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1
00:00:08,342 --> 00:00:09,576
D'oh!
2
00:00:10,744 --> 00:00:12,079
(grunts)
3
00:00:12,145 --> 00:00:14,147
♪ ♪
4
00:00:21,655 --> 00:00:23,123
I haven't seen you before.
5
00:00:23,190 --> 00:00:25,125
(shouts, blabbering)
6
00:00:25,192 --> 00:00:27,427
(muttering): Yeah, we go
around‐‐ jumping, jump, jump.
7
00:00:27,494 --> 00:00:29,696
Oh, we bouncy ba‐‐ ha, ha.
8
00:00:30,731 --> 00:00:32,933
Release the hounds.
9
00:00:33,000 --> 00:00:35,335
(barking)
10
00:00:44,344 --> 00:00:48,248
I'm so excited Springfield
finally has a vegan restaurant.
11
00:00:48,315 --> 00:00:50,551
I thought you'd
enjoy this, Lisa.
12
00:00:50,617 --> 00:00:54,054
You deserve to have the food
that only you like.
13
00:00:54,121 --> 00:00:56,023
Your St. Louis‐style
Baby Back Fibs,
14
00:00:56,089 --> 00:00:58,892
leg of yam and Wagyu beets.
15
00:00:58,959 --> 00:01:01,228
Dad, are you sure
you're okay eating here?
16
00:01:01,295 --> 00:01:03,463
(chuckles)
I can eat anything
17
00:01:03,530 --> 00:01:06,967
as long as I pretend
it once had a face.
18
00:01:07,034 --> 00:01:08,969
‐And eyes.
‐LISA: Ew.
19
00:01:09,036 --> 00:01:10,971
Why are you both
kissing up to Lisa?
20
00:01:11,038 --> 00:01:13,607
(gasps)
Is this her last meal?
21
00:01:13,674 --> 00:01:15,943
You're gonna want to look thin
in your coffin,
22
00:01:16,009 --> 00:01:17,911
so I'll eat your dessert.
23
00:01:17,978 --> 00:01:20,080
Sure, have my dessert.
You'll look like Dad.
24
00:01:20,147 --> 00:01:21,615
(shrieks)
25
00:01:21,682 --> 00:01:24,885
And for your information,
we are not kissing up.
26
00:01:24,952 --> 00:01:27,154
By the way, Lisa,
have you picked a subject yet
27
00:01:27,220 --> 00:01:30,157
for your "Most Interesting
Person I Know" paper?
28
00:01:30,223 --> 00:01:31,892
Aha! Mystery solved.
29
00:01:31,959 --> 00:01:34,661
Once again, the school pits
parents against each other.
30
00:01:34,728 --> 00:01:37,064
Homer, you're up.
Sell yourself, dude.
31
00:01:37,130 --> 00:01:40,067
Lisa, hi. Homer Simpson,
longtime fan.
32
00:01:40,133 --> 00:01:42,469
Astronaut, sometime taxpayer.
33
00:01:42,536 --> 00:01:43,904
Oh, well, let's see,
34
00:01:43,971 --> 00:01:46,673
"The most interesting person
I know is a white male."
35
00:01:46,740 --> 00:01:49,910
That'll go over great
in today's climate.
36
00:01:49,977 --> 00:01:51,979
I hope you like blowback.
37
00:01:52,045 --> 00:01:54,715
Mom, Dad, I've made my decision.
38
00:01:54,781 --> 00:01:58,785
After a lot of soul‐searching,
I've decided to go with...
39
00:01:58,852 --> 00:01:59,953
(both muttering excitedly)
40
00:02:00,020 --> 00:02:01,598
Frink! I'm writing
about Professor Frink.
41
00:02:01,622 --> 00:02:03,123
Who?
42
00:02:03,190 --> 00:02:06,326
You know.
"Flavin, glayvin, hoyvik."
43
00:02:06,393 --> 00:02:08,395
That Coke bottle with teeth?
44
00:02:08,462 --> 00:02:12,199
He's devoted his life to helping
the world through science.
45
00:02:12,265 --> 00:02:15,669
Say, uh, can you tell me
if I came in second or third?
46
00:02:15,736 --> 00:02:17,704
It's best not to proceed
down that road.
47
00:02:17,771 --> 00:02:21,775
Fine. Then I can end
this little vegan charade.
48
00:02:23,977 --> 00:02:25,946
♪ ♪
49
00:02:29,016 --> 00:02:31,718
Professor Frink,
I want to thank you so much
50
00:02:31,785 --> 00:02:34,087
for letting me visit you
during office hours.
51
00:02:34,154 --> 00:02:36,089
His last visitor
was the process server
52
00:02:36,156 --> 00:02:38,058
for the monkey who's suing him.
53
00:02:38,125 --> 00:02:39,359
Um, who's this?
54
00:02:39,426 --> 00:02:41,128
Oh, well,
that's Professor Hessler.
55
00:02:41,194 --> 00:02:42,396
We share the space here.
56
00:02:42,462 --> 00:02:45,565
Pay her no mind.
She's in the humanities.
57
00:02:45,632 --> 00:02:46,867
(sighs)
58
00:02:46,933 --> 00:02:49,603
Professor Frink,
I'd love to know
59
00:02:49,670 --> 00:02:52,039
how you got started in science.
60
00:02:52,105 --> 00:02:57,044
Oh, science? Well, I was created
by science, my dear child.
61
00:02:57,110 --> 00:02:58,578
Oh. That was you?
62
00:02:58,645 --> 00:03:02,215
Oh, no, no, I was the world's
second test‐tube baby.
63
00:03:02,282 --> 00:03:05,419
Yes, I‐I was greeted
with far less fanfare.
64
00:03:05,485 --> 00:03:07,421
My parents had great chemistry.
65
00:03:07,487 --> 00:03:10,123
Uh, no love,
but they were chemists.
66
00:03:10,190 --> 00:03:13,060
The only way I could get
noticed was through science
67
00:03:13,126 --> 00:03:15,429
(intensifying): and changing
the pitch of my voice
68
00:03:15,495 --> 00:03:18,865
so they couldn't help
but notice me.
69
00:03:18,932 --> 00:03:21,635
But I never had my breakthrough.
70
00:03:21,702 --> 00:03:25,038
In a world of Einsteins,
I am a James Chadwick.
71
00:03:25,105 --> 00:03:27,074
‐LISA: Who?
‐Well, exactly.
72
00:03:27,140 --> 00:03:29,910
It's too bad your name
isn't famous.
73
00:03:29,976 --> 00:03:32,379
All this will change,
for I have been developing
74
00:03:32,446 --> 00:03:35,248
my own cryptocurrency.
75
00:03:35,315 --> 00:03:38,185
Oh. I have no idea
what that means.
76
00:03:38,251 --> 00:03:40,454
What do they teach you
at that school?
77
00:03:40,520 --> 00:03:42,155
How to get the teachers coffee.
78
00:03:42,222 --> 00:03:45,992
Yeah‐‐ A‐Anyway, I will explain
cryptocurrency by clicking
79
00:03:46,059 --> 00:03:51,498
a link to TV's most beloved
scientist, Mr. Jim Parsons.
80
00:03:51,565 --> 00:03:53,033
People think I'm a nerd,
81
00:03:53,100 --> 00:03:55,102
but I'm actually super cool.
82
00:03:55,168 --> 00:03:57,504
That's why I'm here to talk
about the really cool subject
83
00:03:57,571 --> 00:04:00,140
of distributed consensus‐based
cryptocurrency.
84
00:04:00,207 --> 00:04:01,742
Kachinga.
85
00:04:01,808 --> 00:04:03,376
♪ ♪
86
00:04:07,147 --> 00:04:10,250
Could a nerd do that?
I don't think so.
87
00:04:10,317 --> 00:04:12,119
For cryptocurrency to work,
we need a record
88
00:04:12,185 --> 00:04:13,954
of every transaction
that occurs.
89
00:04:14,020 --> 00:04:16,990
These are recorded in what's
called a distributed ledger.
90
00:04:42,749 --> 00:04:44,251
♪ Oh, yeah. ♪
91
00:04:44,317 --> 00:04:45,986
When you use the currency,
92
00:04:46,052 --> 00:04:48,588
the transaction is recorded
in the ledger.
93
00:04:48,655 --> 00:04:52,259
(laughs)
I can dig it.
94
00:04:52,325 --> 00:04:53,994
And when one ledger book
gets filled up,
95
00:04:54,060 --> 00:04:56,096
we add to a "chain"
of previous books.
96
00:04:56,163 --> 00:04:58,265
That's the "blockchain."
97
00:04:58,331 --> 00:04:59,599
Later, glitches.
98
00:04:59,666 --> 00:05:00,977
JIM PARSONS:
If you'd like to learn more
99
00:05:01,001 --> 00:05:02,536
about how cryptocurrencies work,
100
00:05:02,602 --> 00:05:05,305
here's everything else
you need to know.
101
00:05:05,372 --> 00:05:09,042
And goodbye from me,
super cool Jim Parsons.
102
00:05:10,243 --> 00:05:12,712
(gasps) It went in.
It went in! It went in!
103
00:05:12,779 --> 00:05:16,016
It went in! It went in‐‐
You saw it! It went in!
104
00:05:16,082 --> 00:05:18,552
So will Frinkcoin
finally be the invention
105
00:05:18,618 --> 00:05:20,086
that makes me rich?
106
00:05:20,153 --> 00:05:21,555
Or will...
(shouts)
107
00:05:21,621 --> 00:05:24,558
Well, uh, thank you
for your support.
108
00:05:24,624 --> 00:05:27,327
Frinkcoin, the brainchild
of longtime bachelor...
109
00:05:27,394 --> 00:05:30,564
of science, Professor Frink,
is making a mint.
110
00:05:30,630 --> 00:05:32,933
Arnie Pye is live
at the news conference.
111
00:05:32,999 --> 00:05:34,034
I don't know why, Kent.
112
00:05:34,100 --> 00:05:35,869
With all the layoffs,
they've got me,
113
00:05:35,936 --> 00:05:38,038
the traffic guy,
on the science beat.
114
00:05:38,104 --> 00:05:41,007
I just found out
how a helicopter flies.
115
00:05:41,074 --> 00:05:42,542
It's terrifying!
116
00:05:42,609 --> 00:05:44,411
(chuckles) Well, whatever
the heck that was,
117
00:05:44,477 --> 00:05:46,546
Frinkcoin was just rated
the world's most stable
118
00:05:46,613 --> 00:05:48,215
financial instrument,
beating gold,
119
00:05:48,281 --> 00:05:50,917
the renminbi and roadside corn.
120
00:05:50,984 --> 00:05:53,220
Well, can't eat
no cryptocurrency
121
00:05:53,286 --> 00:05:54,955
when the grid goes down.
122
00:05:55,021 --> 00:05:58,458
That's why I started
my hedge fund.
123
00:05:58,525 --> 00:06:00,727
‐(sighs) ‐(bird caws)
124
00:06:00,794 --> 00:06:03,396
Another billionaire?
How did he make his money?
125
00:06:03,463 --> 00:06:05,398
Paraffin? Castor oil?
126
00:06:05,465 --> 00:06:08,068
Whale bone corsets
for the woman who dares?
127
00:06:08,134 --> 00:06:10,237
Actually, cryptocurrency.
128
00:06:10,303 --> 00:06:14,040
Oh, I know about cryptocurrency.
I have it in my crypt.
129
00:06:14,107 --> 00:06:15,918
No, sir, this is a new kind
of digital currency,
130
00:06:15,942 --> 00:06:17,377
based on blockchain.
131
00:06:17,444 --> 00:06:20,647
Oh, I know all about blockchain.
132
00:06:22,549 --> 00:06:26,086
Again, not what you're thinking.
133
00:06:26,152 --> 00:06:28,154
This new currency
has made Professor Frink
134
00:06:28,221 --> 00:06:30,090
the richest man in Springfield.
135
00:06:30,156 --> 00:06:34,394
Wait. Are you saying I am no
longer the richest man in town?
136
00:06:34,461 --> 00:06:36,696
(sighs)
I'm afraid not, Monty.
137
00:06:41,234 --> 00:06:43,403
You have the gall
to call me Monty?
138
00:06:43,470 --> 00:06:45,171
Just because you chew my food
139
00:06:45,238 --> 00:06:47,674
makes you think
we're on a first‐name basis?
140
00:06:47,741 --> 00:06:49,809
Of course not, sir.
I'll never do that again.
141
00:06:49,876 --> 00:06:52,078
I will have my dinner now.
142
00:06:52,145 --> 00:06:54,114
Lobster Thermidor.
143
00:06:54,180 --> 00:06:55,882
Start chewing.
144
00:06:55,949 --> 00:06:58,118
But, sir,
I‐I'm allergic to shellfish.
145
00:06:58,184 --> 00:07:01,721
And I'm not, Wayland.
146
00:07:10,297 --> 00:07:11,965
It went in‐‐ You saw it.
It went in!
147
00:07:12,032 --> 00:07:14,067
(sighs)
148
00:07:14,134 --> 00:07:15,635
Hi, Professor.
149
00:07:15,702 --> 00:07:16,946
I wanted to see
how you're enjoying
150
00:07:16,970 --> 00:07:19,105
your newfound fame and wealth.
151
00:07:19,172 --> 00:07:22,075
He hasn't invested in deodorant.
I can tell you that much.
152
00:07:22,142 --> 00:07:26,079
Well, the first ten million
went to pay off student loans.
153
00:07:26,146 --> 00:07:28,114
S‐Strange, strange.
154
00:07:28,181 --> 00:07:31,518
I have the fame and fortune
I've always desired and yet,
155
00:07:31,584 --> 00:07:35,221
I'm‐‐ well, I'm as empty
as a Dewar vacuum flask.
156
00:07:37,223 --> 00:07:39,392
Well, maybe it's time
to take care of yourself now.
157
00:07:39,459 --> 00:07:41,628
What are the things
that you've always wanted?
158
00:07:41,695 --> 00:07:44,698
Oh, let's see, I've always
wanted one of those pens
159
00:07:44,764 --> 00:07:46,700
with the four different colors.
160
00:07:46,766 --> 00:07:48,501
I fashioned one myself,
but it's, uh,
161
00:07:48,568 --> 00:07:51,805
it's a tad bit unwieldy.
162
00:07:54,541 --> 00:07:57,243
You can get those pens,
and so much more.
163
00:07:57,310 --> 00:08:00,480
Do they make a silencer
for his constant nasal whistle?
164
00:08:00,547 --> 00:08:03,116
(whistles)
Well, you know what?
165
00:08:03,183 --> 00:08:06,553
You will never have to worry
about my adenoidal hiss again.
166
00:08:06,619 --> 00:08:08,521
(whistles)
167
00:08:08,588 --> 00:08:09,956
(whistling)
168
00:08:10,023 --> 00:08:11,725
I can still hear it!
169
00:08:11,791 --> 00:08:14,327
He's in Chicago, for God's sake!
170
00:08:14,394 --> 00:08:17,063
Moe, Lisa has offered
to pay my bar tab.
171
00:08:17,130 --> 00:08:19,366
You do accept Frinkcoin, right?
172
00:08:19,432 --> 00:08:22,369
I'll accept any currency
except the Albanian lek.
173
00:08:22,435 --> 00:08:24,170
I sunk everything I had into it,
174
00:08:24,237 --> 00:08:26,973
and now I ain't got
two qindarkas to rub together.
175
00:08:27,040 --> 00:08:29,976
But that Frink, man,
boy, he's sure got it made.
176
00:08:30,043 --> 00:08:33,246
Yeah, I wonder
what he's doing now.
177
00:08:33,313 --> 00:08:36,282
I said I wonder
what he's doing now!
178
00:08:38,018 --> 00:08:39,686
Yes, come in.
179
00:08:39,753 --> 00:08:41,955
So, are you happier?
180
00:08:42,022 --> 00:08:44,691
No. No‐‐ I got everything
I wanted.
181
00:08:44,758 --> 00:08:47,794
Even the pen.
But I'm‐I'm still sad.
182
00:08:47,861 --> 00:08:49,896
Aw, poor guy.
183
00:08:49,963 --> 00:08:51,431
‐(gasps) ‐What?
184
00:08:51,498 --> 00:08:54,401
That's just Amazon delivery.
Calm yourself.
185
00:08:54,467 --> 00:08:57,737
You should have seen
poor Professor Frink, Dad.
186
00:08:57,804 --> 00:09:00,040
Poor Frink?
He's the richest guy in town.
187
00:09:00,106 --> 00:09:03,309
But he's not rich in the most
important thing there is.
188
00:09:03,376 --> 00:09:05,678
Health?
189
00:09:05,745 --> 00:09:06,913
(grunting)
190
00:09:06,980 --> 00:09:08,448
Oh, yeah.
191
00:09:08,515 --> 00:09:10,917
No. The most important thing
is friends.
192
00:09:10,984 --> 00:09:13,887
Dad, you should take
Professor Frink to Moe's.
193
00:09:13,953 --> 00:09:16,589
Oh, I can't do that. It's like
having your mother's sisters
194
00:09:16,656 --> 00:09:17,891
come for a visit.
195
00:09:17,957 --> 00:09:20,460
Actually, they're coming
in 20 minutes.
196
00:09:20,527 --> 00:09:22,862
Taking Frink to Moe's.
197
00:09:22,929 --> 00:09:25,899
Never seen a fat man
move so fast.
198
00:09:25,965 --> 00:09:27,434
Got a cigarette?
199
00:09:27,500 --> 00:09:29,502
Not since we moved to Disney.
200
00:09:30,937 --> 00:09:32,906
All right, next question‐‐
Hey! Pay attention.
201
00:09:32,972 --> 00:09:36,976
Name a drink made
from hops and barley.
202
00:09:37,043 --> 00:09:39,079
Barley hops?
203
00:09:39,145 --> 00:09:40,447
No.
204
00:09:40,513 --> 00:09:42,916
‐Meryl Streep?
‐Good guess, but no.
205
00:09:42,982 --> 00:09:44,617
Uh, hey, guys,
206
00:09:44,684 --> 00:09:46,920
I was wondering if my friend
Professor Frink and I
207
00:09:46,986 --> 00:09:48,788
could join you?
208
00:09:48,855 --> 00:09:50,657
All right, but we've been
playing a long time.
209
00:09:50,723 --> 00:09:54,127
Don't expect to just come in and
join a wall of trivia champs.
210
00:09:54,194 --> 00:09:56,863
FRINK:
Well‐‐ oh, my goodness,
well, no one...
211
00:09:56,930 --> 00:10:00,200
The Bay City Rollers,
Ed "Too Tall" Jones,
212
00:10:00,266 --> 00:10:02,202
the cronut and ring‐a‐levio,
213
00:10:02,268 --> 00:10:04,938
also known as ring‐o‐lario
on Staten Island,
214
00:10:05,004 --> 00:10:07,440
but those people are, well,
they're quite backward.
215
00:10:07,507 --> 00:10:09,943
‐All correct.
‐(cheering)
216
00:10:10,009 --> 00:10:13,079
I'm "Too Tall" Jones, and even
I didn't know the answer was me.
217
00:10:16,583 --> 00:10:19,352
‐Sir?
‐Oh, it's "sir" now, is it?
218
00:10:19,419 --> 00:10:22,355
Not "Monty" or "Queen B"?
219
00:10:22,422 --> 00:10:24,157
(chuckles)
No, sir.
220
00:10:24,224 --> 00:10:26,392
And I really appreciate
the long, healthy walk
221
00:10:26,459 --> 00:10:28,061
from my new parking spot.
222
00:10:28,128 --> 00:10:30,363
‐(wind whooshing) ‐(bird caws)
223
00:10:30,430 --> 00:10:32,198
Get in all 10,000 steps.
224
00:10:32,265 --> 00:10:34,033
Good, the two things
I can't take
225
00:10:34,100 --> 00:10:36,736
are insubordination
and a slight breeze.
226
00:10:36,803 --> 00:10:38,872
‐(wind whooshing) ‐(groaning)
227
00:10:38,938 --> 00:10:40,940
Mm, yeah. Uh, sir,
to make you the wealthiest man
228
00:10:41,007 --> 00:10:42,442
in town again,
I've assembled a team
229
00:10:42,509 --> 00:10:44,978
of the greatest mathematicians
and cryptographers
230
00:10:45,044 --> 00:10:46,479
to ever leave their rooms.
231
00:10:46,546 --> 00:10:49,082
They're here to develop...
Burnscoin.
232
00:10:49,149 --> 00:10:50,717
Will there be actual coins?
233
00:10:50,783 --> 00:10:52,218
If so, make sure they're made
234
00:10:52,285 --> 00:10:54,087
from something men
must die mining.
235
00:10:54,154 --> 00:10:57,056
Is there an ivory
that comes from people?
236
00:10:57,123 --> 00:10:59,425
So, here are the programmers
working on your currency.
237
00:10:59,492 --> 00:11:01,937
And I've discovered some serious
issues with this nuclear plant.
238
00:11:01,961 --> 00:11:04,831
By my calculations,
the cracks in the coolant pipes
239
00:11:04,898 --> 00:11:06,599
are growing exponentially.
240
00:11:06,666 --> 00:11:10,036
Smithers, give this poindexter
a McKinley Rub.
241
00:11:10,103 --> 00:11:12,872
(groaning)
242
00:11:12,939 --> 00:11:15,275
Now, listen here,
you magna cum losers!
243
00:11:15,341 --> 00:11:17,119
You are here for one reason
and one reason only:
244
00:11:17,143 --> 00:11:20,647
to create a pseudo currency
like the Bitcoin or the peso
245
00:11:20,713 --> 00:11:22,048
that will make me rich.
246
00:11:22,115 --> 00:11:24,484
So rich I could buy
ten NFL teams.
247
00:11:24,551 --> 00:11:25,952
Not the Jets.
248
00:11:26,019 --> 00:11:27,287
Okay, people, laptops open,
249
00:11:27,353 --> 00:11:29,289
headphones on, Red Bulls popped.
250
00:11:29,355 --> 00:11:31,124
We'll get this, Monty.
251
00:11:31,191 --> 00:11:33,226
(steam hissing)
252
00:11:33,293 --> 00:11:35,061
Uh, I mean, I'm a sick man, sir.
253
00:11:35,128 --> 00:11:36,963
I'll get help.
254
00:11:37,030 --> 00:11:40,433
Wayland, I think what you're
doing comes out of anger.
255
00:11:40,500 --> 00:11:42,001
Are you upset with Mr. Burns?
256
00:11:42,068 --> 00:11:44,971
‐No.
‐Please, you're safe here.
257
00:11:45,038 --> 00:11:47,974
Oh, the things I've done for
that hollow‐boned horror show!
258
00:11:48,041 --> 00:11:50,443
That interview he did
for Vanity Fair?
259
00:11:50,510 --> 00:11:52,278
I wrote all his answers.
260
00:11:52,345 --> 00:11:54,781
Like he would ever spend
a weekend in Santa Barbara.
261
00:11:54,847 --> 00:11:56,983
I'm the one
who loves Sideways‐‐ me!
262
00:11:57,050 --> 00:11:59,018
Does anyone have any thoughts
about how Wayland
263
00:11:59,085 --> 00:12:00,253
can approach these feelings?
264
00:12:00,320 --> 00:12:01,654
You? Oh, I'm sorry.
265
00:12:01,721 --> 00:12:03,156
I‐I don't know your name yet.
266
00:12:03,223 --> 00:12:05,792
Well, I learned in dealing
with Bruce Willis that‐‐
267
00:12:05,858 --> 00:12:07,493
(exclaims) I'm sorry!
268
00:12:07,560 --> 00:12:10,463
Whenever I say his name I expect
a phone to be thrown at me.
269
00:12:10,530 --> 00:12:11,664
‐Christian Bale.
‐Roseanne.
270
00:12:11,731 --> 00:12:12,899
‐Jared Leto.
‐Roseanne!
271
00:12:12,966 --> 00:12:14,100
‐Katherine Heigl.
‐Trump.
272
00:12:14,167 --> 00:12:15,501
‐Trump.
‐Trump.
‐Roseanne!
273
00:12:15,568 --> 00:12:17,213
Wayland, I'm going
to write you a prescription
274
00:12:17,237 --> 00:12:18,404
for Sychophantanyl.
275
00:12:18,471 --> 00:12:19,806
Take one every time you feel
276
00:12:19,872 --> 00:12:21,407
like saying
what you really think.
277
00:12:21,474 --> 00:12:23,276
Ah, thank you.
278
00:12:23,343 --> 00:12:25,778
‐(phone vibrates)
‐I just got a text.
279
00:12:25,845 --> 00:12:27,714
Anyone here who works
for Mariah Carey,
280
00:12:27,780 --> 00:12:31,217
meet her at SoulCycle
and bring a kitten... now!
281
00:12:31,284 --> 00:12:32,986
(kittens meow)
282
00:12:33,052 --> 00:12:35,188
‐(cheering) ‐Listen, Professor,
283
00:12:35,255 --> 00:12:37,056
why‐why are we hanging
around Moe's Tavern
284
00:12:37,123 --> 00:12:38,958
when we could be somewhere good?
285
00:12:39,025 --> 00:12:40,860
Fear not, my new best friends.
286
00:12:40,927 --> 00:12:42,528
I will take you on a tour
287
00:12:42,595 --> 00:12:44,897
of Springfield's
finest establishments.
288
00:12:44,964 --> 00:12:46,324
Come on, let's go.
It'll be joyous,
289
00:12:46,366 --> 00:12:48,301
and raucous, and other things.
290
00:12:48,368 --> 00:12:49,836
Three cheers for Frink!
291
00:12:49,902 --> 00:12:51,971
Actually, studies show
that one and a half
292
00:12:52,038 --> 00:12:54,407
is the optimum number
of cheers, so...
293
00:12:54,474 --> 00:12:55,842
ALL:
Hip hip hooray!
294
00:12:55,908 --> 00:12:57,844
‐Hip hip‐‐ ‐And done.
295
00:12:57,910 --> 00:12:59,746
FRINK:
♪ If you're poor
and find yourself ♪
296
00:12:59,812 --> 00:13:02,849
♪ Outside the door,
just ask me ♪
297
00:13:02,915 --> 00:13:04,984
♪ To buy your drink ♪
298
00:13:05,051 --> 00:13:07,186
♪ Hangin' with the Frink ♪
299
00:13:09,188 --> 00:13:11,157
♪ Clink my link,
you'll swim, not sink ♪
300
00:13:11,224 --> 00:13:13,860
♪ Here is my pitch,
come on, be rich ♪
301
00:13:13,926 --> 00:13:15,962
♪ Hey, what's to think ♪
302
00:13:16,029 --> 00:13:18,998
♪ Hangin' with the Frink ♪
303
00:13:19,065 --> 00:13:21,467
♪ Ah, yeah! ♪
304
00:13:21,534 --> 00:13:23,870
This Frink has been gold
peacocking all over town.
305
00:13:23,936 --> 00:13:27,006
What's taking you
Slide Rule Charlies so long?
306
00:13:27,073 --> 00:13:28,875
We aren't able to create
a cryptocurrency
307
00:13:28,941 --> 00:13:30,677
as powerful as the Frinkcoin.
308
00:13:30,743 --> 00:13:33,079
But... this equation,
if solved,
309
00:13:33,146 --> 00:13:35,782
could make all digital coins
worthless.
310
00:13:35,848 --> 00:13:37,016
Including Frink's.
311
00:13:37,083 --> 00:13:38,284
Excellent.
312
00:13:38,351 --> 00:13:40,186
How long will it take to solve?
313
00:13:40,253 --> 00:13:42,855
Well, if we work weekends
and bring in some extra help,
314
00:13:42,922 --> 00:13:44,624
I'd say 90,000 years.
315
00:13:44,691 --> 00:13:47,093
‐Uh‐huh, uh, yeah, uh‐huh.
‐Yeah, mm‐hmm.
316
00:13:47,160 --> 00:13:48,094
‐Bah!
‐Ow. Ow.
317
00:13:48,161 --> 00:13:49,295
‐Ow. Ow.
‐Ah.
318
00:13:49,362 --> 00:13:50,530
Get out!
319
00:13:50,596 --> 00:13:52,932
(straining)
320
00:13:52,999 --> 00:13:54,934
As for Frink,
if I can't break his bank,
321
00:13:55,001 --> 00:13:56,636
I'll break his spirit.
322
00:13:56,703 --> 00:13:58,805
(groaning)
323
00:13:58,871 --> 00:13:59,972
(ship horn blows)
324
00:14:00,039 --> 00:14:02,475
Amazing, Professor!
325
00:14:02,542 --> 00:14:04,744
‐You win again!
‐(helicopter whirring)
326
00:14:04,811 --> 00:14:08,247
(exclaims) This is my
only suit of clothes!
327
00:14:08,314 --> 00:14:10,116
Ahoy‐hoy!
I was in the neighborhood
328
00:14:10,183 --> 00:14:11,918
and thought
we might have a drink.
329
00:14:11,984 --> 00:14:14,087
You know, billionaire
to billionaire.
330
00:14:15,822 --> 00:14:16,923
Oh, I just love champagne
331
00:14:16,989 --> 00:14:18,858
that's been in space, don't you?
332
00:14:18,925 --> 00:14:22,061
Now, listen to me, your friends
don't give a whit about you.
333
00:14:22,128 --> 00:14:23,463
That is not true!
334
00:14:23,529 --> 00:14:25,098
Those guys are my best buddies!
335
00:14:25,164 --> 00:14:29,068
Fatso and Drunky
and the evil bartender there.
336
00:14:29,135 --> 00:14:30,970
Well, think about this,
Professor.
337
00:14:31,037 --> 00:14:32,614
The curse of wealth
is that you will never,
338
00:14:32,638 --> 00:14:36,809
ever again know
if anyone truly likes you.
339
00:14:36,876 --> 00:14:39,011
Oh, my, could it be
that they're,
340
00:14:39,078 --> 00:14:41,247
well, they're really
just leeches?
341
00:14:43,049 --> 00:14:44,984
(grunts)
342
00:14:45,051 --> 00:14:47,453
Hmm. Mm.
343
00:14:47,520 --> 00:14:49,288
(whistles)
344
00:14:49,355 --> 00:14:50,823
(sighs):
Oh, evil and, uh...
345
00:14:55,261 --> 00:14:57,597
Frink interview, final chapter,
"Happily Ever After."
346
00:14:57,663 --> 00:14:59,932
I'm just so unbelievably sad.
347
00:14:59,999 --> 00:15:00,933
I mean, is he right?
348
00:15:01,000 --> 00:15:03,136
Do I really have
no true friends?
349
00:15:05,972 --> 00:15:07,206
ROBOT:
Come get some.
350
00:15:07,273 --> 00:15:09,642
Don't worry about
what Mr. Burns says.
351
00:15:09,709 --> 00:15:11,611
He's a vicious old viper
who knows
352
00:15:11,677 --> 00:15:13,346
nothing of the human heart.
353
00:15:13,413 --> 00:15:15,014
Oh, and you do?
354
00:15:15,081 --> 00:15:16,801
Well, I've seen a lot
for an eight‐year‐old.
355
00:15:16,849 --> 00:15:19,419
My parents have split up
nearly a thousand times.
356
00:15:19,485 --> 00:15:22,455
My brother is a scab
on society's knee.
357
00:15:22,522 --> 00:15:25,024
And every time I get a pony
or make a friend,
358
00:15:25,091 --> 00:15:27,260
they get the hell out of town.
359
00:15:27,326 --> 00:15:29,028
Wow, you have lived
quite a life.
360
00:15:29,095 --> 00:15:31,197
Yeah, it's not all bad.
361
00:15:31,264 --> 00:15:32,965
I had a jazz friend.
362
00:15:33,032 --> 00:15:35,034
(sighs) Who died.
363
00:15:35,101 --> 00:15:36,202
(slurping)
364
00:15:36,269 --> 00:15:37,937
BURNS:
Here's my plan, Smithers.
365
00:15:38,004 --> 00:15:39,205
We put the equation here.
366
00:15:39,272 --> 00:15:42,408
And the ingenuity of crowds will
solve it for us by tomorrow,
367
00:15:42,475 --> 00:15:46,045
thus rendering all
cryptocurrency worthless.
368
00:15:46,112 --> 00:15:47,213
Well, what if they don't?
369
00:15:47,280 --> 00:15:48,848
Don't worry, Smithers.
370
00:15:48,915 --> 00:15:52,051
If this doesn't work, I'll get
some of my old Yale buddies in.
371
00:15:52,118 --> 00:15:54,387
Well, they're dead and their
children are dead, sir.
372
00:15:54,454 --> 00:15:56,823
Oh, my.
373
00:15:56,889 --> 00:15:58,558
Mm? Hmm.
374
00:15:58,624 --> 00:16:00,526
Someone's gonna solve that?
375
00:16:00,593 --> 00:16:03,963
This town is so dumb,
they built an indoor windfarm.
376
00:16:04,030 --> 00:16:07,867
They're so dumb, they need
a recipe to make ice!
377
00:16:07,934 --> 00:16:09,502
Stay in your lane, Mel!
378
00:16:09,569 --> 00:16:11,504
You've given me no lane!
379
00:16:11,571 --> 00:16:13,372
Eh, at least it's
not another billboard
380
00:16:13,439 --> 00:16:16,209
complaining about crimes
I haven't solved.
381
00:16:16,275 --> 00:16:18,277
(dramatic music playing)
382
00:16:28,588 --> 00:16:30,323
Who would do this, Lou?
383
00:16:30,389 --> 00:16:32,391
Who?!
384
00:16:34,060 --> 00:16:37,497
All my life, I believed
in the scientific meth‐od.
385
00:16:37,563 --> 00:16:40,666
I need proof that
my friends actually are...
386
00:16:40,733 --> 00:16:42,702
(clears throat)
uh, uh, friends.
387
00:16:42,768 --> 00:16:43,836
(door creaks)
388
00:16:43,903 --> 00:16:45,671
Hey, Professor.
389
00:16:45,738 --> 00:16:47,240
Boy, I can't wait
to sit in the skybox
390
00:16:47,306 --> 00:16:49,075
for the big game today.
391
00:16:49,141 --> 00:16:50,285
I'm gonna have
chicken and popcorn
392
00:16:50,309 --> 00:16:51,744
and never watch the game.
393
00:16:51,811 --> 00:16:53,646
Well, I'm so sorry,
change in plans.
394
00:16:53,713 --> 00:16:55,548
You see, the skybox
wasn't available,
395
00:16:55,615 --> 00:16:58,084
so I got regular tickets.
396
00:16:58,150 --> 00:16:59,719
Oh, that reminds me.
397
00:16:59,785 --> 00:17:01,020
I need to have a cyst removed.
398
00:17:01,087 --> 00:17:02,722
Now's as good a time as any.
399
00:17:02,788 --> 00:17:04,023
Yeah, and I got to be there
400
00:17:04,090 --> 00:17:05,858
to say, uh,
"Do not resuscitate."
401
00:17:05,925 --> 00:17:07,059
Do resuscitate!
402
00:17:07,126 --> 00:17:09,962
Ah, uh, I really should
write that down.
403
00:17:12,965 --> 00:17:14,867
(door creaks)
404
00:17:14,934 --> 00:17:18,037
All right, now, now, the
experiment is not yet complete.
405
00:17:18,104 --> 00:17:19,438
Let's just see here.
406
00:17:19,505 --> 00:17:22,275
(laughter)
407
00:17:22,341 --> 00:17:24,277
Oh, Professor, you kill me!
408
00:17:24,343 --> 00:17:28,147
I never heard such a crazy
bunch of nonsense talk.
409
00:17:28,214 --> 00:17:30,616
Yeah, I‐I was speaking
Mandarin Chinese.
410
00:17:30,683 --> 00:17:33,286
So... this time,
would one of you
411
00:17:33,352 --> 00:17:35,288
be so kind as to, uh...
412
00:17:36,989 --> 00:17:38,925
No one outsmarts ol' Gil.
413
00:17:38,991 --> 00:17:41,160
(exclaims)
Ooh, hot, hot, hot!
414
00:17:41,227 --> 00:17:42,461
Cha‐cha!
415
00:17:44,797 --> 00:17:46,499
Well, that's it, from now on,
416
00:17:46,566 --> 00:17:49,168
my only company will be A. I.,
I insist.
417
00:17:49,235 --> 00:17:51,404
ROBOT:
My first independent thought is
418
00:17:51,470 --> 00:17:54,373
‐I dislike you.
‐(groans)
419
00:17:54,440 --> 00:17:56,208
♪ ♪
420
00:18:02,281 --> 00:18:04,150
Oh, thank God you woke me.
421
00:18:04,216 --> 00:18:06,619
I was having a terrible dream.
422
00:18:06,686 --> 00:18:07,753
Oh, about what?
423
00:18:07,820 --> 00:18:09,622
All the awful things I've done.
424
00:18:09,689 --> 00:18:10,966
Oh, I knew you
shouldn't have had
425
00:18:10,990 --> 00:18:12,558
that second blueberry at dinner,
426
00:18:12,625 --> 00:18:14,126
but this is why I brought you.
427
00:18:14,193 --> 00:18:16,038
Look, someone posted a solution
on the whiteboard.
428
00:18:16,062 --> 00:18:17,763
Frink is ruined!
429
00:18:17,830 --> 00:18:19,999
♪ ♪
430
00:18:21,901 --> 00:18:24,103
Yarr, this problem has been
speared in the head,
431
00:18:24,170 --> 00:18:26,806
hauled on the deck,
and sliced up the guts,
432
00:18:26,872 --> 00:18:29,175
eh, mathematically speaking.
433
00:18:29,241 --> 00:18:30,543
Yarr.
434
00:18:30,610 --> 00:18:32,945
So, who found the solution?
435
00:18:33,012 --> 00:18:35,881
Did I do it?
436
00:18:35,948 --> 00:18:37,350
No...
437
00:18:37,416 --> 00:18:38,851
Hmm, I guess we'll never know.
438
00:18:38,918 --> 00:18:40,329
The important thing
is that once again,
439
00:18:40,353 --> 00:18:42,555
I am the richest man
440
00:18:42,622 --> 00:18:45,191
in a town of 32,000 people.
441
00:18:45,257 --> 00:18:47,693
Excellent.
442
00:18:47,760 --> 00:18:49,762
♪ ♪
443
00:18:55,134 --> 00:18:58,204
And so, the equation was solved.
444
00:18:58,270 --> 00:19:00,673
Solved by the one person
who could solve it:
445
00:19:00,740 --> 00:19:03,109
Professor John Frink.
446
00:19:03,175 --> 00:19:04,443
End of report.
447
00:19:04,510 --> 00:19:05,978
How did you know?
448
00:19:06,045 --> 00:19:08,848
A girl learns a lot writing
a second grade report.
449
00:19:08,914 --> 00:19:12,051
I knew that you'd be willing to
throw away everything you had,
450
00:19:12,118 --> 00:19:14,053
because it didn't mean anything.
451
00:19:14,120 --> 00:19:15,688
And I had a pretty good idea
452
00:19:15,755 --> 00:19:17,490
of what your handwriting
looks like.
453
00:19:17,556 --> 00:19:20,192
Also, anyone else
smart enough to solve this
454
00:19:20,259 --> 00:19:23,062
is too smart to come
to Springfield.
455
00:19:23,129 --> 00:19:24,830
Well, you really understand me.
456
00:19:24,897 --> 00:19:28,067
Young lady,
you are my best friend.
457
00:19:28,134 --> 00:19:29,135
Hoyvik.
458
00:19:29,201 --> 00:19:31,070
Aw, really?
459
00:19:31,137 --> 00:19:35,007
Well, beware, I lose
everything I care about.
460
00:19:35,074 --> 00:19:36,942
Well, you won't lose me.
461
00:19:37,009 --> 00:19:39,078
I'll always be right here.
462
00:19:39,145 --> 00:19:41,113
In this flash drive.
463
00:19:41,180 --> 00:19:44,083
I will treasure this forever.
464
00:19:44,150 --> 00:19:45,618
(chuckling)
465
00:19:45,685 --> 00:19:47,953
I had a billion dollars‐‐
what have I done?!
466
00:19:52,425 --> 00:19:54,694
Ugh. Ten glorious days of peace.
467
00:19:54,760 --> 00:19:56,462
I was able to finish
my dissertation.
468
00:19:56,529 --> 00:19:59,065
Losing a billion dollars
means nothing
469
00:19:59,131 --> 00:20:01,600
as long as I see you again.
470
00:20:04,704 --> 00:20:07,339
Are we gonna do this?
471
00:20:07,406 --> 00:20:08,474
(grunts)
472
00:20:08,541 --> 00:20:09,975
(both moaning)
473
00:20:11,977 --> 00:20:13,579
(nose whistling)
474
00:20:14,680 --> 00:20:17,183
(moaning continues)
475
00:20:17,249 --> 00:20:19,218
♪ ♪
476
00:20:21,020 --> 00:20:23,289
♪ Thanks for the currency ♪
477
00:20:23,355 --> 00:20:25,491
♪ All my dollar bills ♪
478
00:20:25,558 --> 00:20:28,260
♪ Piled up to the hills ♪
479
00:20:28,327 --> 00:20:30,529
♪ Ruble, pound, or Deutschmark ♪
480
00:20:30,596 --> 00:20:33,766
♪ You all give me
such thrills. ♪
481
00:20:33,833 --> 00:20:37,136
Didn't I fight alongside you
in the war?
482
00:20:37,203 --> 00:20:39,271
Um, we weren't on the same side,
483
00:20:39,338 --> 00:20:41,841
but I was there.
(chuckles)
484
00:20:43,776 --> 00:20:46,178
Ooh, much better.
485
00:20:46,245 --> 00:20:48,314
♪ Thanks ♪
486
00:20:48,380 --> 00:20:50,649
♪ For the currency ♪
487
00:20:50,716 --> 00:20:52,752
♪ We watched it rise and fall ♪
488
00:20:52,818 --> 00:20:55,054
FRINK:
♪ But we both had a ball ♪
489
00:20:55,121 --> 00:20:57,656
BOTH:
♪ We made this song so long ♪
490
00:20:57,723 --> 00:21:00,126
♪ It spilled into the crawl. ♪
491
00:21:00,192 --> 00:21:02,094
FRINK:
Hoyvik.
492
00:21:20,146 --> 00:21:23,716
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
493
00:21:29,121 --> 00:21:30,756
Shh!
35888
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