Original subtitles

- Previously on heartland. - You know

My granddaughter, lou. - We went to the same school.

- I was a few years behind her. - You left, too.

Suddenly, as I recall.

- What's wrong is that every time

I try and do something, it gets ruined.

I didn't even make it to the finals

Of my writing competition.

- I can't believe I missed that bank meeting.

I just--I haven't been sleeping well,

And for some crazy reason, I completely forgot

To set my alarm. (engines humming)

- Seems like we could use something for this lunch,

Though, like maybe... This.

- I am done doing stupid things to impress you guys.

- Katie-- - I think you both should leave.

- She's totally lame.

- God, you need to stop asking me for things I can't give you.

You've done it my whole life!

(insects chirping) (owl hooting)

(sheets rustling)

(lou sighs)

(clucks)

(sighs)

(sighs)

(pensive music)

(lou sighs)

(lou sighs) - (narrator): Close your eyes.

Visualize...

You are descending through clouds

In a glass elevator.

(elevator dings) your worries,

Your past remain far above you.

(mysterious music)

(exhales sharply)

(birds chirping) (rooster crowing)

- Lou, heh... It is 6 a.M.

- Oh. - What are you doing?

- Um... I just-- I couldn't sleep,

So I thought I'd get a jump on things.

- Things like sorting old clothes?

- No, uh, I was looking for this old box that was

In the quonset hut for ages.

And now, I can't find it, and it is driving me nuts.

- What's in it?

- Nothing, just old stuff to be donated.

- You should try the cellar.

(soft clatter)

(lou sighs)

(lou sighs)

(cardboard rustling)

(pensive music)

(whoosh)

(tense music)

(crying)

(whoosh) (lou gasps)

- Thought you might need a hand.

Lou, what is wrong? - Oh, I'm--

Nothing, it's just so dusty in here.

- Whose is that?

- Uh, I don't know.

I'm just gonna throw it in the pile of donations.

(mysterious music)

("dreamer" by jenn grant)

- ♪♪ and at the break of day ♪

♪ you sink into - a dream ♪

♪ you dreamer ♪

♪ you dreamer ♪

♪ you dreamer ♪

♪ oh-oh-oh-oh ♪♪

(soft music)

(birds chirping)

- Whoops. Yup. Okay. That's, uh...

- Oh, my gosh! - That doesn't go there.

- I'm sorry. - It's okay, sweetheart.

Don't take this the wrong way, but you do seem

A little distracted.

- Well, I--I am.

I mean, jessica left me with a giant list of things to do

Before the gallery opens while she's off

In the mountains.

- Well, she's just doing her job, lou.

Do you want empty walls at the gallery?

- No, I'm just saying the timing isn't great.

There was a mix-up with the painters at the gallery,

So I have to finish the job myself on top of personally

Meeting this vip guest at the dude ranch, and...

Finishing all the inventory at maggie's by the end of the week.

- I can help you paint.

- And I can handle things over at maggie's.

I know the ropes. - Really? You would do that?

- Yeah! Yeah, of course.

Making lists, crossing things off,

Right in my wheelhouse.

- Thank you. - Mm. No problem.

- I'll be there at 10. - Okay.

- Mm!

(door opens) - no need to thank me.

(door closes)

- Look, mommy, a dog! (amy laughs)

- I think I might know whose dog that is.

Good morning! - It is.

Hello, ma'am. Nice horse. - Thanks.

(amy laughs)

(birds chirping)

- You can go say hi.

- Your dog is so pretty!

- Thank you. She knows it too. Her name's molly.

- Come on, molly, chase me!

- Yeah, lyndy used to love playing with remi.

Remi adored her. - You're a good doggie!

- I think molly might be joining that club.

(lyndy laughs) - she licked me and it tickled!

- Aww! Hi!

(laughs)

- You might have to bring her over for a play date.

Well, we'll let you get on with your day.

- Hey, amy. - Yeah?

- You free for a morning ride tomorrow?

- I might be.

- This spot, same time?

- Yeah.

- All right.

- See you then.

Come on!

(sentimental music)

(birds chirping)

(pensive music)

- I'm so glad these arrived so fast.

- What did you order? - Elaine's favourite notebooks.

She asked me to provide them last minute,

But thank goodness amazon prime had them.

Aren't they beautiful? - Yeah.

- Okay. Put those inside, she's almost here.

Did you remember to put out clean towels?

- Yes, and I even put a chocolate on her pillow.

- Where'd you get chocolate? - I brought it.

Elaine collins loves dark chocolate.

- Ah! Okay, she's here. Um...

I know you're a fan, but please act professional.

Right?

Ms. Collins, I'm lou fleming.

It is such a pleasure to meet you.

- Yes. - This is my daughter, katie.

- I love your books. - Of course.

- Your new notebooks are inside, and katie's gonna

Get you settled, so anything you need,

Anything at all, just let her know.

- I brought everything I need.

My rules.

- Oh. Um... "no noise before 10 a.M."

"meals to be left outside the door."

"absolutely no knocking."

- I'm here to write and research.

Absolutely no distractions.

- You've come to the perfect place.

(curious music)

- Hi, eleanor? Amy fleming.

Um...

Sorry, were you expecting someone else?

- Not at all, I just didn't realize where I was

Until I pulled up into the drive.

- Oh, so you've been to heartland before?

- No.

I guess I just imagined the famous amy fleming

To train out of a fancy show barn.

- Hmm. - Not a ranch.

It doesn't matter, though. It's nice to meet you, amy.

- Yeah, you as well. What can I help you with?

- This is domino.

We've been showing together for three years now.

- Aww. - I learned how to jump on him.

- Aww, well, then, you guys must have quite the partnership.

Come on, buddy. - We did...

But then, this fall, all of a sudden,

He started refusing jumps, running out.

- This is a totally new behaviour?

- Yeah. He's not a spooky horse.

He's always been really brave.

We didn't get into the ribbons once this spring.

My dad says I either fix the problem

Or I get a new horse.

- That's a pretty serious ultimatum.

- Dad doesn't wanna keep losers.

He figures if I'm not winning, then what's the point?

I really don't know what's going on,

So if you can't help me, I may have to give him up.

(tense music)

(bird squawking)

- (woman): That was such a great trail ride!

- (elaine): Trail rides? - (man): Sure was!

- (elaine): Jeez.

Stupid. - Can I get you anything?

Earl grey tea, popcorn?

I've read all about your writing rituals online.

Oh, do you want the wi-fi password to download music?

I can't write to anything with lyrics.

- Wow. Four minutes, quite reasonable, actually.

- What's reasonable?

- Well, usually, aspiring writers

Take about 30 seconds to announce themselves to me.

You're an aspiring writer, yes?

- Yeah.

Do you have any advice for someone

Who wants to be a novelist, like, professionally?

- I do.

Don't even try.

- I'm sorry, I don't understand.

- It's too tough.

Do you think you're a good writer?

- Yeah... I think so.

Sometimes.

- No matter how good you are, there's going to be

A critic out there ready to tear you apart.

You like the dream of writing,

But the reality is much different.

My advice:

Find something else you like to do and do that.

You will be a lot happier.

(sad music)

(horse trotting)

(blue nickers) - hello, katie cat!

Katie, what's wrong? - I met elaine collins.

You know, the writer of murder at mustang ford.

- Okay,

So she's the vip your mom's been worried about.

You know, she wrote a pretty good book,

But she needed a researcher.

Don't tell her I said that.

- I don't plan on talking to her again.

- Why? Was she rude to you?

- She said that... Being a writer was too difficult,

And that I should even try.

- Well, that's a load of you-know-what.

- What if it's not?

- Katie, you can do anything you set your mind to.

- Even if I'm good enough, gg, I'm not sure.

When I got the feedback from those judges

From that fairy tale competition,

I... I totally unravelled.

I hated the way that made me feel.

- Well, you'll learn to handle criticism, sweetheart.

- Maybe I don't want to, though.

I've already wasted so much time on this.

I think I'm done.

(sad music)

(sighs)

- Oh! Ah! (grunting)

(sniffling)

(panting)

(tense music)

(sighs)

(branch breaks)

Please don't be a bear.

(inhales sharply)

(sighs heavily) you scared me!

- Sorry.

- You go to my school, don't you?

- I'm nathan. - I'm lou.

- What are you doing out here? (sniffles)

- I was out walking, and I hurt my ankle.

- Oh.

- Ah!

- You need a hand getting back home then, or...

- No, thanks. I'm not going home.

I'd rather stay out in the woods.

(sniffles)

- Guess I'd better get a fire going then.

(emotional music)

(whoosh)

(breathes deeply)

(knocking)

(intriguing music)

- My rules were very clear-- - I understand you had

Some wisdom for my great-granddaughter, katie,

And I use the word wisdom sarcastically, of course.

What you said was goofier than your description

Of a cowboy riding a 19-hand mustang.

- She asked for my advice, and I gave it to her.

- You made her want to quit.

- Well, if she can't handle the truth--

- She's a kid!

She deserves to be built up by the people she admires,

Not torn down.

I expect you to make this right.

- Um, what exactly is wrong with a 19-hand mustang?

- Other than they don't exist, nothing.

- Well, I don't even really like horses.

I've never even pet one.

- Well, knock me over with a feather.

You picked a pretty strange vacation spot

If you don't like horses.

- Well, I'm writing the sequel to murder at mustang ford

And my editor thought it would be a great idea

If I came here and got some hands-on experience.

- You know, I liked your book,

Even if it was inaccurate.

What you need is a lesson in basic horsemanship.

- Now, why would you offer to do that?

- I didn't... But I will,

And in exchange, I'd like you to read one of katie's stories.

Judge her writing when you've actually read some.

- I'll give her my honest opinion, no coddling.

- I'd hope so.

- And I am not going to wear anything with tassels

Or giant buckles,

And I had better come out of this alive.

- Well, I can't promise that.

(chuckles)

Jack bartlett. It's good to meet you.

(descending footsteps)

(clattering)

- Whoa. You all right?

- People really need to stop asking me that.

- Well, this time, I feel it's warranted. You're a mess.

(lou sighs) - I tripped! Okay?

I was trying to do everything on my own.

You were supposed to be here an hour ago.

- Yeah, sorry.

Well, caleb had some trouble at the rodeo school.

- You couldn't pick up the phone? Shocking.

(fabric rustling)

- You know, lou, I'm worried about you.

(lou hesitates and sighs) - I'm just...

(lou sighs) I'm just over tired, okay?

I... I'm sorry I snapped at you.

I'm gonna just go home, get cleaned up.

(whoosh)

Why are you out in the woods anyway?

- I like the woods. - That's barely an answer.

- Why'd you run away?

- My parents split up... For good this time, I think.

My dad left.

My mom drove him away, even though she keeps

Blaming him.

It's so messed up.

- That sucks.

- Whatever.

My mom's a liar.

You probably think I'm crazy. - No, I don't.

Sometimes, it's like my parents, they think I'm deaf

They fight so loud, you know?

(whoosh)

(domino nickers)

(adventurous music)

- Domino, come on! - Oh...

(domino whinnies and nickers)

(amy sighs) - see?

He never used to do this. How can I trust him anymore?

- You're looking down at your fences.

You're putting your body forward.

It's throwing him off balance.

He thinks you're not ready for the jump.

- That's, like, so basic.

- Yeah, well, it's also a natural instinct.

So if you're not concentrating,

It can be an easy habit to fall into.

Eleanor? Eleanor!

You're kind of proving my point here.

(tense music)

- Uh... Yeah.

Sorry, you're right.

I just... I need to get my head on straight.

(amy sighs) - okay.

- Ellie, what are you doing here?

- You have eyes. Amy's helping me with my jumper, domino.

- I didn't know you even rode.

- Yeah, well, you don't really know me.

- Apparently. - Look, katie...

Brandon doesn't know either and I don't want him to.

- Why not? - Because he knows me

As ellie who dirt bikes and tears it up on the gravel pit,

Not... Eleanor.

And that's how it's gonna stay, got it?

- I won't say anything, but you can't mention

My dirt biking to amy or anyone else in my family.

- Fine. - Fine.

- Hey, you gonna help me on tack or what?

(soft music)

- Nathan.

Thought that was your truck.

- Just came to get a signature on this lease.

Jack or tim around? - Uh, no.

You know, you can send that electronically these days.

- Uh, yeah. Didn't think it was their style.

- Uh, ahem, it does seem like fate you showed up.

I... This is gonna sound odd,

But I have something of yours.

Something I need to return.

(whoosh)

- Do I wanna know how long this has been in here?

- Jerky doesn't go bad.

I grabbed it today. - Can I?

- Mmhm.

So you really don't wanna go home?

- I've never felt like I belonged at the ranch.

- Oh.

- I can't even imagine living there anymore.

I'm gonna go live with my dad. - Where is he?

- Up north.

I just need to call him to come get me.

I tried him yesterday, but he didn't pick up.

I couldn't stay in that house one more second.

- Well, I know where there's a pay phone.

I'll walk you. - Really?

(whoosh)

- Heh. I, uh, I forgot about this old thing.

I do remember finding you in the woods, though.

- Really?

You vanished from school so soon after that,

I always wondered what happened to you.

- My mom left my dad. Took me to montana.

- I guess we were in the same boat.

(nathan chuckles)

- We both came through it okay.

- It's strange, though.

I just... I keep replaying that day in my head.

I'd hardly thought about it for two decades,

And then... You showed up.

- Guess some cuts you just learn to live with.

- Yeah.

- Hey, again.

We still on for that ride tomorrow?

- Yep.

Just came to get some paperwork squared away.

See you in the morning.

(pensive music)

- Well, shadow...

Looks like we're riding alone today.

Come on. (shadow nickers)

- Hey, if you see dad, can you just tell him

I'm gonna be at the gallery?

I have given up trying

To communicate with that man by phone.

- Lou...

I saw you give nathan pryce that jacket.

You told me you didn't know who it belonged to.

- Amy, I'm trying to juggle so many things right now

That I can barely keep my head on straight, okay?

It was... It was an honest mistake.

- Were you two friends? (lou sighs)

- Can we talk about this later? I gotta go.

I gotta go. - Yeah. Okay.

- My friend got bit by a horse once.

It almost took her finger off. - Sammy's not gonna bite you.

- I don't think he likes the looks of me.

It only takes one kick.

- Horses are prey animals, ms. Collins.

If they're aggressive,

It's because they're scared or they've been hurt.

Why don't you take a spot over by that rail there,

And I'll get him moving a bit.

- Oh, all right. No problem. (jack makes kissing sounds)

- Atta boy, sammy.

Now, it's true, every time we work with a horse,

We give up a certain amount of control.

Whoa.

They have their own minds. (jack clucks)

But as soon as you can earn their trust...

Well...

...Then, it becomes a partnership.

- Kind of like my book. (jack laughs)

- Well, I gotta tell you...

...That was the first time I ever heard

Of a horse being used as a murder weapon before,

But sure.

- Well, the critics eviscerated murder at mustang ford.

I was crushed!

Truth is...

...I am dreading this next one. (jack chuckles)

- Well, let me ask you a question.

Do you write for the critics?

- No!

- Well, sounds to me like you need to put less stock

In other people's opinions.

- And refrain from...

Taking my injury and irritation out on young writers.

- I wasn't gonna say it.

- Yeah.

- Put your left foot in that stirrup.

- Okay. - Easy up. Easy up.

There you go. - Ooh! Ah! Ah!

- Atta girl. - Ah! Oh...

- Okay, you ready to get him moving?

- Oh, no! No, this is good!

Uh, this is fine. I'm totally fine right here.

(jack laughs) thank you.

- All right. I want you to start with this combination.

But remember, keep your chin up, your eyes out over the horizon.

Yeah, just keep your leg on and look towards that diagonal.

That's it. Hands still. Eyes up.

- Ugh! Come on, domino! Not again!

- Eleanor, just take a breath, okay?

- This is so not like him.

I don't get it. - Hey. Hey.

Being angry isn't gonna help anything.

Why don't you take a break?

We'll come back and try this again.

I take it you two know each other.

- Only a little.

We've hung out a couple times, but we're not friends.

(amy sighs)

She's usually pretty confident, kind of a daredevil.

- Something is happening outside the ring

That's impacting her jumping,

And I'm not gonna know what it is until she opens up.

(pensive music)

(hammer strike) - dad?

(lou gasps) oh, my gosh! You finished it!

- What do you think?

- Wait a second, you didn't...

No, no, no. Oh, my gosh, dad!

Ah! You used two different colours of paint!

- No, I didn't!

- Dad, that's desert sand in semi-gloss,

And that's cloud beige in satin gloss.

- Why do you have two different colours of beige?

- Because I bought that one on sale.

It was for the bathroom. - Lou, they're the same.

No one'll be able to tell the difference.

- I'll be able to tell the difference, okay? I will.

And I know I'm the only one in this family who would care about

Something like that because I'm the uptight perfectionist

Who just drives everyone crazy.

- No, you don't drive everyone crazy.

If it's that important to you, we'll fix it.

- No. I'll do it, dad. Just let me do it.

Please, give me some space.

(tense music)

- Hey.

- This must all be a thrill for you,

Seeing me unravel.

- Actually, I prefer the old ellie,

The one telling me to quit being a chicken

And just gun it.

- And the one who almost forced you to drink whisky?

Sorry about that, by the way.

- Yeah.

Why don't you want brandon to know you ride?

- It's moreso about the fact that I come from a rich family.

I don't want him to treat me differently.

- Man, it really sucks

How much we care about what other people think.

Like, why does it even matter?

- I mean, you don't seem to.

Care, I mean. - Oh, yeah?

Yesterday, I let a complete stranger

Convince me to quit writing.

Like, so she's some famous novelist.

She doesn't even know me. - You're a writer?

I think that's cool. (dirt bike engine humming)

- Uh-oh! Get in. (gate creaks)

Hey, brandon!

Hey, what are you-- what are you doing here?

- Well, I just thought I'd stop by, say hi.

You've been awol.

- Yeah, well, uh, why don't we go hang out at the house?

- Wait, is ellie here? - Uh, no.

No, that belongs to one of my aunt's clients.

You wanna go get ice cream?

It is ellie's bag.

- Okay, sherlock. You got me.

- Eleanor, you ready to get back in the saddle?

- Eleanor? Okay, I'm so confused right now.

Why were you just hiding, and why did katie just lie?

- Now, I'm the one who's confused.

You mind explaining?

- I can, but please, amy, you cannot tell my mom.

(amy sighs)

(pensive music)

(whoosh) - daddy?

(screaming)

(dramatic music)

(sighs)

(sighs)

- So when you told me that you were babysitting

On the weekends, you were actually at horse shows?

Wow. I feel like an idiot.

- How long have you been

Secretly dirt biking with brandon?

- Since... Last September.

- The same time domino started balking at fences.

- Eleanor... Ellie,

You know, you can't hide a part of yourself

And expect to feel any kind of peace.

Domino senses your stress and distraction.

That's why his behaviour's changed.

I'm not saying that you have to...

To pick one or the other,

But you do need to embrace both.

- You shouldn't have lied to me, el.

- I just didn't want you to think I was some rich,

Entitled brat.

- I wouldn't judge you. I...

- I'm really sorry.

I liked that you just knew me as ellie.

When we're dirt biking, I feel like I can be totally myself.

- Yeah, but... Isn't this part of you too?

(pensive music)

- Lou. - You're still here?

- I figured you were still mad at me, so I ignored

Your instruction to go home.

- Thanks.

(sighs) - I'm really trying not to ask.

- Dad, I fell asleep at the wheel.

- Did you go off the road? - I--I'm okay.

I--I woke up in time. I just...

I just got shook up, that's all.

- Okay, let's go sit down, have a coffee

And have something to eat.

- Dad, wait.

How come we never talked about that phone call I made to you

Right after you left us?

- What phone call?

- I was 15. It was late.

(melancholy music)

(sighs) you don't remember.

- I was in pretty bad shape that whole month after I left.

- Okay. - Honey, what'd I say?

- No, um... It's not important, it's okay.

- No, it matters. - No.

Thanks for the coffee, dad. - Lou, please!

(adventurous music)

- I can't believe that she's just doing this!

- She's pretty talented.

Not many people can make it look that easy.

(domino nickering)

- So... Are you still mad at me?

- Pfft, no. (sighs)

I gotta give you credit for showing

So much loyalty to el.

- You see, after so many years of being together,

Domino knows you so well.

He can feel your emotions,

Even if you think you're hiding them.

- And now, it's katie's turn. - Uh, no way. I don't jump.

- I mean it's your turn to tell that famous writer

Where to shove her advice.

- Gg, what are you doing here?

- Oh, elaine wanted to learn a little bit about horses.

- Your great-grandfather is exceptionally gracious.

- I'm not gonna listen to your advice.

- No?

- No.

I love writing,

And maybe it's a tough business,

But I'm tough too,

And I know I'm getting better all the time.

I may not ever write something that everyone likes,

And, yes, I will have to deal with rejection,

But... But I don't write for everyone.

I write for me.

Come on. - Wow.

Either stubbornness skips two generations

Or your whole family is something else.

- Oh, you have no idea.

(laughs) you know, she's really talented.

- So you read the story I sent you.

- I did, not that she wants to hear any more of my thoughts

Or anything I have to say, but she's good.

Jack, there's something going on there.

- Ms. Collins, consider our deal closed.

- Thank you, mr. Bartlett.

Maybe you'd like to join me for a glass of wine.

- Well, I appreciate the invitation,

But I've got a phone date with my wife.

- Ah.

All the good cowboys are taken.

(laughs) well, then.

(sighs)

- There she is. Where you going? - Just, uh, gonna go for a walk.

- Oh, well, let me get changed. I'll come with you.

- Actually, honey, I, um... I need some time alone.

- Okay. Um...

Listen, I'm trying to let you navigate

This whole insomnia thing, but, honestly,

You're starting to worry me a bit, sweetheart.

- I know, and I'm sorry. It... I'm working through it.

It's just, um...

A cut I need to learn to live with.

(sighs)

(door opens)

(door closes)

- (amy): So where were you this morning?

- (nathan): One of my new mares turned out to be pregnant.

She foaled late last night.

It was a bit of a tough labour.

That's why I didn't show.

- They okay?

- Both healthy as can be.

Filly's got four white socks.

Maybe you'd, uh, like to bring lyndy over,

Meet her, give her a name?

I am terrible with names.

- I think lyndy would love that.

- Can I ride back with you?

Still have to get that lease signed.

- You know, there's a thing called email, right?

(phone ringing)

- Yeah, but...

Then, what excuse would I use to visit?

(phone ringing) (beep)

- Hey, dad. What's up?

(tense music)

Hey. - What's he doing here?

- (amy): So what's going on? What happened?

- Lou, uh... Went for a walk a couple hours ago.

She's still not back.

- She took her phone, but she's not answering it.

- Does anyone know where she was headed?

- No. (sighs)

She said that, uh... She had to figure

Some things out, that there was a cut

She had to live with or something, I don't know.

She seems upset, and I don't think it's about the gallery.

- She asked me about a phone call she made to me

When she was 15, and I said I didn't remember it.

She took off.

- I might know where she is.

- Why would you know where she is?

- That phone call you're talking about,

I was with her when she made it.

(tense music)

(sighs)

(birds chirping)

(tense music)

(sighs)

(horse nickers)

- Dad? How did you know where I was?

- Nathan pryce. (lou sighs)

(tim sighs)

I have questions about that.

(lou sighs)

But, right now,

I just care about my daughter.

(sighs)

- Is everybody freaking out?

- Yeah, they're worried.

Peter wanted to come.

But I think he understood when I told him...

...That I just needed some time with you.

You and me.

- I wish I could understand why this is happening

To me right now, dad.

(cries)

The insomnia, it's because my...

My brain won't stop cycling these memories

Over and over and I can't...

Make them stop, or drown them out.

- What memories?

- About the day I ran away from heartland.

- I don't think that I knew you ran away from heartland.

- I was 15. Heh. Nathan found me.

Here.

And I didn't want to go home, I just wanted...

I just wanted desperately to talk to you.

To hear your voice.

(whoosh)

(coin clinking)

(keys beeping)

(line trilling)

Dad? - (tim): [yeah?]

[who's this?] - daddy, it's me, lou.

(party sounds over phone) - [oh-ho, hey!]

[hi, sweetheart!] - you sound weird.

- (slurring): [huh? No, this-- this isn't a good time, honey.]

- Can you come pick me up? Please?

Dad, I ran away. I don't wanna live at heartland anymore.

I want to live with you. - [no. Oh, no, no.]

[honey, no. Yeah, I--you can't. I can't take care of you.]

[no, you under--you understand.]

- Then come home!

- [I--I can't!] - please, daddy?

- [no! I said no, lou!]

[I can't. I'm not even coming back.]

[so you shouldn't even call me again.]

(call ends) (dial tone)

- Did he answer this time? (crying)

(sad music)

- I think I'd like to go home now.

- So you've been keeping this inside all this time?

- I didn't tell anyone.

Not even back then.

I guess I just thought if I didn't say it out loud,

I could pretend it never happened.

And then, I grew up, and--and--and you came home,

And it got buried.

Until nathan stepped onto our porch.

- Well, it's no excuse, but...

...Lou, I was--I was messed up back then.

- Grown-up me knows that, and I...

I have forgiven you for all of that, I swear.

It's not your fault, it's just...

I don't know, I just keep hearing your voice saying...

(sobs) ...That you're not coming home,

And you're not coming to get me, and it's like I'm

That 15-year-old girl again who just...

(sighs) ...Who thinks her dad

Doesn't want her. (sobs)

I'm sorry. (sniffles)

- We don't get to choose when our wounds heal.

So you... You don't apologize.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry that... If I ever...

For one second

Made you feel that I didn't want you.

I did.

Always. (sighs)

(sentimental music)

(whoosh)

(whoosh)

(lou sighs) - (amy): Lou!

I'm so sorry I pressured you about nathan.

- No, no, no, I... I'm sorry I lied.

- You okay? (sighs)

- Yeah. You know what?

I think I am.

(bright music)

It's a good reminder to be honest

And talk about things,

Even if it makes us uncomfortable.

- I actually have something I need to tell you both.

I've started a new hobby. - Oh.

- Dirt biking. - Whoa!

- On what?

- On an old bike I bought with my own money,

And I met these two amazing bikers

My own age, brandon and ellie.

- Brandon, that's a... That's a boy's name.

- Please tell me you don't do jumps.

- No, and I always wear my helmet.

Look, mom, you told me to try something new,

Take a risk, and I did.

I really like it.

It... It's freeing.

I'm sorry I kept it a secret. Can you please forgive me?

- I mean, I'm not happy.

I wish we had had a conversation first.

- But you're not mad? - No. We're not mad.

Just please don't keep things like this from us again.

Okay? - Yeah.

We'll have to set some rules, of course, you know.

- Okay, yeah, but first can I tell you guys about last week?

So we found this great field

With this huge patch of mud, and brandon--

- (whispering): Shh! Wait, wait, wait.

Finally!

- ♪♪ can you hear it humming ♪

- Let's go. - ♪ can you touch its glow ♪

♪ all around, singing for us ♪

♪ and us alone ♪

♪ it's in all the faces ♪

♪ of people passing by ♪

♪ it's so beautiful ♪

♪ it's a wonderland ♪

(chuckles) - what's on your mind?

- No, I feel silly saying it now.

- Oh, now you have to.

- The jacket, the secrecy with lou.

I guess I just thought you two had a thing together.

(clucks) - nope.

- Thank you...

For looking after my sister all those years ago.

Oh, I told lyndy about, uh, that foal.

And she's coming up with names.

So far, her two favourites are

Dancer or, um, peanut.

- Hmm.

I like 'em both. (amy laughs)

- Good. (nathan laughs)

- ♪ it's a wonderland ♪

♪ oh-oh-oh ♪

♪ oh-oh ♪

♪ it's a wonderland ♪♪

Closed captioning by sette inc.