Original subtitles

[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]

Uh, okay, honey.

Just, uh, just hold still, okay?

[STRAINING]

Well, you've still got tools stuck on your head.

Hmm, decorating your daughter's hair with screwdrivers.

Very creative, Frank.

No, she just got a clip stuck in her hair,

and I, I got these jammed in there trying to get it out.

Hi! I'm back!

Hi, Mommy! [GASPS]

There's my Lilly.

Oh-ooh. Screwdrivers.

[LAUGHS] Daddy's been doing your hair again, huh?

How'd you know?

Oh, honey, it's no use.

Those things are stuck in there.

Well, it's easier when you're a hairdresser.

Thanks, Mommy. My head was getting very heavy.

I bet it was.

[SIGHS] Boy...

[BOTH CHUCKLE] Am I glad to see you.

How was your beauty convention, huh?Oh, it was so great.

In fact, I have brought home a big surprise for you.

Oh, really? Mm-hmm.

Should I close my eyes for this?

Yes.

Okay. Okay.

[SPEAKS FRENCH]

[FRENCH ACCENT] You, uh, you must be Frank.

Ooh, la, la, Frank. I am so super-happy to meet you.

I have to tell you that after spending

a week in Miami Beach with your wife...

He's French.

Frank, this is Jean-Luc Rieupeyroux.Rieupeyroux.

You know, I used to talk about him all the time.

He's my best, best, best friend from beauty school.Best, best, best friend.

Well, isn't that great?

And you can tell me what you two were doing in Miami Beach.

Frank, it was strictly professional.

I mean, I have not seen Jean-Luc for years.

And there I am at Hair Spectacular '96,

who do I run into but the mad genius of mousse himself.

C'est moi. Guess what, Frank, I'm moving here.

And Carol and I are going to open a new salon together

called "Let Your Hair Down."

I know it's kind of sudden, Frank, you know,

but with my customer base and his name, it'll be a smash.

It will be super-extra fantastic.

[BOTH SPEAKING FRENCH]

Oh, hey, Mom, you're home.Oh, honey, hi.

I want you to meet someone.[SCREAMING]

It's him. It's Jean-Luc. Oh, I can't believe it.

Do you know who you are?

Mais oui.

This is Jean-Luc of Paris

and London and New York.

And South Coast Plaza.

He's bigger than Vidal Sassoon.

This man is a hair god.

[CHUCKLES] Jean-Luc, this is my daughter, Karen.

Karen, the pleasure is all mine, mon cheri.

Ah, geez.

Oh, my God,

Jean-Luc kissed my hand.

Well, your shampoo changed my life.

I love you.

I wanna have your child.

She's speaking metaphorically.

There could never be nothing-- Nothing between us.

Could there? No!

Excuse me, Mr. Ripper-roo.Rieupeyroux.

Okay, I don't get it.

If you're Mr. Big Time Hair Guy,

why do you wanna move here, to the middle of nowhere?

I wish you wouldn't go there, Frank.Well, honey, I mean, come on.

The guy is obviously a celebrity.

Shh. According to Karen, this guy's got it all.

Oh, nice going, Frank.

Well, what'd I do now?

Well, Jean-Luc is very sensitive.

Oh, gee. He's going through a very painful divorce.

His wife just completely cleaned him out.

She took the bank accounts, the cars, the salon, the kids.

She took the hair spray. The hair spray.

Everything.

This man has been through hell.

Well, he looks like he's in heaven now.

I am very sorry if I touched on a sore subject, okay?

Oh, it's okay.

I will start a new salon with Carol, my only friend.

And with her help and support,

I, Jean-Luc Rieupeyroux, will rebuild myself.

He's French.

Smokin'.

J.T., guess what.

Really? Yeah.

because I have a date with her Saturday night.

Ouch.

Well, good for you. Congrats.

Where are you gonna take her?Club Euro.

The dance club? No, no, no, you can't take her there.

Why not? Oh, I don't know, because you can't dance.

Look, she wants to go dancing so I gotta take her, all right?

But I've been working on some new moves. You wanna see?

No. Good, let me show you. Come on.

[MUSIC PLAYING ON RADIO]

[KEYBOARD PLAYING] Lilly, honey, please.

Uh, listen, this isn't really a good time to talk, Cody.

Yeah, honey, please. [KEYBOARD CONTINUES PLAYING]

in Russia, Cody, but I'm a little busy right now.

Hey, Dad, can I ask you a question?Yeah, what is it?

Yeah, sure, son. Lilly, honey. Hang on, Cody.

If train A leaves Philadelphia at 3:45 p.m.,

one is using diesel fuel and the other...

Hold on, wait a minute, guys.

Frank, you put Al's underwear in my drawer.

Can't you just wear 'em? I'm a little busy here.

[OVERLAPPING CHATTER] [KEYBOARD CONTINUES]

[WHISTLES] Hey!

You, take Lilly upstairs. Teach her a new song.

You, take him up to his room and help him with his math.

And, you, wear anybody's underwear you want to.

Just don't show me.

[CAROL SIGHS]

[FRANK MUTTERS] I guess I just forgot how hard it is starting a new salon.

Yeah, well, it's okay. I saved supper for you.

It's in the oven. Oh, you're the best.

[CHUCKLES] Oh!

I really appreciate all you're doing for me around here.

Well, it is a little crazy, but what the heck,

it's only for a couple more days, huh?

Mm. What?

Have I ever told you just how sexy you are

with this new haircut I gave you, huh?

[GROANS] Carol.

It is for a couple more days, isn't it?

You know, I think a man who does housework is such a turn on.

[KISSING]

Carol... So strong.

[DOORBELL RINGS] AL: I'll get it.

[CAROL MOANS] [FRANK GROANS]

FRANK: Thanks, Al.

Hello.

Jean-Luc...

So long.

Listen, I'm sorry to drop in like a bad cheese,

but I just had to come over to say thank you to Monsieur François.

Monsieur François, merci beaucoup.

Well, what for? For sharing your wife with me.

That come out wrong.

Oui.

really, for being a super-groovy guy

who don't mind his wife working crazy hours for the next few years.

Years?

Carol, you did not tell him the good news?

[SPEAKS FRENCH] Let me tell him the good news.

[SPEAKS FRENCH] Carol and I have decided that,

no, we don't just want to open a petite salon,

we want to create the fantastic "aire" complex.

An air complex?

No, not "air," "aire."

"Air"? "Aire."

"Hair." "Aire."

No, I "ear" very well.

See you in a few years, honey.

Uh... Oh.

Jean-Luc have make a faux pas, no?

Oui.

Well, as we say in France,

"The pâtéhas really hit the fan."

Okay, Frank, I know I should have come right out and told you,

but you just seem to react better when I'm licking your chest.

You're not mad? No, no, I'm fine.

Look, I know you've been taking care of the kids

and most of the household chores,

but this new salon is very important to me.

And I wanna talk about this and find a way to work it out.

Honey, there's nothing to talk about.

You just take as much time as you need to start your new business.

I'll continue to work and take care of everything else

that goes on around here, no problem.

Okay, so everything is okay, and you're not mad.

I'm not mad.

When I get mad about something, I'll tell you.

Right now, everything is okey-dokey.

Where's my Mr. Fudge Buddy cookies?

I ate the last one at lunch today.

You what?

I took my lunch to work, and I wanted some cookies.

Okay...

I thought our marriage was based on trust,

an equal partnership, but obviously I was wrong.

and talk about Jean-Luc and the new salon?

Because obviously, this is not a cookie issue.

Oh, this is a cookie issue.

And you have violated all the trust in our marriage.

All you think about is your cookie needs.

Well, maybe you haven't noticed, but I have cookie needs, too.

I have been doing most of the household chores

while you focused on your business.

Don't even try and change the subject.

We are talking cookies here.

And you are a very selfish cookie person.

that you stole the last Mr. Fudge Buddy cookie,

then we can talk about this like adults.

And don't you be Miss Innocent, either.

I know you eat my cookies behind my back.

Hmm. [CLICKS TONGUE]

Looks like Mr. Mom has PMS.

This is the complete hair care system by Jean-Luc.

You start every day by using Jean-Luc's pre-conditioner,

shampoo, conditioner, rinse, after rinse,

and mung bean moisturizer.

Karen...

Well, it's important.

I mean, hair is 90% of your personality.

In her case, I actually think that's true.

Okay, here's the deal.

What's the matter, J.T., your inflatable girlfriend blow a seal?

Listen, one of you guys has gotta teach me how to dance

before I go on my date with Cindy.

Come on, Al, you gotta help me, please, please?

Fine. Yes.

But, J.T., I'm telling you, dancing isn't that hard.

I mean, pretend I'm Cindy, okay?

All you have to do is just close your eyes

and feel the rhythm of the music.

[MUSIC PLAYING ON RADIO]

♪ Be my lover, wanna be my lover

♪ Wanna be my lover, wanna be my lover ♪

What are you doing? No!

My God, whatever it is, we can work it out.

What you are doing to her?

He thinks he's dancing.

Hello.

My God, another young beauty.

A brunette, butterscotch and, uh...

What would you call that color?

Oh, just forget it. I might as well cancel my date with Cindy.

I'm never gonna learn how to dance.[SPEAKS FRENCH]

Hold the telephone there, Monsieur Homeboy.

just because you don't think you can dance?

Yeah, I'm just too uncoordinated.

[SPEAKS FRENCH]

Dancing is not just physical.

It only have to come from your "goat."

My "goat"?

Mm, not your "goat," your "gut."

Look, you just have to imagine

that you are a smoldering love machine

who make a woman vibrate with desire.

[SCOFFS] Yeah, a desire to throw up.

You, with the bad dye job, out.

You, you, young girl, get out of my mind.

You, the dark-haired beauty, you stay.

[GIGGLES]

[SPEAKS FRENCH] Jean-Luc will teach you.

Okay, let's commence at the beginning.

Just imagine that Karen is your date...

Over there.

Okay, now, J.T., just...

How you ask her to dance?

Uh, I don't know. I guess I say, uh,

"So, you wanna dance or something?"

No.

[AMERICAN ACCENT] Not, "So, you wanna dance or something?"

[FRENCH ACCENT] No, J.T.

You have to be confident.

Cocky. Robust, huh? [GRUNTS]

[GRUNTS] Okay, no.

No, Jean-Luc will show you.

Look, you look at all the girls,

all the girls.

You see the one you want.

It don't hurt to show a little buttock either.

Then from across the room,

With eyes that burn.

You go toward her.

Your every move say to her,

big cat from the jungle."

He's good.

Wow.

all you have to do is feel the music in your blood.

[MUSIC PLAYING ON RADIO]

[WOMAN VOCALIZING]

Let your mojo do the talking.

Put a little Elvis in your pelvis.

Are you sure this is gonna work?

Is Jerry Lewis funny?

And now we all dance.

There's Waldo right there.

Okay, Daddy, it's your turn.

Daddy's too tired to find Waldo, honey.

Then I'll go upstairs and brush my teeth,

and I'll be down to tuck you in.

Hi, honey.

[GROANS]

I brought you a surprise.

God, it's not another French guy, is it?

[CHUCKLES] No, it's a gift.Hmm?

I really appreciate everything you've been doing around here.

Mr. Fudge Buddy cookies.

Oh, thank you, honey.

Oh, I almost hate to ask, how was your day?

I washed 138 towels. Mm.

If you're thinking of taking a shower, I wouldn't.

There won't be any hot water until about Thursday.

Listen, you know, I've been thinking about this salon.

I'm not sure it's such a good idea. It's going to be so hard on you.

No, no. No, no, honey.

I've been thinking a lot about it, too.

And what you said the other day is right.

You've been carrying a big part of the load here,

and I think maybe it's time I cut back at work

and helped out more around here.

'Cause I was talking to the kids,

Raving lunatic?

Well, they said "raving butthead,"

but I'm sure they meant "raving lunatic."

About 98% of the time, I am ready to lose my mind.

And then something happens that makes it all worthwhile. Ooh! Like today.

Today, Lilly dragged me into the living room

and said, "Daddy, I wrote my name."

Really? Yeah.

But she wrote it.

Well, and then she looked up at me with that little face,

and she said, "Oh, thanks for teaching me to write, Daddy.

You're the best Daddy in the whole world."

You're the best husband, too.

Oh. Mm.

I almost forgot how great it is to be alone with you.

Mm.

Is this about your work schedule?

Okay, give me the bad news.

Bonsoir, bonsoir. And once again, bonsoir.

[FRENCH ACCENT] It was super-fine fantastic.

I was confident, cocky,

and "robeast." [GRUNTS]

I walked up to Cindy like a big,

I said, "You want me, and you know it."

And that worked?

No, she dumped me like a bad cheese.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

I'm going upstairs to weep like a woman.

[SOBBING]