Original subtitles

When you've lived in someone's shadow for a long time

you kind of get used to it.

Come on, Rae.

You have to.

Especially when it's someone so perfect and so beautiful.

You accept that some birds are high-flying birds and other birds are not.

But that doesn't mean they can't fly together.

Oh, he got it that time.

Being back at school on the summer holidays is just wrong, isn't it!

Yeah, but we need to support Chlo, don't we?

- Come on, Chlo! Whoo! - Come on, Chlo!

- You can do it. Yeah! - Go, Girl!

I'm telling you it's him, it's Michael Price.

He's nowhere near good looking enough to be going out with Chloe.

I mean, look at the state of her.

She's well hot.

Rae, you're supposed to be Chloe's best mate,

how do you not know who she's sleeping with?

- Whoo! Come on, Chloe! - Come on, Chlo!

Come on, Chlo! You can do it!

All eyes on the lovely Chloe, as usual…

What I wasn't telling them was that my secret boyfriend was there as well.

Mr. Carrisford.

Our PE teacher slash gold medal sex athlete

at the Rae Olympics.

We had met every day for the last two weeks.

In my mind…

Rae, I didn't think you'd… come.

What's with all the Caramacs?

Shh. You shut your pretty mouth and start opening them.

Go on, Chlo.

But Finn had a point, why hadn't Chloe told me?

We were supposed to be best friends again,

we were supposed to tell each other everything.

The only possible explanation was that she'd made the whole thing up.

That actually, in real life, she stayed up at night

fantasizing like the rest of us.

Oh, hi, Mr. Carrisford.

Why can't I get noticed by boys in real life,

but Chloe is even sleeping with men from my wildest fantasies?

Worst summer holiday ever.

Raemundo!

This is Little Al, you know Barney and Lizard.

Listen, I want to chat to you about Saturday.

- What's Saturday? - Oasis! Knebworth.

I don't want to talk about it.

- The lads got tickets! - What?

Lucky bastards!

You mean you're all actually going?

We didn't know what to say. Sorry.

Well, it's… it's not that big a deal?

So… you don't want this then? I've got one spare.

- Are you messing with me? - I'm not messing with you.

- Don't mess with me. - No, I'm not. It's real.

Oh… my God!

Oh, this is the best summer holiday ever.

- Archie! - Yes!

- Chop! - My dear!

Oh, yeah!

You excited about Knebworth then?

Suppose so.

How can I have ever fantasized about sleeping with someone so utterly annoying?

Yeah, he was stunning, with an ass that I just wanted to bite into like a violent dog,

but he was so big headed, so miserable, so self--

Would you stop staring at me? It freaks me out.

I'm not staring at you.

Right, whatever.

- So, Mr. Choppy Chop. - Hello.

Why I am going and not Chloe or Izzy?

Didn't ask them. You was first choice.

Well… it's kind of a lad's trip only.

But we all just see you as one of the lads anyway

so obviously we knew it wouldn't be a problem.

Do you know what I mean, so we just carried on…

We see you as one of the lads anyway…

We see you as one of the lads anyway…

We see you as one of the lads anyway…

We see you as one of the lads anyway…

Rae, we need to talk.

You know, I wanted to talk to you earlier,

but you've been busy with the boys all evening. So…

Are you gonna tell anyone, Rae?

Why would I tell anyone?

I don't know.

Chloe, what are you thinking?

He's a teacher. It's just wrong.

How can you say that?

You know, the other day you said,

"Oh, I'll sex him into a coma so deep

the only way he'd wake up was if I sexed him some more."

Yeah, but that doesn't mean I'd actually do anything in real life.

Oh, right. OK then.

Chloe, he's clearly taking advantage of you.

No! You know nothing about us.

You know, 'cause…

- Well, we trust each other. - Yeah, right…

I'm sorry, Rae, I forgot…

'Cause you're the expert on love aren't ya.

'Cause how many boys is it you've kissed again?

I'd rather have only kissed one boy

than give mouth to south resuscitation

to someone twice my age, in a Vauxhall Nova,

on a bit of scrubland behind a spar.

Don't make me feel bad just because I've got a boyfriend and you haven't.

Do you know you're always making me feel guilty for having things.

You think I've got it so easy, Rae, and you've got no idea

what it's like to walk into a room and have everyone look at you.

All of the time.

I do know what it feels like

to walk into a room and have everyone stare at me.

Do you know that every time we talk to boys

they're not talking to us they're talking to you?

Oh, whatever, Rae!

Oh, no, of course, you don't, Princess Chloe.

So don't you dare sit there and tell me how difficult you've got it.

You're just a…

I'm a what?

Nothing.

Go on. Say it.

Chloe, you're a really shit friend…

…sometimes.

Well, if that's the way you feel then maybe we shouldn't be friends.

Fine.

Cooo-eeeee!

Found you, sneaky sneakies!

We're moving on to The Basement. Get a wriggle on.

Rae's not coming.

And she doesn't feel well.

You alright?

You're gonna say that I'm angry because I'm jealous.

Well, yeah, I am jealous. I'm jealous because she's pretty.

I'm jealous because she's good at things.

I'm jealous because she's slight, but curvy.

Clever, sporty. I'm jealous because she's Grade four on the cello,

because she volunteers at an outreach center.

I'm jealous because she's the type of girl who'll one day appear

on the cover of Marie Claire sunbathing on a yacht.

I'm jealous just because of the way she is.

Because she… well, she…

…she is like… a girl.

Why are you friends with Chloe?

Because we've always been friends. That's the reason.

You have those friends don't you and you think, well,

if I met you now I wouldn't even talk to you.

But because we've known each other for such a long time, because we've got a history…

I… I've always been in her shadow,

and I'm just… I'm sick of it now.

Why now? I mean, what's changed?

All those qualities that you see in Chloe.

You don't see any of them in yourself?

Well, I'm definitely not girly.

- Why do you say that? - My nickname is Raemundo.

I drink pints. I swear. I'm loud. I tell jokes.

What's not girly about telling jokes?

Oh, because telling jokes is a boy thing!

And boys don't like it when girls tell jokes

because it freaks them out to think that a girl

might actually be funnier than what they are!

So, it's actually about boys?

Boys decide whether you are girly or not?

I find you intensely irritating some days.

It's what I live for.

Maybe your relationship has changed at least in part

because your relationship with men has changed?

And because you're part of a group now.

Maybe you and Chloe are trying to figure out, you know,

how your friendship works now that things are different.

How do I figure that out?

Well, you need to think… is there more to this relationship

than just having just known each other for ages.

You need to think how would you feel if Chloe wasn't a part of your life.

- Would you miss her? - Doubt it.

You honestly don't think you'd miss her?

Come on, Rae, we're making progress here.

- Engage with me. - It's not that…

What? Then what is it?

I think I'm having a period.

Tuesday, the 16th of August. Well done that day!

The first sign of womanhood for 18 months.

I must have lost weight.

My GP said that's probably why they stopped.

I'm so pleased for you, Rae. What does it feel like?

It feels like a tiny, little bastard is punching me in the small of my back.

Ah, Sandra the sanitary towel.

It's finally time for her to fulfill her destiny.

I'm actually a woman, Tix, this proves it.

Now all I have to do is prove it to the boys at Knebworth. I need to look hot.

Why don't you just buy a dress?

I think as a boy that's what we think of as being pretty girly.

Danny?!

Yo.

What the hell are you doing in here?

The men's was out of order.

Look, it doesn't even have to be a dress,

it could just be something a bit more fashiony, you know?

- Something a bit like a-- - Danny, get out!

Yeah… out! For real, get out!

- Ladies, I'm going. - Get out!

It's the ladies!

Why didn't we think of that?

The key to getting anything off my mum was timing.

Ask her for anything when she's in a good mood and you're guaranteed success.

Things weren't looking good.

New regime?

Russian Peasant diet.

Only fucking liquids for the next four days.

I'm eating a bowl of vegetable stock for my dinner.

Mmmm… Smells good.

I was thinking it might be nice if I got some new clothes.

- How much? - Well, there's this company

that do like tailor made stuff…

How much?

Ninety-five quid.

What do you think, I was born yesterday

floating down the river on a banana boat? No chance.

But I can't find anything that fits me in a normal shop!

Why don't you borrow something of mine?

Because I'd rather die.

This isn't fair! Everyone else gets money off their parents!

But, no, I've got to live in a house that doesn't even stock tampons!

Do you know what mum?

Value sanitary towels are a crime against my femininity.

Oh, well, I'm sorry, Ms. Pankhurst,

next time I go to the supermarket I'll buy a bag

of swan's necks and you can use those.

Besides, you only started your period again today so,

you know, let's not pretend we're experts.

Alright!

Fucking typical!

Can I come in?

So how was The Basement the other night?

It was alright.

Look, this is some of the stuff that you left at mine.

I thought I'd bring it around for you.

Rae, there's something else I need to talk to you about…

Well, I didn't know where else to go because…

…you're the only one who knows about Stephen.

Who the fuck is Stephen?

Mr. Carrisford!

Oh… Right.

So has he broken up with you then?

He was just a boyfriend.

I think it's probably for the best

because it wasn't right, you and him going out with each other.

Yeah, well he hasn't broken up with me!

I'm pregnant!

Fucking hell.

Well… Say something, Rae!

Fucking hell! I thought you were on the pill!

Yeah, well, I stopped taking it.

Why?!

The packet said it can make you put on weight.

So rather than put on a little bit of weight you thought that you'd risk getting knocked up?

Yeah, do you know, that's exactly what I thought!

You know what, Chloe,

most pregnant women, well, they put on at least one, two…

Yeah, I get the irony of it, Rae!

Rae, if you want your jeans washing inside out

put them in the basket. In… side… out.

So what you gonna do about it then?

Are you gonna tell Mr. Car… Stephen?

No. It'd ruin everything.

I think you should.

Yeah, well, you don't know him, Rae.

You are the one that said you trust each other.

- Don't have a go at me! - I'm not having a go at you.

Do you know, my mum…

I remember she told me ages ago she got pregnant when she was young.

She said that it stays with you. Whether you have it or not.

You know, whatever decision you make, it's forever.

She'd be so disappointed if she knew about this.

I've got an appointment at the clinic on Thursday.

Will you come with me? You don't have to.

- It's fine. - Chloe, I'll come with you.

OK.

Well, I'll see you later.

It's bad. OK. it's really bad.

But this was typical of Chloe.

I have my first kiss, she loses her virginity.

I get my period back, and she gets pregnant!

If I went to Butlins on holiday

she'd probably go to Disneyland… on the bloody moon.

I hate myself for thinking that.

Oh God! Please… please… please…

- Ohh! Jabba! - Oh, fuck.

The Green Lane Gang: Ninja, Big G, Squeaky.

There is only one thing you need to know about them.

Twat, twat, twat.

Moose!

Jabba.

Moose!

Where're you going, Jabba?

You alright?

Yeah, why?

Me and Karim barely saw you yesterday, did we?

What's going on?

Nothing.

- Should I ring Kester? - What? No! I'm fine.

Mum, is there such thing as a mega period?

Maybe you should go and see Dr. Nick?

You can't just nip in and see Dr. Nick. He's not a normal GP.

Why not? He's been your doctor for four months.

Sorting out your pills and your diet.

Why can't you talk to him about this?

- 'Cause no, alright? - I'll get his number from the phone book.

There is no way I'm talking to Dr. Nick about my mega period!

Just another chapter of humiliation

in the multi-volumed anthology of Rae the Ridiculous.

Oh, God he's gorgeous.

Maybe if I hit him over the head with that paperweight,

I could lick him all over before he regained consciousness.

OK. Jump on the bed so I can have a look at you.

Oh, God!

He'll prod my tummy and the pathetic tampon

holding back the bloody flood will ping out.

Just relax!

Can't… hold… back!

Run, it's the mega period.

So how's everything going?

- OK. - Good.

- Got enough meds? - Yeah.

So… I think it's just a heavy period you're having.

Painful and not nice, but nothing more sinister than that.

There's nothing to worry about.

You starting your period is just another milestone

on the road to health.

I like your paperweight.

See you, Rae.

OK, we've had the results of the urine sample. And…

You are pregnant. Um… Around four weeks.

I'd like an abortion.

Mm-hmm, yeah, that's certainly an option you could consider.

Uh, but you don't have to decide anything today.

We provide a counseling service where someone can talk to you--

I don't want any of that. I just want to get it over with.

Well, it's up to me to make sure you have every opportunity

to make the decision that's right for you.

So… let me book you in to see one our advisers tomorrow

and if you still want to go ahead with it, hey, that's fine.

Well, what happens? If she does?

If you do decide to go ahead with it,

then tomorrow you'll be given what's called an early medical abortion pill.

Then you'll take another one on Saturday.

Following the second treatment you'll most likely want to be at home, afterwards. OK.

And there's another thing Chloe's better at than me…

Holding it together.

She is so strong in situations where I'd crumble.

Like when the world is crushing down on me. Like when I…

You alright?

Yeah, I'm fine.

Well, thanks for coming.

It's alright. I can come along tomorrow if you want?

Nah, I'm gonna take your advice.

I'm gonna tell Stephen tonight. He'll look after me.

Well, what about on Saturday for the second pill?

Everyone's gonna be at Knebworth.

Rae, Stephen'll look after me.

You know, I'll be fine.

Well, I'll just… just see you in a bit then.

OK.

Well, you were right.

I never thought I'd hear you say that.

I do miss her.

But things have changed.

She's got a boyfriend now

and you don't need your friends as much

when you've got a boyfriend do you?

At last session we never finished discussing

what made you feel so angry towards Chloe.

I told you why. I gave you my fully detailed psychological analysis.

Yeah, but I never gave you mine.

Do you want to hear it?

A couple of weeks ago. I had to pretend to be your uncle

because you haven't told anyone out there that you've been ill.

Including Chloe. And I think you might be angry with her

because you're starting to realize that maybe

she's no longer the type of friend you can talk to about things.

I couldn't give a rat's ass what Chloe's like.

I don't care about Chloe. I care about you.

And it's important to me that you've got somebody out there you can talk to

when things get dark.

When you think about hurting yourself.

I have got my diary. I can talk to that if things get bad.

Yeah… you can leave things out of a diary.

You can rip out whole pages and pretend they don't exist.

This is my new home number.

And I want you to call it.

At anytime, day or night.

Whenever you start to feel… you know.

I don't need it.

Rae! You're taking this piece of paper. End of.

Short skirt, girly top.

This is all new to me… being a girl…

It's difficult being quiet,

not telling jokes or swearing,

especially when the mega period

was becoming a super mega period.

I felt like my eyeballs were sweating.

So if we get two crates of beer and a bottle of voddy for each car we're rocking.

Raemundo, are you alright with beer?

Chop, you may enjoy having a ridiculous nickname but I don't.

It's Rae or Rachel.

What? Do you want beer or not?

Not. I'd like some Lambrini. That's what I drink now.

Oh, Jesus…

All right, lads… Move over!

Who's got any tune requests for the trip?

Because I'm am doing the tape for the car.

Why are you doing them?

I know the most about music.

You know about as much about music as my mum.

Alright, under no circumstances feature "Spaceman" by Babylon Zoo.

No Babylon Zoo. Thank you very much for sharing

your in depth knowledge of music with us, Rae, that's brilliant.

Such a prick.

Right, I took the liberty of treating everyone.

Little Al.

- Yeah. Nice one, Chop! - There you are, Finn.

Raemundo.

What's up with you. You alright?

No, I've… I've got tummy ache.

Ah, damn. Better be OK for tomorrow!

You like the shirt?

- Why don't you try it on? - I dunno.

- Try it on! - Maybe I don't want to try it on!

What is wrong with you?

I told everyone you was dead cool

and that you were dead funny.

You've sat here all night with a right face on.

Well, maybe I can't win! Maybe I just can't fucking win!

No matter how hard I try I just can't get it right.

I don't even know why I bother!

Crazy, crazy.

What are you doing? Stop being stupid.

Oh. My. God!

- Jabba's got a jam stain! - I think I'm gonna be sick!

I absolutely think I'm gonna be sick.

Jabba's got a jam stain! That's got to be the dirtiest thing I have ever seen.

- You absolute scrubber. - Scrubber!

Scrubber! Scrubber! Scrubber! Scrubber! Scrubber!

What the fuck are you doing…?

It's alright taking the piss out of a girl, isn't it?

Well, why don't you try taking the piss out of me?

Hey! You apologize to her now, or I will fucking kill you…

Alright, I'm sorry! I'm sorry!

And that goes for you two twats, as well.

Sorry.

You alright?

Saturday, 10th August 1996. The Day of Knebworth.

Who'd have thought that on the day I get to see Liam Gallagher in the flesh,

all my thoughts would be about another man.

How could I have got him so wrong?

How could I have thought that he was shallow

when he's the most interesting,

sweet, sensitive, hot-bodied Adonis

in all of Lincolnshire and the surrounding districts?

I just bought, two days ago, on your request, twenty tampax! Twenty!

And now there are exactly none left.

What have you got six vaginas or something?!

I decided to change them every hour.

Every hour?!

Your hoo-ha must be the driest place in the entire universe.

I didn't want to get toxic shock!

Izzy told me about a girl who left a tampon in too long.

It went rotten and she had multiple organ failure.

Then she went into a coma and she died.

Tox… You…

I just…

I just… I just can't…

This is my main meal for the day.

What is it?

Fucking cup o'soup. Beef flavor.

Maybe you should just go back to solids?

Today's the last day.

I just need to make it 'til tomorrow.

Solids tomorrow. Then it's…

I just… I need to make it to tomorrow.

I'll be alright.

I'll be alright tomorrow.

Just keep thinking about tomorrow.

Knebworth, baby girl! Let's do this.

You're in Barney's car with Finn, come on.

- Hi, Rae. - Hey.

- Hiya. - Hi.

- How's your hand? - I'll live.

Thanks.

Anyone would have done the same thing, you know.

No, they wouldn't.

Right, everyone. This convoy is heading out!

Let's get ready! Let's do this. Raemondo… come on!

Let's go!

What you doing here?

I just thought I'd see everyone off.

Did you tell him?

We broke up.

What?!

Who's going with you today then?

Don't worry about it.

Raemondo, come on, get your ass in gear!

We are ready to do. Come on!

You'd better go.

Chloe, you sure you're gonna be alright?

Yeah, I'll be fine. See you later.

Let's go!

What?

Listen, I'm expecting marks out of ten for each tune by the way?

Well, it's a zero for starters.

I thought this was your favorite song?

- Stop. - What?

Stop the car!

You know, he'd just split up with his ex.

They were together like six years or something.

So he's not really in the place to commit to something new at the moment.

Plus, he's a complete knob-head wanker.

Do you know he had a name for his thingy?

- What? - Bob.

- Bob? - Yeah.

You know, I'm sorry about this week.

It's just sometimes I see you with everyone.

You know, the lads, and you're so funny and clever,

and… I just…

I wish sometimes, I'd get the chance to be seen as funny.

You are funny.

Oh, Chloe, the boys all love you.

I didn't get invited to Knebworth though, did I? Eh?

I went to the market and I bought a jock strap.

I don't know why!

Right… OK!

I went to market and I bought a jock strap and a pineapple.

I went to the market…

Ms. Chloe Gemmell.

You alright?

Yeah, I think that's it now.

Listen to that crowd.

I can almost smell the burgers

just frying in the stalls at the side of the field.

- Oh, no! - Oh, no, what?

Some tall bastard's just stood in front of me

I can't see the stage anymore.

Do you know what, I fucking hate that!

You can get on my shoulders if you want!

- Yeah? - Yeah.

Oh, maybe you should get on my shoulders.

Yeah… maybe.

This is nice. Why don't we invite Izzy around?

No…

No… I like it when it's just us two.

I love Izzy,

but I think her head might have exploded if I'd told her.

Yeah! It needed to be you.

Come here.

You're alright though, yeah?

Chloe…

I wasn't in France this year.

Where were you?

I've been ill.

What d'you mean ill?

Like proper ill?

I did something stupid.

I hurt myself.

Why, Rae?

Why would you do that?

I've got it!

Hello.

Hiya.

Yeah, I'm fine.

Just listening to Knebworth. Why?

Yeah, alright.

Alright, fine.

Bye.

That was Stephen.

You know, he wants to talk, so um…

I'm going to go around to his house.

- When? - You know, I need to go.

We'll talk about this when I get back, I promise.

But, Chloe…

Rae, I really need to know what he's got to say.

Can you stay here so my parents still think I'm in?

- What? - Rae, please!

I'll be… I'll be as quick as I can.

OK, just stay here. I'll be half an hour, tops.

OK? Just don't move.