Original subtitles

Previously on "The Magicians"...

Charlton?

I was a passenger in your unconscious.

Now I'm still in your head...

But the conscious part.

Whoa, I... I'm... I'm no professor.

Penny, you're the only Brakebills-educated traveler

currently alive on this planet,

which makes you far more qualified to teach them

than anyone else I have.

It's Fogg.

He's stuck in the Etheric Realm,

and it's my fault.

Hello.

I am Bick of the esteemed House Pickwick.

(DRAMATIC MUSIC)

I've been on the inside, and I'm telling you

it's a goddamn goose-stepping,

fairy-snatching, ethnic cleansing Gestapo.

(SNARLING)

(BOOMING)

(GRUNTING)

Jesus.

So this pig dude told me I'm supposed to do a quest?

- Yeah, it's fine, Todd. - We fixed it.

The Harmonic Convergence isn't happening anymore.

- Uh, no. - He was talking about Fillory.

The end of Fillory?

So we saved the wrong world?

(CLEARS THROAT)

(HUMMING)

♪ Something, something, Fillory ♪

♪ A most amazing land

♪ Butt-fucked by catastrophe, and way before we planned ♪

♪ La, la, blah, blah, Fillory

♪ A land without a god

♪ Needs a brand-new hero, a strapping lad named... ♪

- Todd, please stop. - Okay.

- Okay. - Just wanna get this straight.

So Pig Man gave you the quest in the form of a song?

Yeah.

I might have changed some of the lines,

but that's the gist.

There's also, like, three more verses,

and the key change is tricky.

(HUMS)

Or you could just write it down.

Oh, I did.

The parts I could remember, anyway,

on a couple of napkins

and then on the back of my hand,

but don't worry.

I transferred that to another napkin.

- But short version... - Thank you.

Fillory is in real trouble.

He said death is coming

for everyone.

And then he rhymed that with "smeveryone."

Anyway, could you please help me?

I'm not going to help you.

I'm going to take over entirely for you.

Oh, thank God,

because I am dangerously underqualified for this.

I know.

My notes are at Brakebills.

I probably should've brought 'em.

Okay, so I'll meet you there.

- Kay, bye. - Okay.

Yeah, no shit, Fillory's in trouble.

Goes by the name of the Dark King.

Or whoever's ordering dark shit on his behalf.

We're still investigating.

Which we were kind of in the middle of

till you dragged us here 'cause you were sure.

Bacon McSwine-Flu was talking about

the Harmonic Convergence.

Oops, we accidentally stopped billions of people from dying.

- I'm sorry. - Hmm.

Look, I guessed wrong,

which is why you guys should wait

until I finish reading Todd's notes before you rush off.

Mm, I don't need Todd

to tell me which twat's messing up my kingdom.

But if he gives you a clue how to stop the Dark King,

you know where to find us.

Oh, and tell Josh to meet me

once he's done with his nephew's bar mitzvah.

Dude drops everything for family.

It's weird.

(SIGHS)

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

Oh, shit.

Uh, sorry I missed the meeting.

I can't travel, and... None of us can.

We all made it here on time,

'cause "emergency faculty meeting."

- Yeah, what's going on? - What did Lipson say?

Well, she's in a coma,

- so not much. - What?

I don't know if you tried casting yet today,

BUT FYI: Don't.

Circumstances are jacked.

- Some asshole moved the moon. - Oh, shit.

Acting Dean Lipson was resetting the campus wards,

didn't realize the Circumstances had changed.

Fogg's security system was sicced on her instead.

Is she gonna be okay?

From what I hear,

she didn't lose anything vital.

Most of it'll grow back,

but we can't even heal her be...

Because some asshole moved the moon.

- Yeah, I got it. - Yeah.

(DISTANT BOOM)

(PEOPLE SCREAMING)

(STAMMERING)

Can you shut the security system down

before anyone else gets hurt?

The Dean of Brakebills can with this, in theory.

Although, that's what Lipson was doing when she got...

- (CLICKS TONGUE) - Okay, so what?

Are you in charge then?

- You missed the boat. - Oh, it's cool.

I honestly couldn't give less of a shit.

- No, Penny. - It's a horrible job.

Nobody wants it.

We all voted for you.

You assholes.

The hell am I even supposed to do with this?

Well, if I knew that,

I wouldn't be giving it to you.

(CHUCKLES) Good luck.

(SIGHS)

(EERIE MUSIC)

♪♪

Where the hell could Fen have gone?

I know, right?

I gave her one... two...

Well, several jobs, but the headline was

"stay put and find the creep

with the hard-on for hunting fairies."

(TENSE MUSIC)

♪♪

- Okay, was he afraid of you? - Yup.

They all think it's my "time of the month."

- Woman or wolf? - Who cares?

Either way, I got 'em scared they'll end up bleeding, too,

so I'm off the hook for a few weeks.

Perk of marching with a bunch of scrotes

who have no clue how lady parts work.

Mm.

♪♪

Yes, your most excellent Pouchful-ness.

It'll be done straight away.

I also brewed clover tea, your favorite.

(CHUCKLES)

Odious veldt marmot.

Problems with the new boss, Rafe?

I hear she's a handful, between us.

Between us?

Her High Leapus Gertrude is a nightmare.

Who's got the King's ear.

Sadly, yes.

I took the job with her to try and make

the King's Council more animal-friendly,

but that creature is a traitor to her own.

Never trust an animal with a pouch.

She's nothing but a puppet to the king's chief advisor.

- Which is who again? - Bick Pickwick.

The sexist douche who ran the tournament?

He offered Her Long-footed-ness

a handsome deal to permanently relocate

all talking animals beyond the walls.

Bick has a deep hatred for anything non-human.

- Non-human meaning fairies. - Mm-hmm.

Bick's position could also explain

why there might be species cleansing without Seb knowing.

What are you, dickmatized?

No way Seb doesn't know.

There was plenty happening I didn't know about

when I was High King.

Which was fine, because you had me.

And Her Slowness, Abigail.

Oh.

Look, we'll argue, and I'll win later.

Right now we gotta find Fen and see if she did her job

and got any new intel on the fairies.

Oh, I was supposed to tell you.

Um, before she left, Fen said,

"The Maid on the Outside will soon be on the Inside."

And by "inside," she meant...

I'm not sure.

At times, she is what the animals call "human crazy."

Anything else?

Just that she was venturing

into the Windward Woods.

I'm gonna bank she's doing her actual job fairy-wise

and not just bird-watching.

- Let's find her. - You go ahead.

I'll go pursue a different line of inquiry.

(SOFT MUSIC)

♪♪

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

Yeah?

Professor... I mean...

(CLEARS THROAT) Dean Adiyodi?

Yeah, come in.

I have a problem.

A very big problem.

Someone stole my pencil case.

Full of... drugs?

Pencils. Special pencils.

And you thought,

"Hey, this a problem I should bring to the Dean..."

I think there's a conspiracy afoot,

a league of mischief makers

with a taste for high-end graphite.

♪♪

So we tried to cast a cleansing spell,

and instead, it just... It made live chickens.

So many chickens.

So apparently the fertility and contraception charms

got switched, so, um,

we have a bit of a situation.

They're special because of their smear resistance and...

I don't think you're taking me very seriously.

I promise you I am not.

All the air in there just turned to water.

I shouldn't have to be able to swim to take astronomy.

- (KNOCK ON DOOR) - Go away.

You really did it this time, huh?

Zelda warned us it would happen.

We changed the Circumstances of the moon for good.

Yeah. (SIGHS)

What do we do?

We try to live with what we did.

Back to basics.

Figure out how to cast again. Magic 101.

That's why I'm here,

but we have to figure it out fast.

We stopped the Harmonic Convergence,

but there's still too much magic.

Right, and... (LAUGHS)

If a surge happens,

every spell already jacked is gonna get me amped up to 11.

Christ!

It's too bad Fogg was sober when he left.

- What is it? - I don't know.

But I'd say this is an emergency.

Wouldn't you?

"For Emergencies Only."

That's not ominous at all.

Based on the locator spells on it,

we thought maybe it was built to...

To summon Fogg.

Think it could reach the Etheric Realm?

I mean, Kady said he can't leave,

but maybe we could get a message out.

Even if we could get it to reach Fogg,

using any magic right now could backfire,

like it did to Lipson.

Look, students are in actual danger,

this campus is going haywire,

no one knows when the next surge'll hit,

and I have no idea how to help.

I hate to admit it, but I think Fogg

was doing way more work than we give him credit for.

We need him back,

and if this thing can at least contact him...

Sounds like it's worth the risk.

Okay.

Whew.

(SNIFFS) This shit messes me up.

(STAMMERS) What the hell, Julia?

I'm fine. Did it work?

It's probably broken like everything else in this school.

(DISTANT BOOM)

(PEOPLE SCREAMING)

(SIGHS)

Duty calls.

(SOFTLY) Jesus. Hi.

Where have you been?

Well, I have to sleep sometimes,

and everything you do isn't that interesting.

I'm thinking whatever I miss,

I'll just find in your brain later.

What do you people call it? Uh, binge watching.

I fear outright rebellion.

The best and swiftest way to get it...

To get what? Your Majesty.

Gold.

Our reserves are depleted.

The salaries of our soldiers

and barrier builders haven't been paid in weeks,

and both are threatening to strike.

The slightest work stoppage could imperil all of us.

As reports indicate,

the Takers are gathering in force.

Which is why I must lead a cohort of Centurions

into the Windward Woods and find the gold

the fairies steal and hoard.

Okay, but that really doesn't track.

Fairies are into mushrooms and milk baths.

You have experience with them?

I do, sire.

- Mostly bad, right? - According to your memories.

Then you know that they're as untrustworthy

as they are greedy.

They have purloined our citizens' gold for years.

My men and I will get it back.

If I may, Your Majesty.

I do have experience with fairies,

and while they are crafty negotiators,

they're not thieves.

If they have our citizens' gold,

perhaps it's from a misunderstanding

that can be worked out diplomatically.

Payments are due no later than tomorrow's sunset.

I'm quite aware.

And diplomacy...

Can always be followed by force,

but the reverse is rarely true.

(SIGHS) Okay.

I get the charisma. His intelligence.

- He's royal but down to Earth. - Yeah, it's true.

- It works. - Mm-hmm.

But trust him?

(SCOFFS) Truly?

We need five pounds of gold by tomorrow

and another 15 by the week's end,

or the life of every Fillorian is in peril.

Accompany Pickwick.

If you find the fairies' encampment,

you have one hour to negotiate.

If that fails,

you'll stand down and let the Centurions

do whatever is necessary.

I trust your wisdom, sire.

(DRAMATIC MUSIC)

♪♪

Whoa! Hey, easy.

I'm High King Margo.

We were all pals back in the day.

Oh, we know who you are.

Look, my friend was supposed to find you.

- I think we can help each other. - Margo?

It's okay, Rowan. She's with me.

Ugh.

If that's from the selkie in the east fountain,

you might want to get tested for the clap.

Holy shit, am I glad to see you.

How'd you get out of the Etheric Realm?

Long story.

Point is, I heard your call.

I'm here, and yes,

I could use a goddamn drink.

- Weren't you sober? - Ah, yes.

Right, well,

the Etheric Realm was a lot.

(CHUCKLES)

Let's find a bottle,

and you can fill me in.

Okay.

(LIGHT MUSIC)

♪♪

The traveler professor who cannot travel

is now the Acting Dean. (CHUCKLES)

Students are blowing themselves up,

and I presume

you are the aforementioned "assholes who moved the moon."

Yes, but I found a workaround.

If you cast as if your altitude is 1,000 feet lower

and the Pleiades are six degrees further to the north,

well, then...

Ah.

If we apply this tweak to every spell,

we can teach people to cast without exploding

or turning things into chickens.

What happened to your hand?

I thought the Etheric Realm was supposed to be a fun trip.

Yes.

Leaving it, less so,

but I had no choice.

I couldn't risk anyone else getting hurt

by the security system I built.

Yes, I can deactivate it,

and I will need the master key, please.

- Thank you. - Whoa, hold up, hold up.

I still got student problems to put on your radar.

Penny, I have to go save hundreds of lives.

I think you can handle a few whiny students.

See? Delegating!

Look, we got a common enemy here.

The Dark King's goons

are itching to make your life hell.

We've always dealt with hostile humans.

Yeah, well, this one's got an army.

In which you serve.

I'm undercover so I can get information on him,

which we could be sharing with each other right now

if you'd just set your motherfucker to receive.

Okay, let's dial it down, guys.

- We're all friends here. - (SIGHS)

Forgive my bluntness, Fen,

but your choice of friends

makes me doubt our choice of ally.

Maybe you're too young or dumb to remember,

but I'm the king who made peace with your people.

Is that what you think you did?

Yeah.

Rowan, wait.

Okay, what does she think I did?

Well, very few fairies who knew you are still alive today,

and the rest just know the story of High King Margo,

which, over the centuries,

shifted with each retelling.

So I'm being boned by a giant game of telephone.

No, no, no, no, no.

Phone games are fun... This, not so much.

See, you say you made peace.

They say you destroyed their realm

and allowed fairy hunts for sport.

It's a real "potato, potahto."

No, it's "potato, po-massive-fucking-lie."

Look, I found them, gained their trust.

You think that was easy for me after what happened to my baby?

But I did it.

And then you barrel in and just completely screw the pooch.

- And not in a good way. - Okay.

You know what? You're right.

I... uh, yeah.

I am.

But now the fairies need to trust us both.

How can I help make that happen?

You won't like it.

Oh, that's not right.

I know what I'm doing, if you don't mind.

It's a mistake.

For sure.

I'm correcting spells for the new Circumstances.

It's math. I don't make mistakes at math.

No, I mean,

that is a spell for cooking without a fire,

but for real...

that's gonna be a pretty terrible steak.

You need flame to denature the proteins.

What do I know, though?

You a teacher here?

We could be colleagues.

I'm interviewing for the botany job.

Hamish Bax.

Alice Quinn.

Not related to Stephanie Quinn,

are you?

We met at a rare flower expo.

I found her orchid quite impressive.

Oh, God.

No. No, nothing like that.

I would never date another botanist.

Wait. Shit.

I don't understand. My fix was working.

According to Todd's napkins, there are,

"evil forces coming from a distant realm to invade."

You think this is enough to go on?

Well, Fillory was overrun by these Taker creatures,

so it's gotta be them.

So you're going?

- I could use your help. - I could use yours.

(DRAMATIC MUSIC)

Fogg's back.

You didn't even want to be a professor.

We're talking about the fate of an entire world.

Didn't we just do this, though?

♪♪

One minute, it's the Harmonic Convergence,

then it's the moon, and now Fillory?

Can't we just... Sit back and relax?

- No, but... - Come on, Penny.

Look, you know what I'm after.

A life with you,

here or wherever, honestly.

Why not Fillory?

Because not every apocalypse is our problem.

We just survived the last one by a hair,

and what is it all for if we can't kick back

on a beach somewhere and enjoy it?

Let me tell you something.

The world doesn't wait for timing to be right.

I want to know how long I've gotta wait.

You live to 35, and then you get to be done?

Or is this forever?

I get you need magic to mean something...

Oh, I see what this is.

You think it's some irrational reaction

to my best friend dying, and eventually,

I'll just get over it?

Well, your math was right before.

Okay, but it's definitely not now.

I don't know why, but I think

the Circumstances just changed again.

Oh, shit. I told Fogg it was safe.

If he tries to use my fix, and it backfires...

I have to warn him

before he tries to disable the security system.

♪♪

(SIGHS)

♪♪

Julia, I'm not judging you.

You're allowed to grieve however you want.

Thank you for your permission.

Yeah, but the shit you do affects me too.

I think I can't do what I need to do

if I'm worried about how it's gonna affect you.

- Worried about me? - I'm worried about you.

Yeah. That's the problem.

So...

what are you saying?

I think we need to be done.

(ALARM BLARING)

Emergency protocols are active.

The hell?

For your own safety, please stay in place

and await instructions.

Emergency protocols are active.

For your own safety,

please stay in place and await instructions.

Emergency protocols are active.

For your own safety,

please stay in place and await instructions.

Emergency protocols...

Looks like you're not going to Fillory after all.

For your own safety, please stay in place...

Look, I really thought I was doing the right thing.

By robbing us of our homeland?

By giving you a place

where you and your weird mushroom eggs could survive.

You promised sanctuary and left us vulnerable.

When your people persecuted us

because we had no way to defend ourselves,

you abandoned us.

And you can understand

how that would make the fairies feel, can't you, Margo?

Okay, yeah, of course

I'm sorry you went through that,

but it was after my reign ended.

You really think that justifies

the harm you set into motion?

Jesus.

You step out for 300 goddamn years,

and a bunch of gossip girls

turn your whole life into the Nuremberg trials?

Margo.

Look, this diplomatic milk bath is all very kabuki,

but let me tell you what my dad always said.

"You can't fix stupid."

Skipping past the fact he always said it to me,

I'll add, I'm not the problem here,

and if you don't work with me to bring down the Dark King,

you're Olympic-gold-medal stupid.

- Ember's balls, Margo. - Get out.

(GRUNTS)

Bick coming! Run, hide!

(ALARM BLARING)

Emergency protocols are active.

Dean. Dean!

And await instructions.

Emergency protocols are active.

- Penny. - The hell is going on?

I'm afraid Alice's circumstantial mediation

didn't work.

When I tried to shut down the security system,

it set off all the school's defenses at once.

- And you can't shut it down? - I'm trying.

In the meanwhile, I strongly suggest you stay put

so you don't get blown up and sprayed with acid,

eaten by centipedes, or turned into one.

- (CHUCKLES) - This is a school.

Hey, got most of it, but we still need to...

- Yes, I know what we need. - Let's go.

Well, how can we help?

- Stay put. - (SIGHS)

Eliot and I have it covered.

You mean Todd?

Y... yes. Of course.

Isn't that what I said?

Oh, wait, Todd.

I just had a quick question,

uh, about something the Pig Man said.

Of course, yeah.

(STAMMERS) Which professor's Pig Man?

The Pig Man. From Fillory?

- What about him? - Todd!

Sorry, gotta bounce.

You saw that, right?

He had no clue what I was talking about.

- It's Todd. - He's always clueless.

No, I'm telling you something's up.

I mean, Fogg's acting off, too, right?

The drinking, the burns on his hands.

I just figured the Etheric Realm did a number on him.

You saw what Todd was carrying, too, right?

I mean, Azurite, Bondoc Prisms, beech ash.

That's all reserved for Major Arcana.

Or they could just be trying to fix the security spells.

We should follow them.

And get turned into centipedes or whatever?

No, thanks.

Also, no offense,

rather not be around you right now.

What? Yeah, cool.

Okay, stay here by yourself. I... I'm gonna go.

And get turned into a centipede.

Fuck.

Well, this is definitely the most exciting job interview

I've ever been on.

I don't understand why you're still hoping to reach Fogg.

He clearly tried your casting tweak, and it backfired.

Why we're trapped here in the first place?

Well, if he's trying to fix it,

he'll need to understand

how to adjust our current situation.

I'm getting the sense

you're not a fan of things you can't calculate.

I'm starting to see why you spend all your time

around plants.

Shit.

How do the Circumstances keep changing?

Look, what do you say we forget the note,

take down those wards, and go find the Dean ourselves?

We can't even cast properly.

Undoing a spell doesn't require the same rigor.

It's like pulling up a weed with a deep taproot.

Just need to get under it at the right point, and...

Voilà.

(YELPING)

(GROANS) Okay.

Okay, maybe I'm just paying for that botanist's confidence.

I don't think I should try a healing spell.

I think it might make things worse.

Infirmary?

That's all the way across campus.

Okay, um, can we make it to the greenhouse?

There might be something there I can use.

(SIGHS) They were just here.

Someone must've warned them.

Search the tents.

(MEN SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)

(OMINOUS MUSIC)

♪♪

Hey.

Didn't you hear the order? Check the tents.

- Now. - Okay.

Go.

Well, well. Look what I found.

He planted that.

He planted that gold like a bad cop,

like that show you... like Vic Mackey on "The Shield."

You were lecturing me on the true nature of fairies?

They've changed,

it would appear.

Janet of House Pluchinsky, what are you doing here?

Been with you guys the whole time.

Jesus.

Women are just invisible to you, aren't they, sir?

Congratulations, Bick.

Now, shouldn't we get this gold back to our king

as soon as possible?

We'll hunt the fairies down another day

and no doubt find more gold.

Centurions, back to Whitespire.

- Thanks for the heads up. BOTH: You're welcome.

- Careful. - Oh, Jesus.

Land mines.

Oh. (CHUCKLES) Hey, guys.

Um, aren't you supposed to be on lockdown?

- Wanted to help. - What you up to?

Ah, nothing.

Just, like, getting supplies.

- That's cinnabar. - That shit's pretty toxic.

- Mm-hmm. - No.

This is, um, cinna... mon.

Cinnamon?

How's cinnamon gonna help with the security system?

Dean Fogg asked if I could...

Why you acting so squirrely?

Why are you acting so squirrely?

I always act this way, okay?

You know, whatever.

I have to get this for Fogg... To Fogg, because of the...

For his toast, I don't know.

- Wait, careful! - There are land mines.

Thank you.

Holy shit!

(DRAMATIC MUSIC)

♪♪

Oh, my God.

Did I just die?

(GROANS)

Here.

(GROANING)

You see anything we can use for an antidote?

Is there a section for healing herbs?

Uh...

Look for variants of plantago lanceolata.

Okay.

Hey, I found it.

Okay, you need to make a poultice from the leaves.

(TENSE MUSIC)

♪♪

That blossom...

it's from a different world.

It shouldn't even be able to grow here.

Why not?

Different Circumstances.

♪♪

Everyone thought she'd died before she cracked it.

What are you talking about?

Ahh. (SHARP INHALE)

Your late Exo-Botony professor was working on

a sort of terrarium for magical plants.

They don't need just water or light.

They require specific Circumstances to survive.

That's to make the Circumstances match

to any growing conditions.

Moon, body of water, altitude.

Holy shit. I think you're right.

Mm.

- Wait, wait, wait! - You might kill the flower.

Yeah, or find the fix for magic.

(GASPS)

(GASPS)

Wow. That actually worked.

Just shut up for a second.

What is it?

If Fogg gets my note,

I might actually be able to fix this mess.

So other Todd tied you up and locked you in a closet?

Yeah, but I've never been great with knots,

so it was pretty easy for me to escape.

Only question is, why would evil twin me

wanna get rid of me in the first place?

(GASPS) Of course.

"Evil."

He wasn't your twin.

I think he's from another timeline.

- Wait, for realsies? - No, it... it adds up.

(STAMMERS) You know, the two Todds plus cinnabar,

which last time I saw, was being used for time magic.

I always wanted to meet someone from another timeline.

Wait a minute, guys.

What if Dean Fogg isn't our Fogg?

- Describe him. - I transcribed his memoir.

I know all 40 Foggs.

Even got nicknames for some of them.

(CHUCKLES) Fedora Fogg,

Cocaine Fogg, Swinger Fogg...

Actually, those last two are the same Fogg.

Uh, well, this one's a heavy drinker.

No, that doesn't really narrow it down.

- Okay. - He has burns on his hands.

He calls you... Other you "Eliot."

- He has... - Ohh.

Poop.

What?

I call that one Psycho Fogg.

See, in timeline 17, Brakebills kinda blew up.

Killed almost everybody.

And those burns on Fogg's hands...

They're kinda 'cause he's the one who did it.

Well, what would he be doing here?

Psycho Fogg?

Let's not wait to find out, okay?

- Let's go. - Ah, okay.

Just over six pounds.

Enough to mollify the soldiers and workers

for tonight, at least.

You're confident you can retrieve more?

No, sire.

Certain.

(SNIFFS) Ugh.

(SNIFFS) Mm.

Smells like... shit.

I don't control where the fairies hide

their stolen wealth. (CHUCKLES)

Well, as long as it pays like gold.

(OMINOUS MUSIC)

♪♪

(SIGHS)

This scalawag is so Vic Mackey.

- Gold-shitting beetles. - (CLICKS TONGUE)

Everybody said they've been extinct for hundreds of years.

A rumor started by the Pickwicks, I bet.

Hmm.

I think we're looking at a little family secret.

(SIGHS)

Thank God I got your note in time.

I think we might be able to actually shut down

this goddamn security system.

If I'm right, this should adjust Circumstances

in the entire greenhouse,

allowing us to cast.

Let's test it first, shall we?

Not bad, Quinn.

- Can we fix the lockdown now? - I think so.

I just need one last thing from Todd.

- Cinnabar, right? - Todd couldn't make it.

Sorry.

- What's going on? - Fogg's not who he says he is.

So who is he?

He's Dean Fogg from timeline 17.

Lockdown wasn't an accident, was it?

You made it happen.

Perhaps I did.

- (GASPS) - Ah!

Take one more step,

and I will hurt them.

Now, please.

Hand me the cinnabar.

What are you gonna do with it?

I'm going to fix things.

I've seen that thing before.

That's the device Stoppard built

to travel between timelines.

Yes, I took it from him to get here,

then made a few modifications.

Enough to take all of Brakebills back home

with me.

Whoa, listen. Hey.

Look, I get it.

My timeline was a mess also,

but you have a Brakebills here with no Fogg.

Why don't you just stay?

(LAUGHS)

Penny. Sure.

When things start go wrong,

just fuck off to the next timeline.

How very appropriate.

But didn't you destroy your Brakebills, and everyone died?

Yes, a measure I took to try to contain

the damage The Beast could do.

And when that failed,

Jane Chatwin got to go to the next time loop

while I had to stay behind

and live with the goddamn consequences.

Your timeline continued even though Jane reset it?

Yes, dear.

Were you dropped on your head in this timeline?

You should be well familiar with the multiverse hypothesis.

As it turns out,

one of the goddamn consequences is I discovered

I have a grown daughter currently living

in my post-apocalyptic shitshow of a timeline

with hardly any living Magicians and no resources.

I need this Brakebills

and everyone in it to fix where I came from.

You cannot uproot everyone in this timeline

just to be a good dad, okay?

Watch me.

Fucking father of the year! (CHUCKLES)

Penny, if you're smart,

you will hand me that cinnabar and join me.

Doesn't sound too smart to me.

Well, you can't travel anymore, yes?

(CHUCKLES)

I know a psychic in my timeline

who might be able to fix you.

Her specialty is unlocking latent abilities.

She's done extensive studies on travelers.

And I'm fucking her.

Heh.

Penny.

You're not actually considering...

And get my GPS fixed?

Why not?

Because everyone in this timeline deserves a Brakebills.

Yeah, well, I'm not from this timeline.

Wait. Dean Fogg, no!

- (BOOMING) - (GRUNTS)

God damn it.

What happened?

That cinnabar we gave you?

We swapped it out for cinnamon.

Doesn't play too nice with time magic.

We actually got the idea from Todd, uh, before he...

You know what? Never mind.

Now how 'bout you show us how to lift that lockdown?

The smell is how you knew?

I'd read about the beetles who excreted gold,

but we were all told they disappeared generations ago.

Surprisingly,

Bick's all about saving endangered species.

(LAUGHS SOFTLY) Ridiculous, sire.

Your apartments have already been searched, Bick.

Obviously, the fairies never had any gold,

and Bick never had any reason to hate them.

♪♪

They are not Fillorian.

That's reason enough.

You'd have had their innocent blood on my hands?

What fairy is innocent?

Um, all of them.

(SIGHS)

Sire, please, please. Thi... this is outrageous.

Be reasonable!

That was satisfying.

I'm so sorry.

That can't have been easy.

I know how much you trusted him.

No, thank you...

for bringing a little honesty to this castle.

Bick didn't make Seb dark.

He is dark.

- I like him, okay? - (GROANS)

Maybe I like him because I hope he's not fucked up.

Maybe I like him because I hope he is,

because I am too.

Maybe all I deserve is fucked up.

When you think that way, it's all you'll ever get.

Why do you care so much?

What? I don't.

But what happens to you happens to me,

and I don't want him happening to me.

I know I deserve better.

Wild guess.

Your mother and your father both loved you unconditionally.

- How did you know? - How could I not?

What did you do with Fogg 17?

Can't arrest him, can't let him go,

so we put him in the Clean Room.

He can't cast there, so at least this way,

if there's something else that goes wrong at Brakebills,

there's a Fogg I can talk to about it.

There's one thing I'm certain of.

Things are absolutely going to keep going wrong here.

I have a theory why magic isn't working right.

I've been studying the control panel,

and there's a readout on prevailing Circumstances

outside the tank, and...

well, the moon was all over the place.

- I don't understand. - I thought...

I mean, when we fixed the moon,

it was like we never even broke it.

I think the Lunatics were right

and the moon's got feelings, and apparently,

she's pissed at us.

Great. How do we fix that?

(LAUGHS SOFTLY)

I have no idea, so I'm just gonna

keep studying the control panel at the green house

and see what solution I can come up with.

Thank you.

Oh, speaking of,

I hear your botanist friend is doing better.

Not my friend, just somebody I helped out.

Okay, well, the hiring committee gave him an offer,

so you might run into him in Botany Bay.

Oh.

Fucking great.

(DOOR SLAMS)

Yeah, I, um... I should probably go too.

Yeah.

Still going to Fillory?

Somebody's gotta stop the apocalypse.

And it's gotta be you.

Penny.

Just...

In my timeline,

I let you go on a quest to Fillory without me,

and you never came back.

I'm not that Julia.

I... I know, I'm not...

I didn't just come here and swap Julias, that's...

You're totally different.

Christ, you have no idea.

The only thing you for sure have in common

is I could not stop her

when she set her mind to something either.

I have to do this, Penny.

I know.

I just can't go through that again.

And so here we are.

Here we are.

Be safe, Julia.

Yeah.

(DOOR CLICKS SHUT)

As I told Margo, we are deeply grateful.

You risked everything for us.

The least we can do is to show you the truth.

This way.

(TENSE MUSIC)

♪♪

(MUTTERING INCANTATION)

(DRAMATIC MUSIC)

♪♪

(SNARLING)

♪♪

(SNARLING)

♪♪

♪ The evil forces enter a forest glade ♪

(VOICE CRACKS) ♪ Coming from a distant realm to invade ♪

♪ We have to seal the door of death ♪

♪ We'll come for every one

♪ Destroying all of nature

♪ Buh, buh, blah, blah, smeveryone ♪

- Remember? - Mm.

♪ The horny, horny...