Original subtitles

Oh, no.

Bad news, I guess. Sign here, please.

What? Here.

Where it says, "received by."

My brother's lost his mind. The doctor says it's permanent.

I'm putting him away. The minute he's committed, I'll be rich.

I'm his executor. I'll handle all his money.

I'll start now. I'll get commitment papers signed.

That's easy. But a judgment from a court takes time.

I don't get paid if you don't sign.

Are you from them, or are you just a messenger?

Who are you, anyway? I'll find out for you' if you like.

Oh, it's of no consequence, old sport. Don't bother.

As you wish.

Doesn't anybody sign this?

I'll be glad to. Oh, thank you.

Don't you have a handkerchief?

Not on my salary.

Oh, thank you.

By the way,

you suffer from lumbago.

You're hagridden by your wife, you keep a sheepdog for a pet,

and you had chicken soup for breakfast.

I just love it when you do that.

Yes, he's a messenger, all right. Ahh!

Blackmail.

Just what I've been waiting for.

"Never!

Not one penny!"

- Really, Justin. - Don't be frightened. I'll protect you.

Here. Give them this.

Oh, if that's a message, I've gotta charge you for it, sir.

Give that dog of yours more, uh, meat.

I think he's got pellagra.

Oh, bless you, sir. Bless you.

Don't touch it. It's my clue.

I, uh, shan't be up for lunch.

We're going to the clinic.

If you need me, I'll be downstairs in the laboratory. Wait!

The clinic? Oh, not another specialist.

I'm always so afraid they'll make him well.

I like him this way.

Get him, will you, Daisy?

Something's wrong. I know it.

I can always tell when something's wrong.

You're in awful trouble, aren't you?

Just go get him.

Oh, you were such a nice man when I married you.

Do what I tell you to. I've had enough.

We're going straight to Dr. Strauss.

Land sakes alive.

There isn't any doubt, is there?

My goodness. No, indeedy. He's incurably psychotic.

That means he's committable?

And then some. Is there room here for him?

Always room for one more, Mr. Playfair.

Especially for kin of yours.

You see, there's a spider up there.

There.

He's got huge teeth, and he's coming at me!

Doctor. He's coming at me.

He's coming at me! Doctor. Mildred.

Oh! Now, is that what your dream was like?

- Mildred. Mildred. - Dr. Strauss, I am with a patient!

This here is Mr. Playfair, an important member of our board.

How do you do, Mr. Playfair? I'm sorry, but I'm busy right now.

It's about my brother. He's a hopeless paranoid.

Is that your medical opinion, sir?

It's the consensus of your staff.

He has a sizable estate he isn't fit to handle.

It's my duty to commit him' and, uh,

I need your signature.

Without examining the patient?

That was never in my mind. He's upstairs waiting.

Well, I have another patient waiting.

Have them bring him down.

This gentleman is Mr. Small.

We're having some trouble getting him to verbalize.

Is that correct, Mr. Small?

He can speak, but he just won't.

Now, Mr. Small cannot afford to go to another doctor.

All my life I have worked with people who have no place else to go.

I'm sorry to seem unreasonable.

But if you want me, you'll have to wait for me.

I expect you better finish with him later, Mildred.

Dr. Strauss, you are a money raiser. Go and raise money!

I am a doctor. Leave me to my work!

Nurse, take him to the ward.

He stays with me.

Now, ma'am, you are flouting my authority.

It's all right.

Y'all take this poor unfortunate away, you hear?

Not in my office, you don't!

- That's an order! - No. Oh, Mr. Small!

Mr. Small! Oh!

Oh!

Oh, no. Oh! Oh.

Oh, you fool! You've ruined weeks of work.

You ape! Get that thing off of him.

Release that man.

No one belongs in one of those.

If you please. Hah! Esh! Hah!

Hyah!

A classic paranoid. Fantastic.

I don't think I've ever done it better.

Well, now.

They'll think twice next time. Are you all right?

Who let this happen? Who's in charge here?

Mr. Small, I'm so sorry.

Can you forgive me?

Don't let her off so lightly.

Is she decent to you?

You like her?

She didn't do this to you, then, hmm?

Who did?

- You did. - I guess you're really Sherlock Holmes.

You don't at all. You think I'm mad. You analysts are all alike.

Thinks you're mad, too, I suppose, huh?

Why? Because you won't talk? Huh. Typical.

Why is it analysts can't ever analyze?

Don't tell me you've deduced what's wrong with Mr. Small.

Not yet. I can do if you like.

Will you nod when I'm right?

Now, why should an obviously proper gentleman refuse to talk?

Because he hasn't been introduced.

We don't know who you are, but once we do know, then you'll talk.

Now, where is the logic?

Think. He can talk, but he won't.

The silence is the clue.

No coaching, please. I work by pure deduction.

Now, who was silent?

Who had everything but sound?

The mutes of history? No, they couldn't talk. He can.

A monk with vows of silence!

No, no. No sound, no sound.

Why, the early movies.

Why, the man's a silent film star.

Which one? The most unlikely one. It's only logical.

That means he's brave, hmm? A man of action.

Stern, aloof, yet passionate.

By God. Rudolph Valentino.

Sherlock Holmes.

An honor, sir.

I've read your books. I'm really quite a fan of yours.

I'll be damned.

Tell him how much you liked him in The Sheik.

- This is ridiculous. - You didn't like me?

Oh, no, no. You were very good.

I wish we had you on the staff here.

You could use me. Well, I must be off.

My best to Vilma Bánky.

Ah, ah, couldn't we just sit down and talk? We could discuss your work.

I'm very sorry. I'm a terribly busy man.

I don't have time to be examined.

Are you working on a case? Better save your strength for Mr. Small.

Chances are he isn't really Valentino.

Well, I like that. No offense.

I have daily office hours. If you feel the need of a consultation,

please feel free to call for an appointment.

Yes.

Yes, no clues of any kind.

It all points to Moriarty.

If only all the tests are negative.

Damn.

Justin? Ten-to-one that moron doctor wants to see me.

Someone's here who wants to see you.

Holmes, why are you never wrong?

Really, Doctor, do you have to see him?

Oh, absolutely. One good session with him. I insist.

May we come in?

Right this way.

Amazing. Classic paranoia. What an opportunity.

It's really sort of cozy.

Did he do all this himself?

Oh, I helped a little. He's not here.

He's probably hiding. Does he have a hiding place?

A secret panel. How'd you know?

Oh, they always do.

He'll come out when he's ready.

You say he used to be a lawyer, huh?

And a judge. He was a brilliant man.

It's just marvelous.

Oh, we shopped at Abercrombie's.

You'll just have to forgive me,

but I haven't seen a classic since, oh,

the spring of '59.

They're very rare, you know.

How long has he been Sherlock Holmes?

Since Lucy-- Uh, since his wife died. For about a year.

And how long does each attack go on?

Oh, all day, every day. He's never Justin anymore.

Do you remember when the symptoms first started?

That's hard to say. He was a great reformer.

Always out to make things better, Justin was.

He, uh, lived on books.

Detective fiction mostly.

You don't think you can cure him, do you?

Cure a classic?

Once in a generation.

It's a marvelous disease, you know.

The victim's faculties grow keener,

and-and ultrasensitive.

And he's capable of things that seem like genius.

Where's the secret panel? Oh, he won't tell us.

Watch, I'll bring him out.

You see, the classic changes his identity.

And everything is very mysterious, and there's evil lurking everywhere.

And dollars to doughnuts behind it all is Professor Moriarty.

Give her money for a taxi. Send her home.

You be nice now.

Will you be taking me to mesmerizers next?

If you'll excuse us, hmm?

We'll be upstairs, Doctor.

I don't suppose there's any point in asking you to go.

You don't mind if I get on with my work? Oh, no. Go right ahead.

The usual procedure is to start off with family questions.

Background data, childhood recollections, traumas and the like.

Well, come, come. Ask me anything you like.

I'm at your service.

What are you doing?

Just routine. It wouldn't interest you.

Why don't we start off with my father?

Why? Does it bother you to talk about him?

Not in the least. What would you like to know?

Ah, well, um, a stern man, wasn't he? Aloof and cold?

I really couldn't say. I don't remember him.

Well, uh, your mother must've been a lovely woman.

What's your earliest memory of her?

I haven't any. None? You don't remember her at all?

No more, I'd say, than you remember yours.

Your father raised you, didn't he?

I'd say he was a doctor too. Country practice, Midwest.

You're not bad. It isn't guesswork, either.

It's observation of detail, deduction.

Couldn't that paper wait? I often do two things at once.

If necessary, I can manage three or four.

Now, about your wife. What wife?

You know, I have a feeling you're resisting me.

Because I can't recall a wife I never had?

Kentucky pulp, rag content zero,

12-pound weight, produced for Woolworth's, 39 a box.

That's interesting.

Do you really believe that paper came from Woolworth's?

Where do you think it came from? I have no opinion.

Yes, you do. You think I'm wrong.

Well, I take it a great many people think you're wrong.

Don't you have anything to do? I'm doing it.

Now, what is that? Is that a clue?

Yes, it is a clue.

Well, tell me about it.

I'm a patient, humble, understanding man.

Why don't you come back next week, and I'll play 20 questions with you all you like.

I love games. I always have. But not today.

No, not when it's life and death.

Are you in danger?

There's a master plan, and that is the master clue.

It holds the date and time and place where he lies waiting for me.

- Who? - Professor Moriarty.

He taunts me, Doctor.

He could kill me anytime. He has his agents everywhere.

But no. No. He wants another kind of victory first.

Those two words, "twenty grand," are a challenge,

and he wants to see me fail.

I've got to find their meaning and be waiting, ready for him.

If I don't, I die.

I take it you've met face to face before?

I really couldn't say. The man is a master of disguise.

That's going to make him very difficult to catch.

I wouldn't have him any other way.

He's the greatest enemy a man could have. He's everywhere!

Here, look.

Uh-- "Girl Scout killed crossing street."

Uh-- "Grandmother raped and beaten." Huh?

Uh-- "Orphanage in flames, five die."

"Excursion boat explodes." Who-Who does these things? Who's responsible?

Well, they might be accidents.

I don't believe in accidents.

Take Mr. Small, for instance. How did I bring that off?

'Cause there are two laws in life.

All things are logical. They must make sense.

And no things are ever exactly what they seem.

Each accident is part of a design.

And every object has its secret side.

Was that how you did it? Is it so insane?

Oh, I didn't use that word.

Yes, but you think it. That's what brought you here.

No, I came here because your brother--

You do have a brother, don't you?

Blevins. Yes, of course.

You've remembered something from your past.

I know all about my past, and Blevins isn't in it.

He's not in "The Speckled Band" or--

Check it out. I've been completely written up.

Still, if he needs to think we're brothers, let him use me.

I can answer when he calls me Justin. After all, it's only a name.

Do many people call you Holmes?

No, scarcely anyone.

That must make you very much alone.

It does that, but it doesn't make me wrong.

I've listened to so many doctors tell me who I am.

I've studied Justin Playfair. I've read all his books, his papers, his decisions.

Everything he did.

He tried to make the world the kind of place it might have been.

It drove him mad. He lost his mind.

But I am not that man.

I'd like to visit you from time to time.

What for? I don't need doctoring.

Mr. Holmes--

Don't call me that. You don't believe I'm Holmes.

- I won't be patronized. - You don't have to snap at me.

A lunatic is entitled to his temper! Go away!

I want to help you.

"Twenty grand." A sum of money, but what else?

I'm on your side. Nobody's on my side.

Ah, the whole world is against you. Typical.

Now, when did this sense of persecution start?

When you walked in.

If you're not careful, I'm going to walk right out.

Woman, I have got to think! My life depends on what I think.

Your life depends on me.

Well, God help me, then.

Oh! Put down that ridiculous violin.

Holmes fiddles when he thinks.

That's awful.

But I absolutely cannot play the goddamn thing!

Stop laughing at me.

- I'm not laughing. - I'll show you.

That paper is real. Moriarty's real. I am not mad.

You want to test me out? Let's test me out on you.

Very well. You'll tell me when I'm wrong.

I'll shake when wrong and nod when right, like Mr. Small.

Are you ready? Go right ahead.

You're left-handed.

Your molars and incisors, lower right, are false.

You tint your hair and have a vitamin deficiency.

You were a tomboy and an only child. Your adolescence was a nightmare.

And you didn't lose your acne until your middle-20s.

You can neither cook nor sew, and your apartment needs a thorough cleaning.

You suffer from insomnia and sometimes drink yourself to sleep.

You think you're homely and you're glad you're growing old.

You bite your nails. You're frightened you're a failure,

but you're lost without your work.

I've got more. Do you want it? By all means.

You haven't any friends.

You have never been engaged.

No one you've loved has ever loved you back.

You're stubborn and inflexible.

You've got a temper that you can't control.

That suit is 10 years old, and you annoy the living Jesus out of me.

Now it's my turn.

I'm going to stay right here.

Go, stay. What you do doesn't interest me.

- The hell it doesn't. - I forgot. You swear.

Listen, my name is Watson, Mildred Watson.

I'm a doctor. I'm not beautiful or rich or ambitious,

and about the only thing I care about in life is to cure.

Now, I have offered you what skills I have,

and in return you have fought and jeered and tried to hurt me. But never mind.

I don't care. All I feel is dedication.

Watson? Shut up. I am not finished.

I am a dedicated doctor, sir, and I will cure you if it kills me!

Watson? No, that's impossible.

I mean, good Lord, I am the underdog, but this--

Are you quite sure you're Dr. Watson?

You are to show up in my office tomorrow morning at 10:00!

Oh, I'm terribly sorry. You just won't do.

There must be some mistake. Here's my address.

Fool. Fool! It's an address!

Twenty Grand is an address. Are you ready, Watson?

What? We haven't any time to lose. Come on.

Well, aren't you coming with me?

It's going to be my greatest case.

You wouldn't want to miss the chance to write it up.

She'll come. She's coming. There she is.

My chronicler and good right arm.

Frankly, I'm a little disappointed.

But if anyone can make a detective out of you, I'm the man. Let's go.

Come along, Watson. Where's your pluck?

Well, I ought to call the clinic.

They'll never miss you. Follow me.

We're coming for you, Moriarty.

We may not look like much. We may not have your weapons. We may lack your dark allies.

Why, we may even lose.

I'm not invincible. God knows she's no asset.

But together, sir, we may surprise you.

Do your worst. We're on our way.

Watch out.

Where are we going? Grand Street, naturally. 20 Grand.

What are we going to do when we get there?

If I'm right, we'll find the meaning of the master clue.

You can't just barge in. I never barge.

I infiltrate. I filter. Here.

You better practice. Walk like this.

What if it's somebody's home?

We'll visit.

Or a store? We'll browse.

What if somebody-- I'll do the thinking, thank you.

You're not practicing.

I can't afford to be seen creeping along the street in broad daylight.

Well, you must be good for something.

Are you any good with firearms? Guns?

I don't suppose you know very much about jiujitsu, either. No, you wouldn't.

If I'm such a liability, what do you want me for? You mustn't feel inferior.

Try saying to yourself, "I'm adequate."

Mr. Playfair, really.

Come on. Try.

I'm adequate. Good girl.

Here. Oh, great Caesar's ghost.

Strange things go on in Greenwich Village. Take it.

It's not loaded, is it?

Well, I can't shoot down Moriarty with imaginary shells.

Now, catlike, on your toes.

We've got to find the clue.

What if there isn't one? There will be.

Moriarty won't disappoint me.

Well, if you don't know what you're looking for--

Half the trick in finding clues is knowing that they're there.

Ah!

Ah, we're getting closer now.

How innocent these houses look.

That's bad.

The worst things always seem like innocence.

Look!

What do you think?

It's the telephone company.

Just the place he'd leave a message for me.

You're not going to cause a scene?

The essence of method lies in quiet and surprise.

Can't we talk this over in my office, please?

They're expecting us. Remember, be prepared for anything.

Now, don't shoot unless it's absolutely necessary.

Information. May I help you?

Please, you've got to talk to me. You've got to listen.

Sorry, we may not divulge that information.

You've just got to help me find him.

Miss, I told you when you called. We cannot give that information on the phone.

But that's why I came here. I'm not on the phone now.

So you'll tell me, won't you? I'm not allowed to talk to you.

We only give out information on the telephone.

But you refused to give it to me on the telephone.

I'm sorry. If you wanna talk to me, you'll have to call me on the telephone.

All right. Where is the telephone? Right there.

Listen to the misery.

That means we're getting close.

Let's see if there's a message.

Madam, the crash is out of town.

You need long distance information.

Have you anything for me?

The input's on the fritz. I think the rheostats are shorting.

You see? I knew they were expecting us.

The game begins.

Oh, no. You can't do that. My clue is inside.

Information. May I help you?

You've got to help me, please.

I don't know where he lives, but we're in love.

He called me half an hour ago.

He just found out he failed his bar exam.

He's taken sleeping pills.

He said good-bye. He's dying, and he isn't in the phone book.

He's probably unlisted.

We've saved him. What's his number?

Sorry, we may not divulge unlisted numbers.

His address. Forget the number. Give me his address.

I'm sorry. No addresses on the telephone.

But I'm not on the telephone. I'm here!

We only give out information on the telephone.

I can't go on.

This is unendurable.

You there. Give me the unlisted list.

Send a guard to the information room.

You, then. At once.

- Why, you care. - I do.

I'm finished here.

It doesn't matter. Here.

Take it.

Here, child.

My name is Grace.

I wish I had something beautiful to give you.

But I don't.

Okay, girls, what's the trouble?

It's the repairman.

What repairman?

Mr. Playfair, do something.

Draw your pistol, Watson. Keep him covered. I will not.

They got guns. Call the cops. Right.

What's their number?

Fool. He's got my clue. Uh--

Excuse me' that magazine you're holding.

Stop right there. I don't suppose you'd let me see it.

It's a Double-Crostic. I haven't finished it yet.

You know the crosswords in the London Times?

Yeah' I-I heard about 'em. They're the best.

Last Sunday. Here. Have a look. Oh.

Oh. Oh!

Hello, police. Help, murder.

Aw. Run for it!

How do I know what precinct?

I can't call information. I am information.

Watson, your first impression of detective work.

You like it? No.

Good girl. I know how girls are. "No" means "yes."

I haven't been a girl in 20 years, and when I say no, I mean no!

You have any notion of what you've done?

Well, I've found two clues, a Double-crostic and a girl named Grace.

You could've jeopardized my whole career.

Wasn't much of a career from what I could see of it. Now, hold the phone.

Grace. What could Grace mean?

Do you realize that I have been published?

And that I have three degrees.

And that I've-- I've had a Rockefeller and a Guggenheim.

A-And I've studied in Vienna.

Tuesday. It's tomorrow. "Tuesday's child is full of grace."

We're meeting him tomorrow! No, no, Mr. Playfair.

Listen. I'm no good to you here. Really.

I-I can't work under these conditions. Look at this place.

Okay, okay. What's going on? Good morning, Officer.

Why, Mr. Rathbone. It's an honor, sir.

They want you up the street at number 20.

Ah, yes. I've just been there.

You're the ones. Quick thinking.

I wonder, if you see them later, would you give this back?

Oh, I'd--

She's unorthodox, I'll grant you.

If she didn't bring him here, where are they?

Moseying along. I expect they'll get here soon.

I've got to get those papers signed.

She'll sign 'em. Yes, indeedy.

I didn't write that. Someone did.

My brother.

Oh, that's just great!

He knows. This nut knows all about me.

He'll be in a cell. What can he do?

You get his money if he dies, right?

Where's he at? He's disappeared.

All right, here's how it is.

You find him first, it's the loony bin for life.

I find him first and...

Let's go!

Get that guy in the hotel window.

He's got me pinned down.

Ah. Where are we?

Eh, last reel. The ambush scene.

Is that a screen back there? We're five flights up.

I know. I counted 'em.

It's that vitamin deficiency. You ought to eat more leafy things.

- Here, hold on. I know the way. - Shh!

Oh, my Cod, Justin. Is he dead? He's quite all right. He lives here.

What? All the time? Except for Saturdays.

You see, we have no showers in the men's room,

so he bathes in Pennsylvania Station.

Here, uh, have a sweet.

Oh, man. Not again.

Do it again. God, what are they doing?

Shut your trap and watch the movie!

It's all right, Maud. She's with me.

Why, Mr. Holmes.

Oh, you missed a lovely one yesterday.

Oh, it's good to have you back, sir.

Thank you, Maud. Have some popcorn while it's hot.

No, thank you.

What's wrong? Nothing.

Well, we missed lunch. You really ought to have something.

I'm an adult. I can feed myself, all right?

Oh, sorry. No offense.

Just watch the movie, all right?

Watson?

Why so moody?

You're not watching. You can't see a thing without your glasses.

Watson? Yes.

Regardless of your feelings on the matter, I...

have enjoyed collaborating with you,

and I'm very pleased that you're here.

I wouldn't be here except for the police.

Yes, I am sorry about that.

What am I going to do with you?

You might try smiling. Nothing much, just once a day or so.

I will have some candy. Help yourself.

Oh, it's Jujyfruits.

I broke three sets of braces on those.

She'll be there! She'll save you!

God bless you, Barbara Stanwyck.

You want to know something?

You were right about my adolescence.

It was awful.

And my apartment is a mess, and I can't cook.

You like the movies, hmm?

Only westerns.

All the other doctors found it most amusing.

I don't find it amusing, just curious.

It isn't even that.

If you look closely down there' Watson, you can see principles.

You see the possibility of justice and proportion.

You can see men move their own lives.

There are no masses in Virginia City.

Only individuals whose will for good for bad...

can bring them to the ends they ought to have.

I like that very much.

Why did I have to meet you now?

What's wrong with now? We're together, and we're after Moriarty.

There isn't any Moriarty. There is!

You dreamt him up!

If I am Holmes, there has got to be a Moriarty.

Well, what if you're not Holmes?

Let me see now. One word left blank. "Electric News," 11 letters.

Justin, I want to help you.

Would you please just let me try?

Think, man!

Oh, man.

Man, I gotta groove or blow my mind. Let's go someplace and groove.

Oh, let's groove here.

Groovy. Groovy.

What's groove?

My god!

Madam, you are creating a disturbance. Shh!

- But they're grooving! - Madam, I warned you. Usher!

Usher!

- Hey, this woman's the fuzz. I'm gonna bust her one. - No, I'm not. No.

This woman woke me up.

You makin' trouble, huh? No, I'm not.

- Shh! - Out! Out!

No! Justin! Okay, mom.

I've got it! Watson, quick.

Where is my shoe?

Why, it's Mr. Holmes.

We're coming, Moriarty!

Ew, all this gum. It's like a swamp.

Stop dawdling!

I think they're growing mushrooms. Damn it, Watson.

Justin, give me my shoe!

My shoe!

Against the wall. Get back.

I will not! This is idiotic. Quiet!

I've got a run in my stocking. Creep forward.

My feet hurt. Shut up.

I want my shoe!

You want to get us killed?

No, just one of us. I've got a blister on my foot.

Holmes, you are fantastic.

"Electric news," 11 letters.

Times Square.

Yes. Just the sort of place he'd--

Now, if I were Moriarty, where would I--

Let's try him. Why him?

You never know.

I'd like a bag of chestnuts, please.

I'm out of chestnuts. Odd. I took you for a chestnut man.

I am a chestnut man. A chestnut man who's out of chestnuts?

That's the picture. There's no chestnuts.

We're in luck. When is the professor going to strike?

Tomorrow sometime. Check the papers.

Midnight. We meet tomorrow midnight.

It's not Moriarty who's striking. It's Columbia.

He had to get the message to me somehow.

Now, the clue that leads us to the place.

He'd put it somewhere obvious but... unexpected.

My clue, my clue.

Oh, my God!

Stop! My clue! My clue's in this!

Taxi! Taxi!

Taxi!

Help!

- I'm off duty. Can't you read? - Your sign says on.

Tough. I'm going back to the garage.

Listen, I'm a doctor, this is an emergency, and you can stuff it!

Oh, he hurt you.

Nonsense. Never better. Like a rock.

No' you look awful. Here. Wait a minute. Here.

You look a little shot yourself.

No, it's all right. I'll be all right in a minute.

Here. Have a nip.

I don't know what came over me. Drink up.

I have never been like that before in my life. Honestly.

I don't know what you must think of me.

I think I'll make a detective out of you yet.

Hey, no boozin' in my hack!

Speak when you're spoken to.

You came through very nicely back there.

I'd like to thank you for defending me.

I didn't defend you. I attacked them. There's a difference.

It's all the same.

I wish you'd stop thanking me for everything I do.

You are the touchy one, aren't you? You don't want anyone to owe you anything.

Perhaps you ought to be the analyst.

I'm only a gifted amateur.

Here. What do you make of it?

God, you're just like Don Quixote.

You think everything is always something else.

Well, he had a point. Of course, he carried it a bit too far.

That's all. He thought that every windmill was a giant.

That's insane.

But thinking that they might be--

Well, all the best minds used to think the world was flat.

But what if it isn't? It might be round.

And bread mold might be medicine.

If we never looked at things and thought of what they might be, why we'd all still be out...

in the tall grass with the apes.

Look, are we cruising, taking in the sights, or what?

Sixth Avenue and 10th. And if you want a nickel tip, keep talking.

Hey, wait a minute! My shoe! Oh, to hell with it.

Where are we? What is this place?

Wilbur. Wilbur.

Your latest text on sanitation, if you please.

I'll get it, Mr. Holmes.

We're closing in. This time, with any luck, he's mine.

You're meeting Moriarty?

It's happening at last.

I'm very happy for you. Thank you, Wilbur.

Oh, this creature has attached herself to me.

You talk to her.

So, you're a friend of Mr. Holmes?

Yes. I'm Dr. Watson. How do you do?

Oh, how nice.

No, I am Dr. Watson.

Would you like to see my driver's license?

He's waited for you such a long time.

I'm so glad he's found you.

Listen, I'm his doctor. I'm a licensed analyst.

Of course you are' my dear.

There. "Dr. Watson.

Dr. Watson. Dr. Mildred Watson.

Dr. Watson." It's me.

And now I've got you all upset. I'm sorry, Doctor.

Who does he think you are, Lestrade of Scotland Yard?

He calls me Wilbur. It's my name. Wilbur Peabody.

You don't know what I've been through. And look at him!

Oblivious. He's like that when he concentrates.

Have you known him very long?

For over 30 years, since he was very small.

Oh, he was such a serious young man.

The dustier the book, the more he studied it.

Now he studies guns, fisticuffs, acrobatics.

Have you been hired to cure him, Doctor?

Just the opposite, I think.

I'm not quite sure I understand.

I'm not quite sure I do, either.

What am I supposed to do?

I've got my work! I'm busy!

And I'm satisfied.

And I've got a perfectly fascinating schizoid case at 8:00.

If I hurry, I'll make it. Nothing. Damn!

Garbage.

Yes, it's garbage. That's all it is. Garbage!

Think, Watson. No, I'm not your Watson.

And I've had enough. What's wrong with you?

I've lost my shoe. I've got a gun in my pocketbook.

The cops are after me, and for what?

One minute you're all smiles, and the next--

I'm going back to where I belong.

The clinic?

Yes, the clinic.

And they're gonna put you in there, and there's nothing I can do about it.

I cannot help you, because I cannot make you well!

You don't think I'm insane. Not you.

I'm Holmes. I am Sherlock Holmes!

I've got a patient waiting.

I'm a doctor. I heal the sick!

Watson! Watson!

Silly woman. Go ahead!

I've always been alone.

- Wilbur? - Yes, Mr. Holmes?

What does garbage in a shopping bag suggest to you?

She'll come back. Do you think I care?

- I don't suppose you'd like to work with me. - I'd be honored.

But I'm much too old.

I never think of you as old.

Neither do I.

But every morning when I see that old face peering at me from the glass,

I count my years, I tote 'em up,

and sure enough, I come out old.

You don't want me.

Well, I don't-- I don't want anyone.

I have my errand. I have Moriarty.

Come on, Professor. Strike me now!

You see?

I frighten him.

He knows what I can do.

Wilbur?

Yes?

She went away in stockinged feet.

She'll catch her death of cold.

- Watson! - Lord have mercy' Doctor.

Seemed like you done disappeared.

I got the police out lookin' for you.

Listen, it's late, and I'm tired, okay?

Well, I'm mighty weary waitin' for that paranoid of yours.

Quick like a bunny now, you bring him in and sign these papers.

He's not here. You're joshin' me.

I left him in the reading room.

And as for signing papers, you can stick 'em in your ear!

Lookee here now, Mildred. If you wanna lose your job, you're gonna--

Heinrich, you've got yourself a deal!

What's the matter?

Nothing much. What are you doing here?

I had an urge to read. Fascinating book.

What's wrong, Holmes? Are you ill?

That is the question.

You're my final friend. Do you know that?

You're the last. Where's Dr. Watson?

- Tell me something offhand. - She won't leave you.

Who would you say I was?

I've spent quite a lot of time researching.

This is the perfect place for me.

Who's Who?

No, not for me, for him.

I have to be very clear on that point.

What you need is some breakfast. Would you like a jelly doughnut?

Listen.

Here he is, Playfair, Justin.

Born New York City, 1923.

Harvard College, Harvard Law.

Thesis published' '48.

Married, 1950.

Lucy Clark.

Pretty name, Lucy.

Lucy.

Lucy.

Just a name.

Doesn't mean anything.

There are his accomplishments.

Why, he's a happy man.

And proud.

For Christ's sake, which is my life?

I've got some chicken broth.

You haven't answered me. I'll heat it up.

Where are my memories?

I can't remember childhood.

I have no past. That's not so bad.

I haven't, either.

There's got to be more in here than Moriarty.

I dreamed it all. That must be it.

Stop feeling sorry for yourself.

What's wrong with being Sherlock Holmes, I'd like to know?

Sometimes I wish to God...

I were the Scarlet Pimpernel.

You do?

A fop by day,

but after dark,

I ride.

Abuse the meek, will you?

Have that!

Who am I? Ha!

Is he in heaven? Is he in hell?

That damned elusive Pimpernel.

What's that?

You want to see the face behind the mask?

This is the face.

- I think that's beautiful. - Thank you.

And now I think I'll call up Dr. Watson.

Please don't do that. I-I couldn't face her.

I've been stuck in the goddamn subway for an hour!

Justin, thank heaven.

I'm busy. Go away.

I couldn't sleep. I've been so worried. Look at that.

They've been searching for you every place.

Pull yourself together, man!

Blevins wants your money, and he's gonna lock you up to get it.

Now, here's my plan.

Do you think I'm Holmes, or don't you?

That's beside the point.

I'm sorry, but it's the only point I've got!

All right, I'll tell you what. I'll challenge you.

First we'll search for garbage, and then we'll put the heat on Blevins.

Is that fair enough? You're patronizing me again.

I'm Watson!

I'm here, ready for the chase.

Now, come on. A shopping bag full of garbage.

Think. The city dump. No, that's much too obvious.

I won't be patronized! Not just any shopping bag.

Now, this one said, "Back to school."

That must be the way to solve it-- schools.

How many different kinds of schools are there?

Library school? I like you, Doctor.

Now, let's begin.

There's public, private, parochial--

- Divinity and finishing. - Why are you doing this?

- Prep. - Rabbinical.

- Charm. - And schools of fish. Why have you come?

To save your neck.

- You care for me? - I care for all my patients.

Ha. Florence Nightingale.

You're damn right.

Drama school. And music school.

- Crammar. - High.

- Postgraduate. - Berlitz.

- Dance. - Military.

- Cooking. - Charm.

You said that. I did not!

Well, we can't be out of schools. Let's name some more.

That's it. It's a name.

The bag's a name.

Someone named Bag has got to have a school.

Come on, now. What kind of a name is Bag?

What difference does it make? Wilbur, quick, a telephone directory.

Right away. I like you, Watson.

You have qualities. I suppose I do.

Of course they are rather nutty qualities, but I don't mind.

May I be frank? I'm very glad you're here. I like you very much.

Regular classified. Ah, good man.

This won't take a minute. I could use that jelly doughnut.

Wilbur, if anybody should ask you, you haven't seen us.

Ah, I've got it! I was right again!

Quick' Watson. We're gaining on you, Moriarty!

After you.

She came back.

There it is.

What an awful place.

It is evil, right enough.

You ready?

Well, what if we get separated?

Yes, we need a rendezvous.

Well, why don't we meet at my apartment? Good idea.

I'll even cook you supper.

You can't cook. You don't even know how.

Well, I have a fine mind. I can learn.

7:00? 7:00 sharp.

Now' try looking academic.

We're two students come to register.

It must be some kind of academy. Where is it?

Ah, top floor. Room 67.

Up these stairs. Stay close.

Don't lose me.

This door hasn't been used in 20 years.

Make that 30.

Strange.

Maybe our clue is out here.

A pigeon with a message, possibly.

Don't!

We are going to matriculate.

This may be a trap.

Uh, nice sort of school. Just our kind of place.

Keep your pistol ready.

Ah, good afternoon. Is this the bursar's office?

Who are you?

Holmes and, uh, Watson.

Oh.

But I thought you were dead.

Oh, the falls at Reichenbach, yes.

I came back in the sequel.

Oh.

My, is that quincunx your design?

Yes, it is.

You like it?

Oh, it's magnificent. Sir, you're a genius.

Yes, I am.

You're just in time for tea.

We'll meet you by the basket, my dear.

She's a genius too.

We haven't put a foot outside since 1939.

We didn't like the look of things out there.

So, we bought every kind of vegetable seed.

- Shut down the school. - Well, we didn't have any pupils, anyway.

And ever since, we've been very happy.

Except for one thing.

Nobody's ever seen our work.

We don't know if it's any good.

But you did recognize a quincunx when you saw one.

Would-- Would you criticize our garden?

- We'd be honored. - Oh.

This was Mrs. Bagg's design.

We had a little dog once.

And this we call our bird of paradise.

Mr. Playfair.

- Who are you? - We're friends... of Blevins.

- No, you're not. - We've come to take you for a ride.

You've got a pistol in your pocket. Keep it there.

Run for the hall and keep going! Aaah!

Cover me.

- Brutes. - Savages! Savages!

Murderer!

Whatever you are, don't burn!

Melt, damn you.

It's foggy and damp here in New York.

The temperature at Central Park is 45 degrees.

Humidity, 84%.

Barometer, 29.93 and falling.

Winds out of the east at a brisk 10 miles per hour...

gusting up to 15.

Oh, God.

Tonight's forecast calls for rapidly dropping temperatures,

heavy fog and a chance for some more light showers.

Oh, thank God.

♪♪

♪♪

Some women do this every day.

Oh, I'm not dressed.

♪♪

They never think to watch the fire escape.

Where the hell have you been?

What's the matter?

Nothing is the matter, and don't look at me, please.

You don't look any worse than usual.

Would you just go away?

I bring you these.

They're lovely.

I wish they were.

It's been some time since anyone bought me flowers.

I'm afraid they weren't exactly bought.

Uh, new dress?

No. Do you like it?

Olive oil, hmm. Very chic.

I need a drink. Do we have time?

Oh, yes, uh-- Uh, dinner's cold.

Sorry I'm so late. Oh, no, it hasn't warmed up yet.

I'd have been here sooner, but the clue was most complex.

I have worked out where we're meeting him, though it wasn't easy.

Where is the bar?

Oh, it's in the oven. Oh--

Oh, I'm sorry.

I have to use the oven for storage 'cause it's such a small apartment.

Very sensible.

Uh, we're just going to have a simple supper.

Plain home cooking.

- Yes' I see. - That's right. Go ahead and make fun of it.

That insecurity of yours.

I know.

I like your house.

It's a mess.

It's nice. It's just like you.

You know, somehow that just misses being flattery.

I haven't got a vase.

I think the beans are burning.

Oh, no. That-- That's soup.

Well, are the drinks ready? After you.

Oh, here.

Oh, thank you.

Well, here we are.

We're having wine with dinner.

Ah, very civilized.

Ice on crystal. Good sound, isn't it?

Well, it's not crystal. Oh.

Your-Your good health.

You know, I... I really should have taken you out to dinner.

Oh, no. It's good for me to cook.

Well, when this case is over,

we'll have plenty of time for going out to the theater...

and fashionable places and all that sort of thing.

I was thinking earlier,

and I thought, uh, that we really owed ourselves...

a little recreation.

Why don't we set a date right now?

Would you be free tomorrow night?

Actually those fashionable places can be very tedious,

and I might embarrass you.

I-I don't think I would, uh, fit in.

There's no denying that.

Of course I have an awful lot of costumes. I could change.

It's a foolish notion, even so.

No-No offense.

Tomorrow?

Do you mean tomorrow night?

Do you dance? Uh, well, I haven't in years. Uh, do you?

I don't know. I can't remember.

Let's find out. No, let's not.

I'd really rather not. Come on.

I-I'd only stumble.

Nobody's watching.

Slow Instrumental ]

Come on. Don't be scared. Uh--

♪♪

You're doing fine.

Well, I'm a natural athlete.

Oh, I beg your pardon. Oh.

Well, maybe we both need a little more practice.

Just think of all the dancing we can do once this is over.

Do you play checkers? I'm a whiz.

Ah. There's so many things you need two people for.

I'll teach you billiards too.

We'll, uh, sip our port and read aloud.

I read my cases beautifully.

Oh.

♪♪

I'm here. I'm right beside you.

Oh, please. Can you hear me?

Oh, dear God.

You can't do this to me.

Holmes! Oh, my Holmes' you can't die!

You're some doctor.

Get off my chest. I'm having trouble breathing.

Oh, I'm sor-- You're alive!

You called me Holmes.

- I did? - You don't look so good.

I'll get my bag.

I tell you, Watson,

I expected better of him.

It's beneath the Moriarty I've always known.

You ought to be in bed.

Don't worry, Watson. Tip-top shape.

No, no, no, no. Let me look at you.

No time for that. We've got to mobilize.

We're staying right here. It isn't safe here.

But at our rendezvous at midnight, I'll be ready.

Someone's going to die tonight.

It might be me.

Oh, Watson, no one's as black as he or half as quick.

He is perfection.

You can tell a lot about a man by his enemies.

I'm proud he wants me dead.

Hold still.

We've got so much to do.

You haven't had your supper yet.

Here.

Hershey Kisses.

Out the back.

Wilbur. Wilbur!

Holmes, you startled me.

I've solved it all. Here is where he will be.

What's that you got?

It was a white plume once.

We're meeting Moriarty at midnight. Will you wear it?

I've been waiting all my life.

What's up?

I'm helping one poor nut escape...

if it's the last damn thing I do.

I want you.

Is there romance, excitement, danger?

All in glorious Technicolor.

Your house is right around the corner. They'll be watching.

Back.

Daisy! Oh, it's you.

Guess what. I'm leaving Blevins.

I'm glad to hear it. I married him for love, but I don't love him anymore.

We're meeting Moriarty.

Hot dog!

You miserable--

Maud!

Why, Mr. Holmes.

What's the matter?

There are no more westerns.

Dear friends,

will those of you who know what this is all about please raise your hands.

I think...

if God is dead,

he laughed himself to death.

Because, you see' we live in Eden.

Genesis has got it all wrong.

We've never left the garden.

Look about you.

This is paradise.

It's hard to find, I grant you, but it is here.

Under our feet.

Beneath the surface. All around us is everything we want.

The earth is shining under the soot.

We're all fools.

Moriarty's made fools of all of us.

But together, you and I, tonight,

we'll bring him... down.

Nobody came. I don't much blame them.

It's this way, I think.

Damned clever, this last clue.

It was a shopping bag that took us to a garden.

Turn it backwards, and you'll see the sense.

Suppose we took the shopping bag.

What kind of garden would we take it to?

Wow.

We're here.

What happens now?

We'll wait.

Well, I'm not afraid if you're not.

It's starting.

He's out there, somewhere.

Crouching, steady, cold.

He never sweats, you know.

Is pride a sin, Holmes? Because I'm proud of you.

Control yourself.

Cross your fingers.

That makes nine.

I love you.

♪♪

This week only,

loin of pork, 79 cents per pound.

Delicious' tender sirloin steaks, 89 cents a pound.

Lean boiled ham'99 cents a pound.

Fresh frying chickens,

29 cents a pound.

Fresh ground beef'49 cents a pound.

Delicious, tender...

sirloin steaks...

at 89 cents per pound.

Fresh ground chickens, 29 cents a pound.

Fresh frozen California hothouse garden peas,

Three packages for 69 cents.

Odd.

Distinctly odd. No sign of him.

This way.

Juicy, Florida, Oranges,

10 for 69 cents.

You're not worth the powder to blow you to hell.

I know, dear.

I want the disposable one, in the throw away thing.

To err is human.

Not in my book, pea head.

Get some instant dogfood.

Yes, dear.

It's for you, you mutt.

How's your cold?

You was dead right, about my sheep dog...

got palagra.

She don't serve no meat to either of us.

Justin, was that Moriarty?

God.

Moriarty?

I'm here.

A man shudders.

I'm patient. I can wait.

Are you Doctor Krauss?

I know the man, Lieutenant' I'll go first.

Let's get 'em boys. Y'all follow me.

He isn't here.

I've misread the clue.

But if twenty grand was a number,

then the clue might be, think.

The number on the door at Dr. Bagg's. What was it?

- Sixty-seven. - Right' but 67 what?

What else was twenty grand?

A horse. A racehorse!

Watson, you're a genius.

Well, add it up. A horse, a school and 67.

It's a riding school at 67th street!

God, there is one. Just off Central Park.

And that's where we'll find him.

It's all done now. You are a detective. Here we go.

Your clubs!

Your rubber hoses!

Your nets!

Is there a doctor in the house?

Just call me' Shane!

Watson, they came.

I hope the loonies win.

OK, boys.

Round 'em up and book 'em.

A diversion.

Think of a diversion.

Prime ribs of beef, 10 cents a pound.

The chance of a lifetime, tonight only...

Prime ribs, 10 cents a pound.

I can't let that go by.

My wife'd kill me.

Caviar, 6 jars for 29.

Hams, 50 cents a piece.

Canned goods, 10 cents for 12.

All canned goods, a dime a dozen.

Tonight only, 2 pounds of butter, free, with every loaf of bread.

2 pounds of butter, free, with every loaf of bread.

Buy one, take two. Buy two take four.

We're almost there.

I'm ready.

Do you really mean to walk with me? I do.

We may have to walk near dangers, close to awful things.

I know that.

Sometimes there are villains so big,

they blot the sun out for miles around.

I may not always win.

Does justice ever lose?

It does, from time to time.

We'll meet him here.

Get down.

Somewhere...

out there in the dark, he waits.

I'm not afraid, because you're with me.

And we'll always be together? All our lives.

I can't remember how I lived before you came.

Oh, Holmes, I love you.

Listen.

What?

It's him. It's Moriarty.

There's nothing.

Now. He's coming.

On horseback, riding like a king.

I can't hear.

Not on my knees.

There's nothing. There's nothing!

On your feet by me.

A sound, please. Just a little sound.

Stand up.

Holmes, he's not there.

There isn't any Moriarty, it's just--

You hear it?

They're nearer.

Nearer.

Ah, now, there. Do you see him now? Not yet.

Yes.

I see him.

He's everything you said he was.

He makes you proud.

He does.

Stand closer to me. Hold my hand.

And now we're together. Yes.

Let it be said he found us very close together...

in the light.