

- What are you doing?
- Taking a pill.

No, you hate drugs.
You don't take drugs.

You said there's one for everyone.

Well, not for you,
you're different.

- Why am I different?
- Rae? Are you in?

Ladies and gentlemen,
start your engines.

What's the point
in keeping a diary

when you're too
scared to ever do anything?

When you life is boring,
when the only things you know are

how many calories things
contain and how to lose them.

Oh, my God, Rae, I can't believe
you dropped a pill!

Yeah, well, you're the one
who told me to chill.

So, how's things going with Finn?

OK… Are you staying
at his tonight?

Yeah… but it's a long story.

But, do you like him?

What, Finn?
No, we're just best mates.

I really want to kiss him
but I dunno…

I think he likes someone else.

Oh… Who?

I'm not too sure.
Has he said anything to you?

- No.
- Maybe I won't try then.

Whoo!
Archie, come here!

Yeah!

If you were a bloke
I'd shag your lights out.

Yeah? And if I was a bloke
I'd let you.

I fucking love you, Rae.

Promise me we'll hang out
next year at college, yeah.

Whoo!

- I know you.
- Everyone knows me.

You've got the fucking moves,
girl.

I love it. I love to dance.
I just love it.

Right, come dance with me.

You got anything?

I'm single. Are you?
Are you here with someone?

No, I'm not single.

You can be single if you want.

Rae! Rae!
Come here, come here…

What you doing?
I was talking to her.

I'll bring her back in a second.

I just need to
borrow her a minute.

What are you doing with knobhead?

What are you doing with Kendo?

- Are you crying?
- I fucking love her.

- Who?
- Izzy! I fucking love her.

Whoa!
Why are you telling me this?

Because you're the Daddy.
You know everything.
Tell me what to do.

Oh! Tell her.

Just go over there
and tell her and be happy. Yeah?

Yeah.

Bloody hell.

Come on.

Chop!

Hey, Barney, have you seen Chop?

Uh, Chop!

Chop!

Jesus, Rae. I'm so fucked.

Yeah, me too.

Where the fuck is he?

Boy's a constant flight risk.

Alright, just leave it, right.
He'll come back when he's ready.

And… I need another drink.

- So, come on…
- So, come on.

Let's go…
Why are you laughing?

- No way, I'll chunder.
- Oh, pussy.

Alright, I need to kiss him
tonight, babes.

- Who?
- I need to kiss him.

I need to tell him.
He needs to know.

What you talking about?
You're fucked.

No… I'm alright.
I need to kiss him,

and I need to tell him,
he needs to know!

Finn?

- Finn?
- Piss off.

Finn! Finn!

Finn?

No…

- No!
- Rae! Rae!

Rae!

Rae!

Rae!

Rae?

- How you feeling?
- Like twice boiled shit.

Can you remember
anything from last night?

A little.

I can't remember a thing.

You're stopping at Finn's right?

No, just take me home.

What about your mum?

What the fuck?

Karim…

You sure you wanna go home?

Yeah.

Dear Diary,

If tea makes everything better,
I need an ocean of it.

I need all the tea in China.

Sorry, I haven't written
for a while but…

Well, what do you expect?

I'm unreliable,
I'm a mess, I'm mental.

Hello, Mandela.

Hello.

Rae? It's Kester.

Look… it's about Tix.

Oh, shit!
The meal, I missed it.

Is she there?
Can I speak to her?

- No, it's not… she…
- What?

She collapsed this morning.

Is it serious?

How quickly can you
get to the hospital?