Original subtitles

Hurry up! We're running late! On stage, everybody!

Anyone seen the baby?

- What about the tree? - I believe Rabbit has it.

I can smell the baby.

- Shh! They're here! Hurry up! - I can't find the baby.

- Maybe she's with the props. - She's not a prop.

- So, where's this tree go? - Behind, it goes behind!

- Hey, did you see the baby? - Yeah, over there.

Where did Pig get to?

- Oh, he just went that way. - Righto!

- We're not ready! - The audience is waiting!

You... you get out there and keep them busy!

- Now? - Now!

Welcome, everybody!

We are called the Honeysuckle Farm Theatre Company,

And today-tonight, we are proud to present three plays.

The first one is called "Baby Delivery".

It's about a stork...

We're gonna have to change the title.

- We can't just change it. - We don't have a baby.

Are you kidding me? What should we call it, then?

Oh, yeah. Good question. Hold on.

Got it!

We'll use this watermelon!

Ah, good! Erm...

So, our first play is now "Watermelon Delivery",

the story of a baby melon who's delivered by a stork to a...

- Psst! We found the baby. - Ah, where was she then?

She was behind the watermelon.

Ha-ha! Well, without further ado, here's "Baby Delivery"!

We're not ready! We're not ready!

So sorry! You... didn't see that.

- The ladder! - Someone take the ladder!

- I'll get it! - I'm still on it!

OK, we're ready.

Ladies and gentlemen, "Baby Delivery"!

- What're you doing? - I'm gard... Oh, not gardening.

- Can I help? - No, thanks. I'm fine, really.

- What're you doing? - We're gardening.

I love that! I'll give you a hand.

Oh, no! There's no need. It's quite alright.

- What's that? Can I cut it? - D-d-don't you dare touch!

They're hard enough to grow without you butting in.

OK, I'll crack on with the weeding, then.

Yeah, you do that. Stick to the weeding.

And what about me?

My beans are ruined! Huh?

Argh! Stop! What are you doing?

I'm getting rid of the weeds.

You told me to get rid of the weeds so that's what I'm doing.

But those are carrots, not weeds! You fool!

Stop!

Are you crazy? That is poison!

Huh?

- It gets rid of all the bugs. - You're the only bug here.

Go on, get out!

Really? Cause I did find some

big bugs in your bushes over there.

That's a tomato.

In that case, I stopped your tomato invasion.

- All of them? - You're welcome.

Phew! OK, so what can I do now?

Nothing at all! Both of you, out!

OK, alright.

- We were only trying to help. - Well, go and help elsewhere!

But look, I haven't pruned this tree, yet.

Now you listen to me. No one goes near my apple tree!

Am I a dad?

But... where did that come from?

- I'm in pain! - What happened to you?

I was flying through the air, when, out of nowhere,

your pine tree hit me.

You mean apple tree.

I don't think I can fly anymore.

The violence of the collision broke my wing.

You can stay here and recover as long as you like.

- It doesn't look that bad. - Not that bad?

It's an absolute disaster, darling! A tragedy!

You know this little girl will become an orphan,

if I do not deliver her on time.

Unless I find a volunteer to deliver her in my place.

Hm? But I can't do that, I'm just a little pig.

Come on it's not that difficult.

- What, delivering babies? - Don't underestimate yourself.

It is! Stop pushing me.

You're going to abandon this baby?

Hey, we can deliver the baby. Easy peasy!

Actually, you know what? I'll do it.

Certainly not, you can't handle it.

- You're just a pig. - Yes, I can! You said I could.

No, you can't. That's enough.

Here. Her name is Pauline.

There's her bottle and her address.

Well, thanks again and bon voyage.

Wait there! You don't seem to know.

Oh, it's you again.

You cannot trust those two with this baby.

You don't seem to know they're a menace!

You have no right demeaning others

when you were too selfish to agree in the first place.

But look at them, they're fools!

Where have they gone to?

Genius idea, but are you sure

the tree's pointing the right way

- Absolutely! - So, she'll land in Avignon?

Yes, of course she will. No problem.

Now, up you go! You sit there, Pauline.

Stop! Wait! Wait!

Drop that rope!

You can't put a baby on a catapult!

What are you thinking of?

We only wanted to send her home.

Come here, you.

Now, please, take this baby back to the stork.

Oh, OK, OK! We'll go.

You know, I'm not sure about catapults for personal use.

They're dangerous and generally not a good idea.

Hey! We could always walk there.

Yeah, great idea!

No, no, no, very bad idea. We're going nowhere.

We're taking this baby back to the stork.

We simply can't look after her.

Of course we can. Let's go.

And you know the way to Avignon?

Sure! Hmm...

Er... we'll ask along the way.

Bonjour! You are off to Avignon, no?

We know all about that town.

We go there every summer.

It's not complicated to get there.

You see, when you're at the crossroads, the fourth to your

right,

that's Avenue De Champignon.

Don't take it! Go straight on.

Then you take the second to the right, then another right.

Then straight away at the roundabout...

It's the pollen.

OK, I found someone who can help us.

Ah, yeah, I'd like to introduce Mr. Wolf?

- Hello, gentlemen. - Hello.

Do you mind if I rustle something up before we leave?

Yes, yes, that's no problem, please.

It's a wolf!

Well, yes, his name is Mr. Wolf.

We shouldn't stay here. He's gonna eat us.

I doubt it, he's fixing himself a snack.

Almost ready.

No worries, take your time.

No, he's got fangs and fur, a tail and fangs!

Sorry, Mr. Wolf, he's always in a rush.

We, on the other hand...

I think you may have been right, you know!

Thank you! What do we do now?

There, the lorry!

I thought he was a nice guy at first.

- Huh? - Huh?

BUTCHER L. BLOODY

Great idea the truck was!

- Oh, no! - What?

I left the baby's bottle in the back of the truck.

Phew!

If you'd forgotten the baby, that'd have been really bad.

Huh?

I don't believe this. How could you?

Don't panic, we'll find her!

Told you, we'd find her.

Pauline!

We thought we'd never see you again. We were so worried.

Right, let's go! Huh?

Now, let's deliver that baby. Hold tight!

How does this thing start?

Oh, no!

Right, all systems go.

- Where are we off to? - We need to go there.

No, no, no, you're wrong. It's this way!

I read the map, it's this way!

And I'm driving the truck. So it's this way!

I told you, it's over there!

No, no, you're wrong!

You're all over the place. Come on, give me the wheel!

- Very well, here's the wheel. - No, thanks. You're the driver.

Oh, the baby! Pauline, where are you?

- Where are you? - She's not here.

- Ooh! - And not up there.

Where could she be?

There! Pauline!

No, this is your job.

You're the one who takes to water like a...

- Wait, wait! Just hold on. - Now what's the problem?

Yes, well, erm... You'll laugh when I tell you.

It's comical actually. To tell you the absolute the truth...

I, erm... you know... I can't swim.

What? But you're a duck!

It's OK, I'll take care of it. This is the way to do it. Ooh!

With no unpleasant drowning.

Whoa, whoa, whoa! There's gonna be no drowning.

I'll go, too. Right, left, right... very good.

Slowly there!

Left... nearly there.

Pauline, we're coming!

- We've gotta get... - Safe and sound.

You see that? You hardly even got wet.

Have you got a little thank you for me, Pauline, yeah?

What...

such...

big...

teeth!

Oh!

Hey! You OK? Are you angry?

Aw, don't be angry.

We make a great team. We'll make it there.

Look, we built a car to get us there faster.

Oh, yeah. It'll work great. A little petrol, a match...

Hmm... That's enough. It's over.

What do you mean, "it's over"?

Let's cut our losses and head back.

What about Pauline? We gotta take her to her parents.

Take her to her parents? We don't even know where they are!

We've been going five hours, but we're 200 meters from the farm!

Oof, you're exaggerating.

Oh, sorry! Yes, that's 300 meters at least.

What about what the stork said? Remember?

She'll be an orphan if we do nothing.

Well, thanks to you, she almost got eaten by a wolf,

trampled by a bull, we had to rescue her from drowning.

Not to mention your catapult!

You'd be better off doing nothing!

You do things without thinking them through!

You do things without thinking at all!

You are awful!

Oh, yeah? Well, you're all "talk" and no "do".

Yeah, no "do". At least we try!

Well, try on your own. Goodbye.

Oh, sorry, Pauline.

We have to stop kidding ourselves, we just can't manage.

The farm's right there.

We'll take you back to the humans. They'll know what to do.

The humans are nice.

Hey, there are two humans there.

Ah, no, not those ones.

- Huh? - What on earth is this?

Rabbit!

You killed him. You murderers!

Rabbit, Rabbit! Talk to us.

- Pauline... - You saved her life.

Then my work here is done.

No, no, no, stay with us, Rabbit!

- I'm... I'm going... - No!

I'm going to the light at the end of the tunnel.

- Turn back to us. - Someone's talking to me...

It's... it's a carrot!

She wants me to eat her!

Coming!

What on earth! A tranquillizer?

Stop, he's not dead! He's only drugged!

They only shot him with a tranquillizing dart.

He's really out of it, isn't he?

Wow, there's enough here to knock out an alpaca.

- Hey, it's broken. - Yes, well observed.

Right, where's that rabbit?

Isn't that him over there?

- Ah, I don't think so. - Ask him.

- You know him better. - But you ask better questions.

Erm, Rabbit, is that you?

It's OK, we're leaving.

Run away before I eat you!

I will never return to the zoo!

What did they shoot him with?

You're not the hunters?

Welcome back. How are you feeling?

Alright... Where's the farm?

We're in the forest. Do you remember?

And who's this guy?

Don't really know.

Sorry, I'm the one to blame.

I'm a tarsier from China. I escaped from the zoo.

Last night, the zoo keepers tried to capture me.

Yeah, he's been saying the same thing over and over again,

but we don't understand.

He says he comes from China, escaped from a zoo

and that humans have been trying to capture him.

I want to go back to China, but it's impossible.

Send yourself by mail.

What do you mean?

Put yourself in a package.

Then, we'll send it by mail.

Excellent idea!

- Oi, you speak Chinese? - Course. Don't you?

Thank you, thank you.

- What's he saying? - He's says "thanks".

Why's he saying thanks?

He wants to go home, so I told him he could mail himself.

We put him in parcel, write a Chinese address on it

and "zoom", he's back home.

Directly home?

You're a genius.

- Comfortable enough? - Yes, thank you.

Bye!

Come on, you'll be happier in your home.

It's time to say goodbye. You've gotta go to Mom and Dad.

Goodbye, Pauline.

Right! Now, we need to find a way to drop the boxes off.

I've got an idea.

Oh, no, this is not a good idea. In fact, it's a bad one.

OK, let me get this straight. This one's Avignon,

and this one's going to China.

This box is going to Avignon, right?

So, it's that one, is it, then? Right, that's what I thought.

Very well.

Come on, son, people are waiting.

You're absolutely sure? Avignon, China. Avignon... Off they go.

You did what?

The boxes could have got mixed up.

So there's a 50% chance

that you fools posted Pauline to China?

And 50% chance she's fine!

We need to get those boxes.

Pauline!

Don't worry Pauline, I've got this. I'm in control.

Yeah, one more parcel there and then we're off.

I was in control!

What's the matter? Didn't you want a holiday as well?

Ooh!

- Whoa! - Ooh!

- Hey, ow! - Eh?

Whoa! Ow!

- Oh, oh, oh! - Ow!

I think we've arrived.

- Ooh! - Now we've arrived!

- Ah! - Ah...

I don't believe this!

Don't worry, it's just a detour.

A detour? It's a disaster!

I can't even speak Chinese, let alone raise a baby there!

Let it blossom, let it flow. That's life.

Yeah, you have to let go sometimes.

- We've failed! - What?

We have failed. Pauline will never find her parents.

- Why would you say that? - We'll work something out.

"We'll work something out?" Great!

I suppose we're gonna take over. the plane and fly it, eh?

Take care of Pauline, we'll be back!

So I tell my wife, "Watch it, because

they will add it as a supplement."

Well, that's how they get you, with

the insurance and all the extra fees

And, you know, you gotta pay for your seats.

So what do you think? I need a vacation, that's what I think.

If you could go anywhere, where would you go?

Whaddya know? They did it. Avignon, we're on our way!

It'll clear up eventually with the prescribed ointment.

Atchoo!

No, no!

Pauline!

- What do we do now, huh? - I don't know!

- The one thing I must do. - And what might that be?

Let go!

Ah!

Got her!

- I've got her! - Yeah, I've got her, as well.

Ooh!

Mr. Tarsier?

Mr. Pig? Are we in China?

Hold on, if you're here, we must be...

At Pauline's!

This time, you really are home.

And now we have to say goodbye. Time to meet your real parents.

Oh! Henri, you remember that weekend in Bruges?

64 B! We made a mistake, she should be next door!

Come here, my cutie. Oh?

Look, it's our baby. She's here!

My goodness, she's so beautiful!

What shall we call her?

She looks like a... Pauline.

So proud, our first baby delivered.

Yeah, we should do this more often.

Bye-bye, Pauline.

Always feels quicker on the way home.

Well, I'm tired. I'm off to bed.

- Goodnight, fellas. - Goodnight!

Spot of gardening tomorrow?

So then I tell them, "Look, I can't go.

"My wing is broken because of, you know, the pine tree!"

You know what? They believe me, idiots!

Ha-ha! I wonder where they are now.

- Erm... Over there. - Hello!

Oh, erm...

- Well, hello... - Goodnight.

Your wing seems alright.

Oh, yes. Much better, thank you.

- How about you? The baby? - Pauline? Oh, she's at home.

We found a revolutionary method of transportation.

It'll change your life forever, you know. Are you interested?

Oh, erm, well...

You see, it's very simple.

You take a tree, a rope and... whoop!

Straight to your destination.

It seems a little dangerous, though, no?

No, no, no, not at all.

Just sit here. Would you? Make yourself comfortable.

- You mean like this? - A bit to the left.

So? How does it...? Aargh!

A-ha! There! That was our first piece, "Baby Delivery".

Now, here's our second play, which we'll do...

Ooh, are you OK?

Of course I'm OK! I do my own stunts.

What do you make of my performance?

You need to get off.

Some actors simply have more talent to bring to the part.

- Please, I'm trying to... - So!

If you like what I do,

I'll be performing a conceptual piece this summer.

Sitting on a chimney,

chained to an unbearable wall of silence.

I will reflect on the futility of existence and...

Don't... let me... don't... hey!

Well, that's... rather... interesting.

Opening in Tamworth, and then running until... ah!

And now get ready for...

"The Big Bad Fox"!

Oh, that's me.

Ah!

- Tah-toh-tee-tow! - You again?

Have you ever thought about looking into some other line of

work?

I mean, really? You make a mess, you clean it up.

- Eh? Hi! - Hi there.

Oh, let me help.

Ah, phew!

How many more times, really?

Haven't you got someone else to bother?

- I'm sorry, but I'm hungry. - Go back to the woods!

Ouch! You pest! Get out, out!

Take that! And that and that!

Ah, oh! So glad you're here.

Your basket's ready. Mainly turnips tonight.

I've had a great harvest this week.

See you soon! Bon appétit!

Bonjour, my friend?

- I failed. - Again?

Completely. I tried it your way.

- Really? - Yeah, just like you do.

- You know, just like that. - Oh, this?

Exactly.

- But it didn't work. - Oh, course it didn't work.

Why don't you try, eh? You're better at this than me.

You're a pro! You can just go in there and grab a chicken.

- A big fat juicy one? - Too dangerous.

Those idiots will spray me with bullets as soon as they see me.

You get in all the time. You're quite safe.

Safe? That chicken's got a mean right hook.

You should really try harder, you know? They're only chickens.

I mean, they can't even fly.

It's not my fault no one's scared of me.

Ah, I can't even terrify the little ones.

Little ones... That's it!

- You're a genius! - Me?

You can't catch a chicken, obviously.

But you can catch the most naive,

the most innocent of all creatures.

- Erm... a pony? - No!

A chick that hasn't hatched yet.

Ah...

Goodnight, my little angels. Mwah-mwah.

Grrrr! Get out!

Madam, if you don't mind,

could you throw your rubbish somewhere...?

What's that?

It's a wolf! Come quick, we need to hide, quick.

Psst! Hey, genius!

Wake up! Wake up!

No, I'm still sleeping.

- That fox took my eggs. - Are you sure they were here?

- Maybe they went for a walk. - No, it's the fox.

Go after him. Rescue my children!

Uh, well, you see, I'm very busy this morning.

You lazy dog, go and get my eggs!

I haven't even had breakfast yet!

And I was gonna have a bath this morning!

There! Now some coffee?

Thank you, but I'm trying to quit.

- Dinner time! - Mommy?

- Huh? - Mommy!

What do you mean, "mommy"? Stay back.

I'm not a chicken, I'm a fox!

I love you!

- Get off my snout! - Hugs! Hugs! Hugs!

Help! What are you doing? Let me go!

Quick, give me your hand!

- Oh, it's you. - Mommy!

- Ah! - Are you quite alright?

I've done something weird. They think I'm their mother!

Hmm... Of course, it's quite normal.

Whatever they see first becomes their mother.

- Mommy! Mommy! - They saw you, didn't they?

- What? But I'm not their mom! - I really don't care.

We have to look after them until we're ready to...

- eat them. - Great! Let's eat them now!

Don't you dare!

No? Oh, why not?

Look carefully. There's no more than a mouthful here.

But if we fatten them up over the next few months,

then we'll have some juicy fat chickens.

A few months? Who's gonna take care of them?

- Well, take a guess. - What, me?

Absolutely not! It's your idea, you take care of them.

What's the matter?

You can't keep them in line by scaring them occasionally?

- Of course I can! - Well, prove it, then.

- La, la, la, la, la... - Well, not right now.

I don't wanna traumatize them. I'll do it later.

Of course you will!

I'll be back in the autumn and we'll see then.

If you finally become a big bad fox.

"If you become a big bad fox."

Ah, stop that!

You've played, you've eaten, you've played, now go to bed.

Story! Story! Story!

A story? What, you want me to tuck you in, as well, eh?

Whoa, whoa, whoa, OK!

Calm down! Let me see, erm...

Once upon a time,

there were three chicks who didn't want to go to bed.

Their mother kept telling them,

"If you make any noise,

"the big bad fox will come and eat you."

But the chicks didn't listen and continued making noise.

So, the big bad fox heard them.

He swallowed the first! He crunched the second!

And he devoured the third!

And ever since then,

no one would dare annoy that big bad fox ever again.

Eh! I'd like to see the wolf be that scary.

Now, what?

We're afraid that the big bad fox is coming.

I don't care! You get back there and you go to sleep!

No, we want to sleep with our mommy.

I am not your mommy!

Night, mommy. Goodnight, mommy.

Here's some good news for you at last.

.You found the fox, then?

- Your eggs. - Ah, my eggs!

You did it! Well done.

- Where were they? - Erm... under the, erm, ooh...

Oh, I forgot. All's well that ends well.

- These are not my eggs! - Well, of course they are.

You took these out of the refrigerator.

- That's really not my style. - Oh, indeed?

When did I start producing eggs with a sell-by date on them?

Hmm... yeah, funny...

No, seriously! It was funny! Look, time plus missing eggs...

Ow! Ouch!

Mommy? Mommy!

- He's there. - There is no more mommy here!

You must quake before the big bad fox!

Whoa!

I shall swallow the first one, I shall crunch the second one...

Aaargh!

And I will devour the third one... Aargh!

Hooray! Hooray! Yay! Hooray! Hooray! Yay!

Do it again for us, mommy! Will you?

I am the big bad fox!

My turn, my turn, I want to try!

- Mommy! - What?

Please, can we play tea party?

Tea party? Are you insane?

My, what a beautiful day!

Care for a little more tea, would you, my dear?

Lady Victoria?

Madame, you're holding your cup upside-down.

That's much better.

Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!

- Ah! We saw the big bad fox! - No, that's impossible.

- You can't have. - We did! He's right there.

- Ahem... Hello, my friend. - Oh, you mean that?

That's not the big bad fox, that's a wolf.

No need to be afraid of him.

- He's not scary at all. - But he looks quite mean.

This guy? Mean? Nah, he's a pussycat, right?

Now, I'm the ferocious one.

Watch and learn. I'll smash him to bits.

Er... could we have a bit of a chat?

I'm not lowering myself to your level.

Oh, please!

You fight me and I lose to you? That would ruin my reputation!

But if you agree to do it, they'll believe I'm the big bad

fox!

Why should I do this for you? Tell me that.

Erm... Cause you're my friend? Huh?

- Can you see mommy? - No. Can you?

Look over there. It's the big bad fox!

Growl, growl. Ooh!

I'm the biggest, baddest fox in the forest.

A-ha! You liar! I...

- I am the big bad fox! - Mommy?

You have met your match, you scoundrel!

- Take that, you cad! - Wow!

You lout! Ha-ha! You will kneel before me!

- Don't touch. - Oh, sorry.

Mommy's amazing!

Get out, and don't you dare come back!

Too much?

Hmm...

So you are the real big bad fox?

Oh, yes, I am.

So, that means... we are all big bad foxes like mommy!

- Huh? - Ah! Whaddya know?

We're the children of the big bad fox! Yeah!

We are sly and quick and roar like this...

- What? No, you are just chicks. - No!

- We eat chicks, we crunch them! - Now you listen, all of you!

- I am terrifying. - No. You're our mommy.

We'll never be scared of you.

That's it, I've had enough! I don't wanna see you anymore!

- Mommy? - Hmm?

We got you these.

Flowers? And what's a big bad fox to do with them?

- Erm... - Nothing!

Mommy, you're the best.

Hmm.

Hello?

- I have a request. - Oh, yeah, request...

You're all here about the fox, right, yeah?

No, not that. I'd like you to sign this approval for my club.

- What sort of club? - Our 'Exterminate the Fox' club

You're useless at defending us, so we'll teach ourselves

how to get rid of the little pest.

OK, you want me to sign this

and you'll take care of the fox yourselves?

- Exactly. - I support you 100%.

I always believed self-defense was the way of the future.

Ladies and other ladies,

welcome to the "Dog Is Rubbish, So We'll Do It Ourselves" event.

What're you doing up there?

What's it look like? Having a meeting.

Take your meeting elsewhere, why don't you!

You have just given us authorization. Look!

It's written here. Article 3, paragraph 4.

You may use the dog kennel as the venue for the club.

So, first item on today's agenda,

we've resolved to make a list of all the faults

of the incompetent guard dog.

Now then, ladies, who would like to start?

- He's lazy! - Yes.

- He's incompetent! - Hmm.

- He's an idiot. - He's a total mess.

- I'm the biggest bad fox! - No, you're not. I am!

- Right! Hardly. - I am!

Ha-ha! I may be little, but I can outfox you all!

No way!

Children! Dinner time!

Not turnip again?

But foxes don't eat turnips, they eat chicks!

Well, you'll eat chicks when chickens start flying.

- Will that be soon? - No, later.

We want chicks sooner than now!

There you go! Big fat juicy chick!

That's not a chick. You must think we're stupid.

- Ha! He looks just like you. - Not true!

- You've got a turnip face! - And you've got a bum face?

No, I look like a fox.

All of you listen! None of you look like a fox.

The only one that looks like a fox is...

Me! And when I'm grown up, I'll be pretty just like mommy.

With pointed teeth and a beautiful coat.

Ha-ha! That's never gonna happen.

When you grow up, you're gonna be dinner...

What did you say?

Nothing. Why don't you all go outside and play?

Yay!

Go away, you big fat hairball!

Something else to deal with?

Out of our way or I'll break your nose!

Ah, ta-ta-ta! Leave Mr. Wolf alone.

Wolf? A big fat stupid wimpy wimp

Off you go!

Hey. Nice to see ya!

And who's a wimpy wimp?

Oh, you know kids. They don't really mean it, do they?

Wimpy wimp, smelly wimp, smelly wolfy wimpy wimp!

You and I should have supper sooner than later, mon ami!

Wait! You said we'd eat them when they were fat and juicy!

They look fat and juicy now.

- But... we can't eat them. - And why not?

- Because... - Because what, hm?

- They're ill, that's why. - Really?

They look healthy enough to me.

But, mommy, I feel completely fine.

I don't... feel so well.

Ah, you see? Come back tomorrow, they'll be better.

Quickly in the basket, come on!

You're leaving? I thought they were ill.

Yep, just giving them some fresh air.

In that case, I'll come along with you.

Well, that was a nice little walk. See you!

- What's going on, mommy? - Is Mr. Wolf bothering you?

- Come on, let's eat him! - No! No one's eating anyone!

Right, help me dig.

We're far enough. That's great, kids. He's not here.

We're safe... Huh?

Wait a second!

Are you trying to trick your dear friend?

- I hope not. - Me? Wouldn't dream of it.

- No, wait! Wait! - I've run out of patience.

What was that noise, mommy?

Mr. Wolf is a little bit angry.

Why? Where are we going?

To the only place he'll never look.

Ahem!

Hello. Oof... and you are?

- We are chickens and... - We're not chicks, we're foxes!

Pay no attention to him. We seek refuge and a safe haven.

I'm afraid you're out of luck. There are no openings here.

Oh, no, help us, please!

The wolf will do anything to eat us.

- Oh, please! - OK, don't cry now.

I'll go and see what I can rustle up.

But I don't wanna hear about it if you're cramped.

Oh, thank you. Thank you!

At least no one here wants me dead.

Your chicks are lovely.

We're not chicks... Ow!

You know, I had three little ones.

They'd be about the same age as yours.

But that stupid fox took them away!

It's time.

- Time for what? - Time to go to school.

We don't want to go to school!

It's important we don't get noticed.

I'm a chicken and you're little chicks,

so you go to school like any other chick.

- But we are foxes! - Right! And we eat chicks!

Shush! You are not foxes! Go on, shoo!

And don't eat your schoolmates!

Ooh! Are you the new pupils?

Don't be afraid to answer, I won't eat you...

Oh!

New girl, I have something to show you.

Are you ready?

Ready!

This is our self-defense fox extermination club.

We teach all of our chickens to defend themselves

to slay any foxes who enter into the farmyard.

So, we have several different activities on offer,

each one a vicious joy.

If you care to join,

I can give you a 10% rebate on your membership.

Well, yes, I'll think about it.

Er, wait a minute, just coming.

Oh, it's you.

Mommy, we brought some food back.

Hello, madam.

Uh, what are you doing with that chick?

- D'oh! We're going to eat him. - He said we could.

We're playing "Foxes Eat Chicks".

Oh, no, we're not! Put the chick down, get in the house.

- But why? - That means now!

See you later!

How many times? We do not eat chicks!

We wanna go back in the forest!

That is just not happening.

- But why? - Because of the wolf!

Are you afraid of him?

I can't believe it, you're acting like a chicken.

You're afraid of the wolf, the woods... We're tired of you!

Yeah, we're tired of you. We want to live with the wolf.

At least, he's not a wimp.

Go right ahead. I'm tired of you!

Live with the wolf, why don't you? Give me some peace.

The wolf will let us eat chicks.

He'll eat chicks, alright, like you!

We'd like a word with you.

It appears your chicks tried to bite

several other pupils at school today.

And they tried to eat my little Michel!

I don't mind.

Oh, no! I'm so sorry...

They say it's cool to be a fox.

And they're threatening to eat all the chicks on the farm!

- Hear, hear! - Get out!

They need to be expelled.

Ladies! Let's not be violent towards our own kind, please.

It's the fox that's the threat.

Ow!

It was you all along. You took them!

What have you done with them? Tell me! My... my... my...

chicks!

Where are you? Children?

Where are they?

- Where did you hide them? - What? The coop.

- Where else? - Liar! They're not there!

What? But that's impossible, I just spoke to them.

They're grounded in the coop cos they wanted to see the...

To see the what? The what?

- Mr. Wolf? Mr. Wolf? - Hello?

- Where are you, Mr. Wolf? - Hello, Mr. Wolf?

- Ah, Mr. Wolf! - We'd like to change mommy.

Our old mommy has chickened out!

Would you like to take care of us?

It would be my pleasure, little ones.

Don't do that. Don't do it, please!

- Its better tell me now. - I know it sounds mad!

But they're gone to see the wolf!

And I'd be mad to believe that!

Oi! What if he is telling the truth?

If he'd wanted to eat them before now, he could've done so.

Let's face it, he probably knows where your chicks are.

You and I can put this whole thing behind us.

- Don't you think it's worth it? - Sorry to interrupt,

could you just..

Oh, be quiet! I'm trying to save your life here!

Oh, well, I tried.

You know Mr. Wolf, we know of a

place that's full of chicks and chickens.

Let's all go there and gobble them up!

Oh, yes, I'd love to do that.

But before we go, I have something important to do.

And what would that be?

Enjoy a starter.

- Mommy! - Huh?

Children! Shoo! Shoo! Go! Hurry! Before the wolf catches you...

Mommy! Help! Mommy! Mommy!

Give them back!

Don't touch my kids!

They are not your children!

You stole them from the chicken to eat them, remember?

But, no, you seem to have gone all vegetarian on me!

Look how pathetic the big bad fox is.

He's incapable of eating you, and even less able to save you!

- Mommy? - Oh, say au revoir to mommy!

Run away, kids, run!

Leave them alone!

- No! - Leave off! I'm done with you.

This is the end!

- You and your antics! - I say, you there?

Are you the one who's been trying to eat my chicks?

Chicken... Chicken everywhere.

- Bon appetit! - Oh, good.

I'll ask again.

Are you the one who's been trying to eat my children?

Oui, c'est moi, and I'm gonna skip that starter

and go for the main course instead.

I wouldn't get her mad, if I were you.

Children, step aside.

Mommy is going to deal with this gentleman.

- Huh? - Let's go, girls!

OK, well, I'm off.

And attack! The pecking technique!

Let's rumble!

- Would you ladies...? - Wow!

Please have mercy!

Go on, gals! Kick this twerp as far as possible!

- Children? Children! - We're over here.

I'm so happy we're together again!

So, you're our real mommy?

Of course I am. I've always been your mommy!

You're still here, are you?

- But I wanna say goodbye. - Out of the question! Go away!

Bye-bye, children.

Can't we work something out?

Yes, I'm sure we can work something out.

- Is that OK? - Excellent.

The grip was firm, but the throw lacked a little power.

Take notes. Grip both legs firmly.

And pivot whilst stepping back

to flatten me properly on the ground.

When in doubt, pull the fox firmly by the ears.

The easiest, of course, is to grab the tail straight away

and pull hard four times.

OK, that's us finished for today.

Don't forget, bring your boxing gloves in tomorrow!

- Oh, shall we get going? - Yes, it's time.

Mommies!

- Children! - Children!

- How was school? - Great!

- You didn't bite anyone? - No!

- Aw! Come on, let's play! - Wait for me!

- Bring them back for dinner! - Come on, let's play a game!

- What shall we do? - Wolves and chickens!

As somebody said, "All's well that ends well."

He teaches you to fend off foxes,

and he gets to spend time with the kids.

Yes. Let's say, I would've preferred a less amateur fox.

Well, I'm sure he'll do the job.

What sort of thing have you got him doing next, then?

The fox catapult, he's testing it.

Oh, I see. That's very interesting.

He must really like those kids to do that.

I know, it's crazy. The things we'll do for love.

And now, for the closing play, "Saving Christmas"!

Hello, mom!

You're supposed to be backstage.

Moving swiftly onwards, "Saving..."

Hello, everybody!

- Did you like the play? - Michel, don't bother the

audience now.

They wanted to eat me, but not really. It's a play.

Ah, who is looking after Michel?

- Ah, I can take him for you. - No! No, no, no...

- I wouldn't want to bother you. - It's really no trouble.

Ooh, erm... thanks, but erm...

Oh, look at that he's gone! Ha-ha!

You can always call me if you change your mind.

- Happy to help. - Hello!

- Hello! - Yes, you got it.

I'll call you first

Ladies and gentlemen, our last offering,

"Saving Christmas"!

Aaah!

Hop!

Hop!

Hmm?

La la la, la la la, la la la la la...

Happy Christmas!

Christmas? Right, that's tomorrow.

But tonight, Father Christmas is coming!

- Yeah! - Can you imagine?

- Hooray! - Yeah, yeah, that's great.

Erm... what if you guys started on a snowman in the meantime?

A snowman! Yes!

Ha! They'll never grow up.

Good. You've got the Christmas decorations.

I need something flashy.

They still believe in Father Christmas.

Do you mean the idiots on the roof of your shed?

What are you doing? Stop!

We're collecting snow for the snowman.

What? From off my roof?

Yeah, but no one stepped on it, so this snow it's really clean.

- Get down now, it's dangerous. - Oh, OK, sorry.

- Help me get down, please. - Ready.

Who saw that coming?

- I don't believe this. - It's not my fault.

Look around you, there's snow everywhere!

- Yeah, but it's less clean. - What do we need?

We've got snow, we need arms and a nose...

How about the TV aerial for the arms?

- Oh, yeah! - Stop!

Tree branches will be perfect for your snowman.

Yeah! You've always got the best ideas.

Why do you waste your time with those two idiots?

I don't know, I just... I just... I worry.

You should see how they cope on their own for once.

I feel like I have to protect them, you know.

You're not protecting them, you're stifling them.

- They'll never grow up. - Oh, they're harmless.

What and why?

Er... we needed an arm.

Get out of here!

Get away from me before there's any more damage!

- Do you need us to help? - No!

I think we did him a favor.

Yeah, his roof needed replacing anyway.

Yeah, he's been a bit off with us lately. Hmm...

What if, as of now, we became responsible adults?

You're right!

We should start being more mature.

- Oh, yeah! - Snowmen finished!

- Even sledging? - Even sledging!

- The age of wisdom is here. - Father Christmas?

- Don't be so immature! - No, he's up there, look!

What?

Father Christmas, don't do anything!

Quick, we need to help him.

Yeah, but like responsible adults, OK?

Hold on tight, Father Christmas! I'll save you!

I'm here! Do not panic!

Whoa! I've got you! I've got you! Safe and sound!

He's still smiling...

- a bit - What have you done?

I think we've... killed Santa!

What are you doing?

That doesn't look like a snowman.

Ooh! Maybe it does, maybe it doesn't. Who knows?

Are you two trying to bury something?

Us? No! We're just moving snow. Like this.

Moving snow? Of course you are.

I know you've been up to something!

And don't think you can keep the truth hidden from me.

I'm sorry. I can't keep it to myself anymore.

- We've done something bad. - We've killed Father Christmas!

That's just a decoration. Ha-ha!

You didn't kill Father Christmas at all.

So sweet.

Wait! Wait!

We... we found it hard to believe as well.

Thousands of children won't get any toys.

They'll be so sad!

They'll be heartbroken!

But don't worry. We have a plan.

We'll save the day and hand out toys to all the children.

We'll take his place and we'll be the ones who save Christmas.

Yes, yes...

And you can be our Father Christmas.

Yeah, we need someone porky.

Little cheeks all pink and round.

And a happy face.

No, stop it. I'm not doing it. I have a roof to fix, remember?

I thought the outfit would suit him.

There's a part for an elf.

Fine, be that way! I'm playing Father Christmas now, alright?

Yep, you go right ahead!

I could play the elf, I suppose.

Oi, where can I find the blue tinsel?

Er, yeah... in the shed.

Rabbit and Duck seem to be up to something.

Think we should...?

- No. - You know, don't you think...?

No, no, no.

- Just to check? - Wouldn't do that, no.

- Well, thanks for your help. - Don't mention it.

- There! - You still look like a duck?

What are you doing with that thing on your head?

It's my hat. Now I look like an elf, don't you think?

Since when do elves wear feathered hats?

Oh, yeah, of course. Wait a minute, I've got spares!

Ta-da!

Oh, no.

Ah, for goodness sake! What?

Oh... what... No, no.

Wait, wait, wait... Whoa, whoa, go back, go back!

No, before that. There, there, perfect!

Right, now for the itinerary. Starting point: the farm.

- What do I put as destination? - Put every home in the world.

- And tick 'no tolls'. - Oh, dear!

That's a 12-year, 7-month, 120-day-and-32-minute journey.

We're not gonna be able to do that in a single night

Try nice children only.

Oh, yeah, shorter. 7 years, 6 months and 4 hours.

- Yeah, they always exaggerate. - Printing!

All we have to do now is build a sledge.

Oi, can I borrow your wrench?

I'm boosting the lawn mower's power.

Yeah, go ahead. Just bring it back when you're finished.

Lawn mower... Lawn mower?

- Aargh... - Leave it, Pig?

You wouldn't happen to have any of

that purple tinsel, would you?

Did you hear what he just said? They're doing something

reckless!

Leave 'em alone. Now, let's talk about purple tinsel.

Let's talk about what?

- This is important! - My tinsel isn't important?

- Leave 'em be, will you? - But aren't you worried?

We're talking about a lawn mower.

Worry is in you. The solution is in them.

- You believe that? - Absolutely.

- Do nothing? - That's right.

- Let them grow. - Like leg hair.

I'll help myself to that purple tinsel.

There we are. Our sledge is beautiful.

Yep, and we don't even need a reindeer.

Shouldn't we do something? This could get out of control.

No, no.

- It looks broken. - Wait, I'll fix it.

Just tighten that. Try now.

It's getting really dangerous!

Stay out of it, they're learning.

What if we put some petrol in?

- So, do you think it's full? - I don't know, it's too dark.

Hang on. I've got some matches.

I don't believe this! Wait, wait, stop!

No, give me the can, put the matches down...

And my tinsel?

Huh?

Whoo!

Why is it that everything you do turns into a disaster?

Don't worry, I've got this under control.

I'll talk to the man.

Ah, good to see you.

Listen, there's been a little confusion...

Uh, no, no, wait, let me explain.

No, you're making a huge mistake!

Do you know who I am?

I order you to open this door at once!

Ooh... you know, please?

Look at that! Someone's delivered our Christmas dinner.

- Bon appétit - Whoa, wait, you can't do that!

Really? Why's that?

Erm... because I'm Father Christmas. Yes, sir!

If you eat me, uh-huh,

there'll be no presents for children tonight.

No!

Daddy, I want my toys. Don't eat Father Christmas!

Sweetheart, he's not the real Father Christmas, is he?

He is! He has a red hat and a fluffy white beard.

That's the true word spoken by a child.

What about the rabbit?

- Can we eat him? - He's really more than an elf.

I need him to help me deliver all the toys.

You can't eat an elf.

The pig? What about him? He ain't doing nothing.

- Hmm, that's good point. - Er...

Not at all. I'm very useful.

Oh... er... I pull the sledge, you know!

Leave it out! Ain't it the reindeers what do the pulling?

Yes, but the recession, so reindeer... too dear.

Pigs, on the other hand, not at all.

You can't eat the pig. He's replaced all the reindeer.

Don't eat the pig, please!

Aww!

Alright.

Right! Glad that's settled.

So, would you help us get out, then? Children need their toys.

Listen, sunshine!

If we knew how to get out of here, we'd be long gone.

I have an idea!

You could fly over the fence, yes?

And then get the keys to the door.

Fly? Fly away?

You're the one pulling Father Christmas' sledge, right?

So fly!

Or you serve no purpose and we'll eat you

Fly? Ah, yes! But I can't do it without the sledge.

- You can. - Aargh!

- Watch, daddy! Watch him fly! - Oh, yeah... Well, he was.

Oh, dear! He fell in Fat Danny's cage.

And now he gets to eat him instead of us.

Nice doggy, hello...

Ouch! Ah! Ah!

Aaargh!

The pig's flying again! Yeah!

- So's Fat Danny. - They're coming towards us.

Open the door!

Well, you managed to open the door.

Right, freedom!

And with it, a chance to save Christmas. Who's with me?

Me! Me! Me!

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

Of course, love. We're gonna save Christmas.

And you'll find warmth in your heart

as we get presents for the little children.

- Yeah... - I'll get a sledge!

Yeah...

- One sledge-aroo! - Yeah...

Come on! Come on! Let's go, daddy!

Think of us as extra elves.

Right, you lot! Let's go!

I really can't believe we're doing this.

Are you not gonna look for presents?

Cause if not, I can think of a way you can help.

Ooh, what a lovely gift!

Someone's gonna be lucky this year.

What wonderful stuff.

It's beautiful! Oh, there'll never be a better Christmas.

There you are! The sledge is ready to go.

Let's get you hitched up to fly.

Please, don't be stupid. We gotta get back to the farm.

But what about the kids? Father Christmas?

Don't start that again. Father Christmas doesn't exist!

It's a bunch of stupid stories we tell kids like you!

Daddy, is the pig telling the truth?

Er... let's get a move on. We've got presents to deliver.

It's Christmas! This sledge isn't gonna fly by itself.

Thank you, thanks for everything, friends!

Thanks to you, we saved Christmas!

Awesome! Well done!

- Feel the love! - Bravo! Merry Christmas!

Have a great Christmas, love you!

- Have a great Christmas! - Have a great Christmas!

Aaargh!

- Aargh! - Whoo-hoo!

Alright, now he's flying.

Darling, you look lovely in that outfit.

Oh, it's rather hot in here.

Thank goodness, we only do this once a year.

Hm-mm. Here, your hat. The children are so excited.

There can't be just one Santa. That's silly.

- No, there's only one. - I don't believe that.

He couldn't deliver all those presents

all by himself, in one night.

I mean, there must be at least five.

No, there's only one. He's a superhero.

- Maybe, but still- - If only we could ask him.

Children, guess who's just arrived?

Right, we've got the presents, a chimney.

- The kids are waiting for us. - I can't believe you.

Are you really going down there?

Oh, let's just get the kids to come up here, then!

They'd get their pajamas dirty.

But what if the chimney's blocked? You'll get stuck.

Hmm... good point. If only we had a guinea pig to test it.

What about a real pig?

Knock three times when the coast is clear,

and we'll be right there, got it? Fire!

Hello, and ho-ho-ho!

Oh, dear.

Go, fetch me the broom, Suzanne!

Help, help! You guys, help!

That's the signal. The coast is clear.

Hello, children!

You wait till I get my hands on you!

Aargh, come back!

You see that? There is more than one. I told you so.

Yeah. But what about the pig?

Pulls the sledge? I don't know.

But don't reindeer pull the sledge usually?

Yeah, but pigs are less expensive.

What's going on?

- Got you! - Aargh!

Clear off!

I'd say that wasn't too bad for our first time. Oof!

- Let's go! - Oh, no. Enough.

We stop this now. We are not delivering any more presents.

- Father Christmas... - There is no Father Christmas!

Yes, there is and he's up there. Look!

He's in danger. Quick, we have to help him.

Yeah, but like responsible adults?

Father Christmas! Father Christmas!

We've been through all of this before.

Oh, wait, that's not really him?

- No, it isn't! - Yes, they're all just copies.

We killed the real one this morning.

Actually that was more you.

It wasn't me, it was gravity. He got attracted to the ground.

- You know, physics. - Stop! You didn't kill anyone!

It was a plastic Father Christmas just like that one!

Are they plastic, as well?

What on earth...?

Hey, you there! Help! I can't hold on much longer.

- So, plastic, hey? - Hold on tight, Mr. Christmas!

I'm coming!

Almost... gotcha!

Don't panic! It's all under control.

Whoo!

- There you are. - Ooh!

That was close. I don't understand what happened.

I was on this rooftop when there was this almighty crash.

And you know what? It looked like a... supermarket trolley.

A trolley on the roof... I have too much imagination!

Can't thank you enough, my friends.

I'm not sure what you're doing here, but...

you saved my life.

And what's more, you all saved Christmas!

Gosh, is that the time, hey? I still have to finish my round.

Let's go, children are a-waiting!

Excuse me... Are you really Father Christmas?

But, of course! Who do you think I am?

Er, no, no, no, I... I thought you'd be a bit more, you know...

Yeah, you know...

Well, I have to get in and out of chimneys, you know.

So, can I drop you off somewhere?

Tell me, are reindeers expensive?

Actually, yes. We have to re-shoe them all the time.

Even though their feet never touch the ground.

- Interesting. - Can I drive?

Oh, oh, ooh!

Why don't you look at the view instead?

It's rather pretty, don't you think?

Oh, yeah, it's pretty.

Wow!

- Merry Christmas. - And to you, as well.

- What's with all the presents? - Father Christmas bought them.

So you believe "the fat bloke and elves" nonsense, then?

Well, ha-ha, you know me...

Father Christmas gave me an inflatable ring.

And I got a carrot peeler. Got a carrot?

- Anyone got a carrot? - Oh, dear, those crazy kids.

Well, you know, as long as everyone's happy.

Ah...

Well, we hope you've had a good evening, ladies and gentlemen,

and please join us soon for some totally new adventures.

On behalf of all of us, goodnight!

Shall we have a drink and celebrate?

- Oh, yeah, why not? - I fancy a pint.

Not me, I'm going home. Don't wanna miss the last train.

Ah, don't be a spoilsport.

- We'll drop you home. - We got the tractor.

- I'm driving. - No, I'm fine.

No no, really. No no, I'm fine.

It's fine, really. But-but-but thank you. Ok, bye

Eh? The audience is still here.

What're they doing?

Oh, the curtain call. We forgot the curtain call!

Everybody on stage, now! Come on! Michel! Kids!

Is everybody ready? OK, and go!

THE END