Original subtitles

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

[BLOWING NOSE]

[GROANS]

Well, Dad, we're on our way to Adam's funeral.

[MUMBLING]

Funeral? I thought Adam was getting married.

[SCOFFS] Wedding, funeral, what's the difference?

Either way, his life's over.

I mean, getting married

Thanks a lot, J.T.

Oh! Sam, Sam. No, no, no. I just--

You're fine.

but, uh, that's not it either, huh?

That's not it.

Well, look at the time. Time to go.

[FRANK GROANS]

Oh, Frank.

She'll understand. No, honey.

Listen it-- Oh, boy. Oh, gee, are you sure you're okay?

Yeah, yeah. I'll be as good as new.

You don't have to worry about the swing set,

'cause I found somebody else to build it.

Well, now, honey, come on now.

You can't just get anybody to build you a swing set.

It takes a trained professional.

Somebody who really knows what they're doing

and who has all the right tools.

Bonjour.

[AMERICAN ACCENT] My name's Ben. I build things.

It says, "If you could read this, I'm probably workin'."

Oh, hi!

It was such a lovely ceremony, Mrs. Landers.

Yeah, your daughter makes a beautiful bride.

I'm glad you could be here.

You are such a darling couple.

[KISSES]

So, when are you two tying the knot?

[LAUGHS NERVOUSLY] Well, uh, we're a long way from that.

I mean, you know, we've only been together for eight months.

Oh, honey, Ed and I got married after two months.

Ed, come here. I want you to meet Dana and Rich.

They're thinking about getting married.

No, actually, we were just--

Oh, hey, kids, congratulations.

Oh, you're gonna love being married. You really are.

It's the best thing I ever did.[LAUGHS]

Really.

Real happy for you folks,

but we're not thinking about marriage.

I mean, my career comes before anything else.

[BOTH LAUGH] Put a ring on her finger, son.

She'll forget all about this career garbage.

[LAUGHS]

You're gorgeous! [BOTH LAUGH]

Ah, um, Mr. Landers, um, today's woman is--

Honey, let's go sit down. No, I was just gonna tell him--

I know what you were going to tell him. Let's go sit down.

Bye, kids. [MUMBLING]

Oh, hi, J.T. and Samantha.

Ooh! You are such a darling couple.

[HUMMING HERE COMES THE BRIDE]

[LAUGHS] Hey, ho, take it easy there.

We just met, so don't give her any ideas, all right?

Marriage is out of the question, okay?

Yeah, we're not sure we're going to even keep dating.

You were just saying that, right?

[GRUNTS AND GROANS]

I can't believe I have this cold

and I'm trying to put together a swing set.

[NORMAL ACCENT] You know, Frank, yesterday I felt terrible.

I had the most awful cold.

I couldn't breathe, I couldn't taste nothing.

And then, one of my customers,

she gave me this home remedy.

I-I am completely a new man.

Really? Yeah, she gave me an extra bottle.

Here. Right over here.

There you go.

Oh, uh, what's in it?

Well, uh, evidently,

it's just nothing but natural ingredients.

She did mention juniper berries,

but, uh, it really is a good fixer-upper.

You should try it.

Wow.

[BOTH LAUGH]

Did she, uh, say how much to take?

Uh, yeah, she said just take enough to feel better.

Oh, okay, then I'll just take a little bit here.

Oh, boy, that warms you right up, doesn't it?

[BOTH LAUGH]

Whoa. You're sure this is totally herbal?

Hey, my body is my temple, okay?

I don't put nothing in there that isn't absolutely 100% pure.

As a matter of fact, I'm gonna take another little swig

of this home remedy cold medicine right now,

in case, you know, I don't wanna have a relapse.

In case there's any little bug in there,

I just get it all cleared out.

Jean-Luc, you know, my congestion is almost cleared up.

Mmm-hmm. I can breathe again.

You see that?

BOTH: Just to get it all cleared out.

You know, Frank-- What?

She said, "Jean-Luc, um, you know, the more you take, the better you gonna feel."

And-and-and I said, "Oh, really?"

And so, what I think I'm gonna do is, I'll just take a little bit more.

Just a little bit.

You know, just to get it all cleared out.All cleared out.

Mmm-hmm.

[BAND PLAYING SLOW DANCE MUSIC]

Dana? [GASPS]

Nicole! I can't believe it.

So good to see you. It's good to see you, too.

Oh, this is my boyfriend, Rich.

Oh, and this is my husband, Scott.

Rich Halke, how are you doing?

Your husband?

Don't act so surprised.

Everybody says you two are getting married any day now.

[LAUGHS]

Well, everybody's wrong.

So, uh, how's school up in Madison?

Oh, I quit college.

Scott and I just found out, we're gonna have a baby.

A baby?

I-I thought you wanted to go to law school?

Well, that's on the back burner for now.

I want to stay home and raise the baby.

Besides, Scott just got a promotion.

He's the assistant snack food manager at the Piggly Wiggly.

Yep, with my new raise,

we'll be able to afford our own modular home soon.

[CHUCKLES] You mean a trailer?

Well, yeah.

Wow! Man!

You guys got it made. Whoa, jeez.

A job. A place to live.

A little baby on the way. [LAUGHS]

It just doesn't get better than that.

[SONG ENDS]

[ALL APPLAUDING]

That's enough, okay.

All you single gals, uh,

Janet's going to throw her bouquet so we can find out

who is going to be next to be married.

[CHEERING]

Dana, let's go try and catch the bouquet.

I'd rather French kiss Bob Dole. Thanks. [CLEARS THROAT]

Well, I'm going. I'm going, too.

Hey, ho-ho, excuse me.

You can't catch the bouquet.

No, but I can knock it away from Sam. [CLICKS TONGUE]

Go on, Dana. It's not too late.

Uh, no, really. I think I'll just sit here.

[WOMEN CLAMORING]

[THUD]

Congratulations.

Hey, you guys see this? [LAUGHS]

Looks like we're next. Hey, hey!

[EXCLAIMING EXCITEDLY]

Well, glory be, Dana Foster caught the bouquet.

It's a sign from God.

I think I'm having chest pains.

BOTH: Oh!

Oh, Dana, I was hoping you'd catch the bouquet.

I told you you'd be next.

You're gonna be pregnant

and big as a house before you know it.

Okay, everybody, time to limbo.

[LIMBO MUSIC PLAYING]

You know, you look like you could use a glass of champagne.

Bring the bottle.

MR. LANDERS: You're gonna be pregnant and big as a house

before you know it.

REVEREND: It's a sign from God.

[BANJO PLAYING]

Yeah.

Hey, honey, come on out. It's a beautiful day.

[LAUGHS]

Just as pretty as the day I married her and twice as much to love!

Come on out, kids, breakfast.

Hey, there, Rich Jr. [KIDS SCREAMING]

Hey there. How you doin'?

Hey, little Dana.

Littler Dana. Tiny Dana, hey.

Hey! Ross, don't pick your nose there, kid.

Uh, is there any chance, uh, maybe after the baby's born,

I could actually attend law school?

I mean, I was accepted at Harvard.[RICH CHUCKLES]

What, you mean, you wanna be at Harvard,

rather than here in paradise?

Well, it always was kind of a dream of mine.

CAROL: Rich, could you give us a hand?

Oh, yeah, sure thing, Mother Lambert.

Well, I'll go help your parents.

[GRUNTS]

Hey, kids. Hey, hey. Looking good, Mr. L.

Hey. Hey, Mr. L, how about those reflexes, huh?

Whoa! Oh! [LAUGHS]

Oh.

Okay, there ya go, Frankie.

Grandpa, Grandpa, I lost a tooth.

Can I have some money?

Oh. Carol? Mmm-hmm?

Reach on in Frankie's pocket here,

see if you can roam around and find a quarter. [LAUGHS]

Oh, Frankie, you old rascal.

Eighty-two years old and he's still a pistol. [LAUGHS]

Go sit down. I'll pay you later.

Mom, you look great.

Well, how come you're 82 and you have the body of a 24-year-old?

Well, one word... ThighMaster. [LAUGHS]

So, how's my little baby machine, huh?

Mom, can I ask you a question?Absolutely.

Did you ever regret having so many kids?

[GASPS] No!

[GASPS] Speak for yourself.

I'm 82 years old. I'm taking my first tennis lesson.

Oh, that reminds me.

and see if you can find a tennis ball?

Oh, Frankie, not in front of the kids. [COUGHS]

Well, you okay, Frankie? [COUGHS]

Okay, we have to go.

Yeah, before we play tennis, we're stopping for lunch.

Lunch? Oh, that reminds me, honey,

why don't you reach on in Frankie's pocket

and see if you can find a Happy Meal?

Oh, Frankie.

Oh, Dana.

I'm so glad you're here.

I flew in to thank you for not going to Harvard.

Well, because you didn't go,

there was a space for me.

And today, they made me a Supreme Court Justice.

No way, honey! How about that, huh?

Karen here's a Supreme Court Justice

Whoa!

Don't you think that's funny, Dana?

Dana...

Dana? Dana?

Don't touch me, I'll get pregnant.

I think you and your mother need to have a little talk.

Jean-Luc? Yeah.

Where are ya? Ah, well...

I... I'm right here.

Well, I've fallen and I can't get up. [LAUGHS]

You think that's bad? I'm up and I can't fall down.

Oh. Okay.

I can't fall down. Here we go.

I think... I think I see a thing...Upsy-daisy.

...that could help me get in the place of...

We're just a couple of swingin' guys.[BOTH LAUGH]

CAROL: Frank, we're home.

Hi, Carol!

[FRANK LAUGHING]

Oh, my God, they're bombed.

Have you two been drinking?

[GASPS] [GRUNTS]

Oh! Well, no.

But we have been taking

Yes, but, honey, it's herbal.

It's made entirely out of the juice of buniper jerries.

Uh-huh.

You mean juniper berries?

Well, so is gin. Mrs. Thompson is a big lush.

Well, yeah.

I think I'll go make some coffee.

I cannot believe you two took some homemade medication

from some old bat who whipped it up

in her kitchen sink without knowing what's in it.

I mean, you guys are lucky you're just drunk.

You could've been killed.

[SIGHS] Wow!

Hey. Hey. Shh.

[DOOR OPENS]

We are not drunk.

And you wanna know how I know?Ooh.

How?

how could we construct such a fine swing set?

[MUSIC PLAYING] [INDISTINCT TALKING]

So, Rich, buddy.

Dana caught the bouquet, huh?

You've got big problems, bud.

Come on.

Are you crazy?

DANA: My career comes before anything else.

J.T.: That's like being married to Cujo with a law degree.

Cujo with a law degree.

Cujo with a law degree.

[PHONE RINGS]

Hello.

J.T., my best friend. How are you?

Listen, I really can't talk right now.

Dana's on her way home.

Yeah, it's our anniversary.

I want everything to be really romantic.

I got champagne, candles,

even had my hair done.

DANA: I'm home. Oh.

She's home. Listen, I gotta go.

Okay, I'll talk to you later, kisses.

Hi, honey.

Why is it so dark in here?

Well, I, uh,

Oh, yeah?

Why's that? Um, well...

[CLEARS THROAT] Sweetheart, it's the, uh...

Uh...

Oh, my God.

Oh, I can't believe I forgot.

I forgot to file briefs on the Maxwell case.

I gotta go back to the office.

Sweetheart, it's our anniversary.

Today?

Are you sure?

Okay.

Um, well, then, uh...

Just forget it.

You go on back to your office.

Look, honey, I'm sorry.Oh, no, you're not.

Come on, you never...

even look at me anymore.

Do you know that I got my hair done today

just for you

Looks great.

[SCOFFS]

Too late.

You know...

[CLEARS THROAT]

But you know what?

I don't know you anymore.

[SIGHS] Okay. Honey.

Look, I love you.

I mean, you're my wife. I-I mean, my husband.

Look, I know I spend too much time at the office,

but it's only because I want to get you all of the things that you want.

I mean, this house,

That new kitchen you want.

I need you.

Look, you're right.

Forget about the office. Forget the briefs.

You're not just saying that?

No, honey, I mean it.

You are the most important thing in my life.

[PHONE RINGS]

Dana Foster.

Right now?

Okay, I'm on the case.

Honey, love ya. Gotta go.

What--

Just like that? Sweetie, you--

It... It's our anniversary.

Oh, yeah. Happy anniversary, Rick.

It's Rich.

It's Rich!

Rich!

Rich!

DANA: Rich.

Rich!

Rich?

Dana.

I just had the weirdest vision of our future together.

Was I pregnant?

No.

Oh, yeah?

we were living in a trailer with eight kids,

and you wouldn't let me go to law school.

I wouldn't-- Excuse me, um...

I wouldn't let you go to law school? I'm sorry.

You know I would never do that.

Dana, I-I want a family,

yeah, but I want you to have a career, too.

I know how important that is to you.

Good. Thanks. [CHUCKLES]

I just hope that, uh, when you become

a big-shot lawyer, you won't forget all about me.

I could never forget about you.

And then you jetted off to New York and you left me crying on the bed.

Believe me, if we got married, it would never be like that.

Really? I promise.

I'd like to make a proposal.

Proposal?

Dana Foster,

in sickness and in health,

ever...

[LAUGHS] I do.

[MUSIC PLAYING ON TV]

MAN ON TV: We'll be right back for the conclusion of

Murder, She Wrote.

Huh. Hey, Carol? Mmm-hmm?

It's almost noon. That's right, Frankie.

It's time for dinner. Okay.

after 67 years,

we're finally all alone.

Oh. Now we can do what we always wanted to do.

Ooh! In the middle of the afternoon?

You betcha!

Hot diggity. Yes.

I tell you what, I'm gonna go upstairs

and slip into something flannel.

Oh.

I'm right behind you, love puppy.

Wait for your old stud muffin.

Here he comin' now.

I'm right behind you, baby.

I'm-- [PANTING]

Where the hell was I going?

Who the hell am I?

Where's J.R.?