All language subtitles for The Goldbergs s07e15_English

ADULT ADAM: The '80s
was the golden age
of the house party.

If the music was cranked
and the place was wrecked,
your bash was a hit.

And it turned out
I had a hot tip
about the latest one.

Yo, J.C., it's me, Adam.

Corey's brother!
Not even a little bit.

Anyway, I thought
you'd want to know
about a rager

at Dave Kim's this Saturday.

Let all your bros know.

Will do.

Tell Corey
he's a dirty dog.

ADULT ADAM: I'd fed
the grapevine a grape.

Only thing left
to do was wait.

Party at Dave Kim's
this Saturday.

If there's no hot tub,
we'll make one.

Party at Dave Kim's
this Saturday.

There's gonna be 50 kegs,

and Spuds MacKenzie
is deejaying.

Party at Dave Kim's
this Saturday.

I'll know
if you don't show.

Hubba Bubba Soda?
Do better.

Word about the party
spread fast,

until everyone knew about it.

Party at Dave Kim's
this Saturday.

Well, almost everyone.

What the hell?

Who's telling everybody
I'm throwing a party?

They're the worst.
And it's me.

You? Why?
Come on, Dave Kim!

No one loves a kegger
more than you.

And it's a keg party?

Yep, all kinds
of savory brewskis...

Ales, lights, fruity ciders,
light beers.

No, wait.
Those are the lights.

You don't know anything
about beer!

I do know your parents
are out of town,

and kegs attract
popular kids,

and that's what
I'm looking for.

Is this about Brea Bee?

Yes, it's about Brea Bee.

I know we had a moment
while ice-skating,

but I've barely
seen her since.

Now she's back
to her ivory tower

with the cool kids
across the room.

So you think that
a party that will inevitably
destroy my home

is just the opportunity
you need to reconnect?

Will you help
your best friend
find love?

Hell no.
I hear we're
throwing a party.

Oh, no!
Carla's got wind of it!

Bitch, I am the wind.

And I've already got a theme,
mayhem and deep regret.

Oh, no! That's a winner!
Who wouldn't come to that?

I would, and hopefully
so will Brea.

Someone's a nasty boy.

[SCHOOL BELL RINGS]
Ugh. It's lunchtime.

I'm supposed to open
the wing store today!

Why are you
doing this to me?

Brea Bee is just a girl!

Just a girl, Dave Kim?

She's gorgeous, cool,
and likes theater.

Well, looks like
your perfect dream girl

just dropped
her Trapper Keeper.

Allow me, madam.

Oh. Thanks, Adam.
[CHUCKLES]

Ohh! Thank you.

...in advance
for my next question.

Which is,
if you had to pick one word
to describe how you party,

would it be "hardy"?

Like Dave Kim's party...
This Saturday.

Oh!
T-That might be fun.

It's guaranteed to be a blast.
I'm planning it myself.

I want to plan.

The best part of partying
is the who, what, when,
and where.

Mm. With a little
foresight,

planning a party can be
as fun as attending.

I'm pretty sure
me and Brea got it covered.

Say, my place around 4:00?

It's a date.

Yeah, sorry. I actually
can't do it today.

But I'll try
to make the party.

I know a solid maybe
when I hear one.

Whoa.
Think she likes you.

Really?
No.

But now
this won't feel so lousy.

Oh, no! Wait!
This is why you don't put
yourself out there!

Oh, balls!
[LAUGHS]

♪ I'm twisted up inside

♪ But nonetheless,
I feel the need to say

♪ I don't know the future

♪ But the past keeps getting
clearer every day ♪

ADULT ADAM: It was February
19, 1980-something,

and my mom had no idea...
[DOORBELL RINGS]

...today would be one of
the best days of her life.

Mr. Whitby?
Indeed, it is I,

your cookbook publisher
and well-regarded dog breeder.

Come on in!
[CHUCKLES]

[LAUGHS]
Oh!

What an incredibly
authentic residence.

Often, when I stare
out at Central Park
from my penthouse,

I imagine this is
how other people live.

So, you drove all the way from
the city to belittle our home?

Surprise!

I brought your cookbook
hot off the presses![GASPS] Oh!

It's not really hot.
That's just an expression.

But it is warm
from me sitting on it

so I look more imposing
in the car.

Oh, my God! That's me!
This is me!

I guess we went with
the one with your face.

Mom, you're on the cover
of your own book?

That's so cool!

It really is! Am I in it?

"Mrs. Goldberg resides
in the Philadelphia area

"with her husband
and three children."

This book is about me.
Can I have this?

For only $14.95.
[CHUCKLES]Oh.

That's what we'll
be selling it for
at your signing.

A book signing? Me?

We find it goes a long way
when launching a new author.

Also, your friends feel
too guilty not to buy one.

I'll make them buy
50 each!

Much of the publishing game
is about emotional blackmail.

There's also
a tremendous amount
of sexual intrigue.

[WHISPERING]
Maya Angelou.

This guy's the real deal.

[NORMAL VOICE] Oh,
this deal is real,
all right...

As real as
my teenage daughter's
restraining order.

[CHUCKLES] City kids.

You two are lucky
you're so simple.

I hate this guy.

Uhp! You sound
just like my daughter.

[CHUCKLES]

Anyhoo, you'll be signing

at the provincial book store
in this sad little town.

I believe it's called
St. Ann's Book Dump.

I think you mean
B. Dalton.

That makes more sense.

Question...
As an important relative

featured prominently
on the back side flap,

what kind of royalties
can I expect?

Well, I'm just gonna
start talking

and hope my sentence
carries me to the door.

And I'm gonna start another
sentence, and there we go!

ADULT ADAM:
While my mom prepared
for her big night out,

I had to prepare my room
for the cool kids.

Would a beautiful girl
like these parachute pants?

I see why they threw them
out of a plane.

Tomorrow needs
to be perfect.

And it will be.
You're throwing a party
to land a girl.

I've thrown
millions of shindigs,

and they all went gonzo.

Gonzo's my favorite Muppet,
so I'm in.

First thought...
Don't mention Muppets.

Second thought...
Throw this party
the night a war ends.

We're kind of locked
for this Saturday.

After I got back
from the Pacific,

I kissed a thousand nurses.

That seems like too many.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Crap.
The guys are here!

Thank you for your fun ideas.
We'll let you know.

Are you sending me away?

I just need you to step
into a different room

for, say, an hour.

I could pop down
for some of your mom's
monkey bread.

I don't need
the details. Bye.

There they are.

Well, welcome to
party plan central.

Is it too late to discuss
alternate venues?

Yep. Let's plan this beast,

keeping in mind we need this
party to be cool and inviting

to redheaded 17-year-old girls
who I know play volleyball.

I'll start. A volleyball.

Here's something fun... BYOB,
"bring your own broom."

My turn. 50 kegs.

Giant speakers that will
blow out car windows.

A party donkey.

A no-rules foam room

and a giant fish tank
full of hammerheads.

Disposable shoe covers,
like at an open house.

Ooh! How about
a roped-off private area

where two people can talk
and get to know each other?

Yes! A rope!
Put that down.

We're humming now!
Anyone else?

How 'bout
an oyster bar?

What are you
doing here?

Making suggestions
to get some enchantment
back in this party.

What's with the old guy?

And why is he suggesting
sea vomit?

Question... What's
the sexiest instrument?

Answer? The oboe!

Pops,
I don't need your help.

But if you want romance,

your pals are steering you
toward disaster.

I know what I'm doing!

Doesn't mean
you don't need my advice.

Pops!
Here's some more gold.

Turn up the temperature
and watch the girls glisten.

I need this party to be cool,
not sweaty.

And oboes and clams
aren't cool.

Oysters!

Why would you have clams
at a party?

Enough!
I don't need your help.

I'll let my oboe guy know
you won't be in touch.

ADULT ADAM: As I left
Pops feeling empty,

my mom's cookbook signing
was a full house!

Mr. Whitby, can you
believe this turnout?

Oh! I hope my pen
doesn't run out of ink.

Well, just don't ask
to borrow mine.

It hasn't worked
since I used it
to perform a tracheotomy

on a man who,
long story short,
didn't need one.

Anyway, good luck
with the reading.

Reading? I thought
this was just a signing.

Oh, no.
You'll be reading.

Well, I suppose
if my adoring fans
demand it...

ADULT ADAM: Whether they did
or they just happened
to be in the store,

they got to witness
maybe the first-ever

dramatic reading
of a cookbook.

"Half a cup cream.

"Two sticks of butter, cubed.

"Toss into margarine
until combined!"

And once my mom got going,
she didn't want to stop...

"Whisk gently with water
until the clumps...

"Have dissipated."

...or stay totally
on topic.

You know, I like to think
I do for Parm

what Madam Curie
did for, uh...

Well,
whatever it is she did.

Should we be worried
Mom won't handle

all this attention
in a positive way?

Nah. She'll be fine.

I have a husband
and three children,

and yet, today, my life began!

While my mom embraced
cookbook fame,

I was bracing for
the party of a lifetime.

Thanks for picking
me up, Johnny.

Eh, it's the least
I could do after you
bought all those kegs.

Kegs? What are you
talking about?

You know, that money you left
for me in that envelope

in that drawer
in your room.

What? My Garbage Pail Kids
emergency fund?

Honestly, who's worse...
Me or you?

Fine!

It'll all be worth it
when I wow Brea

with these sweet
Z. Cavaricci pants.

I'm not so sure.

Is she into
little nervous pirates?

Doesn't matter,

as long as Brea shows
and we share a moment.

So, your plan is
to wear lady pants
to a party

in the hopes
of spending a quiet moment

with a girl
way out of your league?

Admittedly,
the plan has wrinkles.

And here's
some more wrinkles...

On that old dude
from your bedroom.

Pops?

Hey, kiddo.

I heard what you said
the other day loud and clear.

Then why are you here
with that rolling battleship?

I thought you'd want
to take it to your party.

When you roll up
with this baby,

you'll be fighting trixies off
with a stick.

You certainly know
what a modern boy wants,

but you're not even
supposed to be driving.

Enjoy the Caddy.

I don't want the Caddy.

You got to take the Caddy.

Stop saying "Caddy," and stop
throwing Caddy keys at me.

I know we had a rough patch
the other day,

but let me do this
for my best bud.

I don't want this.
I don't want your help.

I just want
to be left alone.

Okay, then.
I get it.

You don't want me.

Oof. That was rough.

Hope you have
the same presence of mind

when Paula Abdul
demands her pants back.

ADULT ADAM: Dave Kim's party
was in full swing
and off the chain.

The place was packed,
the music was bumpin',

the shots Jell-O'd,

and that guy
was shirtless.

This night was
gonna be epic!

Nice. Dave Kim
is quite the host.

I'm gonna take a shower
in the master
and get my night started.

The only thing missing
was a certain special lady.

This is officially
a cool party!

Why isn't Brea here,
Dave Kim?

Dude, I've got
my own problems right now.

Carla is playing
a drinking game
with my baby pictures!

Look at you holding
the football like
you know how it works.

That's not all.

Those guys are wearing
Villanova sweatshirts,

and based on
their facial hair

and nonstop references
to beating Georgetown,

I think
they actually go there.

I hope your parents have
earthquake insurance,

'cause this party's
gonna be rockin'!

[CHEERING]

They have fire and flood,

but their deductible
is super-high!

As the person
who started this party,

you need to do something.

Or we wait
until Brea shows.

Yo. Someone popped
your parents' water bed.

Seems...time-sensitive.

That's as good a sign
as any.

Attention, friends.

This party is...

But in that moment,
Brea Bee was in the house...

[ANGELIC CHORUS HARMONIZES]
...and all reasonable thinking went out the window.

...the best party evah!

[CHEERING]

Brea! Hey.

Wow. There's...
So much going on.

[CHUCKLES] How did you
even get in those?

One leg at a time, baby.

Then my mom has to latch
all my buckles in back.

What's your poison?
I'd take some water.

Hydration. Nice.

Your body thanks you.

Well, I-I didn't mean
to talk about your body.

I mean, you look lovely.

Probably 'cause of
all that water.

Circled back.
Saved it.

Okay. [CHUCKLES]

What am I doing?

I'm blowing it!

DAVE KIM: I'm sorry!

Is your romantic plan
to destroy my house

not coming to fruition?

Maybe you can let me free
and we can talk more about it!

ADULT ADAM:
While Dave Kim's party
was getting out of hand,

so was my mom's
grasp on reality.

Do I smell Mom's
homemade
chili cheese lasagna?

Yes, you do, Schmoo.

My biggest fear used to be
that I'd turn into my mom.

Well, I've been using
your mom's recipes

and having
the time of my life.

We are
two very different men.

[DOOR CLOSES]
Hello, BevHeads.
[CHUCKLES]

That's the new moniker
I've given

my legions
of adoring fans.

What fans?
And why are you
dressed like

Melanie Griffith
in Working Girl?

Those two questions
have the same answer...

Stardom.

Mornin', Jenkintown!

That's Matt.
And that's Lizzie.

And we're here
with cookbook author

and local celebrity
Beverly Goldberg!

Oh, look!
You're on TV!

We can finally control
your volume.

And she's with Lizzie,
the human cup of coffee
that starts my day.

So, what's next for Beverly Goldberg?

I am just gonna ride
the wild success of my book

into, eh, housewares,
beef, bikes,

tax assistants, music,
children's clothing,

tiny, little scissors,
bric-a-brac,

Dutch ovens, TV shows.

I guess we'd better
watch our backs.

[BOTH LAUGH]

Matt, look at me.

Look at all of this.
It will be gone.

Even Lizzie's
gonna leave you.

Oh, we're not together.
Shut up, Lizzie.

We've all seen
how you touch his arm.

[THEME MUSIC PLAYS]

Why would they
air this?

Again... Stardom!

ADULT ADAM: And things
only got worse from there.

Lady,
you can't park there.

Whoa. Whoa, whoa.

No, it's okay.
Famous author.

ADULT ADAM: [CHUCKLING]
Yeah, after one successful
local book signing,

my mom became a monster.

Hey! Your dog just did
his business on my lawn!

You gonna pick that up?

Oh, I don't do that
anymore.

But here.

A real nightmare
who thought the rules
didn't apply to her.

Sorry. Fame
doesn't wait in line.

Uh, do you mind?

Okay, just one.

In her mind, she was
The Beatles of cooking.

Okay, this is
for all of you.

And there was
no slowing her down.

Whoo-hoo!

Bookbinder's
on a Saturday night
with no reservations.

You really did it, Bevy.

Remember,
when we're in public,
it's Brittley Divine.

I'm sorry...
This table's reserved.

Uh, for celebs, yes.

For this party of four.

There's a waiting list.
It's about two hours.

I thought you said
you had a standing table

with complimentary
appetizers.

I was gonna order
two of everything,
Noah's Ark-style.

All right,
hand over the menus.

We're not going anywhere.

I am,
'cause this is mortifying.

I guess you've left me
no choice.

[CLEARS THROAT]

It's me. All right?

Now, be a dear
and go get us
three iced teas

and maybe
turn the lights down
in this section,

because people
are starting to stare!

They're staring at you
because you're a nightmare.

I'm going across the street
to Long John Silver's.

I didn't realize we were
so close to fried pirate fish.

Sit down, Barry.
We are eating here for free.

Clearly, this woman
is very embarrassed

and she'll do anything
to make it right.

I'm calling the police.

ADULT ADAM:
While my mom's ego
was out of control,

so was Dave Kim's party.

There you are!

Took me a while
to get that water

because someone ripped
the faucet off the sink.

Oh. Thanks.
But I'm just gonna
get out of here.

What? The party's
just getting started!

Started? My mailman
is in the kitchen,

screaming that he wants
someone to punch him.

What if I could
calm this place down?

How are you
gonna do that?

With this!

People are always
too embarrassed

to do stupid stuff
in front of a camera.

Turns out that
wasn't the case.

Hey, world, check me out!

Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!

[CROWD GASPS]

I will never regret this!

Furniture Jenga rules!

Whoa!

[CROWD GASPS]

Stack 'em again.

I'm bleeding,
but I can go higher.

Stop stealing!
That's the Kim
family microwave.

I have you on film!

Mine.

I'm not sure the camera worked
like you thought it would.

[GLASS SHATTERS]

My mom's Franklin Mint
commemorative plate
collection!

[GLASS SHATTERS]
Those are worth a fortune
or possibly nothing!

Follow me to safety!

What are you doing
in our hiding spot,
Johnny Atkins?

Just takin' a breather.
It's pretty rough out there.[GLASS SHATTERS]

Johnny Atkins
is afraid?

If he can't handle this,
no one can!

I say we throw Goldnerd
out there.

They'll swarm him,
and we'll make our getaway.

Ugh!
Why didn't I leave?

I'm scared.

ADULT ADAM: In that moment,
I knew this was my chance
to prove myself to Brea.

I'm gonna make a phone call.

As I was calling in
reinforcements,

my mom was about to be
called out.

What's all this?

You told me
Barbara Walters was coming

to interview me about my book
and my cosmetics line.

No, that's
a super-obvious lie,

and the fact
that you believed it

suggests how out of touch
with reality you are.

So she's running late?

Bevy...
[STAMPS FOOT]

...this is
an intervention.

Oh, no. Is Barry
back on Strawberry Quik again?

I can quit
whenever I want.

This intervention
is for you.

Me? What's my problem?

You've become
an embarrassing psycho.

Cookie break!

I'm a psycho?

Your boyfriend
is dressed as me.

And I'm pulling it off.

And I'm...pulling it off.

Since this whole
book thing started,

you've been shameful,
rude, and dismissive.

And I want nothing more
than to live a life

of unearned celebrity excess,

but right now,
you're being total garbage.

I see. I had no idea
me fulfilling my dreams

was gonna cause you
so much pain and jealousy.

Jealousy? No one here
is saying that.

You didn't have to.

It's all over your faces,
like Strawberry Quik!

I only do it
on the weekends!

Okay, I'm gonna go spend time
with my real family...

My fans
at the book expo downtown.

Can you hear yourself?

Not above the roar
of my adoring crowd.

The BevHeads are gonna be
lined up around the block!

♪♪

Where are
all my BevHeads?

BevHeads?
[CHUCKLES]

Your book was
a minor local success,

and only because your friends
and family supported you.

But you knew that.

I did not.

That's hilarious.

Well, I've got a pregnant
Great Dane in the car.

♪♪

ADULT ADAM:
The party had trashed
Dave Kim's house,

and now it was
taking to the streets.

They're taking
our pillows, man!

Why? Why?

It's best we don't know.

As hope,
and Dave Kim's belongings,

disappeared into the night,

a friendly face
showed up just in time.

No, they weren't
in slow motion,

and yes, half had their
blinkers on for no reason,

but that armada of Cadillacs

was the most beautiful sight
I'd ever seen.

Thanks for doing this,
Pops.

And I brought
reinforcements.

Five Cadillacs
should do it.

Five?
We started with seven.

Where the hell
are Bob and Diane?

I'm sorry I told you
I don't want you around.

That's not true.

Aw, sometimes
it might be.

You're a young man.

You don't need your Pops
cramping your style.

I don't get it.
How are you always
so understanding?

Hey.

You're my best bud.

I know
what's in your heart.

[THE ROMANTICS' WHAT I LIKE
ABOUT YOUPLAYS]

Yeah, me too, buddy.

Now, if you'll excuse me,
I have a party to break up.

Come on, everybody!

Let's ride!

♪ Hey!

ADULT ADAM: That night,
Pops busted out

the coolest party trick
I'd ever seen.

Come on, come on.

He got a bunch of alte kakers to make it crazy-uncool!

There were puzzles, bingo,
pictures of grandkids,

and plenty of
butterscotch.

And, man, did it
clear that party out fast.

We did it.
We totally saved this house.

That'll buff out.

As Pops saved the day,
my mom discovered

there was some interest
in her book after all.

Excuse me.

Where could a BevHead
get their book signed?

What are you doing here?

I came to support
my beautiful wife.

Even after the way I acted?

It wasn't
your finest moment.

I'm so sorry.

I was just excited
for you guys to finally
be proud of me.

Are you kidding?
We're always proud of you.

It's true, Mom.
And you got
a book published.

That's not nothing.

Yeah, a book
nobody cares about.

We care about it.

And isn't that
what's important,

not some stupid table
at Bookbinder's?

Here's the thing.

You don't need
the whole world
to love you,

because you got
a world of love right here.

Damn it, Murray!
Why do you always say
the perfect thing?

Because you make it easy.

♪ What I like about you

♪ That's what I like about you

Hey! All you book dopes!

Come on over here!
My wife wrote
an amazing cookbook!

♪♪

Brea.
You're still here?

Yeah.

I think my friend left
on a motorized scooter.

I can't believe I did this
to Dave Kim's house
just to impress you.

You ever consider
just talking to me?

Like that would work.

Give it a shot.

You might be surprised.

Okeydokey,
Smokey the Bear.

Stop.

Enough with the...
Weirdness.

Just be yourself.

Talk to me as a person.

Got it.

So...

...you want to maybe
get some ice cream?

Sure.

You want to walk
to Scoops?

Or I could drive us.

Whoa!
That's an enormous car.

Yep.

Almost as big
as the heart of the guy
who loaned it to me.

[CHUCKLES]

ADULT ADAM:
Turns out every story
does have a hero.

Sometimes they show up
in the end.

Sometimes they were there
from the beginning.

That's the thing
about the characters

that fill the pages
of our lives.

They're always there
to lift us up,

and, in some cases, bring us
back down to Earth.

And that can make
for a pretty sweet ending.

♪ Hey! ♪

♪♪

Today we are here

with the turtleneck-wearing
legend himself, Dave Kim.

[BELL DINGS]

So, was there really
a Dave Kim party?

Well, I had told
one person that my mom
was traveling to Korea,

and he told
the whole football team.

Somehow
the whole football team
got invited to my party.

YOUNG MAN: Anything else
you want to say ruined?

Any regrets?

Uh, it's gonna,
uh, show a bit.

What did your parents say
when they got home?

To this day, I don't think
they even know about it.

Your parents watch the show,
don't they?

Okay, book guy, buckle up,
'cause I got a few ideas

guaranteed to be
bestsellers.

Wow me.

Think The Shining,

but instead of the hotel,
it's the beach,

and instead of ghosts,
it's hot chicks.Okay.

You know how people
like the Bible, right?

What if there was
a sequel?

I'm an atheist.

Dracula,but a book.

I have news for you.

A book of poems
that's been hollowed out
to hide nunchucks.

My people
will be in touch.

And I'm far enough
away now

to tell you that
that was a lie.