Original subtitles

Don't mention Friday to anyone.

- Why are you looking at me? - I'm looking at everyone.

Don't tell your brothers, don't tell your sisters,

don't even tell knobheads from school.

At the end of the day, it's between us.

Whatever, Chop! Dear Diary,

The fight for Finn's delicious heart has begun.

In the red corner, Chloe.

Seen here, looking at Finn like a black widow

sizing up how much Gaviscon she's gonna need after eating him whole.

In the blue corner, see me.

Finn, so out of my league that no one would ever even suspect I liked him.

Nay, loved him.

But since we had had that

amazing heart-to-heart at the party,

my odds have shortened massively.

This Friday is between the six of us.

Put it in the vault people, lock it in the fucking vault.

We've even developed a secret mode of communication.

I had to use every ounce of my will power

not to move his hand over just a few inches

and ask him to write out all of War and Peace.

Yeah, check out this bad ass.

Oh, my God. Hi, Rae. Hi, Chloe. Hi, everyone.

Hi.

Mum, what are you doing here?

I'm booking the function room for Saturday.

Oh, Rae's friends, this is my new husband, Karim.

- Oh, hi. - Congratulations.

Pleased for meet you.

We're getting the marriage blessed

and then we're gonna come here and have the reception afterwards.

So, you're all invited, of course.

- They're can't. They're busy… - We're not busy at all!

That is wonderful, Mrs. Earl, congratulations.

Thank you, Chloe. But, actually, my name is Mrs. Bouchtat now.

Oh, Bouchtat.

Does that mean your name is Rae Bouchtat?

No, it doesn't.

This is so exciting!

We can use it as a wind down session after the rave.

What did you say?

Nothing.

Did she say rave?

How many calories a minute does high intensity sex burn?

- Eighteen. - So how long would I have to have sex

to burn off a six pack of Wagon Wheels?

- Jammie or normal? - Jammie.

Jammie Wagon Wheels are 167 cal. Six is 1,002.

At 18 cals a minute, just under an hour.

Oooh. Maybe I should get Dr. Nick to cancel his 1:00.

Hand jobs are supposed to be exhausting, too.

I heard that you sometimes have to change arms half way through.

So what you're saying is I could essentially sex myself thin?

Well, you could eat two roast dinners, have sex for an hour,

throw in a couple of hand jobs and you'd actually be in minus calories.

Well, what is not to like? Where do I sign?

What date is it?

It's Wednesday, 21st August 1996.

21st August 1996.

Dear Diary, I want to be more like Rae.

Then my life would be full of things like boys…

…things like, how many calories things contain

and how to lose those calories.

I want you to start trying to drink at least two of these a day.

They taste like tar.

Tix, your BMI has dropped again. It's dropped significantly.

You've become in danger of falling very ill. OK?

There's a risk of organ failure, of heart problems,

hormone problems, problems with your brain…

Angie says you've refused solids for the last few days.

I don't like people watching me eat.

You're on supervised eating, Tix. It's her job to watch you eat.

If you don't start eating in the next few days,

if your weight doesn't stabilize,

I'm going to have to put you on a tube feed, Tix.

I really, really don't want to have to do that.

- Do you understand? - Yeah.

So how have you been since our last session?

You scared?

You have to let go, Tix.

It's OK to lose control… sometimes.

You don't have to worry all the time.

You don't have to count calories.

Tell me something that makes you feel good?

Anything?

Rae.

Rae. Great.

So supposing I set up a date.

Between you and Rae for dinner.

She'd like that. I'd like that.

It'd have to be Rae though.

'Cause I said no, and that means no.

Everyone's going. It's not like an illegal rave anyway.

It's more like a big dance event.

You're not going.

I know sometimes I tell you to do things

and you ignore me… right?

Well, this isn't gonna be one of those times.

Anyway, what do you think Kester would say if you told him you were going to a rave?

He'd say, "Go for it."

I know Kester, and he would love the idea of me enjoying myself

because he's not a complete ball-breaker.

Thank you! I'm not deaf. Right, how does it look?

Oh, great. I look like a cross between a profiterole and a prolapsed colon.

I love it. I absolutely love it.

What about this one?

- It's too expensive. - But, I love it.

If everyone's going to be there I have to look nice.

Rae, when I say no to something it doesn't mean keep arguing.

It means end of discussion.

- I think I'm gonna be sick. - Oh, don't be so dramatic.

You always wonder what it would be like to sit in front of

a doctor and hear the worst possible news.

How you'd cope, how you'd feel…

Rae… I'm afraid you're going to have to stop drinking alcohol.

Why?!

The meds we switched you over to,

some people feel very nauseous if they drink on them.

- Especially at first. - So it's nothing serious?

What?! I want to go back to the old ones.

No, I wasn't happy with the SSRIs.

You said yourself that they made you feel drowsy.

I'd rather feel drowsy than feel sick.

It's fine. She can just give up the booze.

- This is bullshit! - Rae!

We can review your meds in the next few weeks,

but changing them or stopping them now is really not a good idea.

Dr. Nick, I meant to say, I got married last week.

Oh, wow. Great. Congratulations.

Are we alright?

Yeah.

When you're sick, you don't belong to yourself any more.

You don't get a say.

Every doctor is another parent, every ward another classroom,

every pill another piece of their bollocks that you have to swallow.

So that was it, no booze because of my pills

and no rave because of my cow bag of a mum.

You never know, maybe the rave would be shit.

Who was I kidding, it was going to be fucking amazing!

The perfect opportunity to lick the fillings from his teeth,

to suck on his fingers, to grab hold of his firm cock--

Rae? What you thinking about?

I was thinking… How I'm gonna tell you that you smell of BO.

I'm sure you will find something to say.

Oh, shit, there's Kendo.

- Who's Kendo? - Some twat dealer from Dalehead.

- Do I look alright? - What do you mean, do you look alright?

He's a scumbag.

Alright, ladies? Alright, Chopper?

- Alright, Kendo? - Tell your fucking brother

I'm gonna smash his face in when I see him, yeah!

I'm only joking. How is the cunt?

- He's alright. - You want some pills for Friday?

Yeah, yeah. Sounds good.

Drop around tomorrow then and I'll see what I can do for you. Yeah?

In a bit. See you later, girls.

What are you getting drugs for?

It's a rave, isn't it?

Finn, can I get a ride on the back of your scooter?

Yeah, of course, no problem.

There's room for you all to go in one car.

- What are you talking about? - I'm not going.

- What? - Why?

Is it because of your mum?

I'm not going if Rae's not going.

I'm not going if Rae's not going either.

Whoa, Whoa, Whoa. No, no, no one

is backing out of this…

Rae… Come here.

Rae, what's going on?

My mum won't let me go.

Rae… listen to everyone, you've got to go.

Rae, you're always being reminded about how sick you were.

It's just making you worse.

You even said yourself, you're getting better.

You and Finn are getting close.

Yeah, he's a good laugh.

Does he ever mention me?

Dunno, really.

What do you reckon he'd do if I tried to kiss him?

How should I know what he'd do?

Can you imagine sleeping with him?

- I'd need a fucking bib. - That's disgusting.

That's what you said about Jarvis Cocker last week so…

- It's still disgusting. - Well, you're disgusting.

Right, I'm off. Rae, come over to mine tomorrow if you want.

Why?

Uh, because I've got some really

crap reggae I want to show you.

And you can give me some personal hygiene tips.

- Alright. - Whoo!

Round one. To me…

Rachel. Come name. Special bird for you.

No, thanks.

Oh, Rae, come and name the bird.

What's the matter with you?

You're not still in a mood, are you, about the rave?

I'd like to see Kester's face if he thought I was letting you go to a rave.

Stop pretending like you know him.

I already told you, he wants me to have a life.

Are you gonna name this bird or not?

They might not even like each other

and you've got them all cooped up together.

Yeah, well. A lot of us have to live like that, so…

Well, it doesn't make it right. You shouldn't cage up wild animals.

Just name the bird.

Fine!

He's called "Mandela."

Mandela. Yes. Like Nelson. I like.

So are you going to the rave tomorrow?

Doesn't look like it.

- Will you go out with me? - Where?

In the hospital. A dinner date.

I need to try and have some proper food.

Kester says I need to lose control.

I love Kester for saying that.

How do I lose control?

Do something that you've always wanted to do but you've been too scared of.

Can you think of anything?

Maybe.

- Hiya, Tix. Hiya. - What you up to?

Bit of admin.

Do you want to go to the lake with me later?

- Me? - Yeah.

- OK. Cool. What time? - Four-ish?

Four-ish. OK. Cool.

Even his house was a bit sexy.

Oh, God, stop. No craziness.

Stop the craziness.

I'm breathing too deep. I'm hyperventilating.

Put your hands on something flat.

Pulled a hamstring. Just stretching it out.

Come up to my room.

If my Dad sees you he'll bend your ear for weeks.

His bedroom. My God, this was it.

About to enter the lion's den.

Hi.

Round two.

Well, I didn't want to miss out on listening to some reggae.

Yeah, because you love reggae.

I don't particularly like any type of music best.

I just like good music, you know?

Finn, I love this song!

Who do you like best, Chloe, Morrissey or the lead singer of The Smiths?

Well, depends what mood I'm in.

What?

In your face, Chloe!

- Alight, who wants a beer? - I would.

- Rae? - No, I'm alright.

- You serious? - Come on, Rae.

Don't be boring. Don't be a weirdo.

I can't believe I asked a boy out!

Finally, I'm gonna be able to talk to Rae about kissing

and sex things and flirting and love.

Just like a normal girl.

Maybe I can be normal.

So what about the rave then? Is your mum not letting you go?

- It's complicated. - It really would be shit if you don't come.

All the rest of the gang are still going.

You're still gonna have a good time.

The rest of the gang will fall apart if you're not there.

You are the gang.

I mean that, Rae. Everyone else has got too much stuff going on.

You're the most… you know, normal.

- That's bollocks. - It's true!

Anyway, you've got to go. I won't take no for answer.

- Because… - Because what?

You OK?

- No… I just… - What's up?

I don't feel very well.

Do you want me to see if my Dad'll give you a lift home?

Oh, God! No vomitorium.

You'll like this, I got really bladdered

at a Status Quo concert once.

Round two to Chloe.

Just relax. He's just a boy.

Rae would say something funny.

Maybe I should tell a joke?

No… don't tell any jokes! Just make conversation.

What do you want to talk about?

Ducks. They are one of my favorite things, ducks.

I mean, when you think about a duck.

They're just so chilled out.

They're not chilled out. I've seen them fight.

Yeah, but once they've done flapping their wings and splashing about and stuff

they just go back to being so… chilled out.

Hey, do you know what we should do?

- What? - We should become ducks.

We could go into the pond.

Danny, no! They'll see you from the windows.

I fear nothing.

Come on then.

Lose control.

Let go.

Lose control, let go.

Lose control, let go.

Lose control, let go.

Come on.

Oh, shit.

Fucking pills. Fucking doctors.

How was I supposed to compete for Finn when I couldn't go anywhere,

couldn't do anything.

At least there was one adult on the planet who understood.

It's a load of crap. I'm 16.

Everyone else is going and she's all like,

"Oh, you can't go because you're different,

you shouldn't be exposing yourself to that kind of situation".

She even used you as an argument.

"Oh, think of what Kester would say…".

And what did she think I'd say?

She said you'd think it was a bad idea.

But she doesn't know about everything we talk about in here.

She doesn't know all the work we've done on me being brave and confident.

She just reminds me I'm ill all the time.

I agree with your mum. I think it's a terrible idea.

You don't think that.

You're recovering from a serious illness.

If you'd broken your leg, would you try and run a marathon two months later?

Do you still think I'm a mess then?

I don't think you're a mess.

I think you need to take care of yourself.

I need to take care of myself?

Who were you arguing with… last week in the car park?

I saw you. Was it your wife?

How am I supposed to listen to someone

whose life is a bigger mess than mine?

What is even the point of these sessions? Seriously.

To find out what pushed you over the edge

and to stop it from happening again.

Oh, you're always asking questions.

Why did you hurt yourself? Why did you go crazy?

Sometimes there is no why. I just did!

And being here and being asked about it every bloody day

is what's keeping it alive!

- Look, I know this is painful-- - Are you even listening to me?

I was bored. I was lonely.

I had no mates.

Now I'm finally popular…

…and you just want to make me feel different again.

I don't want to come here anymore.

You're not obliged to come here, Rae.

But I think that would be a bad idea.

I think we're making some real progress here.

What would happen if I just walked out of that door right now and never came back?

Aren't you going to try and say something insightful to make me stay?

Do you think perhaps…

…your anger is born out of frustration with yourself?

That you're angry and frustrated with yourself for being ill?

You see, that is not something you are entirely responsible for…

I bloody love you, beasty.

Friday, the 23rd of August.

Dear Diary,

Oh, bollocks to it!

Morning.

Morning.

What?

What happened?

What happened?

Someone let all the birds out the cage.

That's what happened.

Who did? Why would someone do such a thing?

I don't know. Maybe you can tell me why someone would do such a thing?

Oh, my…

Do you wanna tell me why you did it?

Well, I didn't know they'd die…

What did you think they'd do? Fly back to the Bahamas?

Check in at the local RSPB? Karim is in bits.

He built this because he doesn't know many people here, he wanted a project,

something nice so he didn't feel so trapped.

I did it because they shouldn't be in a cage.

They're birds, they are not toys.

No, no, you did it to get back at me

for not letting you go to the rave. Didn't you?

Well, is it any wonder I won't let you go when you do things like this,

when you behave like a mental case?

- Don't call me a mental case. - You know what I meant.

Don't you ever call me a fucking mental case.

Don't talk to me like that, Rae, I'm your mum.

I meant you need to start behaving like an adult

instead of behaving like a child.

Yeah, well maybe you need to start behaving like my mum instead of behaving like a twat.

I'm sorry, Rae.

Save it.

Where are you going?

Dunno. Anywhere. Away from you. Away from him.

Rae don't go. Let's talk about this. I'm really sorry.

Why don't you slap me, and then we're even.

I don't want to slap you.

I don't even want to look at you.

I'd always known I'd have to run away from home at some point.

I'd always planned that I'd go and stop at Chloe's.

We'd be like sisters, I'd have a normal family.

But things change.

There you go.

Tea makes everything alright.

I reckon it'll be alright, you know, in a couple of days.

When you've both had some space or whatever.

- Thanks for letting me stop. - It's alright.

My dad's ironing sheets for the spare room as we speak.

Oh, please don't let him do that.

I wouldn't try and stop him.

So, what time's the rave?

Probably set off in about an hour. Why, you thinking of coming?

No. No, I'm not. It'd mess up all the lifts and stuff anyway.

Ni, it wouldn't, bollocks, no. I'll tell Chloe to jump in with Chop,

and you can get on the scooter with me.

I can't even dip my toe in a pond.

I can't even lose control enough to get my feet wet.

I'll never be normal.

I'll never be able to talk to Rae about

kissing and flirting and love.

I'll never be like…

Rae?

It's me.

- What are you doing in here? - Hiding.

- Why? What you doing in here? - Hiding.

I thought you'd be getting ready for your big date with Rae.

I'm not going. Please don't try and convince me to go.

I once treated a young boy of about seven-years-old,

he used to pull down on his testicles whenever he was upset.

I mean really yank down. It was truly eye-watering to behold.

Then one day I asked him a difficult question…

…and he pulled down so hard upon them

that he had to go to hospital.

That's crazy.

You'd be surprised what lengths people will go

to not to face what's real and painful inside them.

But that's what my job is, I'm essentially a torturer.

This is were you say I'm not a torturer,

that I'm actually quite lovely.

My methods of torture are asking you to trust people,

asking you to lose control.

But if I'd been treated the way you'd been treated by people,

I'd want to sit in a toilet

and hide from the rest of the world as well.

You are sitting in a toilet.

It's really quite nice, actually.

I can see why you and Rae hang out here.

I do trust people, you know? I trust, Rae.

Well, then maybe you should have dinner with her.

Finn!

You alright?

Listen. Try and have a good night. Enjoy yourself.

Uh, what's going on with you two?

- What do you mean? - You look like a couple.

Come on, Chloe. We look like a better couple than they do.

Uh, no way.

- What are you doing? - Taking a pill.

No, you hate drugs. You don't take drugs.

You said there's one for everyone.

Well, not for you, you're different.

- Why am I different? - Rae? Are you in?

Ladies and gentlemen, start your engines.

What's the point in keeping a diary

when you're too scared to ever do anything?

When you life is boring, when the only things you know are

how many calories things contain and how to lose them.

Oh, my God, Rae, I can't believe you dropped a pill!

Yeah, well, you're the one who told me to chill.

So, how's things going with Finn?

OK… Are you staying at his tonight?

Yeah… but it's a long story.

But, do you like him?

What, Finn? No, we're just best mates.

I really want to kiss him but I dunno…

I think he likes someone else.

Oh… Who?

I'm not too sure. Has he said anything to you?

- No. - Maybe I won't try then.

Whoo! Archie, come here!

Yeah!

If you were a bloke I'd shag your lights out.

Yeah? And if I was a bloke I'd let you.

I fucking love you, Rae.

Promise me we'll hang out next year at college, yeah.

Whoo!

- I know you. - Everyone knows me.

You've got the fucking moves, girl.

I love it. I love to dance. I just love it.

Right, come dance with me.

You got anything?

I'm single. Are you? Are you here with someone?

No, I'm not single.

You can be single if you want.

Rae! Rae! Come here, come here…

What you doing? I was talking to her.

I'll bring her back in a second.

I just need to borrow her a minute.

What are you doing with knobhead?

What are you doing with Kendo?

- Are you crying? - I fucking love her.

- Who? - Izzy! I fucking love her.

Whoa! Why are you telling me this?

Because you're the Daddy. You know everything. Tell me what to do.

Oh! Tell her.

Just go over there and tell her and be happy. Yeah?

Yeah.

Bloody hell.

Come on.

Chop!

Hey, Barney, have you seen Chop?

Uh, Chop!

Chop!

Jesus, Rae. I'm so fucked.

Yeah, me too.

Where the fuck is he?

Boy's a constant flight risk.

Alright, just leave it, right. He'll come back when he's ready.

And… I need another drink.

- So, come on… - So, come on.

Let's go… Why are you laughing?

- No way, I'll chunder. - Oh, pussy.

Alright, I need to kiss him tonight, babes.

- Who? - I need to kiss him.

I need to tell him. He needs to know.

What you talking about? You're fucked.

No… I'm alright. I need to kiss him,

and I need to tell him, he needs to know!

Finn?

- Finn? - Piss off.

Finn! Finn!

Finn?

No…

- No! - Rae! Rae!

Rae!

Rae!

Rae!

Rae?

- How you feeling? - Like twice boiled shit.

Can you remember anything from last night?

A little.

I can't remember a thing.

You're stopping at Finn's right?

No, just take me home.

What about your mum?

What the fuck?

Karim…

You sure you wanna go home?

Yeah.

Dear Diary,

If tea makes everything better, I need an ocean of it.

I need all the tea in China.

Sorry, I haven't written for a while but…

Well, what do you expect?

I'm unreliable, I'm a mess, I'm mental.

Hello, Mandela.

Hello.

Rae? It's Kester.

Look… it's about Tix.

Oh, shit! The meal, I missed it.

Is she there? Can I speak to her?

- No, it's not… she… - What?

She collapsed this morning.

Is it serious?

How quickly can you get to the hospital?