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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:05,004 --> 00:00:07,799 - I UNDERSTAND THIS IS YOUR FIRST PROFESSIONAL MASSAGE? 2 00:00:07,882 --> 00:00:10,093 - THAT'S RIGHT. MM-HMM. - OKAY. 3 00:00:10,176 --> 00:00:10,760 I WANT TO MAKE YOU AWARE OF SOME THINGS 4 00:00:10,844 --> 00:00:12,053 THAT MAY OR MAY NOT HAPPEN, 5 00:00:12,137 --> 00:00:15,640 BUT THERE'S NO NEED TO FEEL EMBARRASSED IF THEY DO. 6 00:00:15,724 --> 00:00:16,766 - OKAY. 7 00:00:16,850 --> 00:00:18,351 - THINGS SUCH AS CRYING. - REALLY? 8 00:00:18,435 --> 00:00:20,437 - MM, OH, YES. 9 00:00:20,520 --> 00:00:23,982 MASSAGE CAN RELEASE PENT-UP EMOTIONS. 10 00:00:24,065 --> 00:00:28,194 ALSO, NOT UNCOMMON IS THE RELEASE OF GAS. 11 00:00:28,278 --> 00:00:29,112 - LIKE FARTING? 12 00:00:29,195 --> 00:00:30,989 - THAT'S RIGHT, LIKE FARTING. 13 00:00:31,072 --> 00:00:33,324 ALSO, ERECTIONS. - REALLY? 14 00:00:33,408 --> 00:00:34,701 - YEAH. - I DIDN'T KNOW THAT. 15 00:00:34,784 --> 00:00:39,706 - LET'S GET STARTED. 16 00:00:39,789 --> 00:00:41,082 [crying] 17 00:00:41,166 --> 00:00:44,419 [farts] 18 00:00:44,502 --> 00:00:45,503 - WELL, AT LEAST YOU DIDN'T GET A-- 19 00:00:45,587 --> 00:00:47,922 THERE IT IS. 20 00:00:48,006 --> 00:00:50,967 [haunting western music] 21 00:00:51,050 --> 00:00:57,974 ♪ ♪ 22 00:01:13,114 --> 00:01:14,157 - SO WHAT'S THE CRAZIEST BIBLICAL NAME? 23 00:01:14,240 --> 00:01:18,203 - ONE OF THE BEST NAMES IN THE BIBLE IS NIMROD. 24 00:01:18,286 --> 00:01:19,871 DON'T THINK THAT DIDN'T COME FROM THE BIBLE. 25 00:01:19,954 --> 00:01:21,331 - AND WHAT, IS THAT THE CHARACTER THAT JUST, 26 00:01:21,414 --> 00:01:23,500 LIKE, [bleep] UP? - NO, YOU KNOW WHAT? 27 00:01:23,583 --> 00:01:27,086 NIMROD, NIMROD IS-- 28 00:01:27,170 --> 00:01:28,545 NIMROD IS A MIGHTY WARRIOR. 29 00:01:28,630 --> 00:01:29,589 THERE'S A HIGH SCHOOL BASKETBALL TEAM IN NORTHERN MICHIGAN 30 00:01:29,672 --> 00:01:30,924 CALLED THE NIMRODS. 31 00:01:31,007 --> 00:01:34,259 - CAN YOU IMAGINE HAVING TO BE LIKE, 32 00:01:34,344 --> 00:01:37,222 "WHO A NIMROD? WE NIMRODS!" 33 00:01:39,723 --> 00:01:42,685 [muffled shouting] 34 00:01:56,199 --> 00:01:58,451 - HERE WE COME, SON. HERE WE COME. 35 00:01:58,535 --> 00:02:00,620 - [shouting] HUT! 36 00:02:00,703 --> 00:02:03,790 [epic theatrical music] 37 00:02:03,873 --> 00:02:11,798 ♪ ♪ 38 00:02:28,773 --> 00:02:32,485 [high-pitched tone] 39 00:02:38,908 --> 00:02:40,743 [whistle blowing] 40 00:02:40,827 --> 00:02:42,120 - MAN, YOU FEELING ALL RIGHT? 41 00:02:42,203 --> 00:02:45,373 - YEAH, I'M FINE, MAN! 42 00:02:45,456 --> 00:02:47,625 - LET'S GO, LET'S GO! 43 00:02:47,709 --> 00:02:48,918 - COME ON! - LET'S GO, MAN! 44 00:02:49,002 --> 00:02:51,796 - MAN, WHAT ARE WE DOING OUT THERE? 45 00:02:51,880 --> 00:02:54,382 WHAT ARE WE DOING OUT THERE, HUH? 46 00:02:54,465 --> 00:02:55,591 BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW. 47 00:02:55,675 --> 00:02:57,218 NO, SERIOUSLY, WHAT--WHAT ARE WE DOING? 48 00:02:57,302 --> 00:02:59,804 WHAT--WHAT ARE WE DOING? 49 00:02:59,888 --> 00:03:01,014 - PLAYING FOOTBALL? - OKAY, YEAH. 50 00:03:01,097 --> 00:03:02,974 YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, 51 00:03:03,057 --> 00:03:06,144 THAT'S IT, MAN. PLAYING FOOTBALL, YEAH? 52 00:03:06,227 --> 00:03:08,271 - YO, EXQUISITE T. 53 00:03:08,353 --> 00:03:10,815 YOU NEED TO LET THE MEDICS TAKE A LOOK AT YOU, MAN. 54 00:03:10,899 --> 00:03:12,984 - DUDE, I'M ALL RIGHT, MAN. I'M FINE. 55 00:03:13,067 --> 00:03:13,568 SHOOT. 56 00:03:13,651 --> 00:03:15,945 I'M HERE, 57 00:03:16,029 --> 00:03:17,614 AND I'M READY TO DO THIS, MAN. 58 00:03:17,697 --> 00:03:20,199 - ALL RIGHT. - WHAT ABOUT YOU ALL, MAN? 59 00:03:20,283 --> 00:03:22,619 DO YOU WANT THIS? - YEAH. 60 00:03:22,702 --> 00:03:23,620 - YEAH. - DO YOU WANT THIS? 61 00:03:23,703 --> 00:03:24,787 all: YEAH. 62 00:03:24,871 --> 00:03:26,456 - DO YOU WANT THIS? all: YEAH! 63 00:03:26,539 --> 00:03:28,082 - DO YOU WANT THIS? all: YEAH! 64 00:03:28,166 --> 00:03:29,500 - I MEAN, ALL YOU HAD TO DO WAS ASK, MAN. 65 00:03:29,584 --> 00:03:30,960 THERE'S PLENTY OF APPLE PIE TO GO AROUND. 66 00:03:31,044 --> 00:03:32,295 YOU WANT SOME APPLE PIE, BROTHER? 67 00:03:32,378 --> 00:03:33,296 YOU WANT SOME APPLE PIE, BROTHER? 68 00:03:33,379 --> 00:03:34,297 COME ON, MAN. WHO WANT A SLICE? 69 00:03:34,380 --> 00:03:38,176 - YO, EXQUISITE T, AIN'T NO APPLE PIE, MAN. 70 00:03:38,259 --> 00:03:39,802 THAT'S YOUR HELMET. - HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY. 71 00:03:39,886 --> 00:03:42,180 DOG, DOG, DOG, MAYBE YOU SHOULD JUST SIT OUT THE NEXT PLAY. 72 00:03:42,263 --> 00:03:43,473 - SIT OUT THE NEXT PLAY? - YEAH. 73 00:03:43,555 --> 00:03:43,805 - ARE YOU GONNA SIT OUT THE NEXT PLAY? 74 00:03:43,890 --> 00:03:45,558 - NAH. 75 00:03:45,642 --> 00:03:46,809 - YOU GONNA SIT OUT THE NEXT PLAY? 76 00:03:46,893 --> 00:03:47,977 I DIDN'T THINK SO. I DON'T NEED 77 00:03:48,061 --> 00:03:48,645 TO SIT OUT THE NEXT PLAY, AND I'M GONNA TELL YOU WHY. 78 00:03:48,728 --> 00:03:50,980 'CAUSE ALL Y'ALL. 79 00:03:51,064 --> 00:03:52,732 'CAUSE I KNOW Y'ALL GOT MY BACK. 80 00:03:52,815 --> 00:03:54,859 Y'ALL KNOW WHAT I SEE WHEN I LOOK AT YOU? 81 00:03:54,942 --> 00:03:55,985 I'MA TELL YOU WHAT I SEE. 82 00:03:56,069 --> 00:03:58,905 GROWN MEN... - YEAH, YEAH. 83 00:03:58,988 --> 00:03:59,989 - WHO LOOK LIKE GIANTS... - YEAH. 84 00:04:00,073 --> 00:04:02,659 - WITH REALLY BIG SHOULDERS... 85 00:04:02,742 --> 00:04:03,368 all: YEAH! 86 00:04:03,451 --> 00:04:04,619 - WHO ARE WEARING SHORT PANTS. 87 00:04:04,702 --> 00:04:06,996 - WHAT? 88 00:04:07,080 --> 00:04:10,291 - AND JUST RIGHT THERE, A FEW SECONDS OF COMPLETE DARKNESS, 89 00:04:10,375 --> 00:04:12,543 AND THEN I SAW SOME LITTLE FLOATY SPECKS OF LIGHT 90 00:04:12,627 --> 00:04:13,711 IN THE AIR, UP LIKE THAT. 91 00:04:13,795 --> 00:04:15,254 - EXQUISITE T. - WHO IS THAT? 92 00:04:15,338 --> 00:04:16,464 IS THAT CARTOON SQUIRREL TALKING TO ME? 93 00:04:16,547 --> 00:04:17,464 - YEAH! 94 00:04:17,548 --> 00:04:18,591 - CARTOON SQUIRREL, WHERE YOU AT? 95 00:04:18,675 --> 00:04:19,257 - I'M HERE, MAN. - OH, YES. 96 00:04:19,341 --> 00:04:23,012 - YOU HAVE A BRAIN INJURY. 97 00:04:23,096 --> 00:04:25,348 YOU NEED TO GET SOME MEDICAL ATTENTION. 98 00:04:25,431 --> 00:04:27,350 - I'M GONNA TELL YOU RIGHT NOW, CARTOON SQUIRREL, 99 00:04:27,433 --> 00:04:29,978 WHO NEEDS SOME MEDICAL ATTENTION IS THE COUGARS OVER THERE. 100 00:04:30,061 --> 00:04:31,229 - DOG, DOG, DOG. - WHAT, WHAT? 101 00:04:31,312 --> 00:04:32,772 - WE'RE PLAYING THE BRUISERS. - RIGHT, OKAY. 102 00:04:32,855 --> 00:04:34,857 - BRUISERS. - OKAY. 103 00:04:34,941 --> 00:04:35,775 LISTEN, Y'ALL. 104 00:04:35,858 --> 00:04:37,110 WE NEED TO REMEMBER WHO WE ARE, OKAY? 105 00:04:37,193 --> 00:04:39,862 WE'RE THE TEAM OF DESTINY THIS YEAR. 106 00:04:39,946 --> 00:04:41,656 WE'RE THE TEAM EVERYBODY TALKING ABOUT. 107 00:04:41,739 --> 00:04:43,992 WE'RE THE TEAM EVERYBODY AFRAID OF, MAN. 108 00:04:44,075 --> 00:04:45,451 WE GOT TO REMEMBER WHO WE ARE. 109 00:04:45,534 --> 00:04:48,371 WHO ARE WE? - RHINOS. 110 00:04:48,454 --> 00:04:49,831 - WHO ARE WE? 111 00:04:49,914 --> 00:04:52,125 all: THE RHINOS. 112 00:04:52,207 --> 00:04:53,626 - WHO ARE WE? all: RHINOS! 113 00:04:53,710 --> 00:04:54,877 - WHO ARE WE? all: RHINOS! 114 00:04:54,961 --> 00:04:57,630 - WHO ARE WE? all: RHINOS. 115 00:04:57,714 --> 00:04:59,215 - WHO ARE WE? all: RHINOS. 116 00:04:59,298 --> 00:05:02,719 - ARE WE THE RHINOS? all: YEAH! 117 00:05:05,304 --> 00:05:06,389 - OH, MY GOD. 118 00:05:06,472 --> 00:05:09,017 SOMEBODY STOLE OUR HORNS. 119 00:05:09,100 --> 00:05:12,979 WE GOT TO FIND OUR HORNS, Y'ALL. - OH, [bleep] IT. 120 00:05:13,062 --> 00:05:16,065 - WHERE THE HORNS AT? - WHAT THE [bleep]? 121 00:05:16,149 --> 00:05:17,150 [monitors beeping] 122 00:05:17,233 --> 00:05:19,569 - DOCTOR FORREST, DIAL 118, PLEASE. 123 00:05:19,652 --> 00:05:22,488 DR. FORREST, PLEASE DIAL 1-1-8. 124 00:05:22,572 --> 00:05:25,241 - [sighs] 125 00:05:26,075 --> 00:05:29,829 DON? - YES, I'M HERE. 126 00:05:31,789 --> 00:05:36,502 - PROMISE YOU'LL NEVER FORGET ABOUT ME. 127 00:05:36,586 --> 00:05:38,880 - YES. 128 00:05:38,963 --> 00:05:40,923 OF COURSE. 129 00:05:41,007 --> 00:05:45,219 - PROMISE ME YOU'LL TAKE CARE OF OUR LITTLE GIRL. 130 00:05:45,303 --> 00:05:45,928 AND LOVE HER. 131 00:05:46,012 --> 00:05:50,266 - YES, WITH ALL MY HEART. 132 00:05:52,518 --> 00:05:57,023 - PROMISE ME YOU'LL STAY STRONG FOR HER. 133 00:05:57,106 --> 00:05:59,776 - YES, YES. 134 00:05:59,859 --> 00:06:04,155 I PROMISE. 135 00:06:04,238 --> 00:06:08,785 - AND PROMISE ME YOU'LL NEVER SLEEP WITH ANOTHER WOMAN. 136 00:06:08,868 --> 00:06:14,499 - [clicking] 137 00:06:14,582 --> 00:06:18,336 I HEAR YOU. 138 00:06:18,419 --> 00:06:20,505 - PROMISE ME YOU'LL TAKE CARE OF MR. BIG FLUFFY TAIL? 139 00:06:20,588 --> 00:06:21,964 - YES. 140 00:06:22,048 --> 00:06:23,758 YES, YES, YES, DONE. 141 00:06:23,841 --> 00:06:28,638 THAT CAT WILL BE THE MOST LOVED CAT IN THE WORLD. 142 00:06:28,721 --> 00:06:33,476 - AND THAT YOU WON'T LOOK AT PORN. 143 00:06:33,558 --> 00:06:35,978 - AHH. - HUH? 144 00:06:36,062 --> 00:06:37,939 - [speaking gibberish] 145 00:06:38,022 --> 00:06:40,191 - IS THAT YES? 146 00:06:40,274 --> 00:06:41,776 - CHECKY, CHECKY, CHECKY, CHECKY, CHICKETY, CHICKETY, 147 00:06:41,859 --> 00:06:44,529 CHICKETY CHECK. 148 00:06:44,612 --> 00:06:45,571 - NO PORNOGRAPHY. 149 00:06:45,655 --> 00:06:49,075 - BUSTER BROWN SAYS WHAT? 150 00:06:49,158 --> 00:06:51,702 - IS THAT A YES? 151 00:06:51,786 --> 00:06:57,207 - YO BETTER BELIEVE I HEARD WHAT YOU SAID, GIRL. 152 00:06:57,291 --> 00:06:58,376 - YOU LOVE ME, RIGHT? 153 00:06:58,459 --> 00:07:00,169 - YES, I LOVE YOU. YES. 154 00:07:00,253 --> 00:07:02,213 - AND WE'RE SOUL MATES, RIGHT? 155 00:07:02,296 --> 00:07:04,423 - YES. 156 00:07:04,507 --> 00:07:06,926 - SO YOU WILL NEVER, EVER, 157 00:07:07,009 --> 00:07:10,471 EVER THINK OF SOMEONE ELSE WHILE MASTURBATING, RIGHT? 158 00:07:10,555 --> 00:07:13,099 - [as robot] MESSAGE RECEIVED. 159 00:07:13,182 --> 00:07:14,767 - I DON'T UNDERSTAND. IS THAT A YES? 160 00:07:14,851 --> 00:07:16,519 - YO COMPRENDE. 161 00:07:16,602 --> 00:07:17,645 - IS THAT A PROMISE? 162 00:07:17,728 --> 00:07:19,939 - [goofy voice] YOUR REQUEST HAS BEEN FILED. 163 00:07:20,022 --> 00:07:23,860 - SAY YOU PROMISE. 164 00:07:27,947 --> 00:07:30,825 - FORGET ABOUT, HUH? 165 00:07:30,908 --> 00:07:33,202 HUH? 166 00:07:33,286 --> 00:07:34,704 - I NEED TO HEAR YOU SAY IT. - IT. 167 00:07:34,787 --> 00:07:35,830 - I--NO, SAY, "I PRO-- 168 00:07:35,913 --> 00:07:37,623 I PROMISE." - YOU PROMISE. 169 00:07:37,707 --> 00:07:42,211 - YOU--YOU PROMISE. 170 00:07:42,295 --> 00:07:43,963 SAY IT. 171 00:07:44,046 --> 00:07:45,381 - OKAY, "I PROMISE." - NO AIR QUOTES. 172 00:07:45,464 --> 00:07:50,761 - ♪ PROMISES ARE THINGS THAT MOTHERS-- ♪ 173 00:07:50,845 --> 00:07:53,723 - SAY IT, SAY IT! 174 00:07:53,806 --> 00:07:55,600 - I PROMISE, I PROMISE. 175 00:07:55,683 --> 00:07:56,933 - WHAT ARE YOU PROMISING? 176 00:07:57,018 --> 00:07:58,102 - I PROMISE WHAT YOU SAID. 177 00:07:58,186 --> 00:08:00,062 - FINE, FORGET IT. 178 00:08:00,146 --> 00:08:04,567 - YES. I MEAN, OKAY. 179 00:08:07,403 --> 00:08:10,948 - WILL YOU AT LEAST PROMISE TO GO SEE MY MOM EVERY DAY? 180 00:08:11,032 --> 00:08:14,035 - SO ZERO PORNOGRAPHY? DONE. 181 00:08:14,118 --> 00:08:15,494 I LIKE THAT. 182 00:08:15,578 --> 00:08:15,912 NURSE? 183 00:08:15,995 --> 00:08:19,040 FIX MY WIFE! 184 00:08:19,123 --> 00:08:21,459 [crying] 185 00:08:26,005 --> 00:08:27,215 DON'T TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW. 186 00:08:27,298 --> 00:08:29,133 I'M JUST-- IT'S NOT--NOT ALL ABOUT YOU. 187 00:08:33,554 --> 00:08:37,475 - I GOT TO GO TO THE BATHROOM, LIKE, LIKE, RIGHT QUICK, THOUGH. 188 00:08:37,558 --> 00:08:39,227 GIVE ME THAT-- GIVE ME THAT BOTTLE, HERE. 189 00:08:39,309 --> 00:08:41,102 I'M KIDDING. 190 00:08:41,187 --> 00:08:42,313 DO YOU KNOW ANYBODY WHO'S DONE THAT? 191 00:08:42,395 --> 00:08:44,106 EVER DONE THAT? - WHAT, PEED IN A BOTTLE? 192 00:08:44,190 --> 00:08:46,651 - YEAH. - PROBABLY. 193 00:08:46,734 --> 00:08:47,818 - I HAVE A FAMILY MEMBER, 194 00:08:47,902 --> 00:08:50,488 ONE TIME, WHO HAD SOME DYSENTERY SITUATIONS. 195 00:08:50,571 --> 00:08:52,156 - OH, NO. - AND WE WERE OUT 196 00:08:52,240 --> 00:08:55,034 IN THE MIDDLE--LIKE, IN--IT LOOKED LIKE THIS. 197 00:08:55,117 --> 00:08:56,452 AND THIS PERSON-- - HE HAD DYSENTERY OUT HERE? 198 00:08:56,535 --> 00:08:59,622 - NOW, I DIDN'T SAY IT WAS A HE. - OH. 199 00:08:59,705 --> 00:09:01,540 - I'M JUST SAYING A MEMBER OF MY FAMILY. 200 00:09:01,624 --> 00:09:03,751 THIS PERSON HAD TO GO TO THE BATHROOM. 201 00:09:03,834 --> 00:09:05,211 WE'RE OUT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DESERT. 202 00:09:05,294 --> 00:09:07,129 WE DIDN'T HAVE ANYTHING FOR THIS PERSON TO GO TO THE BATHROOM IN. 203 00:09:07,213 --> 00:09:11,801 [bleep], THERE WAS AN EMPTY... 204 00:09:11,884 --> 00:09:12,969 COUNTRY CROCK. 205 00:09:13,052 --> 00:09:15,304 - [laughing] COUNTRY CROCK. 206 00:09:15,388 --> 00:09:17,306 OH, NO. - THERE WAS FOR REAL, 207 00:09:17,390 --> 00:09:20,977 IN REAL LIFE AN EMPTY COUNTRY CROCK. 208 00:09:21,060 --> 00:09:22,645 - THIS PERSON LEFT THE CAR? THEY LEFT THE CAR? 209 00:09:22,728 --> 00:09:24,272 - THEY LEFT THE CAR. - BUT YOU WERE IN THE DESERT, 210 00:09:24,355 --> 00:09:25,940 SO SOMEBODY COULD HAVE JUST GONE-- 211 00:09:26,023 --> 00:09:27,692 THEY DIDN'T HAVE TO REALLY. 212 00:09:27,775 --> 00:09:29,068 - THEY DIDN'T HAVE TO. 213 00:09:29,151 --> 00:09:32,488 - AND THEN LEFT IT? - BUT IT WAS SO APROPROS. 214 00:09:32,572 --> 00:09:35,032 COME ON, MAN. COUNTRY CROCK? 215 00:09:35,116 --> 00:09:38,160 HOW COULD WE NOT USE THAT? 216 00:09:38,244 --> 00:09:41,205 OH, [bleep], I'M GONNA PISS MYSELF. 217 00:09:43,124 --> 00:09:44,500 - OKAY, SO, OKAY, BUT CHECK THIS OUT, OKAY? 218 00:09:44,583 --> 00:09:47,920 SO THIS ONE TIME IN COLLEGE, MAN, I WAS STRAIGHT KICKING GAME 219 00:09:48,004 --> 00:09:49,797 TO THIS BEAUTIFUL CHICK, DIANA, MAN? 220 00:09:49,880 --> 00:09:51,924 AND THE--IT'S A HOUSE PARTY, AND SO ANYWAY, 221 00:09:52,008 --> 00:09:53,801 I GO TO THE KITCHEN TO GRAB US A COUPLE OF BEERS, MAN. 222 00:09:53,884 --> 00:09:57,346 I KID YOU NOT, I SLIPPED ON A BANANA PEEL. 223 00:09:57,430 --> 00:09:58,514 A BANANA PEEL. IT WAS LIKE THIS. 224 00:09:58,597 --> 00:10:02,977 I WAS LIKE--JUST FELL ON MY ASS. I JUST BUSTED MY ASS. 225 00:10:03,060 --> 00:10:05,521 - A BANANA PEEL? 226 00:10:05,604 --> 00:10:06,856 - LIKE I WAS BUSTER KEATON OR SOMETHING. 227 00:10:06,939 --> 00:10:09,025 I WAS LIKE-- POO! 228 00:10:09,108 --> 00:10:10,651 [laughter] 229 00:10:14,280 --> 00:10:15,489 IT'S--UH-- 230 00:10:16,949 --> 00:10:19,118 - YO--YO, DOG, YOU GOOD? 231 00:10:19,201 --> 00:10:23,247 - YEAH, MAN, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 232 00:10:23,331 --> 00:10:26,542 - WHAT, ME? 233 00:10:26,625 --> 00:10:29,378 IT WAS A FUNNY STORY. I WAS LAUGHING. 234 00:10:29,462 --> 00:10:31,255 - THEN LET IT OUT, MAN. 235 00:10:31,339 --> 00:10:33,924 JUST--JUST LAUGH. 236 00:10:34,008 --> 00:10:35,051 - I AM. 237 00:10:35,134 --> 00:10:38,095 - YEAH, SO, ANYWAY, YOU KNOW, SO I GET UP, RIGHT? 238 00:10:38,179 --> 00:10:39,388 AND I GO TO GRAB A BEER, 239 00:10:39,472 --> 00:10:41,182 AND I FORGET THEY ALL WAS SHOOKEN UP 240 00:10:41,265 --> 00:10:43,351 WHEN THEY FELL, RIGHT? 241 00:10:43,434 --> 00:10:47,021 I KID YOU NOT, THIS BEER EXPLODED IN MY CROTCH, 242 00:10:47,104 --> 00:10:48,230 AND IT LOOKED LIKE I PEED MYSELF. 243 00:10:48,314 --> 00:10:51,025 AND NOW I'M TRYING TO WALK, BUT MY PANTS... 244 00:10:51,108 --> 00:10:53,778 [laughter] 245 00:10:53,861 --> 00:10:56,280 COME ON, WHAT ARE WE DOING? 246 00:10:58,616 --> 00:11:01,327 - DON'T HIT-- - DON'T HIT MY COUCH, LARON. 247 00:11:01,410 --> 00:11:01,660 - KEEP YOUR-- 248 00:11:10,002 --> 00:11:12,755 - COME ON, YO. I'M JUST LAUGHING WITH Y'ALL. 249 00:11:12,838 --> 00:11:15,716 - WELL, WE WERE LAUGHING. 250 00:11:15,800 --> 00:11:17,843 YOU WEREN'T--YOU DIDN'T, YOU KNOW, MAKE ANY NOISE. 251 00:11:17,927 --> 00:11:21,847 YOU JUST OPENED YOUR MOUTH, AND YOU STARTED JIGGLING. 252 00:11:21,931 --> 00:11:23,224 - YOU LOOKED LIKE A WORM ON CRACK. 253 00:11:23,307 --> 00:11:24,642 - MM-HMM. 254 00:11:24,725 --> 00:11:29,271 - I GUESS EVERYBODY JUST HAS THEIR OWN UNIQUE LAUGH. 255 00:11:29,355 --> 00:11:30,940 - OKAY, MAN, YOU WERE NOT LAUGHING. 256 00:11:31,023 --> 00:11:33,776 YOU WERE NOT EMITTING SOUND UP OUT YOUR MOUTH, MAN. 257 00:11:33,859 --> 00:11:35,528 - HEY, I'M GOOD. 258 00:11:35,611 --> 00:11:37,905 TELL YOUR STORY. 259 00:11:37,988 --> 00:11:40,157 - THANK YOU. OKA--ANYWAY, 260 00:11:40,241 --> 00:11:44,245 I WENT BACK TO THE KITCHEN TO GET TWO FRESH BEERS, 261 00:11:44,328 --> 00:11:46,497 AND SHE SAID, "I HATE BEER, 262 00:11:46,580 --> 00:11:50,251 BUT WHERE DID MY BANANA GO?" 263 00:11:50,334 --> 00:11:51,460 AND SO THEN WE CALLED HER 264 00:11:51,544 --> 00:11:56,215 CHIQUITA DIANA. 265 00:11:56,298 --> 00:11:57,174 THERE HE GOES. 266 00:11:57,258 --> 00:11:59,802 LARON, DON'T BACK UP. 267 00:11:59,885 --> 00:12:00,928 HEY. 268 00:12:01,011 --> 00:12:02,721 - COME ON, MAN. - CUT IT OUT, LARON. 269 00:12:02,805 --> 00:12:05,433 - HEY, GET AWAY FROM THE TURTLES. 270 00:12:05,516 --> 00:12:07,560 LARON, DON'T DO THIS, JUST DON'T TOUCH MY TUR-- 271 00:12:07,643 --> 00:12:09,311 [bleep], GET AWAY FROM IT. 272 00:12:09,395 --> 00:12:12,690 WHY YOU KNOCKING DOWN MY CDs? WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 273 00:12:12,773 --> 00:12:14,233 OKAY, YOU PUT A LAMPSHADE ON YOUR HEAD? 274 00:12:14,316 --> 00:12:16,485 HEY. - COME ON. 275 00:12:16,569 --> 00:12:18,279 COME ON, THOSE ARE PRICELESS. - OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT? 276 00:12:18,362 --> 00:12:19,822 NOW I SAY, LIKE, YOU DOING IT INTENTIONALLY, NOW. 277 00:12:19,905 --> 00:12:21,282 - ALL RIGHT, SEE? THAT'S NOT EVEN--YOU KNOW, 278 00:12:21,365 --> 00:12:22,741 IT'S ALMOST LIKE YOU CHOREOGRAPHED IT. 279 00:12:22,825 --> 00:12:23,117 - YOU'RE GONNA CLEAN ALL THIS UP. 280 00:12:23,200 --> 00:12:25,244 - OKAY. 281 00:12:25,327 --> 00:12:28,122 - LOOK, HEY, IF YOU'RE GONNA LAUGH, THEN JUST LAUGH! 282 00:12:28,205 --> 00:12:30,875 DAMN. 283 00:12:34,003 --> 00:12:36,714 - MAYBE SOMETIMES 284 00:12:36,797 --> 00:12:40,468 YOU AIN'T AS FUNNY AS YOU THINK. 285 00:12:40,551 --> 00:12:41,886 - ALL RIGHT. 286 00:12:41,969 --> 00:12:43,012 I GOT SOMETHING THAT'LL MAKE YOU LAUGH. 287 00:12:43,095 --> 00:12:45,681 HUH? BAP, HUH? 288 00:12:45,764 --> 00:12:46,807 - YEAH, JUST LET IT OUT. - THERE YOU GO, LARON. 289 00:12:46,891 --> 00:12:48,893 - YEAH, THAT'S FUNNY. - THAT'S IT, MAN. 290 00:12:48,976 --> 00:12:50,352 - JUST LET IT--OH, NO. 291 00:12:50,436 --> 00:12:53,856 THAT'S FUNNY, HUH? - THERE YOU GO, MAN. 292 00:12:53,939 --> 00:12:55,232 - OH! HE GOING BACKWARDS. - COME ON, BUDDY. 293 00:12:55,316 --> 00:12:56,192 JUST LAUGH, MAN, JUST LAUGH. YOU KNOW THAT'S FUNNY. 294 00:12:56,275 --> 00:12:57,860 - THAT'S FUNNY! - WHY WON'T YOU LAUGH? 295 00:12:57,943 --> 00:12:59,695 - COME ON, JUST LET IT OUT. - JUST LAUGH, BROTHER. 296 00:12:59,778 --> 00:13:01,113 COME ON, MAN. - IT'S A ROBOT. 297 00:13:01,197 --> 00:13:05,159 - OH, MAN, LOOK, LOOK, LOOK. - OH, OH, OH, OH, BOOP. BOOP. 298 00:13:05,242 --> 00:13:09,038 - LET IT OUT. - BOOP. 299 00:13:09,121 --> 00:13:10,039 - LET IT OUT, LET IT OUT! 300 00:13:10,122 --> 00:13:11,749 - [screeching roar] 301 00:13:11,832 --> 00:13:13,542 [all screaming] 302 00:13:13,626 --> 00:13:16,670 [roaring continues] 303 00:13:18,631 --> 00:13:20,466 [roaring stops] 304 00:13:24,386 --> 00:13:27,932 - SEE, THAT'S WHY I DIDN'T WANT TO LAUGH. 305 00:13:41,612 --> 00:13:45,491 HAVE A GOOD LIFE. 306 00:13:52,623 --> 00:13:55,626 - DO YOU REMEMBER THE FIRST TIME THAT YOU HAD A, LIKE-- 307 00:13:55,709 --> 00:13:57,002 - NOCTURNAL EMISSION? 308 00:13:57,086 --> 00:13:58,379 OR A, EVEN A-- 309 00:13:58,462 --> 00:13:59,547 - OKAY, NO, THAT'S-- 310 00:13:59,630 --> 00:14:02,424 I WAS GONNA SAY, LIKE, A GOOD, REALLY GOOD SANDWICH, 311 00:14:02,508 --> 00:14:04,385 BUT A NOCTURNAL EMISSION. 312 00:14:04,468 --> 00:14:07,096 A WET DREAM, LET'S GO. 313 00:14:07,179 --> 00:14:08,973 - IS THAT YOU WERE-- YOU WERE GONNA SAY SANDWICH? 314 00:14:09,056 --> 00:14:10,015 - YEAH, I WAS GONNA SAY, YEAH, WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME-- 315 00:14:10,099 --> 00:14:12,476 THE FIRST TIME YOU HAD A REALLY GREAT SANDWICH? 316 00:14:12,560 --> 00:14:13,852 YOU TALK ABOUT WET DREAMS. 317 00:14:13,936 --> 00:14:15,854 - NO, WAIT A MINUTE. - DO YOU REMEMBER THE FIRST TIME 318 00:14:15,938 --> 00:14:20,859 YOU HAD A WET DREAM ABOUT A SANDWICH? 319 00:14:20,943 --> 00:14:22,778 'CAUSE I DO. - 1987. 320 00:14:22,861 --> 00:14:25,739 1987. 321 00:14:30,369 --> 00:14:33,122 - BRAVO, WELCOME. WELCOME. 322 00:14:33,205 --> 00:14:34,498 SIT ANYWHERE YOU LIKE. SIT HERE. 323 00:14:34,582 --> 00:14:36,792 SIT HERE, IN THE OTHER ONE. YOU WANT TO SIT RIGHT HERE. 324 00:14:36,875 --> 00:14:37,876 THAT'S A GOOD LADY. 325 00:14:37,960 --> 00:14:39,128 YES, ALL RIGHT. 326 00:14:39,211 --> 00:14:40,212 FIRST TIME? FIRST TIME? 327 00:14:40,296 --> 00:14:40,629 - FIRST TIME? - IS THE FIRST TIME? 328 00:14:40,713 --> 00:14:42,464 FIRST TIME? 329 00:14:42,548 --> 00:14:43,465 - FIRST TIME? - FIRST TIME FOR YOU? 330 00:14:43,549 --> 00:14:44,592 FIRST TIME? - YES. 331 00:14:44,675 --> 00:14:45,759 - ALL RIGHT! 332 00:14:45,843 --> 00:14:50,055 DOBRO, DOBRO, GOOD, ALL RIGHT. 333 00:14:50,139 --> 00:14:51,432 - SO WHAT'S GOOD? 334 00:14:51,515 --> 00:14:53,017 - WELL, I TELL YOU RIGHT-- 335 00:14:53,100 --> 00:14:54,226 YOU HAVE TO HAVE THE KEBAPI. 336 00:14:54,310 --> 00:14:55,477 KEBAPI IS WHAT YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE, OKAY? 337 00:14:55,561 --> 00:14:58,689 - OH, DON'T THEY SERVE THAT IN THE CAFE ACROSS THE STREET? 338 00:14:58,772 --> 00:15:00,232 - NO! 339 00:15:00,316 --> 00:15:05,446 YOU CANNOT GET THE KEBAPI AT THE CAFE ACROSS THE STREET! 340 00:15:05,529 --> 00:15:10,117 [yelling in foreign language, pans clattering] 341 00:15:10,200 --> 00:15:11,243 - WHAT? WHAT DID I SAY? 342 00:15:11,327 --> 00:15:13,495 - ACROSS THE STREET IS ALBANIAN. 343 00:15:13,579 --> 00:15:19,293 THIS CAFE, MACEDONIAN. 344 00:15:19,376 --> 00:15:21,629 MACEDONIAN. 345 00:15:26,342 --> 00:15:29,511 - MY FRIENDS, 346 00:15:29,595 --> 00:15:33,849 I LIKE TO APOLOGIZE FOR THE BEHAVIOR OF MY PASSION. 347 00:15:33,932 --> 00:15:36,935 I JUST FEEL BAD IN MY BRAIN FOR PEOPLE TO THINK 348 00:15:37,019 --> 00:15:41,106 THAT YOUR MOUTHS WILL HAVE BEEN RAPED BY THE FOOD 349 00:15:41,190 --> 00:15:45,611 THAT THEY SERVING AT THIS ALBANIAN MOTHER OF BITCHES. 350 00:15:45,694 --> 00:15:49,865 THIS MOTHER BITCHES, SONS OF MY BITCH ACROSS THE STREET, 351 00:15:49,948 --> 00:15:54,953 WHAT THEY BE SERVING IS CEVAPI. 352 00:15:55,037 --> 00:15:57,373 - AND--AND WHAT DO YOU SERVE HERE? 353 00:15:57,456 --> 00:16:00,125 - WE SERVE THE KEBAPI. - KEBAPI. 354 00:16:00,209 --> 00:16:01,919 - KEBAPI. - KEBAPI. 355 00:16:02,002 --> 00:16:03,462 - KEBAPI. 356 00:16:03,545 --> 00:16:07,549 - KEBAPI. - KE...BA...PI. 357 00:16:07,633 --> 00:16:08,717 - KEBAPI. 358 00:16:08,801 --> 00:16:11,553 - KEBAPI. - NO, LOOK AT MOUTH. 359 00:16:11,637 --> 00:16:13,347 - KE... - KE... 360 00:16:13,430 --> 00:16:14,473 - BA... - BA... 361 00:16:14,556 --> 00:16:16,058 - PI. - PI. 362 00:16:16,141 --> 00:16:17,309 - BAPI. - BAPI. 363 00:16:17,393 --> 00:16:18,352 - KEBAPI. - KEBAPI. 364 00:16:18,435 --> 00:16:18,894 - KEBAPI. - KEBAPI. 365 00:16:18,977 --> 00:16:19,812 - KEBAPI. - KEBAPI. 366 00:16:19,895 --> 00:16:21,480 - NOW YOU KNOW WHY YOU'RE GETTING IT. 367 00:16:21,563 --> 00:16:22,690 - KEBAPI. - KEBAPI. 368 00:16:22,773 --> 00:16:23,982 - KEBAPI. - YOU GOT IT. 369 00:16:24,066 --> 00:16:26,402 YOU FINALLY DID IT, PERFECT. - KEBAPI. 370 00:16:26,485 --> 00:16:30,364 - WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN KEBAPI AND CEVAPI? 371 00:16:30,447 --> 00:16:33,492 - BUT THEY DON'T KNOW. 372 00:16:33,575 --> 00:16:35,244 NO. 373 00:16:35,327 --> 00:16:36,078 - I HAVE TO FORGIVE THEM, RIGHT? 374 00:16:36,161 --> 00:16:41,834 - IT DOES SEEM THEY'RE NICE, ABUD. 375 00:16:41,917 --> 00:16:44,628 - FOR THE BASTARD MOTHER BITCHES OVER THERE 376 00:16:44,712 --> 00:16:46,797 THAT ARE SERVING THE CEVAPI... 377 00:16:46,880 --> 00:16:49,258 - UH-HUH. - PUT IN THE GRILLED MEAT, 378 00:16:49,341 --> 00:16:52,928 SALT, CHOPPED RED PEPPER, DICED ONION, 379 00:16:53,011 --> 00:16:56,724 CREAM, KAJMAK, AJVAR, 380 00:16:56,807 --> 00:16:59,101 THEN THE COTTAGE CHEESE. 381 00:16:59,184 --> 00:17:01,770 [laughs] 382 00:17:01,854 --> 00:17:04,272 - SO WHAT--WHAT DO YOU SERVE? 383 00:17:04,356 --> 00:17:05,983 - WE SERVE THE KEBAPI. 384 00:17:06,066 --> 00:17:10,612 AND WE PUT IN THE COTTAGE CHEESE, THE AJVAR, 385 00:17:10,695 --> 00:17:13,531 THE KAJMAK, THE CREAM, YOU KNOW? 386 00:17:13,615 --> 00:17:15,367 THEN IT'S THE DICED ONIONS... 387 00:17:15,451 --> 00:17:16,617 - IT SOUNDS EXACTLY LIKE-- 388 00:17:16,702 --> 00:17:19,829 - CHOPPED PEPPER, AND THEN GRILLED MEAT. 389 00:17:19,913 --> 00:17:22,750 THEN THE GRILLED MEAT. 390 00:17:22,833 --> 00:17:23,709 AND THEN WE STIR IT. 391 00:17:23,791 --> 00:17:26,753 - AND ACROSS THE STREET, THEY DO-- 392 00:17:26,837 --> 00:17:30,299 - THOSE MOTHER BITCHES OVER THERE, THEY MIX IT! 393 00:17:30,382 --> 00:17:36,138 THE SONS OF MOTHER, MOTHER SONS OF LIAR, AY-YI-YI-YI! 394 00:17:38,057 --> 00:17:43,103 [speaking foreign language] 395 00:17:43,187 --> 00:17:44,646 - I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT'S SUPPOSED TO MEAN. 396 00:17:44,730 --> 00:17:47,649 - [continue shouting] 397 00:17:47,733 --> 00:17:49,443 - OH, MY GOD! - I SHOW YOU! 398 00:17:49,526 --> 00:17:50,486 I'M GONNA SHOW YOU! 399 00:17:50,569 --> 00:17:52,571 WE ARE HERE. THEY ARE THERE. 400 00:17:52,654 --> 00:17:53,697 WE ARE HERE, THEY ARE THERE. 401 00:17:53,781 --> 00:17:57,242 HERE, THERE, HERE, THERE, HERE, THERE, HERE--STOP. 402 00:17:57,326 --> 00:17:59,828 NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO. 403 00:17:59,912 --> 00:18:03,373 [folk music playing] 404 00:18:03,457 --> 00:18:06,919 - GOOD DECISION, MY FRIENDS. - YES, YES, YES. 405 00:18:07,002 --> 00:18:10,839 - NOW IT IS TIME FOR YOU TO TRY THE REAL GOOD FOOD, 406 00:18:10,923 --> 00:18:15,552 NOT WHAT THIS SON OF MY BITCHES 407 00:18:15,636 --> 00:18:19,056 SERVE ACROSS THE STREET. 408 00:18:19,139 --> 00:18:21,850 - UM, MCDONALDS? - SURE, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH. 409 00:18:21,934 --> 00:18:33,362 - MAKE SURE TO GIVE US THE FIVE STARS ON YELP! 410 00:18:33,445 --> 00:18:34,905 - WHERE IS HE? 411 00:18:34,988 --> 00:18:38,367 - STANLEY. - HUH? 412 00:18:38,450 --> 00:18:39,701 - WHAT'S GOING ON? 413 00:18:39,785 --> 00:18:41,578 - OH, COME ON, I KNOW YOU'VE BEEN CHEATING ON ME. 414 00:18:41,662 --> 00:18:42,871 - YOU'RE BEING RIDICULOUS. 415 00:18:42,955 --> 00:18:45,249 - ANDREA, ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. 416 00:18:45,332 --> 00:18:49,837 I KNOW YOU HAVE BEEN [bleep] A DOG BEHIND MY BACK. 417 00:18:49,920 --> 00:18:50,712 - WHAT? 418 00:18:50,796 --> 00:18:53,507 A DOG? A DOG? 419 00:18:53,590 --> 00:18:55,050 THAT IS INSANE. 420 00:18:55,134 --> 00:18:57,886 - THEN WHY DID I FIND THIS IN THE LAUNDRY ROOM, HUH? 421 00:18:57,970 --> 00:19:00,013 [dog barks in the distance] 422 00:19:00,097 --> 00:19:02,766 OH, MY GOD, HE'S HERE RIGHT NOW, ISN'T HE? 423 00:19:02,850 --> 00:19:06,311 HE'S IN MY HOUSE RIGHT NOW! 424 00:19:06,395 --> 00:19:07,479 - WAIT, STANLEY, NO! WAIT! 425 00:19:07,563 --> 00:19:11,066 [growling] 426 00:19:11,149 --> 00:19:13,151 - IT WAS YOU! 427 00:19:13,235 --> 00:19:14,278 [screaming and struggling] 428 00:19:14,361 --> 00:19:15,404 - [gasps] 429 00:19:15,487 --> 00:19:16,905 - YOU S--OW! WHAT HA-- 430 00:19:16,989 --> 00:19:17,948 AAH! [dog yipping] 431 00:19:18,031 --> 00:19:20,242 [growling] 432 00:19:20,325 --> 00:19:22,160 - [exclaiming] 433 00:19:22,244 --> 00:19:24,413 - AAH! 434 00:19:24,496 --> 00:19:27,749 [screaming] 435 00:19:27,833 --> 00:19:28,750 [dog growling] 436 00:19:28,834 --> 00:19:31,044 [grunting] 437 00:19:32,087 --> 00:19:33,297 - [mouthing inaudibly] GO. 438 00:19:39,678 --> 00:19:42,973 - COME HERE. 439 00:19:53,525 --> 00:19:56,528 OH. 440 00:19:56,612 --> 00:19:57,237 I SEE. 441 00:20:01,658 --> 00:20:03,660 YOU... 442 00:20:03,744 --> 00:20:07,623 NEED TO KNOW... 443 00:20:07,706 --> 00:20:11,460 YOUR DOG RUINED A TEN-YEAR MARRIAGE. 444 00:20:11,543 --> 00:20:16,256 [dog whimpers] 445 00:20:16,340 --> 00:20:17,174 AND YOU CAN GO TO HELL. 446 00:20:25,349 --> 00:20:27,768 NO, HE'S CUTE, HE'S CUTE. I CAN SEE WHY YOU LIKE HIM. 447 00:20:32,814 --> 00:20:34,024 WHO WAS THE FIRST GIRL YOU KISSED? 448 00:20:34,107 --> 00:20:36,276 YOU GOT TO KNOW THAT. - FIRST GIRL I KISSED? 449 00:20:36,360 --> 00:20:37,819 - I SHOULDN'T ASK NAMES. I JUST DON'T WANT TO-- 450 00:20:37,903 --> 00:20:40,364 - NO, IT WAS, IT WAS, IT WAS-- I WAS, LIKE, FIVE. 451 00:20:40,447 --> 00:20:43,825 SHE WAS SIX. IT WAS CRAZY. 452 00:20:43,909 --> 00:20:47,371 - TURBULENT RELATIONSHIP? - IT WAS MOVING TOO FAST. 453 00:20:47,454 --> 00:20:48,872 I ENDED UP WITH COOTIES. - OH, NO. 454 00:20:48,956 --> 00:20:51,333 - IT WAS TERMINAL. - OH, BOY. 455 00:20:51,416 --> 00:20:52,668 - STILL HAVE IT. 456 00:20:52,751 --> 00:20:54,878 I'M FIGHTING A SUSTAINED COOTIES INFECTION. 457 00:20:54,962 --> 00:20:56,672 - INFECTION, YEAH. 458 00:20:56,755 --> 00:20:58,632 - ♪ I'M GONNA DO MY ONE LINE HERE ♪ 459 00:20:58,715 --> 00:21:00,592 - OH, YEAH. 460 00:21:04,012 --> 00:21:04,930 - KEBAPI. - KEBAPI. 461 00:21:05,013 --> 00:21:05,973 - KEBAPI. - KEBAPI. 462 00:21:06,056 --> 00:21:06,974 - KEBAPI. - KEBAPI. 463 00:21:07,057 --> 00:21:08,016 - KEBAPI. - KEBAPI. 464 00:21:08,100 --> 00:21:09,267 - KEBAPI. 465 00:21:09,351 --> 00:21:10,352 - THAT'S CLOSE ENOUGH FOR YOU TO DO IT, KEBAPI. 466 00:21:10,435 --> 00:21:11,353 - KEBAPI. - KEBAPI. 467 00:21:11,436 --> 00:21:12,688 - KEBAPI. - IT'S KEBAPI. 468 00:21:12,771 --> 00:21:13,230 - KEBAPI. - KEBAPI. 469 00:21:13,313 --> 00:21:15,023 - KEBAPI. - KEBAPI. 470 00:21:15,107 --> 00:21:16,024 - KEBAPI. - KEBAPI. 32598

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