All language subtitles for The.Magicians.US.S05E07.Acting.Dean.AMZN.NTG+ION10.HI

Previously on "The Magicians"...

Charlton?

I was a passenger
in your unconscious.

Now I'm still in your head...

But the conscious part.

Whoa, I... I'm...
I'm no professor.

Penny, you're the only
Brakebills-educated traveler

currently alive on this planet,

which makes you far more
qualified to teach them

than anyone else I have.

It's Fogg.

He's stuck in the Etheric Realm,

and it's my fault.

Hello.

I am Bick of the esteemed
House Pickwick.

(DRAMATIC MUSIC)

I've been on the inside,
and I'm telling you

it's a goddamn goose-stepping,

fairy-snatching,
ethnic cleansing Gestapo.

(SNARLING)

(BOOMING)

(GRUNTING)

Jesus.

So this pig dude told me
I'm supposed to do a quest?

- Yeah, it's fine, Todd.
- We fixed it.

The Harmonic Convergence
isn't happening anymore.

- Uh, no.
- He was talking about Fillory.

The end of Fillory?

So we saved the wrong world?

(CLEARS THROAT)

(HUMMING)

♪ Something, something,
Fillory ♪

♪ A most amazing land

♪ Butt-fucked by catastrophe,
and way before we planned ♪

♪ La, la, blah, blah, Fillory

♪ A land without a god

♪ Needs a brand-new hero,
a strapping lad named... ♪

- Todd, please stop.
- Okay.

- Okay.
- Just wanna get this straight.

So Pig Man gave you the quest
in the form of a song?

Yeah.

I might have changed
some of the lines,

but that's the gist.

There's also, like,
three more verses,

and the key change is tricky.

(HUMS)

Or you could just write it down.

Oh, I did.

The parts I could
remember, anyway,

on a couple of napkins

and then on the back of my hand,

but don't worry.

I transferred that
to another napkin.

- But short version...
- Thank you.

Fillory is in real trouble.

He said death is coming

for everyone.

And then he rhymed that
with "smeveryone."

Anyway,
could you please help me?

I'm not going to help you.

I'm going to take over
entirely for you.

Oh, thank God,

because I am dangerously
underqualified for this.

I know.

My notes are at Brakebills.

I probably should've
brought 'em.

Okay, so I'll meet you there.

- Kay, bye.
- Okay.

Yeah, no shit,
Fillory's in trouble.

Goes by the name
of the Dark King.

Or whoever's ordering
dark shit on his behalf.

We're still investigating.

Which we were kind
of in the middle of

till you dragged us here
'cause you were sure.

Bacon McSwine-Flu
was talking about

the Harmonic Convergence.

Oops, we accidentally stopped
billions of people from dying.

- I'm sorry.
- Hmm.

Look, I guessed wrong,

which is why you guys
should wait

until I finish reading Todd's
notes before you rush off.

Mm, I don't need Todd

to tell me which twat's
messing up my kingdom.

But if he gives you a clue
how to stop the Dark King,

you know where to find us.

Oh, and tell Josh to meet me

once he's done with
his nephew's bar mitzvah.

Dude drops everything
for family.

It's weird.

(SIGHS)

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

Oh, shit.

Uh, sorry I missed the meeting.

I can't travel, and...
None of us can.

We all made it here on time,

'cause "emergency
faculty meeting."

- Yeah, what's going on?
- What did Lipson say?

Well, she's in a coma,

- so not much.
- What?

I don't know if you tried
casting yet today,

BUT FYI: Don't.

Circumstances are jacked.

- Some asshole moved the moon.
- Oh, shit.

Acting Dean Lipson
was resetting the campus wards,

didn't realize
the Circumstances had changed.

Fogg's security system
was sicced on her instead.

Is she gonna be okay?

From what I hear,

she didn't lose anything vital.

Most of it'll grow back,

but we can't even heal her be...

Because some asshole
moved the moon.

- Yeah, I got it.
- Yeah.

(DISTANT BOOM)

(PEOPLE SCREAMING)

(STAMMERING)

Can you shut
the security system down

before anyone else gets hurt?

The Dean of Brakebills can
with this, in theory.

Although, that's what Lipson
was doing when she got...

- (CLICKS TONGUE)
- Okay, so what?

Are you in charge then?

- You missed the boat.
- Oh, it's cool.

I honestly couldn't give
less of a shit.

- No, Penny.
- It's a horrible job.

Nobody wants it.

We all voted for you.

You assholes.

The hell am I even
supposed to do with this?

Well, if I knew that,

I wouldn't be giving it to you.

(CHUCKLES) Good luck.

(SIGHS)

(EERIE MUSIC)

♪♪

Where the hell
could Fen have gone?

I know, right?

I gave her one... two...

Well, several jobs,
but the headline was

"stay put and find the creep

with the hard-on
for hunting fairies."

(TENSE MUSIC)

♪♪

- Okay, was he afraid of you?
- Yup.

They all think it's my
"time of the month."

- Woman or wolf?
- Who cares?

Either way, I got 'em scared
they'll end up bleeding, too,

so I'm off the hook
for a few weeks.

Perk of marching
with a bunch of scrotes

who have no clue
how lady parts work.

Mm.

♪♪

Yes, your most excellent
Pouchful-ness.

It'll be done straight away.

I also brewed clover tea,
your favorite.

(CHUCKLES)

Odious veldt marmot.

Problems with the new boss,
Rafe?

I hear she's a handful,
between us.

Between us?

Her High Leapus Gertrude
is a nightmare.

Who's got the King's ear.

Sadly, yes.

I took the job with her
to try and make

the King's Council
more animal-friendly,

but that creature
is a traitor to her own.

Never trust an animal
with a pouch.

She's nothing but a puppet
to the king's chief advisor.

- Which is who again?
- Bick Pickwick.

The sexist douche
who ran the tournament?

He offered Her Long-footed-ness

a handsome deal
to permanently relocate

all talking animals
beyond the walls.

Bick has a deep hatred
for anything non-human.

- Non-human meaning fairies.
- Mm-hmm.

Bick's position
could also explain

why there might be species
cleansing without Seb knowing.

What are you, dickmatized?

No way Seb doesn't know.

There was plenty happening
I didn't know about

when I was High King.

Which was fine,
because you had me.

And Her Slowness, Abigail.

Oh.

Look, we'll argue,
and I'll win later.

Right now we gotta find Fen
and see if she did her job

and got any new intel
on the fairies.

Oh, I was supposed to tell you.

Um, before she left, Fen said,

"The Maid on the Outside
will soon be on the Inside."

And by "inside," she meant...

I'm not sure.

At times, she is what
the animals call "human crazy."

Anything else?

Just that she was venturing

into the Windward Woods.

I'm gonna bank she's doing
her actual job fairy-wise

and not just bird-watching.

- Let's find her.
- You go ahead.

I'll go pursue
a different line of inquiry.

(SOFT MUSIC)

♪♪

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

Yeah?

Professor... I mean...

(CLEARS THROAT) Dean Adiyodi?

Yeah, come in.

I have a problem.

A very big problem.

Someone stole my pencil case.

Full of... drugs?

Pencils. Special pencils.

And you thought,

"Hey, this a problem
I should bring to the Dean..."

I think there's
a conspiracy afoot,

a league of mischief makers

with a taste
for high-end graphite.

♪♪

So we tried to cast
a cleansing spell,

and instead, it just...
It made live chickens.

So many chickens.

So apparently the fertility
and contraception charms

got switched, so, um,

we have a bit of a situation.

They're special because of
their smear resistance and...

I don't think you're
taking me very seriously.

I promise you I am not.

All the air in there
just turned to water.

I shouldn't have to be able
to swim to take astronomy.

- (KNOCK ON DOOR)
- Go away.

You really did it this time,
huh?

Zelda warned us it would happen.

We changed the Circumstances
of the moon for good.

Yeah. (SIGHS)

What do we do?

We try to live with what we did.

Back to basics.

Figure out how to cast again.
Magic 101.

That's why I'm here,

but we have
to figure it out fast.

We stopped
the Harmonic Convergence,

but there's still
too much magic.

Right, and... (LAUGHS)

If a surge happens,

every spell already jacked
is gonna get me amped up to 11.

Christ!

It's too bad Fogg was sober
when he left.

- What is it?
- I don't know.

But I'd say
this is an emergency.

Wouldn't you?

"For Emergencies Only."

That's not ominous at all.

Based on
the locator spells on it,

we thought maybe
it was built to...

To summon Fogg.

Think it could reach
the Etheric Realm?

I mean,
Kady said he can't leave,

but maybe we could get
a message out.

Even if we could get it
to reach Fogg,

using any magic right now
could backfire,

like it did to Lipson.

Look, students
are in actual danger,

this campus is going haywire,

no one knows when
the next surge'll hit,

and I have no idea how to help.

I hate to admit it,
but I think Fogg

was doing way more work
than we give him credit for.

We need him back,

and if this thing can
at least contact him...

Sounds like it's worth the risk.

Okay.

Whew.

(SNIFFS) This shit messes me up.

(STAMMERS) What the hell, Julia?

I'm fine. Did it work?

It's probably broken like
everything else in this school.

(DISTANT BOOM)

(PEOPLE SCREAMING)

(SIGHS)

Duty calls.

(SOFTLY) Jesus. Hi.

Where have you been?

Well, I have to sleep sometimes,

and everything you do
isn't that interesting.

I'm thinking whatever I miss,

I'll just find
in your brain later.

What do you people call it?
Uh, binge watching.

I fear outright rebellion.

The best and swiftest way
to get it...

To get what? Your Majesty.

Gold.

Our reserves are depleted.

The salaries of our soldiers

and barrier builders
haven't been paid in weeks,

and both are threatening
to strike.

The slightest work stoppage
could imperil all of us.

As reports indicate,

the Takers are gathering
in force.

Which is why I must lead
a cohort of Centurions

into the Windward Woods
and find the gold

the fairies steal and hoard.

Okay, but that really
doesn't track.

Fairies are into mushrooms
and milk baths.

You have experience with them?

I do, sire.

- Mostly bad, right?
- According to your memories.

Then you know that
they're as untrustworthy

as they are greedy.

They have purloined
our citizens' gold for years.

My men and I will get it back.

If I may, Your Majesty.

I do have experience
with fairies,

and while they are
crafty negotiators,

they're not thieves.

If they have our citizens' gold,

perhaps it's from
a misunderstanding

that can be worked out
diplomatically.

Payments are due no later
than tomorrow's sunset.

I'm quite aware.

And diplomacy...

Can always be followed by force,

but the reverse is rarely true.

(SIGHS) Okay.

I get the charisma.
His intelligence.

- He's royal but down to Earth.
- Yeah, it's true.

- It works.
- Mm-hmm.

But trust him?

(SCOFFS) Truly?

We need five pounds of gold
by tomorrow

and another 15
by the week's end,

or the life of every Fillorian
is in peril.

Accompany Pickwick.

If you find
the fairies' encampment,

you have one hour to negotiate.

If that fails,

you'll stand down
and let the Centurions

do whatever is necessary.

I trust your wisdom, sire.

(DRAMATIC MUSIC)

♪♪

Whoa! Hey, easy.

I'm High King Margo.

We were all pals
back in the day.

Oh, we know who you are.

Look, my friend
was supposed to find you.

- I think we can help each other.
- Margo?

It's okay, Rowan. She's with me.

Ugh.

If that's from the selkie
in the east fountain,

you might want to get tested
for the clap.

Holy shit, am I glad to see you.

How'd you get out
of the Etheric Realm?

Long story.

Point is, I heard your call.

I'm here, and yes,

I could use a goddamn drink.

- Weren't you sober?
- Ah, yes.

Right, well,

the Etheric Realm was a lot.

(CHUCKLES)

Let's find a bottle,

and you can fill me in.

Okay.

(LIGHT MUSIC)

♪♪

The traveler professor
who cannot travel

is now the Acting Dean.
(CHUCKLES)

Students are
blowing themselves up,

and I presume

you are the aforementioned
"assholes who moved the moon."

Yes, but I found a workaround.

If you cast as if your altitude
is 1,000 feet lower

and the Pleiades are six
degrees further to the north,

well, then...

Ah.

If we apply this tweak
to every spell,

we can teach people to cast
without exploding

or turning things into chickens.

What happened to your hand?

I thought the Etheric Realm
was supposed to be a fun trip.

Yes.

Leaving it, less so,

but I had no choice.

I couldn't risk anyone else
getting hurt

by the security system I built.

Yes, I can deactivate it,

and I will need
the master key, please.

- Thank you.
- Whoa, hold up, hold up.

I still got student problems
to put on your radar.

Penny, I have to go save
hundreds of lives.

I think you can handle
a few whiny students.

See? Delegating!

Look, we got
a common enemy here.

The Dark King's goons

are itching to make
your life hell.

We've always dealt
with hostile humans.

Yeah, well,
this one's got an army.

In which you serve.

I'm undercover so I can
get information on him,

which we could be sharing
with each other right now

if you'd just set your
motherfucker to receive.

Okay, let's dial it down, guys.

- We're all friends here.
- (SIGHS)

Forgive my bluntness, Fen,

but your choice of friends

makes me doubt
our choice of ally.

Maybe you're too young
or dumb to remember,

but I'm the king who made peace
with your people.

Is that what you think you did?

Yeah.

Rowan, wait.

Okay, what does she think I did?

Well, very few fairies who
knew you are still alive today,

and the rest just know
the story of High King Margo,

which, over the centuries,

shifted with each retelling.

So I'm being boned
by a giant game of telephone.

No, no, no, no, no.

Phone games are fun...
This, not so much.

See, you say you made peace.

They say you destroyed
their realm

and allowed
fairy hunts for sport.

It's a real "potato, potahto."

No, it's "potato,
po-massive-fucking-lie."

Look, I found them,
gained their trust.

You think that was easy for me
after what happened to my baby?

But I did it.

And then you barrel in and just
completely screw the pooch.

- And not in a good way.
- Okay.

You know what? You're right.

I... uh, yeah.

I am.

But now the fairies
need to trust us both.

How can I help make that happen?

You won't like it.

Oh, that's not right.

I know what I'm doing,
if you don't mind.

It's a mistake.

For sure.

I'm correcting spells
for the new Circumstances.

It's math.
I don't make mistakes at math.

No, I mean,

that is a spell
for cooking without a fire,

but for real...

that's gonna be
a pretty terrible steak.

You need flame
to denature the proteins.

What do I know, though?

You a teacher here?

We could be colleagues.

I'm interviewing
for the botany job.

Hamish Bax.

Alice Quinn.

Not related to Stephanie Quinn,

are you?

We met at a rare flower expo.

I found her orchid
quite impressive.

Oh, God.

No. No, nothing like that.

I would never date
another botanist.

Wait. Shit.

I don't understand.
My fix was working.

According to Todd's napkins,
there are,

"evil forces coming from
a distant realm to invade."

You think this is enough
to go on?

Well, Fillory was overrun
by these Taker creatures,

so it's gotta be them.

So you're going?

- I could use your help.
- I could use yours.

(DRAMATIC MUSIC)

Fogg's back.

You didn't even want
to be a professor.

We're talking about the fate
of an entire world.

Didn't we just do this, though?

♪♪

One minute,
it's the Harmonic Convergence,

then it's the moon,
and now Fillory?

Can't we just...
Sit back and relax?

- No, but...
- Come on, Penny.

Look, you know what I'm after.

A life with you,

here or wherever, honestly.

Why not Fillory?

Because not every apocalypse
is our problem.

We just survived the last one
by a hair,

and what is it all for
if we can't kick back

on a beach somewhere
and enjoy it?

Let me tell you something.

The world doesn't wait
for timing to be right.

I want to know
how long I've gotta wait.

You live to 35,
and then you get to be done?

Or is this forever?

I get you need magic
to mean something...

Oh, I see what this is.

You think it's some
irrational reaction

to my best friend dying,
and eventually,

I'll just get over it?

Well, your math
was right before.

Okay, but it's definitely
not now.

I don't know why, but I think

the Circumstances
just changed again.

Oh, shit.
I told Fogg it was safe.

If he tries to use my fix,
and it backfires...

I have to warn him

before he tries to disable
the security system.

♪♪

(SIGHS)

♪♪

Julia, I'm not judging you.

You're allowed to grieve
however you want.

Thank you for your permission.

Yeah, but the shit you do
affects me too.

I think I can't
do what I need to do

if I'm worried about how
it's gonna affect you.

- Worried about me?
- I'm worried about you.

Yeah. That's the problem.

So...

what are you saying?

I think we need to be done.

(ALARM BLARING)

Emergency protocols are active.

The hell?

For your own safety,
please stay in place

and await instructions.

Emergency protocols are active.

For your own safety,

please stay in place
and await instructions.

Emergency protocols are active.

For your own safety,

please stay in place
and await instructions.

Emergency protocols...

Looks like you're not going
to Fillory after all.

For your own safety,
please stay in place...

Look, I really thought
I was doing the right thing.

By robbing us of our homeland?

By giving you a place

where you and your weird
mushroom eggs could survive.

You promised sanctuary
and left us vulnerable.

When your people persecuted us

because we had no way
to defend ourselves,

you abandoned us.

And you can understand

how that would make the fairies
feel, can't you, Margo?

Okay, yeah, of course

I'm sorry you went through that,

but it was after my reign ended.

You really think that justifies

the harm you set into motion?

Jesus.

You step out
for 300 goddamn years,

and a bunch of gossip girls

turn your whole life
into the Nuremberg trials?

Margo.

Look, this diplomatic
milk bath is all very kabuki,

but let me tell you
what my dad always said.

"You can't fix stupid."

Skipping past the fact
he always said it to me,

I'll add,
I'm not the problem here,

and if you don't work with me
to bring down the Dark King,

you're Olympic-gold-medal
stupid.

- Ember's balls, Margo.
- Get out.

(GRUNTS)

Bick coming! Run, hide!

(ALARM BLARING)

Emergency protocols are active.

Dean. Dean!

And await instructions.

Emergency protocols are active.

- Penny.
- The hell is going on?

I'm afraid Alice's
circumstantial mediation

didn't work.

When I tried to shut down
the security system,

it set off all the school's
defenses at once.

- And you can't shut it down?
- I'm trying.

In the meanwhile,
I strongly suggest you stay put

so you don't get blown up
and sprayed with acid,

eaten by centipedes,
or turned into one.

- (CHUCKLES)
- This is a school.

Hey, got most of it,
but we still need to...

- Yes, I know what we need.
- Let's go.

Well, how can we help?

- Stay put.
- (SIGHS)

Eliot and I have it covered.

You mean Todd?

Y... yes. Of course.

Isn't that what I said?

Oh, wait, Todd.

I just had a quick question,

uh, about something
the Pig Man said.

Of course, yeah.

(STAMMERS)
Which professor's Pig Man?

The Pig Man. From Fillory?

- What about him?
- Todd!

Sorry, gotta bounce.

You saw that, right?

He had no clue
what I was talking about.

- It's Todd.
- He's always clueless.

No, I'm telling you
something's up.

I mean, Fogg's acting off,
too, right?

The drinking,
the burns on his hands.

I just figured the Etheric
Realm did a number on him.

You saw what Todd
was carrying, too, right?

I mean, Azurite,
Bondoc Prisms, beech ash.

That's all reserved
for Major Arcana.

Or they could just be trying
to fix the security spells.

We should follow them.

And get turned into
centipedes or whatever?

No, thanks.

Also, no offense,

rather not be around you
right now.

What? Yeah, cool.

Okay, stay here by yourself.
I... I'm gonna go.

And get turned into a centipede.

Fuck.

Well, this is definitely
the most exciting job interview

I've ever been on.

I don't understand why you're
still hoping to reach Fogg.

He clearly tried your casting
tweak, and it backfired.

Why we're trapped here
in the first place?

Well, if he's trying to fix it,

he'll need to understand

how to adjust
our current situation.

I'm getting the sense

you're not a fan of things
you can't calculate.

I'm starting to see
why you spend all your time

around plants.

Shit.

How do the Circumstances
keep changing?

Look, what do you say
we forget the note,

take down those wards,
and go find the Dean ourselves?

We can't even cast properly.

Undoing a spell doesn't
require the same rigor.

It's like pulling up a weed
with a deep taproot.

Just need to get under it
at the right point, and...

Voilà.

(YELPING)

(GROANS) Okay.

Okay, maybe I'm just paying
for that botanist's confidence.

I don't think
I should try a healing spell.

I think it might
make things worse.

Infirmary?

That's all the way
across campus.

Okay, um, can we make it
to the greenhouse?

There might be something there
I can use.

(SIGHS) They were just here.

Someone must've warned them.

Search the tents.

(MEN SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)

(OMINOUS MUSIC)

♪♪

Hey.

Didn't you hear the order?
Check the tents.

- Now.
- Okay.

Go.

Well, well. Look what I found.

He planted that.

He planted that gold
like a bad cop,

like that show you... like
Vic Mackey on "The Shield."

You were lecturing me
on the true nature of fairies?

They've changed,

it would appear.

Janet of House Pluchinsky,
what are you doing here?

Been with you guys
the whole time.

Jesus.

Women are just invisible
to you, aren't they, sir?

Congratulations, Bick.

Now, shouldn't we get this gold
back to our king

as soon as possible?

We'll hunt the fairies down
another day

and no doubt find more gold.

Centurions, back to Whitespire.

- Thanks for the heads up.
BOTH: You're welcome.

- Careful.
- Oh, Jesus.

Land mines.

Oh. (CHUCKLES) Hey, guys.

Um, aren't you supposed
to be on lockdown?

- Wanted to help.
- What you up to?

Ah, nothing.

Just, like, getting supplies.

- That's cinnabar.
- That shit's pretty toxic.

- Mm-hmm.
- No.

This is, um, cinna... mon.

Cinnamon?

How's cinnamon gonna help
with the security system?

Dean Fogg asked if I could...

Why you acting so squirrely?

Why are you acting so squirrely?

I always act this way, okay?

You know, whatever.

I have to get this for Fogg...
To Fogg, because of the...

For his toast, I don't know.

- Wait, careful!
- There are land mines.

Thank you.

Holy shit!

(DRAMATIC MUSIC)

♪♪

Oh, my God.

Did I just die?

(GROANS)

Here.

(GROANING)

You see anything we can use
for an antidote?

Is there a section
for healing herbs?

Uh...

Look for variants
of plantago lanceolata.

Okay.

Hey, I found it.

Okay, you need to make
a poultice from the leaves.

(TENSE MUSIC)

♪♪

That blossom...

it's from a different world.

It shouldn't even
be able to grow here.

Why not?

Different Circumstances.

♪♪

Everyone thought she'd died
before she cracked it.

What are you talking about?

Ahh. (SHARP INHALE)

Your late Exo-Botony professor
was working on

a sort of terrarium
for magical plants.

They don't need
just water or light.

They require specific
Circumstances to survive.

That's to make
the Circumstances match

to any growing conditions.

Moon, body of water, altitude.

Holy shit. I think you're right.

Mm.

- Wait, wait, wait!
- You might kill the flower.

Yeah, or find the fix for magic.

(GASPS)

(GASPS)

Wow. That actually worked.

Just shut up for a second.

What is it?

If Fogg gets my note,

I might actually be able
to fix this mess.

So other Todd tied you up
and locked you in a closet?

Yeah, but I've never
been great with knots,

so it was pretty easy
for me to escape.

Only question is,
why would evil twin me

wanna get rid of me
in the first place?

(GASPS) Of course.

"Evil."

He wasn't your twin.

I think he's from
another timeline.

- Wait, for realsies?
- No, it... it adds up.

(STAMMERS) You know,
the two Todds plus cinnabar,

which last time I saw,
was being used for time magic.

I always wanted to meet
someone from another timeline.

Wait a minute, guys.

What if Dean Fogg
isn't our Fogg?

- Describe him.
- I transcribed his memoir.

I know all 40 Foggs.

Even got nicknames
for some of them.

(CHUCKLES) Fedora Fogg,

Cocaine Fogg, Swinger Fogg...

Actually, those last two
are the same Fogg.

Uh, well, this one's
a heavy drinker.

No, that doesn't really
narrow it down.

- Okay.
- He has burns on his hands.

He calls you...
Other you "Eliot."

- He has...
- Ohh.

Poop.

What?

I call that one Psycho Fogg.

See, in timeline 17,
Brakebills kinda blew up.

Killed almost everybody.

And those burns
on Fogg's hands...

They're kinda 'cause
he's the one who did it.

Well, what would
he be doing here?

Psycho Fogg?

Let's not wait
to find out, okay?

- Let's go.
- Ah, okay.

Just over six pounds.

Enough to mollify
the soldiers and workers

for tonight, at least.

You're confident
you can retrieve more?

No, sire.

Certain.

(SNIFFS) Ugh.

(SNIFFS) Mm.

Smells like... shit.

I don't control
where the fairies hide

their stolen wealth. (CHUCKLES)

Well, as long
as it pays like gold.

(OMINOUS MUSIC)

♪♪

(SIGHS)

This scalawag is so Vic Mackey.

- Gold-shitting beetles.
- (CLICKS TONGUE)

Everybody said they've been
extinct for hundreds of years.

A rumor started
by the Pickwicks, I bet.

Hmm.

I think we're looking
at a little family secret.

(SIGHS)

Thank God
I got your note in time.

I think we might be able
to actually shut down

this goddamn security system.

If I'm right, this should
adjust Circumstances

in the entire greenhouse,

allowing us to cast.

Let's test it first, shall we?

Not bad, Quinn.

- Can we fix the lockdown now?
- I think so.

I just need one last thing
from Todd.

- Cinnabar, right?
- Todd couldn't make it.

Sorry.

- What's going on?
- Fogg's not who he says he is.

So who is he?

He's Dean Fogg from timeline 17.

Lockdown wasn't an accident,
was it?

You made it happen.

Perhaps I did.

- (GASPS)
- Ah!

Take one more step,

and I will hurt them.

Now, please.

Hand me the cinnabar.

What are you gonna do with it?

I'm going to fix things.

I've seen that thing before.

That's the device Stoppard built

to travel between timelines.

Yes, I took it from him
to get here,

then made a few modifications.

Enough to take
all of Brakebills back home

with me.

Whoa, listen. Hey.

Look, I get it.

My timeline was a mess also,

but you have a Brakebills here
with no Fogg.

Why don't you just stay?

(LAUGHS)

Penny. Sure.

When things start go wrong,

just fuck off
to the next timeline.

How very appropriate.

But didn't you destroy your
Brakebills, and everyone died?

Yes, a measure I took
to try to contain

the damage The Beast could do.

And when that failed,

Jane Chatwin got to go
to the next time loop

while I had to stay behind

and live with
the goddamn consequences.

Your timeline continued
even though Jane reset it?

Yes, dear.

Were you dropped on your head
in this timeline?

You should be well familiar
with the multiverse hypothesis.

As it turns out,

one of the goddamn consequences
is I discovered

I have a grown daughter
currently living

in my post-apocalyptic
shitshow of a timeline

with hardly any living
Magicians and no resources.

I need this Brakebills

and everyone in it
to fix where I came from.

You cannot uproot
everyone in this timeline

just to be a good dad, okay?

Watch me.

Fucking father of the year!
(CHUCKLES)

Penny, if you're smart,

you will hand me that cinnabar
and join me.

Doesn't sound too smart to me.

Well, you can't travel
anymore, yes?

(CHUCKLES)

I know a psychic in my timeline

who might be able to fix you.

Her specialty is unlocking
latent abilities.

She's done extensive studies
on travelers.

And I'm fucking her.

Heh.

Penny.

You're not actually
considering...

And get my GPS fixed?

Why not?

Because everyone in this
timeline deserves a Brakebills.

Yeah, well,
I'm not from this timeline.

Wait. Dean Fogg, no!

- (BOOMING)
- (GRUNTS)

God damn it.

What happened?

That cinnabar we gave you?

We swapped it out for cinnamon.

Doesn't play too nice
with time magic.

We actually got the idea
from Todd, uh, before he...

You know what? Never mind.

Now how 'bout you show us
how to lift that lockdown?

The smell is how you knew?

I'd read about the beetles
who excreted gold,

but we were all told they
disappeared generations ago.

Surprisingly,

Bick's all about
saving endangered species.

(LAUGHS SOFTLY)
Ridiculous, sire.

Your apartments have
already been searched, Bick.

Obviously,
the fairies never had any gold,

and Bick never had any reason
to hate them.

♪♪

They are not Fillorian.

That's reason enough.

You'd have had their
innocent blood on my hands?

What fairy is innocent?

Um, all of them.

(SIGHS)

Sire, please, please.
Thi... this is outrageous.

Be reasonable!

That was satisfying.

I'm so sorry.

That can't have been easy.

I know how much you trusted him.

No, thank you...

for bringing a little honesty
to this castle.

Bick didn't make Seb dark.

He is dark.

- I like him, okay?
- (GROANS)

Maybe I like him because
I hope he's not fucked up.

Maybe I like him
because I hope he is,

because I am too.

Maybe all I deserve
is fucked up.

When you think that way,
it's all you'll ever get.

Why do you care so much?

What? I don't.

But what happens to you
happens to me,

and I don't want him
happening to me.

I know I deserve better.

Wild guess.

Your mother and your father
both loved you unconditionally.

- How did you know?
- How could I not?

What did you do with Fogg 17?

Can't arrest him,
can't let him go,

so we put him in the Clean Room.

He can't cast there,
so at least this way,

if there's something else
that goes wrong at Brakebills,

there's a Fogg
I can talk to about it.

There's one thing
I'm certain of.

Things are absolutely
going to keep going wrong here.

I have a theory why magic
isn't working right.

I've been studying
the control panel,

and there's a readout
on prevailing Circumstances

outside the tank, and...

well, the moon
was all over the place.

- I don't understand.
- I thought...

I mean, when we fixed the moon,

it was like
we never even broke it.

I think the Lunatics were right

and the moon's got feelings,
and apparently,

she's pissed at us.

Great. How do we fix that?

(LAUGHS SOFTLY)

I have no idea,
so I'm just gonna

keep studying the control panel
at the green house

and see what solution
I can come up with.

Thank you.

Oh, speaking of,

I hear your botanist friend
is doing better.

Not my friend,
just somebody I helped out.

Okay, well, the hiring
committee gave him an offer,

so you might run into him
in Botany Bay.

Oh.

Fucking great.

(DOOR SLAMS)

Yeah, I, um...
I should probably go too.

Yeah.

Still going to Fillory?

Somebody's gotta
stop the apocalypse.

And it's gotta be you.

Penny.

Just...

In my timeline,

I let you go on a quest
to Fillory without me,

and you never came back.

I'm not that Julia.

I... I know, I'm not...

I didn't just come here
and swap Julias, that's...

You're totally different.

Christ, you have no idea.

The only thing you
for sure have in common

is I could not stop her

when she set her mind
to something either.

I have to do this, Penny.

I know.

I just can't go through
that again.

And so here we are.

Here we are.

Be safe, Julia.

Yeah.

(DOOR CLICKS SHUT)

As I told Margo,
we are deeply grateful.

You risked everything for us.

The least we can do
is to show you the truth.

This way.

(TENSE MUSIC)

♪♪

(MUTTERING INCANTATION)

(DRAMATIC MUSIC)

♪♪

(SNARLING)

♪♪

(SNARLING)

♪♪

♪ The evil forces
enter a forest glade ♪

(VOICE CRACKS) ♪ Coming from
a distant realm to invade ♪

♪ We have to seal
the door of death ♪

♪ We'll come for every one

♪ Destroying all of nature

♪ Buh, buh, blah, blah,
smeveryone ♪

- Remember?
- Mm.

♪ The horny, horny...